


Rapid Pulse

by Sassifras



Category: Skip Beat!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Complete, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Healing, How Do I Tag, Rewrite, Romance, everyone deserves love dang it, someone please hug ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 15:10:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 71
Words: 424,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9187988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassifras/pseuds/Sassifras
Summary: Saiyuka Akai has lived without the ability to show her emotions for years. In a last, desperate attempt to heal her broken spirit and soothe her deep wounds, her godfather and caretaker Takarada Lory introduces her to the world of acting. Over time, she relearns what it's like to express her love for those she cares for and the world she lives in. In this COMPLETE re-write of Skip Beat, we follow Sai's trials and tribulations as she grows as a person, healing thanks to the love and comfort of those whom she meets throughout her Love Me journey. Based off of and using familiar characters from Yoshiki Nakamura's Skip Beat, Rapid Pulse integrates completely original content from additional characters to all new dramas. It's a long ride throughout Sai's years with LME, but every word is worth it. Suggestions for improving it are accepted and encouraged!





	1. Chapter 1

In life, we take many things for granted. Be it food, water, shelter, family, or even the air you breathe. The list could go on endlessly. Much of our lives we consider to be a given, something that’s guaranteed when you’re born. For some, this applies more than others. One thing that almost no one would be considered something you could be deprived of would be your emotions. No matter where in the world you live, whether you’re wealthy, in poverty, an orphan, in a huge family, no matter if you’re fat, skinny, tall, small, big, little, or any combination of these, you’re human. You have emotions. They show on your face and project to the world who you are and what you feel. They are universal. So what happens when you lose that ability, to project your emotion onto your face? What happens when, suddenly, you become unable to show anyone the turmoil inside of you.

 

When this happens, life itself changes. It’s different than starvation, worse than isolation, and more frustrating and miserable than poverty. No matter the joys in life you experience, no matter the sorrows of your every day you go through, the ability to communicate your thoughts and feelings is gone. It’s like a link between you and the rest of the world is severed, and there’s no way of mending it. The necessity of such a simple concept as facial expressions is staggering. It is more important than anything that you retain your ability to make them, or the life that you’ve known thus far will end entirely, and you will enter a misery that you hadn’t even thought possible. The people lacking this ability are the furthest thing from living that there is, apart from death itself.

 

There is one such person “living” today, a girl locked in her large apartment, in self-imposed isolation, rarely talking, rarely smiling. Smiling was in fact the only way her facial muscles really moved. Other than that, her face remained mostly stagnant, as it had for many years already. This wasn’t by choice. Far from it. It had been a self-defence mechanism gone wrong. To protect herself from pain she wasn’t ready to feel, she locked her world away in her heart and the key was lost to her. Forever floating in an unfeeling world, this girl found herself resurfacing in Tokyo, living under her godfather’s care, the rest of her family long gone.

 

She lay at this moment, completely lost in her own grief, an anguished sorrow festering in her heart, on her couch. She’d woken up that morning, trudged down her steps, and collapsed on the creme colored material, and hours later, she lay in that exact position, in the silence. This was how most of her days went by, in nothingness. Occasionally, she’d remember to eat. Sometimes, she’d have enough energy to bathe. But mostly, she laid in various places in her apartment, and very, very rarely, she’d wake up with enough energy to do one of the only other things she ever did: create. 

 

Over the years, when she’d still actively tried to make people understand her, she learned as much as she could about everything considered even remotely creative. By this point, she’d discovered ways to express a few, intense emotions through the violin, and rarely, through painting. Even with these though, few people ever experienced her emotions. Mostly, this girl kept entirely to herself. Over time, the amount she’d play, or paint, deteriorated, until her precious violin began collecting dust and her paints dried out. Since then, she hadn’t done much. Her godfather often offered to get her new things, he was very proactive when it came to trying to get her out of the house. When it became clear that it would take a miracle to make her leave willingly, he began offering just to make her more comfortable there, but she rarely acknowledged even these attempts. 

 

Desperately, he’d done the last thing he could ever think of to heal her broken soul, he’d found one last creative outlet, one that, perhaps, just maybe, would work for her. But it would be nearly impossible to get her to agree. That didn’t stop him from trying though. It never would.

 

Lory Takarada stepped through the threshold of her apartment, finding his goddaughter exactly where he’d left her when he’d visited the previous week. The only difference this time was the faint notes of violin and piano in the background. She had on classical music.  _ So…she’s in a good mood then…that’s a good sign, right? _ He thought, brushing a stray strand of black hair out of his face as he gathered the courage to speak to the petite girl laying on her couch.

 

“Saiyuka…” He said gently, calling her by name and giving her a small smile. Saiyuka, or Sai, as she was often affectionately called as a child, twitched at the sound of his voice and slowly, she moved to sit up. Falling around her pale face were thick, bright red strands of hair. They were freshly washed, another good sign, and hung down to her chin, frazzled and messy. Her icy blue eyes roved over to him, completely empty and hollow. She nodded to acknowledge him and scooted over on the couch. 

 

Her gaze wandered through the room as he sat down, not focusing on anything, her face a completely blank mask. “Saiyuka,” he repeated, and she turned and her eyes slowly came into focus on his face, “I’ve come today to ask you one last time if you’d try something for me.”

 

She blinked once at him slowly, her thick lashes brushing against her cheeks, processing what he said. She opened her mouth to reply, her usually smooth and gentle voice coming out raspy and hoarse from maluse, “One last time?”

 

“Yes, my child. I can never comprehend how hard this is for you, but I can’t make it any easier, barging in here all the time and claiming I’ve found the solution. So this is my last attempt.”

 

She looked at him blankly, but underneath the still features, suspicion lingered. Lory was never one to give up, especially not on things like this, not on her. Which meant he was banking on this working, whole-heartedly. “Okay,” she said softly, still straining to get her throat to produce the sounds, “What is it?”

 

He placed a folder on the coffee table near her, on it’s front was a strange logo. It was a large yellow circle, with the bolded letters “SECTION” on the top and a white hand making and “L”. To the side of the “L” was a heart, and a small “v” next to a small “e”. Below the “L” were the letters “M” and “E”. At the bottom were the lowercase words, “in L.M.E. production”. Sai looked up at him curiously, not quite understanding the picture. 

 

Lory spoke the words softly, trying his best to keep the smile out of his voice for her sake, “I’m calling it the “Love Me” section. It’s a new department that I’m launching specifically for talents to find a place at LME even if they lack the ability to feel…or show “Love” for others…” He paused, trying to gauge her reaction, searching her face desperately for any twitch or movement.

 

Suddenly, the tiniest corners of her mouth lifted up and she blew out of her nose in a half-chuckle. “That’s so like you…” she said softly, wiping her face with her hand and resting it on her cheek as she considered her next words, “And…you want me to join this section?”

 

“I want you to found it.” He said determinedly. “You’ll be the number one Love Me member, and I promise you, I swear Saiyuka, this will work for you. To be around people who understand the struggle of expressing yourself, to know what it’s like to experience loss, to rise from nothing, to pick up the pieces of a broken life and make something out of it. These people understand that. If they can find themselves, maybe you can too. And this way, even though it’s not quite…legitimate…” A guilty expression overcame his features, “I promise that you’ll be safe there. Love Me is supposed to be like a haven for people with talent like you have, but hit a barrier when it comes to showing affection in some form or another for the world they live in.”

 

So he pulled some strings for her. Sai felt a zap of pain shoot through her heart. She was always such a burden on him, but the more she thought about accepting, even just this one offer, just to try, panic seized her gut. She didn’t want to go, she didn’t want to try. Nothing was worth it anymore, not to her. Nothing would work. It didn’t matter that this was a safe haven, and even though he’d gone through all the trouble of making and putting something this enormous together for her…she couldn’t. Sai internally screamed out that she wanted desperately to do something, anything, to heal everything inside of her that was broken, but she couldn’t bring herself to accept. It was too terrifying. Too painful.

 

“I’m sorry, Lory,” she said, barely audibly, “I don’t think I can do it…”

 

Suddenly, a heat seared through the President of LME’s chest as he stared at this pathetic girl sitting in her apartment, staring vacantly at the wall. “So this is it then?” His voice boomed, riddled with anger and wrath, as he glowered down at her, his eyes swimming with a livid fury. 

 

Sai’s gaze snapped to him as he spoke to her in such a way, her mouth actually falling open a fraction of a centimeter. “W-what…what’s it?” She asked him hesitantly, frozen to the spot.

 

“This is all you’re ever going to do?” She flinched slightly at his words, said to her in such outrage. Sai curled up into a ball, hiding her face in her knees and refusing to look at him. When it became clear that she wasn’t going to respond, Lory stood, his voice shaking in anger, “Do you truly plan to do nothing more than this, you spoiled child?” He boomed, his hissing rage making her hands tremble and true fear grasp her gut. He never acted like this, never. Not towards her, especially. 

 

Sensing that he was truly scaring her, Lory knew he had to get out then if he wanted her to ever open up to him, so he whipped the folder back onto the coffee table, spilling its contents onto the floor. “At least do me a favor and read it, if nothing else.” He snapped at her, once again making her tiny, collapsed form flinch. 

 

Storming out of her apartment door, Sai listened until his footsteps faded and then a large slam could be heard as he threw her front door shut as hard as he could. She sat there for a few moments, which turned into a few minutes, until she’d been sitting in that curled up, tight ball for nearly an hour. When she slowly began to unfurl, her muscles immediately ached from holding such a tense position for so long. Gradually, barely moving, Sai lowered herself to the ground and began picking up each individual piece of paper. Once the file was back together, Sai sat on the ground and leaned her head back on the couch, feeling her emotions in her chest collapse into a heap of sorrow. 

 

After far too long, the orange tint of afternoon light seeped in through her large windows, casting shadows on her face and through her apartment. Her eyes lolled lazily around the room, falling on the folder Lory had given her. Knowing she had a small window of opportunity, Sai took an extremely deep breath, before moving quickly for the first time in a long while. She snatched up the folder, laid it on her breakfast bar and set to work making a cup of coffee for the first time in months. 

 

Once it was ready, she loaded it with sugar and began reading each word in that file. The more she read, the more she internally warred back and forth between hating the idea of Love Me and adoring it. The entire concept was so like Lory. She’d known him for her entire life, and he’d always been like this, so flamboyant and extravagant. This had his scent all over it. As she neared the end of the file though, she found that there was actually something burning in her chest, a fire that she hadn’t felt since the first time she’d discovered music. She remembered Lory’s words, and the awful tone of voice she’d forced him to use. “Do you truly plan on doing nothing more than this?” Is this what she wanted out of life? The answer was obvious. No. And sitting in front of her was the last chance she’d get to ever be something, be someone.

 

Finishing up her coffee, she actually washed the dish and placed the folder back on the table, feeling antsy for the first time since she could remember. To try and assuage this feeling, she put on one of her favorite dramas and actually found herself feeling enjoyment for it, her heart soaring when good things happened, a panging in her solar plexus which she’d only ever gotten around truly beautiful musical pieces. Marveling at this, Sai fell asleep that night wrapped in her blankets on the couch, the tv still on, and a tiny smile ghosting over her lips.

 

When light spilled into her living room the next morning, a foreign feeling was resting in Sai’s chest. Excitement. Throwing the blanket off, she ran through what she’d done so many months prior every single morning. Walking to her bathroom with a spring in her step that she wasn’t used to, Sai washed her bright red locks and wrapped herself in a jean button up blouse and a warm, charcoal colored cardigan. She slipped on comfortable navy blue leggings and knee-high brown leather boots. Staring at her reflection, Sai was surprised to see a color in her cheeks and a glitter in her deep blue eyes that made something light in her heart. 

 

At the same time, a deep worry spread over her as she gazed at the familiarity of the person in the mirror. To lessen the visual similarities, Sai reached into a cabinet and pulled out a jar of foundation she’d used many years prior. Slathering enough of it on to cover the natural color of her cheeks and forehead, she evened it out and stared at a much blander face in the mirror. Still feeling as if it wasn’t different enough though, she dug through her closet and found an old binder near the bottom. Wrapping it around her tightly, she cinched it in the back and redressed over the top of it. Looking at her reflection once again, Sai marveled at the difference. The makeup masked her rosy complexion and smoothed out her features, while the binder diminished her chest and the flowing cardigan narrowed her hips. It was perfect for detracting attention, she decided. 

 

Glancing at the clock and seeing the time, Sai actually ran out of her bathroom and down the stairs, grabbing her coat off the rack and throwing it over her shoulders as she skillfully ran out her front door. Her muscle’s responses were working better than she’d figured, most likely due to the adrenaline that pumped through her veins. 

 

She approached the street and found her bike leaning on its kickstand. She often just referred to her as her “bike,” but really the beloved vehicle was a full fledged motorcycle. The sleek design was complemented by bright red accents. Lory consistently tried to keep her from using it, offering company car rides and valet services, but she always declined. She adored the bike so much, she’d taken to giving it a name: “Lola.” Throwing her leg over it, she pulled away from her apartment as if it was totally natural, feeling the wind whip through her still damp hair as she tore down the streets toward her godfather’s talent agency. 

 

As she entered the building, a receptionist with shiny black hair and a gorgeous smile greeted her, “Hello, my dear! What can I do for you?”

 

Sai returned the smile to the best of her ability, which was very lacking, but it seemed to have been enough, because the woman raised her eyebrows expectantly, waiting for a request from the redhead. “Um…” her voice cracked and she cleared her throat, trying again, “I need to speak with Lory Takarada, the President of the company. I don’t have an appointment, but if you call and tell him that Saiyuka Akai is here, I’m sure he’ll be willing to let me in.”

 

Her eyes widened as the fiery haired woman spoke her name, “Did you say ‘Saiyuka Akai’?” Sai blinked and nodded, her face returning to its blank state, “Oh! Mr. President already left me a note with your name, telling me to wave you in if you came by. But he said you probably wouldn’t come…and he looked quite sad. Did you have a change of heart?” The woman looked up at her, blinking innocently.

 

Sai gave her a gentle smile, the corners of her lips barely turning up, “I did, yes. And I truly hope that it will make him happy.”

 

The receptionist beamed at her, “I’m sure it will. If you go through those doors back there,” she pointed to a large set of doors leading down a hallway, “You’ll get to the elevator bay, and his office is on the top floor. You can’t miss it, it’s the entire floor.” She offered Sai a sly smile and Sai gave her the best she could back. She bowed awkwardly to the receptionist, who nodded respectfully, and made her way through the doors.

 

Entering the elevator, Sai pressed the highest number she could find, her thoughts running wild.  _ Do I really want to do this? What if…what if it goes badly? I…what would I do if that happened…? _ She shook her head wildly as the numbers climbed… _ It’s better than sitting around and living a worthless existence!! If I fail here, at least I tried something. If I just stay home, I don’t even have a chance at living, and I want to live, I want to. So I’ll do this, I’ll commit my heart and soul to this. It’s all I have. _

 

A  _ ding _ sounded throughout the enclosed space and the elevator doors slid open. Stepping out hesitantly, Sai looked at the daunting doors to Lory’s office, a deep, rich oak wood that spanned floor to ceiling. Standing in front of them was a man, who at first seemed surprised to see her, but his expression soon returned to normal, waiting for her to approach. He was dark-skinned, a wonderful tan spreading over his body, which was mostly covered with garments that could have passed for those of a typical butler. 

 

She very slowly walked toward him, bowing when she got close enough and watching as he did the same, “Ms. Saiyuka Akai, I presume?” He asked her carefully, looking into her eyes for any sign of recognition.

 

“Ah, yes…and you are…?”

 

He gave her a quick grin and said softly, “You may call me Sebastian, I’m the President’s assistant.”

 

She offered him a gentle smile, “It’s wonderful to meet you.” As a thought occurred to her, the smile she’d managed to get over her lips melted off, “Was I expected at all?”

 

Sebastian thought for a moment and then gave a slight nod, “Yes, but also no.” He said, before considering that he wasn’t sure that made sense to her, “Yes, he said you may come, but from his face, we assumed you wouldn’t be coming. So yes, in a sense, you were expected, but did any of us really expect to see you? No.” His smile grew, “So I suppose you’ll start surprising us already, hmm?”

 

It seemed as though Lory might have divulged more than a few tales about her already, that was reassuring. She just about rolled her eyes at his antics, before falling entirely silent and looking at the floor as she waited for him to continue. 

 

“Here,” he gestured out to her, “he’s in there.” Pointing eloquently to the doors, Sebastian grasped their handles and pulled them open. 

 

Sai stepped inside after gently expressing her gratitude. The moment she entered the room she was shocked with its grandeur. The room was enormous, with floor to ceiling windows that bathed it in natural light. Expensive furniture was all over, eclectic in their nature nearly as much as the man they belonged to. Decorations that had all kinds of themes lay throughout the space, discarded as if Lory had been digging through them to decide what the next theme would be. 

 

The man himself laid on a couch in the center of the room, surrounded by papers, glasses perched on his nose. When she entered, he glanced up quickly and then returned to his papers. Suddenly, the face he’d just seen processed in his head and it hit him who had just walked in. His eyes snapped up to her form, his mouth dropping, before lifting up into an enormous smile.

 

“You came!!” He said, the wrinkles and creases on his face melting away and returning him to his youthful appearance as he rose from the couch and enveloped her in an affectionate hug. “Oh, Saiyuka, I’m so happy you changed your mind.”

 

He smiled at her excitedly, and gestured out widely towards his office, “Well! What do you think?” His voice boomed in the room, “This is LME!” He started walking back towards all his forgotten paperwork and pushed it off the table, causing Sai to laugh softly through her nose. “Can I get you some tea? Coffee?”

 

She smiled at him, shaking her head, “No, that’s alright.” She spoke gently, the raspiness in her voice gone, replaced by its usual smooth tone, “I had some coffee already this morning.”

 

He nodded happily, humming to himself, “Okay then, that’s alright. Here,” he gestured toward the opposite couch, “have a seat!”

 

Sighing, but still smiling, Sai moved to sit down, gracefully placing herself on the fabric. She looked up at him and nearly burst out laughing. He looked like a five year old who was waiting eagerly to hear if they were going out for ice cream, or something. His eyes practically sparkled and he was staring at her expectantly. “So?” He asked her, his knee bouncing up and down, “What are you thinking?”

 

“I…” Sai hesitated, pushing her lips together before steeling herself and looking at him pointedly, “I accept. I want to try.” She didn’t think that Lory’s face could get any brighter or happier than it had been, but the moment she spoke, it did. He jumped off the couch and howled in victory, which did actually cause Sai to laugh. He pumped his fists up and down and pointed to her,

 

“I knew it! I knew you’d come around!” He gestured around him, tossing a jacket over his shoulder with flamboyance, “This is going to be so good for you,” he said, looking at her lovingly, “You’ll heal, I promise. I’ll make you happy again.” He rustled her hair and beamed at her brighter than the sunlight pouring in through the windows. He’d always loved her like his own daughter, and technically, she was his daughter now. The thought filled him with happiness and determination to help her put the pieces of her life back together. 

 

“Thank you, Lory…” She smiled up at him genuinely, the raw honesty and love in her voice made him smile back at her, just as sweetly.

 

Without warning, he clapped his hands together, causing her to jolt slightly in her seat, “Now!” He said loudly, clearly having no regard for an “indoor voice.” Sai supposed that’s one of the reasons he had his own floor. “You’ll have to meet our talent coordinator! Let me call him up right now, this is more important than all those phone calls he never actually makes.” Humming happily to himself, he picked up his phone and dialed it expertly. 

 

“Sawara!” He yelled into it, shocking the man on the other end, “I’ve got good news!” His deep voice boomed. A series of shushing noises erupted from the phone, a result of the talent coordinator desperately trying to get the President to lower his voice.

 

“She accepted, Sawara! Isn’t this great?” He said loudly still, laughing into the receiver, “I’ll need you to come get her, of course, and show her around!” Lory said brightly, completely ignoring the other man’s protests, “Oh I don’t care about that,” he said, waving away the man’s other duties, “This is much more important.” He declared, promptly hanging up then and turning to face his goddaughter. 

 

“Isn’t this wonderful?” He asked her, his smile so bright and flowery that it made the room thick with a sickeningly sweet joy. Not really noticing this though, Lory went about gathering up the papers he’d pushed onto the floor, humming to himself more and rocking on his heels.

 

They made light conversation, Lory being careful not to hurt or insult her, as it would ruin her gentle demeanor. Right when they were running out of things to say, Sebastian opened the door again and a ruffled, but clean-shaven man walked in, fuming, his ears bright red. He was tall, but not absurdly so, had no facial hair save for a thin line on his upper lip, and his black hair was combed back professionally. He kept up with his appearance well enough, but he was clearly unprepared to come up to meet the President. His shirt was untucked, the legs of his pants too short, his shoes with a splash of mud on the heel. 

 

He entered the room, cleared his throat, and addressed Lory respectfully, although it was obvious he was slightly angered by the man, “Good morning, Mr. President.” He said snippily, and then his eyes fell on Sai and he blinked a few times as he took in her appearance. She was…fairly average looking, and it surprised him. In his head, he was picturing some beauty that the President was eager to rush into the business, not even bothering to wait for her to pass an audition. But looking at her…his actions still made sense. She’d never pass an audition like that. Her complexion was clear, sure, but it was bland, nothing unique. Her physique was small, fit, but nothing to stare at. Her hair was the only defining quality, its bright red color searing and fiery. Perhaps her eyes would have normally attracted attention, but they were so blank and lifeless, that their startlingly deep, icy color was boring and stiff. 

 

Realizing he’d let a disappointed expression slip, he quickly bowed to her, hiding his face by casting it down at the floor, “It’s very nice to meet you, miss. I’m the head of the talent division here at LME. I’ll also be acting as your de facto manager.” He smiled at her politely, but made it clear that he was, in fact, not at all pleased with his current predicament. It was hard to go against the President though, especially when he was so excited for this. Sawara was used to his personality by now, and tolerated it better than most of the LME employees, but even he was surprised by how delighted and youthful the man looked. He just couldn’t bring himself to say no.

 

Lifting his head, he looked at the young girl standing there, surprised by the complete lack of expression on her face as she bowed to him in return, “Good morning,” she said stiffly. “My name is Saiyuka Akai. It’s a pleasure to be working with you, thank you for taking me on as a charge, even by de facto.” When she raised her head, her face was still unreadable, but she’d clearly just made a jab. The sarcasm in her voice had been blatant, but her face completely serious. 

 

Sawara looked between Lory and Sai, wondering if she was always deadpan like this, and how on earth the two had met, much less how she’d convinced him to create an entire department for her.  _ What’s going on between these two…I can’t quite put my finger on it…the air is too casual for a completely professional relationship…but it’s not as if they’re lovers… _ The more he looked at them, the more confused he got. Their relationship was unreadable. 

 

“If you wouldn’t mind, Sawara,” Lory’s deep voice resonated in the room, “Could you show Ms. Akai the building? Take her to the Love Me dressing room and such?”

 

Sai’s gaze roved over to him, hearing him address her so formally, she knew that she was supposed to follow suit. “That would be very kind of you, Mr. Sawara. I’d appreciate it very much.”

 

The manager looked between them again, before nodding and gesturing out for Sai to follow him. When they reached the door, he bowed once again before the President and watched as the young woman in tow with him did the same, “Thank you for your hospitality, Mr. President,” she said carefully, cautious not to put too much emphasis on his title, so it sounded natural. “I’ll do my best here.”

 

He nodded to her politely, “Of course, Ms. Akai. Good luck.” Sending her off with another enormous smile, he waved playfully and the door shut behind them. 

 

As the talent head and his new charge made their way to the elevator, he noted how her face was still entirely blank, completely devoid of any emotion at all. Once they’d entered the small room he turned to her and decided to ask, hoping it would offset the unsettling feeling that was rising in his gut. “Ms. Akai, may I ask you something?”

 

Looking up at him without any change in her features, she nodded curtly. 

 

“I know this may be personal, but I’d like to know if the reason that the Love Me section is the way it is could be because…” He stumbled, faltering on how exactly to ask her this. 

 

“Because I don’t show my emotions on my face, yes.” She answered, knowing where he was going without needing any more of a prompt.

 

“Um…” He hesitated, watching her blink at him vacantly, “Is there a reason behind that?”

 

She considered this for a moment, and just when he thought she’d spaced out and hadn’t heard him, she tilted her head in consideration and replied softly, “I’m fairly sure it was a protective measure. I did it when I was younger to prevent myself from pain.”

 

Sawara looked at her, shocked. His jaw dropping slightly and his voice leaving him. How was he supposed to reply to that? It wasn’t as if he was blind to the fact that some people went through rougher childhoods than he had. He considered the President’s granddaughter as a prime example. He couldn’t imagine a life like hers. But this girl must have experienced something even worse than that, to have had such an extreme reaction. “Then…why…” his voice came out cracking a little, so he cleared his throat and tried again, “Why is it still like that?”

 

She looked at the floor of the elevator as it slowed to a stop, “I don’t know.” She said in a quiet, pained, meek voice. A scared one. She truly didn’t know why, and it frightened her. Suddenly, it didn’t matter to Sawara what the relationship between the her and the President was, because in that one moment of honesty she’d shared with him, he knew that he’d do anything in the world to prevent her from that fear. That’s why she was here. To recover the abilities she’d lost that nearly every other living being had. She was here to become whole again. And he’d be there to help her every step of the way.

 

Smiling at her, Sawara gestured outward towards the hall, “Come on then, let’s find out.” She looked up at him and followed hesitantly as he stepped out into the lobby. 

 

“Find out?” She asked softly, looking up at him.

 

“Yes,” he said gently to her, “We’ll all help you recover those emotions you’ve lost. Trust me.” He gave her a confident smile and held his hand out for her to shake.

 

Watching him smile at her with such hopeful delight, she felt her own lips lift up in a grateful smile, surprising him. She reached out and grasped his hand, shaking it with vigor, “Thank you, Mr. Sawara,” she said simply.

 

Grinning at her, Sawara understood the charm she held, even if she was plain looking. In just a few minutes, she had him excited to be her manager. He was aware of this, but he knew that it wasn’t as if she was manipulating him by force, she just had this way of making people around her sense how she felt, and wanting to help her. It was strange, he’d never met someone with such an ability, but he respected her for it, rather than resented her for exerting that force on him.

 

He showed her around vague areas of the building, letting her know which floors the different departments were on, and where certain studios where. He also led her to the manager’s floor, and showed her where to go if she ever needed help with a job or assignment. He took her to his office and explained how her current job would work for a while.

 

“Stamps?” She asked him, confused.

 

“Yes,” he offered her a heart shaped box with the Love Me section logo on it, and when she popped it open, she found an array of stamps with different amounts of numbers followed by the word “points” on them, and an inkpad. “When you’re hired by anyone, or you help anyone who knows of the department, you can ask them to stamp your book.” He said, holding out another heart shaped item. Taking it gingerly, Sai flipped through the blank pages of the notebook.

 

She looked up at him curiously, “How will they know that I’m in the department?” She asked, actually feeling excited for this, and amused by how like Lory this concept was. “And what if they don’t carry stamps?”

 

“Ah,” Sawara snapped his fingers, remembering something. “Here,” he said, handing her a bright pink fanny pack. Opening it up, Sai found that a set of stamps labeled with her name were in there, just like the ones in the box. “You’ll carry those around with you, in case people don’t have them. Always have that pack, even if you just keep it in your tote. You can put your notebook in there too.”

 

Glancing between him and the pack, Sai placed the book inside of it and slid it into her tote. “Why did they make it a fanny pack? Wouldn’t it have just been easier to leave it in a box?”

 

He looked at her in amusement, “You’ll see!” He chimed, entertained by how she tilted her head at him to show that she was confused.

 

Walking back down to the lobby, he continued their conversation, “You asked how people would know that you’re in the department, right?” He asked, as he led her down the hall to the Love Me offices.

 

“Yes, it seems strange that people would have to know my face in order to recognize the department I’m in, even if I’m the only one in it.”

 

He nodded, “Makes sense,” he said, gesturing for her to enter the dressing room. “Well you’re right, there is something that will distinguish you from the rest of the employees here.”

 

Pointing to one of the many lockers in the room, Sai spotted her name scrawled on a piece of tape across it. Walking past Sawara, Sai went up to the locker and looked at its outside, glancing back behind her at the man who was looking at her in amusement. He nodded to her encouragingly and she opened the locker hesitantly. Inside hung a bright pink jumpsuit. Not a good bright pink, if there was such a thing, it was an alarming, startling pink that actually hurt Sai’s eyes the second she saw it. It was horrifyingly ugly. Which made it perfect for Sai.

 

She pulled it out of the locker and heard Sawara burst out laughing behind her, “Oh, that is ghastly,” he squeaked out, grabbing onto a couch for support as he caught his breath. 

 

Watching him, she huffed lightly, drawing his attention, “Well, I like it.” She said softly, admiring the garment in her hand. 

 

“Well I’m glad you’re the one who’s going to be wearing it, then,” he said, recovering from his brief bout of laughter. 

 

She looked at him and smirked softly, “May I try it on?” She asked him carefully.

 

“Oh, yeah of course. Here, I’ll be right outside.” He gestured toward the door and bowed out of it, barely containing the smile of apprehension he had. 

 

Quickly, Sai slipped into the jumpsuit, which was surprisingly comfortable. Leave it to Lory to find something so entirely and completely ugly, yet still startlingly nice to wear. He was wonderful that way.

 

Once she was dressed, she turned and admired her reflection in the dressing room mirror. The suit clashed dreadfully with her deep red hair, the two offsetting and violently disagreeing with the other. It fell just right to make her chest look even more modest than the binder did alone, and the way it bunched and bagged near her hips made them look smaller and narrower. When she added the fanny pack, they were even more concealed. It was a disgusting outfit, much too bright and completely visually annoying, which meant that Sai adored it. 

 

Combing her hand through her hair, Sai let loose a barely audible sigh and sat in the chair in front of the mirror.  _ What am I doing here…? _ She asked herself, staring into the deep blue eyes in her reflection.  _ What do I want from this? Can I even get anything out of this place? Or am I just abusing it…I don’t know…I don’t know if this can even do anything for me. Maybe I’m just stalling for the inevitable… _

 

Shaking her thoughts away, she tried to focus on something positive. Lory’s face popped into her mind and she replayed how happy and elated he’d looked when she’d accepted, so youthful and carefree. If anything, she would do this for a while for him. She’d try, for him. And if it didn’t work…she’d quit. She wouldn’t abuse it. 

 

Looking into the mirror again, she watched as her lips pulled up into a beautiful grin. Reaching out and touching the reflective surface, she admired how the tiniest tug at the sides of her lips expressed something so deep and beautiful. It was a marvel. Just a few facial muscles, and not even a fraction of a second, and something that was usually so internalized was suddenly there for the whole world to see. That was what a facial expression was. She could hardly fathom what it would be like if she could produce more than just the one. 

 

Thinking on it, Sai tried to replicate the angered expression Lory had given her the previous day. He’d pulled his eyebrows down dangerously, knitting them together. His lips had been pressed into a thin, tight line and the wrinkles near his mouth had deepened. That was anger. Desperately trying to force her features to move like that, she looked helplessly as the face in the mirror remained stagnant, unmoving. 

 

Sighing, the young redhead placed her forehead in her palm, trying to fight back the awful feelings of defeat that always arose when she felt like she was incapable of something. She hated this more than anything. If she couldn’t ever show that she was angry, what was the point of being angry at all? How would she ever make a place for herself in people’s lives if this was all she was ever capable of?

 

Thinking back to the previous night, Sai pictured the face of her favorite character on that school drama she’d watched. The kind, but shy girl who didn’t understand how to make other people notice her. That was how Sai often felt. Misunderstood. Allowing herself to picture the situation of that young lady in the storyline, she felt her emotions and thoughts twist to match the girl’s. Sai abandoned her thoughts, her emotions, and her personality. 

 

Feeling as though she was absorbing the character, Sai flipped a mental switch and opened her eyes to find herself staring at someone else entirely. Watching her reflection, Sai thought of how that boy in the front row had ignored her again, she’d tried so hard to get his attention this time, working up the entire day to greeting him as he stood up to go to drama rehearsal. She’d practiced so many times, so many, in the mirror. And when she finally got up the courage, she said his name too softly and he walked right past her.

 

Picturing herself standing dejectedly in the empty classroom, Sai watched helplessly as the face in the mirror shifted. Her eyelids drooped, covering her eyes that swam with tears and lost focus, her lips pulling downwards at the corners. The inner ends of her eyebrows pulled up together, knitting in the center, and the other ends dipped lower down her face. Finally, as she stared at the reflection, her lower lip pulled forward and began trembling as her vision blurred from the moisture. There, in the reflection, was Sai’s face, twisted and turned downward, the weight of the world crushing down on her shoulders. 

 

In a flash, the character that Sai had been channeling vanished and Sai’s mind returned to her, instantly registering how her face appeared in the mirror. An extreme sense of panic and shock set in immediately and Sai stumbled backwards, running into her chair and falling to the floor with a crash. She sat in a daze as she replayed that face again and again in her head, her pulse racing faster than it had in years, pounding in her ears loudly. Her blood rushed through her veins, hot and fast, as she sat petrified on the floor.

 

Once she’d regained her senses, Sai shot straight up and leaned against the counter to the mirror, raising shaking hands to her cheeks, touching them as if not really believing that it was truly her face she was seeing. Focusing hard, Sai tried desperately to mimic the expression again, but no matter how hard she tried, nothing moved the way she wanted it to. As herself, the expression refused to form. It was the character that Sai had let possess her for a moment that had made that face, it was acting. Clenching her fist so hard that it hurt her palm, Sai looked once again into the mirror, a faint light burning behind her usually so vacant blue eyes.

 

Acting. Acting had allowed her to express an emotion, for the first time in so long, something had allowed her to show a face other than happiness, and even though the face itself had been pained and agonizing, it was something, it was real. Sai clutched that thought as it if was physical and if she let it go, it would drift away. She had to nurture this, even if it killed her. This was her connection to the world itself now. She would give her absolute everything to this. She had to. It was her only chance. She would live, she would. And she would do it through acting.

 

“M-Ms. Akai?” She heard from behind her, causing her to turn around to see Sawara poking his head through the door worriedly, “Are you okay? I heard a crash…”

 

Seeing him, she stood up straighter and dusted off her uniform, picking up the chair next to her. She turned to him and gave him the most natural, gentle smile she’d made in what felt like forever, “I’ve never been better, Mr. Sawara.” She said, the radiance in her smile shocking the manager, “I’m ready to do this.”

 

He smirked at her, not even commenting on the uniform like he’d planned, because despite the fact that it looked awful, it radiated with her passion. The two somehow matched. And it suited her perfectly. This was going to be a ride to remember.


	2. Chapter 2

“I can’t believe we have the afternoon off,” Yukihito Yashiro chimed lightly, walking with a slight spring in his step. He followed behind the tall, dark haired actor in front of him who looked back with an amused expression,

 

“I know, it rarely ever happens.” He said, a gentle smile gracing his lips. “Do you have any plans?” He asked his chestnut haired manager, who was practically beaming behind him. 

 

“Actually, I do, Ren.” He said merrily, staring at the back of the famous actor. 

 

Hearing this, Ren Tsuruga slowed his pace to match that of his slender friend, who was taller than the average Japanese man, but still didn’t have the length of legs that Ren did, so he often fell behind easily. “Oh?” Ren questioned, “What are they?”

 

“I’m visiting my parents actually, I told them I might have this afternoon free, so they came down for the day.” 

 

“That’s great, Mr. Yashiro, I hope you have a wonderful time,” The actor smiled genuinely at him, and they made light conversation while Ren walked him to the front door and bid him farewell. 

 

Once Ren had gathered his things from his dressing room, he started out the door to head down to his car when a nearby conversation drifted into his ears, 

 

“-my god, it’s her!” One woman screeched quietly, before being hushed by her friend.

 

“Where? Where! I don’t see her!” Another talent said, attracting Ren’s attention to the group of females standing at the end of the hallway.

 

“How do you not see her? She’s over there,” she pointed directly into the room, “In the pink!”

 

“Oh!” One exclaimed, “Oh, that’s garish! How can she wear that!”

 

“That’s what you’re worried about?” The first woman said, “I’m disgusted that she even works here! I don’t want to say I belong to the same company as that little tram-”

 

“Excuse me?” Ren cut the woman off, and she whirled around to face him, her cheeks bright red and her golden hair flying all around her.

 

“R-Ren! Oh, I mean, Mr. Tsuruga! I’m so sorry, were we bothering you?”

 

“Oh, we were being quite loud, weren’t we? I’m really very sorry,” another of the women said and he held his hands up, shushing them softly.

 

“Don’t worry about that, ladies. I’m just curious as to what you were discussing.” He gave them a gentle smile and they looked at each other hesitantly.

 

“You…haven’t heard?” The blonde one asked gently, not sure how to proceed.

 

Ren looked at her curiously, tilting his head and asking softly, “No, I don’t believe so. What’s wrong?”

 

She moved slightly so he could peek out from the hall, “You see that girl there in that horrifyingly pink jumpsuit?” 

 

It didn’t take him long to spot her. She had his back to him, but he could see that she was in a truly frighteningly pink uniform, a logo on her back. Her short red hair clashed awfully with it, and even though he didn’t often judge people by their senses of style, seeing her mix the red of her hair with the intense pink of that uniform was too much. It was ghastly. He turned to the blonde and nodded, not really seeing any reason to be so harsh, after all, it was just a jumpsuit.

 

“She’s part of the new department that just formed.”

 

_ New department? I haven’t heard anything about a new department… _ Ren thought to himself, giving the talent a look of confusion.

 

“Wow, Mr. Tsuruga, you must have been pretty busy lately to not have heard. People have been talking about it nonstop.” He gave her a shy smile and scratched the back of his head. Her face lit up in a blush as the two other girls chimed in.

 

“It’s called ‘Love Me’.” The brunette added, and Ren had to work hard not to either laugh or gasp at that name and how painfully cheesy it was. It was definitely the President’s work.

 

“Yeah,” the one with black hair stated, “and they say that it’s for talents who have potential but haven’t had the chance to develop it yet.”

 

“But!” The blonde interrupted, “Most people don’t buy that crap.” Ren blinked at her in surprise.

 

“She’s got zero talent.” The raven haired one huffed.

 

“Yeah, total loser.” Added the brunette. “We think we know what the department actually is for, though.”

 

Ren tilted his head, growing uneasy with the brutality of these girl’s words, “What would that be?” He asked politely.

 

“An escort service. For male talents.” The blonde one said bluntly, sending Ren an apologetic expression. “I know, I know, it’s a pretty big accusation.” She said, seeing his surprised face.

 

“But we have grounds for it!” The tiny brunette piped up, “We’re pretty sure she manipulated the President into creating the department for her.”

 

Ren had to fight back the urge to immediately grow angry in front of these women, as he always did when something threatened the President or his reputation, “What makes you think that?” He asked, his tone still light.

 

“He formed the section for her alone,”

 

“And it was done really urgently, like he was rushing to get it done.”

 

“We’re pretty sure she blackmailed him into it.” The three rotated between telling him the information, each repeating things they’d heard around the agency.

 

“Blackmailed him how?” Ren asked, unable to prevent the slight darkening of his tone, although it went mostly unnoticed by the women. 

 

“She probably slept with him. We think that’s how she’s planning to work her way up, that manipulative little-”

 

“She wants to cause scandals, that’s all she’s done since she got here.”

 

“Yeah, and she’s really rude all the time, she doesn’t even look grateful that she’s here, always looking bored like she is right now.” She gestured to the small woman in pink, who at that exact moment was yawning and stretching out, her face a blank mask.

 

Having heard enough, Ren knew that he would have to confront her about this. He couldn’t allow her to taint show business like she was. “Thank you, ladies. I actually have some business with the head of the talent department that she’s talking to, so I think I’ll go find out more of the situation from the two of them directly.” They looked at him in surprise, bidding him goodbye and watching as he drifted towards the pair on the other side of the lobby, noting after he had left the air seemed colder than it had a few minutes before.

 

“Ms. Akai, are you sure you want to be here right now?” Sawara asked her, worriedly. She looked exhausted. “You were up really late last night helping that crew set up for the show this morning, you couldn’t have gotten much sleep. Do you want to try napping in the Love Me room?” He asked her, fretting over her health.

 

She gave him a gentle smile, “Don’t worry so much, Mr. Sawara,” she said softly, “I’m fine, really. I didn’t get a lot of sleep, but I got enough. Besides, that lovely host wanted me to help him again this morning and I promised him I’d be here.”

 

Sawara felt a rush of pride. She’d done so much already, and she was very good with scheduling and responsibility. She was so good at keeping track of her time, in fact, that she really didn’t need him managing her at all. The only issue was that she overworked herself too much, just like she was doing right now. “You’re too committed to this, you know. You don’t have to work this much, it’s supposed to help you ease into it.”

 

Sai gave a soft laugh and nodded, “Yes, I know. But it’s actually fun, I enjoy myself very much with all the odd jobs. And each moment I spend here is precious to me, I don’t want to waste them.” She offered Sawara a reassuring smile, hoping it would convince him she was okay.

 

“If you insist, Ms. Akai…” He trailed off, still worried for her health. “Tell you what, once you’re done with that job, take a nap in the dressing room, and then go back to work. Do that for me and I’ll get off your back about proper rest.”

 

Chuckling softly, Sai nodded and waved her hands in front of her in surrender, “Okay, okay, I will. I promise.”

 

He gave her a warm smile, “Good.” Before he could say anything else, movement from behind Sai caught his eye and he looked up to see Ren Tsuruga approaching them. “Oh!” He started, raising his hand to wave to the actor, “Afternoon, Mr. Tsu-” he stopped mid-word when the aura surrounding the tall man hit him. It was dark and cold. Angry. He’d never seen Ren angry, or even upset really, and he had no idea what would make the man this upset now.

 

Sai turned around to see him approach, taking in his freezing aura and his intense glare, from the deepest brown eyes she’d ever seen, covered by soft looking cocoa colored hair. He was one of the tallest men she’d met in this country, and it only served to make him more intimidating when he looked at her like that. Instantly, the warm expression that had been on her face only moments before melted off and was replaced by her usual blank, vacant slate. 

 

As Ren approached, he watched as the tiny young woman turned to face him, and he saw a light smile on her lips for only a partial second before it disappeared and he was looking into a pair of searing ice blue eyes that held absolutely nothing in them, they were completely empty, hollow. Her entire expression was like that, completely stony and lifeless. It made her look bored beyond belief, as if nothing could ever entertain her, and everything about the agency simply wasn’t worth her time. He could hardly contain his anger any more than he was.

 

“U-uh…” He distantly heard Sawara stutter, trying to speak to him. Breaking his gaze away from her wooden one, he looked at the manager, waiting for him to speak. “M-Mr. Tsuruga,” he nodded, “This is Saiyuka Akai. She’s the newest member of LME…” he trailed off for a moment as Ren’s glare intensified and refocused on the young redhead. Sawara cleared his throat, “And um…Ms. Akai, this is Ren Tsuruga, a senior actor at the agency…he’s…” Watching the corners of her lips upturn, Ren bristled and grew even angrier… _ Is she smirking at me? What does she think gives her that right?! _ He mentally screamed, his fury heightening as the room itself chilled from the ire of his aura. It caused Sawara to completely lose the will to talk, as he simply looked at the two talents, Ren glaring at her like she was a personal insult to him, and Sai looking back lifelessly, save for the amused smirk on her lips.

 

“So.” She said pointedly, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Her voice was softer than Ren had been expecting. It fit the current image he had of her though, manipulating and vexing, so of course her voice would be smooth and gentle. He raised his eyebrows in response. “What’s your deal?” She asked him casually.

 

His jaw actually dropped a little bit as she spoke to him without an ounce of respect. It was almost as if she was speaking to a child, a young boy who didn’t know his place. He grew even more livid.

 

“You.” He said simply, his voice growling and lower than usual, “You’re my ‘deal.’ Why are you even here?”

 

She scoffed at him, waving her hand in front of her, “I work here.” She said simply, as if this were obvious, and he was being childish. Ren couldn’t maintain a single emotion in her presence, he was constantly wavering between shock at her actions and faces, and anger that was directed at her entire being. The hatred seared up and he felt himself slip a little. “But if you’re really curious,” she added, still smirking, “This place is a nice time killer. Keeps the days going.”

 

He snapped. While he wasn’t sure why exactly she infuriated him so, and somewhere in him, he knew she was teasing him on purpose, but he couldn’t help reacting the way he did. Glowering down at her, his full anger seeped into his aura and the darkness enveloped that area of the lobby. Somehow though, it didn’t scare the petite female in front of him, in fact, her face didn’t even twitch. 

 

“So you manipulated the President to kill time then? Is that all you think of this place?” He asked, his voice shaking from how deeply angered he was, the wrath audible.

 

She tilted her head as she considered his words, and then leaned to look past him at the women still peeking out of the doorway, who all panicked and tried to look natural, failing to cover up how obvious it was that they’d been staring at the exchange. Her dark smile growing, she mumbled mostly to herself, “So that’s what the whispering has been about, hmm?” 

 

“Don’t avoid the question,” Ren’s voice boomed deeply, as he hissed the words out. 

 

“What’s got you so worked up?” She smirked at him further, the expression playful and teasing. Before he could say or do anything though, he was interrupted by the voices of the women he’d spoken with previously.

 

“What on earth do you think you’re doing!?” They yelled at her, racing toward her as she stood in front of Ren with that smirk on her face. 

 

Without a single move of her facial muscles, not even a single twitch, Sai shifted her gaze to the three girls running toward her. “Doing?” She questioned lightly when they were close enough to hear her.

 

“Why are you speaking to Ren like that?” One of them demanded, glaring at her.

 

She gave a gentle smile, and said, “I’m afraid that I haven’t gotten to speak much. He mostly came over to accuse me. Not the best conversation starter.” Tilting her head, she feigned an innocent smile. 

 

“You little…!!”

 

“How could you speak like that about him!!”

 

“Don’t you dare insult Ren like that!” All three talents hurled insults and accusations at the woman who simply looked at them in amusement, her face completely unchanging. 

 

“You’re far too gutsy for your own good. Do you honestly think you can get all the way to the top of show business through the beds of male celebrities?!”

 

Looking at her blankly, completely without emotion, Sai gave an apathetic shrug, shocking all the people around her.

 

“W-what was that for?!” The raven haired woman shrieked.

 

“You’re not denying it?” The brunette asked, stunned.

 

“You mean…the rumors are true?” In disbelief, the blonde stared at the redhead in complete shock.

 

“I don’t really care.” She said indifferently, raising her hands up in another shrug, “I honestly couldn’t care less what you people think of me, so the way I see it, it doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not.”

 

“People only ever say that when they don’t have the guts to lie about it!!”

 

“So the rumors are true!”

 

“You’re a disgrace to all of us serious talents, you know! You should just hurry up and quit, go back to escorting men sleazy enough to go for you!” One spat, stomping away. The others followed suit, each growling at her venomously and leaving her in a huff, filing down the hall they came.

 

Looking back at the tall, menacing man still glowering down at her, Sai tilted her head as he opened his mouth and growled out, “Are you really okay with people knowing you act like this?” For the life of him, he couldn’t understand her. She looked proud and haughty, but didn’t defend herself or even try to negate the negative rumors. She didn’t care what people thought, but also seemed to hold herself in high regard. Everything about her was hypocritical, and the girl herself was simply infuriating. Her bored expression which hadn’t changed since he’d approached her, save for the smirks made him more mad than anything. Just looking at it stare at him blankly made him angrier and angrier, until he was glaring at her for all he was worth.

 

Looking at him in curiosity, she considered his question, “Well, I see no reason to warp my personality to fit people’s desires and expectations. I am who I am and if I make it in this industry, people will know and respect me for who I am, not some dummy personality I project.” There it was again, the pride. The self-respect. The dignity.  _ Where is it coming from…?  _ He questioned,  _ Where does she get that arrogance? _

 

Seeing him lost in thought, Sai had an interesting idea and a playful smirk tugged at her lips, “What about you?” She asked teasingly, “Do these people’s opinions really matter that much to you? Why? Do they really deserve it?”

 

He tensed, looking down at her with complete distain. “What do you mean?” He hissed out between his teeth. 

 

“Before this moment, my only opinion of you was the one you broadcasted to the public,” she smirked at him, tilting her head again. “The kindhearted, gentlemanly actor who had become known as a co star killer, who never needs an NG, the quintessential man.” She crossed her arms and suddenly the air around him chilled significantly, and though her face didn’t even twitch, he could feel her emotions change. She was angry now. “Now I see though, that’s just the image you try to broadcast. And it’s exactly what I saw. Here though, in this moment, you’re just as rude, judgemental, and cruel as any other man. Any other human.”

 

Ren stared at her in shock, absolute disbelief, as she gave her honest opinion of him. Without meaning to, he let go of his anger completely. When he’d approached her, he hadn’t even considered his image. It was the last thing on his mind. He’d been completely consumed with the anger that came with her actions. Quickly, he attempted to recover, speaking in an even lower voice, “It’s a well known part of my character that I get serious when it comes to my job. And when you insult my career, my coworkers, or the President of this company, a personal friend might I add, it becomes part of my job, my life.”

 

“So why does my work drive in particular matter to you?” She asked him seriously, all traces of teasing gone from her face.

 

“I don’t want you ruining your perception of acting by calling it nothing but a time killer.” He ground out, looking down the bridge of his nose at her.

 

“Then tell me why my perception of acting matters to you personally?”

 

He considered her question, before hissing out cruelly, “It’s insulting to me and everyone who values their own abilities to act, to entertain. To anyone who values their very lives. They would never treat something so precious, so unparalleled, such a privilege, a simple time killer.”

 

Ren expected her to recoil, if even just a little bit, to consider his words, to react even in the slightest. As he watched her move though, he froze as her lips turned up in a sad, tiny smile and she looked at him with big, forlorn eyes. “You’re lucky to think like that still.” She said, her voice cracking slightly.

 

Looking at her like she was some sort of alien, Ren couldn’t formulate what to say next.  _ W-where did that come from! She wasn’t supposed to turn that back around on me with that sad, pitiful look!  _ He stared at her, at a loss for words entirely, until Sawara cleared his throat from behind her. In truth, he’d forgotten the man was even there.

 

“Ms. Akai, we really need to go. That host is waiting for you now, you don’t want to make him angry.”

 

Slowly, the tiny woman in front of Ren turned around and nodded, understanding that she was needed elsewhere at this moment. “Of course, Mr. Sawara, I apologize.”

 

“Do your very best to ‘entertain’ him, Ms. Akai.” He said callously, emphasizing both “best” and “entertain”, each draped in vicious sarcasm and venom. 

 

She turned, a brilliant smile donning her lips, “Oh I will, I’ll work my very hardest and be sure to get full marks.” She winked at him teasingly and followed Sawara around the corner. Technically, it was true. She always worked tirelessly, and once she’d gotten the hang of it, she’d received a string of high marks, each accompanied by a kind note in her book. The most glittering of these reviews were always from this host, and he often gave her full marks. She had the feeling that Ren wasn’t sure what the point system of the Love Me section was yet though, so she enjoyed the tease while it lasted. 

 

Watching her walk away, Ren had to stamp down his anger. He felt it rise in his chest every time he allowed a thought of the girl to enter his mind. Grinding his teeth, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and went back to his dressing room to grab his packed bags and head to his car. Sliding into the front seat of his Porsche, he rested his head on the wheel and sighed heavily, both physically and mentally exhausted from that one encounter with her. Despite the fact that he was entirely unsure what to think of her, and he was far from understanding her, he knew one thing for absolute certain. He hated that girl.


	3. Chapter 3

“So…tell me Ren,” the President’s deep voice rang through the room. “How is the shooting on your latest drama coming? I’ve heard it’s quite good.  _ Call Home _ , correct?”

 

“Yes, that’s right. It’s going fairly well, in my opinion.” The handsome actor replied, nodding as he thought of how well the first few days of shooting had gone.

 

A smile spread on the President’s face, but he looked at Ren seriously, “And how is the director faring?” He was always worried about that man, as he constantly struggled with expressing his opinion to the actors he hired.

 

“Decently, I think.” Ren said, before a thought occurred to him, “The lead actress gives him some trouble, though.” He mumbled, remembering the tantrums she sometimes threw when the director couldn’t make her understand his visions.

 

Nodding, the President’s expression darkened slightly and he ran a hand down his face tiredly, “As I thought she might. She’s quite a handful. Minami Kurata was her name, if I recall.” He grimaced at the woman’s name; she’d been quite popular after her debut and had maintained that popularity since then. This was her third year in show business. Because of this though, she’d developed a bit of a superiority complex and was rather testy when it came to picky directors.

 

Considering both her talent and how she holds herself, Ren found himself easily agreeing, “Yes, sir.”

 

“Are you willing to help me out then?” Lory asked hopefully, his eyes shining at the actor, who laughed and waved off his concern,

 

“Of course, Mr. President. You just want me to find a way for him to be more assured in his actions, correct?” He clarified, trying to formulate what he should do for the director.

 

“Exactly.” The President rose to his feet and gestured outward widely, a familiar, reminiscent smile on his face, “He’s a genius, but he’s ever so shy.”

 

Ren had to suppress the laughter, plastering a polite smile on his face to conceal it, “I can’t promise anything, sir, but I’ll try.” Whenever Lory motioned passionately like that, Ren had to consciously contain his amusement.

 

“That’s all I can ask of you, Ren. Don’t worry about the way you’ll manage it, just let it happen. If anyone can convince him of his talent, it’s you.” He offered Ren a kind, expectant smile, pride in the actor evident. 

 

Feeling his own lips lift up into a warm smile, Ren spoke to him gently, “You’re too kind, Mr. President.” 

 

Suddenly, Lory snapped his fingers and Ren jumped in his seat slightly, “Oh!” He said loudly, “I nearly forgot! I have a meeting with him right after this, would you like to discuss it with him? You can sit in on the meeting.” Looking at Ren with bright, shining eyes, the hope from his body language and tone was obvious.

 

Letting a soft chuckle go, Ren shook his head, his lips still pulled up into that warm smile,“Of course, sir, as long as Director Kotome is okay with it.” He added politely.

 

Turning to his assistant, Lory nodded to the dark-skinned man who then bowed and exited to find the director. As he was just outside, Sebastian immediately led him into the large office and then bowed once again and left.

 

Shuichiro Kotome walked in, dabbing his forehead with a handkerchief, and he stopped before the President, giving him a deep bow. When he stood, he glanced over and spotted his lead actor on a chair nearby, and offered him a respectful nod, accompanied with questioning eyes.

 

“Good afternoon, Director Kotome.” Lory said loudly, holding his hand out for the smaller man to shake, the President’s eyes shining happily.

 

Recovering from the sudden start at Lory’s tone and volume, Kotome let a small smile slip and shook his hand with vigor, “You as well, Mr. President, Mr. Tsuruga.” He said, batting down the shyness he felt.

 

Seeing his eyes rove over to Ren once again, Lory put a hand on the actor’s shoulder, speaking with a slightly softer voice, “Would you be okay with Ren sitting in on our meeting? I have some things I’d like to discuss with both of you.”

 

“Oh I don’t mind at all,” he said with gusto, waving his hands in front of him, Ren’s presence suddenly making sense, “Please, stay.” He added assuringly.

 

Nodding, Ren gave him a soft smile and gestured toward the empty couch opposite Lory. Once he was seated, the three discussed various strategies for the drama, including the stunt scenes which Ren insisted that he do by himself. After discussing the entirety of the next week, Ren managed to get the director to understand his current position as well as their intents for the end of the week.

 

“The only problem I still see though,” the director said, wringing his hands, “is that my assistant quit yesterday morning. I have a hard enough time juggling all this on my own, I don’t know how I’m going to fare without him.”

 

Suddenly, something occurred to Lory and he nearly jumped at the chance, “Well, actually, I know someone who would be honored to help you.” His voice rose in excitement and he sat forward in his seat, “She’s a very hard worker and I know that she’ll make this week much easier for you.” The director looked intrigued and prompted Lory to continue. Seeing this, the President poured on compliments and positives about his goddaughter, barely managing to contain his excitement.

 

As he listened to Lory babble, Ren was suddenly filled with both dread and confusion as he realized who the man was talking about. The Love Me girl.  _ But why…why is he vouching for her? If this was blackmail…why would he root for her? There’s no reason… _ his thoughts trailed off, as he desperately tried to find a reason that Lory would speak of her so highly. Even if he was still being threatened by her, the glowing praise he was showering her with was obviously genuine, and loving.

 

“She’s the newest LME recruit, part of the Love Me section, a division created entirely for people with extreme, but undeveloped, talent that lack the ability to express themselves correctly, or have experienced trauma that made them lose their ability to love the world they live in. The goal is to expose them to the business slowly so they get used to it, and then when their talent blossoms, they’ll debut. They also keep track of their involvement with a mark system, ranging from negative marks for botched jobs to full marks, when they do well.”

 

Lory’s words rung in Ren’s head, “full marks”…just like Sai had said when she left him to go tend to the host that day several weeks prior. She’d literally just told him her goal for the department she was a part of, but she’d fooled him so completely into believing the rumors. On purpose. She was unbelievable.  _ Does that mean…? They  _ **_aren’t_ ** _ true; they probably aren’t even grounded whatsoever! She…why didn’t she deny them then? _ Buried in thought, Ren remembered how she had blatantly said that she didn’t care what he thought, what those women had thought. It seemed…impossible that she could care that little. He…couldn’t understand her, not at all.

 

Zoning back into the conversation, Ren caught the director excitedly ask Lory, “And you think she can help me?”

 

Lighting up and positively beaming at the man, the President replied enthusiastically, “Oh definitely, she’ll be perfect! She dedicates herself to the jobs wholeheartedly.”

 

Nearly overwhelmed with his fervor, the director replied with a kind voice, “Then I’d love to hire her.” Sensing that the discussion was now coming to a close, Kotome rose and asked quietly, “Will your assistant be willing to take me to see her?”

 

“Of course he will.” Lory beamed at him, gesturing toward the large doors, “He’s right outside.”

 

The two exchanged further pleasantries and then parted with gratitude and farewells. Once the door was shut, Ren allowed his displeasure and slight irritation to pour out into the room and he dropped his barriers on his anger. Feeling it behind him, the hair on the back of Lory’s neck bristled and he whirled around to face the actor, who was staring down at the floor, but his aura filled the room with its dark intensity.

 

“W-what’s wrong, Ren?” Lory asked, stepping closer to the man worriedly.

 

“How can you talk about her like that?” The actor asked, still not raising his gaze.

 

“‘Her?’ You mean…Ms. Akai? Saiyuka?” He asked, completely confused with Ren’s reaction to the gentle girl. “Have you met her?”

 

Looking up, Ren’s gaze was positively livid, and he growled out, “Yes. Unfortunately.” Lory stood shocked in front of him, wondering how the two could have possibly gotten off so badly. In his head, he’d paired the two together quite well, thinking that they were similar enough and their personalities matched in ways they wouldn’t believe. In that way, Lory had thought they’d make good friends, close ones, or even become closer than that. Knowing how much he loved watching romances blossom too, he often edged closer to the latter, a part of him thinking it was a perfect match.

 

“What did she do?” He questioned, a rush of fatherly concern flowing through him, hoping that she didn’t do anything too awful.

 

“It’s what she didn’t do, sir.” Ren snipped at him, the temperature in the room dropping rapidly.

 

“What do you mean?” The President asked, sitting down and looking at Ren in concern.

 

“First of all…” he ground out, “She’s close to being the rudest person I’ve ever met.” Lory started at his claim, knowing that it wasn’t at all like Sai to act in such a way. His surprise registered on his face and only served to confuse Ren more. How the President could make such a face, one that looked both equally pained and shocked, eluded the actor. 

 

Pushing down the growing confusion, Ren continued with wrath evident in his voice, “Mostly though…she refused to deny the rumors about her, rumors that insulted not just her, but you and all of LME. Not only is her lack of self-respect angering, but the ease at which she goes about letting people insult a personal friend and the company I’ve personally worked so hard for is absolutely infuriating. I can’t understand why you can praise her so much.”

 

Lory cast his gaze down at the floor…Ren’s actions made sense now. But he couldn’t accept that this was all that had caused the rift between the two, “Have you only had that one encounter with her?” He asked softly.

 

“Yes, but I can assure you that I don’t want to have another.” Ren said coldly, further angering the President. When he didn’t reply immediately, the actor grew increasingly upset with the man, not understanding how he could be so forgiving with her, “What’s your relationship with that girl, Mr. President?” he said bluntly, knowing that if he didn’t ask it like that, there was no way Lory would ever tell him. 

 

Suddenly, the air in the room darkened and Lory looked up with a menacing, dark expression on his face. “It’s none of your business, Ren. Don’t ask me again.” He said, shocking the actor, who looked up at him with wide eyes. He could feel his jaw drop slightly and his breath was taken away, leaving him completely speechless.

 

Seeing his expression, Lory sighed and buried his face in his hands, “I’m sorry, Ren, I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I’m just sick of people treating her like she’s some whore and they can’t ask her about this situation directly. She’s a human being for god’s sake! If you’re so damn curious, why don’t you just ask her?” He finished, snarling and clenching his hands into fists.

 

“I tried to!” Ren insisted, standing up. “I tried a few times, but she always avoided my questions, dodging this way or that, trying to get me off topic.”

 

“Then you have to respect that she didn’t want to tell you right then.” Lory looked up at him, the anger still burning behind his eyes, “Perhaps it was just because she isn’t planning on divulging that information at all. Maybe it was where you were, too public. Maybe it was because of how you were treating her. Any number of things could have caused her silence, so try approaching her differently and see if she’ll tell you under those circumstances. Respect what’s hers to tell you.”

 

It hit Ren just then the exact reality of their interaction. He’d walked right up to her, not even knowing her name, and talked down at her. He’d requested personal information without respecting her, in the middle of the lobby of LME, in a completely rude manner. If anyone had approached him in such a way, there he would never have divulged that information.

 

“I…” he faltered, bolting upright and looking at Lory with wide, fearful eyes, “I have to go.” He knew at that moment that he had to apologize to her, even if she still wouldn’t answer his questions, he had to earn her forgiveness for his actions.

 

Without waiting for the President to reply, Ren rushed out of the room and down the hall. He followed where the director would have gone, asking for directions as he walked quickly down the corridors, his long legs adding to his speed as he tore through entire hallways in mere seconds.

 

Earlier, the director had been dropped off by Sebastian and was standing outside of the door with the gaudy logo on it, reading “Love Me.” Knocking hesitantly, the director poked his head in when he heard a soft voice mumble to him that it was alright to enter.

 

When he walked in, he was struck by the appearance of the girl in the room. She sat up on the couch in the center, a magazine in her small hands. When she looked up, the pale blue of her eyes shocked him, as it contrasted with the glowing red of her hair. Clashing horribly with those bright locks was an alarming fuchsia uniform. He couldn’t really find something to focus on, everything about her both drew and repulsed his attention. 

 

Playing softly in the background was classical music, and when she looked up at him, her eyes took a while to focus on his face, as if she’d been so absorbed in the notes that it actually took her a few moments to come back to reality. Looking at her in these few seconds though, he would have never pegged her for someone who would listen to classical music.

 

“Uh…” He mumbled, trying to collect his thoughts, “Hello!” He said as enthusiastically as possible, “My name is Shuichiro Kotome, I’m a director that works closely with the President, and he recommended that you work as a replacement assistant temporarily until we can hire a full time one. It’ll only be for a week at most!”

 

“Hold on there, Director Kotome, no need to go so fast, I’m listening.” Sai stood up, placing her magazine on the counter and bowing to him respectfully, “My name is Saiyuka Akai, I’d be honored to assist you, no matter for how long.” She smiled at him gently, urging him to continue, “So what is this assistant job a part of?”

 

“Oh!” He started, fumbling for a script in his bag, “It’s called _ Call Home _ , and it’s about a war hero who died on the battlefield and how the family deals with it. It’s a tragedy.”

 

She nodded curtly and her smile grew, “It sounds like a rather difficult drama, how has the shooting been going?” She asked, and the two made light conversation about it for some time until she formally accepted the job. Reaching into a drawer, she pulled out one of the many boxes of Love Me stamps and handed it to the director for any future uses. 

 

The two spent a little more time going over the call times for the week and he oversaw as she wrote them all down. The longer the two talked, the more comfortable the director became, until he was even alright accepting her criticisms. 

 

He didn’t notice until much later that night, but he’d actually taken mental notes on the things she’d said or added to the plot, and each was very realistic and well thought out. He hadn’t minded listening to her at all, something he never usually experienced with actresses. Her aura appeared to have a calming effect on him, which was even more of an assurance that the shoot would go well that week, so long as she was there.

 

Bidding her good evening, the director tried to step outside the room, but found that his way was blocked. Crying out, he stumbled around the tall, handsome actor who’d finally found his way to the Love Me room, and was just as surprised as Kotome had been. The two fumbled around and the director apologized profusely while Ren assured him that it was alright, that it was his fault for standing in the doorway. 

 

When the director had finally gone, Ren turned to find Sai lounging on her couch, the mask that was her face completely blank and bored, as usual. He felt the anger rise in his chest at such an expression and he walked in without asking her, or making his entrance known, and closed the door behind him, crossing his arms and glowering down at her.

 

“So,” she said softly, the same way she’d greeted him the first time they’d met. “Why are you here?”

 

Narrowing his eyes, he found himself glaring profusely at her, her lack of respect of any kind driving him crazy with rage, and he completely abandoned his purpose for being there, growling out of his throat, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

 

She blinked lazily at him, placing her chin in her palm, “What?” She asked him, not understanding his question.

 

“Why were you talking to him like that?” Ren ground out, gesturing behind him towards the door the director had left through.

 

Lost, Sai tried to work out what he was getting at, “Him? Oh…the director? What are you talking about?”

 

“You were speaking to him like you…like you respected him.” Hesitating, Ren attempted to voice his anger, without all out yelling at her.

 

“Okay…good,” Sai said cautiously, her confusion heightening, “I do respect him. Are you upset because I was being polite?” She asked, motioning her hands to show she was concerned, instead of making the expression.

 

His glare intensifying, Ren spat out, “I didn’t know you could even speak like that.”

 

Blinking, Sai’s own anger rose and she couldn’t understand what he was getting at, “Of course I can!” She yelped, and then added in a hurt tone of voice, “I’m not an idiot…”

 

He downright snarled at her, “Then why don’t you treat me with respect?”

 

“You?” Sai blinked slowly at him, her head processing his words, and her anger left her body as she asked honestly, “Why should I treat you with respect?”

 

Sensing her lack of understanding, he gestured outward in frustration, “Because I’m your senior!”

 

“Something like that doesn’t matter to me.” She spoke to him coldly, her face still blank, but now there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. Ren couldn’t see that though, and didn’t know her well enough to differentiate her different behaviors, so all he had to go off of were her words, “I don’t see any reason to treat you kindly when you treat me like I’m worthless.” She said softly.

 

“I’m not asking you to be  **kind** ,” He growled, glaring at her viciously, “I’m wondering why you can’t speak to me as a junior would normally to their senior.”

 

“Perhaps because you don’t treat me like a junior, or even a human being. If you spoke to me as if we were both normal, civilized people, I’d have no problems.” She snapped at him, her heart aching but her words coming off as angry or insulting.

 

“How have I not treated you normally?” He said exasperatingly.

 

“Consider this, two people you’ve never met approach you in relatively similar instances. The first, a grand and highly praised man walks up to you like he has every right to invade your personal space. He stands, glowering down at you, looking down the bridge of his nose like he’s better than you, and demands you answer his questions. When you don’t, he treats you like a misbehaving child. 

 

“And then, not much later, you’re approached by a man who knocks to get your attention, addresses you by name, bows respectfully before approaching and introduces himself. You and that man exchange chit chat and then he offers you a business proposal. When your interaction is finished, he bids you goodbye and bows again in mutual respect before exiting. Do you honestly think that both of these people could be considered the same type of ‘senior’?” 

 

She looked at him pointedly, and Ren of course realized that he was the first man and Director Kotome was the other. He belatedly connected that it was for that exact reason that he’d come to see her, he’d known that he’s stepped out of line, and wanted to apologize. 

 

“Look, I came to apologize, okay, so just let me-”

 

“Let you what?” She cut him off, upset and begging him internally to understand her, “Give a half-hearted apology to get it off your chest so you can run home and not worry about it any longer?” As she spoke, she lost some of her self-control, “Sorry you lost sleep over it, bud, but it’s not a big deal to me. I don’t want your apology. When you’re ready to step it up and get over yourself, realize you’re speaking to another human and such, then I’m ready to believe your apology is genuine. Until then, you can keep it to yourself.” 

 

She stared at him with those same emotionless eyes, and hoped desperately that he’d understand her, and was devastated to see him only grow angrier. Finally giving in to the anger that was seeping into her chest, she felt it crash into her conscience and she smiled sarcastically, knowing that she was about to step out of line, but she had had it with being treated like this. If he was going to be rude, she was going to take full advantage. She’d tease him to no end, until he realized that he was being just as unfair to her as she would blatantly be to him.

 

“Oh hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we just do a quick NG, you go back out the door and try again, hot shot?” Ren bristled at her words, the air growing dangerously cold, “Oh what? Didn’t like that? Is it because I used that acting term again? Am I not allowed to use those because, in your opinion, I’m not a serious enough actress? Because I don’t respect the art enough? Or is it because I’m insulting the precious Ren Tsuruga’s perfect slate?” She spat out his name and her eyebrows knit very slightly, her so completely blank face showing the slightest bit of anger, meaning she must have been livid.

 

“How dare-”

 

“‘How dare’ I? Look at where you’re standing, why don’t you? You came into my room, my personal space, and picked a fight. A fight you don’t even have any business in! You don’t know anything about me, and don’t you dare think you do. So before you say anything else that you’ll end up regretting, and then coming to ‘apologize’ only to make yourself look worse, get out.”

 

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing right now?” He asked her coldly, knowing full well that making an enemy out of him would mean she would never make it as an actress.

 

“No. I don’t.” He started slightly and looked at her in surprise, “Hey, I’m willing to admit that I don’t know anything about this business, and certainly not anything about how to treat people like you. But you must understand, I refuse to be treated like trash here, and even though I’m off to a rocky start, I won’t be bullied by someone like you.” She said, her anger finally dying down once again, and she was filled with guilt and despair at how he looked at her, with such malice. She knew that it was her doing that he looked like this. She was the cause of his anger, his displeasure. If she’d just ignored him as she so often did to others, then maybe he’d be happier at this moment. She truly ruined everything she touched.

 

“‘Someone like me’?” He questioned, confused where the conversation just went, feeling the air in the room grow heavy not in anger, but heartbreak. It was her, she was the one who’d just shifted the air, and though he couldn’t see it in her face, he knew that she’d suddenly become miserable, her words nearly sounding self-deprecating, but he couldn’t, for his life, pin why they would be that way.

 

“‘The greatest man to ever set foot in Japan’, ‘the world’s favorite gentleman’, ‘most desirable man five years running’?” She repeated reporters and talk show hosts who’d interviewed him, “Don’t think I’ve never heard them rave about you. You’re supposed to be some superhuman, not someone like me.” She gestured toward herself and focused on her face, indicating that she meant her attitude, “You’re not supposed to lower yourself to my level when we interact. It’s against the image you must have slaved over.”

 

Ren was completely lost now, with no help from her facial expressions, he couldn’t tell if she was joking or serious, complimenting or insulting him…so he just looked at her stupidly, which made her scoff at him.

 

“Seriously, Mr. Tsuruga,” she glanced up at him, catching a glimpse of his surprised expression when she’d addressed him with an honorific, “Please, before  **I** say something else I shouldn’t.” She nodded towards the door with her chin, “Perhaps I’ll see you later, and be in a better mood to apologize.”

 

“I…don’t understand you…” Ren looked down towards her, this time careful not to look down his nose at her.

 

She gave him a slightly sad smile, “No one does. It’s alright.”

 

He was about to ask her what she meant, but at that moment, Yashiro appeared in the doorway huffing from running around to find him and Ren knew he didn’t have the time to ask. He chose to, instead, try to create an opportunity for himself later,

 

“Director Kotome offered you a job, right?”

 

She looked up at him, surprised, “Yes, he did. For the drama he’s producing now.”

 

Ren nodded at her, “And you took it?”

 

“Yes, of course…” Sai replied hesitantly, looking at him in curiosity, “Why do you care?”

 

“Because…” he gave her a dark smile, “I’m a lead in that drama you’re helping with. And we’re going to continue this conversation there.” He turned toward Yashiro who was looking at him in a mix of confusion, unease, and hesitation, “Oh, and Ms. Akai,” he added, “Don’t lose too much sleep over this conversation. Wouldn’t want to disrupt your beauty rest. You need it.”

 

Sai’s mouth clenched shut as she processed his insult. She was used to calling herself ugly or hearing other people make fun of her appearance, and she worked hard to make it look as awful as she could, but for some reason, coming from him, it sent a pang through her heart. Shaking her head almost indiscernibly, she rid herself of the the feeling and simply looked up at him blankly, knowing he’d hate to see his jab go unappreciated.

 

As he left, anger flashed once more on his features as he observed hers simply revert to their vacant state. The door then closed, separating them, and Sai collapsed onto the couch behind her, burying her face in her hands. His presence had, like the last time they’d met, drained her. Sai had no idea why, but speaking with him always had her on high alert, and her entire body was tensed at all times, making her exhausted when he left and she finally relaxed. 

 

She let the thought cross momentarily through her mind that she could simply pass on this job, not have to see him and encounter him at the set. If she did that, she’d be saving herself from some pain and discomfort, but at the same time…it would hinder that director who she’d found herself liking quite a bit. 

 

He clearly hadn’t heard any of the rumors going around and therefore treated her like a regular girl, like a human being. He’d been, if not civil, then kind to her. His reassuring smiles and surprised grins made her feel like he was actually listening to her, and he appeared truly grateful that she’d be assisting him.

 

To leave him stranded because of a personal disagreement with one of his actors would not only be unprofessional, but cruel to the director himself. Raising her head from her hands, Sai swore that she’d continue this job, for the sake of the director. And maybe, just maybe, she could mend at least a part of her relationship with the senior actor, and then their encounters wouldn’t have to be so stressful and intimidating. She knew from seeing him interact with others in the business that he was easy to talk to and a wonderful person, and she knew that it wasn’t him simply acting that way, he was genuinely kind if he wanted to be. 

 

Part of her really wanted to see if she could get him to treat her like that, even after such an awful start. If she could get on his good side after screwing up and ruining everything like she had, maybe they could be friends. And he’d be not only a good friend to her, but a valuable asset for an aspiring actress, all the knowledge and advice he’d have. 

 

The other part of her though, the larger part, knew that after an encounter like this, the most they could ever be was acquaintances, and even then they’d probably have a tension in their relationship that neither enjoyed. It was impossible for anything to come of their relationship now, it was forever tainted and it was her fault. He was reacting to her as much as she reacted to him, it must have had something to do with both people’s tendency to cause those around them to act. Rather than creating a harmony in between them though, their equally matched ability caused animosity and hostility. 

 

Sighing heavily, the redhead dragged herself up off the couch and took off the jumpsuit, hanging it carefully back in the locker. Images and replays of the exchanges she’d had with the talented man flashed before her eyes and she was filled with a deep regret and an even stronger anger toward the man, partially due to the guilt she felt.  _ Why should I feel bad here…? He’s always the one to pick the fight! And he’s older than me, as he was so quick to point out! Why do I feel like I should have acted more amiable…? _

 

As she finished getting dressed again, she headed toward the parking garage where her bike was, placing her belongings safely inside and then resting her head on the handlebars dejectedly, feeling her energy being zapped just thinking about him. It wasn’t fair. She knew that he was ordinarily such a wonderful person, and it killed her to know that she was ruining even that much, but she couldn’t help the burning in the pit of her stomach directed at him rather than her, and without meaning to, she came to a decision. She hated that man.


	4. Chapter 4

Arriving at the studio early, Sai walked lightly, her flats sounding out dully in the air as she walked through the silent hall down to the Love Me room. She was still upset by her interactions with Japan’s most “gentlemanly” actor the few days prior. She wasn’t exactly looking forward to their meeting that afternoon. All the same, she’d convinced herself that today was a new day and she’d make the best of it. 

 

Opening the door to the Love Me office, she threw her tote down on the counter and then had the inner debate she often had when she knew she was going on a job.  _ Should I wear it today…?  _ She thought gazing at the locker with her name proudly displayed on it. As always though, she relented and opened the locker, pulling out the hot pink fabric and slipping into the comfortable material. She knew how she looked in it, and while she didn’t feel any affection for the garment, she was grateful that it made people avert their eyes. It was what she wanted.

 

Once she was properly dressed, she gathered her things and organized them, going over her schedule for that day once more, making sure it was properly documented in her notebook. Once she was sure of herself, Sai was just about to sit in the chair and listen to music as she so often did between jobs to relax when the door opened and a familiar face popped in. 

 

Immediately, Sai beamed at the man who’d entered, “Director Kotome!” She said happily, bowing before him as he gave her a gentle smile and bowed in return.

 

“Good morning, Ms. Akai. It’s good to see that you’re already prepared. I know I’m a little early, but we’re ahead of schedule this morning and I came to see if you’d perhaps be willing to go now?” He looked at her hopefully, knowing that while she was new and not even technically an employee yet, that she was still rather busy. 

 

Thankfully, a smile dominated her features and she nodded, “Of course, I was just about to relax while I waited, so I don’t mind at all.” She grabbed her tote and replaced the magazine and her phone. “Shall we?” She asked him, approaching the door.

 

Growing increasingly more comfortable being around her, he smiled politely and gestured for her to exit first. Walking through the door, Sai and Kotome began exchanging words and thoughts about the coming week. Kotome was rather worried, but expressed that he was glad he’d have her help. She, in return, told him that of course it would go well, he was very capable and meticulous from what she’d seen so far, and she expected great things.

 

He visibly blanched and whipped his forehead with a handkerchief, “Oh my,” he said worriedly, “I do hope I can live up to those expectations.” He said faintly.

 

“Don’t worry so much,” she said lightly, smiling still. “Have some faith in your own abilities.”

 

She said this so easily that for a second, Kotome completely forgot his own opinions and faults, believing in her completely and truly. In a flash though, he returned to his senses. “Things always have a way of going wrong in show biz,” he said dejectedly. 

 

“Perhaps,” she admitted, “but then we just deal with them. That’s the true test for everyone involved. Their ability to deal with the issues.” She said lightly, turning to him. Though her features were still and unmoving, he could feel in the air and see deep in her eyes that she was looking at him with confidence, “I’ve met a lot of people in my weeks here, Director Kotome, and very few of them seem as capable as you.” Offering him a polite, but encouraging smile, she turned away from him to hand the driver her bags and give him directions.

 

Meanwhile, he stood in shock at her words, so meaningful and heavy, but said by her so easily and lightly. He’d never known someone to say such things, but they rang true and he couldn’t find anything in them to advocate against.  _ How long had she been in this business? Maybe a month now? A little more? How on earth did she know such things already? How can she speak with such confidence? _

 

He stared at her back in fascination; in just a few moments of talking with the driver who’d looked so apprehensive when they first approached, most likely due to her shocking appearance, was now speaking with her easily. They made light conversations, dotted with important bits of information that she let slip and integrated them into her speech so easily. 

 

Instantly, he became aware that she held that persuasive charm back most of the time. If she wanted to, she could easily make her way through show biz with that allure alone. And yet, the advice she gave was modest and light hearted; she was kind and gentle, underneath everything she projected to appear otherwise.

 

By now, he’d heard the rumors about her, but he couldn’t bring a single fiber of his being to believe them. She did seem to have the ability and capacity to manipulate someone, but the staggering amounts of praise that Lory had given her had been genuine, and he knew without a doubt that he would, in response, give a very similar account of her by the time they were done.

 

How the President had managed to find such a treasure was certainly a question he wanted the answer to. He hadn’t met someone with this much raw talent and appeal in a long time. If you looked from afar though, all you saw was a plain-faced, giftless cling-on. He supposed that was just a part of her charm though.

 

Looking back at his still form, she tilted her head curiously, wondering why he wasn’t approaching. Waving him toward the car, she offered a reassuring smile and the director stepped to meet her by the door, nodding to her respectfully and climbing in before her. The two talked lightly about the details of that specific day. He warned her that people at the set may be slightly rude to her. They hadn’t exactly liked his last assistant and may transfer their feelings to her, so if they ever got to her, she needed to tell him. Sai knew they wouldn’t, but she agreed nonetheless.

 

Once they pulled up at the set, slightly out of urban Tokyo, he helped her out of the LME van and the two walked up to the neighborhood where  _ Call Home _ took place. The moment they entered the visual range of the crew, work immediately stopped as their eyes fixed and then dropped from her horrifying style display. 

 

Sai walked beside Kotome blankly, not really even paying attention to their reactions. The director looked at her sideways and was surprised to see the hollow look on her face; he figured she would have at least been a little shy over the looks she was getting, but she honestly didn’t seem to care much.

 

“Are you really okay with them giving you those looks?” He asked, unable to help himself.

 

Looking at him surprisedly, she blinked, “Oh…I don’t mind. I really don’t care what they think, if they let it bother them, it’s their problem, not mine.”

 

He stared at her, again surprised by her demeanor. He didn’t think she’d ever stop amazing him. Shaking his head, they walked to the director’s platform and he made an effort to get people’s attention, “Thank you for coming today, everyone! I know some of you are aware that my assistant quit the last week of filming, and so I’d like to introduce to you my new assistant, Saiyuka Akai.”

 

Hearing her name ring across the set, Ren immediately turned to face the director, finding the eyesore of a woman standing distantly behind him. She was wearing that ugly uniform again, which naturally made people aggravated just from looking at it. 

 

“Ren?” A voice sounded from behind him, pulling him back to the conversation he’d been having with his costar.

 

“Ah, I apologize, Ms. Kurata,” he looked at the young actress before him and smiled apologetically. 

 

“Oh! That’s alright, you just seemed to space out,” she glanced around him at the new assistant and her eyes widened, “Oh dear god,” she said, “I can see why…what a ghastly uniform…how can she wear that?”

 

“That’s LME’s President’s regulations,” he clarified, looking down at the blonde female, “she had to wear it, it’s in the job description.”

 

“Well that’s…cruel.” She said, staring at the form of the tiny redhead draped in the hot pink fabric. “Do you know her name? I couldn’t hear the director say it.” She asked him softly.

 

“Akai. Saiyuka Akai.” He said, strained. 

 

“I haven’t heard of her before,” Minami said, and curiosity won out, “I’m going to go talk to her.”

 

Ren looked at her in surprise, “You want to meet her?”

 

She looked up at him, a piqued interest in her eyes, “I actually do.”

 

With that, she took off toward the strange girl, and spooked her slightly, before they bowed to each other and Ren caught a glimpse of Sai’s face. She was smiling at Minami joyfully, her face lighting up beautifully. His jaw dropped as anger shot through his body… _ Why is she looking at her like that…? She’s so…why does she treat  _ **_other_ ** _ people with such kindness…!? And why do they reciprocate? It makes no sense! _

 

Watching them interact, he became aware of various other cast members approaching her, each greeting her positively and reacting well to her personality. They shared a few jokes and she laughed softly, give them all small smiles, before parting and following the director to begin preparations for the set. 

 

Ren could feel the anger settle into his stomach uncomfortably as he watched their exchange before she left, and somewhere through him there was a pang of jealousy. For whatever reason, he wanted her to smile at him like that. He wanted her to enjoy their conversations. And it shocked him that he felt that way.

 

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts of her, he went back to running through his lines and burying himself in his work. As he worked his way through the script, he became acutely aware of Sai running back and forth around the set. Each time the garish pink passed in his peripheral vision he felt another wave of anger wash over him.  _ Is she…avoiding me? _ He asked himself… _ She keeps walking passed me, like I’m not even here… _ He watched her pass him again, this time with a drink tray in her hand.

 

“Ms. Akai.” He said suddenly, stopping her in her tracks. She turned to face him, her face blank and still, 

 

“Yes, Mr. Tsuruga?” She answered politely, finally turning to face him. 

 

He looked at her and realized he had nothing to follow that up with, and remained silent, simply glaring at her. After a few seconds, he watched her posture droop and she sighed, startling him.

 

“You were so close,” she said, a light smirk playing on her lips.

 

Looking at her in vague surprise, Ren managed, “Close to what?”

 

“To being polite for once.” She looked at him sarcastically, her lips twisting up into a grin.

 

“How was I not polite?” He asked, unable to think of anything else.

 

“Ohhh…I don’t know.” Sai tilted her head at him, “Perhaps that intense glare that you’ve been giving me since the moment I got here?”

 

Fidgeting slightly, Ren lowered his gaze and then raised his eyes to meet her bright blue ones. “I’ve been glaring just as long as you’ve ignored me this whole time.”

 

“And that bothers you?” She asked smugly.

 

“Only because it means that you’ve been disrespecting a senior in your business for several hours. You managed to find reasons to speak and greet everyone else here.” Ren said, his voice low with subdued anger.

 

“Most of them approached me first you know,” she said gently, “And a lot of them didn’t hide themselves on the outskirts of the set, their faces buried in their scripts.” Her smirk widened and she glared down at the man sitting with his script.

 

He looked at her with malice and tightened his jaw. He was about to reply to her when she scoffed at him and gestured toward the drink tray, “I’m sorry, Mr. Tsuruga, but I really do need to deliver these.” She tilted her head teasingly, “It’s my job.”

 

Before he could say anything else, she stepped away and took off gracefully toward the cast members. Handing the drinks around, she talked and smiled with a few of his coworkers and then stepped to the side of the set as filming began. 

 

Ren looked at her walk away with absolute hatred. As he watched though, a familiar feeling began to settle in his stomach. He always felt like this when he finished talking with her. Guilty. Like he should have acted differently. How could he act nicely towards her if she was constantly staring at him with those empty eyes, like he had disappointed her, or wasn’t worth her time? It made him incredibly irritated, even though he didn’t know why. And if anything, that made him more infuriated. 

 

Trying to shake the guilt away, he took out his script again and tried reading it to take his mind off of her again. He was interrupted several minutes later by Yashiro.

 

“Ren?” The manager asked, looking into his eyes, “Are you in there?” He asked, worry mixed with taunting. 

 

Ren glanced back and forth between his friend and his script he’d been reading, only to find that he had been reading the same sentences repeatedly. Closing it with a sigh, he answered, “Yes, Mr. Yashiro…I’m fine.” He answered, though his tone was absolutely furious and his hands practically shook in anger. 

 

Yashiro looked at him skeptically, and came up with a cruel idea, “So you’re upset with Ms. Akai, then?” He asked, knowing it would anger him further.

 

Glaring at his manager, Ren sighed and held his forehead in his hand, “Must it always be about her?” He asked the light haired man.

 

Grinning, Yashiro shrugged, knowing he should let it go for now since they were working, but he’d bring it up later, knowing how it affected him now. “I suppose not,” he said casually, “But you get so worked up around her, I would hardly know it was you.”

 

Before Ren could argue back, Yashiro flipped into manager mode and the two began discussing both their schedules for the rest of the day and eventually just made small talk. A while into their conversation though, Ren glanced over and saw Sai out of the corner of his eye, carrying a large stand and some camera equipment out, most likely for the crew. Knowing how heavy it was, he watched her struggle to keep it in her hands before she disappeared around a turn.

 

Feeling something unsettling rest itself in his gut, Ren couldn’t help the dread from climbing up his throat. Something was wrong. He could feel it. Yashiro noticed his sudden drop of the conversation and followed Ren’s gaze to catch the last glimpse of Sai before she rounded the corner. As his eyes met Ren’s, he could see the worry deep within them. “Go after her, if you’re so worried.” Yashiro said easily, knowing that Ren wouldn’t without prompting.

 

Shocked, Ren looked back to where Sai disappeared from and warred within himself. Eventually though, his concern for her safety and wellbeing somehow miraculously won over the hatred he held of her and he bolted up from his seat and walked as quickly as he could to where she’d disappeared.

 

The moment he turned, he saw the brilliant pink of her uniform in the distance, up on a ladder. Feeling the fear heighten to panic, Ren watched in horror as she tettered slightly at the top of the metal contraption and he raced toward her as she toppled over. Reaching her just in time, Ren wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, pulling her delicately into his arms and out of harm’s way. 

 

The first thing he noticed was how light she was. Sure, she had looked petite, but it was truly frightening that she was as light as she was. As he set her down, the both of them nearly toppling over, her hair brushed against his cheek and he was shocked at how soft it was. And…her scent was much different than he’d expected. It was…intoxicating, a strange mix of lavender and vanilla.

 

Sai, much like Ren, had felt a rush of panic the moment she’d felt herself begin shaking on that ladder. She’d never been a fan of heights, but never had she been more terrified than that moment when she lost her balance entirely. Her scream trapped itself in her throat and white flashed before her eyes. Just when she thought there was no way she could land safely, and accepted how hurt she was about to get, how she’d failed her mission, the director, Lory…how she’d managed to screw something else up…a pair of strong arms wrapped around her waist tightly, nearly hurting her. 

 

In an instant, she was pulled into a broad chest and was nearly overwhelmed with the heavy scent of a cologne she vaguely recognized. Ren Tsuruga’s. Ren Tsuruga had just caught her. When she’d recovered her bearings, she shook the actors arms from around her waist and whirled around to face him, her mouth hanging open and her hair flying wildly around her. Watching her rip herself away from him and turn, a look of horror on her face, Ren’s heart crashed down, for reasons he couldn’t comprehend. 

 

“Are you okay?” He asked breathlessly, his racing pulse finally audible to him as it pounded in his ears. 

 

Hesitating, Sai jumped back and forth between being grateful or being rude to the man. “Fine.” She said simply, her hands shaking so badly from the fear that was just now setting in, that she tucked them through her arms when she crossed them in front of her chest. “What were you doing back here?” She snipped at him, her voice faint and her face unreadable.

 

“I watched you walk back carrying all those things and got worried…” he trailed off as she clenched her jaw and sealed herself away from him, clearly not grateful that he’d just risked his neck for her. Anger once again consumed him.  _ Was nothing good enough for this girl?! _

 

“You didn’t think I could handle carrying those stands?” She asked, insulted by his lack of faith in her strength, not even considering the fact that this meant he’d been watching her from a distance, or that that fact meant he’d been there to save her.

 

Throwing his hands up in the air, he mumbled in exasperation, “Can I do nothing right by you?” He asked her, “I just caught you from seriously injuring yourself and this is how you treat me?” He whispered feverently, “Is a simple ‘thank you’ that hard for you?”

 

Glaring her down, Ren managed to shut Sai up, and she took a step back, the mask in full force on her face, hiding her fear. Letting a shaky sigh loose, Ren visibly shook his head and stalked off, walking right past his manager who’d followed after him and caught a bit of what had happened, including how the two interacted with each other.

 

Looking at the back of his charge, Yashiro wondered if he should go after the tall actor, or leave him to cool off for a bit. Deciding on the latter, Yashiro approached the still shivering girl and bent to look her in the eyes, “Ms. Akai?” He asked her politely.

 

Sai looked up at the man standing before her, not recognizing him. She nodded though, to show him that she’d heard. He gave her a small smile and bowed, “Hello, I’m sorry to bother you at such a time, but my name is Yukihito Yashiro. I’m Ren’s manager.” He added, looking at her sympathetically.

 

Stumbling to get her words to come out right, Sai eventually managed, “No, it’s alright. It appears you know me already, between Mr. Tsuruga and the President, I’m not surprised.” She gave him a little smirk and chuckled lightheartedly. “All the same,” she added, “I’m Saiyuka Akai, Love Me member number one. It’s nice to meet you.” Her smirk then settled into a more even smile, gentle and sweet. 

 

Yashiro blinked at her, confused as to how Ren could feel such hostility between the two of them, and wondered what she could have possibly said or done to make him storm away like he did.

 

“Are you hurt anywhere?” Yashiro asked politely, hoping she was okay.

 

“Oh no, I’m perfectly okay…thank you, very much.” She said softly, the shaking subsiding as the began to pick up some of the fallen items that had somehow crashed to the ground without attracting much attention.

 

“Why thank me?” The manager asked curiously.

 

Sai looked at him strangely, “What do you mean?”

 

Blinking, Yashiro slowly said, “Well…I checked on you, but Ren was the one who actually caught you, shouldn’t you be thanking him?”

 

“Oh…” she trailed off, her red strands of hair falling into her face as she considered his question, and eventually she looked at the ground in shame, “Actually…I wanted to thank him, but…” looking up at the manager, her face hadn’t changed, but the air around her somehow showed her shame and guilt, “I couldn’t do it. The words got stuck in my throat.” She admitted.

 

“Why?” Yashiro questioned, barely breathing the word.

 

“It’s…” her clutched her hands into fists, “something about him…when he looks at me with such fury, and I don’t even know what I did to cause it…I can’t act all polite and happy around him. If I really wanted to, I could lie and project that to him, just to calm him down, but for some reason, I always act how I honestly feel with him. 

 

“And as much as I wanted to thank him for that, I wasn’t truly grateful in my heart, so the words wouldn’t come. I didn’t want it to be him to catch me; it made me feel weak and powerless. And that kept me from being grateful. I don’t want to owe him anything, it feels like I’m losing if I owe him something…”

 

“What do you lose in this scenario?”

 

“I…I don’t know…that’s part of the reason it’s so infuriating, I suppose.” The young woman looked at the manager with such misery in her frown that it struck Yashiro even though none of her other features had adjusted themselves to match the expression. 

 

“Don’t give up, then. If you’re honest with him, that’s a good thing, or at least Ren will recognize it as one eventually. Just try to let the situation better the mood. Don’t run, or let him run away.” Yashiro said, a passion burning in his voice. 

 

She looked up at him, tilting her head to show her confusion and surprise. “You think so?”

 

“Oh yes!” He said enthusiastically, “I promise it’ll pay off.” 

 

Sai looked unsure, but she nodded nonetheless and the two walked back to the set in silence, and then they parted, each bowing to the other politely and Sai watched as shooting began. She paced the floor for a while until she decided it was probably best for her to get out the way, while still being within earshot of the director, in case Kotome needed her. Settling for a place near the director’s stand, Sai leaned up against the wall and allowed herself to relax.

 

Having just finished his conversation with the director, Ren turned to see Sai leave his manager’s side and pace the floor worriedly. She looked to be moving around okay, but he was still concerned for her, and that sent waves of anger through him. He observed from the corner of his eye as the pink eyesore drifted to a nearby wall and leaned against it. 

 

As Ren watched her, he saw her posture obviously let go of tension and she relaxed, closing her eyes for a few moments before returning them to their normal bored position as she let her soft gaze wander the room.

 

His instincts getting the better of him, he waltzed over and leaned on the wall next to her. Watching his every move carefully, Sai kept her body as relaxed as possible as he approached, to see if it helped her maintain a good conversation with him for once. 

 

Before she could do anything though, his gaze fell on her and their eyes met. His were filled with hatred and malice as they always were when he saw her. So unlike when he spoke to anyone else, when they were shining with happiness and a relaxed kindness. She felt the words leave her mouth before she could stop them,

 

“So you chased me all the way from that corner of the room to this one?” She batted her eyelashes blankly, “How absolutely sweet of you.”

 

Glaring profusely, he snipped at her, “Why do you have to do that?”

 

“Do what?” She asked him, feigning innocence.

 

“You’re so petty and mocking.” He glared at her awfully, causing her to scoff.

 

“And that bothers you?” She smiled at him ever so gently, still teasing him, as it was her only defence against his glares and low, growling hisses.

 

He gritted his teeth, he absolutely hated this girl’s attitude, “You bother me.”

 

“Why?” She asked him, tilting her head.

 

“Because that’s not how you should treat those who hold more-”

 

“Oh, again with the respect thing?” She said in exasperation, “Please, Mr. Tsuruga, enough.” 

 

He bristled awfully at her words, “Well excuse me, then.” He snapped at her, “You just seem to give it out so much to others, I seem to fail to understand why I’m an exception.”

 

Tilting her head, she sighed, “Do you honestly think that I’m never casual or teasing with anyone else I talk to?” She asked him, “I show you less respect than I should, sure, but I don’t worship our coworkers either. I speak to them like I would speak to other people, like regular humans.”

 

“Then why do you always greet me with those insults or taunts?” He said, his voice cold and his gaze freezing.

 

“I-” she cut herself off, forcing her gaze to the floor. “Look…” she mumbled softly, “I can’t help it. It’s all I can think to do when you always approach me looking like that.”

 

He blinked at her, not expecting her to answer him honestly, “Looking like what?” Ren asked honestly.

 

“Glaring. With that loathing and animosity. You’re so hostile with me, even before I speak a word. So my first instinct is to be mean back, even though you haven’t done anything yet. You never look like that when you’re talking with anyone else. It’s like the moment your eyes fall on me, the kindness in them just slips away…” She looked up and for the first time, he saw a shift in her face. Her eyebrows were slightly pulled together. Guilt. It was obvious, even though the difference was so miniscule and meaningless on any normal face.

 

“I only glare because the moment your eyes fall on me, you stop feeling anything, your very aura blanches whenever you look at me. When you talk with other people, you look so alive, even though your face doesn’t move much. 

 

“You smile, I’ve even seen you laugh a few times, and people seem to enjoy being around you. And yet, when you face me, you always throw up a barrier. I can’t help it, it makes me infuriated to see that blank mask.” He turned away from her so Sai couldn’t see the guilt on his own face.

 

Blinking slowly, Sai took only one thing from his honesty, “You watch me?”

 

Ren whipped his head back around to face her, realizing that he had indeed just admitted to watching her intently, and his mind raced for an appropriate reply until something she’d said earlier flash in his memory and he blinked back at her, “And…you watch me? When we’re not talking?”

 

Sai’s eyes widened a fraction of a centimeter when she realized she’d spoken nearly the exact words. She fell silent and cast her gaze at the floor. Not hearing anything else from her, Ren leaned down to ask her if she was alright before her soft voice hit his ears, “Touché.” She was looking at him with a gentle smirk on her face, except…this one wasn’t hostile, it was playful, adorable even. It quickly faded though, when Kotome’s voice filled the air.

 

“Cut!” He yelled.

 

“That’s the third time he’s stopped the scene…” Sai mumbled, gazing intently at the actors. Ren looked down toward her and realized with a start that he hadn’t been paying attention to the set at all, and Sai actually had been. But…she hadn’t been ignoring Ren either, so that meant she’d actually been skillfully balancing both at once. Ren hadn’t known she was capable of such a thing.

 

Pulling her out of her line of thought about the scene, Ren placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her entire body to tense immediately, “Are you sure you’re not hurt?” He asked her in a gentle voice, “From earlier?” He clarified.

 

Letting a gentle smile slip, Sai shook her head gently, “Not at all.”

 

“Good.” He said simply, letting it go this time that she didn’t thank him, happy enough that she seemed to be treating him kinder now.

 

“This scene…” Sai said slowly, looking up at the tall man, “What is it about?”

 

Ren tore his gaze away from the redhead and looked at the characters. Standing on the stage conversing feverently with the faltering director was Minami, the lead. “You see the actress up there?” He pointed, and Sai followed his finger.

 

“Yes, Minami Kurata.” She said, nodding.

 

“She’s the lead, she plays the war hero’s sister. Oh…” Ren looked down at the small talent, “Do you know anything about the plot?”

 

“The basics,” Sai said softly, waving him on.

 

“Okay…well she plays Yui, Kobi’s younger sister. In the movie, the different parts focus on the way each specific family member takes the news. In this part, we focus on Yui. Each member of the family believes that Kobi’s death is the most difficult on them, but most of us believe that Yui takes it the hardest, even if her outcome isn’t the worst. 

 

“Kobi promised Yui that he’d make it back home and wouldn’t leave her here on her own, but obviously that didn’t happen. This is the emotional scene at the climax of her part, where she breaks down after the funeral. I don’t know what’s wrong with it though…” Ren trailed off, watching Sai’s intent focus on the set. He’d never seen her so attentive. 

 

Sai herself felt a pang through her heart as she related slightly to the character that Ren described, and she found herself engrossed with the acting going on in front of her. She watched as Minami went through several stages of grief on the set, her expressions and actions perfect, but when the director yelled cut again, for the twelfth time now; Sai couldn’t help but agree with him. Something was off.

 

“Ms. Akai?” Ren said softly, getting her attention, “I think I’m going to go ask the director what’s wrong with the scene, are you alright here?”

 

She scoffed at him, but it held no contempt this time, just teasing, “Of course I am. I’m not a child, Mr. Tsuruga.” 

 

“Could have fooled me,” he joked, his own eyes devoid of any semblance of anger. Rather, they sparkled with a faint joy.

 

From up on the set, yelling caught Sai’s attention again and she tuned in to hear the lead actress expression her disdain for the current predicament. “Ugh!” Minami screamed, “Again?!?” Mr. Kotome shook his head,

 

“I’m sorry Ms. Kurata, I honestly don’t know what’s missing…it’s just not right.” The mousey director buried his face in his hands. Minami huffed and stomped off the set, slamming the door behind her.

 

“It’s alright, Mr. Kotome, she’ll be back.” Ren spoke to the director softly as he approached, and the older man turned into a puddle of tears. Ren sighed in exasperation, he knew he was supposed to help the director get over his tendency to crumble when actors weren’t happy, but the man was just so sensitive. 

 

Often, Ren wondered why the President was so adamant about keeping him around. Fortunately though, Mr. Kotome always seemed to come through in the end, and produce such wonderful works. This scene though…it was proving troublesome. They’d been working it for several hours now.

 

Ren glanced back over at the petite female standing glowering on the sidelines. Her expression was just as blank as usual, except…something seemed just slightly off. Her eyebrows were pointed downward…like, she was peeved at something. Of course, if you didn’t look carefully, she just looked bored…so he couldn’t really tell. He hadn’t seen it change at until about fifteen minutes prior.

 

“Uh…Ms. Akai…?” Mr. Kotome called loudly to the girl herself. She immediately moved toward him, keeping a respectful posture and distance as she bowed and addressed him.

 

“Yes, Mr. Kotome?” Her startlingly red locks clashed horribly with the outfit, especially in the stagelight, but as far as anyone could tell, she didn’t seem to care. Then again, she didn’t seem to care about much at all.

 

“Can I…get your opinion on this scene?” She blinked in surprise, and many of the meandering cast and crew members quieted their conversations and looked toward them. Among them, Ren found himself drifting toward the pair, a morbid curiosity fueling his steps.  _ Why did he want her opinion? _

 

“Mine? You know I have no acting experience, right, Mr. Kotome? How would my opinion help?” She tilted her head as if to show she was confused, without bothering to make the expression.

 

“For exactly that reason! Maybe I’m being too picky, so I’m just wondering, you know…what it looks like from a potential viewer’s perspective?”

 

At first, she remained quiet, her posture and face unchanged. She seemed almost…frozen, unmoving like that.

 

The director was about to call out to her again, to see if he’d stepped out of line or ask her forgiveness if he’d insulted her, but he was interrupted by the ever so slight shift in her position. 

 

Sai lifted her hand up to her chin and closed her eyes in thought. She wanted to actually give him something to work with here. For some reason, she liked this sensitive mess of a man, and she wanted to help him overcome that tendency of his to collapse under pressure. So she put actual thought into his inquiry before deciding on an appropriate response and attempting to vocalize it.

 

“I…actually agree with you.” She met his eyes, and a fire seemed to have lit behind them as she began to explain her thoughts. 

 

As she began talking, Minami walked back into the room, about to ask why it was so silent when a distinct voice rang in her ears. The girl in that annoying pink uniform was talking…and the whole room was waiting on her every word.

 

“The scene is…very unnatural. No discredit to Ms. Kurata’s acting, it’s very believable. Her expressions are correct and natural, her body language is perfect, and she captures her character well.” She crossed her arms in front of her modest chest as strands of her silken hair fell in her face. “The problem isn’t her acting skill, it’s the emotions she’s portraying. She’s missing one.”

 

“What? Which one?” Minami’s voice rang through the room, causing them to rip their eyes away from the gaudy female to the lead actress. “What emotion am I missing?” She walked right up to Sai, almost glaring at her in the intensity of her gaze. She wasn’t angry, just badly containing a desire to know.

 

Waiting just a beat, Sai parted her lips and replied with a cold voice, “Fury.”

 

The entire room held their breath in confusion…fury? This was supposed to be the heartbreaking, emotional scene…why would fury matter?

 

“Fury.” Minami repeated out loud, looking at her in disbelief, “Why fury?”

 

“Just picture it. Your brother died, leaving you alone. He made you a promise that you would look after each other forever, and he broke it. Of course you would be angry before you were sad.”

 

“No no,” Minami argued, “He didn’t break it; it’s not as if he killed himself, he was murdered. Killed on duty.”

 

“So what?” Sai’s face was blank, but the chilly anger in her voice was audible, “Why would that matter? The promise is broken, and no matter whose fault it is, she’s alone. Nothing changes that.”

 

The entire room fell deathly silent and Ren’s eyes shot open…he’d just told her about the character not even a ten minutes before. How was she able to understand her emotions that well already?

 

“So how would you act the scene?” Minami said, honestly at a loss of understanding what the tiny girl was trying to say. “Anything is better than meaninglessly repeating the same thing over and over. If you have some idea of how to do the scene, give it a try. Can’t hurt.” For some reason, Minami really liked this fiery assistant, and needed a break from constantly trying to please the stupid director. She figured this would be a good opportunity for the talent.

 

Sai looked at her, her eyes wider than normal, blinking as she processed exactly what Minami was saying… _ ME act this scene? I’ve never acted in anything like this in my life! I can’t perfectly adlib a scene that professionals have been trying to shoot correctly for hours! _

 

“Actually…if you wouldn’t mind, Ms. Akai…that might help us greatly.” The director said, surprising the whole room as he spoke up before the young woman could reject the offer. “We can have the makeup team whip you up something quickly. I’m also curious about your opinion.”

 

Relenting under their desperation, Sai let out a deep sigh before nodding to the director, who signalled to a makeup artist who had been in the middle of a discarded conversation with a cast member. Giving her an apologetic nod, the artist waved Sai down a corridor.

 

As she followed the brunette down the hall, something occurred to Sai. She cleared her throat to get the young lady’s attention, “Oh! Yes, what is it, Ms. Akai?”

 

“Um…I just don’t want to shock you when we get in there…you see…” Sai struggled with the words, and the makeup artist looked at her with concern, “I look quite different now than I usually do. I make a point to hide my actual appearance, so if you could keep it a secret and help cover up my…bad habits, I’d be truly indebted to you.”

 

As the entered the dressing room, the artist looked at her skeptically, wondering how different she could look, but nevertheless, she agreed to keep the secret. As she commenced with creating a character from this fiery haired female, her shock did nothing but increase…’ _ Quite different’…?!  _ The artist repeated in her head.  _ She’s completely different! This idiot wears a binder! I didn’t even know there were still people that owned them, much less wore them daily! And…and…the amount of foundation on her face…it’s unbelievable!! Why would you do this to yourself?! _

 

As soon as she’d managed to get the girl down to her normal appearance, she stood in awe. Before her stood a totally different person. Her posture was almost model-like…her hand on her hip, she oozed femininity. Her chest was much larger than it had looked not five minutes earlier, her waist just as tiny, and her hips wider when she was no longer in that loose jumpsuit. 

 

She wore jeans and a sweater that hugged her shapely form, and the bright red of her hair framed her face and drew out gorgeous pink tints from her cheeks and forehead. She was both stunning and adorable at the same time. Gone was the plain, bored, average female…standing in front of her was one of the most beautiful people the makeup artist had ever had the pleasure of working on. She felt renewed and invigorated; she wanted to shock the cast outside, to show that she was more than just an errand girl. 

 

Little did the artist know, the emotions she was feeling were caused by the intentions of the female who was about to give her all in the very first acting she’d ever do in front of people. They’d damn well be impressed. She’d make sure of it.

 

Within minutes, the artist was done, smiling boldly at the young girl, “Oh, Ms. Akai!! You look positively perfect!” She squealed and gave Sai a hug. “Come on, come on! We’ve got to show the director!” With that, she bolted out of the room, leaving a frazzled Sai to chuckle softly and follow her slowly, a soft smile gracing her lips.

 

“-You’d never recognize her! She looks completely different, it’s incredible! I modified the costume a bit, so she fit the image of the character better,” the artist was referring to the aspiring actress’ rather busty form, doing her best to cover it up, as well as mention why she was wearing a blonde wig rather than a brown one. She gestured toward the doors as they began to open and reveal the form of Sai, dressed up as Yui, ready to look the part.

 

If the studio hadn’t been silent before, it was most definitely silent now. All eyes were on the girl that had just walked through the door. Ren could feel his heart stop for a second as he unwittingly admired her. She stood in the doorway with a shy smile on her lips, her cheeks alight with a pale pink blush that illuminated her skin and made her almost glow. 

 

Her body was completely different, draped in a cream sweater and tight, dark blue jeans, it appeared shapely, abundant, and sensual. It was…Yui. And it was gorgeous. Completely…completely stunning… _ how is it the same girl? How? _

 

She smirked gently, walking up to the director and bowing in the same way as she did before. “Mr. Kotome, you truly have a wonderful makeup artist at your disposal,” she said softly, placing a hand on her chest and smiling at him genuinely, “I barely recognize myself.”

 

“I…I also am having trouble recognizing you.” He managed to stutter out, as he crushed down any questions about her unexpected change, as his overwhelming desire to see her acting won out.

 

Seeing his expression of hope, Sai waved her hands in front of her, “Oh, please don’t look at me with such expectations, Mr. Kotome, I have no idea how I’ll act, I’ve never done it before. Looking the part and acting the part are two very different things,” she said softly. Ren’s eyes widened at her statement… _ since when does she say mature things like that? She was always so petty and infuriating… _

 

“Oh, I know, Ms. Akai. Don’t worry, I’m just excited. As long as you get your general idea across, that’s all I’ll need to determine whether or not your opinion is correct.”

 

She smiled that shy smile again, “I’ll do my best, Mr. Kotome, shall I start now?” 

 

“Whenever you’re ready,” he smiled in encouragement, causing Ren’s gaze to snap to him.  _ Was that…? No, it was. He’s more confident around her than he is with most actresses…is this the effect she has on people? That’s insane! _

 

With a deep breath, Sai turned her back on the cast and crew, closed her eyes and reached up in the air in front of her, grabbing on to seemingly nothing. In her mind though, she’d just grasped the spirit of herself, back when she’d lived with her own brother. And then, she pulled her fist down towards her chest, a way of bringing the spirit into her own, merging with it. And when she opened her eyes, she was Yui. She walked up to the door on the side of the set, a wet rain jacket draped over her shoulders, and her mind went to where Yui’s would have been.

 

She was on her way back home from the funeral. She hadn’t cried. She hadn’t said a word. She hadn’t felt anything. She was numb to the world, the chill from the falling rain had frozen her every molecule, soaked through her very skin and eventually her soul. Her eyes opened, but remained only half-lidded…distant, and empty. 

 

“ACTION!” 

 

**Yui opened the door, stepping inside with heavy footfalls, her gaze loose and unfocused, lids drooping. With a crash, she released her purse on the floor, where it tipped and spilled its contents. Yui didn’t even notice. She began to slip out of her coat, letting it drift to the floor as she walked away from it dazedly, still looking at nothing.**

 

The director held his breath as he watched her flawless expression. Empty. Hollow. Vacant. There was nothingness in her eyes, endless, bottomless nothingness. Just like someone who’d lost their most precious thing. Ren also admired her expression…barely restraining his jaw from dropping.  _ When had she learned to act like this!? This wasn’t amatuer acting! This was…it was…incredible… _

 

**Slowly, her gaze raked its way to a picture frame next to her bed. Smiling out towards the camera were two figures, siblings. She reached out toward it, grasping it softly in her left hand. Seemingly lost in thought, Yui raised her right hand to stroke the picture and her fingers were noticeably trembling. The closer they got to the picture, the more her hand shook. The more her hand shook, the heavier and harder Yui’s breathing got, until she clenched her teeth together and closed her hand into a fist, hovering just an inch above the frame.**

 

The whole room could feel the shift. Suddenly, there was no emptiness in her acting, she wasn’t a vacant, walking corpse, mourning her dead brother. The air in the room thickened with anger, growing heavy, dark, and cold. A chill shot down Ren’s spine as he felt her shift the very atmosphere in just a few seconds. He could hardly believe it was really happening.

 

**Yui felt the anger rise in her chest, and suddenly red flashed before her eyes. With a howl, she grabbed the frame with her right hand and whipped it against the opposite wall as hard as she possibly could. The glass shattered to pieces and clattered to the floor, the image within the glass floating to the ground slowly. Before it could hit the floor, a voice unique to Yui ripped through the room, “YOU LIAAAR!!” It was a soul tearing, emotionally draining, completely heart-breaking scream. In a flash, she ran towards the broken picture frame and her legs gave out from underneath her, she came crashing to the ground. When her knees hit the carpet, the crushing of glass could be heard as it dug into her knees.**

 

**She picked up the photo with shaking hands and screamed again, “YOU PROMISED!! YOU PROMISED ME!! YOU’RE A LIAR, A LIAR!!” Yui snatched up a large piece of broken glass and stabbed it into the face of her brother in the photo. Over and over she stabbed the picture, as blood from her hand dripped down her arm and onto the floor. Slowly, the screams began turning into sobs as tears of anger poured down Yui’s flushed cheeks. Her movements slowed and finally, she released the piece of glass, her hand streaked in red. She sat back on her heels, as soft sobs racked her body and she gasped in air. Without warning, she scooped up the now torn up picture and held it to her chest, releasing the most agonizing sound imaginable.**

 

The noise echoed through the studio, akin to the sound of a wounded, dying animal, desperately calling for help, as pain consumed its very soul. The sound completely shook every person in the room, as tears began to fall off their cheeks and sniffles interrupted the silence. It was so raw, so painful. It truly sounded like she felt as if her world was crumbling.

 

**To Yui, her world was crumbling. As she rocked back and forth, clutching the picture against her so desperately, sobs, heavy and loud, left her lungs unwittingly. She mumbled incoherently about being left alone, begging her brother not to leave her all by herself, she didn’t want to be alone. Slowly, the sobs turned to whimpers, the gasps turned to soft inhales and Yui leaned back against the footboard of her bed, still clutching the picture. Just audibly enough for the studio to hear, Yui whispered the name of her brother, her eyes back to their vacant, empty gaze, staring at nothing. As if her soul had just died.**

 

The studio was completely silent, save for a few sniffles and short breaths of the cast and crew. They all knew that it was over, she was done. But no one moved, no one spoke. Just stared at her form, unmoving against the bed frame, unblinking. As they stared, they watched her eyes slowly close and then open again, as Yui’s gaze was replaced with Sai’s. At the same slow speed, her fingers twitched and eventually she raised her arms to help her get back on her feet. 

 

Watching her get up, the director stuttered into the silence of the room,

 

“C-cut!!” With his signal, the room began to relax slightly, knowing that she’d finished the scene. A few people were about to approach her, but before she hopped down from the set, she formed a fist in front of her chest and inhaled deeply, her breath catching as she still struggled to breathe after such intense emotion. Then, she lifted her fist above her head and exhaled, opening her hand as she did so. Sai looked at her extended fingers, feeling the spirit she’d held for the scene leave her body. 

 

Ren watched her gesture and recognized it for what it was. But…it seemed impossible, for an amateur actress to posses the ability to slip so deeply into a role that it becomes a soul that she can willingly integrate into her own…it was unreal. Unheard of. She must have acted before, otherwise there’d be no way that she could possess such an ability. 

 

Thinking of her acting though…to be honest, Ren was still in awe. For as long as he’d been acting, he’d never seen such an intense emotional scene. Her feelings were so real, so overwhelming, he doubted the camera could capture them all. There were so many layers of emotion that she expressed with her full body. Every inch of her, even internally, produced the exact emotions that he could see someone feeling in that situation. 

 

Suddenly, he knew what it would be like. He’d been an only child his whole life, but it didn’t matter, he now knew what it would be like to lose a sibling. And he’d never forget the feeling. That was her acting. 

 

He felt the heat of a challenge rise in his chest. He’d act with her one day, and see that talent up close. He’d look into her eyes as her ability showed its true colors and poured through her gaze at him. It was the first time in a long time that he longed to act seriously against another actor. Ren was almost desperate to see how she’d react. He felt the smirk form on his lips as he watched the crew crowd around her, congratulating her on her performance. 


	5. Chapter 5

Sai stepped down from the stage, graciously thanking everyone and retreating back down the hallway with the makeup artist. The moment she was gone, Ren felt as if he’d been released from some spell, returning to his senses and blinking rapidly. Whenever he allowed his eyes to open though, they wandered around the room blankly, not really able to focus on anything. Shaking his head, he tried desperately to regain his usual composure, but found it to be extremely difficult. 

 

Eventually allowing his senses to regain their focus on their own, he simply looked in the distance, finding that it wandered to the door where Sai would come through at some point, as if he was eager for her return. Clenching his teeth together, he assured himself that it was impossible and banned the thought from his head.

 

Interrupting his thoughts, the voice of his manager chimed from behind him, “Ren? What’s wrong?”

 

He turned and gave the light-haired man a polite smile, “Oh, nothing, Mr. Yashiro. I’m just a little lost in thought.”

 

Yashiro looked at him skeptically, “Are you sure you’re okay?” He questioned.

 

“I’m perfectly alright, just a little shocked at her performance. It was…not what I was expecting.” He said, looking at the floor as he remembered the acting he’d been overly obsessive about. 

 

“Me neither. I…honestly wasn’t expecting something of that caliber from her. I mean, she’s never acted before, has she?”

 

Pausing to think, Ren looked up at him and shook his head, “It wasn’t even that, Mr. Yashiro, I was even more impressed by her professionalism. I…I had no idea she could be so…serious about something.” He said thoughtfully.

 

“I’ve told you before, you really don’t know her.” Yashiro gestured toward the door Sai had disappeared through. “All you know about her is based off of rumors of unknown validity. Give her a chance, Ren.”

 

“She would never tell me even if I did, Mr. Yashiro. It’s just not something she’d be willing to do.” Ren replied, shaking his head.

 

“How do you know that?” Yashiro asked him, looking at the young actor in curiosity. 

 

Ren shrugged apathetically, “That’s just how she is. I finally had a conversation with her today without nearly screaming at her, and we’re miles away from her being willing to tell me such personal details. I doubt she’ll ever open up to me.”

 

Raising his eyes up at the handsome man, Yashiro’s narrowed his gaze and stared at him skeptically, causing Ren to blink and ask, “What?”

 

Before Yashiro could say anything back, the doors at the opposite end of the studio opened and Sai, followed by the brown-haired makeup artist, reentered the studio. The two men glanced at each other, wondering if they should approach the petite woman, but she was quickly surrounded by cast members who were asking her advice on the scene, handing her scripts to mark up. With ease, she handled taking care of each person individually, juggling around three conversations at once, making it look easy. 

 

Yashiro glanced at the dark-haired man near him, taking in how he seemed to not be able to take his eyes off of her. Nudging his shoulder gently, the manager motioned for him to approach her and, begrudgingly, Ren unplanted his feet and drifted toward her, catching her eye.

 

“Hello, Ms. Akai, I…you were…that was…I wasn’t expecting you to be so…professional.” He finished, pressing his lips into a tight line.

 

Blinking at him confusedly, Sai said softly, “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga. You truly are a flatterer.” She said pointedly, a teasing smirk playing on her lips, but all the animosity gone, replaced by a playful glint. 

 

He blushed slightly, scratching the back of his head, “Yeah…I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say really.”

 

Ever so gently, Sai exhaled and it turned into a soft giggle, the warm flow of sound washing over Ren, and even though it was a quiet, half-laugh, it was clearly very beautiful and it shocked the tall actor the moment he heard it. Looking at her with wide eyes, he quickly regained his composure and the two discussed more of the scene and eventually Ren’s compliments grew more natural. 

 

The two parted for a while, each tending to their own duties. The actor finished his scenes and returned to reading his scripts for the rest of the night, while Sai tended to the needs of the director and cast. Occasionally, Ren would spot her running back and forth with things in her arms; papers, coffee, and multitudes of other things that the cast needed.

 

Once the shooting officially came to an end, Sai relaxed into a chair and got out her phone to check to see if Sebastian could bring the car to the studio to pick her up. Flipping her phone up, she clicked the home button and nothing on her phone lit up, so she clicked it again, and nothing happened. 

 

Ren glanced across the studio to find Sai angrily pushing buttons on her phone before flipping it shut in a huff and running a hand through her hair. Even if her face was completely slackened, her frustration was palatable. 

 

Without really meaning to, Ren’s feet carried him to her, and he crouched by her as she sat with her head in her hands, staring at the floor, “Ms. Akai?” He questioned softly, startling her as she jerked and looked up at him in shock.

 

“Oh…Mr. Tsuruga, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.” She said softly, her lips lifting up into an upset smile. 

 

“You looked very…frustrated. Is everything okay?” He looked into her icy blue orbs, as they looked at him with a mixture of burning anger and defeat. 

 

“I…my phone’s dead. I’m kind of…stranded here.” She looked at him with misery behind her grin, and he looked at her as something occurred to him.

 

“I can give you a ride home, if you want.” He offered, looking as her eyes actually widened at him, and he knew he was about to get rejected.

 

“Oh, Mr. Tsuruga, I couldn’t ask for you to-” Sai stopped midsentence, as she considered his offer fully, and factored in her situation.  _ Well…actually…it might be nice to get the chance to talk to him more…and, well, I’m stuck here, unless I borrow someone’s phone. So… _ “Actually…would you really be okay with that?” She looked down into his eyes, a fascinatingly deep brown, and her own blue ones shown with curiosity and hope. 

 

Completely taken aback by her sudden change of heart, Ren blinked before smiling gently and replying, “Of course. I couldn’t leave you here knowing you might not have a way home.” He stood up and gave her his hand, “Come on, we’ll go find Mr. Yashiro and head out.”

 

She took his outstretched palm and marveled at how big his hands were compared to her tiny ones. “Thank you.” Sai said simply, returning his gentle smile.

 

They parted, Ren going to find Yashiro and Sai going to collect her things from the other room. Meeting back up in the studio lobby, Sai bowed respectfully to Yashiro and thanked him as well for the ride. Together, the three of them headed to the parking garage and made small talk, Yashiro complimenting her on her acting. Their conversation was momentarily interrupted as they reached Ren’s Porsche. 

 

“Ms. Akai, if you’d like to sit in the front, I wouldn’t mind squeezing into the back.” Yashiro said, secretly hoping his charge would let her sit next to him. 

 

“Oh, Mr. Yashiro, I couldn’t.” She said, gently waving her hands in front of her.  

 

“Please,” Yashiro said, “I’m getting dropped off first anyway, so it’ll be better if I’m back here,” he continued, sliding into the backseat of Ren’s car before Sai could say anything. She sent a helpless glance to the actor, who shrugged at her and gestured casually toward the passenger side door. Sai let a barely audible sigh escape her lips as she opened the door, immediately regretting agreeing to come.

 

They rode in partial silence, save for the few times Yashiro would pipe up with a comment about something, either in reference to Ren or Sai, but the conversations that his commentary would provide were brief and rarely included everyone in the car. Somehow though, none of the three viewed it as awkward, it was just the type of conversation you could expect when coworkers were helping each other home. Besides, neither of the men really knew anything about Sai to begin with, so it proved difficult to converse with her.

 

Eventually, they pulled up in front of Yashiro’s apartment and he gracefully took off, leaving the two young talents alone in Ren’s car. They pulled away from his block and Ren glanced over at the girl in the disgustingly colored uniform, blinking as she looked back at him with tired eyes, but a sense of excitement and pride around her. Just trying to fill the space, Ren asked her the first thing that popped into his mind,

 

“So…are you sure you’re okay? From that fall off the ladder? You weren’t hurt?” He asked her once again, still finding himself concerned.

 

She let a soft laugh go again, this one sending a chill down Ren’s spine as it struck him, “For the third time, yes. I’m perfectly okay,” she assured him, casting a gentle glance his way. “If I seem off, I’m just shocked today went the way it did. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my job. But today was outstanding. I never thought it could turn out this way.”

 

“Speaking of that…” Ren began, casting her a sideways glance, “Do you have any acting experience?” He questioned, taking careful note of how her face moved and the way her eyes shifted upwards in thought.

 

“Well…” she replied thoughtfully, and Ren thought that perhaps it was her trying to either tell him about her previous experiences or formulate how to lie to get her way out of it, when she kept going, “I don’t know if you could count this, but I was in the theater department of my school growing up.” Granted, it was a long time ago, back when Sai still lived in the U.K., with her family. Times were much different now, with most of them gone and her living in an entirely new country, speaking an entirely separate language. Still, she never forgot those years in theater, even now.

 

“That can’t be it,” the actor said in disbelief, “There’s no way that you can possibly expect me to believe you’ve never acted before.”

 

“Why is it so hard to believe?” She questioned, as if she didn’t understand how well she’d performed earlier.

 

Ren gave this only a moment’s thought before he continued, “Discounting all the incredible acting you did onstage, just those gestures you made both before and after your performance would be enough to convince me that you’ve acted before.”

 

“Gestures?” Sai questioned curiously, “What gestures?”

 

“The ones that you made right before stepping on and off the set, with your fist.” He did his best to clarify, but didn’t really know how to.

 

“You mean…this?” Sai asked, imitating how she’d grasped the “spirit” of her previous self and the experiences and grief she’d experienced, channeling them to act.

 

Ren nodded solemnly as she repeated the action, “Yes…that’s something that only actors and actresses who really know what they’re doing know how to do. It’s something professionals find themselves benefiting from.”

 

“Even you?” Sai questioned quietly, her voice soft and hesitant.

 

“Well…” The actor said softly, “I don’t do the actual gesture, but I feel the emotions and effects of the gesture, even without it. I know what it represents and what it’s there for. What I don’t know is how a total amateur could know how that acting is a representation of another person’s spirit. And that’s what that gesture represents, welcoming a foreign spirit to inhabit your form for the duration of a film. You essentially become them, thinking and feeling everything they would normally know.”

 

Sai glanced at him worriedly as he rambled on about spirits and such, her eyes only slightly widened, “So…a lot of people do what I was doing?” She asked, fully unaware that such an act was common place.

 

“I wouldn’t say ‘a lot’, necessarily.” Ren shook his head, “Only the best of the best. Which is why I refuse to believe that you’re a complete amateur.” He looked at her and was surprised to find her finger resting over her lips as she thought about his words.

 

“Makes sense.” She said pointedly, waving her arm to the side in an apathetic shrug. “I was channeling a character from a show I saw on TV once,” Sai lied, covering up the real reasoning behind her gestures, “She’d lost a family member recently and I remember consciously respecting how natural her series of emotions was. So I just figured she’d be a good reference.”

 

Ren sighed gently as he thought of her words, “If you truly thought she’d be a good reference, you would have acted similarly to her, not channeled her personality, voice, expressions, actions…there was no need for you to mimic her every trait to pull this off, so why do that?” Ren asked stiffly. “How did you even know to do it?”

 

He looked over and a slight anger flamed in his chest as he watched her shrug again, as if his words had no bearing on her mind, “Well…I guess I did it because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to make the facial expressions myself.”

 

Instantly, Ren shifted his posture slightly so he could see her better, while still trying to drive safely, “What do you mean? Why wouldn’t you be able to?”

 

“Have you seen me at all, Mr. Tsuruga?” She questioned, a humorless chuckle escaping her lips. “Do I seem like a very emotional person to you?”

 

“Well…” he trailed off, considering all the things about her lack of emotion and how they infuriated him to no end. “I suppose I’ve noticed yes, but just because you aren’t emotional on a day to day basis doesn’t mean that you couldn’t act them out.”

 

“Exactly,” she said much too gently, “I can only express them through acting. That’s why I needed to channel that character.”

 

“Are you saying…” Ren looked at her in shock, “You  **can’t** express them in daily life?” He asked, trying to understand her words better.

  
Sai paused for a beat before rapidly deciding what to say, “Mr. Tsuruga, I am physically unable to make myself have these facial expressions. It’s been a long time since I was able to make them last, and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m partially using acting as a way to finally have an outlet for my own personal emotional reasons that I can’t solve as myself.”

 

Suddenly, something dawned on Ren and he couldn’t keep his voice from acting, due to the fact that his brain was still preoccupied processing her telling him that she was incapable of facial expression, “Is that why you look so bored all the time?” He asked her bluntly, instantly worrying about insulting her without meaning to.

 

Luckily, she seemed to wave it off, as she started laughing gently, each wonderful sound making Ren shift uncomfortably in his seat. “Is that really what you see when you look at me?” She asked, her eyes shining, and a beautiful smile touching the corners of her mouth.

 

“Yes, actually, and it’s always made me a bit angry with you.” He glared at her playfully and she gave him a sympathetic smirk, her own eyes glinting teasingly. “I know how hard that I personally had to work to be where I am, so to think that you could have been fortunate enough to have all you do, to see you look so bored and unamused all the time, it was infuriating.”

 

Looking up at his gorgeous profile, Sai could see where he was coming from, “I’m sorry, Mr. Tsuruga. I don’t mean to insult you, or anyone. I promise, I’m here because I want to be  **and** because I need to be.”

Surprised at her gentle apology, so fluent, natural and kind that he couldn’t speak for a moment, and had to clear his throat to get a sentence started, “You need to be? Why?” His curiosity winning out.

 

“I joined LME to fix myself.” Sai said definitively, knowing that it wasn’t very specific and that Ren would have things he needed her to clarify.

 

“Fix yourself? You mean…help you emote again?” He asked, clearly on the same page as her. Sai blinked at him twice, realizing with a start that he seemed to be more intelligent, observant, and a much better listener than Sai had originally thought. She nodded delicately and ran a hand through her hair. “Then…are those rumors all false?”

 

Sai looked up at him with a start, “Oh…” was all she said for a moment. Deliberating back and forth in her head if she should do this, Sai eventually chose to tell Ren the truth of the matter, even though she knew that she didn’t need to. “Yes,” she said softly, so the actor had to strain to hear it, “Yes, they are.” She repeated, looking up at him.

 

Getting angry again, Ren addressed her abrasively, “Then why didn’t you negate them? I’ve seen people come up to you all the time, regardless if they’ve met you or not, and you just let them bully you. If those rumors aren’t true, why are you letting them drag not only your name, but the President’s through the dirt?”

 

Sai met his gaze directly, and spoke with a clipped tone, although this one wasn’t to suppress her anger, rather, to show him the importance of her words, “To protect Lory.” She said, using the man’s first name on purpose, to show that they were on casual terms. 

 

“The President?” He asked, completely lost at this point as to how Sai’s actions were protecting Lory in any which way.

 

“Yes…I was scared that, if I negated those rumors…well, I was frightened that the blame for the department would shift to him. I don’t care what people say, as long as it’s about me, and not the people I hold most dear. If Lory began getting blamed for this, I don’t know what I would do, Mr. Tsuruga, so if I have to deal with a little bullying, I don’t care. So long as Lory is safe from harm.” She finished, looking up at the dark-haired man, “Does that…make sense?” She asked him softly, curious.

 

Ren could feel his jaw drop open as he realized what she was saying. She was putting Lory’s best interest before her own well being. When Ren had placed his entire opinion of her on the rumors and paper headlines, she’d seemed rude, bossy, and an all around unpleasant person, but meeting her like this, he belatedly realized that she was one of the most unselfish people he’d ever met, willing to take the brunt of rumors in order to protect the President of the company, who’d given so much to her already. She was a marvel, that was for sure.

 

Before he could comment though, she gently said, “Oh, this is it up here.” She pointed to the block her apartment was on and Ren slid into a spot near her front door. As she was getting out of the door, Ren leaned down in his seat so he could still see her and asked softly,

 

“Are you truly okay with being treated like that?” His brows dipped down in concern and she looked back at him with a determination lighting behind her still eyes,

 

“Of course I am,” she said steadily, “Lory is okay, he’s safe from the rumors and won’t be hurt because of me, and while it may be painful to know that people think such things about me, those who truly know me are aware that they’re false. They love me for who I am and that won’t change no matter who says what. Besides, no matter what they say, I’m free to pursue my goals, they can’t keep my dreams from me with their words. Why wouldn’t I be okay?” She gave him a radiant smile, clearly content with her situation, despite how awful it seemed.

 

Unable to help himself, a genuine smile spread across Ren’s lips and it took Sai’s breath away for a moment, “That’s a wonderful outlook, Ms. Akai. So long as you’re happy.” 

 

Trying to calm her heart down, Sai found that she was actually glad to see him smile so easily, without all the anger behind his facade. She found her own lips lifting up with a beautiful grin, and her voice drifted into his car, making Ren’s heart flutter uncomfortably, “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga.” Her gratitude was so raw and genuine that it shocked the young actor, “For everything today, especially for catching me. I’m sorry I was so stubborn and wouldn’t thank you. I guess I didn’t want to owe you anything.”

 

“You don’t, trust me. I was glad to help.” He said, sensing she was being completely honest with him for once. He took a moment to admire her expression and then bid her goodnight, the two parting as he drove away, heading back to LME for his last job of the night. Once she was out of his view, he allowed himself to relax, resting his head on the wheel for a moment.  _ How is she able to effect me so? I never get so angered in anyone else’s presence, but that’s not all…she also can be draw this warm feeling from me…what even is this? What is it about her that’s so…unusual…? _

 

A sharp honk sounded from the car behind him, and Ren looked up to see that the light he’d been waiting at was green. He quickly continued driving, shaking his head to rid the strange feelings he always had around her. He couldn’t seem to stop the sound of her voice from ringing through his ears though, the sweet tone of her gratitude making his heart warm. Ren couldn’t understand it, and decided that it was something he should try to ignore, and it would eventually go away.

 

Standing on the sidewalk in front of her apartment, Sai watched until Ren’s car disappeared around a corner. With a deep sigh, she turned and entered her apartment, tossing her jacket on her couch and heading up her stairs to the bedroom. She flopped onto her mattress, reaching for her phone and contemplating whether or not to call Lory about the day’s events. Letting another sigh go, the young woman decided she’d simply meet with him in person the following morning. 

 

Sai got ready for bed, dragging her feet all the while, and she collapsed onto her bed once again with all the lights were out. She curled into her blankets, wrapping her arms around her legs and nuzzling into her pillows, she tried to fall asleep. Flipping back and forth, she tossed and turned, and the minutes turned to hours as she tried to drift into sleep. 

 

Somehow, the same images seemed to interrupt her just as she was about to sleep, as the incident from earlier that day replayed in her mind. When Ren had caught her, kept her from falling. Questions whirled in her head, why was he there at that moment? Why did he catch her if he clearly harbored hatred for her? Did he follow her in there? How did he even know she’d gone back there? Was he watching…?

 

She shook her head trying to break the train of thought, but she kept remembering how it felt when he’d wrapped his arms around her waist, how he’d held her so desperately it had nearly hurt her. And…when they’d stayed like that for a few moments, his unique scent that had filled her senses and intrigued her. A part of her wanted to be that close to him again. Desperately, she tried to seal that part of her away, not wanting to become any more interested in any part about him ever again. She refused to join his loud, annoying fan club.

 

Besides, if she allowed herself to nurture the pangs that went through her heart when she saw his smile, it would only end in misery for her. After all, he would never harbor similar emotions for her, and even if she did, Sai knew she could never allow herself to taint him with her past, and everything that she’d done. She wouldn’t let herself. 

 

Resolving that she’d fight off these feelings, Sai nestled into her blankets again, steeling herself to try and avoid being as honest and tender as she had earlier, resolving that the only way she could protect both of them would be to keep him at arm’s length. She wouldn’t be hostile, but she’d make sure their ever meeting had some form of confrontation in it, even if it was playful. It would keep them from getting to know each other well, and it wasn’t as if she was trying to get him to hate her. 

 

All the same, she replayed their conversations and interactions that day in her mind, and as she did so a tiny smile found its way onto her lips, picturing his face and the genuine smile he’d given her before they parted. When sleep finally claimed her, she lay completely relaxed, that gentle grin still decorating her face and making her features soft and sweet as she slept all through the night for the first time in a long while. 


	6. Chapter 6

“How could you not tell me about this sooner!?” Lory waved his arms enthusiastically about the room, beaming at the tiny redhead who simply laughed at his overwhelming display.

 

“Lory, it happened  **yesterday** , did you want me to wake you up in the middle of the night?”

 

“Well, yes! Of course!” He tsked her, as if this should have been obvious, earning another scoff and a roll of her eyes. She tucked a bright red strand of hair behind her ear and gave him a small smile, her icy blue eyes shining as she spoke,

 

“I had to take the time to think about it, Lory. I had to make sure it really happened first, convince myself I wasn’t dreaming.”

 

“Whatever do you mean, child?” He looked at her affectionately, “Of course it happened, as I always knew it would.” Slowly, his blindingly garish side began to show again as he gestured outwards, “I told your father, I told him, one day you would be the greatest star in all of the business!” He looked at her with a glint in his eye, “Of course he didn’t listen to me, told me to keep his hands off his daughter, let her make her own choices.”

 

A sad smile overtook her lips, “And I did get to make my own…” The smile turned up a bit, the more she thought, “But look where I ended up anyway.”

 

“‘Ended up’?” Lory asked, mock hurt. “You make it sound as if you don’t want to be here.”

 

Sai covered her mouth with her hand to keep herself from laughing at how obvious it was that he wasn’t serious. He was far too dramatic to have a good hand in acting. “Oh I apologize, Mr. President,” she gave him a childish glare, greatly enunciating his title, “I didn’t mean to give you such an impression, Love Me truly is a department of its own unique kind.” Her words were coated with thick, but light hearted, sarcasm. 

 

“As I thought!” He stood up with a dramatic flare, whipping his trench coat behind him in a flourish and grabbing a fedora as he leaned against the nearby pool table, lifting and lighting a cigar by his mouth. “But in all seriousness, Saiyuka, I want to congratulate you on this. It’s no small achievement. That director had some of the most ridiculous praise I’ve ever heard. This is good for you.” He gestured toward the young woman with his cigar and looked at her with an expectant gaze.

 

She stared at him, always shocked how he could talk “serious” business when dressed like that, although he’d done it for as long as she’d ever known him, why she wasn’t used to it by now alluded her. Shaking her head with a light smile gracing her lips, she spoke softly to him, “I’m aware, Lory, really. It was the chance of a lifetime, to prove in a legitimate instance and situation that I can rival the abilities of professionals in any light.”

 

“Rival? Saiyuka, do you truly understand what happened?”

 

She looked at him with a mix of confusion and shock, not that it registered on her face, but she felt it all the same. “Well, I…” She trailed off, not really knowing exactly how to proceed.

 

“You didn’t rival them, my child. You surpassed them. Those actors had been working tirelessly for hours, and you went up there and effortlessly did what they’d been trying to do for so long. A complete amateur who knows nothing of technique or of strategy was able to perform a perfect scene that many of them will dub the most intense emotional display they’ve ever witnessed.”

 

Sai’s eyes visibly widened at his words, she was used to Lory being a little doting, but to praise her acting and talent in such a way, that was foreign. He’d always held such high expectations, and it was the only area where he never threw his words around. He meant these.

 

“Not that it surprised me, Saiyuka. You show incredible amounts of emotion in everything that you do. If you let some of that talent free…you’d shock the world, I just know it.” He gave her a gentle smile, the affection he’d always held for her evident. No matter what anyone said to him, he’d always consider her a daughter, and he knew that even if it was never fully true, he was the closest thing to a father she’d had in a long time. 

 

She held her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She’d heard this before. Especially concerning her artistic tendencies. Biting her lip, she held back the negative words she wanted to say, knowing they’d only upset him. Sai couldn’t stand for her “talent” to leak to the world…it made her heart clench just thinking about it. Lory watched her struggle to suppress her usual argument when he brought this up. 

 

Putting out his cigar on the ash tray connected to the pool table, he made his way back to the couch and flopped down on it unceremoniously, glaring at her for all he was worth.

 

He observed as Sai tensed and the air grew denser around him, he knew by now that this meant she was nervous about something. Sighing, he let his anger go and settled to bug her about something else instead.

 

“As you know then, Ms. Akai,” Sai started softly in her seat, hearing him address her by her surname meant that he was talking business with her. “Word of you will spread slowly at first, but after those few whispers dredge up a even a little business for you, you’ll start spreading like wildfire. Every self-respecting director will consider you for their movie, commercial, or drama. You’ll have more offers than you could take in your lifetime.”

 

Sai nodded softly, understanding that he was generalizing pretty fast; it would take some time before she was that popular, if she was ever. “You should also know then,” he continued, “that you need to start appearing more…appealing to directors and scouters.” 

 

Her entire body froze, “Lory, you know that I can’t-”

 

“Ms. Akai, are you listening to me? You’re going to be an icon. I know you think it won’t happen all that fast, but a few months lead a to year, and in this business, a few months goes by in a blink of an eye. Don’t let this get to you. You’ll be grateful that you switched over soon enough, trust me.”

 

Sai sat completely still for several agonizingly slow moments. She didn’t seem to be breathing, or blinking, just statically sitting there. Lory was mostly used to this now. Whenever she didn’t want to talk about something, she’d often do this to him. At first, it had been completely terrifying, watching her seize up like this, but now that he knew it only lasted a few seconds, it was much easier to just sit through and wait.

 

So he did just that. And the few seconds turned into a minute, which turned into a few minutes without her moving. He’d been watching her intently and hadn’t seen her even twitch. Growing more and more worried by the second, Lory reached out to her and touched her shoulder, causing her to jump and gasp in air, blinking rapidly as her eyes filled with tears, dry from keeping them open,

 

“Don’t scare me like that, Saiyuka!” He looked at her exasperatingly, his face that was so often painted with smug smiles was slack as his worry slowly began melting off his face. He had been breathing heavily without realizing it, his pulse racing from the adrenaline of feeling like he’d nearly lost her. He knew deep down that nothing truly bad could have happened, but he still felt that rush of extreme stress and worry wash over him. He couldn’t lose her, not again.

 

Shaking his head, Lory pushed away those thoughts and stared at her, watching her blank expression shift ever so slightly, giving away nothing but the ever so slight indication of the war occurring in her heart at that moment. “Saiyuka, please. Look at me,” he gazed down at her sorrowfully, his expression becoming that of a begging puppy.

 

Sai looked up at him, the inner turmoil spilling onto her face with the tiniest of movements in her eyebrows and the creases of her mouth. “Lory…I…I don’t know…” He could see that she was on the brink of tears and he sat with a huff on the other couch, admitting defeat to the stubborn young woman.

 

“Alright, Ms. Akai, I’m not going to-”

 

“Lory.” She stopped him, holding a hand up as a single tear ran down her cheek and she curled into a ball on his couch, her hands beginning to shake as she buried them underneath her, “I’ll…start slow, okay?”

 

He looked at her surprised for a moment. Rarely was he ever surprised, for between her and Maria’s antics, and the joy he had for surprising others, he was used to such actions and didn’t often get caught off guard. This girl though, she always managed to pull something new and surprise him, although Lory was pretty sure she did that to most people. Especially those closest to her, namely a certain actor he’d been hoping she’d get along with, and she managed to create the literal opposite of the relationship he’d had in mind for them. Assuring himself he’d meddle with that later, he pushed those thoughts aside as well and focused on what she was trying to say in that moment,

 

“Slow? What do you mean, Ms. Akai?”

 

She cleared her throat and sunk further into the couch, her legs pressing into her chest harder as she curled into a tighter ball, “I’m still extremely scared that…any step in that direction could lead to…well, any number of bad things. And, ordinarily, nothing would be worth that risk…” She paused, waiting a beat. And then another beat. And another, until Lory got fed up, wanting her to continue,

 

“But…?” He prompted, knowing that she’d changed her mind.

 

“But…” She continued slowly, “The feeling of expressing such emotions on that stage…of being so completely involved and dedicated to the character that it felt like a part of me that I’d locked away found a safe outlet to express itself without endangering me. I want…I want to feel that again. I want to find myself, to express each and every corner of my being through acting. 

 

“I want to feel…I want to be one person again. No more splitting myself up to feel safe, I’ll take the risk if it means that I can create myself anew, this time without holding anything back.” She looked up at him with a fire in her eyes and her blood boiled in her veins when she thought of it.

 

“Why not just go all out then?” The dark haired man looked at his goddaughter in concern.

 

She loosened her compact position slightly and looked pointedly at the floor, “It’s still scary. I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m still very scared of this.” Squirming to sit up, Sai twisted around until she was upright once again, but her eyes never left the spot they were staring at. “So…I’m going to be a coward for a while. I’ll reveal myself to my coworkers, and to directors that want to meet with me…but publically…publically I want to look like this, just for a little longer. Once I’m sure of myself totally…I’ll never mess with my appearance again, I swear to you, Lory. I’ll never hide myself away. I just have to work up to it.”

 

Knowing she was being entirely honest with him, he felt a sense of joy and pride at his daughter, “Alright, my child. That can be arranged. Why though, would you want to reveal it to your friends? Wouldn’t it be better to reveal it to strangers?”

 

“Well, no, I mean…at least this way, it won’t be a total surprise. They’ll be able to recognize me.” She gazed at him curiously, and he blinked at her in shock before bursting out in laughter, nearly falling off the couch as he grasped his torso. “W-what?!” Sai leaped up, her face bright red, so much so that it was slightly visible under her makeup. “Stop it, Lory!!” She insisted, looking at him miserably.

 

“I-I…” he muttered, before dissolving into laughter again, clutching at his aching stomach. Her continual insistence that he cease laughing at her only made it more hilarious, and it took him much longer than it should have to compose himself. Eventually though, he managed enough to sit up straight and look at her with amusement dancing in his eyes merrily, “You have no idea, do you?”

 

She looked at him with a pathetic expression on her face, “What are you talking about?”

 

“You really haven’t a clue as to how different you manage to make yourself look. It’s incredible how oblivious you are.”

 

“You mean…” she paused, his reaction finally making sense to her, “you don’t think that anyone will recognize me?”

 

He nodded to her, happily observing as she grew angry at him and chastised him for overreacting so much to such a simple matter, her ears bright red. “You know, Lory…you really should think more of them. I may look different, but they know me pretty well.”

 

Looking at her in even further amusement, he raised his palms toward her and his eyes glistened with mischief, “How about a wager, then?”

 

She blinked at him, recognizing that glint that meant he was scemeing something again, “A wager…?” Sai asked hesitantly, hating that she was even curious at this point.

 

“Yes.” His eyes twinkled as he gestured widely out around him and leaned in closer to her, “I’ll bet you 300,000 yen that no one will recognize you.” 

 

Her eyes widened at the amount, and she was about to insist that that much money wasn’t meant to be toyed with, and that it certainly was too much for such a simple wager, before realizing his ploy. He wasn’t interested in the money, he never was. He was putting a price on her trust of her friends. If she wasn’t willing to risk that much on them, did she really trust them at all?

 

Sai gritted her teeth together as she realized that she’d walked right into his trap and he was certainly enjoying himself watching as she debated whether or not to accept.  _ Well, I suppose this is where I get my love of teasing people…damn you, Lory… _

 

Slowly, a confident smile donned her lips and surprised the President with its sudden appearance, “Okay, Lory,” she said softly, “I accept your challenge.” Lory’s smile grew as he appreciated her word choice; “challenge”, not “bet” or “wager.” She was certainly an interesting person, that was for sure. He didn’t think he’d ever figure her out completely. He didn’t think anyone could.

 

Reaching out, he offered his hand for her, “Shake on it?”

 

Sai looked at him animatedly, mimicking a Western accent and speaking in English, “I’m good for it,” but she took his hand all the same and gave it a vigorous shake. Releasing his hand from her grip, she stood and looked at him, before rushing forward and giving him an affectionate hug, “Thank you for dealing with me like this, Lory…I can’t ever show enough gratitude to express how thankful I am for everything you’ve done for me.”

 

Separating the two of them, Lory looked down at her and said sternly, “Saiyuka, you never need to thank me for this, I’ve always thought of you like a daughter, there’s no way I would abandon you in your time of need. I love you far too much for that,” he swept hair out of her face and said to her affectionately, but with a hint of teasing, “Besides, you’ll be my greatest love drama yet.”

 

Narrowing her eyes at him, she glared with suspicion, “What are you plotting, now?”

 

“Oh, nothing!” He laughed heartily and gestured out towards the door, “Ms. Akai, I know you’re curious, but all will be revealed at a later time. For now, please, it’s getting late, so let Sebastian drive you home, alright?”

 

Glaring harder, she pursed her lips and waited a few moments until it became clear that he wasn’t planning on divulging any more information. She’d get it out of him eventually. “Very well, Mr. President, I appreciate the offer.” She said pointedly, and turned on her heel toward the tanned, darker man who was waiting patiently by the door.

 

Lory looked after her, knowing that she was angry with him, but incredibly pleased for many a reason, including that she was actually obviously upset with him. Seeing her express any emotion was always a treasure for him, even if that meant that she was upset. Other than that, he’d somehow managed to convince her to change her appearance back, although he was sure that there was more to it than he’d originally planned for. He would have to thank Ren sometime. 

 

Picturing his two most beloved members of his company, a warmth spread through Lory and he grabbed some paper to begin plotting a few situations that would force the two together. Even if it was the last thing he did, Lory would get these two lonely people to smile for each other. It was simply meant to be. 

 

Walking down the hallway with Sebastian, Sai made light conversation with the man, enjoying his tales of Lory’s many great extravaganzas, and the entrances he always made. She could picture him clearly, his face lighting up as it so often did when he was that flamboyant, a few wrinkles melting away as he grew happier. That was why Sai so often tolerated his exuberance, simply due to how young he looked when that happy, even if it was ridiculous. Smiling with his assistant, she realized that he must have had this effect on many people, leave it to Lory to do that. 

 

When the two reached the company car, she climbed into the passenger seat and the two continued their conversation all the way to her apartment, where he walked her to the door, despite the fact that she’d protested, and she’d entered with a light hearted goodbye. 

 

Once she’d entered her apartment, she tossed her jacket and tote on her couch and climbed up to her bed, collapsing on its blankets even though she was still fully clothed. She lay like that for some time until she robotically began getting ready for bed, dead tired. Once the makeup was stripped off her face, she stared at her reflection in the mirror at her pink cheeks and bright lips. She turned and admired her shapely form, before collapsing onto the bathroom counter and wondering why on earth she’d agreed to this. 

 

Flashing before her closed eyes was a face. She lurched upwards, her eyes flying open as she tried to erase the image from her mind. A sense of dread ran through her small frame and panic set in.  _ Why…why did I see  _ **_his_ ** _ face just now? What the hell just happened…?!  _

 

Sai turned from the mirror and held her face in her hands…her mind betraying her and showing her the image again, and this time she drank in the perfect, gorgeous features of the greatest actor in all of Japan, Ren Tsuruga himself. Gritting her teeth and grabbing her clothes from the day, Sai stormed out of her bathroom, tossing the dirty clothes at the base of her laundry basket and turning off the light. 

 

She flopped angrily on her bed and hid her face in the pillows, trying to rid herself of the image. If she let this get to her any more than she already was…then she’d really be in trouble. Trying to relax, Sai released the tension in her shoulders and slowly, sleep crept in and her struggle was lost in the depths of the never ending blackness of unconsciousness.

 

Awakened by the harsh sunlight streaming through her still open curtains, Sai groaned loudly and covered her face with the light cotton sheets. After accepting the unfortunate fact that she’d never manage to get back to sleep, she shut off her alarm an hour early and started running water for a bath rather than a shower. While it filled, she made herself a cup of coffee and started up her sound system she’d personally overseen the installation of. 

 

Wading into the warm bathwater, Sai relaxed for sometime, surrounded by the elegant phrases and melodies of Mozart and Bach, finding herself humming to them, her left hand mimicking the notes you’d play on a violin, her right hand swishing back and forth with the bow strokes.

 

Once she’d finished her bath, she climbed out and went through her regular morning routine, reaching for the large jar of foundation on her counter. In front of it, her hand froze as realization crashed into her that she wouldn’t need it that morning. 

 

Curling her fingers into a fist, Sai wondered again if doing this was truly wise. She was content doing this forever, but…she knew deep down that she couldn’t. No matter how much she wanted to. So instead…she moved her hand down and grabbed a tube of mascara, lifting it up as a slow feeling of excitement creeped past her incurring dread. 

 

Taking one more glance in the mirror, Sai cringed at her reflection.  _ It’s so…girly, and…feminine…I don’t like it!!  _ She watched as her cosmetically enhanced features twitched and twisted the tiniest fractions of a centimeter, showing her discomfort and displeasure at the face staring back at her. Shaking her head to rid it of all the negativity, Sai grabbed her coat and shot out the door, ready to prove Lory wrong. She still recognized herself. She was still there, with or without the foundation, with or without the girly makeup. After work, she’d treat herself to something with his money, she reasoned, swinging her leg over her bike and steeling herself for the day ahead. 

 

Walking into LME, Sai allowed a little bit of her usual saunter back into her step, each heel clicking against the ground of the entrance with a confident, feminine swagger. Hugging her wide hips was a pair of whitewashed, tight jeans with tears in the knees, which showed off her thin waist. Further emphasizing it was a loose but well-fitting navy sweater, hanging off her figure and allowing its curves and dips to outshine the darker aura that surrounded her. 

 

As she walked past the lobby toward the hall, her bright red hair tucked into a creme cap, a voice called out behind her, “Oh! Miss! I’m sorry, you can’t go back there without an appointment!”

 

Sai blinked and turned around, pointing to herself as if to ask the receptionist who’d just spoken if she was addressing her. “I’m sure that whatever modeling company you work for sent over a request, but if it wasn’t filed into an appointment, you can’t meet with our modeling director.” She spoke, trying to be helpful and smiling brightly. 

 

Parting her lips and speaking slowly, Sai reached back to pull out her LME id, “Um…I’m sorry for the confusion, but I actually work here…” She said gently, handing the receptionist the id. 

 

Upon looking at it, the young woman instantly connected the photograph on the id and the beautiful female in front of her as being the same person. Someone who’d passed by every single day for a few weeks now. Saiyuka Akai. The Love Me girl.

 

Looking up at her, the receptionist became even more confused as the transformed woman began laughing beautifully, her face lighting up with joy, “Oh, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, you just looked so confused.”

 

“No no! I’m sorry! I just…wow, you look…” she trailed off, gazing at the small woman’s form, so much different than she’d ever seen before.

 

“Yeah…I know, I’m not quite used to it myself…” Sai looked at her sympathetically, a gentle smile gracing her shining lips.

 

“Did you…I mean, is this a…recent development…?” Clearly the young woman thought that Sai had recently undergone some sort of surgery, which made Sai burst out laughing again, shaking her head vehemently. 

 

“Oh no, absolutely not,” she insisted, only managing to confuse the receptionist more, “I just really disliked the perception of me that people formed when they saw me. I started covering up this aspect of myself pretty early in my life, hoping to detract attention and have people treat me as they would treat any normal person.” She explained, and even though it was a bit of a white lie, it still had some truth to it, so Sai rationalized that it was okay to say.

 

“Ah…” the girl started combing through her hair uncomfortably, before nodding in understanding and blushing softer, “Well, I’ll apologize for the model comment then, I didn’t mean to assume.”

 

Sai gave a soft laugh, “Oh don’t worry about that, that one’s actually reasonable, considering where we are.”

 

“True,” through her embarrassment, the receptionist smiled and also laughed, “But I will say that you’re beautiful, with no negative connotation, I assure you.”

 

Sai gave her a bright, glowing smile as her lips lifted up gorgeously and her eyes that looked bluer than the sea surrounded by brown eyeliner shone with a radiance the young employee had never seen in her before. And it was totally natural, no cosmetics needed to project the beauty of such an expression, “Thank you, miss. That means more than you could ever know. Have an absolutely wonderful rest of your day.”

 

“Y-you…too…” Was all the woman could get out as Sai continued her way down the hall to the Love Me room. She was too shocked to say anything else, completely stupefied as she sat back down and returned to her work automatically, still dazed from her encounter with the aspiring actress, whose true beauty would astound her for the entire time they’d know each other.

 

Sai made her way to the dressing room in a thoughtful silence, warring between feeling extremely happy at the encounter, which had gone better than she’d ever imagined, and being extremely worried… _ maybe Lory was right, maybe I do look too different to recognize… _

 

As she entered the room, she dropped her tote bag on the dresser and plopped onto a couch with a flourish, sprawling out on the velvety fabric. She covered her eyes with her arm, draped in a cashmere sleeve. Tuning into the bustling noises from outside, Sai allowed her mind to wander to the music inside her head, listening closely and matching the footsteps to the rhythmic beating of drums, the shuffling to swift strokes on a cello, and the clicking of heels to the keyboard. Through the seemingly random noises, notes appeared and turned into phrases, which became melodies and somehow, from the simple sounds of a busy studio, a wonderful piece of music emerged.

 

Letting a smile slip, Sai enjoyed her new findings and felt her fingers thump against her legs in a steady beat, and she felt the music set in and calm her. She swayed slightly, sitting up to better move to the music. Within minutes, Sai was at peace once again, and she felt the excitement once again creep past the dread that was melting away with each note she played in her head. When she’d finished her piece, she opened her eyes, facing the mirror and staring into her own expectant blue eyes, to find that she was not only comfortable with her current appearance, she was eager to show it off.

 

Suddenly a knock sounded on the door behind her and she turned to find herself facing Sawara. A smile filled her features and she looked at him as his expression turned from his resting tired expression to complete and utter shock, “Good morning, Mr. Sawara…” she said gently, nodding to him respectfully.

 

He stumbled backwards and blinked rapidly at her, his mouth opening and closing as he looked at her in shock, “W-who are you? Why are you in the Love Me room?” He stuttered out, looking at her worryingly.

 

Her eyebrows dipped down in disappointment, the feeling that Lory had been right all along slowly setting in, “Mr. Sawara, come now. You know.” She gave him a knowing grin, hoping it would help place her face. 

 

Looking at each of her facial features, he tried computing who was standing in front of him, but came up empty, especially when he factored in where they were. He looked at her, completely lost as to her identity.

 

“I look that different, huh…dammit Lory, how did you know?” She shook her head softly and reached up, taking off the creme cap and allowing her shoulder length, thick red locks to fall gracefully down, framing her face. Their fiery colors brought out even further the color in her cheeks and forehead, and made her lips look extremely bright and pronounced.

 

Sawara stepped into the room, his jaw nearly dropping to the floor as he made the connection, “M-Ms…Ms. Akai?” He asked hesitantly, staring at her up and down in shock.

 

She laughed joyously, the sound ringing in the small room, her face lighting up with jubilation. “Yes, it’s me. I know, I know…” she repeated the same explanation she’d given the receptionist and he tried his best to avoid staring until she told him that it was alright, she knew it wasn’t derogatory, he was just still trying to believe it. 

 

Without warning then, his face lit up and he grasped her hand in his, “Do you realize what this means for you?!” He asked her much too loudly, causing her to blink rapidly, her heavy lashes making this much harder than it should have been.

 

“W-what?” She mumbled softly, knowing she wasn’t going to like what he was going to say.

 

“It’s perfect for an actress like you to be able to manipulate her appearance, you’ll attract so much attention like this, it’ll be a wonderful tool you can utilize.” She gave a soft laugh and nodded to him,

 

“I’ve heard the same thing from the President before, he calls it ‘free advertising’.” Sai smiled gently, her glossy lips shimmering in the light of the Love Me room.

 

Sawara chuckled knowingly, “That definitely sounds like him.” He thought for a moment and then turned to her, “Are you okay with this, though?” The black haired man asked her thoughtfully.

 

“Okay with it?” She inquired, “You mean am I okay with revealing my appearance?” Sawara nodded, looking at her with sympathy, he knew how hard it was on some actresses, the intense attention to their image. “Oh…well, to be totally honest, I wasn’t until yesterday. And even earlier today I had some doubts.” 

 

She turned to him and behind her eyes was an intense light, one that meant she was motivated and inspired, “But…the benefits here outweigh anything in the world. I would give anything to be the actress I picture in my head, to feel the things that come with acting, to find myself amidst the mess I created around me, to pick up the pieces to myself I threw away so long ago. I want to live again, Mr. Sawara. And I can live through acting. So if giving away my appearance means I can act more, means I can be an actress, I’ll do it in a heartbeat.”

 

He stared at her in partial shock, partial pride. She’d come this far in only a few weeks. He could see the power, the raw emotion behind her words, even if it didn’t show on her face. She wanted this, and it was obvious to anyone who knew a thing or two about actors. Not many of them could produce this intensity, but out of anyone he’d ever met, no one was more intense than she was. Pride won out in his expression and he felt himself grow overwhelmingly happy for her. She’d found what she was missing, at least part of it. He couldn’t wait to watch her grow. “Then you’re happy with your decision?” He asked, just wanting to hear her say it.

 

“I’ve never been happier, Mr. Sawara, really.” She looked at him with genuine happiness, a naturally lovely expression that suited her more than she’d ever know. 

 

Suddenly remembering why he was there in the first place, Sawara snapped his fingers and caused Sai to jump in surprise, “Sorry!” He said, as he watched her start, “I just remembered, I actually came here to deliver a message.”

 

Blinking a few times, Sai relaxed again and chuckled at his sudden motion, “Oh yeah? What’s the message?” She asked light heartedly.

 

“The President would like to speak with you, he said it was something having to do with family.” He spoke the sentence calmly, casually, but its contents terrified Sai to her core. The shift in the room must have been noticeable, because even Sawara noticed and was about to ask her why she seemed so scared and upset, when just a second ago she’d been radiant, but he was interrupted by her words, so soft and gentle that he could barely hear them. 

 

“His…or mine?” Suddenly, the puzzle pieces clicked into place. Sai must have been worried it was news about her family, and had grown extremely scared for them. While he was partially right, it was more her fear that they were reaching out to her again rather than something being wrong with them. She knew this was cruel, but the thought of facing them after so many years was terrifying to her.

 

“Uh…” he started, not quite sure how to respond, “His, I believe.” She visibly relaxed, tilting her head back and inhaling air loudly, causing Sawara to believe she’d been holding her breath the entire time he’d hesitated. Airing on the side of caution, and wanting to keep her happy that day, as she seemed to be truly enjoying herself, Sawara just decided to drop the conversation. 

 

“Well,” he started, getting her attention again, “I don’t think you’ll need an escort this time, you’re familiar enough with the building, correct?”

 

Still dazed from the immediate, intense anxiety she’d just experienced, Sai could only nod in agreement, blinking up at him rapidly. 

 

“Then, I’ll head back. I’ve got some scheduling to do and far too many calls to return, plus I shouldn’t keep you any longer. It sounded pretty urgent.” Sawara gave her a quick nod, smiling at her so his pencil moustache curved with it, “Enjoy shocking everyone!!”

 

His sudden exclamation made Sai laugh again, covering her mouth to stifle it, gradually recovering from the overpowering emotions and allowing a slight smile to don her own lips, she nodded to him. “Oh, I will!” She called back, bowing as he turned out of the room and made his way back to his office.

 

Turning back to face the lockers, Sai walked up to hers and pulled out her jumpsuit, looking at it affectionately for the first time as she thought of how far it had taken her already. Considering Sawara’s words and remembering that she should probably hurry, she decided that she’d change later. Grabbing her cap and stuffing her hair back into it, she ran out of the room and jogged lightly toward the elevator that went to the top floor, where Lory’s office took up the entire space.

 

As she half-walked, half-ran down the lengthy halls, she could feel people's’ eyes fall and stick to her. Even as she passed them, their eyes still stayed on her with intense attention. Ordinarily, that much staring would have caused her to panic and grow extremely uncomfortable. In this case though, each gaze made her more and more confident in herself. 

 

When normal people saw her, their stares were extremely negative, as they judged and formed opinions about her based on her appearance. These people though, they admired and appreciated her, thinking that she’d worked hard to maintain such an image, for a career. There was respect in their stares. And it invigorated her.

 

Stepping out of the elevator, Sai meekly approached the set of large oak doors. Glancing around, she looked for Lory’s dark-skinned assistant, but he didn’t seem to be in the room. Biting her lip, Sai figured that he must be inside, already helping Lory with something, so she figured she’d let herself in. Raising her fist to knock on the door, Sai jerked backwards in surprise when the door gave way before she’d reached it and swung into the room, being pulled open.

 

Also surprised to see a figure on the other side of the door, was Yashiro, who nearly jumped back when finding an absolutely gorgeous figure standing in front of him. 

 

“Oh…” He heard her speak, as she recovered from her surprise. Hearing her voice, the tall actor standing beside Yashiro took notice of her and his eyes widened. “Hello…boys.” She spoke slowly, her voice ringing in his ears. It was…familiar, but he couldn’t place it. Her face, voice, even the aura she put out were all familiar, but the longer he stared at her face, the more lost Ren became as to who she was.

 

Sai stared into the faces of the two men standing before her, finding their blank expressions as they tried to put a name to her face much more entertaining than she should have. At the same time though, she was slightly disappointed. If there was anyone she would have relied on to recognize her, it was Ren. But, as she looked at his wide eyes and slightly slackened jaw, she knew that she’d lost the bet.  _ Oh well, guess I won’t be eating out tonight… _ she felt the smirk form on her lips inadvertently. 

 

Sighing heavily, Sai placed her forehead in her palm and laughed humorlessly. Glancing at Ren, Yashiro have him an expression that screamed confusion, and Ren returned it with nearly an exact mirror image. 

 

“What’s wrong, Ren?” Lory’s booming voice sounded behind him, as he observed that the two men were still standing in his doorway.

 

“Uh…” Ren fumbled for the words as the agonizingly familiar girl stared at him with twinkling blue eyes and a glowing complexion. “There’s…someone here to see you.” He said, giving up on putting a name to her face. He watched in fascination and even further confusion as her face fell slightly and a sad smile dominated her lips. Disappointment was clear on her features, which only meant that she’d expected him to place her face…and he hadn’t.

 

Lory approached the door and his eyes widened in surprise as he took in the figure blocking the doorway. For a moment, he didn’t even recognize her. She stood confidently, her stance making her every feature glow. He’d seen her without the makeup on, sure, but it didn’t compare to the dolled up version of Sai that stood before him. With her hair in the cap, it was almost impossible to place her identity. She was truly a marvel. 

 

“Ah, you’re as prompt as always, I see.” He said, leaning against the doorframe and addressing her casually. 

 

She gave him a gentle smile before trading it for a slightly raised glower, her lip raising and her eyebrows pulling down. “I’ll have you know I can straight here after Mr. Sawara was kind enough to come inform me.”

 

Her voice again rang in Ren’s ears and he knew that he should have been able to recognize her, but it still eluded him. Clearly she was close with the President, so he might have met her with him once or twice before. But it nagged at him further, as if once or twice was far too few times. The more he looked at her, the more he confused himself, until he was just looking at her in complete confusion.

 

To further his angered bewilderment, she glared at him until she sighed and reached into her pocket, pulling out her wallet and taking out a truly impressive amount of money, gesturing out to Lory to take, “Here, I lose.”

 

He looked up, surprised, and gingerly took the bills from her hand, “Already? It’s still fairly early to give up, isn’t it?” 

 

Giving him a sly smile, she shook her head sadly, “Look at their faces, Lory,” she gestured toward the two stupefied men, “There’s no way I’m winning this.”

 

“You two…had a bet? About us?” Yashiro questioned, terribly lost when faced with the situation before him, his face twisting as his perplexity grew. 

 

“Indirectly,” Lory looked at him with amusement dancing in his eyes.

 

Giving him a cruel glare, Sai narrowed her eyes and the air in the room chilled, “I hate you, Lory,” she mumbled under her breath, making both Ren and Yashiro reel backwards at her completely disrespectful attitude. 

 

“Yes, yes, I know you do. Now come in, I have an assignment for you.” She rolled her eyes and grumbled to herself something inaudible, but Ren stared at her as something dawned on him. “Assignment”…Lory had said “assignment”… _ did that mean…no…it couldn’t possibly be… _

 

Her shockingly ice blue eyes bore into his and suddenly he knew it was true. She smirked at him gorgeously and stepped past his form, following Lory into his office, hearing him speak to her as he walked inside, “Really, Ms. Akai, I wasn’t expecting you to forfeit your victory like this.”

 

“Oh, I know. And if I let the day go on, I know I would have eventually been found out.” She glanced back to find a look of horrified realization on Ren’s face as he continued to admire her beauty, much to his own chagrin. 

 

“Then why did you forfeit the deal?” He looked at her inquisitively, internally exploding at Ren’s expression of horror, and barely containing his laughter at Yashiro’s still lost expression as he glanced between the other three present.

 

“Because,” she said simply, “I lost the moment I took that bet. It had nothing to do with the others, it was all my own thought process that led me to think I would look conceivably the same.”

 

Finally, the reality of the situation dawned on Yashiro and he exclaimed with a stuttering voice, “M-Ms. Akai…?! Is that really you?” 

 

Offering him a small, sympathetic smile, she nodded, “Yes, hello, Mr. Yashiro, how has your morning been?” 

 

He looked at her in shock, still registering her appearance change, while desperately trying to tell himself that she was trying to have a conversation with him, “I-…uh…” He stuttered out, failing miserably to cope and converse at the same time. 

 

Watching his manager flounder trying to come up with the words to answer Sai, Ren’s gaze shifted to the woman standing in front of him, her eyes shining with mischief and her lips upturned at the corners. Seeing her make that expression, with her appearance the way it was, filled him with the same fury that accompanied their previous interactions. 

 

Suddenly, it didn’t matter that she’d opened up to him slightly, it didn’t matter that she’d made an attempt to be humane or civil with him. Covering up herself like this, lying to him about how she looked, tricking him into believing he knew something as simple as her very appearance, it was enough to make him forget all the benevolence that they’d exchanged, and return to the hostility that occurred with his seething anger.

 

“Why do you look like that?” Rang out Ren’s voice, loud and sudden, filled not with shock or horror, only his wrath. Sai’s eyes quickly snapped up to meet his cocoa brown ones, which overflowed with malice. 

 

“Oh? Like this?” She gestured to her shapely form, and then whipped the cap off her head, her thick, brilliant red locks floating down and dusting over her shoulders. 

 

Ren hid his immediate reaction to her quite well, refusing to follow her gesture and instead staying transfixed on her brilliant, pale blue eyes, the only part of her that still looked the same despite their more obvious color. “Yes, you look…like you did when you were Yui. But, almost like a mix of the two.”

 

“Well, Mr. Tsuruga…that’s because…I dressed like this when I played Yui, and not because I was trying to look like her, but because we changed Yui to look more like me.” She gave him a smirk, her glossy lips pulling up confidently, “I’ve always looked like this.”

 

Shock ran down his spine, but Ren covered it up the moment it began affecting his expression, refusing to give her the joy of forcing him to look surprised again. “Then why…” he started, before faltering as he realized he didn’t know how to best ask this question.

 

“Because I don’t like staring.” She said softly, looking up at him, her lower lip pulling into a pout.  _ W-what is she doing that for?  _ He asked himself… _ She’s never given me a look like that before!! _ “Especially from men who don’t know what they’re looking at, and just can’t look away…” Sai looked up at him, the pouting expression falling away to a greatly amused, teasing grin as she watched his face morph once again in surprise. 

 

Knowing she’d tricked him, Ren grew increasingly angry.  _ This girl…this annoying, petty, infuriating little…!!  _ He shook his head, he was letting her get to him again. She always knew how to get under his skin, whether it was in shock or anger, and it only made him more and more frustrated, just was she wanted. Forcing himself to calm down, Ren plastered a brilliant, glistening smile over his lips, 

 

“Oh well then I apologize, Ms. Akai, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He turned to Yashiro, who didn’t know whether to look more scared of Sai’s change in appearance, or Ren’s gentlemanly smile that always masked his anger. “We should really be going now, shouldn’t we Mr. Yashiro? Wouldn’t want to be late.” 

 

With that, he stepped through the door and began his way down the hall, away from Sai as fast as possible. She giggled girlishly as she watched him go, a gentle blush dusting over her cheeks as she situated her hat back on, this time over her hair. She looked up at Yashiro, who was fretting about her still and said softly, “You can go after him, Mr. Yashiro, we’ll talk more later, I’m sure. I’m sorry it was such a shock.” 

 

Regaining as much of his professionalism as he could, Yashiro straightened and bowed to her quickly, receiving the same from her as they parted, “Ah…thank you, Ms. Akai, I’ll try to have better control of Ren next time.” He looked at her apologetically.

 

“Oh don’t worry, I enjoy riling him up.” She smirked at the young manager, “It’s my fault he gets so rude, so you don’t have to do a thing. Oh!” Sai started suddenly, gaining his attention once again, “And don’t worry about being so formal, you don’t have to call me ‘Ms. Akai.’”

 

He blinked a few times at her, before he smiled warmly and asked her, “What should I call you then?”

 

“Well, any variation of my first name, your choice.” 

 

“So…Ms. Saiyuka, then?”

 

She laughed exuberantly at how formal it still sounded, but she nodded all the same, because it was just in his personality to be like that. He smiled at her in slight embarrassment, knowing that he was indeed being too formal still, but appreciating her ability to respect it. 

 

“You…can drop the honorific on mine then,” he offered shyly, even though it wasn’t much more familiar.

 

Her laughter continued merrily and she smiled at him gently, “I’d like that, Yashiro, thank you.”

 

He lit up as she addressed him and returned her smile before waving to her and saying his goodbyes, and then he turned and jogged down the hall where Ren had turned.

 

When he reached the tall actor, he found him leaning against a wall, his phone up. Yashiro knew from experience that he wasn’t really on it though, just using it as a way to look busy so people wouldn’t approach him. He was most likely still shaken from his encounter with Sai, as his ears were bright red underneath his brown mop of hair.

 

“She really shocked you, hmm?” He said teasingly when he reached the younger man.

 

Ren looked up at him in surprise, flipping his phone shut, “Ah, Mr. Yashiro, there you are. I’m perfectly alright, she just surprised me momentarily.” 

 

“Oh come now,” Yashiro looked at him suspiciously, “You were fairly shaken up, you even ran away.”

 

“I did not run away.” Ren said decisively, emphasizing the word “not.” “She was just being annoying, so I left.” He turned his head away and refused to look at his manager. 

 

“So you’re saying you didn’t think she looked beautiful?” Yashiro tried, knowing that not even Ren Tsuruga could deny that she’d looked stunning.

 

“That’s not…” Ren’s ears grew even redder, “That’s not what I’m saying.”

 

“So you  **did** think she was quite beautiful?” The young manager edged closer, nudging the actor with his elbow.

 

Ren pictured her again in his head, the way her hair brushed against her shoulders, its red hue bringing out the deep shades of pink within her complexion. The way her cashmere sweater had accentuated her curvy body and not at all modest chest. The way her jeans had squeezed around her hips, revealing how wide they were compared to her tiny shoulders. There was no denying how beautiful she was, the glittering way she’d looked up at him was enough to drive him over the edge, but rather than make him desire her, it just made him angry. 

 

Before, she’d been easy to pick on, looking all plain like she had. To even think for a moment that she’d been concealing such perfectly glowing features, so beautiful and radiant, to think she’d so easily fooled him into thinking she was boring and bland, talentless and giftless. It was infuriating.

 

“I did.” He said simply, turning on his heel and cutting off any chance Yashiro would have had to tease him more. He headed to the lobby, knowing that by then his manager would drop the subject and guide him to the meeting room he’d be stuck in for the next few hours.

 

From behind him though, Yashiro asked one further question, unlike how he’d usually drop it, “So you like her more than you did before then?”

 

Ren stopped dead in his tracks, turning around and looking at him, “What would give you that idea?”

 

“Well…” Yashiro hesitated, the malice in the actor’s voice off-putting what he was about to say next, “You’re treating her more respectfully than you did before, calling her by name and addressing her politely and kindly. You do nice things for her, when you didn’t before, and usually if she comes up in conversation, you seem to enjoy it, when before you’d go off on rants about how she didn’t deserve to be here.”

 

“I’ll have to change how I act towards her again then, I can’t have people thinking I approve.” He said stiffly, looking at Yashiro with clear anger in his eyes, “I absolutely don’t approve of her motives for acting, and I never will. She may have gained a little of my respect by making me want to act seriously against her at that set, but it’s certainly not enough to convince me she’s earned her place here.”

 

“Do you really know what she’s been through though, Ren?” Yashiro asked softly, looking up at the much taller man, “Do you know for a fact what her motives for acting are?”

 

Ren blinked slowly, not understanding where Yashiro was going with this. “I mean, we both only know what the rumors about her have said, right? Do you know for absolute certain that she fumbled her way here through connections, not talent? Do you know if her motive is indeed for entirely impure reasons?” 

 

“That’s not good enough for me, Mr. Yashiro. And now that I know she’s been lying about nearly everything I know so far, why should I trust what she’s told me? I won’t - can’t - treat her like that until she proves to me that she was being truthful and that she deserves it just as much as the rest of us do.”

 

“You mean, as much as you do.” Yashiro corrected. It wasn’t a question.

 

Ren’s eyes narrowed, his expression growing darker and angrier, “What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“You’re taking this awfully personally, Ren. You don’t usually care about another actor’s motivations, and you can probably name very few of your fellow actor’s debut stories. So why does she matter?”

 

“She…doesn’t.” Ren said hesitantly.

 

“Then why are you putting so much effort into making it matter? Are you upset because after all you went through to get to where you are, you assume that she took the easy route, and just because she chose to hide her appearance, you assume she’s lying and treat her like she’s out of place?”

 

“How do you know what I went through for this, Mr. Yashiro?” He said darkly, glaring at the older man.

 

“I’ve been with you for a lot of it, and towards the beginning, you were quite rough to work with. I knew that every job was precious to you, and you treated each one specially, knowing they could make or break you. To see another person mistreat them like that, I can see why you would hold a personal grudge.”

 

“Then what’s the problem with how I’m acting?”

 

“If you’re going to be cruel to her, at least own up to the fact that it bothers you personally, instead of trying to shift the blame onto everyone around you, including LME itself.”

 

“So…you want me to tell her to her face that she bothers me personally?”

 

Yashiro looked at him sternly, “Yes. If you’re going to continue to treat her like that, then you have to tell her why.”

 

“Why do you care so much, Mr. Yashiro?” Ren asked, narrowing his eyes at the man.

 

“Because I happen to like her quite a bit.” He smirked at the actor, who looked at him in shock.

 

“How can you like her? She’s infuriating all the time!” 

 

“Not to me.” Yashiro said slyly, “Because I’ve never been rude to her, so she’s very kind and respectful to me. Humorous too, I quite enjoy her humor. She often directs it at you, though; she gets a kick out of infuriating you.” He paused and added quieter, “If you settled your differences, you might find that there’s parts of her you’d like, but if you only attack her when you meet, you’ll never see the good in her.”

 

Ren rubbed at his temples, “Okay, I’ll talk with her, so long as we drop the conversation here, I’m getting a headache thinking about her.”

 

Yashiro giggled internally, enjoying the struggle that Ren always experienced when it came to the aspiring actress. “That’s perfectly fine with me, as long as you mean it.”

 

“I do, I do. I’ll talk with her after today.” And with that, the two men began conversing about the remainder of their day while they made their way across LME to the meeting room for his next magazine shoot.

 

Sai on the other hand, had been left at the President’s door, and turned to go inside when Yashiro disappeared around the corner. She stepped into the grand office and closed the enormous doors behind her. Finding Lory already on the couch, she walked up and seated herself opposite him. 

 

Looking up at her graceful form, Lory chuckled and grinned at her, “I’m impressed, Saiyuka. You even fooled  **me** for a few moments.”

 

She laughed gently, “I wasn’t trying to fool anyone, Lory, really. I dolled myself up, that’s all.”

 

“You didn’t have to. You could have come less dressed up and people would have recognized you much easier.”

 

She grinned at him slyly, “Ah, but then it wouldn’t have been a fair challenge, now would it have?”

 

Returning her smile, Lory reached out with her money in his hand, topped with an equal amount of his own. She looked up at him in surprise, “What’s this for?” She asked.

 

“Ren. He recognized you before you revealed your hair or I said your name. Don’t think I didn’t see. He found your identity in your personality, and your eyes. I watched his face carefully.”

 

Looking at him in suspicion, Sai reached out and took back her own money, but left Lory’s bills in his hand. “Then we’ll drop the bet. I admitted defeat and then ended up winning the bet anyway, so we’ll split the difference.”

 

Putting his hands up, Lory surrendered, knowing she’d pull something like this, “Alright, alright. Whatever you want.” He sat back on the couch, watching her gaze follow his movement. Within seconds, the playful nature of the last few minutes died in the room and an uncomfortable silence filled it.

 

“Saiyuka…I have a favor to ask of you.” He managed after a few moments, sighing heavily and looking up at her, completely serious.

 

Nodding, Sai acknowledged him and spoke softly, knowing that if Lory was being serious, this was a matter that required her absolute fullest attention, “Yes, of course. Go ahead, Lory.”

 

“It’s my granddaughter. Maria.” He said solemnly, looking at her with a sadness in his eyes that only ever surfaced when something was seriously wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

“M-Maria?” Sai stuttered softly, worry racking through her whole body. “What’s wrong with Maria, Lory? Is she okay?” Sitting forward, her features slackened and she stared at him with wide eyes.

 

Burying his face into his hands, he whispered into the dead, deafening silence of the room, “It’s her birthday in a few weeks.”

 

As his words sunk in, Sai stared at him with an open mouth before tensing her back and clenching her jaw in anger, “Oh Jesus, Lory!” She shot up from her seat and paced frustratedly about the room, “You scared me half to death!”

 

He looked up at her disparagingly, wishing she’d take this more seriously, “Saiyuka, you know how she gets around this time!”

 

“I don’t, Lory! You never let us interact!” She waved her hands about fanatically, trying to release some of her pent up irritation.

 

“I…don’t bring that up, I know that I tried to keep you separate…but I thought that the less people who interacted and influenced that…fragile period of yours, the better for you. But…after that it just seemed wrong to bring you into her life.”

 

“Lory,” she sighed in exasperation, “I’m fine with what happened, I just wish you didn’t assume that I understand these pains of yours. I know she’s always had trouble with her birthday, but I don’t know why, or how to fix it. So stop coming to me expecting ideas. I don’t know her.”

 

“That’s right. You don’t.” A tiny voice sounded behind her.

 

Both Lory and Sai whipped around to find the trembling form of a seven year old girl peeking out of a door nearby. She walked in, her dress swirling around her as she practically ran in, straight to Sai’s feet. “You don’t know me at all, so don’t go around helping my grandfather with all his scheming! He always does this!” She turned to him, stomping her feet, fuming, “I don’t want to celebrate my birthday, Grandfather! And I never will! And don’t even get me started about a Christmas party! I know it’s just you trying to get me to celebrate the day, even if it’s for a different reason!”

 

“Wait…” Sai interrupted the tiny girl’s tirade, “What’s wrong with a Christmas party? I thought this issue was with your birthday?” She gazed into the beautiful child’s glossy golden eyes, as they pooled with tears.

 

“You…you didn’t tell her, Grandfather?” She asked faintly, the passion that had been in her voice only moments before had died out completely, the sounds now wavering and soft.

 

He sighed, looking at her with his puppy dog expression, sadly reaching out to stroke her hair, “No, Maria, I didn’t.” His loud voice boomed into the silence, “I didn’t get the chance yet.”

 

She looked at the floor and tried desperately to keep the tears from falling down her cheeks. She sat on the couch with a plop and looked away, keeping silent, as if to tell Lory that he was okay to tell so long as he didn’t make her speak.

 

Looking at Sai, Lory gave her an impossibly sad expression, which emphasized the wrinkles on his face, making him look so much older. “Saiyu-uh…Ms. Akai…I’d like to formally introduce you to my granddaughter, Maria.” He gestured out to the young girl, who looked hesitantly up at the gorgeous woman standing near Lory. 

 

Her eyes widened for a moment as she took in the appearance of the older female, who was much more beautiful than she’d expected, but the glittering allure of her features was slightly dampened by the worried expression that moved her face just slightly until it was twisted enough to see that she was concerned for something.

 

Holding out her hand, Sai took a deep breath and offered the young girl a small smile, “Hello, Ms. Maria. My name is Saiyuka Akai. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Maria looked curiously at Sai’s outstretched hand, trying to find any hint of deception in her action. Finding none, Maria placed her own hand into the actress’s giving it a light shake. “I’ve known your grandfather a long time, and he’s said many, many good things about you, but I’m glad to see you myself after all this time.”

 

Maria’s eyes widened and she looked at her grandfather in surprise. He’d never mentioned knowing someone like this, although she supposed she hadn’t met every LME member yet. She remembered how Lory had stumbled over her name, nearly addressing her casually, before reverting to her surname. That was strange even for him. The only person Maria knew that the President called by their first name so easily was Ren.

 

“Now that you’ve met, Ms. Akai…” The President continued carefully, “Would you like to know about the situation?”

 

Nodding, Sai returned her attention to the man before her. She sat next to Maria, far enough away that they each had their own space, but close enough that the little girl noticed.

 

“Well, as you know, Maria’s birthday and Christmas Eve fall on the same day,” he looked at Sai, who nodded, urging him to continue, “And therefore, by swearing off celebrating her birthday, she’s sworn off celebrating Christmas as well. We haven’t celebrated the 24th of December in a very long time.”

 

Sai looked at him curiously, glancing between the two people in the room with her, wondering how a seven year old could have made such a decision already.

 

“As for why…Maria’s mother passed away on her fifth birthday, two years ago.” Sai’s gaze snapped up to Lory’s in shock, and Maria flinched violently on the couch, a single tear tracing the contour of her face.

 

“She was on a plane, coming home for the celebration, when her plane went down. It was a complete accident, but still…it was quite a shock for everyone.” He paused, staring down at his clenched hands. “Maria herself had asked her mother to come home for her birthday, so when Lina passed…Maria blamed herself.”

 

Shifting her gaze to Maria, Sai watched with lips parted in surprise as the little girl sniffled and tried desperately to stop the tears pouring down her cheeks. The tiny girl peeked out of the corner of her eye at Sai, expecting her to be looking at her with pity, as adults always did when they were told. Instead…Sai’s face was still relatively unreadable, her eyes were a void, a pit of much more darkness than Maria had ever expected to see. 

 

The longer she looked at Sai’s expression, the more she realized that the sadness in her gaze wasn’t pity, it wasn’t sympathy…it was empathy. Sai was feeling the pain and sorrow Maria dealt with every day, in that moment. And she didn’t comfort Maria, didn’t say truthless words, or try to baby or chastise her. She simply put a single hand over Maria’s much smaller one, as if to say that Maria wasn’t alone. 

 

The gesture was simple, and maybe that’s why it was so meaningful, but Maria had never met an adult who actually did something that made her feel even the slightest bit better. But sitting there, Maria tuned out Lory who continued to explain the extenuating circumstances to the beautiful actress next to her, and just focused on the warmth that the simple hand on hers spread through her. She’d never felt so comforted, not since…not since her mother had been around.

 

Growing more and more upset, the tears began streaming down her cheeks, dropping into her lap and onto Sai’s hand. The older girl looked at her with such a sad, but somehow deeply understanding expression. Eventually, Maria couldn’t stand it anymore and she leaped off the couch and ran out of the room, despite Lory calling out behind her. 

 

He gazed at her back as she burst through the door she’d come in from, her sobs still audible until the huge door shut behind her. Looking at the now closed, massive oak entryway, Lory was unaware of the absolutely miserable expression on his face, his every feature sunken and hollow.

 

“Oh, Maria…” He said softly, his eyes filling up with tears, “I’m so sorry…” He whispered after her, knowing she couldn’t hear him.

 

Sai put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, looking up at him with a pained expression on her face. Lory knew that hearing such a story had to have been hard on her too. She wasn’t emotionless, even if she seemed that way externally. 

 

On the contrary, she was more emotional that really anyone Lory had ever known. She just showed it differently. But standing in front of him right now, looking up at him in concern, her eyebrows were dipped down, deep creases between them, her lips were parted, raised slightly, and the creases that commonly appeared when she smiled were strained and stretched. She looked like she was in physical pain, and it showed on her face. He hated seeing it on her, but was astounded all the same that there was anything visible there at all. 

 

She spoke softly at first, barely audibly, “Would you…like me to go after her, Lory?” She asked gently, her hand still resting on his shoulder.

 

Sighing deeply and sinking into the fabric of the couch, Lory buried his face in his hands and matched her gentle tone, “Yes…would you? I’m very worried for her…”

 

“Of course,” she offered him a small smile, her eyebrows still knit together in misery. Gathering her bag, she bowed and left him there, sulking in the giant room, and hurried down the hall.

 

As she left the room, she found herself making eye contact with the dark butler-like character who so often appeared out of nowhere. Before she could even ask Sebastian which way Maria had gone, he raised a gloved hand and pointed to the hallway where the elevators were. She smiled at him half heartedly and he nodded, accepting her gratitude silently.

 

Racing down the hall, she saw the very hem of Maria’s dress as the tiny girl raced into the open elevator, her soft sniffles echoing in the hall. Rushing to get to the elevator before the doors closed all the way, Sai stuck a hand in and the doors reopened, causing Maria to turn around in shock at Sai’s figure as she entered the elevator, which closed behind her. 

 

They looked at each other for a moment, each wondering if the other would speak. When neither did, Sai pressed a button and leaned against the railing opposite Maria to catch her breath. As the two stood in silence, Sai was about to speak, to do anything to comfort the little girl, when a sickening creaking noise filled the elevator. 

 

Sai’s entire body tensed and she instantly dropped low to the ground and grabbed Maria in her arms, holding her protectively. The second she scooped her up, Maria struggled and squeaked, but then the elevator lurched downward and Sai was ripped off her feet. She hit the roof of the elevator with a thud as her back made contact, and then she flipped in midair so she landed on her back again, Maria safe in her arms. 

 

“Ughh…” Sai groaned, laying on the floor of the elevator as pain coursed through her back and legs. She moved her feet to make sure they still responded. They did. She sighed in relief and put her head down on the carpeting. Gradually she let go of Maria, who crawled to her side, an expression of horrified worry on her face,

 

“Are you okay, Maria?” The fiery haired girl questioned, as she began to try and sit up, flinching in pain. 

 

“I’m fine!!” The little girl squeaked out, “Don’t try to sit up, you’ll-” Maria was cut off as the lights in the elevator went out and Sai knew the power had just been lost. They were trapped in the elevator.

 

Ignoring Maria’s worries, Sai gave her a tight smile, patting her on the head, “I’m fine, Maria, really. It’ll fade in a few minutes, nothing’s wrong.”

 

“A-are you sure?” Her high-pitched, quiet voice was laced with much concern. 

 

Sai’s smile grew and she gazed at her softly, “Yes, silly, I already told you I was fine, quit worrying,” and it was mostly true, with every passing minute, the pain faded. 

 

In the darkness, Sai could see Maria relax a little, sitting cross-legged next to Sai, who was leaning against the side of the elevator. They sat like that for a little bit, the room filled with Sai’s gentle breathing as she calmed her still racing heart and tried to assuage her pain. 

 

“I don’t like the dark,” Maria suddenly spoke up. It surprised Sai, at first, to hear Maria express weakness. Sai had often heard Lory boast about how she was so overwhelmingly confident, usually, so it meant a lot more than Sai thought it would when she heard Maria’s confession. Her smile widened at the tiny girl, who had curled into a ball. Sai opened her legs a little and patted her lap, waiting to see Maria’s eyes widen in understanding in the darkness. A little smile graced her lips and the little girl climbed into Sai’s lap and nestled there comfortably against the soft cashmere of the navy sweater. 

 

“I’ll tell you a secret, Maria,” Sai said ever so softly, “I don’t like the dark, either.”

 

She could hear Maria gasp and then giggle light-heartedly, “You don’t? But you don’t seem to be afraid of anything…”

 

“Neither do you.” Sai countered, knowing Maria would agree. “You carry such hardships on your shoulders with such pride, it’s truly impressive.” Maria tensed in her lap. Sai knew she was walking on a minefield, but the little girl reminded her so much of her own childhood, Sai simply couldn’t help herself. 

 

Maria slouched in Sai’s lap, “You have no idea how difficult it is…when I cry, they all either ignore me, or they say their empty words to try and comfort me. But I know they’re all lies. So I try not to cry anymore. I don’t show them weakness, so I don’t have to hear their lies.”

 

Thinking for a moment, Sai took a chance, she wrapped her arms around Maria and rested her chin on the little girl’s shoulder gently, “For the first few months, it didn’t even register, her absence. Whenever you finished a drawing or got a good grade, you’d turn to find her, or look for a phone to call her, but in just a moment, you’d remember. She was gone. There was no one to show.”

 

“How did you…?” Maria turned to try and catch a glimpse of the petite woman’s face, but couldn’t see it through her thick red hair. 

 

“Your chest gets tight and hot and you can’t breathe. You feel like there’s something crumbling around you and you wish that the space underneath you would crumble too. You feel like you’re falling and suffocating and drowning all at once. It’s like your lungs have been filled with cement and you can’t inhale anymore. You try to cover your ears, but the silence screams at you. You try to close your eyes, but the pain behind them just grows. After a while, not even the tears help. Nothing helps. And everyone around you just looks, stares. They never know how to help, and it just makes the darkness blacker.”

 

Fresh tears rolled down Maria’s cheeks as she sat shocked at Sai’s words _ …That’s…that’s…the most accurate description of how I constantly feel…I can’t believe it…but, but the only way she could possibly know that…is if she’s felt it herself. Does that mean…does it mean that….?  _ Maria shifted in her seat, trying to look at Sai’s face. “Ms. Sai…did you…?”

 

“Yes, Maria…I lost my mother when I was seven.” It had been a long time since that day, but the pain still would resurface occasionally, and the stinging in her eyes was just as bad as it used to be. She doubted it would ever fully heal. “But…you see Maria, I realized something after a while.” She nuzzled into the little girl’s shoulder, feeling like she was cradling a little sister she’d never had. 

 

“What did you realize?” Maria’s voice shook when she spoke.

 

“I realized that I’d let my mother’s death destroy the only thing she was ever truly proud of. Her family.”

 

“W…what?” Maria stumbled in a quiet voice.

 

“You see…without meaning to, really, I blamed my father for her death. I knew deep down it wasn’t his fault…but…I needed someone to blame. I was so angry and upset, I couldn’t do anything to help myself but to shove all of my negative feelings on him…” Maria’s eyes widened at Sai’s brutal honesty _ …it was…it sounded just like how daddy was… _

 

“You see…” Sai continued, holding Maria tighter as she remembered the circumstances surrounding her mother’s passing, “she used to be a singer…she worked overseas, mostly, and often had to travel. Normally, she only took off one week in the middle of July, just for our family vacation. 

 

“When I was seven though…she found out that they’d need her in America for a major meeting, to discuss the following season and where she’d need to be in certain months of the year. My mother tried to get out of it, send her manager in her place or something, but they insisted she be there in person. So…we just decided to reschedule for that year. 

 

“When she got to America though, it turns out that the hotel they were staying in for the meeting had flooded, and they’d rescheduled without telling her.” Maria moved away from Sai slightly, to twist around so she could see her face. Her eyes widened when she saw the thick, heavy tears slip down Sai’s cheeks. Sai gave Maria a tiny, sad smile and then took a deep but shaky breath as she tried to continue, 

 

“Therefore…well…my father begged her to come home the same night. That way we could leave in the morning like we were supposed to, and she relented. But…in the taxi on the way back from the airport…she got in a crash…and died.

 

“I blamed him, as if he just had waited for the next week like we’d planned, she would have made it back home safe and sound. But…he had to be stubborn…and it cost her her life. Of course now, now I know that he couldn’t have done anything, he didn’t know. If I could go back and do anything over again, it would be that year that we lived without her. I made his life hell with all the ignoring I did. I’d give anything to go back and do it over. Now, in retrospect, I realize that even if I’d come to terms with it…it wouldn’t have mattered. 

 

“I…stopped knowing anything about him at that point. I wouldn’t have known how to talk to him, or how to connect to him. Whenever we did talk, it was always the same conversations, with only slight differences based on the day to day things that we managed to do something. And then…when we’d hang up…he’d tell me he loved me…and I’d say it back. That’s how I know I never did hate him. I just…I let my mistrust for his actions keep me from loving and acknowledging him. I drove him away. And before I knew it, we knew nothing about each other, and couldn’t love each other correctly.”

 

As Sai babbled on and on, just rushing to get the words out, Maria could feel her own face becoming more and more soaked with tears.  _ She’s like my daddy…and I’m like hers…but…from her point of view, it’s so different. I always knew that daddy hated me, that’s what I always told myself. But…here…it seems like she tried so hard not to hate her father…and the way they talked, it’s exactly like the emails daddy sends me…they’re always the same. Is that…is that because he just doesn’t know me…? _

 

A sudden question occurred to Maria, “Are you closer now?” She asked in a tiny voice, hoping desperately that Sai’s story had a happy ending.

 

Sai’s usually so stagnant expression immediately darkened, her eyes growing cold and hollow, as sadness spilled from her very aura, “No…” she whispered, barely audible for Maria, although she was sitting right on the young woman’s lap.

 

Curiosity gnawed through the grade schooler, who fought against her better judgement and asked “Why not? You said yourself that you didn’t hate him anymore…” With every word, Maria regretted more and more what she was asking. But she kept going. When she was finished, Sai’s mask was completely broken, a horrifyingly depressed expression sat on her face, overwhelming the air in the claustrophobic elevator. Maria had never seen tears as big as the ones pouring down her beloved new friend’s cheeks.

 

After waiting for a few seconds in the silence of the confined space, Sai finally regained enough composure to speak, her voice coming out raspy and cracking, pathetic and small, “Maria…my father died after that year without my mother. I never got the chance to show him how much I loved him.”

 

Suddenly, Maria’s heart sank, as if it was plummeting, as Sai’s words registered and she realized what she was saying. The words slipped out before she could stop them, “You…don’t have a mom or a dad…?”

 

Sai’s lips twisted up into a heart tearing smile, “No…” She paused for a few beats, but then she added even softer, “but I do have brothers.”

 

Maria held her breath, hoping to every god she could think of that Sai was happy with them, “How many?” She asked in an equally tiny voice.

 

With only slight hesitation, Sai mumbled, “Two…”

 

Leaning forward slightly, Maria spoke a little louder, “Do you love them?”

 

Sai gave a deep sigh and rested her forehead on Maria’s, “I do, Maria…but we don’t speak much. After my father passed, we parted on very bad terms and haven’t quite worked it out yet…”

 

After listening to her, Maria’s gaze dropped and she was visibly saddened by this, whispering softly, “But Ms. Sai…what if they died too? It would be just like you and your dad…you wouldn’t be able to show them that you love them…”

 

Sai immediately sensed the danger that came with this line of questioning, she knew that she could handle no more…or something would go very wrong. Very gently, she shifted Maria off her lap, and gave her a tiny, but genuine smile, brushing hair out of her face, “What about you and your dad?” She said as gently as possible.

 

Instantly, the sad doe eyes that Maria had downcast toward her knees were gone, replaced by an instant look of horror, “My dad?” She said astonishingly, not expecting the shift in conversation at all.

 

Sai looked down at her solemnly, stroking her hair and speaking just loud enough to hear, “If he passed right now, would you ever be content with your relationship that you have with him? Could you live with your choices?”

 

Maria’s expression became unreadable, but her aura was so dark and sad that she barely seemed like the same person at all, “If daddy…if he…” She couldn’t bear to say another word.

 

Slowly, Sai raised Maria’s head, looking into her eyes. She let a small smile slip onto her lips, and it grew as she gazed kindly at Maria’s desperate form, “But he’s not gone, Maria…” she ever so carefully whispered, “he’s there, right now, waiting for you. He’s here, right now, ready to accept you as you are the moment you’re ready to accept and forgive him.” The corners of her eyes crinkled as Sai smiled widely, genuinely, and affectionately at the small girl.

 

Realization dawned on Maria’s face, and she unwittingly whispered, “It’s…my fault, isn’t it? Daddy’s already forgiven me…but…but I’m the one who…I’m the one who built the wall between daddy and I…” She dropped her face into her hands, tears rapidly falling down her cheeks.

 

Sai wrapped her arms around the smaller girl, rocking her back and forth lovingly, whispering ever so softly to her, “And you have every power in the world to break it down, Maria. And you can start with your birthday this year. Prove to your mother that you’ll celebrate her every glory and her life with the most gorgeous ball the world’s ever seen, something to rival your mother’s beauty and passion. Invite your father, and in front of all the people who love you so very much, tell him, from the bottom of your heart, how much you love him, how proud you are to call him your father, and how he’s completely forgiven in every corner of your heart.”

 

Sniffling, Maria raised her head and looked into Sai’s kind eyes, her own sparkling with an excitement she hadn’t felt in a long time, “Can I…do that?”

 

Seeing her interest, Sai let loose a confident, gorgeous smirk, “Maria, you can do  **anything** .” And she leaned forward and kissed the top of Maria’s head, cradling her in her arms.

 

The two sat, continuing to talk about this and that, arguing and laughing, in the dark, broken down elevator for what seemed like hours. Somewhere in that timespan, Maria began addressing Sai as her “sister”…and it had at first made Sai uncomfortable, as she didn’t have the best track record when it came to sibling relations…but, all the same, it made her heart soar. So she didn’t breathe a word of protest.

 

Suddenly, the two jumped violently as the lights in the elevator blinked back on and the engine roared back to life. Sai immediately felt the shock of pain run up her spine at her sudden movement, but she tried to keep it from Maria, not wanting to worry her. 

 

“Don’t worry, Maria, they must have gotten the power back on. We’ll be out soon.” She smiled at her reassuringly, stroking her hair once before she made her way back up on her feet.

 

“You know, sister…” Maria gazed up at the woman standing before her, a glint in her eye.

 

“Yes?” Sai smirked at the little girl’s antics, already knowing that she loved her very, very much.

 

“I’m not so afraid of the dark anymore…” A gentle blush appeared on her cheeks, “I’m kind of sad that we’re getting out.”

 

Sai laughed at that, and Maria stared up at her confusedly, it sounded…like the twinkling of little bells. “You’ll take that back when you breathe fresh air again, Maria. It’s pretty cramped in here.”

 

Maria giggled too, realizing she was probably right, “Still though, sister, I’m really happy we got to spend time together, I’ll never forget it.”

 

“Neither will I, Maria,” she smiled warmly at her, “but next time you want to have a girl talk, let’s do it over lunch or something, instead of in a broken down elevator.”

 

Smiling widely, Maria laughed, “If you insist, sister.”

 

Within a few minutes, the elevator was moving again, and it shifted up a few feet to the nearest floor. When the doors opened, the President was standing with his arms opened wide, “Maria!!” He yelled the second he saw her.

 

“Grandfather!!” Maria sprinted towards him and threw herself into his arms. 

 

“Oh Maria, I’m so sorry, I had no idea that you’d get stuck in there. You must have been so scared. I’m very sorry.” He held her tightly against him, as if she’d disappear from his grip if he let go.

 

Maria giggled at his reaction, pulled herself loose and looked up at him with a glowing smile, “Oh, no, Grandfather. I actually really enjoyed my time in there.”

 

“You did? How?” The President looked at her strangely, totally lost as to how that was possible. He knew Maria didn’t like the dark.

 

“My sister was in there with me, that’s how!” 

 

“Sister? What?” The President now was at a complete loss, before looking up to see his newest recruit step out of the elevator, a perfect, beautiful smile plastered on her lips. He nearly let his jaw drop at the sight.  _ How long…how long has it been…since she last smiled like that? _

 

Next to him, two other people looked on, shocked, at her expression. Ren and Yashiro were standing near the President, yet unnoticed by Maria. They hadn’t known her for that long, but the first thing you notice about someone like Sai is the complete lack of emotion she seems to emit. To see her standing there, smiling like an angel…it was unreal.

 

As she walked away from the elevator doors, she bowed respectfully before the President, raising her head and nodding it with the same degree of respect as she acknowledged the actor and his manager. Seeing her motion toward them, Maria noticed and ran for Ren, screaming his name and jumping into his arms, causing him to laugh,

 

“It’s good to see you too, Maria, I’m so glad you’re okay.” He set her down gently and smiled at her, causing her to blush. “What’s this about a sister though? Isn’t this Ms. Akai?”

 

Maria’s face lit up as he asked about her, and she bolted back over to the petite redhead and gestured grandly to her. “This is my sister now. She is a terrifyingly amazing person and I adore her with all of my heart.” The pairing of “terrifyingly” and “amazing” made Sai laugh a pure, bell-like laugh, which made Ren’s heart uncomfortably skip a beat. He covered it up with a chuckle aimed at Maria’s sentiment.

 

“What did she do that made her so-” Lory tried to ask Maria just what Sai had done that made Maria so animated, when he was interrupted by more of her confident speech.

 

“So anyways, Grandfather,” she looked him directly in the eyes. “I’d like to have that birthday party you’ve been incessantly bugging me with.”

 

The President stared at his granddaughter, “Eh?” Not sure he heard her right, he tried to ask her to say it again.

 

“Grandfather! You never listen! I said I’d like to celebrate my birthday this year!” She stomped around angrily, crossing her arms in front of her.

 

Lory’s eyes snapped up to Sai, standing in front of the now closed elevator doors.  _ What did she do? How did she possibly manage this in just a few hours? She wouldn’t have…told Maria about her situation…would she? They just met! And besides…it would take more than that to convince Maria of something of this caliber. Who was this woman? He thought he knew her…but clearly there was more to her than even he saw… _

 

“Grandfather!!!” Maria went up to him and flicked his forehead and he reeled back in surprise, “How could you ignore me like that?!” She was practically fuming at this point, although everyone in the room knew she wasn’t actually mad, this was just how she reacted to the President’s antics.

 

“M-Maria…” Ren leaned in and kneeled down to look her in the eyes, “Your grandfather is just very surprised what changed your mind.” Maria calmed down slightly, the blush returning to her cheeks, and she looked at her shoes. “Maria…I’m very curious too. What…did change your mind?”

 

Hesitantly, Maria raised her eyes and looked over at Sai, standing on the sidelines again and just watching in amusement. She raised her eyebrows as Maria pointed in her direction, “My sister convinced me. In the elevator.”

 

_ What!? _ Ren’s gaze immediately refocused on Sai as he processed Maria’s words.  _ I’ve been trying to get Maria to want to celebrate her birthday for years…how did she manage it in a few hours…!? It’s impossible! Who in the hell are you!? _ He cleared his throat softly, “Ms. Akai…how you did manage this?”

 

She gave him a gentle smile, surprising him further. She’d never made such a kind expression in his presence. “I understood where her worry came from, is all. We had a girl talk.” With that, she winked at him, she winked sarcastically at Ren Tsuruga. The room seemed to grow colder as his anger grew.

 

“Ah. Is that all?” He drew up from his crouched position on the floor, until he was towering above her.

 

Fearlessly, she looked up at him, her own mask of emotionlessness recollecting itself across her face. “Yes. That’s all. All you need to know.” She gave him an awfully cold smile, tilting her head to accentuate the fact that she wouldn’t tell him a thing. She turned to Maria and held a finger in front of her lips, signifying that it was their secret. 

 

With glittering eyes, Maria nodded vehemently, and gave her a huge smile. Then her mouth opened into a perfect ‘o’ and she turned to Lory in shock, “Grandfather!!!!”

 

Lory reeled back again, as she was nearly on top of him, “W-what is it, Maria?”

 

“I…! I…” Maria struggled with the words, a bright red blush spreading across her cheeks, her voice coming out quieter than normal, but with a warmth no one had heard in a long time, “I want to invite daddy…”

 

That was it. Lory turned to Sai, “What did you do?” He stood as tall as he could and approached her, “There’s no way you managed to convince her of this in just a few hours.”

 

Maria looked crestfallen behind him, wondering if she’d done something wrong. Sai looked over at her, the cold expression she’d given Ren melting off her face, “I didn’t convince her of anything, Lory.” She looked him directly in the eye, the fact that she’d just used his first name didn’t go unnoticed, but no one dared to speak at that moment, “She came to that conclusion all by herself. All I did was talk to her honestly, tell her of my mistakes, and that she shouldn’t make the same ones.”

 

“You…” Lory was absolutely shocked, “You told her?”

 

“Yes. Is there a problem with that?” Her stare was so hard and determined that Lory had no choice but to back down, he held his hands up in surrender. 

 

“Absolutely not, I’m just impressed. You’re not an open person, Ms. Akai.”

 

Sai’s expression softened slightly, “No, you’re right Mr. President, I’m not. My sister is just too adorable, I couldn’t help myself.” She winked at Maria and gave her a sweet smile. 

 

Hearing Sai call her “sister,” Maria was so overwhelmingly happy that she lunged forward and threw her arms around Sai’s torso. 

 

Not expecting this at all, Sai didn’t brace herself for Maria’s hug and the second that she caught her, an even more intense wave of pain shot through her entire body and she couldn’t help but yelp in pain. Suddenly the scene with the President didn’t matter, as she crumpled to the floor in agony. 

 

“Ms. Akai…!!” Ren lunged forward and caught her arm, lowering her to the floor more gently, his eyes wide in shock. 

 

“Oh no! Grandfather! She hurt herself in the elevator!” Maria’s eyes instantly filled with tears, “She told me she was fine, but she protected me when the lights went out!!” A few tears slid down her cheeks and her face twisted in guilt.

 

Lory lowered himself over the actress, her frame somehow looking even smaller now that she was so collapsed in pain. “Are you okay, Ms. Akai?”

 

Through clenched teeth, Sai managed to huff out, “Fine. I’m fine. Just…in a little pain…that’s all.”

 

Ren looked up from her form as he noticed the sweat dripping down her neck. She was not fine at all. He made eye contact with the President and nodded as he understood what Lory’s eyes screamed out to him.  _ Take her to the hospital. Now. _

 

“Mr. Yashiro.” He said suddenly, causing his silent manager to start,

 

“Uh! Y-yes!”

 

“Help me carry her, we’re taking her to the hospital.” His expression was hard, and he picked up her torso, knowing that she’d struggle.

 

“No, no, Mr. Tsuruga, you don’t-”

 

“No, he’s right, Ms. Akai. If you hurt your back, how will you be able to do your jobs? Are you giving up on Love Me?” Lory knew it was a low blow, but she needed to see a doctor.

 

She hissed through her teeth, “You…you…” then she turned her gaze downward and stopped fussing against Ren’s vise grip. “Fine. But I refuse to owe  **him** any favors.” 

 

“Trust me, you won’t. I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing it for the President. And for Maria, because she seems to love you for some reason I’ll never understand.” His cold words fell on unhearing ears though, as Sai had passed out from the pain, becoming completely limp in his arms. That was bad. 

 

Quickly, although he didn’t like it, panic rose in his throat. He didn’t like this girl at all, but still…holding the life of another in your hands was something that you cherished no matter how much you disliked them. He was determined to make sure she was back in action the next day, no matter what. 


	8. Chapter 8

Carrying her in his arms, Ren briskly walked to the car garage. As much as he disliked it, he couldn’t help his pulse beginning to race and his breath coming up short; he was highly worried for her. Maria had explained rushedly on the way down to the lobby that she’d hit her back twice, and he knew how bad that could be. He held her up, trying his best to keep from bending her back.

 

He set her down in his backseat, him and Yashiro working hard to keep her as straight as possible, and he got into the front seat. His manager climbed in next to him and the two of them rode in silence for a few minutes. Glancing at Ren’s speedometer, Yashiro grew more and more anxious, speaking up against the scowling actor,

 

“Um...Ren, you’re going a little fast…” he said hesitantly, looking between the speed limit sign reading 50 versus the speedometer which read well over 80.

 

“Yes, Mr. Yashiro.” Was all he said, looking straight ahead and glaring with all his worth.

 

“Shouldn’t you...perhaps go a little slower? I think this may be a bit danger-”

 

“Mr. Yashiro, I’m trying to get her to a hospital, don’t you think that should take pre-”

 

“No.” The manager said, definitively, “If we crash on the way there, what’s the point of going quickly?”

 

Ren looked at him pointedly, his anger seeping out, “Fine.” With that, he lowered his speed slightly, and took a quick right turn towards the hospital parking lot. Once they’d arrived, Yashiro released his grip on the dashboard and realized his knuckled had been white and now ached. Glaring slightly at the actor as they stopped, Yashiro unbuckled his seatbelt and got out, trying to focus his attention on the unconscious, injured female in the backseat. 

 

The two of them ushered an emergency crew with a gurney and they lifted the redhead out of his car and rushed her down the hall to get immediate assistance. Pacing the waiting room floor, Ren glanced at Yashiro, and the reluctant worry was obvious on his face. 

 

“Why am I so concerned for her?” He asked through gritted teeth, “I don’t even like her.”

 

The manager looked at him with raised eyebrows, “You don’t have to like someone to be worried about their health. Especially if  **she** was in such bad condition that  **she** passed out.” 

 

Ren looked at the man and ran a hand down his face, and furrowed his brows at the man, “I’m not just worried...there’s actually physical panic rising in my throat.”

 

“Ren, her life could be in danger, she could have hurt her spine, really badly. You have every right to panic. I’m partially panicked as well.” Yashiro looked at him, his eyes wider than normal and his forehead sweaty. 

 

In a much softer voice, Ren whispered, “Do you think she’ll be okay?”

 

Thinning his lips, Yashiro whispered back, “I can only hope so.”

 

The two sat in the waiting room still, both having trouble remaining calm. Ren bounced his knee and ran his fingers through his hair, continually checking his phone for the time. He could hardly hold in his alarm. His heart was racing, his pulse pounding in his ears, and he had to continually wipe the sweat off his forehead. The muscles through his back were extremely tense and he had to remind himself to breathe out. 

 

After far too long, a doctor finally came out of the surgery room, his white coat waving behind him as he scanned the waiting room for family members or friends. Yashiro lept up and waved him over, as Ren raised to his feet slowly, his heart beating unbelievably fast. 

 

“Are you family of Saiyuka Akai?” The dark haired doctor inquired, glancing at the two men.

 

“No,” the manager said, “But we brought her here, we’re coworkers.” 

 

“Is there immediate family present?” He questioned, clearly hesitant.

 

Ren stepped up, shaking his head, “I’m afraid not. No one was able to place any calls yet.”

 

“Very well then.” The doctor nodded, giving them his name and gesturing for them to walk down the hall towards her room. “Alright, so she’s resting now, she’s doing okay.”

 

Instantly, relief flooded through Ren’s body and his knees almost collapsed underneath him. She was okay. For some reason, there wasn’t anything that could have topped the elation that the actor felt in that moment.

 

“Her back is badly sprained, and the pain was mainly focused in a nerve that had gotten caught between two discs. It’s incredibly painful and I’m actually impressed she managed to last the whole blackout.” The doctor continued, looking at the two men. “She’s a strong woman.”

 

Ren looked at him and asked worriedly, “Will she be able to walk?”

 

The doctor waved his hand, “Definitely. She can even go home tonight, if she wanted to.”

 

“Is she awake?” Yashiro asked in concern, his thoughts rapidly whirring through his head.

 

“Actually, no. She hasn’t woken up yet, so you can fill out a form and she can stay the night. She’ll be up tomorrow, just sore.”

 

Without even looking at the man, the tall actor asked, “Can we drive her home tonight? Carry her to the car again?”

 

His manager glanced at him, wondering what Ren would be worried about still. 

 

“Oh, well yeah. I’ll go get the release papers.” He pointed over his shoulder, “Her room is right there if you want to go check on her.” Nodding to the two men, the doctor excused himself and left to go fetch the release forms from the lobby. 

 

Trying not to full out sprint into her room, Ren slid through the doorway and stood uncomfortably facing Sai laying in the bed. Her eyes were still shut and she had to tubes coming from her arm, attached to a machine that showed her steady heartbeat. Her red hair stood out against the colorless fabric of the hospital pillowcases, and framed her face which appeared much more white than normal, her skin tone dangerously pale. 

 

Swallowing, Ren tried to calm his heart and push away how conflicting his feelings for this girl were. While he still harbored some uncertainty for her actions and motives, and knew that he could never fully respect her while she held herself back from him, there was a large part of him that grew with their every interaction that made him like her more. It was strange, but he recognized it. He’d seen it before.

 

Whenever she’d been around a set or a cast, she’d give her full, honest opinion. At first, this brutality was insulting to those she costared with. Like them, Ren was unable to comprehend her words and behavior, but as they interacted with her more, they became more natural and open. Her advice seemed to make more sense and she made connections much easier. Eventually, the cast had come to her seeking advice and criticism, once they'd discovered how useful and accurate it was. Ren seemed incapable of doing that. To him, every move she made held no sensibility.

 

Just earlier, she’d told him bluntly that she didn’t want to owe him. That wasn’t the first time she’d said so, but for some reason it felt more vicious this time. He didn’t even know why. In fact, he thought they’d been on better terms. She always did this to him; he hadn’t known her for more than a few months now, but on every occasion they’d interacted, he came away with the same feeling. Conflict. With every conversation came a sensation that he’d had her wrong the whole time, and just when he changed his opinion, she altered her behavior again.

 

He could never pinpoint what she was feeling or how she was thinking, she was an ever changing mystery that both confounded and infuriated him. And now, as she lay in the hospital bed, no matter how much disdain he felt for her, he was truly overjoyed to see her okay. There was still concern in his heart for her wellbeing, and that was angering too. 

 

_ Why do I care so much? If she was hurt, what would I even do? Why would it impact me? The answer is obvious, it wouldn’t. So why does this mean so much to me? Why is it so terrifying to think about? _

 

Approaching her bedside, Ren was oblivious to the stare that his manager was giving him. Yashiro carefully examined the many emotions that flickered across the actor’s face as he looked upon the beautiful girl laying before them. As much as he tried to keep it casual whenever they discussed her, Ren clearly held some feelings for her. The gaze he cast upon her was one of complete and utter misery. For some reason though, Yashiro couldn’t pity his charge, rather, he viewed this as an exciting development. Maybe this experience would reveal to Ren how he truly felt about the young lady. 

 

Looking at her lying there, even unconscious, Yashiro still couldn’t believe that she was so naturally beautiful. And if it was surprising for him, the man couldn’t even begin to understand how his dark haired friend was handling it. 

 

They stood in silence, watching Sai as she breathed evenly and listening to the steady rhythm of her heart beating from the monitor. Finally, Yashiro decided to tease Ren, the giddy excitement becoming overwhelming, “She’s quite beautiful, even resting like that.” He said, glancing at the actor.

 

Ren looked at him slowly, and then his gaze shifted back to Sai and how her locks draped over the pillow gracefully and framed her pale face perfectly. Her cheeks were still rosy, despite her pale complexion at the moment and though her face was glistening from the sweat, she still looked peaceful and her features appeared softer. As her chest rose and fell, it was apparent that she’d hid it with good reason and Ren had to force his eyes back up to her face. “She really is…” He trailed off, lost in the beauty of her features. 

 

“You’re looking at her differently than you did before, I’m sure of it now.” The light haired man said, gauging Ren response carefully.

 

His eyebrow twitching nervously, the actor buried his face in his large hands, “I know.” Was all he said, wiping his face. “I don’t know why. And I don’t like it.”

 

“What’s not to like? Is there a problem with treating her like you’d normally treat someone?” The manager questioned lightly.

 

“In her case, yes. I don’t want to treat her fairly until she learns the merit of the gift she’s been given.” He paused, looking at her. “Until then, I don’t feel as though it’s right to treat her any better.”

 

“Then why are you?”

 

“I don’t know!” He snapped, looking at the redhead in confusion, “She has this effect on me. On everyone.” He tsked and looked away from her, staring fixedly on a spot on the floor.

 

“Maybe that’s just her charm as a person. Have you given her a chance to explain herself yet?”

 

“It’s possible...and yes, we talked for a bit about the rumors. They’re false. But...what bothered me more was her motivation for acting. She treats it as a way to kill time. I can’t accept that.” The actor glared at her sleeping form.

 

“Have you seen her schedule, Ren?”

 

The actor glanced at him nervously, “No…” he said softly.

 

His manager shook his head, “The people in the manager's’ department actually talk about it. They rave about how much she manages to do. And she does it by herself. Do you honestly think that she does this just as an activity to fill the void of her time?” He stepped closer to Ren, “She dedicates herself to this. She prides herself on her work. She does amazing jobs. Why would she give all that to something she doesn’t truly care about?”

 

Ren hit his palms against his legs and sighed, “I don’t know, Mr. Yashiro, I really don’t. But I’ve asked her repeatedly what it is that she expects to get out of this, and that’s the best answer I’ve gotten from her. She doesn’t care.”

 

“Don’t write her off like that. You don’t know.” Yashiro said angrily, wishing that his charge would stop being so damn stubborn.

 

Before Ren could retort, a nurse knocked on the frame and the manager ushered her inside, following her directions and filling out the forms. He thanked her and she moved to help roll Sai’s gurney out towards the exit. Together, Ren and Yashiro lifted Sai back into their car and each got into their respective seats, their argument forgotten. 

 

Just as they were about to pull out though, Yashiro thought of something, “Um, Ren?” He questioned, attracting the man’s attention, “Do you know where she lives?”

 

The actor thought about this for a moment before he realized that he had no idea. It must have showed on his face, because instantly the manager reached for his phone, “I’ll call the President.” He said, already beginning to dial the number.

 

“No, that’s alright,” Ren said, stopping him, “He’s dealing with the black out now, we shouldn’t bother him.” 

 

“Then how will we get her home?” Yashiro inquired softly, glancing worriedly at the girl in the backseat.

 

Hesitating for a split second, Ren muttered, “She can stay in my guest bedroom for the night.”

 

“You want...to bring her to your apartment?” The manager blinked at him in surprise.

 

“Where else can we take her, Mr. Yashiro?” He looked at the light haired man, who blinked again and then sighed,

 

“I guess you’re right. You’ll have to be careful with the elevator though. She’s had enough of those today, I’m sure.” His joke didn’t go over very well with the younger man, but it earned him a tight lipped smile all the same.

 

Riding in mostly silence, Ren dropped Yashiro off at his apartment and proceeded to his own, pulling into his parking garage and gingerly picking her up. He’d never been more careful in his life than when he balanced her limp form in his arms as he navigated to his floor. Once he was up there, he had no choice but to set her down on the floor to unlock his door and prop it open. Picking her up again, he proceeded to carry her directly to the large bed in his spare room, not really knowing what to do for her after that.

 

Meandering through his apartment, he prepared a glass of water and several pain meds they’d gotten from the hospital and put them by her nightstand, hesitating by her bedside for another moment. His mind kept racing about what could go through her head when she wakes up and he decides he should probably do something to comfort and assuage her possible fears. Hastily, he gathered a pad of paper and a pen and scratched out a quick note about the situation and taped it to the back of the door so she’d see it if she tried to exit to determine where she was. 

 

Feeling satisfied, he gazed at her for another moment, taking in how perfectly her hair fell across her flawless face, and how she seemed so relaxed and peaceful, unlike how abrasive she usually was around him. Shaking away the feelings, he exited and got ready for bed himself, feeling awful about having to cancel his jobs for the evening, even though a few of them had been cancelled from the other end, due to the black out.

 

Once he was ready for bed, he laid down and fell asleep almost immediately, knowing that Sai was resting safe and sound in the room across the hall. As the darkness fully crept in around him, he felt content and just glad from the very bottom of his heart that he was assured of her safety. If he hadn’t been there with Yashiro and Lory when they’d found her, he didn’t know how he’d be feeling. 

 

For whatever reason that he’d stopped trying to figure out, she had crazy effects on him and having no idea as to her condition would probably have driven him mad, and therefore made him angry due to the amount of concern he’d be unwillingly harboring for her. Just glad she was okay, he drifted off, falling into a deep sleep.

 

After several hours of undisturbed rest from the two tenants in the house, Sai stirred in her bed, and her eyes fluttered open. Still dizzy from having just woken up, Sai wasn’t sure where she was. She sat up quickly and a jolt of searing pain shot down her spine. Clamping her mouth shut, Sai flung her hands over her lips and did everything she did to stifle the scream of shock. Once the tingling had passed, she let out a deep breath and swung her legs over the edge of the ridiculously comfortable mattress.

 

Looking around, Sai was certain she had no idea as to her whereabouts. Distantly, she wondered if she was in one of Lory’s many bedrooms, but had no idea why she wouldn’t just be in her usual one that she stayed in if she visited him. Glancing around, she took in the light gray walls, illuminated by moonlight. On a small table near the foot of the bed was a small tv, still larger than most. The bed itself was a dark gray with a red comforter. Very stylish, Sai commented, admiring the decor in the room. There was, however, a very thin layer of dust around, insinuating this room wasn’t cleaned that often.

 

_ Alright, so that nixes Lory’s place... _ she thought lazily to herself.  _ He gets it cleaned too regularly for there to be this much dust. _ Standing up, she winced and slowed her motion feeling her back ache awfully as she strained to use it. Staggering to the door, she took careful notice of a white note taped to it. Holding it close to her eyes, she narrowed them to focus on the scrawled words. 

 

She was shocked as the took in the information. Apparently, she was in Ren Tsuruga’s apartment at that moment, in his spare room.  _ How humiliating, _ she admitted, pressing her palm to her forehead and rubbing it gently. In the note, he’d mentioned a pill the doctor had prescribed and a glass of water on the nightstand. Once she’d located it, she took it gratefully and contemplated what to do next. For some reason, when she tried to just lay back down, something nagged at her. 

 

Resolving to fix the conflict in her heart, Sai moved toward the door, following Ren’s advice and walking as slowly and as stock straight as she could, to minimize back usage. Poking her head out, she looked into the dimness of the apartment and saw another door that was partially open down and across the hall a ways. As if being guided by something, Sai’s feet carried her to it and she looked through hesitantly.

 

Resting comfortably in the enormous room was the actor himself, facing toward her. He was wrapped in his blankets and fast asleep, his face slack with relaxation. Sai’s mind screamed at her that this was entirely inappropriate, but her heart dominated that moment and allowed her to enjoy the image of him resting in such a way. He lay on a mattress much too big for a normal person, taking up barely even a third of it, despite his large frame. His brown hair swept across his face gorgeously and Sai could freely admit to herself that he was an incredibly handsome man, no matter how much disdain she held for him.

 

A slow smile spread across the talent’s lips as she simply enjoyed that moment, watching him and appreciating what he’d done for her, rather than needlessly throwing up walls and barriers to keep him away, rather than constantly acting in animosity and conflict with him. Stepping away from the door lightly, Sai padded back to her room and laid down as best she could, to minimize the dull pain from her lower back that pulsed through the torso.

 

Laying down, she huddled in the blankets, keeping her back as straight as possible, and suppressed all her fretting about how she felt towards the actor. After all, it truly didn’t matter how she felt about it. It was an impossible bond that she’d end up hoping for. In that though, she took comfort. She could act in nearly any way she wanted without consequences. It was nice, actually.

 

As she was about to drift back to sleep, she vowed that she’d act angry and ungrateful in the morning. That always annoyed him. A tiny smile formed on her lips again as she took pride in how she could so easily rile him up. With those thoughts and memories, Sai fell back asleep, waking up periodically throughout the night due to the pain and spent several minutes breathing deeply before managing to fall back asleep. 

 

Eventually though, she found that sleep began to elude her more often and for longer periods of time. With a great sigh, the redhead rose from the bed again, this time much more careful of her back. She sat for several minutes regaining her composure that she typically had around him, allowing her typical ritual with her precious Mozart music to wash over and calm her. The notes danced in her head, overtaking her senses and sending warmth and vigor to her from the tips of her fingers to her toes. 

 

Opening her eyes, Sai walked cautiously towards her door, peeking out and finding that the actor was still sleeping in his room. With silent footfalls, Sai found her way to his kitchen and surveyed what her options were for breakfast ingredients. This would be how she’d repay him. It was simple, but she knew his eating habits weren’t the best, so a homecooked meal could go a long way for him.

 

Getting started, she decided on a simple Western style spread, thinking it would be quick, easy, and light. Good for an actor who didn’t like eating much. While she worked, she wasn’t aware that the smells of her cooking were quickly making their way around Ren’s apartment, and into his room.

 

Waking with a start, Ren blinked a few times and rubbed at his eyes, glancing at his clock and finding it to read only a few minutes before his alarm would have gone off. Heaving a great sigh, he turned it off early and sat up, rubbing his face. Suddenly, the scent of cooking food hit his nose and his head snapped up as he remembered what had happened the previous evening and who exactly was in his house at that moment. Sai.

 

He flew out of his bed and walked in his silk pajamas to his kitchen, peeking in with still sleepy eyes and taking in the petite form of the talent fussing with his utensils and making breakfast. Despite knowing this, Ren couldn’t help but ask,

 

“What are you doing?” He said louder than he intended.

 

She jumped, nearly dropping the spatula and her hand flew to the small of her back, a strangled sound of pain rising up out of her throat.

 

“Oh, Ms. Akai...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said quickly, rushing to her side to make sure she hadn’t hurt herself too badly. 

 

He immediately discovered that she was absolutely fine, evident in the intense glare she gave him as he got close, “I’m fine.” She snipped, and then she waved to the food that sat on the table, bringing over the eggs she’d just finished and scraped them onto the plate, “Here.” She said, the glare still aimed at him, “I made breakfast.”

 

Glancing between her and the food, Ren asked hesitantly, “Yes...I see that, but why?”

 

“To repay you.” She shrugged gently, careful of her back. When he gave her a confused stare, she clarified, “For driving me to and from the hospital. And for letting me stay here.” With another glare, she added, “So I don’t owe you.”

 

He looked at her in shock for a moment before a knowing smile donned his lips and he slid into the chair behind the plate, glancing up to find her slipping her jacket over her shoulders, “Aren’t you joining me?” He asked, not quite sure what to make of the situation. 

 

“No, actually.” She said snippily, “I have a job in an hour. I need to stop at home to get some things for it, so I may be late.” Sai headed straight for his front door as he stumbled after her, dumbfounded by her actions and tone, “Goodbye, Mr. Tsuruga,” she said gently, before adding, “I’ll see you later, right?”

 

With her back to him, he had even less of an indication of her intentions and mood, “Uh…” he said stupidly, “Yes. Of course.” After all, they worked in the same agency.

 

She nodded, her hair flowing around her, and the began to close the door behind her before her soft voice drifted into his ears, barely audible, “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga. Really.”

 

Then the door shut, cutting the two of them off from one another, but Ren couldn’t stop staring at it, replaying the sound of her voice again and again. When he’d regained his thoughts, he blinked a few times and tried to beat down the racing of his heart as he remembered how absolutely gentle and sweet she’d sounded in that moment she thanked him. 

 

Walking back to the table, he sat down absentmindedly and began to eat without really paying attention. The next thing he knew, his meal was almost entirely gone. Ren stared at the plate, setting his fork down. He never ate that fast, even when the food was cooked in five star restaurants, or by an internationally acclaimed chef. He...must have really, really enjoyed it, without meaning to in the slightest.

 

Her words rang in his head again, and he pondered why they’d made him so happy to hear. She hadn’t even been looking at him when she’d thanked him, and it wasn’t like she’d never said it before. This time had seemed...different though. And that thought startled him. He didn’t much like it.

 

Trying to clear his head, he washed the rest of the dishes that she hadn’t gotten to and mindlessly began his morning routine. Once he was showered and dressed, he stood by his doorway, preparing to head out and he came to a decision in his head.  _ I don’t know why...but I really want to see her today. I’ll...I’ll go see her this afternoon. I want to thank her for breakfast. I want to...well, I want to see her. I don’t know why, and I don’t like it much...but I want to. So I’m going to.  _ With that, he opened his door and headed out, and excitement he didn’t know what to do with burning in his heart.


	9. Chapter 9

Revving her motorcycle, Sai slid into LME’s parking lot and parked it, carefully removing herself from the seat, keeping her back as straight as possible. She lovingly pat Lola’s seat and swept into the building, stuffing her keys into her trench coat’s pockets. Folding it over her arm after removing it from her shoulders, she revealed a white blouse with a wicker-colored belt wrapped around the smallest part of her waist. She paired it well with a pair of ripped dark jeans and hiking boots. Unfortunately, she knew she’d have to change out of it when she reached the Love Me room.

 

As she entered the lobby, the dark haired receptionist caught her eye and gave her a large, joyful smile. The two waved to one another and the young woman behind the counter still marveled at how lovely the talent looked when she allowed herself to. The moment that Sai disappeared down the hallway to reach the Love Me room, the receptionist picked up the phone and informed Lory that she’d arrived. Excitedly, Lory passed the information onto his granddaughter who sprinted out of the room when she heard.

 

Stepping into the dressing room, Sai set all of her things down and reached her locker, pulling out the hot pink jumpsuit and smiling at it fondly. As gently as she could, she undressed and slid into the uniform, only wincing a few times at how difficult it was to move without hurting her back. Once she was dressed, she wrapped her fanny pack around her waist and was getting ready to sit down when the door flew open.

 

Snapping her gaze towards the now flying open door, Sai spotted a small girl with flying golden hair leap towards her. Before she could do anything, Maria flung her arms around Sai’s hips and instantly the young woman sucked in air to stifle the howl of pain that was about to leap from her throat. Hearing this, Maria reeled backwards with a look of pure horror on her face as she remembered that Sai was still recovering from her back injury.

 

“Ah!” She exclaimed in terror, “I’m so sorry, sister!!” She held her hands out to steady the older woman, who took her tiny hand gratefully and set another hand on the small of her back. Giving the young girl a tiny, tight smile, Sai said,

 

“Don’t worry, Maria, I’m okay.” Guiding her towards the couch, Maria looked up at Sai and said softly,

 

“You’re lying.” The little girl pouted, still looking at her in shock and shame at hurting her.

 

Shaking her head softly, Sai sat down with a wince and gestured for Maria to join her on the couch. “I’m alright, I promise. Look,” the woman said, giving her a large, glowing smile, “perfectly fine.”

 

She stared at her skeptically, “Are you sure?”

 

“Absolutely sure.” Sai said, looking at her with genuine affection.

 

Maria relented and they leaned back into the couch, Sai relaxing and allowing her back to stretch out. “So...tell me, what were you thinking for your birthday?” She asked softly, once they’d gotten settled.

 

Pulling her lower lip forward in concentration, Maria said, “I’m...not sure. I was actually wondering if you’d like to go to lunch with me to talk about it?” She turned a set of hopeful eyes to the redhead, who tilted her head in concentration.

 

“Over lunch? Today?” Sai asked softly, considering her schedule for the day. Looking at her with a glint in her eye she said, “I think I can swing it.”

 

Maria lit up happily, “Really!?” She jumped on the couch and beamed at her dear friend, “I’m so glad! I can’t wait!”

 

“Where do you usually go for lunch?” Sai asked the little girl, a beautiful smile playing over her lips. 

 

The golden haired girl thought for a moment before sitting back down and saying with a huge grin, “Ren usually picks the restaurant.” She said easily.

 

Sai blinked at him, her red curls falling into her face as she stared at Maria in confusion, “Does Mr. Tsuruga often come? Is he coming today?”

 

Looking at Sai with a glowing smile she said, “Of course!” 

 

“Oh, Maria…” Sai said hesitantly, causing the little girl’s smile to falter a little, “I don’t think I can just come along then, without asking him.”

 

Her face completely falling, Maria stared at her with sadness, “Do you two really dislike each other that much?”

 

“It’s not...that I dislike him.” Sai said very softly, “It’s just that we don’t get along well.”

 

“Don’t get along?” Maria questioned, looking at the talent with curiosity, “What do you mean?”

 

“We tend to argue, he gets very angry with me and I take it as a challenge and...well, we’re sort of a mess.” Sai tried to find the words for her situation but came up with very few.

 

Thinking back a little ways, Maria asked, “Didn’t he take you to the hospital when you went before?”

 

Pressing her lips together, Sai mumbled, “Yes, yes he did. And I wasn’t exactly civil or grateful.”

 

Thinking of questioning her motives for such a situation, Maria opened her mouth but eventually just decided to ask, “So...does that mean you won’t come?” She looked up at the talent with such big, sad eyes that Sai knew she’d have to compromise.

 

“If Mr. Tsuruga is okay with it, I’m come for sure, Maria. I just don’t want to be a bother for him.” Sai looked at the little girl and took her hand.

 

Beaming at her, Maria leaped off the couch, surprising the older girl and then she said, “Thank you, sister!! I’ll be right back, I’ll ask him right now!!” With that, she ran out of the room before Sai could say anything else.

 

“Oh Maria…” she said, looking at the door that still hung open. She couldn’t help the small smile from rising on her lips, happy that someone cared so much about her. Pulling up her legs on the couch, Sai sat cross legged so she could better stretch out her back and set her planner out on her lap, jotting things down and organizing her time, placing a few calls to finagle some extra time around lunch so she could better spend the time with Maria.

 

Sawara approached the Love Me dressing room, raising his fist to knock on the door frame before the young talent’s position caught his eye. Curious as to what she was so busy doing, he walked up behind her and peered over her shoulder. Catching a glimpse of her planner, he was shocked at how well organized she was. She was far busier than he even imagined and it was a more detailed and immaculate than any schedule he’d organized. 

 

“Wow…” He whispered under his breath, not really registering that he’d spoken. Hearing him, Sai jumped, twitching her spine and squeaking in pain. 

 

“Mr. Sawara!” She said, gritting her teeth, “You startled me!” She held her back and the manager ran around to the other side of the couch, kneeling in front of her. “All of you people, you all are so inconsiderate of people being easily startled! I scare easily!” She chastised.

 

“Oh, Ms. Akai, I’m really, really sorry. I got caught up in looking at your schedule and just sort of forgot to knock…” He looked at her as she rubbed at her back trying to lessen the pain.

 

“I’m okay...it’ll fade in a few moments.” She said, shaking her head, a light smile playing at her lips. 

 

His eyebrows lowering in concern, Sawara thought of something, anything he could do for her, “I’ll go grab you an ice pack in a few minutes,” he said lamely.

 

Smiling at his attempt to help her, Sai spoke gently, “That would be wonderful, Mr. Sawara, thank you.” Taking a deep breath, she battled back the pain and spoke again, “Did you need anything in particular?” She asked.

 

Remembering his purpose for coming to see her, Sawara joined her on the couch and asked, “I just was wondering how your schedule was coming these days? I have a few offers I wanted to show you. That’s why I got so interested in what you were doing in your planner.”

 

The two then talked about her schedule, and she accepted a few more jobs, as Sawara sat in awe at her ability to slot things in and move them around. All the while, Sai was toying with her planner with a smile on her face. She must have considered all the managing as a puzzle, and enjoyed solving it extremely. She no longer needed him, in fact, he might come to her with some of the more difficult to manage clients he had. Maybe he’d even suggest her to Yashiro for when the man struggled with Ren’s mess of a schedule.

 

After they’d discussed for a while, Sawara left her to make some calls and solidify the shift changes, marveling at her extensive knowledge of the director’s full schedules. He walked down the hall to find an ice pack for her, shutting the door as she relaxed on the couch, trying her best to not irritate her back any further. No thanks to the many disturbances she’d had already that morning. Was it really not even nine am yet?

 

Several minutes earlier, Maria had managed to find Ren in a studio room on one of LME’s upper floors. Barging in, Maria laid eyes on the man, his dark hair hanging over his handsome features and his large frame leaned over a script in deep concentration. “Reeeen!” She said, running towards him and attracting his attention. 

 

She jumped straight into his arms and he greeted her with a large smile, “Good morning, Maria. How are you?”

 

Setting her down, she beamed up at him joyfully, “I’m wonderful, how are you?” She asked politely.

 

“Fairly good myself.” He said, sitting down, “Are you ready for lunch today?” 

 

“Actually!” She said chipperly, “I came to talk to you about that.” Looking around, she didn’t see anyone in the room, but she still worried she was interrupting something, “Is now okay?” She questioned lightly.

 

“Oh, yes. I’m between interviews. I have one more before our lunch. Do you need to cancel?” He looked at her with puppy dog eyes, not wanting to miss talking about her birthday.

 

“Oh, no, actually, I have good news!” She said, beaming even brighter.

 

“Do you?” Ren asked, smiling joyfully at her bright demeanor. “What is it?”

 

“I invited my big sister!” Maria said, clapping her hands together, “To talk about my birthday with us!”

 

“You...invited Ms. Akai?” Ren questioned, an unsettling feeling rising in his stomach.

 

She looked at him curiously, unable to understand his reaction, “Yes, and I’m really excited!”

 

He looked at her seriously, “Does she know I’m coming?” The actor asked, not really knowing what Maria would have done in that situation.

 

“Oh that’s right…” she said softly, “Sister said that she’d come so long as it was okay with you.” She said, looking up at him with big, shining, hopeful eyes. “Please say it is, please!”

 

Ren considered it for a moment, unable to really understand what he wanted. In one way, it would be nice to spend the time with her. For the life of him, he needed to figure out how he felt about this girl, it drove him mad how confused she made him. On the other hand though, usually his interactions with her ended with him being in a rather bad mood. 

 

If he had the buffer of Maria there though, maybe she’d be more civil and they wouldn’t get into such a bad argument. Sighing to himself, he reserved that it was probably best that he allowed interactions between them to continue, or he’d hold negative opinions of her for longer than need be. 

 

“She wanted my permission?” He asked, figuring that this would be the deciding factor.

 

Maria nodded vigorously, “She didn’t want to intrude. She accepted at first, but when I told her you were coming she told me that I needed to make sure you were okay with it.”

 

_ But...doesn’t that mean she respected the fact that I was hosting it?  _ Ren thought, bewildered at her actions.  _ She’s told me before that she doesn’t respect me though, why the change of heart… _ “Okay, Maria, she has my permission to come. I’d be glad to welcome her.”

 

He’d never seen Maria smile at him as largely or as beautifully as she did in that moment, and she squealed her gratitude before turning on her heel and rushing out, “I have to go tell her right away!!!” She said extremely loudly, running out of the room without looking. Immediately, she smacked into another person’s knees and apologized profusely. Getting worried for her safety, Ren left his script behind to follow Maria out the door, keeping her from hurting herself in her rush to get to Sai.

 

Barging in, Maria said, “Sister!! Sister-” Cutting herself off as she saw Sawara helping her up, the ice pack off her back and her face twisted in pain. “S-sister...are you okay?”

 

Trying to cover up the suffering she was going through, Sai said through gritted teeth, “I’m okay, Maria, just pulled it slightly when I was trying to get up.” She saw Ren standing outside the room in a thick sweater, the sleeves too long for even his arms, as they covered his knuckles and made his already long fingers appear even longer. 

 

Her heart skidded to an abrupt stop at the sight, finding that he looked even more handsome in such clothing. She tried to force the feeling down and gave him a polite smile, nodding to him through her discomfort, “Ah, Mr. Tsuruga, good morning.”

 

Surprised both at her current condition and her politeness, Ren nodded back gingerly, “Good morning, Ms. Akai.” He came into the room and helped steady her with Sawara, “Are you sure you’re alright? You were supposed to be more careful with yourself.”

 

She grimaced and nodded, “It’ll be okay, I just need to stretch it out again. Slowly.” She added, wincing again. 

 

“I-I’m going to get another ice pack.” Sawara stammered, his face pale from worry about his charge.

 

She nodded, “Thank you, Mr. Sawara, really. I appreciate it.” 

 

He passed Maria, who was watching Sai with eyes filled to the brim with tears. He patted her head reassuringly and ran out to go get another ice pack.

 

Hesitantly, Maria approached her dear friend and watched as Ren set her down gently, and she closed her eyes, her brows knit together as she tried to dull the shooting pain. He placed a hand on her shoulder and was speaking to her softly about relaxing and she nodded and shifted slightly, the pain deteriorating. Watching Sai work through the torment she was going through, Maria couldn’t help but let the tears in her eyes roll down her cheeks. 

 

Seeing this, Sai said very softly, “Maria, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, this was my fault.”

 

“You would have been fine if it hadn’t have been for me.” She said, her voice quivering. 

 

Sai shook her head softly and said, “Maria, you didn’t cause the blackout. This isn’t your fault. Besides, my doctor told me that in a week, it’ll be like nothing ever happened. I’ll just have to be more careful until then.” Taking the little girl’s hand in her own, she squeezed it gently and said to her, “I’m perfectly fine, I promise you that.” She offered Maria a gentle, glowing smile.

 

“O-okay,” Maria said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

 

Glancing to Ren, Sai noticed the skeptical look on his face as he doubted her opinion on her state. Without using her words, Sai actually managed to raise an eyebrow at him, as if she was daring him to contradict her in front of Maria. Seeing this, Ren held a hand up to let her know he’d backed down and the skeptical look dropped off his face. 

 

Sitting on a chair next to the couch, Ren cleared his throat and attempted to change the subject, “So, I hear that you’ve been extended an invitation to lunch.” 

 

Sai looked at him sympathetically, “Yes, I have, but I just have to make sure the daddy of the house approves of it,” she said teasingly.

 

Ren gave a low chuckle and replied, “Well, I’d like to extend a formal invitation from the whole household then.”

 

“Yeah?” She said softly, smiling at him, “Then I accept, with gratitude.”

 

He nodded and reached behind him, grabbing his phone. “Now, I have an interview right before, and then I’m going to come pick you both up, but I’ll need a way to contact you. Would you mind entering your phone number?”

 

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about picking me up, I rode my bike today.” She said, but still took the phone, “So I’ll drop Maria off with you when you call, but I’ll meet you there.” Sai entered her phone number and handed it back to him.

 

“Sounds good,” Ren said politely, glancing at the time and sighing, “I should probably go ladies,” he said softly. “My interview starts in a half an hour.”

 

He then excused himself from the room and the girls politely wished him good luck on his interview, nestling on the couch as they were left behind to talk. Picking up Sai’s day planner, Maria inquired about all the notations in it, and the redhead began detailing her schedule for the week to the young girl.

 

Looking through the book, Maria looked up at her in awe, “Wow...you do almost as much as Ren, sister. I didn’t think you were so busy.”

 

Sai laughed softly and Maria enjoyed how carefree and happy her sister sounded, “Well, I’m glad that I impress. I really love helping people out, and it turns out that there are quite a few people who appreciate an odd-jobs sort of person.”

 

“So you like the work?” Maria asked her, glancing at Sai and marveling how the redhead’s bright blue eyes shone with pride and joy.

 

“Oh I really do. I live for it.” The small girl beamed at her and a thought occurred to her,

 

“Can we go around the building a do a few assignments together?”

 

“You want to help?” Sai asked in joy.

 

Maria’s smile grew and she nodded happily, “Yes! I’d love to!”

 

Getting up slowly, Sai worked her way up to her feet and the two girls meandered about the building, meeting with a few people and doing a few odds and ends for jobs. All the while, Maria stood in shock at how well Sai got along with the people she worked with, and how much they valued what she said. She was extremely happy to know that Sai was being appreciated, and that other people could see how amazing she was. 

 

After fully finishing one job, Maria watched in confusion as Sai removed a notebook from the pack on her waist and handed it to the director she’d been working with. With a huge smile on his face, he seemed to stamp something in the book and handed it back to her and she thanked him joyfully and bowed to him as he left.

 

When she approached Maria again, the golden haired girl asked inquisitively, “What was that?”

 

Sai blinked at her and drew out the stamp book again, “You mean this?” Maria nodded and the redhead bent down and explained the concept of Love Me and the stamp books they were issued, as well as the stamps which marked how well they’d done on jobs. 

 

“Can I see your book?” Maria questioned, and Sai handed it to her. Flipping through it, the little girl noticed how the beginning held stamps of lower scores and then they gradually raised until a large portion of the most recent ones were either high or perfect. As she got to the first blank page, an idea occurred to the golden haired girl, “May I see the stamps too?” She asked politely.

 

“Of course,” Sai said easily, holding out the stamps in her hand. Hesitantly, Maria took the 100 points stamp from her hand and hit it against the page she was on before Sai could do anything to stop her.

 

Glancing between the page and Maria, the talent asked, “What did you do that for?” Her jaw slacked in confusion.

 

“You said that people give you 100 points stamps when you do a wonderful job. So I’m giving you 100 points for what you did for me in the elevator, protecting me and talking to me like I was a real person, instead of a helpless little girl...and for being my sister.” Maria looked up at her with the hugest, most prideful and beautiful smile she’d ever smiled and Sai looked back down and her heart squeezed with the love she had for the wonderful friend she’d found in this kind little girl.

 

Leaning down, Sai placed a tender kiss on the top of her golden hair, surprising the little girl, and then she looked into her golden eyes with her own blue ones, which brimmed with tears and said, “You know what?” Her lips lifted up into a soft, gentle, and absolutely stunning smile and she said, “I think I have the very best sister in the entire world.” 

 

A blush spread across Maria’s cheeks as she realized how grateful she was to have Sai in her life. She threw her arms around the older girl and said, “I love you, big sister.”

 

“I love you too...little sister.” Sai said with a laugh, and hugged her back, and the two walked back to the dressing room together together laughing and talking about various things. Once Sai was changed back into her normal clothes, they sat on her couch and waited until Sai’s phone went off. The moment it did, Maria grabbed it from Sai’s hand to answer it, her voice loud and incredibly happy.

 

After Maria relayed Ren’s location to Sai, the two got up and began walking to meet him in the parking garage. Greeting him politely, Sai bowed and said,

 

“Good morning, again, Mr. Tsuruga,” she gave a gentle smile, “I appear to have a very eager little girl here who’s excited for a lunch meeting.” Maria bounded toward Ren who caught her and nodded in a respectful greeting, before hugging Maria and lifting her up into his arms,

 

“Have you been causing Ms. Akai trouble, young miss?” He asked her playfully, to which Maria crossed her arms and shook her head,

 

“Ren! How could you insinuate that! I behaved myself perfectly!” She huffed softly and poked him.

 

Laughing, he set Maria down and held her hand on the way to his car, “Are you sure you don’t need a ride, Ms. Akai?” He called over his shoulder.

 

She gave a gentle laugh and said, “No, I’m good! I’ll meet you there! You texted me the address, right?”

 

Ren nodded and set Maria into the backseat of his Porsche and went back around to the driver’s seat, grinning at her and waving, “See you there, then!”

 

She watched them pull out, jogging over to where Lola was parked and swinging her leg over, deciding she’d beat them there by taking some sketchier roads. The excitement of the idea made her heart race and a wild grin don her lips.

 

Sai whipped through the streets, her hair flying around her as she sped around a corner. She approached the restaurant from the backside, riding carefully up the sidewalk. While she was driving dangerously, she still was able to make her back comfortable, which was a miracle in itself really. Pulling into a space, she flew the kickstand down and stuffed the keys into her jacket pocket, jogging up to the restaurant doors. Just as she was about to enter, Ren’s Porsche smoothly slid into the driveway, and Sai smirked, waving and laughing at the two people in the car, who had how no idea she’d beat them there.

 

When they’d entered, a waitress came and brought them over to a table near the corner, safe from any unwanted glances the actor may receive. Sai thanked her softly and she sat down and took in the curious glare that Ren was giving here, and the moment that they’d ordered drinks and the waitress left, he said to her in a cold voice,

 

“How did you manage to beat us here? On a bike?” Sai blinked her eyelashes at him innocently, 

 

“I took a shortcut.” She said, smirking gently. Ren glared at her and she gave a soft laugh, looking at Maria and adding, “I’ll show it to you some day, but you have to promise you’ll never tell him.”

 

Maria gave her a little devious smile and said, “Deal!” Which made Ren fume even more, before even he laughed at the sight of Maria smiling so happily and easily. He glanced at the redhead who sat on the opposite side of the table, marveling at how seemingly effortless it was for her to make the little girl smile. She must have been some sort of a witch, or a fairy, or something. She couldn’t be human, not with that ability. It applied even to him, which was even more disturbing. 

 

“Ren?” Maria questioned, waving her hand in front of the actor’s face, “You’re staring off somewhere, come back.” He blinked at her and gave a soft chuckle, 

 

“I’m sorry, Maria, I’m listening now.” She beamed at him and went back to the conversation, this time with Ren joining in. Eventually, the waitress came back and took their order, and Sai took sudden notice of how little the dark haired actor had requested.

 

“Is that all you’re going to eat?” She questioned, tilting her head at him.

 

Blinking slowly, Ren replied, “Yes, it’s actually more than I usually eat.”

 

“But that’s not nearly enough for what you need in a day!” She chastised, “How can you think that’s enough?”

 

The actor shrugged, “I’m just not hungry all the time, I eat when I need to eat.”

 

Sai went on further with him, arguing about keeping himself fed and hydrated enough to perform properly, and Ren countered with never having issues with it before. Despite every reason he gave her, the redhead wasn’t content with the miniscule amounts of food that he had, and eventually he relented and called the waitress over to add something.

 

“There, are you happy now?” He asked her, slightly ticked off, but also somehow touched that she cared that much. And that made him a little angry with himself.

 

“Very much so, thank you.” She said with a small smile, clearly satisfied with winning their argument.

 

Maria watched their exchange quietly, turning her head to look at each of the two talented people she was dining with. As she watched them, she became increasingly sure that they were in love with each other. Ren never got as defensive or feisty, and he certainly wasn’t close enough with his average coworker to openly glower at him, and Sai showed no restraint when she argued with him, not caring who he was or what he did, she was arguing with the person, not the actor. 

 

She’d known Ren for long enough, and heard enough about Sai to know that neither person acted this way with anyone, anyone except each other. They had a bond that even she didn’t know if she could break. And it was fascinating to watch. 

 

“Anyway!” Sai said, cutting off Ren’s next comeback. He snapped his mouth closed and waved his hand to let her know to continue, “We’re here to talk about Maria, and her birthday.” She gave the man across from her a small glare to let him know that they weren’t done talking about this.

 

“Right, of course.” He said back, returning the same look and knowing that they would get into it later, and by then he’d have some well thought out points that would make her stop being so completely infuriating!...He hoped.

 

“So, did you have any theme or anything in mind, Maria?” The redhead asked, taking a sip of the coffee she’d ordered.

 

“It has to be a dress-up!” Maria said excitedly, deciding to ask the two about their relationship later, as she was too excited for this planning.

 

“Okay, I can get behind that.” Sai said with a gentle grin, “What do you want people to dress up as, anything?”

 

Maria thought for a moment before nearly screaming before remembering they were in a public place and saying it softer, “A fairy dress-up! With lots of sparkles and glitter and beautiful gowns and wings!” She went on and on and Sai added to her ideas, with Ren piping up here and there about things they’d need and Sai helping Maria convert it to their theme. 

 

By the end of their lunch, that Sai forced Ren to completely finish, they’d set out before them a time, place, theme, menu, music, and decoration list, all in Sai’s overstuffed planner.

 

“So...what are we going to do with the list now?” Maria asked, her eyes shining beautifully.

 

“I’ll take it to the President, and we’ll get everything ordered and planned out, and then you and I will hand deliver the invitations in a few days, I’ll make sure I have the whole day saved for you.” She said, her own eyes sparkling. Ren watched as they interacted, still marveling at how well Sai handled Maria, matching her energy constantly, while still being an adult figure and maintaining a mature demeanor. She was a scary woman.

 

Parting at the doors, Sai gave Maria a big hug and promised to see her soon, and disappeared behind the building to where she’d presumably parked her bike. Taking Ren’s hand, Maria walked with him to his car, climbing into the back. As Ren slid into his seat, slightly uncomfortable from actually eating a light meal, and took a drink of water.

 

“Ren, do you love Ms. Sai?” Maria asked suddenly, unable to hold herself back anymore.

 

Ren choked violently on his water, spilling it all over his lap and the dashboard of the car before setting it down and coughing before regaining control over his lungs and whipping around to face the little girl, “Where on earth did you get that idea?” He asked her, trying to remain calm but having to sputter out the words.

 

“From the way you two acted. You looked like a bickering couple, and you clearly care for each other. I’ve never seen you be more open and yourself with anyone except Grandfather. You must love her.” Maria said matter-of-factly. 

 

Ren blinked and replayed how he’d treated Sai not just that day, but in every interaction they’d ever had. With a start, he realized that he does treat her differently, and it never occurred to him that the root cause of such behavior could be positive, due to how negative his emotions for her tended to run. Pondering this for just a few moments, he decided that it was best to give it more thought later, but try to convince Maria that it wasn’t possible, just in case.

 

“Maria, I know it may seem like I treat her differently,” he started, “But it’s only because of how we met. I have trouble respecting her as an actress and I don’t like her motives for a lot of things, but I suppose I’ve gotten to like her as a person more. There’s nothing between us, though, I hold no affection for her, I simply feel like it would be wrong of me to treat her like I treat everyone else, after how we met.”

 

Turning to face the road and pulling out of the parking lot, Ren cut the conversation off completely, not allowing Maria to do any further prompting. She looked at him with curiosity, peering at his expression in the rear view mirror, looking for any hint of what he was thinking. Finding him looking at the road stone faced, Maria slumped in her seat, disappointed that she’d been wrong. Somewhere in her heart, she had hoped that it had been true, because if she was to let anyone near Ren, it would be Sai. They fit each other well, and even Maria had seen it. 

 

Pulling into the street, the two of them sat in silence, interrupted only by the revving of a motorcycle some distance away. They rode like that the entire way back, Ren working through his anger at the very idea of someone assuming he held special feelings for the redhead, and Maria working through her sadness at the distance that she’d failed to see between her two most beloved people. They pulled up at LME and entered the lobby, again seeing Sai had walked in only moments before and was currently at the front desk.

 

“And that’s for tomorrow at 6 in the evening?” The receptionist clarified, looking up expectantly at Sai.

 

“Yes, that’s correct.” She said with a soft smile and thanked the woman as she backed away and turned to face Maria who was running up to her, her arms spread wide for a hug. “Woah, woah!” She said, holding out a hand to remind Maria not to tackle her.

 

Seeing her gesture, Maria remembered at the last second that she was still hurt, but gave her a much gentler hug all the same, “What was that for, sister?” She asked, looking up at Sai.

 

Ren gazed at the two from a ways away, a gentle smile on his face. For the first time since he’d seen her that day, the actor noticed that her hair was curlier than normal, framing her rosy cheeks with their ringlets. When she looked up at him, the glistening blue color shocked him with how deep and bright the icy color was. He cleared his throat and tried to distract himself from how the blouse she was wearing accentuated her chest, and the belt slimmed her already narrow waist. Her dark jeans made her pale skin even whiter and hugged her wide hips and thighs. 

 

He realized that she’d asked him something and he’d been completely distracted, so he gave her an embarrassed smile and said, “What was that, Ms. Akai?”

 

“I asked if you’d like to come with me tomorrow to talk about the party with Lor-the President and me?” She asked, tsking herself for nearly using the President’s first name yet again. 

 

Noticing her mistake, Ren narrowed his eyes at her.  _ She always uses his first name...but I know those rumors aren’t true. Which means that there  _ **_was_ ** _ some basis for them, because clearly they have some relationship, or she wouldn’t be going between two names like this. And if it’s an innocent enough connection, then why doesn’t she feel comfortable using his name in public? Is it because he’s her boss now? That doesn’t seem like a good enough reason...so why is she hiding it? _

 

“When is it again?” He asked, still looking at her through narrowed eyes.

 

Huffng at him, she said, “Tomorrow. At 6 in the evening.” Ordinarily, he either would have no idea what his schedule was for the next day, or would have been busy for sure. But today, he just so happened to know that his interview for the next evening was cancelled. He was planning on going home and spending some much needed time with his couch and a few tumblrs of bourbon. 

 

Sighing, he knew that he owed it to Maria to do this, and he was actually glad to spend the time with Sai. He was beginning to simply come to terms with the fact that he felt this way towards her, and decided it wasn’t worth his energy to be angry, “Yes, I’m free, I would be honored to join you.” He said with a small smile and a nod of his head.

 

Maria brightened at that and jumped into his arms, “Thank you, Ren!” She said and the two talked for a few minutes as Sai finished writing in the appointment into her planner. 

 

“Alright,” she said, catching their attention. “I’ve gotta be downtown in an hour for my next assignment, so I think I need to head out.” She gave Maria a sympathetic smile when she saw her face fall. “I’ll see you later, I promise.” Sai said, patting her head.

 

Bowing to Ren, she walked back out the door, and headed around the corner, as Ren watched her figure for slightly longer than appropriate before he could no longer see her, shaking his head and trying to rid it of her image as he and Maria headed back down the hallway, and she looked up at him and tried futilely to decipher his complex expression.


	10. Chapter 10

Stepping out of the elevator, the dark haired actor checked his watch to find that he was early, despite his momentary feeling of panic when he realized how close he was cutting the meeting with the President that evening. Swiftly flying down the lengthy hallway on his long legs, Ren was greeted at the door by Lory’s assistant, Sebastian, who bowed and greeted him, before opening the door to Lory’s office.

 

As he walked inside, he took in the situation before him. Lory and Sai were sitting on opposite couches, with Lory doubled over in laughter and Sai watching him in amusement. The moment was quick and Lory soon shifted his position back up when Ren entered the room, nodding in greeting. Even in those few seconds though, Ren could see the closeness that the two people shared. Still, he couldn’t put his finger on what the relationship was, but it seemed to be something that went deeper than even Ren had thought. 

 

His gaze drifted over to the woman who was sitting opposite him, her hair having grown since they’d first met. It hung now to her shoulders, curling more naturally and brushing against the very tops of her shoulders. There were a few strands that hung in her face now and she tucked them behind her ear when Ren entered, looking up and nodding in recognition. Ripping his eyes away from her, he bowed before Lory and moved to sit down, nodding respectfully to Sai.

 

“Good evening, Mr. President, Ms. Akai.” He said, sitting on a chair between the couches. 

 

“Ren,” Lory said to him, the smile from earlier still dancing on his lips, “How are you this evening?”

 

The actor nodded and said to him, “Fairly well, looking forward to having the night to myself for a change.”

 

Sai raised her eyebrows at this, not expecting him to be so open about his opinions, especially around her, “Long day?” She asked, drawing his attention.

 

“Sort of; I’d say long week rather than long day.” He ran a hand down his face and Sai noticed that he did look rather exhausted. Suddenly, she felt bad for asking him to come for the evening. To be fair though, she’d asked and he had accepted; no one had made him come.

 

“Well, we’ll just have to go through this a bit quicker then, I don’t want to take up any more of your night than we have to,” Lory said matter-of-factly, and turned to face Sai before Ren could speak up.

 

“Good, I have Maria’s ideas here,” she handed him her planner, to which he looked up at her, impressed, and she waved his look away and motioned for him to just read it.

 

Going over any questions that Lory had, Sai finished up the plans to his content and then they set to work on arranging orders and coming up with numbers in terms of price. Ren watched in fascination as she easily threw around such large figures, and juggled brands, delivery, and pricing well. Unlike Lory though, price was a factor in her decisions. Sure the numbers she was listing were big, and Ren was surprised by her lack of reaction to them, but she got them down a fair ways before she was satisfied.

 

Ren only piped up very rarely, but when he did, the two would look at him like they’d just remembered he was there. As much as he found this strange, it was even weirder how easily they’d revert to it just being them. Resigning to being somewhat neglected in this meeting, Ren leaned back and watched them interact. 

 

As they spent longer there, Sai began using the President’s first name more and more often until it was the exclusive name she used. Tilting his head and watching her expressions, the actor was surprised to see her very relaxed and carefree in the President’s company. It was truly a mystery. And Ren was determined to solve it.

 

Once they’d figured out a majority of the logistics of the party, Lory turned to Ren, “Now, if we design the invitations tonight, I can have them by tomorrow afternoon to hand out, do you think we should?”

 

Glancing at the time, Ren found that it was earlier than he’d thought, and he didn’t mind staying the extra time, “Yeah, I think Maria would really love being able to hand them out tomorrow.” He said, giving Lory a gentle smile.

 

With that, the three people got to work designing an overtly girly and fairy-like card, with Sai teasing Ren about his ability to make something so suited to the theme. He fought off her playful remarks, using knowing Maria for a long time as an excuse. All the while, Lory smiled and enjoyed their bickering, watching as they grew more comfortable in each other’s presences. 

 

After several hours of work, the party was planned, the orders were placed, the venue was booked, and the base invitation was completed. Admiring their work, the three LME members looked up with bright smiles on their faces, even Ren was pleased with how easily the whole ordeal had gone, despite being extremely tired. He listened intently as Lory told Sai where and when the invitations would arrive, and that Maria could come after school and the two could hand them out together.

 

He turned to Ren and asked, “Are you free then, Ren?” A hopeful, puppy dog look in his eyes. 

 

Going through what Yashiro had told him earlier, Ren gave the President as sad smile and shook his head, “Unfortunately, I have a photo shoot then.” He apologized to Sai for not being able to help and she waved her hands in front of her,

 

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Maria and I were looking forward to some time, anyway.” She smirked at him, “We’ve decided to have a girl talk without being trapped in an elevator.”

 

Remembering the slightly hostile exchange they’d had after the blackout, a smile formed on Ren’s lips and he tried to recall why he’d been so angry with her then. “That seems like so long ago already,” he said, shaking his head.

 

“Hasn’t even been a full month since then,” Sai replied, a gentle grin on her own lips.

 

“Speaking of that though,” the dark haired actor said, catching the redhead’s gaze, “How’s your back doing?”

 

“Oh!” She exclaimed softly, “Much better, I think I’m ready for a Maria hug already.” Her smile grew, recalling how often the golden haired girl would launch herself into Sai’s arms, and end up hurting her back.

 

“That’s wonderful, I’m glad you weren’t injured too badly,” Ren said gently, as Lory looked between the two of them with interest. Seeing him raise his eyebrows, the actor decided he’d spent enough time with Sai in front of the President and stood. “Well, I think I’m going to head out now, would you like me to walk you out, Ms. Akai?” He asked politely.

 

Gathering her tote bag, Sai gave him a grateful smile, “That would be very kind of you, Mr. Tsuruga, I’d appreciate that.”

 

With that, the two talents bowed before the President and bid him a good night. They walked toward the elevator and made light conversation, each glad that the week was almost over and looking forward to both the party and the coming of the weekend. When they reached the front doors, Sai gave him a gentle bow and said good night. He watched her leave, turning around a corner, her boots clicking softly against the pavement. 

 

Sighing heavily and looking upwards, Ren stopped for a moment and let the tension in his chest go, knowing it had again come from his confusion towards the young redhead. He climbed into his car and started it, resting his head on the steering wheel for a moment. When he felt able to, he pulled away from the agency, heading to his apartment a bit faster than probably necessary.

 

When he arrived home, the actor immediately got out of his suit and slipped into his silk pajamas, resolving that he’d relax that night if it killed him. He made a quick meal out of the convenience store items in his fridge and poured a tumbler full of alcohol. Sitting in front of the tv, he lounged on his couch and tried his best to get his muscles to loosen.

 

After several episodes of whatever was on, Ren found that he couldn’t totally unwind no matter he did. Something was nagging at the back of his brain. He was missing something. And for the life of him, he didn’t know what it was.

 

Relenting, he let his mind wander to what he wanted most at the moment. After several agonizing seconds, his eyes drifted to his discarded phone and he realized with a start what that meant. Picking it up, before he could change his mind, he dialed Sai’s number and let it ring.

 

“Good evening, this is Saiyuka Akai.” Her soft voice drifted into his ear.

 

“Ah, Ms. Akai, I’m sorry to bother you so late,” he said, immediately regretting this.

 

She paused for a few moments as she placed his voice, “Mr. Tsuruga? It’s no big deal...what’s up?”

 

“I just…” he paused for a moment, not knowing what to do at all.  _ What was I thinking!?  _ He screamed in his mind, “I just was wondering what you were doing, I suppose.” He finished awkwardly. 

 

Her silence stretched on the other end of the phone, until it rang sweetly as she let a laugh go, “Are you having trouble relaxing too?” She asked, her voice much more casual than even just a moment ago.

 

“A little, yeah...it feels like I’m forgetting something,” he tried to describe.

 

“Like...there’s something nagging at the back of your head and you just can’t place it?” He blinked once in surprise as she described what he’d been feeling the entirety of the evening.

 

He sighed deeply into the receiver, “Precisely.” And then the silence stretched again, and the awkwardness creeped back in.

 

“Well…” she said softly, clearly feeling just what he was, “I’m about to take a bath, I haven’t had time to do anything but shower in a while, so I’m looking forward to it. Just waiting to finish this episode of whatever I have on, you know, priorities.” She joked.

 

He chuckled softly at her remark, knowing just what that felt like, “I should probably do the same,” he said, enjoying her casual attitude when he probably should have been a little insulted by it, “I’m not that big of a fan of baths though.”

 

“I like them because it gives me an excuse to listen to music without Lory breathing down my neck about doing something besides lying around.” She gave a gentle laugh, not really noticing that she’d just said something much more personal than Ren was expecting. 

 

_ That means...not only does she know him well enough to refer to him as “Lory”...but he has a say in what she does in her free time...and it sounds like he’s used to her wasting it...and she’s used to his nagging...just what  _ **_is_ ** _ their relationship!? _

 

He was about to ask her when she said, “Oh, and there go the credits.” It took Ren a moment to understand that she was talking about the show that she had been watching finishing, which meant that he was silent for longer than he intended to be, “Well, this has been some  **riveting** conversation, Mr. Tsuruga, but I think I’m going to have to let you go,” she said lightheartedly, in her teasing voice.

 

“Ah...yes, sounds good.” He said softly, not really responding to her jab like she’d hoped he would. “Goodnight, Ms. Akai.”

 

She gave a light laugh over the phone, “You as well, Mr. Tsuruga. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that, she hung up. Ren put the phone on the couch and let another heavy sigh go that day. That went poorly, which was expected due to the fact that he’d just called her with no topic to discuss really. Thankfully, she seemed to understand the reason he’d called and it had been slightly less awkward. 

 

Running a hand through his hair, Ren tried to understand what about her exactly puts him off his game so much. She wasn’t overly brutish or whiney, she wasn’t necessarily cruel or mean, she wasn’t clingy or overbearing...she was gentle, slightly soft spoken, but wasn’t afraid to show the sharp wit she had. 

 

He supposed that perhaps that was what was so disturbing, but he often had to deal with teasing from his manager, and he handled that just fine. She was an enigma, that was for sure. But one day, one day he knew he’d understand her. As he decided this, he noticed something else. The unsettling feeling that had previously affected him and kept him from relaxing was completely gone. Strange.

 

The girl herself sat curled in front of her now dark tv, clutching her phone in her hand. She could hardly believe what had just happened. Ren Tsuruga had just called her out of the blue, for no reason, and she’d been taken completely aback. Somehow though...the longer she sat and thought about the exchange they’d just had, the more a light blush rose to her cheeks and an elation she hadn’t been expecting washed over her. She was...happy he’d called. Suddenly, she realized that the nagging feeling in the back of her head was gone completely. Strange. 

 

Getting up, she grabbed the remote that controlled her stereo system and jogged into her bathroom up the stairs. After setting up a couple of her favorite classical pieces, she slid into the warm bath and allowed herself to be completely immersed in the music. A light smile played at her lips as she remembered the times both that day and for the past week where she’d really managed to tease that pretty boy and watch him look at her with that surprised, blank face as he processed her words. 

 

The smile grew on her glossy lips as she pictured it. It went so far against his usual facial expressions, and she rarely ever saw him make it around anyone but her. It was...something she had that no one else really did, and that made her heart beat a little bit faster to think about. As much as she’d disliked the man when they’d first met, she couldn’t deny the respect that had grown for both his talent and his professionalism. If nothing else, he was incredible at what he did. And she figured that was why her actions in the same profession mattered so much to him. One day she’d drag herself around to fully explaining her current situation and why she so desperately wanted to act.

 

As Sai rose out of the bath, she got ready for bed, and, coincidently, Ren was at almost the same point in his night. Across the city, the two talents managed to take on similar routines, eventually lying down nearly at the exact same moment. Wrapping herself in her blankets, Sai nestled into the fabrics and allowed herself to completely relax. 

 

Flopping elegantly onto his own mattress, Ren settled on top of his blankets, closing his eyes and breathing out as his muscles loosened completely. Together, they each found themselves wishing for similar things in the coming day: they wanted to see each other. The very thought made each of them smile, as they drifted to sleep.

 

The next morning found Maria sprinting through the lobby, as she knew that Sai should be in the Love Me dressing room by then. She burst in, just in time to watch the redhead pull her clothes out of the locker, ready to get out of her hot pink uniform. “Siiiiiiister!!” She said loudly, flying across the room and into Sai’s waiting embrace.

 

“Maria! It’s so good to see you!” The talent said softly, giggling at the gold haired girl’s behavior. 

 

Before she could reply though, Maria realized something, “Oh! Sister! Your back!” The little girl jumped down from Sai’s grasp and looked up at her in concern.

 

“I told you I was doing better, didn’t I, Maria?” Sai tilted her head slyly, “Did you doubt me?”

 

“You’re feeling better?” Maria questioned, her golden eyes lighting up with hope.

 

“Much.” Sai said confidently, laughing as Maria fearlessly launched herself up again. “And how are you, young miss?”

 

“Ready to deliver invitations,” she said with a sparkling in her eyes.

 

Sai tsked jokingly, “Did he tell you? That stinker.” She said, referring to Lory.

 

“You called Grandfather a ‘stinker’!” Maria laughed, “He’s not going to like that.”

 

The redhead made a shushing noise and said hushedly, “I’ve called him worse.”

 

Gasping, Maria laughed again and Sai let her down gently, “Are you done with your assignments for the day?” She asked gently.

 

Nodding, the Love Me member said, “Yup! I was just about to get changed.”

 

With Maria advising her on her outfit, Sai managed to get dressed in a short amount of time and she took the younger girl’s hand as they headed out to pick the invites up from Lory’s office. They got there in a timely manner and stood shocked at the sheer amount of envelopes sitting in his living space.

 

“Well…” Sai started, a little bit intimidated. “Let’s get started, shall we?” She said, looking down at Maria with a glint in her eye.

 

“You think we can do this? Just the two of us?” Maria asked, shocked.

 

Sai’s eyes lit up with a fire Maria wasn’t used to seeing, “Oh I’m taking it as a challenge.” The motivation that Sai had for the task proved to be contagious and Maria’s face lit up when she found that Sai had a whole plan set in place already.

 

They started bringing bags to different floors, without running the invites, so that the bags of mail were already set out for them to begin with. Once they were all in place, the girls ran all over the building, laughing and playing games as they tackled endless floor after floor of running letters. The entirety of the time, both girls had huge smiles plastered on their faces and neither could remember the last time they’d enjoyed something so much.

 

After hours of running around, they brought the final two invites meant for LME members with them to the managing floor, finding both recipients in an office at the end of the hall. Peeking in, Maria saw the tall actor and ran for him, “Ren!!” She hugged his legs, surprising him. Instantly, a smile appeared on his lips though, and he lifted her up. 

 

“Maria! How has your day been?” He set her on the table in the room and gave her a gentle look, causing her cheeks to light up.

 

“My sister and I delivered all the invites in the building!” The little girl gestured to the door where Sai was leaning against and she gave a little wave.

 

“Good evening, you two.” She said gently and then motioned for a seat.

 

“Ah, good evening Ms. Saiyuka,” Yashiro said softly, “Do have a seat.” He said, seeing her gesture. Her face filled with gratitude and she sat down with a sigh and leaned her head back. Suddenly, she looked a lot more exhausted than she had a few moments before.

 

“Sister? Are you okay?” Maria asked worriedly, not really expecting her to be so tired.

 

She gave a soft laugh, “Of course, Maria, I’m fine. I just haven’t moved that much in a long while. I don’t have all your energy.” She poked the young girl’s nose playfully and moved to unlace her boots.

 

“Did you say that you delivered... **all** the invitations for LME today? Just the two of you?” Yashiro asked, looking at Ren in shock. 

 

“Yup!!” Maria said with obvious pride, “Except for these two,” she said softly, handing Ren the very last two invitations.

 

“Ours?” He asked, smiling at her softly. 

 

Maria nodded vehemently and beamed at him, “We saved them for last.” 

 

“Don’t forget about the ones we have to mail, Maria,” Sai said softly, “And I can’t take you to the post office tonight, as much as I wanted to. I have an assignment.” She said, pulling off her boot.

 

“Oh I can take Mar-” Ren started to say, before noticing Sai’s foot after she’d removed the shoe. There were large red stains through her socks.

 

“Oh, shit.” Sai said under her breath, surprising Ren. That was the first time he’d ever heard her swear...it didn’t suit her, but it was somehow...cute. He didn’t really have time to think about that though, as she was very clearly bleeding pretty badly. “Man, I liked these boots,” Sai said, tsking.

 

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Ren said a little too loudly, as Yashiro rushed around the table to see her foot.

 

“Ahh…” Maria exclaimed, looking up at Sai in fear, “I...I caused you to hurt yourself again,” she said, tears forming in her eyes.

 

Hearing this, Sai actually laughed, surprising everyone in the room, “No, no,” she waved her hand dismissively, “It’s my fault for thinking I could run around for endless hours in these.” Removing the other boot, it yielded similar results. After pulling off the socks, Yashiro began bandaging a few very serious blisters on her feet.

 

“How on earth did you manage to even walk here?” He asked her, trying to soothe the burning, bloody wounds.

 

Sai winked at him playfully, “I have a high pain tolerance.” She said jokingly, wincing as he dabbed rubbing alcohol on the lacerations.

 

“Are you going to be able to work tonight with those?” Ren asked her, suddenly using a much more serious tone.

 

Looking at him pointedly, Sai actually scoffed, “Of course I will. You don’t think I’m  **that** unprofessional, do you?” She asked him, and though the actor knew she was teasing, he still was quiet for a moment as he realized he almost expected her to take the night off. 

 

“I guess...I just didn’t think that you valued this enough for it to matter. I figured you were killing more time.” He said coldly, not really knowing where the hostility was coming from.

 

Everyone in the room turned to look at him, and Maria spoke up first, “What are you talking about, Ren?” She asked quietly, “Ms. Sai loves working here. She wouldn’t let something like this stop her, she loves it too much.”

 

“How do you know that for sure?” He asked her, still finding his tone to be chilly.

 

“I did an assignment with her, I watched her when she was working-”

 

“Ren.” Yashiro said quietly, interrupting Maria, “Do you have any idea what her schedule looks like? How busy she is? What she takes on?”

 

Before Ren could reply, Sai herself spoke up, “You guys, it’s fine. He’ll figure it out when he wants to figure it out. Leave him be.” She said, looking up at him haughtily, like she always did when he questioned her professionalism.

 

His eyes narrowed at her as he found it insulting that she spoke of him almost like he wasn’t in the room, “Why do you say it like that?” He asked.

 

“Because you see what you want to see, Mr. Tsuruga,” she said matter-of-factly, “So no matter what I do or what other people tell you about my work habits, you won’t see or acknowledge them until you’re ready to adjust your opinion. So I’ll wait until then.” With that, she slipped her newly bandaged feet back into the socks and boots, grimacing a little. 

 

“You dare to-”

 

“You were about to say you’d take Maria to deliver the rest of her letters, right? Good. I’m counting on you,” Sai said, cutting him off completely. “I’ll head out then.” She turned and gave Maria a gentle smile and a thumbs up, “Good job today, girlie, I’ll see you soon, on Sunday for sure.” As she scooped up her tote, glancing obviously over Ren, she bowed to Yashiro and said, 

 

“Thank you for the first aid, Yashiro, I’ll see to it that I take good care of the cuts tonight, so they don’t get worse.” She walked out of the door then, not looking back or making a single attempt to politely part with Ren, and they all knew that it had been on purpose. Even if her face hadn’t shown it, she was furious with him.

 

Cautiously, Maria looked up slowly at Ren and said, “You know...when I first told Ms. Sai that you were coming to lunch with me, she told me she couldn’t come, and when I asked her if it was because she disliked you, she told me that she didn’t particularly mind you, but that you two argued a lot. And she didn’t like that. When you’re together though, I couldn’t picture you guys arguing, and now that I’ve seen it, I don’t like it either.”

 

Ren stared at her in surprise before wondering to himself,  _ She...said she doesn’t dislike me? _ For some reason, that sole thought eradicated his anger in an instant. Before he could speak though, Maria continued,

 

“I know you said you don’t hold any affection for her, Ren, but you look really happy when you get along with her. You smile a lot more and even laugh more often when she’s around. You’re more casual and gentle and you don’t mind speaking your mind. I’ve never seen you act that way around anyone else.” She looked at him with wide, glossy eyes, “But I don’t like watching you yell at her. She’s a beautiful, wonderful person and I love her very much. Please don’t hurt her like that.” 

 

The tall actor felt his jaw drop as he listened to Maria’s observations of him. He’d had no idea that he acted that way with Sai, and certainly wasn’t expecting the little girl to go to  **her** defense. This was the young girl who would set traps for his female costars, this was the same person who went out of her way all the time to spend time with him, defend him...and she’d chosen Sai this time. Easily, without even wasting a second.

 

Yashiro watched and listened in fascination to the events occurring in his office.  _ When did Ms. Saiyuka and Ren go for lunch together?!  _ He asked himself,  _ What a waste! I could have teased him about that for so long! _ What was really shocking though, was how Ren seemed to have not noticed his actions, “Have you really not been paying attention to how you behave around her?” The manager asked his charge, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

Ren focused his gaze on his friend, shocked that he too was taking Sai’s side in this... _ is this part of that strange ability she has? _ He wondered, shaking his head. “No...I didn’t think I acted much differently.” He said snippily, wanting desperately to get off this topic, as more and more instances of his unusual behavior popped into his mind.

 

“You do.” Maria said, looking at him, “And I think you should apologize to her for being so rude.” 

 

Ren widened his eyes at her and didn’t speak for a few moments, before forcing out of this throat, “And why do you think that?”

 

“Because you just went and assumed that she puts so little effort into her work! And told her that to her face, like you were angry with her! She loves this place, Ren, and you completely ignore that!” She huffed, waving a finger at him in annoyance.

 

Realising his mistake, Ren ran a hand down his face in frustration, “I...I know, I just...she makes me act out of character all the time. She confuses me so easily, without even trying.”

 

Yashiro looked up at him in slight disbelief, “That sounds like love to me,” he teased.

 

Maria lit up and clapped her hands together, “That’s what I thought!” She exclaimed.

 

“It’s not.” Ren said definitively, shaking his head, “I just don’t know what to do all the time, so I act strangely. She’s just different than anyone I’ve met, she doesn’t follow society’s standards. It’s not that I hold special feelings, in fact, it’s pretty annoying.” He said honestly.

 

Maria looked a bit crestfallen, but she hopped off the table she was on and turned to face him, “So, you’ll apologize to her, right?” she asked softly.

 

“I will, yes.” Ren relented, seeing that he  **had** been in the wrong, “Now, let’s head to the post office, Maria, they close soon. We need to get these out.” With that, he grabbed his coat and walked out the door before the conversation could be dragged out any further, not wanting to feel the tension in his chest any longer when he thought of the red headed female.


	11. Chapter 11

Sitting in the cafeteria, Sai was having a meeting with Sawara to discuss the latest job offers she’d gotten. Things were going well for her, and while nothing specifically having to do with getting a part as an actress had cropped up, Sawara was assuring her that the web of people she was securing for her would work wonders in shooting her forward once she got a single job. 

 

Looking at everything she’d managed to do in such a short span of time, he knew that after she starred in a single...well, anything really, there would be a constant stream of jobs for her. She’d never be able to take them all on, not even with her scheduling abilities.

 

As they discussed her next two weeks, a distinct voice rang out across the room, “SIIIIIISTER!!” Sai turned with a bright smile on her face to see a little girl with golden pigtails and a bright blue dress running towards her. Putting her arms out, she caught the young girl with a laugh and spun her around.

 

“Maria! You seem awfully excited this morning,” she giggled, setting her little sister down.

 

“I am!!” The little girl squeaked softly, “Look!” She said, a bright blush donning her cheeks as she handed Sai a letter.

 

Opening it, Sai found a wonderfully composed, handwriting RSVP notice from one Kouki Takarada. Recognizing the name, the talent looking up at Maria with slightly wider eyes, her own rosy complexion deepening, “Is this…”

 

“Yes!!” Maria said, taking the letter back and holding it to her chest like it was a treasure, “Daddy’s coming home…” she said softly, her blush spreading as she grew happier. 

 

“Oh, Maria, that’s so wonderful, I’m so happy for you.” Sai said, her smile radiant and beautiful, as she stroked the young girl’s hair and cooed to her.

 

Suddenly, she took Sai’s hand and looked up at her with wide eyes, “What if he doesn’t like me anymore?” She said in worry, making Sai laugh.

 

“He loves you, silly girl. If anything, seeing you will make him love you even more. Look at what a proud, beautiful young woman you’ve grown into. He’ll love you for sure.” She said warmly, kissing Maria’s crown again.

 

After they talked for a little longer, Sai told her she just needed a few minutes and went back to her meeting with Sawara, finishing it up quickly and bidding him goodbye. The two girls spent the next few days with each other a lot, waiting with little patience for the day of the party. 

 

Together, they each picked out the costumes they’d wear, Lory insisting to pay for both of them, telling them that if they didn’t let him it would be an insult to his “fatherly disposition.” Sai was always hesitant to let him pay for things, which Lory always found insulting. He’d pull the father card quite often with her, and usually she relented. She did find it strange though that he continually insisted on not revealing his relationship with her, even to Maria.

 

As the long awaited day approached, Sai balanced her assignments, time with Maria, and volunteering at the venue setting up. Those who paid attention to her scheduling were continually impressed with how thin she spread herself while still managing to stay active, healthy, and rested. For someone who so often spent her days lazing around and not moving, Sai impressed Lory the most, who never thought she’d be capable of such extensive management.

 

Finally, the day of the party was reached, and Sai insisted on being involved with the kitchen, in order to make sure the food was properly prepared. She worked with a team that was specialized in learning recipes quick for parties, and they learned quite well. Maria would peek in every now and then and be truly taken aback with the amount of food they were preparing.

 

“Maria!” Sai chastised, the teasing glint in her eyes still, “Stop sneaking peeks! We want to surprise you, silly girl.” She shooed the little girl out of the kitchen and put her last touch on one of the dessert pieces, bidding her team farewell and thanking them for their hard work. Stepping out of the kitchen and wiping her forehead, Sai realized she’d been in there longer than she’d thought. Already, guests were arriving and the music had started. 

 

Seeing her across the ballroom, Lory hurried over to her, riding, of course, on a pure white stallion. “Saiyuka!” He called, his voice booming against the walls. He held a hand out to her.

 

“Lory, really?” She said, the wide smile on her face betraying her. She took the hand and started climbing on behind him.

 

“Come now, you know me!” He laughed heartily, “Besides, you and I need our costumes on, we can’t disgrace our beloved Maria’s party by wearing these human clothes!” He trotted out of the room and Sai shook her head and tried to contain her laughter as he ranted on and on about the various fashion trends of fairies. She loved when he was happy like this; it was so wonderful, and everyone who knew and loved him like she did knew the feeling.

 

Dropping her off with a team of makeup artists, Lory left, still preaching about various things, to go to his own team. In a matter of just a few minutes, Sai looked in the mirror to see a drastic difference already, and she wasn’t even in hair and makeup yet. The crew worked diligently on her for quite a while, and Sai glanced at the clock occasionally to see that the party was well under way just as they were finally finishing up. 

 

“Oh, don’t worry, Ms. Akai,” one of the artists said, “You’ll shock them all when you walk in there, and more people will be there to see you enter.” 

 

“It’ll be absolutely fabulous,” another one added.

 

“You’ll steal the show, I just know it.” The final one, said, smiling at Sai in the mirror. 

 

With their final touches complete, Sai stood and admired herself in the mirror, shaking her head at the fantastic work they’d done.

 

“This is some magic you’ve worked.” She said in her light voice, a beautiful smile donning her lips as she looked at the reflection.

 

“Trust me dear, you gave us  **quite** the canvas to work with. You’re a gorgeous woman,” one of the artists said, packing up her utensils. 

 

Sai blushes softly and smiled even wider, “Thank you, miss. That’s incredibly kind of you to say,” she said, her voice gentler than normal.

 

“No problem, sweetie!” She said jovially, “Now, go knock their socks off!”

 

Stepping out of the makeup tent, Sai found herself looking right at Sebastian, who was also dressed up for the party. She raised her brows at him, surprised by how well done it was. He wore no shirt, but his torso was wrapped in vines and twigs, which gathered at his back and sprouted into wings. His dark skin contrasted well with the green of the leaves and foliage that wrapped his legs and waist. “Well done, Sebastian, you look perfect.”

 

Taking notice of the talent who had just emerged from the tent, the assistant felt his mouth drop open slightly and his eyes widen. He’d been expecting Lory to come up with something extravagant...but this...it was too much. Recovering quickly, he gave her an easy smile and gestured out for her to take his arm, “Not nearly as perfect as you do, ma’am.”

 

She took his arm gratefully and he guided her towards the party, “Did Lory put you up to the costume, or do actually enjoy them?” She asked with a light hearted tone.

 

“I wasn’t a fan of them at first, but I’ve long since come around to liking them. They’re quite fun now.” He looked at her with a glint in his eye and found himself taking in her costume again. “May I just say, Ms. Akai, you really do look beautiful this evening. Even I didn’t expect something like this from you.”

 

She looked at him with a gentle expression, her blue eyes shimmering, “Thank you, Sebastian, that’s really quite the compliment coming from you, I’d think you’re used to all this already.”

 

“I thought I was,” he smirked at her, “But you seem to be a wildcard, as always.”

 

She gave him a gentle grin, “Glad to know I can keep you on your toes,” she said lightly, joking with him.

 

As they reached the venue’s doors, the President’s assistant dropped her arm gently and moved to open the doors, revealing the perfectly decorated room. She felt her lips lift into a radiant smile and she looked at him and laughed softly, “I’m far more excited for this than I should be.” 

 

“I know the feeling,” he said with a chuckle. Stepping into the room, she walked past the people in the entranceway and a hush fell over the room as the patrons found their gazes glued completely to the young woman who’d just entered. 

 

Maria, knowing that Sai was going to be coming in any minute now, ran to greet her. But she stopped short when she saw that a woman she didn’t recognize had just entered. Her eyes widened when she saw how beautiful the woman was and she bowed gracefully before her,

 

“Welcome to my party,” the little girl said, curtsying, “Thank you for coming.”

 

She looked up once again and took in the woman’s appearance. She had long blonde hair that curled around her beautifully. Braided into it were iridescent jewels and beads. It reached long past her waist and ended in gorgeous, perfectly curled ringlets. Her flawless skin was covered in glittering, sparkling ink patterns of deep blues and greens that swirled across her arms, chest, and went all over her face. The beautiful fabric wrapping her body shone and changed colors under the lighting, turning various shades of the sea as it hugged the curves and sways of her form. Around her shoulders was a sheer shawl, embroidered with pearls and stones. 

 

The most beautiful part of the woman though, was the pair of enormous blue butterfly wings on her back. They were a gorgeous mix of icy and deep blue, growing deeper towards the edges of the translucent fabric. The wings themselves were coated with a shimmering glitter that sparkled in the light and made the wings appear to move and shift. She was a true fairy, standing in front of Maria. And on her head was a silver tiara, with a huge sapphire set right in the center. 

 

Looking down at the young girl in her own fairy costume, Sai bent down and brushed a lock of her golden hair behind her ear, “Why thank you, young lady. May I wish you a Happy Birthday on this wonderful evening?” her voice came out slow and deeper than usual, soft and elegant just like she was.

 

Immediately, Maria blushed and bowed her head, “Thank you, your highness.” She said, indicating to the swirling silver metal that donned the woman’s crown. Maria then watched in astonishment as the princess’s blue lips lifted up into a stunning, angelic smile. 

 

“You don’t have to be so proper to you own sister,” she said, her icy eyes glinting mischievously at the young girl.

 

As realization dawned on Maria, her jaw dropped completely and she hand to fling a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming, and when she was finally able to speak, she looked at the woman with enormous eyes, “Sister? Is that really you?”

 

The woman laughed and the sound it made was absolutely awe-inspiringly beautiful, “Yes, my dear Maria, it’s me. You didn’t recognize me?” She asked, her lips pulling into a mock pout.

 

“Not at all!!” The little girl squeaked, “You looked so, I mean, you do look...you’re just...wow…” Maria stuttered, still in disbelief that she was looking at Sai.

 

“Come on,” Sai said, standing up and gesturing out a perfectly manicured hand, her nails a pearly white and glowing against the dark blue ink that decorated her skin. “Let’s go survey our kingdom,” she said, handing the young girl a golden tiara that matched her silver one.

 

Looking up at Sai with big, golden eyes, Maria squealed in joy and asked the talent to place in on her head. Smiling down at her, the now blonde fairy did so, taking Maria’s hand when she’d finished and the two walked around the room, everyone stopping to stare at the stunning woman dressed in her beautiful costume. 

 

They danced together and tried the food that Sai had slaved over for a good part of the day. Once they’d been together for a majority of the evening, Sai found herself in a deep conversation with several other attendees and Maria drifted back towards the entrance. 

 

Right as she approached, two familiar faces drifted into her view, and she ran towards them, “Reeen!!” She said happily, “You made it!!” She squeaked, throwing herself around him.

 

“Of course I did, don’t be silly.” He said warmly, giving her a hug. “Happy Birthday, Maria.” Ren’s voice said gently, making Maria blush with happiness.

 

“I was worried we’d be even later,” Yashiro admitted, also bending down to see the little girl, “But I’m glad we made it this early. Happy Birthday, Ms. Maria.” He said happily.

 

After they’d talked for a few minutes, Maria noticed something, “Ren, you aren’t wearing a costume!” She said in surprise, “And neither are you, Yashiro…” She looked between them with big eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, Maria, we didn’t have any time to fix anything up and we wanted to get here as soon as possible, to see you.” Ren said easily, thinking it would immediately improve her mood.

 

However, she huffed at them and waved her finger, “So many people didn’t dress up, and I was disappointed at that enough, but I expected you two to at least come wearing something!” 

 

Both men put their hands up in surrender before her frustration, “I really am sorry, Maria,” Ren said carefully, “I know how much dressing up meant to you, but really I just wanted to see you on your birthday,” he said softly, smiling at her.

 

Maria relented and let go of her anger, smiling up at him, “Thank you, then, for taking the time to come see me.” She hugged him again and he stood up, taking a moment to scan the crowd for any sight of Sai and her bright red hair.

 

“Looking for my sister, hmm?” She asked him teasingly, and his gaze snapped back to hers in surprise,

 

“Hmm? Oh! No, I was looking for the President, actually,” he lied, setting Maria down.

 

“I know you’re lying.” She said in a huff, and crosses her arms.

 

Yashiro chuckled at him softly and patted his shoulder, “You really did cover that up badly,” he admitted, “You must have been awfully eager to see her,” he teased, his tone playful and devious. 

 

“I absolutely was not.” The actor insisted, “I was just curious if she looks as beautiful as little Maria here, but I realized that wasn’t possible,” he tried, looking at the little girl hopefully.

 

“Nope.” She said softly, a blush rising on her cheeks all the same, “Not falling for it. But sister is in costume.” Maria looked at Ren pointedly, waving her finger at him again, “And you’ll never find her!” She stated, clearly happy with herself. 

 

In the distance, Lory could be heard calling for Maria and she bid Ren and Yashiro a good evening, running off toward him. At first, the two men walked with each other getting a feel for the party, but after a while, Yashiro detached to go get a plate of food, knowing Ren wouldn’t be interested. Now by himself, Ren surveyed the party and decided a good glass of something dark would benefit him greatly. He meandered toward the bar and ordered a whiskey he didn’t recognize, sitting down.

 

As he nursed through it, he took notice of the costumes in the room, both good and bad, and laughed softly to himself about how he was glad he hadn’t attempted one himself. Swaying slightly to the music, he finished his glass and was pondering getting a refill when movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. 

 

Turning to get a better view of it, he found an absolutely stunning woman had just sat next to him at the bar. If he had to rank the quality of the costumes at Maria’s party, hers was the quintessential one, and it was obvious. He’d seen her across the room earlier and had whistled appreciatively, but up close...it was even more exquisite. 

 

“You look awfully beautiful this evening, miss.” He said smoothly, catching her attention. His eyes widened when they made eye contact, as a shock ran through him how her icy blue eyes regarded him warmly and tenderly. 

 

Slowly, her blue-tinted lips pulled up into a smirk, and she said to him in a low, bewitching and smooth tone, “I never would have expected you to say so, sir.” The smile donning her perfectly plump lips turned upward further until it was obvious that she was amused.

 

Suddenly, a sharp sense of dread shot through Ren and he turned to face the ravishing woman who sat next to him, his empty glass completely forgotten. He gazed intently into those icy eyes and tried to block out the blonde hair and makeup. In a flash, it hit him who was sitting not even a foot away, “Ms. Akai?” His voice came out soft and hesitant, not even believing his own mind.

 

“Good evening, Mr. Tsuruga,” she said in her normal voice, and he actually leaped off his stool as he looked at her. Slowly turning her head to face him, she got up from her own seat and turned to face him, “So...what do you think?” She asked, the familiar teasing glint in her eyes now unmistakable. 

 

“I...I can’t believe you’re the same person…” he said softly, before recovering and shaking his head, “But of course you are, after all, the President would spare no expense on you, being part of the planning team.”

 

She looked at him and took in with great entertainment that he was now avoiding her eyes completely, and she realized he was embarrassed that he hadn’t recognized her. Smiling even wider, she said in her lower voice again, “Yes...that was definitely it.” Clearly teasing him, she smirked at the actor who was forced to look at her and take in her appearance all over again. 

 

“I don’t take back what I said though,” he said so gently that she had to strain to hear him, “You do look beautiful.”

 

Giving him a fully genuine and beguiling smile, Sai laughed, pure and sweet, and it sent uncomfortable shivers down Ren’s spine with how charming and gentle it was, like a true fairy queen’s. “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga,” she said with ease, making his heart beat a little faster.

 

“Saiyuka!” A booming voice called from behind them, and both young adults turned to find Lory riding up in a full fairy prince get up, still on his white horse. Ren immediately noticed that he’d just addressed her with her entire first name, and was both extremely confused and altogether frustrated, deciding that it wasn’t worth the struggle to figure it out. 

 

Sai herself turned to face him with a gentle smile on her lips, “Ah, Lory, I see you went all out on your costume yet again.”

 

“Not as much as you, my dear,” He gave her a gentle wink and motioned in the direction of the stage at the other end of the venue, “Now, I need your help for this part,” he said, a serious look coming over his face, “Maria’s father will be arriving any minute.” 

 

Sai looked up at him in surprise, and then her face was lit up with another wondrous smile, “Understood. I’m on my way.” She turned back to Ren and gave him a gentle bow, careful in her costume and with her wings, “It was wonderful to see you, Mr. Tsuruga. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” She said with a smirk, before quickly drifting across the venue.

 

“Ah, Ren!” Lory called from up on his horse, “Are you enjoying yourself?” He asked with expectant eyes.

 

Giving an amused smile, the actor replied, “So far, yes, although I must say I didn’t appreciate getting fooled by that costume of hers.”

 

“You know as well as I do that it wasn’t just the costume, Ren.” The President said down at him, “She fooled you with her acting too. Don’t kid yourself just because you have more experience.” His eyes twinkled.

 

His brow twitching, he was about to retort to Lory’s remark, but the man cut him off, “And Ren, I don’t see why you haven’t asked her to dance yet. You might have lost your chance.”

 

With that, he rode off on his stallion and left Ren near the bar, completely confused as to what the man wanted from him. Calling from a ways away now, Lory added, “Oh, and Ren! Try some of the food, anything, she helped make nearly every dish.”

 

_ Of course she did... _ Ren thought to himself, shaking his head and sitting back down at the bar, immediately asking for a refill. As he sipped this one, he found his gaze continually moving back to her, watching her elegant movements, as she coached the band through something and discussed with Lory their plan. 

 

She eventually moved to distract Maria and Ren sighed as he finished his drink. Getting up, he went over to one of the many tables of beautifully prepared food, and tried one of the smaller items. Even as he was eating it, he was acutely aware that she was around, and somehow it made what he’d just eaten even more delicious.

 

Shaking his head and grabbing a plate, he gathered enough to be generally conceived as a meal, he sat down and watched as the show began, the lights dimming and Lory’s voice booming over the loudspeakers.

 

“Ladies and gentlefaires!!” He said, and a collective groan was heard from different parts of the room. “It’s my pleasure to introduce you to the guest of honor and birthday guest herself, Maria Takarada!!”

 

He stepped aside, allowing the young girl in her flower fairy costume to set up and take a bow as the room erupted in applause. “And now, I’d like to present the beloved birthday girl with her present.” The President’s voice returned, offstage now, and the stage erupted in a flurry of fabric butterflies and paper lanterns that burst with color and glitter. Huge sounds of approval and massive applause echoed off the walls of the room as the beauty of it all wrapped around the room. Without warning, a wardrobe rolled its way onstage and Sebastian peeked his head out from the back, urging Maria to open it. 

 

She did so, a giant smile plastered on her face, and she was immediately covered the most colorful assortment of roses and tulips that anyone had ever seen. She laughed and looked out at the audience from her bed of flowers and turned to take a bow. Appearing behind her, from inside the wardrobe, two figures peered out from inside, and the crowd gasped in shock. Hearing this, Maria whipped around only to find herself faced with Sai in her absolutely stunning outfit with an equally stunning man on her arm. A man who Maria vaguely recognized. Her father.

 

Standing there for a moment in shock, Maria didn’t even notice Sai part from the man who stood before her, as she drifted to the sidelines. Staring only at her father, she watched as he went down to one knee and addressed her with a soft voice in the complete silence of the room, “Good evening, Maria...Happy Birthday.” He started, and watched as she trembled in slight worry at the edge of the stage. “I...was extremely happy to receive your invitation. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you Maria.” He said, with a slight crack in his voice.

 

“I...I’m sorry, father,” she said softly, “I’m sorry that I pushed you away, and that I never answered you. I’m sorry that I didn’t understand what you wanted from me, and I’m sorry that I didn’t let you back into my life.” Tears poured down Maria’s cheeks as she got all of her misery and affection out at once, rising from her bed of flowers.

 

“No, Maria, I’m the one who should be sorry.” Kouki said softly, “I knew that you were here, all alone, and suffering because of me, but I couldn’t face you. I haven’t been a good father to you, Maria. You never asked anything for yourself, you were such a good daughter to us. So to have you ask for one selfish thing, that was no crime. But because of that, Maria is so mature now, and she doesn’t ask me for selfish things anymore. I feel like I never got to be a father to you, I never got to spoil you rotten like I wanted. So...for you to ask me to attend, Maria...it’s made me so happy…” He said, smiling like a small child, a light blush over his cheeks.

 

Sniffling, Maria looked at him and said, “I...I was...I was so scared. I acted like I always do when I sent it...but I was so...so afraid that you would, that daddy would…” her words fell on the room and, even though they were incomplete, everyone knew that she was scared that his plane would crash, just like her mother’s had. “But...my sister...my sister told me, she told me that as long as I hoped and loved you enough...that you’d come to me safely.”

 

Kouki’s eyes widened and he blinked once, not really knowing what to think when Maria mentioned a “sister”, but instead just focusing on how she believed he’d be okay so long as she loved him enough, and he opened his arms wide for her, “Maria, you did it then. I came to see you today, because you asked me to, and I’m safe and sound. Which means you loved me with all of your heart.”

 

With the largest smile she’d ever given, Maria fell into a full sprint as she ran towards her father, who dropped to both knees and flung his arms around his daughter and held her to him as tight as he could, “Thank you...Maria…” he said into the continued silence, “Thank you for being such a perfect and amazing daughter, thank you for loving me enough to keep me safe, thank you for being yourself, my Maria. I love you.”

 

With a loud sniffle and a sobbing sound, she said, “I love you too...father.” And the room erupted into applause even louder than before. It was near deafening. 

 

Having long finished his version of a meal, Ren found himself drifting towards the stage, where Sai had hopped down from and was standing near. As he approached, he saw with a staggering realization that there was a single tear rolling down her cheek. Doing the first thing he thought of, he handed her the handkerchief in his pocket and watched as her gaze snapped up to his and she laughed at his gesture.

 

“Ah...been a long time since I’ve done this.” She said, motioning toward her cheeks, taking the cloth from him gratefully. She dabbed at the tears carefully, doing her best to avoid smudging the ink on her face onto the fabric. 

 

“At least they’re because you’re happy, right?” He asked her, folding his hands behind him gracefully.

 

She let a quivering sigh out and said, “Partially.” His eyes roved over to her in question, but before he could say anything else, Maria was pointing to her and Lory waved his hand for her to come over. She gave Ren a gentle nod which he returned and then she allowed herself to be pulled onstage. 

 

Once onstage, Maria ran towards her and Kouki looked at the beautiful woman he’d entered the stage with in slight shock, “This is my sister, father.” The little girl said in the most warm voice he’d ever heard her use.

 

“It’s really very wonderful to meet you, sir,” Sai said to him, gesturing out with her beautifully manicured and inked hand, “My name is Saiyuka Akai.”

 

From Kouki’s expression, she knew the name hadn’t helped him at all, and she leaned in close to him and whispered the name he’d be more likely to know her by. Stepping back she gave Maria a large smile, but didn’t miss the look of absolute horror cross over her father’s face when he placed the name she’d given him. Quickly though, he reverted back to his normal expression and simply looked happy to meet her. 

 

Maria gave him a quick run through of how they’d met and a tearful rendition of how they’d bonded. After she’d finished, Lory came back on the stage and she ran to give him another big hug. In their first moment of semi-solitude, Kouki spoke to Sai in a hushed voice,

 

“She doesn’t know, does she?” Indicating that he meant Maria.

 

Pausing for a moment, Sai managed to say, “No. No one knows. You’re the first person besides Lory who knows who I am in this country.”

 

“Will you ever tell her?” He asked, watching his daughter innocently tease his father.

 

“Perhaps. But I do like ‘sister’ better than ‘auntie’, I’m afraid.” She said, giving Kouki a gentle smile.

 

He looked at her with realization, “Oh, that’s right...hmm, no, I’d rather consider you her sister than mine. Easily.”

 

Sai laughed beautifully and Kouki looked at her fondly, “I remember when you used to laugh like that as a little girl. I’ve missed it.”

 

“Those dinners Lory threw were always special times for us, weren’t they?” Sai said, remembering when her godfather would throw large dinner parties and invite his closest friends and their families. That’s where she’d met Kouki all those years ago. She hadn’t placed his name until Maria had shown her a picture of him though. 

 

“Yes. Things are very different now though…” He said, a dark tone in his voice.

 

Sai looked at him out of the corner of her eye and slapped the side of his shoulder lightly, “Don’t get all dark on me, now.” She said softly, “There are things that I have now that I wouldn’t trade to have that life back. And I mean that.” Sai’s icy eyes met his dark ones, “I’m making a life for myself now, I’m done letting myself go. It’s time you made one for you and your daughter.” She said confidently, and he gave her a grateful smile, before picking up her hand and brushing his lips against her knuckles.

 

“Thank you, Saiyuka. I’m glad I got to meet you again. I look forward to the future.” He said, a happy gleam in his eye. With that, he bowed again and went back to his daughter, who was glad to see him and hugged him once again, with a happier expression than she’d worn in a long time.

 

Standing there watching, Sai felt a pang of pain shoot through her heart again. Watching Maria with her father like that...as happy as it made her to see them together and happy again, it made her long for time she’d lost with her own father. With her family. And watching Maria happy with him, it made her wish for the impossible.

 

“Ms. Akai?” She heard from off stage, and she turned her head slowly to see a dark haired man calling her name with a concerned expression on his face. She walked towards this now familiar face until she could hear him better, “Ms. Akai, are you alright?” The actor she’d come to know over the months she’d worked with her godfather asked her, the worry in his voice evident.

 

“Yes, of course. Why do you ask, Mr. Tsuruga?” Yes. That was his name, Ren Tsuruga. The man who could both send her spiraling into fits of anger she hadn’t experienced in a long time, and make her feel safer and more happy than she thought she’d ever be again. He’d become a constant in her weeks of living, and as dangerous as it was, she was beginning to count on him to pull her out of the slumps she’d so often find herself in.

 

“You looked like something was paining you. And knowing you, well, you don’t often show such things so outwardly…” He trailed off, watching her features smooth out until the strange display of pain was all but gone, replaced by a gentle, glowing smile.

 

“Something  **was** paining me. But it’s alright now.” She said softly, and held her hand out, asking for his help without words. Taking her outstretched palm, he gracefully helped the stunning fairy princess off the stage, and she looked up at him with a gentle, grateful expression that he wasn’t expecting.

 

Recovering as much as he could, Ren managed to say, “We’re heading out, Yashiro and I...and I know you came with Maria this morning, but she looks like she’ll be a while,” He said, gesturing to the little girl surrounded by friends and family. “So I was wondering if you’d like a ride.”

 

She looked up at him again with that gentle expression, stunning him, “I’d love that, Mr. Tsuruga, thank you for your offer.” Her smooth voice drifted into his ears and he cleared his throat to try and keep the effects of her voice from clogging his voice any further.

 

“Would you mind getting changed then? I doubt those wings would fit in my car, and I have to say that I’m a bit adverse to all the glitter.” He joked, a smile coming over his own features.

 

“Ah, right. You have a reputation to uphold, of course,” she said back, staring into his eyes with a teasing, but soft expression.

 

“You understand,” he said back, unable to take his eyes off of her. 

 

Interrupting the moment though, was a young man with a large camera, who tapped on Sai’s shoulder hesitantly and she turned to look at him, her lips pulled into an ‘o’.

 

“I’m sorry if I interrupted something,” he stuttered out, nervous in her presence, “But I was wondering if I could get a photograph of you before you changed. I believe you were on your way out, so I didn’t want to miss you.” He looked up at her shyly and she smiled gently, understanding.

 

“I don’t mind at all, where would you like me to stand?” He guided her to a perfectly situated photography set up and took three quick pictures, each capturing the beauty she’d managed to bring to Maria’s birthday that evening. 

 

On her way out, Sebastian helped escort her to the makeup tent, where the remaining makeup artist carefully removed all the pieces of her costume and cleaned her up until standing in the mirror in front of her again was Saiyuka Akai, the fiery haired talento, making her way through her life and trying to find a place where she fit. And she was okay with that. She loved who she was in that moment. And it made a tiny smile overtake her pink lips.

 

Walking out of the tent, she found the actor and his manager waiting for her. Spotting her, Yashiro said gently, “Ah, Ms. Saiyuka, I see you’re back to normal.” She gave him a small smile, nodding happily, “Do you miss the magic?” He asked as they made their way to Ren’s Porsche.

 

“Actually,” she said softly, climbing into the back before Yashiro could say anything this time, “I’m happy I’m myself again. I enjoy being me the most, I think. Watching the growth.” She said, tilting her head. Ren peered at the both of them in interest and several things came to his mind at once before he lined them up and asked the two of them a series of questions while starting his car,

 

“Mr. Yashiro, when did you start calling her ‘Ms. Saiyuka?’” He asked, blinking at his manager. 

 

Letting out a chuckle, Yashiro looked at him in disbelief, “Is this the first time you’ve noticed?”

 

Looking at him with a hurt expression, Ren asked, “Yes, why? How long has it been?”

 

Sai laughed from the backseat, poking her head up so he could see her in the rearview mirror, “He’s been calling me that since I stopped wearing all that stuff and just started walking around as me.”

 

Ren snapped his head to look at his manager who shrugged, “I figured you’d noticed already,” was all he said and the Sai laughed a little more in his backseat. 

 

“You’re free to call me whatever you wish, Mr. Tsuruga.” She said casually, knowing that he wouldn’t call her anything else.

 

“Ms. Akai is fine. I don’t need anything more friendly,” he said with an edge to his voice. Sai rolled her eyes, already knowing he’d do that.

 

Yashiro glanced at his charge, knowing it would have been much more like the typical Ren to simply call them by a more casual name, or, if he was really against it, tell them that he couldn’t possibly be so casual at this point. He’d cover it up with lots of smiles and laughter and elegance and the women wouldn’t even notice. With Sai though, he was so blunt and cold. Yashiro would never understand what made her so different to him.

 

On their way over, Ren continually needed directions to reach her block, and Sai teased him for not knowing the way yet, but he defended himself by saying that he didn’t know the neighborhood. As he pulled up to her apartment though, she thanked him genuinely and said goodnight to both the actor and his manager, who wished her the same. She stepped onto the sidewalk with her tote and waved to them as they drove away and then she turned and walked into her apartment.

 

Knowing that she was probably too exhausted to shower, she simply got into her pajamas and went down to her living room to grab an extra blanket to combat that coldness of her bedroom. Once she had it in her arms though, she flopped onto her couch to deal with the festering war in her heart over what exactly had happened earlier. 

 

She’d finished talking with Kouki before Ren had gotten her attention. In that moment, she’d felt as if something was crushing her chest. Like there was a searing heat that was poisoning her blood and weighing her lungs down. It had come on so suddenly she hadn’t even really recognized that something was happening.

 

She recognized the feeling. That had been how she’d felt when she first moved to Lory’s villa what seemed like decades ago. Hopeless. Like an unmoving force was weighing her body down and she was made of glass and was fracturing rapidly. 

 

And in one swift motion, Ren had pulled her out of it. She hadn’t even realized how bad she was or how close to breaking she’d been, and if he hadn’t seen her, hadn’t called to her, she didn’t know what would have happened. Without knowing it, he’d saved her in that moment. How? She didn’t know. Why him? She didn’t know that either. But she’d show him how grateful she was, one day. One day.

 

With those thoughts racing through her head and the turmoil in her heart settling down, Sai fell asleep right there on the couch, all the lights on, just one comforter wrapped around her shoulders. She hadn’t known how exhausted she was, or how much of a relief it had been to find support in someone again. 

 

With all those compounding factors added on to how much she desperately wanted to be happy and content again, it was easy to believe that Sai fell asleep in such a way, fully relaxed for once, even if it was just for a few precious hours of rest.   
  



	12. Chapter 12

Waking up far too early in the morning to be well rested, Sai dragged herself throughout her apartment getting ready, trying to stretch out her neck after sleeping on it wrong the previous night. During her morning routine, she received a call from Lory’s assistant, requesting her presence once she was in the building that morning. 

 

He informed her that she’d be meeting with a possible director who may want to hire her. When she got off the phone, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and her own self-doubt got ahead of her, seeing the rosiness of her cheeks. In a split second decision, she brought out the jar of foundation she’d finally had the heart to put underneath her bathroom cabinets and set to work with it.

 

At the receptionist desk, the young woman who had often welcomed Sai into the building had just gotten used to seeing her natural beauty. Because of that, seeing the young talent walk into the lobby again covered in the ghastly foundation and wrapped into her binder, the dark haired receptionist was more than surprised, to say the least. She watched as the redhead disappeared down the hall and bit her lip. Making a split second decision, she picked up her phone and dialed Lory.

 

“Ah, yes. Hello, Mr. President. This is Umaki, down in the lobby...I believe you should hear about what just happened…”

 

“Ms. Umaki, yes, of course. Go ahead,” the President prompted, his voice forcefully light as he had an inkling about what the young woman would tell him.

 

“It’s about Saiyuka Akai. You told me to inform you of anything strange going on with her?”

 

Lory’s brows lowered in frustration and he ran a hand down his face. He’d known this was going to be about the redhead. “Yes, I did. Has something happened?”

 

“Oh! Nothing bad!” The dark haired woman insisted quickly, “It’s just...I know she’s here for a meeting this morning, and she’s walked in with all that stuff caked on her face again. I just found that to be unusual, you know? She hasn’t done it for a while…” Feeling like she was rambling, Umaki snapped her jaw shut and allowed the President to comment.

 

He was silent for a few seconds, considering all the options he had at the moment. Sighing heavily, he chose one that he figured might be the best for Sai herself, rather than the best for his business ventures. “Well, there’s no way the interview can proceed if she insists on looking like that. I suppose there’s only really one thing we can do at this point.”

 

Nibbling on her lower lip in nervousness, Umaki managed, “A-and what would that be, Mr. President, sir?”

 

“Have you ever heard of Soar Productions, Ms. Umaki?” He asked, his voice mysteriously level and calm.

 

Umaki blinked twice, trying desperately to wrap her head around why he was asking. “Uh, no. I suppose I haven’t. Why?”

 

“I would have been surprised if you had. They’re up and coming, brand new and very good, but their publicity is a little underwhelming. And there’s not much word of mouth going around any longer.”

 

“Why are you telling me this, sir? Are you thinking of transferring her over to them?”

 

The dark haired receptionist was surprised when the next thing she heard from the phone she was clutching was a rumbling, deep laughter. “Oh, no! Absolutely not! Nothing like that, Ms. Umaki.” Lory cleared his throat and brushed a strand of hair back from his face. “There’s actually someone I would like to transfer from there to here. A woman who already knows of Sai’s situation and could possibly help her out.”

 

“A woman?” Umaki inquired, “Who?”

 

“A makeup artist. She’s worked with Saiyuka before and could be a great help here as well. Hopefully, with that artist’s help, we can rid that nasty habit of hers for good.”

 

“So, shall I bring her in?”

 

“As soon as possible, Ms. Umaki.” He told her, a light smile playing on his lips.

 

“May I get a name and the number I can use to reach the agency?” Umaki asked, posing a pen over a bright green post it note.

 

“Rio Honda. That’s her name.” Lory told her, listing off the sequence of numbers the receptionist needed and then thanking the dark haired woman for her diligence and keen eyes. He then settled into the couch as his assistant opened the doors wide and an old friend of his entered.

 

“Ah, Director Sanda! It’s great to see you!” He stood, reached out his hand for the older man to shake.

 

“You as well, Mr. President, sir. You’re looking good, things going well for you?” The elderly man said, shaking the President’s hand and then settling into the sofa opposite him.

 

“Yes, they really are. I just hope I can be of some help to you this morning.”

 

“As do I. Have you chosen someone you think will match my expectations?” He raised a bushy white eyebrow and tapped on his knee.

 

“I have, Sanada. And I was informed by my assistant she arrived some time ago and is waiting for us to finish this initial meeting in a neighboring room.” The President told him, glancing at the large set of wooden doors leading to a sitting room adjoined to his office. 

 

Just as he’d said, Sai had arrived promptly several minutes earlier and was now seated in the luxurious next door room, tsking Lory for his constant need to go over the top with his decor. This month’s theme was Egypt - again. He never got over that one. The room was filled with golden artifacts, which were no doubt real, knowing him. There were even two gem-encrusted sarcofagi in the room. Looking at them made Sai shiver, as she felt like they were watching her. 

 

The longer she waited, the more her irritation grew. Although it didn’t show outwardly at first, it reached a point where she had to have an outlet. Compromising with herself, she began to tap her foot, slowly at first. As minutes turned to hours of waiting, the tapping increased in speed tremendously. 

 

As she glanced at the clock for the umpteenth time, Sai’s irritation was beginning to warp into nervousness. She rarely got nervous, and when she did, she took it badly. To compensate for the growing knot in her stomach, she began to tap out a beat against her lap. When she was stressed, she often turned to music…but she hadn’t in a very long time. 

 

In the room next door, Lory froze mid sentence. He whipped around to the doors where he knew he’d kept Sai waiting for a long time. 

 

“Uh…Mr. President, sir?” The scruffy director noticed his immediate shift in mood and questioned him.

 

“Do you hear that?” Lory slowly rose out of his chair and drifted toward the doors behind his chair. 

 

Straining his ears, the old man eventually heard a rhythmic beat emanating from underneath the door frame. It was complex, but it worked, and it was very well done, steady, powerful, and passionate. “I do…but what does a little music have to do with your charge?”

 

A warm smile spread across Lory’s face as he was elated to hear her turn back to music for support rather than her usual silence. He cleared his throat and turned back to the director with renewed vigor, “Everything, Sanada, everything. She’s completely ready for this. Give her a shot. I promise you that you won’t regret it.”

 

Director Sanada sighed heavily, resigning to Lory’s will. “Fine. I’ll see her.” Lory’s face lit up with excitement. “No promises!” Sanada croaked out, “I’ll take a look at her and judge from there.”

 

Lory nodded to his butler, who bowed before him respectfully and stepped out of the room. He approached a young girl with brunette hair, staring focused at her phone. 

 

“Ms. Honda?” Sebastian crouched in front of her, looking into her eyes as they jerked away from her phone screen. She screamed loudly, before stifling the noise and slamming her phone shut, blinking at him in shock.

 

“Ah…yes! Yes! Hello, I’m Rio Honda!” She pushed hair out of her face and smoothed her dress. She’d never met the president of any company before and was more nervous than she’d ever been in her entire life. Especially because this one seemed so…eccentric.

 

“Yes, Ms. Honda, I’m aware. The President wishes to see you now.” He bowed before her, gesturing to the large doors.

 

“H-he does? Why?” She shied away from him worriedly.

 

“It’s come to his attention that you know a thing or two about his newest recruit and he’d like to have a word with you about keeping some secrets.”

 

Her mind immediately went to the strange girl in the pink, Akari, or something like that. Her uniform did say “LME” on it…and she had revealed to her her true appearance.  _ Am I in trouble? Have I done something wrong? I thought it was okay!! I kept the secret, I swear! I haven’t breathed a word! _

 

“Follow me, please.” The dark-skinned man wrapped in Egyptian linens began walking toward the doors. She squeaked and stuttered after him, 

 

“B-but…but wait! I’m not entirely sure what’s going on!”

 

“The President doesn’t like to be kept waiting, Ms. Honda. Just follow me, it’ll make sense once he talks to you.” He pulled open the big doors and waited for her to enter before closing them and staying on the outside, leaving her alone to face the President.

 

She couldn’t help her jaw from reaching the floor as she stared at a scene straight from a Hollywood film based in Egypt. It was so detailed and accurate, from the architecture to the color palette, to the decor. Immediately, she noticed two men, but knew which one was the President from his costume. He was a Pharaoh. 

 

“A-ah!!” She moved into a bow, flinging herself into it and stumbling over her words, “G-good afternoon! My name is Honda. Ah! Rio! Rio Honda! The…makeup artist…from Soar Productions…umm…it’s good to make your a-acquaintance, Mr. Takarada, uh…Oh! I mean, Mr. President! Uh…” Her face was completely red as she failed so terribly at introducing herself.

 

She watched as the man’s face moved from startled, to surprised, to humored, to holding back laughter. She trailed off as she first started to hear him laugh. He eventually whipped his head back in laughter and waved his hand at her,

 

“Dear girl,” he said, gasping in air. “There’s no need to be so nervous! I wanted to ask you a favor, you’re not in trouble.” He regained his previous composure and smiled at her assuringly. Rio relaxed slightly, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment. “Please,” he gestured toward the chair between the couches, “sit down.”

 

Rio bowed again and made her way over tentatively. She set her purse down next to the chair and relaxed into its soft fabric. “So, um…Mr. President? What sort of favor could you possibly ask of me?” She looked up at him hesitantly, looking like a small, guilty puppy.

 

“I’ve been informed that you are aware of our dear little Saiyuka Akai’s current condition?”

 

_ Akai! That was her name _ , Rio remembered her well. She knew that the President was referring to the fact that she hid her appearance, but Rio didn’t see why that was a “condition”…

 

All the same, she replied, “Yes. And I swear!” She scooched to the edge of the chair, “I haven’t told a soul!” She told him passionately, making him laugh again.

 

“Oh I know you haven’t, that’s why I’d like to bring you on board. And you don’t have to worry about keeping the secret anymore, she’s been easing herself out of the habit. She mostly allows her true self to show, now.”

 

This took Rio’s breath away.  _ What? On board? Like…he wants me to join…LME? What?!  _ He chuckled again at her shocked expression.

 

“Really, Ms. Honda, you’ve got great talent as an artist, and I know of your troubled background.” He watched that register on her face as horror consumed her expression and she recoiled, sealing herself away. “I also value that you’re so willing to help with this stubborn young girl. She’s got amazing talent as well, but she locks herself away too much. I’m going to try to help her unlock more of herself by acting under my supervision.”

 

Rio, despite her racing, raging mind, was interested in what he was saying. She took a deep breath, pushing down the awful experiences she’d had with aspiring actresses in the past. She felt like they’d occurred a lifetime ago. She forced herself to look up at him, indicating for him to continue.

 

“I’d like you to assist me in that. And I’m also offering you a job.” Her eyes widened at his statement, weighing her options as she considered the gravity of this conversation. 

 

“A job…?” She stuttered, toying with her hair to get rid of her nervousness.

 

“Yes. I’ll hire you as a makeup artist on my go-to girl’s team.” Rio’s whole face lit up instantly… _ A makeup artist…for LME?! Oh what I’d give for something like that!! _

 

“I absolutely-”

 

“I know it’s sudden, but I’d like you to think about it before you answer me. From what I’ve seen of your work, your talent is extremely untapped, and I know that I could help you access it. But you have to be willing to let me. There’s a place for you in the department of my charge, Ms. Akai. We’d start you easy, working undercover with her, you two as a team. And then I’d get you more into working with other talents again. Slowly, but surely.”

 

She looked up at him in slight fear, “The…Love Me Department?”

 

“Isn’t it just lovely?” He beamed at her, clearly in love with his own idea for a talent department.

 

“Well…” she looked at the other, older man in the room for help, but he was shaking his head in disbelief. He’d been quiet up to this point, and Rio was curious as to his identity, but she’d wait. “I…don’t know if I’d say ‘lovely’…but…it’s interesting.” She gave Lory a half-hearted smile, but it seemed to please the President.

 

“Wonderful! Now, I’d like you to take some time, seriously consider both. I have an assignment for you, whether you accept a job or not, and it’ll give you a chance to get to know LME and Ms. Akai a little better, to see if this is something you’re even interested in.”

 

She nodded to him, suppressing her inner struggle and pressing on, “So tell me about this assignment.”

 

Lory gave her a gently smile and gestured to the man opposite him, “This is Director Shuji Sanada. He’s premiering a new idea for a variety show. He wanted to base it off of an absolutely stunning matchmaker, who interviews various celebrities solely about their love lives, plays a few lighthearted games. A somewhat mysterious, but alluring character. He so far has yet to find an ideal actress for a such a role, and I’ve suggested Ms. Akai.”

 

Rio was following so far, she’d bowed to the man who nodded to her in respect, and they both listened to Lory. As he described the character briefly, Rio could picture the young woman fitting the image perfectly, with just a few touches and costume pieces here and there. “Oh I completely agree.” She said right as he finished, “She’s perfect.”

 

“See?” Lory gestured excitedly toward the young brunette, “I told you she’d agree! You’ll love her, Sanada!”

 

Rio giggled at the exasperated expression that the older man gave the President, but something still nagged at her, “You didn’t only want me here for my opinion, did you?”

 

“Oh not at all!” Lory waved his hand in front of him. “What I needed you for was mainly to help me showcase her. If she waltzes in here the way she carries herself in public, there’s no way old Sanada here would take two glances at her. Go take all that useless foundation off her face. She has to stop covering herself up under all that makeup, or there’s no way she’s getting this job.”

 

Suddenly, her presence made sense to Rio, she was here to make Sai look presentable enough to get the role. She could feel the elation rise to her chest as she nodded vehemently, eager to help the shy but beautiful young woman rise to her potential. 

 

A warm, tender smile rose on Lory’s lips and he pointed to the large set of doors and indicated that she was in that room. Rising to her feet, she nodded in respect to both the men who returned the gesture and walked up to the doors, knocking gently on the thick wood. Rio opened the door slowly and peeked her head in to see a rather surprised looking young woman with brilliantly red hair. A smile spread across Rio’s face. 

 

“Hello again,” she said softly, closing the door behind her, the excitement evident in her voice. As Sai placed her face, the shocked expression she’d been wearing immediately turned to one of pure happiness. 

 

“Oh, it’s you!” She stood and gave the brunette a hug, and then smiled at her warmly. The smile eventually turned shy though and she bit her lip, “I’m really sorry, but I never got your name last time.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Rio laughed softly, sure that the younger woman was blushing under all that foul foundation. “It’s Rio, Rio Honda.”

 

“That’s beautiful!” She exclaimed loudly, causing Rio to blink in surprise, not expecting the redhead to be so enthusiastic. “You may know, if you spoke to the President beforehand, but my name is Saiyuka Akai. I’d like you to call me Sai though, if you don’t mind terribly.”

 

“Not at all! I’d love to! That’s really very kind of you!” She beamed at the redhead, “Oh! And call me Rio, in that case.”

 

“I’ve never gotten to call a girl friend by their first name,” Sai mumbled gently, and Rio was sure now that if Sai hadn’t been blushing before, she was blushing now.

 

“Well neither have I,” she admitted sheepishly, and the young woman gazed at her in surprise. “Don’t look at me like that! I don’t have many female friends, or even acquaintances.”

 

“You do now,” Sai looked at her tenderly and then her expression sobered as she realized that Rio must be there for a specific reason.

 

“Oh! That’s right…the President wanted me to help you remove your makeup and such.” She said without really realizing that Sai knew nothing about the situation, until she gazed upon the woman’s blank stare and blinking.

 

“Why?” She said bluntly, clearly not having been briefed at all. 

 

“Oh…well…he wants you to meet the director of a new variety show that’s premiering soon. The main host is Madam Sano, a matchmaker who’s supposed to interview stars about their love lives, and play lighthearted games to reveal to the audience what type of women they go for. We agree that you fit the role’s image well, but the director’s opinion is the one that really matters. So he asked me to help you look more ‘presentable.’ I know, his words, not mine” She added when she saw Sai’s expression.

 

Rio looked on in interest as a few very minute expressions washed over Sai’s barely-moving features. Mainly, she watched the girl war with herself over giving up her true appearance and the opportunity to act. Eventually, she relented and looked at Rio with determination, “Alright, Rio, work your magic. Let’s shock ‘em again.” She smirked lopsidedly at the brunette, whose face lit up with happiness and she nodded with an equal determination.

 

It didn’t take Rio as long the second time to remove all the makeup and dress up the aspiring actress. The two exchanged pleasant conversation as she worked, Rio admitting to the job offer and listening intently to Sai’s honestly opinion of the department, which was begrudgingly more or less positive. 

 

“Really though, Rio, as much as I’d hate to drag you into something you aren’t ready for or don’t really want to do, to have you in the department with me…would be absolutely incredible. It’s a little lonely.” Rio’s face lit up, her worries and indecision melting away as she came up with her solution. She wanted to spend more time with this incredible young woman, and all the mysteries that made up her life.

 

They continued to talk about their jobs and their lives, comparing stories and hobbies, before Rio completed the look she was going for and proudly presented Sai with a mirror to examine her full image. 

 

“Oh, Rio…oh this is magnificent…you’re a fairy godmother!” Rio’s cheeks were set aflame, and she waved her hands in front her feverently, 

 

“No, no, Sai! It’s mostly just your natural beauty!” Sai looked at her tenderly, with such affection and admiration that Rio didn’t really know how to react,

 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Rio, you’re magical.” She admired her form in the mirror, curvy as it always is without the binder, but slimmed slightly due to the sweater and skirt combination that Rio had expertly selected. Her usually so frazzled and tangled red hair was combed, voluminous, and curled perfectly in ringlets that grazed across her glowing bare shoulders. The natural makeup bolded her blue eyes and her eyelashes appeared longer and thicker, at least doubling her femininity. 

 

“Thank you, Sai…” She gazed tenderly at the beauty before her, still blushing slightly at calling her new friend by her first name so casually, after only knowing her for a few hours at most. “Shall we go see the director and the President, now?”

 

“You lead the way, Rio.” Sai looked at her in both respect for her talent and love for her friendship. Rio nodded and gave her a quick smile, before knocking on the door to the President’s room and  pushing it open. 

 

Lory turned around at the sound of the door opening, breaking off his conversation with Director Sanada, as he turned to watch his two pet projects enter. He saw Rio’s excited expression and knew she’d done a wondrous job, but even her expression couldn’t prepare him for the figure that walked through the door after her. 

 

He’d known Sai from the day she was born, but never before had he seen her look so beautiful in her natural attire as when she walked in through that door. She practically radiated femininity and grace. Lory instantly snapped his focus onto the Director, who stood up the moment she walked into his line of sight. She elegantly drifted toward them, bowing deeply and respectfully before the elderly media artist. 

 

“It’s my utmost pleasure to make your acquaintance, Director Sanada. It’s a great honor to even be considered in one of your productions.”

 

He stood shocked not only by her appearance, but they way she moved and spoke. With very slight adjustments…it would be perfect. It was a wonderful first job for her…she’d get the experience she’d need to be confident in creating characters from scratch, but she was already close enough to this character in her natural setting that she’d be able to pull it off, no doubt. 

 

Without meaning to, he’d already started planning out the first episode, and began pacing and trying to remind himself that she wasn’t his only option. But something nagged at him and he kept glancing up at her and she grew slowly more and more apprehensive with his hesitation. 

 

With a deep sigh, Sanada turned to Lory and addressed him directly, “Alright, I give. You were right. She’s perfect.” Abruptly, he turned to face the actress herself, “You’re hired.” He said gruffly. And then he pointed to Rio behind Sai, “And you, I want you to do her hair, makeup and costume, got it?”

 

“Y-yes!” Rio stuttered in shock, and she exchanged confused glances with Sai. 

 

“I’ll be heading out now, Lory. And you two,” he addressed the young women again. “The first and only dress rehearsal begins in two days. Be there by eleven in the morning sharp. I don’t tolerate lateness.”

 

Both girls nodded in sync and he huffed and mumbled to himself grumpily, showing himself out. 

 

“You both did very well, I’m so happy for the two of you,” Lory was smiling from ear-to-ear, the pride evident on his face. “I’m sure you’ll both do extremely well. But all the same, break a leg!” He winked and smirked at them encouragingly, and the two girls shared in his joy for a few moments before returning to the side room and discussing a plan for the rest of the week. 

 

They agreed to meet up at LME in two days to arrive at JL Station together, where the first meeting would take place. They parted, waving and smiling, each returning home with a warm feeling in their hearts that neither had ever truly known before that day, sisterhood through friendship.    
  



	13. Chapter 13

The luxury company car pulled into JL Studio, its sides plastered with the flamboyant LME logo. Inside, two young women were anxiously awaiting their arrival, both highly nervous, but still excited. The younger one, her hair a bright shade of red, was still hesitant about their job, but the older, brunette woman had managed to up her excitement by spreading her own.

 

“Oh my goodness! We’re here, Sai, we’re here!” Rio tugged at Sai’s arm excitedly, causing Sai to giggle gently, the sound echoing in the car joyously. 

 

“I can see that, Rio.” She put a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter at Rio’s behavior.

 

“How are you not excited?” Rio’s sparkling eyes gazed intensely at Sai, who collected herself and replied with a shaky nervousness.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m just picturing what a ‘mysterious, sensual master of love’ looks like, the President is rather vague with his descriptions…”

 

“Oh you’ll look beautiful!” Rio clapped her hands together excitedly, too distracted by the car coming to a stop in a parking space to notice Sai’s micro expression of dread.

 

Sighing softly, Sai let a smile slip and tried to shake off the uncomfortable feeling she was getting when she thought of this new role.

 

The moment the car door opened, Rio flew out and was already admiring the building, gesturing wildly toward Sai to follow her. Sai shook her head, a small but genuine smile surprising the driver of the car as she turned and thanked him before carrying out both her tote and Rio’s purse. 

 

Entering the studio, Sai found Rio talking to a crew member who was pointing down a hallway, most likely giving her directions to Sai’s dressing room. When she approached, she handed Rio her purse, and the brunette looked up at her with red cheeks, and apologized softly for inconveniencing her. Sai gave her a sympathetic look, patting her head and telling her not to worry about things like that.

 

When she turned to greet the man, he was looking at her strangely, “Good morning,” she said softly, bowing in greeting and then holding out her hand, “I’m Saiyuka Akai, and I’ll be working with you from today on.” She offered a gentle smile, and his cheeks flamed as he took her hand and shook it, smiling shyly at her.

 

“H-hello, my name is Hiroaki Yamada.”

 

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Mr. Yamada.”

 

“Uh…Yama is fine, most people call me Yama.” Somehow, his face managed to get even redder and he averted his eyes from her soft expression.

 

“Very well then, Yama.” Rio looked at their exchange, and while Sai looked relaxed and professional, having known her even just a little bit, Rio could tell that she was very uncomfortable. It wasn’t the same type of nervousness that she’d given off in the car, so Rio knew that this was different. 

 

It dawned on her that Yama must have been reacting to her natural appearance, and his actions were what made Sai so stiff and guarded. This was why she covered herself up every day, to avoid such interactions. Sensing that she was nearing her limit, Rio rushed to get Sai out of the situation.

 

“Thank you for the directions, Yama,” Rio gave him a gentle look, and placed her hand on Sai’s arm, “We’ll see you once Ms. Akai here is finished getting ready.” Yama’s eyes snapped to her and he cleared his throat, nodding.

 

“Of course, don’t mind me! I’ve gotta go too, or the director will have my head.” He straightened his hat, and turned, “It was nice meeting you guys, see you around!” Jogging away, his face slowly returned to normal, but his ears were still tinged pink thinking of the redheaded actress who he’d be working with from now on.

 

That same actress was now walking down to her dressing room with her friend and now coworker, her face buried in her hands. “Thank you for pulling us out of there, Rio…” she said softly, raising her eyes to meet the artist’s. 

 

“Of course, I could tell you were really uncomfortable.” Rio looked at her sympathetically, knowing now how difficult this day would be for her. She offered a small smile, trying to assure the young woman that everything was okay.

 

“You can read me that well already, hmm?” Sai gave Rio a quick smirk, her eyes gleaming.

 

Rio looked surprised, suddenly, before blinking once and then considering her next words carefully, “Outside you still look blank, occasionally…so I can’t read your expressions well at all, but…being around you more, well, the air around you tends to show your emotion more than your face.” Sai looked up at her, interested and a bit stunned, 

 

But Rio wasn’t done yet. “So when it’s thick and tense like that, I know you’re uncomfortable. When it gets cold and heavy, you’re upset or angry. Usually, I can read you from that, I suppose.” Shyly, Rio looked over at the redhead, who was smiling at her ever so gently, shaking her head in disbelief.

 

“You’re incredible, you know that?” The only other person she’d known who could do that was Lory, and even he had trouble with it sometimes.

 

A red color spread over Rio’s cheeks, “Oh, no! I was just…” She looked at Sai who looked like she was barely managing to contain her smile, her happiness. It caused Rio to drop her modesty and nudge Sai’s shoulder as they reached the dressing room door, “I suppose I am, especially around you. You bring out great things in people, Sai.”

 

“But those people had that greatness long before they met me, remember that, Rio.” She gave Rio a quick wink, incredibly pleased that she’d accepted the compliment. Turning to the door though, she was again consumed with the feeling of dread that came every time she thought of this job. In the name plate next to the dressing room was her name written proudly and boldly. It filled her heart with joy to see it, despite how hesitant she was.

 

Rio looked at her as she felt Sai’s war with herself over whether to be happy or nervous as she stared at the nameplate. Carefully, Rio took out her phone and snapped a picture of the nameplate, knowing that Sai would appreciate one day, seeing her first dressing room, whether this job went well or not. After replacing her phone in her pocket, Rio again looked at Sai, and knew that the young actress wasn’t going to open the door without prompting, so Rio opened it for her and stepped inside, holding it open. “Come on, you. You’ll never know whether you can do this if you don’t at least try.”

 

Sai smiled at her gratefully, “Thank you, Rio.” The two entered the room and conversed for a little while before Rio was called away to talk to the director about the look that he was going for and to give her the costume Sai would be wearing the next day. 

 

As Sai sat on the couch, alone in the room, her unease grew and grew. To ease her worries, she closed her eyes and zoned out, blocking out every noise in the bustling studio. Slowly, she allowed the music in her head to invade her senses, soaking into her skin and surrounding her, building a world of her own. 

 

The notes turned into a rhythm, which turned into a melody. As that was established, another layer of notes began, harmonizing with the first. Layer after layer was added as violins joined violas, which harmonized with cellos and piano. Over it all was a steady stream of incredibly high notes, ascending and descending with beautiful grace. As soon as the singing was added, a wonderful melody of Mozart played in her mind at full blast, utterly perfect. 

 

With each measure, Sai grew more and more relaxed, thumping her fingers on her lap to the rhythm of the violin, which was always her personal favorite. Her body swayed with the arpeggios and she began to move her lips with the Italian lyrics, her heel clicking against the ground to a steady beat.

 

Rio walked down the hall, no longer excited as she thought of Sai’s predictable reaction to the costume she now held in her hands. It wasn’t going to be a fun conversation, getting the redhead into such an outfit. It was…rather scandalous, to be gentle in her wording. She reached the door and tapped softly on its frame. 

 

Not hearing a response, Rio opened the door and the soft tapping of Sai’s heels hit her ears, followed by the gentle thumping of her fingers. Rio could tell, just by looking, that Sai was in a world of her own. She seemed completely closed off, tapping away an extremely complex beat and mouthing words to a song that Rio would never place in her lifetime. 

 

Opening her mouth, she gently interrupted Sai, but was met with no change in her state. Growing a little worried, Rio reached out and touched Sai’s shoulder, “Sai? Are you alright?”

 

With a start, Sai looked up at Rio, the music fading from her ears as she regained her bearings. “Oh yes, I’m fine, just trying to calm down a little.” She smiled at Rio genuinely, and Rio could tell she was much more relaxed than when Rio had left the room. Suddenly, guilt welled up in her stomach as she thought about how to break the news to her. “I mean, you’re right, how bad can this possibly be? It’ll be fine.”

 

“Um…” Rio started gently shifting her weight from foot to foot, “About that…”

 

“What…?” Immediately, Sai tensed again and Rio’s shoulders slumped, knowing she’d already ruined Sai’s good mood.

 

“Here, just look.” Rio handed Sai the costume, and watched as Sai’s eyes widened, but she didn’t take the dress. “Take it, Sai,”

 

“Take what…?” She said ever so gently, “There’s nothing there! That’s not a costume…!! That’s…that’s…!!” 

 

“Yes, yes…” Rio waved her hand dismissively, knowing that Sai wasn’t really listening yet, she was still getting over the shock. 

 

Sai took the bag with her dress in it with shaking hands and opened it, pulling out a skimpy piece of black cloth.  _ Am I supposed to wear this…? THIS is what they want me to wear!? Can you even call this a dress? Can you even call this a shirt?! Will I even be able to breathe in this? What, did they figure I was a medium and then get me and XXXS?!  _ Sai looked up, panic in her eyes at Rio who sighed and took the cloth from her.

 

“Rio, I can’t wear that. I absolutely cannot, will not-”

 

“So you’re giving up already?” Rio stared pointedly at the floor, knowing that if she looked at Sai’s expression, she wouldn’t be able to convince the talented actress to take on such a difficult role.

 

“G-give up?” Sai’s voice stuttered as she tried to control the rising panic in her throat.

 

“You haven’t even been outside the dressing room, haven’t seen the stage, haven’t met the rest of the cast…you haven’t given yourself a chance at all. I thought you were more proud of your acting than that.”

 

Sai’s jaw dropped at Rio, who still refused to look at her, as she gathered her resolve to continue.

 

“Put on the costume. I’ll help you with the jewelry and the makeup. You won’t look like Saiyuka Akai when I’m finished with you. Even when you eventually reveal your true appearance, no one will know that you play the Madam, except for the cast. I’ll create a whole other you. You can play Madam Sano without a care in the world. I swear.” Rio finally looked up at her, tears in her eyes, but a defiant glare overpowering them.

 

Sai could feel her chest heat up as Rio talked, knowing that she was right. Suddenly, the role as Madam Sano seemed…more appealing. She could unlock a part of herself that she’d never even known existed. Really, it was a role that some actors could only dream of. She brought up her hand to her chin, something Rio recognized as her face she made when she was formulating what to say. Suddenly, she looked up at the brunette with a fire in her eyes. “Alright. Let’s do it.” Her eyes started sparkling with joy. 

 

Rio blinked a few times as she watched Sai look at her again like she was some magical godmother, the twinkling in her eyes growing brighter by the minute. Taking a deep breath, Rio handed Sai back the dress and gave her a confident smirk, “You get this on, I’ll get the wig ready.”

 

Sai took it, still slightly hesitant, but she gripped it, and stepped into the changing room. It took her longer than she’d figured to wiggle her way into it, and she couldn’t help the blush that overtook her face. Continually, she had to remind herself that she was about to show a side of herself that would never ever surface under any other circumstances. The idea did light a fire in her that made her forget about her embarrassment, but only until she saw her reflection and got embarrassed all over again. 

 

Eventually, she stepped out into the dressing room and looked at Rio, her face still bright red. Glancing up at her, Rio also blushed. “Wow…yeah, that’s…wow.”

 

Turning back on her heel, Sai said, “I’m changing.”

 

“No no! I was just surprised!” Shivering in nervousness, Sai turned back around, “Come here, let’s get the wig on and your makeup started.” Rio stated softly, waving her over.

 

Sai walked toward her hesitantly, feeling the dress ride up her back. She tried to pull it down, and it dipped much too low on her chest. She looked up at Rio with tears in her eyes and Rio had to hold back her laughter, pressing her hand over her mouth. “Don’t laugh!!” Sai yelled, looking at her in misery, “I’m not good with dresses!” 

 

When Rio couldn’t hold it back anymore, she allowed her laughter to flood the room, doubling over and gasping in air as she grabbed onto the table for support. “Stop it! Stop that!!” Sai’s eyes watered further, her hair frazzled as she tried to recover from being on the verge of tears. 

 

“I-I’m sorry!” Rio got out between laughs, “I can’t help it!” She gasped in air and mumbled softly, “You just looked so cute and lost…”

 

“So don’t laugh!! Help me!” Grabbing the scarf that came with the outfit, Sai fussed with the fabric and tried to arrange it so it detracted from her figure. She looked up at Rio pathetically and, still stifling laughter, Rio looped it around her and tied it to make Sai’s chest appear a little more modest. “Riooooooo…” Sai whined, looking at her with big doe eyes. 

 

“Hey now…listen to me. I meant what I said about thinking you had pride as an actress. The way you seemed to take on the life of your character, it’s one of the most shocking things I’ve ever seen. I’ve never been that impressed in my entire life. And getting to know you…you’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever met, and I’m still looking forward to working with you. It’s a privilege for me to work on someone so talented. Working with you…it’s made me realize how much I missed doing this, and I want to get back into show business. 

 

“The President offered me a job. He told me that…I could join…the Love Me section, and he’d help me get used to show biz again. And I’ve made my decision. I want to join. Because that would mean I’d get to work with you, in the same department.”

 

Sai again stood in shock, her embarrassment over her outfit all but forgotten. She gave her friend one of the most appreciative and breathtaking smiles that she’d ever made and, despite her appearance and clothing situation, she threw her arms around the young woman in front of her, and held her tightly, no words needed to communicate how much Rio’s words meant to her. 

 

Rio returned the hug, tears in her eyes, and smiled back at Sai sweetly, her heart soaring at the gesture. Wiping the moisture away, Rio cleared her throat and managed to whisper, “Now…let’s get you into makeup, shall we?”

 

“Yes…and Rio…?” Sai looked up at her with a gentle expression, “Thank you, for everything.”

 

Rio beamed at her, “Of course!”

 

Within just a few minutes, Sai was completely transformed. She stood looking into the mirror, not even recognizing herself underneath all the beautifully applied makeup and the long black wig. As she gazed at the reflection though, she found something to be missing. She looked beautiful, of course, alluring even. The dress hugged her curves stunningly, the pearl jewelry accentuating her lightly colored skin, the beautiful black hair on her head drifting around her sensually. 

 

“Something’s missing…” Rio spoke up, her finger resting on her cheek thoughtfully. 

 

“I didn’t want to say anything, but yes, I agree.” Sai looked up at her, and Rio glared at her, waving her finger.

 

“If you aren’t satisfied with my work, you have to tell me! It’s my job to make you look perfect! You don’t have to worry about insulting me, most of the time I’ll totally agree with you.”

 

“Alright, alright!” Sai laughed gorgeously, holding her hands up in surrender. “I don’t know what’s missing though, it all looks so beautiful.”

 

“Why don’t we ask the director then?”

 

Suddenly Sai remembered that she would have to leave the room in that outfit and was about to get overwhelmed again before she reminded herself that  **Sai** wouldn’t be leaving the room,  **Madam Sano** would. Taking a deep breath, Sai looked at Rio and steeled herself, “Alright, sounds good. Could you leave me alone for just a moment? I need to finish forming my character.”

 

Rio looked surprised for a moment, nearly hurt, before seeing Sai’s focused expression and knowing that she needed the time to come to terms with leaving her embarrassment in the room. “Gotcha, call me in when you’re ready.” She gave Sai a huge smile and a pat on the shoulder before exiting the room.

 

Closing her eyes, Sai took a moment to focus on the role ahead of her. She was meant to be mysterious, teasing, and alluring. Thinking of her, Sai’s brow furrowed. When she pictured the character and all her interactions with potential celebrities and her costars, she couldn’t see the image reflected in the mirror adjusting to the role. Pressing her hands onto the counter, she rid her mind of the image that she had seen in the mirror. Instead, she began to collect her thoughts and create a character of her own. Slowly, she understood exactly what she should do, how she should look and act. 

 

A sadistic smile appeared on Sai’s face and she placed a finger over her lips as she slipped mostly into her character. “Rioooooo,” she chimed, a devious expression on her face. 

 

The brunette stepped into the room hesitantly, her eyes falling on Sai, but seeing none other than Madam Sano. Somehow…the way she was standing now, it made her figure seem even more sensual than before. The perfect stance for a character such as the Madam. 

 

Once she’d entered the room, Rio was about to ask Sai if she was ready, but wasn’t sure how to address her, so instead she just averted her eyes from the female’s shapely form. Seeing this, Sai approached her and placed a finger on Rio’s cheek, forcing her to look into her eyes.

 

“S-Sai…uh…Madam?” Rio stuttered, looking up as Sai’s gaze bore into hers with a devilish, teasing glint. 

 

“Yeeees…?” She smirked down at the older woman, tilting her head.

 

“Are you…ready to go meet the director…?” Rio looked up at her with growing uncomfortableness. With every moment that Rio became more uncomfortable, Sai seemed to grow more and more satisfied and her sadistic smile grew. 

 

“Actually, Rio…tell me…” Sai’s face grew even closer to Rio’s, “How much time do we have before the meeting starts?”

 

Stumbling over her words, Rio murmured, “A-about…about two…hours? Maybe?”

 

“Oh that’s lovely, I’d like to…revise my costume for today. Would you help me?” Sai stepped back from Rio and gestured towards her dress, which she seemed to be able to control much better than just a few minutes before.

 

Relieved that she got her personal space back, Rio breathed out softly and stuttered, “Oh, u-uh yeah…what do you need?”

 

She gestured widely outward, her smile gorgeous but dark, “Oh, darling,” Her voice lapsed into a slight sophisticated, captivating accent. “Let me tell you all about it.”

 

She spent the next few moments describing her image of the perfect “Madam Sano” and as the picture developed in Rio’s mind, her expression grew more and more excited and the moment that Sai finished her description, Rio ran out of the room to get more supplies as Sai stayed behind to work on the wig and accessories. 

 

With only about forty minutes to spare, Rio returned, handing Sai a few plastic bags filled with everything they’d need. With glittering, dark eyes, Sai looked at her and flashed a teasing, beautiful smile. Together, they set off perfecting her appearance, until they collectively decided that it was perfect.

 

Looking in the mirror, Rio watched as Sai fully became Madam, and Rio was having trouble considering her as “Sai” still. Giving up, she decided it was best to just call her “Madam” while she was dressed as such. Turning to Rio, Madam smiled teasingly, “You do beautiful work, Rio darling.” Rio couldn’t help but blush at the compliment, despite knowing that it was still just Sai. 

 

“T-thank you…thank you, Madam.”

 

Her smile grew into a beautiful, genuine one and she stroked the brunette’s hair, “Of course, dear.” The blush on Rio’s cheeks grew darker, and she stumbled backwards, causing Madam’s smile to twist slightly until it was mischievous once again. It wasn’t necessarily a cruel expression, but it was definitely one made at Rio’s expense. All the same…it was enticing to look at, it was exactly what Madam’s smile would look like. Sai truly was a fantastic actress.

 

The actress herself looked at Rio curiously, not used to how she reacted. Growing up with all brothers, Sai had grown accustomed to the bickering that inevitably followed any compliment she’d give them. To see Rio blush and fidget in such a way was foreign to Sai, and she had trouble totally understanding how to react. She knew though, that this was just how Rio was, she was a naturally shy person, who got embarrassed easily and often blushed at compliments, regardless of who gave them. 

 

Sai though rarely had any idea how to respond, and it resulted in a sort of awkward tension. Rio seemed oblivious to it though, so Sai figured it was just because of her inability to relate any prior experiences. Resolving to just act naturally to such a reaction, Sai simply slipped back into character and attempted to make the most of the air in the room.

 

“Here,” Madam moved toward the brunette and gestured out towards Rio with her elbow, offering it to her to hold.

 

“W-what…?” Madam laughed lightly, the sound still beautiful, but not quite like Sai’s. It was much deeper and more colorful.

 

“Walk in with me, of course,” She gave Rio a small wink and her teasing smile danced on her lips. When she finally processed what Madam had said, she blinked rapidly and unwittingly took the Madam’s arm and they slowly began walking forward and out the door.

 

Together, they entered the studio and at first, no one noticed when the two entered, but as they reached the center of the stage, the Madam nodded toward Rio and dropped her arm. Gesturing out widely, she raised her voice and addressed the room, “Hello, my darlings, it’s a pleasure to meet you all. I apologize for my slightly late arrival, I assure you it was for good cause, I want to look my best for all you little lovelies, after all.”

 

The moment she started speaking, all motion in the room stopped and every pair of eyes focused on the woman standing center stage. The moment their eyes found her, jaws hit the floor. 

 

She stood in her costume, the black dress was still visible, but greatly changed. The scarf had been cut into pieces and attached as sleeves and a choker collar, her whole outfit covered in beads and gems. She’d added a belt, also encrusted with beads, a large gemstone in the center. Strings of the pearls and gemstones were attached to rings, and they jingled and glittered when she moved. Twisted pieces of sheer cloth drifted around her body and flowed as she moved. 

 

Her wig was completely transformed, now a lighter lavender color and pulled into an updo. A long ponytail hung down her back, the hair band was a gorgeous clip, golden and jeweled. Turning to address the cast, she moved a stray strand of hair out of her face, her hand moving strangely to avoid scratching her face. Her nails were extremely long, painted black, their shiny surface making them look rather menacing, but still…charming and seductive, just like Madam Sano’s personality. 

 

Catching the director’s eye, Madam raised a finger up to her lips, looking at him with a teasing grin. “Ahhh…Director Sanada…hello darling,” she drawled at him, her lips curling up mischievously. 

 

“M-Ms. Akai…!! What have you done with your costume?!” He looked at her, his face torn between an expression of complete and utter shock, extreme happiness at the accuracy of her acting, and anger that she’d changed the costume without talking to him first.

 

“Oh…” She placed her hand on her dress softly and then looked up at him, tilting her head and looking at him sadistically, “You mean my dress? Don’t worry about it that much, darling, I just thought it would be best if I looked the part more. If you dislike it…I’ll change it right away, but I do believe that this suits my personality better…” She gave him a playful, teasing smile as her eyes glimmered. 

 

Sanada looked at her in absolute shock, she oozed alluring femininity and grace. Her dark but still somewhat childish expression fit the image of Madam Sano perfectly, she appeared as though she lived off of the uncomfortable atmosphere, taking joy in it. A slow smile appeared on his face and he shook his head, realizing that he wasn’t speaking to the newest edition of his cast, but his main character. 

 

“Oh no, Madam…” A glint appeared in his eyes. _ It appears that I’ve come across quite the gem…she’s one hell of an actress… _ “You’re perfect just like that, of course.”

 

She looked down at him with that same dark glint in her eyes, but they also looked incredibly, gloriously happy. With slight reluctance, the expression slipped off her face and the teasing glare of her eyes faded away to reveal Sai’s usual, blank gaze. Moving slowly, she bowed carefully before the director, “Director Sanada,” she said softly.

 

“Ah, Ms. Akai, welcome back.” He smirked at her as he watched the embarrassment enter her eyes and her posture shifted. 

 

“Y-yes, hello, Mr. Sanada…I just have one thing I wanted to tell you before we go back to discussing tomorrow’s show.”

 

He blinked at her with slight surprise, but nodded to show her that he was listening. 

 

“In my personal life, I’ve formed a distant attachment to the name “Nagaki” and it occurred to me while I was forming my character that rather than Madam Sano…Madam “Naga” was a curious name. “Naga” alone can be translated to “name,” which would lead “Madam Naga” as a whole to mean that her name would mean “name is Madam,” therefore meaning that she doesn’t truly have a name. I figured this might boost her ‘mysterious’ factor.”

 

The director looked at her curiously, admiring her imagination. He wasn’t really attached to “Sano,” so “Naga” was certainly better. He grinned at her and nodded, “Madam Naga, it is, then.”

 

Sai’s face lit up with delight, despite the fact she tried her hardest to conceal her happiness. She bowed before him again, careful in her outfit. As they made eye contact, Sai nodded to him again and closed her eyes, the spirit of Madam Naga overtaking her body once again. 

 

She exchanged a few more words with the director before they opened it up to the rest of the cast, who met Madam Naga one by one, each uncomfortable with her presence but charmed by her personality. It was a strange pull they had toward her…but it wasn’t a negative one…it was enjoyable. They spoke of both themselves and of the next night, and the longer they experienced her presence and her lure, the more relaxed they got. When the meeting ended…each member of the cast actually felt genuinely disappointed to watch her leave. She waved to them with deviousness, her eyes shining in joy.

 

“I’ll see you all tomorrow, my darlings,” She offered them a breathtaking, beaming smile and drifted out of the studio, taking Rio’s arm once again as she exited, the two of them smiling in joy at how well the meeting had gone and chatting lightly. 

 

As they reached the dressing room, Sai could feel Madam’s spirit leave her body and she collapsed onto the couch, much to Rio’s disdain. “Sai!!” She nudged at Sai’s shoulders, “You’ll ruin the wig!”

 

Hearing that, Sai lurched upward, and looked up at Rio with pleading eyes, “Help me, then, it’s a thousand times more exhausting than I thought it would be…”

 

She laughed ever so softly, and came over to help Sai out of her wig and costume, helping her organize the outfit for the next day. They talked vibrantly as they packed up everything of Madam Naga’s and made their way out. 

 

“Oh, Ms. Akai!” Yama came running down the hallway toward them, “You were incredible today! I can’t believe you were such a good actress! I thought you were a newbie!”

 

“Ah, well that’s because I am,” Sai tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, “This is my first job.”

 

His eyes bulged out of his head, “THIS is your first job? But you’re so…amazing!” Sai blushed heavily, and shied slightly behind Rio,

 

“Thank you, really, that means a lot to me.” Her embarrassment was growing by the second, and Rio could feel it. 

 

“You’re very kind, Yama, but Sai and I have to go now, we were heading out.”

 

“Oh, of course. Of course! Don’t worry! I’ll be out of your way now,” Yama backed away slowly and turned on his heel, heading back towards a few other crew members, giving them a small shake of his head.

 

“Thank you, again, Rio…” Sai gave her a gentle expression, and then she elbowed Rio’s arm gently and smiled at her playfully, “Hey, do you wanna go for ice cream?” 

 

Rio blinked slowly and then tilted her head, “Ice cream?”

 

“Well…yeah. Friends do that right? It’ll be my first time hanging out with a friend, so maybe…we could do that?” Her eyes were opened wide and innocently, gazing at her hopefully.

 

Rio laughed softly and rustled the redhead’s fiery locks, “You have no idea how much I’d love that. Let’s go.” She stepped forward, out the door, and heard Sai say nearly inaudibly behind her.

 

“I’ll pay…you’ve already given me more than I could have ever asked for. You’re the reason I made it through today, so thank you…Rio.”

 

The brunette’s face lit up in joy and she took the younger woman’s hand and sprinted for the company car, surprising Sai and making her laugh loudly, the old high pitched, bell-like twinkling ringing through the air.


	14. Chapter 14

Sai sat in her dressing room, her eyes closed as Rio finished combing through and styling her wig. “There…you’re all set, Madam.” The brunette winked knowingly at the woman who sat before her, and the character emerged from the actress in an instant.

 

“As always, Rio darling, you never cease to amaze me.” A slow smile spread across Madam’s face as she stood and admired her reflection. In response to her praise, Rio curtsied and smirked, familiar with Madam’s praise now,

 

“Your beauty is quite natural to begin with, Madam, it’s not entirely my doing.”

 

“Don’t discredit yourself, dear,” The elegant woman placed a nail under Rio’s chin and moved her face upward so their eyes met, “Your talent is unmatched.” She gave Rio a brilliant, eerie smile and then gestured toward the door. “Shall we?”

 

Feeling the unsettling tug of uncomfortableness in her gut that Rio always got whenever Sai became the Madam, Rio took a deep breath and then nodded. As Madam drifted towards the door, Rio followed close behind, careful not to step on any of the trailing beads or sheer cloth that hovered around her body gracefully. 

 

The moment they entered the stage, the air in the room tensed and stilled as it had the first day. Despite how they’d gotten used to her the previous day, seeing her again still tied their stomachs in uncomfortable knots. Feeling this shift, Madam’s signature sadistic smile washed over her features stunningly, making her the perfect image of a dark, mysterious beauty. 

 

Spotting her, the director waved her over, “Ah, Madam, good evening.” He greeted her, still impressed with how she affected and commanded the stage.

 

She bowed to him and then gave him a wide, dark smile, “Director Sanada, you look well my darling.”

 

He smirked at her drawling accent, “As do you. Are you ready for tonight? House opens in twenty.”

 

“You know me, dear, I’ve never been more ready. Has our precious guest been briefed on our plans for the evening?”

 

She was referring to the show’s first guest, Hikaru Shiba, a young up and coming visual kei artist in his twenties. They’d met briefly in LME when he’d first been pitched the show, but at that meeting, she’d been full-on Saiyuka Akai, foundation and binder included. Somehow, Sai doubted that he’d recognize her. 

 

“Oh yes, although I did inform him of our cast’s tendency to improvise. This extends to you as well, Madam, but keep in mind that sticking to the script is best.” As he spoke, the woman in front of him smiled at him wickedly, her eyes mischievously. He wouldn’t have added that last part about sticking to the script, normally…but he had to be careful with this actress. She liked to take things into her own hands, he could see that already. He didn’t want her ruining his show. 

 

“Of course, director, I’ll remember that.” Her gentle, but off-putting voice rang through the air. It was incredible how she managed to make him so uncomfortable and yet draw him closer to her simultaneously. She was going to be a menace on air.

 

He cleared his throat to return himself to reality, “Alright everyone! Fifteen minutes to show! Places, places! Everything’s gotta be up and running.” He addressed the room and broke their fascination with the Madam. They began scurrying around to finish prepping, stealing glances at her as they did so. She watched them with an entertained gleam in her eye, her excitement building for the two hours ahead of her.

 

“A-aah…M-Madam…?” A shaking voice from behind her sounded. With immense amounts of grace, she turned to face the tense form of an assistant looked up at her with slight fear. The fabric around her rippled and the pearls and beads clicked together, making twinkling noises amongst the bustling of the studio. 

 

“Yes, child, what is it?” She reveled in the young girl’s uncomfortable atmosphere, drinking it in with unhindered joy. Sensing this, the assistant shrank back even more, but somehow she was rooted to the spot, just staring at the Madam. She knew that it was an actress standing in front of her, but she was so…real, that it impacted her to her very core.

 

Gathering all her strength to speak, the assistant squeaked out, “W-we’re ready for you…o-on s…stage…now, please.”

 

“Ahh…lead the way then, darling.” She drawled, gazing at her menacingly. Stiffly, she turned and walked around the Madam, who followed behind gracefully, peering at the tiny woman rapidly whispering into her headset. 

 

“H-here you are, miss- Uh! Madam! Here you are Madam!” The timid girl stammered, drawing a colorful, deep chuckle from the matchmaker. 

 

“Thank you, darling, am I meant to lay across it?” She asked, gesturing toward the sofa lounger to the right of the stage. 

 

“A-ah…yes…it’s meant to be a s-shock factor…so…if you could lay…p-provoca…voca..”

 

“Provocatively?” She smirked evilly, greatly enjoying the woman’s displeasure at the word, savoring each syllable as she said it, just to make the assistant more uncomfortable.

 

“Y-yes…” 

 

“Will do, dear. Thank you for your time. Enjoy the show.” She smirked diabolically, making the assistant gulp, before backing away slowly. She had to make an effort to rip her eyes away from the matchmaker, which caused an uncomfortable blush to spread across her cheeks. Remembering her manners at the last second, the assistant bowed at the woman, nearly flinging her headset off before she turned and scurried away hurriedly.

 

Stretching out and chuckling darkly in joy at her performance, Madam began arranging herself on the sofa, draping her long limbs on the creme fabric. She placed her dress and all its little trinkets, jewels and gems around her gorgeously, the sheer fabric attached to the dress still drifted above and around her, pooling on the floor as she sprawled out deliciously.

 

The director entered the stage to run a last mic check and saw Madam laid out on the lounger and completely stopped in his tracks. She looked perfect like that. It was flawless. He took another step towards her and she slowly took notice of him, a smile seeping into her features.

 

“Ah, Director Sanada, what do you think?”

 

“You look ideal, Madam, stunning. I couldn’t have done it better.” Her smile grew more twisted, but somehow it only made her expression more sultry. She tilted her head at him, jingling the beads on her headpiece.

 

“Why thank you, darling, I’m looking forward to the show. Playing with Hikaru will be quite entertaining.” Speaking of the show, she reminded the director of his original task for coming and he began to do a final check on the sound system on stage.

 

“Go easy on him, Madam, he’s not expecting your intensity.”

 

Her deep, rich laughter filled the space, “Oh I’m counting on that, dear, his expressions will be simply delicious.” As she spoke, a shiver shot down the director’s spine and Sanada became acutely aware that she was constantly paying attention to people’s faces, and she certainly considered them to be delectable. He stood rooted in place for a moment, before he regained his ability to break himself from her hold. It was truly scary what she could do to people. 

 

“Ah, well, the sound’s all good here, so I’m going to open the house now. Prepare yourself, Madam.”

 

“Understood, Sanada darling, enjoy the show…” Her smile turned teasing again and he knew that she was planning something, but couldn’t for the life of him understand her. And he wasn’t about to try. The sooner he got out of his presence, the better. Sanada gave her a quick nod and exited, trying to go at a normal pace. 

 

Madam allowed herself one final chuckle at how hard he tried to make it seem like she had no effect on him before quieting herself when she heard the doors open and people pour in behind the curtain of the stage. Settling herself down, she let the excitement flood her heart and soul and closed her eyes until she heard the announcement over the loudspeakers that she show would begin in two minutes, and the cameras began rolling. 

 

“Ladies and gentlemen!! We welcome you to the premier night of Director Shuji Sanada’s newest production, A Match Made in Showbiz!!” Frantic screaming from the crowd could be heard throughout the whole studio and men, women, and children alike vocalized their excitement for the long awaited premier.

 

“Our guest star tonight,” the announcer continued, “is a visual kei artist that’s swept Japan off its feet since the day of his debut, Hikaru Shiba!” He drew out the vowels on Hikaru’s name, as the cheering and screams doubled in volume.

 

“And finally, the matchmaker who will make this whole show possible, a mysterious, new talent enters the scene, never seen on camera before, please welcome, your host, Madam Naga!” The curtain lifted to reveal the Madam herself, sprawled on the lounger, and the crowd immediately gasped, the energy from just a few minutes prior, instantly replaced with awe and shock at the figure before them. 

 

Madam rested with her chin on the back of her hand, strands of her lightly colored purple hair floating around her gracefully, her dress and the drifting sheer fabrics fell over her body perfectly, her legs appearing miles long as one hung off the edge and the other was bent just enough to look enticing. Her long nails glinted in the stage light, and she raised her hand in greeting, lifting her body up off the couch slightly to create a beautiful, elegant gesture as she addressed the audience, a deliriously menacing, alluring smile on her lips.

 

“Ahh…” Madam breathed out joyfully, her body language and gestures speaking volumes of her sensual, but erie character, “Hello, my dears, it’s so wonderful to see you all…” Her accent drawled out across the room as the tension grew, feeding her joy, and the pull became stronger toward her. “Let’s have some fun, shall we?”

 

Her question was met with cheers that were hesitant at first, and then grew impossibly loud, rivaling the applause and yelling of Hikaru’s mention. The entire crowd was still incredibly apprehensive with her appearance and her aura, but they couldn’t stop themselves from wanting to please her, it was an unbelievable pull. 

 

“And now…let’s give a warm welcome to the man of the hour, Hikaru Shiba!!” The announcer stated, and the lead singer came bounding out from behind the set. His dirty blonde locks swirled around him and dusted his shoulders. He wore a leather crop top that showed off his midriff, a fake silver piercing on his naval. Over that, a worn black leather vest was left unbuttoned and hanging open, decorated with silver pins and beads, and zippers in strange places.

 

Around his biceps were tied pieces of shredded cloth, and his wrists were embellished with black bangles, belt buckles, and leather strips with huge silver buttons. He matched that with tight, lowrise skinny jeans that were torn at the knees, chains and pins decorating the pockets. Sheer fabrics covered places that normally you’d want to keep completely covered, and his entire look was scandalous, but as they compared the two stars on the stage, there was no question as to who was more sensual looking.

 

The moment he laid eyes on her, Hikaru’s world grinded to a halt for a few seconds. She sat, a huge, devilish smile lighting up her face. Her eyes gleamed with a gorgeous, dark, beauty and he stood unbelieving in her presence as it pulled him to her. He walked toward her almost unconsciously, forgetting his usual manners. The moment he stopped in front of her, her aura enveloped him and the demon-like smile grew.

 

“Ahhh…Hikaru, darling, welcome. My name is Madam Naga…I let all my dears call me Madam, you see.” With incredible amounts of grace, the matchmaker held her hand out, palm down. Not even thinking, Hikaru grasped it in his and bowed down, placing his lips on her knuckles. Just what she’d wanted him to do.

 

Screaming erupted from the crowd as he kissed her hand, some girls swooned and blushes erupted from near everyone in the audience as they watched the two interact, Madam appearing in total control of Hikaru’s every move. When he did regain his senses, his face lit up completely red and he opened his mouth, his every molecule crying out in misery at how quickly he’d lost to this woman, the uncomfortableness of his actions invading his soul. Before he could say anything at all, the alluring matchmaker brought a hand carefully over her mouth and laughed gorgeously, 

 

“Oh darling, don’t look so horrified, you were a perfect gentleman.” The colorful, dark sound filled the air and its unmistakable joy pulled the whole room toward her. She looked at him with her eyes as black and endless as pits, shimmering with jubilation. Raising a finger up she put a fingernail under his chin and looked at him with a seductive smirk, “Now…let’s get this show started…”

 

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Sai, underneath the many layers of Madam she’d used to safeguard herself against breaking character. She realized in that moment that “Madam Naga” was missing something. Yes, she was sensual and alluring, yes, she was mysterious and dark, but why was she put in charge of discovering their love lives? Why this kind of character? Wouldn’t a charming, cutesy female do just as good, if not better? 

 

The actors would have to be open about their personal lives on this talk show, and it would be better if they were relaxed because their words would come out more truthful sounding. As Madam, she could manipulate them into talking, but it might come across as too scripted, even though it wasn’t. So how could Madam prove herself better than any other host? 

 

In just a few milliseconds, Sai had her answer.  _ Oh…this is going to be  _ **_incredibly_ ** _ fun… _

 

As Madam, she shifted her position slightly and moved her nails carefully around his cheek and then slipped her thin fingers into his hair, watching every muscle in his face tense and then relax, reading his body language to an extreme extent. Growing up around many adults and a big family, Sai had gotten used to reading expressions instead of asking people things, because usually everyone was so busy with something or someone else that it was easier to know what people were thinking or feeling through the slightest twitches of their faces.

 

Watching Hikaru act, it became blatantly clear that he was apprehensive having a woman this close to him, infinitely more so since she was wearing so little. What was out of the ordinary though as the fact that he seemed to guard himself around her. She knew in that moment that it was because this man, perceived by the public as a lady-killer, was faltering in his image not because women made him uncomfortable, but because he had someone already. Someone he cared about more than his public image. 

 

Finally getting annoyed at her close proximity, Hikaru grabbed the Madam’s arm and attempted to pull it away from him, which resulted in Madam flinching away from him with a dramatic move, reeling backwards and yelping in pain. At first, everyone, including Hikaru, thought he must have hurt her, and he reached toward her to make sure she was alright. Standing straighter, the Madam looked up with blank eyes, her hands hovering by her temples, and her voice came out scratchy, rough, and unlike her own, “Hikaru, Hikaru…how could you lie?”

 

He jumped back in fright, stumbling over his words as he stared at her in shock, “Lie? I didn’t lie about anything…”

 

“Yes!” The voice grew gruffer, shriller, “I can see it, the flame lit in your heart, a box opened for all to see, but you’ve hidden it, yes yes you’ve hidden it away. You can’t keep that from me, oh no, I can see it perfectly.” She looked up at him with those vacant eyes, her lips still twisted sinisterly. “You’re in love.”

 

Her words hit the crowd and the screaming spread like wildfire, everyone clamoring and shouting all at once. Hikaru looked at her in horror and watched her dazedly lower her hands, shaking her head as she returned to her senses, the dark glint returning to her eyes. Seeing her recover, Hikaru spoke in a dangerously low voice, approaching her of his own free will, “Who told you that? How did you find out? We haven’t told anyone!”

 

“Oh, Hikaru, dear…” Her smile grew and she raised a hand up to her cheek, her nails shining evilly. “You didn’t think I was just here to be a pretty face did you?” 

 

Reaching out with her long nails, she placed one on Hikaru’s chest and swiftly grew closer, the audience captivated in her movements, hanging on their every word. “Oh no, no, my darling, I’m here because I’m the only one capable of doing this job properly. And you’ve just made my job unnecessarily harder. You  **were** told what this talk show was, correct? A matchmaker’s love talk show.”

 

She grinned at him, practically purring as she drank in his anger and unease, “You see…my job isn’t just to tease, taunt, flirt, and flaunt…that’s just the fun part. Play a few games for the audience, make pleasant chit chat about your life, light fires in all of your fan’s hearts as they watch us unveil your perfect woman…all that’s just for show…” She grew in even closer, her nails brushing against his throat, scratching, “I’m much more than that.”

 

He jumped backwards, glowering at her and snarling, “So, are you psychic or something?” his tone mocking.

 

She grinned at him in absolute elation, her pale fingers coming up to her face, the blackened, reflective surface of her nails mingling with the strands of hair that floated around her, “It matters not what I am, Hikaru my dear, what matters is that you’ve meddled with my system. I cannot play matchmaker with someone who already has his heart reserved for another. And so…I’ll make an example out of you, my Hikaru…” Her grin grew purely sinister and menacing, “you’ll be my quintessential example of what happens when you lie and come see the matchmaker when promised to another.

 

“Have a seat, dear…” She drawled at him and she stepped toward him suddenly and without warning, causing him to step back and his leg caught on the edge of the sofa, causing him to tumble down on top of it. Madam’s face positively glowed with an almost inhuman beauty paired with equally inhuman wickedness. “Thank you, Hikaru…” After he’d sat up straighter, she returned to her own couch and sat down with such impossible grace, her clothing floating into place absolutely flawlessly around her. “Now, let’s get started.” 

 

Waving in the rest of her cast, she called over the lead costar and whispered to him everything she was planning. Summarized in just a few words, she managed to communicate her every idea for the two hour segment. He gazed at her in even more amazement than he’d had before they’d started. He immediately jumped into character and also began berating the young singer for his lies, and the others followed his lead, chiding him for making them change all their games.

 

Together, the four hosts and the star found their groove, the air still growing uneasy and uncomfortable when the Madam did something unpredictable, such as the episodes she’d have, or the overly sexualized interactions she’d have with the men onstage. As the night went on though, both the audience and those on stage fell into a steady pattern of shock and tension that she adored, and that same helpless pull that they had toward her, which caused them to laugh, applaud, and cheer for her. Everyone simultaneously adored and feared her, something most people in the room had never experienced before.

 

The night went on without a hitch after that, the entire show, every game, every conversation was ad libbed, with only minimal interactions between the hosts to coordinate. They collectively forced Hikaru, though games and small talk, to begin his tale about his sweetheart and the lengths they’d gone to to protect their relationship, and while Hikaru tried to be angry at Madam Naga for revealing it, he found that it was nearly impossible to sustain in front of this woman, her aura was simply too overpowering. 

 

As it ended though…the audience which had been upset when they first learned of Hikaru’s secret girlfriend, was now cheering for them with a force tenfold of what they’d expressed for him before. Through the Madam’s words and prompts, Hikaru had managed, unwittingly, to paint himself as a romantic, heroic, charming gentleman. Just what he’d always tried to be. And she both ruined and saved the image all over again. He couldn’t help but be both infuriated and incredibly impressed, and that made him even more infuriated. 

 

When the talk show came to a close, the Madam stood up and turned to address the audience, “Thank you, my darlings, for coming tonight, I hope you enjoyed the show, and I’ll see you again next week.” She gestured widely and her nails swayed and twisted as her arms and hands moved elegantly. “Bye bye, my dears!” Her voice lapsing into a heavy drawl, she blew a gentle kiss, her expression dark and menacing, but still full of charm and allure, before waving to the screaming crowd and gracefully floating off the stage.

 

The gaggle of men followed her lead and took off the stage, leaving Hikaru to perform a few of his songs, fully recovering his image. The cast and crew watched from the sidelines as he finished, gave his own goodbyes, and then closed the show with a burst of smoke, a dimming of the stage lights, and then the gentle lowering of the curtains, his last few words drowned out by the howling of the excited crowd.

 

Although the show didn’t go exactly how Hikaru pictured, he still felt happy about how it went, and even though he didn’t plan it, it was a good way to reveal his relationship. In hindsight, any other host would have probably strangled him for answers, whereas her prompting was extremely gentle, strategic, and meant to preserve his image. He scoffed under his breath,  _ She’s on a whole different level than me, I’ll probably never be that good as long as I live… _

 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the director’s raised voice, he sounded practically livid.

 

“-any idea what you’ve done?!!” His face was bright red, and he was glaring ridiculously intensely at a crumpled Sai, who was looking up at him in shock, tears in her eyes and her shoulders trembling. “I told you NOT to mess with the script! Not to! You completely trashed it! Nothing went to script! Who do you think you are!?”

 

The first tears began rolling down her cheeks and something in Hikaru snapped, despite the mixed feelings he had toward her. Stepping in between the director and the fallen actress he returned the director’s glare, “Hey, hey…there’s no need to make her cry like that.”

 

“Don’t you get in my face, Shiba, you are also in the wrong. I made sure that you were going to play by my rules, that’s why I selected you!! What were you thinking having a girlfriend?! This is a matchmaker’s show!”

 

“I’m aware! I was prepared to completely act the part of the single, lady-killer, just like I always do! I didn’t tell her anything! She figured it out all on her own!”

 

“Exactly!!” He roared, “And then she shot my show all up to hell!!!”

 

“But she didn’t!!” He insisted, gesturing to her, “Looking back on it, I couldn’t be more grateful that my relationship was revealed here, she did it in such a way that my image was preserved! It was genius! I couldn’t do that if my life depended on it!”

 

“It doesn’t matter to me how well she improvised, or what she managed to manipulate, what matters is that she disobeyed a direct order and trashed the entire day’s script!” He snarled at Hikaru, pushing him out of the way and yanking up on the front of Sai’s dress, “Now tell me!! What were you thinking, ‘psychic’?!?!”

 

“T-think about it…” She stuttered softly, before breathing out and regaining partial control using Madam’s spirit. “The ideal host for this type of show is cutesy, easy to talk to, a relaxing personality. Someone you can let your guard down around. Why would you hire someone like Madam Naga to be your host, when she makes them uncomfortable on purpose? She thrives off of the unease and sexual tension, she’s not someone you’d open up to. Unless you didn’t have to. Unless she could find what she needed using something that cutesy, blonde bimbo couldn’t ever do. Unless she was a psychic. It makes sense that way, why I fit, why she fits in.”

 

Sanada shook with anger, “That’s what you were thinking out there? That you needed to ‘fit in’ better? You need to talk to me before you make such decisions!! I’M the director!! Not you!”

 

“But if we’d waited, it wouldn’t have made-”

 

“Are you arguing against me? Are you that stupid?!” He spat out at her, “This is your first job, what do you think gives you the right to do that?!!”

 

“I-I…” She stuttered, completely at a loss.

 

“No, you know what? You’re FIRED! I don’t care how good you are, I won’t deal with you changing everything underneath me like that. I’ll find another actress. Now get out of my sight.” He turned and waved his hand angrily toward several assistants, grumbling about doing damage control with them as he walked out of the room.

 

Hikaru, listening intently to the exchange, moved toward her frozen form as she sat on the floor, staring at the ground. “H-hey…” He reached out for her, getting her attention. Her eyes, completely back to Sai’s, snapped up at him. “I had no idea this was your first day, your first job…I…” He tried to find the words, 

 

“I’m honored that I got to act with you. You’re incredibly talented and I don’t want you to ever listen to what he just said. You did the right thing. You were perfect. I’ll never forget this experience, I’m truly grateful for it. I’ll talk to him, later, see if I can change his mind. Your makeup artist has already followed him out, I saw.” He offered her a small smile, “Good job,” he held his hand out to help her up and she took it gratefully.

 

“A-ah…thank you, Mr. Shiba.” She stuttered with a much softer, higher voice than he was used to.

 

He blinked at the name, “‘Mr. Shiba’? Are you…why are you calling me that? What happened to ‘Hikaru, darling’?”

 

She let out a shaky laugh, “That’s the Madam, she’s not one for honorifics. Out of Madam, I tend to edge more towards them.”

 

“So this is an actress behind Madam…” He looked at her curiously, “May I ask who I’m speaking to?”

 

Wiping her eyes, she smiled at the star, her eyes softer, but with a slight gleam in them still, “I'm afraid not, Mr. Shiba. This is a secret I was intending to reveal once I was a better known actress...but, now...well, I may never tell."

 

“Aww, come on now…” He grinned at her, “You did spoil  **my** little secret, you know.”

 

“Ah, ah,” she waved her finger at the singer, “Madam did, I had nothing to do with it.” She paused slightly as she caught herself…she might as well tell him now, she wouldn’t be doing this job anymore. She’d just been fired.

 

Seeing her expression lapse into the horrified depression again, Hikaru reached out to her, “Don’t cry, miss…”

 

Catching herself again, she looked at him, feeling her eyes sting again, “I won’t. It’s okay.” She offered him a small, tired, and greatly sad smile. “I’m going to take a quick walk, to cool down. Maybe I’ll see you again, Mr. Shiba.” She bowed before him, careful of her costume, “It was truly a pleasure working with you. I’m so grateful for the experience.”

 

He tried to think of something to say, anything…but all his words caught in his throat, and he just stood there as she walked away, out the room and turned down a random hall. As she passed through that frame, he saw a tear streak down her cheek before she disappeared from view. He turned to glare at the door the director went through. If there was one thing he’d make sure of, it would be that she wouldn’t get fired from this job. She was too good to simply let go. She deserved this. And he’d damn well make sure she got it.


	15. Chapter 15

Pulling up at JL Studios, Yashiro was just finishing going over Ren’s schedule, “And after we meet with Ms. Ibu and Ms. Mori, Director Sanada’s premier should be finished and I’ll meet with him about your photo shoot next week, so you have some free time if you’d like to work on memorization. An hour later, we’ll head out for LME again. Understood, Ren?”

 

“Yes, Mr. Yashiro. Thank you.” He parked and the two men got out of the car, chatting lightly and discussing their dinner plans, if they had enough time after seeing the President.

 

As they entered the building, cheering from the main studio could be heard even in the front lobby. “Wow, sounds like it’s going well.” Yashiro glanced toward the studio door, which had a glowing “ON AIR” sign above it. 

 

“It does, I’m sure he’ll be in a good mood for your meeting, then.” Ren gave Yashiro a quick smile, knowing that the blonde man wasn’t a fan of Sanada when he was angry.

 

“Thank goodness…” Yashiro sighed softly, as the two walked past the roaring studio and down the hallway. They reached a smaller recording studio situated near the back of the building, and Ren knocked politely on the door, opening it to reveal two older women sitting on a small couch, sipping tea and chatting happily. They blushed and greeted him as he entered, and Ren nodded respectfully back, flashing them a brilliant smile and shedding his coat. 

 

After they had finished their small talk, the interview began, and they asked him simple questions, to which he gave enthusiastic, polite answers. It was a relaxing interview, one he’d think of pleasantly for quite some time. After they had finished, the four talked for a while about odds and ends and eventually the women reported that they had to go so they gathered their things and headed out, gossiping about their time with Ren before they’d even made their way out the door completely. 

 

“That went very well, Ren!” Yashiro beamed at him, jotting down some notes happily in his appointment book, “This is be a good instance for me to mention when attempting to book you for next month.”

 

Ren chuckled softly, “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, Mr. Yashiro.” This earned a glare from his manager, but also a light hearted punch to his shoulder. 

 

He then stood up and pocketed his book, nodding to Ren before grabbing his jacket and heading towards the door. “I’ll be back in a little over an hour, Ren.” He said, flashing the actor a small smile, “Get some work done,” he added, pointing to Ren’s discarded book bag.

 

Shaking his head, he gave Yashiro a soft smile, “You don’t trust me to do so?”

 

Yashiro simply pointed to Ren, and then his bag, before going through the door and shutting it behind him. Another light chuckle escaped Ren’s throat before he walked over and grabbed the bag, pulling out his script for the next day’s drama. He flipped through the first few scenes, knowing those by heart already, and then reached the material they’d be covering in the afternoon.

 

He swiftly went through the first few pages, having no trouble whatsoever. Most of his memorizing went like this, which was how he could afford saving the memorization until the last minute. He knew it was a bad habit, but it kept the material fresher in his mind, or so he rationalized.

 

Everything was going smoothly until he neared the end of the last scene. Tilting his head, he stared at a phrase that made absolutely no sense to him. He tried to move on without knowing it, but couldn’t visualize how to say his next few lines with the correct picture in his mind. 

 

Frustratedly, he reached for his pocket to take out his phone and look it up. Patting his pockets, they yielded no phone. He blinked slowly and then stood up and walked back to his bag, digging in the pockets. With each pocket that his phone wasn’t in, the panic in Ren’s throat grew and his movements became more and more frantic until he’d double checked his entire bag and pockets. He’d forgotten his phone. 

 

Pressing his palms into his forehead, he berated himself for such an amateur mistake. He thought just of laying down and worrying about it when he got home, but looking at his script lying discarded on the coffee table, he sighed and knew he’d have to ask some crew members if they had a phone he could use.

 

Making his way out of the room, he came across a few lighting technicians, all who informed him that Sanada banned phones everywhere in the studios to help limit the interruptions and mistakes of all his employees. That figured. Meandering around, he asked various other people, who all told him the same thing. No phones allowed, sorry. After a while, Ren just gave up and sat down backstage, putting his head into his hands. 

 

He lamented his luck for a while, of course one of the few times he actually managed to forget his phone, it’d be in the studio where **no one** had a phone. He let a self-deprecating smile spread over his lips as he held his head in his hands. He lost himself in his thoughts, each more negative than the last. Just when his thoughts went to a darker place than he’d planned on, a sudden noise rang throughout the room. The gentle twinkling, almost bell-like noise, of jewelry or gems.

 

Ren’s head snapped upward to meet the eyes of a woman standing in the darkness. He opened his mouth to call out to her, when she recovered from the surprise of startling him and her eyes narrowed, a darkness that Ren wasn’t prepared for seeped into them. 

 

“Oh my…” A deep, rich laugh filled the air and her smooth, drawling voice filled his ears, “I didn’t mean to disturb you, darling.” He blinked at her in shock. People…didn’t call him “darling” that often…or really, ever. 

 

She stepped into the light of the room, and he could actually feel his heart stop beating for what seemed like a few minutes. She was…exquisitely stunning. Her body was wrapped in a rich black fabric, which hugged her curves and form. Hanging around her were countless shimmering trinkets and strips of sheer fabric. The moment that his pulse returned, it sped up faster than he was ever used to it beating. 

 

The longer he stared at her, the more uncomfortable he got, plastering a fake smile on his face as fast as he possibly could, beaming at her. For the life of him though, he couldn’t drag his eyes away from her, or even close them. He wanted to do nothing but stare at her, drink in her appearance, it was almost like he needed it. 

 

Shaking his head, he cleared that thought and closed his eyes to mock smile, the air around him growing light and glittery, combatting her alluring aura. “Oh, it’s no trouble at all, miss. You didn’t disturb me.”

 

Sensing his avoidance, Madam was about to abandon the situation and simply try to step out and look for her way back on her own, but suddenly her head was filled with his expression when she’d first seen him. Sai had nearly screamed when she’d seen Ren sitting there. That  **would** be her luck. Before she could do anything at all though, his devastated face made her very soul seem to hurt. She’d steeled herself in that moment, and pulled in Madam Naga’s spirit once again, ready to act against him.

 

She recalled that feeling of challenge and let it lift up her character again.  _ I might never get to be Madam Naga again…so I might as well have my fun right here, and who better to act against in my last moments with Madam than Ren Tsuruga himself. _

 

She let the teasing, devious smile overtake her features again, the wicked gleam filling her solid black orbs. Stepping towards him, her accent soothed his ears and he was forced to look at her again as her breathtaking, dark aura completely overpowered and enveloped him. “Oh, I’m glad, I would have hated to disrupt you, you looked rather deep in thought. Ah…and it’s Madam, not miss, my dear.”

 

_ W-who is this girl…? Why is her aura so powerful? She must be an actress, in that getup…why is she addressing me in character? Wait a minute…”Madam”? As in…Madam Naga? Sanada’s character? _ “Pleasure to meet you…” He said hesitantly, trying again to block out her influence from completely invading his senses. “My name is Ren Tsuruga.”

 

Her smile widened and twisted further, and she raised a hand to rest on her cheek, a series of black nails passing over face as she looked at him sensually, “Ren Tsuruga…” She savored each syllable and chills shot down Ren’s spine as they hit his ears. “Well…Ren darling, I’m afraid I’m…quite lost. I’m not used to this studio yet, unfortunately.”

 

He blinked at her, completely surprised that she’d turned the discussion that way, and that she’d addressed him so casually, “Of course, um…but may I ask first, do you have a cell phone?” He asked her hopefully, his eyes gleaming.

 

She looked at him for a few moments, saying nothing, before a slow, playful grin appeared on her twisted lips, “Oh my dear boy,” she started softly, before a gentle rolling laughter spilled out of her throat. She gestured with her nails and long, slender fingers over her entire body, driving Ren mad as his eyes followed her shapely form, “Where do you think I would put a cell phone?”

 

His cheeks grew completely red, as he realized that she was right…there certainly wasn’t anywhere that a cell phone would fit…he opened his mouth to apologize at first and then realization hit him when he remembered that now he was still at a loss for a his issue with the script. He dropped his head again and sighed deeply, about to stand up and help her back to the lobby.

 

“Alright, that’s enough.” He looked up and met her eyes, which now appeared much softer and gentler, but still held a mysterious darkness deep within them. “You’re no fun like that.”

 

“‘No fun’…?” He asked gently, blinking rapidly.

 

“I enjoy watching people be uncomfortable or angry…not upset like that. I may not have a phone…but can I help in any way? You look absolutely miserable.” 

 

Ren looked into her eyes and saw an eerie gentleness that made his spine tingle. Somehow though…he felt drawn to her. Her darker, menacing manner didn’t scare him off and make him back away, as it probably should have…it had the near opposite effect, and she drew him to her, to a terrifying degree. It was comfortable though, and he didn’t really mind. Talking to a character was turning out to be easier than talking to a person, and though that was a little embarrassing, Ren didn’t really care.

 

“Actually…there was a phrase in my script that I didn’t quite understand…” He gestured to the rolled up book next to him and the Madam brushed past him and lowered herself gracefully beside him, all of her beads and cloth floating around her, the hair in her updo coming looser and surrounding her beautifully. She gingerly picked up the script and Ren pointed out the phrase.

 

“‘Karada wo haru’…?” Madam looked up at Ren with question evident in her eyes.

 

“Yeah, just before that I was telling my partner that if we ever caught up to the criminal that was managing to avoid us at every turn, I would kill him. Wring his neck. And then, all of a sudden, this line pops up…why am I “holding myself tightly”? It makes no sense…I honestly can’t tell if I’m angry, or upset…is it just him trying to calm down?”

 

Madam froze on the spot, turning to look at him with wide eyes. Ren looked back, his own eyes wide looking at hers. Without any warning at all, her hand flew to her mouth and she whipped around, her shoulders shaking. Reaching out to her, Ren asked softly,

 

“M-Madam…are you oka-”

 

And then her laughter hit his ears, a deep, rich, colorful sound. She gasped in air deeply and turned around, her face bright red as she tried to control her laughter. At first, Ren blushed deeply, realizing that he must have made an enormous mistake in his logic. As he grew more and more embarrassed, anger grew and he glowered at her, his brow completely furrowed in anger. 

 

She sucked in air and held her breath, his anger reaching her and causing her to stifle her laughter. As soon as it had died down, her expression grew dark and vicious, causing each feature to become a million times more beautiful. “Ahhhh…” She grew close to him, placing a nail under his chin and breathing in audibly, “That’s more like it…I like your aura like that. It’s absolutely delectable. You have such deliriously ruthless anger. It’s beautiful.” She purred at him, causing him to reel back in shock, blinking wildly. 

 

His reaction sent her into another fit of laughter, and he simply stared at her in confusion, “Oh you’re too good, Ren darling, you have the most perfect facial expressions.” She raised a finger to her mouth, the nail gracing her cheek lightly, “I’m only teasing you, you just looked so upset I couldn’t help myself.” Her eyes narrowed wickedly, “Your anger is quite beautiful, though. It’s so dark and thick…perfect.” She smiled at him gorgeously. “All that aside, your inquiry.”

 

He blinked at her, watching as her face shifted beautifully in front of him. When he had finished processing her features, the feeling of comfort came back to him. She was a tease, and there was a darkness to her, but she also seemed like a source of life to him currently, alive and animated. There was just something about her, and it enchanted him. He cleared his throat and allowed her to continue, “I apologize for my laughter, but you struck me in such a way that I couldn’t hold back. I didn’t mean to insult you.”

 

He straightened and gave her a genuine, sweet smile that he hadn’t shown in a long, long time. “Don’t worry, Madam, I understand. Now that you’ve apologized, I see no reason to be angry…but I still need your help.”

 

She gave him a gentle smile, one that still showed a teasing personality, but it was softer than usual. “I take it…Japanese isn’t your first language?”

 

“Ah…” He hesitated, “No…” Ren murmured softly, not really willing to reveal everything to her, but seeing no reason to lie outright.

 

“Figured as much,” Madam’s eyes took in that dark glint again, the gentleness gone, but he could tell now that she had noticed his dodge at her question, but understood enough to know it wasn’t to be brought up. Ren felt gratitude swell in his heart. He really liked this character, despite having to remind himself that there was an actress underneath that wig. “It’s not mine either, but I’ve studied it long enough and from an early enough age that I know a thing or two about idioms, which is what that line is, my dear.”

 

He looked up at her surprised, first at her the fact that her native tongue wasn’t Japanese, and then at her statement, “An idiom?”

 

“Yes…” A grin appeared on her lips as she gazed at his confused expression in joy, “‘Karada wo haru,’ literally, ‘holding your body tightly,’ and figuratively, ‘to do something as if your life depended on it.’” Tapping his chest lightly with her nail, she ran it up until it rested on his neck. “Therefore, your character told his partner that you would wring the neck of that criminal as if his life depended on it…” She then removed the nail from his neck and pressed it into his chin, “Understand it a little better now?”

 

Lifting his head up as she guided, he suppressed a chuckle, “Yes, yes…I know, I should have known that.”

 

She removed the nail and looked at him with sparkling eyes, shifting her posture and causing the beads to clang against each other joyfully, “Not at all, it’s not something that you’d know as a foreigner, it’s not as common of an idiom as some others. And I see now why you wanted my phone, darling…you’re the type who doesn’t like to ask for help, especially concerning a language you’d rather people assume you spoke.” He looked at her in awe, his mouth hanging open slightly. She splayed her fingers over her chest and grinned at him mischievously. “I’m the same way.”

 

Suddenly, a series of questions sprung into Ren’s mind, and he couldn’t stop himself from asking her. “Even for this role?” She blinked for a moment at his inquiry before realizing that it must have had to do with Madam, and he was addressing Sai. She took a moment to consider this, knowing that it was quite a minefield, because if Ren found out that he’d been talking to Sai like he had…he might kill her.

 

“Yes, especially for this one,” Madam’s eyes narrowed schemingly, and the air around Ren grew colder. “I had special help…it was very hard to come to terms with such an outlandish style.” She gestured towards the costume again, reveling in how he stiffened as his eyes fell on her once again.

 

“Why did you take the job, then?” She looked at him, a twisted smile donning her lips,

 

“Isn’t it obvious? Because it’s fun!” The look in her eyes was both dark, cold, and startlingly intense, and he realized that it was his uneasy aura that was feeding this gaze. 

 

“Is that why you’re still dressed in it then?” He tried his best to sidestep where she was going with the conversation, knowing it would make him more uncomfortable and having no idea what she’d do with that fuel.

 

“Actually…” The matchmaker’s posture visibly slackened and she clutched one arm in her hand, “I was taking a walk when I stumbled across you, I got lost.” Ren remembered her original request to guide her back and immediately felt bad for delaying her, but before she could say anything she cut him off, “I made a decision in that moment to talk to you in character, because…” She paused, biting her lip and looking at the floor, “this will probably be my last time acting as her.”

 

Ren straightened at this, looking at the woman and wondering how that could be. She played the role so well, it seemed impossible that she’d be fired, working at such a high level. “You weren’t fired, were you?”

 

She looked at him with such a pool of misery in her eyes that it wasn’t masked by the wicked glint they still had under the surface, and he knew that he’d hit the nail on the head, “I went off script. Really badly. There was a flaw in the character, a hole. I found in on stage and knew that I had only that one chance to fix it or it’d be out of place later. The only way to be ‘Madam Naga’ on that stage for the entirety of the talk show was if I went with my gut. So I did. And I know it was the right decision, but you never go against the director like that. You just don’t. And he didn’t know me very well, so he had no trouble firing me on the spot.”

 

Ren looked at her with such a mix of sympathy and pity that it caused him to want to reach out to her, but he held his hand back as an image of a face popped into his head. He shook it away in confusion, before focusing again on the struggling actress in front of him, as she desperately clung to parts of her character and allowed snippets of her personality as an actress to show through. 

 

“Don’t let it get to you.” He said with surprising determination, “First of all, he may come around himself and realize how much he’d be missing out on without you, and even if he doesn’t, even from the time we’ve spent together, I can already tell that you have so much talent that I can’t even see your potential at this point. You’ll do amazing, no matter what happens. Don’t let one job get to you.”

 

Hearing his words, the actress who had previously been on the verge of tears reverted back into the Madam fully and gazed at him with a mixture of deviousness and seductiveness. “Thank you, Ren darling. Those words mean alot to me.”

 

The actor tucked a lock of hair out of his eyes and beamed back at her a heavenly smile the likes of which Sai had never seen before, “No, Madam, thank you. For the help with the script, and for your company this evening.” He stood and offered her his arm, “I’ll escort you back to the lobby now, I wouldn’t want to take up much more of your time.”

 

She looked up at him with those deep, bottomless eyes, and grinned sadistically, “Oh you wouldn’t be, Ren darling. I do appreciate the escort though.” She took his arm and the two walked back up to the lobby, Ren admiring her grace and beauty as she seemed to float above the ground while they walked. 

 

When they reached the lobby and parted ways, the voice of a very worried makeup artist rang through the room, “Madam! Oh, Madam I was looking all over for you!!”

 

“Ah…” The matchmaker’s expression grew more devious, “Rio,” she drawled, “there you are.”

 

“Don’t you, ‘there you are’ me! I know you got lost! Mr. Shiba said you sulked off somewhere to go cry. You better not have ruined that wig.” She chided the older woman, not even noticing Ren.

 

“Ah! Ren! There you are, I was just coming to look for you.” Yashiro walked down the hall towards the group, spotting and reacting to Madam Naga’s presence with a bright red blush and instantly averting his eyes, causing the woman to look increasingly elated. She was sort of terrifying when she did that.

 

“‘Ren’…?” Rio repeated, looking around Madam to see the tall actor, his features torn between unease at the matchmaker, and hilarity at his manager’s reaction. “Oh! Mr. Tsuruga! I didn’t even see you there! I apologize!” She bowed before him, and looked up, an embarrassed blush on her cheeks.

 

“Don’t worry about it, you were on a mission.” He nudged his head toward the Madam and gave Rio a soft smile, making her nearly swoon. “She seems like a handful.”

 

Blinking rapidly, Rio nodded her head vehemently, “Oh yes, you’ve got that right. And we’ve got to go get this handful out of her costume. It needs to be ready for next week, when she’ll be wearing it again.” Rio gave Madam a wink and watched as her expression moved from shock to joy to fear, 

 

“He…hired me again?”

 

“Honey, he could never do this show without you. The reviews are already pouring in, people have never been so excited for one of his shows before. And each review is about how amazing his host was. You ARE his show.” Before Sai could internally explode in happiness, Rio began pulling her back towards her dressing room, “Now come on, you don’t wanna ruin that wig.”

 

As Yashiro approached Ren and informed him of how the host had been fired for going off script and then how she’d been rehired due to the fact that she was so phenomenal during the premier that getting rid of her now would sink the show entirely. It wouldn’t ever recover, most likely. Ren felt his heart soar for her, and as her makeup artist dragged her away, he called out to her, “Madam!”

 

She turned in surprise, nodding to let him know she’d heard. 

 

“I’m happy for you, you deserve this.” He smiled at her that heavenly smile again and added without thinking, “I’ll see you again, I’m sure of it. Until then, keep up the amazing work.”

 

A light blush touched the matchmaker’s cheeks and she gave him a quick smirk, “I’ll do my best to keep my job this time, Ren my dear, so keep an eye out for me.” She winked at him darkly and turned her back, waving her long nails back at him, “I’ll be looking forward to our next meeting.” 

 

The moment that she turned the corner down the hall, she and Rio scurried away and raced into the dressing room where Sai once again collapsed into the couch, letting her thoughts wander as Rio talked and talked, chided and chastised. Slowly, a blush once again spread on Sai’s cheeks as she remembered Ren’s smile. The corners of her lips twitched up when she thought of it. To be smiled at like that…was something Sai could only dream of. And in a way, she was. 

 

Rio moved to take the wig off, arranging it carefully and chastising her for the knots in it. Sai looked at her reflection in the mirror, her red hair tangled, messy, and frazzled from being in the wig cap all evening. With a soft sigh, the redhead let the fact sink in that Ren had smiled that evening at Madam, someone whose acting he admired and whose character he congratulated. 

 

While he had inadvertently complimented her, it didn’t seem to make her happy in that moment. He’d been kind, sweet, and gentle to Madam, not to her, not to Sai. She doubted that he’d ever smile at her like that. Which meant that he absolutely could never know that she played the Madam. Never. It was her tie to him that let her enjoy his company, rather than dread it. As she sat there, she could feel her heart tear in opposite ways, happy for the memories of his smiles, and distraught at the thought of never seeing one as her true self.

 

Ren sat in his car waiting for Yashiro to get into the front, but he was busy behind the car talking to a parking attendant about something that Ren didn’t bother to figure out. He sighed and gripped the wheel in his hands as he thought about his interaction with the actress inside. While he was genuinely happy for her, something still bothered him. 

 

When he’d tried to reach out for her, to comfort her, something had flashed in his mind. Something he couldn’t understand but couldn’t seem to forget about. As he’d extended his hand to touch her, a face had flashed in his mind, almost like a reminder, and it had stopped him from continuing. Only…the face that had appeared to him…had been that annoying girl’s. The Love Me one. Saiyuka Akai. He’d seen her face and it had stopped him from touching another woman. 

 

His anger and disdain grew for her even if she wasn’t around. He’d never understand her, and he certainly couldn’t understand why he’d seen her face. But most of all, he didn’t understand why his heart hurt when he thought of her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just wanted to let you know that there are several arcs I’ve decided to cut out of my storyline, including the one that precedes this. It kind of felt like the story dragged on and didn’t improve or change at all for long expanses of time (and there wasn’t really any mention of Ren), and I was just writing the arcs so they would match up with Skip Beat’s original plot. 
> 
> I still have all my drafts for the chapters (I think I cut out eight?) and all the planning, so once the story is finished, I might produce the extraneous chapters as little short story add-on things, if enough people would enjoy reading them! If I remember correctly, I removed the arc which mirrors the Sho PV, and another which mirrored the Curara Commercial shoots. Both the commercials and the PV will be mentioned later on in the story, so just know that they would occur around this point in the story. I believe there was a few chapters with Rio that I removed as well, although they weren’t quite an “arc” per say. I suppose they’d mirror the filler bit where Kyoko went to Kanae’s house for the first time. 
> 
> This next chapter takes place right as the shooting for her commercials ends (she shoots three), so you won’t really know much about the commercials themselves. Again, once I’ve finished the main story, I’d be willing to write my removed arcs as well as any one shots or epilogs anyone can think of! 
> 
> So without further ado, back to the story! And don’t be afraid to contact me if you have any questions!

The actor knocked hesitantly on his manager’s doorframe, seeing him frantically gathering his belongings through the window that lined the side of the door. Upon hearing the sudden noise, Yashiro looked up from the papers he’d been organizing and a smile lit up his face. He moved to open the door and greeted the man on the other side warmly, 

 

“Ren! You came to see me before you left, which is good because I needed to give this to you!” He dug through his meticulous system and removed two thick files presumably from directors. Ren took them gratefully and nodded. 

 

“Thank you, Mr. Yashiro. I was just coming to check in on you before I left. You didn’t come to my last interview.”

 

Guilt was immediately obvious on his friend’s face as the lighter haired man scratched at the back of his head. “My meeting from earlier ran long. There was a lot of extraneous conversation that kept us from getting work done.”

 

“Oh? You’re usually quite on top of keeping time, what happened?” The actor asked him, inclining his head quizzically.

 

“I was pretty heavily involved in a lot of the talking,” the manager admitted, a light blush at the tips of his ears. “I’m sorry, I know that it’s strange for me.”

 

Raising his eyebrows, Ren had to agree that it was highly unusual, “What exactly were you talking about?”

 

“I’m not sure if you’ll be as interested as I was, Ren. But I’ll tell you if you really want to know; I have more news besides that, and it’s all very mixed. I honestly don’t know how you’d react to all of it.”

 

Reclining in one of the comfortable chairs by the light haired man’s desk, Ren laced his fingers over his stomach and smiled, “Alright, go for it. Tell me.”

 

Suddenly, the man seemed much more excited and he leaned over his crowded desk to get closer to the actor, his eyes shining with mischief and glee, “Ms. Saiyuka got the job!”

 

Ren blinked a few times, leaning forward. “What job?”

 

“The one she was auditioning for! The set of three commercials? The director hired her! Sawara was so proud, he said he’d find the audition tapes if I wanted to see them, and I told him that of course I would!”

 

“Wait, Ms. Akai made her audition?” Ren asked, finally remembering a passing conversation he’d had with the redhead where she told him she’d been auditioning for some series of perfume commercials. He narrowed his eyes at his manager and allowed his brows to sink down, “And you thought I would care about this...why?” He asked upon seeing his manager nod eager at him.

 

Yashiro scoffed loudly and sat back, a disappointed expression donning his face, “You are so stubborn. Far too stubborn for you own good!” He admonished, waving his hand dismissively. 

 

Blinking again, the actor simply disregarded his statement and asked, “So...was that the bad news?”

 

Now the manager openly tsked at him and rolled his eyes, “No, Ren, it was the good news, of course.”

 

“So...what’s the bad news then?”

 

The older man sat down suddenly, glaring pointedly at the man across from him, “It’s not necessarily bad news. You just won’t like it much. My father is going in for hip surgery finally, and they need me at their house for a week while he recovers. I’ll...need to hire a replacement while I’m gone.”

 

The actor’s face darkened instantly and he sighed. Replacement managers never went well for him. They came in bright eyed and bushy-tailed and then stormed out after only a few days - or even hours - of managing his insane schedule. Yashiro never wanted to leave him on his own though, and therefore it was pointless to argue against the notion of a replacement, but he figured he might as well try.

 

“You know, Yukihito,” he said, using his friend’s first name like he only did when he wanted to show just how serious he was about something, “I can take care of myself. I know my own schedule and work habits better than any temporary manager could hope to in just a week. I really don’t think we need to disrupt the system any more than we already have.”

 

Yashiro was already shaking his head, “No, Ren. You know I can’t do that. I can’t just leave you on your own, you know that things crop up sometimes and you’ll need a manager to handle it for you. You can take care of your own schedule, but you can’t just run around without a manager for a week, there’s a reason that our job exists.”

 

Ren opened his mouth to protest, but his manager held up a hand to stop him, “Besides, I’ve already hired someone. I’ve given him copies of everything well beforehand and I’m confident that he’ll be able to get the job done.”

 

The actor eventually resigned and nodded, sighing again and running a hand through his hair tiredly, “Very well, Mr. Yashiro. If you think it’s best, I’ll go with what you say.” With that, he helped his manager gather the rest of his things and they went down to the parking garage together, seeing each other off mostly in silence. 

 

The rest of their week went on mostly as normal, ending with one final day that was packed to the brim. At the beginning of their time together, they both figured they’d barely have enough time to eat, much less relax. Therefore, it was much to their surprise when Ren’s photoshoot was cancelled for the morning and they ended up with a three hour gap to burn.

 

Not surprisingly though, when expressing to the young and very excitable Maria that he now had the rest of the morning off, she claimed the spare time all to herself to spend with the actor.

 

“Oh, you simply must stay with me, Ren!” She gushed at him, smiling her widest, brightest grin and tugging at his sleeve. 

 

The actor looked down at the little girl who was gazing up at him so adorably and immediately caved, his own lips upturning, “If you’d really like me to stay, Maria, then of course I will.” He said politely, chuckling at how she brightened immediately at his words.

 

His manager glanced sideways at him and smiled rather evilly, “You know, Ms. Maria, I believe Ms. Saiyuka is shooting the last of her commercials this afternoon. The set is just down the street and I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

 

Instantly, the smile on the young girl’s face doubled in glowing intensity, “Oh, Ren! Can we go see her?! Please, please, pleeeeease!”

 

The actor grimaced at the notion of seeing the actress so soon after their latest argument. They’d been off on a good foot for a while, after Maria’s party. Of course  **he’d** blown up at her again, although she was obviously beginning to get less and less upset with him and more so just tired of his antics.

 

He figured this was a good a time as any to try to apologize, he just hoped he didn’t make a fool of himself. Again. He tended to do that a lot around her, especially when he was trying to fix things between them. “...Alright,” he eventually agreed, although it was incredibly reluctant on his part.

 

The golden haired girl cheered and he noticed that his manager seemed a little too happy with the notion of the two actors meeting. Ren rolled his eyes before gathering up his passengers into his Porsche and driving down the street to the large studio space. 

 

The moment he’d pulled in, Maria shot out of the car and into the building. Yashiro laughed as he watched her, calling after her rapidly retreating form to be careful and watch where she was going. He patiently waited for the actor to round the hood of the dark car before walking into the building for him.

 

The studio currently was setup to mimic a large open field, covered in small white flowers and tall grass. The sky was pleasant blue and soft sounds of birds chirping and the distant crashing of waves indicated that the field was meant to be close to an ocean. The most amazing thing about the scene wasn’t the field itself though. It was the figure standing in the middle of it, a bouquet of the white flowers in her hand.

 

Completely frozen to the spot, Ren watched, mesmerized, as the actress he was certain was Sai moved and swayed to the music, her lines incoherent from as far away as he was. She was dressed as an angel, evident from the gorgeous white, feather wings protruding from her back. They were uneven and asymmetrical, but clearly it was on purpose and added to the character in some way.

 

She wore a white cotton tunic cinched at her narrow waist with a golden cord. Her usual red hair was covered by a deep brown wig that reached her waist it was so long. At the top of her head was a crown made of flowers and laced with pearls, braided with beautiful strands of colorful ribbon. 

 

He watched in fascination as she bent over and picked up a pile of flower petals, lifting them into the air and sending them scattering in the air. She moved her body and gestured towards things that weren’t physically in the shot with startling genuinity. She must have been compensating for CGI that would be added later, and he was thoroughly startled at how well she was acting since this must have been her first time acting with the advanced tech.

 

The actor eventually became aware of an incessant tugging on his hand as he was led forward. Flitting his eyes downward, he saw Maria pulling him towards a marked off area at the side of the set. Slipping back into reality, he walked with her more easily until they reached the area and she finally let go.

 

Maria had immediately spotted the brunette off to the side, her lengthy hair twirled into a tight bun and her lanky form hugged by a loose striped sweater with a pair of jean short overalls. She’d never met Sai’s best friend officially, but they always seemed to be together and now seemed like the perfect time to interact and she practically dragged Ren over.

 

“Hello!” She greeted happily, catching the makeup artist’s attention, “My name is Maria! Ms. Sai’s little sister!”

 

Rio looked confused for a moment before she placed the golden haired girl’s face and remembered she was the President’s granddaughter who had recently formed a solid bond with the actress. A smile lit up her face and she crouched down to meet the little girl at eye level,

 

“Well, Ms. Maria, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She said with an even brighter grin as she held out her hand for the younger girl to shake. Sai had told her many times how much Maria appreciated being treated like an adult. 

 

Indeed, the golden haired young girl practically beamed as she grasped the brunette’s hand and pumped it up and down with pride. “You’re big sis’s best friend aren’t you?” She asked, tilting her head.

 

The brunette startled at her words and a light blush touched her cheeks. She’d never had anyone to call her best friend before. She twirled a stray strand of hair around her finger, “Uh...yeah, I guess! Y-yeah, we’re best friends.” She smiled widely as she said it, stealing a glance over at the actress. “I’m Rio Honda, but any sister of my best friend is expected to call me Rio, I hope you know.”

 

Maria brightened even further and gave a vehement nod, “And you can just call me Maria! Oh, I knew I’d like you! You remind me a lot of my sister!”

 

Rio laughed at that, standing up and patting her hand on the stool next to her so the little girl could hop up on it. “And I can see why she took such a shine to you, Maria. She loves you very much.”

 

Maria blushed at that, pressing her hands to her cheeks, “I know.” She said, her tone warm, “I can see it when she looks at me. It’s just like how Mother used to look at me.” A bittersweet expression appeared on the little girl’s face, an expression much too mature for a girl only eight years old.

 

“That must be really nice for you, Maria.” Rio said, taking the young girl’s hand, “I know how much you must love her.”

 

The girl nodded again, “I love her a lot. A  **lot** , a lot. I just wish I could help her more, you know? I can see it sometimes, and you might have noticed it too, but she just looks so pained sometimes. When she stares off into space.”

 

The artist’s grip on Maria’s hand tightened as she remembered the countless times she’s caught Sai with that expression on, and the actress had evaded each question concerning it. “She’s just not a very open person. Give her some time. She’ll open up to us.”

 

“You think so?”

 

“Oh, definitely. She’s just scared, I can tell. She doesn’t want to ruin the perception we have of her, she thinks that she’ll taint our opinions with details of her past. Until she realizes that nothing she’s done in the past will change the way we feel about her now, she won’t be comfortable revealing anything.”

 

“But I want her to know that  **now** . I feel like she doesn’t trust me enough…”

 

“No, Maria...I don’t think that’s it. I think she genuinely just fears losing or disappoint us.”

 

“But she’d never lose me just from telling me what’s bothering her so much all the time!”

 

“I know that, Maria,” Rio insisted, tearing her eyes away from the director and his crew for a moment to look at the little girl casting pleading glances her way, “But until  **Sai** knows that, nothing will change.”

 

“Can we make her know it?”

 

Rio shook her head softly, a sad smile on her lips, “I’m afraid not, poppet. We have to wait. The only thing that can help her now is time.”

 

Slowly, the golden haired girl nodded, “Alright. I can do that for her.”

 

“Atta girl!” Rio said, patting Maria’s head affectionately. Before she could add anything else, she heard the director’s distinctive baritone voice call over his megaphone that the scene was a wrap. 

 

Directing her attention back to the stage, she watched as Sai moved toward the director, a relieved look on her face.

 

“Well done, Ms. Akai!” His deep voice could be heard across the room. “Yet another flawless scene in one shot! You’re a marvel, dear!” His boisterous laugh then filled the room as he pat his actress on her shoulder in appreciation.

 

The actress blushed a soft rose color and nodded to him, “Thank you, sir! That’s really very kind of you to say.” The rest of their conversation was much quieter and Rio couldn’t make out the rest of the words, but she could piece together some things between her friend’s ever darkening color of red and the director’s increasingly loud bursts of laughter. 

 

Still in full costume, the actress heaved an audible sigh and eventually started to make her way towards her makeup artist. Seeing her approach, the actor she’d yet to spot backed away slightly. Ren wasn’t sure he could stay at that point. He’d come fully prepared to apologize to her, but after watching her perform so flawlessly, he could hardly leave without complimenting her, and he was  **terrible** when it came to complimenting her.

 

He then decided that he couldn’t stay if that was the case and he swept himself away from the marked off area to find his manager. None the wiser he’d even been there, Sai approached her best friend and a pleasant surprise that awaited her by Rio’s side.

 

“Maria!” She exclaimed, picking up her pace and then crouching low to the ground to scoop the little girl into her arms, “You came to watch!”

 

The little girl laughed, “Of course I did, sister! I wouldn’t miss seeing you act for the whole world! You’re so amazing!”

 

Sai set her down with another blush, “Was it good then? You liked it?”

 

“You’re so beautiful like that!” The golden haired girl said, “The tunic suits you, and I’m sure Ren liked seeing you look so pretty and professional.” She added, beaming up at her sister.

 

The actress blinked a few times before looking between Maria and Rio, who looked equally surprised to hear the name. “Mr. Tsuruga? Was he here?” She asked, thoroughly taken by surprise.

 

Maria tilted her head and looked around, not seeing the man standing there any longer. “Hmm...oh, I guess he’s not here anymore. He came with me, but he must have run away to his next job. You just missed him.”

 

Before she could really think about it, Sai asked, “Why would he even come to see me in the first place?”

 

“Are you two fighting again?” The brunette asked, frustrated with how touch and go the two actors seemed, always somewhere between dealing with each other, or hating the other’s guts for some idiotic reason.

 

Sai looked up sheepishly and rubbed the back of her head. “No,” she began, “Well, yes. But not really. You see-”

 

“You and Ren fight?” Maria asked her, shocked, her hand flying up to her mouth.

 

“Not like, physically!” Sai insisted, trying desperately to come up with a way to tell the girl, “We just argue a lot. We don’t really see eye to eye. Which brings me back to my question: why did he come?”

 

Seemingly satisfied with that explanation, the golden haired girl shrugged, “He agreed to bring me over. But he looked excited to see you too, so I figured he’d stay to talk to you at least.”

 

“He actually looked excited to see me? That’s strange, I wonder if he’s feeling okay…” Sai said, bringing a hand to her chin.

 

“No, sister! You can’t feel like that! You two should get along!” Maria insisted, almost jumping up and down.

 

A smile spread across the talent’s face, “Oh? And why should we?”

 

“Well because,” Marai puffed up her cheeks, “I plan to marry him. But in case I can’t, the only person who should get to marry Ren should be you, sister!”

 

Sai’s breath caught uncomfortably in her throat and she coughed rather dramatically, startling both Rio and Maria before dissolving into a fit of nervous laughter, “M-Maria, you can’t be serious!”

 

“Of course I am!” The little girl cried, clutching at the hem of Sai’s tunic, “If I had to give up my Ren, I could only bear to do it if you had him.”

 

Sai worked to stifle any panic or hysteria the child’s fantasies were causing her, “Maria, it just doesn’t work like that. I couldn’t force myself on him or anything, it’s just as much up to him as it is up to me. And if it was up to me, I wouldn’t interact with him outside of work much at all.”

 

Instantly the golden haired girl looked stricken, her smile sinking faster than Sai had ever seen it, “B-but…”

 

Giving the girl a gentle smile, Sai shook her head, “No buts. Besides, he doesn’t like me in the slightest. I think he might even hate me.” She added with a slight scoff.

 

Instead of resigning to that though, Maria rapidly shook her head back and forth, “No, no! He doesn’t dislike you at all! He’s just stubborn, he wants you to think that he doesn’t like you, but you can’t believe him!”

 

Sai scoffed at that, shaking her head softly at the younger girl, “Oh, Maria, no. Why do you think would he do that?”

 

“Easy! Because he’s himself around you, just like he is with Grandfather! He can’t help but act like normal with you, and he can’t seem to charm you like he does with other women because he’s so genuine. He covers that up with quips and mean remarks and he fights with you, but he doesn’t realize it’s just because he doesn’t want to admit that he likes you, lots and lots!”

 

The smirk that had decorated Sai’s lips had gradually faded as Maria spoke, her heart leaping softly in her chest as the girl’s words resonated in her heart. She was right. Scarily so. Instead of agreeing or disagreeing with the girl outright, the actress simply opted for, “We’ll see, Maria. I don’t know about any of that. I’d rather not just assume when it comes to him.”

 

Most of that was true, she really didn’t want to insinuate anything from his actions, for fear she’d be wrong. There was some truth to what Maria said though. She had seen glimpses of the man holding himself back around her before, she just hadn’t thought about it this way.

 

Maria visibly wilted when all her hard work gathering information and creating an argument had been dismissed by Sai’s refusal to accept it. She still felt like the actor loved her, but she decided not to say anything just yet. She didn’t want to upset her sister further, and right at that moment, the actress looked very fragile.

 

That string of conversation died away rather quickly and Rio rejoined their discussion as they drifted amongst other topics. It wasn’t until they were interrupted did any of them stop talking, turning around to see the source of the cacophonous noise.

 

What else could it have possibly been besides the President of LME himself marching into the studio, surrounded on all sides by a perfectly arranged and identical marching band. They paraded loudly, flamboyantly, and exuberantly towards the group of three young girls, the smile on Lory’s face beaming brighter than the sun.

 

He hopped down from the pedestal he’d been carried in on and bowed before the group, “Saiyuka!” He cried, wrapping his goddaughter in his arms, careful not to damage her wings. “You look beautiful!”

 

She laughed joyously, a sound that made the President’s already glowing expression seem to double in wattage. “And you are as passionate and showy as always, Lory.”

 

He gestured widely behind him, “Do you like it? It’s for you, you know.” He told her, a sly smile on his lips.

 

“Oh? And why would you go to all this trouble?” The actress asked, returning his grin with a relaxed, pleased smile.

 

“Why, to celebrate you completing your first career job, of course!” He replied, eliciting a cheer from the entire band as well as Maria and Rio, who hugged her carefully and congratulated her as well. 

 

Sai let another ringing laugh go and allowed Rio to help remove her wings so she was more accessible for hugging. Wrapping her arms one last time around Maria and her best friend, she whispered just loud enough for them to hear, “Thank you, you two. I wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without you.”

 

Pulling away, she quickly wiped a tear away from her cheek and nodded to Lory. They began walking to the other side of the studio together where they would be more private. 

 

“Do you know how proud of you I truly am?” He asked her when they were finally out of earshot. “How proud of everything you’ve done? All you’ve accomplished? Do you know how happy you’ve made me?” 

 

Sai wrapped her arms around her godfather’s waist like she used to when she was smaller, “I’d like to say I did it all for you, Lory.” She told him, wiping another tear away from her eyes, “I did at first. I didn’t really know what I was doing here, and I couldn’t bring myself to understand it. But I knew it meant a lot to you, so I decided I would try for a while, for you.

 

“But it’s different now. I’m different now. I can  **feel** things again. I mean something again. Acting lets me do it, but it’s just the gateway. If I open and close the door enough, it starts to stay a crack open and with each instance, the crack widens more and my ability to express emotions like I do in characters starts to blend with real life. Lory, if I keep doing this, if I keep acting, if I find myself through this, I-I...I think I’ll be okay again.”

 

Lory abruptly wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, letting a few tears flow freely down his cheeks. “I knew it. I knew you could do it. I promised you, didn’t I?” He held her at arm’s length, a warm, fatherly expression of affection on his face. “I told you that you’d be okay again, that I would help fix you.”

 

“You did. You did promise me that. And it’s working, Lory, it really is. But it isn’t just the acting. It’s the people too. Maria, Rio, all the people working with Madam, all the directors, hosts, interviewers, even Mr. Tsuruga and Yashiro...everyone I’ve met so far, all the people who’ve shown me love and respect, I can feel it in return for them. It’s like all the pieces of me are coming together.”

 

He smiled beautifully at her, all the usual wrinkles on his face melting away as he gazed down at her. Slowly, he lowered himself down and placed a light kiss on her crown. “You know I’ll always do everything in my power to support and help you, Saiyuka. You can do whatever you please so long as it makes you happy. And to see you happy here, with all these people, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me.”

 

“Is that why you created this division for me?” 

 

“Saiyuka, I created this division because I was desperate. You were wasting away in that apartment all by yourself. I know you said that it was what you wanted, but you were  **dying** . There was nothing you lived for, no reason to get up. And I needed you to try one last thing.”

 

“And because of that,” Sai told him, taking his hand, “I’m  **alive** again, Lory. For the first time in so long, I’m alive.”

 

Her godfather swept her in for another hug, holding the back of her head as he held her to his chest, “I know, Saiyuka. I know. And I’m so glad, and so very, very proud of my girl.” He let her go, pleased to see a light blush on her cheeks as they made their way back to Rio and Maria.

 

Lory eagerly returned to directing his band as Rio helped Sai out of the rest of her costume storing it away carefully as Sai said her last goodbyes to the character. It was harder than she thought it would be. 

 

They emerged back into the studio and parted ways with the director who told Sai he’d miss working with her and would definitely request her talent whenever the opportunity presented itself. As they drove back to LME  together, Sai had never felt so proud of anything in her life.

 

Driving in the opposite direction at that exact moment, Ren and Yashiro were making their way to the airport through annoyingly thick traffic. The manager bounced his knee up and down as he glanced repeatedly at the clock. There was plenty of time before his flight took off, but he still was concerned as he looked at the solid block of unmoving cars in front of him.

 

“Stop fidgeting and worrying about it so much, Mr. Yashiro,” Ren chastised, glancing over at his manager with a twinkle in his eye, “You’ll make it on time.”

 

“Yes, yes, I know...but you know how I get when it looks like there’s even a chance for something to go wrong.”

 

“Let’s take your mind off of it then,” the actor tried, knowing distracting him was the only thing that might do the trick.

 

The light haired man blinked a few times before turning slowly on his friend, “Alright,” he began. Ren already had a bad feeling. “You haven’t said a word about this yet, so I wanted to know what you thought of Ms. Saiyuka’s acting earlier.” He finished, a teasing smile on his lips.

 

Ren paused for just a moment and quickly counted to ten. “It was fair.” He snapped, refusing to let his mind wander to the beauty she’d displayed earlier, or any beauty of hers for that matter. “She doesn’t make a good brunette though.”  _ I much prefer her red hair _ , he added in his head.

 

The manager scoffed loudly, “‘Fair,’ eh? Is that why you couldn’t take your eyes off of her?” He asked, eying the actor carefully.

 

Immediately, the man seized up, staring unblinkingly ahead of him and clearing his throat uncomfortably, “I was impressed, sure. She’s a quick study. I honestly was at a loss for how well she is already able to form characters.”

 

“Yes, I’m sure that’s what kept you staring. It, of course, had nothing to do with how lovely she looked or her innate acting ability that you refuse to acknowledge.” Yashiro said as he rolled his eyes. “You really are stubborn, you know. Can’t you just admit that you like her?”

 

“What makes you think that I like her?”

 

“Besides how you stare at her for inappropriate lengths of time, or how you can’t seem to get any work done when she’s around? Or maybe the fact that your compliments of her have grown increasingly kind? Or maybe it’s the fact that when you’re on good terms, the smile you give her could melt glaciers? You practically  **sparkle** , Ren. Sparkle.”

 

Yashiro had expected his friend to grow upset or angry, or at least get defensive, but the actor simply sighed in defeat. “I honestly can’t tell you why any of that’s happening, Yukihito. I still can’t understand her motives for doing any of this, and I can’t bring myself to appreciate her talent because of that.”

 

“Well, I guess your heart moved on then. Deep down, you know she’s not a bad person, even if her outward actions or rumors say that she might be. That’s why you’re able to treat her like this, you already know that she’s deserving of your praise. It’s your mind being stubborn. You feel like you need logic and reason, but you don’t. Not when it comes to her.”

 

Glancing sideways at his manager, the dark haired man sighed again as they moved up a few precious feet, “That can’t be true, Yukihito, the world doesn’t work that way.” Despite saying that with full confidence, Ren couldn’t help but recall all the times his heart skipped, jumped, stopped, or hurt because of her. 

 

All throughout their time together, he couldn’t keep track of all the times she’d made strange things happen to him, and cause him to feel things he wasn’t used to, wasn’t ready for. And he knew he covered it up with a quick temper and witty remarks, but he couldn’t help it. The only thing that overpowered what he was feeling for her was anger. And he didn’t know what he would do when that stopped overpowering them too.

 

Dropping the subject as traffic began to move again, the two men finally reached the airport. Clearing his throat to rid it of all the tension he’d collected since their last conversation had ended. 

 

“Alright, Mr. Yashiro. You have a safe trip, alright? I’ll be fine, you shouldn’t worry. “

 

As much as Ren tried to make the words convincing, the worried expression on his managers face made it blatantly obvious that no amount of words, impassioned or not, would assuage his fears. 

 

“I believe you, Ren…” he told him but his tone said otherwise. “But just in case, here,” hesitantly, he handed Ren a slip of paper where a string of digits was laid out. 

 

“What’s this?” He asked, flipping it to the back to see if there was something that could help identify the reason for the number.

 

“It’s a cell phone number. For emergencies. If anything happens, and I mean  **anything** that bothers you, I want you to call this number first. They’ll help you with whatever you need.”

 

“I don’t need something like this-”

 

Yashiro hushed him, holding a finger up to his lips. “Don’t argue with me, Ren. Just take the number. Call it if you need to. Don’t try to fix everything on your own.”

 

“Alright, alright. I’ll keep it. No promises on calling though. Just trust me enough to make that decision by myself, please.” It took all of Yashiro’s willpower not to jump up and gasp for joy right then and there. He contained it well though, well enough to fool even Japan’s top actor. Damn he was good if he tried.

 

“Keeping it is a good start.” He told him, a gentle smile still on his face as he parted from his charge and maneuvered to find his gate. 

 

Ren began walking away the moment his friend was out of sight, moving swiftly back to where he’d parked his car. Climbing into the front seat, his eyes landed on Yashiro’s day planner that he’d left behind as a reference for the new guy if he could make sense of it. He couldn’t, of course.

  
As he started the car though, something nagged at him and he looked back at the file, unable to place the source of the feeling. All of a sudden, he was overcome with the most intense shock of dread he’d ever felt. Something bad was about to happen, he couldn’t place what exactly was about to go wrong, but it would be soon, that much he was sure of. Oh, he wasn’t looking forward to a week without Yashiro. That man was an angel of a manager. And now, his angel had gone for week. Please, let him live through it.


	17. Chapter 17

Ren stood in the lobby of LME, digging his fingers into his temples, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to block out the screaming of the red faced man across from him. Finally, the short, rotund man threw down the clipboard he’d been holding and the papers flew throughout the lobby, 

 

“That’s it!” He yelled as loudly as he could, holding a shaking finger towards the actor as he stared him down with his anger, his face deepening several shades of red. “I quit!” He roared, marching past the dark haired man and shoving the door open, stomping out. The actor still hadn’t moved and was standing there with his eyes closed, swallowing uncomfortably as he tried to regain enough will to move. 

 

Worried for his well being and concerned after his temporary manager had thrown such an ugly fit, the receptionist walked up to him and got his attention, “Are you alright, Mr. Tsuruga?” She asked him hesitantly as his eyes rose to meet hers, a polite but pitiful smile spreading on his face.

 

“Yes, I’m quite fine. Just appreciating my regular manager’s patience with me, I suppose.” He said, scratching at the back of his head.

 

The young woman shook her head vigorously and said, “Oh, Mr. Tsuruga, you make it sound as if it’s your fault all this has happened! He was the problem, not you,” she assured, “It was him who couldn’t handle it.”

 

The actor shook his head, “It’s not an easy job, being my manager. But I certainly don’t make it easier.”

 

She began to protest again and he simply held up a hand to stop her, bending to help pick up all the papers that were now strewn all over the floor. She quickly bent to help him and they gathered all of them, and she handed therm over. He took them gratefully and she asked, “Would you like me to call management about getting you a new one?” 

 

Opening his mouth to reply, Ren was about to tell her that it would be wonderful of her to do so, but a thought suddenly occurred to him. He remembered the piece of paper Yashiro had given him before he’d departed, telling him that should he encounter any trouble, that the phone number on the paper should be his first call. 

 

Skeptical, the actor wondered how this number could fix his current situation, but he trusted his manager, and if he’d thought that this person could help, then they probably could. “Actually, I’ll make a call of my own first,” he told her politely, and she nodded professionally and returned to her desk. 

 

He managed to make his way to his dressing room, juggling not only his own belongings, but also all the papers and schedules that his manager had left behind. Once in, he sunk into the fabric of the couch, closing his eyes and letting a deep, exhausted breath go. 

 

Sitting there for a few moments, he allowed his breathing to even out, his chest rising and falling in an easy mannered, steady rhythm. He spent the time contemplating what to do next. He could call the number Yashiro left him, or he could just call the management office. Or he could just manage himself for the rest of the week. That might be easier that having to drag someone else into this mess.

 

Opening his eyes, he decided that would most likely come back to bite him. For everything he prided himself on, he knew that if he tried to manage his fully stocked schedule, something would go wrong. Reluctantly, he pulled the number out of his bag and dialed it into his phone, holding it to his ear while he waited. It rang for a few long moments before a crackling sound signified that it had been answered, and a shockingly familiar voice poured into his ears,

 

“Hello, this is Saiyuka Akai. How can I help you?” Ren froze as the name registered and he sat there for a few moments in silence as he tried to process why on earth his manager would subject him to this. A thought suddenly occurred though, because he’d dialed the number and it hadn’t suggested that he was typing hers in, even though he had it stored on his phone’s memory. 

 

“Hello?” Her voice questioned from the other side, confused as to why she hadn’t gotten a reply. Closing his eyes, he forced the words out,

 

“Good evening, Ms. Akai.” He greeted her, only to receive the same brief moment of silence that he’d given her.

 

Eventually her voice returned, slightly hesitant and confused, “Mr. Tsuruga? How did you get my work number?” She asked, confirming his suspicions that this was a different number than usual. “Why didn’t you just call my personal one if you needed me?”

 

“You have a phone dedicated to work?” He asked, shocked despite having half-suspected it. 

 

“Of course, you just called it.” she replied easily, “I bought it when Mr. Sawara started letting me manage my own schedule to help me keep track of my calendar and appointments.” She paused for a moment, “Again, how did you get the number?”

 

“Mr. Yashiro gave it to me,” he said absentmindedly, thinking of why he would have before she even asked, “He told me to use it if I needed it.” Suddenly, he realized that he’d given her that number not because she’d know how to help find him a manager, but because she could  **be** his manager. If Sawara trusted her enough to let her work her own schedule, she was more than capable of helping arrange his.

 

“He, uh,” Ren started, trying to order his thoughts, “He left for a week, to tend to family business. Of course, he’s entitled to a break, but it’s always rocky without him. He set me up with a friend of his who was prepared for the worst, but gave me your number anyway.”

 

“Okay…” she replied, wary. “So what’s the emergency then?” 

 

“Well, my manager quit.” He said flatly.

 

Silence kept Ren holding his breath for a few moments until her voice returned lower and hesitant, “Then does this mean what I think it means? Are you hiring me?”

 

Realizing that was indeed what the situation had been unconsciously suggesting, Ren froze for a moment as he considered the repercussions of allowing such a girl into his life like this. Shaking his head, he came to the decision that even though Yashiro had good intentions, he couldn’t hire her, “I’m sorry to bother you, Ms. Akai, but I don’t think I’ll be needing your services-”

 

“I accept. When do I start?” She asked, overpowering his dismissive sentiment by interrupting him completely.

 

Ren got up, starting out his door to have Sawara appoint another, non-Love Me member as his manager, “No, Ms. Akai. Really. You don’t have to. I’m already on my way to the management offices.”

 

“I’ll meet you there then,” she said curtly, hanging up the phone before Ren could say anything else.

 

Hoping to beat her, the actor increased his pace, using his long legs as an advantage yet again. He swiftly arrived at the offices and threw the door open with a vengeance, meeting the pale blue eyes of the very woman he’d been hoping to avoid. There was a slight humor dancing behind them this time as she happily conversed with Sawara and the head of the management division, who greeted Ren merrily,

 

“Mr. Tsuruga!” The black haired man said, gesturing out towards him with friendliness, “I can’t believe you managed to convince Akai here to do management work! Nicely done.” He complimented, giving the actor a thumbs up.

 

He opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off by Sai’s gentle voice, “He was awfully persistent, and how could I refuse, after him and Yashiro have shown me such kindness as I’ve adjusted to the ways of LME.” She said, giving Ren a pointed glance that dared him to challenge her, to argue he didn’t want her help.

 

Oblivious to their wordless war, Sawara happily went to fetch Yashiro’s planner and bring it to her, knowing she’d be able to make sense out of the jumble of notes. Immediately, she began leafing through it and Ren watched, fascinated, as she found the important parts and relayed information.

 

Before his very eyes, she’d laid out his schedule in much easier to understand terms and began requesting information. When she was finished speaking, Sawara went to fetch what seemed like the schedules for nearly each of his employers, which she’d managed to find in Yashiro’s mess of a planner in mere minutes. The only person he’d seen do that before was the manager himself.

 

Pulling her aside, he tried to find the right words underneath how impressed he was at her skill, “Why are you so eager to do this?” He asked her, deciding it was best to be blunt and just get it over with.

 

Sai’s lower lip pulled out and she gazed at the man curiously, eventually saying just as bluntly, “I’m sick of you treating me like I can’t be a professional and I’m using this as an opportunity to show you that I’m plenty capable.”

 

Watching her in honest surprise, he said, “Does it mean that much to you?” But he knew, no matter what her answer was, he had just relented, knowing that she would do the job well, and that Yashiro had trusted her enough to do it in the first place.

 

The redhead nodded, her hair slipping in front of her eyes as she watched him, causing her to have to tuck it behind her ear and look at him with a femininity that he wasn’t used to, “Yes.” Was all she said before turning her attention back to Sawara who was juggling the stack of papers she’d requested.

 

Taking the stack with surprising grace, Sai managed to get them into her tote bag in an organized manner, slipping the parcel back over her shoulder with some effort. Sighing, Ren resigned to his fate and took the tote, despite her protests. He thanked the management staff and then headed down to the parking garage with her in tow.

 

The ride to his apartment was mostly silent, interrupted only by one of them trying to make conversation, only for it to fall flat and allow the silence back in. When they did eventually arrive, they rode up in the elevator with slight small talk, each relaxing a bit more. He let her in and showed her where to put her coat and shoes. She complied and carried the heavy tote into the living room.

 

From behind her, Ren called out, “Would you like something to drink?”

 

“Coffee would be nice!” She called back, a smile lighting up her features.

 

After he’d prepared it, the pair settled at the short table in his living room, Sai leaning back comfortably against his couch, looking right at home, a distant but focused look in her eyes. Seeing him sit next to her, she refocused her gaze on the actor’s face and a wicked grin lit up her features.

 

Picking up a large stack of papers from her tote, she held them up over the table and then released them, the sheets spreading over the surface as she lowered herself over them and immediately began shifting them into clear piles, the subjects of which Ren quickly lost track of. Her hands moved nonstop and occasionally he would catch her moving her mouth as she instructed her way through the organization.

 

On a blank piece of paper, she began furiously writing down each job both the actor and herself had, making a coherent timeline with ridiculous amounts of overlap. Upon finishing that, she looked over at the man and showed it to him, her confident voice ringing out, “Neither of us will drop a job during this arrangement, I can make it work.” She told him, her lips quirked up wildly.

 

Ren scoffed at this, taking the list and looking at her skeptically, but not daring to say anything to her invigorated face aloud. Sai snatched the paper back from his hands and cleared a spot on the table, ripping up the sheet and beginning to arrange the jobs into a more visual timeline. 

 

Completely mesmerized, he watched as she matched times of jobs with various openings in not only the schedules of the pair, but also of all of their employers and directors. After two more cups of coffee and some breaks spent with small talk and light laughter, the two actors were looking at a fully fleshed out timeline.

 

Raising his eyebrows, Ren purused the notes and found no immediate errors. He turned to look at the redhead and found her gazing tenderly at the hard work she’d just put into the task, a glowing smile that made her face look infinitely more beautiful. He realized at that moment that he’d never seen her make such a natural, gentle expression. Looking between her and the schedule, he could see how much doing her job well actually mattered to her. It genuinely surprised him.

 

With that, Sai began jotting down all the schedule changes she’d made on a notepad and methodically began fleshing them out and checking them, making a final draft. Once she’d worked her way through them, Ren was staring at a fully completed schedule, notated with different colors of highlighter and pen, beautifully done.

 

Sighing in content, the actress looked at him with glittering, proud eyes and asked, “Do you see any problems?”

 

He shook his head in awe and took the schedule, “No, Ms. Akai. Not a one. You’re very thorough.”

 

She blushed at her ears, the very tips going an impressively deep red. She then wordlessly busied herself with the layout again, adding things with notations he didn’t quite understand he and looked at her with an expression of slight embarrassment,

 

“Ms. Akai, could you…” He paused there, attracting her pale, icy blue eyes to his, “Could you walk me through all those other notes you’re putting in? I’m not following them,” he told her honestly, completely at a loss for what several of them could have meant.

 

Giving him a gentle but sweet smile, she told him that she couldn’t think of anything she’d rather do more. She then scooched closer to him until their knees touched below the coffee table, and Ren was immediately surprised, but not deterred, by her closeness.

 

Putting all his attention into her words, he focused solely on the table as she walked him through each notation and their meaning in certain contexts. She gave him step-by-step run throughs of each day they’d have together, detailing not only jobs, but driving times, where the car would be, how they would get around both together and separately, and even meal time which she’d noted were mandatory - no excuses.

 

Staring at her words, Ren belatedly realized that she’d listed not only three, but five  **mandatory** meal times. Panicking slightly at this, the actor tried to bring this to her attention, “Ms. Akai…” he began, the worry rising in his throat.

 

“Yes?” She questioned, looking at his pained expression with honest curiosity.

 

“I see here you’ve listed five times a day where we’re supposed to be eating…” He looked at her with wide, startled eyes that actually made her burst out laughing.

 

Once she’d gotten control of herself, she cleared her throat and managed, “Not five major meals, of course.” She waved her hand and explained, “Each meal will be light and easy to eat. Your calorie intake will be more evenly spread throughout the day, making it easier to digest and not slow you down as much. So yes there will be five times you’ll eat, but it’ll be easier on your body than eating three big meals.”

 

The actor looked at her strangely as he realized just how much work she’d put into the planning, “Did you know you were going to do that from the start?” He asked her.

 

She gazed at him curiously, “Well, I figured I might as well incorporate it. I’d been meaning to mention it before, it’s just been slipping my mind.”

 

“How did you even know about it?”

 

“About eating five meals? Oh, because I did the same a while back. I used to have trouble eating as well, and doing it like this helped, so I thought I would suggest it.”

 

Ren had never even considered that she’d been through the same kinds of things that he had, and was actually glad to see her relate to him in some way. Even if it was only as small as their eating habits. 

 

Moving on, Sai and him finalized the schedule, and she gave him a copy of the finished version, before packing her things up and taking the thorough list of changed items with her as she began to call and settle their schedule changes with the directors and employers whose slots they’d shifted around in.

 

Ren glanced down at the paper in his hand and wondered how she’d had enough confidence in her own abilities to give him a final copy before even checking with directors to make sure her changes fit. She was so assured that the information she’d used to create them was accurate, and the professionalism in which she handled the whole proceeding was impressive to say the least. 

 

When she hung up with the last director, she gave him a thumbs up to indicate that they’d all be flexible and had approved their changes. Ren could hardly believe it had gone so well. If Yashiro ever needed to make a change in his schedule, it was almost like pulling teeth. He’d have to recommend his friend take a few pointers in how to convince the directors from Sai. 

 

The moment she finished, she turned and began packing up her things. Ren watched and was suddenly struck with the realization she wouldn’t be staying. He shook his head as he realized that nowhere in their current arrangement was there ever an agreement for her to stay. He was shocked he’d even thought of it. 

 

Not noticing his appalled expression at his own behavior, the redhead turned to him with her personal planner out and updated, clicking the pencil against the side of it, “So, Mr. Tsuruga,” she said lightly, “Where would you like to meet in the morning?” She asked him, “My first job is at 11:00 and yours is at 9:30. Shall we just meet after your interview at LME and I’ll get a ride there myself, or would you prefer coming to pick me up?” 

 

She’d raised her eyes to his and for a brief moment he’d gotten lost in the near colorless hue of them, having to shake his head to release it from her spell, “Uh…” he said when she’d finished, clearly waiting on him for a reply, “Would it be easier on you to have me drive you?” He asked, trying to use his polite smile as a way to avoid her noticing he hadn’t been listening to what she’d said.

 

“Usually, I would say yes,” she replied, thankfully having not noticed his slip up, “But tomorrow morning I think I’ll just have Rio come and get me. That way you won’t have to head in the opposite direction or anything inconvenient.” She offered him a gentle smile and Ren realized that she wasn’t turning down his offer because she had other means of getting there, she simply hadn’t wanted to bother him. He found it sweet for some reason.

 

“If you insist, Ms. Akai,” he said to her, holding her eyes for a moment longer, “But know that you wouldn’t be inconveniencing me for a ride. You  **are** my manager as of right now.”

 

She gave him a genuine grin and nodded, a light laughter drifting out of her lips, “I’ll keep that in mind, thank you Mr. Tsuruga.” With that, she bid him a goodnight and walked out the front door, carrying her large tote bag and dialing up a taxi. 

 

The moment she was gone, Ren relaxed into his couch and contemplated the differences in her behavior that he’d seen that evening. Usually, she seemed so casual and uncaring about work, so to see her take such pride and professionalism in it almost made him change his opinion. 

 

Eventually, he couldn’t decide one way or the other, talking himself in and out of both sides. He held his head in his hands, massaging his temples even harder than he’d had to earlier that afternoon. In some ways she was brilliant and incredible, a gift to him at that moment, and in other ways she was infuriating and confusing, only serving to irritate him more with the way her ever-changing motives and varying degrees of sweetness twisted his heart around.


	18. Chapter 18

A warm breeze blew over the meadow that the dark haired actor had finally managed to find a quiet corner in. It rustled his hair and made him raise a hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he unconsciously glanced towards the source of the wind. Ren had been sitting cross legged in the long grass for nearly an hour already, and he could hardly say he wasn’t enjoying it.

 

It would be entirely false to say that his relaxation at that moment, during one of his rare breaks no less, wasn’t thanks to his new temporary manager, who was currently standing to the side of the set in the middle of the clearing, intently watching the proceedings. He’d come with her on her assignment, as it had fit into his schedule just right. Of course it had, the actress had been the one who planned it. She was clearly inhuman to be able to manipulate her planner this much.

 

He quickly found his gaze lingering on Sai for much too long, taking in how the sunlight glinted off her bright red hair, painting it with gold and shimmering as her locks flew in the gentle winds that occasionally gusted over the set. She wore a white cotton long sleeve shirt cinched at her narrow waist with an ornate belt and the fabric flowed far too beautifully in the breeze for it to be fair.

 

As he ripped his eyes away from her yet again, he tried to focus on his script. For once, he was actually rather content as he sat there and read it. They’d just finished one of Sai’s many “mini-meals”, as he’d come to call them. Unfortunately, as always, the actress was too smart for her own good. He was sincerely enjoying the new eating schedule she’d so quickly adapted him to. 

 

Over the course of that day alone, he could tell that he had more energy than he usually did at that time, and yet he didn’t feel as if he was weighed down by the food. It was incredible, and the meals, though light and fast, were delicious, although he’d never admit that out loud to the redhead.

 

Ren’s mind ghosted over the events of their morning all over again and he found himself staring at the script but not reading it yet again. Frustrated at his own spaciness, he set the meaningless paper aside and glanced over the set again. From what he could gather, it was a comedy duo who was shooting an outside “blooper” reel, and it was going rather well. He didn’t have any context, but regardless, it was pretty hilarious to watch them trip over each other meaninglessly over and over again.

 

The strange thing about the whole situation though, was how Sai seemed to interact with every person on the set. They seemed to swarm around her. By choice. All the time. There were constantly people asking her questions, reviewing scripts, checking scenes and costumes, going over schedules...he couldn’t even imagine what else they were asking. She seemed to know everything. 

 

In fact, she seemed like the go-to source, even more so than the director. Inexplicably, she juggled their requests and inquires with startling professionalism, like she was used to it. And most shocking of all, people actually seemed to take notes on what she said.

 

Legitimate, actual notes. And then they ran off with their notebooks to inform others and work off lighting shifts, back drops, and any number of other adjustments. Eventually, they would go back and check with her, and for a moment she was look intensely focused, before a smile would light up her face and she’d nod enthusiastically. The crew member would then beam in return and bow to her, running off looking ecstatic. 

 

Not only was she dominating the assignment in front of her logistically, but she also seemed to be nailing it socially. Ren watched in fascination as the people she worked with seemed to not only respect her, but were eager to be with her. Her opinions weren’t only valued, but sought out. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. They almost seemed to love her, the way they clearly valued her praise.

 

_ Is this the same girl that I know?  _ Ren asked himself, scrutinizing her from a distance. He was so focused on watching her that he didn’t even notice when he was approached by a young girl with dusty blonde hair pulled into a sharp pony tail.

 

“Mr. Tsuruga?” She asked him in a polite, high-pitched voice. Ren jumped at the sound and whipped his gaze to her, his eyes slightly widened. The small girl startled in response and held a hand out, “Oh! I didn’t mean to startle you! I’m sorry!”

 

Recovering quickly, the actor allowed a gentle smile to light up his face and he shook his head, “Oh, don’t worry about it, I was much too focused on something. It was my fault.”

 

The girl blushed softly and stared before seeming to remember what she was there for. “Ah, oh, okay. Thank you. Ms. Saiyuka asked me to bring this to you. She says you need to be careful sitting out here in the sun.” She handed him a water bottle dripping with condensation and the actor suddenly realized just how thirsty he’d truly been.

 

Taking it with gratitude, the wattage on his smile increased and he nodded, “Thank you for bringing this over, I hadn’t realized just how hot it had gotten.”

 

Instantly, the assistant’s face when bright red and she coughed slightly, “Of course! We wouldn’t want you getting dehydrated out here, after all.” She waited a beat before adding, “And you’re really lucky you have someone like Ms. Saiyuka looking out for you.” Her hands went to her cheeks and somehow the blush seemed to deepen, “I’d give anything to spend the whole day just watching her work.”

 

Ren blinked twice before he’d fully processed what the girl had said, and without meaning to, he asked, “Are you sure we work with the same person?”

 

Suddenly the blonde’s dreamy expression was wiped off her face and a look of genuine surprise replaced it, “Yes, of course! Ms. Saiyuka! She told us that she was acting as your manager for a week and I was shocked! With how much she takes on by herself, I can’t imagine he having time to also manage your schedule! She’s truly amazing!”

 

“But...you don’t mind her personality or anything?”

 

Again, the assistant looked lost and she spoke softer now, “What, you mean that she’s a little blunt sometimes?” She asked, her face all scrunched up, before it relaxed and her eyes got a far away look, “It did bother me at first! But now it’s amazing! She’s so confident and assured! And she’s always right! She knows everything! The director would die without her, she basically runs the entire show!”

 

“Wait, she runs the show? And she actually does a good job?”

 

“Oh yes! Most definitely! She may be a little...brusque...sure, but everything she says has purpose and is entirely accurate. She has such a good mind for every aspect of the show and seems to be able to handle like, eighty responsibilities at once. I hope I can be a little more like her one day!” 

 

Hearing the assistant speak of his fellow actor in such a gentle, respectful, but praiseworthy manner boggled Ren’s mind. This girl clearly looked up to the redhead, and she almost seemed to be her hero, which was even more improbable.

 

Ren looked back over at the petite girl across the clearing and narrowed her eyes at her, unable to believe that she could so heartlessly convince all these people that she’s some knowledgeable, worthwhile actress who knows what she was doing. She wasn’t even there to learn to act. She just was wasting her time here, as she had nothing better to do with it. She wasn’t an actress. And she certainly didn’t have the right to be someone’s hero if that was the approach she took to the art.

 

“Yes, well, thank you for the water bottle,” he told the assistant, allowing a much politer, radiant and sparkling smile to don his lips. It was fake, but the only one who seemed to be able to tell was his friend and manager. And it certainly wasn’t different when concerning the young assistant, who practically swooned and then said her goodbyes quickly so she wouldn’t pass out looking at the intensity of his smile.

 

He looked at his scripts with renewed vigor and managed to ignore the talent across the meadow long enough to get through one of his major scenes for later that week before he was approached by the redhead herself.

 

“You ready to head out?” She asked, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear as she checked her watch and jotted shorthand notes down in her planner happily. Blinking heavy eyelids, she looked a bit exhausted, but still somehow energetic and excited.

 

Nodding without much emotion, the actor gathered his things and rose, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder and he followed her out of the clearing. Before he could talk himself out of it, he broached a subject he knew would end badly.

 

“Why do they like you here?”

 

The redhead froze in front of him and turned to meet his eyes with clear inquiry in her own, “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, they seem to look up to you. Like you. Value you. Love you, even. Why?”

 

Suddenly, her face shifted. Her eyebrows dipped down and the corners of her lips drooped, dragging slight lines around her eyes downward. She looked incredible sad in that moment. Ren was shocked she could even make such an expression. 

 

“I really value these jobs, Mr. Tsuruga. They mean a lot to me, the people mean a lot to me too. This isn’t just a job, it’s an experience.” Her voice was too soft for their discussion, the actor decided. She was supposed to be angry with him for asking, but really she just looked tired about talking about it, like she just desperately wanted him to understand something he couldn’t fathom.

 

“So, you spend a lot of time on this type of job, then? People keep telling me how busy you are. You do this a lot?”

 

Sai considered his question for a few moments, wondering if he knew about the goals of the department. As she understood them, the more she worked, the more points she got, and the more points she got, the more the system would take her seriously as an actress. And then she’d get to act. And the thought of that made her stomach flip with excitement. It was her key to living again.

 

Simply trying to explain the basis of the Love Me system, the talent considered her words carefully and responded, “Of course. As often as I can. The harder and longer I work at this, with these people, the more points I’ll eventually earn,” she began, gesturing to her pouch and the stamps within it.

 

She opened her mouth to continue, but quickly snapped it shut when she saw the expression that had overtaken the handsome features of her charge. By now, the redhead was able to easily identify that emotion in him: fury. 

 

He was indeed furious with her. He could hardly believe how much he abhorred her goals and motivations for acting, she was simply manipulating the system that Lory and him had worked so hard governing. She’d somehow wormed her way in and was now poisoning it everywhere she went. His stomach lurched and he suddenly felt sickened with her actions. That poor assistant actually looked up to this cruel, manipulative menace.

 

Surprising him though, the petite actress let out a rather disgusted, disgruntled, and generally exhausted sigh. Looking up, he watched as she shrugged rather violently and gestured outward in frustration. 

 

“What?” He asked her, completely shaken by her behavior. She scoffed loudly as she reached the car and pulled herself inside, shutting the door without answering him.

 

He got in next to her and turned to look at her as he started up his Porsche. “Seriously, what is it?”

 

“You’re impossible.” She said curtly, crossing her arms over her chest and gazing sulkily out the window, effectively putting an end to the conversation. Ren desperately wanted to tell her that she was the impossible one and needed to get a grip, but he knew it wouldn’t get any reaction at this point, and he was better off just driving around with her in silence. 

 

Ren pulled into his usual spot at his next job, and before he even had the chance to park his car, Sai had already managed to get out and slam his car door a little harder than necessary. Yep, definitely mad. Shit. Hurrying a little more than usual, the actor got out and gathered all he’d need for this shoot, going after the redhead who was already on set talking to the director about something.

 

He joined her promptly and was surprised to hear her having a productive, civil conversation with the man. The moment he stepped into view though, she glanced over at him and the warm expression on her face faltered. She turned back to the director and bid him goodbye, heading towards the tent where Yashiro usually stayed when he filmed here. 

 

The dark haired man noticed with a bit of shock that the sight of him had completely changed her demeanor. She’d been speaking so pleasantly with the crew while he’d lagged behind and just his presence near her was enough to drive her away.  _ Why do  _ **_I_ ** _ have to feel bad?!  _ Ren asked himself, wondering if her manipulative ways were enough to affect even him.

 

Ignoring her antics for the time being, the actor focused on his job. He had a particular love for this drama, and therefore falling into his role was even easier than normal. Soon, he was easily playing the sleep deprived, scruffy, flirtatious and humorous detective, Daniel Sparks. 

 

The drama was based around his character and the female lead Theresa Cole, who was at the heart of a murder of an accomplished CEO. The story was very intriguing and there were so many twists and unusual takes on typical law practices. It was easily one of Ren’s favorites.

 

Sai quickly found herself invested in the storyline as well. They were currently shooting the establishing scenes, when the body was found and the two main characters first interacted. Her interest levels rose from mild to quite intense as she watched the actors unfold the story right in front of her.

 

At some point, she managed to acquire the scripts for the three scenes they were shooting that evening and she read all the way through them as their shooting progressed. Periodically, she glanced up at the actors themselves and began to absentmindedly jot down notes about their acting, surprised that there were actually quite a few talented actors involved in the drama, not even including Ren.

 

After a few hours of shooting, they were just about to wrap up and finish the last bit of one of the beginning scenes. Suddenly though, the director cut what they were working on. Sai blinked twice as she consulted her notes on that scene, feeling something about what had happened nag at her. In an instant, she realized that he’d already cut that scene four times that evening, meaning something was wrong.

 

Paying more attention this time, Sai began to understand that the lead actress was struggling fairly hard with one particular set of lines. No matter what she did, she couldn’t say them right. After the director cut her twice more, the redhead began to get rather concerned about the time. She checked her watch worriedly, finding with dread that they were about to go over her allotted time limit.

 

She stood at the outside of the tent, staring at the scene unfold for what seemed like the millionth time. Under her breath, she began mumbling Theresa’s - affectionately called Reese - lines. Without meaning to, she’d memorized most of the script. She hadn’t realized she’d been  **that** invested.

 

Glancing between the actors and her watch, she watched with a bit of misery as they passed their time limit and hadn’t given any sign that they were stopping soon. Sighing heavily, the petite woman decided that they weren’t going to make her next job, and she picked up her phone to call in and cancel.

 

On set, both the director and Ren were working hard to console the crumbling actress who was shocked she was having so much trouble with the scene. Collectively, the decided a five minute break would be a good idea, that she could relax a little bit and drink some water. They had to finish soon though, because they were quickly losing light.

 

Walking to his personal tent, the dark haired actor rounded the corner to find Sai on her phone, sounding very apologetic and gentle. With a fair amount of shock, Ren raked his gaze down to the clock on his phone and saw that it was, in fact, much later than he’d thought. Than he’d feared. They’d just missed her next job.

 

He could hear the voice of the director on the other end of the call, and was shocked to hear that he actually sounded pleased, even amused, that she was missing work for once. Apparently, she rarely ever messed up or needed to cancel, so he was rejoicing in the fact that her normally inhuman efficiency at her job had faltered for a moment.

 

Still apologetic for missing, Sai hung up her phone with another deep, frustrated exhale and she stuffed her phone in her pocket. Whirling around without warning, she came face to face with the actor who was still staring at her, his dark eyes focused on her form snapping to hers immediately. 

 

Slightly shocked that he’d been standing there, she recovered as quickly as possible, clearing her throat and nodding to him in greeting. Hesitantly, he nodded back before opening his mouth and trying to speak, “Ms. Akai, I apologize for walking in on your phone call. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

 

She waved off his apology and then spoke quietly, “It’s okay. It doesn’t matter, anyway.”  _ I’ll just do twice the amount of work for him next week, _ she added quietly in her head. 

 

The actor’s eyes narrowed as he watched her, anger again bubbling up in his chest. He had, of course, taken what she said in a negative manner. Deciding that she meant that she doesn’t care about the job itself, he allowed his anger at her to once again overtake him and he actively glared at her, feeling much less like “Ren” than usual.

 

Seeing him take what she said wrong again, Sai gave up on correcting him for the second time that day and she pretended not to notice. Turning around, she busied herself with tidying up and getting all their belongings together. She pulled a water bottle out of the mini fridge in the tent and handed it to the dark haired man who was still glowering at her.

 

Taking it wordlessly, the actor snapped it open and drank half of it in one go, putting it down on the table next to his messenger bag as he headed back out to finish the scene. He didn’t feel bad about his anger this time. In fact, he refused to. He wouldn’t stand for her flimsy ways.

 

It turned out that taking the break was the right thing to do, as the actress quickly got the lines once they were back at it and the rest of the scene finished rapidly. Everyone sent out thanks and apologies for going overtime and Ren headed back to his tent where Sai had already gathered all their belongings.

 

It was much too late to make it to her job, and Sai knew that, so she walked mutely to Ren’s car, tossing her bag in the back and getting into the front. The actor followed suit and climbed behind the wheel, sending a nervous glance to the talent as he started the car up.

 

“So, where to next?” He asked, trying to keep his tone lighter than he felt it should be.

 

After pausing for a brief moment, the redhead looked up at him and the words slipped through her lips softer than he was used to, “We were supposed to end our day back at LME today.”

 

“At...the job you cancelled?” Ren asked, already knowing the answer.

 

Not even bothering to use words, the talent simply nodded and then looked out the window at the unmoving scenery. 

 

“So, we’re done for today?” Another nod. “Then what’s next?”

 

Sighing heavily, she turned back to the man next to her and spoke, her voice again too soft for Ren to be comfortable, “We were supposed to have dinner at the agency. We could go back to your apartment and I’ll cook something for you instead.”

 

Raising an eyebrow at her, the actor couldn’t help but let his expression twist strangely as he regarded her completely out-of-the-blue suggestion. “I won’t have much,” he warned, knowing that there was rarely much edible in his kitchen.

 

Offhandedly, the redhead replied, “I’ve worked with very little before, trust me. I can make something.”

 

Realizing that she had just revealed something that was potentially very personal information about her, Ren was about to inquire further about what she meant when he saw her expression. The subtleties of her feature’s changes were always so small that they were often missed, but the actor had worked hard to notice the little things about her face for reasons he didn’t understand. 

 

In that moment, he saw that she had a sort of lifeless, faraway look in her eyes, which were much duller and more lethargic looking than usual. Except for the tiniest strand of pain that accompanied whatever she was thinking of. She was so far removed from the conversation, reliving moments of her past that she clearly wasn’t fond of. He didn’t dare ask now.

 

He felt the wave of anger wash over his again as he steamed at her lack of openness, but he turned his head to face the front and backed out of the parking lot, focusing his attention on the road. 

 

They pulled into his parking garage in an awkward silence, but this time Sai did wait for him to park before gracefully exiting the vehicle and grabbing her tote from the back. This time, they walked together into his building and rode up in the elevator, but the awkwardness from their earlier exchange hung in the air and made their interactions uncomfortable.

 

After they entered, she made a beeline right for his kitchen and immediately, wordlessly, began to search his cupboards for food. She was both shocked and expectant of the complete and utter lack of food he kept on hand. Regardless, she’d made do with less before, and quickly gathered what she could together and began cooking.

 

Ren watched in an awed silence as she managed to scrape something together in ten minutes flat. Honestly, it took him longer than that to microwave leftovers, and here she was making something from scratch, from the nothingness in his kitchen. 

 

In that unbelievably short span of time, she’d managed to create some Italian pasta that he couldn’t wrap his head around was actually present in his kitchen before she walked in. Just as quickly and mutely, she plated the food and set it on the table, gesturing for him to take a seat there while she got drinks. 

 

He hesitantly sat down across from her once she was back and watched as she ate, still managing to look elegant somehow, even with slightly disheveled hair and hunched shoulders. Snapping himself out of it, he picked up his fork and twirled the noodles around it, taking a single bite. He was surprised to find it light and easy to eat, but still having startlingly good flavor and texture. It was, in fact, better than most restaurants. Which seemed impossible for how truly little he kept on hand in his apartment.

 

Looking up, he cleared his throat nosily and Sai moved her gaze up to meet his. “This is really incredible cooking, Ms. Akai.” He told her, watching as her expression remained blank and emotionless. “I can’t believe you scraped this together, honestly. Very impressive.” Finishing awkwardly, he was aware that he was just trying to gain her approval at this point. Or any response at all, for that matter.

 

Hearing this, the redhead moved her gaze down back to her plate and made a gruff noise to let him know she’d heard him. Twirling the last bit onto her fork, she let the metal hit the plate with a degree of finality and she leaned back in her chair and latched her eyes onto the actor across from her.

 

Setting down his fork, nearly finished but not daring to continue eating under such intense scrutiny. “What’s wrong?” He asked her, not even bothering to keep his tone light this time. He was done babying her.

 

Her eyes regained their faraway look from earlier, detaching from the present situation and making her face seem blank and lifeless. Raising a shoulder, she shrugged apathetically at him and refused to meet his eyes. 

 

Feeling his fury fully rare up in the privacy of his home this time, the actor slammed his hands down on the tabletop and howled out, “Will you stop doing that?!”

 

Shocked at his sudden burst of emotion, the redhead tore her eyes away from the table and forced them up to meet the searing gaze of someone who was most definitely  **not** Ren Tsuruga. “Stop doing what?” She asked, narrowing her eyes but keeping her voice scarily even and calm.

 

Ren gritted his teeth and hissed, “You always shut me out!! I can’t believe I was worried about you! All day all you’ve done is manipulate and lie to me, and then when I question you, you wave me off or ignore me!!”

 

“Well, yes,” she told him, as if it was obvious, “Because it’s not worth it to argue with you. You’ll never listen to what I have to say, anyway.” Then she rose and tucked her plate into the sink, walking promptly out of the kitchen to the living room.

 

The actor could hardly believe she’d just walked away from him and completely forgot his own meal sitting on the table as he stormed after her, carrying their argument with him as he followed. “Where the hell do you think you’re going!? You can’t just walk away like that!”

 

“And why not?” She asked, her face a collected and smooth mask. 

 

“I’m seriously furious with you!! You can’t ignore that!”

 

“Oh I can tell you’re furious. I just don’t care enough about what you think of me to bother correcting you at this point.”

 

Snapping his jaw shut, the actor struggled to come up with anything logical or meaningful to say through the haze in his brain from all the fury, “Just like you don’t care about your job? Like you don’t care about what the President went through for you? Like everything just doesn’t matter to you, in the grand scheme of things?”

 

Her searing blue eyes raked towards him as her cool regard for him finally shattered, replaced by a muted but still highly intense darkness, “What do you mean?” She ground out, finally fed up with his behavior.

 

“I’m talking about how you brushed off missing that job like it was nothing!! If you don’t value your time here, you shouldn’t even bother showing up or planning it in the first place! We don’t need people like you, we need people who deserve to be here, who are serious about acting!”

 

“Didn’t I just tell you earlier today that I  **highly** value my jobs? This is why I don’t bother with explaining! You never listen! I  **told** you today that I care about all of my jobs tremendously, and now look, you’re finding another clever excuse to discredit me and blame me for something that’s not even my fault! Who made me miss that job in the first place, hmm?”

 

Ren froze for a moment as he considered her points. She was right. She had told him that. And he’d completely forgotten in all his anger. He also thought about her point that it wasn’t her fault they missed her job, and she’d been the one who wanted to keep them all in place. It was thanks to her that she even had a chance to attend each of her assignments.

 

The one who’d messed all that up had been his costar at his last job. He couldn’t blame her though; everyone he’d ever worked with had had a moment like that, where they simply couldn’t say or do the right thing when it should have been obvious or easy. No, he couldn’t blame his costar for this. He simply respected her too much.

 

Sai saw his expression anyway and placed whom he must have thought of in that moment. She wasn’t rude enough to simply insinuate the fact that the actress herself was incompetent or flat out insult her, so she took a different route.

 

The talent crossed her arms over her chest and glared the actor down, “That line wasn’t even that difficult. She was giving her own name, for God’s sake. I mean, how hard is it to introduce your character?” Without really meaning to, the redhead jumped into the headspace of Theresa Cole, winding back a few lines to get adjusted. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around her body, holding herself tightly and plastering an expression of muted horror on,

 

**“I’m really not capable of anything like that...and I don’t know why I would...I have absolutely no idea what happened, but I know- I know I didn’t kill him…” Reese looked at the floor, stared at it. She was trembling now, terrified.**

 

Completely taken aback and utterly unprepared to hear this, Ren’s seasoned acting instincts took over, and entirely without his consent, his line slipped out of his lips.

 

**“Relax, sister, I believe you.” The detective murmured, running his fingers through his hair as he tried to figure out a way to calm the girl down, knowing that she was on the verge of a panic attack.**

 

Even in Reese’s headspace, Sai was entirely surprised that Ren had replied, and was even further shocked that their dynamic even in those few seconds was perfect. She couldn’t help it now, her own developing instincts and hunger as an actress took over and she willing gave up the rest of her will to the character who was slowly taking over anyway.

 

**“You do? But you have no reason to…” Reese’s terrified gaze now focused in on the man who stood towering over her, his intense stare trapping her where she stood.**

 

**“I’ve got no reason to think you’re guilty, either.” He replied, his voice low and scratchy, but mesmerizing her attention all the same. It was a good point, but not foolproof. The poor girl had been locked in a room with the man all alone. And circumstances like that were reason enough for a lot of people.**

 

**Choosing not to say anything at that moment, Reese’s eyes dropped to the floor and refused to go back up even after the detective cleared his throat intentionally.**

 

**Seeing that she wasn’t about to cooperate, he tried to be a little more human, “Let’s start with names, then, shall we?” At the very least, the shivering brunette allowed her eyes to travel up ever so slowly to his, and her shoulders even relaxed a little.**

 

**“Theresa. Theresa Cole,” She licked her lips and followed it with, “but my friends call me Reese.”**

 

**“Is that your way of saying I have permission to call you Reese?” He said gently, with a coy smile dancing across his tired face. It made her crack a smile too,**

 

**“Yeah, go right ahead, romeo.” She murmured with a scoff.**

 

**“She has a sense of humor after all! Hallelujah!” He chuckled as she burst out laughing. It was nervous laughter, sure, but it helped to release all the tension she’d built up. “Feel better now?” He asked slyly.**

 

**She nodded, grateful, and straightened up, “And your name?”**

 

**“Ah, she remembers, well Ms. Reese, I am Daniel Sparks, but** **_my_ ** **friends call me Danny,” he finished with a smirk.**

 

**“I can’t tell if you’re mocking me, or flirting with me, sir.” The brunette said, a smile lingering on her now much more relaxed face.**

 

**“Perhaps both,” Danny replied with a smile.**

 

**“I do believe that’s entirely inappropriate, given the circumstances.” Reese scoffed again, her smile fading.**

 

**He sighed and nodded in agreement, “I figured if I wanted to calm you down, I might as well do it in an interesting way, but you’re right. Let’s get down to business.” He looked at her tentatively, “Do you remember...anything?”**

 

**The broad shouldered brunette seemed to grow smaller at this, her face scrunching up as she tried to remember anything through her throbbing temples, “I can’t even remember leaving work yesterday, all I know is that...I woke up here. I mean, I live in Sacramento...this is Malibu for God’s sake…”**

 

**It wasn't that far away, but to not remember how you reached the other side of a rather lengthy state? Yikes. “You live in...Sacramento? Seriously?”**

 

**“Yes...yes I’m serious...and I just woke up here...and he was, he was…” She was starting to shake again, reliving the moment she woke up with his body next to hers, cold and slightly blue and...oh, God…**

 

**“Reese...it’s okay. Can you work with me to figure out how you managed to get from your...workplace, in** **_Sacramento,_ ** **to a famous Malibu hotel?”**

 

**“H-how do I...do that?” Her voice was tinny and small now, high pitched from fear, and her eyes were big and wide with horror.**

 

**“Okay, okay we’ll deal with that later.” Danny rushed to say, just wanting her to stop looking so terrified of him. “For now, I need to make sure that is actually a homicide...and then we’ll call in some black and whites and forensics. And that’s when we’ll sit down together and figure this out. Okay?”**

 

**Grateful he was laying off for the time being, Reese nodded vehemently, regretting it almost instantly as the room swirled and her head throbbed in annoyance at the sudden movement. “Yes, sir,” she managed, when the room had stopped spinning.**

 

**He raised his eyebrows, “Sir?”**

 

**“Danny,” She corrected herself with a small smile.**

 

**“That’s more like it, cupcake,” he said with a wink.**

 

That was it. That was how the scene ended. Sai blinked a few times as Reese faded from her and stood rooted to the spot in more shock than she’d felt in a long time at what had just happened. She felt like she’d been hijacked by a character. A shiver ran down her body. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

 

At nearly the same moment, Ren snapped out of his own character, but instead of horror or shock, he was simply fascinated with what had just happened. She’d just pulled him into the scene with her acting, completely investing him in every line, playing the character exactly how she should, reacting perfectly in every way to his own character.

 

He had no idea how or when she’d gotten so good at acting, but he knew that talent like that wasn’t acquired overnight. That was seriously an insanely good scene they’d just done together, and he knew it. 

 

Ren watched her shake her head as she recovered herself, looking up at him with wide eyes that were strangely similar to Reese’s. The thought that she equated his possible outburst over her acting with him to finding a dead man in her bed was more entertaining than the actor  would have thought, and he had to stifle a bit of laughter.

 

“You were...amazing just now, Ms. Akai. Honestly. That was...invigorating.” He told her truthfully, and this time, his sincerity must have shown on his face because it caused a light blush to touch her cheeks and her expression shifted to more startled than anything else.

 

“Thank you…” she said in a slight daze, “I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t even know I had that much memorized.” 

 

Ren beamed at this, seeing that their previous argument was all but forgotten, and as much as he wished she was more open, arguing with her was not the way to get her to open up. He knew the fight had been his fault, and he was eager to put it behind them in place of a much better method of gaining her trust.

 

The two settled into the couch after the initial moment of dazedness had passed and they actually managed to hold a civil conversation for more than half an hour when Ren left to go make coffee and clean up his dishes he’d abandoned in favor of following the redhead into the living room.

 

As she waited for him to finish in the kitchen, she decided to walk around the room a bit, stretching her legs from being tucked underneath her on the actor’s comfortable sofa. As she meandered around, her eyes fell upon a old photograph that caught her interest and tugged at her gut as to its familiarity.

 

Picking up the frame, she instantly placed the cabin featured at the center of the picture. It was in America. She’d visited it when she was a teenager, back when Lory was just about to become her legal guardian and had brought her over there with him. She’d run away before it could be finalized, still craving the freedom she was used to.

 

Once there, she started hiking through the woods near a family friend’s house. In the middle of those woods, she’d met a blonde boy, slightly older than her but not by much. Neither wished to disclose who they were or why they were there and their discussion quickly turned heated.

 

Unfortunately, this boy was much stronger and more determined than her, and he’d proceeded to accidentally push her down a steep incline below them, breaking her ankle in the process. Before he could launch himself into a full blown panic, Sai had managed to convince him to help her up and take her to safety. He’d then taken her to the cabin that was pictured in that photo.

 

Things had gone south again when he managed to talk himself into keeping her there without telling anyone, nearly kidnapping her. He was so scared of her telling anyone about what had happened to her ankle and pinning it to his face that he quickly got in over his head with protecting himself and trying to help her without letting her go.

 

Knowing he couldn’t continue doing both, he brought in another boy. This one was older, with dark hair and kind eyes. He instantly took in what had happened and reprimanded the lighter haired boy quite viciously before helping set Sai’s ankle and speaking with her more civil terms than his friend had tried.

 

Flashing out of the memory, the redhead blinked a few times at the picture as she recalled all the circumstances around it and tried to piece together why the photo would be here. Why this cabin? Ren walked in at that moment and saw her holding the photo, becoming defensive before he could stop and think about it,

 

“What are you doing?” He demanded, startling her and nearly causing her to drop the picture frame. 

 

Sai looked up at him in surprise and gestured out to him with the object, “What is this picture of?” She asked as innocently as possible.

 

“Why are you looking at it?” His voice again boomed, and the actress had to consciously keep from flinching at his tone. He moved closer and snatched the photograph away, seeing Rick’s cabin pictured in all its glory. 

 

“What is it?” She asked again, quieter this time as she watched his eyes scan the photo. She prayed that he didn’t notice that she hadn’t answered his last question, as she sincerely doubted that saying she was “just looking” would cut it.

 

“It’s nothing,” he told her dismissively, placing the frame back down, “Just a friend’s timeshare cabin that I visit sometimes, that’s all.”

 

_ Nothing, eh? _ Sai thought, figuring she shouldn’t mention the raw emotion that had been in his eyes as he had stared at the cabin. She knew he was lying, but she wasn’t about to tell him why she’d asked in the first place, so she figured they were even.

 

“It looks nice,” she settled on saying, walking away from the shelf to essentially end the conversation.

 

Still semi-curious about what had interested her in the first place, the actor kept his eyes trained on her back but didn’t dare say anything else, lest she catch him in his lie.

 

As he was watching her, he caught her yawn widely, rubbing at one eye as she tried to fight back sleepiness while she checked her watch. Ren checked the wall clock next to him and was completely surprised at how late it was.

 

She looked about ready to drop, but she was clearly beginning to pack up, and concern surged in Ren’s gut immediately, “You know...Ms. Akai,” he began, waiting until she had focused on him again, “You could stay here tonight if you wanted. It’s fairly late already.”

 

“Oh, Mr. Tsuruga, I couldn’t impose. Don’t worry, I’m still wide awake,” she assured him, smiling widely at him as if that showed her attentiveness. He wasn’t fooled by her blatant lie.

 

“I saw you yawn, you know,” he told her slyly, catching her curse under her breath at that. “Really, Ms. Akai, it’s no big deal, and you wouldn’t be imposing. You’ve already stayed here once anyway.”

 

To his surprise, she began laughing at that, and the sound was genuine and rang in the air beautifully, filling the space with twinkling bell sounds. “I was unconscious at the time! That doesn’t count!” She insisted, although she didn’t seem to be fighting his suggestion any longer.

 

Choosing to not argue with that, the actor instead went with, “Please, stay. It’s easier on both of us like this, if we’re working on such a tight schedule.”

 

_ Damn him, _ Sai thought,  _ bringing work into this like that. That’s cheating! _ She sighed loudly, but a gentle smile touched the corners of her lips, “I’ll stay. But I have quite a bit to do before I go to bed. I know you aren’t that eager to work with me, but I do put a lot of effort into making this partnership function.”

 

The actor nodded, still feeling twinges of anger from earlier, and talking about work wasn’t helping, certainly. He was grateful she was staying for some reason though, and he left her be while he went to go get ready for bed himself.

 

Long after he was ready to sleep, he glanced at the clock at his bedside to note the time, and then his gaze fell on the strip of light still glowing from under his doorway. A wave of worry washed over him, but he shoved it off, not welcoming it at that moment. He turned over and faced away from the door, quickly falling into a steady breathing pattern and drifting off.

 

Several hours later, he awoke and groaned, wishing it was easier for him to stay asleep. He turned over and cracked one eye open to see how long he’d slept, but stopped before he could look as he took in the strip of light still present. She was still up. What the hell?

 

Deciding that he couldn’t just fall back asleep, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and crawled out of it, stumbling into the living room where he saw the redhead busy at work and surrounded by piles of papers which she was actively organizing into other piles. He’d never understand her system. Ever. 

 

He cleared his throat and she jumped far more than she probably should have, whirling around to face him with wide eyes, “Mr. Tsuruga! I didn’t wake you did I?”

 

He chuckled under his breath and spoke to her, sleepiness still slurring his words, “No, no, you didn’t. Don’t worry. But I am concerned about you. Are you sure you should still be up?”

 

She smiled softly and looked back at all the papers, “I’ll go to bed soon, I promise.”

 

Even in his sleepy state, Ren could tell she was lying to his face. He crossed his arms across his chest, “Are you compromising your work day tomorrow by staying up this late, Ms. Akai?”

 

She actually rolled her eyes at that one and sent a shock of anger through him, “Are you serious about this, Mr. Tsuruga?”

 

“I’m not leaving until you go to bed. Are you going to compromise my schedule and work day as well?”

 

“Fine, have it your way,” she snapped softly, gathering her things and placing them in her bag, lugging it into her room with Ren’s eyes never leaving her once.

 

The two said an emotionless good night at the doorway of the guest bedroom and Sai closed the door on his retreating form. 

 

She flicked off the light in the room and began to pace the length of the bed, something still nagging at the back of her head. Something about Ren’s face when he got angry with her. She’d seen it again when he’d just gotten upset with her. Something she should normally notice. 

 

An image flickered through her mind suddenly, the image of the young blonde boy she’d met at that cabin. The haughty one with the temper and the fiery aggression. They’d shared plenty of heated exchanges in her short visit with him.

 

Slowly, she began to place similarities in their features and in a rush, she realized that they were indeed the same person. She’d met Ren Tsuruga before that day at LME. But one thing was for sure, he hadn’t been  **Ren Tsuruga** when they’d met, just like she hadn’t been  **Saiyuka Akai** .

 

That name was courtesy of Lory, and she had an inkling that his was too. And that meant that her and the actor were more similar than she would have ever dared to guess. They both left the people they used to be behind in order to start over, free of whatever weighted them down. 

 

For the life of her though, she couldn’t remember what his name was! She ground her fingers into her temples as she tried to remember, sitting on the edge of her bed as she flashed back to the time she’d spent in that cabin. 

 

A name did come to her then, but not that of the blonde boy’s, rather, the dark haired one. His name had been Rick, that she was sure of. Which means that Ren’s “friend” who owned that “timeshare” was indeed Rick. And maybe, if she could find him, she could find the name of that other teen. Little did she know, that could never happen.


	19. Chapter 19

Ren’s eyes snapped open suddenly, accompanied by a sharp intake of breath that always came when a nightmare woke him up. Frantically, he glanced around until he recognized where he was and the panic began dying down. He’d been breathing heavily to match his racing pulse, feeling his heart practically trip over itself to beat.

 

He raised a hand and pressed it into his temple, feeling the moisture that had collected there. For the life of him, he couldn’t even remember what the dream had been about, but he knew this one had been bad. Looking out his window, he discovered that light was just breaking over the horizon and he probably shouldn’t be up yet if he could help it. 

 

Unfortunately, he already knew that there was little chance that he would fall asleep again before his alarm went off. Nightmares always unsettled him for longer than he’d prefer. Sighing heavily, he swung his legs over the side of his bed and rubbed his tired face with his hands, just sitting there for a few moments. He rested his elbows on his knees and didn’t move from his hunched over position, simply breathing in and out and gathering his energy.

 

Once he’d rested, Ren pushed himself to his feet and padded softly into his bathroom. He took a longer shower than usual due to having more time for his morning routine, and savored the feeling of the hot water until his fingers were pruny and his normally tanned skin was turning rather pink. Switching off the cascading water, he rested his head against the cool tile of the shower wall and found himself needing to breathe slowly again as his pulse raced abnormally.

 

Something was wrong. Maybe he was coming down with something. But that really wasn’t possible, he took rather good care of himself and rarely ever got sick. He’d never even had a cold before. No, that couldn’t be it. But something was off, he could feel it. It was almost like something kept seizing at his heart or weighing his lungs down uncomfortably.

 

A prickling feeling in the back of his throat caused him to have to clear it a few times, but it didn’t hurt and nothing seemed to be constricting him. It was more like a feeling, a distant sense of looming dread. It must have had something to do with his nightmare. It was still affecting him. Yes, that must be it.

 

Getting dressed, he slipped out of his bedroom and walked towards his kitchen to do the normal rounds into his fridge and cupboard so he could say he’d at least looked for food, even if he’d had no intention of eating any. Once he passed through his living room to enter the kitchen though, he spotted a phone plugged into the wall nearest his coffee table. A phone that wasn’t his.

 

Suddenly, the memory of him escorting Sai into the guest bedroom the previous night hit him and he realized she was still there right that moment and he’d completely forgotten she was even there. He peeked into the kitchen and scanned the living room but she didn’t seem to be awake yet. The bathroom door was closed but the light wasn’t on, so she probably wasn’t there either.

 

He approached her door and recalled that she’d been up into all hours of the morning working, so of course she wouldn’t be awake yet. Carefully, quietly, he pushed her door open and peeked inside. 

 

Startled by what he saw, he nearly slammed the door closed in his hurry to look away. She looked so different when she was sleeping. Much younger, gentler...more innocent and peaceful. All the usual faces and barriers she had on hand were gone and there laid the purest form she had, her hair naturally tangled and mussed, falling around her and onto the pillows with startling beauty.

 

As he shut the door, he tried to shake his head to get the feelings that had just arisen in his chest to dissipate. Regardless of what she looked like, she obviously was still deep in sleep and there wouldn’t be any chance she’d wake up on her own before he had to leave.

 

Bringing his hand to his chin, the actor wondered if he should wake her up or not. He was still angered at her actions the previous day, but had come to realize that he was part of the problem. She’d also spent so long trying to organize and schedule for him, and she was fabulous at her job when she did it. 

 

His opinions of her as an employee of LME and his temporary manager were so muddled right then that he honestly couldn’t decide from that. Instead, he tried to view her as a friend that was staying with him for the time being. He would never wake her up under those circumstances. Ren decided in that moment that he’d be fine without her for a few hours. She could call him when she woke up and he’d come get her. She’d probably be grateful for the extra sleep, heaven knows she could probably use it. 

 

The moment he stepped away from her door, the feeling that had been lingering over him doubled in intensity and pain seared through his right temple quite violently, causing him to wince and hold his hand up to it. He swallowed had to squeeze his eyes shut as the room spun slightly and he was suddenly overcome with a feeling of nausea. Something was most definitely wrong. 

 

Trying to shake the increasingly bad feeling that was growing in his stomach, he ignored all the problems he was having and gathered his things together. Slipping his messenger bag over his shoulder, he glanced behind him once more at the guest bedroom door and pictured the sleeping woman behind it. 

 

All at once, the feelings that had building blew up as if screaming at him to go back for her. Ren shook his head once more and stepped out of his door, shutting it behind him. He walked to his car and loaded all of his belongings inside, pulling out of the garage.

 

The ringing in his ears grew increasingly bad and as he was crossing an intersection, he winced badly and pressed a hand to his temple. An image flashed before his mind and it sent a violent shiver down his spine. The image moved slightly and revealed a flaming wreck of some kind; twisted metal littering the ground and crowds of people gathering around it. 

 

Ren suddenly remembered that that was an image from his nightmare. He’d dreamed about a car crash. An awful, bloody,  **lethal** car crash. He gripped the wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned pure white and his vision began to blur. Panic overtook him in that one moment as darkness spiked on the edges of his vision.

 

He jerked the wheel to one side to avoid a car he knew was somewhere in front of him and the Porsche went screeching over the side of the road. He felt himself loose control of the vehicle a terrified scream flew from his mouth. Clutching at the steadily more useless wheel, he did everything he could think of to steer his car, but his vision had been reduced to almost nothing and he couldn’t seem to breathe in air.

 

Amidst all his panic, something clicked in his head and his black vision was filled with an image. Flowing red hair. Twinkling blue eyes. A smile that made his heart race. He thought of Sai; her rare, gorgeous laughter; her fiery, sarcastic wit; the scent of her hair and clothes, the strange mix of lavender and vanilla; he thought of  **her** . 

 

Somehow, that one second that he became overwhelmed with memories and images of the redhead gave him enough clarity and his lungs rapidly expanded and he took in a deep, raspy breath. Immediately, his vision cleared slightly and he slammed his foot onto the brake, finally able to steer his car enough to avoid slamming into the truck it was aimed for.

 

He skidded a few feet and the Porsche tipped over, rolling twice until the passenger side slammed violently into a telephone pole a ways off of the road. Ren had slammed his arm brutally against his door and it had bent and jammed the wrong way, and he heard a sickening crack. Before he could register the explosion of pain though, his head hit the steering wheel and the world went entirely black.

 

The moment his car hit, Sai’s eyes cracked open to the harsh light streaming in through her windows. She blinked a few times as her eyes focused on aspects of the room. Slowly remembering she was in Ren’s apartment, she sat up and rubbed the bleariness out of her vision. Looking over at the floating curtains in front of the windows, she was surprised to see so much light pouring in.

 

Sai picked up her phone and clicked it on, expecting to have slept in slightly and have to shower and get ready quicker than usual. Once the screen booted up, the time flashed before her eyes and she nearly dropped the device. It was far later than she’d thought. They were running extremely late, so much so that there was no way they’d make his first job.

 

She threw the blankets off her bed and stumbled out of it. Throwing her door open, she burst out and padded across the floor to Ren’s door, pulling it open and grabbing her phone out of her pocket to call his photographer and let him know they’d be a little late.

 

Once she got in though, she found his bed made nicely and a towel hanging on his door knob. He must have gotten ready already. Gripping her phone, she called out for the actor, not hearing anything from anywhere in the apartment. She peered into every room and found everything to be perfectly in place and arranged, but no sign of the actor himself.

 

Finding that he left without her, her chest flared with anger and she punched his number into her phone angrily. Pacing back and forth in the living room, she cursed under her breath and ran a hand through her hair frustratedly. She ran around the house collecting her things and stuffing them into her tote bag while holding the phone between her ear and shoulder.

 

The phone rang through twice, with her anger heightening each time. As it finishes a second time, she left him an extremely angry and expressive voice message as she stuffed her phone back into her pocket and got dressed, nixing a shower. 

 

Flying towards the door, she pulled a cap over her hair and charged out, slamming the door behind her. She made her way out onto the street and waved down a taxi.  She directed him to LME and burst in, going directly up to the receptionist. 

 

“E-excuse me…” She told the raven haired beauty, breathing hard. “I need to know if Ren Tsuruga has arrived yet?”

 

“Oh! Ms. Akai!” She said, surprised. “That’s right, you’re his temporary manager now. Did you two get split up this morning?”

 

The redhead nodded gently, still catching her breath. “I was late, and he left without me. Is he in?”

 

Pulling up the feed from before she got in that morning, the dark haired woman shook her head gently, “Well, it looks like he hasn’t arrived yet. Are you sure he didn’t go straight to his next job?”

 

Sai’s brows furrowed, “His first job this morning was a meeting with his photographer here.” She grasped her chin in confusion. She thanked the receptionist and then walked away, dialing the photographer’s number from her planner. 

 

He answered on the third ring rather gruffly, “Yeah, this is Kurotaka. What can I do for you?”

 

“Hello, sir. My name is Saiyuka Akai, I’m Ren Tsuruga’s temporary manager. He wasn’t in when I arrived this morning and I can’t seem to contact him. Has he met with you already?”

 

“Actually,” the man growled, clearly angry, “he hasn’t showed. I was really looking forward to working with him, I’ve had a lot of people tell me about his flawless record and utmost perfectionism. I have to say, I’m rather disillusioned and highly upset. You could have at least called ahead of time, I mean, isn’t that your job?”

 

Sai’s heart began racing, skipping uncomfortably as her worry neared panic. “I really apologize, sir. I honestly wasn’t expecting this to happen. He hasn’t contacted anyone this morning and no one seems to have seen him. Something must have happened, and I’m very sorry about not informing you. I’ll call later to inform you about the situation.”

 

The man paused for a second, “You really think something happened?”

 

She shuddered, “I’m sure. His reputation is highly accurate, he values work more than anything. Believe me, something’s wrong.”

 

“And you’ll keep me informed?” He asked, his voice much softer than it had been before, clearly hearing the utter panic in her voice. 

 

“Yes, of course, sir. Thank you, Mr. Kurotaka.”

 

Running back out to the curb, she flagged down another cab and directed this one to her house. Once there, she climbed right onto her motorcycle, flinging her leg over the side. Flying through the streets, she weaved through lines of cars and patrolled any streets that Ren might have taken to get to LME.

 

On her third lap around, she came across a group of cars and people gathered in a huddle. In the middle of the circle, there was a familiar looking black car attached to a towing vehicle. A Porsche. And the passenger side was completely smashed in. 

 

Nearly hyperventilating, her full on hysteria completely consumed her and she pulled by the open tow truck door and leaned towards him. “Sir, please, can you tell me where they took the man who drove that car?”

 

Normally, he would never tell someone such a thing. Especially when such a crowd had gathered around the accident. And the man was clearly famous. But she looked different than the rest of them. There was complete terror in her eyes, her hair was completely wind whipped and tangled and there was a layer of sweat sheen on her forehead. She looked like she’d been looking for him for a while already.

 

“Sure, lady. He went to Tokyo Metropolitan Matsuzawa Hospital. It’s down the road and to the left.” He wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, telling her that. But the moment she heard the words, her face lit up in a tired but beaming smile and she hollered her gratitude before climbing back onto her motorcycle and starting it up. He could see her hands still shaking from fear for the man and he felt the need to add. “He looked alright, just so you know. It wasn’t that bad.”

 

Sai glanced at that man and relaxed slightly, thanking him again before speeding away towards the hospital. She was both afraid to hope for his safety, and panicked at the aspect that he could be in bad shape. Her heart beat rapidly in her ears and she shivered violently.

 

She parked her bike by the doors and rushed in, going right up to the rather frightened looking elderly receptionist. “Hello, dear. How can I help you?”

 

It took the redhead a moment to get her mouth to sync up to her thoughts, “I-I...uh, a friend of mine, my coworker, was brought in earlier. Do you know if I can have his location?”

 

“Sure, may I have his name?” The woman smiled gently, trying to assuage the intense fear she saw in the young woman’s eyes. 

 

“Ren Tsuruga. Here’s my LME identification, just so you know we do indeed work together.” Sai said, frantically scrounging for her id. Glancing at it, she flashed the redhead a smile and handed it back. 

 

“Alright, he just got out of surgery. He should be in a regular room now.” She rattled off his room number and looked back at the actress who looked positively horrified. “Oh! He’s fine, dear! The surgery was just to set his arm, you can talk to the doctor who worked on him soon.”

 

Instantly, all the tension she’d held her body relaxed, and she offered an exhausted, small smile to thank the woman, bowing to her respectfully and heading to the second floor.

 

“Oh, please, please be okay, Mr. Tsuruga…” she mumbled softly as she climbed the stairs. Pulling her phone out, she immediately went through her call list of the people they were supposed to be meeting with at that moment.

 

“Yes, sir, I’m sorry. I’ll call back when I know more. All I know is that he was in some sort of accident. I don’t know much about his condition, but he’s out of surgery. Yes. I see. Thank you.” She hung up, pinching the bridge of her nose.

 

After asking several nurses who were concerned with her state, she eventually located his room and peered through the window. She saw the actor sitting up in his bed, his head propped up on a pillow. He appeared to be conscious, but his gaze was unfocused and his head was wrapped in linen, his arm in a sling.

 

Seeing him upright in his bed, she expected to be filled with relief, but the feeling that washed over her immediately was absolute fury. Fury over how he could be so careless. Fury about how he could leave her behind like that. Fury over how much she’d hurt inside when she’d seen his smashed up car.

 

A nurse caught her loitering outside his room and tapped her shoulder. “Ah, oh, I apologize. I didn’t mean to block the way.”

 

“That’s alright, ma’am.” The nurse said, but then she looked into the window and saw the actor. “Are you related to him?” She inquired, her eyes narrowing.

 

Sai flashed her LME id again, “I’m actually his manager. I’ve been looking for him all morning.” 

 

The nurse then allowed her professional mask to crack and she put a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “He’s fine. Just a little bruised and banged up. Would you...like to see him?” 

 

Nodding gently, the actress followed the nurse to the door, and she opened it enough for the redhead to enter. The dark haired man lying on the bed spotted her distinctive appearance immediately, his eyes widening drastically. He couldn’t believe she was already there. He hadn’t even called anyone, how did she find him?

 

He heard her thank the nurse and usher her out. Still silent, he watched her close the door behind her and freeze. Although she hadn’t said anything yet, the shift in the room was immediate. The air thickened and grew cold and heavy. She was incredibly angry. 

 

Swallowing heavily, he opened his mouth to apologize for leaving her behind in the apartment, believing that to be the reason behind her anger, but he couldn’t get the words out before she turned towards him. Her brows were pulled together and her lips were pressed into a thin, tight line. 

 

She walked stiffly towards him, approaching the bed with eyes that seemed to burn with anger. Ren was completely appalled with the sight. She was making a blatant expression, brimming with anger she wasn’t attempting to control whatsoever. Just the sight of it shut the actor up completely.

 

Seeing that he wasn’t about to speak, Sai’s voice hissed out from between her clenched teeth, raw and livid, her upper lip twitching. “What on  **earth** were you thinking?!”

 

Ren was completely shut down by her outward display of anger, not expecting it in the slightest. He was at a complete loss at how to reply, and his mouth remained firmly shut. When he didn’t answer her inquiry as to what he was thinking, Sai approached him further, her face mere inches away when she hissed out,

 

“What you did was an insult to me not only as a fellow member of LME, a professional, but also as a person, and someone who cares for you for reasons I don’t understand. I can’t believe you would do something so rash and careless, that you would neglect your duties and break procedure without a rhyme or reason! Do you have any idea what could have happened?”

 

Swallowing heavily, the actor could do nothing but nod, “Y-yes…” He managed, although the word was weak and squeaky. Immediately, he became afraid that his response hadn’t been acceptable enough, as her expression darkened further and she actually turned her back on him.

 

Her shoulders shook visibly, her lack of ability to control her emotions spilling over completely. She ran her hands through her hair in frustration and tried to get a hold of herself. Despite her best efforts, the relief of Ren’s state finally hit her all at once. 

 

She’d been so terrified since the moment he hadn’t answered her second phone call. To see him in that bed, alive and breathing, watching her with concern and regret in his eyes, she was suddenly aware of how much she needed him. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes misted over. 

 

In that split second, she became aware with just how much her every day depended on him. Her life would be so different if she lost him, and she didn’t know what she would do without him. She couldn’t handle the sudden outpouring of emotion as they crashed into her. 

 

Sai turned around just before Ren was about to call out to her, and his jaw immediately snapped up. Her expression had completely shifted. All the anger had drained out of it, replaced by ashen dread. Her eyebrows were still pulled together, but now they sloped downward and made her face look so much more terrified. She looked extremely upset and her mouth was hanging open in shock.

 

The most surprising thing was the sheen in her eyes due to the moisture she’d let collect there. She was on the verge of tears. Over him. Closing the distance between them again, she held out a shaking finger and spoke again, her voice which had once been so raspy and harsh now shaking with genuine concern and worry,

 

“Never, ever do anything like this to me again. Do you understand? Never.” She gazed at him so passionately, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill over. He clenched his teeth together and fought off the immediate desire he had to hold her. 

 

“I swear I won’t.” He promised, looking at her eyes with the same degree of intensity. He’d had no idea she would be this affected by him. The actor watched her nod curtly, her throat visibly constricting as she swallowed the emotion that caused her eyes to burn.

 

She sat in the chair by his bedside and leaned over, burying her face in her hands as she sighed shakily. Still covering her face, her voice came out muffled and soft in the silence of the room, “You scared me.”

 

Genuinely appalled, the actor didn’t know what to say. Never in a million years did he think something like this would happen. She was so upset by his accident, it took him by complete surprise. 

 

He was just about to say something to her, ask her something, anything. But before he could force the words out of his throat, the door opened again and she raised her face from her hands. 

 

The doctor who entered glanced between the two of them, trying to size up their relationship. Nodding to Sai, he approached and offered the actor’s chart to her. “Ah, hello. I’m pleased to tell you that your friend here is going to be just fine.” He offered a large smile and received a small, relieved one in return.

 

“Other than being a little bruised and scratched up, he’s quite fine. The cut on his forehead should heal within the week and his arm is only minorly fractured. It shouldn’t even take two months to heal and the cast should be off before then.” Glancing at the cast, Sai’s professional mind finally kicked in and she realized that such a bulky piece would truly damage his career.

 

Turning to the doctor, she tilted her head, “Do you know if anything can be done about the size of the cast? It’s fairly bulky and might be an issue.” Considering that, the doctor shook his head.

 

“I’m sorry, not for quite a while.” He gave her a sympathetic smile and she nodded politely before the man turned to offer Ren his discharge papers. The actor signed them while the redhead called ahead to LME so a company car would be waiting to pick them up when he finished.

 

As they got into it, the actress directed them towards a car rental place as she phoned someone to come get her bike from the hospital parking lot. Once she was finished with the call, she sank back into the upholstery, burying her face in her hands. 

 

“Are you alright, Ms. Akai?” He asked, finding it strange that  **he** was asking  **her** if she was alright, considering the circumstances. 

 

She looked up, her face scrunched together, “I’ll have to call Yashiro about this.”

 

“Yes? And why is that such a big deal?” He asked, having thought her reason for worrying centered around him. The realization that it hadn’t hit him harder than he’d accounted for.

 

“Mr. Tsuruga, this was my job. I was supposed to take care of you this week-” Ren immediately tuned out the rest of her words, just focusing on the fact that she was worried about her job. He decided that she hadn’t been worried for him, just about looking bad at her job. The very idea that she valued her work more than him seized his heart in the most painful way.

 

He closed himself off, pulling away from her and attempting to squelch the anger rapidly rising in his throat. When she looked at him quizzically, he offered a radiant, sparkling smile. A fake smile. After all, it worked in every other instance. Why wouldn’t it work now?

 

Unfortunately for him, Sai was well aware of that face and the cruelty behind it. She realized he must have taken what she said the wrong way. Again. She rubbed at her temples in frustration, wishing he didn’t have the tendency the misinterpret her words. 

 

They pulled into the rental agency and Sai helped the actor out. They walked in silence and the actress took full charge of the situation, getting a model similar to the one he drove before. Once it was settled, Ren was about to ask how she expected him to drive with the cast when she moved behind the wheel herself.

 

“You can drive?” He asked her, breaking their silence. He climbed into the car and eyed her.

 

“Why wouldn’t I be able to drive?” The redhead asked, tucking a bright lock behind her ear. The actor considered that for a moment as they made their way back to his apartment.

 

“I suppose you would be able to. I just have never seen you behind a wheel before. Always in company cars.”

 

Sai shrugged, “Lory insists on it. I take my bike everywhere else.” Right when the words left her mouth, she panicked. Ren’s eyes snapped to hers immediately, an accusation behind them. She hadn’t meant to reveal something like that so suddenly and without warning. 

 

Focusing her attention on the road, she ignored his stares. He didn’t ask. She didn’t offer. As they got back to his apartment, he finally decided to try and broach the subject, but she immediately flipped into manager mode and began paging through all the phone numbers she’d need to call for their current week.

 

Clearing his throat, he pushed through the wall she’d set up anyway. “Have you ever handled press before?” He asked, knowing that his accident would result in quite a bit of publicity.

 

She glanced over at him quickly, “All the time.” She said, neglecting to add any context or background knowledge, simply dialing Yashiro’s number to inform him of everything that had happened and asking his advice. 

 

After getting a gist of what had happened, the manager ran a hand through his hair, “Do you need me to come back?” He asked, worried she couldn’t handle it.

 

“Oh no, I’ll be fine. I just wanted you to hear it from me first.” She said simply, making the manager incredibly glad she’d agreed to manage Ren’s schedule.

 

She then called the rest of Ren’s employers for the week they’re together. With each individual, she discussed the circumstances of the accident and most of them expressed that while Yashiro was gone, it was probably best to just wait to reschedule or handle anything. Sai reluctantly agreed and slowly Ren’s schedule was wiped clean.

 

Turning to him, she tilted her head as she watched him fumble with his tote bag. “Will you be okay by yourself, Mr. Tsuruga?”

 

He glared at her and nodded, “Yes, of course I will be.” His voice was snappier than he meant it to be now that he’d been stewing over her lack of detail earlier, and he lost the grip he’d had on the strap and the bag fell and spilled. Rightly, she found that she doubted his claim.

 

“Uh-huh,” she said sarcastically, “Can you do laundry? Can you get dressed? Can you cook? Can you  **eat** ?” She raised an eyebrow at him now, glaring right back. She knew that he couldn’t do any of those things. At least not well.

 

Faltering under the gaze, his shoulders slumped and he sighed, “No, probably not. What should I do?”

 

Simply nodding, she said with a light, understanding tone, “Leave it to me.” And then she began dialing again, but this time she was calling her employers. Ren immediately noticed the difference in vocabulary and attitude between his directors and hers. He found that they almost seemed to enjoy the fact that she needed to cancel for once.

 

He honestly couldn’t decide how to feel. His opinion of her had been in complete limbo since they'd started working together. He didn’t know if the directors treated her like that because they trusted her, or because her necessity on the job was low. 

 

Once Sai finished on her phone, she leaned back into the couch and sighed deeper than the actor had ever heard her before. She agitatedly rubbed at her cheeks and temples, clearly done with the day before the afternoon had even begun. The tall actor was struggling to get her apology out of his throat again, for everything that had happened when he was cut off by a sudden shift in her emotions.

 

Before his eyes, the redhead cracked a genuine smile. “So much for not cancelling a single job,” she says to him softly, her tone playful and sarcastic, “try  **all** of them”

 

Ren laughed lightly at her jab, appreciating the light gleam in her eyes. Abruptly, the struggle he’d been experiencing trying to force the apology from his throat lifted and the words slipped out easily. “I’m really very sorry, Ms. Akai. I should never have left you here, and I definitely should have been more careful. I had a bad feeling and I ignored it.”

 

The talent looked up at him, shaking her head ever so softly. When her eyes met his, he was surprised to see that her expression had again changed and now a softer, somber expression dominated her features. 

 

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything, Mr. Tsuruga.” She told him gently, her voice soft and sweet, “I just wish things were different, that’s all.”

 

Ren found it utterly impossible to think straight right then, not knowing what to say or do when faced with yet another expression from her that day. Three in one day. And it wasn’t even past noon. 

 

After he didn’t reply, her face returned to her hands and she let loose another sigh, “I don’t even really understand why I forced myself into this job,” she mumbled her voice muffled by her hands. “I don’t know why I thought it would prove anything. I ruin everything I touch.”

 

Taken completely by surprise, the actor didn’t stop to think before he reached out for the girl. At the sudden contact, Sai’s face snapped up and she met his eyes. He’d never seen a face so depressed and morose. “I-I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” She whispered, her voice cracking like she was about to cry.

 

Unable to stop himself, he tightened his grip around her shoulder and pulled her closer, awkwardly embracing her while trying to keep his cast out from between them. “You absolutely haven’t ruined everything” he told her with sincerity he didn’t know the source of.

 

All the same, he forced his dark eyes to meet her searingly light blue ones. “I never expected you to do this well, really.” He told her honestly, “If anyone is to blame for screwing it up, it’s me. And I ruined it only after you did an incredible job managing my week. It wouldn’t have gone nearly as smoothly without you.”

 

He went on for a little longer, and with every word, her face seemed to lighten considerably. By the time he was nearing the end of possible things to say, the sad expression had all but melted off her face. “Thank you, for agreeing to be my manager. I needed you.” He finished, smiling genuinely at her. 

 

The last of her truly pained expression left her then, replaced by a gentleness he’d never seen so close up. It really made her features incredibly soft looking. It wasn’t an expression, so to say. It was her blank, emotionless slate which had infuriated him so when they’d met. But by now, he knew some of the subtleties about her and realized she was just relaxed with him right then. And he was incredibly grateful to see anything but that somber expression on her face.

 

Any face was better than that one. And for reasons the actor didn’t understand, he knew in that moment that he couldn’t let her make that face around him if he could help it. He would do whatever it took to keep that haunting expression off of her beautiful features. It simply hurt him to much to see her in pain.


	20. Chapter 20

The redhead scurried about the actor’s apartment, partly pacing and partly trying to gather all her belongs she accidently scattered when she’d tried to get ready that morning. She appeared greatly distressed, although her face was mostly still. She also continually ran her fingers through her hair, an action which Ren was quickly associating with her being upset or frustrated by something.

 

“Ms. Akai?” He questioned, trying for the millionth time to calm her down. She didn’t even respond to his call this time, her lips moving as she mumbled something to herself. He clenched his teeth together. “Ms. Akai, please calm down.” He said stiffly, reaching out with an arm towards her. 

 

Sai glanced at him worriedly, finally focusing on his face. She shook her head slightly and made her way back into the living room, still pacing. The tall actor sighed, “Ms. Akai.” He called again, his tone darker and deeper. He knew what would get her attention. “Is this how a professional should be acting?”

 

Immediately, her gaze snapped to his and she stopped fidgeting. He knew if he made this about her job, she’d listen. For whatever reason. He wasn’t expecting it to have caused such an immediate reaction though. 

 

While she was looking right at him, her eyes shone with something he couldn’t understand. Her expression was completely unreadable and he couldn’t at all place the many emotions flying across her brilliant irises. Eventually, he just stood in silence as she gave a loud, exasperated sigh and quite literally collapsed into the couch. 

 

Now he stood over her as she was completely silent and still and he suddenly started wishing that she was still fidgeting. At least she seemed alive that way. He hovered over her worriedly and slowly Sai became aware that she was blushing under his gaze. 

 

Seeing that the actor wasn’t about to say anything to her, the redhead straightened her back and looked up at him with a clear apology in her eyes. “You’re right. It’s unprofessional. It’s not only wrong of me as your manager, but also as your friend. But...I’m...going to need a few moments to collect myself.”

 

Ren stood in slight shock as he tried to formulate words. She’d just addressed him as a friend. As much as they’d improved from their first interaction, he wouldn’t have expected the word from her. In fact, he couldn’t really imagine himself saying it so easily. Maybe...he’d been wrong about her. “Alright, Ms. Akai…” he said slowly, nodding to her. “Take your time.”

 

“May I...take a shower? It’ll probably help me calm down.” She blinked up at him, a slight blush touching the tips of her ears. Ren blinked at her a few times, taking in her appearance. She appeared to have gotten ready as fast as she could that morning; her hair was mussed and unwashed, she wore no makeup, and there was clearly no effort put into what she wore. She must have practically ran after him that morning.

 

He was suddenly struck with another bolt of guilt that shot right down his spine. It was his fault she had rushed that morning, and she must have been furious with him.  _ Why on earth did I leave her? What was I thinking!?  _ “O-of course, Ms. Akai! Here, I’ll show you where the towels are.”

 

Standing by the doorway to the bathroom, Sai clutched the towel to her chest and nodded in gratitude. “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga. I apologize for the ruckus.” She said, ducking into the room before he could ask what noise she would have to be sorry for. 

 

Once she was safely behind the locked door, the redhead leaned against it and allowed a deep breath to slowly escape her lips. She breathed like that for several more seconds until she felt like she had more control over herself. Sucking in one final breath, she pushed away from the door and readied herself for a hot shower she greatly deserved.

 

The eruption of emotion she'd experienced was still settling in her system. It had been a long time that she'd felt such a range in such a short span of time. That, mixed with the devastated sinking of her heart when she thought of missing all her work that week and general concern over the actor, her friend’s, state, was driving her insane. 

 

Carefully, she set out her phone and rigged it to play her favorite series of piano and violin duets by Paganini. As she turned on the water, she cranked up the volume to her heart’s content and stepped under the stream of steaming water. 

 

The moment that Ren heard the first few notes, he was appalled at her choice. Although it didn’t necessarily go against her personality to like classical music, in fact it might actually suit her best, but it just didn’t seem like the natural first choice. 

 

He listened intently as the two instruments mingled and harmonized perfectly and was fascinated not only by the fact that she favored classical music, but by how refined her taste in it was. Between the beauty and the length of the first piece alone, it was obviously only for highly skilled players, but it wasn’t necessarily the difficulty that made him love the music so much, it was how the pieces seemed to trigger small emotional responses from him. It was an incredible sensation.

 

He’d never really been a fan of the slow, waltz-like melodies of classic music, but as he sat there listening to such a piece, even muffled through the door of the guest bathroom, he began to understand its appeal. A strange but peaceful sense of calm settled comfortably over him and he relaxed his shoulders in such a way that the dull throbbing in his arm became almost imperceptible. 

 

Just when he was finally really beginning to appreciate the current piece, both the water and the music shut off very suddenly. The actor glanced at the clock with a frown. It had hardly been ten minutes since she’d gone in there. 

 

He waited for a few moments in the now empty silence that followed the once loud music. When the door finally did crack open, he was a bit stunned to see steam actually roll out from behind it, and with it emerged Sai herself, still squeezing water from her tangled hair.

 

The very first thing Ren noticed when his eyes landed on her was that her cheeks, shoulders, knees and feet were all red from the heat of the water. Not just any red either, the bright, painful looking red. She truly hadn’t been in there long, certainly not long enough for a normal shower to have done that to her skin. That could only mean that the water was  **exceedingly** hot. 

 

Ren was shaken from his thoughts about the water temperature and focused instead on the sudden motion of Sai flipping her towel over her shoulder and casting a noticeably more relaxed, gentle expression towards him. He was so captivated by her soft features that he couldn’t even bring himself to ask all the questions he’d been brainstorming about her unexpected taste in music.

 

Smiling shyly as she approached him, she picked up a pad of paper and pen from his coffee table and reached out for him to take them from her. Ren blinked lazily at her and flicked his gaze between her and the paper. As he scanned her though, the inquiry about the gesture got stuck in his throat as he watched a drip from her still wet hair streak down her shoulder to her collarbone and then dip below the neckline of her shirt.

 

He swallowed roughly and instantly snapped his eyes to meet hers, blocking out all other aspects of her appearance then. He refused to be sucked into a trance by how the water still streaked over her. “What’s that for, Ms. Akai?” The actor asked in as even a tone as possible. Ordinarily, he would have wanted to ask her if she felt better, but it seemed like that much was obvious and she was making no move on her part to convince him to speak about it.

 

Her smile intensified and she leaned closer so he could take the paper, “I want you to write down a list of all the things you legitimately enjoy eating. I don’t care if you list thirty things or two, Mr. Tsuruga, so long as you write  **something** down. You have to like eating at least one thing.”

 

Ren opened his mouth to reply, but the actress cut him off. “Before you say anything, there’s one rule: they have to be things I can make, or could be found at a restaurant. I refuse to buy you convenience store or frozen food. I am cooking for you, do I make myself clear?”

 

Wordlessly, he nodded, knowing that he really didn’t have much of a choice in the matter considering his arm was absolutely useless. “Why do you need a list of foods then? Wouldn’t you rather pick them since you’re cooking everything?”

 

“Well, I’m going to the store to get enough for this week, since we’ll probably hole up here until Yashiro returns to handle the press. So if I’m going to be here cooking for you and looking after you, I might as well suit the meals to your taste. I’m not here to make my life any easier, I’m here for you, Mr. Tsuruga. So of course I want the meals to please you.”

 

Blocking out any connotations that came with such a statement, the actor shook his head and tried to focus on a particular aspect of what she’d just said. “You don’t think you could handle the press on your own? Why?”

 

Immediately, the redhead spoke, “It’s not that I’m incapable of doing so, not hardly. But many people, including Yashiro, advised against actions of that sort. I respect their opinions and therefore I’ll listen. If a situation arises that requires me to interact with them, I’ll do my best, but I won’t seek out the fight.”

 

“So why are you staying here then?” He asked, trying to piece together her train of logic.

 

Sai turned to him with an incredulous look on her face. “There are so many reasons to, don’t you think it’s a little ridiculous to ask me that at this point?”

 

Rather than replying, the dark haired man simply offered her a skeptical look and crossed his arms in front of him. Seeing this, Sai rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Don’t let those eyebrows raise so high you lose them in your hairline, toots.” Sighing softly, she held up a hand with splayed fingers.

 

“Alright, if you’re really playing dumb, I’ll give you five reasons. One, Yashiro asked me to as a personal favor, not just as your manager. Two, regardless of that, it still is my job and I need to see it through. Three, you honestly would be hopeless at taking care of yourself in your state right now. As much as you hate to admit it, you need someone to look after you and I’m glad to do it. Four, it is, after all, partly my fault you’re like that. I don’t know what drove you to leave me behind this morning, but it must have at least branched off of a series of stupid actions of mine, and for that I’m sorry and I want to help you. 

 

“And five, in all sincerity Mr. Tsuruga, I would be worried sick if I wasn’t with you. So forgive me if this is selfish, but I need to be here in person to make sure you’re alright.” Flashing him a sympathetic, apologetic smile, she tried to ignore the sharp stab of pain that came with the disbelieving look on the actor’s face. 

 

“Why would you be worried about me?” He asked, his voice much less confident and full of a staggering amount of emotion from what he was used to. 

 

Looking him right in the eye, she said with ease, “Because I care about you. Isn’t that obvious by now?” At her words, his heart seemed to trip over itself until it rested uncomfortably somewhere in his throat. As natural as the words seemed to flow from her lips, he still noticed the faint touch of color on her cheeks and ears. It was distinctly different from the slowly fading red hue of her skin, more of an intimate soft pink.

 

Due to the weight now resting in his throat, he found that he could respond to what she’d said at all, and instead had to watch awkwardly as she cleared her throat and averted her eyes. “I-I’m going to go inventory your pitiful excuse of a kitchen. Don’t want to buy anything you already have.” Said said offhandedly as she slid by him down the short hall.  _ Not like that would really be a problem though. You could probably use the extras,  _ Sai added in her head.

 

At the kitchen doorway, she caught his attention again and pointed at the pad of paper in his hands. “You get busy writing, sir. I want to see words on that when I get back.”

 

The tall man was woken out of the spell she always managed to cast on him once she was out of sight. It didn’t help that she’d called him “sir” though. It reminded him of the previous day when they’d acted together. Just the thought of that experience sent his blood racing hot through his veins. He desperately wanted to do it again.

 

Just as he was beginning to focus on writing things down, he heard her mumbling and a few words managed to drift into his ears. Something about wishing they were at her apartment where there’s a usable kitchen, but those comments were followed up by others about needing to make him as comfortable as possible and the kitchen begin a worthwhile sacrifice. The sentiment contained within those few words he caught made him smile and suppress his desire to chuckle.

 

Now fully dedicated to cooperating with her, he jotted down a few things he wouldn’t mind her making for him. Some were from his childhood while others were stolen from particular restaurants he’d visited with a cast or with Kajima, a fellow actor, when they went out together. 

 

He’d just started running out of ideas and was tapping his pen on the side of the paper when the redhead emerged from the kitchen and drew towards him. He offered the paper back with a smirk and she took it hesitantly, glancing at the contents on the page briefly. Sai let a low whistle go when she finished skimming over it, and she reached over and pat his shoulder appreciatively.

 

Ren blinked a few times and glanced between her hand and her, a vague look of surprise twisting his features. She gave him a gentle smile to comfort him and spoke softly, “This is rather impressive, actually. Well done for writing this much, Mr. Tsuruga.” She gave him a wink and giggled in a somehow mature, feminine way.

 

Shaking his head partly to clear it of all the fluff that was steadily blocking his ability to think around her, and partly to reject the opinion she’d formed about his eating habits, “I  **do** like some dishes, Ms. Akai. I just lack hunger usually, and have no desire to eat. That doesn’t mean I necessarily dislike eating.”

 

Forcing her lower lip outward, the redhead looked at Ren in mock pout, “But I know how bad it is not to eat, even if you don’t feel hungry. I know how much you value your career, so it’s just surprising to me that you let such a minor detail like hunger risk affecting everything you’ve built. I know how detrimental going hungry can be.”

 

Before he could form an adequate response to her unexpected rebuttal, she stood and blinked at him for a few moments before heading back into the bathroom to finish getting ready. Combing her hair hurriedly, the redhead mentally berated herself for letting such a personal detail slip like that. She knew she would have to face his questions about it when she went back out, but also knew that she couldn’t handle telling him things that personal yet, and she’d have to work hard to avoid questioning.

 

By the time she’d realized that, she was already finished combing her thick locks and she went back out the door, catching Ren’s eyes widen slightly as they took in her appearance with her completely straight hair, the bangs combed back. He was severely startled by how different she looked with her hair differently styled and a darker shade due to its wetness. Suddenly, he wasn’t as worried about not having recognized her when he’d first seen her real appearance. She really knew how to change her appearance. 

 

Actually raising an eyebrow at the man, she questioned his gaze without words and he merely shrugged. He hadn’t been doing much talking since they’d returned from the hospital. Sai didn’t really blame him though. Pocketing his list and her inventory of his kitchen, she set him up comfortably in his living room and made sure his phone and all the remotes were within reach. 

 

“I’ll be back soon, Mr. Tsuruga. Take some time to calm down a little, find something that relaxes you,” she advised, worried about him now.

 

He nodded back, “Alright. Will do.” Was all he said as he tried to keep his gaze from staying on her too long to be appropriate. The tall man watched her walk out of his door, staring at the last spot he’d seen her for much longer after she left. Once he was able to break his gaze away, he sighed heavily and slouched.

 

He tried to let the tension out of his chest that had been slowly building up since he’d first seen Sai asleep in her bed that morning. Switching restlessly through channels, he eventually just turned the television off and set the remote down with a heavy sigh. Running his good hand through his hair, he relented to the fact that the tightness he’d been trying to work out wasn’t going anywhere.

 

The actor pulled out his phone absentmindedly and scrolled through his email before opening his web browser as if on instinct. He stared at the flashing cursor on the search bar and a thought occurred to him. Not knowing what to search for really, he simply entered “classical music” to see what it pulled up.

 

Scrolling through the results, he searched for anything similar to what Sai had played earlier. When he did manage to find a suitable piece, he played it as loud as the tiny speaker on his phone could, finding that it came out awfully gravily. Despite the terrible quality, the same feeling he’d had earlier overtook him and the near-instant relaxation was sheer bliss. 

 

He’d come to realize after their interactions that week that he’d been wrong about Sai. She wasn’t the emotionless, manipulative, hollow person he’d pegged her as. In fact, he probably had it completely backwards. Her apparent inability to express any emotion made them build up inside of her until they were more intense and explosive than she could handle. She very well could have been the most emotional person he’d ever met.

 

Because of that, and because of her handicap in releasing her pent up emotions, she must have developed a system for calming herself down by now. Ren now figured that it centered around her musical choices. And he was finding that her system worked quite well. The tall actor sat there for a long while as thoughts danced around his head about the young woman now looking after him and let the gentle string instrument’s melodies relax his mind and body.

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he heard a soft ruckus at his front door, meaning Sai must have been trying to use her key while carrying far too much. Stretching out his sore legs, the actor rose from the couch and walked to meet her in the foyer. He was surprised when the door flung open and revealed the form of the redhead, clearly over encumbered as he’d expected.

 

Sai flashed him a tired smile as she walked past the threshold and let the door swing shut behind her. Balanced in her hands and on her arms were a truly impressive number of bags. She even had a backpack on which appeared to hold several bags and allow a few more to dangle off.

 

As the actor reached forward to offer his assistance with his good hand, her gentle smile slipped off her face and she gave him a pointed glare with a raised eyebrow. It was so unexpected and sharp that it pinned him to his spot and she waltzed right by him. The actress brought the bags into his kitchen and started to set them down in the opposite order she’d picked them all up, being ever so careful with each one even as her arms started shaking from the effort.

 

Ren had followed her back into the kitchen and was surprised when she fished a few items out of one bag and walked them over to him. Her smile had returned and she offered him a vitamin water, a bottle of painkillers, and an ice pack. 

 

“What’s the ice pack for?” He asked, honestly not knowing how it could help with a fractured arm.

 

Sai raised her brows again at this, “Well, for one it will numb the area and prevent you from feeling sore as much as it can. And for another, by icing it, you’ll keep the swelling down and it should prevent any further  bruising to the area.” 

 

The words came out like she was reading a textbook and when he looked at her funny, she simply smiled wider. A pang of realization hit him then, as to how serious what had happened really was. He clenched his jaw together and raked his eyes down the bulky surface of the cast. His heart tightened uncomfortably and he shifted his weight foot to foot.

 

“H-how long do you think this will take to heal?” He asked the redhead, ashamed as his voice cracked slightly with the words. Ren wasn’t used to being physically incapable of acting and it was beginning to scare him.

 

Sai looked at his dark eyes as they clouded with negative emotions and she swallowed. She had to be blunt with him. Raising her hand up as gently as she could, she placed it on the cast and whispered in a gentle, soft voice, “It’ll be a while.”

 

Letting those words sink in properly, the actor leaned against the kitchen door frame and a humorless laugh escaped his lips. “I really screwed up this time, didn’t I? I’m going to cause a lot of people trouble with this…” He said, shaking his head and looking absolutely lost and pathetic.

 

The redhead pressed her lips together and shook her head forcefully, almost angrily, at him. “No, Mr. Tsuruga.” She said sharply, reaching up and flicking his forehead roughly. 

 

“Ow!” He exclaimed, drawing backwards and rubbing at the sore spot between his eyes in shock, “Why did you do that?”

 

“Mr. Tsuruga.” She caught his gaze and his eyes widened when he saw the heated focus behind her usually so vacant ice blue eyes. “The worst thing you can do is lose yourself to the stress of this situation. You’ll make it harder not only on yourself, but also the people who care about you and the people who depend on you. If you keep yourself calm and ready to problem solve, you’ll realize you’re not as boxed in as it seemed at first.”

 

Ren looked at her with wide, astonished eyes. He then watched her open her mouth to continue, but instead of saying anything else, she shut her mouth and simply allowed her lips to lift into a gentle, encouraging smile. He found himself nodding in understanding and it seemed to satisfy her for then because she turned around and returned to unloading her bags.

 

The rest of the night seemed to proceed rather easily. He stayed with her in the kitchen while she cooked and they made light, easy conversation and she expertly avoided any mention of work as she knew it would upset him. After the meal was prepared, they returned to his living room and switched on the tv. 

 

Ren was thoroughly surprised how much more interesting things he watched seemed when the redhead was present. Everything he’d had on had been so boring earlier that evening, but with her there, finding things to watch was easy. It was a small detail, but it made his stomach flip for some reason to find that out. 

 

After struggling through eating the first of her predictably delicious meals during her stay that week, he managed to worm his way into helping with the dishes. Unfortunately, he seemed to just make things dirtier operating as awkwardly as he did with one arm. And he got water everywhere.

 

She eventually shooed him away with the task of compiling a list of all the directors and employers they’d need to call to inform them of the situation that week. Once she’d finished with the dishes, she joined him in the living room and proceeded to make the actual calls. She expertly explained the situation multiple times, and in a tone that seemed far too gentle and conflict-avoidant to be possible. 

 

Due to that, most of the recipients of such news were very understanding. She was far too good at that job. If acting didn’t work out, she could certainly become a rising star in the management business. She even managed to work out several readjustments of scenes and photoshoots over the phone that would allow for Ren’s left arm to be entirely left out of camera shots.

 

She thanked each man graciously before hanging up for the last time and setting the phone down with a decisive thud. She rubbed one eye tiredly and the rose up and started tending to the actor’s needs, who really didn’t want to inconvenience her. 

 

“I already told you, Mr. Tsuruga. I’m here to  **help** you. You are not inconveniencing me in  **any** way. If you were, I wouldn’t be here.” Of course, Ren knew she was right. But it still felt wrong to ask your junior to go fetch you a glass of water.

 

“Really, Ms. Akai. I’m fine. You seem greatly exhausted though. Maybe we should try to get some extra rest tonight?” He asked, worried over the dark circles that were just beginning to form under her searing eyes. 

 

She hesitated for a just a moment before nodding gently, a grateful sheen across those pale orbs. Reaching out for him, she slowly helped him to his feet and they moved toward his bedroom where she fiddled to get his drawers open and remove a pair of pajamas; it proved to be difficult even with two hands. 

 

Turning around, she started towards the dark haired actor who had taken a seat on his bed. The talent set the sleepware down on the armchair to the right of the bed and moved toward the man, an action which sent shivers down his spine. He suddenly realized what she was about to do.

 

“Woah, woah,” he held his hand out in front of him to stop her advance.

 

She tilted her head at him in confusion, “What? Are you going to get changed by yourself, then?” She asked, quirking her lip.

 

He looked at her and tried to form the words, “Y-yes, of course I am, and if I can’t manage, I’ll just sleep in this,” he gestured to the button-up dress shirt and expensive pants he was wearing. It had been the only thing he could change into after the accident.

 

Sai shook her head, and the now dry and vibrant red locks swirled around her face, “You are not wearing the same outfit for nearly a week straight.” She came closer again and Ren glared at her, “If it were Yashiro coming to help you, would you put up a fuss?” She asked him curtly.

 

His eyes narrowed at her use of the word “fuss”, almost like she was insinuating he was being childish, “Well, no, but you’re a...well, you’re…”

 

“A woman?” She asked him, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

 

Ren nodded and gestured for her to back down, thinking that was all the reason he needed to persuade her, “Exactly…” he said with hesitance.

 

“Mr. Tsuruga, please. Don’t use that kind of rubbish logic,” she said, putting her hands on her wide hips, “I’ve seen you in magazines wearing less than this, why is this so different?”

 

His eyes widened and he could feel heat rush to his cheeks, “You read the magazines I’m in?” He asked her in a gentle voice.

 

Rolling her eyes, Sai shook her head, “Yes, I did have a life before I came to LME, and it consisted of just as much tv, magazines, and cds as any normal person.”

 

He looked at her with raised eyebrows and she shrugged, trying to move closer again, “Hey, it  **is** different. In those pictures, there’s reason I’m like that, and it’s in a controlled environment, and I happened to get dressed myself. Having a woman undress me has...connotations that photo shoots don’t.”

 

She sighed and moved her arms to cross them over her chest, “Mr. Tsuruga, you know that it’s not like I’ve never done this before, and I can tell you, the connotations are very different in this situation.”

 

His eyes flew open at that and he stared at the woman before him, realizing with a start that he really hadn’t fully been considering her...a “woman.” Of course she’d done this sort of stuff...and he was being a little childish thinking this was comparable. 

 

“We’re both adults, Mr. Tsuruga, when will you realize this?” She asked him, a quirk in her eyebrow showing that she was slightly concerned. Seeing that he wasn’t replying, she sighed again and approached the bed, leaning over and beginning to unbutton his shirt.

 

Unable to stop her this time, Ren sat frozen in place as his shirt fell open and he felt her fingertips brush against his skin, sending shivers through his body. As she helped him get his good arm through the dress shirt, Sai gazed appreciatively at his form. If she could say anything about him, he certainly knew how to impress, in a multitude of ways. Moving to help his injured arm through the rolled up sleeve, her finger brushed against his bicep as she attempted to gently ease his cast through the fabric.

 

Tsking, he said from between clenched teeth, “Do you have to be so gentle?” Referring to how her soft touches made his skin crawl and shivers shoot down his body.

 

Sai let a humorless laugh go and looked at him doubtfully, “Oh I’m sorry, did you expect me to wrench your arm out of the sleeve?” 

 

Realizing how it must have sounded he shook his head and then fell silent, trying to focus on anything else. Once she’d gotten the shirt off, she reached for the pajama top she’d found for him and slid it onto his shoulders, slipping his arm into it easier this time. Straightening it, she began buttoning it up until she smoothed out the shoulders and began rolling up the sleeve so it didn’t cover his cast. 

 

Standing a ways away, she looked up at him and he sighed, “Thank you, Ms. Akai.” He said softly, and then thinking a bit ahead in her actions, he realized what she would want to help with next and added, “I think I can do this part by myself…”

 

A smile lit up her features and she backed off, “Alright, point taken. I’ll be outside then,” she said in a gentle voice, folding his shirt and putting it on his dresser to be taken to dry cleaning. Closing the door behind her, Ren watched Sai leave him be to finish changing. With a decent amount of struggling, he managed okay and walked back out to check on her. 

 

Finding her in the kitchen preparing a cup of coffee, he came and stood next to her, taking in with a little bit of surprise that she wore her own pajamas. Looking at him with a gentle twinkle in her pale eyes, “You don’t think I planned on staying here without any of my own belongings, do you? I can’t borrow your old shirts forever, you know.” 

 

He chucked lightly and was shocked to realize that he had nearly experienced the urge to reach around behind her and hold her. Shaking his head, he cleared the thought from his mind and leaned against the table, anchoring himself there. They made light small talk as she finished her coffee and washed the mug out. 

 

Helping him set up for bed again, Sai wished him a goodnight with a gentle expression and shut his door. She walked carefully to her own room, closing her door and lighting a candle she’d brought. Climbing onto the soft mattress, she curled up with her notebook and a pen and began scrawling notes she’d need and planning out how she’d rearrange herself after this mess was over.

 

More conscious of the time that night, due to the events that had perspired due to her lack of sleep the previous night, Sai blew out the candle and curled up much earlier than usual in her blankets. She remembered Ren’s various expressions and reactions to her that evening, as well as the entire day, and sighed deeply. 

 

She couldn’t pinpoint anything about him save that she managed to confuse him to no end. While she took some joy in being able to shock him so, it was still a wish of hers that she’d be able to formulate some sort of opinion that he had of her.

 

Thinking back to his reactions with her when she’d helped him get dressed, she remembered the look in his eyes that had made her want to back down almost immediately. While he’d been surprised about her having done this with other men, there seemed to be some other emotion burning in his eyes. If she didn’t know any better, she would have called it...jealousy. But she knew that couldn’t be true. In denial, Sai covered her head with the blankets and nuzzled under the sheets, which were filled with the familiar scent that all his clothing had. A light smiling donning her lips, Sai fell asleep, grateful for the familiarity.


	21. Chapter 21

Ren had been awake for hours when the sun finally broke over the horizon and a steadily brightening stream of sunlight poured into his room. He couldn’t do much still, his arm more dead weight than appendage at this point. Plus, it hurt like hell. Always throbbing and sending zaps of stabbing pain up into his shoulder blade. It kept him from sitting comfortably, lying down to sleep, it even hurt to breathe, dammit.

 

He knew that the morning light signified that the redhead down the hall would be getting up soon, which at least meant that he could bother getting up to stand next to her while she took care of everything a normal adult male should have been able to handle. 

 

Belatedly, he realized that this would, in fact, be the last full day Sai could help him though. They were picking up Yashiro the following afternoon, and he would be taking over her duties as his manager once again, as well as his caretaker now. As much as he hated to admit it, he’d grown used to her presence. So the realization that she would not be there for him over the next few days hit him harder than he was expecting. 

 

With a deep sigh and a slight wince at how his arm beat uncomfortably, the tall actor shifted out of his enormous bed and moved towards his door, only to be met with it falling away to reveal the still sleepy form of the petite actress. She blinked up at him with still heavy eyelids and then she yawned delicately and scooted past him into his room.

 

Although he’d been extremely against it at first, her entering his bedroom had become a part of their bizarre routine. Sai walked right up to his closet and started rummaging through it as she’d come so accustomed to doing. She held up various combinations of shirts and pants for him to assess, and he would give feedback that didn’t require the use of his hand.

 

Eventually, the redhead managed to help him into a comfortable, loose fitting gray sweater and soft jeans. They’d created a system that worked alright for the both of them and minimized his range of motion. Additionally, she’d become quite skilled at picking out shirts that accommodated for his bulky cast quite well. If anything, she made living with his injury much more bearable.

 

After they meandered their way into the kitchen, she started preparing both their breakfast for that morning and a small lunch for him to take while she’d be away at another job. In the meantime, they did as they always did. They both got ready as they had for the whole week, teasing and taunting each other good-naturedly as they did so, both comfortable in the other’s presence at this point.

 

Once all the food was prepared, consumed, or packed away, they headed out like they’d been doing it for years. It was that natural. Climbing into Ren’s rental car, Sai took the wheel and directed them both back to LME for the first time in what seemed like forever to the both of them. Popping around the building and making various arrays of phone calls, the pair finally managed to get Ren’s schedule at least partly sorted.

 

Thankfully, the cast was not as much of a problem as anyone had thought, and it turned out that many of his assignments could accommodate his injury through costumes, make up, camera shots, and a bunch of things that Sai didn’t really understand in terms of film terminology. Regardless, most of the actor’s employers eagerly informed them that they could work with the damage and there’d be no need to recast. The news made the dark haired man relieved to say the least.

 

After all of his meetings had been taken care of, the redhead left him with his lunch and headed up to meet with Sawara about her own wreck of a schedule. She didn’t think it would take nearly as long as it ended up taking, and with every passing minute she was late, Ren felt worse and worse about dragging her into his mess.

 

She finally returned after what she could confidently call the most stressful meeting of her life, a pensive and very sour expression in the subtleties of her features. “Everything go alright in there, Ms. Akai?” The actor questioned, trying to meet her eyes with his deep brown ones.

 

Shrugging her shoulders in a soft, almost defeated manner, her voice came out drained and exhausted sounding, “Yes, Mr. Tsuruga. I’m alright. Some of my employers aren’t happy I bailed on them, but it sound like most of my jobs will even out in a while and things will be back to normal.”

 

“You don’t seem very pleased with that, though…” The dark haired man ventured, trying in vain to make eye contact.

 

“No, no...I’m fine...well,” she sighed just soft enough for him to catch it, “I guess I’m not...I wish I could have been, well... **better** at my job, you know?”

 

The actor let a deep, humorless chuckle go, finally catching her attention. “Are you really asking if I know how that feels? Which one of us broke his arm, hmm? Which one was recklessly, carelessly risking his livelihood by not paying attention in his car?”

 

The redhead blushed gently and waved her hand in front of her, “Yes, okay! Stop that!” She said with a nervous laugh, “I get it, okay? Bad wording. But I do feel like I was incompetent. I let my worry about you get the best of me and I just wasn’t as professional as I would have liked to have been. That’s all.”

 

Swallowing down how uncomfortable it always made him when she talked so openly about how she was concerned for him, Ren finally managed, “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to bring you into this, I didn’t mean for your work to become jeopardized.” He hold her honestly, knowing that even if it bothered him that she didn’t quite understand the value of her work, she valued completing the work itself and he’d come to respect that.

 

The corner of her lip quirked up and she gave a soft, almost shy laugh. Following that, she gave her hand a little waving motion and he recognized it instantly. She always did that when he apologized and she didn’t really believe that she deserved his apology. It wasn’t her waving away her responsibilities or her duties, it was her waving away his worry. It was her waving away his discomfort and just trying to make him feel better. It was a comforting gesture. He’d had it all wrong. Again.

 

When they reached his car, she was about to duck into the driver’s seat when Ren spoke up. “Hey. Ms. Akai?”

 

She blinked once at him and then nodded towards the compact vehicle they’d been using so sparely and she swung herself in. Following her lead, he climbed into the passenger’s seat and shut his door, looking over at the redhead as casually as he could. “Yes, Mr. Tsuruga?” She asked him once she was situated, and her intensely pale eyes focused in on his.

 

“Would you let me take you to dinner?” He asked, the words slipping from his lips before he could stop them. The moment they made it out though, he was immediately hit with the connotations associated with such a question and his mind began racing at a million miles an hour. 

 

“It’s just- you see, you’ve been cooking so much, and I do appreciate it, but this is your last night, and well, you know, I thought...well, I thought I could treat you for our last meal of this...adventure.” He finished, wishing desperately that he’d sounded about a gazillion times more natural to her than he had sounded to his own ears. He knew he probably hadn’t.

 

Cracking a wider smile, the actress answered, “Yes, Mr. Tsuruga. I would be honored to accept a thank you dinner. Your pick of the restaurant, or mine?”

 

Thankful she’d picked up the correct and important points within the mess of excuses he’d thrown at her, he knew there was only one answer to that question. “Well, yours of course.” He told her, flashing an easy smirk at her.

 

Sai laughed softly, a dangerous seeming twinkle in her breathtaking gaze. “I know just the place,” she told him with a little wink, pulling their car out of the lot and speeding through streets Ren didn’t recognize for the life of him.

 

They immediately entered a nicer, ritzier area and she pulled right into a multi-ethnic five star restaurant that he would have never pegged her to know about. “So...what is this place?” He asked, a little uneasy with her decision.

 

She just giggled again, nearly jumping out of her door, “You’ll see.” Her voice was deeper, warmer. It was nice, but he couldn’t let his guard down. Who knew where she’d just taken him?

 

“Ms. Akai, really-” Ren began, before they made it past the entrance and suddenly the actor knew why she’d thought of this place. It was absolutely beautiful. Between the decorations, the interior design choices, and the gorgeous music, the tall man couldn’t believe this place had flown so low under his radar. Or Lory’s, for that matter.

 

The redhead immediately moved to the hostess and they exchanged a banter that the actor couldn’t decipher. It almost seemed like another language. The hostess laughed heartily once before she motioned for them to follow with two small laminated menus and he moved past dozens of tables of couples, families, and even single people, all seemingly pleased with the venue they’d chosen. 

 

She escorted them all the way to the back, up on a small balcony. Just out of sight. Perfect for a famous actor and a budding actress. He flashed her a smile and gestured out, “Well, okay, color me surprised. You have good taste.”

 

The actress’s eyes flashed dully and she smirked at the man actress the small round table from her. “Oh, I know. It’s a gift, really.” She teased, her smirk growing as they bantered back and forth playfully until their food was ordered and had arrived.

 

Soon, the jovial mood died down slightly and the actor once again looked at his temporary manager and a shot of guilt ripped through him. “Um, say, Ms. Akai...I really must apologize again for what I put you through this week.”

 

The talent set her fork down and laced her fingers in front her her, resting her elbows on the table and supporting her chin with her hands. Letting a deep sigh go, she huffed, “You really haven’t put me through anything this week, Mr. Tsuruga. It’s actually been really nice, and I appreciated the break. I probably wouldn’t have taken one for quite a while if not for you. I’ve enjoyed myself.”

 

“How long has it been since you last took a break?” He asked her, watching the gentle shifts in her outward appearance in fascination as she actually took a great deal of time to consider his question before answering.

 

“Honestly, I think the last time I took off was for a single day, and that day was spent with Maria, but that was a few weeks ago. I guess I haven’t had a real break since I started this whole journey.” She told him, her voice soft and sweet with sincerity.

 

Tilting her head, she frowned and added, “Although, I did go in late that night to partially make up some of my duties. So I don’t know if you can really count that as a whole day I took off.” 

 

Watching her face flash through happy memories she had of her time at various jobs, the actor finally lost his mask of calm and caved to his curiosity. “Why are you so committed to your jobs if you don’t care about them?” He asked, genuinely just wanting to know at this point. No anger whatsoever.

 

Her searing eyes met his earthy ones and she gazed at him for a few moments before giving a long exhale through her nose and steeling herself. She could see the sincere curiosity and wonder in his gaze, and knew for a fact he wasn’t berating her or accusing her this time. He was trying to understand her.

 

Rather than shrugging or brushing him off, this time Sai shifted in her seat until she was comfortable and put a delicate hand to her chin, seeming to be lost in thought as to how to phrase the multitudes of thoughts racing through her brain, each trying to be explained first.

 

Pursing her lips, the actress did her best to come up with an accurate explanation for her motives, fighting back and forth over if telling him was really a good idea. Even from across the table, the actor could see the war raging beneath the surface of her face. She looked at him with a mix of panic and determination that seemed impossible, the two emotions were much too different. But there it was, plain to see, and without meaning to, Ren reached over and put his large palm over hers for just a moment, squeezing it before returning it to his lap.

 

The moment he took her hand, Sai’s heart leapt into her throat. The warmth of his skin seared through hers in a matter of milliseconds, and she watched as his physical hand left hers, but she could still feel the weight and heat of it resting where it had been. At first, it had made her extremely uncomfortable, but as she sat there staring at the empty space, a wave of calm and comfort washed over her. Allowing it in, she felt her back muscles release and basked in the relaxation before taking a deep breath.

 

“I do care. I know that you think I don’t, I know you think it’s about killing my free time and running around just for the sake of running around, but it’s not about time, not anymore. I don’t think of passing the time when I’m in the job; I live the jobs I do, whether they’re acting or not. They aren’t ‘jobs’ to me anymore, they become what I rely on to make it through the day itself.” 

 

She took another breath in, having not stopped for air as she tried to force the words out of her mouth as fast as possible. “This is my lifeline now, it’s the reason I get out of bed again; I’m not some lifeless doll left lying around anymore, I’m alive again. People care about me again, and I care about people, I  **mean** something again.”

 

Ren looked over, watching as she shut her stinging eyes to control the rush of emotions that seemed to accompany any mention of what she’d been doing before LME. She paused for a few moments and her face shifted several different shades of red as she held her breath between tirades, more emotional than Ren had ever seen her.

 

“You don’t understand what it was like, waking up every morning, knowing that no matter what you did that day, there would be no one to see, no one to care. To be so completely alone that not even your own company seemed to matter. If you can’t be frustrated or sad or upset at anyone, if no one can see that you are alive underneath the surface, what’s the point of feeling anything at all? What’s the point of being-” 

 

She stopped herself, feeling the tears sting horribly behind her eyelids and she took in a shaky, ragged breath. “This may sound a bit morbid, but just knowing that there would be people who would care if I was gone, who would notice my absence, who would...mourn. It’s enough to make everything worth it again.”

 

The actor found that he was holding his own breath as she spoke, hanging on her every word as she expressed something he wouldn’t have expected her to ever reveal. He couldn’t say anything to that; there weren’t words to reply to such an emotional outburst, so he simply trained his eyes towards the table and let her recover.

 

“I don’t know if you believe me, or if you even care, but it’s not about time or points or stamps; it’s not about fame or money or anything like that. It’s about living. Being alive. For the first time in so long I feel like I’m connected again, like there’s something holding me up. And I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

 

“I do believe you.” Were Ren’s only words, as he stared straight ahead and fought back any desire to inquire further, knowing she had already exposed enough of her emotions for the evening.

 

A relieved, gasping breath echoed in his ears as she inhaled shakily, wiping a lone tear off her cheek and allowing a smile to move her lips, “Thank god…” Sai said in an impossibly soft voice, causing the dark haired man across from her to look up finally, and take in her watery eyes and tear stained cheeks, slouching in her seat and looking up at the dangling chandelier with its brightly lit crystals.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, making her train her gaze towards his, “For assuming. For being immature and unfair to you. And for devaluing your motives and reasons. I’ll do my best to refrain from doing so in the future.”

 

Her quivering laugh filled his ears and she smiled at him pitifully, “I’m just as immature, so don’t worry about that.”

 

Their eyes finally met and his held a gentleness she hadn’t been expecting, “I do worry. If I want your respect so much, I need to be willing to show you the same. I should have realized that much earlier.”

 

“Then does that mean you realize it now?”

 

“Of course. I only wish I had sooner.”

 

“Then that’s all that matters to me,” she said gently, looking at him with a soft expression, “As long as we’re okay now, then don’t worry about the past. Deal?”

 

The thought of being able to erase his completely uncalled for behavior was more than Ren had ever thought would be possible with the fiery individual in front of him, and he all but jumped on the notion to do so, “Deal.”

 

Looking at her now, all the preconceptions and misunderstandings that had blinded him from understanding her began to finally lift. Her explanation and emotions clicked much more smoothly with all the parts of her personality and actions. Before, everything she’d done clashed with his vision of her, and now he knew why. His vision of her had been completely wrong.

 

Much to his surprise, finding this out had left the man genuinely happy and relived; a weight that he hadn’t known existed had just lifted off of his chest. He couldn’t help but smile at her in a way that he hadn’t managed to smile in a long while. 

 

On the receiving end of that expression, the redhead had to try her very hardest not to let the awe she felt show on her face. The way his smile lit up his face and eyes, the way it seemed to make the room warmer and produce an actual glow, it was one of the most beautiful things Sai had ever seen. 

 

She immediately decided it to be classifiable as a lethal weapon it was so breathtaking. It was almost heavenly. The very sight of it was making her heart beat uncomfortably hard and fast and she had to hold her breath to keep its pace from increasing. Swallowing hard, she tried to suppress her immediate reaction and instead focus on what he meant behind the smile. He was incredibly happy at that moment, for reasons she couldn’t quite understand.

 

While she couldn’t wrap her head around why her explanation had made him feel that way, she knew that the moment was a true rarity and she savored every single second. Finding her own lips draw up as she continually glanced at the actor who hadn’t taken his eyes off of her, she lifted a hand on up cover her growing smile and focused on her food in front of her, twirling it around her fork and trying to take her mind off of the man she was dining with.

 

Finally ripping his eyes away from the beauty before him, the glowing smile stayed in place, but Ren did begin to eat again. They ate mostly in a comfortable silence, interrupted by moments with the waiter and with brief spans of easy conversation. Neither had enjoyed a meal quite that much before.

 

Inevitably, it ended and the two talents made their way back to the sleek rental waiting for them in front of the restaurant. Sai again weaved through streets the actor had never seen before but somehow managed to spill onto the main road to his apartment. He couldn’t be sure, but he was almost positive she knew  **exactly** where she was going. But then again, she could very well have been immensely lost and just lucky.

 

Once they’d made it inside, Ren worked on taking off his shoes with just one hand, as he often told her not to bother helping. He wanted to do it himself. It took a fair amount of struggling, but he managed and then stood up and followed the redhead where she’d gone into the living room.

 

Ren turned the corner and looked at the petite woman who was holding her tote bag in one hand and using her other to place her strewn out belongings back into it. The tall actor furrowed his brows in confusion, “What are you doing, Ms. Akai?”

 

Sai looked up, blinking and tilting her head in curiosity. “Mr. Tsuruga...you are aware that starting tomorrow, you are to return to Yashiro’s care, correct? There’s no need for me to stay with you after tonight, so I thought it would make it easier to pack up now.”

 

Blinking rapidly for a second, the dark haired man realized with a start that he hadn’t processed that fact at all. He didn’t have another full day with her. She was leaving the next morning, and he hadn’t even taken notice since he’d woken up. 

 

He shook his head once to clear it of all thought, convincing himself that it wasn’t that important that she’d be gone. After all, there would be no reason for her to stay, and it was odd enough she’d stayed as long as she did. He could handle her absence, easily. He had lived without her for years, and a week with a person isn’t enough to become dependant or expectant. Right?

 

Somewhere in his heart though, he still wished she would stay. The apartment would be so quiet without her. So empty. He’d used to like having all that extra space. Never before had it felt empty or meaningless, but now that he was used to her laughter and voice filling all the voids of his apartment, now that he was used to the smells of her cooking penetrating even the most hidden of unused spaces,  **now** the space would feel cold and vacant. 

 

Choosing not to dwell on that though, the actor simply stayed silent and helped her pack, setting her things by the front door to load into the car the next morning. The pair then settled on the couch, turning on the tv. Quickly though, they both realized there was nothing on even remotely interesting. Clicking her tongue loudly, the redhead snatched the remote out of the man’s hand and turned it off, attracting his attention.

 

“Have you ever played Doublets?” She asked, a gentle glint in her pale eyes.

 

Ren blinked once, “‘Doublets’? Uh, no. I don’t think I have.”

 

Sai immediately twisted around, drawing her legs up until she was sitting sideways on the couch, her legs criss-crossed underneath her. “We’re playing it.”

 

The actor chuckled softly, “Alright,” he said, twisting to face her. “How do you play?”

 

“We decide on two words that are related in subject, but spelled very differently. Then, you make up a list of words that change one letter from the last word until you’ve changed the first word into the second one.”

 

Raising an eyebrow, the actor began, “So, we make one word into a related one by changing singular letters?”

 

“And still having each word in the middle be a real word, yes. And whoever does in the fewest words wins the round.”

 

“How many rounds do we play?”

 

She laughed softly, the sound ringing in his ears pleasantly. “As many as we want! Or until you switch the game.” She told him, her eyes twinkling.

 

“Alright, you’re on. Pick two words.”

 

Sai beamed at the man across from her, deciding on the two original words of the game. “Head and Tail.”

 

The actor reached for two pads of paper from the coffee table and tossed one over to her as she produced two pens from her tote bag at the end of the couch. As they both finished, the actor looked over at her and smiled. He was continually surprised with her charm that she so carefully used. If she wanted to, she could make any situation, no matter how awful, seem like there was something good about it. 

 

“How many you got?” She asked him with a slight drawl, gazing into his eyes confidently. 

 

“Including the two you gave me?” Sai nodded happily, “Seven.”

 

“Yes!” The redhead called, “Six! I win!” She laughed happily, and the dark haired man couldn’t help but join in.

 

“No! That’s not possible!” He halfheartedly argued, trying to peek at her paper. 

 

“Hey!” She called out, still laughing, and patted his hand in a mock slap, “No peeking! I’ll read it to you.”

 

The actor withdrew his hand, rubbing where she’d touched as if it hurt, but he couldn’t keep it up when she started laughing again and he was pulled into her happiness once again. “Read it to me then, cheater.” He told her, a smirk still on his lips.

 

She cleared her throat and straightened, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear smartly. “Head, heal, teal, tell, tall, tail. Check and mate.”

 

“I give, I give. You win. Next round.” He challenged, a fire lighting in the back of his eyes. 

 

“Alright,” she echoed, “you’re on.”

 

“Rise and Fall.” He told her, already jotting things down.

 

“Hey no fair! And you called  **me** the cheater!?” She laughed again, making a warm feeling rise in the actor’s chest. 

 

A few minutes later, the actor had whittled his number of words down to six and was sure he’d at least tied with the woman. “You done?” He asked, clearly pleased with himself.

 

“Five.” She told him, smirking. 

 

“What?! That’s not even possible!” He yelled out, wrenching the paper out of her hands and reading her words to himself. Rise, rile, file, fill, fall. Five. Shoot.

 

She snatched it back, laughing, “Of course it is! After rise, I changed the word four times. There are four letters in fall. Five is the minimum amount of changes. I win again!”

 

“How are you doing that?” Ren asked, still smiling even if he was slightly frustrated he couldn’t seem to beat her. 

 

“It’s not that hard, you know,” Sai told him, her icy eyes sparkling like an afternoon sun would off of a glacier.

 

“I suppose I’m just a bit distracted…” The actor said, watching as slight confusion drifted into the actress’s expression. “You’re quite distracting.”

 

“Am I? How do you figure?”

 

“You really need to ask? You’re beautiful.” He told her, not really registering the words coming out of his mouth before it was too late.

 

Blinking once at him, the talent leaned back and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, “Are you flirting with me, Mr. Tsuruga?” She asked, a teasing smirk playing at her lips as she watched the man across from her carefully. She knew he wasn’t, but it was fun to toy with him.

 

His earthy eyes widened and he tried desperately to form some kind of denial, but no words would come out of his mouth. As he floundered to speak, the redhead burst out laughing, doubling over as she tried to contain it, 

 

“I was kidding! I was kidding, Mr. Tsuruga! It’s okay, I didn’t mean anything by it, calm down.” She looked up at his helpless expression and started laughing again, much to his chagrin. With that, the two returned to their word games, switching to a few different ones over the course of the night until they were both too tired to continue.

 

Sai yawned daintily, a hand covering her open mouth. She glanced at the clock on the wall and looked back at the actor who appeared equally as exhausted. “Getting pretty late,” she told him, gesturing towards the clock.

 

Ren glanced up at it as well and nodded, but before he could bring himself to say anything, she was already standing up and beginning her nightly routine that he now managed to recognize he’d seen it so many times.

 

Sighing, he stretching out the kink that had settled in his lower back and joined her getting ready. It hadn’t quite set in how they’d spent the evening yet, and even when it did the actor wasn’t sure what to think about it. 

 

He reached his room and started the hassle of undressing with only one arm. Deftly undoing the buttons on his dress shirt, he was again thankful that the redhead had taught him how to do that, in order to save him from getting humiliated every time he got dressed.

 

Finishing his own routine, the actor stepped out and found Sai just about ready to go into the guest bedroom. He moved past her and caught her eye, making her stop her advance down the hall. Ren flicked off the last of the lights in the kitchen and then moved back to his door frame leaning against it.

 

“Thank you, Ms. Akai.” He said gently, his voice thick with sincerity and gratitude. 

 

Even in the dim of the hallway, he caught her eyes widen just slightly. She blinked once and then cleared her throat, “You’re quite welcome. I’m glad to have had this experience with you and I’m pleased you’re feeling better.”

 

He couldn’t help but smile at that. It wasn’t entirely the response he was looking for, but it was  **her** . She was regarding him positively for once, in her own way, without all of the usual mocking or teasing manner her words usually took on.

 

“Goodnight, Ms. Akai. I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

The redhead smiled and nodded, “Sleep well, Mr. Tsuruga.” She told him, walking down the hallway before pausing at her own door when she was nearly out of sight. “I’ve noticed you don’t sleep all that well. If you need anything...I’m a light sleeper. I’ll pick up my phone or answer the door.” With that, she disappeared into her room and the gentle sound of the latch sliding into place echoed down to Ren’s door.

 

Finding his smile to widen further, he leaned the back of his head against the doorframe and closed his eyes. After a moment, he ducked into his room and climbed onto his mattress, falling asleep without meaning to and without any memory of how long it took or when exactly it happened.

 

Ren woke up hours later with a start, blinking at the sunlight filtering into his bedroom. Rarely did he ever sleep through the night, and almost never was it so soundly as it had been that night. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stumbled towards his door, shaking his head to rid it of the fluff that came with unexpected good night’s sleeps.

 

Once the actor had managed to make it to the kitchen, he found Sai already up and showered, her shoulder length hair twisted into a low bun at the base of her neck. He had no idea how long she’d been up, as there was already a light meal laid out of him, fully prepared. With a pang, he realized this would be the last meal she’d ever cook for him.

 

“Impressive spread,” he told her with a grin, watching as she jumped in surprise and then turned to him with a glare. 

 

“Thank you, sir.” She dumped the last of the meal onto his plate and then set both of their food on the table and gestured for him to sit. They ate in relative silence, with the actor consciously consuming the delicious food much slower than usual. Noticing this, the actress tilted her head and then asked, “Everything okay, Mr. Tsuruga? Is it not good? Are you alright?”

 

He laughed at her string of questions, shaking his head, “I’m fine! I guess I just didn’t sleep well,” he lied, knowing that he’d actually slept extremely good night’s sleep. He immediately regretted using that as his excuse, as her face morphed into one of extreme worry.

 

“I thought I told you to come get me if you couldn’t sleep?” She asked, the tiniest movements in her face signifying the depth of emotion she was feeling.

 

Waving her off, he mumbled something about “thinking he could handle it himself this time” or something. She shook her head and smiled despite being worried, and began to clear off the table. Each of them went about getting ready for the day and Sai packed all the rest of her belongings up. 

 

They walked down together and loaded her things into the back of the rental, stopping off at her apartment so she could run in and clear the backseat of her luggage to make room for Yashiro’s. 

 

Moving on to the airport itself, the pair waited at the gate Ren’s manager was expected to arrive at, making light conversation as they waited. They didn’t have to wait all that long though, as the light haired man jogged towards him not even an hour after they arrived for him. Sai’s bright red hair was a bit of a beacon in such a drab building. 

 

“Ren! Ms. Saiyuka! It’s so good to see you two!” He called happily, clearly exhausted from his travels so early in the morning. He caught sight of the actor’s cast and visibly deflated, “Oh, Ren...are you alright?” He asked, hoping his charge was doing better. 

 

The actor smiled genuinely, “Yes, Mr. Yashiro, thank you. Ms. Akai took good care of me.” The redhead rolled her eyes.

 

“Did he give you much trouble?” The manager asked, already knowing the answer.

 

“ **Much** ? You must be joking. It would have been much easier on me if he’d just let me take care of him, but no, he had to do everything himself. Therefore I had to teach him how to do everything one handed and stand there while he struggled until he ultimately gave up and I had to help anyway.” She turned to the dark haired man and crossed her arms in front of her chest, scowling with only the tiniest tilt of her eyebrows. “You’re the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.”

 

“I take that as a compliment,” the actor told her teasingly, tilting his head. 

 

“What made you so careless?” The manager asked, getting ready to berate the man. “You’re usually not like that.”

 

“I honestly don’t know what came over me. If I had just stayed and waited for Ms. Akai, I most likely would have avoided the accident altogether.”

 

“Why didn’t you-” Yashiro began to ask, but he was cut off by the redhead who simply smiled and shook her head. In her outstretched hand was his planner, freshly polished and organized, but everything was in its usual place.

 

Quickly turning to a certain page, she let the manager skim over its contents, “This is a list I’ve compiled of all Ren’s employers, their schedules, and the shifts he missed from each one.”

 

“Uh...thank you, Ms. Saiyuka, this is…” he trailed off, looking the detailed list up and down, shocked she’d managed to do that much in his absence. She was a marvel. “I’m highly impressed, I would have never imagined...you would go this far.” He thought for a moment, something occurring to him, “Would you...want to go out to eat somewhere with the two of us? We don’t have anything for a few hours, and it would be nice to thank you for all the work you’ve done.”

 

The redhead smiled sadly and shook her head, “I apologize, Yashiro, but I have an assignment in an hour.”

 

“An hour?” The actor questioned, “Why so suddenly?”

 

Sai turned to face him, her eyes seeming to glitter with something he wasn’t used to seeing. “I’m excited. I can’t wait to start again. I missed it.”

 

A smile broadened on his lips, “So, does that mean you’re ready for work already?” He watched her head tilt and then nod, and the smile turned sweeter and more gentle on his lips. “Then you have your notebook with you?”

 

Nodding again, she removed the hot pink notepad from her tote bag and looked at him in suspicion. He took it and hesitated for a moment before pulling out a set of stamps that Lory had given him a while before. He twirled the stamp in his hand and stamped a 100 point one on the newest blank page.

 

Once he handed the book back, the redhead glanced at the page and then her head snapped up in surprise at what she saw. He shrugged once she’d made eye contact, her face blank but somehow broadcasting confusion. She immediately jumped to argue with him but was cut off when he held up another stamp.

 

“You really want to argue with me?” Ren asked, waving the -10 point stamp for her to see. Sai shook her head and gave a soft, amused laugh. 

 

“Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga.” She told him. It was a simple, clean cut expression of gratitude but somehow that made it more meaningful. No frilly fluff, no unnecessary embellishments, just the sentiment itself. It was nice.

 

Bowing to both of the men, she smiled gently, “Alright, well, I think I should head out now. A company car is waiting out there for me, so don’t wait for me. Just focus on getting Yashiro’s luggage and settling him back in. I’ll see you both soon for sure.” Flashing them yet another grin, she hurried away and ducked out of the airport.

 

Once she was settled in the leather seat of the car, she dug out her notebook and flipped to the most recent page. Unlike the other ones in her book, the only thing on the page was the red stamp mark. It was...charming in its simplicity. She couldn’t keep the warm, tender smile from touching her lips as she brushed her finger across the now dry ink.

 

Now that she’d returned to her usual way of life, the busyness was rather comforting. She hadn’t realized just how much sitting around for a majority of the day wore her down. Once she was back though, she found that several opportunities presented themselves just the way that Lory said they would.

 

Not even a month after she’d finished as Ren’s temporary manager, another offer came from a nearby studio. This one was for a PV that would be shot in about four weeks time for the release of a popular and highly acclaimed video game. She accepted immediately, positively enraptured with the idea.

 

She finally relaxed into a daily schedule, watching with affectionate joy as the spring turned into summer and all of the city blossomed with greenery and life. Time progressed more quickly than she could have thought, and soon it was halfway through June. She came home and left her bag by the door, stretching out and collapsing on her breakfast bar in satisfaction over a good day.

 

Once she’d rested, she pushed away from the counter and jogged up her stairs, fetching a music box from her bookshelf and heading back downstairs. She set the small device down and opened it, her heart seizing painfully as a photograph of her mother stared back at her from inside.

 

Eying her fridge, she moved towards it and removed a small box she’d put in there a day prior, setting it on the bar and fetching a plate, fork, and matchbox. Sai moved back to the stool and climbed on, removing the object from the box and placing it on the china she’d chosen. Striking the match, she moved the fire over the wick and it quickly caught fire.

 

A small, gentle smile lit up her every feature softly as the flame cast an orange glow over the pure white frosting. She crossed her arms on the bar and rested her chin on her forearms as she stared at the tiny dessert in front of her, decorated by a simple gold and ivory candle and swirl of french vanilla frosting atop a coconut flavored cake. It wasn’t much, but then again, she’d never liked big parties. She much preferred intimate, warm affairs like this one. 

 

Turning to the music box on the table, she took it into her hands and wound it up, setting it back down to play. Immediately the room was enveloped in a familiar melody and voice which rang through the room and warmed every inch of it. Her mother had sent her this music box for her fourth birthday. She hadn’t been able to make it and so she sent this in her stead. The recorded melody of “Happy Birthday” chimed delicately and her sweet voice sang each note with the love of a mother. 

 

She listened to it three more times as she watched the flame on the candle flicker, a tear traveling down her cheek as her beloved mother called her name out near the end of the song and finished with a beautiful harmony. 

 

At the first sign of wax dripping down the candle, she closed her eyes and inhaled softly, blowing just hard enough for the flame to flicker and die down. She made her wish. And this time it wasn’t like the others she’d made. For the past three years she’d wished for the same thing, but now, this year, she wished for something different.

 

The smell of sulfur hit her as the candle burnt out and she opened her eyes, raising her hand and pulling it out of the cake. Picking up her fork, she dug into the soft dessert, relishing the wonderful mixture of flavors as they melted on her tongue.

  
Closing her eyes, the words of her wish rang through her head and echoed there.  _ I wish that, in my new life here, I am finally able to bring joy and happiness to those around me...just...just like my mother used to. I wish for nothing more than for the people who have given me a second chance to be rewarded in any way possible.  _


	22. Chapter 22

“You sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” The light haired manager asked with worry, watching his charge struggle to get his messenger bag over his head with only one arm. 

 

“Of course, Mr. Yashiro,” Ren managed to say once the beige strap was comfortably resting on his broad shoulder. “It’s just one meeting.” He gave his friend the brightest, most convincing smile he could properly manage before disappearing behind the glass doors of the studio they were in front of. 

 

Yashiro sighed and climbed back into the company car, directing it towards LME. He was used to the actor being stubborn, but once he was down to one arm, he was nearly impossible to deal with. He even insisted on opening doors by himself, when it hadn’t been an issue at any point when he’d had two functioning limbs.

 

Honestly, he couldn’t imagine how Sai had put up with the man so long, being cooped up with him all hours of the day while he nagged and complained about doing everything on his own because he was a “professional” and an “adult”. As much as both were true, neither said that he absolutely must tie his own dress shoes whilst one of his arms was bound in a thick plaster cast. 

 

The man himself waltzed down the corridor to meet with his new director who had brought him on early so he could prepare while his arm was still healing. The actual shooting was scheduled after the cast was to be removed, thank goodness. Ren didn’t know much about the role he was supposed to be taking on, other than he was a main character in a romance drama called  _ The Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned _ . Rather sinister if you asked him.

 

He knew very little about the plot, having heard it was based off of a series of rather poorly written and unfinished novels. As he entered the meeting room, he saw that this was most definitely true as the table was covered in installments from the series. Paperbacks, hardcovers, old, new; pretty much any condition. Surrounding the table were his costars and the production team, all looking much the same; daunted.

 

The moment he entered though, many of the females looked away from the stack of books and towards him, immediately blushing and giggling. It made him long for Sai’s indifference for just a moment. He nodded to them respectfully but offered a polite, gentlemanly smile. That, of course, only made them worse before they were hushed by the director.

 

“Please, ladies. We’re already behind schedule and I really have no time for such antics. We’re all professionals here and you’ve all met Ren already.” Each of them sobered immediately and blushed as they were berated, straightening their jackets and fidgeting slightly.

 

Ren took advantage of the moment to hold out his good hand to shake with the director’s, “Good to be on board, sir. I know my last job ran a little over the start of this meeting, and for that I apologize. May I ask you to catch me up quickly?”

 

  
“Certainly, Ren. Take a seat.” The director told him, gesturing for him to sit next to him. “My name is Hiro Tengen, and I’ll be directing this. As you can see,” he gestured to the massive amount of books, “our drama is based off of novels. These are all older versions we’re looking into, but there should be a bag of all twelve volumes in your dressing room.

 

“All the others here have been told of their basis of character and we’re just hammering out some kinks. I’d prefer if you looked into their characters on your own if you’re curious, or you could ask them at a later time. Is that alright?”

 

“Perfectly, sir. I understand if you don’t want to unnecessarily waste time.” Ren told him, nodding as he said so.

 

“Wonderful! I knew there was a reason I hired you,” the aging man said, smiling widely.

 

“I would hope that wasn’t your only reason,” the actor told him slyly, catching an amused glance from the director.

 

“Certainly not. Your talent was a factor, of course. But also your professionalism and reputation, as well as your track record. Not really big on romances, despite being so popular. Of course I snached up the opportunity to be your first big hit romance.” 

 

The dark haired man cringed a little at that, trying to hide his nervousness at playing a proper role as a love interest. He’d never been particularly good at it, although that didn’t stop people from trying to convince him to take offers regardless.

 

“Anyway,” Tengen began, pulling out several scripts and a folder boldly titled “Toshiro”, “here are all your personal materials for the show. Your character is Toshiro Ignari. He’s a third year transfer student to the college campus the drama takes place on. He attempts to find his place in the system that’s already long been established and gets involved with the wrong people. 

 

“Desperately trying to fight his way out of the trouble, he falls in love with a girl, Emi, and she tries to pull him out of the mess he made around him. Before she succeeds though, Toshiro is seduced by someone else from the school and it ruins all the progress he’s made. In an attempt to salvage his whole life, he picks up the pieces of his relationship with Emi and that’s where the book series ends.”

 

Ren peered at the scripts vaguely, trying to get a grasp of the character. “There’s...not too much of a personality here.”

 

“Well, I suppose that was purposeful. I think that was the author’s way of explaining why he was so easily influenced.”

 

“I feel as though it would be the other way around though. Like he has so much personality that it’s hard to understand him, and he ends up falling in with people whom his character doesn’t bother. Don’t you think?” Ren looked up at his director, who just shrugged and smiled at him.

 

“Hey, whatever works for you. There really isn’t much here, so it’s up to the actor’s interpretation mostly. Work together, share ideas, bounce scenarios off of each other. Have fun. Make it up as you go along. It’ll be good.” Tengen said, clapping his hands together loudly.

 

After that, the entire cast rose and began chattering excitedly. They made their way into the main studio where most of the preliminary equipment was already being set up. “Alright you guys, we’re going to run three practice scenes as of right now to see how you all click together. They’re the three I passed out earlier, the rest are in your dressing rooms waiting for you.

 

“Don’t worry too much about making your own character yet, you all don’t know much. This is mainly for me to watch the lot of you interact.” The cast nodded obediently and set to work getting into place for the first scene.

 

“How’s the arm?” Tengen asked the actor while he flipped through several pages of his clipboard to double check everything was correct.

 

Ren eyed the older director, pleased to see his health appeared to be improving from their last meeting. His cheeks weren’t as hollow and his eyes seemed to have a spark of life to them. It was the magic of his ability to create which seemed to have reinvigorated him. That’s why Ren had accepted the role in the first place, despite his past experiences with romances. 

 

“Very well, all things considered. I’m looking forward to being able to use both my hands on a daily basis and I don’t have to worry about people getting upset with my insisting on taking care of myself.” He said with a humorless chuckle, remembering all the lectures he’d gotten from both his manager and the redhead who’d stayed with him.

 

The director clapped Ren’s back, “Hey, it’s nice to have people concerned with your well being though. Don’t be too hard on them.” The actor smirked and nodded to the man, leaving his side to prepare for the scene with the rest of the cast.

 

The scene itself went by relatively smoothly, although each actor was a little hesitant and unsure of their lines and the amount of power to put behind them. Mostly they just focused on watching each other and observing the chemistry between them. Tengen decided it wasn’t the worst he’d ever seen, but it was certainly missing something; some kind of spark.

 

The second scene was much worse; it was one of the first romance scenes that Ren attempted with his costar. Both were extremely nervous and neither could seem to click correctly. Of course, Tengen assumed this was because of nerves, just getting the script, or some other third party source, but the actor knew differently. He knew it was his abilities failing him.

 

Finding the experience greatly discouraging, Ren took a short break before the last scene and paced around the studio a bit.  _ What was I thinking, taking on a romance role!? _ He knew as little about love acting as physically possible in his situation. It just didn’t come naturally and thinking about what to do only made it more awkward.

 

He’d been afraid this would happen, but there had still been hope that things would turn out okay. Until he’d finished that scene. If you could even call it finished. As he paced, he ran a hand through his hair and tried to calm down. He wouldn’t let this destroy the rest of his acting performance. 

 

Heading back to the main set, all the actor joined the rest of the cast to begin the third scene. This one went arguably even better than the first, the actors now a bit more comfortable with each other. Most of their interactions were more natural and flowed better, with Ren making up for his lackluster performance in the earlier scene.

 

After they’d finished it up, the cast gathered again in the meeting room where the air was much less tense than it had been before. They discussed various points of the three scenes that needed improvements.

 

“Wait, Director Tengen, aren’t we missing Himeko Satori’s actress?” One of the main characters asked, wondering why the role had been missing in the third scene.

 

The dark haired director twirled his pen in his hand and bit the end of it, “I...haven’t managed to find an actress suitable enough to play her. She’s easily the most difficult out of the bunch and there isn’t much consistent about her in the series.”

 

“Sir…” an actor approached Tengen cautiously, “if we don’t get a full cast…”

 

“We can’t air the drama, I know, I know. I’ve already compiled a list of scenes that don’t contain Himeko’s character and we can shoot those while waiting for the appropriate actress to...appear.” He suggested, shrugging and trying not to appear too worried.

 

The cast looked between themselves and the director doubtfully, but they eventually nodded in acceptance. 

 

“What exactly makes the character so difficult to cast?” Ren asked once the other cast members had dispersed.

 

“Well, I sent out a few requests to various actresses from different agencies, but I was very select in my choosing and therefore most of the requests were long shots.”

 

“Why were you so select in your choosing then? Wouldn’t it have been easier to cast if you’d spread the word around a bit more?” The actor questioned, bunching his eyebrows together.

 

“Without seeing the scripts and novels it would be hard for you to know, but Himeko is a seriously difficult character. Her personality is all over the place over the course of the story, completely inconsistent. She’s shy, but somehow succeeds in seduction; she’s quiet and closed-minded but is surrounded by friends; she’s smart and soft spoken but somehow teachers target her like she’s nothing but trouble.

 

“Everything about her character is hypocritical, and therefore extremely difficult to play. It’ll take a seasoned actress, someone with a more open mind, or any of my other long shots. There really aren’t many actresses I think would be even  **able** to play her. You’ll read a little about her in the volumes I gave you.”

 

Picking up a random edition from the center of the meeting table, he flipped through to a scene between his character and Himeko. “Here, you can see for yourself,” he said as he handed over the book.

 

Ren glanced over the passages and read the fumbling language and vague descriptions accompanying the character Toshiro was addressing. “Wow. This is…”

 

“Awful, I know. See what I mean?”

 

Raising an eyebrow, the actor managed, “I suppose I do. Finding an actress suitable enough for her will be difficult indeed.” As he considered it, a face flashed through Ren’s mind. Sai’s. The image was from the commercials he’d seen of her, and how impressed he’d been when he’d seen it. 

 

Shaking his head though, he realized she wasn’t ready for such a difficult role, despite how much Ren admired her abilities. Although, she’d handled things he hadn’t thought she could handle before, maybe-

 

“Ren?” He heard from behind him, the voice causing him to snap out of his thoughts about the redhead and instead focus on his rapidly approaching manager. “We need to go, now.” The light haired man told him, his cheeks tinged pink from exhaustion and his breathing coming in harder and faster. He must have run there from the car.

 

“Why, Mr. Yashiro? The photo shoot isn’t for another forty-”

 

“We’re going back to LME.” He insisted, pulling the actor along behind him. “I’ll just have to reschedule that photo shoot for another day.”

 

“But why? What’s going on?” The dark haired man asked as he hurriedly gathered his things and tried to follow his friend. When he got no reply, he looked up and noticed Yashiro's nervous expression and how he fidgeted with the cuffs of his sleeves. Reaching up, the actor grabbed his manager’s shoulder and forced their eyes to meet, “Yukihito. What’s happening?”

 

Flinching at the sound of his first name, the light haired man look away again, “You have an emergency meeting that you must attend. That’s all.”

 

“With whom?” Ren asked, moving his head to try and meet his manager’s eyes. “What meeting could possibly be worth cancelling a job for?”

 

“The President called me personally to ask. He said that he’d clear the whole rest of your day if it took that long. He didn’t sound pleased with you, Ren.”

 

The actor blinked a few times. “The President? He called an emergency meeting with me?”

 

Biting his lip, Yashiro nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

 

Ren released the light haired man’s shoulder and ran his hand through his cropped hair. “Did he tell you what it was about?”

 

Slowly, his friend shook his head, “No, but it can’t be good. He really sounded angry.”

 

“Then we better go,” the actor finally gave, walking quickly through the halls with his manager tailing behind. They both climbed into the company car waiting for them, the actor having a pang of sadness as he missed his Porsche.

 

The pair arrived promptly at LME and moved toward the exclusive elevator bay to go to Lory’s penthouse “office”. “I have to wait for you here, Ren.” Yashiro told him, his eyes showing slight worry.

 

“I’m not going to die up there, Yukihito,” he joked, but his voice betrayed him slightly and warbled. He was greatly concerned after all.

 

“I know, you’re right. Everything will be fine.” Yashiro smiled at him as best as he could and offered his friend a pat on the shoulder before he disappeared into the elevator. “Please let everything be fine…” He whispered to the closed elevator doors.

 

The moment they opened on the top floor, Ren rushed out of them while still doing his best to appear calm and collected. His long strides allowed him to not run, just walk very quickly while using his full range of motion. 

 

Sebastian spotted him coming and had to hide a smile. Luckily for him, the scarf mask that Lory had him wearing for his latest costume set provided ample cover for his grin. The President was usually such an eccentric, jovial man but when he was angry, oh he could make some of the most level headed people run with their tails between their legs. It was so much fun being his assistant.

 

He opened the doors without a word, simply allowing the actor to glide through them after a brief exchange of nods. Once inside, the actor took a deep breath and calmed himself, pasting a gentle smile on his lips. The sound of the doors opening alerted the man inside and he turned to face the actor who was obviously trying to look as relaxed as possible.

 

“Oh…? Hey, you’ve arrived…” Lory approached the actor and grinned, “Ren.”

 

Taking another deep breath, the actor’s smile turned more genuine, “Good morning, Mr. President.” He was expecting the man to be very upset with him and was surprised to find that he actually seemed rather relaxed. 

 

“I apologize for calling you in with such haste,” the President said, leading Ren across the luxurious marble floors of his private room within the office.

 

“I don’t mind, Mr. President, I’m simply concerned with what you called me here for-” Ren began before catching the President yawn. “Are you tired, sir?” He asked, blinking a few times. From what he heard earlier, the man had been positively furious, so how could he be  **yawning** ?

 

“Oh, I’m afraid I’ve been waking up at 4:30 every morning recently.” The President informed him, consciously avoiding the topic that the actor desperately wanted to address.

 

“Wha...you can’t sleep?” Ren asked, trailing behind Lory with bunched eyebrows

 

“That’s not it.” Lory waved off the actor’s concern, “They’re showing re-runs of ‘Tempest of Love’ and you know how I’m such a fan.” He said with a smirk. 

 

Ren blinked twice, “O-oh…” he said after a second, unable to stop himself from remembering when the man had tried to get him to watch the Deluxe Edition he owned already and could watch at any time that’s  **not** 4:30 in the morning.

 

As they reached the couched and Lory plopped down, he eyed the actor’s bulky cast, “So, how is your arm doing?”

 

Looking at it himself, Ren tsked, “Annoying as usual, but I’m getting pretty good at working around it now.”

 

“Thanks to Ms. Akai, correct?” Lory asked, meeting Ren’s eyes.

 

“P-partially, yes. I suppose. She taught me how to tie knots and undo buttons and such.” He watched as Lory lit a cigar and raised it to his lips.

 

“And is that all? She stayed in your apartment tending to your every need for a week and all that came of it was you learning knots?”

 

“I...suppose so,” Ren ventured, eying the man cautiously. 

 

“Well, it doesn’t really surprise me. You’re such a boring guy. There’s  **no** gossip involving you.” The President exhaled smoke with a rather dark looking expression.

 

_ Uh oh. _ Ren thought, edging away from the man in front of him.  _ When he says stuff like this, he always- _

 

“Ren.” Lory said in a dark, threatening voice that loomed over the room and easily sent it down a few degrees. The actor was instantly in his seat opposite the man. “You’re too faultless! There must be tons of women who come on to you, yet there isn’t one gossip article about you! Even when a coworker stays with you in your home, there’s still nothing about it! 

 

“That’s because you don’t have an aura that makes gossip plausible! You radiate this force that says ‘all women who approach me are friends’ - so people can’t even make things up!” He lectured, watching as the actor sat with a ruler straight back and apologized under his breath.

 

 _Ah...he’s at it again...who’s ever heard of getting scolded for_ ** _not_** _having any romance-related gossip?_ Ren asked himself, thinking it would be worse if his character was poisoned by endless gossip.

 

“I’m not saying you should go out and just fool around with women, and it’s probably better for you that you didn’t take advantage of your temporary manager. You know I don’t like communication that doesn’t involve the heart, either. But stop dealing with people so shallowly. Don’t set up a wall between yourself and other people. 

 

“Otherwise you won’t even be able to find out good things about others. If you don’t understand that, there’s no way someone can move your heart.” Lory stopped for a moment and watched Ren’s expression darken slightly, his eyebrows dipped down in a subtle somberness. “Well...I understand why you don’t want to get closer to people than is necessary...but...I’m worried about your future as an actor.”

 

The moment Lory mentioned his career, Ren’s interest was piqued and he snapped out of the lull he found himself in. He listened as carefully as he could, but wasn’t able to follow the President’s thoughts. 

 

“Right now, your skills cover it up…” Lory was going on, “But eventually your weakness will be exposed.”

 

“U-um...wh-what are you talking about?” The dark haired actor asked, completely lost.

 

“Even if you can fool all of Japan,  **I** won’t be fooled. Ren...your acting of ‘love’ sucks!” Lory exclaimed, jabbing at the actor with his cigar.

 

Ren blinked a few times in shock. He knew the President was planning on addressing this sooner or later, but wasn’t expecting such blunt language from the man. 

 

“Every time I watch your drama, I feel that way.” Lory shook his head back and forth, a somber expression painting over his face. “Fortunately, all the dramas you’ve appeared in didn’t have love as the main theme, so that’s saved you. But now you’ve gone and accepted an intense romantic drama as a main character. Now, other people watching your acting will figure out too.”

 

 _It’s been about four years since I began working as an actor in Japan..._ Ren thought to himself in total shock, clutching his fist in his other hand until his knuckles went white. _I thought I’d acquired enough skills to impress people...I can’t believe...he could so easily find the weaknesses and insecurities I have in my acting!_ _This is bad!_

 

The pair sat quietly now that Lory was finished talking, simply staring at one another while the President took several drags from the dwindling cigar. “You really want Tengen’s drama to succeed?” He finally asked, breaking the heavy silence.

 

“Yes, of course-”

 

“It’s useless. It’ll only succeed without you.” Lory knew he was being harsh, but Ren could take it. If anything, the actor knew his own short comings.

 

“I haven’t even started!” He insisted, sitting forward towards the President.

 

“But I can tell. You must understand...why I’m saying no. It’s not only for Tengen, but also for yourself.”

 

“You think...people will see through my immature acting, and I’ll be crushed.”

 

“Exactly.” Lory said bluntly, causing Ren’s brow to twitch in anger. “Your love scenes are going to be so shallow, they’re not going to have any depth whatsoever. And that’s because you’ve never fallen in love for real.”

 

“You’re being rude…” Ren growled out, “Of course I’ve fallen in love.”

 

Lory tilted his head and raised his eyebrows, “Oh yeah? How much?”

 

Fired up, the actor sat up straighter to count the times on his fingers, “Please hold on,” he told the President as he began counting. But before he could, Lory stopped him in slight anger,

 

“I’m not asking how many women you’ve gone out with.”  _ It’s just as I thought _ , he lamented.  _ He’s only had shallow relationships. _

 

“What?” Ren asked, completely taken by surprise.

 

“I’m asking about your  **feelings** . How much did you love those girls?”

 

“H-how much?” The actor was seeking clarification. “I can’t explain that. I liked all the girls I went out with. I think I treated them well.”

 

“Ah. Well, that figures. You’re nice to people who aren’t enemies. You treat them well. That’s why every one of your girlfriends ditched you. You never realized that, did you?” He asked, putting out his last cigar and lighting another.

 

The actor reeled backwards and flinched slightly, waiting for the President to continue. “I’ll tell you what those girls said when they left you…” he began, putting the cigar to his lips. “‘I can’t become someone special in your life’.” He all but quoted, causing Ren to wince violently. 

 

“‘Your love and my love are different’.” He continued, taking note of the actor shrinking away from him. “‘I feel more lonely when we’re together’.” Lory could go on for ages, but the actor had clearly had enough. “Ren...your ‘love’...is the kind where you can smile and give in...if your girlfriend tells you she likes someone else.”

 

Ren blinked, trying to recover from the shock of hearing the words of his girlfriends from Lory’s mouth. “B-but...that means...she likes someone else more than me...there’s nothing wrong with that. If you think about her happiness, you should let her go...”

 

Another wave of anger hit the President and he removed the cigar.  _ This man...he doesn’t understand women  _ **_at all_ ** _.  _ “Did you...really think she wanted to break up with you?!” He asked, staring sternly and intensely at the actor, “What did she look like? How did she act? Did you feel that she  **wanted** to break up when you heard what she said?!”

 

_ Her expressions? _ Ren asked himself, thinking back to his experiences with women.  _ Now I think about it...she...looked at me as if she was expecting something from me...would a girl look at me so passionately when she  _ **_wanted_ ** _ to break up with me? _

 

“Ren...she...never said ‘Let’s break up,’ did she?” Ren looked up in surprise, his eyebrows dipping downward as he wrapped his head around what the man was saying. “She...wanted you to be jealous and stop her. She was just testing you...because she wanted proof that you really loved her.

 

“Ren. When you fall in love, you lose your composure as you get more and more serious. You get all worked up...and you struggle without thinking about how other people think of you. You get angry easier. You don’t care who’s looking when you’re with her. She’s all that matters to you. You’ve never fallen in love for real...if you can smile and let your girlfriend go like that. How are you going to express it if you’ve never experienced it?

 

“Someone...who deeply loves a woman...who is hanging on to her as the only thing stable in his world...who almost loses her in the midst of all that suffering. Can you truly do it?”

 

Ren clenched his fists together, wincing as his nails dug into the palms of his hand. In truth, he didn’t know if he  **could** do it. The very idea that he could fail so miserably at the only thing worthwhile to him was crushing, to say the least. He ground his teeth together and looked up at the man across from him, his eyes searing with a barely controlled rage. “I’ll manage.” He hissed out, thoroughly frustrated with getting lectures at his age, and about something that he held dear. 

 

“You’ll get stuck eventually.” Lory told him, matching his glare. “And what do you have to guide you? Do you think taking ideas from those novels will help you? They’re a mess.”

 

“I’ll get control of the character.” Ren told himself more than he told Lory, needing to convince himself that this was even possible.

 

“Will you?  **Can** you?”

 

“Of course!” He exclaimed, rising to his feet and glaring viciously down at the President, clutching his hands into fists in desperation. “Don’t you think I know more than anyone how difficult this is going be? How impossible? Don’t you think I thought of that? And if I knew that going in, I accepted because I know more than anything that I could do it. I will do it. And I’ll do a damn good job!”

 

“And you want my blessing for this  **crusade** of yours?” Lory asked, his tone dangerously low.

 

Without hesitation, the dark haired man replied, “Yes.”

 

“Why should I give it to you, Ren? You’re acting like a child and you’ve given me no proof that you can do this on your own. I won’t help you out, no matter what happens. Do you honestly think you can manage without anything helping you?”

 

The actor sat down, running a hand through his hair as he buried his frustrations down deeper so they didn’t come lashing out at Lory again. “I apologize for acting like that.” He said as evenly as possible, his chest still burning with the emotions he barely had control over. “I suppose I acted like a child because I felt like I was being treated like one.”

 

“I’m not treating you like a child, Ren. I’m not berating you as if you’ve misbehaved and needed to be reprimanded. I’m giving you my honest opinion, and you know that my opinions hold water in the world you’ve decided to associate yourself with. It would be wise to listen to me.”

 

“I know that that it would be, Lory, I really do. But I can’t can’t your advice. I can’t quit this job.”

 

“And why not?”

 

“Because quitting before I even tried would be just as bad as driving myself into a corner with my acting. If I quit without even a hint of effort, it would haunt me for my entire career. I know that if I fail, I’ll be crushed by it. But if I don’t try, I’ll be crushed much the same. I’ve already come too far, it’s too late to back out now.”

 

Lory’s brows lowered to a truly dangerous level and he leaned towards the actor across from him, “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Ren. If you think admitting defeat before you try is comparable to actually being defeated, you’re incredibly wrong. The destructive force of failure is completely unmatched.”

 

“If you think that quitting right now isn’t failing, then you’re the one who is incredibly wrong, Mr. President. If I quit, I’ll have failed myself-”

 

“It’s not the same, Ren!” The man exclaimed, slamming his hands down on the coffee table and causing the actor to jump violently in his seat. “You know what is was like to be fired as a child, you’ve felt it before! Now imagine that first time you got cut from a production and amplify that a million times over! That’s how you’d feel  **now** ! It would destroy you!”

 

“I won’t let it!” Ren fought his desire to run away at that moment. He honestly didn’t know how he would fight back against what Lory was saying. He didn’t even know if it was possible to avoid damage now that he’d accepted the role.

 

“And how do you plan to do that?!”

 

“I won’t get fired! I’ll do the job, I won’t let anyone tell me my job was anything less than perfect!”

 

Lory sat back down, staring hard at the man he sat opposite from. The stubborn, unrealistic, pigheaded mess of a man. He knew right then that he could talk no sense into the actor. He wasn’t listening to reason any longer and there was no way he would drop what he believed in. With a great sigh and another glare, he held his hands up. “Fine. If you’re going to be so headstrong about it, you can have my blessing. Know that you will receive no help from me, Ren.”

 

“Yes, sir.” Ren said through clenched teeth as he allowed his shoulders to relax slightly. As much as he was grateful that Lory had relented, the entirety of the conversation had him on edge all over again. He knew all too well what would happen if this went badly. Trying not to think about that would be near impossible at this point. After a few beats of silence, he rose from his seat and thanked the man, heading for the door he came in and trying not to quicken his pace.

 

“And Ren…” Lory called from behind him just as he’d reached the doors. “Good luck.”

 

Nodding, the actor headed out, moving towards the elevator bay. He hastily walked to his personal dressing room, peeking in and spotting his manager with the rest of his schedule laid out on the desk in front of him.

 

“Ah! Ren, how did it go?” He asked, smiling up at his charge.

 

“Uh...I’m not really sure. I think it went well, he gave me his blessing on my latest drama, albeit a bit begrudgingly.”

 

“So, good then?” Yashiro tilted head and tried to gauge Ren’s expressions against his words.

 

“I suppose. What else do we have today now that the President has finished laying waste to my schedule?”

 

“Well, you have two more jobs tonight, and then I need to head to the airport again. My father is out of the hospital, so I’m just visiting for the weekend to help him settle in. You should manage just fine without me just for that span of time, but I will assign an in-house manager just so you can touch base with him. Nothing should happen like the last time.”

 

Ren nodded in gratitude and offered a tired by sincere smile. “I’m glad your father is doing well, Yukihito, but I must admit I’ll be glad when you’re not flying between here and there.” 

 

Yashiro laughed and he nodded vigorously, “Oh, I agree! I apologize for making you work without a manager occasionally. It’s my job to manage your career, and to absent so much lately can’t be easy on you.”

 

“Hey, this is about your family, Yukihito. Don’t worry about it so much, it’s really fine, especially since it’s only a weekend this time.”

 

“Just make sure to check in with me alright? I know you’re going out of town for a shoot and I know you won’t take my advice and use the company car, so please call me when you get home. I’m worried about you driving with only one arm.”

 

“Of course, Mr. Yashiro. You have my word.” Ren said softly as the pair worked through the rest of their day until he dropped his manager off at his apartment to pack and went back to his own. 

 

His next day started rather uneventfully but with a kind message from his manager telling him he landed safely in his home town. Just as Yashiro predicted, he turned down the company car that was waiting for him and instead picked up his brand new car that was waiting for him patiently in his parking garage. 

 

Ren drove out of town as carefully as possible, navigating with only a single arm. Once he arrived, the shoot went without a hitch and he finished his part in it within just a few hours. As he waited for the director to finish with the other few other models, he pulled out several scripts and marked passages for  _ the Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned. _

 

As he read through them, his concern grew. Toshiro was even more conflicted than he’d originally thought. Although he was more consistent than several others, parts of his attitude and actions failed to come across as natural. In his head, he tried to work through several of the issues, but it was hard to find a happy medium in the awkwardness.

 

Drifting further away from the studio, he began mumbling a few of his lines out loud which was unusual for him. Even going out of his comfort zone like that, the lines and the force behind them didn’t match correctly and nothing flowed right.

 

Before he could work on it any longer, he heard the photographer yell out that it was finished. Sighing, he helped pack up the shoot and the rest of his belongings, his mind still focusing on Toshiro.

 

He drove back just as carefully as he’d driven there, but this time he was quite distracted as he opened his apartment door. He immediately unloaded all the references he had on the character and spread them out, leaving his bag forgotten on the sofa. His bag which just happened to contain his phone.

 

As he sat incredibly focused on trying to solve the puzzle that was his character, he was completely oblivious as to his phone going off like crazy with texts and calls. Minutes turned to hours before he knew it and in that time there were many worried messages awaiting him for whenever he managed to rip himself away from his work, which wasn’t likely for another few hours.

 

On the other side of those messages, Yashiro sat staring at his phone in total worry. No matter what he did, the actor didn’t answer and he was beginning to think something happened on his way home from work. Now a nervous wreck, he did the only thing he could think of and hit a number he’d just recently put on his speed dial. 

 

“H-hello, this is Saiyuka Akai,” came a sleepy, raspy voice over the loudspeaker on his cell phone.


	23. Chapter 23

Through the open windows of her apartment, moonlight filtered into Sai’s living room. Casting long shadows over the furniture, the blackness stretched over the pale face of a sleeping girl. Her red locks twisted and curled across her face, her breathing unsteady and rough as she tried to completely immerse herself into the sleep. 

 

Gradually, she settled down and her brows unfurrowed, her shoulders relaxed and she released her grip on the blanket she was wrapped in. That exact moment, a high pitched chiming sounded throughout the room, echoing off the walls. 

 

Sai awoke with a start, floundering and flailing her arms as she tried to regain her bearings as to where she was. Once her eyes had focused again, the ringing in her ears died down and she looked frantically for her cell phone, accidently pushing it onto the floor and having to slide off the couch and grasp it up, answering it with alarm,

 

“H-hello, this is Saiyuka Akai,” she said groggily, her words slurring together in sleepiness. 

 

“Ah…Ms. Saiyuka?” A worried male voice said over the phone, clearly regretting calling her so late at night.

 

“Y-Yashiro?” She stuttered, still clearing her throat and trying to get the sleep out of her voice.

 

“Yes! Oh, Ms. Saiyuka, I’m so sorry for calling you so late,” the manager said, fretting, “Did I wake you?”

 

“Oh…” She trailed off, sitting back on the couch and running a hand down her face to help wake her up, “No, no, don’t worry about it. I was having trouble anyway, I was pretty fitful. I probably would have woken up within a few minutes.”

 

“Are you sure?” He asked, his voice so audibly worried, she could picture his brows furrowing.

 

“Positive. I’m up!” she said, trying to sound more awake than she was, “Did you need something though, Yashiro?”

 

“Uh…” Suddenly, he sounded a lot more worried than he had even a minute ago, “I called you on a whim, I just…I have an awful feeling about something.”

 

Sai sat up and closed her eyes for a moment to clear her head, “What about, Yashiro?” She asked, doing everything she could to keep the drowsiness out of her voice and sound concerned.

 

“Well…actually, if you didn’t know, I’m at my parent’s again for the weekend, and Ren is being looked after by a friend of mine in the department…”

 

“Does he need my help again?” She asked, referring to the previous time she’d stepped in as Ren’s manager.

 

“Oh, no no…it’s just that, well…I know this sounds bad, but I’ve made him check in with me to make sure he’s doing well, and especially so today, because he was driving back from an out of city shoot, and uh…he hasn’t checked in.”

 

She blinked and looked straight ahead, processing what he was saying, “He…drove with one arm? And…you’re worried for his wellbeing?”

 

He cleared his throat over the phone and tried to continue with his concerns, “I know it seems over the top, but you know how he is. He’s so meticulous and cautious of all of that, it just seems strange that he wouldn’t check in, you know.”

 

“The only thing that is more important to Mr. Tsuruga is his work, right?” She asked, shaking her head softly.

 

“Right…?” Yashiro questioned, the worry heightening.

 

“So he’s probably just staring at his scripts angrily, and it slipped his mind…” She trailed off, her head coming up with other possible scenarios that greatly heightened her own sense of worry.

 

“I…I know.” The manager said softly, before desperately saying, “Please, Ms. Saiyuka, please. Go check on him. I know it’s so much to ask, and I’ll owe you big time, but please, do this for me. For Ren.”

 

Sai froze in place for a moment, her entire body growing cold.  _ Go…over there? To his apartment? I…is that okay? I mean, I know we’re on better terms right now…but that seems like a step over a line. I honestly don’t think we’re close enough for me to have the right to…go…over…like we’re…friends. Are we friends? Would he consider me a friend? Do I…consider him…a friend? _

 

“-yuka…? Ms. Saiyuka? Please, you’re worrying me now too…” 

 

“Uh…I’m sorry.” She shook her head, holding it in her hands, “I’m here. I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s okay, Ms. Saiyuka…will you…do that for me?” He asked hopefully, his voice wavering slightly.

 

Her breath and words caught in her throat, and she stuttered slightly, “I-I…uh…” Forcing her voice to work, she mumbled, “Of course I will.”

 

“Oh!” His relief and gratitude poured out instantly, as he exclaimed loudly, “Thank you, Ms. Saiyuka, thank you.” He said, his voice making her instantly understand where his worry was coming from. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

 

“You know I’ll do anything for you two, you’ve given me so much already.” She said, surprising him. 

 

“I’ll let you go, Ms. Saiyuka, thank you again for doing this.” He said once again, his voice elated.

 

“Don’t even mention it, Yashiro.” She said softly, hanging up with a sigh.

 

She sat for a moment in silence on her couch as her imagination ran completely wild with the things that could have happened. The very idea that he could have gotten into another car accident was terrifying. 

 

Suddenly, she bolted upward and looked toward the stairwell to her bedroom, thinking about greeting dressed. In a split second decision, she ran for her front door, grabbing a cardigan and a jacket while slipping on shoes. There was no time to waste, she’d just go in her pajamas.

 

Running to the side of the road, she wrapped the two layers around her and held up her hand to catch a taxi, telling the cabbie rushedly about where Ren’s apartment was. Arriving, she halted slightly by the elevator doors, before her worry rose into her throat and she hit the button, her pulse racing.

 

As she arrived on the top floor, she all but sprinted towards his door, trying to reign in her growing distress when she knocked. Pausing for a moment, she could hear her breathing quicken and the pulse in her ears grow louder and louder as she waited for seemingly ever for his door to open, or to see any indication that he was home. Not seeing or hearing anything, she quickly hit the door again, this time in more alarm, her worry turning into panic. 

 

Just as she was about to sprint back to the elevator to check the parking garage for his car, footsteps were audible behind the door, and a locked clicked loudly. Opening slowly, the door moved to reveal the face of the handsome actor as Ren looked out and his eyes fell on Sai and widened in absolute shock. 

 

Seeing him, Sai could feel the physical difference as all her near limitless worries over his state rushed out of her and she could have screamed in relief. To take out the frustrations that being so worried had caused her, she huffed and clenched her teeth, going as far as punching him roughly in the shoulder and speaking much louder than she usually would,

 

“Oh my god…don’t  **scare** me like that!” She rubbed at her temple with one hand and rested the other on her mouth as her shoulders visibly relaxed, only serving to confuse Ren more. He raised a hand to brush against where she’d punched his shoulder and simply looked at her in awe.

 

“I, uh…I apologize, Ms. Akai…” He stuttered, apologizing without really knowing what he’d done to scare her, but feeling bad none the less. The moment his eyes had fallen on her face, he’d seen an expression of actual fear plastered on her features for the first time since the day he’d known her. She’d truly been scared. For him. His heart skipped a beat, and he cleared his throat noisily to cover it up. “W-what…what are you doing here so late?” He asked her, stepping aside for her to enter.

 

Hesitantly, Sai acknowledged his invitation and eventually her legs carried her past the threshold without her total permission. “I…Yashiro called me…to…ask…if…” She trailed off until her voice was entirely inaudible as Ren literally ran away from her into his apartment in complete and utter horror. Blinking rapidly, she stared at the space where he’d been standing a moment before until she started to follow him into the apartment, trying to figure out what just happened.

 

“Mr. Tsuruga…?” She questioned gently, watching as he rustled through his bag for something frantically. Pulling out his phone, he flipped it open and instantly saw the many missed calls and messages from Yashiro displayed on the screen. Slapping it shut angrily, he tossed it onto his couch and sat down roughly, threading his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Mr. Tsuruga.” She said pointedly, pressing her hand onto his shoulder reassuringly. “What’s wrong?” 

 

Ren looked up at Sai, her bright hair falling elegantly across her face, causing the blue in her eyes to glow. Swallowing roughly, Ren tried to fight away the butterflies that rose in his stomach when he felt her touch leave his shoulder. “I just…I got so consumed with what I was doing, I didn’t even realize how late it was. I completely forgot to check in,” he groaned, rubbing his temples. “I’m going to call him now.” 

 

He stood and paced the floor as he dialed up Yashiro’s number and nearly screamed at the man in his rush to check in with him. Sai stood awkwardly near his couch as he repeatedly apologized and shook his head as Yashiro continually told him that everything was okay. When he hung up, Ren looked at Sai dejectedly, finally taking in her face for the first time since she’d arrived. As he looked, though, something hit him with a suddenness he wasn’t expecting. 

 

There was something unusual about her appearance that he hadn’t noticed before. As he stared at her now, though, it was the most blatantly obvious difference that he was shocked to his core he hadn’t noticed it before. 

 

Perched gracefully on her nose, framing and drawing out the deeper blues in her eyes was a pair of glasses. Thick, rounded navy frames that stood out against her pale skin and made her look younger and her face look softer. 

 

Watching the actor stare at her, Sai’s awkwardness increased and she shuffled between her feet, “Uh…I think I’ll head out no-” Right as she was speaking, Ren found his own words spilling out on top of hers,

 

“Can I ask you a question?” He interrupted, immediately regretting talking over her.

 

She blinked at him and stuttered softly, “Uh…y-yeah.” She said softly, “Yeah, go ahead.”

 

He raised a hand to pinch between his nose and closed his eyes, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I was a little too focused on what I was thinking.”

 

She waved her hands in front of her, before wrapping her jacket around her shoulders tighter, “No, no, don’t worry about it. What were you going to ask?”

 

“Just…have you…always worn glasses?” He asked, still marveling at how gentle they made her facial features look.

 

Instantly, her eyes widened a fraction of a centimeter and her hands flew up to her face in panic, hitting the frames of the glasses she so sparsely wore. Her jaw dropped partially, and she tried to force words out of her throat, “Um, oh…yeah, I didn’t realize I was still wearing them. I must have fallen asleep with them on…” she said dazedly.

 

“So…” he blinked at her, “You don’t wear them often then?” 

 

“No, I’m nearly always wearing my contact, it’s specially designed so I can keep it in for long periods of time.” She said gently, giving him a small sympathetic smile as she realized she probably should have mentioned this earlier. 

 

“‘It’? Don’t you mean ‘them’?” Ren tilted his head and stared at her, blinking continuously.

 

She pushed her hands into her cheeks as she tried to put together what to say, “No, um…” She said, still formulating. Eventually, she just huffed and removed the navy frames from her face. “Here. See for yourself.”

 

Hesitantly, Ren took the glasses and gingerly raised them to his face, his head jerking backward as his vision focused through the glass. On the left side, his vision remained intact, in fact, it almost seemed like there was no difference at all. The right side, though, the glass completely warped and twisted his perception, nearly to the point that he couldn’t see at all. Ren glanced at the young woman standing before him, and then glanced through the lenses again making sure he was looking through them right.

 

Seeing that he’d realized the difference, she nodded to him and gestured out to take them back, slipping them onto her nose elegantly. “Yeah…This one,” she said softly, pointing to the left, “is just glass. My vision is totally normal.”

 

“And…the other one?” He prompted softly, not really sure why she was being so hesitant.

 

“From a young age, my vision in this eye has been fairly awful,” she gave him a rather humorless chuckle, “I’m legally blind in this eye.”

 

Ren’s eyes flew open and he blinked at her, “Really?” He asked, stupidly.

 

His face was so entertaining to her that she could hardly help herself and she laughed out loud, the joyful chiming of her laughter hitting his ears and sending incredible shivers down his spine as he listened to its gentle ringing. He tried desperately to gain control of himself as she did everything she could to control her giggles that filled and echoed throughout the apartment, lighting the space up with the gorgeous sounds and making it feel more alive and homey. 

 

When she’d collected herself, she straightened and pushed a hand through her hair, the bright colors and shades of red drifting around her head in a stunning, natural, and lovely display. Ren nearly choked. 

 

“Yes, Mr. Tsuruga, really.” She looked at him with twinkling eyes.

 

Getting ahold of himself, he cleared his throat, “How did that happen?” He asked, his voice slightly higher pitched than normal.

 

She shrugged indifferently and waved it off, “It was a long time ago,” and then she seemed to get awfully interested in a corner of the room.

 

Instantly, the fluttering of his heart died, crushed under the weight of the anger rising up in this throat.  _ Why does she continually,  _ **_continually_ ** _ , shrug me off! I haven’t…I don’t know anything personal about her…nothing… _

 

Interrupting his thoughts, Sai’s smooth, soft voice gently drifted into his ears, “Mr. Tsuruga…are you really sure you’re okay?”

 

He blinked at her again. It seemed like he’d been doing that a lot since she’d showed up. “Yes, of course, I’m fine.” Ren replied, looking at her strangely, “Why?”

 

Before he could process it, Sai walked right up to him and raised her pale fingers to his face and let them grace over his skin. She ran her hand across the lines by his brow and the ones tracing around his lips. Ren had never frozen as badly and as completely as he did in that second. He couldn’t feel his arms and legs, his lungs wouldn’t expand no matter what he did, and it took everything in his being not to shake.

 

“You…look so exhausted, your brow is creased like you’ve been desperately focusing on something. These lines by your mouth…you must have been frowning for some time. You’re worrying me.” She said, looking up at him with glossy eyes.

 

Ren looked down at the small frame of the actress in front of him, his head screaming at him in confusion.  _ W-why…why is she looking at me like that? With those big eyes? And she…she just touched my face so gently…tenderly… _

 

As he desperately tried to regain his composure, he stalled for time so as not to worry her further and gestured toward his coffee table, covered completely with papers, books, and packets. Gazing over his shoulder, Sai brushed past him, sending a shock through his body as her shoulder touched his. 

 

While his back was turned to her, he allowed a heat to sear into his cheeks. His breathing quick and unsteady, he raised his fingers to where his skin still burned from her touch. A quick smile flitted across his lips as he let himself, for a moment, enjoy the memory of it.

 

Crouching by his table, she brushed her fingers over some of the papers and picked up a common phrase among them:  _ The Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned _ . “Are these scripts?” She looked around and asked him. She paused for a second, waiting for his reply, but he remained with his back to her. “Mr. Tsuruga?” Sai questioned, the worry in her voice evident, but he still didn’t turn to her, “Ren?” She asked, his first name ringing in the silent room.

 

Whirling around to face her, he barely managed to contain the bright color on his cheeks, hiding it with his hand as he desperately tried to attempt to calm down. She’d just called him “Ren” so easily…the syllable dripping off her tongue like it had a million times before. He could feel his racing pulse through his entire body. “Yes?” He asked, fighting off the effect she had on him. 

 

She repeated her question, “Are these scripts?” 

 

As he walked toward her, he knelt next to her by the papers and nodded, “Oh…yes, these are for my latest drama, I’m…having some trouble with my character.” He looked at her and she gave him a quick nod to say that he should continue, “You see…the drama is based on a series of short novels that were…rather poorly written. The characters aren’t well developed and their personalities are rather inconsistent. There isn’t even an end in the books.”

 

“That sounds…difficult.” She said thoughtfully, looking up at him in admiration. “Would you like some help?”

 

Ren looked into her eyes as they looked back, genuinely wanting to help, “That would…actually be really amazing.”

 

She beamed at him, her face lighting up, “I know…you don’t much like help. It’s hard for me to admit that I need it, but at least I always know it’s there if I do end up wanting it. I feel as though…you don’t know that it’s there. I’ll always be here to help you if you need it, Mr. Tsuruga.” She looked at him, the gleam in her eyes kind and soft.

 

Without meaning to, he looked back at her with warmly and nodded in gratitude. “Thank you, Ms. Akai.”

 

She gazed back at him, her heart jumping uncomfortably in her chest as she cleared her throat, “So…as you probably know, I’ve never…made a character by myself, so I’m not much help in that way. But…I do know my way around realistic acting quite well, so…would you like to act out a few scenes with me? And we’ll perfect your acting?”

 

Ren blinked at her for a moment and then smiled widely, shaking his head. She never ceased surprising him, “That sounds perfect.” He remembered the exchange they’d had during her time as his manager, and therefore knew from experience that if anyone was suited to help him craft a character through acting, it was her.

 

The two of them poured over the scripts a little, and eventually found a scene where he could find a good niche for his character. Straightening up, the two of them prepped and she repeated about four lines to him before they began.

 

As she started acting, she took careful notice of Ren’s facial expressions, and they were wonderful at first, portraying his character well. As they got halfway through the scene, though, she observed Ren carefully look at her expressions and his acting changed, becoming inconsistent and unnatural. Completely halting the scene, she waved her hand in front of him,

 

“Stop.” She snipped, shocking him out of character with her.

 

“W-what?” He stuttered, looking at her in absolute confusion.

 

She stepped back and got ready to begin again, “You got unnatural, let’s do it again.”

 

He clenched his jaw and allowed her to start over again, slightly appalled that she’d treated it so casually. It seemed like something he’d do.

 

She started the scene once more and noticed that, slightly before the last time, his expression slipped again and his character lapsed. Sai raised her hand and stopped him once more, watching as Ren’s eyebrows twitched down in frustration. They same thing happened then twice more, with them stopping earlier and earlier each take.

 

“What’s wrong, what’s so unnatural about my acting?” He eventually growled, clearly angry.

 

“Woah, woah, calm down.” Sai held her hands up in front of her, “I…I think I know what’s wrong. Hang on. I have an idea.” She ran past him and he whirled around, in total confusion.  _ Did…did she just go into my room? _ He thought to himself, his mind going haywire as he fumbled over his feet to go after her. 

 

Sticking his head into his own room, he found her behind his closet door, pulling a tie out. Blinking in absolute shock, he couldn’t even bring himself to ask her what she was doing. 

 

Turning around, the redhead saw him in the doorway and waved him in, making a beeline for his bed.  _ W-what is she doing?! Is she…is she going for my bed? What the hell is happening?!? _ Seeing him standing there still, looking at her stupefied, Sai spoke instead of just gesturing, “Come here, Mr. Tsuruga.” 

 

As if moving on autopilot to her words, he approached her as she climbed up and stood on the edge of the mattress. She faced him as he approached and he found his gaze drawn into her blue eyes. The moment that he was standing near enough, though, she waved her finger in a circle, indicating for him to spin, “Turn around.”

 

He did as she asked without even thinking, facing the wall while she hovered behind him, not even a foot away. Completely frozen, he couldn’t move as he felt her hands brush against the back of his hair, encircling his head. 

 

In a flash, his vision was completely enveloped in black. She’d just wrapped the tie around his eyes. Tying it around his head carefully so as not to hurt him, her fingers ran through his hair with complete gentleness. He savored each moment, each tug, even if she was simply touching the locks in order to tie the blindfold around.

 

Jumping off the bed, Sai gently took Ren’s hand in her own and started backing towards the doorway, “Come on, let’s go back out. I’ll guide you, so trust me.” She said softly, causing his heart to rapidly beat and his mind race wildly while he tried to figure out what in god’s name she was doing.

 

When they returned to the living room, Ren finally found his voice and croaked out, “So…what are we doing here?” He asked her.

 

“Well…I noticed, when you were acting, sometimes you acted with your heart, allowing the character you created to shine through, but you’d let your brain get ahead of itself and you’d start to read into my facial expressions. Whenever you did that, all of your acting lost its sheen and you floundered trying to react to me.”

 

Ren listened to her intently, completely bewildered to how she knew that.  _ Was she really able to read into my facial expressions that deeply? When did she learn to do that? _

 

“So…I figured, if I blocked off your ability to see my face, you’d let yourself react to me with your heart entirely, and your character would form more naturally.” She looked at the man in front of her with a slight blush on her cheeks, realizing belatedly that she probably should have explained this earlier. 

 

“Why didn’t you just ask me to close my eyes then? Why the blindfold?” He asked her, completely in awe at how she could possibly know all these things.

 

“Oh…well if you’d closed your eyes, you’d inhibit so many expressions that are necessary for your character. A lot of the expressions of humans comes from the eyes and the brows, so if you cut off the use of expression through your eyes, you’ll never be able to act properly. This way, you can completely pretend that you’re seeing everything, each facial expression at its best, portraying your character well. 

 

“Plus, the blindfold will allow you to see my outline when I move against the light, so you’ll still be able to see me but you can create my own facial expressions in your mind, and they’ll be exactly what you’re expecting, almost as if your acting is what’s influencing my face. Just like it usually does when you act.”

 

“How do you know all that?” He asked, his surprise reaching a point where he was too shocked to even feel it. 

 

“I just suppose it’s my instincts. I don’t know much about acting, sure, but if I assumed that you were a true person, then all of my attention would be on watching your face. I’m…good with faces, I suppose. The littlest details about them, I notice them. When the little quirks of your character stopped showing, though, and your own returned, it was always because you seemed way too focused on  **my** face. So…this is the solution I’ve found, I think.”

 

Ren sighed in astonishment at how advanced she was already. He couldn’t stop himself from forever being surprised by her.

 

“Alright.” He said definitively, “Let’s do it.”

 

Through the next three hours, the actors worked through the rest of the kinks in the character he was working on, doing several scenes and commenting about the other characters. Eventually, they removed the blindfold and he tried acting without it, finding that his progress with the character was staggering and he had no trouble acting with her now, finding that her facial expressions reacted to his acting much better this time around. She had been completely right. Damn her.

 

“What about this scene?” She asked softly, and Ren glanced over her shoulder at a scene between his character, Toshiro, and another character from the main cast, a shy girl named Himeko, the one who ends up seducing him.

 

“Oh, sure. But don’t worry too much about acting out Himeko…she’s the roughest character to play out of all of them. She’s completely inconsistent in the books, just a mess. I don’t envy her actress,” he laughed softly. 

 

“Do you know who’s playing her yet?” Sai asked softly, curious.

 

He considered this for a moment before replying, “No, actually, I don’t think anyone is playing her yet.”

 

Suddenly, Sai looked up at him in worry, “Isn’t that dangerous? Aren’t you supposed to start filming like…next week?” She asked, remembering a date at the top of one of the many scripts.

 

“Yes…” He hesitated, “But I’m sure the director has it under control.”

 

Sai tilted her head and pursed her lips before stifling a yawn and just nodding, “If you say so,” she said softly.

 

“Alright, let’s try that scene.” Ren said, standing up and drifting past her, “I’m just going to get some water, I’ll be right back.”

 

Sai nodded to him and yawned again, leaning her head against the armrest while she waited for him. Within seconds, she was fast asleep. Walking back into the room, Ren’s eyes widened as they fell on her sleeping form, curled tightly up on his couch, her steady breathing and peaceful expression shocking him. 

 

Setting his water down on the coffee table, he gazed at her for a moment and took in how her bright red curls fell in just the right places over her cheeks. Ren looked again at her glasses and marveled at their effect on her youthfulness. Ever so gently removing them, he folded them up and placed them on the side table for her. Running to get a blanket, he stepped lightly into his room and scooped one up, carrying it back and laying it over her softly. 

 

He planted himself in a chair near her and turned off a lamp, dimming the room considerably and watched her face for a few moments, a gentle smile gracing his lips as he watched her. He leaned forward to brush a single strand of hair away from her petite face.

 

He marveled at her beauty for just a moment before reaching for another script and running the lines through his head, taking a moment every now and then to glance at her sleeping form and wondering if he should wake her and drive her home, but each time deciding that she would probably get more sleep if he just left her there.

 

Before he knew it, his eyelids started drooping as well and the longer he tried to stay awake, the sleepier he got, eventually dozing off and dropping the script to the floor. Cramped in the chair he was sitting in, he knew he probably should have moved before he’d fallen asleep, but the very thought of leaving the petite redhead all alone in the living room strained his heart and he couldn’t stop himself from staying there with her. 

 

As the night darkened, shadows fell across the sleeping faces of both the young actor and his precious guest, each of them breathing softly into the silence of the apartment, content in their rest, smiles on their faces. They remained that way for a majority of the night, each unwaking despite their typical restless tendencies. 

 

When the dawn finally broke over the horizon, warm orange light poured through his windows, left open due to Ren’s usual routine being broken. It cast a gentle glow through the closed eyelids of the tiny, fiery haired female laying on the sofa, causing her to stir. Squeezing her eyes shut, she buried her face under her arm and tried to fight the light pouring into her vision. Realization dawned on her that she’d been asleep the entire night. 

 

_ I…can’t believe I slept…I thought I’d be up all night.  _ She carefully considered the previous day, how hard she’d tried to fall asleep, but couldn’t remember how she’d managed. Rolling over, the events of the night hit her and she remembered spending the evening and early morning with Ren.  _ But…I don’t remember how I got home…in fact, I really don’t remember the end of the practice…the last thing I remember is Mr. Tsuruga going to…get…water… _

 

Sai’s heart stopped for a moment and her eyes flew open, taking in the rough ceiling of Ren’s apartment. She swallowed her panic for a moment and her eyes drifted through the room, her stomach crashing as she realized she’d fallen asleep on his couch, in the middle of helping him. How absurdly embarrassing. 

 

As she tried sitting up, a gray knit blanket fell from her legs and she realized he’d placed it over her with great care. A tender, gentle smile spread over her lips as the tension in her body from panicking released and she allowed the warm feeling to spread throughout her. 

 

Blinking, Sai belatedly noticed that her vision of nearly the entire right half of the room was blurry and a mess of colors. Frantically searching around, Sai found her glasses folded up nicely right beside her, on the side table. Probably Ren. Shaking her head, that smile on her lips growing and a beautiful light appearing from behind her eyes, she slid them onto her nose and gave a gentle sigh as she sat up on the couch. Looking slightly to her right, Sai found herself staring at the sleeping form of Ren, curled uncomfortably on the chair nearby, still fast asleep. 

 

Sai blinked at him, not entirely sure what to do, chastising herself for not noticing him earlier. She gently rose to her feet and approached him. He looked so strange like this, completely relaxed and peaceful, actually curled up. It went against both the images she had of him: the kind, gentlemanly one, and the angered, demon-like one. It was…adorable. Which was never an adjective she’d use to describe him under any other circumstances. As she thought this, the smile on her lips completely lit up and spread to the rest of her face delightfully. 

 

Crouching near him, she admired how his features looked even more beautiful when he was sleeping, completely relaxed, soft, and gentle. Without meaning to, Sai raised her hand and brushed a strand of hair out of his face, marveling at how soft and thin it was. She knew that she now owed him for letting her sleep over and for staying in the living room with her, even though he was clearly uncomfortable in that position. Rising up, she slipped into his kitchen and began preparing him a light breakfast, that heavenly smile still gracing her lips.

 

As the sunlight filtered in through his windows, Ren shifted his position, before a sharp pain shot down his back from his neck, due to how he’d been sleeping. He groaned under his breath and rubbed at his aching body. With a sigh, he opened his eyes, wincing at the bright light, and his eyes immediately fell on the folded up blanket on his couch. In a slight panic, Ren got up much too fast and nearly fell over as his sore legs tried to support his body and he stumbled around the table where Sai’s glasses no longer were.

 

Just as he was about to call her name, hoping for reasons he wasn’t ready to address that she was still here, the scents hit his nose. Cooking food. Someone was cooking breakfast in his kitchen. 

 

Instantly, the dread and worry that had so quickly spread through his whole body melted away, and he turned the corner to see the woman’s small frame leaning over his stove, her brightly colored hair swept into a messy bun behind her head, her navy glasses perched elegantly on her nose.

 

Sai turned to look at him, a momentary look of surprise actually registering on her so often still features before her lips turned up and she gave him the softest, gentlest smile he’d ever seen decorate her face, and her soft voice floated into his ears, “Good morning, Mr. Tsuruga.” She said easily, as if she’d said it a million times. “How did you sleep? Are you sore?”

 

He felt his heart grow lighter than air as he realized she’d seen how he was cramped in that chair and was worried, “I actually slept quite well, for falling asleep in such a way,” he walked in and leaned on the counter next to her, gazing at the food she was making, “I usually have trouble, but I slept the whole night. Although…I am quite sore.” He admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“I’m really sorry, Mr. Tsuruga, I never thought that would ever happen. I have such difficulties falling asleep, especially in unfamiliar places.” She looked up at him with such apologetic eyes, that Ren couldn’t help but reach out to her, catching his hand at the last moment and simply waving it in front of him to show how she shouldn’t worry,

 

“No, really, Ms. Akai. I’m glad you got sleep, you looked exhausted when you first arrived.” He gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile and she looked up skeptically, but still with gratitude. 

 

“I was. I probably wouldn’t have gotten any sleep if I’d gone home. I owe you a lot.” She gave him a genuine, sweet grin, “So I thought I’d cook you something, for ‘letting’ me sleep here.” Sai put pointed emphasis on “letting”, an acknowledgment that she hadn’t exactly had his permission. “Don’t worry,” she added, “it’s light, so you don’t have to eat much in the morning, but please do eat something.” Looking up at his face, she continued softly, “Please.”

 

He gave her a small smile, which quickly widened until he was beaming at her, he nodded softly and said with a gentle voice, “Of course, Ms. Akai. I’d be glad to.” The two continued to talk, each exchanging warm glances and speaking with sweet voices. Eventually, when the meal was finished, the two moved to the table and ate, Ren joking about the time she had run away without dining with him, and Sai playfully hitting his shoulder and laughing, her cheeks bright red. 

 

Once they’d finished their meal, Ren argued with Sai for a while about driving her home before she finally relented and the two continued their conversations in the car before he let her off to get ready for the morning.

 

“Do you want me to wait here?” He asked her, peering at her through the passenger window.

 

“Oh!” She vehemently waved her hands in front of her, “No, no…I should shower and everything; make coffee and whatnot. I couldn’t ask you to wait that long.”

 

Ren considered asking her if he could come in and wait, but eventually just decided that he didn’t want to rush his relationship with her and relented. 

 

“Alright, Ms. Akai. Would you like me to come pick you up later?”

 

She laughed gorgeously and said, “No! Mr. Tsuruga, please, don’t go out of your way for me!” She pointed at him, “I’ll call you, if I need you, promise.”

 

Returning her laughter, Ren allowed himself to chuckle, “Okay, okay. Thank you.”

 

“No, Mr. Tsuruga, thank you.” She smiled at him, her cheeks tinged a beautiful shade of pink, making his heart race incredibly fast, “I’ll see you at work, alright?”

 

Swallowing his discomfort, Ren said “Of course. Have a good day, Ms. Akai.”

 

“You as well, Mr. Tsuruga.” Her dazzling smile hid behind her fiery hair, as she turned around and headed up her steps to her front door.

 

Stepping through the threshold, Sai was acutely aware of the sound of Ren’s car driving away, a painful panging in her heart startling her as she realized she regretted sending him away. She shook her head and headed up the stairwell to the hallway where her door was. Once she was inside, she busied herself preparing for the day and grabbed clothes to hop in the shower. She went through her day as per usual, with a slight spring in her step and a little more color in her cheeks.

 

When she got into her bed that night, she was situated comfortably with her planner and was pleased to see that her schedule was working out nicely and she had more free time than usual. She’d have to talk to Sawara about accepting a few more jobs. 

 

She would have to worry about it later, though. If her experience with Ren taught her anything, it was that staying up too late had some unfortunate consequences and she was better off going to sleep earlier. Unfortunately, the universe had other plans and right as her head hit the pillow, her phone went off.


	24. Chapter 24

Cautiously, the redhead reached out and scooped up the rapidly vibrating device off of her night stand, flipping it open and pressing it to her ear, “Hello, this is Saiyuka Akai.” She answered professionally, having no idea what an “Unidentified Caller” would want at this hour.

 

“Akai!” She heard from the other side, “Shit, Akai-” She suddenly recognized the voice on the other end and called out,

 

“Mr. Sawara?” She heard a series of rustling papers and general disarray as well as a few muffled noises of his speech as he cussed and spoke to her in broken, hurried phrases.

 

“Are you still at the office?” She asked him, genuinely worried why the man would be there this late at night. When the fumbling and crinkling of papers finally ceased, she heard his voice clearer.

 

“Yeah, I am,” he shifted and something fell off to the side, causing Sai to wince as another string of curse words flooded through her phone’s speaker, “I had some, uh...a little bit of paperwork to catch up on.” He said, stressing the word “little” a bit too much.

 

“You really shouldn’t overwork yourself like that,” Sai said adamantly, chastising him for neglecting his health and family.

 

Sawara opened his mouth to argue back, but eventually figured better of it. Knowing Sai, she would probably argue until he lamented anyway, and he had a far more pressing matter to bring to her attention, “As you can probably guess, Akai, I let the papers pile too high again,” he said as a segway, and as an excuse. She huffed at that and he pushed on before she said anything, “But anyway, as I was whittling them down, I found something.”

 

Sai paused for a moment, her planned words of scolding flying out of her mind, “Found what, Mr. Sawara?” She ventured, honestly curious. “And why is it important enough to call me in the middle of the night like this?”

 

He paused for a moment, “U-uhh…” he stuttered, looking at the time and finding it shockingly late, and suddenly his face grew hot with embarrassment, “Oh shit, Akai,” he swore again. She rolled her eyes slightly and pressed her lips together to keep from smiling. “I didn’t realize it was so late. I’m sorry. It is important, though, it’s an offer.” He stated simply, shifting through his piles to find it. 

 

“I get offers all the time, Mr. Sawara. What’s so different about this one?” Sai asked, twirling a strand of her hair between her fingers absent mindedly.

 

“It’s an acting offer.”

 

Freezing completely, many things shot through Sai’s mind and she stayed silent for a moment as she processed all of them. The first thing she thought of was that it was about time. This was her first well and true acting role that she was officially offered. 

 

Her heart began beating incredibly fast as she processed this and she sat forward before she was struck with the idea that it may be too late, considering how she hadn’t gotten the chance to reply sooner. Who knows how long it was down under all those other files? The only way she could still accept the role would be if it was still open.

 

And all of a sudden, another thought occurred to her. A role she knew about that hadn’t had an actress cast.  _ It couldn’t be… _ she told herself, remembering the role that Ren had mentioned. The shy schoolgirl, Himeko. He’d said that the director had sent out offers to a few longshot actresses, and none had replied.  _ Am I a longshot actress?  _ She asked herself, her mind racing with her heart.  _ Can I even be considered an actress at this point? _

 

Trying to confirm her suspicion, her voice called into the receiver softer than usual, hesitant, “...Is it for a drama?” She asked, her pulse racing in her ears.

 

Surprised she guessed, he exclaimed, “Oh! Well, yes, actually. How’d you guess?”

 

Falling completely silent for a moment, her voice came out even quieter, nearly shaking, “Is it called  _ The Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned _ ?”

 

His mouth falling open, the manager fumbled for words, “Oh, uh-...well, um, yes. It is, but uh, how could you possibly know that…?”

 

Clenching her jaw closed, she allowed the lie to slip through hissed teeth as she let loose a deep breath, “I’ve just heard it around, you know, that the drama might not be produced. The director was having trouble casting his last major role.” She closed her eyes and finished with, “I guess I just had a feeling,” those words, at least, were honest enough.

 

“Do you know the part he wanted to be cast as well, then?” Sawara asked, still shocked at her precognition.

 

To herself, Sai nodded and spoke aloud, “Yes, I’m aware of it. And also of its difficulty.”

 

Waiting a beat, the manager eventually asked, “Do you know if you want it? We really need to accept the part if you want it by, oh I don’t know, last week?” He suggested sarcastically, stressing the small time window remaining.

 

Weighing her options as quickly as she could, Sai warred back and forth on the point, not able to choose so quickly. On one hand, she knew how advanced and nearly impossible the role itself was, and how she’d be completely inept at creating her well at first. She’d barely acted, for Christ’s sake! 

 

But...on the other hand, if she accepted the part, and managed to act it well, her career would positively skyrocket. Of course, the trickiness in that is the whole idea of nailing the part out of the nothingness that exists about her. Even professionals would easily reject this job, given that the character is so challenging. What was a talent who’d never even created a character supposed to do with her?

 

Suddenly, Sai was struck with the memory of the previous day, when she’d been acting with Ren. Even putting no thought or real originality into the character that opposed his, given her natural ability to create realism, and his effect on coworkers, the results had been dramatic. If she could work with him professionally, using proper effort when forming her character, there was no limit to the incredible things they could do. The thought of acting with him professionally sent a shiver down her spine and it immediately became the deciding factor. 

 

“I’ll take it.” She said simply, asking for the director’s phone number, “I’ll call him myself to accept and apologize. When do you think a good time is?”

 

Ever surprised by her professionalism, Sawara told her, “Well actually, he’d still be up right now, probably. Preparing for the shoot next week. And he’ll probably want to know as soon as physically possible, I’m sure even just knowing would take an immense weight off of his shoulders.”

 

_ And add one to mine, _ ...Sai said to herself, already regretting how fired up she was to do this role, knowing she’d struggle with it for sure. “Alright, I’ll call right now then. Thank you for your diligence, Mr. Sawara. But please, return to your family and make sure to take care of yourself.” She paused a moment, before adding “Please.” Really, the men in this business.

 

He smiled softly, glancing at the still present mountains of paper, “I’ll do my best, Akai, don’t worry.” He told her, hanging up before she could protest anything he said.

 

Looking at her now blank phone screen, Sai let loose a deep breath and pinched the skin on the bridge of her nose, before punching the numbers in and dialing the director with an overly apathetic attitude, worried about what was to come.

 

“Tengen.” The man answered in a low, deep tone, his voice exhausted and clearly displaying his stress the week before filming on his drama started.

 

“Director Hiro Tengen? This is Saiyuka Akai, from LME Productions. May I have a moment of your time?” She spoke softly to the man and listened as something dropped and papers fumbled on the other end of the phone.

 

“Akai as in Love Me section Akai? The one from the commercials? From the PV?” He asked, all the tiredness immediately gone from his tone, replaced by a mix of frustration and excitement.

 

“That’s me, yes. I have to apologize, sir. The department’s manager has a rather hefty job and he accidentally misplaced your offer before it got to me. I’ve received word of it this evening and thought it would be best to respond as soon as possible. Forgive me for calling you so late.” She said as professionally as she could, trying to make it seem like she wasn’t entirely too nervous about him having qualms about her from the start.

 

“Are you accepting?” The man asked breathlessly, hoping against all odds that she would say yes, even though she was probably his longest shot when it came to the actresses he’d made the offer to.

 

“Yes, I would be honored, sir.” She said curtly, and his heart just about leaped for joy, as he realized that as of this moment, he had a full cast. “I have to warn you, though, sir, I haven’t crafted a character from scratch before, this will be my first one and I’m aware it’s fairly advanced. In fact, that’s probably an understatement.”

 

“I am aware, don’t worry. So long as you do your best everyone in the cast, including me, will help you make the character the best she can be. Do you have any of the materials?” He asked her, immediately rustling around to find his schedule.

 

Sai tapped a pencil on her planner, ready to rearrange her schedule for any changes she’d need to make, “I don’t, sir, would you like to meet with me at some point to discuss the character and drop off the references and scripts?”

 

Tengen bit his lip, knowing he didn’t have the time to spare in the week before filming, “I’m sorry, Ms. Akai, I don’t have the opening for a full meeting. I can drop off the materials, but we’ll have to have an on-set meeting once the filming begins. Do all you can with the scripts and novels and we’ll work from there. I already have a list of scenes without your character complied, due to the fact I figured we’d be starting without her, so don’t worry if you need a little more time.”

 

The redhead let a relieved sigh go very quietly, as the fact she’d just accepted a nearly impossible role finally set in. Trying to hold back any panic that came with her inability to act, she finished her conversation with the director and he assured her they would figure this out together. Sai hung up and pressed the phone to her forehead, mumbling into the silence, “What did I just get myself into…?”

 

Standing up, she finished her nightly routine and settled into her bed, sleeping fitfully throughout the night. She’d woken up more times than she cared to count, and by the umpteenth time, she was sure she wouldn’t manage to fall asleep again. Opening her curtains and looking out the window, she saw it was still pitch black and collapsed onto her mattress, looking dejectedly up at the ceiling.

 

Resigning herself to this fate, she resumed her week and tried to keep up with her normal work patterns, but quickly discovered she wasn’t escaping the nervousness that came with her acceptance of the role. Hanging over her shoulder with every day that went by, she busied herself with the scripts and books, trying to get a better hold of the character. She seemed to be the author’s toss-in character for whatever scene he needed an extra player in; she had no consistency whatsoever. And that made Sai a nervous wreck.

 

She gathered her things up and was about to leave the house when the gentle chiming of her phone went off and she eyed it warily. Flipping it open, she found that it revealed Lory’s name and a sigh of relief escaped her lips. She wasn’t sure if which would have been worse: a call from the actor she’d now be working with, or from the director she was terrified of disappointing.

 

“Good morning, Lory,” she greeted as evenly as possible, trying to fight against her nervousness and sound normal.

 

“Saiyuka!” He called out happily, pleased he’d reached her. “I just got off the phone with Tengen!”

 

_ Oh no... _ Sai thought to herself, running a hand through her hair.  _ He’s going to- _

 

“How could you wait so long before telling me?! You’re so mean to your dear father. He wants nothing but the best for you and you can’t even bring yourself to give him a call when you do well! He just wants to be proud of you! He just-!”

 

“Lory! Hush!” She checked a clock and did the math quickly, “It hasn’t even been five hours since I accepted! And stop talking about yourself in the third person, it’s creepy…”

 

“But my precious daughter has had a role in a drama for almost five whole hours and I didn’t know about it!”

 

“When would I have even had a chance to tell you?”

 

“Well, I’ve been up since 4:30. Obviously any time after that, which left you nearly three hours to tell me.”

 

It honestly wasn’t worth arguing. “I apologize, then, Lory. I didn’t mean to wrong you by not informing you earlier. Will you forgive me?”

 

The President paused for a moment, his grip on the device in his hand tightening. “Of course. It’s just...you’re growing up so fast. It feels like only yesterday that you finally came into my care…”

 

Sai’s lips pressed into a thin line. “Are you talking about my birthday?” She asked with a soft, quiet voice.

 

Lory waited a few beats before he dared say anything. “How was it…?”

 

“It was good, Lory. Really. And I appreciated that you listened to me and didn’t call or anything. It makes it harder.”

 

“Why couldn’t I at least have talked to you, Saiyuka? I mean, I know I’m only your godfather, but that still makes me a father figure-”

 

“Lory, please, that’s not it-” Sai insisted, her heart straining at the hint of pain in her older man’s voice.

 

“It’s just...you’re already  **nineteen** , Saiyuka. What does it say about me that I can’t even call you on your nineteenth birthday?”

 

“Lory, I’m well aware of my age, and I understand that you want a part in my life, I just-”

 

“I know how much you hate parties, Saiyuka, but please, tell me why it’s so hard to even hear my voice on your birthday?”

 

“ **Lory** , I-” She stressed his name this time, trying desperately to get him to stop talking over her.

 

“I mean, it’s one thing for a parent to not see his child on her birthday, but to not even  **call** is-”

 

“Lory!!” She yelled, gripping at the back of her sofa to control the overflow of negative emotions tugging on her heart. “Listen to me!”

 

Sai paused for a second, letting a relieved breath go when silence greeted her from the other end of the phone. “I know what you’re getting at, Lory. I also know that it’s hard for you to understand where I’m coming from with all of this. I can guarantee that there are reasons behind what I wanted and thanks to you, I’m in a better place now. So I’ll tell you what. Next year, you can plan  **something** .”

 

Lory’s heart immediately sped up as dozens of ideas came into his head. There was no limit to what he could do to celebrate her twentieth birthday, it could be the greatest celebration he’d ever seen. He should begin preparations immediately-

 

“Lory, I can  **hear** you thinking right now. I can actually hear you trying to make me miserable with a party as big as the galaxy itself. Please, I know you’re excited, but for my sake don’t make it...too big. I don’t like parties, you know that.”

 

“I do know that, but I  **love** parties, Saiyuka. You know that.” He replied with a smile, already toning down the grand ideas he’d had. He wanted to make her happy more than anything.

 

“That I do, that I do…” The redhead mumbled, already regretting her decision. The two talked for a little longer before he finally let her go so she could make it to work on time. She closed her phone and leaned against her kitchen counter with a cup of coffee, stroking the ceramic surface with her finger as her mind wandered. 

 

As much as she tried to forget everything and just focus on enjoying the idea of a party for once, or even just being glad that she could entertain the idea of a party, the looming thoughts of her drama clouded any joy. Putting her dish in the sink, she grabbed her coat and headed for LME, completely lost in thoughts of worry and imagined scenarios both good and bad.

 

Peering over the railing at LME one morning, Maria brightened when Sai’s bright red hair caught her attention, tied into a messy braid. She ran down the steps to meet her, finding that the older girl had begun walking down to the Love Me offices. “Sis! Big sis, how are you?” She called, running up to the talent and peering at her.

 

Having been focused on trying desperately to problem solve, Sai barely registered Maria’s words or presence and turned to her with a gentle, “Hmm?” She didn’t really focus on the fact that the young girl had addressed her or that an answer was expected and she grunted again and returned to staring at the floor as she walked.

 

Maria watched this, confused as to why Sai looked so distant and upset about something. Worried, she followed her dear friend into the dressing room, where she nearly bumped straight into Rio.

 

“Woah!” The artist said, stepping back as Sai brushed past her wordlessly and went to her locker. “Sai, please, again?” She asked, exasperated. She looked down at Maria who was watching as Sai gave no indication she’d heard whatsoever. 

 

“She’s done this before?” Her high-pitched rang throughout the room, “Did something happen between her and Ren?” She asked, only knowing the actor to affect her like this.

 

“That’s what I thought at first,” the brunette said, watching her friend and partner snap on her fanny pack as if on autopilot. “But I don’t think so anymore. She’s been like this all week. I think it has something to do with work.”

 

Maria looked at her with alarm, “You don’t think she got fired, do you?”

 

Meeting the little girl’s golden eyes, Rio shook her head, “No, I think she’d be more upset. I’m really not sure at this point.”

 

As the redhead walked back over, completely oblivious to the conversation about her, Rio caught her arm, “Sai, talk to us. What’s up?”

 

Meeting her eyes, Rio saw that they were much duller than usual, and was surprised to hear Sai sigh and then sit down on the couch with much greater force than usual. “It’s a role I have.” She said finally, registering that she’d been addressed.

 

“A role as in an acting role?” Rio asked, sitting next to her as Maria climbed into the redhead’s lap. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

 

Resting her chin on Maria’s wavy hair, Sai let another grunt go and tried to formulate the words, “Yes, it’s a good thing. And if I do the role well, it will most likely put me leagues ahead of where I am now.”

 

“So what’s bothering you so much?” The golden haired girl asked, looking up at her with wide eyes, “You look so upset.”

 

“It’s the doing the role  **well** that’s bothering me. It’s incredibly difficult and no matter what I do, I can’t make it work.” She said dejectedly, sighing again and looking at the floor.

 

The three sat for a while and tried to talk Sai into being more positive, but after hearing tidbits about the character and the different scenes that she’d be a part of, each girl began understanding why it was so difficult. Despite neither having actual acting experience, they’d both seen and heard enough to know which role were easy and which were hard, and this one seemed impossible altogether. No wonder Sai had seemed so upset.

 

“Maybe Ren can help!” Maria suggested with a bright tone, knowing if anyone could help Sai with this character, he could.

 

“Thank you, Maria, but I’m fairly sure he doesn’t have much to add. We’ve already talked about her and all he managed to say was that he didn’t envy me for playing her. He’s just as stumped as I am.” Sai said as gently as possible.

 

“Wait…” the brunette looked at her with narrowed eyes, attracting the redhead’s attention, “Isn’t he in this drama?”

 

Sai looked at her with pitiful eyes and nodded, staying silent but broadcasting her worry throughout the entire room.

 

“So you can ask him there! You can figure it out, sis,” the little girl said to her, “I know you can!”

 

“He’ll be working on his own character, Maria, I can’t bother him with the concerns of my character when he needs to focus.” She pointed out, unable to keep the professional tone from her voice.

 

Realizing she was right, Maria wilted and hopped off Sai’s lap as she thought. Getting an idea, she whirled around with another large smile and said, “We’ll have lunch again then! We already were going sometime next week, you can come with!” She said softly, taking the talent’s hands in her own. “Please?” She added with a childish grin.

 

Sai laughed gently and then nodded, “That sounds great, Maria. I’ll talk to Yashiro about it.” The three girls again began discussing various things, moving from Sai’s job to Maria’s school to even Rio’s assignments. The longer they talked, the more relaxed Sai got until she realized that she was calm again for the first time that week. Which was probably good, considering the shoot began the next day.

 

She went through her day trying to keep herself calm, and when she got home that night, she busied herself and did everything she could to keep her mind off the role she was about to try and attempt. Going to bed, she managed to get the most sleep she’d gotten that entire week and woke up mostly refreshed and more motivated than she’d been since she first accepted. She got to work with Ren that day. That alone invigorated her.

 

Arriving on set early, as usual, Ren and Yashiro made their way to his dressing room and dropped off their belongings, heading to the main studio for the first meeting with the rest of the cast. Approaching the director, he gave Tengen a reassuring smile, “Excited, director, sir?” He asked him, watching the poor man’s rattled expression change as he spoke.

 

“Partially. I’m mostly terrified, though.” He said, giving the tall actor a shaking smile. 

 

Ren took in the tall man’s appearance. He’d worked with him before, but saw that he was much more put together now, wearing suits rather than just button ups. His usually salt and pepper beard was shaved clean off and he’d begun dying his graying hair black. He knew that it was just nerves that made the man so shaky, and ordinarily he was a rather laid back person, Ren liked him quite a bit as far as directors he’d worked with went.

 

“Do we have a full cast?” Ren asked lightly, wondering if that’s what Tengen was so concerned about, but was surprised to see him brighten a bit.

 

“Actually,” he said, smiling softly, “We do! I thought you’d know about it already, though,” he added, tilting his head as the actor’s own expression became much more confused. 

 

At that exact moment, movement over Ren’s shoulder caught the director’s eye and he glanced up to see an array of red hair tied into a beautifully done bun enter the studio, “Ah,” he said, pointing to her, “there she is.”

 

Ren turned around and caught sight of the bright color of her hair immediately, taking in the jean button up and colorful skirt that wrapped around her. His eyes widened immediately and he couldn’t help but suck in a loud gasp, “Her? You’re letting Ms. Akai play Himeko? Do you have any idea how far advanced that character is? You’ll crush her!” 

 

The director raised his eyebrows in surprise at the actors outburst, “You don’t have faith in her?” He asked, curious as to why he’d been so insistent.

 

“I,” Ren said, realized how his words had sounded, “No, that’s not it. I know how incredible she is. It’s just so short notice and I’m concerned. I don’t want her to fail at this and let it ruin acting for her.”

 

Smiling, the director connected the pieces and understood why he’d acted the way he did, giving him a knowing glance which Ren returned blankly, having no idea why Tengen was looking at him in such a knowing way.

 

“Don’t worry, Mr. Tsuruga. She’ll do just fine, I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t think so.” He waved to her gently and she spotted him and waved back, looking both pleased and nervous as once. 

 

Gesturing for her to come over, he watched as she began weaving through people and came over, bowing before the two men and greeting them softly. “Good morning, Ms. Akai, are you ready?” He asked her, already knowing she wasn’t.

 

“Nope!” She said with a bright smile, “But I didn’t tell you that, okay?” She added with a gentle grin, glancing at Ren playfully and making him wonder what exactly let her act so nonchalant about this.

 

“Out of curiosity, did you know you were playing Himeko when you helped me earlier?” He asked her, referring to when she’d come over and ended up acting out his character with him until she fell asleep on his couch.

 

She let a soft laugh go, “Actually, no, you missed me by about a day. I accepted it the following night.” They continued to talk, their speech accompanied by sweet smiles and gentle glances. Tengen watched their exchange, a slow smile appearing on his lips as he realized what was happening between the two actors and he left them be, smiling to himself all the while.

 

Soon, the actors split to go to their separate dressing rooms. They fixed up Sai’s hair under a wig, the long black locks making the back of her head itchy and uncomfortable. Paling her complexion and putting her into a school uniform, Sai was left staring at a very unassuming, shy looking, typical Japanese schoolgirl. Pressing her lips together, she knew at that moment something was definitely missing. She had absolutely no idea what, though.

 

Heading back out, though, she returned to the main stage room and saw Ren already up there, dressed as Toshiro and working through one of his beginning scenes. She watched from further back, admiring his gestures and facial expressions. As he went through the scene, completely without need for any retakes, a smile grew on her face and she was pleased with the progress he’d made and how well his character flowed. 

 

Once they broke the scene, all pleased the very first shoot had gone so well, the director looked around for any sign of the remaining lead actress, not finding her, “Does anyone know where Akai went?”

 

A small smile appeared on her lips again and she approached the director from behind, “I’m right here, Director Tengen.” He whirled around and his jaw dropped a little seeing her, “I’ve been here, just watching, though. Did you need me for something?”

 

The room stilled for a moment as the compared this girl to the one who’d walked in, seeing no immediate similarities. Even Ren found it strange that he’d been unable to recognize her. The lack of color was startling. Her dark hair and regular clothes kept all recognition from occurring. The director recovered first, clearing his throat,

 

“Yes, actually. I’m moving the schedule a bit. I’d like you to begin prep to do one of your entrance scenes.” He told her, hoping she could handle it. She gave him a nod and immediately began moving to her spot, prepared for shooting with the script in her hand. He smiled at her as he realized that even if creating this character proved difficult for her, he’d still managed to find one hell of an actress. She was already a professional. 

 

**Class continued as it always did, with the teacher droning on about information no one in the room took in, and the children in the room wanted nothing but escape from the brick walls of the building. Or at least, that’s what Himeko’s mother always told her when she held her back before her first class every morning to help open their business. Insisting she really had to go then, Himeko stopped her mother mid lecture and hurried off, stuttering her words and bowing violently to avoid eye contact.**

 

Tengen was already impressed with the quality of her acting, it was natural and real, and it flowed well with the mother character’s. She’d completely grasped the shy, nervous attitude of the young woman and was a natural at using the set and her costume to amplify her acting. 

 

**Walking hurriedly towards the class she already knew was well underway, Himeko paused at the door and hesitated, biting her lip and trying to calm her breathing. When a slight pause ensued, she pulled the door open and stepped inside, attracting every eye in the room. Her face immediately lit up bright red, the heat rushing to her cheeks.**

 

**Wordlessly, she stumbled slightly and her face darkened a few shades. She then tried to shuffle discreetly towards the back of the room, sitting at her desk as silently as physically possible, her eyes shut tight as she got out all her materials and tried to look natural, her face a tomato.**

 

**Seeing that the teacher had halted his entire lecture, she realized he was waiting for an apology and stood up abruptly, pushing her chair violently back into the desk behind her and rapidly apologizing for that before straightening and facing the man at the head of the room, “I-I...I!! I’m so sorry, teacher!! She stumbled, her voice coming out high pitched and strained, louder than most people ever heard it, “I didn’t- I...I didn’t mean to interrupt your precious class!!” She screamed out, her eyes shut tightly as she bowed incredibly low, almost smacking her head on the desk in her fervent, sincere apology.**

 

It was perfect. The director dropped the script he’d been holding as he watched the character described in the novels and the script come to life before him. She was the embodiment of Himeko herself. He’d never seen anyone do something so immaculate and perfect from that little material. 

 

**The man at the front of the room rolled his eyes at her apology, getting tired of seeing her enter late like this every day. He placed his hands on the podium before him and ventured to ask, “Care to share where you’ve been all this time, Ms. Satori? I don’t like feeling as if you’re wasting my time as a teacher.” He watched as the embarrassed, apologetic look on her face melted off completely, replaced by a completely horrified look of sheer shame and misery.**

 

**Himeko once again flung her head down, and this time, it did meet the surface of the desk with a loud crack and she launched herself forward, tipping over her bag in her desire to stand straight and bow, “I-I!! I…!” She stuttered out, completely tongue tied, “I am...I am so sorry,” she said, her eyes watery and her cheeks aflame, “SO sorry,” she stressed. “It’ll never happen again, I promise.” She said, the only confident thing she’d managed since walking in, managing to say it without a stutter, her face twisted in near pain.**

 

**Awkwardly, she sat down again and the girl next to her tapped her shoulder just as the teacher returned to his lesson, beginning to whisper something to her, followed by the girl in front of her, her two best friends. Upon seeing their rushed whispering, the teacher turned back to face them,**

 

**“Have something you’d like to share with the class, Ms. Satori?” He asked, targeting her.**

 

**Himeko watched as he crossed his arms over his chest and regarded her with disdain, and she practically collapsed with shame for disrupting the room once again. And the words spilled out of her mouth in jagged stutters, each breathy, as if she was near tears, “Oh I couldn’t possibly bother you with it, teacher. Don’t mind me here,” she insisted, knowing she wasn’t worth the attention as she sunk into her chair to appear smaller.**

 

**“I couldn’t let you hold up the entire class on my account,” she forced out of trembling lips, hiding her face from behind her hands as she finished with, “That would be rather unprofessional, don’t you think?” Her voice a mere whisper as she finished, still sounding on the verge of tears.**

 

Suddenly, the spell was broken. Something was wrong. Sai had been following the script almost to the letter, the words and actions perfect. But right there, right there something was wrong. The entire scene seemed unnatural in just one moment’s time and he jumped up, “Cut!!” He yelled, showing the cast who had only partially noticed the shift.

 

Looking at him with genuine anguish, Sai crumbled as he watched her, knowing it was detrimental that he had cut that, making her think she’d done an awful job with the character, “Let’s go again!” He said, “From Himeko’s line ‘Don’t mind me here’, everything else is fantastic.” He called out, hoping that was enough to convince her.

 

The scene restarted, but again something was amiss after Himeko’s last line. The rest of the room had been paying more attention this time and saw the sudden, unnatural shift, as did Sai. She buried her face in her hands and he could audibly hear her take a deep breath. He hadn’t even stopped the scene that time.

 

“It’s not you, Akai,” he told her, getting her attention, “It’s the character, it’s the scene. They just don’t all fit together. We’ll just have to deviate a little, make some adjustments.”

 

Hearing this, Sai leaped up and protested loudly, “No! They all must fit together somehow, I know they do.” She insisted, “Just give me time to find the answer, I don’t want to deviate from the books.”

 

He knew that really he’d rather keep the books in the drama as much as physically possible, and that it was best that she try to form her character to them, and so he eventually found himself agreeing, although he honestly didn’t think she’d manage to find a continuity between the drama and the books that would allow for a single character to be formed.

 

Nodding to her, he wrapped that scene up and moved on, allowing her to go off somewhere and stew over the character, noting that she was furiously scribbling in an already partially filled notebook off to the side of the studio.

 

Watching the whole exchange, Ren now found his gaze resting on the redhead who had removed her wig and was now buried in books and scripts at a table offset. Her brow was slightly furrowed and she often paused in her writings to chew on the end of her pencil. Regardless, she looked frustrated and exhausted, which was rare for her. He mused that it must have meant the emotions were pretty strong. 

 

He warred with himself for some time before giving up and deciding to just walk over and check on her. He didn’t, after all, have a scene for a little while. Moving slowly, he caught her eye as he approached and when she didn’t react much, he assumed that meant he was allowed to proceed, “You doing okay?” He asked her hesitantly, trying to appear casual but concerned at the same time as he reached her side.

 

Turning, she met his eyes this time and a self-pitying smile donned her lips, as they parted and a humorless laughter flowed out, “No, I don’t think so. Not really,” she finally said through the laughter, gesturing to all the papers and scribbled notes, a strikethrough making most of them unreadable. 

 

Watching her slouch a little bit at the table, her brow furrowing again, he felt the need to ask, “What have you got so far?”

 

She offered up a few vague, general points, her voice lazy and tired. He watched her and grew increasingly worried, knowing a role like this could destroy her love of acting. Sitting next to her, he offered up a few ideas to the highlighted “problem-passages” in the script, including the one they’d tried to work through on stage. 

 

For every suggestion he made, she had another issue that shot down his idea. He would try to then argue back against that, and found that she just shook her head and offered another point. With a shock, he realized that she wasn’t coming up with contradictions offhandedly, she’d actually thought through each suggestion he had by herself, and none worked. 

 

“How many more scenarios have you tried?” He asked her, unable to believe how much work she’d already put into the character. Sighing more heavily than he’d ever heard, she tossed a notebook in front of him and he flipped through it as she watched wordlessly. He found page after page of highlighted, crossed out, and scribbled passages, accompanied with footnotes, sidenotes, and multiple bullet points in the margins with different colored pens. It was insanity, and he could hardly make out anything from it, but it was consistent throughout the entirety of the notebook, meaning there was a system underneath all the craziness.

 

Hunching over it, his own posture slumped as he tried to figure out any combination she hadn’t tried yet, but found himself just as stuck. Seeing this, Sai couldn’t help but let the laughter slip through her lips, despite how exhausted she was. He raised his eyes to her, a sympathetic expression on her face, making her sigh and say, “It’s hopeless, isn’t it?”

 

Watching her rapidly sinking expression, the actor was suddenly filled with the desire to restore her passion and make her want to act again, “You’ll figure it out. I know it. If anyone can figure it out, it’s you, and I know that for sure.” She met his eyes, hers downcast with a slightly sorrowful expression as she gazed at him pitifully. His heart strained painfully and he wished he had the answers for her. 

 

Ren eventually had to get back to filming, and he watched from the sidelines as Tengen tried to pull Sai back onstage, to see if her character would work elsewhere. All instances were still failures, as much as the first one was, and nothing they did seemed to help. Giving it up for the day, Tengen called it and Sai approached him nervously,

 

“So, I…” She spoke, getting his attention, “I’m really sorry about today…” she began, trying rapidly to apologize while he waved her off. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, Akai, really. You were more amazing than even I thought you’d be. We’ll just have to play it by ear.” He assured her, smiling widely.

 

“Should I be prepared for later this week then?” She asked him, biting her lip

 

Shaking his head, he startled her and said, “Actually, no. I’m putting us on a schedule where we don’t have to worry about Himeko just yet. So you don’t have to come in, just spend the next week finding your character, and if you can’t by then, we’ll figure something else out.”

 

Swallowing heavily, Sai nodded, “I understand sir,” she said as normally as she could, “Thank you.” She finished, bidding him a good rest of his day and going back to her dressing room in a hurry. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, pressing her eyes closed and trying to keep the stinging down to a minimum. At that moment, she knew for an absolute fact that she’d not only let the director, but herself down.

 

She directed her glance up to the ceiling and stared at it for a few moments, blinking fervently as she tried to hold the tears at bay. Try as she might, though, one tear rolled down her cheek and she let out a shaky half-laugh, wiping it off and trying to breathe evenly, chastising herself for losing so horribly. 

 

_ Losing?  _ She asked herself... _ But what have I lost? _ Taking in another deep breath, she resolved herself and thought,  _ I haven’t lost anything so long as the director still believes in me. He trusts me. I can do this. So long as he’s holding out for me, I’ll make the most of it. _

 

She packs up her tote bag, the stinging from behind her eyes subsiding and her breathing evening out. Once she had everything together, she headed out from the door and jogged back to her bike. Packing her things safely inside the seat, she swung her leg over and thought of the following week, knowing that she’d be spending time at lunch with Maria. A smile slid over her lips as she tried to make the most of having more free time than usual and she allowed the warm feeling to rest itself comfortably in her stomach, revving her motorcycle as if to vocalize it.


	25. Chapter 25

The door slammed against the opposite wall with a definitive bang as the frustrated redhead burst into the Love Me dressing room. Completely ignoring that, Sai allowed the door to swing shut behind her as she whipped a hand through her hair and ripped out the bun that had been perched at the base of her neck.

 

She basically threw herself onto the couch at the center and dug her elbows into her thighs in order to prop her head up. Burying her face in her hands, she rubbed at her temples and shut her eyes tightly, trying desperately to block out all of the negative thoughts rushing around her mind.

 

Breaking her blissful moment of concentration, the door opened again and the soft footfalls of her friend and makeup artist met the actress’s ears. Rio gazed at her with sad, worried eyes and made her way around the couch until she was kneeling in front of her.

 

“Sai...can you please tell me what’s wrong?” She asked, her expression pleading, “You’ve been like this all week, can I do nothing to help you?”

 

Sensing the brunette’s distress, Sai looked up and met her darker, mucky brown eyes, noting the hint of emerald green at the center. Wordlessly, she glancing over at her discarded tote bag and let an audible, exasperated sigh go. Taking that to mean that the problem centered around the contents of the bag, Rio reached in and pulled out a stack of papers.

 

“These are what’s bothering you? Is it still that role you can’t grasp?” She bit her lower lip as she paged through the topmost scripts, noting with a slight wince that they were hopelessly marked up and scribbled on as the redhead tried desperately to find the solution that so eluded her.

 

In answer, Sai took the stack of papers from her friend’s hands and stood up. From there, she whipped them all to the ground with a vexed exclamation of effort. Savoring the moments that all her hard work and careful documentation hit the floor unceremoniously, she again sat down and smiled ruefully, the rest of her face blank and unmoving.

 

Rio looked at all the papers strewn about and let a gentle sigh go. She made no move to pick them up. Instead, she moved for the young woman clearly trying to hold back tears on the couch. She placed herself close to her friend, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Together, they sat simply staring at all the mess on the ground before them, as if it symbolized the true defeat that always accompanied one’s inability to complete what they set out to do.

 

Not even five minutes after they’d settled down and Sai was beginning to calm her anger at herself, the door burst open a third time. “Good morning, big sis!!” A sweet, innocent little voice rang out. The little girl who’d produced such a girlish tone whirled around to the other side of the couch, her golden hair dancing around her and a bright, beaming smile plastered on her face. She’d completely missed the heavy atmosphere suffocating the space.

 

She didn’t enter alone, though, as she was followed almost immediately by the tall form of a familiar dark haired actor. “Maria,” Ren spoke softly, beckoning the small girl towards him. She leaped into his arms and he offered a tiny smile. “I don’t really think either of them could match your energy right now. Why don’t you bring it down a few notches?” He asked as politely as he could, his eyes soft and displaying true affection for the little girl.

 

Biting her lip, Maria looked around the room and spotted the papers lying discarded and desolate on the ground as well as how unmoving and distraught her dear sister looked on the couch. She wormed her way out of the actor’s grip and walked over to the redhead, trying to meet her eyes.

 

“Ms. Akai…” he began slowly, guiding Maria from stepping on any more papers than she already had until both of them were seated. “Why did you throw all of your scripts on the ground?”

 

Completely taking him by surprise, Sai looked up with such a sorrowful, apologetic, almost puppy-dog expression that his breath caught. He was always shocked when an emotion registered so obviously on her face, and this time it seemed sunken in. She hadn’t gotten as much sleep as usual. She clearly wasn’t eating as much as she should. The lines in her forehead and around her lips were so creased that they looked painful. This was tearing her apart.

 

He knew this was going to happen. He’d known it all along. Swallowing, he tried to forget that he’d warned her about Himeko and instead he just focused on helping her in whatever way she needed. Ren offered his hand out towards the redhead, a gentle smile gracing his lips as they parted for him to speak,

 

“Are you ready to go to lunch? This time, it’s my treat, and I’m giving you the ride there.” He told her with a small smirk, recalling the last time they’d gone out with Maria. The actor could only hope that allowing her to spend some time with those who genuinely care about her would improve her mood.

 

Of course, he hadn’t the faintest idea what food she liked. He honestly knew very little about her and what he  **did** know, he’d found out on his own. She never really revealed anything to him on her own. There was no telling what mysteries surrounded her. Regardless, she was who she was, and at that moment, she needed his help. And there wasn’t a force in the universe that would stop him from giving it to her. 

 

Holding out his hand, he watched as her gaze focused on it and she nodded slowly, a bit of the pained tension in her face relaxing. Raising her hand to meet his, her slender fingers brushed his palm and it felt like electricity racing through the veins of his arms. Ren ignored this and tightened his grip on her fingers, pulling her up from the couch with surprisingly little effort. She weighed almost nothing, as he’d noted when he’d caught her earlier on in their relationship.

 

As she stood, he realized that now, now she wasn’t just relaxing, now there was a smile on her lips. It was small, but it wasn’t like the tight, pressed, polite smile she offered to coworkers and her employers. It was sincere, genuine. She was still stressed out, but her smile was real for him. 

 

Without meaning to, he let this get the best of him and a smile of his own lit up his face. The redhead savored every moment that his lips turned up in such a heavenly glow, and she wasn’t afraid to admit that it sent her pulse racing through her ears. Both Maria and Rio also looked on in a sort of embarrassed shock, their cheeks bright pink and their eyes wide.

 

“You’ve made quite a mess of these papers, though, Ms. Akai,” he admonished jokingly, bending down to sweep some of them up. Sai looked at his broad back as he turned away from her to gather more papers and a small sigh escaped her lips.

 

“It’s not as if they were in any kind of order. I’ve rearranged and reread them so many times that I practically have every word of those things memorized.” Her voice was slightly raspier than normal, almost hoarse, like she hadn’t spoken in a while. It made the actor flinch almost imperceptibly to hear it. 

 

After that, she bent down to help him and the two cleaned up the papers relatively quickly as the two other girls in the room began assisting as well. “I’m sorry for making you all help me,” the redhead said, her face unreadable and her eyes focusing on nothing in particular.

 

Maria jumped into her arms and surprised her, causing the actress’s gaze to focus in on her. “You don’t need to be sorry, sis. We just wish we could help.” Sai’s smile grew a bit at his and she kissed the little girl on her forehead. 

 

“I know. Thank you, Maria.” She set the golden haired child down and turned to face the actor behind her who was staring, his brows drawn down and together. “Mr. Tsuruga, you don’t have to make a face like that...I’m alright. Just frustrated.”

 

“You’re really alright?” He asked, taking Maria’s hand as they prepared to leave.

 

The redhead rushed about and grabbed her things, stuffing them in the already over packed tote bag and hugging Rio, telling her to be careful on her next job. When she turned to face the dark haired man again, she looked up directly into his eyes which hadn’t left her since he asked his question, “Yes. I am. I’m close too, I can feel it.”

 

They began walking out of the Love Me area, a delightful smile on the littlest’s face, “You’re close? You almost have it?”

 

“I think so. You know when you’re trying to solve a problem, and it’s almost like the answer is right on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t find the proper way to convey it? It’s like that with my image of her. It’s like I know what it should be and I can  **feel** that there’s an answer, I just can’t find the right things to visualize.” Sai tilted her head in concentration and said feeling returned, lurking right where she couldn’t reach it.

 

“Almost makes it harder, don’t you think?” The actor said, bittersweet memories of his earlier roles drifting through his mind. 

 

“Definitely. It’s worse when I know there’s an answer that I can’t find.” She pondered this for a moment, tilting her head both ways as if physically moving ideas around in her head. The trio reached Ren’s new Porsche and Sai eyed him warily. “How’s your arm?” 

 

“A little weaker than normal. Once the cast came off, they warned me there might be some muscle atrophy and I’ll need to build up the strength I once had in it.” Ren glanced self-consciously at his now healed arm, flexing his fingers gently.

 

“But you’re okay to drive?” Sai asked, the blue in her eyes so pale that they were almost white.

 

“Ms. Akai, with all due respect,” he smirked at her as he placed the golden haired girl in his back seat, “I drove with my cast on, I think I can handle driving with it off.”

 

“Yes, I’m aware,” the redhead ventured, still edging on what to do, “But you drove yourself and your manager around dangerously like that. You didn’t have a precious little girl with you then.”

 

The tall actor looked in on Maria sitting there and smiling at him through the glass, her bright forest green eyes gazing up at him happily. Why did that damn redhead have to be so good at arguing with him? He sighed and gestured with his jaw for her to sit in the driver’s seat. Circling back around, he climbed into his own passenger’s door and sat with a huff.

 

“Don’t pout. You can drive her all over when your hand is back to full strength.” Sai told him, a smile playing at her own lips. 

 

“I’m not pouting.” The actor insisted, ignoring a giggle from the back seat.

 

“You are too pouting,” the petite woman argued back as she pulled out of the parking space.

 

“Am not.”

 

“Are too. You’re such a child.” She joked, taking a careful right onto the street.

 

“You’re arguing back,” he pointed out.

 

“I didn’t say I wasn’t a child at heart, I only pointed out that you’re also being one.”

 

Ren tsked at this, “Technicalities won’t win you everything.”

 

“And pouting won’t win you anything.” She flashed her coworker a bright, teasing smile before turning back to the road and navigating to another one of her favorite restaurants she used to drag Lory to.

 

Maria had listened to their entire exchange, bouncing in her seat, an excited smile on her lips. The way the two interacted fascinated her, as she’d never seen either act like that with anyone else. She knew they had feelings for each other even if they denied them. She knew she’d meddle here and there, but mainly she’d just wait, and when the inevitable happened, oh she’d have bragging rights until the end of time.

 

Bantering back and forth relatively successfully a good majority of the time, the two talents occasionally bringing Maria in on their conversations as Sai navigated through streets neither of the others recognized. They arrived not soon after the golden haired girl’s stomach growled for the first time, and they all unloaded into a more modern looking restaurant than Ren was used to, all sleek metals and sharp angles.

 

He sent the actress a sideways glance and she exhaled quickly through her nose in laughter. Pointedly ignoring his gaze, she sidestepped him and took Maria’s hand, twirling her around and making the young girl laugh adorably as they approached the building. At first, the actor hadn’t been able to understand why Maria had taken such a shine to Sai so quickly, finding their relationship baffling. As he watched them now, though, he could clearly see why their bond was so strong. 

 

The young girl held her “sister” in a high regard, but also treated her like a mother figure. In return, the redhead was gentle and caring, but wasn’t overbearing or demanding like a parent. She treated Maria like an adult when that was appropriate, but also wasn’t afraid to spend time with the young child that Maria never really got to be. It was really sweet to watch.

 

Again, she’d managed to bring Ren to a place which had an upper balcony and was fairly secluded, away from the public eye. Sitting down, Maria engaged her beloved actor in a conversation concerning her father and her current school subjects which gave Sai the opportunity to relax and fall silent for the first time in a while.

 

The waiter eventually came and got their drink orders, after which the redhead slumped into her chair and allowed her thoughts to wander over to the progress she’d been making on Himeko. She swirled around the ice in her water glass as she thought, her gaze soft and wandering across the walls of the restaurant.

 

“Big sis?” Maria asked for the third time, blinking sadly at the woman who sat beside her, completely in a world of her own.

 

“Ms. Akai, are you alright?” Ren asked, slowly moving his hand to touch her forearm. The sudden pressure against her skin woke the redhead out of the trance-like state she’d been in and she jerked violently away from him.

 

Blinking slowly, she shook off the remaining fluff in her head and cleared her throat, “Ah, yes. I’m fine, I’m fine.” 

 

“Were you thinking about Himeko again?” The actor asked, his expression still but slightly sterner than Maria was used to. She hoped they weren’t about to argue again.

 

Sai looked at him with round, sad eyes, the paleness in them darker at the edges, like a dying flower. 

 

“You need to take a break, Ms. Akai. Really, you have dark circles under your eyes and you look so exhausted. You really need to focus on keeping yourself healthy, you owe it to your professionalism as an-” In the middle of his lecture, the actress’s eyes widened significantly for her and she whipped herself downwards towards her tote bag.

 

Quickly, she dug out four notebooks and whipped them on the table in front of her, frantically flipping through one of them before discarding that one and picking up another. Narrowing his eyes, he picked up the notebook she’d set aside and flipped through several of the pages.

 

It looked like the one she’d been writing in on the set. Except now there were four and there weren’t only notes and bullet points, but also diagrams and graphic organizers with dozens of differently colored lines and arrows. It looked insane.

 

“Ms. Akai…” He ventured, paging through another while she furiously scribbled in the only one with blank pages. “Are these all filled with notes on Himeko?”

 

Finally looking up, her expression was strange and there wasn’t enough movement to really go off of. She appeared somewhat inspired, but there was obviously still an issue in the logic she’d just tried. Sai nodded wordlessly and then resumed writing, oblivious to Maria peeking over her shoulder and Ren trying to make out some of the text in the third book.

 

Finally catching on to their curiosity, she flipped to the first page in her current notebook and held it out to her two companions. “This is the map I’m currently going off of. Anything is blue is a consistency I’ve warped a personality to fit and anything in red is still inconsistent.” The rest of the page was filled with all kinds of colors and writing utensil types, marking character traits, quotes, and details that the actor couldn’t quite make out.

 

Ren flipped to a page in the book he was holding and found a similar map, except this one was covered in a lot more red. “So have you made a lot of progress, then?” He asked, curious.

 

Her brows drew together about a quarter of centimeter and her lips pursed. “I suppose if you consider where I started. But it’s still not enough.”

 

“What’s holding you back?”

 

“Well, I figure she can’t be all shy, or nothing works. I’ve tried all sorts of traits, like having a temper, or having a more confident personality underneath. I’ve run through all sorts of scenarios, but one or two pieces never fit. She’s sarcastic to disrespectful authority figures, but kind to her mother who is the most disrespectful of all. She’s delicate and doesn’t talk unless addressed but somehow is surrounded by friends.”

 

“So nothing fits all the way. Hmm…” The actor hummed, flipping through a few more pages and thinking himself. “Maybe there just isn’t an answer, Ms. Akai. It seems almost like you’re trying to put together a puzzle that has no picture and you accidentally dumped pieces from another puzzle into it. There are too many pieces and they don’t fit together.”

 

Sai shook her head back and forth, a pensive stare seeming to burn a hole in the table. “No, it’s just one puzzle. One massive, ambiguous, picture-less puzzle. But it has a solution. I can feel it.”

 

The actor pressed his lips into a thin line and handed the notebook back to her, resting his elbows on the table and lacing his fingers together. He simply watched as she put everything back in her bag and settled back down, glancing at the menu for the first time very quickly.

 

There was a moment of awkward silence that started resting over the table and Maria shrank down, unsure of what to do, when they were interrupted for their orders. Ren hadn’t been able to pin down exactly what  **kind** of restaurant they were currently at, as the menu gave nothing away. The one consistency he could find was that most of the meals seemed to be lighter fare. Perfect for him.

 

He ordered for himself and Maria, picking out something the golden haired child was sure to like. After that, he busied himself looking at the water fountain in the center of the lower restaurant levels and how it rippled against the copper backdrop, making beautiful rainbow colors against the metal.

 

“Why does it have to be just like the books?” Maria finally asked, unable to help herself any longer.

 

Sai looked at her with a somewhat upset expression, her lips pressed tightly together. “Well...it doesn’t have to be exactly like the books, Maria. If I can find a good personality, I can deviate from the descriptions in the novel, but at this point, the changes would just be too drastic.”

 

“And why is that a bad thing-” She began asking before watching Sai’s already fairly changed features dip lower until she looked more distraught and upset than the little girl had ever seen her. Her mouth instantly snapped shut and she looked down at her lip, the sight of her sister so upset too painful to watch. 

 

Still watching her was the actor, whose own expression partially mimicked hers in empathy. He knew what it was like to have to face a director and tell him that it was impossible to work with what was there. In many cases, this meant that your job was endangered, as any actor too incompetent to work with what he was given should be cut. In her case, though, she didn’t have to worry about that because the director was already less sure the material was any good than she was.

 

Because of that, he actually found himself agreeing with Maria this time. “You know, Ms. Akai, I honestly can’t see what you see.” He told her bluntly, inwardly flinching as she looked up at him with shocked, hurt eyes. “I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you,” he continued, as much as he hated that look. “And I can’t see any possible paths you haven’t already tried.”

 

Clenching her jaw together, the redhead forced her gaze down to the table and refused to look up. She wouldn’t believe that it wasn’t possible. She’d find the solution. She had to. She didn’t know the reason why she had to, but she knew she had to.

 

Taking her intense silence to mean that she’d dropped the subject, he simply pressed his lips together to keep himself from saying anything else. The trio then sat in relative silence as their food arrived and they busied themselves with the first few bites. Slowly, conversations began again and the two actors even bantered back and forth a little.

 

Mostly, though, the talking was all from the little golden haired girl sitting next to the redhead. She desperately wanted to lighten the mood and the most she could do was talk to Ren, as Sai barely replied. The more their meal progressed, the less the actress spoke and the more she seemed to space out.

 

The moment Maria finished eating, she was overwhelmed with the heavy atmosphere and immediately excused herself to wash her hands. Now sitting alone in silence, the two talents met eyes and the older of the two cleared his throat.

 

“Ms. Akai. Something occurred to me while we were eating that might help you and I was wondering if you’d like to help me give it a try. Would you come over tonight?” He asked, not daring to sugarcoat his words or risk smiling in a nongenuine way that would tip her off.

 

Suddenly very interested, the redhead leaned forward and looked at him with such sincere, sparkling eyes, the actor felt a pang of guilt run through him. He didn’t really have a solution for her. He just wanted her to relax for a while. “Why can’t we just try it now?”

 

“Well…” he ventured, searching for a reason, “it may take some time and I want to dedicate that time to you. I wouldn’t want to have to cut it short due to the job I have soon.” He knew if he brought work into it, she would listen. 

 

Nodding slowly, she slumped back down in her seat and ran a hand through her hair. “When can I expect you?” She asked carefully, her eyes closed in concentration.

 

“My last job of the night ends at nine. I know that’s pretty late, but I can’t make it any earlier and I want to help you before we have to be on set tomorrow.”

 

Desperate for something, anything, to present to the director the next day, the redhead found herself nodding, willing to agree to such a late time if there was any chance that things would improve. “Alright. I’ll meet you in your dressing room a little after nine.”

 

Right as she was agreeing, Maria had come back and Ren had finished paying for the meal, so the three headed back to the car where Sai got into the driver’s side without a single word to the others. Maria could tell the air was lighter, but still no one spoke. 

 

When they arrived back at LME, Sai parted with her two companions on a gentle note and headed back to her room to finish her work day. She felt a bit better after spending the afternoon with Maria and Ren, and the promise of a possible breakthrough bettered her mood considerably.

 

She finished her day rather easily, spending an hour afterward relaxing in her dressing room to the wondrous sounds of her favorite composers. Her alarm went off at nine and she dragged herself out of her trance-like state, gathering her belongings and heading towards the elevator bay to approach the floor Ren would be on soon.

 

Reaching his room, Sai knocked softly on the door and was surprised when it gently swung open for her. On the other side was the tall actor, dressed more casually in a simple long sleeve shirt and jeans, a smile gracing his lips beautifully and his eyes shining when they fell on her relaxed, at ease expression.

 

“Good evening, Mr. Tsuruga,” she greeted with a soft voice, pleased to see him brighten even further.

 

“And to you, Ms. Akai. Please, come in.” He stepped aside and she brushed past him into the room, noting the absence of the usual ever-present manager.

 

“Where’s Yashiro?” She asked, tilting her head at the actor.

 

“He already went home, before my last job. Something he had to attend to.”

 

“Damn.” She said with a smirk, surprising the actor who still wasn’t used to her cursing. “I was looking forward to arguing with him about where I’m sitting.”

 

“Won’t you be in the driver’s seat?” He asked, a toying smile on his own face.

 

“Ah, no, not unless you want me to. I only wanted to drive because Maria was in the car.” Her voice was much more honest and sincere than he’d been expecting and it took him rather by surprise.

 

“So you don’t trust me to drive you  **and** Maria, but I can drive you around just fine?” 

 

“It’s not that. I’m confident enough in you to place my life in your hands, but I don’t feel right placing another person’s life at stake without permission.”

 

“You’d trust me with your life?” Ren asked, completely taken aback by that.

 

“Any day.” The woman said, gazing up at him with gentle eyes, the blue darkening until it was the exact color of the midday sky.


	26. Chapter 26

The redhead burst into Ren’s apartment easily, now that she’d done it more times than she was willing to count. She refused to let herself be perturbed by this fact, though, deciding to attribute it to strange circumstances. Like her getting smashed around in an elevator. Or the actor getting in a car accident.

 

Trying not to chuckle at her fretting and excited mannerisms, the tall actor dropped his messenger bag by the couch and loosened his tie, taking off his jacket and hanging it over the back of his couch. Sai wasn’t even three feet away from him, bouncing on the balls of her feet with wide, curious, excited eyes.

 

Sighing, the actor turned to face her as he leaned against his furniture and gestured for her to ask whatever was on her mind.

 

“So?” She asked, reminding both of them of all the times and circumstances surrounding that word between the two of them. “What do you have for me?”

 

“‘Have for you’?” Ren teased, already knowing full well what she wanted but planning on dragging out his lie for as long as possible. 

 

“Yes!” She practically shouted, getting closer to the man whilst looking up at him with pleading eyes. “You said you came up with something to help me with Himeko! So tell me! Spill!” Now she was close enough that he could actually see her long, dark eyelashes and how they framed her pale, almost colorless irises. 

 

Swallowing, he gave her a small, patient smile, “Just wait a moment, Ms. Akai. We’ve just gotten here.” He told her nonchalantly, waving his hand as if disregarding her concern. 

 

“Just got here? What on earth are you going on about? That’s the reason I’m here! Why do we need to wait to talk about it?”

 

Placing a hand to his heart, the actor made a big deal of acting as if her words had mortally wounded him, “Y-you mean…” he began, looking at her with overdramatic, mocking eyes. “You didn’t come over to spend time with me?”

 

The redhead scoffed loudly and rolled her eyes as if she were dealing with a child. She was used to Lory acting this way, but Ren? Now that was unusual. 

 

“How could you have such dirty ulterior motives?” He asked, looking near tears although they both knew he wasn’t serious.

 

“‘Ulterior motives’? You make it sound like I was being perverted.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared accusingly at the man. “In fact, I’m beginning to think you’re the one with the ulterior motives. You didn’t really discover anything that would help me, did you? Why did you ask me to come here?”

 

“Now hold on,” Ren said softly, holding out his hand with his palm facing her as if to tell her to stop. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. No one’s accusing anyone of anything.”

 

“You blatantly accused me of having ulterior motives,” she pointed out, narrowing her eyes, still suspicious.

 

“Yes, but I was joking. Of course you didn’t have any.”

 

Suddenly, her expression shifted and there was much more underneath the surface, a taunting, teasing heat. If they’d been any further away, he was positive that he wouldn’t have noticed, but in that moment, the color of her eyes darkened further. It was almost like staring at the bottom of a reflecting pool in a lagoon.

 

“Are you saying I’m incapable of having ulterior motives?” She asked, taking him by surprise.

 

“Well…no. I suppose not. But…I mean, I don’t think you’re the type to really take advantage of someone.”

 

Her head tilted slightly and the face she’d been making evaporated. “I suppose you’re right,” came her vague answer, only serving to confuse the man more.

 

“Are you willing to listen to me?” 

 

“You want to do something else before we discuss work, then. Okay. I’m listening.”

 

“Dinner. Let’s have dinner.” 

 

Sai’s heavy lashes fluttered across her vision a few times as she blinked at the tall man before her. That had not been what she’d expected. 

 

“Who said anything about dinner?” She asked, glancing at the clock which nearly read ten at night.

 

“The time said something. And so did my stomach. I tend to listen when those two are in sync about something.”

 

“You’re hungry?” The redhead asked, scrunching her eyebrows together. She was used to either guilt tripping or force feeding the man. She’d never seen him hungry before.

 

“Unprecedented, I know, but it does happen. Occasionally. I thought I told you, I usually eat when I’m hungry.” Ren shrugged, trying to make out an expression from the subtle shifts in the actress’s features.

 

“Which is  **only** occasionally. How comforting.” Sai said with a slight shake of her head.

 

“Hey, I’ve gotten better lately,” he insisted, making his way towards the cell phone he’d left discarded on the sofa.

 

The redhead laughed softly, and though it wasn’t the all out laughter that echoed off the walls, it still made Ren’s skin tingle. “Sure you have. I’ll believe it when I see it. Now, did you have something in mind for me to make?”

 

“Oh, you don’t have to make anything, we can just order something.” He said, waving his phone at her.

 

Raising her brows, she offered the man across the room from her an extremely incredulous look. “Give me that,” she ordered, taking the sleek gadget from him. “If we’re eating, which let me stress I’m not pleased about, then I’m making it.”

 

“Ms. A-”

 

“Ah!” She cut him off, not allowing him to speak. “I’m making. And you’re helping me.” She told him matter-of-factly, briskly walking into his kitchen.

 

“Ah, no no. You have no idea how bad of an idea that is. I’m an absolutely awful cook.” 

 

“Are you? Or is that just an excuse to keep you from eating at home?” Sai asked him, tilting her head towards him in question.

 

“I’m probably the worst help in the kitchen you could imagine. I drop everything, burn everything, and nothing is cooked correctly. I’m a disaster.”

 

“Good thing you’ll just be helping me then,” she offered a dazzling but obviously forced smile as she made her way to the stove and pushed up her sleeves. 

 

With expert skill, she pulled down the shelves that held his pots which were normally much too tall for her petite frame to allow her to reach. She’d navigated the room so much when she’d been cooking for him before that it was much easier now. She still would never do this to  **her** cabinets. She hated his strange kitchen layout. And missed her kitchen.

 

Ren continued to protest against helping, but she somehow roped him into helping stir a single pot. Even when it came to cooking, something he detested, he couldn’t say no to her. And it was the most annoying thing he’d ever experienced.

 

While trying to stir whatever white sauce the redhead was making, he managed to first get a few drops around the burner, and then one ran into the flame and it burst up slightly, curling around the sides of the metal container. The sight of the flames startled the actor, who jumped slightly. Unfortunately for him, his sleeve got caught on the panhandle and the entire thing flipped over and landed on top of the fire, which leaped up as it touched the sauce. 

 

The actor yelped loudly and jumped backwards, watching with a fair amount of horror as it started a small fire. Not letting it faze her in the slightest, though, the redhead immediately grabbed something white from his cupboard and dumped the fine powder over the open flame, effectively dousing it.

 

“Baking soda.” She said in a monotone, holding up the box for him to see. “It puts out small grease fires pretty easily.” Clicking her tongue, the actress flipped the burner to “OFF” and tossed the now baking soda covered pan into the sink and got a sponge, quickly cleaning off the sauce from the stovetop. 

 

After that, she placed a new pan on the burner and started it up, beginning her sauce again. “Now, Mr. Tsuruga.” She said, her voice still monotone but with a slight, dark edge to it. 

 

“I warned you,” the actor jumped to say, already knowing what she was going to tell him.

 

“I know you did. It was actually rather impressive, I have to say. That was the fastest I’ve ever seen someone make an easy task into a dangerous threat. Well done.”

 

“Don’t taunt me like that,” Ren warned, his tone low and threatening. “I told you I was awful in the kitchen. You can’t fault me for you not listening.”

 

Now tending to the sauce herself without a word to him about it, she turned and flashed a beautiful, playful smirk. “No, and I’m not. As I said, I was just impressed.” The smirk slowly turned into a real smile and she regarded him seriously for a moment. “Would you like me to teach you how to cook?”

 

Hearing that, the dark haired man chuckled deeply, actually amused with the thought, but upon seeing her face, he sobered, “Oh…you’re serious…I’m afraid that would be completely impossible. You saw what just happened, right? I’m a lost cause.”

 

This time, the laugh Sai gave him was completely genuine, radiating with warmth that touched every corner of the room. “Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure. I’ve met people a whole lot worse than you. If you have enough time and ingredients to practice, I’m sure you wouldn’t even need me there to teach you.”

 

Quirking an eyebrow, the actor tried to wrap his head around where she got that crazy idea. What, did she want him to burn down the apartment building? “You honestly think you could teach me how to cook?”

 

“Oh, for sure. It’s really not that hard when you get used to it. All the clumsiness tends to dim down with experience.”

 

Regarding her skeptically, Ren didn’t feel confident enough to agree with her, but he found words slipping through his lips before he could stop them. “I suppose that makes sense…”

 

“Good. Now, it’s about ready, so why don’t you set the table or get some plates?” She told him, her face an easy going, relaxed neutral expression.

 

As much as he enjoyed seeing her emotions, it was nice to see her just content for once. Especially after all she’d put herself through those last few days trying to work out her impossible problem.

 

Wanting to make the most of their current situation, the actor got down several plates and silverware, but set them on the counter instead. Sai thought nothing of it and dished out a heavenly smelling pasta onto them, sprinkling this and that over them as a final touch. She was about to pick up her plate and head to the table when the actor scooped it up first.

 

Somehow holding both plates and two drinks, Ren moved gracefully into his living room and set their meals on the coffee table. He sat on the floor and crossed his legs, eying the actress still hovering in the kitchen doorway. Wanting her to come in with him, he gestured with his chin. 

 

“You’re sure it’s okay to eat out here?” She asked, approaching and nibbling on her lip softly.

 

He knew she was serious, but the thought of her asking permission to eat with him in his own living room was too much and he burst out in laughter. He laughed until he trembled and crumpled onto the floor, writhing as his stomach panged in protest to the continued exertion on his diaphragm.

 

At first, Sai was surprised by his reaction, blinking rapidly in confusion. After seeing her face, the actor only laughed harder which turned her surprise into a mixture of hurt and embarrassment. Her cheeks flushed a dark pink and she put her hands on her hips, glaring at the man laughing so openly at her expense.

 

“Alright, alright! I get it!” She exclaimed, now getting angry with the tall actor. “It was a stupid question!”

 

Ren wiped a tear from his eye and sighed in content, “Stupid as it may have been, I’ll answer it. Yes. I’m sure it’s okay to eat out here.” He gave the redhead a smirk and gestured again for her to come to the table.

 

Scoffing, the actress made her way over to the table and sat down, a smile appearing on her lips despite how hard she tried to suppress it. They both started eating then and the actor turned on the television, settling against the front of his couch. As their meal progressed and the variety show reached its peak, the pair sitting cross-legged on the floor had fallen into an easy pattern.

 

Their laughter floated about the apartment, accompanied by occasional comments from each of them that only served to increase that laughter. Sai even batted the actor’s arm several times when his jokes became too inappropriate. It was a simple evening, nothing too unusual or extravagant but it pleased Ren more than he’d ever say. He was enjoying his time with her far too much.

 

As the credits rolled and their dishes were piled at the side of the table, Sai busied herself with twirling a lock of hair around her finger. Finding his eyes drawn by that action, Ren couldn’t look away. With a shock, he realized just how long her hair had gotten since he’d first met her. It now swept across her collarbone, curling as it touched her ivory skin.

 

His hand twitched as he was suddenly overcome with the desire to touch the bright locks, to run his fingers through them. Shifting uncomfortably, he tucked his hands underneath him as casually as he could and averted his gaze to the commercials on the large screen.

 

The moments of relaxation eventually faded for the redhead and her usual stress started creeping in and weighing on her mind heavily. Unconsciously, her eyes drifted towards her tote bag where all of her notebooks resided. As much as she tried to resist the urge to get them out and start whittling away at her latest ideas, the actor beside her noticed her change immediately.

 

Relenting slightly, he moved and picked up the dishes resting at the end of the table, “I’ll go wash these up since you were kind enough to make such a delicious meal, Ms. Akai,” he told her with a gentle smile, indicating subtly that she was okay to fetch her notebooks while he was in the other room.

 

Nodding in gratitude both for his gesture and for volunteering, Sai scooted out of his way and towards her bag, drawing out her newest book and settling on the soft material of the sofa. She tucked her legs underneath her and cradled the notebook in her lap, scratching away at it as she jotted down any ideas that came to her.

 

Finding her frantically scribbling something, holding three different colored pens, when he returned, the actor swept by her and snatched the book from her hands, holding it behind his back. “Mr. Tsuruga!” The redhead yelped, a startled expression actually dominant on her features. “Give that back!”

 

“Absolutely not. You’re far too focused on this thing-”

 

“Yes, but that’s my prerogative! It’s not affecting my health or my job, I’m as professional as I need to be when the time comes, I eat and sleep efficiently, and I spend my free time trying to figure out an impossible puzzle I  **know** has a solution!”

 

“Normally, I would agree with you, Ms. Akai, but-”

 

“Then give it back!” She jumped to grab it from behind him, but he pivoted and used his much broader frame to block her. 

 

“As I was saying…I would agree with you, but in your case, you’re bordering on obsession. You have to give this up, Ms. Akai or it  **will** start affecting you.” The tall man looked down at the petite girl in front of him, fighting to keep his eyes trained on her rather than avert them from the pained expression on her face.

 

“I’ll decide when it’s obsessive, Mr. Tsuruga. I don’t need you to tell me when that is, I’m not a child.”

 

“No, but you’re determined as hell to do something that just isn’t possible.”

 

“Well, I don’t think that! And until I prove myself wrong by exhausting any and all possibilities, I’ll never think that! So either give it back and let me prove either of us right, or just tell me the idea you supposedly had and I’ll stop!” She looked up at him, begging for him to support her in any way.

 

Faltering for the first time, he let his guard down just long enough for the redhead to snatch the small book from his hands, holding it protectively against her chest. Her face had visibly fallen and she looked at him with the most dejected expression he’d ever seen her make, “You never did have an idea, did you?” She asked with a soft, wavering voice.

 

“I-I…I didn’t. No.” He admitted, trying desperately to find the words to explain why he’d lied to her.

 

For the first time since he’d grabbed her notebook, Sai ripped her eyes away from the man and turned her gaze to the floor, biting her lip and nodding as if to say that she’d figured that from the start. Without a word, she turned her back to him and moved to the couch again, curling up there and remaining motionless, the book still clutched in her hands.

 

Ren’s chest tightened significantly and a pain radiated through him as guilt from the lie coursed through his veins. It even left an unpleasant taste in his mouth and he looked at the woman before him at a loss, not knowing how to fix this. He did the only thing that came naturally to him and approached her carefully,

 

“Ms. Akai, I am extremely sorry for deceiving you.” He tried to catch her eyes, but she averted them instantly, choosing to bore a hole in his carpet with her focused gaze. “I know it was wrong, but I only did it because I’m genuinely worried for you. I know you don’t think I know you well or like you much, but truthfully I understand you more than you think. We’re very similar, you and I, and I know what’s it’s like to get obsessed like this and it doesn’t end well.

 

“I’m invading on your personal matters, and that’s not right, but I can’t just stand by and watch you torture yourself with stress like this. The expectations you have for yourself far surpass anything anyone else expects of you, and not because your talents are lesser, but because of how flimsy your character was originally written. 

 

“You’re treating all this like you’re going to get fired if you can’t ‘fix’ her, but Director Sanada would never do that to you. He said himself that we’d all work together to figure something out, right? If that means we have to change the script or the settling a little bit, then so be it. The script is written the best it can be, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect.

 

“The best and only thing you can do right now would be to relax and let people help. Let us all help and we’ll create Himeko together. We’ll get to write the script ourselves so it matches how  **you** want to play the character. And if you come into work tomorrow at full power, you’ll be almost like a new person you’ll be so refreshed, and it’ll make all the problem solving go much easier.”

 

He paused, waiting for any sign she’d heard or processed anything he’d just said to her and was rewarded with a gentle, defeated sigh. “Alright. You’re right.” The words were so soft he could barely hear them, but even that quiet he could feel how logged they were with heavy disappointment.

 

Sai tossed the book back into her tote and buried her face in her hands tiredly. “I really wanted there to be an answer…” she said a bit louder, the word wavering and warbling as she tried to keep from getting too emotional over losing to something she never stood a chance against from the beginning.

 

“I can see that.” Ren told her, placing a hand on her shoulder to show his support, “And if the world was fair, Ms. Akai, there would have been an answer to reward all your hard work at trying to find it.”

 

She nodded listlessly, turning the words he’d spoken over and over in her head, trying to come to terms with just giving up in her search. To try and make her feel better, the actor switched the tv to a station with something they were both moderately interested in and tried to strike up casual conversations with her. 

 

The redhead eventually settled into a comfortable position on the couch, her legs neatly tucked underneath her and her chin resting in her hand as she leaned against the armrest. Ren was beginning to get a bit concerned, as her replies to his words rapidly decreased with time and her expression grew more and more distant.

 

The credits rolled for the drama that had just been on and Sai was muddling through thoughts of one of the characters, the actor’s speech still echoing in the background of her thoughts. Mixing several aspects of her favorite characters together, something began to form in her mind and several phrases of Ren’s advice began to stand out, almost like directions. 

 

He’d told her to play the character how  **she** wanted to play it. And he’d said that the script was written as best as it could, but it clashed with how the author has chosen to describe his character, not how she  **could** play the character. 

 

Refusing to get excited too fast, the actress plugged parts of various drama characters she’d seen into the mental algorithm she’d created for Himeko and the more she added, the more seemed to fit together. Everything was fitting.

 

Sitting up straight, she jerked her body upwards into a more rigid posture. The sudden action drew Ren’s eyes to her and he watched as she blinked rapidly, her eyes darting about like she was computing something. Between that and her erect posture, the actor knew something was happening.

 

Before he could ask, though, Sai pushed up onto her feet, bolting into a standing position and raising a hand to her chin as her thoughts raced. As if mimicking those racing ideas, she began pacing back and forth, mumbling things under her breath. After a moment, her gaze snapped up to Ren’s and she stopped pacing, her mouth hanging open in shock and a glint unlike anything the actor had ever seen was gleaming in her eyes. 

 

Her jaw snapped shut and the ‘o’ shape of her mouth morphed into a gleeful, giddy, and enormous smile. Breathlessly, the words brushed out of her lips, “I got it.” She told him, as if she could hardly believe the words herself.

 

“What do you mean, ‘you got it’?”  Ren immediately questioned, standing himself and turning to face her, trying to catch anything more from the actress as she fumbled for the notebook she’d discarded earlier, her hands shaking in anticipation and excitement, the disbelief still obvious in her every mannerism.

 

“It’s so simple!” She laughed, comparing lines she’d written to the scripts she’d memorized and the way her acting had gone in earlier scenes. “God, I can’t believe I almost missed this…” she mumbled under her breath, “it’ll all work if I do it like that…”

 

Ren watched in fascination as the total mystery unfurled itself in her expressive eyes, revelation after revelation making her smile grow beautifully and her eyes almost sparkle with triumph. She looked positively elated.

 

Trying desperately to clear her thoughts long enough to decide what her next course of action should be, Sai spotted her phone on the other side of the room. She whisked towards it, brushing against the actor’s shoulder as she went. The contact made shivers shoot through both of their bodies, something they’d both have to think about later, but too preoccupied to read into it right then.

 

Scooping up her phone, the actress immediately dialed Rio, ignoring the actor’s questions as to what was happening and what she was doing. The brunette picked up on the third ring with a bit of concern at being called so late in the night, but was relieved to hear her best friend’s voice.

 

“I got it. I need your help.” Was all she said, no further explanation or introduction needed.

 

“You got it? Oh yes!” She exclaimed, slapping her hand down on her leg as she couldn’t clap while holding a phone. “I knew you could do it!” She laughed, pride in her friend evident in her voice. “What do you need my help with, just name it.”

 

“The finishing touches. I’ll need to adjust some aspects of her character and I can’t do it without you. It’ll probably take some time to complete, though.”

 

“When do you need to be at the shoot?” Rio asked, recalling the girl’s schedule from their earlier conversation.

 

“Nine, I believe,” the actress replied, running the numbers through her head again. She looked at the clock on her phone quickly and tsked at the time. It was nearly two am already. She hadn’t realized it had gotten so late.

 

“How long are we talking for this makeover?” 

 

“Somewhere roughly between four and six hours probably,” Sai admitted, recalling when she’d attempted something similar to what she was currently planning.

 

The artist whistled softly and computed the time in her head, “Well, who needs sleep anyway?” She asked sarcastically, unable to keep the smirk out of her voice. “We’d better get started now, toots, or you’ll be late.”

 

“You’re an angel, Rio!” The redhead exclaimed, earning a soft laugh from the older woman. “I’ll be over there right away, thank you so much!” She hung up and began gathering her things as quickly as she could.

 

“Will you be requiring a ride?” Ren asked, a small, amused smile on his lips. He realized now that she wasn’t going to tell him anything about what she’d just created, and he was surprisingly okay with that.

 

She looked up and flashed him a manic, excited and childlike grin. “Nope! I’ll catch a cab, so I don’t have to inconvenience you at all, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

Gracefully, the talent somehow managed to get everything together and situated in a manner that was at least somewhat steady and she made her way for the door. Sliding through it, she called out before she left, “Thank you for everything, Mr. Tsuruga! I owe you for tonight, I can’t tell you how much you helped me. I’ll see you tomorrow at the set!”

 

“You’re quite welcome, Ms. Akai,” Ren managed to get out before she slid into the hallway and the door swung shut behind her. 

 

Looking at the now closed door, a part of him was left a little disappointed she hadn’t even given him a tidbit of her epiphany, but most of him was ecstatic to be surprised at the shoot the following day. He honestly had no idea what to expect, but knowing the redhead, it would be an incredible performance. His heart raced just at the things he imagined she’d be capable of doing and a warm smile appeared on his face as the look of pure joy she’d had when she finally solved her puzzle found itself burned into the backs of his eyelids.


	27. Chapter 27

The company car pulled up at the studio, turning towards the door, and before it even came to a full stop, the two passengers inside spilled out. One, a brunette with her hair in a bun carrying a truly impressive array of bags filled with cosmetics, and the other wearing a baggy sweatshirt with the hood up, masking her general appearance, except the obvious uniform skirt peeking out from the sweatshirt’s hem. 

 

They ran from the car to the doors and barreled through them, each with smiles on their faces, as if they’d just done something they shouldn’t have. The brunette led her hooded companion down a few twisting halls before they arrived at a dressing room boasting the name  _ Saiyuka Akai _ on the wall next to it. 

 

Spilling in, both breathed a sigh of relief and shared smirks of exuberance, “Rio, I can’t believe we just did that,” the actress managed after she’d caught her breath and removed her hood. 

 

“Hey, it was mostly you! You dragged me into it!” The makeup artist insisted, still marveling at the difference her dear friend had undergone in just a few hours. 

 

She scoffed and looked mock indignantly at her, “You did all of the work,” she said with a smirk, “It was just my idea.”

 

Rio huffed, and though she knew this was true, she couldn’t help but glare at the talent standing in the room smirking at her, “If we get into trouble, I’m blaming you.” She said smartly.

 

Laughing, Sai managed, “That’s fair, that’s fair.” She turned and looked at her reflection, seeing a totally different person staring back at her. “I don’t know about this, Rio,” she said with a shaking voice, “I’m starting to get nervous.”

 

“You’re having second thoughts?” The brunette asked, shocked, “No no, not after I spent hours doing this for you.” She waved her finger and stared pointedly at her friend, ignoring the puppy dog look she was giving her.

 

“Are you sure this was a good idea?”

 

“Sai, you were the one that came to me raving about it! And you were right! You’ve put so much thought and effort into this, and you’ve found your answer. If you aren’t satisfied, then there is no right answer. At least try this one before you give up on her.” 

 

Sai bit her lip and her teeth ran into the fake metal piercing poking through it, causing the nervousness to wash over her again, “I don’t know, Rio, this seems really far away from what the director wanted.”

 

“What that director wanted was an actress to play a hopeless character that no one would dare touch because it was such a lost cause. You’re basically his dream right now. You’re trying, at least, Sai.”

 

“What if he fires me? For going off script?” She asked in a soft, scared voice, fearing her first experience with a serious director like him would repeat itself.

 

“First of all, you weren’t even fired. Director Sanada practically begged for Madam to come back you were so good. You know what you’re doing, Sai, believe me.”

 

Rio placed a reassuring hand on the petite girl’s shoulder. “You think I got the character, then?” The redhead asked hesitantly.

 

Rolling her eyes, the artist responded, “Yes, incredibly so. I couldn’t believe it when you were telling me about it, it seems so obvious now. It’s perfect.” She gave her a smile and patted her back.

 

“I’m…still not sure what to do.” Sai said, shuffling her feet much to Rio’s disapproval. “I mean, what if I go out there and they don’t even want to let me explain, or act it out? What if they don’t even give her a try?”

 

Considering this, Rio realized it was a logical fear this time. It was possible they’d view her as too radically different and reject her, “It’s conceivable,” she said, “But doubtful, knowing you. You’re so stubborn.”

 

Sai raised an eyebrow and looked at her friend and coworker, and something occurred to her, “I have an idea.” She said softly, watching the brunette’s reaction carefully.

 

“What is it?” She asked, with slight hesitation.

 

“I’ll go out there, no ifs, ands, or buts, but you have to do something for me first.”

 

Rio tried not to point out she’d just added a “but” to the very sentence she’d promised not to, and simply nodded, “Alright. Name it.”

 

“Go out there, tell them I’m running a few minutes late. They can start a scene without me. Of course, they won’t want to waste another scene where I’m absent because those are slotted for days I’m not here, or in case I need to cancel. Therefore, tell them to run this scene,” Sai dug in her tote and pulled out her script, flipping expertly to a scene marked with a blue post it. Rio memorized the page number and looked up for the actress to continue.

 

“Halfway through, the camera cuts to me when I enter. Because there’s a shift in cameras, they can simply film the first half without me on set, and then resume when I’m here at the moment the camera focuses on me.”

 

“Why does that matter?” Rio asked her, still not totally following.

 

“Because they won’t have to wait. I’ll come in just like I’m supposed to, just before the director cuts it, and start acting immediately. That way, they won’t be able to reject my character right away.”

 

Rio’s eyes widened at this, and she realized the concept was actually pretty logical and well done. It might actually work. 

 

“Okay then, I’ll do it. How long do you need to get into character before I go start lying to the cast you’ll be working with?” She asked jokingly, a light smile playing at her lips.

 

Sai grinned at her and said, “Not long, you can probably just go straight there. Himeko is rather strong, it doesn’t take much to get into her character.”

 

Nodding, Rio somehow understood the intensity of the character and how it correlated to the ease in which the acting was. She exited the room swiftly, closing the door and running to the wrong end of the hall to get her pulse up, and then sprinting down to the main studio to appear out of breath. She jogged up to the director, who saw and recognized her from earlier times she was there.

 

“Ms. Honda, good morning.” He greeted her, raising his eyebrows at how out of breath she was, wondering if she’d run all the way there.

 

“Good…morning,” she panted, giving him a tired smile, “I’m sorry.” She said once she’d caught her breath. “Sai is- I mean, Ms. Akai is going to be just a few minutes late. She’s on her way.”

 

Narrowing his eyes, the director nodded. He didn’t much like tardiness, but like Ren, Sai was never late, so he supposed he could forgive one instance. “She did say that you should film before she got here, though.”

 

He scoffed, waving his hand, “It’s better to wait at this point. No sense doing another scene she’s not in, it would mean she’d have to come in another day, or she’d have one less day to cancel if she needed to.”

 

Rio made a surprised face and snapped her fingers as if she’d just remembered something, “Oh! Sai- Ms. Akai mentioned that! She says you could do the scene on…” she closed her eyes and faked needing to remember the number, waving and snapping her fingers, “Page 213!” Rio finally said, a huge smile on her face as if celebrating that she’d just remembered.

 

Turning to that page, the director skimmed the passages and a smile lit up his face. Of course she’d recommended that scene. One where they could pick it up right when she got there. She was really something else.

 

He nodded to the artist, much to her delight, and signalled for people to begin setting up. Out of his vision, the brunette was hiding an enormous smile. Screw taking acting classes, just being around the redhead made her good enough to get away with little things like that performance.

 

Quickly, the room was lit and cameras were rolling, mics were up and people were dressed, and slowly they filed onto the stage.

 

It was a mundane scene where they were in the middle of a class lecture. Therefore, the studio was made to resemble a small lecture hall, filled with desks and chairs all angled towards a podium and a white board. On it were scrawled letters dictating the title of the course and the teacher’s name. The teacher himself stood behind the podium and was arranging papers on it to look like notes.

 

In the scene, he goes through an important test review and stresses how dire it is to be present and attentive, and right as he was about to get to the importance of attending these last few lectures, Himeko was meant to walk in. As the audience, it was known that she was held up by her mother that morning, who’d desperately needed her help. 

 

Being the shy girl she was, though, Himeko wasn’t going to divulge that information. Because of that, though, she ends up being grilled by the professor. It ends when the bell rings and she runs off with her friends who are teasing her. When they’d done this scene the past week, the ending was shaky at best, as were Sai’s first attempts at making her character 

 

The first time they ran through it that day, several parts were a bit rough and one actor forgot his full line, so they ended up cutting and running it again. Their third time through, Ren walked in behind Yashiro and the two men made their way up to the stage, a perfect three minutes early for their scheduled time. They approached the director and watched as he scanned the rolling scene for any indication of need for a retake.

 

Just out of sight, Sai had snuck out of her dressing room and was waiting for the scene to go smoothly before she dared enter. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ren enter and her pulse picked up as she held her breath for what he’d think of her performance. Rather than unnerving her, though, it seemed to invigorate her. 

 

As the scene was reaching the halfway point and all had appeared to go smoothly, Sai rested her hand on the doorknob to the false door and was prepared to enter when she heard the beat between the last line and the moment before the director called the scene.

 

At nearly the same moment, Tengen raised his hand to cut the scene, satisfied with the acting, but before he could utter the word, the door on the side of the set flew open. Everyone’s eyes immediately moved to the source of the motion and found their jaws dropping at what they saw.

 

Stepping through the doorway was a female, rather tall for a typical Japanese woman, with the strangest haircut anyone in the room had ever seen. Half of her head was buzzed until just the fuzz of her hair was remaining, and the other half was short, a dyed platinum blonde with cyan streaks. Most of her bangs were combed back and slick at the top of her head, but some fell over her eyes toward the other side of her face, and the rest of her hair trailed down until it reached her jawline. 

 

From what was visible of her ears, it was obvious they were pieced all to hell, with various shapes and forms of metal poking in and out, not only the cartilage in her ear, but also in her eyebrows and lip.

 

Once she was in the room, it became obvious that she was wearing a school uniform, but it was mostly off of her, her jacket in her hands, the ribbon around her neck gone, a few buttons undone, and the skirt chopped short. Her legs were wrapped in lacy black tights and ended in severe heels that probably had the potential as a murder weapon. 

 

As her eyes scanned the room, an icy blueness made the space seem chillier and it slowly dawned on her captive audience who had just entered the room. Saiyuka Akai. But it wasn’t quite her. The way her eyebrows were slightly knit and her lip was raised in slight disgust was against her usual personality. She still appeared bored, as the redhead so often did, but this was more of an intense, forced boredom, like she was personally telling each individual in the room that they weren’t worth her time. This was Himeko Satori who’d just entered the classroom. 

 

**Clicking her tongue, Himeko turned and walked towards the back of the classroom, to the prison that was her desk, her heels clicking loudly in the silence of the room. She haphazardly tossed her jacket over the back of her chair and dropped her bag near the desk, not caring where it landed. Her arms empty of all the useless items she’d been carrying, Himeko plopped gracefully into her chair, bringing up her legs to rest on the edge of her desk. She then leaned back and put her hands behind her head, each finger decorated with rings of different shapes, sizes and colors.**

 

**Raising her eyebrows at the man towards the front of the room that was standing staring at her, she feigned a look of remembrance and sat forward, lacing her fingers and resting her chin on them, “Oh, I’m sorry, teacher.” She said with a apathetic monotone, “I didn’t mean to interrupt your precious class.” Her last words flew off her tongue with a hint of sarcasm and malice.**

 

Instantly, Ren, who had previously been just as appalled and shocked at Sai’s appearance as everyone else, noticed something that pushed him to his limits when it came to being surprised at something. 

 

_ She just…said her line…that girl just said her line! Himeko, in this scene, has always said, “I’m sorry, teacher! I didn’t mean to interrupt your precious class!” But…but the way she’d said it the first time we did this scene… _ Ren remembered the train wreck of a time they’d had with this scene their first time filming, when Himeko was incredibly shy and meek, and she stuttered all the lines she had in this scene.

 

_ This Himeko…is she too different? _ He asked himself, but he found the answer almost immediately. No. She was perfect. A slow, confident smile spread across the handsome actor’s features, and he knew she’d found what she’d been searching for.

 

With a shock, the actor playing the teacher realized that at the same time, jumping back into his own script and continuing, albeit shocked at how different the girl in front of him looked and acted. It was surreal.

 

**“Care to share where you’ve been all this time, Ms. Satori? I don’t like feeling as if you’re wasting my time as a teacher.” He looked down at the girl before him and watched as her bored expression morphed into a sneer.**

 

**“Oh, I am just SO sorry.” She said, the words drenched in sarcasm as she rolled her eyes. “It’ll never happen again, I promise.” Himeko drew out the last word, making sure to coat it with even more mockery and ridicule, batting her eyelashes that were coated with far too much mascara.**

 

**Feeling as if this was the best he’d get from Himeko, he returned to the lecture and the young blonde turned to her friend sitting next to her and gave her a cunning, childish grin, her eyes sparkling mischievously, and shook her shoulders once to show mock laughter, pointing her thumb toward their teacher.**

 

The director dropped his script that he’d been holding and it fluttered to the floor as he watched Sai act. Everything was lining up with the last time they’d done this scene. Before, Himeko’s friend leaned over and they began whispering, which was out of character for the previous Himeko, and part of the problem. This time, though, it was Himeko who initiated it, and the reasons why made sense. She was joking with her friend about how she’d just shown up their teacher. Like you would do with your best friend. It was perfect.

 

**Seeing the gesture, the teacher turned back to the blonde haired punk sitting in his classroom and his lips tightened into a line as he held back his words. Knowing they would just feed the fire she’d managed to create. When he witnessed her friend lean in and whisper something, though, both girls erupted into hushed giggles and he grew considerably angrier, “Have something you’d like to share with the class, Ms. Satori?” He asked, targeting her.**

 

**Himeko watched as he crossed his arms over his chest and regarded her with disdain, which made her light up inside with how much she adored the spotlight he was so willingly giving her, “Oh I couldn’t possibly bother you with it, teacher. Don’t mind me here,” she gave her best innocent expression and puppy eyes, matching their softness with gentle blinks of her long, cosmetically darkened lashes.**

 

**“You wouldn’t want to hold up your entire class on my account…that would be…” a devilish smile lit up her face, “rather unprofessional, don’t you think?” She tilted her head inquisitively and the teasing melted off until only the forced boredom was present still.**

 

**He stood at the front of the room, fuming, and opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by the sound of the school bell and the subsequent packing up everyone in his room did.**

 

With further shock, the actor realized that he’d done just was the script asked of him. He was supposed to open his mouth, to grill the shy girl further, but he hadn’t been thinking that at all when he’d reacted to her. 

 

He genuinely had wanted to yell at her, to reprimand her, and that wasn’t even how the original script went, but for some reason, it drew the exact reaction they’d wanted, not paired with any dialogue. The only person he’d ever met that had that ability over other actors…was Ren Tsuruga. And she’d just done it as well. 

 

After most of the room had emptied of actors, including Himeko and her gaggle of friends who’d gone off whispering and smirking in a huddle as they spoke with their leader about her actions in hushed, but excited tones, the director realized the scene had ended.

 

“Cut!!” His deep voice rang out, and immediately people began moving, and Sai was seen stepping back onto the stage, facing the director with a slightly startled and shameful expression on her face.

 

His eyes narrowed as he watched her move, noting the differences in her stance and expression, “Ms. Akai?” He questioned, just to be sure, “Is that you?”

 

She gave him a small, embarrassed smile, “Yes, it is. I’m-” Starting to apologize, she was a bit startled when Tengen interrupted her and waved his hands toward her in exasperation.

 

“What were you thinking?” He asked her loudly, not quite to the point of shouting, but angry enough that it bounced off the walls and settled the room in an uncomfortable silence.

 

Sai fidgeted on stage and eventually lowered herself until she was sitting, her legs hanging over the edge and she pressed her lips together before replying, “Well…I was thinking that rather than adhering to Himeko’s original personality, I would focus on creating an entirely new one that matched her original purposes.”

 

“And you did this without notifying or at least talking to me before you jumped right into forcing others to go along with your acting?” Sai flinched as she spoke and then spent a few moments carefully considering her next few words, knowing there wasn’t much time before he decided she wasn’t worth the trouble.

 

“It would have been one thing to change the general way Himeko acted, but to destroy the core of her personality and to recreate the entire character based on nothing but her actions is something that is not only hard to picture, but hard to understand in its entirety. Had I approached you with the idea first, you would have turned me away claiming it was too radical. I felt as though my only course of action was to show you first hand what she can do, rather than letting you decide for yourself.” She said with certainty, watching his reaction intently as she spoke.

 

Hearing her words and watching her icy eyes stare at him in expectation, he could see she was holding her breath in worry over his reaction. He tossed over and contemplated her reasoning. Raising a hand to his chin, he closed his eyes and thought further into it. He imaged her meeting with him and discussing her thought process. He tried to picture her acting as such an intense and different character and realized that if she’d simply discussed it with him, he probably would have advised against it, being her first drama and all.

 

Slowly, he sighs and a smile appears on his face, “Alright, I give. You’re probably right. Tell me now, though. I’ve seen that she works out okay, but I still want to know your thought process.”

 

Relief washed through Sai’s body and she visibly slouched, tension melting off of her shoulders. “Of course. Where would you like me to start?”

 

“What exactly is her personality like?”

 

Sai thought for a moment, “She’s not particularly cruel or malicious, she just feels as though there’s a certain group of people worthy of her time and opinions. Anyone else just goes by the wayside. That’s why she treats school and faculty the way she does, she just doesn’t see them as valuable. Her friends, though, they mean the world to her and she carries herself with dignity among them. It’s mutual respect, in a way.”

 

“And I’m guessing her group includes people Toshiro associates with towards the beginning.” The director nodded, following along with her so far.

 

“Correct, which is how he meets her. I suppose we’ll have to add a few scenes where he manages to win her favor, but she’ll eventually begin to show him respect and attention as well.”

 

“Which leads to his succumbing to her temporarily.”

 

“Yes, but I figured it might add more tension if she were to actually fall for him, because it’s not mentioned in the book, that way-”

 

“It humanizes her more and adds drama when he picks Emi over her,” Tengen finished her thought, finding his heart racing as he connected the dots she had the previous day. They went back and forth like that, filling in gaps in her character and discovering how this personality hit every base the original did not.

 

“So where would all those scenes take place?” He eventually asked, shifting in his mind through their sets.

 

She gave him a guilty, shy look and said, “I thought about that too, I figured it might make sense in a club-like setting, which then gave me an idea for the mother character briefly mentioned throughout the books.”

 

Tengen raised his eyebrows, not following, “Go on.”

 

“They mention a vague business she runs that Himeko is often held up with helping her with, and I figured it might make sense for it to be a club, you know. It would give Himeko and her friends somewhere to hang out after school, and where Toshiro can meet her.”

 

Immediately the image began forming in his mind, and he morphed existing scripts to match the scene. He called his assistant over and began jotting down notes and telling her to call to set up immediate appointments with set builders at several numbers.

 

“So you like the idea?” Sai’s voice called softly, a hesitance to it.

 

“Like it? Are you kidding, Akai? Do you have any idea how amazing all this is?” He shook his head, an expression of amused awe on his face. “You’re one of the most incredible actresses I’ve ever met. I have no idea how you managed to figure all this out.”

 

She smiled at him sheepishly, “It wasn’t as if it came naturally, or easily. I devoted a lot of time and effort to finding and perfecting her, and I had a lot of help.” She reached into her tote and handed the director all her notebooks filled with graphics and jotted thoughts and connections. 

 

He paged through them and was further shocked at the lengths she’d gone to and how detailed and immaculate all the journals were. He could hardly fathom how this was her first real job, and was even further from understanding how no one had found her talents yet.

 

Before he could help himself, laughter began to spill out of his throat and he watched with a joyous glint in his eye as she looked at him with a slightly surprised expression across her barely shifted features. Straightening, he fought off the last of his chuckles and threw his arms out, gesturing towards the studio, “Welcome to the Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned, Ms. Saiyuka Akai. Now get your ass into makeup, we’re shooting this scene again. And someone get me another god damn coffee.” 

 

Sai’s face broke into a huge grin as he winked at her and moved off to get the crew ready to shoot, a smile still on his lips. She hopped down from the stage and was immediately surrounded by members of the cast and crew, each bombarding her with questions and comments, patting her back and rustling her shortened blonde locks. 

 

Ren watched from a distance, amazed at everything about her. From the performance she’d managed to trick the cast into letting her do, to the way she’d spoken with the director, to the incredible formation of the character, to even the way she handled the people eagerly shouting inquiries at her. She handled each one individually, professionally, and without missing a beat. Like she’d been doing it all her life. It was incredible.

 

He didn’t have any questions for her, and knew he’d fail to produce a compliment worthy enough for such a wondrous performance, and so he just waited, watching her from afar. Once people had settled down slightly and the cloud of people around her had dispersed, though, he considered approaching her. Running through various things he could say, he found his legs carrying him towards her as she retreated back to the makeup dressing rooms before he decided on anything specifically.

 

Sai watched as the tall actor approached, his long legs making his movement swift while still maintaining incredible grace. Watching his face, her heart skipped a beat as she saw the soft, gorgeous smile on his lips. This time, though, the skip wasn’t uncomfortable, she’d gotten used to her heart beating slightly too fast around him, and fluttering whenever he looked at her in such a way. “Good morning, Mr. Tsuruga.” She said with a gentle tone.

 

“Morning, Ms. Akai,” he said with an equally soft voice, watching her face light up when she saw him. “I have to say, you put on quite the display.” Ren said with a warm, approving smile.

 

“I didn’t think it would be as drastic as it was, I’ll admit,” Sai said with a light chuckle, gesturing toward her hair and outfit. 

 

The dark haired man raised his eyebrows as he took in her appearance again, closer this time. He noticed the heaviness of her eyelashes and how the darkness and thickness of them drew out a surreal hue to her eyes. She’d also dotted on freckles on her normally flawless skin to add to her character’s uniqueness. The metal attached to her ears and facial features shone under the spotlight and drew his eyes to each feature individually, making heat rush to his ears. 

 

“You did transform yourself, Ms. Akai, what did you think would happen?” He asked with a light laugh, and reached out with his large hand and brushed a blonde strand out of her face, “This is your real hair, isn’t it?” He asked, not really noticing his action.

 

Sai froze under his touch, the warmth of his finger for even that fraction of a second sending a shiver down her spine. She knew that he’d casually touched her like this before, and she’d done the same on occasion, but it had never made her react this way. Recovering quickly, though, she looked up at his tall frame with a little bit of embarrassment, “Yeah, it is. I cut it all…”

 

“I see that, I think I’ll miss the long curls, though.” He said thoughtfully, almost as if he was speaking solely to himself. He seemed lost in his own thoughts at that moment, and didn’t realize what he was saying entirely, “However will I spot you in a crowd now? Your hair was quite the beacon.”

 

She laughed gently and threaded a hand through the short fringe, “How about I find you from now on? Your stature often gives you away.” Sai said with a gentle glance up and down his torso. 

 

With a light smile, Ren missed the way her eyes traveled over him and simply stated, “I’d like that, Ms. Akai.” He knew he’d be able to spot her anywhere, no matter what color her hair was, or whether or not she had on that hideous uniform, but the thought that she’d go a little out of her way to find him, he liked that.

 

After they finished talking, each was called away by the director who wished to go over select scenes with them, altering the script here and there to accommodate for her changes in the character. Some were slight, adding a line here or there, making a few adjustments to the responses people gave her, and lengthening her scenes with her friends. Others were larger, like adding an entire set where they’d do a lot of her more important scenes.

 

Once they’d finished, they reshot everything Himeko had been in prior and returned to the scene from earlier that morning, doing it in a single take. With ease, the cast breezed through scenes which would have usually taken much longer. Every now and then Sai could be seen talking to a cast member about something, but usually they would stomp away in a huff at what she said to them. Ren was curious about this, as it was a common occurrence with the talent, but he’d never asked her. 

 

As far as he remembered, something similar had happened when she’d helped him as his manager, and when she was the assistant for one of his dramas. He tried to remember what that girl had told him about the cast members when he’d accompanied Sai on a Love Me assignment. 

 

Eventually, he managed to recall her saying something about Sai being brutally honest with their acting and the struggles they had. This behavior often made them scornful and upset, but they would later come to find her opinion rang true. 

 

Slowly, even in the first week she was there filming, he began to see the changes. People who’d previously been in enraged at her reasonings now approached her shyly and inquired things. She’d tell them her opinions in much the same manner, but they took it better this time. It paid off, as the shooting began to move even quicker. 

 

By the end of the second week, they were ahead of schedule. While they’d been reshooting for the first few days, with Sai back on set, things seemed expedited and they quickly managed to regain their lost time and surpass it with ease. 

 

As the weeks turned into months and the first episode aired, Ren was shocked to find the cast had completely accepted her, just as he’d noticed at her Love Me assignment. Rather than being upset with her for her honesty, they now sought her out, wanting it. Her words were no longer considered simple opinions, but valuable advice which they found was incredibly accurate. 

 

She was a genius when it came to realism. In fact, she was often talking with the directors and storyboard writers and they quickly took to running entire scripts by her first, before handing them to the rest of the cast. Of course, no one had a problem with this, as it not only was usually correct, but it made the acting more fun, real, and easier to grasp, not even to mention how much faster and smoother things went.

 

It wasn’t until they’d finished a bulk of the basis of the storyline and Toshiro’s downfall that they ran into a serious bump. One not even Sai had an immediate fix for. Ren’s character’s main love interest, a chipper, goody-two-shoes called Emi and played by Yumiko Furusaka, was a seasoned actress who knew her way around romance roles quite well, unlike Ren himself who had only played a few parts that touched on a loving relationship. And it was showing. No matter what he did, each scene having a touching or intense romantic aspect was wrong and unnatural, forced and cliche. Continually, they cut it short and started over.

 

After this happened a few times, Ren’s grasp on Toshiro slipped altogether and the cast watched in partial horror as he completely froze several times onstage, desperately trying to find his way back to his character. All the while, Sai stood far back, a pained expression over her usually so docile features, looking away, not wanting to see the struggle that was plain on the actor’s face when the director eventually pulled him down and away from the set.


	28. Chapter 28

“Wrong again, Ren.” Came the director’s call through the completely silent studio. He sighed loudly and pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “Don’t worry about it,” he called, “We’ll go from the top.”

 

The actor ground his teeth together and allowed his gaze to bore a hole in the walls of the studio. As much as he tried to keep it at bay, his complete panic over his inability to act at that moment was getting the best of him. He was having trouble focusing, his vision blurring slightly and the pounding in his head making the room spin.

 

He heard the director call for action once again and his acting instincts took over, leading him through the first motions of the scene.

 

**Toshiro wasn’t looking where he was going. He was struggling hopelessly with all the dumb trinkets his friends had loaded onto him and was desperately hoping for** **_anything_ ** **to go right that day. Getting frustrated, he ripped a chain from around his belt off and narrowly missed socking someone in the face.**

 

**A girly, startled scream filled his ears and he whipped around to see who it came from. His eyes fell onto one of the most gorgeous women he’d ever seen. Her hair flared out dramatically from her face, a lovely shade of caramel. It framed her tanned complexion wonderfully and the bright green of her eyes was obvious with how wide they were from surprise.**

 

**Before he could react to anything about her though, the speed at which he’d turned around caught up to him and he lost his balance quite awfully. Tumbling over himself, he was aware that the woman he’d nearly injured was desperately trying to keep him from falling. She was surprisingly strong.**

 

**Unfortunately for both of them, Toshiro was much too broad-chested for her to catch at such an odd angle and they both went down. To protect her from injuring herself at all, he pulled the strange girl close to him and cushioned her head with his hands, squeezing his eyes shut tight.**

 

**Once they’d hit the ground, his eyes flew open and he found them staring right into intense green orbs which were boring right into his. Heavy, dark lashes fluttered in front of them and a dark, rosy hue appeared on her cheeks.**

 

**“Well hello…” She mumbled, her voice soft and sweet, like honey.**

 

**“Ah…” He began, taking stock of their position. “Hello there.” Came his reply, much higher pitched than he’d intended. From a bystander’s point of view, it appeared that the much larger man had been pinned beneath her, their legs tangled together as they stared into each other’s eyes. But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to move.**

 

**Now that they were so close, it was obvious to the boy that the woman he’d all but tackled was more muscular than he’d thought. And pairing that with her pleasantly tanned skin, he concluded that she must be quite sporty.**

 

**She cleared her throat and made an amused expression, “Now that we’ve exchanged pleasantries, may I know your name?” She knew his type. There were people like him all over the school, and she knew they hung out at a popular club downtown, but she’d never seen him before.**

 

For whatever reason, even Ren’s veteran actor instincts failed him at that moment. He’d been scared out of his mind about the following part of the scene and what would happen if he couldn’t pull it off this time and that was when everything just stopped. He couldn’t speak, could barely breathe, and his eyes wouldn’t focus no matter what he did.

 

“Mr. Tsuruga?” Yumiko asked from above him, breaking character as she grew truly concerned for the actor. She carefully pushed up into a seated position. “Mr. Tsuruga?” She questioned again with more panic, watching as she got no response other than a slowly more and more horrified expression. 

 

“Director!” She called out, truly scared now, “Something’s wrong!!”

 

“Cut! Cut! Everyone stop!” He shouted as chaos erupted, “Someone get me a medkit or something, or call-”

 

“No!!” The actor’s deep voice called out as he stood up, his entire face scrunched in concentration and anger, “I can do this! Let me go again!” He knew he couldn’t do it. But what was he supposed to do? Just give up? 

 

He swayed on his feet, his sight going from blurry to black. “Woah, woah…” he heard from next to him and realized that Tengen had just jumped up onto the stage and was at his side, helping him sit back down. “You really need to give it a rest, Ren. This isn’t happening today.”

 

Ren tried to form some sort of argument, but he couldn’t get enough air to produce words. Everything was spinning and he was incredibly nauseous, his head feeling bogged down with fluff that he couldn’t seem to clear. He could barely think, much less argue.

 

With help from several other crew members, Tengen hoisted the tall man off the stage and he was brought to his dressing room to lie down. Yashiro was left to tend to him and then come get the director when he was conscious enough to speak. He agreed hesitantly, worried for his charge in every way.

 

Sai arrived on set about a half hour later, Rio in tow as the two discussed possible adjustments they could make to her costume throughout the drama. They were both smiling and enjoying themselves until the moment they entered the studio. It was like walking into pudding the air was so thick with negativity.

 

“Woah…” She called out involuntarily, attracting a lot of eyes to her. She figured since she’d already made herself known, she might as well ask, “What happened here?”

 

A crew member near her cleared her throat, “Um, well...It was Mr. Tsuruga, you see…” She said hesitantly, knowing the man was close to the now-blonde actress.

 

“Is he alright?” She asked, immediately panicked.

 

Expecting such a reaction, the stagehand rushed to calm her down, “He’s fine! He’s just...he’s having a little trouble. He almost passed out on stage-”

 

“Is he sick?”

 

“No, no...I don’t think so. I wish it were something so simple.”

 

“What’s wrong then?”

 

“We think he had a panic attack…” The woman crossed her arms over her chest awkwardly, “He can’t play Toshiro right anymore. Keeps freezing up, not saying his lines, forgetting to put any emotion into them when he does. Can’t act with anyone anymore. It’s bad.”

 

“And he collapsed?” Sai asked, a hand raised to her mouth.

 

“Unfortunately, yes. And I don’t think he’s holding up all that well. It’s really weighing on him.” She shrugged and moved on to finish her current task, leaving Sai and Rio to ponder what to do next.

 

Across the room, the blonde could see Yumiko storming around, clearly in a huff at the actor’s blunders. Even from where they were, they could catch phrases about how “incompetent” he was, and how she’d “expected more” from him. With each flagrantly disrespectful comment, the talent grew angrier and angrier. She knew better than anyone just how wonderful and dedicated of an actor Ren Tsuruga was. He didn’t deserve that treatment. Especially not behind his back.

 

She was about to go over and tell-off the actress, but was cut off by the sight of Yashiro entering the room with a grave expression on his face. He waved Tengen over and the two exchanged hushed words before the manager turned back to leave. Sai was approaching them as fast as she could, hoping she could do something to help.

 

The director spotted her before he made it all the way through the door and stopped her, “Look, Akai. I know you two are close, being from the same agency and all, but don’t get involved in this.”

 

Sai opened her mouth to reply, but he held a hand up to stop her. “Do your job, Akai. Let me do mine and trust Ren to do his. Go get changed for your next scene. The schedule just moved up, so hop to it.” And with that he was gone, the door slamming shut behind him.

 

It was all the blonde could do not to read into what he meant by the schedule had just moved up. She hoped to every god she could think of that it didn’t mean what she’d originally thought. She sent a quick prayer up for the actor’s luck and well being.

 

In the dressing room hallway, she came across Yumiko again who was looking at the ceiling dejectedly. She spotted Sai approaching and offered a small, upset smile. 

 

“What’s wrong, Yumi?” Sai asked, addressing her the way the actress had first asked her to when they’d met. 

 

Yumiko sighed and ran a hand through her caramel hair. “I don’t know. I’m annoyed and disappointed, but I also feel guilty about it. I know that it happens sometimes that even the most seasoned of actors get stuck, but I had heard such great things about Ren and I can’t help feeling like he let me down.

 

“In fact, I much prefer acting with you. Even when we were shooting scenes without romance, the way that Mr. Tsuruga portrays Toshiro is just so hard to work around and I feel like I’m forcing my acting. Scenes with you are so much more natural and I can rely on you to draw out perfect reactions that compliment my acting. I was expecting that to come from him more than you.”

 

Sai had listened to her costar quietly, digging her fingernails into her palms as she tried to control the flares of anger that seared through her chest. She knew that Ren was a much better actor than she was. His talent and dedication far exceeded hers and he didn’t deserve what was happening to him right now. The mere fought of such sentiments begin thrown around behind his back was enough to make her furious.

 

Hiding her feelings as best as she could, she gave her fellow actress a polite, gentle smile. “Well, thank you. It’s my first experience with drama, so it’s incredibly flattering to know that you enjoy working with me.” She looked at Yumiko with slightly more intense eyes and her tone flattened a bit. “But just remember, that man is not to be underestimated. He’ll come back from this as a force you’d never imagined. Don’t get caught off guard or you might be the one who gets stuck.” The blonde warned, knowing what would happen if she wasn’t prepared for Ren’s skill.

 

“I can’t really imagine it at this point, I mean, I trust that he’s a good actor, but I just haven’t seen it yet.”

 

“Seeing isn’t believing, you know. Remember how rough the scenes I shot at the beginning were? How awfully they went? Did you ever think Himeko would turn out this way before I managed to solidify her character?”

 

Yumiko bit her lip and tilted her head slowly, “Okay, I see where you’re coming from. Are you saying that Mr. Tsuruga is just struggling with his character?”

 

“I can’t say for certain. But I do know that he’s never done a romance drama before, he has absolutely no experience in this. Of course he’d seem less than adequate compared to you, being such a seasoned romance actress.”

 

Realizing that the blonde in front of her was right, Yumiko let up a bit on her harshness. She sighed and met her costar’s icy blue eyes. Just behind them was a small fire, a passionate, emotional spark, despite how unmoving and blank her expression was. 

 

She narrowed her eyes at the petite woman, a tingle of suspicion scratching at the back of her mind.  _ She’s really leaping to his defense here...she has every right to be upset with him as well...and yet, and yet...she’d defending him. Just what exactly is their relationship…? _

 

With that, they each nodded in respect and Sai slipped into her personal dressing room. As quickly as she could, she got herself into costume and reported to her makeup team for Himeko’s last few touches. In less than fifteen minutes, she was back out in the studio, a new personal record.

 

Looking around, she spotted the tall stature of the actor on the other side of the studio. Taking a step towards him, she tried to make out what exactly he was doing. It looked like...he was gathering all of his things together and packing up. But that couldn’t be, they were just getting started. 

 

Leaning over towards a crew member who was jotting down dimensions for a set piece, the blonde cleared her throat. The young man jolted a bit and turned sharply to face her. The moment his eyes landed on her, a bright blush touched his cheeks. He’d seen her before, she was one the lead actresses. And  **man** was she pretty.

 

“Y-yes?” He asked, unsure if she’d actually tried to get his attention right then.

 

“Hello there, I was just wondering if you could answer a question for me.” She offered a soft, gentle smile which made the young stagehand blush a few shades darker. “My name is Saiyuka Akai, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

“U-uh...yeah, you too. My name’s Kimihiro Sora...and I’d love to help you.” He straightened up and brushed a strand of soft brown hair from his eyes, flashing a lopsided grin.

 

“I’m afraid I was out of the room when all the drama happened during the shoot this morning, do you know what’s going on with the lead actor?”

 

“That guy?” Kimihiro pointed to Ren who was on the phone now, pinching the bridge of his nose and grimacing, his messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

 

“Yes. He’s a coworker of mine, we work for the same company. I’m just concerned about him.”

 

Kimihiro quirked an eyebrow and asked, “Then why don’t you just go ask him?”

 

“He, uh...doesn’t like sharing things like this. He’s a very personal kind of guy. Only tells about that stuff on a need-to-know basis.”

 

“Nice guy,” the brown-haired man scoffed, pocketing his tape measure. “Yeah, I know what happened. He freaked out pretty hard-core on stage and Tengen has a scarily long talk with him. Then they came back out and he started packing up. I don’t think he was fired, but I’m pretty sure Tengen told him to take some time off and figure out what he was doing here. Kinda like what he told you, but much harsher.”

 

Sai bit her lip pretty hard then, wincing in slight pain. That had been what she was afraid of. “I see. Well, thank you for telling me. I’m sorry about interrupting you while you were working.”

 

“Nah, it’s okay. Glad I could help,” he said, eying the blonde suspiciously. She drifted away, her intense stare trained on the actor and his manager as the exited the building.

 

Ren was furious and it was all he could do to contain it long enough to make it to his car. He wasn’t angry with the director or his costars, so it would have been unfair to take it out on them in there. No, he was angry at himself. At his own incompetence. It was shameful.

 

He climbed into the driver’s side of his car and immediately rested his head on the wheel, closing his eyes and trying to control the inevitable outburst he would have when he got home. But first he had to get home without crashing. Again.

 

Yashiro got into the other side, glancing at his charge worriedly. He stayed silent though, knowing that every topic he could think of would just make the actor worse, including the thing he wanted to bring up most. More than anything, he wanted to tell Ren about the last glimpse he’d had of Sai and how worried the actress had looked for him. But that wouldn’t help right then and the manager knew that.

 

After several minutes of total silence, the dark haired man sat up and started the car, pulling out of the lot and heading for LME to drop off Yashiro so he could handle the work he’d yet to finish that day. As they arrived, he walked the manager in and was shocked to see that the President himself was in the lobby.

 

“Oh! Ren! What are you doing here, I thought you’d be shooting your drama right about now!” He said with a bright smile, although Ren knew that there was lurking behind that innocent expression.

 

“I am, Mr. President. We just were wrapping up scenes and Toshiro wasn’t in any of the ones left, so Tengen let me go early.” Ren lied, although it was partially true. He wouldn’t be in any of the scenes that they’d be shooting that afternoon. Tengen had changed the schedule to accommodate for his absence.

 

“Really now?” Lory said, a darkness in his tone, “How nice of him.”

 

“Yes, it was very kind. And I’ll make the most of it, as now my evening is clear and I can spend the time catching up for the rest of the week. So I’ll be going now. It was wonderful to run into you.”

 

“Wait, Ren.” his deep voice boomed out, stopping the actor’s turn away from him. “You’ll never be able to do what you want here. It won’t work no matter what you try, not while you’re letting  **that guy** control you still. Your fear of him is holding you back.” 

 

The actor clenched his teeth, his entire body shaking slightly as he kept his fury just at bay. “Thank you for the advice, Mr. President. I’ll keep it in mind.” He snipped, finishing his turn and heading back for his car. His manager looked between them, thoroughly lost in the conversation. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, Mr. Yashiro.” The President told him after seeing his confused expression. “He’ll get around to telling you one day.”

 

Ren had somehow managed to get to his apartment in one piece without exploding. He barreled through his door and dropped onto his couch, burying his face in his hands and letting his shoulders drop. He groaned and dropped into his side, lying most uncomfortably as he let his misery over what had happened earlier that day sink into his mind.

 

He knew Lory was right. He wouldn’t be able to do this, not like he wanted. Toshiro would never be the way he desperately wanted, he’d failed at solidifying his character. Rolling off of his couch, he meandered, swaying, towards the desk he kept most of his alcohol.

 

Selecting one of his usual bourbons, he poured a glass and downed it in one gulp, feeling the searing heat raking down his throat. He raised the bottle to pour another one but froze, deciding instead to just take the bottle with him back to the sofa.

 

He was halfway through the bottle when his phone went off. Glancing at it hesitantly, the name he’d dreaded seeing was displayed in the strip of light. He knew he couldn’t ignore Sai’s call. Sighing, he flipped it open and pressed it to his ear,

 

“Ms. Akai. Good evening.” He said as evenly as he could, closing his eyes to again minimize the anger and disappointment he felt so strongly.

 

The blonde was hesitant for a few moments, “And a good evening to you as well, Mr. Tsuruga. I hope.”

 

“It’s alright,” he told her as sincerely as he could, not wanting to show weakness to her. 

 

“Well…” she hesitated again, all of her practiced words evading her as she floundered for something to say.

 

“Did you need something, Ms. Akai?” Ren questioned after far too long of a silence.

 

“I...just wanted to know how you were doing, I suppose.”

 

“Heard about what happened?” He chuckled humorlessly, “Pretty shameful, don’t you think?”

 

“You know I don’t think that. The same thing happened to me, you know.”

 

“Not the same thing. Your character was a mess, mine should be fully usable. It’s not Toshiro that’s the problem, it’s me.” He hissed out, little bits of his hurt and anguish poking through.

 

“Are you alright, Mr. Tsuruga?” She asked, thoroughly worried for the man.

 

He took a shaky breath in, “I’m fine.” He wasn’t fine. But hearing her voice helped enough that the words came easily.

 

The blonde hesitated again, biting and nibbling at her lip as she picked and chose words. “Would you like me to help?” She asked, not even bothering to confirm his state because she already knew he wasn’t fine.

 

“You’ve already done all you can to help me, Ms. Akai. And this isn’t something you can help with anymore. I have to do this on my own.”

 

“But you don’t! You’re not alone!”

 

“That’s not the issue here. I know that help is there, I know you’re willing to help me, but this honestly is a mental block that I need to break on my own. Do you understand?”

 

She was quiet for a few moments, but her voice rang in his ears softer and gentlier than usual when she did speak, “Yes. I understand. But Mr. Tsuruga?”

 

“Yes?” He prompted, hearing the question in her voice.

 

“Please put the bottle back on the desk. You won’t want to hinder your performance tomorrow with a nasty headache.” He smiled ruefully at that. Of course she knew he’d been drinking. She was too good at reading him, always had been.

 

“Yes, ma’am.” He mocked gently, following her instructions and replacing the bottle where it had been. “Now, I’ll see you soon, okay? Don’t worry about me. I can do this,” he assured her with confidence he didn’t know he’d had. “Goodnight, Ms. Akai.”

 

“No promises, Mr. Tsuruga.” She said with a soft smile obvious in her tone, “Have a good rest of your evening.” His phone disconnected then, the gentle dial tone ringing in his ears.

 

Rather than allowing himself to torture his already wounded pride as an actor, he chose to go right to sleep. The faster the morning came, the faster he’d regain enough strength to move past his current block and become more skilled than he already was.

 

And that was mostly true. He woke up feeling much better the next day, his energy back and his mind focused and sharp like usual. His day passed mostly uneventfully, with Yashiro keeping quiet about the incident the other day and his other jobs flowing from start to finish like he was used to. 

 

His last job of the day was back at JL Studios, a place he was rather fond of. Unfortunately, during his interview, the man opposite him managed to ask one too many probing questions about his current drama. Just as he’d managed to up his spirits once again, he sat alone in the studio and held his head in his hands, completely defeated. 

 

To try and do  **anything** to alleviate the mounting depression he was feeling, he exited the heavy atmosphere and meandered aimlessly through the hallways of the maze that was JL Studios. Finding a secluded place, he sat there and clenched his hands together as his mind drifted to his character and he did everything he could to visualize every possible action and expression he could make in every scenario he could remember.

 

Somewhere else in the studio, Madam Naga was in full swing, her latest prey - excuse me, her latest  **guest** \- on the show sitting as far away from her and her long nails as possible. She was having quite a good time with this one, he was quite squeamish. As they wrapped up their show and her fellow hosts were summarizing their findings about the star’s ideal woman, the dark beauty turned to face her beloved audience.

 

“Well my lovely darlings,” she drawled out with her heavy, seductive accent. “I’m afraid I’ll have to bid you adieu for this evening!” She gestured out widely, the heavy, twisting fabrics which hugged her form tightly rippling in the breeze created by her actions. 

 

A collective exclamation of disappointment rang out from the crowd who could never seem to get enough of her strange pull.

 

“Now, now my dears,” she chastised, her bottomless, deep eyes softening and gazing tenderly at her audience, “Don’t be like that. I’ll be back before you know it!” With that, she waved elegantly and whisked herself off of the stage, the long pearl earrings she wore clicking against her other jewelry and ringing out beautifully, signalling that Madam had left the stage.

 

Her departure was accompanied by an uproar of cheering from those sitting in front of her stage. She smiled bewitchingly to herself as she exited the studio, the feeling of elation from another wonderful performance surging through her entire being. She loved that feeling more than anything in the world.

 

Walking with a spring in her step, she took the long way back to her dressing room, scenes from that day’s work rolling through her mind. She was about to take one of the last turns to get to her destination when she felt as though she’d hit a wall of negativity that stopped her dead in her tracks.

 

Sucking in a breath, she scanned the room and found her eyes landing on the last person she’d expected to see: Ren Tsuruga. In a panic, she flung herself back behind the corner and out of sight, clutching all the pieces of her jewelry that would normally make noise. Calming herself down, she peeked around the wall to see the man.

 

He sat with hunched shoulders, his eyes cast at the floor with a heartbreaking sadness wallowing in them. She’d never seen the man so openly miserable or depressed. It caused an actual burning pain behind her eyes to see him so weak and defeated. 

 

Slumping slightly against the wall, her head hit the surface and a few pinpricks of pain blossomed there without her really caring. She never thought she’d see Ren like this again, especially not in these exact circumstances. But this time was undeniably different. It wasn’t just a singular line he misunderstood this time. It wasn’t humorous in the slightest. This time he was in true pain.

 

More than anything, she wanted to help him. In any way that she could. But he’d already told her it was impossible, that there was nothing she could do. And yet he just looked like he was suffering, really really suffering, down to his very core. 

 

Thinking about it for a moment, the actress allowed herself to entertain a thought. Ren had told  **Sai** that she couldn’t help. He never told Madam that. And he’d opened up to her before, so maybe, just maybe…

 

Before she could talk herself out of it, she whirled back around the corner and her rich, deep voice broke the enormous weight of the silence. “Ah, so  **you** were the source of this negative energy…” She watched with satisfaction as his head snapped up and his wide, chocolate colored eyes met hers, …”Ren, darling.”

 

Recognition dawned on him and he shot to his feet, “Madam!” He blinked rapidly at her, a thousand thoughts processing all at once.

 

“Yes, child. I didn’t think we’d meet like this again, but you seem to attract me with your expressive auras…” she drawled out, her dark eyes boring into his as she smirked with a seductive darkness. “Tell me, my dear, what upsets you so this time? Is it another script discrepancy?”

 

He flashed her a sad, dispirited smile as he sat back down, “I wish it were so easy…” 

 

Madam stepped into the light and watched as the actor was once again enchanted with her appearance. This time her hair was all the way down, floating around her with an ethereal kind of beauty. The thick fabric that surrounded her rippling and swirling as she walked towards him.

 

“Well, something ails you, my dear. Tell me, perhaps I can help like the last time?” She tilted her head, watching his eyes latch onto hers, a sense of uncertainty lurking behind them. 

 

He lowered his head, returning his gaze to the floor and pressing his lips into a tight line, deep in thought. She moved easily towards him, the fabric around her rustling softly as she took a seat, staring into the distance and seeming to enjoy the silence between them. Crossing her legs elegantly, she moved her fingers up and down in a mesmerizing, rhythmic pattern as the light danced across the long, reflective, black surfaces.

 

_ I guess...he won’t even tell Madam... _ she thought to herself, a grim expression showing on the matchmaker’s much more expressive face.  _ This time it’s just too personal, I suppose. He can’t just ask what it means to play an entire character, and it’s not something that Madam could help with anyway.  _ **_She_ ** _ doesn’t know anything about the drama. _

 

“..ve…” The matchmaker heard from next to her. It wasn’t louder than a soft, mumbled whisper, but the actor had definitely just spoken.

 

“What did you just say, Ren darling?” She asked with a gentleness to her voice, turning to better see his face. “You were much too quiet, my dear. Could you repeat yourself?”

 

He turned away from her, his expression anguished and distressed. Madam huffed softly, placing her nail at his cheek and forcibly turning him to look at her. She met his eyes, her own smoldering with a darkness and sober intensity.

 

“Please, my dear. Once more. I can’t stand to see you so depressed.” Her voice was heavy with sincerity, making it richer and deeper. He couldn’t say no to her anymore.

 

“Have you…” he hesitated, watching her face carefully as it shifted and moved, “ever fallen in love?” His voice was stronger than he’d expected, and he was even more surprised to see her face light up a bit, her features lifting in both interest and a fair amount of speechlessness.

 

_ Is that what’s bothering him? A woman? _ She asked herself, falling silent for a moment and attracting a confused expression from the man in front of her.  _ But perhaps...it’s not a love affair that’s bothering him...maybe it does have something to do with his acting. He is in a love drama after all. _

 

She sat back a little, assuming a much more comfortable position around him. They were friends, after all. Unlike him and Sai. “You’re asking a matchmaker if she’s ever fallen in love?” She asked, eying him with a fair amount of merriment. When all she got was a further confused expression, a blink, and a hesitant nod from the man, her smile widened.

 

“If I’m not an expert on the subject, how can I dictate other people’s love lives, my dear Ren?”

 

“So...you have then?”

 

She hummed softly, “Once or twice. Never with all of my heart though. That may make me a bit of a fraud though, don’t you think?” Tilting her head, she watched his reaction carefully, “But you’ve experienced it of course.”

 

All she got for that was a blank stare. “What?”

 

Sitting up a bit straighter, her gaze grew more intense and scrutinizing, darkening and hardening, “Falling in love. You must have more experience than most people.” He didn’t say anything. “A fine man like you, my darling,” she drawled out, placing a nail to his chest, “Ought to have fallen in love. Right?” She tilted her head again, the pearls jingling merrily in the silence that followed her question.

 

“Must have…” The actor mumbled, his expression sinking even darker and more melancholy than it had been earlier. “Do you...find it strange...or unnatural that someone my age has never fallen in love?”

 

“My darling, that has nothing to do with it. Love isn’t based on age, race, gender...none of that. It’s a union of people with like minded interests and opinions who improve each other with their mere presence. And I can see you attracting a lot of likeminded people. With your appearance alone.” she moved her nail up, tracing it along his jawline. “The thought of a rare beauty like you never falling in love is…” Her rich, purring tone died down and the actor turned his head at her in question.

 

“Did you...just say you’ve  **never** ?” She asked, her accent heavier than usual as something her couldn’t quite place blossomed in her face.

 

Ren quickly looked away, feeling an uncomfortable heat rising to his cheeks. He knew this conversation was going to be embarrassing, but to  **this** extent? He fought the blush on his cheeks as hard as he could, but inevitably lost, “Don’t keep saying it.” He told her, lacing his fingers together to keep them from shaking. “It’s embarrassing…”

 

She was about to reply when his quiet voice cut her off again. “I...thought that I’d been in love...but...someone told me that I’d never seriously fallen in love with anybody…” He trailed off for a moment and Madam immediately thought to herself,  _ Lory must have told him that, that insufferable bas- _

 

“...And he told me that I wouldn’t be able to complete the most recent role I took on,” his deep voice interrupted her thoughts. “He told me that I should quit because I would ruin the drama if I stayed in. But I ignored him. ‘You’ll get stuck eventually,’ he told me. I thought there was no way that would happen. I was confident I could do it...but...things turned out just as he predicted…

 

“Being attracted to someone...fighting against the urge to abandon all I know just for that one person...but being unable to control the way I feel...I’ve never been in a situation like that.”

 

_ Mr. Tsuruga...from the start...had no idea how he was going to express Toshiro’s feelings... _ Sai realized, slipping out of Madame’s character just for a moment as he poured his heart out about his problems. She felt a zap go through her chest as she realized he was willing to talk to Madam, but not to her. Of course he was though. He was friends with  **Madam** , not Sai. She already knew that.

 

“I don’t understand how I’m supposed to express that moment when a man questions all he knows just from meeting someone accidentally...I don’t understand, but nothing I try is even close to what I need...I’ve watched so much to try and at least get a baseline for what to do, but even  **copying** them isn’t good enough. I have nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

 

He put a fist to his forehead, pressing his knuckles into the center of it. “I tried...to get by just using my techniques...but it didn’t work. My feelings weren’t there, so everything I did seemed fake...so now...I’ve been forced to take a break...but...if I don’t-if I  **can’t** figure out how to act my role...I’ll be…!” He froze, looking down with such an expression of horror as he remembered what it felt like to be fired. How he shook with anger and shame and fear and how it just crushed his soul. If that happened now, if that happened, he would-

 

“So...you’re saying that you’ve never been in love, is that it? And what you believed was love  **isn’t** love, so therefore you don’t know what to express?” Watching the actor’s horrified expression shocked the actress right back into Madam and she was determined to fix her friend. She could do it. She  **would** do it.

 

Ren blinked at the girl next to him, her unexpectedly logical outburst surprising im after he’d been so emotional. “Y-yes. That’s it.”

 

“That’s wonderful!!” Her rich voice purred, and the sadistic light in her eyes flamed up, making Ren both uneasy and confused. He didn’t expect this at all. He’d just been so depressed. What about that was “wonderful”? When she saw his expression, she laughed darkly and gestured to herself, “I’m a  **matchmaker** , Ren darling! We just went over this!” 

 

His eyes widened at this when he realized what she was saying, “Oh, Madam, I couldn’t ask you to-”

 

“Nonsense!!” She insisted, her eyes sparkling with a dark mischievousness. She kneeled before him and took his hands in hers, careful not to hurt him with her nails, “Now…” she began with a softer, deeper voice, “Let’s begin.”

 

Before Ren could protest, she was looking up at him with a strange glow to her eyes that shut down all his protests, and his words spilled out without his consent, “Of course, thank you, Madam.”

 

Her long eyelashes fluttered close and brushed against her pale cheeks, and she breathed in deeply, her voice coming out in that deeper tone, “Take a moment and clear your mind. Reach inside yourself and recall a feeling that you felt solely in your heart. A warmth that started in your chest and spread throughout your body, filling you with a calm serenity, even if your heart or stomach itself fluttered with nervousness. 

 

“Anything can have caused this feeling, a person, a relative, a place, a memory, a food...anything that made you feel as if everything was alright with the world, gave you a place to belong.” 

 

Madam’s eyes opened and revealed the deep blackness that sizzled with a passionate glow. Looking into them, Ren felt that emotion fill his chest again, and it was familiar. He allowed a series of images to pass through his mind as the feeling grew. The home he grew up in. The smiling faces of his parents. The valley he used to play in growing up. Rick’s cabin where they often stayed. A few sounds played too. The chirping of the birds outside his bedroom window. The bustling sounds of the studio his father worked in. A gentle, ringing laughter that was oddly recognizable.

 

His eyes flew open as he placed it and it registered on his face, enough so for Madam to spot it immediately, and she backed up. The actor focused his gaze on the matchmaker who had retreated quickly and watched as her expression darkened threatenly and her gaze grew steely and cold, “You lied to me,” she said with a raspy, shrill voice, bringing her fingers to her temples as her expression twisted in concentration and slight pain. 

 

“‘Lied?’ I didn’t lie…” the man said with awe, not understanding what had caused her immediate shift in emotion. 

 

She crossed her arms under her ample chest and glared down at him with a freezing malice, “You tricked me. I can’t believe I fell for your nonsense. ‘I’ve never been in love’, my ass.” She spat out with her heavy accent, her intensity increasing, “I can see it…” she said, her voice crackly and harsh, “You’re already in love. You got my hopes up and everything. How cruel.”

 

Ren started, his mouth dropping open as he floundered for words, “I...I am?” He asked her, completely stupefied at the very notion.

 

Dropping her angered expression, Madam looked down at the dark haired actor before her and took in his flabbergasted expression, completely out of character for him, and realized he was being serious. He didn’t know. She moved to sit down next to him again and glared at him doubtfully,

 

“You really don’t know?” She asked him, her voice returning to its normal rich tone, much softer than usual.

 

Looking back at her with a pathetic expression, the actor shook his head and raised his hands in defeat.

 

“Alright…” she said with a gentle, devious smile, “Take that feeling again, and associate it with a central image. Don’t focus on the image itself, focus on the feeling that you had a moment ago.”

 

Ren did as she said, and allowed the warm feeling back, feeling his cheeks light up as his mind was flooded with images of a face he recognized. Sai’s. He watched as hair face fell across her face and her smile lit up her features, he watched as her lips parted in laughter and she mussed the bright strands of hair on her head, and he watched as her gaze softened when she saw him and her features became gentler and kinder. His heart began racing as he pictured her and the warmth he’d associated with her image grew. 

 

When he refocused on Madam, he found the darkness in her gaze to be gentler as she admired the shift in his demeanor when he allowed himself to recognize his own feelings. “Just by gazing upon her face, no matter how worried or wearied you are, it makes you happy. From deep within your heart to the very tips of your fingers you’ll always feel that warmth when you think kindly of her, she’s the very core of your joy. It’s all the happiness you’ll ever need. That’s love.” She said with glittering and passionate eyes. 

 

“That’s love?” He asked with confusion, looking at her with shock. 

 

She gently gestured out and said, “Think of some time you’ve spent with her. Recall the things you feel around her, if you reach out to her without meaning to, want to be closer to her than you think is typical, finding yourself staring at her when you’re spacing out. Have you ever tried to relax and found yourself missing her? Wishing she was there?”

 

Suddenly, Ren recalled all the times he’d touched her without being conscious of it, all the instances he’d found his eyes fixed on her, and the time he’d called her without a subject, just to hear her voice. He sat in awed silence as he tried to formulate just how long he’d felt like this. He turned back to the Madam and just gave her a nod, still stupefied about the whole idea.

 

Seeing his gesture, she gave him a gentle, but still menacing, smile, “So...will you pursue her? You don’t seem too happy with the notion of loving her.” 

 

“It’s not that…” He said hesitantly, holding his hands clasped together in front of his mouth, “It’s just, she’s...not for me. I can’t fall in love with her. I’ll...force myself to believe that. I have no intention of falling in love with  **anyone** right now. Especially someone important to me. I can’t afford to have an intimate relationship, not here, not now.”

 

Madam looked at him with devilish curiosity, “Not here, now not?” She asked with a dark tone, partially just teasing him. 

 

“I can’t have one wherever I am, especially the way I am right now.” He said, steeling himself with his words, knowing he’d fight the information he’d just discovered with all his might, or both him and Sai would suffer. He subtly wrapped his hand around the broken watch on his wrist, squeezing it until a dull pain raced up and down his arm.

 

Sensing his unease and anger, Madam’s smile grew and twisted upwards maniacally, she placed a fingernail on his chin again and moved it towards her, “You know, Ren darling, if you truly love this girl, there’s nothing you can do about your feelings toward her. They’ll only grow.”

 

Ren’s lips set into a thin line but he held his anger back, knowing it would only fuel her mischievious and devious nature. He simply sighed and buried his face in his hands, “I know.” Was all he said.

 

Madam removed her hand and stood, gesturing out for him to take her elbow, “Escort me back again?” She asked, and Ren knew she wasn’t done talking, but wanted him to relax slightly. He took her arm gratefully and they began making their way back to the lobby.

 

“If I were you then,” her rich tone sounded, “I’d figure out a way to love yourself more. I can see you struggle with an inner turmoil that I’ll never understand, but you have a lot of people who care for and respect you. If you can start feeling the same for yourself, letting her into your life would become much easier.” 

 

Her head turned and she met his gaze with a burning, passionate hue amongst the deep blackness, “For now though, use that war that you’re raging in your heart and the ability you have to recall her positive effect on you to play your character. If anything, use your emotions to become a better actor. Regardless of your personal feelings on the subject.”

 

Ren gazed at her as he realized she was right. Whether he actively pursued the Love Me girl or not, which seemed like an impossible venture in itself, he needed to make use of the feelings and expressions that accompanied his situation to play Toshiro. He’d figure out his feelings toward the natural redhead over time, but for now, for now he’d use her influence on him to his advantage.

 

Watching his face shift to a more determined expression, Madam knew she’d gotten through to him and gave him a dark and alluring smile, her dark lips twisting upwards. As they reached the lobby, she parted with him politely, knowing she’d done all she could, whether it was as herself or as Madam, he was feeling better and knew what to do now, and that was what mattered.


	29. Chapter 29

Walking down the hallway carefully, Sai spent a great deal of time tossing various ideas around, allowing her mind to wander here and there, as something nagged at the back of her head. The crude lighting in the backstage area washed the halls in darkness and nurtured the far-reaching and unbelievable ideas that were rushing to her head.

 

She’d taken the long way back to the dressing room. Again. She hadn’t wanted Ren to know where it was, lest he visit there and see her name proudly displayed by the door. Looking at the plaque, she bit into her lip as nervousness again rushed through her. He’d probably kill her if he knew she played Madam, that was for sure. Pushing open the door to her dressing room, she met the eyes of her makeup artist. And they appeared quite angry. Until they saw her expression, that is.

 

“Sai...where have you been?” Rio asked, her original intention to say the words in anger all but gone. Now she was just worried.

 

“I ran into Mr. Tsuruga…”

 

“You did?” She blinked, extremely surprised to hear that.

 

“I have before, here in the studio, as Madam. He doesn’t know I play her. Him and Madam are...kind of friends I suppose. And he asked me for some advice.”

 

“Were you able to help him?” Rio asked excitedly, “Will he be able to play Toshiro now?”

 

“I can’t say, Rio...I think I offered some insight, but it’s still up to him. I believe he can do it. But the question is: does he?”

 

The two thought about that in silence as the artist helped her out of the costume she was wearing. The heavy, quiet atmosphere was a hectic playground for the actress’s thoughts which were currently running wild. Something about his expression when she’d revealed his feelings to him. It was tearing her apart. She was so close to some epiphany, she could feel it.

 

She watched her reflection as Rio combed back her now blonde hair, blinking her icy eyes and watching the dark, heavy lashes obstruct them. As she watched, a tiny voice in the back of her head chimed in with an idea that shook her to her core.

 

_ What if...what if...he was thinking of  _ **_me_ ** _ when Madam suggested he had feelings for someone…? _ She shook her head vehemently while Rio wasn’t looking.  _ No no no!! That’s preposterous! Impossible! He barely even  _ **_likes_ ** _ me! In fact, I don’t even know if you could say he likes me! He might still hate me, but has learned to tolerate me...I mean, it’s...it’s impossible...right? _

 

Deciding it was best to banish the thoughts entirely, the blonde went on with the rest of her week, dodging the actor whenever possible. She found that it was impossible, though, when she arrived on set for  _ The Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned _ and quickly discovered that the actor was back from his brief hiatus. How did she know? Why, that’s simple. Her godfather had brought everyone he’d ever met to watch him perform his Toshiro for the first time.

 

She growled lowly when she saw the display he’d put on and everything he was doing to set the actor up for destruction. Strangely though, the actor himself seemed eerily calm. He greeted everyone on set and thanked them for coming, purposely saving the President for last.

 

“Ah, Mr. President, sir. What a surprise and pleasure to see you here.” He said with a polite tone that practically dripped with insincerity and cold regard. But most people were too dazzled by his incredible smile to notice.

 

“You can’t have expected me to miss your acting test, Ren.” He said with an equally deceptive grin. “After all, I’m the judge.”

 

“‘Acting test’? ‘Judge’?” He asked, looking at Lory blankly, “What are you talking about?”

 

“I’m talking about your redo at the scene you couldn’t seem to do. If I leave at any time while you’re acting...well, Ren, simply put, you’re fired.”

 

Suddenly, a good part of the actor’s mask of gentleness melted off and he glared at his superior. “We’ll see about that.” Was all he said before walked off and seeming to make a beeline for the blonde that was standing on the sidelines. 

 

Seeing him approach, Sai immediately turned on her heel and swept herself away as fast as possible. But to no avail, she was quickly outpaced and trapped by the man who was now looming over her.

 

“Ms. Akai. How nice to see you for once.” He snapped, his earlier facade all but gone now that it was just the two of them.

 

“A-ah, you too...Mr. Tsuruga. I didn’t see you there for a moment.”

 

“Oh no? Did you just happen to miss me every other time we’ve seen each other for the past week?” He looked down at her, a tinge of hurt in his eyes. “Why are you avoiding me?”

 

“A-avoiding you?” The actress gave a nervous chuckle, “Oh, Mr. Tsuruga,” she patted his shoulder playfully while still giggling uncomfortably, “You know I wasn’t avoiding you! It was just coincidence!”

 

“I’m not so sure.”

 

“Look, Mr. Tsuruga, I’m sure you have other things you should be focusing on…” she said softly, casting her gaze towards the floor. “I was just trying to give you your space to figure it out on your own...that’s what you wanted...right?”

 

“Oh, Ms. Akai…” His gaze immediately softened and he regarded the quickly shrinking female in front of him who looked up at him so pitifully, she looked like a kicked puppy. “I didn’t mean for you to stay away, I just didn’t want you to go out of your way to help me…”

 

“I know…” She said in an impossibly soft voice, still refusing to meet his eyes. “It’s just...even if you didn’t want me to help...you could have at least told me that you were coming back like this...it looks like everyone else knew...so why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, unable to keep her voice from cracking slightly. 

 

“That was wrong, I’ll admit. I never meant to hurt you, Ms. Akai...you know that.” He fought the almost irresistible urge to reach out for her. She looked so vulnerable and upset, he couldn’t help but feel a craving to comfort her.  _ Is she doing it on purpose? Is it to spite me? Does she know…? Argh...she’s so frustrating... _

 

“I do. I’ll calm down in a bit, but please…” She looked up at him finally, her eyes burning with something under the surface. “Don’t keep pushing me away.” She chose the words carefully, watching his reaction with startling focus. Instantly, his entire body stiffened. He controlled himself well and soon the mask was back, the polite smile radiating waves of sparkles. 

 

“I promise I won’t, Ms. Akai. Now, if you would wish me luck, I’d be glad to accept it.”

 

“Don’t you know?” The blonde asked, now more assured in her assumptions. She didn’t know if that was a good thing or not, though. Stepping close to him, she whispered in a much lower voice than normal, “Wishing someone luck is a bad omen for performance.” Catching his startled gaze, she winked. “So instead, break a leg, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

Ren stood stock still as he felt the talent’s shoulder brush against his shirt and a shudder ran through his entire body. Oh, he was in trouble.  _ She knows, doesn’t she…? No, that’s impossible! I haven’t done anything to hint at my feelings! I haven’t...right? And there’s no way she could pick up on something like this...no way in hell. _

 

“Ren!!” Lory’s loud, deep voice boomed out over the crowd gathered in the studio. “It’s time.”

 

Yumiko appeared from the dressing room hall and eyed her costar worriedly. As far as she could tell, he looked much the same, and she had no idea what was about to change in the scene. Tengen also approached him, looking a bit more weary than last time. He clearly wasn’t happy with the President’s idea.

 

“Are you sure we have to do it this way?” He asked the man, dabbing his brow with a handkerchief.

 

“Of course, Director. After all, as the director of this production, you have to exercise your right to fire incompetent actors.” He said bluntly, causing many of the people in the room to bristle. They all knew that Ren was far from incompetent.

 

Instead of arguing further, the director turned back to his lead actor and nodded, “You alright, son?” He asked carefully.

 

“Definitely, sir. I won’t let you down.”

 

“I know you won’t, Ren. Are you ready to start now?”

 

“Actually, sir, I had a request I’d like you to consider.” Ren began, setting his plan into motion.

 

“A request? Like what?”

 

“I’d like to go off script a little.”

 

Tengen bunched his eyebrows together in confusion, “‘Off script’? But wasn’t the point of all your hard work to mimick the book as much as possible?”

 

“Yes, of course. I don’t intend for this scene to be incorporated into the actual drama, but I want to use it to showcase everything I’ve discovered about my character at once.”

 

“But, if you go off script, that would force Yumi to have to improv as well.”

 

“Yes, it would. And I’m confident she’ll do just fine.” He said, catching the actress’s eyes from in the crowd as she pushed through to face him. “You’re a good enough actress to be capable of it, aren’t you?” He asked, a glint in his eyes.

 

“W-well...yes! Of course I am!” Yumiko replied without thinking, not willing to let Ren damage her pride as an actress.

 

“And we’ve done this scene countless times. I’m sure you’re bored of it by now.” He smirked now, enjoying her reactions to his words.

 

“But what if she doesn't react in the way you want her to?” Tengen argued back. He didn't doubt Yumiko’s skill, but for the improv to go perfectly to display Ren’s character, it would have to be completely in sync with Yumiko’s. And it was the actor’s job on the line here!

 

“She will.” Ren assured him. “I’ll make her act the way I want to,” he challenged, enjoying the collective gasp from the audience he now had, thanks to Lory.

 

“Y-you!! You can’t control me!’ Yumiko insisted, clutching her fists together, “Where are you getting all this confidence from, anyhow! You haven’t done anything right since the start of this drama!” She yelled out, become further angered when he simply smiled at her like she was a child.

 

Off to the side, Sai was watching their whole interaction. As Ren parted with them all to go up onto the stage, she felt a smile spread onto her lips. Yumiko could do everything in her power to resist the actor’s talents, but it would all be to no avail. The man was simply too good.

 

Standing up, the director yelled out for action to begin, watching as his two main stars took the stage and he sat down, unsure what exactly he was in for.

 

**Toshiro wasn’t looking where he was going. He was incredibly invested in the cd his friend had lent him that was currently blasting at full volume into his ears. Unfortunately, a gentle clanging was interrupting the sound of the music as he tried to block out the rest of the useless, bleak world he was forced to put up with. Violently, he ripped the chain that was the source of the ruddy noise off from around his belt and narrowly missed socking someone in the face.**

 

**A girly, startled scream filled his ears and he whipped around to see who it came from. His eyes fell onto one of the most gorgeous women he’d ever seen. Her hair flared out dramatically from her face, a lovely shade of caramel. It framed her tanned face wonderfully and the bright green of her eyes was obvious with how wide they were from surprise. Something inside of him flipped like a switch and he was enamored.  The bleak, colorlessness from the world he’d hated for his entire life lit up like he’d never experienced before.**

 

**Interested in what could cause such a reaction in him, he immediately started feigning a loss of his balance. Tumbling over himself, managing to look like a one of those complete idiots who hung around him expecting to join the gang, he was pleased when the woman he’d nearly injured was desperately trying to keep him from falling. Just like he’d wanted.**

 

**She was even surprisingly strong. Toshiro had to use his larger stature and much broader chest to force them both to the ground, twisting at an odd angle and pulling the now familiar girl close to him, cushioning her head with his hands.**

 

**Once they’d hit the ground, he watched with a fair amount of amusement as he stared right into the woman’s eyes. Intense green orbs which were boring right into his. Heavy, dark lashes fluttered in front of them and a dark, rosy hue appeared on her cheeks.**

 

**“Well hello…” She mumbled, her voice soft and sweet, like honey.**

 

**“Ah…” He began, pleased at the position they’d ended up in. “Hello there.” Came his reply, deep and husky. From a bystander’s point of view, it appeared that the much larger man had pinned her beneath him, which he did, their legs tangled together as they stared into each other’s eyes.**

 

**Now that they were so close, it was obvious to the man that the woman he’d tackled was more muscular than he’d thought. And pairing that with her pleasantly tanned skin, he concluded that she must be quite sporty. And that was when he placed her face. Emi Miyake. She was one of the most popular people who went to the college. And one of the most sought after.**

 

**She cleared her throat and made an amused expression, “Now that we’ve exchanged pleasantries, may I know your name?” She knew his type. There were people like him all over the school, and she knew they hung out at a popular club downtown, but she’d never seen him before. “In fact, would you mind terribly getting off of me?”**

 

The entire studio held their breaths. This was where the real acting test began. This was the moment that always compromised Toshiro’s character. Although there had been some oddities in his earlier performance as well.

 

**Tilting his head, the punk leaned closer to his until their faces were mere inches apart. Emi held her breath, swallowing heavily as she wondered if she’d just made a very large mistake running into this man.**

 

**“Don’t look so worried, Miyake.” Came his deep, almost soothing voice. He lifted a hand and brushed it against her cheek. “It doesn’t suit such a beautiful face…”**

 

**She slapped his hand away, looking at him with wide, scared eyes. “Don’t touch me!”**

 

**“Feisty, I see. I apologize if I hurt you in some way.” He said with his signature lopsided, lazy smirk.**

 

**She immediately averted her eyes, looking across the clearing and refusing to meet his eyes. While she was looking away, the confident, devilish expression slipped off his face and was replaced by a completely different one. One of stricken panic.**

 

Tengen’s eyes widened and he stood up, unable to take his eyes off of the scene in front of him. He didn’t really understand what Ren was going for yet, but there was definitely something extremely different in his acting. There was depth, emotion, and most of all, there was conflict.

 

**Toshiro’s mind was racing at a million miles an hour. He was feeling things he’d never felt before around this girl. Just these few seconds of her presence were doing things to him he couldn’t describe. He felt like the familiar, solid ground he’d stood on for years had just been ripped out from underneath him.**

 

**Looking at the chain around his wrist that symbolised he belonged to the most lethal and cruel of gangs that the area had ever seen, he was reminded of what kept him grounded and sane. There was no room for these kinds of feelings in his life, not anymore. There was no room for love, for crushes. He needed to be unfeeling, cold. Cruel.**

 

**Pushing up off of her with a resolved expression, he extended his hand for her to take and she did take it, albeit hesitantly. Carefully, he pulled her up and watched as she brushed off the dress she was wearing, eying him like he was a dangerous animal that could strike at any moment.**

 

**“Tell me your name.” She demanded, “You know mine, apparently, but I don’t know yours.”**

 

**The only response she got was a cold, hard glare from the man in front of her. He was almost sneering at her! To be fair, Toshiro was only imitating things he’d seen the older boys do in the gang, especially to those they disliked, and if there was one thing he could afford to do at that moment, it was to dislike this girl.**

 

**“Tell me!! It’s unfair that you know mine!”**

 

**“I’m sorry, we’re not really in the business of telling sweet, pampered girls about who we are. If you’re expecting a life story, princess, you don’t have the mental capability to handle mine.”**

 

Ren snarled this line unlike he ever spoke, bypassing any and all barriers he put up to keep his inner demons at bay. Right then it wasn’t Ren Tsuruga acting Toshiro. No, it was someone else. Something with similar talent and passion, but a completely different personality. A dark, evil, cruel personality. One that he would have preferred to keep locked up forever.

 

Instantly, Lory recognized this face. He realized with a start what was happening and just how much a milestone Ren had just reached. He hasn’t expected something like this from the actor in another two years or so. Such quick progress must have been caused by some sort of catalyst, but what? What could possibly affect the actor to the point of changing his entire moral judgement? It couldn't have  **just** been this role...could it?

 

Lory wasn’t the only one who recognized the expression though. The blonde watching at the sidelines grimaced at the sight of it. She’d seen him make that cruel expression at her before. The one he only made when he was completely furious with her. The one he made when he looked almost murderous he was so angry. The one she was sure he only made when he  **wasn’t** being Ren Tsuruga. And she knew that he hadn’t always been Ren Tsuruga.

 

**Emi’s mouth dropped open and she huffed, before her face hardened into a severely insulted expression and she turned on her heel and faced away from him. “Well! If that’s how you’re going to be, then fine! See if I care!” She tried to stalk away but her legs remained stubbornly in place, refusing to move. So she stayed with her back to him, completely oblivious of the expression he was making.**

 

**His face had dropped considerably, a look of complete and total heartbreak painting his every feature. He looked like his soul was tearing in half, and in a way, it was. He didn’t know how to feel or what to do. His morals and promises to his peers were meant to be stronger than anything, but in just a few moments, this girl had deconstructed them all and made them into mere words.**

 

Tengen’s script fluttered out of his hands as he saw the expression. It was perfect. It was everything he’d ever wanted. It was wonderfully, flawlessly, perfectly  **Toshiro** !!

 

**The black haired cretin looked at the back of the soccer player, swallowing all of the indecision and conflict the best that he could. He knew in that moment that there wasn’t a thing he could do to help himself.**

 

**Brainstorming something quickly, he leaned over and placed a hand on his knee, hissing out a sound of excruciating pain and gasping softly. Hearing this, Emi turned around quickly, spotting him touching his knee with an expression of anguished pain. The moment he spotted her though, he straightened up again and the face faded back into his mask.**

 

**“Did you...hurt your knee catching me?” The woman asked, her eyebrows knit together and her honey-like voice sending shivers through the man.**

 

**“No.” He said like a blatant lie, trying to look as normal as possible.**

 

**Emi crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow, “Oh yeah? Walk towards me then.”**

 

**Toshiro hesitated for a moment before scoffing, “Yeah, okay. Whatever you want, princess.” He took a step forward onto his “bad” leg and made it buckle beneath him. Rushing to his side in less than a second, the athlete caught him much better this time, supporting his weight while crying out in worry.**

 

**In a swift motion, he took hold her her arms and back and whirled her around, sweeping her off her feet into a beautifully executed dip. He put his face even closer to hers now, close enough that the caramel-haired girl could see his long, dark eyelashes and the color of his eyes. A warm, smooth brown that drew her in and invited her like a warm refuge in the freezing cold.**

 

**“Gotcha.” He smirked again, but his one was less threatening and more playful, like a small child’s.**

 

**Realizing she’d been tricked, Emi got extremely angry and shoved him off of her in a huff. The moment she was free, the punk burst into uncontrollable laughter, throwing his long limbs around and clutching at his stomach, trembling from the exertion. As much as she detested him tricking her, Emi found herself chuckling softly along with him.**

 

**She pushed at his shoulder again, “Stop it!!” She laughed, pressing her palms into his chest and pushing him backwards, “I can't believe you did that! I can’t believe I was really worried about you!” She shoved him again and it only made him laugh harder. Finally, she punched him in the shoulder and yelled out, “You big oaf! That was really cruel!!”**

 

**“Y-your…” Toshiro tried to say, his words drown out by his still painful laughter, “your face was** **_priceless_ ** **!” He wheezed, still laughing as he wiped a tear away from his eye.**

 

**“It wasn’t** **_funny_ ** **!! You had me worried! Now you owe me something!”**

 

**Sighing in content, the punk raised his hands in defeat, “Alright, alright. What do you want? The key to my heart?” He asked with another childish grin.**

 

**“Let’s try your name first, shall we?” Emi asked, tsking as she tapped her fingers on her crossed arms.**

 

 **“Fine, fine. You’re no fun. It’s** **Toshiro Ignari.”**

 

**“Well, Ignari-”**

 

**“Toshiro.” He interrupted, a softer smile on his face now.**

 

**“Fine then. Toshiro. I’d best be going now.” She told him abruptly.**

 

**“What, when we were just getting to the good part, Emi?”**

 

**“Ah!” She chided, her tone sharp and warning, “Don’t call me that. Just because you gave me permission to use your first name doesn't mean you have permission to use mine.”**

 

**Stepping closer, he neared her and looked down, his face glowing with a childish innocence, “So what do I need to do to earn that right then, girl? Sweep you off your feet for a third time?” He joked.**

 

**“Ah, no. Definitely not.” She told him, plastering a tolerant smile on her face. “Now, would you excuse me?”**

 

**“But of course. Will you be needing an escort?”**

 

**“Do you even offer escorts? Since when are your rabble actually proper gentleman?”**

 

**“Well, my lady,” Toshiro began taking her hand in his and raising it, “There are no rules against being gentlemanly, there's usually just no use for it. We don’t often meet people worthy enough of it.” He raised it further and brushed his lips across her knuckles.**

 

The entirely of the studio blushed at this, many of the girls releasing jealous and enamored squeaks. Yumiko snapped out of character for a moment as she ripped her hand out of Ren’s grip, her head spinning at the still present feeling of his lips on the back of her hand.

 

**The sudden motion of her hand being ripped out of his made Toshiro laugh even more, his deep laughter bubbling around the two of them and making the athlete’s skin tingle. “Well, if all you’re going to do is laugh at me, I suppose I’ll be going now.” She talked away as quickly as she could just wanting to get away from him.**

 

**“Have a wonderful rest of your day, Emi!” He called after her, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.**

 

**Hearing her name, the soccer player whirled around to face him. “I already told you! Don’t call me that!”**

 

**“Too late now!” He called back, making a buzzer noise, “You lose, you lose!”**

 

**She instantly took off in a sprint back for him, but he was ready for her. Giving chase, he led her around the clearing they were in and ducked and escaped her every move. Both were laughing vigorously, neither having had that much fun in a long while.**

 

**Part way through their cat and mouse chase, Toshiro was laughing so hard that he had to stop for a moment to catch his breath. He pushed the long strands of pure black hair out of his face and smiled widely. Emi’s eyes fell on the expression and she froze in place. It was the most heavenly of smiles she’d seen in her entire life. Never before had a single expression made her fall in love.**

 

Almost no one in the studio had ever seen the actor make such an expression. Several of the women fainted and now almost everyone’s face was bright red. It was simply the most gorgeous thing any of them had ever seen. And it showed the purest, truest form of happiness known to man. Love. That was the expression of Ren Tsuruga in love.

 

Even less people were aware of who exactly he’d made that face to before. But one person recognized it. One person in the room saw and knew, knew something she so desperately wished she hadn’t learned. She’s seen him make that face before. And he’d made it at her. He’d made that smile of pure, unadulterated, raw love at her before.

 

The man himself was currently happier than he’d been in a long while. All the stress and pain over this role was paying off in that moment. Everything was going completely to plan. And right now, right now he was remembering moments in his life that had previously been insignificant and now were some of the most precious memories he had.

 

The first time he’d seen Sai smile. The first instance he heard her laugh. The times he’d been undeniably himself without a care in the world who saw. The first time he really fell in love with her. He could see her face and her smile, hear her voice and her laughter, he could even smell her. That faint scent of lavender and vanilla. He’d never forget it.

 

Completely shocked and unable to continue in the way that she wanted, Yumiko turned around, as bright as a tomato and bit her lips hard. She was shaking from something she couldn’t place and her mind was racing faster than she could keep up with it. 

 

**Seeing Emi turn around, Toshiro thought he’d just found the perfect place to strike. He tackled her to the ground again from behind, taking her by complete surprise and earning a startled yelp followed by a bark of laughter. Hovering over her once again, marveling at how beautiful her hair was spread over the bright green grass, he said softly,**

 

**“That’s the third time.”**

 

**It took Emi a second to realize he was talking about the third time he’d swept her off her feet. Why that arrogant, insufferable, little...little charmer...She couldn't help but laugh at that, shaking her head and gazing up at him with amusement. “Toshiro.” She said with a sense of finality.**

 

**“Yes?” He asked, drawing out the vowel in the word.**

 

**“I really do need to be going. I’ll be late for my practice.”**

 

**“Oh, well we can’t have that, now can we?” His eyes grew softer and he pushed himself off of her like before, holding out his hand for her to take. This time, she grasped it much more firmly, trustingly.**

 

**“I’ll see you again, Toshiro. “ She told the punk who was seeming less and less like a punk and more like a ridiculously captivating young man.**

 

**“You as well...Emi.” He said softly, watching as she reached the corner of the street. She turned around and opened her mouth as if to say something, to argue not to call her by her first name, but instead, she snapped her mouth shut and smiled, turning the corner and walking away.**

 

**Watching her leave, Toshiro fell completely backwards and into the grass again, resting his head on the earth and sighing with the weight of the world, burying his face in his hands. “What the hell was I** **_thinking_ ** **?” He asked himself, not believing he’d just acted so innocent and adolescent around her.**

 

**Removing his hands, he allowed his gaze to bore into the sky above him. Slowly, a picture of her face appeared in his vision and the frustration and shame melted away. In their place was a wonderful feeling of freedom, happiness, and joy.**

 

**“Emi…” He spoke aloud, feeling the syllable curl off of his tongue and make his heart jump uncomfortably. The smile he’d had on earlier slowly began returning to his face until he was beaming up at the pure blue sky above him.**

 

After several moments of stillness, Tengen realized the scene was over just like it was in the script, with Toshiro lying in the grass and smiling fondly at the thought of Emi. He’d finished it perfectly. “Cut!!" He yelled into the air, watching as no one really moved as they were still too invested in the scene that had just happened. Only Sai moved at that moment. She glanced over at her godfather and moved towards him.

 

There were tears in his eyes and he hand his hands clasped together in pure joy. Just like he did when he finished one of those god awful dating sims he always played. The blonde rolled her eyes and scoffed under her breath. She didn't know why she'd been so worried for the actor. Clearly he could handle himself just fine.

 

While she was watching the President, she was blissfully unaware that Ren had finally risen up and had quickly glanced in her direction. He smiled again, still warm but consciously reduced from how he wanted to smile at her. He wanted to smile at her like he'd been smiling at her as he laid down. It hadn't been Emi's face he'd been picturing, no. It had been Sai's. With her hair still red and long enough to drape over her collarbone, her glasses perched elegantly on her nose and the brightest smile he'd ever seen lighting up every inch of her face.

 

He hopped down from the stage and faced the President who had quickly lost his emotional and invested expression and replaced it with a cold mask.

 

"Well," he said, trying to look as detached and uninterested as possible. “That wasn’t bad...for you. I guess you pass.”

 

_ You little liar, _ Sai thought to herself,  _ You were nearly bawling at his performance. “Wasn’t bad”, my ass, Lory. _ She made a mental note to chastise him later.

 

“Um…” Ren sighed in relief, “Thank you…”

 

“Now you seem to understand  **all** of Toshiro. Not with your head...but with your  **heart** .”

 

Ren froze, blinking with wide eyes at Lory as he processed what exactly he should think about the man knowing he was in love just from his acting. Sai watched both of them carefully, an uncomfortable feeling settling in the bottom of her stomach. She knew now that the actor had some sort of feelings for her and the very idea of that made her heart twist into knots. She could only hope that her godfather never find out that she was the object of his affections. There was no future for them. And there never would be.

 

“Ms. Akai?” Ren questioned gently to the female standing beside him. She was oddly unenergetic and her usual relaxed state or easy smile was nowhere to be seen. “What’s wrong? Are you...not feeling well?”

 

“Ah…” she mumbled, marveling at the beauty of the face mere inches from hers. A shock ran down through her spine as she compared herself to the man before her. Compared her own ugly, twisted soul to the majesty of the being before her. “No,” her voice carried, gentle with a kind of sadness and weight that only she could differentiate from her normal one. Elegantly, she slunk back, taking not even a step away from the actor, putting some distance between them. “I’m all right.” It was a lie.

 

She could instantly see the change in his expression. The fact that the woman he’d finally accepted he had feelings for had just retreated from his presence. She knew that, and yet...and yet being so close to him reminded her of the shadows she carried, of the weight pulling her down until it became suffocating.

 

“What...do you mean by that?” Ren asked her, referring to her retreat.

 

“Huh?” She asked, feigning innocence.

 

“You moved away. Why?”

 

“Oh, ah…” her main raced for an excuse, eventually settling on doing the only thing she could with the man: using snarky comments to protect herself. A confident sneer appeared on her face and her eyes sparkled with humor. “I have a bit of a migraine, and I’m afraid your cologne was a little strong, Casanova.”

 

He blinked at her a few times as he tried to process why she was lying to him. He could see it in her face, hear it in her voice. His lips settled into a thin line and he crossed his arms, ready to cross examine her to his fullest ability. Right as he opened his mouth, a familiar voice sounded from behind him.

 

“Ren!” Tengen called out, looking far happier than he had in the morning, far healthier too. “The President wants to talk to you.”

 

Turning around, the tall actor spotted Lory from across the room, waving him over excitedly. “Uh...yes…” he said softly, walking towards the man but looking over his shoulder one last time to glare at the blonde who had the audacity to yawn at him and wink.

 

Once he was out of sight, her eyes narrowed slightly and her features returned to their usual stillness. Tengen glanced at her warily and observed her carefully neutral expression. “You okay, Akai? I didn’t interrupt you, did I?”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Director, sir. It wasn’t anything important.” She was more convincing herself than she was convincing him. She had to rationalize that there was no point in worrying about her image in the eyes of that man, because if she didn’t, if she let herself think for a second that something might come of them...it would be far too dangerous a thought.

 

Situated in the long, golden company car in the parking lot, Lory poured two glasses of wine and held one out to his passenger. “You want some?” He asked, watching the actor opposite him chuckle under his breath.

 

“No, Mr. President, but thank you. I’m still working.”

 

“I know,” Lory replied, bringing both glasses closer to him to signify that he intended to drink them both. “But I asked anyway. Really Ren, you’ve become so mild!” He chuckled, drawing out the vowel in the last word, “When I think back to five years ago…” He trailed off in memory and watched in amusement as the actor across from him jumped,

 

“Please stop speaking about my past…”

 

“Alright, alright. I do have something you should probably know, Ren.”

 

He looked up in interest and clasped his hands together, nodding to let Lory know he should continue.

 

“Tengen has expressed a desire to use the entire scene you produced today during your test.” The President told him, downing one glass of the red liquid and lighting a cigar.

 

Ren blinked in surprise and let his mouth hang open slightly. “He’s going to use  **that** ?”

 

“Apparently. He really thought it was perfectly Toshiro. Didn’t want to change a thing.”

 

“Well, yes, of course it was perfectly him. That’s why I expanded it to be that way, so that I could show it to you, sir. It’s not meant to be part of the actual drama.”

 

“But it hit the three important points of the scene: to have the character’s interact, show the conflict Toshiro has, and reveal him to Emi’s world by giving her his name. You even completed the storyline from start to finish.”

 

“W-well...yes, but...it wouldn’t fit into the allotted scene time.”

 

“I thought of that too. He told me that, unlike the novels, he thinks this scene is incredibly important for showing what Toshiro is really like. Most of the drama will be seen either from Emi’s or Himeko’s point of view, so the chance for insight into Toshiro’s struggles and his inner conflicts with who he wants to be need to show through more often than the novels allow. He thinks your acting showed it perfectly in this scene. Therefore, he wants to leave in absolutely everything.” 

 

Ren stared at Lory in shock, unable to believe what he’d done simply to prove his ability would have pleased Tengen so much. The complicated feelings that developed so soon after their first meeting were still new to him, so he honestly couldn’t judge how accurate they were...but they were good enough for Tengen and that man was not easy to please. 

 

As much as he thought that was complimentary, he wasn’t sure how much he appreciated all that he did being left in there. Especially when he’d let his past self slip in so much. “Is...that so…” He asked, casting his gaze towards the car floor.

 

Lory sighed gently, knowing exactly what was ailing the brilliant man across from him was thinking. “You don’t look too happy, Ren. I personally was quite pleased to hear Tengen say that. Only because I knew that you were risking your life to play Toshiro.”

 

The actor visibly flinched when Lory said this, a sinking feeling weighing his shoulders down.  _ So he noticed _ ...he thought drearily to himself.

 

“You showed  **that guy** to everyone. Your  **old self** ...that you sealed away when you came here.”

 

Ren’s expression immediately darkened and he gripped his hands together tightly, the grim face he was making causing the President to sigh again.

 

“Hey...stop looking like like that. I’m not accusing you. In fact...I think it’s a good thing. You revealed your old self while you were acting. That means...that you’re beginning to feel that you can forgive yourself a little. Even if...it was a desperate step to stop yourself from being fired and prove that you can do the impossible.”

 

Outside of the car and its heavy atmosphere, a strange teenage girl was laughing so hard that passersbys hurried much faster than usual. If her unusual dyed and buzzed haircut wasn’t enough, the murderous looking high heels wrapped around her feet and the heavy, leather clothing she wore made her look that much more out of place.

 

Sai was currently trying to get over the look of the enormous, sparkling, needlessly dazzling Hummer limousine. It was so incredibly obviously Lory’s that she couldn’t help by completely lose herself in laughter over how ridiculous it was. She’d never get over his tendencies to outshine absolutely everyone.

 

Recovering, she wiped a tear from her eye and walked toward the vehicle, spotting the outline of the actor in the rear windows.  _ Hm...they still look like they’re in pretty deep conversation… _  she noticed, watching them.  _ Perhaps I should come back later? Or should I wait for him? _ She argued back and forth, biting one of her black-painted nails. She felt bad for avoiding him all this time and finally managed to convince herself to apologize but she was already doubting herself.

 

She paced around the vehicle trying to get a better view inside and managed to catch a glimpse of the actor. Her heart strangled itself to a stop when she saw it. She’d seen him make depressed faces before, as Madam, but never before, never had she seen something that dark, that heavy. 

 

Suddenly, every reservation she had about what she was about to do vanished and no matter what she felt, no matter how much she ended up hating herself, she wasn’t going to let that man look like that ever again. He looked so consumed by darkness, so dragged down by weights heavy enough to rival her own that it almost made him unreachable. Like anything she did, anything she said wouldn’t - couldn’t - alleviate that pain from inside of him.

 

“It’s about time…” Lory was saying, trying to tell whether or not the actor was even listening any longer. “You should let out the part of you that you’ve hidden away for so long.  _ The Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned _ is perfect for your rehab. You do need your old self for your acting...if you want to succeed in converting your character into a real person.”

 

Ren’s gaze snapped up to meet his, all of the pinched parts of his expression disappearing to make way for a much more determined face which showed how much he truly wanted to be, to embody, to act Toshiro.

 

Lory smirked at that, pleased to see such a face from his beloved actor. He chuckled softly and sat back, his eyes caught motion from outside of the car and he took notice of it. Focusing on it, he found that his goddaughter was currently pacing back and forth near the car, her lips moving as if she was arguing with herself. “Hmm?” He said under his breath in faint interest.

 

Ren blinked at the unusual behavior, “What is it?” He asked as he watched the President’s confused expression.

 

“Uh...look.” He pointed out the window at the sight of the blonde girl making a beeline for the vehicle. “Isn’t that Ms. Akai? What’s she doing?” He wondered, leaning towards the window to get a better look.  _ She looks like she’s...coming...straight at us… _ ”Ah. I see. Maybe…” His lips upturned in a teasing way, “She’s coming for you?” He turned around to face the actor and what he saw astounded him.

 

Reeling backwards, he stumbled and put a hand to his temple like he was nauseous. “R...e...n…” He collapsed against the seat. “Why, oh why did you have to fall for someone who’s so incredibly difficult to deal with?!”  _ Why my daughter! Of all people! Her?! _

 

“W-what are you talking about?!” The actor demanded, trying to force his face back to normal.

 

“You can’t fool me!” Lory insisted, holding a mirror up at the actor. “Look at your face! It’s so obvious!” He reeled backwards and put an arm over his eyes.  _ I-I’m not ready for you to have already fallen for her! She’s not ready yet either! I...I know that they would be perfect for each other, but neither one of them is in any condition to be in love! What would she do if she found out?! _

 

“Let me guess then, Ren…” he asked, his arm still blocking his eyes, “You were pretending she was Emi during your acting test...weren't you?”

 

“I-I’m sorry…” Ren mumbled, working on getting his facial features back to normal and melting the smile off of his lips. “I-it doesn’t matter anyway. I won’t go after her. So it should be okay.”

 

“Not going after her? Why not? Is this because...you still believe that you don’t have the right to be happy?” 

 

Having won the fight to rid the pleased expression from his elegant features, he turned to the President with another miserable expression.

 

Lory sighed again, “Honestly, Ren, I think you should pursue her when you feel able to.”

 

Bunching his eyebrows together, the tall man began to question his own morals. “Why would I do that, Mr. President, sir?”

 

Pressing his hand into the actor’s shoulder and gripping it reassuringly, Lory gave his beloved actor a gentle expression, “All I ever want is for all of my children to be happy, Ren. And even if you force yourself to be unhappy for the rest of your life,  **she** makes you happy. Even by just being in your line of vision, she makes you happy.”

 

“How could you possibly know that?” He asked the man above him, actually honored to be considered a child of the President. 

 

Smiling kindly down at him, Lory spoke gently, “It’s impossible to miss, my son.”

 

Ren opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by a sharp knock at the door of the Hummer. “Lory!” Came a familiar voice from the other side of the door, “You open this door right now!”

 

Chuckling under his breath, he carefully unlocked and pulled open the door. “Ah, Saiyuka. How nice of you to join us.” He greeted, only to be met by a dark glared form the blonde.

 

“Don’t bully, Mr. Tsuruga, Lory. He doesn’t deserve it and you know it.” She scolded, shaking a finger at him like he was a disrespectful child.

 

He placed a hand to his chest and acted mock hurt, “S-Saiyuka…” He swooned and leaned over the couch. “You wound me.”

 

“You’re such a child, Lory.” She chided, taking the cigar from between his fingers and putting it out, tossing the foul thing in the trash and pocketing the other ones he left out on the table. The message was quite clear. No more smoking these, either. Bad for you.

 

Satisfied with that, she reached out with her hand towards the actor and looked at him expectantly. Taking her outstretched palm, the tall man’s much larger one immediately began warming her cold skin which was chilled from standing outside so long in the October air. His face lit up with a tiny, natural, genuine smile as he allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and towards the door.

 

He glanced back at Lory and saw his knowing smirk, the faint twinkle of mischief in his eyes telling him he was in for a lot now that the President knew his secret. But that was okay. So long as Sai was there, it was okay. That very thought made the tips of his ears burn a deep red, but he didn’t really care.

 

Now out of the car, the actress led her costar by the hand at a rather quick pace. Chuckling softly, Ren finally managed to slow her down and get his hand back, turning her to face him and look up into his eyes. “Why are you being so insistent? You don’t need to drag me know you, I’ll walk with you.”

 

Hesitating, Sai bit her lip and her eyes flickered back and forth as she tried to finds words to say. Refusing to look at him, the words slipped from between her lips so quietly that the actor had to lean in to hear them, “I...I just...I can’t stand to see you make that face..”

 

Momentarily confused, Ren tried to understand which she meant and he realized she’d been standing around the car and waiting. Waiting until something triggered her to come up and knock on the door. Something like the pained face he’d made in front of Lory. She’d seen him looking like that and it had made her want to come drag him out of that atmosphere. She couldn't stand to see him in pain.

 

Shocked she would care that much, he was so involved in his thoughts, wondering if that meant he could possible be special to her in some way that he missed her looking up at him. Swallowing, Sai took in the positively radiant expression the actor was making and her panic rose to unsafe levels. 

 

She couldn’t let him know how she felt, if she felt anything at all. She couldn’t. If he knew, if he even thought for a moment that she was developing anything for him...she didn’t know how she would react, what she would do. So in the meantime she would do everything in her power to dissuade him of her feelings. She had to.

 

“After all…” she continued, twirling a strand of cyan hair around her finger. “If you let such dark emotions get a hold of you too tightly, your acting might suffer.”

 

He blinked at her, feeling a sharp stab in his chest from the subtle jab she’d just made. “I’m not interested in you”, her actions had said. “I’m just concerned about your professionalism.”

 

While he was still recovering, she turned on her heel and started towards the main building with him in tow behind her. “We have a scene together soon, you know. You’ve got to be at your best so we can continue our one-take-wonder team.” The longer she spoke, the more she could feel the frustrations grow from behind her. The man was most likely not outwardly showing it, but his anger had a way of infecting the air around him.

 

She stopped abruptly and he watched as her small frame broadened the most it could as she squared her shoulders. “Don’t be too upset.” She pleaded, the confidence gone from her voice, “Please, I know you have every right to be frustrated with me,” she told him, finally turning around to face him. 

 

The actor didn’t know what to make of her words. They weren't making any sense and her blank expression was no help. Out of nowhere, she reached up and brushed her fingers against the side of his face, her skin ice cold.

 

“I just don’t want you making that face. Does my reason really have to matter?” He shook his head, his body moving before his brain could quite catch up. “I need you to promise that if anything should happen that would cause you to be in that much pain again that you come to me, alright? It doesn’t matter when or where or whatever. Just promise you’ll come to me.”

 

Even more confused at this point, he reached up and took her freezing cold hand, squeezing it in his, and nodded to her slowly. He didn’t really understand what he’d just promised, but he knew that he meant it, whatever it was. 

 

He didn't let go of her hand, concerned for just how cold her skin really was, as they entered the building again. He was aware that she’d rejected him earlier, told him not to read into her actions, but he couldn’t help but be happy that she’d still reached out to him, still tried to show that she wasn’t uncaring.

  
Just watching her from behind, a much larger, sincere smile lit up his every feature and he couldn’t help but stare at her with soft gleaming eyes. He couldn’t have been more grateful to her than he was in that moment.


	30. Chapter 30

The bitter, chilling winds of the fall soon gave way to much more frigid temperatures as all of Japan was blanketed in the whiteness of winter. The blonde, making her way into a familiar studio, blew softly on her freezing hands and rubbed them together. She breathed out slowly and watched the warm air leave her lips and curl in the sky like wisps of smoke from a fire. A tiny smile appeared on her lips and it accentuated the soft pink of her cheeks from the harsh wind.

 

Sai opened the door and slipped inside, exhaling in delight as she was enveloped in the warmth of the building. Rubbing her shoulders and arms quickly, she walked through the hall to the main room, her boots sending clicks echoing down the corridor. 

 

Competing with the sound of her boots was the incessant chatter of many people whose voices carried all the way to the front door. Peering into the main room, the actress’s eyes were attracted to a large group of people gathered around the director. “Ah! Akai!” He called when he saw her. “You’re just in time!”

 

She laughed merrily when she saw his excited expression, “Just in time for what, Director Tengen?”

 

“I’m announcing our ratings for the past week.” He smirked, waving a letter towards her as if it was the most impressive thing in the universe.

 

The talent laughed again, gesturing for him to continue. He flashed her another grin and the people around him surged, demanding he read it.

 

“Alright everyone! We’ve been broadcasting for three months now! Reports have been steadily coming in that show in our first month, ratings boosted from 9.2% to 13.8% and only served to raise yet another 2.2% over the second month, bringing us to 16%! It is my pleasure to inform you that in our third month of broadcasting, we’re up to 20.7% in ratings! The highest of my career!” He called out, his voice nearly drown out by members of the cast and crew cheering.

 

“It’s all thanks you guys for being so incredible and hard working, for putting your hearts and souls into this project and for doing your best to make it into what it is today! You’re all amazing!” Tengen yelled out, looking happier than anyone had seen him since the day they'd met him, taking turns slapping his back and congratulating him.

 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Sai heard from behind her, turning around to face a familiar tall man with dark hair. A gentle smile blossomed on her lips and she nodded. “Especially when he looks so happy.” The actor added, a little nervous to see the blonde after so long.

 

The two hadn’t seen each other much over the course of the filming. They were both so busy most of the time that their schedules clashed just in the wrong place and they missed each other. Sometimes by mere minutes. 

 

He smiled so warmly down at the female that a blush spread across her cheeks. He couldn’t help it though, she always had that effect on him. Covering her dyed blonde locks was a knit gray cap, which slouched delicately at the base of her neck and drew out the dusty tone of her icy blue eyes. Only the longest of blonde strands poked out from the rim on the hat, but it showed more of her hair that it would have earlier. The locks were getting quite long now.

 

“Ah, Mr. Tsuruga.” Came her gentle, soothing voice, “I didn't think you’d be here this morning.” Although it didn’t show on her face, she was extremely pleased to see the man. They used to interact on a regular basis, but that was proving more difficult as the amount of things she undertook increased. If they didn’t have this job together, she might never see him.

 

“I wasn’t supposed to be, no. My 9:00 cancelled on me. I don’t really have anything to shoot here for the next couple of hours, but I figured it would be nice to come a bit early.”  _ That, and if I came early, I would get to see you, h _ e added in his head. “I’ll review some scripts and such while I wait.”

 

“How diligent of you,” Sai teased, her eyes sparkling. She knew he’d come at least partially to see her. It wasn’t the first time. “So tell me, has Maria begged you to come help plan her birthday again this year?”

 

The previous year, the energetic little girl had forcefully dragged both adults into helping her plan an enormous celebration to commemorate the first time in a long while that she celebrated her birthday party and spoke with her father. 

 

Ren chuckled deeply, crossing his arms over his chest, “Oh yes. I offered her some insight, but I can’t make the massive board meeting she had planned to decide everything. Are you able to make that?”

 

“Make it? You do realize she made me  **head** of the board meeting right?” The blonde asked, making the man next to her laugh, “All decisions have to go through me,” Sai added, watching with no small amount of joy as he laughed harder.

 

“She certainly is willful,” Ren admitted, knowing how persuasive she could be. “Can you believe she’s turning nine?”

 

“Not at all…” Sai told him, a bittersweet smile on her face. “She acts both younger and older than that. When she’s happy, it’s like she’s five years old again, all energetic and bouncy, running all over the place. But she’s been through so much at such a young age that sometimes you forgot she’s still only eight years old…”

 

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Ren agreed, matching the actress’s expression. “I don’t so much mind it when she acts younger though. She never really got to be a child, so it’s nice to see she’s comfortable enough now that she can do those childish things.”

 

“That’s a good way of looking at it,” Sai grinned at her costar, “I like that.”

 

The actor had to fight off the heat that rose in his face. “Well, I’m happy for her. That’s why I can think like that.”

 

“Akai!!” Tengen’s voice cut through their conversation, his own lips still perched upwards in pride and joy.

 

“Yes, director, sir?” Sai asked, tilting her head.

 

“Get your ass into makeup! We’re running on a schedule here!” 

 

Normally, such language would have been unusual for a director, or would have been associated with rudeness or anger, but the blonde laughed quite openly. She knew that Tengen spoke that way when he was in a good mood. She really enjoyed it.

 

“Yes, sir!” She saluted him, earning a chuckle and a wave as if to tell her to knock it off. Laughing again, she turned to the dark haired man and smirked. “It appears as though I must be off. Wouldn’t want to jeopardize his beloved schedule.” She joked, knowing that more so than anyone on set, the director lost track of time the easiest.

 

“I won’t keep you, then.” The actor said with humor in his voice, saying a quick goodbye to her as she trotted off to meet with the makeup team. He watched her until she was out of view and then he released a gentle sigh, his lips upturned into a satisfied smile.

 

A few days later, Maria’s board meeting was in full swing and requests for caterers, decorators, musicians, and the like rolled in non-stop, all funneling through the careful and meticulous eye of the actress. With her at the helm, this party would go off without a hitch.

 

Just as it so happened, one of the largest galas ever seen in the downtown Tokyo area dazzled the public in terms of its organization and smooth sailing. Off to the side, a truly gorgeous woman dressed in the finest of black tie, her blonde hair pulled and twisted into a fantastic updo, held a clipboard and fussed with a mic headset to keep tabs on the various aspects of the party.

 

Even while managing the whole affair, she still managed to dance with the birthday girl on more than a few occasions and even spellbind the crowd with a magnificent performance with the President of LME. She really could dance.

 

The actor, much like the previous year, arrived a little after the gala began and was pleased to see it going so well. Of course, it came as no surprise this time now that he appreciated the actress’s talents a little more. He spend a great majority of the party simply watching Sai from afar, admiring her and talking himself out of asking for the honor of a dance. He knew it would be far too dangerous to be that close to her with so many pairs of eyes on them.

 

As the celebration drew to a close, he watched her take one of Maria’s hands and her father take the other. The two walked to the doors, each holding onto her and swinging her playfully between them as they exited. Seeing her look so happy with Maria made him wish he’d ignored the opinions of the people around him and just asked her to dance. Wasting that chance seemed so unfortunate and idiotic now. Why did he push her away?

 

Sai glanced behind her as she exited, catching the smallest glance of the tall, handsome actor standing off to the side of the room. Distantly she wondered if she’d done something wrong, something to deserve being ignored for a great majority of the night. Perhaps it had something to do with him believing she was too busy managing the party to talk, or perhaps he just hadn’t wanted to interrupt her time with Maria...but...she’d hoped he’d at least approach her once. She should have just gone up to him. Wasting that chance seemed so unfortunate and idiotic now. Why did she let him stay so distant?

 

As it turned out, she only grew more and more regretful that she didn’t speak to him that night as she wouldn’t see him for quite a long time outside of work after that. Her days were so busy that she was working day and night, managing and even making time to attend the odd acting class at the academy. 

 

Towards the end of the winter months, Himeko’s canon hair had grown long enough that she no longer needed to fashion her own hair to look like hers. Instead, she returned it to its bright red hue the moment a wig was made to resemble the blonde locks. Beaming into the mirror as her own reflection beamed back, she ran a few fingers through the thick mass of redness, adoring having her old appearance back. Nothing looked quite as good as her natural red. She simply loved it.

 

The last of the snow melted as January drew to a close, revealing the buds of the grass and early spring blooms out of the ground. The redhead smiled softly as she gazed out of her apartment window at the window box outside, little red and pink blots of colored tulips poking out here and there. 

 

She swung her legs over the side of her bed and stretched out, feeling her back muscles relax and help her wake up. Moving into her bathroom, she quickly brushed through her hair and walked downstairs to make some coffee. The aroma wafted around her, surrounding her in its richness, and she leaned against the counter in a relaxed serenity. 

 

Going about the rest of her routine, she finished and grabbed her coat as she slipped out her front door and slung her tote bag over her shoulder. Throwing her leg over her bike, she revved it loudly and skirted onto the road, whipping down the streets to her studio. She was incredibly excited for that day, as she’d be shooting some scenes of  _ The Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned _ that she’d been looking forward to for a long time. And Ren would be there that day. But that had  **nothing** to do with how excited she was. Really.

 

Stepping into the studio, she moved into her dressing room and prepared for the day ahead. The shooting itself flew by in the blink of an eye, the speed at which they successfully completed scenes was shocking to even Tengen, who’d grown accustomed to his highly skilled cast.

 

“Ah, Ms. Akai,” Ren called out for the actress just as she was making her way back to her dressing room. “You did a fantastic job today.” He smiled fondly at her, pleased that compliments came much easier to him now.

 

She beamed back at him, her features gently upturning. “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga, you did phenomenally as well. That last scene was particularly amazing.”

 

“You were watching?” 

 

“Yes, of course,” she chuckled softly, continuing to walk back to her dressing room as they talked.

 

“You make it sound as if that should be obvious.” He blinked once at her, tilting his head.

 

“As it rightly should! Not only do I find personal enjoyment in watching all the scenes, but watching you act even from afar is such a great learning opportunity. You’re really very talented.” She gave him a gentle smile as she entered her dressing room, holding the door open for him as well. 

 

“As are you, Ms. Akai. I’m frankly shocked you’re this professional already. You act like a pro.”

 

She laughed joyfully at that, working on removing the various parts of her costume pieces and jewelry. “It’s a lot of natural instinct I suppose. That and I have started taking classes down at the school, and when I followed you around as your manager I took quite a few notes that I often look back at.”

 

“You took notes? When?”

 

The actress shrugged, taking out the last ring from her nose, “At your various jobs. I have the notebook here somewhere.” She dug out the beaten book from her tote and handed it to the man to look at while she ducked into a changing room and took off Himeko’s uniform. 

 

Ren paged through the detailed notebook and found the date she first started as his manager listed at the top in her curving script. Following the passages along, he found that she took absolutely incredible notes on his costars and himself, noting their expressions, gestures, and even breathing patterns. It was amazing.

 

Sai appeared back in his peripheral vision and he noticed for the first time that her hair was no longer blonde. “You dyed your hair back!” He exclaimed, surprising her.

 

“Last week, yes.” She blushed softly, holding up the wig she now wore as Himeko. It was masterfully made and Rio had taught her well about taking care of it.

 

“I’m glad…” The actor told her softly, “I missed it being such a bright shade.”

 

Beaming back, Sai nodded, “I know. I did too. That’s the last time I try to dye it, I swear. After two different colors, nothing really seems to suit me as much as the red.”

 

The tall man blinked at that, processing her words with bunched eyebrows. “Two colors? When did you dye it anything but blonde?”

 

Sai froze at that, realizing her error much too late. She couldn’t just write it off as meaning blonde  **and** cyan. Her slip of the tongue had been too serious. Now she had to come up with something else.

 

Ren watched as the gears in her head turned. He couldn’t tell if she was volleying back and forth between telling the truth or not, how much of the truth to tell him, or just coming up with a lie.

 

“I...I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that-” she cut herself off, her features still but the struggle she was having didn’t lurk far under the surface. Falling completely silent, there was no indication she was going to continue with that excuse.

 

He simply couldn’t understand why she felt the need to argue this hard with herself. Hell, he didn’t need her to tell him a two hour bedtime story here, he just wanted to know what other color she’d dyed her hair. This always happened when he caught her getting too comfortable with him and saying something she shouldn’t. She always shut herself off like this.

 

Before it had just made him angry, he had always found it frustrating that she wouldn’t open up. But now, now it was different. Now it hurt. It hurt that she didn’t trust him, hurt that she couldn’t be herself, hurt that she felt the need to lie or cover things up from him. Now that he lived each and every single day knowing how drawn he was to her, to feel her push him away this forcefully was too much. 

 

"You…you just…make me so damn  **frustrated** !!" Ren's voice echoed through the silent dressing room. Completely unexpected, the petite redhead’s gaze snapped up to his and she held her breath, her eyes wide and cautious. The actor being upset with her wasn’t anything new, but it had been such a long time since they’d last argued that she hadn’t expected this sort of reaction whatsoever and her ability to reach to such uncharacteristic behavior was greatly diminished. 

 

Sai repeatedly opened her mouth to speak, her teeth clattering faintly together as had to close it again, her throat failing to produce any audible noises. Eventually, in the midst of the silence, she managed a pathetic, "W-w…wha…?"   
  
Ren's eyes darkened even more dangerously as he growled out of his throat, "Dammit Ms. Akai…I've been costarring with you for about five months now, and I've known you for over a year. Hell, we've been to two of the President's ridiculous parties together, we've had lunch a handful of times with Maria, you even  **stayed** with me for a week!! How is it that I still know next to nothing about you!?" 

 

He spat the last line out with audible defeat and pain. Her eyes of course widened even further with shock as she struggled to create a reply, any reply…but it never came. She just stared at him, frozen, her eyes nearly unblinking, her body no longer even shaking.    
  
After a few moments with no reply, Ren's posture visibly collapsed and he swiftly turned his back to her, his shoulders shaking slightly as he spoke again, his once so furious voice cracking slightly, "I don't know even the most basic things…what you like to eat, what your favorite color is…I had to ask the President for your birthday, even, and I spoke to you nearly every day back then. I have absolutely no idea what you do outside of acting either; what do you do for fun, for hobbies? 

 

“Just tell me one thing,  **one** ! I don’t need to know  **any** details about your past, or anything you don’t wish to share, but why don’t I even know about the things that make you human, that make you…you? I mean…Ms. Akai…I didn't even know what you truly looked like until a few months after we met. I don't know you at  **all** …" As he finished, he waited, barely breathing, his heart pounding viciously in his ears. He pleaded, screamed in his mind for her to reply, and his pleas were met with nothing but silence, as the usually annoyingly cheerful and fiery individual remained silent, deathly still.    
  
Taking this as his cue, Ren took a step forward to escape the heavy atmosphere, wallow in the sorrow of her rejection, and drown himself in bourbon when he reached home. As his step echoed in the room, Sai's unmistakable voice overwhelmed the sound with surprising steadiness and determination, "I love coconut."   
  
Ren instantly turned to face her, his dark expression completely gone, replaced by a look of surprise. He gasped softly as he saw her lift her head. Her soft features knitted together in frustration, anguish…and deep regret. Tears, enormous, glistening tears, rolled down her pale pink cheeks. Ren opened his mouth to say something, but Sai cut him off instantly. 

 

“They were my mother’s favorite as well. She used to be an amazing baker. Our house chef, Amelia, taught me how to cook, but my mother was the one who taught me how to bake. She wasn’t home often, and even when she was, she was often very tired. Despite that, every time she was home she would bake something with coconut in it. My childhood was full of that flavor, and every time I taste it, I can see her smile at me and ask how it was. 

 

“When she died…” Sai’s voice cracked slightly and another tear traced down the curve of her cheek, “When she died...I hated the taste of it. I couldn’t stand even the smell of it. Made me sick. We all hated it, everyone in my family. It held too many fond memories that seemed to be stained by the thought of her death. It wasn’t until six months after she passed that my father did something about it. While my siblings and I were at school, he took the entire day off of work and spent it all baking all by himself. 

 

“When we got home, the whole house smelled like coconut and on the table was a plate of the most burnt, messy, awful excuses for coconut macaroons...but standing over them was my father with the proudest look on his face I’d ever seen. Even though what he made was terrible, we ate every single one. And it was only because he did that that such a simple flavor once again connects me to such positive memories. Not only ones of my mother, but ones of my father as well.” She said that last part with a small, grateful smile touching her lips as she remembered the feeling, juxtaposing the steady stream of tears on her face.    
  
Ren stood rooted in place as she so casually told him a story from her past, gushing out emotions he'd never expected to see from her. He’d seen her make  **faces** before, and the longer he knew her, the more often she expressed herself, but never before had she been so outwardly affected. But she didn't stop there.    
  
Taking a shaky breath, she closed her eyes and her voice carried through the room like smooth velvet, "My favorite color is blue. I adore it, it rids me of any turmoil that permeates my mind. I’m stuck between two shades…I can't decide if I prefer a sea blue or an ice blue. My room is painted in sea blue because the deeper, greener shade reminds me of the ocean by my family's old beach house. When everything was okay, when we were happy. 

 

“I’d wake up every morning and wonder where I was, no matter how often or for how long we stayed. The sunlight would pour into my room and fill it with such beautiful light. I could see the sunrise from my bed as it cast deep oranges and bright pinks on my walls and bedspread, and when I finally got up, I’d run to the window and gaze at the ocean. The breathtaking waves, shimmering in the sun and filtering the streaks of light, were the most beautiful things I’d ever seen, the bluest blue. 

 

“Then again, as I’d get caught up staring at the beach, my mother would sneak up on me and sweep me up in her arms from behind and hold me so tightly I’d squeal and then she’d let me go and we’d run around the house until she’d scoop me up in her arms again and gaze at me with such warmth and tenderness that I remember her ice blue eyes to this day. They were nearly colorless, just the very rims were a pale blue. Despite that lack of color though…they gleamed with such joy, all the time, especially when she looked at me. Her one and only little girl…” 

 

Sai closed her eyes, lost in the memories, and more tears streamed down her cheeks, dripping off of her chin and dotting all over the floor underneath her. While she must have been in such great pain revealing all of this, Sai’s expression had slackened slightly so it appeared less agonizing than before. In fact, her expression seemed almost too gentle for her words, as a small smile dusted over her lips.    
  
Ren's mouth dropped in shock as she laid her soul out before him. In this moment, she had eyes only for him, she was speaking directly at him, and him alone. His heart tugged itself painfully as the gravity of her actions spread a warmth of the deepest, rawest kind through him. He tried to step forward, but she opened her mouth again, and shocked him further by continuing, answering even the last question he asked, or rather yelled at, her.    
  


“I…actually do a lot of things outside of this…I…if you haven’t noticed, I struggle expressing how I feel, if it’s not happiness - unless I’m acting. Most of my feelings come across wrong and people get so…angry with me.” Ren recalled one of their first meetings, when he’d grown so intensely angry with her, only to then leave in total confusion when he lost track of what she was saying entirely. She hadn’t been trying to anger him, she wasn’t insulting him at all…he just had misunderstood her. Guilt shot through his body and settled uncomfortably in his stomach.

 

“I have trouble finding the right words to say what I mean, or what I want. It’s been that way since I was little. To try to help me…my grandmother enrolled me in as many art and music classes as she could, to see if I could express myself through that instead…and the President did all he could to further that and to help me understand that there are so many outlets that one can use to show their feelings.

 

“So…I learned to play a lot of instruments, but…I'm mainly a violinist. I don't play in front of people that often, but those who have heard me play say they've never heard anything like it, and they praise how I can fill a room so completely with my emotions through my violin.”  Ren's eyes bugged out of his head.  _ How on earth could I have not known this?! She's never even mentioned the word 'violin' since I’ve known her!  _

 

“Beyond the violin…I can play most other string instruments, and the piano. I’m…also an amatuer vocalist, although I’ll deny any and all requests for singing…it’s too hard for me now, too painful.” Sai's every cell screamed at her to stop, but she couldn't, she needed to tell this man everything she'd wished and wished and prayed and begged herself to tell him, everything she’d almost revealed in a slip of her tongue. He couldn't know absolutely everything - yet - but he'd sure as hell hear an answer to each of his rough inquiries, and she'd die before letting him down again.   
  
"Lastly…I’m…I'm a painter. I've shown them to only one person in the world, and I've only officially finished six, but he says the pieces I create are revolutionary, that the world isn't ready for the work I produce, that they're going to create a new wave in the understanding of art itself. I don't know exactly what he means…but he’s always badgering me to show them in a gallery, and I just can’t. I couldn’t bear to show them…they’re not…happy. 

 

“My only wish is that people around me are happy, like when I was little. I long to see people look at me tenderly, but I always push them away without realizing it. And even when I do receive a look that you could call affectionate, I write it off as something else without thinking. It’s just how I am. So to have people look at the art I produce or the music I make, and watch as their faces twist from my own negative influence…I just, I can’t-”   
  


Sai's words were cut off by the abrupt embrace of the man she had poured her heart and soul out to, who held her and hugged her so tightly, so affectionately, so comfortingly, that her every negative feeling washed away in an instant. She gently wrapped her arms around him, a radiant smile - her true one - gracing her face elegantly, despite the still flowing tears.    
  


Ren’s mind was screaming at him in complete and utter panic, though he’d never admit it. This morning it seemed like they were nothing more than acquaintances, and now they were standing alone in her dressing room, crying in each other’s arms, embracing almost like lovers. Sai, smiling more beautifully, more naturally, and more easily than ever before. Ren, his lips hidden in her hair, showed their current position in their heavenly smile through the warm aura he emitted, the gentle expression on his face, and the gorgeous streaks of tears running down his cheeks as he held her.    
  
All was silent for a moment, before two words graced the air, "Thank you…" But while this gorgeous, heartfelt expression of gratitude should have come from Ren, knowing what he'd just received, it instead came from Sai, who was beyond grateful that she'd been begged to speak, heard till the end, and still accepted.    
  
"No…" Ren's voice filled the air, "Thank you, Ms. Akai…Thank you." He released her from his hold and backed up a single step, still within arm’s reach of her. They made and held eye contact for what seemed like years as Ren’s face flashed through all types of emotions: pure happiness, genuine sorrow, pity, understanding, and bittersweet gratitude. “If you…don’t mind me asking, Ms. Akai…” he started slowly.

 

“Yes…?” Sai raised her incredibly radiant blue eyes to his and her expectant but still reluctant gaze bore into his mind.

 

“I…” He wanted desperately to ask her if he could see or hear anything she made or could make, but he knew it would just hurt her at this stage, so he attempted to drop it. “It’s nothing, Ms. Akai, don’t mind me. I’m plenty grateful for what you’ve already given me, it’s more than I could have ever hoped for.” He smiled what he hoped was convincing enough, although he knew it wouldn’t matter to her, she was probably grateful with his dodge. 

 

Sai instantly averted her eyes as that piercing gentlemanly smile of Ren’s invaded her eyes. She knew he was lying, but at the same time…it didn’t matter. Of course…there was much to her life that she’d yet to reveal, and there was therefore plenty for him to reject and despise her for…but…for some reason, everything about him comforted and assured her. 

 

For the first time in her life, she was sure that no matter what she’d done before, what occurred in her life, no matter what, he’d still accept, acknowledge, and retain his respect for her. She trusted him, and while she was still gaining his favor, and he was still hesitant around her, he trusted her. 

 

“Mr. Tsuruga…” She raised her eyes to meet his again, and as she did, his smile faded and surprise again dominated his handsome features. “Are you…free tonight?”

 

Surprise turned to shock as his jaw dropped slightly and his mind blanked for a moment as he was caught between respect and desire for her.  _ Is she…coming on to me? No, no…this is…this is Saiyura Akai, for god’s sake…she’s not capable of coming onto me seriously! I don’t even know if she  _ **_likes_ ** _ me, much less has feelings... _

 

“Mr. Tsuruga…?” She questioned, gazing into his eyes worryingly, concern blatant on her face.

 

“Oh…! I apologize, Ms. Akai, I was just so surprised by your question…I was expecting you to be upset with me, honestly.”

 

“Upset? Why?”

 

“I don’t believe I covered up my desire to ask you further questions very well…I can understand why you’d be angry.”

 

“Oh…” A genuine smile appeared on her face, as well as a very light pink coloring that came to her cheeks. “Actually…for some reason…I don’t feel like I’ve told you enough…”

 

Ren’s eyes widened and he was again at a loss for words, just staring at her in surprise. As she waited for him to continue, she blushed further and looked away. After several seconds of silence, she voted on just continuing her inquiry rather than questioning his state, as that hadn’t boded any results last time. 

 

“So…I was wondering if you wanted to stop by tonight, after work. I have an assignment until 7, but after that I’m free for the night. I was planning on making dinner, and I figured you might appreciate non-convenience store food for once…”

 

Ren’s face softened as he stared at her with such an overflow of warmth and affection, not afraid to show it as she was facing the wall, either out of embarrassment or from the uncomfortable atmosphere caused by his silence. He opened his mouth and very softly replied, “I’d love to come over, Ms. Akai. I have a photo shoot that ends at 6:30 and I can be over at LME to pick you up by 7 for sure.”

 

Sai’s face snapped up to meet his with momentary shock, “Oh!” She quickly recovered and a gentle expression overtook her face and she waved her hands in front of her face enthusiastically, “You don’t have to pick me up! That would be way too much trouble on your part! And I’m afraid that the assignment is off-site,” She gave him a sympathetic smile, “So you don’t have to come get me, I’ll take my bike.”

 

Ren wasn’t completely convinced in her excuse and was ready to question her further before he reminded himself how open she was being, and decided to let this one go. “Very well, Ms. Akai. I’ll see you after 7 then. Will you text me your address?” He asked with slight embarrassment , knowing that he still didn’t quite know his way yet.

 

A bright smile dominated her face, “Of course!” She grabbed her phone from her pocket to get it done right then when she noticed the time and her face blanched. “Oh shit, I’m so sorry Mr. Tsuruga, I have to run or I’ll be late for my job, it takes me a while to get there from here.” 

 

It made Ren’s heartbeat lag uncomfortably when she swore; it was so out of place for her gentle voice, and it was actually more adorable than he was ever going to admit. Trying to cover up his reaction, he gave her a soft smile and replied, “Oh that’s quite alright, Ms. Akai, I’ll be waiting at about 7, and don’t worry about making me wait, I have some lines I need to start memorizing, so I can do so in my car.”

 

“Very well then, as long as you’re sure.” She gave him a large smile and then proceeded to dash around the room and collect her things, rushing but still managing to look graceful in her every move. As she tossed her tote bag over her shoulder and opened the door, she turned back to him and gave him a positively radiant grin, “I’ll see you tonight, Mr. Tsuruga!” And then she was gone, tromping down the hallway. Ren listened to her every step until they faded and were inaudible. 

 

The moment her steps faded, he allowed himself to sink into a chair and replay her every expression in his mind. With each memory, Ren’s smile grew and grew until he was more relaxed than he’d been in a long time, her face burned into the backs of his eyelids as he rested, her scent still in the air and on his clothes, filling and dominating his senses. Her voice still rang in his ears and it made his heart beat erratically thinking about her every motion, every expression. 

 

So rarely did she do anything but smile or look at him with that blank, relaxed face. To see her feel other things, to watch her face twist as his so often does, it reminded him that she wasn’t an unfeeling being, she was human just like he was. And she was just as susceptible to falling for someone as he was, and he’d sure as hell make that someone him. 

 

Just for a moment, he allowed it, he allowed the thoughts to enter his head. Hope filled his heart, if only for just a few seconds, that maybe he still stood a chance. She did invite him over, after all. That was a step, a minute one maybe, but a step all the same.


	31. Chapter 31

Ren sat in his car, his script discarded in his passenger seat. It was hopeless, he’d never manage to memorize lines in this state. Leaning his head against the wheel, he sighed deeply, trying desperately to clear his head. The more he tried to forget that he was about to step into the home of the woman that he loved, the more his heart began to flutter and make it impossible for him to forget. He knew that she was out of his reach, and the more he tried to reach her, the further away she pulled. She’d finally relented slightly and let him into her life a little more, and he wasn’t going to ruin it that night. 

 

Cutting through his thoughts, a motorcycle revved its engine loudly and caused Ren to raise his head in irritation. Glancing out his window, he saw the cycle tear down the road, its rider dressed in black with a silver helmet on his head. Ren tsked loudly, greatly annoyed with the loud vehicle. He rested his head back down on the wheel and waited for the revving to disappear into the distance, but once it seemed quieter, it started getting louder again. 

 

Raising his head once again from the wheel, Ren glared out his window, trying to locate the cycle, only to have it pass right by his car window, slow to a stop, and park directly in front of him. Now that it was closer, it was clear by the figure’s frame that it was most likely a female rider, not a male. She climbed off the bike and grabbed onto the helmet. Without really meaning to, Ren was staring as she pulled the helmet off, revealing flowing locks of bright red hair.

 

_ Wait a minute…no way…she always said “bike”…has she meant a motor bike all this time!? _ Ren blinked at her stupidly as she turned to him and smirked, her unmistakable blue eyes glittering at him. Once she’d locked her bike up, she made eye contact with him and jerked her head in the direction of her apartment building, signaling him to follow her in.

 

“I would have never pegged you for a biker,” he called out to her as he stepped onto the curb. “Although, now that I think about it, you do have that ‘I have a death wish’ vibe about you with the way you talk to people occasionally.”

 

Sai barked out a laugh and punched his shoulder, “Oh, shut up. I don’t have a death wish, I just like the freedom of a bike more than the confines of a car.”

 

“So you like it for the danger?” He smirked playfully at her as the walked onto the sidewalk.

 

“Perhaps,” she relented, “but you’re no better. I definitely pegged you for the ‘rich kid’ type car,” she retorted, gesturing toward his Porsche with a lopsided grin. 

 

“‘Rich kid’? Is that the image you have of me?” He joked back, thanking the heavens he sounded natural. 

 

“Oh, you have no idea, pretty boy.” She turned her head and winked at him, taking the steps up to her door two at a time. 

 

Ren shook his head in amusement, climbing up after her and watching her open the door. Taking a quick glance at the building, he grew increasingly worried about what exactly her living conditions were. The building was…well…quite dilapidated looking. He hadn’t really noticed it before, but the front door was rotted through, there were bricks loose or missing from the facade, all the paint was chipped, and the stone steps were missing large chunks. How he’d missed it, he couldn’t fathom. Although he supposed he could have been distracted by something else… 

 

Standing next to her as she got the door open, he gave her a worried sideways glance and she laughed joyously, “Don’t worry so much! Just wait a moment.”

 

Hearing her laugh, Ren’s heart jumped into his throat and he had to close his eyes to suppress his rapid pulse. She really had an enormous effect on him. 

 

Once she’d stepped through the door, Ren followed and immediately his sense of unease returned. They stood in a rickety hallway with a set of extremely narrow, rusty metal stairs to one side, and a single door straight ahead. Hanging in the hall was one single flickering light, swinging slightly in the breeze from the open door. Ren glanced over at Sai again, fearing for her safety in such a place. His worry must have been evident in his expression because it made her laugh again.

 

“You’re so worried, my goodness!” She looked up with her deep, glimmering blue eyes. “Just trust me.”

 

He nodded, not entirely convinced, and took a step forward toward the door, halting when he heard her soft voice start, “Oh! No, not that way.” He turned around to face her, blinking in confusion. “This way,” she said with evident joy, pointing toward the stairwell. He looked at her skeptically, standing rooted in place.

 

When he didn’t move, she laughed softly and took his hand in hers, tugging his arm, “Come on, don’t be so scared.”

 

The moment that her hand touched his, all feelings of apprehension left Ren immediately, replaced with the effect she always had on him when she was near. His heart began beating rapidly and he could feel his blood rushing in his ears. He followed her blindly, a gentle blush appearing on his cheeks before he could stop it. 

 

When he came back to his senses, they had already reached the top of the stairway and were heading down another hallway. She released his hand and he snapped back to reality, shaking his head to clear it of all the fluff that had formed and rid his cheeks of their dusty pink coloring.

 

This hallway was no better than the last, the dirty window at the end offered no light in the dark of the evening, which made the hall yellow from the ancient lightbulb’s glow. Several of the doors in the hall were boarded up, others were missing boards or had holes that looked like they’d been forcibly made with… **sharp** objects.  _ Why does she live here!? Can she not afford a better place? Where even are we!! This is a nice neighborhood! _

 

Taking out her wallet, Sai looked over Ren and his expression of horror. He really was adorable. She was greatly enjoying his reactions to her little pet project. She lifted up the keycard she pulled out of her wallet and held it to her lips. Closing one eye, she gave him a teasing expression and huffed, “Ye of little faith.”

 

With that, she turned and flipped up a broken thermostat and revealed a gadget that greatly stood out…a keycard reader. Sai reveled in his confused expression, enjoying herself more than she probably should have. She allowed the card reader to accept her card, flipped it closed, and then replaced the card in her wallet. Opening her door, she gestured for Ren to enter first.

 

He stepped through the doorway hesitantly, knowing that she was teasing him, but unable to help the growing unease he’d had since he approached the front door. What he saw was so much worse than he had ever expected. Halting in the middle of the door, he stepped backward and glanced around the hallway, and then leaned back into her apartment. He repeated the same action twice more. And then he began expecting the doorframe as if it was some magical entity.

 

Her angelic laughter hit his ears like a sledgehammer as she doubled over from the hilarity of his actions. As hard as he tried, his immense surprise and slight anger at her antics weren’t enough to outweigh the contagious laughter that surrounded him. He could feel a laugh rising in this throat and eventually he joined in her laughter, watching her wipe tears away from her eyes, and feeling his body heat up seeing her gorgeous smile make her face infinitely softer and more beautiful. 

 

When their laughter finally died down, he glared at her playfully, “You’re a bully, you know that right? You could have told me.”

 

“Oh, I know…” she glared back at him in the same fashion, “but really you’re much too adorable to resist meddling with.”

 

Ren felt his breath hitch when she called him adorable. Usually, people stick with more mature adjectives to describe him, but for some reason, hearing her call him that made him happier than any of those other compliments ever had. Perhaps…it was just the fact that it was her. He covered it up with a gentle smile and stepped into her apartment.

 

The entrance itself was enough to make him jealous of it. The walls were a gentle cream color that made it feel warm but still large. There was a series of blue sea glass tiles dotting up the dividing wall between the foyer and the living space inside, and a small fountain bubbled down the tiles, falling past a crackled glass bowl filled with odds and ends. 

 

Sai tossed her bike’s keys and wallet in the dish and then shut the door behind her. She hung her coat on a stand near the door and offered to take his. Slowly, still admiring the house, he handed her the jacket and didn’t notice how her cheeks flamed a little when his hand brushed past hers and she could feel his warmth still soaked into the fabric of the coat.

 

He stepped into her living area and felt himself hold his breath as he gazed at the space. The entire thing was open, tall windows facing the alleyway lined the walls, which meant that during the day there would be quite a lot of natural light flooding in. To the far side of the room, a wrought-iron spiral staircase led both up and down. The space was so large and the stairs told him that the apartment continued both on an upper and a lower floor which meant that it most likely took up the entire building. He whirled around to face her as he realized what that meant. There was no way there was space for all those other apartments…all the dilapidated doors led nowhere.

 

“There you go,” she smiled at him teasingly, “I knew you’d get it eventually.”

 

He scoffed, facing the fact that she’d completely fooled him. Of course she’d live in a place like this. There was no way anything else would have suited her. Her whole house was a big joke at his expense. Sometimes he wondered how he ended up taking an interest in her in the first place, why something didn’t tell him how much she’d annoy him if he got too close.

 

All the same, he couldn’t stop looking around the room. Her living space was actually really tastefully done. The floor was a light hardwood, the sitting area covered by shaggy cream rugs. An older fashioned couch sat facing a mounted flat screen tv, the deep brown of the fabric matching well with the sea blue lamps and end tables. Dangling glass lights of soft whites illuminated the room well, mimicking the natural light that usually inhabited the space. 

 

He moved his gaze to the kitchen, which had a cocoa tile floor and pastel blue cabinetry. There was a cream marble island with a stainless steel sink and stovetop. She had several hanging plants labeled things like “Rosemary” and “Oregano”, which meant she probably grew her own spices. The kitchen had an ice blue tile backsplash with flecks of tan within the tiles. The lighting in the kitchen matched that of the living room, and the two spaces flowed together well through a little breakfast nook to one side and a dining area to the other. 

 

He felt a warm smile tug at his lips, “You do like blue,” he said without really meaning for her to hear. He made eye contact with her and noted with surprise the light pink blush that dusted her cheeks as she nodded slightly. 

 

“I might have overdone it with the blue a little.” It hit Ren that she’d actually designed the whole apartment herself, including the facade entrance. She was full of surprises.

 

“No, actually, I think it really makes the space very beautiful.”

 

“You think?” Her eyes lit up at his words.

 

“Definitely, I love it.” His heart fluttered as he watched her smile at him warmly in gratitude. 

 

“So!” She clapped her hands together. “What would you like for dinner? Italian? French? Western? Or more traditional?”

 

Ren blinked away his surprise, “I thought you said you had something planned.”

 

She shrugged nonchalantly, “I did. But I want you to enjoy it, since you’re the guest. So I’ll make whatever you’d like.” She leaned on her island counter and tilted her head at him inquisitively. 

 

“In that case…” Ren couldn’t help breaking into a warm smile, and Sai, underneath her mask of playful teasing, melted inside. “Western. It’s been a while since I had western.”

 

Sai couldn’t help the confident smirk that slipped onto her lips, “Interesting. I’ll take that as a challenge.”

 

Ren laughed softly, “You take everything as a challenge.”

 

“Damn straight,” Sai pulled the beige cardigan off her shoulders and rolled up the sleeves on her sweater, pulling an apron off a hook near the kitchen and wrapping it around her waist. “Now, the remote for the tv is in the left end table, if you want to watch that, or you could come sit in the breakfast nook and we can chit chat.” She glanced up while she messed with the pots and pans in the drawers of the island to nod her head toward the cozy looking chair next to the kitchen. 

 

Not even hesitating for a second, Ren moved for the chair, eager to talk to her and watch her cook. He’d certainly be caught nowhere near the tv when he could be close to her. And as much as he was shocked to admit it, she was much more fun to watch than any variety show. It wasn’t necessarily true if he was observing her interact with others…but for some reason, she seemed more animated around him. Perhaps…it was because they’d disliked each other at first. It broke down certain barriers that still exist with the other people in her life. So in a way, he was glad that they’d got off on such a bad foot.

 

Watching him make a beeline for the chair, Sai’s heart tugged in two directions. For one, she was extremely flattered and flustered that he so readily chose her, it made her heart beat a little faster and harder, her stomach fluttered with it as if invaded by butterflies. 

 

On the other hand, a feeling of dread seeped into her entire body. She could feel herself willing to fall for him, if she let go, she could fall for that smile, his true, beautiful smile…she could fall for his kindness, the kindness he showed no matter what, even if he was angry…she could fall for his eyes, his deep cocoa eyes that seemed to pull her toward them like some kind of magnet. But she wouldn’t let herself. It would cause them both pain eventually. 

 

He sat down in the softly cushioned nook chair, eying her curiously. He expected some sort of jab at his quick move, some teasing remark from her. But when he caught a look at her face, the mask was back in place, the animation gone. He shook his head. _ No, no…don’t read into it. She’s probably just focused on starting the cooking right now… _ He rationalized, before shaking his head even harder. 

 

_ Why am I trying to make it seem like she would care, regardless! It’s not like she feels anything toward me in the first place, so what does it matter if she makes jokes about my little errors in behavior? I suppose it’s just because…well, it’s so like her to joke. So when she doesn’t…when she doesn’t catch my mistakes…it’s almost like something’s missing. And that shouldn’t be! Why am I sad that she isn’t having fun at my expense!? Ugh…she just makes me SO- _

 

“-ga?” His eyes snapped up to find her ever so blue eyes intensely focused on him, concern drifting through them like clouds on the lightest blue sky. “Mr. Tsuruga? Are you alright?”

 

“Ah!” He gasped, realizing she’d been calling his name while he was lost in thought. He raised his hands in front of him, gesturing to her that he was alright, “Oh, don’t worry about me, I was just zoned out.”

 

Sai blinked at him, “Are you sure you’re okay? That doesn’t sound like you.” Ren could have pictured her saying those words with that little devilish smirk of hers, toying at him for letting his gentleman mask slip…but this time, this time she said the words with genuine concern, her eyebrows knit together softly, pulling the rest of her features up and plastering a look of intense worry on her so often blank face. He would never get used to her ability to shift in and out of her emotions.

 

Not hearing a reply, Sai’s concern grew and she raised the back of her hand to feel Ren’s forehead, sending pinpricks of shock through his entire body. “You don’t seem to have a fever,” she said gently, looking away in thought.

 

Jerking backward, Ren startled her and she flicked her wrist away from him, staring at him with wide eyes. “Oh.” She spoke softly, standing up and backing away. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Tsuruga, that’s the second time I touched you without thinking today. I apologize for being so disrespectful.”

 

“No!” He said much too loudly, startling her once again and sending her into a blinking fit as she tried desperately to understand what he was trying to say, “No, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. I just meant, it’s okay. You don’t need my permission for that. You just startled me again. And I startled you as well, so let’s just take a step back here. There’s no need to be hesitant like that. I’ll pay more attention from now on.”

 

Sai looked at him skeptically, but eventually, her look of surprise dwindled and her features set back into their usual place, as she backed away slightly and returned to the food she was making. Suddenly, Ren could feel something change. A wall. She’d just put it up. 

 

There was…distance between them now. A distance that hadn’t been there when he’d approached her at the doorway, a distance that hadn’t been there when she’d laughed at him in the foyer and took his hand, a distance that hadn’t been there when they’d laughed so joyously in front of her apartment door. And it was his fault. Silently, he cursed himself for being so careless and startling her like that.

 

_ That was close. _ Sai’s mind raced wildly as she tried to stir the pot in front of her.  _ I can’t believe I just reached out and touched him, like it was so natural. I wasn’t even thinking. I scared him too. Who wouldn’t be shocked? To have the person you have feeling for just place her hands on you without asking, it would be incredibly unexpected and flustering. I’m…in more danger than I thought. I need to stomp down this flame before it destroys everything I’ve built…I’ll give it everything I’ve got to smother it… _

 

Sai gently put the wooden spoon down on the side of the stove, waiting for the water to boil and sighed deeply, turning to face Ren, who had an intense look of concentration on his face. 

 

“Mr. Tsuruga?” She tried, but was given no indication he’d even heard her. She gave a soft laugh and tried a different approach. “Your face will freeze that way, you know.” He looked up at her in curiosity, and then laughed,

 

“Oh, there I go and do it again. I’m sorry, Ms. Akai. I must be more tired than I realized. I’m listening now.”

 

“Good.” Sai let a true smile slip again as the two started many a conversation. They spoke about work and jobs, each helping each other out with advice and joking at the other one’s misfortunes. Eventually, they turned on the tv and watched it from the kitchen, Ren moving to a barstool off of the island. They watched several episodes of a mini series they were both following, and laughed and argued about certain aspects. 

 

Each had arrays of negative thoughts shooting through their heads for the duration of the visit thus far, but slowly the small talk, laughter, and sharing of opinions overtook the negativity and both forgot about the struggles they’d come in with and just savored and enjoyed each other’s company. 

 

Losing track of time altogether, the two were surprised when the timer on the oven beeped, signaling to them that their dinner was already finished. Sai turned off the tv and Ren set the dining table for the two of them, glancing over at Sai working in the kitchen. She looked so radiant when her face was focused like that, her piercing eyes darting around, her features soft and relaxed as a little smile danced on her lips. He could still feel it, the wall. But it was lowered slightly, it was almost like he could feel each brick fall while they talked. He would get that wall down by the end of the night if it killed him. 

 

Once she’d gotten everything ready, she called Ren over to get a plate and when he walked over, he looked up at her in slight awe. In front of him sat exactly what you’d call “westerners’ comfort food.” Somehow she’d managed to make fried chicken, which he didn’t see how that was possible in her well-stocked, but still small kitchen, as well as mashed potatoes that looked smoother and more divine than any he’d seen at the myriads of high class restaurants he’d been to since arriving in Japan several years prior. In a little basket wrapped in a soft kitchen towel were warmed rolls and a perfect medley of vegetables sat on the stove still. 

 

He looked at her in obvious shock, and she laughed sweetly at his expression and then a nasty glint appeared in her eyes and she took the spoon out of the potatoes and slid her finger across the back of it, collecting a fair amount of the delicious dish. In a flash, she reached up and smeared the starch on Ren’s nose before licking the rest of her finger and smiling at him like a kindergartener smiles when they know they’ve done something naughty but don’t care in the slightest. 

 

Ren’s entire body was frozen in awe at what she’d just done.  _ Why that little…!? _ Instantly, Ren grabbed her and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of flour. She screamed in mock panic, as he whirled her around like she was a five year old and he was humoring her. He tossed her on the couch as she dissolved into a fit of laughter. He joined in for a moment before he reached up and whipped the mashed potatoes off of his nose, licking his finger and then pointing it at her, 

 

“That’ll teach you to waste perfectly amazing food, young lady.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry, mister, I’ve certainly learned my lesson.” Still laughing, she rolled off of her couch and curtsied to him, “I’ll never do it again, I swear.”

 

“Wonderous.” He chuckled and gestured back toward the rapidly cooling meal Sai had just made, “Now, Ms. Akai, let’s eat.” Ren gave her a sweet smile as she giggled and nodded to him, grabbing a plate and beginning to serve herself and the two laughed more and teased each other. 

 

They acted much the same for a majority of the meal, Ren all the while completely astounded by how quickly the food disappeared from his plate. He never ate that fast, and he especially never ate without noticing. It was always such a struggle to eat, so when he did, it took special attention. But not with her food, in fact, so many of his worries and hardships disappeared in her company. She was truly magical.

 

As they finished the meal, they washed the dishes together and continued their conversations. Once the table had been cleared and the dishes washed, Sai set about making coffee and gathering a few sweets she thought Ren might like, ones that were blander but still had a good taste to them. Watching her work from behind, Ren felt his heart pound heavily as he watched her completely relaxed shoulders shift and her torso twist with ease. 

 

It was gone now, that horrid wall. He could feel it again, her closeness. And he could tell that she knew it this time. When she’d laughed at his last god-awful joke, he had watched her eyes meet his, and he heard her sigh softly as she stared into his eyes and he stared back into the depths of hers. And then it was gone. She’d willingly lowered it this time. It made his heart practically soar.

 

Sai gestured toward the couch and brought over a plate of cookies and biscuits as well as coffee for the both of them. She set the plate on the table and handed Ren coffee the way he always took it, of course she’d known already. She always knew details like that. She was always paying attention, which is how her advice and her friendship meant so much to the people in her life. He loved that about her. 

 

As she huddled into the opposite side of the couch, he felt her relax and when he looked over, she was nestled in and her eyes were closed. He felt a surge of desire spread through him as he saw her, but he shot it down as quickly as it had risen. He remembered why she’d asked him over, and knew that this was no time to lose himself in her aura. 

 

When she opened her eyes, he felt something shift again. It wasn’t a wall to keep him out this time, it was different. He didn’t like it all the same, but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what had just changed, it was almost as if he stopped being able to sense her emotions as he so often could. Slowly, he watched her open her mouth and carefully say the next few words, which made him sit up straighter to listen,

 

“Okay, Mr. Tsuruga…I’ve…considered what I’d like to tell you tonight for a long while now.”

 

He nodded solemnly, knowing that this was no time for teasing. This was why she’d asked him over. He set the mug down on the table and turned to face her better, cradling a pillow in his lap, despite how out of character it was for him, in case he’d need it to grip in order to keep control of his emotions. 

 

“I…will eventually tell you more, I’m sure of it. But for tonight, I hope you can understand, I can only handle telling you so much.” She looked up at him and he realized that there was pain behind her words, but nowhere on her face, not even in the deepest corners of her eyes. She had buried it so deep that not even the light of all their joking reached the depths of the blackness that she’d allowed to swallow her feelings.

 

Nodding, Ren agreed that he’d be satisfied with all that she could manage. She’d already told him enough, truly, so this was more than he needed for now. “Go ahead, Ms. Akai, I’m listening.”

 

Closing her eyes, Sai began gently, “I’d like to tell you about my family. Not all the details. But a little about them, and why they’re not around now. I’d also like you to finally know about my relationship with the President. I know you’ve always been suspicious, so I wanted you to know this for sure. Is there anything else you’d like to know tonight?”

 

“Oh, no, Ms. Akai…you don’t know how much you’ve already given me today already. I couldn’t even think to ask for more.”

 

Underneath her mask, Sai crumbled in gratitude, knowing that anything else at this point would be entirely too painful. Taking just a moment to collect herself, she began the tale of her family, deciding to take out any and all details of their fates, and just focus on exactly what their status was currently.

 

“I was born in the United Kingdom, on the 13th of June, to the two most lovely people on the earth. One of the most beautiful women to ever grace stages with the joy of her singing, and one of the most intelligent men to ever travel the seven seas. Before me, those two had brought into the world three other boys, all terrible and perfect in their own ways, and we all lived in a little villa out of the city.” Sai looked up at Ren, who had picked his coffee back up and was sipping it and looking at her with a very gentle, neutral expression. Her eyelids fluttered back over her blue orbs and she took a shaky breath, letting a small smile flit across her lips as she continued,

 

“Living with three brothers was certainly a challenge, they kept me on my toes. I turned out rather conniving and playful due to them, as we often had prank and insult wars. Hence the after effect now that you’ve had the joy of experiencing, Mr. Tsuruga.” She smirked at him, admiring as his lips pulled up into a knowing smile. “I managed, though, and lived seven happy years with such a perfect family. Unfortunately…it didn’t last.” Her eyes fell to her lap, and the small attempts at her smiles faded off her lips.

 

“My mother passed away in an accident. After that…our family began fragmenting slowly. At first, no one really noticed. Life continued on much the same, although none of us were ever quite as joyous, never as alive. It wasn’t until a year later that we realized how bad everything had truly gotten. Nearly the same calendar date the next year, my father followed in my mother’s footsteps and passed away.” 

 

Ren’s eyes flew open at this, he’d had no idea that she was orphaned, and at such a young age…you’d never know. Now that he thought about it, the words she’d used earlier, the past tense, they’d hinted at her father’s passing, but he would have never come up with that idea on his own. 

 

His face softened slightly as he watched her struggle to continue. He raised his hand to reach out to her, but flinched when he realized that such an action might do the opposite for him and he’d end up pushing her away further. With reluctance, he lowered his outstretched palm to the top of his thigh.

 

Sai tried several times to continue, each attempt sounding too false or avoidant. “Ahh…” She buried her face into her hands and sighed gently, her shoulders shaking and her voice coming out crackly, “This is harder than I thought it would be…”

 

More softly than she’d ever heard him speak, Ren leaned close and whispered to her, “Take your time, Ms. Akai. I’ll be right here, waiting, listening.” She looked up at him and gently she took his hand, giving it an ever so gentle squeeze. Ren couldn’t believe that she didn’t hear his heart beating in his chest. It was racing so fast and heavily, it actually hurt. Swallowing his nerves, he returned the gesture to her, his thumb gently caressing the back of her hand.

 

Feelings of comfort and warmth spread through her whole body. She took a short breath in and continued again, “When the shock had finished setting in, I realized that we were now living in Japan, with our grandmother. My two oldest brothers were already old enough to live on their own, so they went off to start their lives with family of ours that lived in the United States, leaving the two of us on our own in Japan. 

 

“After several years, my older brother steadily became more unstable. I don’t know what he was going through, but he seemed to get worse by the day. Always yelling, throwing things, and hurting me when my grandmother wasn’t around. One day, we were playing a game, I don’t even remember what, and he got so furious with me when I won that he broke my arm. I told my grandmother I fell down the stairs. But I knew that day that something was going to happen soon, something very bad.”

 

Ren held his breath as he listened to what she was saying, gripping her hand tighter as he felt the warm drops of her tears fall onto his hand. The more the drops accumulated, the more painful the stinging behind his own eyes became. His life had been difficult, but…he’d never had siblings, so he couldn’t quite relate, but as the pauses she took began increasing and the struggle over what words to use worsened, the pain that had knotted in her for so long was trying to unravel itself and he could see the difficulty of the ordeal in her every twitch.

 

She’d stopped speaking again, and he could feel her hand close around his tighter and tighter until there were pinpricks of pain shooting up his arm. He could feel her radiate extreme amounts of stress as her shaking increased. His worry for her outweighed his own internal struggle and he put his other hand on her head and pulled her closer to him, wishing desperately to take away her pain. Relishing their closeness for a few moments, Sai let out a deep sigh, her breath catching halfway through. She pushed him back a little, blinking away a few tears, and tried to begin again, still clutching his hand.

 

“I came home early the day it happened. I can barely remember what led up to it or what really happened, but my brother had gone completely mad. The house was completely trashed and he’d cut his arm really badly on glass from the foyer window, so blood was everywhere. I panicked when I saw him and everything that happened afterward was a total blur amidst my hysteria. 

 

“By the time I’d come back to my senses, I was sitting in a hospital bed. The doctor came up when I was well enough and asked if I would be willing to speak with some men. They came in and asked me some questions about my brother, and I answered them as best as I could, but when they asked me how he’d died, I…I had no idea…that he was even dead. I lost another family member that day.”

 

Ren couldn’t help the horror seep into his eyes as he watched her try desperately to remain calm and get the words out while still sounding coherent. Every single word was a struggle. She continued all the same, though.

 

“And my eldest brothers didn’t send a word to me after that. My legal guardian went into limbo after it happened, as the court had decided that my grandmother’s lack of parenting ability was what had allowed my brother to go insane.” She buried her face in her hands and continued, “A lot happened directly after, but I can’t get into that now...it’s too painful, and I don’t want you to hate me because of what I’ve done, or how much of a coward I am. I fell apart badly until Lory saved me and helped me live through acting, through a place in his company. You know a lot of the rest.”

 

“I…I…Ms. Akai, I can’t tell you how deeply sorry I am…”

 

Sai held up a hand to stop him, “Last thing. You’ve heard me call him Lory enough times to notice that it’s a regular occurance, right? I’ve tried to call him “President” consistently, but I’ve called him Lory for most of my life, so it’s a hard switch. He and my father went through school together, staying close for their whole lives. All of my siblings knew him. He was there for my birth, even. Therefore, it only seemed right that they name him my godfather, even though my other siblings didn’t have one.”

 

“The President is your…godfather?” In a flash, all the dots began connecting themselves. Why they addressed each other so casually, why they were so comfortable in each other’s presences, and the lack of distance the two shared. They were family.

 

“Yes, and he’s my legal guardian currently, although we’re trying to keep that more or less a secret. It’s easier for the both of us for many, many reasons. You’ll come to understand more of them over time…but for now just know that it’s something that very, very few people know about, so please, cherish the fact that you know.”

 

Another realization crashed down on him. It made sense. In a way, the formation of her department was nepotism, and in order to keep people from knowing, to keep Lory from paying for breaking the law, she allowed herself to be the victim of all the bullying. To protect him. “Of course, I mean, Ms. Akai…I’ll cherish everything you told me today. I’ll remember every moment, for the rest of my life.” 

 

He knew he was overdoing it a bit, and he desperately didn’t want to drive her away, but he couldn’t help it. Seeing her in this much pain, it was too overwhelming for him. He had to do something, say anything he could to make her better, comforted, to take away her loneliness.

 

“Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga. That really means alot to me, you’ve been incredible.” She offered him a genuine smile, but she looked exhausted, and with a quick glance at the clock, Ren knew it was very late. He set his now empty coffee mug on the end table and rose up, offering her a hand. She looked up at him curiously.

 

“I think, as much as I appreciate and have enjoyed your company this evening, I need to head out. It’s gotten quite late and I worry for your sleep, as well as my own.” He leaned in close to her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Next time,” he said softly, not believing he said the words until they hit his ears, “let me repay the favor and tell you some things about myself.”

 

She looked up at him and her eyes shone with joy, despite how tired she was. He offered his hand again and she took it this time, grateful for his help. Ren leaned down to get the dishes but she waved him away, “I’ll get to them tomorrow, Mr. Tsuruga. Don’t worry about them. I’ll show you out, if you don’t mind.”

 

“Not at all, Ms. Akai. I’m glad you want to.” He stepped back into her foyer and took his jacket from the hook, slipping it onto his shoulders and she glanced up at him.

 

“Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga, really. For listening, and for your offer. You’ve done more for me than you can imagine today.”

 

“It truly was my pleasure, Ms. Akai. I’ll see you at the set tomorrow.” He gave her another warm smile. 

 

She returned it, her incredible blue eyes enchanting him with their beauty, “Yes, I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

He opened the door and nodded to her softly, “Good night, Ms. Akai.” The door gently swung closed behind him and he smiled to himself miserably, “You’re an idiot, Tsuruga. You really let her get to you, how hopeless.” But he couldn’t fight back the loving smile that warmed his face.


	32. Chapter 32

Standing up on the director stand, the aging man raised the megaphone over his lips to get the studio’s attention. Cleanly shaven with his hair pushed back with a headband, he looked more alive and refreshed than he’d had in a great while. Every actor and cast member present was beyond happy to see this, and they hurriedly rushed to hear him speak.

 

“Good morning everyone!” He announced, and was met with varying voices and replies, each eager to hear whatever news he brought, “I have to commend you all, the ratings for our little project have peaked at well above the national average-” his words were drowned out from cheering and clapping all throughout the studio, which didn’t bother Tengen in the slightest.

 

Letting them celebrate for a little while, he called over the noise, “But I have more news!” Suddenly, the crowd quieted, a hush falling over them as they waited, “Because we’re so ahead of schedule, I was planning on giving you all a bit of a break, but I was approached by an old friend of mine who told me there was an opening for a set in the Caribbean. So naturally, I slotted us there for our location shoot, but instead of staged beaches, we’ll have  **real** ones. Plus, we won’t be shooting the entire time, due to our-” Again, he was cut off by the excited whispering and cheers of excitement from the cast.

 

Sai herself found that her heart was lighter and her spirit lifted at the thought of a vacation. She immediately began thinking of ways to clear her schedule without inconveniencing her employers too much. Her coworkers crowded her in excitement and she began laughing as they berated her with questions and comments,

 

“Woah, woah, I’ve never even been in that area!” She said nervously, her lips upturned slightly.

 

Watching her, Yumiko let a smile form on her own lips and she patted the redhead on her shoulder warmly, “Well it’s beautiful, I’ll tell you that much. You’ll love it there.” Sai beamed at her and the women discussed it briefly before the tall, dark haired actor who’d been looming in the background approached them, a gentle smile matching his usual demeanor.

 

Seeing him enter their conversation, Yumiko eventually split off, aware of how easy it was to slip out. Unnaturally easy. She eyed the two actors suspiciously, having always been curious as to their relationship. They seemed content speaking to each other in the company of others, but never mentioned a distaste for gradually being alone with one another. Not wanting to stray far away, the actress stuck close by, her eyes trained on the pair.

 

“Are you excited, Ms. Akai?” He asked her, that gentle smile still gracing his lips. 

 

“Oh very,” she responded enthusiastically, “But I will have to arrive a day later than most of the cast, due to the departure being on a Saturday morning.”

 

Ren raised an eyebrow at this, “Why does that matter?” He asked.

 

Hesitating, Sai tried desperately to mold her next words carefully, so as not to arouse suspicion in him about her job as Madam, “I have an extremely crucial Love Me assignment that Saturday night, and I made the commitment a long time ago. It would be both unprofessional and just plain rude to quit because of something that came up after the fact.”

 

Curious as to what job would be so important to her, Ren was about to open his mouth and ask but something in his gut tugged at him and made his jaw clamp shut, not wanting to disrupt the peace in her stance at that moment. He rarely saw her so content. 

 

Letting it go for the most part, Ren continued their conversation in a different direction, eventually parting with her politely as she left to go prepare for her first scene that day. As he was watching her leave, he found his eyes trained on her for some time. He watched as she did mundane things, such as picking up a call and laughing spiritedly at whatever was said, or speaking with crew about her makeup or lighting for specific scenes.

 

Although the tasks she went about doing were normal and he wouldn’t have noticed anyone else doing them, watching her move so elegantly, speak so gently, and laugh so naturally, going about her day so animated, it made his heart lighten and his spirits soar. He truly did have feelings for the woman in front of him, whom he hadn’t taken his gaze off of since they’d parted. And they were growing. Soon, he didn’t think he’d be able to control them. So that left him with a choice. One he wasn’t ready to decide yet.

 

Fully in costume, Sai took to the stage and began acting, her usual charm amplifying the mesmerizing qualities in her acting as she held the whole studio at bay with an intense scene between a male gang member threatening Ren’s own character. Himeko, dressed in leather and black accessories, used every means in her power to render the man beneath her utterly powerless. It was hypnotic to watch, that was for sure.

 

Both in and out of character, though, Ren was entranced by the natural redhead. He found his eyes resting on her far too often than was normal, and he had to consciously rip them away only to find himself staring at her again moments later. 

 

As they finished their day, Ren packed up and finished his day, saying his goodbyes to Yashiro as he dropped him off. He walked into his apartment and began packing, knowing he’d have to leave fairly early in the morning. When his bags were together and by the front door, he settled into his sofa with a glass of bourbon and tossed it down the back of his throat as he allowed his mind to wander. Naturally, it focused itself on the actress who so often occupied his thoughts.

 

Not really knowing how to handle it, Ren tried to take his mind off of her and headed to bed early. When he awoke, he busied himself with getting his luggage onto the bus they were taking and loaded it inside with the help of the manager. They sat together on the way to the airport, chatting lightly as Ren tried to not think about what Sai was doing at that exact moment.

 

As they traveled, he eventually let it wear him down and he began asking around to see if any of his coworkers knew about her current situation or where she was. Most of the cast and crew knew nothing of her whereabouts, and those who knew only were able to tell him tidbits. She had an assignment. Something important had come up. She had prior commitments. If he asked any specifics, they were all unable to elaborate. And it only made him want to know more.

 

Sai herself was just wrapping up her filming of  _ A Match Made in Showbiz _ in the evening. After she was packed up, she stretched herself out on the dressing room couch and waited for Rio to come in. Once the girls were together and the actress was out of her costume, they headed to her apartment so Rio could help her pack, and they enjoyed a quick dinner and small talk before the friends parted so Sai could get a good night’s sleep before leaving.

 

Settling into her sofa, she leaned back and closed her eyes in content, pleased with the way her show had gone that evening and looking forward to her shoot overseas that included a bit of a vacation. A smile touched her lips as she let true relaxation sink in, despite the slight tugging in her heart that came whenever she was missing something in her evenings. 

 

Just as she was about to get up, the distinctive chiming of her cell phone filled the air. Curious, she scooped it up and paused to look at the id, finding that it boasted the name “Ren Tsuruga”, the man she’d just been thinking of. Slightly unnerved as to why he’d be called at a late hour, she answered it hesitantly,

 

“Hello?” Her voice rang, lower and thicker with her sleepiness and deep relaxation.

 

Hearing that, Ren swallowed heavily before answering, “Good evening, Ms. Akai, I hope I didn’t wake you or anything.” He glanced and calculated the time zone switch, finding it to be late, but not too late.

 

She rushed to tell him that he certainly hadn’t, and the two began a gentle, easy exchange about the resort they would be staying in, as well as how the actor’s flight had gone. He eventually made his way back to talking about her, asking with a gentle voice, “How are you feeling?”

 

Pausing for a moment, she smiled and he could hear it in her voice as she said, “Truly happy.” With a genuine sincerity that he hadn’t been expecting in the slightest. He felt his own lips raise as he heard this, finding it incredibly nice to hear her so happy. 

 

They finish up their conversation, each chatting lightly about various things until Sai got too tired and was forced to leave the call, albeit with reluctance. When they’d said their goodbyes, Ren hung up the phone and let it drop from his hand onto the couch. He left his eyes trained on the television in front of him which had been replaying the same images for some time. 

 

Holed up in his hotel room, he had been playing and replaying both the commercials and the promotional video she’d made, noting the amazing aspects of her acting as well as her mesmerizing beauty. Her expressions and motions and were absolutely flawless in every way.

 

Turning the tv off, he draped himself in his bed and laid down, putting his arm over his eyes. As happy as he’d been with her genuinely good mood, it was painful knowing that she was perfectly fine with his absence when he missed her so damn much. Trying to rid himself of those kinds of thoughts, he situated himself more comfortably in his bed and drifted to sleep, knowing he’d see her the following day when she arrived.

 

Her plane landed safely and ahead of schedule, and Sai strolled into the airport and stretched from the long ride. She was picked up by a costar fairly soon after arrival and the two girls rode to the resort bantering about random events in their lives at that moment. Offhandedly, she mentioned Ren’s birthday coming up and it peaked Sai’s interest.

 

“Is it soon?” She asked casually, trying to appear nonchalant.

 

Her coworker looked at her with raised eyebrows and nodded, “You don’t know already? It’s on the tenth. I thought you would have known that, being from the same company and all.”

 

Sai grimaced slightly and replied, “I probably should have known, but I have a bad grip on dates.” She wasn’t used to having to remember any, not since she’d left the care of her grandmother.

 

The woman nodded in understanding, “Oh, I know how that is. But you’ll probably want to know this particular one,” she said with a wink and the redhead nodded, gazing off into the distance as she thought of what she would do for a friend’s birthday...she hadn’t worried about something like that in a long, long time.

 

They parted on good terms and Sai moved her luggage into her personal hotel room, unloading it as her mind wandered. With a shock, she realized that she’d joined in the business two calendar years previous, in the fall. He’d turned twenty one the following year’s February and she’d missed it entirely. Racking her brain, she tried to remember what she’d been doing during that month and it hit her that she’d been focusing on her first job as Madam so much that she hadn’t even paid attention to the date.

 

Biting her lip, she felt the guilt seep in and she finished unpacking and headed downstairs to the set. Walking in, she tried to get involved in the filming to take her mind off of the looming regret that came with missing an important day. Going through various planning meetings and direction as to where to be and when, Sai distantly spotted the actor who’d been plaguing her conscience the whole day.

 

Seeing him only made the guilt worse and she quickly averted her eyes, sighing heavily. Considering what to do, the actress found only one answer that would make her feel better about missing his previous birthday. She had to give him something incredibly precious and meaningful to her. She watched him out of the corner of her eye and knew that the man meant a lot to her, more than she’d care to admit, and it was only right to give him something she cherished to prove that to him.

 

Once she had a moment to herself, she picked her phone out of her tote and dialed up the only person who could give her an opinion on what she’d been tossing around in her head for the past hour or so. Her godfather picked up after four rings, drawing out her name in a much too loud voice, clearly having missed her.

 

“Saaaaaaaaiyukaaaaaaaaaa!!!” He bawled out, incredibly delighted to have heard from her.

 

She laughed and said, “Good afternoon, Lory. How are you?”

 

He sobered up slightly and his smile came through his voice, “Very well, although I’m missing my dearest goddaughter.”

 

“I haven’t even been gone for a full day,” she argued back, giggling softly and chastising his behavior playfully.

 

“Are you calling to just check in or did you need something?” He asked warmly, lounging in his office.

 

“Both, actually,” she told him easily, but all of a sudden was worried for how her godfather would react to the line of questioning she’d prepared.

 

He paused for a moment and sat forward, “So what did you have on your mind?”

 

“I’m aware it’s Mr. Tsuruga’s birthday soon…” she began hesitantly, making Lory light up silently on the other end of the phone, flying off the couch and nearly jumping up and down as he tried to conceal his immediate and extreme excitement that came with his ideas as to what they could do for his birthday.

 

He cleared his throat and said, “Yes, I’m also aware. The tenth, correct?”

 

“Ah, yes.”

 

“So, what’s the problem you’re having?”

 

“I...wanted to get him something. Something important to me.” She said with a soft, quiet voice and Lory held his breath and said nothing as he waited for her to continue. “I was thinking of...painting something for him.” 

 

He processed this information slowly, his mind wrapping around what exactly she’d just said as she held her own breath waiting for his reaction. 

 

Erring on the side of appearing neutral for now, Lory swallowed his excitement and asked, “Are you comfortable with that?”

 

Sai hesitated for a moment before closing her eyes and batting down any further doubt in her heart, “I want to do this for him. I have a desire to paint if it’s for him. I’m not afraid.”

 

Smiling more widely, honestly, and relieved than he had in years, Lory felt his heart swell with happiness as he realized what was happening to her and how much he really wished for the two actors to get together, knowing they would heal each other’s wounds more than he ever could.

 

He took a second to process what to do and how to react to her question. He knew she’d be nervous no matter what, but if he tried to downplay his excitement at the prospect, if he could act a little hesitant about the idea, she may actively try to convince him and be more assured of her actions when he agreed.

 

“I’m not sure, Saiyuka…” He told her, furrowing his brow purposely and speaking to her in a stern voice.

 

“I realize it’s unusual for me, Lory, and I know you’re probably against it, but I really want to do this,” she told him passionately, “I missed his twenty-first birthday and this is partly to make up for that. I also really cherish everything he’s done for me and want to thank him for it.”

 

He listened to her and felt more at peace as each of her words solidified his knowledge that she was already healing and was further along than he’d ever thought, finding a love of  the actor already festering in her heart. 

 

“Then I think you’ve already made your decision,” he told her, allowing the smile into his voice.

 

She paused slightly, “I suppose I have. But I don’t  **want** to do it without your blessing,” she said honestly.

 

“Then you have it.” He told her, pleased with how adamant she was on the subject, despite being so hesitant only a few minutes prior. He felt a little bad, but knew that she’d inherited a bit of his conniving nature and was proud of that.

 

“Thank you, Lory.” She told him sincerely, her own voice carrying the presence of a wide, unhindered grin. They spoke for a while longer before she hung up and went back to the cast as they wrapped up for the day.

 

Letting them go early, the director sent all of his cast and crew go with a large smile, clearly off to go enjoy himself somewhere on the island. They all parted, splitting into groups and heading separate ways, all eager to explore the set for the first time. Before any of her fellow actors she’d made friends with could find her, Sai slipped away and headed downtown by herself.

 

Walking down the modern streets, Sai basked in the slowly dimming light of dusk and adored how brightly the shops shown with their gentle lights. She eventually found her way to an art supply store, stepping in and breathing in the scents that always accompanied a whole storehouse full of paints and stains, woods and papers, pens and ink. 

 

She was eventually approached by a young man with shaggy blonde hair who politely asked, “Can I help you with anything, miss?” Despite his professional demeanor, Sai noticed the way his eyes sneakily racked up and down her body, and an appreciative smile donned his lips.

 

Slightly awkward with the attention and so obviously being caught enjoying the atmosphere of the store, a light blush bloomed on her cheeks and she said with her soft voice, “Actually, I rather know what I’m doing. But thank you.” She added to be polite.

 

He raised his eyebrows as she brushed past him into an aisle specializing in paints and brushes, “You a painter?” The sales rep asked much more casually.

 

Regarding him with hesitance in her eyes, she nodded softly and said, “Have been for a while now, I just didn’t happen to bring anything with me.”

 

They engaged in a friendly chat as he watched, impressed, as she picked out specific colors and types that mixed well, matching them to the color scheme of Ren’s living room. Right before he was about to ask if she’d like to go for drinks sometime, she purposely revealed that the painting she was about to start was for a man, indicating without explicitly saying so that there was a history between the two of them. The man instantly backed down. 

 

Sai peered at him curiously as she tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear and made her way to the check out. Buying all the tools, materials, and things she’d need to protect her hotel room from the project, she made her way back towards the resort, sneaking in her supplies from the back.

 

Once she was back in her room, she set it up as a make-shift paint studio, laying down plastic sheets and protective coverings. She also put together a small stand to hold her pallets and paints, setting it up as she stood and dipped her brush into the first color, reveling in the memories she had doing these motions. 

 

Over the next few days, she worked away at the project, balancing it with spending time with her coworkers and shooting her scenes. Before she knew it, it was well into the week and she was making good time on the base of the painting. Gently playing in the background were melodies of Beethoven, drifting through the air beautifully. Cutting through the floating arpeggios was a sharp, sudden set of knocks at her door. Pausing for a moment in her work, she pondered whether or not she’d really heard them.

 

Confirming her suspicions, the series of noises repeated themselves and she raised from her position and approached the door hesitantly, merely peeking around it as she pulled it open. “Hello?” She asked, curious.

 

She was met with the inquisitive stare of Yumiko, whose bright green eyes were complemented with raised, perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Hey, Sai,” she said by way of greeting, wondering why she didn’t open the door all the way.

 

Wanting to hide her painting set-up, the redhead didn’t move the door and simply smiled at her guest, “Evening, Yumi. What can I do for you?”

 

Suspicious, but not enough so to warrant questioning, she simply told Sai, “I’ve been looking for you. A couple of us were going out and we wanted you to come with.”

 

A smile lit up the actress’s face and she nodded, “I’d love to, just give me a few minutes to get ready.”

 

Yumiko agreed and stood in front of Sai’s now shut doorway and waited a rather long time. On the other side, the actress stripped off her paint stained smock and slipped a heavy wool sweater over her light tank. Twisting her hair into a bun, she opened the door again and greeted her friend, and the two moved toward the elevator.

 

They were out long into the night, and various other members would come and spend some time with them before they had to head out again. Even Ren came by for a short while with Yashiro and they enjoyed their time with Sai and Yumiko, who somehow ended up hosting the event. 

 

Heading back to the hotel early in the morning, Sai collapsed on her bed, content with the world, and knew that over the next few days she’d have to get her act together and finish her painting because the actor’s birthday was coming up faster than she was ready for. 

 

Over the next few days, the shooting proceeded at a good pace, giving each of the cast a day or two of break in between some of their scenes. Ren and Sai continued to interact on occasion, and with each instance, the talent became more and more self-conscious of her gift. When the day before his birthday eventually came, she had planned on heading to her room to put the final touches on her painting when he approached her.

 

“Ms. Akai?” He questioned, getting her attention.

 

She looked up at him and a slightly surprised expression donned her face before it melted into a smile that lit up her features, “Ah, Mr. Tsuruga! Good evening.”

 

He looked at her gently, “Good evening,” he gazed at her curiously, building up the courage, “I know it’s sudden, but would you like to have dinner with me?”

 

Blinking at him, her already pleased expression gave way to a much more natural and gentle one of joy, “I would absolutely love to,” she told him, her painting all but forgotten.

 

The meal went by slowly, Ren having picked the restaurant and charmed her into liking it, despite the price tag. They enjoyed a wonderful conversation, bouncing between themselves, friends, and their professions. Halfway between their dinner, though, Sai suddenly remembered the present she hadn’t finished that was needed the following morning. Without warning, her demeanor became much more nervous and fretting, worried about everything that had to do with his birthday the next day.

 

Ren noticed her change in emotions and grew more defensive, wondering what was making her pull away. He eventually came to the conclusion that she’d begun to see his original intentions in asking her out and was rejecting him before he’d even said anything. After parting with her, he shook that idea away, rationalizing that she’d never for a second think that he had feelings for her and therefore she couldn’t have rejected him before he’d said anything. Still, though...her reactions to him that evening had been painful to see. He only wanted to be near her at this point.

 

Sai herself had run to her room, closing herself inside and dedicating the next few hours to his present. She finished the last few touches of the painting and gazed at it tenderly, proud of the fast but detailed and industrious work she’d done on it. Therefore satisfied with her work, she began expediting the drying process until she was able to pack it into an extra tote and set it by her door to take with her when she reentered the studio the next day.

 

She went to bed with butterflies in her stomach and a flutter in her heart. It was a nice feeling. She thought she could get used to it. With that, she laid her head on her pillows and drifted into a restful, deep sleep. 


	33. Chapter 33

Dawn came far too quickly for the redhead’s liking. She’d been up for a few hours already, so it’s not as if it took her by surprise, but it certainly added to her already worsening mood that morning. As the soft orange light spilled through the partially opened blinds, Sai turned her head towards it and slumped down against the backboard of the bed. She wasn’t  **ready** yet.

 

Glancing over at the tote bag she’d placed by the door the previous night, her nervousness reached new peaks and she buried her face in her hands. Tipping over, she sprawled herself over the length of the bed and laid there unmoving for a few moments. As she remained still, the sunlight leaked into the room and gradually lightened it. 

 

When it was light enough that it was noticeable through her closed eyes, Sai cracked them open and gave a gentle sigh, dragging herself off the mattress and moving towards the hotel’s bathroom. Taking a quick shower with the water almost on the absolute hottest setting, she came out feeling just a tiny bit better. 

 

She got dressed slower than usual, taking time to pick out each individual piece of clothing. She eventually decided on a short, teal tank top and a rose-patterned maxi skirt that sat at her natural waist. Slipping on a pair of white sandals and placing a golden pendant around her neck, she grabbed her usual bag with all her scripts and gingerly scooped up the other tote, eying it with regret.

 

Trying to shake the feeling off, she stepped out of her door and shut it carefully behind her, stepping with deliberate strides towards the elevator to the lobby. Her steps slowed considerably as she neared the studio until she was clearly stalling for time. Sighing heavily, she tried her best to just suck it up and get it over with. It was just a painting.

 

As her feet crossed over the threshold of the studio, her extra bag seemed to weigh twice as much in her hand. She swallowed uncomfortably as a mixture of dread and excitement muddled her heart and mind. Nothing she could think of made her feel any better.

 

When she’d first asked Lory what he thought of her painting something for Ren, he’d been less than willing to give her his blessing…and that alone was scary. He was the only one who’d ever seen anything she’d painted, and it was difficult to judge what exactly he thought of them. Sometimes he’d rave forever, going off on his tirades, and other times he’d just stare at her in awe and fear of her “talent.” She wouldn’t call herself a talented painter, but it certainly didn’t keep Lory from doing so.

 

This would be her eighth one. And so far…it was actually her favorite. It still wasn’t a happy painting, per se. But it was closer, and she could see it being in the decor of a room, unlike the others, it was plausible enough. At least, she hoped it would become part of his decor, she had painted it to match the already existing color scheme of his apartment, after all. She clutched the handles of the tote as she walked through the doors to the dressing room corridor. 

 

It wasn’t hard to locate Ren’s room. Of course, she’d been in there before so she knew which one was his already, but even if she hadn’t, there was no missing it that day. The loud squeals and giggles of many  **grown** ,  **self-respecting** women could be heard even down the hallway. And their intentions were anything but subtle. Sai smiled in spite of herself. She’d never admit it, but her intentions were rather similar. She honestly hoped the man enjoyed what she’d chosen to give him, even if it gave her anxiety just thinking about it.

 

Sai was in a whole other league, though, she knew that this time around. There’d been no last minute gift bought at some high class store, no hours spent mastering handmade chocolate he’d never eat, no ill thoughts behind her actions. She just wanted him to smile, to remember this February 10th by her gift alone, and the time and emotions she’d had when she slaved over it.

 

She knocked quietly on his door, although it was already ajar, and was surprised by the quick response. Nearly immediately, Yashiro pulled it open and ushered her inside,

 

“Oh! Good morning, Yashiro, it’s wonderful to see you.” Her gentle features displayed only the smallest hint of surprise, appearing otherwise to be just as blank as usual. The manager offered her a gentle smile upon seeing her and nodded in greeting.

 

“You as well Ms. Saiyuka, it’s been some time.” His smile widened when she smiled at him in return. He had to work hard to keep his grin from becoming a smirk, knowing she’d come to see Ren, and judging by the tote bag she clutched in her small, fragile hands…well, he had to hope, right?

 

Sai looked around the room, the gaggle of females eying her suspiciously as she finally met the eyes of the actor. To Ren, she looked as blank and emotionless as usual, so it was hard to tell if she’d even come in there knowing what day it was. 

 

“Ah, Ms. Akai, good morning,” Ren approached her gently, careful not to ignore or shun any of the other women surrounding him.

 

Sai’s lip twitched momentarily at this, but Ren was too far away and the action was too near invisible for him to notice. She…always felt like this when he was so careful with other women. Sai knew that it was just in his nature to act this way, and he couldn’t help it. 

 

It was undeniable now. No matter what excuse she made or what she tired to do to cover it up, she knew she’d already lost the battle against her feelings with the man. And the way he treated everyone with such a positive regard was just another part of him that she’d fallen in love with. She just wished he would have treated her with similar gentleness to begin with. He was always so brash and rude to her. The more she thought of the disdain he’d held for her, the more she regretted the bag that seemed to have quadrupled in weight now. 

 

“Ms. Akai…?”

 

_ But wait…didn’t that mean…he’d treated me differently? Almost…specially? I mean, sure it was negative, but it showed that I meant something different to him from the very beginning. I wasn’t just another woman that he held at arm’s length away and spoke to just as gently as the next. He may have gotten into my personal space for anger reasons, to glare right into my eyes, or tease me by stooping down to my level, but the point was that he had actually approached me differently… _

 

“Ms. Saiyuka?”

 

He felt something unique for her. And that was only because of how they’d met. Thinking of it that way...Sai didn’t envy the other women in the room so much. Actually...she could probably manage to get away with a lot more due to their current relationship. It was time to play, and she was very much enjoying the game already, 

 

“Oh, yes, Mr. Tsuruga, I apologize. I was lost in thought.”

 

Ren blinked several times. He’d just called her by her given name accidently, although he remembered the honorific. While she had remained blank-faced the entire time, he could feel the air shift as her emotions wreaked havoc behind her vacant eyes. She always worried him when she did that. And now there were so many people in the room, he couldn’t ask her.

 

“That’s quite alright, Ms. Akai,” He returned to saying her last name, to try and use getting her attention as the sole reason he let her first name slip. “Did you need something?”

 

Instantly, the emptiness of her features was replaced by a look of happiness; gentle, sweet, and soft. Just like she was. 

 

“Yes, actually.” She smiled at him lightly, so as to hide both her joy at playing this little game, and to not anger the women in the room, but she was actually happy enough to smile her oh-so-rare “radiant” smile - as Lory called it. “Happy Birthday, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

Ren’s polite smile faded and was replaced by a smile so gentle, the actresses around him nearly fainted as they witnessed his dizzying beauty. Not many men were considered “beautiful,” but Ren’s perfect features were the very definition of beauty. “Thank you, Ms. Akai.”

 

“Oh don’t thank me yet, you’ve yet to be disappointed by my meaningless, pathetic struggle with your gift.” She chuckled humorlessly, remembering the hours she’d spent glaring at the piece as it refused to cooperate and become what she had pictured. She’d never struggled so much with a painting before.

 

Surprise invaded Ren’s expression as he questioned her, “My gift?” His eyes flitted down to the extra bag she seemed to be carrying and he could feel his heart beat’s speed pick up and pound in his ears.

 

“Of course! Don’t be silly! After all you’ve done for me, how could I not repay you?” She giggled softly at his antics, enjoying his obliviousness for now.

 

“But that was to repay you for what you’d done for me” Ren couldn’t believe this girl. She was so unpredictable, it was impossible to know what she’d gotten him, especially if even she was calling it “a meaningless, pathetic struggle”...

 

“Then I guess we’ll never break the cycle,” Sai said slyly, the soft smile still gracing her pale pink lips. 

 

“Fine,” Ren huffed, holding up his hands in mock surrender, “you win! What is it?”

 

“No.” Sai replied definitively.

 

“No…?” Ren questioned, pleading with her silently to give him some clue as to what was going on… _ why must she always make things so unnecessarily complex?! _

 

“Not with all these people around. It’s very…personal.” Ren’s eyes widened as a light blush touched her cheeks.  _ What could it be! Why must she be so infuriating! _

 

Suddenly, the other actresses in the room who had previously been chattering amongst themselves turned their attention to her, “What makes you think you can give something personal to Ren?” One of them said, glaring at her for all she was worth. The others murmured in mutual sentiment. 

 

Taking this as a challenge and as another wonderful part of her game, Sai looked at her not with malice or contempt, nor with embarrassment or shame, but with a tender, sweet expression. She always was good with happy expressions. “Well, because he’s a personal friend,” she said easily. “I care about him deeply, so of course I’d get him something special and personal to me, it’s only natural.” 

 

Sai spoke this as if it were obvious, but Ren nearly died. She basically confessed to him right then and there. But he knew, he  **knew** it wasn’t serious. She was toying with the women. That was her nature. It still hurt, though, knowing she thought so little of him as a man that she could easily throw around such words, knowing they wouldn’t come with consequences. She truly felt nothing for him.

 

“Wha….you pompous little! How dare you say that so casually, don’t you know who he is?”

 

“Yes, his name is Ren Tsuruga; he’s an actor, a gentleman, a friend, and a wonderful person. He’s a human being, just like I am, just like you are. One with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and his own sense of self. He’s as amazing as he lets himself to be, and he could just as easily make a mistake. He’s a person, and it’s his birthday today, there’s no reason to pretend that he’s not important to me just because of his status. That’s stupid.” 

 

Sai, while saying all of this bluntly, still managed to coat her words with such tender affection that even Ren was swayed for a moment.  _ Maybe…just maybe…she’s developing feelings for me? It’s possible…and judging by how she just humanized me, maybe she’s setting us up to be equals... _

 

“Are you in love with him or something?!?” Ren’s eyes widened at the jealous actress’s outburst. 

 

“Of course not,” Sai replied easily. “I respect him, he’s a good man, someone I’m glad to have in my life, but he’s nothing more than a teacher and a friend to me.” Although she said these words with the same tender tone, Ren could feel his heart shred in his chest.  _ I knew it. I always know it. So why? Why do I let her get my hopes up? Always I do this to myself, always. And each time, each damn time it hurts more. _

 

Seemingly satisfied with her response, the actresses filed past her out the door, still huffing slightly and glaring at her with malice. She just smiled back at them blankly. Once they had left, Yashiro excused himself and shut the door behind him, leaving the two young stars in the dressing room alone.

 

Sai turned to face Ren, finding herself being pleasantly greeted with the truly demonic-looking gaze the actor only had when he was positively livid with her. Oh, how he was fun to tease. She couldn’t help it, after mere seconds in his presence, the laughing began, “Oh, oh Mr. Tsuruga, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh. I know you’re angry with me.”

 

Ren sighed as he let the anger melt off his face. He could never stay angry at her laughter, but it only served to hurt him more. He ran a hand through his hair frustratingly, “So?” He questioned, wondering if now he would receive her gift.

 

“So…?” She tilted her head, although her expression was blank again. That word certainly carried weight in their relationship.

 

“Is now a good time for your gift? What is it anyway?”

 

He watched as her breath hitched and nervousness overtook her aura. The air in the room grew tense and Sai shifted from foot to foot. “It’s…a painting.”

 

“A painting? Why would that be-” And then it hit him. A painting. Not just a painting from a gallery, or a commission, but a painting by her. She painted him something. She had told him that only one person on the planet had seen her paintings. 

 

God, she confused him. It made his heart ache differently than anything in his life ever had. She had just outright, bluntly stated that she had no special feelings for him, and then followed that up with giving him one of the most precious treasures he could imagine. 

 

“Ah…I see you understood.” Sai cast her gaze downward at her bag and suddenly there was nothing more that Ren wanted in the whole world than to see what was inside. Well, he wanted  **her** more than that, but he wouldn’t openly admit that no matter the case. 

 

“Normally…” Sai continued, forcing Ren to snap his gaze back up at her gently smiling face, “normally I wouldn’t want to be in the room for you to open it. But in this case…I want to see your face, no matter how much it embarrasses me.” She looked at him with determination and held out the bag. 

 

Gingerly, Ren took the outstretched tote and removed a framed thick canvas from inside. Holding it up in front of him, he focused all of his senses on this painting. To say he was underwhelmed would be an understatement. It made no sense. 

 

The painting was well done, to say the least, a beautiful mix of gray and white. It had subtle tones of red and black flecked throughout it, but mainly it was just a swirl of colors, like a marble pattern. While Ren was positive that he could never manage a perfect blend of colors in such a way, but still, from what she said, it sounded like the painting would be shocking. He racked his brain for something, anything that stood out, made it worthy of such praise. He bit his lip in concentration and did everything he could to understand it. 

 

“Don’t think when you look at it,” Sai’s voice called out to him suddenly, “just admire it.”

 

Hearing her words, Ren attempted to clear his head of any and all thoughts, closing his eyes and breathing out slowly, settling his mind. Gradually, he opened his eyes again and looked at the large painting he held in his hand. For a moment, he felt nothing again, but in an instant, everything changed.

 

He was overcome by a heat that seared through his chest, he gasped softly as the heat spread throughout his body and he felt for a second like he was on fire. His heart beat erratically in his chest and his breathing came in gasps as his cheeks were set aflame and his body trembled in the intensity of the emotion. 

 

He felt… **alive** . He could feel his blood racing through his veins, every beat of his heart, every time his lungs expanded when he gasped in air. It was the most intense experience he’d had in a long time and it took a scary amount of effort to rip his eyes away from the painting.

 

The moment he did, though, the feeling began to subside, and Ren was left feeling bewildered and in awe of what just happened… _ Did…did the painting do that to me? How could it! It’s just a swirl of colors!  _ He snapped his gaze up to meet Sai’s and his eyes widened as he saw her face, nearly delirious with happiness, with a sheen of moisture in her eyes. 

 

“Perfect! That was absolutely perfect! That’s the exact response I was hoping for…” She pressed her hands against her bright red cheeks and her smile grew and grew. “I’m so happy…”

 

“So…that really was…”

 

“Yes…” Sai’s gaze focused on his, her smile dazzling, “that’s my painting style. I draw forth emotions from anyone who looks at them, and each painting is unique in the emotion it draws.” She looked at him timidly, “And so, Mr. Tsuruga, I present you with ‘Vigor’, my newest piece.”

 

Vigor, yes. That’s exactly it. That searing heat, the heat that made him feel so alive, so in the moment, it was vigor. A warm, heavenly smile took over his features,

 

“It’s perfect. Magnificent. More amazing than anything I’ve ever seen.” He shook his head, turning his eyes to meet her perfectly blue ones. He had never expected something like this from her. It was absolutely like her, though. It seemed ordinary, beautiful but still lacking something. It seemed like there was something missing. Until you looked closer, until you opened your mind and saw what was lurking underneath. And that was exactly how the redhead herself was.

 

Staring at her for a beat too long, he decided that it wasn’t worth it being so cautious any longer. She had no feelings for him. Okay. She had no feelings for him...now, but things can change. And change happens after action does. So he wasn’t going to idly sit by and watch her from afar any longer, he wasn’t going to let her string him along.

 

Reaching out, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and traced it down with his fingers as it framed her face. His hand came to rest on the soft skin of her cheek and he held it there, cupping her face and tilting up to meet his eyes. There was a momentary flash of panic amidst that icy hue, but it was only there for an instant.

 

He smiled warmly, but there was something darker lurking beneath the expression. Something heated and vibrant, something passionate. “It truly means more than you could ever know that you did this for me, Ms. Akai.” Not wanting to scare her away, but still wanting to leave a lasting impression, the actor leaned down and placed his lips ever so gently on her cheek, right above where his hand rested.

 

Moving backward, he met her eyes once again and held them there affectionately, “Thank you.” He watched with a fair amount of accomplishment as her cheeks lit up bright red and she simply stared at him with wide, pale eyes and her jaw slightly slackened. God, she was cute.

 

Behind those surprised eyes, though, the petite woman couldn’t understand how she was supposed to react to this. She’d started a game that she wasn’t even the slightest bit prepared for. In her eyes, it had just been fun to mess with the actor, but she hadn’t in any way expected him to make a move on her and she’d been completely unarmed when it happened. She’d lost that day’s game miserably. 

 

She’d desperately been wishing he’d actually kissed her right then, because it would have given her the excuse that he’d instigated it. Now that he hadn’t, she was filled with a growing, twisting sense of discomfort that she’d desired such a thing and just wished the emotions would all go away. She didn’t like feeling her heart warp like this.

 

She wasn’t even sure she should be feeling this conflicted anymore. They were nearly the same person. Two people running from who they used to be, clawing at any chance to be someone else, just trying to find happiness in a world that so easily destroys it. He was basically her male counterpart, so much so that it was infuriating sometimes. 

 

No matter what she tried to rationalize, though, she knew she’d never be worthy of a man like him. It couldn’t happen. She wouldn’t let it. She knew that their pasts contained much the same events, but there was no telling how much more dirtied she was. She didn’t want to allow herself to so much as touch him with her hands, her disgusting hands. It didn’t matter how dark his past was, she was more poisoned, and she’d never let herself infect him. 

 

Ren was about to reach out to her, already deeply regretting his actions after her complete failure to respond in any way, when a knock sounded at the door. “Uh…come in.” He said hesitantly.

 

Director Tengen poked his head into the room, “Hey you two, we’re starting shooting in five, so I need Toshiro out here.” He gestured to Ren and pointed back towards the studio with his thumb. “And you, sweet cheeks,” he then pointed to Sai, “are currently being searched for frantically by the makeup crew. I’d book it if I were you.” He gave them a big smile and then walked out. 

 

Seeing an escape route, Sai quickly turned back to Ren and gave him a blank stare and a small smile, “Ah, better run then. I’ll see you on set. And again, Happy Birthday, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

Before he could say another word, Sai had turned on her heel and was already out of the door, leaving her tote bag sitting on the counter near his belongings, presumably to carry his painting after the shoot. 

 

He let out an enormous sigh. Sitting down on the sofa nearest him, he bent forward and cradled his head in his hands. He sat there for a minute, wishing beyond belief that he hadn’t given in to even the slightest hint of his libido. 

 

In a way, he’d been expecting her to flirt back, to tease him or make fun of him. Either that, or she would have given him one of those warm, tender smiles, shy and pleased. Never had he thought that she would freeze up and not move. She hadn’t looked horrified or anything, but she might as well have. She was so unpredictable, and sometimes it made him happier than he thought possible, while other times it tore him apart inside. 

 

He raised his head and looked at her painting for a moment. Instantly, he was fighting back tears as he violently shifted his gaze away from it. He stood solemnly and stored the painting back in the tote. He didn’t want to see it right now. He didn’t want to feel alive right now. He felt so torn and dead inside. 

 

He didn’t want to lay eyes on something she’d given him, something she’d put such tender feelings into. He knew those tender feelings meant nothing to him, he knew and yet, and yet…it still felt like by allowing him to continue these feelings and continuing to ignore or reject his advances, she must hate him. And he didn’t need any more proof that she hated him.


	34. Chapter 34

Over lunch break, Sai and a few of the other cast members including Ren sat together under the late afternoon sun, discussing various things.

 

“Can you believe they extended the shoot over Valentine’s Day?” Yumiko asked, brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ear girlishly.

 

“I know! I had to cancel my plans with my boyfriend,” her friend added, a pout tugging at her lips.

 

The girls of the group sympathized with each other immediately, detailing what they were now missing out on thanks to the extension. Several wouldn’t be able to make it up for quite some time, but others were alright with it, since their dates had been moved over the weekend, where they’d actually be able to spend more time with their significant others.

 

“What about you, Ms. Saiyuka?” One of the girls asked, noticing the actress hadn’t said much during their exchanges, “Did you have plans?”

 

Her pale blue eyes were met by the stares of the other members in their little lunch group, and she looked at them with a slight shrug, “I did. I’m a little upset on having to cancel too, but-”

 

She was suddenly accosted by strings of questioning from the women who were shocked they hadn’t known about this. They demanded details and asked how long she’d been in a relationship. Ren sat behind them, his jaw open slightly and his eyes wide and shocked at what she’d said. He didn’t know she was in a relationship at all, he hadn’t expected her to have had plans, and he certainly hadn’t expected such a simple statement to make his entire chest clench and ache so quickly and violently.

 

Waving her hands in front of her vehemently, Sai had to raise her voice to be heard over the multitudes of voices demanding information from her, “Wait! Wait! I’m not dating anyone!” She said with a laugh, and as the voices died down she continued, “I’d planned on going out with my best friend, that’s all. There are no ‘deets’ to spill, and I certainly don’t have some secret love tryst going on. Believe me,” she said, visibly relaxing as the verbal assaults stopped, replaced by exclamations of both doubt and contrary statements, although much more hushed.

 

The tension that had so quickly and painfully built in his chest immediately lessened and Ren let out an incredibly, blissfully relieved sigh as the information sunk in that she hadn’t had plans with another man, they were most likely with Rio, in fact. Clearing his throat, he attempted to save Sai from the onslaught of ifs, ands, and buts she was currently receiving,

 

“How is Ms. Honda these days, Ms. Akai?” He asked her, catching her attention with the use of Rio’s name. A warm smile lit up Sai’s features and she nodded and said,

 

“She’s doing very well. There was only a slight hiccup with one of her jobs, but it was just a misunderstanding on their part. She’s doing quite well now, word of her talent is spreading like wildfire!”

 

They two continued talk of Sai’s best friend for quite some time, and eventually the other members of their lunch group dissipated and it was just the two of them talking. Ren didn’t mind in the slightest. And it seemed like Sai didn’t care much either.

 

Eventually, the conversation drifted to Yashiro and his wellbeing, as well as Maria’s. Once they’d felt like they’d covered all the bases of their mutual friends, Ren allowed the conversation to drift back to her plans,

 

“What exactly were you two planning to do?” He asked, genuinely curious.

 

Immediately, the slightly relaxed expression on Sai’s resting features was gone, replaced by a tension that Ren would have been at a loss to identify had it not been for the waves of downcast misery that wafted off of her. He’d rarely seen her this forlorn, she almost seemed depressed.

 

“Hey,” he said softly, reaching out, “Don’t be that upset, it was just one day. You two will get another chance.” He insisted, confused at her intense reaction to the mention of the plans. Her state didn’t improve much after he spoke and part of an idea occurred to him. He knew how important that day must have been to her, based on her reaction, so he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “I could take her place for one evening, don’t you think?”

 

Sai looked up at with, a twinkle in her eyes underneath the blank surface, “You think you could replace Rio?” She asked, knowing that phrasing would make him jump to correct her, just as she loved making him do.

 

Hearing this, Ren reacted much the way she’d pictured, leaping up a little bit, “No, that came out wrong…” He said uncomfortably, “I just meant that you and I could go out together instead.” He ruminated for a moment at the connotation he’d just put into his words and tried to fix it, his voice coming out shaky and out of character completely. She often threw him for a loop like that.

 

Listening to him clamber for the right phrasing, she couldn’t stop the laughter from leaping out of her throat as she gestured that it was okay for him to stop, and he eventually did, his ears tinged red. “I have no qualms against spending the evening with you, Mr. Tsuruga,” she said with a gentleness, “But if you mean to take Rio’s place for the duration of our time, I’m afraid that will be quite difficult. We were planning on having a girl’s night out.”

 

Ren instantly associated that with things he was most assuredly adverse to seeing, and the blush spread to his cheeks, causing her to laugh harder, “Oh, Mr. Tsuruga, not like that!” She told him, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

 

“Then what is it?” He asked her, unable to understand what she meant when she said “girl’s night out.” He recalled other instances of her using that phrasing, and gathered it to be code for something.

 

Sai rested her chin in her palm and watched the muscles in his face twitch as he tossed thoughts and conjectures through his mind. “Just what it sounds like!” She said joyfully, watching his face twist into confusion even further.

 

“How would I know what that would look like?” He asked her honestly, completely at a loss of imagination. He listened as her laughter increased and she had to squeak out complaints as she clutched her aching stomach. A searing heat rose in his chest as he watched, and his embarrassment quickly turned into motivation to accept a challenge she’d never really given him.

 

“If you won’t tell me, then let me take part in it in order to understand it.” He said definitively, watching her sit up to consider his offer, a twinkling in her eyes.

 

“Oh?” She asked, a finger tapping against her cheek as she watched his determination crack and falter under her scrutiny and she decided she had to push him more, “You’d never manage to hold a candle to her, so really I don’t think it would be worth it,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

 

The heat of the challenge quickly rose again, heating the actor’s whole body. “I can do it,” he insisted, “Don’t underestimate me, I can do it.” He repeated, looking at her intensely pale ones as they stared into him calculatingly, like daggers.

 

Without warning, the corners of her lips twitched up into a playful grin and the mirth returned to her eyes, “It’ll be an unusual experience. Are you committed enough?” She asked, already knowing the answer. 

 

“Of course,” his easy reply came, “I promise you.” He said, without thinking of the consequences that came with such a claim. He looked pleased, glad he’d managed to win her over and convince her of his determination.

 

Sai on the other hand felt her lips turn into an even wider smile as she watched his confidence heighten in his victory, entirely believing the idea to be his own. She felt kind of bad, but was impressed all the same at the consistency of his personality. It was cute somehow.

 

In reality, Rio had secretly advised her of this plan, telling her the exact way Ren would react if she said and did certain things. Sai wasn’t sure she wanted to do this, but the brunette was totally convinced that they made an incredible pair and was almost as bad as Yashiro when it came to geeking out about any and all progress they’d made. 

 

After a fair amount of deliberating, Rio somehow, miraculously, managed to convince her into this ludicrous idea and they’d decided together that they’d had “plans” for Valentine’s Day, which was entirely false. It was just a ruse to invoke the tendency Ren had to volunteer to come to her rescue whenever she needed it. They both knew that in order to solidify his kindness as a real plan though, he had to fully believe he was figuring it out all on his own.

 

Of course, it had worked beautifully, and though Sai felt a little bad about tricking him, she was excited to spend the time with him and watched joyously as her laughter registered the same way it always did. She could tell his heart skipped a beat or his stomach flipped when he heard it, and it always sent a warmth through her. 

 

Sai was beyond grateful to Rio, knowing that this casual date that Ren had just allowed her to let him walk into was the closest she should ever allow herself to the man. If she stepped over the line, even just a little bit, who knew what could happen. She could fall for him in an instant. And she knew, if she fell, she’d fall  **hard** . And she couldn’t allow that.

 

Discussing their plans further, the two actors agreed that they would meet up at the end of their shoot on the 14th and head into downtown together. Even just talking about it made Sai’s heart race, and she knew she’d need to counsel Rio on what to wear, being hopeless when it came to putting together outfits when she was nervous.

 

On the evening in question, Sai awoke with a flutter in her heart already that she carried with her for the entire day. It only got worse as night approached and the director released them early due to the holiday. She practically ran up to her hotel room, flying in and collapsing on the bed as she took in the outfit hanging in front of her closet door, the one Rio had helped her pick out the previous night.

 

Feeling the grin push up on her cheeks, Sai quickly got changed, tying her slowly re-growing red hair into a braid at the side of her head. Admiring herself in the mirror, the beauty of her appearance dawned on her and she couldn’t keep the smile from lighting up her face as she pictured Ren’s reaction. Deciding rather quickly that she simply couldn’t wait another moment, she hurried out of her room, careful not to trip on the heels she wore, and shot downstairs to meet the man she’d spent the entire day thinking about.

 

Spotting her from a distance away, Ren was unashamed to admit that his jaw most certainly did drop when he saw her. A small, strangled sound escaped the back of his throat as he nearly choked when she got closer. She wore a cream colored, loose fitting sweater that was cropped at her rib cage and hung off one shoulder. Flowing at at her natural waist was a terra-themed wrap around skirt that clung to her shapely form rather nicely. Incredibly nicely. Tall leather boots with curving heels accented the length of her legs and she wore a long chain necklace and a leather satchel. The dark haired actor had never seen something so breathtaking.

 

She saw his face and smiled warmly, drinking in his appearance as well. Although the actor had immediately grown self-conscious at his casual outfit, she loved the sight of him so relaxed and laidback. His lengthy torso was covered in a thick, woven sweater that was a dark gray and though his arms were longer than most, the sleeves were too long and covered most of his hands. He had traded his usual slacks for darkly stained jeans, but the dress shoes remained. 

 

“You look amazing,” she told him by way of greeting, her eyes shining sincerely as she looked at him. A light pink grew across his cheeks as he processed her words,

 

“Not nearly as breathtaking as you,” the told her, loving the way she smiled at him.

 

“Ah, but it’s a nice change to see you so laidback. It’s really a wonderful look on you,” Sai told him, watching his eyes soften and melt, appearing like liquid chocolate.

 

Bickering back and forth goodnaturedly, Ren allowed himself to be led around by Sai until they reached the restaurant they’d be dining in that evening. Looking around, it appeared to be a family diner and the actor couldn’t help but ask,

 

“Is this the type of place you and Ms. Honda usually go to?” He asked, watching the redhead more than he paid attention to exactly where they sat.

 

She smiled and nodded passionately, “We like these kinds of places. It’s nice to have a burger and unwind with some good company after a long week.” Her eyes took on a faraway but peaceful look, and Ren couldn’t help but smile at her.

 

He took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of cooking food. Ordinarily he would have found it distasteful, but for some reason, with her, it actually gave him an appetite, “I haven’t had a burger in years,” he said offhandedly, realizing he didn’t eat much in between convenience store items and high class cuisine.

 

Sai stared at him with wide eyes and then clasped at his hand resting off the table, the hue of the irises gazing at him was even sharper and more intense than normal, “Mr. Tsuruga!” She chastised, “That’s basically a crime!” She said, and made him promise to eat a decent meal for once, and he agreed, on her word they’d work it on later. 

 

He found himself chuckling richly at her passion and vigor, finding his heart warmed and beating quickly. He loved seeing her so alive and animated, it was like a breath of fresh air, or a surge of warmth on a freezing day. She was like sunlight to him, providing him with the warmth he needed to feel alive. Her smile radiated beauty and made him happier than he cared to admit. 

 

When the waiter finally approached them, he watched her closely as she ordered for the both of them. He was acutely aware of how differently he looked and treated her now that he was aware of his feelings. At first he wasn’t sure if he liked it, but now he was positive that not only did he like it, he loved it. It scared him sometimes. He meant what he said about not wanting to fall for her. But when she was with him, he couldn’t help himself. It was impossible not to be happy.

 

They had a pleasant meal once it arrived, with Ren blissfully unaware of all the staring around him as people tried to catch a glimpse of the actor and identify him, and see who on earth he was dining with on Valentine's Day. Sai had cleverly hidden them, conscious of his image as well as her own, knowing how the tabloids would go crazy over any story with Ren, but especially one concerning his love life.

 

When they finished their meal, Ren was under the impression they had completed their evening together and was getting up to head to the car with his coat when she grinned mischievously, attracting his attention. 

 

“Where on earth do you think you’re going?” She asked, her lips upturned deviously.

 

“Back to the hotel?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow in her direction.

 

Shaking her head, the grin on her lips grew and she said, “Oh no, we’re just getting started.” She brushed past him and motioned for him to follow her, her face lit up beautifully.

 

She lead him back to the car and reached inside, pulling out a hat and glasses and handing them off to him, “Here you are, Mr. Tsuruga!” She said blithely.

 

He stared at them for a moment and then took them, asking, “What...are these for?” He questioned, sure he knew but wanted to hear it from her.

 

After trying to keep it contained for too long, the laughter finally burst from her throat and she met his eyes, hers sparkling in joy, “A disguise, of course,” she managed between gasps of air.

 

“A disguise for what?” His voice came out weaker, not liking where this would be going.

 

“Shopping!” She exclaimed, clapping her hands together in pure joy, and suddenly the dread he’d had towards her inevitable statement slipped away, overcome by the rush of bliss that came with the sight of her infinite beauty.

 

He reluctantly agreed to her outburst and trailed behind her as she led him to the nearest shopping mall, his cheeks alight with a bright pink hue. For the next few hours or so, she proceeded to drag him throughout the mall and Ren was astonished at how much of the building she tore through, as well as how familiar she was with the terrain of it. He would have been completely at a loss as to what to do or where to do, and despite never having been to this mall, Sai seemed to navigate it just fine.

 

Unable to help himself, Ren asked, “Did you go through a mall rat phase or something?”

 

The talent scoffed at this, looking at him with humor in her eyes, “Who didn’t?”

 

He hesitated for only a moment, “Uh...me?”

 

“You don’t count, pretty boy. People shopped  **for** you.” He gaped at her a moment before noticing the amusement and laughter in her eyes and realizing she’d been joking.

 

He swatted at her arm and it earned him a moment of her twinkling laughter, a small cry of mock pain, and a stinging in his own arm from her retaliation. It had been worth it. They worked their way through the lower half of the mall, with Ren slowly lagging behind further and further as the night wore on. Once they sat in their umpteenth dressing room, a yawn escaped his lips and he looked up at her with tired, soft eyes,

 

“Are you nearly finished?” he asked, a lazy smile on his lips.

 

Sai actually raised an eyebrow at that and glanced at him, her lips curling into a devilish smirk, “Giving up already, I see,” she said triumphantly, drinking in the confused and slightly surprised expression that overcame his handsome facial features. “Need I remind you that you promised to take Rio’s place tonight? Ring any bells?”

 

His eyes widened further as he distinctly remembered making that promise, and was instantly struck with disappointment at his own actions. He’d allowed himself to believe that it was simply the two of them going out for an evening, and had forgotten he actually was a simple stand in. He couldn’t have done a very good job, knowing he’d acted entirely as himself.

 

Swallowing hard, he allowed energy to reenter his limbs and invigorate him, knowing that she expected him to perform. He closed his eyes for a moment and recovered a bit from his exhaustion. Snapping his eyes open, he found Sai’s icy blue ones scanning him carefully, a light dancing in them as she watched him recover.

 

Satisfied, Sai resumed browsing and they eventually made their way to the second floor of the mall. As they worked through that floor then, Ren found himself actually contributing to the shopping, suggesting things for her to look at and even pulling them down to show her. 

 

“I’m surprised, Mr. Tsuruga,” Sai said to him, admiring the skirt he’d just found, “You have shockingly good taste.”

 

Ren couldn’t help the light color that touched his cheeks at this, and he straightened and managed to say evenly, “I learned from watching you, actually.”

 

She looked up at him with sudden interest, “You were watching what I liked?” She asked, a light smile playing at the corners of her full lips.

 

The dark haired actor blinked, realizing what he’d just admitted to and tried to find a way to recover, suppressing his racing heart, “I figured that’s what I was supposed to do in this situation,” he told her honestly, not really knowing his purpose there otherwise.

 

The smile on her lips widened until her lips parted and he could see her teeth, “Well, I’m still impressed. You’re a fast learner,” she said, pleased more than she thought she’d be.

 

Ren cleared his throat and slowly backed away from her as she browsed and leaned over a jewelry counter, admiring the pieces inside. His gaze fell on a pendant with an inlaid crystal of some kind hidden within the twirling, twisted dark metal it was made of. He immediately could picture it resting around Sai’s neck, and knew it was perfect for her. 

 

As they were leaving the store, he discreetly purchased it, sliding the box into his coat pocket without the redhead noticing. Pleased with his ability to distract her and sneakily buy something, he allowed himself to be dragged around a while longer until they collapsed in the food court, both well and truly exhausted.

 

She gingerly set down a dish in front of him, placing her own on the table. “What?” She asked, seeing his confused expression. She gestured toward his, “Have you never seen ice cream before?” Sai asked, her eyes shining.

 

He scoffed and picked up the spoon next to the dish, eying it, “Of course I have. It’s just been a while, and I’m not used to just casually getting any.”

 

She waved her hand dismissively and took a rather large bite, her face lighting up, “Well, Rio and I go often. So get used to it quick.” 

 

As he watched her eat it, he found incredible joy in the subtle shifts of her smooth, soft facial features as they lifted in pleasure at the frozen treat and he couldn’t stop the bubble of laughter rising in his throat. Unable to help himself anymore, his rich laugh filled the space in between them quickly, unhindered and free.

 

Surprised at first by his sudden change, Sai’s eyes widened ever so slightly and her lips curled into a circle, but the carefree nature of his laughter was more contagious than she’d realized and she soon cracked a smile. Joining in, her much higher and bell-like laugh harmonized with his and they enjoyed that moment together, laughing.

 

Their interactions attracted the attention of many people around them, who found their cheeks alight and their own lips lifted into smiles when they saw the pair. Most of them averted their eyes in respect, but were happy to see such a cute couple enjoying themselves on a special evening. An elderly woman then approached them and put a hand on Sai’s shoulder, hushing her laughter for a moment,

 

“You two make such an adorable couple,” she said with a bright, fond smile which pronounced the laughter lines on her wrinkled face, “Reminds me of my husband and me when we were young.”

 

Without thinking, the words slipped from Ren’s mouth before he could stop them, “I’m fairly sure that she’s what you find adorable, ma’am.” He said, gesturing towards the petite woman sitting across from him and loving the spread of red on her colorful cheeks. His eyes softened in fondness at her and he enjoyed that moment more than he could ever express.

 

The elderly woman’s face quickly lit up and her smile widened, she nodded toward the young man and gave Sai an approving look, making the actress’s face light up even more, and she buried it in her hands.

 

After the woman had gone, Sai peeked out from her make-shift shelter and met the eyes of the man across the table from her, whose face was now even redder than hers and he looked away, covering his mouth with his hand awkwardly, “I’m sorry,” he told her, blushing profusely, “I got caught up in the moment, I wasn’t thinking,” he tried to explain. 

 

Knowing that his words were truthful and that he’d said it due to his affections for her, but not wanting to let on that she knew that much, Sai leaned back in her chair and cleared her throat as her cheeks cooled, she feigned an understanding expression and nodded, “I see, you don’t have to apologize.”

 

He looked up at her as his own complexion reverted back to normal, and he couldn’t help but add, “I wasn’t lying though. You are much cuter when you’re not guarded and snapping witty comments at me.”

 

She met his eyes and let a chuckle go, her lips lifting into a full, genuine smile, “I know, I know,” she said in begrudging agreement. 

 

Ren couldn’t help the heat in his chest rise as he felt an ever so slight jealousy rise up, “Are you always this carefree and childish with Ms. Honda?” He asked, his mind drifting down the line of questioning, wishing that she was this way around him more often.

 

Tilting her head, Sai looked at him curiously, “I believe so, yes. Why? How is it different?” She asked, honestly not knowing how he saw a difference.

 

“It’s just...different,” he said lamely, before thinking and adding, “it’s almost more natural, more real. I’ve just never seen this side of you before,” he said, hesitating for a moment before admitting, “I really like it. In fact, I wish I could see it more often.”

 

She gave him a light, soft shrug and looked him in the eyes, her pale ones shining gently, “I don’t consciously switch, you know. It’s not like I rotate between personalities.” She watched his brows dip in confusion and tried to continue, “I mean, if you think about it, do you really think you acted as Rio would have tonight?”

 

Thinking on this for a moment, the answer was obvious, “Probably not, no. At least not for very much of it.” He admitted, scratching at the back of his head sheepishly.

 

“Don’t worry so much about that,” she said dismissively, waving her hand to assure him it was okay, “I wasn’t really expecting you to. She’s impossible to replace anyway. I was looking forward to spending the time with Ren Tsuruga, and that’s what I got. So I’m very pleased.”

 

His eyebrows rose at this, surprised he wasn’t insulted she hadn’t expecting him to act, but rather pleased she’d been looking forward to  **his** presence there. “So...does that mean…?”

 

“Yes, Mr. Tsuruga,” she said with a light laugh, “The way I acted tonight was a totally genuine reaction to  **you** .”

 

“How could that be, though? You’ve never acted this way towards me before, Ms. Akai.” 

 

“I wasn’t the only one acting differently,” she said with a natural, soft smile, her eyes shining at him. “I was only reacting to you. You were the one who was unguarded and carefree. I just reciprocated.”

 

With a shock, he realized that she was right, and the words just spilled out, “So, if I continue to act this way with you, you’ll do the same?”

 

She nodded gently and said, “Of course,” with an easygoing, soft tone. Standing up and gathering her multitude of bags, she reached out and offered him her hand to take.

 

Looking at it hesitantly, Ren’s eyes drifted to hers over the ridiculous glasses she’d given him and saw a fond warmth under the chilly hue that heated his whole body and caused a genuine, radiant smile to paint his lips.

 

Taking it, he laced his fingers through her much smaller ones and played with a ring she wore as he stood and helped with with a few of the bags. Walking like that, the pair casually made their way out of the mall and back down the still bustling night time streets, to Ren’s car. 

 

They rode back in a comfortable silence, each content with just the other’s presence for the time being, and arrived at the hotel rather quickly.

 

Walking her up to her room, Ren parted with her at the door, taking her hand once more. He lifted it and brushed his lips across her knuckles, “Thank you for a magnificent evening, Ms. Akai.” Raising his gaze to meet hers, he was happily surprised to see it looking at him tenderly. 

 

“And thank you, Mr. Tsuruga, for allowing me the opportunity. I had a wonderful time.” She replied, her voice thick with sincerity.

 

“Perhaps we can do it again sometime?” He asked her, making his heart pound with anticipation, unsure of what he was doing entirely. It had been a long time since a woman had made him this nervous.

 

He was incredibly relieved to see her face light up gorgeously, “I would be both delighted and honored, Mr. Tsuruga. Thank you.” She repeated, bidding him good night and gently closing her door, missing his exhale of complete relief and exhaustion as he tipped his head back and closed his eyes. 

 

When he’d recovered enough, his pulse no longer ringing in his ears and his breathing more even, he turned on his heel and headed towards his own room, his hand still warm and tingling from her touch and her smiling face still clear in his mind. 


	35. Chapter 35

Wrapping up the last of her scenes back home and in their usual studio, Sai jumped down from the set, and was immediately swarmed by her coworkers who gave their opinions on the scene and asked for hers regarding how the shoot as a whole went. She took the praise and criticism with equal professionalism as she always did and returned her own thoughts on the subject, watching in amusement as several crew members actually jotted her words down to refer to later.

 

After she’d finished with them, she approached the actor who had been graciously awaiting her attention. She offered him a slight, apologetic smile and he returned it with a radiant, forgiving one. At some point that neither of them could really pinpoint, they’d begun to understand each other’s shifts in posture and expression to the point where they could almost communicate across the room. With each passing day, Ren was able to better understand the twitches in her face and the changes in the atmosphere in the room and therefore he had a better grasp on her thoughts and feelings than he’d ever had.

 

They began talking in earnest, each enjoying the banter between them, as well as the exchange of opinions. Ren could hardly fathom how she was able to keep up with his arguments having only been in show business for about a year now. She progressed at a scary rate, that was for sure. 

 

Halfway through their conversation, the dark haired actor’s manager ran up to them, a glint in his wide eyes as he caught his breath, running a hand through his lighter hair as he pushed it away from his eyes, “You’ll never believe what I just heard!” He told them through exaggerated huffs and deep breaths.

 

Sai’s face lit up in a smile and she shook her head, “What did you hear, Yashiro?” She asked him politely, although she was greatly amused, as always, by his theatrics and passion.

 

He caught his breath and straightened up, pushing his glasses further up his slender nose, “There’s a famous actor coming back to Japan! He made his debut here but then went international and usually works in America!” He exclaimed, gesturing wildly.

 

Ren’s face had previously been displaying a muted amused expression as he tolerated Yashiro’s behavior as professionally as possible, but upon hearing this, he seized up. It couldn’t be. Just to make sure, he asked with a voice as controlled as possible, “And who is this famous actor?”

 

“Kuu Hizuri!” The manager all but yelled, clapping his hands together excitedly and continuing to rant about how great the man was. His words fell on deaf ears, though, as Ren froze at the name.  _ It is him...but why? Why is  _ **_that man_ ** _ coming back here? _ He asked himself, disbelieving that he was just finding out about this now.  _ He wouldn’t...he wouldn’t dare come to see me, though...would he? _

 

“-en?” He distantly heard, and he focused on the voice, hearing it again, “Ren? Are you okay?” Looking into his manager’s eyes, he realized that the man had desperately been trying to get his attention, but to no avail.

 

As he apologized for spacing out, he became aware of a concerned expression on Sai’s face out of the corner of his eye, he turned to face her and her icy eyes snapped to his, a clear question lingering under their surface. 

 

The moment she’d heard Kuu’s name, she had frozen as well, refusing to listen to the embellished words the light haired man was eagerly spouting. She hadn’t seen the famous actor since she was very small, when she’d visit America with her mother and Lory, during a summer or for her mother’s work. When she’d first seen him, she’d taken an instant dislike to the man, for reasons no one could fathom. 

 

Thinking of him now, she couldn’t help but panic slightly. He didn’t know her as Saiyuka. He wasn’t aware she’d changed her name, he wasn’t in on the secret like Lory and Kouki. And he was coming to Japan. Instantly, she crushed the slowly rising hysteria in her throat and a more laidback, faux interested expression washed over her face. He wouldn’t recognize her. He wouldn’t ever have to know she was there. He may not even know she moved to Japan. It would be okay.

 

Right as she regained her own control, she happened to look up at the tall actor standing beside her and saw a look of shock and almost horror ghosting over his features. She was instantly concerned and it showed on her face. When he tuned back into the conversation, he looked at her and she couldn’t help the words from slipping from her lips, “Are you sure you’re okay, Mr. Tsuruga?”

 

He blinked once before replying, “Of course, Ms. Akai. Don’t worry about me.” He accompanied his words with a small smile, hoping to be reassuring, but only managing to worry the redhead more. Seeing this, his expression hardened and he sighed, unable to lie to her, “I happen to have a strong aversion to that man.” He told her vaguely, closing the conversation when he’d finished speaking.

 

The actress nodded, still curious as to why, but respecting that he wanted to keep the topic in the dark for now. She allowed a genuine smile to upturn her lips, showing him she was grateful that he’d given her something rather than hiding it all. Relief flooded his body when he saw this, as he’d been greatly concerned that she’d anger at his avoidance.

 

Movement from behind the actor’s back caught the redhead’s eye and she found her gaze raking over to watch it. With some amount of horror, she placed in her memory what she was seeing from behind him and she knew she had to close the discussion she was having with the actor and his manager immediately.

 

“I apologize, Mr. Tsuruga, but I have something to take care of right now that needs my attention.” She smiled at him lightly, “I’ll catch you later okay?” Not waiting for his reply, she brushed past him and tried not to full-out sprint to the slowly retreating figure she’d spotted.

 

Hours earlier, a tall, blonde man stepped out of a terminal at the local airport in Tokyo, pushing the sunglasses he wore up his nose. A smile decorated his handsome lips, pushing up the laughter lines around his mouth. He scurried around the airport, reminiscing in its decor and remembering his moments here parting with fans and friends. 

 

Kuu Hizuri then stepped into the sunlight and breathed in the air deeply, having missed the feel that Japan had. As he climbed into a taxi, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number of his old friend and confidant, Lory Takarada. The dark haired man answered after two rings, his low, booming voice much too loud for the confined space of the car,

 

“Kuu!! Have you landed yet?” He asked excitedly.

 

The blonde laughed heartily, his own deep voice replying, “A few minutes ago Lory, yeah. I’ve missed this place.” They engaged in an animated conversation as the taxi drove to the luxury hotel the actor would be staying in.

 

Their conversations continued in earnest as Kuu helped unload his luggage into his room. When he was comfortably situated, he built up his courage and asked, “How is Kuon?”

 

Lory paused at this, not knowing how his old friend would react, knowing his unpredictable nature, “He’s doing well. You must remember that he doesn’t use that name in this country, Kuu. If you’re insistent on discussing him in any fashion, you must call him Tsuruga. Or at least Ren.” 

 

Arguing back, the famous actor whined, “But this is a secure line.”

 

“You’re in the open, though, Kuu, anyone around you could hear you.” Lory replied, shaking his head. 

 

They argued for a little while longer until Kuu eventually relented, “Fine. Where is  **Ren** right now?”

 

Outwardly sighing, the President said, “He’s on set right now. For his latest drama.” He quickly relayed the location and warned him against showing up, lest he anger the actor.

 

“If he was angry with me, though, he might meet with me.” The blonde argued, wanting nothing more than to see his son. 

 

“Just because you inconvenienced him? No.”

 

“Will he ever want to see me?” Kuu asked in a pathetic, defeated voice.

 

Pausing slightly, something occurred to Lory, “By himself, no, he won’t. Not until he’s ready.” Kuu sighed heavily and sunk into his hotel bed, utterly depressed as he thought of how long that would take. It had already been nearly eight years. “But…” Lory’s voice sounded over the phone again.

 

Kuu sat up straighter and whispered into the device in his hand urgently, “But what?”

 

Lory hesitated and was met with immediate demands from his friend to tell him, “There is something that might influence him into coming.”

 

“Tell me, please,” Kuu begged, pressing his phone into his cheek harder.

 

“It’s not some **thing** ...it’s some **one** .”

 

Kuu was silent for a moment, as the words processed into what Lory had meant, “Do you mean...he’s in love?” He asked, breathless.

 

Grimly, the President replied, “Yes. He is.”

 

The actor was instantly on his feet, pacing back and forth in the hotel room, “My own son, my precious son, is in love and I didn’t know about it?” He asked, his voice steadily rising as his anger grew.

 

“Calm down, Kuu.” Lory said, “He probably wouldn’t admit it on his own anyway. He is barely aware that’s how he feels himself.”

 

“Who is it? Who does he have feelings for?” Kuu demanded.

 

“You know her.” Lory started, hedging on just hanging up to let his friend cool down. “I won’t tell you her name, but if you saw her, you’d recognize her from your past.”

 

“Someone from here? Wouldn’t she be too old for him?”

 

“No, you met her in America.” Kuu racked his brain for someone he’d met in the States and would be in Japan, someone young enough to attract his son’s attention. Coming up empty, he was about to inquire further when Lory spoke again, “You’ll find her if you go looking for Ren, which I’m sure you will.”

 

With that, the President let his friend go and the actor stood in his room for a few moments before rushing out and heading into a waiting taxi, directing it towards the studio Lory had described. Upon arriving, he slipped on a large coat and his sunglasses to make a makeshift disguise and entered the building.

 

Meandering around, he met with several cast members, speaking in hushed tones about the shoot, the rest of the cast, and the eventually the wellbeing of his son. Relieved to hear how well he was doing, he edged around the main stage to catch sight of him.

 

Spotting him across the room, Kuu’s face lit up as he watched him. When he was satisfied that his son was doing well, he turned on his heel and was about to leave before he was seen. Taking one last glance at Ren, something nagged at him and he noticed the person he was talking to. She was a beautiful woman with a blonde wig that hung in a short bob, seemingly longer on one side and just coming in on the other, like it had been shaved recently. Mingling in the light locks were strands of a cyan blue and they brought out the iciness in her eyes. She was shapely and stood with girlish posture, gazing at his son in a concerned manner, her dainty eyebrows dipped downward.

 

Leaning over to address a nearby crew member, he asked in a hushed voice, “Who is that talking to Mr. Tsuruga over there?”

 

The girl glanced over at the pair and her eyes brightened, “Oh! You don’t know her? She’s new here, her name is Saiyuka Akai.” She explained the talent’s situation and how good she was for a newbie. Thanking her, Kuu went back to staring at her, knowing in his gut that he was missing something. She reminded him of someone and her face was familiar, but he knew he’d never known a “Saiyuka Akai” in his life.

 

With a shock, he realized who he’d been staring at and his stomach dropped to the floor. All of Lory’s words fell into place and he watched with slight horror as her eyes met his across the room. Her face twisted momentarily and he felt himself slump a little when she placed his face. He was just about to start retreating when she hastily ended her conversation with Ren and nearly made a beeline right for him.

 

As she approached, he slowed in his retreat, knowing she’d catch up to him regardless of what he did, and instead opted to gain the upper hand. “Asami…” He mumbled under his breath when she was within earshot. 

 

Hearing this, her pale, slender fingers jumped to cover his mouth, a murderous look on her face, “Don’t you dare speak that name here!” She hissed quietly at him. Removing her hands, she glared at him frigidly and demanded, “What are you doing here, Kuu?”

 

His gaze softened momentarily as she used his name, knowing it made her nervous when she was littler, “I have a photo shoot and a series of interviews.” He told her plainly, shrugging his shoulders, “They’re doing a nostalgia line and invited me to join in.”

 

Doubtful of his motives, she narrowed her eyes and asked venomously, “Did Lory put you up to coming here?”

 

Watching her movements and expressions with amusement, Kuu thought it would be best to feign ignorance at that moment, knowing she was the one Lory spoke of. “I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

 

Growing angry with the actor, she clenched her teeth and played right into his hands, “Then leave, please.” But she wasn’t asking. “I don’t need you hanging around here.”

 

Smiling as he saw an opportunity to make up for how much she’d disliked him as a child, he told her smugly, “Oh, I have no intention of leaving,” he paused for a moment, remembering her stage name, “Ms. Akai.”

 

“I’ll call security then.” She told him without hesitation, completely unblinking and determined.

 

Knowing she was serious, a cruel smile formed on his own lips as he bluffed a response, “Go ahead. I’m sure, though, that security would be much more interested in a tip that a certain new actress on payroll here has a criminal record an arm’s length long.” He referred to her time spent in limbo between guardians, living on her own and doing whatever she had to to feed herself and the other runaways she associated with.

 

Gaping at his threat, Sai said, “You can’t do that! All of those records are sealed, there’s no way to prove that!”

 

Crossing his arms, the actor shrugged, “There’s no way of knowing that in the moments after I make the claim. There would be an immediate reaction followed by repercussions that would damage your career undoubtedly.”

 

The actress began shaking in anger and she hissed out, “Are you seriously threatening me?” 

 

He smirked and, without missing a beat, replied, “Yup.”

 

“Why?” She ground out, an intense and brutal anger racking that single word.

 

“Because,” he shrugged, “it’s boring in my free time here. I want you to join me while I’m here.”

 

“‘Join you’? What do you mean?” She questioned, barely containing her wrath at the actor.

 

“If you become my attendant and chef while I’m here, I won’t touch your reputation or identity. You’ll be safe from scandal.”

 

Silence settled over the two as her searingly blue eyes glared at him with a deathly brutality. “Fine.” Was her only response before she turned on her heel and marched away, still shaking as she contained her emotions.

 

He watched her retreat, wondering what to do next, and was further unsure when she whipped around a corner and went to her dressing room. Deciding he would check back later, he slunk off the set and meandered around the building a little longer.

 

Once in her room, she quickly began to pack her things up, tossing her tote bag on the couch and grabbing her planner to mess with her schedule and diminish the next few days so she’d be able to follow around the blonde actor. When she turned around, she spotted that very man standing in her doorway and glowered at him openly. 

 

Kuu’s eyebrows raised as he took in her natural hair color now that the wig was gone, surprised at the change but recognizing the familiar shade from when she was much younger. Her appearance was so like her mother’s. He watched with interest as she ignored him completely and went about rearranging her schedule and calling various directors and employers who appeared more than flexible about her need to take some time off.

 

As he listened, his face gradually grew more and more surprised as he took in just how busy the young actress was. He was certain that she was far more booked than he was at the stage she was currently at. It was most impressive.

 

Hanging up her call, the redhead turned to him with a blank expression and gestured outwards toward her door, gathering all her things together, “I’m freer now. Are you happy? Can we get on with this, or would you like to torment me more?”

 

The actor chuckled at this, knowing he’d definitely prefer the latter, but was grateful for her foresight and impressed at the level she operated on and held off this time, gesturing for her to leave first. The talent brushed past him with a huff and they make their way to the hotel he was renting the entire penthouse at.

 

Her only response to that was a heavy sigh which amused him greatly. She dumped all of her belongings by his door and called for someone to drive her bike to the hotel’s address, saying she’d stashed the keys in her dressing room. Gloomily, she marched to the kitchen to begin his dinner, knowing she could make pretty much anything as long as she made a lot of it. One of the most vivid memories she had of the man was him continually eating, packing away more than she weighed at every meal.

 

He joined her in the kitchen, leaning on the table and watching merrily. Once she’d calmed down a little, he began talking with her. She opened up with time and the two had a light, but still tense, conversation concerning everything each had been up to. Kuu took a moment to express that he was honestly impressed with everything she had done and how far she’d come all by herself. 

 

Watching her pause in her work for a moment, Kuu was worried he’d upset her by saying so, but she turned to look at him out of the corner of her eye and a strand of red hair fell into her face, revealing how her ears were tinged with a light pink, “Thank you,” she told him quietly, pleased at the compliment. “But it wasn’t all me. I had a lot of help and encouragement.”

 

He smiled at this as she turned back to her work, sincerely glad that she’d been able to accept others back into her life. As much as she’d disliked him when she was a child, he’d felt an odd sense of protectiveness toward her, sharing Lory’s fatherly tendencies. He was truly proud of her, pulling herself up from such a low point, having hit rock bottom and managing to spring back up like this wasn’t easy. 

 

Shaking himself out of such thoughts he ventured to converse with her again, “So, what can I expect tomorrow?” He asked, keeping his tone light.

 

She looked at him again and raised an eyebrow, “I’ll come pick you up in the morning. We’ll take a company car and I’ll leave my bike at home. I’ll make you breakfast and we’ll go to your shoot and then to lunch. After that, I’ll drop you at your first interview and then I have a job I couldn’t get out of, so I’ll be a half hour late to come get you. I’ll make up for it with an extra special dinner and then head home myself after that.”

 

Listening to her long list of items, Kuu tried to process all of them and nodded when she finished, mostly sure he’d gotten all of that. She raised a questioning eyebrow as if to ask him if he was sure he didn’t want her to repeat it. He winked at her to let her know he’d gotten it and earned a roll of her eyes. 

 

After their silent exchange, Sai gathered her things and left, loading them into her bike and speeding away with loud revving that Kuu could have sworn sounded genuinely annoyed. He smirked at that, glad to see her so expressive for once. He settled into his couch and pondered a thought that popped into his brain.

 

Before he could think better of it, he snatched up his cell phone and dialed the number of a certain flamboyant President who would be sure to back his idea and supply him with the tools necessary to accomplish it. They set a time for their scheme to be executed and a rendezvous to check on progress during the half hour Kuu had to himself that evening.

 

Satisfied with his plans and all the trouble they were sure to cause her, he got ready for bed and headed into the master suite, nearly jumping onto the bed in excitement. It had been some time since he’d felt that mischievous, not since Ren had left. And even then it was rare. Really the last time he’d been so openly scheming was when his son was a mere ten years old. 

 

A rueful smile passed over the actor’s lips and he settled into his bed, allowing the feeling to linger for a while and then disappear. He was going to enjoy his time with Sai as much as possible, and hopefully, his son would speak to him before he left. He’d rather hope than regret at that moment, even if it just ended up being more painful in the long run. For Ren, for Kuon, it was worth it to hope. 


	36. Chapter 36

The slick company car pulled up in front of the doors of the studio building and Kuu’s face lit up as he rose from his seat and headed straight for the doors. Opening them himself, he slid into the seat and visibly relaxed, stretching out and meeting the nearly white, pale blue eyes of the other occupant in the car. Sai sat with her arms crossed and her bright red hair up in a messy bun.

 

“Good evening, Ms. Akai.” He said with a lazy smile. She blinked once at him before huffing and greeting him in return.

 

“You as well, Mr. Hizuri.” She didn’t speak after that, refusing to respond to his myriads of questions concerning her job and what she was so busy with on a Saturday night. After thoroughly ignoring him, Sai finally let an exasperated breath go and glared at him, shutting him up. 

 

Once they arrived back at his hotel, she marched up to the elevator, leaning gloomily against the side and refusing to make eye contact. They reached his room and she placed her belongings on his couch, making a beeline for his kitchen to get the meal over with. Because of her rush to be in and out, she failed to examine the room and the new items it contained.

 

Chuckling under his breath, Kuu walked passed the kitchen doorway and into the living area of the penthouse suite, where two large packages sat waiting for him. He opened them as quietly as possible, any noises he made masked by the sounds of cooking emanating from Sai’s rushed motions.

 

Gingerly, he pulled out a multitude of instruments, compliments of Lory, and placed them about the room, smiling deviously at them. Knowing her, if he not only asked her to play, but then forced her to play, she would be so furious with him that she would cry to Lory who would then leak her discomfort to Ren. It was a shoddy plan, and it might backfire on him, but it was the only way he could see his son being motivated enough to speak with him.

 

He wasn’t afraid to wield his knowledge of her past and the aversion she’d developed towards all the brass, wind, and string instruments that now dotted his living room, especially towards the violin. If he could manipulate her enough in this aspect, though, he’d surely lose his chance to connect with her, and that alone was enough to make him doubt what he was about to do. Looking around, though, he realized it was too late to back out now. This was for his son.

 

Shaking his head to rid it of any second thoughts, he walked back into the dining area and waited for her to come out with large plates of food for his dinner. She delivered as promised, and walked towards him with a suspicious look on her face.

 

“Why don’t we dine in the living room tonight?” He asked her, his lips slowly turning up into a cruel smile.

 

Seeing this, Sai grew a bit nervous and asked him, “Why would we do that?”

 

He waved a hand nonchalantly and replied, “That way you can entertain me.”

 

A look of horror passed over Sai’s features and she reeled backwards, “Look, I don’t care what you threaten me with, you perverted old man, I won’t-”

 

Seeing she’d taken his words entirely the wrong way, he rushed to contradict her, “No, no!! Not like that!” He said, his steely and wicked demeanor cracking as he began laughing. Further confused with his reaction, Sai leaned backwards and took a step back. Kuu held up a hand to stop her and tried to explain, “Here, come with me. I’ll show you what I meant.” He managed between gasps of air and bouts of laughter. 

 

The redhead was extremely hesitant to follow, still worried for what was awaiting her, but she looked into the humor and amusement in the actor’s hazel eyes and nodded, taking uncertain steps after him. They entered into the living space and Kuu gestured outward, shifting Sai’s gaze to the center of the room, where a great many instruments of all kinds sat waiting.

 

Her eyes widened and then snapped to his, questioning why on earth those were there. He smiled again, the devilishness back. “No.” Was all she said, setting the plates down. 

 

“Yes.” He said back, not backing down.

 

“No. I refuse. I won’t do it. I see you’re taunting me, and I don’t know if this was your bright idea or Lory’s, but I will  **not** do it.”

 

“You remember why you’re here in the first place, don’t you?” He asked, narrowing his eyes and regarding her with indifference, watching her flinch, “You’re here because I have leverage on you. You don’t get a choice in this matter. You’re playing.”

 

With that, he took a seat and began to eat the food she’d set down, still impressed with how high the quality was for how quickly she’d made such a large amount. Still not hearing anything from the talent who stood frozen where he’d left her, he added, “You’ll play if you want to stay on my good side. You’re pushing it as it is with all the attitude.”

 

Her face twitched slightly and the temperature in the room seemed to pitch as her anger rose, her fingers curling into fists as she tried to control it. Taking a step forward, she picked up the instrument she hated most but knew best, the violin. 

 

“Good girl,” she heard from behind her and she turned to regard the man sitting and enjoying his meal with that stupid grin plastered on his face. 

 

“I’m not doing this for you.” She told him, raising the violin to her shoulder and tuning it. “I’m doing it because I care about the people I’ve met and they care about me. I won’t risk those relationships because some pompous idiot thinks he can screw it up.”

 

Kuu nearly spit out the water he was drinking when she called him a pompous idiot, just like she had when she was little. She hadn’t changed that much after all. He had to fight the the warm smile from appearing on his lips when he thought of how much she’d grown, though, finally accepting people back into her life. He needed to be poker faced for this, or she’d see through his bluffs for sure. 

 

Raising the bow and finishing the tuning, Sai readjusted her grip and silently allowed herself to be impressed by the quality of the instrument she now held. It was finely crafted and resembled the one that sat in her studio that very moment. It was comfortable resting on her shoulder, and she allowed herself to relax for a moment.

 

Taking a deep breath, she began playing. It was nothing too special, just a soft, chipper tune that floated through the air with an eerie gentleness, almost manifesting as a physical force in the room as it reached Kuu’s ears. He stopped eating for a moment as he listened, finding the simple tune oddly swaying, moving him in ways he wasn’t ready for it to.

 

After a few moments, he realized with a shock that he’d been so easily enraptured by her music that he hadn’t even noticed. She’d always been talented, but he truly hadn’t expected this from her. Shaking himself out of it, he remembered he was supposed to be bullying her in this scenario, not actually enjoying himself.

 

Snapping loudly, he interrupted her piece and caught her attention. “Alright. Switch it up.” He demanded bluntly, watching her face twist in confusion and in disbelief. “That one’s getting boring,” he stated, despite how much he genuinely wanted her to keep playing.

 

Holding her tongue and simply breathing in and out twice to calm her anger, the redhead stooped down and picked up a silvery instrument she identified as a flute. She hadn’t played it in a long time, but remembered it fondly from her childhood. Tuning it by ear, she placed her lips delicately on the mouthpiece and continued her chipper piece from earlier.

 

Before she’d even gotten to the end of the first verse, Sai heard Kuu snap his fingers again and froze in place, clenching her teeth together as she hovered above the instrument. “Too abrasive.” Was all he said, gesturing for her to pick something else.

 

Clamping down her frustrations at the man’s actions, she placed the delicate item down as softly and as carefully as she could, trying to keep her hands from shaking from her suppressed emotions. Going off of his minimal advice, she chose an acoustic guitar which should be gentler to fit the meal.

 

She chose a different tune now, one more tense and high strung, still gentle enough for his liking, but finally displaying the inner wrath she was slowly losing control of. Before she could even get into it, she heard the snap she’d been nearly waiting for and her control shattered. Glaring at him as she set the guitar aside, she looked at him with crossed arms to hide her trembling appendages. 

 

“The guitar is too simple,” he told her, making her bristle further, “Try the piano!” He offered with a slight shrug and a fiendish smile. That she did, too. Sitting in front of the instrument, she abandoned any and all efforts to try and please him with her music and plunked out a violent and angered tune. 

 

Completely taken aback, Kuu sat up as the atmosphere in the room changed completely, filling with a heavy, dark sense of rage. Clearing his throat, he called out for her to stop and abruptly she paused in the music, not even turning to look at him. “I take my words back. Do the violin, again. I liked that best.” He tried to match the tone he’d been before, but was aware it had come out higher and displayed the unease he felt when accosted by the physical brutality of her notes.

 

Turning slowly, the color of her eyes seared and pierced him with a vicious glare and she rose wordlessly and picked up the familiar object, placing it again on her shoulder. Letting a deep breath go, she attempted to cool her anger and the notes she played came out terse and quick, but without the vexation of her previous display.

 

Swallowing, he knew it was dangerous to anger her further, but he had to do it, so he cleared his throat and she stopped, almost expecting his interruption that time. “I want a lower range of notes,” he said, pointing to the cello.

 

With her last shred of calmness, she placed the string instrument down and walked to the cello, tuning it with tense, fast bow strokes. Once it was satisfactory, she began playing and the fury within the notes returned. She moved so quickly, her bow strokes flying back and forth as the tune froze the room over with her irritation at his antics.

 

Hearing these, chills shot down the blonde actor’s spine and he found an actual fear resting in his upper chest. He knew she wouldn’t hurt him, but there was still a panic that accompanied such an intense atmosphere. Gulping it down, Kuu forced the words out of his throat as he said, “Go back to the violin,” interrupting her playing completely. “That’s the one you’re best at.”

 

She set the bow down, leaning the cello carefully against the sofa and approached the aged actor. He could tell she was seething and her eyes held a barely subdued, murderous rage deep within them. He did the only thing he could think of in the moment and once she was close enough, he whipped his hand up, finger poised and at the ready to flick her forehead.

 

Instantly, her demeanor changed and her hand flew up to protect herself from the oncoming pain his flick had always brought. She hadn’t done something like that in years, not since she was very small and he would flick her when she was mean to him. Her immediately, automatic response to his motion stuck her in a way she wasn’t expecting and she actually laughed.

 

Equally as surprised with both her motion and the sudden laughter, Kuu lowered his hand and simply stared at the redhead. She let loose a gentle sigh and swung her hands up in defeat, turning on her heel and heading back towards the violin. She picked it up, fully expecting to need to switch several more times. 

 

Her expectations were dead on; switching again and again, the actress worked her way through nearly every instrument in the room, and as she played them, the chill that had settled in the space let up slightly. Over the course of the night, Kuu finished his meal but kept her playing. Before he knew it, the room had gone back to normal, her anger no longer heavy and lingering, and his demands more of inquiries, gentle and excited to hear her play. 

 

Once the music had gone full circle and was now lighter and more gentle, he found the words slipping out of his lips before he could stop them, “You play much better when you’re thinking of your audience.” 

 

She looked up at him, surprised that he’d spoken those words with such kindness in his voice. Finding his face softer and more gentle, she realized he’d stopped bullying her long before and was now enjoying her music to the fullest extent, his original intentions forgotten. Tilting her head, her eyebrows dipped down and she looked at him in confusion.

 

“Music should be inspired by things that make you happy and by people you want to make happy.” He told her, resting his chin on his hand and watching as various emotions flitted across her face.

 

The moment he mentioned making music for people she wanted to make happy, a face immediately popped into Sai’s mind. Without meaning to, surprise registered on her face as she pictured  **his** face, his dark hair falling into his eyes, covering their deep brown hue as his lips lifted into a genuine smile, making the skin by his eyes wrinkle with happiness. It was a smile that he only showed around her, one he made only when he was completely relaxed. It made his features light up and it always made her heart pound. Then again, a lot of what Ren Tsuruga did made her heart pound.

 

She buried her physical reaction to seeing his face, but allowed the warm emotion to envelop her as she again picked up her violin and raised it. Letting it influence her playing, she played three sharp, quick notes and then allowed the tension remaining in the room and the fierceness of her playing to melt away into a giddy, sweet melody. As the gentle tune filled the room, she allowed further images and memories of the actor fill her mind, and the music turned even more tender and warm.

 

Unable to help himself any longer, Kuu stood up and drifted over to the large piano she’d played and sat behind it, cracking his knuckles before running his fingers along the ivory keys, accompanying her. As their melodies mixed and blended, each taking moments to play the melody of a nonexistent song while the other complemented their tune. 

 

Their interlacing rhythms and melodies grew lighter and gentler together, with Sai laughing and smiling joyously whenever Kuu hit a wrong note. She would correct him gently and they would continue playing, the warm and sweet music filling every corner of the room and making them both genuinely happy and fully enjoying themselves. 

 

When they eventually finished, he sat back on the bench and shook his tired hands, a soft smile on his lips. She let out a content sigh and set her violin down, turning to him with a guilty grin. “What?” He asked, curious as to her face.

 

“Well, I feel bad for being angry, now.” She told him honestly.

 

He laughed brightly, holding a hand in front of his mouth, “Don’t.” He told her, watching her tilt her head. “I was sort of trying to make you angry.”

 

Her own lips raising, she chuckled at that and asked, “Hate me that much, hmm?”

 

“No!” He insisted, racing to find an explanation that she would accept, knowing he couldn’t reveal to her the truth. “I just…”

 

“It’s okay.” She told him, “I’ve never been all that nice to you. You have the right.”

 

Her words gave him an idea, “No, that’s it, actually. I wanted you to open up to me, so I figured I would try doing something counterintuitive.” He said sheepishly.

 

“You thought making me hate you for being rude, insensitive and a bully would make me like you, even when I didn’t like your genuine nature as a child?” She scoffed, looking at him with cocky disbelief, “Yeah, right, Kuu.”

 

“In hindsight, not the brightest idea,” he admitted, “But look! It worked!” 

 

She laughed genuinely and held her forehead with her hand, “Oh yeah, sure.”

 

She turned and glanced over her shoulder, “What is that supposed to mean?” He asked, following behind her with the dishes she’d left.

 

“It means I don’t believe you, old man,” she said teasingly, sticking her tongue out.

 

“Does that mean you want me to tell you the truth then?”

 

She peered at him a moment before shrugging, “Hey, it’s not my business, even if you tried to make it mine.” 

 

“What?” He asked, having fully resigned to telling her.

 

“If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to. I’m grateful for what you did, no matter the reason. So if you honestly would rather keep it a secret, I won’t stop you.” She turned after placing the dishes in the sink and added, “But, if you do want to talk, I’ll listen.” 

 

He thought for a moment as they cleaned up and eventually decided to tell her a half truth, but before he could work up the courage, she was already packing her things up. “Wait,” he told her gently, and she paused before picking up her tote, her icy eyes questioning. “Stay for coffee.” He told her, waited for any sort of response.

 

Unsure of what to do, Sai let the strap of her tote fall and watched him in curiosity, eventually asking, “Why do you want me to stay? That wasn’t the plan.”

 

“The plan, if you recall, also didn’t include playing a violin-piano duet and genuinely enjoying time together.”

 

She considered this and shrugged, supposing he was right. “Alright. But I have a meeting right away in the morning I have to be at, so I can’t stay too late.”

 

He nodded and led them both back into the kitchen, preparing coffee while she waited silently behind him, still curious.

 

“Here you are,” he said to her, handing the mug out for her to take with her dainty fingers. They walked back into the living room and sat down on chairs opposite a low table and she raised her eyebrows to show her silent inquiry.

 

Seeing that he was making no move to speak, Sai took initiative and said, “Thank you.”

 

Kuu looked up in surprise, not expecting this in the slightest, “For what?” He asked dumbly.

 

She let a short laugh go and gave him a gentle smile, “For letting me be happy while I played music again.”

 

“Well,” he said, his sheepish grin returning, “I had to force you slightly.”

 

Sai laughed again and waved her hand dismissively, “I probably needed you to, honestly.” She was grateful to Kuu for his intervention, sure, but mainly she was grateful for his short statement telling her to play for what matters to her. That was what made her happy to play. And not just that, but the image his statement conjured. In fact, she realized what had really made her act the way she did wasn’t the image or the statement at all, but the actor she’d ended up picturing. 

 

Suddenly, she became aware of a burning desire to play for him, something she hadn’t felt for a long, long time. Steeling herself at this realization, she was at first reluctant to be happy about it, not sure she wanted to go back to relying on people and music, slightly scared she would be hurt again, that something would get taken away. Taking a mere second to shake this reluctance away, Sai rationalized that she wasn’t taking a step backwards by feeling this way, but rather a step forwards. This was a good thing. 

 

Their conversations took on a casual, relaxed air and they spoke and laughed for a while while they sipped on their coffee. Without warning in the middle of their exchange, Kuu said, “I haven’t had a sweet moment like this since my son left.”

 

Sai froze at this, peering at him with curiosity and not sure how to proceed. Deciding she needed to say something, but still respect his privacy, she replied with, “Well, I’d be honored to call you a father.”

 

Kuu’s gaze snapped up at this, her gentle face giving a heavy contrast to how she’d avoided and scorned him as a child. She was now sitting with him casually, like they’d associated like this for years, acting almost like a daughter who was just catching up with her father who lived overseas.

 

Feeling pathetic in that moment, though, his joy at her simple statement was lost and he buried his face in his hands, saying, “I must have done something very wrong for my beautiful boy to leave me.”

 

Her expression hardened at this and she moved over and placed a hand on his shoulder reassuringly, and her voice came out serious and confident, clearly saying to him that she knew what she was talking about, “Sometimes, Kuu, a person goes through hardships or experiences where they would rather be as far away as possible from those who care. Sometimes, the purely unconditional love of another can be more painful than anything when you’re truly suffering. Someone who can’t love who they are can’t accept other’s affections. That’s just how it is. 

 

“You have to wait until they’re ready, as hard as that is, no matter how long it takes. If you rush it, or push it, you risk ruining all the progress they’ve made on their own. Your son is no different. When he realizes how much there is to love about himself, he’ll find that he’s deserving of your love again and will return to you. I have no doubt about that.”

 

Kuu looked at her in astonishment and was honestly at a loss for words. The meaning of everything she’d just said sunk in and he began to relate it to the actions Kuon had made before he left, namely the distancing and the rejection of any affection his doting parents had tried to give them. The actor looked up into the pale eyes staring at him with a sense of warmth behind them and found that she was entirely right. He could see what his son loved about the woman, and he would be honored to be her father-in-law, that was for sure.

 

Shaking the wishful thinking out of his head, he found his mind drifting back to his memories of the teen he’d lost and tears gathered in his eyes, “I’m so sorry, Kuon…” he said ever so softly.

 

Watching his face twist in pain, Sai’s heart tugged uncomfortably and she moved without thinking, punching him playfully in the shoulder. Kuu’s eye jumped to hers in surprise and she said gently, “Don’t worry, Kuu. Everything will work out, in the end. And if things aren’t right yet, then you just haven’t reached the end yet. Giving up won’t help. Believe in him and believe in yourself.” She scoffed slightly, “I know that sounds cheesy, I’m sorry.”

 

Kuu vehemently shook his head and said, “No, no, not at all. You’ve really helped me, Ms. Akai. And after how much I inconvenienced you so much this evening, I honestly don’t know how I can express my gratitude enough.”

 

“How did you inconvenience me?” She asked with a laugh.

 

“By making you play all those instruments, oh, and forcing you to be here in the first place.”

 

She smiled at him kindly and said, “But I’m indebted to you for allowing me to play, and I’ve really enjoyed my time with you so far. I would never call this an inconvenience. Shall we just call it even?”

 

He laughed back and nodded, “Sounds good. Thank you, Asa-” He started, before catching himself and looking at her, startled.

 

“Just Sai is fine,” she told him gently, her smile forgiving him for letting her name almost slip.

 

He smiled back with relief, nodding, “Thank you, Sai. Shall I walk you out?”

 

She nodded with vigor and stood, gathering her things and thanking him one last time. He shut the door behind her and sighed in content, knowing that even though he’d failed at his original purpose, he’d gained something he wasn’t expecting out of that evening. A daughter.


	37. Chapter 37

Closing the door behind him, Kuu let out a sigh of relief having just finished his last interview for the entirety of his trip. He turned and saw his nearly ever-present companion stretch out the kink in her spine that had been festering ever since they first sat down that evening. 

 

With a satisfied smirk, she turned and brushed a strand of red hair out of her face and tucked it delicately behind her ear, tilting her head and asking,

 

“You ready to go?” With a forced chipperness in her voice, she beamed at him and he blinked once as he watched her.

 

“Where are we headed next?” He asked softly, not sure what was the plan for the rest of the evening.

 

Processing his question, Sai exhaled loudly and hung her head a little bit, before looking at him with a smile that was much more sad than it had been moments ago,

 

“Well, I’ll be picked up in a bit to go with Rio for one of her jobs,” she told him, having mentioned her best friend and her most recent escapade with an up and coming film company a few days prior. “I probably won’t see you until we head to the airport tomorrow.”

 

Realizing that this was the reason behind her actions, his eyes widened and he was stuck with a sudden sadness as well, this was the last of the time they’d really have to spend together. “You’re coming to drop me off at my gate, right?” He asked, a moisture collecting in his eyes.

 

“I plan to, yes.” She told him, biting her lip as she hedged between whether or not to ask her next question. Throwing caution to the wind, she blurted, “Are you sure you can’t stay an extra day or two?”

 

He laughed and patted her head, “I’m sorry, Sai, I can’t. I have a job tomorrow evening that I just make it back in the country for.” As much as he desperately wanted to stay, he acted professional so he wouldn’t make her feel worse.

 

She nodded her understanding and then fell silent, not wanting to look towards the doors to see if her ride was already waiting for her. Kuu turned to look though, and was disappointed to see the large company car already sitting there. He glanced at the young woman and met her eyes, as they stared forlornly back.

 

“Alright, I suppose you should go,” he told her, watching her nod listlessly and pick up her tote bag. Before he could think better of it, he asked, “Before you leave though...could I have a hug?” 

 

Sai glanced up at his eyes, the hazel color nearly pure green as he watched and gauged her reaction. A smile appeared on her lips as she watched his pleading and somewhat awkward expression. He was usually so suave and confident, so to see him uncomfortable and asking such a question, he seemed like a teenager again. 

 

It was such an unusual expression for him to make that she couldn’t help but burst out laughing as he fussed over why she had reacted that way. Wiping the moisture from her eyes, she nodded and said, “You know, you asked me that same question when I was little.”

 

“And you said no,” he shook his head, a smile appearing on his face as his nervousness died down and was replaced by a sort of tense relief. He looked at her with the question still lingering in his eyes, and asked, “Are you going to say no again?”

 

Letting another gentle laugh go, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to gently put his hands at her back, holding her closely as if he was saying goodbye to his own daughter. He remembered the shy but proud little girl who had visited him with her mother in America. And he remembered the closed off, broken teenager who Lory was desperately trying to heal.

 

“I’m so glad to see that you’ve grown up so much,” he whispered to her, feeling his eyes sting again at the thought, “I remember the adorable, smiling little girl who clung to her mother like she was a life raft. I was so concerned for you when Lory would call asking for help, and to see you grown into such a joyous, wonderful, talented young woman, I couldn’t be more proud.”

 

He finally let her go, holding her at arm’s length and gazing down at her with tender eyes. Listening to his words and seeing the kind expression he was giving her, the tears that had been slowly accumulating in her eyes spilled out and marked her flawless skin with streaks of tears. 

 

Kuu raised a finger and wiped the tear away, “I’m so glad you overcame everything that plagued you and became such a good person, I couldn’t have wished for anything better than the wonderful person you’ve become.”

 

Letting a shaky laugh go, Sai brushed another tear off of her own cheek and mumbled, “Damn it, I have too many father figures,” her voice was softer and shakier than normal, but her lips turned into a gentle, beautiful smile and she beamed at him in gratitude.

 

The blonde actor ruffled her hair lovingly and said, “All the more men to beat up any suitors who have the gall to hurt you.”

 

She laughed again at this, pleasing Kuu with the genuine, twinkling sound that he already associated with her happiness, and she took his hands in hers, 

 

“Thank you, Kuu, really. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, and for being there. Even though I haven’t known you for long, I already know that you would be a great father, no matter what anyone says, and to have you as a guardian, even in name only, is a great honor.”

 

Her words earned her a brilliant smile from the aged actor, who couldn’t be more happy in that moment where she called him a father, and he squeezed her hands lovingly, wishing that he didn’t have to let go.

 

Standing across the room though were two figures that had walked in moments earlier. One was tall with dark hair, and he was speaking rushedly into his phone. The other, shorter with lighter hair, was trying to walk and write in the planner he held when something out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. She was easy to spot, with her hair back to red again. She stuck out like a sore thumb in the neutral colors of the studio.

 

Yashiro was about to point out the talent’s presence to his charge when something else stopped him. The man she was talking with. He towered over her, his blonde hair catching the light and his hazel eyes an intense green. It took the manager a few moments, but he placed the man’s face. Kuu Hizuri. The internationally famous actor stood not even a foot away from Sai, and the two seemed engaged in what seemed like a personal conversation. 

 

Before he could say anything, he looked up and saw that the dark haired actor had stopped walking, the conversation he’d been having on the phone long forgotten as his gaze found the pair standing on the other side of the studio. 

 

Finding his words, Yashiro urgently whispered, “Ren, that’s Kuu Hizuri! I never thought we’d actually run into him!”

 

The actor watched as a moment of fear overtook him seeing his father so near. It was so intense and sudden that he didn’t even notice the woman he loved standing just in front of him for a few minutes. When he did register that Sai was there, he watched in slight horror as she reached up and wrapped her arms around Kuu’s neck and he held her closely.

 

Distantly he heard his manager gasp at this, but watching his father embrace the redhead so tenderly and affectionately, he was shocked to the core and couldn’t really pay attention to his surroundings. Not moving, or breathing, or even blinking, Ren watched as they parted and Kuu lifted his hand and wiped a tear from her cheek.

 

Before he knew it, rage was searing through him. Being a bystander to such an exchange made him angrier than he’d been in a long while, and without meaning to, he marched towards the pair. Unchecked, his legs allowed him to fly forward at a staggering pace. 

 

Right as he reached them, Sai took Kuu’s hands and held them in her own, looking up at him with a soft expression. Not even thinking, the actor’s voice bellowed out of his chest, “What do you think you’re doing?!” He demanded, his voice low and dangerous, icy and cruel.

  
  


Completely taken aback, Kuu dropped Sai’s hands and snapped his neck towards the voice of his son, seeing him standing only several feet away, surrounded in intense, brutal fury for reasons he didn’t understand. He glanced between Ren and Sai in confusion and as he tried to speak, his voice produced only unintelligible mumbles.

 

Equally shocked by his interruption, Sai had to shake herself out of the fragile and open state she’d been in moments before and when she was finally ready to pay attention, she turned and met the eyes of the actor, burning like they do only when he was on the verge of complete hatred. 

 

She hadn’t seen him like this in quite a while, as Ren and her had been on good terms lately, and to see it so suddenly and without reason was truly shocking to the redhead. She couldn’t, for the life of her, understand where the actor’s behavior was coming from. 

 

By now, she knew that this was a part of him, but one that he buried. In public, “Ren Tsuruga” didn’t get angry. In that moment, she knew why. She wasn’t looking at Ren Tsuruga right then. She was looking at someone else entirely.

 

Through the anger and viciousness in his expression right then, Sai was able to pull out of a few of his features clearly and they appeared strikingly familiar for some reason. Swallowing hard, she glanced between the man she was falling for and the man she had spent the last few days considering as a strong father figure and realized why Ren’s features seemed so familiar. They were similar to Kuu’s. Too similar. 

 

That was when all the pieces fell together. In America, she’d met a boy. The boy at the cabin. Rick’s cabin. The cabin Ren had a picture of in his living room. The boy had blonde hair and green eyes, very similar to Kuu’s. In fact, the boy himself had reminded her of her godfather’s good friend, which was why she’d been so unsure of him at first. 

 

While she was with Kuu, he’d often mentioned the name “Kuon” when talking about his son. It had always nagged at her, like she should recognize it, but she never had. Now she remembered. The boy at the cabin’s name was Kuon. The boy who looked both like Kuu himself, and Ren. The boy who was Kuu’s son. The boy who was Ren. Kuon. Ren was Kuon, he had been all along. He was Kuu’s son who had run away from home as a teenager.

 

In a flash, she remembered the day when she’d met Kuu again, when Ren had told her that he disliked the famous actor and hadn’t wanted to associate with him in any way. Standing there dumbfounded by what she’d just pieced together, Sai realized that he hadn’t held animosity towards the man because he hated him, but because he was ashamed to face him.

 

Just as Kuu started trying to talk to Ren, Sai watched the tension and the awkwardness of the gesture and concluded that the two must have cut ties and agreed to be total strangers while Ren was...well, Ren. Kuu had given up the ability to speak to his own son, for his sake. She knew she had to back him up, and in doing so, she would convince the actor she didn’t know about his identity. She wanted him to open up himself. She wouldn’t force him. 

 

Clearing her throat, she interrupted the stuttering speech of the blonde actor and gestured to Ren, “Kuu, this is Ren Tsuruga, you saw him in that drama I showed you the other night, remember?” She beamed at both actors who looked at her in equal confusion, Kuu’s tinged with worry while Ren’s was accompanied by his wrath still. 

 

“I...uh…” Kuu tried, his brain still miles behind for making coherent speech.

 

Saving him again, Sai turned to the still furious actor behind her and said, “And Mr. Tsuruga, this is Kuu Hizuri, the one that Yashiro was talking about the other day.”

 

“What are you doing with him now?” The dark haired man demanded, still looming over her maliciously.

 

She shrugged casually and said, “I’ve been accompanying him on his stay. I managed his schedule, helped him to each location, and made his meals.”

 

“So you were his maid his whole trip.” It wasn’t a question. Ren’s anger grew and grew, pitching the temperature down in the room by several degrees.

 

“His  **manager** .” Sai corrected patiently, turning back to the stunned actor behind her. She wasn’t sure why she had remained so calm in the face of Ren’s anger this time. It usually sparked her competitive spirit.

 

“And Kuu, again, this is Mr. Tsuruga. He’s been my mentor since I started and I’m very grateful for everything he’s done for me. He’s a little protective, but he forgets that I once took care of him in much the same way.” She glanced up at him, daring him to interrupt or contradict her. 

 

Immediately, Ren clenched his jaw before unclenching it as he tried to find the words to retort her accusation. He wanted desperately to tell her that the two situations weren’t at all the same, but for the life of him he couldn’t find solid reasons to prove that. As a result, he ended up standing in front of her silently and fuming, his mind racing for a witty comeback to rival hers.

 

Sai was now watching Kuu rather than Ren, trying desperately to cast to him through her face that she was aware of the situation. She didn’t know what good it would do to show him, but she felt like he would appreciate another person knowing his struggles, and maybe, just maybe, she could help. 

 

Kuu cleared his throat and scanned the redhead’s face, shocked to see her eyes nearly screaming to him that she knew what she was doing. She knew who the dark haired actor was to him. It took all his self-control not to let his jaw drop as he saw what she was saying. She knew about their relationship currently and was willing to respect their rocky footing. 

 

He also belatedly realized how well she handled Kuon’s anger. Even when he’d been a child he’d been a handful, often infuriating the blonde actor who then left his wife, Julie, to deal with him. It had gotten worse when he’d become a teenager and began acting out. Facing that same temper from a grown man was infinitely more intimidating, and to watch that petite redhead take him on without so much as a blink, it was truly impressive.

 

Thinking fast, he tried to remember a time where both of his children had met. When the shy little British girl had first come, she’d never left her mother’s side. Even when she’d come to America later, as a teenager, she’d either been with Lory or at the guest house off his main property when he and Lory had gone off to a location shoot. She couldn’t have possible made it to the main house. They couldn’t have met, so how did she know?

 

Figuring he’d ask her later about how she knew that, he vowed to play along in order to get out of the encounter with his son, knowing that she desperately needed to get to her final job of the night. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he said, “It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Tsuruga.” He smiled the most polite, beaming smile he could, “I’m afraid we have to leave now, but I commend your work on that drama. You’re very talented. I hope to meet you again sometime.”

 

Kuu then turned Sai around, his arm still draped over her shoulder protectively and he lead her out of the building. As they approached the waiting car, Sai surprised the blonde actor by taking his hand and squeezing it tightly, “I’m sure, Kuu, that everything will work out. I know that for sure now.”

 

He looked at her doubtfully, unsure of what to make of what was happening, “How do you know that?” 

 

“Because I know your son.” She said simply, a fond gleam in her eye.

 

Kuu nodded numbly, “Yes, I saw you talking to him earlier…”

 

Watching him, Sai shook her head and smiled gently, “No, Kuu, I  **know** him. He’s a dear friend of mine, and he’s truly grown into an even greater man than you could have dreamed of. He’s a wonderful person and a true gentleman. I’ve never met a man I valued as much as I do him.”

 

Watching her face as she spoke, the blonde actor’s jaw fell a ways, dropping open as he realized why her features seemed softer, her gaze gentler than he’d ever seen it. She was just as much in love with his son as he was with her. 

 

Swallowing roughly, he gestured hesitantly towards her face, “Does he know about this?” He asked, implying she had kept her affections for the actor secret.

 

Smiling sadly, she told him, “No, and if it’s up to me, he never will.” 

 

“But why, he-” Cutting himself off, Kuu realized that he should probably keep Ren’s feelings private for now, as they weren’t his to tell.

 

Shaking her head at him, she held a finger to her lips and whispered, “It’s a secret, okay? You can’t tell anyone. Not even Lory.”

 

Kuu watched her sadly, knowing she was purposely holding herself back, but he respected her privacy, “Alright, Sai...I won’t tell a soul.”

 

Her lips lifted up into a smile again, somehow an even sadder one. “Thank you, Kuu.”

 

Without another word, he helped the redhead into her car, shutting the door with a nod of his head and a wave. He stepped back and ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. Turning on his heel, Kuu walked into the parking garage and was approaching his rental when he was startled out of his thoughts by the ringing of his phone.

 

Minutes before, the dark haired actor had watched his father turn his back on him, walking Sai out without so much as a blink of acknowledgement. His anger reached new heights and he couldn’t think straight for a few moments. Grabbing his phone out of his pocket, he hit a speed dial key and waited impatiently for the man on the other end to pick up.

 

After three rings, the distinctly low voice of the President rang out, “Oh! Hello Ren! I’m so glad you called, you wouldn’t believe what just happened in my game! See-”

 

“Lory.” Ren’s voice rumbled, so dangerously low that the man on the other end of the phone froze, immediately sobering and sitting down, all of his excitement gone. 

 

“Are you okay, Ren?” He asked, incredibly serious.

 

Silence greeted him, and the President became aware that the actor was so furious about something that it was palpable even over the phone. Finally, his incredibly controlled voice sounded again, sending chills down Lory’s spine, “The bastard made a move on her.”

 

Instantly, the man was overcome with confusion.  _ Bastard? Who is “the bastard”? Is he talking about Kuu? And “her” could only mean Sai...but that means...what? What?! _ Pinching the bridge of his nose, Lory calmed his racing thoughts and said, “Wait, Ren. Explain this to me. Who did what to whom?”

 

“My father. He made a pass at Ms. Akai.”

 

“No, that’s not possible, Ren. He would never-”

 

“Damn it, Lory! I saw him!” He yelled, his voice booming so loudly that the President had to hold the phone away from his ear. 

 

Knowing that it wasn’t possible, Lory shook his head and tried desperately to come up with something to tell the fuming actor on the phone. Many of Lory’s closest friends had felt parental emotions towards the gaggle of children Sai’s parents always toted around with them. Most of all, they loved the little redheaded girl who clung to her mother like glue. She was doted on by the females and protected by the males who viewed her as a daughter immediately, whether they had children or not. Kuu had been one of these people, and Lory was certain that he felt the same now.

 

“I want to meet him.” Came Ren’s voice again, surprising Kuu with its cold professionalism. 

 

“You want to have a meeting?” He asked, shocked.

 

“Immediately. I need to know what happened…” The dark haired actor’s voice came out softer this time, weaker almost. 

 

Hesitating only for a moment, Lory realized that he had to give him this. “We’ll figure it out.” He assured, telling him to come immediately and then hung up. 

 

Turning right around, he dialed Kuu’s number and was surprised to find it was picked up after only one ring, “Hello? Kuu Hizuri.”

 

“What did you do?” Lory demanded, foregoing any greeting.

 

Kuu blinked quickly, “What?” He asked, dumbfounded by the distinct lack of context.

 

“What were you thinking? I can’t believe you!”

 

Trying desperately to understand what he was talking about, Kuu fell silent as he wracked his brain, making occasional noises of frustration. Finally, Lory took pity on the man and explicitly stated, “Ren told me you made a move on Saiyuka, on my daughter.”

 

Falling completely silent for a moment, he pieced together everything that had happened that evening and before he could help himself, he burst out laughing. Lory listened in shock as the man laughed so hard, he must have been clutching at his sides. Between heavy intakes of breath, the actor managed, “Is that what it looked like? Oh my god, Lory. I swear, it wasn’t anything like that!”

 

“Then how did it end up looking like that?”

 

“She was basically forgiving me for everything I put her through this week, being my caretaker and all, and proving that she was over the dislike she’d had for me when she was younger.” He said as fondly as Lory had ever heard him say. 

 

“So what exactly did she do?” Lory asked, split between further worry and genuine happiness for the man.

 

“She hugged me, that’s all.” Kuu admitted, “And I suppose I can see how you’d misinterpret it, but I assure you, it was as if I had a daughter who was forgiving me after many years.” He said these last words with tears in his eyes, unable to believe that he’d felt that way at all. “She even told me that she was incredibly glad that she got to spend time with me.”

 

Hearing how Kuu’s voice cracked as he told him this, Lory leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair. He hadn’t heard the blonde actor so happy about something in a long time, and it warmed his heart through and through.

 

“Are you happy?” Lory asked, his own lips turning up in a smile.

 

Kuu sighed in content and nodded, even though no one could see him, “I am. Incredibly so. She finally opened up to me, and I got to feel like a good father again for the first time in years.”

 

Sobering a little, the President remembered that he had something serious to tell the actor, “Speaking of that, Kuu, I believe the time has come. You can either retain that feeling and resume your role as a father, or you can give it up forever. It’s your choice.”

 

Startled by the sudden change in conversation, Kuu blinked and spoke softly, “What are you talking about?”

 

Lory waited a beat and then said, “Your son has requested a meeting with you right now. He’s already on his way.”

 

Swallowing, Kuu realized what this meant and his hands began to shake. “So...I have one chance?” 

 

“And it’s right now. Head over here and meet me in my office. It’s time.”

 

“Of course. I’ll be right there.” With that, Kuu hung up the phone and slipped it into his pocket. He got into the driver’s side of his car and started it, but stared at the wall numbly for a few moments. This meeting would go one of two ways. Either Kuu would find that his family was on track to recovery, and his son would be able to look him in the eye and call him father again. Or, it would go incredibly badly, and he would lose every chance to regain his son. 

 

Airing on the side of hope, Kuu pulled out of the garage and told himself that he would never give up his son, no matter how the meeting went. He was Kuon’s father, and that would never change, no matter how much the man distanced himself. And Kuu would never stop fighting for him.


	38. Chapter 38

Kuu’s footsteps echoed in the large room with its high, vaulted ceilings. They harmonized with the soft tapping of Lory’s index finger as it nervously hit his arm over and over again. He sat with his eyes closed and arms crossed, trying to block out the nervousness radiating off of his old friend, but it was mostly impossible. 

 

“Kuu.” He called out, sensing the blonde man’s mood rise from simply nervous to nearly panicked. When the footsteps didn’t stop, the President of LME opened his eyes and looked at the aged actor. He looked downright terrified. “Kuu, this is your son we’re talking about here,” he tried, watching as the man’s hazel eyes swiveled to his.

 

“Don’t you think I know that?” Kuu asked, feeling as though he was helpless in avoiding the certain disaster that was about to occur. Lory had done as much as he could to make him comfortable, setting up his room in a warmer, intimate setting and laying out plenty of food to keep the man occupied. Unfortunately, nothing really seemed to have worked. He hadn’t even touched the banquet laid out for him.

 

“Of course you know that, Kuu. You just are acting like this could be the end of the world, he isn’t going to-”

 

“But he is! If my beautiful son rejects me again, I...Lory, I don’t know what I’d do.” He buried his face into his hands and felt again the tugging, tearing sensation in his heart that came with any memory of Ren’s original departure from home.

 

Lory paused for a moment, unsure of how to comfort his dear friend as he crumbled in front of him, not knowing what to do or how to act in the face of his son’s possible rejection. “Kuu, I’m sure that-”

 

He was interrupted by a sudden crashing from the front of the room. Two sets of eyes snapped to the now open doors, a tall man standing between them, moving with shocking speed. The doors he’d violently swung open fell shut behind him, the loud boom echoing and creating a sense of entrapment for the three men now inside.

 

Kuu took in the appearance of the actor with even further fear, his face an even, calm mask that hid the worry and turmoil within. His eyes met the searing glare of his son’s own eyes, covered by the warm chocolate color he insisted on using to hide his actual color. If the intensity of his stare wasn’t terrifying enough, there was such a subdued anger flowing off of him that it seemed to thicken the air considerably. 

 

The aging actor stood once Ren was directly in front of him, facing him head on and trying his best to remain calm on the outside. 

 

“I came...to talk about what happened today.” Were his first words, his brows dipped just low enough to outwardly show his enragement he was managing to keep at bay for now. 

 

“Ah. You mean about my embracing Sai in the way that I did at the studio.” He said with a startling degree of evenness. 

 

Lory just about fell off of his chair.  _ W-w-whaat?! T-this guy! Does he want to die?! He’s already given up! Did he go nuts because he can’t handle the tense atmosphere?! _

 

Ren’s eyes narrowed at this, his voice dropping to icy levels. “What...did you do exactly? Did you seduce her? Did you threaten her?” His glare hardened as his mind came up with scenarios only serving to anger him further, each one more horrific than the last. 

 

The blonde actor paused for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Technically, he had threatened her. But he couldn’t tell Ren that, and besides, he’d threatened her for another reason entirely. It had nothing to do with the hug. Right?

 

“Of course not.” He eventually decided on saying, trying his best to keep the level voice he’d had earlier. “Nothing like that happened.”

 

“Then what?” Ren growled out, finally starting to lose his cool in front of the man before him. “What exactly did you do? Why would she be that affectionate with you for no reason?”

 

“I never said there wasn’t a reason. I just said that nothing like what you’re thinking occurred.”

 

“Then what was the reason?” Ren demanded, “Tell me!”

 

“She finally accepted you, then.” Lory spoke before his old friend could, attracting the attention from both the men in the room who’d all but forgotten he was there. “Are you on better terms?”

 

The dark haired actor looked between both men in total confusion, his anger all but gone as it was replaced with complete and utter perplexity. “W-what?” He asked, staring at Lory. “What do you mean ‘finally’?”

 

Suddenly, the calm mask that Kuu had worked so hard at maintaining broke. But instead of fear or guilt or anything of the things he’d been feeling moments earlier, the expression on his face was gentle and peaceful as he remembered the time he’d spent with the redhead.

 

“She was able to look at me with kindness in her eyes for once.” He said with a truly warm voice, having nearly forgotten about the events transpiring there with Ren. “To be honest, I was probably pushing my boundaries asking her for a hug like that...but she agreed so easily. It was actually extremely surprising. But...it made me overjoyed.”

 

“What...on  **earth** are you talking about?” Ren asked, thoroughly confounded by what Kuu was going on about. “You...asked her for her permission? And she gave it willingly?”

 

“Ah…” Kuu sat back down on the edge of the sofa in Lory’s office, giving the tall man before him a gentle look. “I knew her father.” He stated bluntly, taking Ren by complete surprise. “We met often when she was little. She’d travel with her parents to America and they occasionally tried to leave her in my care. You would have met her had she actually liked me. At all.”

 

The dark haired man floundered for words. He didn’t know how to act any longer. He’d spent his entire ride over planning what he would say and guessing how his father would respond. This wasn’t at all part of his calculation. Was he supposed to be angry still? Just surprised? He honestly had no idea. 

 

“She...didn’t like you as a child?”

 

Kuu scoffed humorlessly, “‘Didn’t like’? More like hated. She was afraid of me and shied away if she wasn’t too busy sticking her tongue out and hiding behind her mother.”

 

“And she was only ever like that?”

 

“Well...I met her once when she was older.” Kuu licked his lips, trying to repress the anxiety that arose when he remembered his only experience with her as a young teenager. “She wasn’t afraid of me anymore. Just extremely hostile. She was so untrusting then, not willing to put her faith in anything anymore. For fear that it would slip out from underneath her.

 

“I guess...seeing her grown up, so strong and independent...so...whole again...it made me overly emotional. I asked her on an impulse. I asked the same question once before when she was a child, and she turned me down. I suppose it was my way of deciding if she’d accepted me or not.”

 

Ren sunk into the chair opposite the blonde actor, all of his negative emotions completely gone. He wasn’t sure how to react, except total shock that his father had known Sai for so long. “What...was she like when she was younger?”

 

“Sai? Oh…” He paused, finally reminded that he shouldn’t be divulging information without her permission. “Honestly, Ren, you can probably ask her that yourself. I shouldn’t really be telling you personal information, now should I? You know her...she’d hold a grudge for eons.” He offered the tall actor a smirk which Ren returned knowingly. 

 

“I suppose you’re right...but still, what did she do that made you want to gain her acceptance so badly?”

 

“She...has this strange effect on people. Her mother would often tote her around because all of her colleagues, hell, even all of Lory’s colleagues who met her felt parental tendencies around her. She was a cute kid. Bright, happy, always laughing. She gave her brothers a hell of a rough time. She did most of the teasing, tough as nails with them. She had the same effect on me, and even though she clearly held ill will towards me, I felt protective of her.”

 

“And...your love for Kuon had nothing to do with this? You weren’t trying to fill some gap that he left when he abandoned you? I know you loved Kuon from the bottom of your heart, so it’s not really that much of a stretch to assume you wanted her to act the part of your child while you had the chance.” 

 

Kuu listened to Ren’s words with a stoic face which masked his instant fury at the actor’s words. He kept his mouth shut, trying to reign in his immediate reaction.

 

“I can understand you wanting your child back, especially when he left you so cruelly. And who better than someone willing to view life in such a positive way, rather than see it as twisted and influence him into becoming tough and harsh. But-”

 

The dam on Kuu’s livid anger finally broke at those words and jumped up from his seat and held his finger at the ready directly in front of Ren’s forehead, his hand shaking from the exertion of restraining himself. He looked positively terrifying, a vein on his forehead bulging out and his anger palpable in the air as he glared and growled at the tall man. 

 

In an instant, Ren’s hand was covering his forehead. He was so used to seeing Kuu make that action that he didn’t even think before he did it. It had become an automatic response.

 

“That I ‘loved’...him?” Kuu finally spoke, his voice a mixture of rage and true sadness. “Will you stop talking in the past tense? I  **still** love my son from the bottom of my heart. I don’t need to fill it with another child. I would never turn away her affections, but they aren’t meant to replace his. And even if he has hardened and his view of the world is tainted...no one could ever replace him. He’s my only lovely son!” 

 

Kuu finished with a loud voice, glaring hard at Ren who had now cast his gaze unfocused towards the floor, unsure of exactly how to process the events around him. His hand still hovered over his forehead and he couldn’t find any words to say. 

 

Watching all of this occur over a cigar that the redhead had missed when she’d snatched them all from him, Lory’s face took on a rather unamused expression. “What a creepy conversation.” He said bluntly, rewarding himself with the attention of the pair now standing again across from his chair. “As if Kuon himself wasn’t here.”

 

“Huh?” Kuu blinked twice, finally lowering his hand from its position by Ren’s forehead. “But that’s because… **you** made a rule saying that when he’s Ren Tsuruga I should always act...as if I’m a stranger…”

 

“I told you, Kuu. That’s when you’re outside. If we’re on the phone, anyone could overhear you, but there’s no one but us  **here** . Moreover, this is my private room, where you don’t need to worry about information leaking out. Here...you can talk like father and son.” Lory finished, always with his flare for dramatics.

 

He waited for a few moments, but neither man moved, both staring at nothing and trying desperately to find any words to say. “Don’t freeze. Both of you.” Lory demanded, pointing at them with his cigar. “You’ve both prepared yourselves for this. You especially have no reason to panic, Ren…” Lory singled him out, “Since  **you** asked to see Kuu.”

 

“What?” The actor mumbled, blinking a few times. “Uh...u...m…” he stammered, his brain still not totally caught up. “I’m sorry…”

 

Kuu’s expression darkened considerably. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting. Their interaction hadn’t gone poorly, per se. But for some reason, hearing his own son simply apologize for wanting to see him struck his heart in a way nothing else in the world could.

 

“I got angry about what happened today...it...seems to happen a lot when it concerns Ms. Akai. I’ll admit it’s a bit out of character for me. And...I guess I just...came here without giving it much thought.”

 

Suddenly, Kuu snapped to attention and focused his gaze on the tall man next to him, his eyes wide with surprise. His son still looked a bit apprehensive and unsure...but he wasn’t distant. He wasn’t pulling away. He wasn’t running. A bright, tender smile lit up Kuu’s face and he cleared his throat.

 

“Well...we haven’t had any  **friendly** exchanges for awhile. So I won’t force you...if you don’t want to talk.”

 

Ren looked down, suddenly overcome with a sense of shame and guilt he hadn’t experienced in a long while. “I’m sorry…” he said again, boring a hole into the floor with his eyes.

 

Chuckling under his breath, Kuu wasn’t as bothered by Ren’s apology this time. “You fool. You don’t need to apologize.” Still too afraid to meet his father’s eyes, the actor simply trained his gaze on another corner of the room. Seeing as he wasn’t about to move, Kuu softened his voice and said, “I understand…”

 

The dark haired man snapped his head up to look at his father and was startled to not see him standing directly in front of him like he had been a moment before.

 

“And the incident you witnessed this evening, I do apologize for what it looked like. I can assure you nothing indecent was occurring,” Kuu assured him as she stuffed his face with the food Lory had put out for him. He’d finally calmed down enough to eat.

 

“In a way...she was just thanking me.” Kuu ventured, still trying to figure out her actions himself.

 

“What?” Ren questioned, taking a seat next to his father. “For what?”

 

“Your ‘master plan’, I’m guessing?” Lory asked, tilting his head and smirking as he remembered when Kuu had asked for a multitude of instruments to be delivered to his penthouse. 

 

Ren looked between the two, lost again in their cryptic conversations. “What plan?”

 

“Well...I originally was testing her,” the blonde haired actor began, avoiding directly saying that he was trying to anger her. “But the two of us ended up having more of a bonding moment than a test. You see...whether you know it or not, Ren, Sai is very talented. She gets a lot of it from her mother who was a jack of all trades but also a master at her chosen career.”

 

“Ms. Akai’s a musician, right?” The tall actor ventured to guess, recalling her mentioning she took a lot of music lessons growing up.

 

Kuu blinked once at him before smiling radiantly back at him, “Yes!” He exclaimed, “How did you know?”

 

The actor gave a gentle smile, “She told me. I only specifically know she plays the violin, but I know she’s capable of playing others as well.”

 

“Oh, that would be quite an understatement.” Lory told him with a proud grin, “Although you couldn’t consider her a professional at any one instrument, she’s a musical genius. Reading and visualizing music is like breathing to her, it’s second nature.”

 

“Visualizing?”

 

“Have you ever seen her try to relax, Ren?” Lory asked him, tapping his finger on the sofa as he mimicked Sai’s usual motions.

 

He thought back, trying to picture her calming herself down. He’d certainly seen her agitated before, but usually she retreated away into a corner to relax. “I don’t think I have, no.”

 

“She has an incredible ability to create music in her head. She can tap out the most complex melodies you’ve ever heard after just listening to them a single time.” He tapped his way through a basic piano piece he favored and knew well, all the while knowing that he’d never be as dexterous as her. “I call it her ability to visualize the music, to almost recreate the pieces layer by layer.”

 

Kuu shook his head, remembering when she’d play with him as a child. It was the only time she ever allowed him that close. “And as far as I can tell, her talent extends far beyond just music.”

 

“You’ve seen her act, then?” Lory asked, tapping on his cigar to rid the end of its ash.

 

The blonde actor nodded slowly, “She showed me several things she’d been in, and I was on set with her once.” His smile grew widely and his eyes seemed to almost sparkle with pride, “She’s incredible.”

 

Ren gave a soft chuckle and ran a hand through his hair, “She was like that even before she really acted. She’s got such a good grip on what’s realistic and natural, it’s really quite startling actually.”

 

“It just seems to contradict the way she normally acts, doesn’t it? She seems so removed and desolate, it just seems like she shouldn’t be able to understand emotions to that kind of depth.”

 

“It’s not even just emotions, it’s everything. Gestures, actions, breathing patterns. Even eye contact. It’s so real and natural when she does it, like it’s effortless.”

 

“She’s already a force to be reckoned with, and honestly, once she starts being able to feel more emotion, she’ll become even scarier.”

 

“I don't think that’s necessarily the problem,” the tall actor furrowed his brow as the words in his head formed sentences, “It’s not that she doesn’t  **feel** , but rather that she doesn’t know how to express. I think that weakness she has hasn’t made her less aware of her emotions, but rather the opposite. By being handicapped like that, she’s spent more time with her emotions than anyone I’ve ever met, and I think that’s what's given her such a good grip on reality.”

 

“You seem to know a lot about that, Ren.” Lory said with a smirk dusting over his lips. “Do you pay that much attention to her?”

 

“She’s a mystery, Lory. Of course it caught my attention. I’ve wanted nothing but to understand her since we first met.”

 

“And you understand her now?”

 

“Oh, not by a long shot. There’s so much of her I know I haven’t learned yet. Things I’ll gladly wait for her to tell me. Things I know she’ll open up with in the future.”

 

“And how do you know that?”

 

“Because I know her.” Ren smiled at the thought, all his memories and impressions of her collecting and replaying in his mind, “I may not know everything about her, or all of her quirks, but I do know who she is, I know  **her** . And one day I’ll know everything about her.”

 

“Will you tell her everything about you in return?” Kuu turned to his son with a serious look, knowing that he’d gone to such extreme lengths to cover up his past already. Would he be willing to reveal himself, even to her?

 

The dark haired man swallowed and the familiar burn of dread started up in the pit of his stomach, the dread that was always sparked from thoughts of his past. “I’ll have to,” he said simply, knowing that there just wasn’t any way around it. It would have to be a trade.

 

Lory leveled his gaze with the actor in front of him and narrowed his eyes, “You’d view it as a requirement?”

 

“Not necessarily, but I can’t expect her to give up personal information of her own and expect nothing in return.”

 

“That’s awfully calculating. You honestly view it as so black and white?”

 

“Nothing with her is black and white, Lory,” the actor gave a low chuckle. “She pretty much thrives in the gray area of the world. It’s why she seems so distant at times.”

 

“And yet,” Kuu added, enjoying every moment that his son seemed to relive memories with the redhead they were all so familiar with, “she can still seem so vibrant. So colorful.” He sent a meaningful glance at the young man his precious boy had grown into, “Just like you, Kuon. You both can be so withdrawn and closed off, and also so immensely  **alive** . In fact, she’s like you in a lot of ways.”

 

Hearing his given name again, Ren flinched and shifted awkwardly in his seat. “While you were...with her this week,” he began slowly, “you didn’t….tell her anything...did you?”

 

“Do you...think I’m stupid?!” The blonde shouted, rising to his feet, taking both other men by surprise.

 

“What?” Blinking, the actor tried to wrap his head around his father’s sudden outburt 

 

“Why do you think I’m obeying the Boss’s rule and acting like we’re complete strangers? It’s because I want to protect you...when you’re starting out from scratch as Ren Tsuruga. So...you can secure a place where you can live...as an actor, and as a human being. To have people consider you a successful actor...you must first become as great an actor as I am, in the country where I was born and raised. Under the conditions where the fact that you’re my son  **isn’t** fueling your career.”

 

“Yes…” Lowering his head, Ren agreed but didn’t quite know how to respond. It was a relief to know his father understood, but the entire situation was rather bittersweet.

 

“And that’s why no one is to know the relationship between you and me. And yet...you think I’d jeopardize that so carelessly? Especially to someone who personally knows you well? When I don’t know how it might eventually affect you?” 

 

Kuu was doing the best he could. It was true that he hadn’t said anything but his son’s name, but somehow that girl  **knew** . He couldn’t tell if it was merely because of their similar appearances, or something more. As far as he knew, and judging by Ren’s reaction...his children had never met. So it was impossible for her to know. And yet, she did.

 

“I...suppose not…” His son finally said, shifting in his seat. He wasn’t satisfied with his father’s explanation. Something was nagging at his mind. Something about the calm way she’d dealt with the two of them. It was off, somehow.

 

Trying to remedy a little of the dissonance ringing in Ren’s mind, his father did reveal one thing to him, “The only conversations we had concerning you as Kuon were her trying her best to comfort me when I let my emotions get the best of me. Somehow, she understands you better than I do, without even knowing your total situation.”  _ Although, I suppose she does know most of it now... _ he added to himself.

 

“What kind of things did she say?” Ren asked, genuinely curious.

 

“She’s the one who convinced me you didn’t hate me.” Kuu stated bluntly, his expression darkening in self-pity.

 

“Hate you?” The dark haired man looked up at his father, “Of course I don’t hate you! I never hated you!”

 

“I know that  **now** , of course.” The man let a humorless chuckle go, “But somehow she was able to convince me. She...explained it in a way I could understand. I never thought I could be hurting you by doing my best to love you; I didn’t know I was smothering you when what you really needed was guidance and criticism; I was blind to how much my love was making it incredibly hard for you to accept yourself. I just thought it was my duty as your father to love you. I neglected the other things I was supposed to do as your father.”

 

“That’s not it-”

 

“Yes. I know it is. And it’s okay. I understand thanks to  **her** that sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is support them from afar and offer help when they ask. Pushing my unconditional affection on you wasn’t what you needed. It made you hate yourself that much more. I only wish I’d seen it before now.”

 

“I…” Ren tried to form some sort of response, but there honestly just weren’t words to express his thoughts. He was saved from having to respond by Lory clearing his throat.

 

“And Saiyuka somehow convinced you that that was the case?”

 

“Yes! She really understood a lot from how little I actually said…”

 

“She might know a bit about what it’s like to feel that way.”

 

“That’s what I figured…” Kuu trailed off, slightly pained with the idea that the redhead had suffered so much already. Turning to his son, his lips quirked up slightly. “You and her do indeed seem to share a lot of similarities.”

 

Ren cleared his throat nervously, “You think so?”

 

“Oh definitely.” Lory interrupted, catching on to his friend’s thought process. “In fact, I was honestly shocked you two didn’t get along at first. You seemed like a wonderful match.”

 

At those words, the actor seized up. He didn’t like where the conversation seemed to be going. “By the way…” He tried, his mind racing for any way to get the subject on something else.

 

“Yes?” Kuu asked, suppressing laughter at his son’s nervousness.

 

“How’s she doing?” The dark haired actor decided on asking, ignoring the glare from Lory that signified he’d realized Ren had blatantly changed the subject on purpose. At his father’s confused expression, he clarified, “Your beautiful wife and my mother, Julie.”

 

Instantly, everyone in the room froze, the two older men looking at the actor with surprised, muted dread. The air thickened with a heaviness he hadn’t known was attached to the subject, and the looks of foreboding he was getting were so intense that the tall actor couldn’t help but ask, “What’s...wrong?”

 

The blonde haired actor cleared his throat and cast his gaze towards the floor. “There’s...another reason I came back to Japan…”

 

“Huh? Another reason? You didn’t just come for the nostalgia tour?”

 

“I’m afraid not. I came back...because I have a favor to ask regarding Juliena…” He shifted in his seat, unsure of how to phrase his proposal, knowing that he was walking in an incredibly dangerous minefield.

 

“A favor?” The two words seemed innocent and eager enough, so Kuu took it as a sign it was okay to ask.

 

“I just told you I wanted to protect you as Ren Tsuruga...so I’m really sorry about this...Kuon.”

 

Ren blinked, still not entirely comfortable at hearing his given name. He wasn’t surprised it was so difficult to hear, though, after all the effort he’d put into distancing himself from it.

 

“Just once is enough.” Kuu sat forward, his eyes more pleading than Ren remembered seeing in his entire life. “Five minutes is enough. Will you...be Kuon...for that long?” He stared into his son’s eyes, watching the multitude of emotions flutter through them. Shock, worry, dread...almost all were negative and with every one, Kuu’s hope dimmed.

 

The dark haired man paused for several long moments before swallowing and forcing out of his throat, “What...happ...ened?” He knew something must have brought on that request. And it couldn’t be good.

 

Kuu’s expression took on an extremely serious tone and it darkened considerably, “The other day...Julie told me...that she only has three months left to live.”

 

The words came as a complete shock and he felt himself go numb all over. The room was enveloped in a tense moment of silence as the idea truly sank in.

 

“That...is...an awfully realistic period…” The young actor admitted, breaking the silence. He sunk into the sofa’s back and stared at his lap. “It’s so realistic I actually believed it for a moment.”

 

“Right? I was the same when she confessed it to me.” His father gave a nervous chuckle and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“She’s always using that as her excuse. I’ve only got so long to live...a week, a day...even three minutes.” The tall man recalled from growing up.

 

“She’s...reached her limit...so her joke doesn’t even sound like a joke anymore. And really, who can blame her? Her dearest and only son up and disappeared when she was off at work.”

 

Ren looked up with guilt and somberness, the stab ripping at his heart as he felt wave after wave of regret over his action.

 

“It’s not your fault.” Kuu assured him, recalling what the redhead had said to him earlier, “Sometimes...sometimes, the purely unconditional love of another can be more painful than anything when you’re truly suffering. I can finally understand that. If fact, if it’s  **anyone’s** fault...I blame him,” the blonde man shoved a finger in the President’s direction, “for kidnapping you.”

 

“Oh ho...who the hell cried and asked me for help...saying that their son was  about to go completely insane...but there’s nothing they could do themselves?” Lory rose from his seat and got right into his friend’s face, grabbing onto his shoulders angrily.

 

“Well...um...that situation and this one are different. Although, don’t get me wrong…” The aging actor was mostly strangled by the dark haired CEO, but he managed to escape his grip long enough to level with him seriously. “If you’d have taken things step by step...I wouldn’t have had to stop Julie every time she had a fit and tried to go to Japan, saying, ‘Please let me see Kuon!’” He mimicked her voice, looking near tears, “And then having her repeatedly hurl, ‘I hate you!’ at me, crying!”

 

Ren is shocked and silent as he listens to the two bicker back and forth and he comes to realize that his parents didn’t lose hope in him, they were doing all they could to support him from afar by obeying his wishes and giving him time. He smiled joyfully as he realized that he was never truly alone. 

 

“And so...that’s where we stand, Ren.” Lory began, getting back on track. “Julie’s last memory of you is as someone who’s about to die and disappear...so she wants to confirm with her own eyes that you’re alive and doing well. Not with a letter or a photo. She wants to see you move and talk. Of course, that means...not as Ren Tsuruga, but as Kuon.” He finished with finality, knowing how much of a stretch it was to ask the actor for that large of a favor.

 

Ren thought for a long moment, weighing his options back and forth, until he was interrupted by his father’s voice.

 

“When I think about it from your point of view, becoming Kuon again when you’re still halfway towards your goal must feel like admitting defeat. I know you don’t want to do this...so you can say...no.” Kuu assured him, leaning forward to try and meet his eyes.

 

“What are you going to do?” Lory asked, facing him with determination. “If you’re gonna do it...I’ll have  **her** be ready.” He added cryptically.

 

The actor moved and shifted in his seat, clearing his throat and eventually forcing out, “I don’t...feel like…” he hesitated for just a moment, missing the look of sorrow pass over his father’s face as he finished the sentence in his head. Swallowing everything negative he felt associated with this situation, the dark haired actor continued, “asking Ms. Jelly Woods to return from her vacation...for just a few minutes.”

 

As his words’ meaning sunk in for the two other men, they gave him looks of complete and utter surprise to which he responded with a radiant, beaming smile.

 

“Don’t worry,” Lory assured him with a grin, “She’s probably tired of all those cold-hearted Hawaiian guys by now.”

 

“Boss? I don’t quite understand what’s going on…”

 

“My my, you’re a dense one. You looked at Ren’s face, but you don’t get it? He’s saying he’ll be Kuon for a few minutes.”

 

Kuu looked shocked for a few moments before his face morphed into something more along the lines of ecstatic, “Thank you Kuon,” He said, turning to face his son and looking rather guilty. “Julie made a fuss this time and said she’d come with me to Japan. But I stopped her, saying I’d get a video letter from you! If you’d said no, Julie wouldn’t have talked to me for the rest of her life!”

 

_ So you were bluffing when you said it would have been okay to say no… _ Ren thought to himself, shaking his head as he smiled in spite of himself at his father’s antics.

 

“To be honest...you’ve got a strong will…” Kuu continued, “so I expected you’d probably say no…” The nervous look he shot at his son made the actor chuckle under his breath and smile warmly at him.

 

“When the President took me, I had no time to think about anything. I couldn’t think about my parents who I was leaving behind. But...if my message now will assure her...I’d be glad to give it to her.”

 

“Kuon…” Kuu said warmly, relishing that moment where the both of them were incredibly pleased. “As much as this will help, I just want you to know that I genuinely want you to come back on your own. I’m incredibly proud of who you are right now and I’ll be even prouder and happier when you come home of your own free will. 

 

“When you realizes how much there is to love about yourself, you’ll find that you’re deserving of our love again and you’ll return to us.” He referenced the words that Sai had said once again, finding true comfort in them. “We’ll always love you. We’re just waiting until you can do the same.”

 

Ren offered his father an incredibly gentle smile and the two said their goodbyes and Lory began to call his beauty witch, Jelly Woods. Kuu left rather solemnly, not really ready to leave his son behind. There were so many things he still wanted to tell him, but knew that it just wasn’t time yet. 

 

Watching the door shut behind his father, the actor sighed gently and returned to sitting with the President, who informed him that Ms. Woods was already back in the country and would be arriving in no less than an hour. The two men made light conversation, with Lory careful to avoid any topic that could be potentially damaging to the task that Ren was about to set out to do. He was mostly impartial and never intended to do anything to help the boy along, leaving him to mend together his own path, but he also knew when to be delicate with him. 

 

In no time, Ms. Woods had arrived and was bustling Ren through the process of transformation within minutes of her arrival. 

 

“I didn’t mean to pull you away from your time off, Ms. Woods.” He said as she worked the dye lather into his dark locks.

 

“How many times have I told you, Ren!? Call me ‘Ten’!” Ten demanded, frustrated with all the formalities he always used. “And you know that I only came because it was for you, and because my darling Lory asked me to come.”

 

The actor laughed and nodded, recalling the man’s rather...colorful conversation on the phone with her. He also had been adamant in Kuu needing to leave, as Ten wasn’t actually aware of his parentage, simply the fact that he wasn’t a native Japanese.

 

She worked quickly, though, and Ren was reminded of how grateful he was to have her as his personal beautician. She truly was a witch of some kind. Before he knew it, he was staring at the face of Kuon in the mirror. It took all his effort to keep his strained nerves from snapping right then and there. It wasn’t easy seeing that appearance yet. It still held far too much pain.

 

Seeing him grow serious and all the pain in his expression, Ten excused herself and left him with the video camera Lory had given her. She stepped back out and approached the President himself, glancing nervously back at the door where she’d left Ren.

 

“Will he be okay in there, my darling?” She asked the dark haired man worriedly, spinning a lock of dark hair around her finger.

 

“Who, Ren? Oh, he’ll be fine,” Lory assured to beautician, waving a hand as if to dismiss her worries.

 

“What exactly is he doing in there?” Ten asked, still slightly concerned despite Lory’s assurances.

 

“He’s actually making a video for his parents. He...hasn’t contacted them since he first came over and you helped create his look as Ren Tsuruga.”

 

Ten blinked once, calculating the time in her mind. “Hasn’t that been...almost seven years then? Wow! Ren must have been lonely, all on his own for so long…”

 

“I’m impressed as well...although it’s to be expected. He’s so harsh on himself and does everything so thoroughly. But he’s finally making a breakthrough…” He paused for a moment, snapping his attention to the short beautician gazing up at him. “By the way, Ten, thank you for coming on such short notice.”

 

Ten blushed as he used her nickname, shrugging as casually as she could, “Yeah, yeah...geez.” She always tried to be as suave as possible around the man, although he made it incredibly difficult.

 

“I really appreciate it,” Lory began, nearing the woman, “and as a reward…” he caught her gaze as she looked up at his hovering form above her and her eyes grew wide. “...I’ll give you this candy.” He held out his hand and in the center of his palm was a caramel candy wrapped in a shiny golden wrapper. 

 

The dark haired beauty glowered at the President, snatching the candy from his hand angrily, “Don’t compliment me like I’m your granddaughter coming to visit you!” She admonished, popping the candy into her mouth all the same and pocketing the wrapper because of how cute it was.

 

Lory chuckled richly and took advantage of her paying more attention to the wrapper than him. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek, taking her by completely surprise. She looked up in shock as he withdrew with a handsome smirk on his weathered face. Before she could say anything though, the door opened with a loud  **chak** .

 

“Oh…” Lory said softly, turning to face the actor as he came out of the room. “You’re done?”  _ Already? _ He added in his head, figuring he’d only been in there about fifteen minutes.

 

He walked gracefully towards the pair of people on the other side of the room, the video camera in his hand. He took careful note of Ten looking rather dazed and Lory looking just as regal as usual. 

 

“Yes…” Was all he said, handing the camera over to the President. 

 

“Good. Now, Ten.” He said, snapping the beautician out of her trance. “Change his hair color back to Ren’s.”

 

“W-what?” She blinked a few times, “A-already?!”

 

“Well, of course. He’s done with his assignment. “

 

“What the hell...I was called back just for 15 minutes!? I don’t believe this!” She screeched as she stomped back towards Ren’s dressing room.

 

“Well, Ten…” Lory said in his deep, rich voice. Jelly stopped in her tracks. “You’re the only one I can depend on.”

 

“Nooooooo! Problem!” She called out, blushing deeply. “Ren! Don’t apologize for anything!”

 

“No, but…” he tried to interrupt, but to no avail.

 

“No! It’s all right! Even outrageous things that can’t be forgiven by money can be forgiven by love! Because I’m a woman who lives for love, not for money! But only my darling’s love, that’s for sure.” She squealed, spinning in a circle. “He depends on me. That means he only loves me, only me~” There were practically hearts swirling around her as she giggled and mumbled various things about Lory loving her.

 

_ S-she seems rather easy to understand… _ Ren thought to himself as he watched her, glancing between her and the President who was working hard to keep looking cool when he honestly wanted to crack a smile. 

 

“Besides, Ren,” she cleared her throat and suddenly her tone was all business again. “I’m a professional beauty expert who does her best like crazy for beautiful things.” She closed one eye and seemed to grow rather pleased with herself. “Do you know why beauty experts are called biyoshi? It’s because we’re totally generous towards beauty!”

 

Ren smiled softly and humored her like she was a small child, “Is that right? I...didn’t know that.”

 

Lory watched their exchange and smiled warmly at the dark haired beauty who was currently chattering away. “Hey, Ren. You’re not changing back?” He asked in mock curiosity.

 

“Oh!” Ten finally said, remembering she had a job to do. “Okay. Let’s go...as much as I’d like to keep you for a little longer...Ren.”

 

The actor’s smile widened and he flipped a few strands of beautiful blonde hair out of his dazzling green eyes. “Yes…” He said softly, walking in her footsteps to re-dye his hair.

 

Just as quickly as the magic had created Kuon Hizuri, he was gone. Replaced again by Ren Tsuruga, all long limbs, dark hair, and mesmerizing eyes. He headed back out to face Lory, who was waiting patiently with a warm smile on his face. 

 

“Ah, Ren. Welcome back.”

 

“It’s good to be back. I feel more at ease this way, but I in no way regret my decision. I feel like it was a big step forward.”

 

“That is was, that is was…” He said softly and escorted the young man out the doors, leaving Ten waiting for him to return in his office.. “Now Ren...I don’t have any right to tell you this, but I feel like it’s only right. 

 

“Your father is leaving tomorrow out of the Tokyo International Airport a little after noon. Sai will be there, of course, as it completes her assignment, but I really think you should go see him off. You don’t have to speak with him or approach him, or anything that would give away your relationship, but just seeing you there in the crowd would mean so much to him.” 

 

The dark haired actor paused for only a brief moment, before finding himself edging toward agreeing with the man. Pressing his lips tightly together, he nodded curtly. “I suppose I can be there, for a short while.” He would have to make sure Yashiro didn’t suspect him of anything...and it would give him an excuse to see the redhead.

 

They parted at Ren’s car, Lory returning to the company of Ten and the actor returning to his apartment for a truly restful night’s sleep. As much as becoming Kuon had terrified him at first, and it had been extremely difficult to make it through that whole video...the experience in and of itself of finally taking a look at all the progress he’d made and how happy he was...it had given him the first taste of victory in his long quest for inner peace.

 

Heading into work that morning, he found the redhead waiting in the lobby almost right away, and she looked up as he entered, a small grin overtaking her features the moment she recognized him. “Ah, good morning, Mr. Tsuruga.” She said, her even, calm, soothing voice sounding incredible no matter how many times he’d heard it.

 

“And a good morning to you, Ms. Akai,” he said with as normal a sounding voice as possible. “Will you be seeing Mr. Hizuri off this afternoon?”

 

A gentle blush overtook her features and she scratched at the nape of her neck. “About that…”

 

He suddenly remembered that she hadn’t the faintest idea that he’d talked it out with Kuu and knew what happened. As far as she knew, he was still furious with her. “Don’t worry about anything, Ms. Akai. I’m not your father or your babysitter, I shouldn’t have gotten angry with you like that. I had no right.”

 

“Oh, please, Mr. Tsuruga, it’s not like that!” She said softly, waving her hand, “I know it must have seemed rather...intimate. But honestly, he’s like a father to me.” Her smile was so warm and pleased that Ren couldn’t help by match her exact expression. 

 

“I completely understand, Ms. Akai.” His gaze was so soft and affectionate that everything else she’d decided on saying evaporated as heat rushed to her cheeks. Fussing with a lock of hair in her hands, she averted her eyes from his handsome face and listened with slight embarrassment as he chuckled at that.

 

The two traveled together later that afternoon to the airport where an enormous crowd of people had already gathered. Sai whistled under her breath at the sight and caught Ren’s attention. 

 

“I didn’t know you could whistle,” he said with a tilt of his head.

 

She puffed up her chest a little and smirked, “The maid at the manor taught me when I was little. She taught all of my siblings too, so we could communicate in the woods if we ever got lost. She was clever, Amelia was. My best friend growing up. And how can you not whistle at this?” She asked, gesturing to the gathering of all sorts of people.

 

“This is because of his popularity and connections. Lots of people respect him…” Ren trailed off as he realized that Sai wasn’t listening. She was rising to the tips of her toes to see Kuu and mumbling various things to herself. She looked absolutely adorable. As much as he wasn’t sure it was the best course of action, he placed a hand on the small of her back and leaned down so his mouth was at the same height as her ear.

 

Feeling the sudden pressure on her back, Sai jumped slightly. Ren’s voice drifted into her ear, his breath ghosting across her skin and causing her skin to crawl and tiny shivers to shoot down her back. It was a nice feeling, but it sent heat racing up into her cheeks.

 

“You know...if you call out to him, I’m sure he’ll notice. If you called him your ‘father’...I bet he’d appreciate it. After all, you  **did** say that you felt him to be like a father to you.” He spoke gently, unashamedly asking Sai to do what he desperately wished he was able to at this point. If he called Kuu his father right then, he was sure he couldn’t handle it. So for now, he’d give him something close to his love. And later, when he was ready, he’d call his parents by the names he used as a child.

 

Smirking at the thought, Sai took a deep breath and yelled out at the top of her lungs, “Faaaather!!” As much as Ren was expecting her to do something like that...the volume and intensity of her call were far more than he’d been waiting to hear. She wasn’t that loud or boisterous of a person, in all honesty.

 

The whispering in the crowd began immediately, everyone wondering who on earth had just called out so brusquely for her father, and whom the man she was calling out to could be. “Ah…” Kuu said softly, taking everyone by surprise. “You came...to see me off.”

 

“Of course I did…” she said casually, “I promised, didn’t I?”

 

“That you did...I didn’t expect you to be so...outgoing...though.” He said, struggling for the word.

 

With a large, scheming smile, the eye-catching redhead dashed forward and flung her arms around the blonde actor and laughed, “I’m working on it, don’t rush me.” Kuu was surprised at first, though not nearly as much as all of the onlookers to her little stunt. 

 

Adjusting to the situation quickly though, he wrapped his arms around the actress and smiled warmly, before letting her go and watching the confidence build in her features. “I’ve made up my mind, Kuu.” She said, nearly beaming.

 

“Hmmm?” He inquired, genuinely curious.

 

“I’m going to play music again. And I’ll play it so that it finally makes people happy, just like my mother would have wanted. I’ve made up my mind. I won’t run away from myself anymore, I won’t run away from my past or anything that haunts me anymore. I’ll be myself and only myself.”

 

Ren raised his eyebrows, clearly not expecting her to go that far. 

 

“I don’t know whether I can overcome everything I’ve learned to dread over the years...but...I believe that...if I can just learn to accept a few pieces of myself, it won’t only allow me to become a better musician, but also test if I can become a real actor, and finally discover who I am and what I’m meant to be.”

 

Her words struck a significant chord with the actor and he gazed at the redhead with wide, disbelieving eyes.

 

“So...I’ll fight...with all I’ve got! I’ll believe in what I can do!” As she finished, Kuu found a pride rising in his chest that rivaled the pride he’d felt at the rise of his son to stardom. Smiling at her confidently, he found the words slipping easily from his lips.

 

“Good. I’m glad you’ve made that decision. After all...any child of mine has to be at least that strong.” He flipped up his thumb in a sign of encouragement and reveled in the gorgeous smile she gave him, returning his gesture with a mirror image of her own.

 

While he was enjoying the sight of such a lovely expression on the redhead, movement from off in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Turning slightly, he found his son leaning against the far wall, a genuine, beautiful smile lighting up his face. It seemed a bit confused and bittersweet, but it was sincere and real and perfect. 

 

Kuu’s eyes widened considerably and he watched as Ren gave him a gentle nod and then bowed low. It was his way of sending him off with his blessing. The gesture was simple, and the mixed emotions behind it were obvious, but there wasn’t anything that Kuu would have preferred. It was all he needed.

 

Thousands of feet in the air, Kuu gazed down at the dwarfed houses below him, peeking out from the thick layer of clouds. He found himself desperately wishing for his two children back in Japan to find solace and support in each other. There was so much they would could do for one another, and neither would find anyone who understood their situation better. They truly were a perfect match.

 

He told all that to the soft spoken and gentle woman he’d married many years earlier, for many of the same reasons. They watched Kuon’s video more times than he could count, and he’d retold all the stories he had about the redhead, including the ones from her childhood. Juliana was more than excited to meet her one day and she quickly joined in with Kuu’s hopes that the two actors would turn to each other in times of need.

 

Sai waited until all the other members of the crowd had gone, remaining in the same spot as she watched them disperse. Kuu had long since left, on his way back to the wonderful woman she’d only heard stories about. Behind her stood the actor, waiting to see what she would do. 

 

“Ah...my legs are sore…” she mumbled under her breath as she stretched out. Her sudden words and motion startled the actor and he watched as she turned around with a somber expression on her face. Her eyes were even slightly red. “Let’s head back, Mr. Tsuruga.” She said softly, finding his steps falling in line beside hers easily. They walked like that, silently, side by side.


	39. Chapter 39

Silence often settled in the bustling office floor of LME where the managers worked. As much as they ran around and juggled papers, pagers, cell phones, and any assortment of other gadgets and planners, each one would immerse themselves in their work and no one would really notice when the whole floor seemed dead quiet.

 

No one noticed, that is, until the loud footfalls of a certain little girl woke them all out of their concentration. Half a dozen heads looked up as Maria Takarada flew by them, her golden hair blowing behind her as she scurried past the cubicles to the closed off office on the far side of the floor. 

 

Of course, no one dared stop her. It was evident on her face that the young lady was on a mission. She burst into Yashiro’s personal office, breathing heavily, with a large smile and an intense glimmer of determination in her eyes.

 

“Ah! Ms. Maria,” the manager said when he saw her, breaking off his conversation with his charge as he turned to face those gleaming forest green eyes. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”

 

The granddaughter of the LME President beamed at the two of them, blushing as she saw the gentle smile that Ren was offering her and tugging at a strand of her curly hair. She wore shorts for once, over a simple white button up and held up by a pair of suspenders. “I came to see you and Ren, of course.” She said easily, walking up to the actor who lifted her onto the table so she was at eye level with the two men.

 

“That’s wonderful, Maria. It’s so great to see you,” Ren said gently, watching as she blushed further and smiled.

 

“I did have something I wanted to ask you, though, Ren.” She said meekly, a gleam in her eyes.

 

His interest piqued, the actor offered her a more serious expression and nodded, “And what would that be?”

 

“I asked my grandfather when sis’s birthday is a while ago...and he just reminded me that it’s in less than a week!” She said happily, practically beaming as she clapped her hands together in excitement.

 

Blinking, the actor tried to recall the exact date that the redhead had mentioned when they were curled on her sofa after she’d made him that dinner. “It’s...the thirteenth, correct?”

 

Beaming at him joyfully, the golden haired female nodded her head with extreme enthusiasm. The tall actor and his manager had to hold back chuckles as she nearly toppled off the table. Steadying her, Ren suppressed his amusement and asked, “What on earth are you planning that you’re so excited for?”

 

“You’re coming to the meeting, aren’t you?” She asked, still barely containing her excitement as she beamed at him.

 

“The meeting?” The dark haired man asked, confused. “What meeting?” He looked back at his manager for clarification, but the older man simply shook his head, just as lost. 

 

“Ms. Rio and I planned this meeting out with grandfather! We were going to go discuss our plans for what we were going to do for big sis’s birthday!”

 

“Ms. Honda is coming as well?”

 

“Of course! She’s sissy’s best friend!”

 

Ren blinked a few times, wondering what exactly would be in store for him if he agreed to come to this. Did he really have a right to even attend? Sure, Sai had opened up to him a little, but he was hardly her best friend or  **godfather** . Even Maria had more of a rightful place by her side. What would he be proving by helping plan her birthday?

 

And besides that, he wasn’t even sure if he could make something so short notice. He hadn’t had time to check in with Yashiro about the rest of the evening, so for all he could know, he could be swamped for hours, which would make it impossible for him to be there to plan Sai’s-

 

“You’re free, by the way, Ren.” The light haired man behind him said with a far too chipper tone. Yashiro smirked devilishly and winked at the little girl watching him intently. 

 

The actor whirled around to face him, his face displaying both surprise and dread. Now he was out of excuses. “Well...if I’m free…” he said with a strained smile, “then, of course, I’ll accompany you.”

 

Maria cheered and hopped off the table, taking Ren’s hand in her own and tugging him toward the door, “Then come one! Come on! It’s starting soon!”

 

As much as he wasn’t comfortable with going, the little girl’s excitement was overwhelming and he chuckled deeply, “Wait a minute, Maria, I can’t just leave my things here!”

 

“Don’t worry, Ren,” Yashiro assured him with that damned goofy grin he always made when he thought he was being clever. A shiver ran down Ren’s spine whenever he saw it. Ergh. “I’ll bring it to your dressing room when I’m finished up in here. You can pick it up from there on your way out.”

 

The actor resisted the urge to grit his teeth. “Why thank you, Mr. Yashiro. That’s kind of you to do.”

 

Grinning as widely as he could, the manager replied, “Anytime, Ren, anytime.” Both men knew he meant it.

 

Yashiro watched as his charge and the golden haired girl walked together, hand in hand, out of his office. He sighed softly, in content over how events had preceded. He always relished moments where he could play matchmaker here and there, even if it meant having to lie to the actor.

 

Carefully, he slipped a glove over his slender hand and unplugged his phone from its charger. Raising the sleek device and adjusting his glasses, he dialed a familiar number and held the phone to his ear.

 

“Yeah, this is Inouye.” Came the gruff voice from the receiver, sounding tired and mostly annoyed. 

 

“Evening, Hiroji,” the light haired manager greeted casually with a faint chuckle. He didn’t address people so casually all that often, but he and Hiroji went way back. He’d taken Yashiro’s suggestion to hire Ren back when he was just starting and the two had formed a solid relationship, making Hiroji one of Ren’s most constant employers.

 

“Yukihito!” Hiroji brightened immediately, “It’s so nice to hear from you! Are you and Ren on your way for the shoot tonight?”

 

“Actually…” Yashiro paused and bit his lip, “I’m afraid we’re going to have to cancel. Something personal came up.”

 

“Really?” The manager couldn’t make out what Hiroji’s reaction was from his tone alone. It was too neutral.

 

“Uh...yeah. Really.”

 

“Oh, thank goodness…” He breathed a sigh of relief and then laughed good-naturedly. “You have no idea the day I’ve had...it’ll be so nice to go home to Miho early for once.”

 

A relieved smile spread across Yashiro’s face. He knew Hiroji wouldn’t be mad, but it was nice to know that the break came as a positive thing for both parties. “How is your lovely wife?”

 

Hiroji seemed to brighten even more at that, “Oh, she’s doing much better! Her wrist is fully healed so she’s back to modeling, and I swear Yukihito, she gets more beautiful every day. Just yesterday, I took a shot of her with the sunlight filtering through her hair-” He stopped himself and laughed, “Sorry, sorry. I won’t bore you with all this personal stuff. I just got carried away.”

 

“No, no,” Yashiro assured him, “I don’t mind at all. I’m glad to hear she’s doing better. It must have been difficult for your two biggest models to both be out with arm injuries for a while there.”

 

“Oh, that? Yeah, it kinda sucked,” he said bluntly, scratching at the back of his head despite the fact that Yashiro couldn’t see him. “But it’s all good now! And I’m glad for an evening off, for once.”

 

Pausing for a moment, the manager figured he might as well play it safe, “Hey, Hiroji? Can I ask a quick favor of you?”

 

“Yeah, of course, Yukihito! Just name it!”

 

“When you see Ren again...don’t mention that he missed this shoot. Pretend that we never had one scheduled in the first place.”

 

“He doesn’t know...does he?” The photographer asked, already knowing the answer almost for certain.

 

“No. I told him he had the evening free.”

 

“May I ask what exactly you sent him off to do, then? I’ll keep quiet if you tell me, I’ll even pinky promise.”

 

Yashiro laughed quietly, “I forced him into going help plan Ms. Saiyuka’s birthday party with young Ms. Maria.”

 

“Is this the same Saiyuka that he’s in love with?” The young protege asked, having heard the gossip from his friend several months prior.

 

“That she is.” He smirked at how much he and Hiroji sounded like middle school girls with the way they gossiped behind the actor’s back.

 

“So this is a love mission?” He asked excitedly, a smirk playing at his lips.

 

“In a way, I suppose, yes,” Yashiro replied, light laughter filling his office.

 

“Then you know I’m in full support of it,” Hiroji informed him. He was, after all, part of Lory’s little gaggle of trusted friends. Therefore, he was always for a well and good mission in the name of true love.

 

The two said their goodbyes and Yashiro hung up his phone, slipping it into his pocket as he gathered his things together. Once he was ready to leave and drop off Ren’s belongings in the dressing room, his eyes passed over the tiny drop of blood left when Sai had taken off her boots with all those blisters on her feet.

 

A slow smile spread across the manager’s face as he thought of where his charge was at that moment, “You owe me for this, Ms. Saiyuka…” he mumbled under his breath with a ghost of laughter as he shut and locked the door behind him.

 

Many floors above him, the actor had exited the elevator bay on the building’s top floor. He looked down at the excited little girl who’d been chattering away at him and smiled warmly. He may not belong at this meeting, but it didn’t mean that he wasn’t glad to be there. If it meant participating in  **her** life in some way or another, it was worth it. 

 

“Are you listening to me, Ren?” The little girl asked with a pout tugging at her lips. He blinked twice at her and she took that to mean that he indeed hadn’t been listening. “Ren! What on earth could possibly be more on your mind than-” she fumed before cutting herself off and smiling slyly at him. “Were you thinking about big sis?”

 

“Oh, no,” he groaned. “Not you too...I already have Mr. Yashiro on my back all the time with things concerning Ms. Akai…”

 

“So...you  **were** thinking of my sister, I see…” Maria said, smirking to herself while the actor beside her groaned loudly, causing her to giggle.

 

Ren pulled open the large doors to enter Lory’s office and the pair entered quietly, surprised by the lack of Sebastian there to open the door. Turning, they spotted the President of LME sitting comfortably across from a brunette with her hair tied beautifully up into a braided bun. They seemed engaged in an interesting conversation, as neither noticed the door open and shut for a few moments.

 

“Ah, Ren…” Lory eventually greeted the actor gently when he saw him, “And Maria!” He exclaimed as the golden haired girl laughed and jumped up into his lap. “I’m glad you convinced him to come.”

 

“It wasn’t really me, grandfather. Mr. Yashiro did most of the work.” She said proudly, thinking they’d have to rekindle their relationship so as to better tease the actor.

 

“Oh, did he now?” Rio asked with a smile and a glint in her eye which matched the dark haired man’s. 

 

_ That’s it...I’m done for... _ Ren thought with an eyeroll.  _ They’re all out to get me...it’s pure misery. _

 

Laughing over his pained expression, Rio scooted over to make room for the golden haired schemer who hopped off of her grandfather’s lap and scurried over to her. The actor shook his head and sat down on the armchair between the two couches, facing the others.

 

Once they were all seated together, Maria looked around at the familiar faces and beamed, clapping her hands together. “I think we should have a gala! An enormous, beautiful ball with huge dresses and lots of amazing food!”

 

Her eyes shimmered and glittered and she looked at Lory with such exuberance that the man suddenly felt a lot more nervous about this whole meeting. He swallowed heavily and recalled Sai’s words. The girl had practically begged him not to throw her a party. 

 

“Ah...Maria...as much as I would adore throwing Saiyuka a party, especially such a grand event as the one you’re describing...I’m afraid that she really...isn’t the biggest fan of parties. Or large events. Or lots of attention…” He trailed off as he watched Maria’s face fall rapidly. She looked at him in utter confusion and sank back into her chair defeatedly, twiddling her thumbs.

 

“Oh...okay...grandfather. Um…” She looked up at him with her big, forest green eyes wide with uncertainty. “How do you know that about my sister, grandfather?”

 

Lory knew this would happen eventually. He looked at each of the people assembled in his office and nodded to each in turn. The more he saw each of their faces and how much they trusted and relied on him and his confidence grew. 

 

Reaching across the gap, he took his granddaughter’s hand and looked into her eyes gently, “Maria, you know that Saiyuka isn’t really your sister, don’t you?”

 

Nodding in confusion, the little girl replied, “Yes, of course I know that. She’s just  **like** my sister, I suppose.”

 

Holding up a finger to stop her, Lory swallowed the last of his uncertainty and met his granddaughter’s eyes again, “She’s...really more of an  **aunt** than a sister to you, Maria.” Sitting back, he registered the surprised and further furrowed look on the golden haired girl’s face, and also the rather blank, uncaring looks from the other two. “You see, Maria...she’s my goddaughter. I legally adopted her almost six years ago now.”

 

“So...she’s... **daddy’s** sister?” Maria asked, completely shocked, her eyebrows knit and her expression rather pained. “And it’s been six years? How come you haven’t told me! Why didn’t you say anything about it!?” She asked, growing slightly angered at this point.

 

“I really am sorry, Maria. I honestly don’t know why we hid it like that from you of all people…” Lory trailed off as he watched as Rio absentmindedly fussed with her glasses and Ren casually flipped open and checked his cell phone. They were being much too easy going with this...something was wrong. “Why...aren’t either of you reacting at all…?”

 

The makeup artist blinked once at him and tilted her head in confusion, “Was I meant to be surprised?”

 

Lory’s lip twitched and he struggled for words, “Well...I would have expected that, yes.”

 

“Even if I wasn’t really surprised? I should have acted that way?” She put a hand to her chin, “I suppose you were ‘revealing’ a big secret,” she muttered, putting emphasis on “revealing”.

 

“Indeed I was…” he ventured, carefully watching her face, “But you weren’t surprised? Why not?”

 

“Oh, I’ve known for a long time that you were her godfather.” She stated bluntly, removing the bobby pins from her bun and allowing the medium length locks to fall to her shoulders in their braids.

 

“What?!” Lory exclaimed loudly, his voice booming, “Since when?”

 

Rio thought for a moment, trying to remember how long ago now she and Sai had discussed her life. “Well...I know for sure it was before she started that drama…”

 

Hearing that Rio had known about Lory on its own was surprising to Ren, and if he hadn’t been paying attention before, he sure as hell was paying attention now. When she struggled with words to express how long she’d known, his jaw nearly dropped, “Wait, you mean  _ The Quiet, the Darkened, and the Damned _ ? You’ve known since before then?”

 

The brunette bunched her eyebrows together in concentration, “Definitely before then. I think it was during all her commercial and PV business.”

 

Ren sat back, thoroughly shocked. He couldn’t believe she’d known before he did...and he hated how that tugged painfully on his chest. It made sense when he thought about it. He and Sai had gotten off terribly at first and he had to start all over several times. She and the makeup artist were fast friends, relying on each other easily. Of course she’d opened up sooner to the brunette than to him.

 

“Is that all she told you?” Lory ventured, as much as he already knew the answer. “Just that we were related.”

 

She fiddled with a button on her sleeve and looked away, “Um, no, actually. She told me a lot about her past, about her family and whatnot.”

 

The older man sat back, completely taken by surprise. He really didn’t think Sai could be so open, even with a friend. “I...see…”

 

In his shock, he failed to notice the actor near him suppressing his jealousy with all his being. Ren knew, he  **knew** , that Sai didn’t trust him as much as she trusted Rio, but knowing that the brunette had known all about her for so long while he had to fight tooth and nail for the tiniest detail...it burned awfully deep inside. 

 

He couldn’t help himself. He had to know why. “What exactly happened that she told all this to you? She’s really a closed-off person.”

 

Looking directly at the dark haired man, she couldn’t help but feel bad. She had the steadily confirming suspicion that the actor had feelings for the redhead, and therefore he must be feeling fairly cheated at this point. She knew how that felt.

 

“It was an exchange of information,” she told him simply, wondering how she could make the man feel better, if there was anything she could do to comfort him and assure him that his pursuit of Sai wasn’t hopeless. “I told me about myself under the condition that she did the same.”

 

Before the actor could reply, Lory leaned forward and asked Rio, “Has she played anything for you yet?” That was the true test. Sai may be closed off with information, but she was even more reserved when it came to showcasing herself.

 

Rio flinched and peered at him in nervousness, “Well...no...I suppose not…”  _ I don’t think singing counts as an instrument… _ ”I’ve heard recordings of her violin, though.”

 

Lory leaned back, content with her answer, and nodded. He crossed his arms over his chest, but something was nagging at him insistently. “You don’t ‘suppose’ you have?”

 

“I haven’t heard her play anything, but she did sing for me,” she mentioned off handedly, remembering when the redhead had begged her to listen for just a few moments.

 

Lory leaped off the sofa and faced the brunette, gasping in a breath of surprise. “You’re kidding…” he said as if it was hard to even speak. His eyes were wide and disbelieving, and he could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears. This wasn’t possible. It had shocked him to the core. He didn’t even know Sai sang at all anymore, much less in front of people.

 

Not knowing how to reply, Rio sent and glance to the dark haired actor who was glowering and looked thoroughly abandoned, like a kicked puppy. An  **angry** kicked puppy. He ripped his gaze away from the brunette’s, unable to stand looking at her. He didn’t have any right to be angry with her. Rio hadn’t done anything wrong. Sai hadn’t done anything wrong. It was him that had screwed up. He was the one that made it hard for Sai to open up. It was his fault.

 

He found a pair of forest green eyes boring into his and looked up to face Maria who looked equally as upset. They were both angry and hurt at being left out. Sure, Ren had known that Lory was her godfather, but he’d practically forced Sai to tell him that. Neither had heard the redhead play any sort of music, and both were feeling rather betrayed.

 

“Why…” Ren tried to ask, finding his voice was much deeper and more angered than he’d intended. He’d nearly growled at the brunette. He cleared his throat and forced his voice to come out more normal, “Why hadn’t she...opened up to me like that?” It was a pathetic question, to be sure, but he needed to know.

 

The makeup artist blinked a single time and then broke out in laughter, thoroughly confusing everyone in the room. She waved a hand, similar to the way that Sai does, and lightly stated, “Mr. Tsuruga,  **you** were the reason she sang for me in the first place. She was frustrated that you couldn’t trust her or accept her and it got to the point where she was so upset and stressed out by your arguments that singing became her only way to calm down.

 

“She may not have opened up directly to you, yet.” Rio said, stressing the “yet”. “But you affect her more than anyone, you’re the one who impacts her the most, who had helped her more than anyone. You’re jealous of me? I don’t see how...you mean much more to her than I do. I’ve always been jealous by how much you can move her, how much more herself she is when she’s with you. I’d give anything to be that close to her.

 

“So, Mr. Tsuruga, if I were you, I would just ask her. If you open up to her, if you show an interest in anything about her, she’ll return the gesture. The more you express a desire to know her, the more she’ll tell you. It’s just how she is.”

 

Ren remembered then that he’d received a painting from her earlier. Sure, she hadn’t played anything or sung anything for him, but she’d given him something equally as precious, even without prompting. He could hardly believe what Rio was saying...but it made sense if he thought about it. That was always how Sai was. Everything she did was impossible to believe, but there was always logic behind it. Pure, strong logic.

 

Nodding to the brunette, he silently vowed that he would ask and open up to her more, desiring more than anything to just know her better, to understand her at least a little more. They all sat there for a moment, unsure of how to proceed.

 

Ren sat back, not wanting to prompt Rio into anything else, as she already looked uncomfortable enough. She fidgeted in her seat and glanced at Lory who had finally sat back down and looked deep in thought. Beside her, the golden haired little girl had been surprisingly quiet, still seeming a bit sour at being left out of absolutely everything. She felt for her. 

 

Eventually, Lory cleared his throat and tried to pull the meeting back on the correct tracks. “So, as we’ve established, Saiyuka does not like big parties. What other options do we have?”

 

And with that, the four present began planning in earnest, each wanting to please the redhead enough into being herself with them all. They each held different kinds of love for her, and each one would do their best to make her birthday special, because she was special to each of them.


	40. Chapter 40

Sai tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and glanced out of the corner of her eye for the bazillionth time that day. Her gaze rested on the familiar frame of the tall, broad shouldered actor that was pacing near her. He’d been doing that all morning. And it was quickly getting annoying.

 

She sighed and deliberately forced her gaze to meet his and watched as he froze, calculating what he wanted to do now that he’d been spotted. After several moments of watching him not move or really even blink, Sai raised a hand and waved, an amused smile on her lips.  _ Might as well get this over with _ …

 

Thoroughly caught now, Ren returned her smile with a tight, forced one and came closer. For days now, he’d been juggling ideas around in his mind for something he could do for her. Anything he could for her to rival what she’d done for his birthday. No matter what he did though, he couldn’t think of anything worthwhile.

 

“Good morning, Ms. Akai…” He greeted rather distantly, his grin up at full force to hide his clashing emotions underneath.

 

Sai shielded her eyes from the bright, sparkling gleam of his grin. “Is it a good morning, Mr. Tsuruga? You look rather...troubled.” She decided to dance around directly accusing him of acting strangely.

 

“You can tell, huh…” He said as his grin deflated, and he knew then that he just wouldn’t be able to think of anything on his own. “I’m trying to decide on something to give you. I really want to give you something for-”

 

“Oh, Mr. Tsuruga…” Sai said softly, cutting him off. “You honestly don’t need to get me anything. I don’t really like...gifts, or favors or...any of that. It would mean a lot more to me if you just left it be.”

 

Ren furrowed his brows. He couldn’t understand why she’d been so insistent. It was just a gift, and it was for her birthday. Where was the issue in getting her something?

 

The redhead narrowed her eyes and looked at him suspiciously, “Don’t make that face at me. It makes plenty of sense,” she told him, as if reading his mind. “I just don’t like presents. That’s all.”  _ I just don’t want him spending the time and money on me... _

 

“But there’s more that I can do than buy you something...isn’t there? I mean, Ms. Akai, I really want to thank you for making my birthday something special…”

 

The actress fought back the desire to blush at that. She’d been selfish for his birthday. She’d wanted him to remember the day by her gift. His words had been simple and blunt, but they meant so much to her for her to know that he’d viewed her gift as meaningful enough to make the day special.

 

Unfortunately, it also made her feel rather guilty. She’d gotten what she wanted. By claiming his birthday was special, now she’d gotten something already. He’d already made it up to her by saying that. She couldn’t ask him for anything else.

 

“Mr. Tsuruga, please. If you want to make the day enjoyable, don’t get me anything. I’m not too keen on anything you could get me and it’s really alright. I’d rather not cause you unnecessary stress…” Sai carefully watched his face as she talked and saw that she wasn’t getting through to him. “If you let personal things like this interfere with your state of mind, it could affect your work, after all.” She hated bringing work into this, but she honestly didn’t want him to do anything for her.

 

Holding back her desire to flinch as Ren’s face darkened, the redhead forced her lips to upturn, “But I honestly appreciate the gesture. It means a lot that you even thought of me, or remembered when my birthday was.” She laughed lightly, “I don’t know if I was expecting you to even remember.”

 

“Why wouldn’t I remember?” The dark haired man asked, honestly at a loss.

 

“Oh, I don’t know…” Sai fingered part of the cardigan she was wearing, finding the plum colored fabric made her already pale skin even more ghostly looking. 

 

“Ms. Akai.” Ren said to get her attention, watching those icy eyes crawl up to his and widen in interest. He could always lose himself in those near-colorless irises. “I would never forget something as important as your birthday.”

 

A shiver shot down the redhead’s spine as she heard his deep voice rumble through the air. His words were so soft, so sincere, and it warmed her to her each and every toe.

 

“Akai!” She could hear off to the side of the set, and it broke the moment she’d been having with Ren long enough for her to recognize that Tengen was calling for her to come look at a discrepancy in the script. 

 

A tad bit guiltily, she turned back to the actor and offered an apologetic smile. “I do apologize, Mr. Tsuruga...I believe I need to go now. 

 

He sighed softly and nodded, “Very well, Ms. Akai. Don’t think this means I’ve given up on working through something to give you, though.”

 

The redhead rolled her eyes rather severely and waved her hand as if dismissing his claim. She had much to learn about how stubborn he could be if she thought that was enough to deter him. A slow smile spread across the actor’s face.

 

He may not mean that much to her yet. He may not be close enough to her to consider himself a good friend of hers, but he understood her. And he loved her. And that was enough. He would do everything in his power to give her something, and that was that. Her selflessness be damned, he couldn’t very well let the women he loved go without a birthday present of some kind, now could he?

 

No matter where the petite woman went that day, she found that the dark haired man was two steps ahead of her. He left her short notes or little post-its in her dressing room, each one containing some sort of guess at things she liked, or prying questions so he could learn more. 

 

“Do you like jewelry?” One asked, “Gold? Silver? How about gemstones? Do you ever wear your birthstones? June has two you know, and I think you’d look good in pearls.” A smile spread across her face as she read that, thinking to herself that she’d never been a fan of pearls. Too plain. She picked up another note and read it aloud. “Although, now that I think about it, perhaps you wouldn’t like pearls. Too plain. Back to the drawing board.” She laughed loudly and pocketed the note, “Tsuruga, you smart ass…” She giggled to herself.

 

If he didn’t leave notes, he sent Yashiro in his place with a potential list of items and favors. “Something blue:” One began, referencing his knowledge of her favorite color. “Perhaps a dress? But you seem to like skirts more. Maybe a tank top? Or a cardigan? You look magnificent in cardigans.” She blushed deeply and set the list down, unsure of what to feel. The man was clearly toying with her. She knew more than he thought she knew, though. 

 

“I’ve seen you reading those novels, you know.” The list went on, “I could get you more, if that’s an author you enjoy. You seem to have a lot of his books.” Sai pressed her lips together and shook her head. Of course he knew her favorite author. He seemed to know a lot more about her than she’d thought.

 

“I never asked for your favorite type of flower. I would have at first peg you as a fan of more colorful blooms, but now I think you’d prefer something more simple. Classic. I’ll have to ask my florist.” The redhead buried her face in her hands. Her favorites were roses. Why was he so  **good** at this? When did he take all of these notes?

 

Shaking her head as she got up and left her dressing room, she ran into the man himself waiting for her in the hallway. “You know, Mr. Tsuruga…” She said with a soft, teasing smile, catching his attention. “You’re starting to seem almost stalker-ish.”

 

“Only because you’re refusing to let me be a good person,” the actor replied with ease as he replaced his phone in his pocket. He’d been looking up flowers, of course. 

 

“I’m refusing to let you waste the money on me when I’m not a fan of gifts! I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be a good person, or anything so drastic.”

 

“Ms. Akai,” he said seriously, “do you honestly think I would consider this a waste of my money?  I can easily tell you that there are few things in the world I’d rather spend money on than you.” His words rang in her ears, sending heat rushing into them. 

 

_ Since when was he so...sincere? _ Sai asked herself as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shuffled in place. “I wouldn’t be waste…” She admitted quietly, “but I still feel like it would be wrong of me to ask you for anything.”

 

“You’re not asking me, Sai.” He said, using her first name to get her full attention. Her icy eyes immediately snapped up to his, thoroughly surprised at hearing the syllable from him. “I’m the one offering you. I want to give you something. There’s a difference.”

 

This time, the redhead didn’t jump to stop him. She cast her gaze down at the floor and hid a blush behind her hand. She didn’t like how much hearing her name from his lips had affected her. It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard it before. But for whatever reason, this time, it had shaken her to her very core.

 

Her skin tingled and she could feel her pulse racing beneath it. Her heart was doing a sort of two-left-feet tap dance. Her stomach seemed like it was training for a gold medal in Olympic gymnastics. Each of those things individually would have been enormously uncomfortable, but somehow, all together, they were wonderful. And that seemed to be the worst part of it. She couldn’t fall for this man, she just couldn’t. But he was making it so  **easy** . 

 

Swallowing and forcing her voice out as evenly and normal as possible, she managed, “I see your point. May I...have some time to consider it?”

 

“Please, Ms. Akai,” Ren said, switching back to her last name, thank the gods above. “How difficult could it be?”

 

“Do you want to get me something meaningful, or don’t you?” Sai asked, propping her hands up on her hips and trying to appear more confident than she was. He always seemed to destabilize her like it was effortless.

 

Taken aback, the man blinked once, “Well, yes, but-”

 

“Then I’d like some time,” she said, turning on her heel to retreat back into the safety of her dressing room, where this man wasn’t there to rip out the solid ground from under her feet. She could feel herself peering over the edge of a vast, bottomless pit, clinging desperately to the edge where she rested like a newborn to its mother. This man was dangerous, so very very dangerous. Every moment she spent with him, the darker and deeper that pit became and the more precarious her only remaining surface was. She wouldn’t be able to stop herself from falling for that much longer.

 

Ren pressed his lips together, unsure of why she seemed to be running from him. He hoped to god he hadn’t made her too uncomfortable. Oh, he would be so screwed if he’d done that. Why did he always have to be so stubborn? “Very well...Ms. Akai. I’ll be in my dressing room if you figure something out.”

 

He was about to leave her be, but her voice rang through the hallway once more. “And Mr. Tsuruga?” Turning to face her, his deep, rich eyes met her searing blue ones which held something incredibly complex that he couldn’t place at that moment from so far away. “My favorite flowers are roses. As classic as it gets.” And with that, she swept inside her room.

 

Sai shut the door behind her and leaned against it, slipping down to the floor. It was hopeless. Yet another chunk of her stable ground had just fallen into that endless blackness. Damn that man and his soft voice and handsome face. Damn his kindness and affectionate nature. Just damn him. He was too perfect.

 

_ What  _ **_do_ ** _ I want for my birthday…? _ She finally asked herself. She’d gone so long without even considering what she wanted that she didn’t really know what she was even supposed to ask for. The longer she thought about it, the more assured she became that she didn’t want him buying anything after all.

 

It wasn’t that she disliked jewelry or makeup, or any semblance of clothing or accessory. Quite the opposite actually. She was a fan of accessorizing. But little trinkets like that seemed so...common. And if there did exist a word that described her relationship with that actor, it  **certainly** wasn’t anything close to “common.” 

 

No, their relationship required more unorthodox presents which symbolized the chaos that was their current standing with each other. But what could she possible ask him for? She honestly didn’t know if there was anything she wanted. And she already felt like she owed him, not the other way around.

 

_ What if...perhaps, I could masquerade something that would be more like a gift for him, but require him to participate in some way so that I can call it my present?  _ It was that train of thought that led it the idea hitting her like a freighter. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to play for him. She wanted to play her violin. She’d wanted to for so long now.

 

If she told him that, as her present, she wanted him to clear an evening for her, she was sure he would do so. Then, she could play for him without him believing that the event was for his benefit. It was perfect.

 

Collecting herself, she rose off of the floor where she’d been sitting and gathered her belongings together to take out of the studio once she was done with Ren. Slipping out of her room and down the hall, she was about to knock when she heard voices behind the actor’s door. Peeking in once there was no answer to her declaration of entry, she immediately saw that the dark haired man’s room was full of their costars.

 

_ Oh, great... _ Sai thought, her nose crinkling in distaste.  _ He’s brought an audience. Just what I needed today... _ she moaned internally. Well, if he was going to play it this way, she could play dirty too. She’d just planned on asking him outright. Plans change.

 

Stepping in and shutting the door behind her, the actor finally noticed her presence and sat up. “Ms. Akai! You came!” He exclaimed, watching her carefully with a smirk on his face. He’d clearly gathered these people so she couldn’t reject his offer again. What a little…

 

“What?” She asked, looking down her nose at him teasingly, “Did you think I was going to run away? Climb out of my window and high-tail it out of here?”

 

He chuckled softly and shook his head, “Oh, no. Nothing like that. I was just worried you wouldn’t be able to think of anything, and instead of telling me, you’d just leave.”

 

“You know I wouldn’t do that…” Sai told him softly, watching the reactions of the other women carefully. They didn’t seem so pleased that the actor had put so much thought into their last exchange. They looked like angry poodles. 

 

“Does that mean you’ve thought of something?” Ren asked, scooting forward on his chair and looking as innocent and gorgeous as possible. Around him, all the women lost it, swooning and giggling and whispering like adolescent teenagers. Sai had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. She could see where their faith laid. 

 

The redhead’s lip twitched as the thought of her response. Hell, if he was going to bring in an army to defend him, she was going to put up a fight. She was  **not** going to make this easy on the dark haired man.

 

“I gave it some thought, but really I don’t think it’s worth it. I mean, it’s just a birthday. It’s not that big of a deal.”

 

“Please Ms. Akai, really, I want to give you something, to thank you for all that you’ve done. Your birthday is just an excuse, an opportunity to give you something in return. Please, anything.” Ren was doing his best puppy dog face at her, and if anything, he sure had the entirety of the cast on his side, they were all looking at her like she was some evil witch. 

 

Sai was lost in thought as she pondered everything, and couldn’t come up with an answer or an excuse. To Ren, she simply looked indifferent, bored as usual. He knew she struggled sometimes, but usually he could feel a hint of something in her, but right now she was so empty. Knowing she wasn’t going to reply, he moved his head away to avoid looking at her vacant gaze. In reality, she was simply calculating various ways she could go about executing her plan, and when she was focused, her expression came across as more blank.

 

Yumiko hadn’t really wanted to be in the room. Her much younger friend had practically dragged her in here. Yumi herself didn’t have much affection for the dark haired actor, but she did know many people that were head over heels. Regardless, she’d come to respect the man for his talents and the way he carried himself. It was rather infuriating to see someone, especially someone he was close to, make fun of him like that and bait him like that. 

 

She was about to speak up, chastise the redhead for ignoring the pleas of the most talented actor in all of Japan, someone who clearly cared for her, although Yumiko never could quite understand why. Before she could get the words out, though, Sai caught up with Ren’s words and her face slowly began showing more emotion. She’d just completed her plan.

 

Curiosity lit up in her eyes as she processed his words, and suddenly, something obviously dawned on her, and she took on a mischievous expression. It was the most expressive face Yumiko had ever seen her make off set. 

 

“Anything?” Was all she said, her tone devious and obviously scheming. Ren’s head slowly turned to her, his eyes wider than usual as he took in her lack of indifference, and then they widened more as he realized that he’d never even seen her make such a face, which was to be expected considering the rarity of it at all. But still. Surprising, to say the least. It almost made him take back his words. But he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. He owed her big time. And he’d worked on digging this hole all week.

 

“Anything.” He responded strongly. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for her eyes to darken the way they did. The frigid color seemed to melt like ice, turning into a blue that was so deep and dark, it seemed to pull him in. He couldn’t look away. The look behind them was so heated, so passionate.

 

Desperately trying to get a hold of his own slipping mask, he fought off the urge to look completely and utterly astounded as her already unbelievable attitude took another unexpected turn.  _ She’s looking at me downright flirtatiously! In front of all these people! Our coworkers! Our friends! _

 

“Well…in that case…there  **is** something I’d like.” She began to walk towards him, the cardigan she’d put on just because he’d stated that they drew his attention was flowing around her as she walked towards him with the confidence of a woman who’d wooed many a man, almost sauntering up to him. He completely froze as she broke the barrier of his personal space and didn’t stop there.  _ Too close. Too close. Much too close,  _ he panicked, watching as she drew even closer, stopping just over a foot away from his face.

 

“You see, Mr. Tsuruga, I’d appreciate, for just an evening…” She leaned in closer to him, seemingly unaware or uncaring about the many people in the room with their eyes glued to her extraordinarily inappropriate actions, their jaws on the floor from the shock of it all. Sai wasn’t about to stop, though. She was getting her revenge for his hounding her every day, and for trying to guilt her into asking him. He deserved this. And it was fun.

 

Ren couldn’t help it, his mask broke and his inner turmoil spilled out on his handsome features. The most dominating, though, was the downright fear in her actions.  _ What is she doing!!!? _ He asked himself, completely frozen to the spot as she lowered herself over him.

 

With absolutely no hesitation, Sai reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder, pushing him backward into the couch, “I’d like…your time, and…your body…” She leaned in further, her lips brushing against his ear as she whispered just loud enough for the whole room to hear, “Namely…your ears…” 

 

The shock was instantly replaced by confusion.  _ My…ears? What? What!! _ Ren couldn’t have been hiding his expression at all, as the second Sai laid eyes on it, her facade broke. She’d been partially channeling Madam, using her typical seductive tendencies to drive her actions. 

 

Upon seeing Ren’s completely flustered and confounded expression, though, she doubled over in laughter, that angelic, bell-like laughter. Despite acknowledging that she was now further away, Ren’s face still showed his confusion, but now there was a bright blush across his cheeks and on the tops of his ears. Seeing that just made her laugh harder.

 

As soon as she’d regained at least a small portion of her composure, Sai straightened up, a gorgeous, radiant smile flitting across her lips as she wiped a tear away from her eye. “Did you really think I was honestly trying to take advantage of you?” She managed between gasps of breath and giggles. 

 

Ren, trying his best to collect his dignity and self image, cleared his throat and did his best to smile at her, projecting none other than the gentlemanly smile. He was not used to being this embarrassed, especially among co workers, and it made him more than just a little mad. “You acted the part quite well, I must say.”

 

“Oh, you hush.” She waved her finger at him, causing him to once again look surprised at her.  _ How is she able to so easily shake me?  _ He asked himself, watching with astonishment as she narrowed her eyes and scoffed, “If you aren’t going to really smile at me, at least look annoyed. You have the right, I was teasing you. I embarrassed both of us in front of coworkers.” She gestured to the room of completely bewildered looking actors, and actually smirked at him. “But mostly you.”

 

_ Oh, so that’s how she’s playing it. _ He did just as requested, a darker expression coming over his face, but he no longer angry, his overall appearance becoming much less intense than she’d seen before. For whatever reason, the actor couldn’t be angry with her. Sure, it was embarrassing to have her do that in front of other members of the cast...but in reality, he’d relished her closeness for those few moments. “Alright, fine. Were you serious at all though? What was the comment about ears?”

 

“Oh, that was serious. I meant that part.” She suddenly stopped looking so cocky, a much gentler expression taking over her face. To most people, she’d probably look pretty blank-faced right then, but truly she was just being shy. The only reason the actor could tell was because he’d seen the expression before. It made his heart flip to see actual progress with the petite woman. “I wanted to know if you’d…be my audience for an evening.”

 

Every trace of anger melted off his face right then and there as he blinked blankly at her, “Audience?” The cast stopped their angered whispering as they too became interested in her meaning.

 

“I…wanted to try playing again. Violin. And I needed an audience. So…if you’d do that for me…that’s all that I could want, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

“But…” He was ecstatic of course, but he didn’t show it right away, something about her tone bugged him. “Why me?”

 

As she processed his words, she stared at him for a moment, her face going completely slack and blank. She tilted her head as she considered any reasons and Ren was beginning to think it might just be because he was convenient, when she spoke up,

 

“I suppose it’s because I trust you more than anyone else.” Ren’s eyes snapped to her form as she continued struggling through what to say. “I don’t know what it is, but something makes me hate the idea of having anyone hear me play, or sing. I don’t ever want to. But around you, I’m willing to try…it’s like…if I consider playing for someone, your face pops into my mind first. 

 

“I’m comfortable with the idea, and for the first time since my childhood, I long to play for someone.” She then looked at him with the tenderest of expressions, “And that’s why, even though you’ll be the one hearing the music, it’s still a gift to me. Seeing you listen to my music, and actually enjoying playing it for you, well, I can’t tell you how happy that would make me. It would truly be the greatest thing you could ever give me right now.” 

 

She’d duped him again. Again. Always he thought that she couldn’t be treating him specially, that she felt nothing for him. Repeatedly though, she proved him wrong. There were these myriads of heartfelt reasons for her actions that seemed to single him out specifically. And yet, always, when he let the idea enter his heart that she may care for him, she would dash it right away. Almost as if it was on purpose. And continually she would dissuade Ren from ever wanting to believe that she truly thought of him as an individual, much less a man. 

 

Sighing softly, so as not to be heard, he looked up at her with a pleasant, tender expression and replied in a soft voice, “Then, of course I’ll come over, just let me know when you’re free, Ms. Akai. It would be my honor.”

 

“When…are you free Mr. Tsuruga?”

 

“Oh, actually I don’t know, although Mr. Yashiro would if you can find him.”

 

“Do you know if you’re free…tonight?” Ren blinked a few times.  _ Wait, no, I’m not ready for this! She moves so fast!  _ Without even thinking, Ren replied automatically,

 

“Oh yes, after I leave here I’m done for today.” He regretted it right away, but he watched as she melted in front of him, a mixture of happiness, relief, shyness, anxiety, and such affection all plastered on her beautiful, elegant features.

 

“Would you like to come over tonight then?” He couldn’t say no to that face, surely she knew that. She had him wrapped around her finger, that was for sure.

 

“Again, it would be my honor.” As he gazed up at her, he realized he must have been staring for a while as Yumiko cleared her throat loudly. He turned to look at her and smiled handsomely. “Oh, I apologize, I didn’t mean to cause a scene. I’ll go get my things together and wait by the doors, okay Ms. Akai?” He said gently, turning to the petite girl in her lovely scarf that matched her bright red hair and flaming cheeks perfectly.

 

“Of course, I’ll be there in a few moments myself.” Ren nodded to her gently and then watched as she started to whisk herself out of the room after bowing to the other cast members. "And Mr. Tsuruga?" She added, turning back to face him, "Wear something nice." Sai's lips pulled up into a teasing smile and she slipped through the doorway. 

 

Returning to her dressing room to gather her belongings, she was surprised when the door opened behind her. Sai rotated back to face the door, expecting it was perhaps the actor coming to clarify her question, but was further surprised when her eyes fell on an enraged Yumiko. 

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” She said in a clipped voice, full of anger.

 

“Doing?” Sai questioned innocently, her face morphing back into the emotionlessness it usually was in. 

 

“Don’t think you fooled anyone! You may have said before you weren’t coming on to him, but you followed that up with inviting him into your house!”

 

“Yes, exactly correct. I don’t see the problem.” Sai tilted her head slowly, looking as if she was trying to understand, “I didn’t try to force myself on him, but I did want a way to grab his attention, so I figured doing something out of character was best.” She stated, and though it was partially true, she had really done it just because he’d embarrassed her earlier. If he played a card in their little game, she played three. That’s how she liked it. 

 

“And I followed that by asking him to do something very personal, which he volunteered for.” Sai continued, “I even gave him the option to refuse, by inviting him, not dragging him. He’s the one who said yes. And if you’re that jealous of my house, you can come over whenever you’d like, I’d love to have you.” She added casually, taking the other actress by complete surprise, 

 

“And if it’s about him, just ask him, he’s easy to talk to and it’s nice to spend time around him, you don’t have to wait until he offers though, you can ask. It’s not as if it’ll insult him.” She smirked again, breaking the facade of emptiness,” He’s a big boy.”

 

Yumiko looked at her in shock. True, everything that she said was valid, but her words and voice still didn’t completely contradict that she was doing this out of feelings, it was just her clever way of avoiding answering for it. While she was distracted, Sai made a big deal of checking her phone’s clock and then smoothly apologizing for having to run, but she had to pack her things up from her dressing room. 


	41. Chapter 41

Sai gathered her belongings as quickly as she could, getting her tote together and slinging it over her shoulder. She walked briskly toward the front doors and immediately Ren was in her view. A gentle, small smile grew across her lips as she saw him. Waving, she grinned further when he waved back and she ended up at his side, walking with him. As they reached the doors, the tall man looked down at her,

 

“Will you need a ride this evening, Ms. Akai?” He asked softly, watching her reaction carefully.

 

“Actually no, Rio is coming to get me. She’s bringing a company car to pick me up.” Sai said with a warm tone, excited that she’d be using the girl’s incredible talent to dazzle him when he arrived after her. Ren watched her face light up and felt his heart flip at the sight.

 

“Ah, you have to change, yes?” He said as she trailed behind him to his car, “As do I, per your request.”

 

She gave him a beaming smile, “Yes! And I meant it when I said something nice, this is a high class event you’re going to.”

 

He looked over at her teasing smile and felt a laugh bubble out of his throat, “Oh, I know. I expect only the finest out of you.” His own eyes twinkling with mirth now.

 

She laughed sharply and the exhale of breath rang and echoed in the garage as she smiled wordlessly at him, the merriment blatant on her face. He watched her face until the moment they reached his car and he looked at her with a somewhat awkward expression, unsure of how to proceed, until she laughed again and simply said, “I’ll see you soon, Mr. Tsuruga. Drive carefully.”

 

He felt himself relax and gave her a gentle smile, “You as well. I look forward to the evening.” And he got into his car, vaguely aware of her presence retreating back to the doors. Rolling down his window, he sat for a moment listening to the sound of her boots clicking on the floor until they grew too quiet and distant to hear any longer. Pulling out of the driveway then, he was surprised to feel so sincerely disappointed that she’d be gone, even if it would only be for an hour at most.

 

Content on not shaking the feeling, though, he took a moment to enjoy the fact that he was actually capable of feeling such things for another person. He missed her even if her absence was only for a few short hours. That made his heart race just thinking about it. He drove into his parking garage and walked into his apartment swiftly, wanting to get back to her as soon as possible.

 

He walked into his room and poked his head into his closet, flipping through the multitude of suits within. He eventually went with a simple black suit, thinking it best to go with a black button up as well. It was subtle and simple enough, but it suited his tall, lean frame and made his toned form more modest. Thinking a black tie too much, though, he replaced the dark fabric with a bright red one, the color reminding him of Sai. 

 

He looked at the finished product when he’d put it all together and was pleased with the result. His stomach flipped thinking of her reaction, but the thought of her simply led his mind to what she would be wearing. He allowed his mind to wander and as it did a blush steadily rose on his cheeks and he had to clear his throat. 

 

To take his mind off of it, thinking it had gone too far now, he busied himself looking up directions to her apartment several times, trying to familiarize himself with the route. Once he was confident enough, he stepped back outside and headed to his car.

 

Once inside, an idea occurred to him. To both thank her and to celebrate her performance, he thought he’d get her flowers. Although he wasn’t entirely sure if it was appropriate, he figured he’d already made his decision anyway. Pulling up at a florist, he walked in and inhaled the smell of freshly picked greenery, something he himself had always loved. It made him miss the faint vanilla that accompanied the redhead whenever she was close enough. 

 

Looking around for a little while, he discovered that the large, flowing bouquets weren’t quite her style and the colorful, bright hues of the springy flowers also didn’t fit her. Failing to immediately locate something, he was about to walk out when his eyes fell on a bin of singular roses, each wrapped individually and fully bloomed, large, glistening, and gorgeous. It was perfect.

 

Purchasing one, he blushed as the cashier recognized him, “I’m rather jealous of whoever you’re giving this to,” she said, “Must be a very special woman.”

 

Voting on not contradicting her, he reveled in just one moment to consider her as special as she truly was to him, “Yes, yes she is.” He said, a glowing smile on his face. 

 

He made his way back to the car, sliding into the seat and staring at the rose before him, his heartbeat quickening as he thought about the events to come that evening. His excitement was quickly dashed, though, as he realized he’d detoured from his path that he’d planned out and was well and truly lost. He really needed to drive around this area sometime, he was hopeless at navigating it. Finally finding his way to her apartment, he parked in the usual space and turned his car off, staring straight ahead for a few moments.

 

Getting out of his car, he walked up the front steps, the rose in his hand, and smiled. He remembered with fondness the moments he’d spent with Sai his first time here, and heard her laughter in his mind. Opening the front door, he stepped inside and glanced at the flickering light bulb, feeling his hand warm as he thought of her taking it in her own and pulling him towards the stairs. Climbing up those same metal steps, he walked down the hallway illuminated with nothing but ancient light. Raising his knuckles, he knocked on the door with vigor and waited, holding his breath at the prospect of seeing Sai on the other side.

 

The yellowed wood of the door gave way and it opened to reveal the curving form of the woman he loved more than anything else in the world. Her pale skin was draped in a satin black fabric that laid across her form gorgeously. The dress encircled her neck and fell down her chest, cinched at her waist. It flared out at her natural waistline and pleated as it reached her thighs. Where the dress ended her legs began, wrapped in dark tights and lengthened by high pumps.

 

When she saw Ren standing behind the door, a smile lit up her features, a light blush dancing on her already dusted cheeks. As she opened the door wider, he spotted her hair tied in a small bun near her neck on the right side of her head. It was shorter than it had been several months prior, but it grew longer by the day and was now long enough for the red locks to be put up in that bun. It was darker than usual now, but the brighter strands stood out against the white light of her apartment.

 

He marveled in her lustrous beauty for a moment, standing with absolutely no movement as he stared. Eventually, Sai couldn’t simply stand there and let him gaze at her, and her cheeks flamed and she averted her eyes. Stepping out of the doorway, she turned slightly to let him in and he realized that her dress was completely open in the back. He choked as her appearance caught up with him and his heart began racing wildly, his breath hitching. 

 

As he walked inside, Sai glanced back at him and felt her own pulse race beyond control. He entered the room and removed his coat, hanging it on the hook and the redhead was able to see him much better out of the ancient light of the hallway. He wore a black button up underneath a rich obsidian jacket, paired with a deep red tie that added a flash of color to his otherwise completely black ensemble. The shoulders of the jacket made his broad form even broader and lengthened his torso. His hair was combed back slightly and parted differently than usual, so his bangs were out of his face. 

 

The dark colors combined with his enhanced form made his features glow and soften with his smiles, and each moment she watched his face, her heart beat heavier and faster. He was incredibly gorgeous, and every step that he took was elegant and graceful. Sai had to train her eyes forward to avoid staring at him completely stupefied. 

 

Still standing in the foyer, Ren had  to force his eyes away from gazing at her pale shoulder blades, and he juggled the rose in his hand gracefully and elegantly. She noticed it with surprise and her lips formed into a delicate and dainty “o” shape. Seeing this, Ren’s gaze shifted to the flower and a smooth smile lit up his features. He approached the redhead and bent down slightly to look the petite girl directly in the eyes, 

 

“Here you are, Ms. Akai.” He said, his voice lower than normal, rumbling with its earthy tone.

 

“You got this for me?” She asked, her tone light and fond, but still surprised and gliding with a sweetness not usually present. “You remembered?”

 

He laughed softly at this and handed it to her, watching in delight as her pale fingers wrapped around the stem, “Well, of course I did. I make a point to remember everything you tell me. Each fact is precious. And besides, it’s only fitting for a performer such as yourself, don’t you think so?”

 

“True,” she began, “But I haven’t even performed yet!”

 

“I simply couldn’t wait,” he said honestly, watching her with a warmth in his gaze.

 

A blush rose on her cheeks as she openly admired the beauty of the flower, her eyes softening into pools of liquid blue. She gently carried it into her dining room through the kitchen and slipped it into a tall, tasteful glass vase. 

 

Following her, Ren entered her kitchen and found himself once again staring at her bare back and desperately searched for something else to focus on, his eyes eventually falling on the counter topped with freshly cooked food.

 

Seeing his gaze’s direction, Sai smiled beautifully and asked, “You haven’t eaten tonight, have you?” Her lips turned up into a gentle, warm grin as she admired his reaction. 

 

He shook his head with a soft smile tugging at his own lips, “I haven’t, actually, but you already knew that of course.”

 

A gentle laugh bubbled up and she gazed at him with piercing icy eyes, “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t, who knows. But I figured dinner and show would be a wonderful idea.”

 

The word “date” had rung through Ren’s mind when she’d started her sentence, but when she finished with the word “idea”, he realized that to even entertain the thought of her calling their meeting a date was ridiculous and irrational in its entirety. 

 

“So what am I looking at?” He asked gently, a smile matching her own on his lips.

 

She began plating all of the many dishes and sauces that were laid out in front of her, and slowly he watched as it became almost a work of art. If he’d thought she was impressive before, the level she was cooking at now seemed infinitely further away. A bed of mixed vegetables laid at the bottom of the plate, topped with a small, perfectly cooked fillet of fish, garnished with herbs and a dill sauce, topped with lemon and spices. 

 

Ren looked at her in shock and she batted her eyelashes, gesturing for him to take his own plate. He smiled at her with a tender, heavenly upturn of his lips and picked up the dish, carrying it gracefully to her dining table. He sat down and the two engaged in a lovely meal, the food disappearing from Ren’s plate without his realizing it just as it did with nearly every meal he ate with the redhead.

 

As he finished his meal, a thought passed through his mind and his smile faltered slightly. For just a moment he thought that this might become a regular occurrence, eating with her, talking with her, smiling like this. If he played his cards wrong, though, she may draw away from him, shut him out. Just the tiniest thought of her cutting him out of her life made his heart ache in a way he didn’t even imagine possible, and a pain rose behind his eyes as he thought of his life without her in it. 

 

Seeing his face fall and a horror seep into his eyes, Sai panicked and set her hand on top of his, “Mr. Tsuruga? Are you okay?” She asked, her voice wavering.

 

He refocused on her features and looked at her hand resting atop his. “I…” He stuttered, his mind clearing of his awful thoughts, “I’m alright, just thought of something...distasteful.” He shuddered visibly and slid his hand out from under hers. 

 

Her eyes narrowed and she gave him a gentle glance, “Mr. Tsuruga, I won’t ask what you’re going through, that’s for you to tell me. But please, let me make tonight special for you.” She smiled beautifully and gave him a warm gaze, “Please.” She added.

 

Ren knew that the more she tried to make him comfortable, the more he would struggle keeping his affections for her from showing, but the fact that she wanted him to enjoy himself meant something to him, “Alright, I’m all yours.” He said with a gorgeous smile, meaning every word he said. 

 

They continued talking softly, their voices warming the spaces of her homey apartment, their laughter echoing off the walls. Although they’d finished the meal rather quickly, their conversations led them to sit there for a while longer. After a comfortable silence finally overtook the two actors, she gave him a gentle smile and stood, gathering the plates and dishes. Ren followed her lead and helped tidy, storing the leftover food. They stood together at the sink washing and drying the dishes until everything was completely put away.

 

Sighing contently, the redhead led Ren back towards the living room and let him get comfortable there, smiling nervously. Once she was content that he was settled, she nodded and took in a shaky breath, her cheeks tinged with pink.

 

“Are you nervous?” Ren asked with an upturn of his lips.

 

She glanced at him with unsure eyes, “A little. It’s been a long time.”

 

He gave her the most reassuring smile he could manage, “You’ll be great. I know it already.”

 

Immediately, some of the tension melted off of her shoulders, so much so that Ren could see the shift. She beamed at him and turned around, disappearing through a door near the staircase. Reappearing within seconds, she peeked out from behind her thickly framed navy glasses, holding a small, dark case.

 

She set it gingerly on the coffee table and flipped it open, revealing a darkly stained violin from within. Stroking it gently, she ran her hand down the familiar curve of the craftsmanship and lifted it from the case. Ren watched transfixed as she moved with the wooden instrument, her hands and body shifting perfectly with it, as if she’d just done it yesterday. 

 

She ran something down the long bow also in the case, and though Ren wasn’t sure what it was, he could tell she really knew what she was doing, and every motion showed how deeply she cared for the music and the instrument she held. With a few strokes of the bow and tweaks of the knobs at the end of the violin, she looked up at him with returned nervousness. 

 

“Keep an open mind, okay? Give it a few moments to sink in.” She told him, her voice quaking just slightly.

 

He nodded, still mesmerized by the sight of her holding the violin, and watched as she lifted it up, resting it underneath her chin. The first of the notes hit the walls, echoing around him and off the walls. It struck him immediately that the notes she was playing were simple, her bowing technique was only slightly better than average and he couldn’t see the value of the simplicity in her playing. The notes were beautiful, sure, holding a deep sadness in them, but he couldn’t make out anything unusual or complex. 

 

As she played, the notes filled the room completely, surrounding Ren and echoing in his ears. He was quickly reminded of his own birthday, and the painting she’d so carefully crafted. It was skilled, though average at best, but it held a deeper, more sophisticated beauty that was untouchable by most people. It was a natural, inborn gift that separated her from the greatest of painters, and he supposed, greatest of violinists.

 

Clearing his mind completely, he rid himself of expectations and judgments, letting the music in the room surround him without worry as to its quality. Instantly, he was overtaken as the notes and melodies seeped through his skin and invaded his very being. All at once it wasn’t the notes that were affecting him, but her very emotions that struck him at his core. He could physically feel the intensity of her feelings of despair. His chest and stomach seemed to twist as he shivered violently and his brows dipped in sympathy for the sorrow held in her music.

 

His heart seized in his chest as the song reached its highest point, and he had to clutch his hands into fists as the woeful notes flew through his ears somberly. As the last of the notes were played, he took in a shaking, violent breath as a single tear rolled down his cheek. He’d known that she was talented, more so than most people, and that was saying a lot when it came to the people he often worked with. He’d known that, but still, he hadn’t thought her talents would extend this far, and he certainly wasn’t expecting them to be concealed by such beautiful simplicity. 

 

He wiped the tear from his cheek and turned to say something to her, but was surprised to find her focus shifting as she lifted the bow to play another piece, not missing a beat. Instantly, the room itself changed. Every aspect of the atmosphere shifted with her notes. 

 

Sharp and flat, tense and loud, the notes bounced off the wall viciously, echoing and rebounding, surrounding him and sinking into his skin which bristled. Every muscle in his body tensed in that moment, his heart speeding up and his nerves fraying uncomfortably. His fingers curled into his palm until it was painful, and the pace of his breathing increased until he was hissing out through clenched teeth.

 

This song had been shorter, but the effect it had had on him was just as, if not more, intense. As the last notes closed out the melody, the muscles in his back relaxed and he was shocked to discover the ache within them. To think just a few minutes of music could make his muscles clench that tightly, it was unfathomable. 

 

Looking at her again as a few seconds of silence stretched out, he found that she had her eyes closed, and was taking a deep, confident breath. He watched as she lifted the bow a third time and began again. The notes were fluid and gentle, soft and high-pitched, they instantly soothed his body and mind, and he felt his state turn placid and serene. His breathing evened out and his heart slowed, a warmth rushing through his veins the likes of which he’d never known before and the peacefulness of the notes washed over him. 

 

He listened in fascination at her talent and gorgeous sounds as he released the last bit of tension in his chest and he felt his heart completely melt for her. In that instant, he became acutely aware that as of that moment, he’d completely and totally fallen for her, he was a goner. And he loved the feeling completely and entirely. 

 

The last note of the piece rang through the air, drawn out and gorgeous, and she lifted the bow off the strings, still staring at the violin as the effects of the music slowly wore off of her too. With a gentleness, she lowered the instrument and raised her eyes to meet his. Seeing that she was finished, he instantly began clapping his hands together, his expression glowing with a gorgeous joy.

 

She smiled at him deliriously, the nerves she’d been holding about the whole ordeal rushing out all at once, “What did you think?” She asked, breathing more quickly than normal as a gentle blush touched her cheeks.

 

“I’ve never heard anything more beautiful.” He said honestly, his eyes shining.  _ Nor have I seen anyone this beautiful in all of my life... _ he thought to himself, watching her form and how the glasses softened her features.

 

The blush on her cheeks grew and she curtsied gently to him, her smile free and wild, making his heart race incredibly fast. “Truly?” She asked, her eyes shining.

 

“Ms. Akai, that was one of the most exhilarating experiences I’ve had in my entire life. You are unbelievably talented. I’m incredibly grateful for what you’ve given me today.”

 

“Ah-ah,” she chided, “Not what I have given you, what you have given me. Remember?” She told him, referencing how she’d accepted his visit as a present to her.

 

“How on earth have I given you anything tonight?” He asked, laughing, “I’m the one who got dinner and a show.”

 

“You’re here.” She told him, meeting his eyes with her twinkling ones, “You came to watch me, you made me incredibly happy, you appreciate what I can do, and make me love it again. You help me feel alive.” Sai looked at him with the most tender expression she’d ever given him, 

 

“You’re here.” She repeated, “That’s a gift enough.” Her heart was racing, and she knew she’d already said too much, but she couldn’t seem to stop the words from rushing out. She could never thank him enough for all he’d done, or tell him how grateful she was to have him there, to be near him, to be in his life.

 

Ren watched her speak, not breathing for fear of the confession waiting on the tip of his tongue slipping out with his ragged breathing. It didn’t stop his heart from racing a million miles an hour, though. If it was up to him, he’d never want to spend an evening without her. If it was up to him, he’d be in her presence always, and it wouldn’t be a gift to her, it would be a fulfillment of his greatest wish right then and there.

 

Letting him process the information, Sai watched him carefully as he went through everything she’d said. She knew she may have just given him false hope, but she couldn’t help revealing how she truly felt. Hoping he’d gotten over her by then, she was both hopeful and fearful of the realization that he was most certainly not through with his crush, if anything, he’d fallen more deeply.

 

Gulping, Sai turned and placed her violin back in its case as tenderly as possible. Watching her do this, Ren was again spellbound by her gentleness towards the object and it gave him a new subject to broach, 

 

“Where did you learn to play?” He asked her, his voice starting off a little more high pitched and crackly than he would have liked.

 

Closing the case, she turned to him with a slightly nervous expression, “Well...after I went through a bit of a rough patch, Lory paid for my lessons. He thought they would help me recover, and they did for a bit, but it didn’t do much in the long run. And in the end, I gave it up.”

 

Watching her uncomfortableness at the subject, Ren knew that he shouldn’t pry at it any further, no matter how much he wanted to. He didn’t want to scare her away. Not when he seemed so close to her.

 

They spoke in hushed, tender tones for a while longer that evening, enjoying a light dessert and pleasant conversation. Time passed without either of them really noticing, or caring for that matter. By the time they realized how long Ren had been there for, neither really wanted him to leave. But he knew it was time to go.

 

“I should really head back, Ms. Akai.”  _ No matter how much I want to stay, _ he added in his mind. He watched her face fall slightly and was immediately overcome by mixed emotions at this, wanting so desperately to stay with her, especially when she made that face.

 

“I know,” she nodded softly, standing up and brushing off her dress. Ren watched her move, burning the image completely into his mind. Engraving her very image into the backs of his eyelids. In all her beauty and radiance. 

 

He walked to the door and grabbed his coat, slipping it onto his shoulders. She walked over to him slowly, a blush dusting her cheeks and her heart skipping a few beats as she watched him move. Approaching him, she straightened his coat and tie while he marveled at the intimacy of the gesture, but wasn’t about to stop her.

 

When she was finished, she stepped back, a light smile on her lips, “There, you all set?” She asked.

 

He nodded and stepped towards the door, “Well, Ms. Akai, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your night.” His voice said, lower than normal, which sent chills down Sai’s spine. 

 

Smiling at him genuinely, she nodded, “You as well, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

“Oh,” he said, taking her hand in his and raising her knuckles to his lips, “And Happy Birthday,” he said, his voice even lower and almost whispering, his breath gusting across her skin before he pressed his lips to her skin, sending pinprick though her overly sensitized hand. She gulped at this, her blood racing through her body and her pulse pounding deafeningly in her ears. He’d done something similar on Valentine’s Day, but that now seemed completely platonic compared to the almost licentious nature of his actions this time.

 

Before she could even thank him, or even respond, he’d released her hand and slipped out the door, walking to his car with a light blush tinting his ears. Sliding into the car seat, he looked up at the light shining through the upper windows and the smile on his face grew. He drove home to the best of his ability and jogged up to his apartment. 

 

Once there, he got ready for bed as fast as possible before flopping onto his mattress unceremoniously and facing the ceiling for a few moments. Slowly, his eyelids drooped over his eyes and instantly he could see the image of Sai he’d burned there. He watched her move and the way the fabric shifted around her, the twinkling of the jewelry she wore, and the sounds of her voice and laughter ringing in the air. 

 

Lying completely content as images of her invaded his mind, a smile grew and grew until it was plastered all over his face and he wiped a hand down it as a laugh escaped his throat. He couldn’t recall a time he’d been so completely and thoroughly blissful. It was invigorating, and it made him feel for once that he was free, in that moment there was no weight on his shoulders. No legacy looming over him, no guild dragging him down, no self-hatred. Only her. Only Sai.


	42. Chapter 42

His heart was beating in his ears faster than he’d ever heard it. With slight hesitance, he reached out and set his cupped hand around her cheek. Her intensely frigid eyes were slightly unfocused and she seemed out of breath. He pushed his hand up into the bright red locks he’d desperately wanted to touch for so long and pulled her closer, tilting her head to allow for a better angle as their lips drew closer together.

 

He could feel her breath ghost across his skin right as they met, the contact sending electricity through the actor’s entire body. His eyes flew open as pinpricks of the pain fizzled out from his fingers. Ren found himself breathing heavily, staring at his ceiling, his gaze not able to fully focus on anything and his pulse rocketing through his body.

 

The actor felt heavy, like something was weighing down on his chest. He couldn’t seem to take in full breaths of air and his mind was clouded and foggy. Distantly, he was aware that he’d just been dreaming about the redhead. It had felt so  **real** , though. 

 

He could still smell the lavender in the air, and feel the softness of her hair on his fingertips. His face was still hot where her breath had touched it, and his lips throbbed painfully. Slowly, he raised his hands to his face and ran them across the smooth surface of his skin, exhaling the lingering effects of the dream.

 

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he tried to shake off the sluggishness he felt as he glanced at his clock. It wasn’t even four in the morning yet. He should probably go back to sleep. The more he thought about falling back asleep, though, the more the redhead’s image clouded his mind again. If he somehow miraculously managed to fall asleep, there was the threat of another dream. He didn’t know if he could handle another one. They were starting to wear down his self-control.

 

Pushing himself to his feet, he started pacing the length of his large room, his long legs stiff from sleep. No matter what he did, his head wouldn’t clear. He felt logged down with his thoughts, and there was something nagging at the back of his mind. The incessant tugging finally won him over and he allowed his gaze to wander to where it wanted to go.

 

After several seconds, he found his eyes fixed on his dresser. Walking toward it, he pulled open the topmost drawer and saw exactly what he’d been missing. A white box wrapped in a navy blue, velvet bow. A jewelry box. He hadn’t seen it since he’d gotten back from the Caribbean, where he’d bought it on Valentine’s Day.

 

He’d forgotten about it entirely after he’d decided not to give it to her. Not much had changed since then, but he still felt as if everything was different. It felt right to give it to her now. On her birthday. After everything she’d done and how much she’d opened up to him. It was time he made a move.

 

Setting the box down with the rest of his belongings he would be taking to work that day, he turned back around and entered his bathroom. As if on autopilot, he flung a towel over the glass and reached in to turn on his shower when he remembered how early it was. Taking the towel down, he folded it up and set it next to the tub, turning on the faucets for a bath instead.

 

While it filled, he fussed around picking up various things he’d left strewn about. He was tidy, sure, but even he doesn’t feel like putting away his socks some days. Meandering back into the expansive tiled room, he watched as the water neared its fullest point and drummed his fingers on the counter he was leaning against.

 

The faint semblance of a beat surprised him and he remembered something else. Heading back into his room, he unplugged his phone and searched for another classical movement he could play. Finding a satisfying one, he switched the water off and turned the music on to its loudest. As he eased himself into the hot water, he vowed to get a better speaker. The tiny one on his phone just wasn’t cutting it.

 

Ren had never liked baths. Not even when he was a child. Maybe it was because he grew up in America, but he certainly didn’t inherit his father’s love of them. For whatever reason, though, the ability to relax so fully to the sound of gentle piano was familiar and comforting to the actor. Perhaps it was just because it reminded him of the redhead.

 

As it rightly should, because at that same moment, the actress herself was swaying gently to a similar composition blasting in her apartment. She squeezed the towel through her steadily lengthening red locks and pushed the still-damp strands out of her face. It was tinged pink from the heat of the shower and seemed much softer than usual. If she didn’t know herself better, she’d say she was excited about the day ahead.

 

Heading out of her bathroom, she moved to her closet and dug through it for a moment, tossing various combinations of outfits out onto her bed. She’d taken the entire day off of work for once and was determined to enjoy it. She’d hated her birthday for too long.

 

Sitting on the edge of her bed, surrounded by all assortments of clothing and accessories, she recalled the first birthday she’d celebrated without her mother, and the subsequent one without either parent. Each had been hard in their own way, and it was hard to say which exactly was worse. Regardless, she’d spent a majority of both on her own, isolating herself and refusing to communicate with anyone. The day she first came into the world was no longer a day to celebrate, not without the people who had brought her there.

 

Closing her stinging eyes, she tried to right herself. This was the year things would change. She felt valued again, and had people to value. Now, it was worth it to celebrate that day. Now, she had purpose. Everything would be okay. So long as she was surrounded by people, everything would be okay.

 

Standing up, the redhead set aside a few pieces to form an outfit. The more she found that went together, the more her smile grew and eyes began to glitter. She’d be spending the morning with Rio and the afternoon with Maria and she was determined to make the best of it. She would have fun, damn it.

 

Sai turned on the hair dryer and started styling the bright red locks, pulling them up into a series of braids that formed a bun at the nape of her neck. She pulled on a soft white t-shirt with a decal on her chest, boasting “My Life Begins After Coffee”, which she thought her coworkers would appreciate. Smirking at her reflection, she stepped into a casual set of overalls and left the front unbuttoned so the t-shirt was still visible. 

 

Satisfied, she grinned wider and moved back to her dresser, putting on a pair of feather earrings and an assortment of rings and bangles. To finish it off, she slipped her feet into a pair of beige, high heeled boots and headed downstairs. She polished off the coffee she’d made earlier and checked the time. Still plenty of time to make it to Rio’s.

 

Ever since she’d first heard about the brunette’s offer, she’d had a sneaking suspicion that something was up. Both of her good friends were rather insistent about their time with her that day, to the point where it couldn’t have been them simply wanting to spend time with her on her birthday. Oh no, this was a scheme. Obviously one of Lory’s. He wasn’t a subtle man.

 

She vowed not to say anything, though, as she slipped a light coat over her finished ensemble. Sure it was hot outside in mid June, but there was a biting breeze that morning and her rides with Lola were often rather chilly. She stirred up a lot of wind. Heading out of her door, she gave the familiar motor bike a warm smile and threw her leg over the side, tightening the strap of her helmet and whooping as she pulled away from the curb and shot forward at high speed.

 

At her destination, a familiar actor and makeup artist she knew well were leaving the large, penthouse office of her godfather. 

 

“You two got everything?” He asked for the millionth time, straightening a cuff on his latest costume. 

 

Rio chuckled at the expression of the dark haired man beside her. He look positively exasperated. “Yes, Mr. President, sir,” she said with a fair bit of tolerance in her tone. “I’m sure we understand the plan.” He’d gone over every detail at least eight times already and it wasn’t even eight in the morning yet.

 

The older man fidgeted uncomfortably, toying with a slightly damaged string. “I’m sure you do, it’s just…”

 

“You want it to be perfect,” Ren spoke up, turning to face the President with a gentleness in his eyes. “For Ms. Akai. I understand.”

 

Lory gave him a grateful smile and waved the two young adults away. They walked together toward the elevator bay, Rio offering the actor a gentle nod and smile as she ran off to meet her dearest friend in the lobby.

 

Smirking to himself as he watched the two women embrace in the lobby, he felt his heart leap incredibly strongly in his chest as he watched the redhead’s face alight with that glowing radiance that came when she was indescribably happy. As if sensing his gaze, her intense stare focused on his and he raised his hand in greeting, protected by the great distance between her and the upper balcony he stood on.

 

If it was possible, she seemed to light up even more, her eyes crinkling at the corners and upturning in such a way that it looked almost angelic. She waved back and winked at him before Rio took her hand and dragged the actress out the front doors to begin their morning of adventures together.

 

“You can’t seriously tell me you don’t have feeling for her now, Ren.” Came a confident, high-pitched voice from behind him. Whirling around, he came face to face with the President’s granddaughter, her arms crossed over her chest and a defiant expression on her face.

 

Ren instantly covered up his immediate shock at her statement with a tight, beaming smile. “Ah, Maria! I missed you at your grandfather’s meeting this morning,” he said as he bent down to meet her at eye level. He expected her to go in for a hug, like usual, but she stayed still and kept glaring at him.

 

“I had to go to school.” She snipped, her forest green eyes boring into his unexpectedly coldly for such a young girl.

 

Blinking once, the actor sent a glance to the large clock in the lobby. It was only a little after eight. “Shouldn’t you be there still?” He asked, unsure of how exactly to proceed.

 

“Yes.” The word was just as clipped as the last ones had been. “But how can I focus in school on big sis’s birthday?” She asked, flipping her nose up. “Speaking of my sister,” she began, bringing the conversation back around to where she’d started. “Are you still going to lie to me?”

 

“I never lied to you, Maria…” The actor said slowly, trying to dance around the question.

 

“Yes, you did. You know you love her, don’t you? You’ve known for a long time.”

 

“That’s not true, I-”

 

“Yes, it is!” The golden haired girl insisted, “You can’t see your face, Ren! Or how much different you act when she’s near. It’s not normal, you can’t think of her as just a friend or a coworker.”

 

Lory had said something similar. Apparently his face was a rather large giveaway. He supposed years of acting with his face would make him quite expressive. Who knew it would be such a double edged sword?

 

It took him a moment to formulate a retort. He couldn’t outright say that the girl was wrong. He didn’t think of her as just a friend, after all. But revealing his feelings this early was a bad idea on so many levels. He was already uncomfortable knowing that Lory was at least partly aware of his feelings.

 

Maria, on the other hand, took his silence to mean that he had automatically agreed to her statement. She squealed loudly and clapped her hands together, attracting the attention of other LME employees passing by. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it-” She yelled, getting cut off by the dark haired actor who grabbed her hands and held up a finger to his lips. She snapped her mouth shut and beamed at him warmly. “I’m so happy,” she said softly as she pressed her hands to her steadily blushing cheeks.

 

“Maria…” Ren struggled, “I promise you that there’s nothing like what you’re hoping for going on. It’s just not possible, nothing’s happening between us.”

 

She raised a petite eyebrow and crossed her arms again, the smile fading, “Oh, yeah? If that’s true, then why did you pause?”

 

Ren again hedged on an answer. He would have to tell her some sort of half-truth. “I just didn’t know how to phrase our relationship. I don’t dislike her anymore, but I don’t know if that automatically makes us friends. She’s just starting to trust me, and every victory with her feels like a thousand because she’s... **her** . It’s hard to make any progress.”

 

“What happened that you like her more, then? How did you make that progress?”

 

“I got to know her better, I guess. I spent a long time misunderstanding and judging her blindly. Now I’ve invested the time into learning more about her and observing how she acts around people, and it’s led to me understanding her better. I suppose understanding who she is and why she chooses to do the things she does erased my negative opinion of her.”

 

“Isn’t that what it’s like to be in love?” The little girl asked innocently, blinking up at him. “You do whatever you can to understand your partner so the two of you can communicate and sympathize with each other easier. To understand someone like that, to that depth, isn’t something you’d do for every single friend.”

 

_ This girl... _ Ren gritted his teeth.  _ When did she learn all of that?! Has Lory been making her watch his soap operas with him, or something…? _ He couldn’t avoid it any longer. He’d have to make up some sort of lie or the little girl wouldn’t budge. “You need to give it up, Maria…” he mumbled softly, looking at her directly in the eye with a soft, apologetic gaze. “I’m not in love with her.” He forced out of his throat. It was entirely false. But she didn’t have to know that.

 

His words sparked a pain which blossomed in his chest. He’d finally been able to openly admit to himself the feeling that were steadily growing for the young woman, and here he was already blatantly denying them. 

 

Seeing her play that violin, watching her go through all those experiences, feeling the depth and intensity of her emotions in his very core, he was undoubtedly, undeniably, absolutely head over heels. And every instance he saw her, he only fell further and further down. Not even his guilt was enough to keep him afloat any longer. His feelings for the redhead were that strong.

 

As much as he wanted to reveal this to the golden haired girl, there was no telling how insane she’d go with that information. The last thing he wanted was for her to blabbing to the actress herself.  **If** he ever decided that she should know how he feels, he wanted it to come from him. No one else could reveal it to her. It wouldn’t be right.

 

Plus...he wanted to see her reaction. Whether it be good or bad, sweet or nasty, perfect or horrific, he wanted to see what she’d do when she found out. But...then again, he always wanted to see her. And whenever he did, everything he did seemed to be worth it all over again. Even if his past held shackles and scars, it made him who he is. And he found Sai. That enough made everything he’d been through worth it.

 

He desperately wanted to know what she was doing at that moment. He wanted to see her smile and hear her laughter, feel the warmth that pulsed off of her in waves whenever she was comfortable and pleased. He wanted everything about her in that moment, but more than anything he just wanted to see her.

 

Downtown, the redhead herself and her brown haired companion were just climbing out of a company stretch limo. Sai stretched out, basking in the warm rays of the morning sunlight, sending an excited smile at her makeup artist.

 

Rio laughed and batted at her arm, “You look like a little kid,” she chuckled, earning a bark of laughter from the actress. 

 

“Can we go get ice cream?” Sai asked, batting her eyelashes and using an unusually high-pitched voice. 

 

“How about coffee?” The brunette suggested as the started heading down the crowded Tokyo sidewalks. 

 

The talent clapped her hands together excitedly, “Ooh!” She exclaimed, “I’m game for coffee,” because, after all, she was always game for coffee. Even if she’d already had some that morning.

 

The pair then walked further into the historic district of the city, each carrying a gourmet, caffeine-rich, dark beverage in their hand. They talked about whatever they could think of, each discussing the offers currently on the table and the tasks they’d undertook, as well as the wellbeing of some of their mutual friends. It was more perfect than Sai could have ever hoped for.

 

Together, they walked the entire span of the district, spotting all kinds of architecture, art, and assortments of people. Both were feeling rather uncharacteristically social, and it made for a wonderful morning together. She’d missed having a best friend. It had been a long time.

 

“Hey, Sai…?” Rio eventually ventured, hoisting her legs up on the park bench they currently sat on. 

 

“Yeah?” The redhead tilted her head in interest, a faint smile seemingly permanently fixed on her lips.

 

“You’ve been avoiding a certain topic for the duration of our time this morning,” she tsked loudly as if berating the actress. “And I think it’s time we address it.”

 

Well, so much for “permanently fixed.” Sai immediately sunk down and tilted her head back, groaning. “Do we have to?” The actor was the last thing she wanted to talk about right then.

 

“Yes, of course we have to,” the makeup artist said, as if it were obvious. “What’s going on with you two?”

 

Sai raised her head and those glacier-like orbs seemed to burn and sizzle like fire. Glaring at her friend, she spat out, “There’s nothing ‘going on’ with us, Rio. We don’t even talk that much anymore, we’re both so busy.”

 

“Yeah?” The brunette narrowed her eyes. Sai wasn’t lying, but she wasn’t being entirely truthful either. “And what do you think about that?”

 

“Think about it? What do you mean?” She scrunched her eyebrows together, confused where the line of questioning just went. 

 

“How do you feel now that you don’t talk to him? Do you miss it?”

 

“Miss the constant arguing and anger?” Sai scoffed, shaking her head. “Oh no, I do  **not** miss that. In fact, I’m rather grateful that we have less contact.” The less time she spent around the actor, the safer she was from him.

 

Rolling her eyes, the brunette clicked her tongue in annoyance, “Is this because of that whole ‘I’m not good enough for anyone’ speech you gave me? Didn’t you end up agreeing with  **me** in the end? That you’re far more valuable than you give yourself credit for? Why are you so insistent that nothing could ever happen between you two? How have you deluded yourself into missing how he feels for you? It’s so obvious, he’s like a teenager with a crush. Why not try?”

 

“Because it would never work!” Sai retorted, her good mood all but gone. Hence why she hadn’t wanted to bring him up.

 

“And why not?” Rio asked, her own tone rising in frustration.

 

“Because I’m broken, Rio!” The redhead finally shouted in exasperation, holding her head in her hands, “I’m tainted...you know what I did, Rio. There’s no coming back from that, I’m-I’m a lost cause.”

 

“Sai,” the older woman said, placing a hand on the other’s arm, “broken things are meant to be fixed. Tainted things are meant to be cleansed. There’s no such thing as a lost cause, you just require more dedication, and I’ve never met someone more dedicated than Ren Tsuruga. If anyone can,  **he** can heal you,  **he** can purify you. Just look at yourself, Sai, he  **already is** .”

 

The actress was quiet for a moment, playing with a button on her overalls and looking at the ground. “How...can you tell?” She asked, her voice tiny and small, the opposite of how heavy and tense it had been just moments before.

 

“You’re already a totally different person than when we first met. Every day, something changes, something’s different. I’ve watched you grow every single day.”

 

“H-how so?” 

 

“You're kinder, gentler. When we met before, you were blunt and didn’t see how your words affected people in the long run. Now, you understand how to communicate again, you know how to make people care for you and how to care for other people. Everything you say is valued now, people trust and rely on you and your opinions. It’s been incredible to watch people’s interactions with you change.

 

“You're happier, but you also can express how much sadder and angrier you are, it’s not so hard to see and understand how you feel anymore. I can empathize with you finally. In fact, there are times when it’s incredible just knowing that you're visibly feeling something and it takes me a while to even react to want to fix your situation, I’m just that happy that you’re showing any kind of emotion.” Rio watched with a strained smile as Sai sniffled and her eyes glistened, but her expression seemed pained somehow.

 

“A-and what does Mr. Tsuruga have to do with that?” She asked, wiping her nose on the back of her hand and making a face at it.

 

“It’s because of him that you’re doing so much better. It’s thanks to him that you’ve begun changing at all.”

 

“Since when? How do you know that?”

 

“He’s probably been healing you since the day you two met, to be honest. I’ve never seen someone have such a profound effect on you.” Really, these two...neither knew how much they affected the other. Both were convinced that their presences in the other’s lives were meaningless and insignificant, when really they were pivotal.

 

Thinking back, Sai remembered when she’d first seen the actor, looming over her with a dark anger that had struck her to the core. There’d been hatred in his eyes. Muted, sure, but it was still there. The only thing that she could do was defend herself with snappy comments and teasing, to throw him off guard. She wasn’t ready to handle someone having the capacity to hate her already. She supposed that spurned her early growth.

 

Remembering all the events with the actor since and how each had added to their relationship, making it grow and evolve with time, a tiny smile tugged at the redhead’s lips. More and more instances where they’d been close, shared valuable experiences, and changed each other’s lives appeared in her mind’s eye, and with each instance she remembered, the more her smile grew.

 

Rio watched with fascination as her friend recalled these things. She could almost see the gears under those red locks turning and whirring. By the end of it, the most subtle, but still gorgeous, smile lit up her every feature. Oh, she was jealous of the actor for being able to make that happen. 

 

She cleared her throat to catch the actress’s attention, “See now?” She asked, smirking.

 

Sai blinked once, finding herself behind a few pages compared to Rio, “What?”

 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” the makeup artist said smartly, crossing her arms.

 

“How do you figure  **that** ?” The younger one asked softly, wishing she hadn’t gotten ahead of herself like that.

 

“Sai, just  **look** at you. You’re just here thinking about that man, and look how you act.” Damn it. Sai knew her face had been when had given her away.

 

Running everything through her head once more, Sai came to the same conclusion she always did. There was just no way. Shaking her head, she managed to say, “It’s just...it’s not enough.”

 

“Then what is enough? Tell me, Sai, what’s  **enough** to you?”

 

“I don’t know if anything ever will be enough, Rio, I just don’t know.”

 

“That’s not fair to either of you,” Rio told her, “You’re stringing him on. If you know how he feels and you don’t do anything about it, you’re holding all the cards and he doesn’t even know what game you’re playing.”

 

“He seems to play just fine for not knowing the game, then. He makes me...so flustered all the time. I never know what to do. He might not be doing it on purpose, but everything about him just throws me off…”

 

“Yes! That’s because you have feelings for him, Sai! You can’t just ignore them and move on! You can’t do that to yourself!”

 

“I’m not the only one against the relationship…” The redhead said quietly, not wanting to resort to this. Ren had told Madam about his opinion on relationships, not Sai. It almost felt like he’d spoken to her in confidence, and telling Rio about it was violating some sort of trust.

 

“What...do you mean…” Rio asked, all her momentum destroyed.

 

“He told me that he can’t allow himself to fall in love like that either.”

 

“When did he tell you  **that** ?” The brunette asked, dumbfounded by the new information.

 

“When I was lying to him as Madam, of course. He likes Madam for some reason, trusts her more than me,” she scoffed softly. “Just imagine how he’ll react when he finds out she’s been lying to him from the start.”

 

“You’re not lying to him, Sai-”

 

“But I’m keeping my identity from him. It’s the same thing. It’s still betrayal of his trust.”

 

“Will you...ever tell him?”

 

The redhead let out a low sigh, “It’s probably inevitable. They’ll release my identity at some point to the public, and I’d rather tell him myself than let some news anchor let him know. He’ll hate me either way, though.”

 

“He won’t hate you, Sai.” Rio insisted, knowing it for an absolute fact.

 

“Yes, he will. The only reason you handled anything I said well was because I didn’t build a relationship on lies for a million years before I told you.”

 

“He could never hate you, Sai. No matter what you did.”

 

“How could you say that?” She asked, thoroughly irritated with the line of questioning. “How can you know that-”

 

“Because he loves you, of course.” Rio leaned forward, trying to get her friend to understand. “It’s so obvious, it’s ridiculous.”

 

Sai was quiet for a moment, shuffling her feet softly on the grass and looking up at the bright blue sky with its clouds that looked like cotton candy. “I know.” She said very softly.

 

“Exactly, so-” Rio stopped, thinking over exactly what the redhead had just said. “Wait, what? You already know he’s in love with you?”

 

She laughed humorlessly and dragged a hand through her hair which had become rather knotted in the breeze. “Yes, he’s not exactly subtle once you know what to look for.”

 

“And you ignore his feelings entirely?”

 

“Mostly, yes.”

 

“That’s not fair to him, Sai…” Rio whinned at her. She felt sorry for the dark haired man. Of course, he’d had to fall for the one girl on the planet who would ignore the fact that one of the greatest actors in the country was in love with her.

 

“And does that mean it would be more fair to reveal I've known all this time and force him into making a decision? As he is now, it would hurt him more to make him decide about me prematurely. He would rip himself away from me as best as he could, to keep from doing anything he'd regret. I don't want to push him away like that.”

 

“You already love him…” Rio paused, a smile tugging at her lips. “Don’t you?”

 

Sai tilted her head back wordlessly again and followed a wispy cloud across the sky, squinting and pressing her lips together tightly. 

 

“I knew you did.” Rio said smartly, pleased with herself. Instead of challenging her or giving her the satisfaction of a spoken response, the redhead just smiled widely and covered her eyes with her forearm.

 

They resumed their tour of downtown and managed to whittle away the morning until the sun beat down viciously in the afternoon and they started making their way back to the agency where the golden haired girl was undoubtedly waiting for them.

 

The moment they arrived, the little girl ran out of the building and launched herself at the redhead. “Happy Birthday, sis!!” She yelled out, hugging her tightly and giggling.

 

Sai laughed loudly and hugged her back, “Thank you, Maria.” She said as sincerely as she ever had.

 

The trio entered the agency and basked in the air conditioning, the redhead saying her goodbyes to the makeup artist as she moved down the Love Me hallway to head to work. Sai took the little hand that Maria was incessantly waving at her and they moved down the hall and chuckled softly,

 

“What did you have planned for today, Maria?” She asked once the young girl had brought her in a full circle back to the lobby.

 

Maria didn’t turn around right away as she desperately tried to come up with something, “I, uh...I was planning on doing whatever you wanted to do, big sis!”

 

“Well,” she said softly, “we could go out for dinner someplace nice-”

 

“No!” The little girl panicked loudly before lowering her volume considerably, “No, uh, I mean, that is...I just ate, and, you know...I wouldn’t want to waste your money, and I mean,” she flustered, her words tripping over themselves as she tried to come up with anything to say. 

 

It was a poor attempt, but it certainly amused the redhead. Now she knew for sure that there was a plan in the works, but she wasn’t about to ruin it. Holding back her laughter, she put a hand to her chin and said, “Yes, I suppose that makes sense...hmm…” she said as convincingly as she could and watched as the little girl let out an obvious sigh of relief. She had much to learn.

 

After a while of shooting ideas back and forth and brainstorming, the pair eventually decided on going to a nearby botanical garden that a few girls in Maria’s class had gone to earlier that month. Sai paid at the door and took the golden haired girl’s hand as they walked amongst the greenery and the colorful flowers and plants of all shapes and sizes. 

 

Halfway through their tour of the gardens, Sai’s eyes rested on a hedge made of rose bushes, each boasting incredible red blooms. She stared at them for a few moments as she remembered the actor handing her the one that still sat in all its glory on her dining room table. She’d often lose herself in the sight of it, as it reminded her so much of the actor now.

 

Staring at them now, she couldn’t help but picture how the outing would be going different had she been there with the actor rather than Maria. Before her imagination could get the best of her, she shook her head and refocused on walking through the winding pathways to the end of the garden.

 

Unfortunately for her, she hadn’t been fast enough. Maria had noticed her somewhat distant expression immediately and had recognized it for what it was. She made a note to herself to disclose the location of the gardens to the dark haired man so he could take her here himself one day.

 

Making it to the end of the wonderful garden path, they head back to the car waiting for them in the parking lot and head back to LME just as the sun was kissing the horizon. They entered the lobby and Sai stretched out, twisting to get the kink out of her back and then readjusting the t-shirt she wore under the overalls.

 

She yawned loudly and patted Maria’s head, “You wanna head up to see Lory now?” 

 

Clapping her hands together, the golden haired girl nodded vehemently, “That would be wonderful, sis! Thanks!”

 

As the elevator dinged to signify that they’d arrived, they stepped out into the elevator bay and Sebastian was already there waiting for them.

 

“Ah, there you two are. The President is rather impatiently awaiting your arrival.” He smiled at that and Sai returned it, knowing how Lory could get.

 

“Thank you, Sebastian,” she said softly, chuckling to herself. 

 

“Of course. And Ms. Akai?” He attracted her attention and flashed a purely white grin at her, “Happy Birthday.”

 

She beamed at him and nodded in gratitude, stepping up to the large doors and raising her fist to knock. Before her fist could make contact with the wood of the door, though, they fell open and revealed the smiling face of a man she knew well. 

 

“Ah, good morning…” Sai said softly, a smirk rising on her lips. “Lory. You seem well this evening.”

 

His gaze softened and he appeared incredibly pleased to see her, “As do you, my Saiyuka. I’m so happy that you’re enjoying yourself today.” He pulled her into a giant hug and cradled the back of her head in his hand. Kissing the top of her head, he said, “Happy Birthday, my precious daughter.”

 

She laughed softly, her expression overjoyed. “Thank you...father.” She said awkwardly, not really used to calling him that at all.

 

He chuckled deeply and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “You needn’t call me that, Saiyuka. Just allowing me to address you as a daughter of mine is enough, and I know that your father still holds a special place in your heart, as he does in mine.”

 

She sighed in relief and smiled up at him. “Thank you for understanding, Lory, really.” 

 

“Of course, my child. Now!” He began taking the hands of both the young women in the lobby of his office, “We go to dinner!”

 

The trio walked down to the main lobby and then back out into the parking lot where they faced an enormous, glimmering silver limo. It was subtler than Lory’s usual taste, but of course it was still incredibly dazzling. It was Lory they were talking about after all, even when he was understated it was bold.

 

Climbing in, the President directed the car to the venue he’d been preparing for ages. As they approached the spot, Lory handed his granddaughter the scarf he’d purchased for the occasion and Sai eyed it curiously. Maria grinned wickedly and wrapped it around the redhead’s eyes, obstructing her vision. 

 

She laughed and asked him, “Oh, Lory...is this really necessary?”

 

“You know I want you to have the best of times, Saiyuka...so yes, this is necessary. I want you to be surprised. Is that okay…?” He knew she wasn’t the biggest fan of surprises, but he hoped she would agree to at least this. 

 

Her lips upturned and she shook her head as she chuckled, “Yes, yes...I know that you’re like this. I can handle one surprise from time to time.” As the car parked in the lot, her sister and godfather each took one of her hands and lead her slowly into the clearing before stopping and nodding excitedly to the other two people already waiting there.

 

“Can I take this thing off now?” Sai asked good naturedly as she remained still for a few moments, taking it to mean they’d arrived.

 

Clearing his throat loudly, the actor in the clearing moved toward the redhead and spoke in his low, deep, soothing voice. “I could do that for you.”

 

Holding her breath the moment Ren’s voice hit her ears, she stood there frozen in place as she felt his fingertips run through her hair to remove the scarf, pulling it off gently. The moment she could see again, her gaze focused in immediately on his face, her eyes boring into the earthy, chocolatey bliss that filled the actor’s own eyes. He was all she saw in that moment. 

 

Leaning ever so slightly closer, his voice seemed to go even lower as he whispered, “Happy Birthday, Ms. Akai…” The words were accompanied by a dashing, heavenly smile as he looked down at her with warmth and affection.

 

Before she could react, he stepped aside and revealed to her where they would be dining that evening. The sun had just set, leaving the clearing in a little forest garden in a pleasant darkness. Illuminating the space were an assortment of lights; some were twinkle lights, some candles, some exposed bulbs, and some were little floating lights in jars. They cast a warm glow on a long table set for five with hundreds of tiny glowing lights and flower petals strewn across its surface, making it sparkle with life. Over that were five place settings of many stacked dishes the top of each boasting a folded, origami rose boasting a name.

 

Sai moved toward the table wordlessly and admired the penmanship of hers, picking it up delicately and scanning it and the rest of the setup. The chairs were all reclaimed wood with satin cushions with a bow tied elegantly in the back. The table was old as well, decorated with splashes of watercolor and paint, pencil and knife marks. It was an artist's table.

 

She turned back to the group before her with tears in her eyes, spotting the brunette she’d spent the morning with standing next to Maria with a smile on her face. Before her were the people she loved more than life itself, each gathered there to celebrate her life, her role, her meaning in their lives. And it was perfect. She wouldn’t change a thing.

 

Seeing her expressiveness in that moment, Lory was overcome with emotions and stepped closer to her, wrapping his arms around her again that day. He rocked her back and forth like he used to do when she was younger and was afraid of thunderstorms. He rocked her like he would when she felt like no one else in the world cared. He rocked her like he would when she still cried. 

 

“This...isn’t one of my biggest parties,” he told her, his own voice cracking slightly as he tried to keep himself composed. “But it’s easily one of my best.” He bragged, pulling himself away from her and holding her shoulders as he admired her, the pride and love obvious on his face.

 

He leaned down and kissed her forehead, listening to her laugh shakily and nod in agreement, “I think I’ll have to agree with you there, Lory,” she said softly as she wiped a tear off of her cheek. She cast her gaze back towards the other three people gathered and gave a short laugh before holding her arms out to welcome another hug.

 

Seeing her change, the golden haired girl sprinted for her sister and leaped into her arms. She stroked Maria’s hair softly, the tears still coming down her cheeks, “Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Maria. For all the happiness and joy you’ve brought back into my life. And for being the greatest sister I could have ever asked for.”

 

Pulling away slightly, the little girl fidgeted and asked, “Do you want to keep calling me your sister? Or would it make more sense if I was your niece?”

 

Sai laughed hard at that and shook her head, “Oh, no, no. I much prefer calling you my sister, Maria. It means a lot more to me that you think of me as a sister, rather than an aunt.” 

 

Once she’d released the little girl, her dearest friend and coworker slipping into her arms and giving a sigh of relief, “I’m so glad you like all of this, Sai. I really hoped you would.”

 

“Oh, Rio!” The redhead said, wiping another tear away, “Don’t be silly, of course I like it! I love it! It’s perfect; it’s warm and intimate and quiet, and I have all the people I could ever want with me right here and right now. And the setup itself is incredible, I love stuff like this...it’s almost like you hacked into my computer or something…” She joked, before pausing and shooting a pointed glance at her makeup artist. “You didn’t hack my computer, did you?”

 

Taking the redhead’s hands, the artist regarded her seriously. “I only supplied the laptop, scout’s honor. Your godfather did all of the hacking.”

 

This earned her a bark of laughter from her friend who sent a mock glare towards Lory and raised an eyebrow at Rio, “Were you ever even a scout?” She found that the President seemed awfully interested in a faraway tree when she looked over and the artist was finding her nails to require her full attention.

 

Scoffing, she started shaking her head and her gaze fell on the actor who’d been standing to the side, with his hands in his pockets. He wore a lovely, thin cotton shirt with a flared collar and the first two buttons undone, pairing it with a pair of soft black designer jeans. It was a simple outfit, but somehow it only managed to make his gorgeous appearance all that more noticeable.

 

He was seemingly satisfied watching from a ways away, an amused smile on his lips. He didn’t want to interfere with the festivities from the other four party-goers, but he didn’t want to look as out of place as he felt. He couldn’t help but feel overwhelmingly awkward and unwelcome in the celebrations already.

 

Watching carefully, he saw Sai gesture for him and hold a hand out, her eyes crinkling at the edges as she smiled at him, “Hey, you. What do you think you’re doing so far away? Get over here, you’re part of this too.”

 

She always knew exactly what to say. He shook his head as he approached, disbelieving in her abilities once again. Those words had been just what he needed to hear, but they hadn’t been sugarcoated or forced. They were just  **Sai** .

 

Holding her arms out like she’d done for the other three, Sai watched as the actor’s mind processed exactly what to do. Eventually, Ren reached down and wrapped his arms comfortably around her, relishing the feeling of her hands sliding across his back.

 

This close to her, the actor could smell the familiar lavender that always seemed to linger on her skin and differentiate it from the vanilla of her clothes. It was a heavenly combination, and today it was accentuated by the faint smell of coffee, which must have been from one of her earlier outings with Maria or Rio. 

 

Although the actor’s frame was much larger than the redhead’s, their heights weren’t all that different, especially when she wore boots with heels like those ones. Therefore, despite her petite frame, she was at the perfect height to fit against his chest, leaning into the crook of his neck. Being in that position lent Sai the ability to really memorize exactly how the dark haired man smelled and felt. 

 

He radiated warmth and she could feel it soaking through her clothes and into her skin like pure sunlight. Both his clothes and his skin were softer than she ever could have imagined and she was instantly grateful that they weren’t alone, lest she do something she’d regret later. The very thought made her stomach flip wildly. This man had a terrifying effect on her. 

 

His scent, as well, was almost dizzying. It was strong, but not abrasive, like a breath of fresh air. She could finally pinpoint the scents deep within the cologne, ranging from ruby grapefruit to musk, with the faintest hints of sage and lavender. She could even smell the freshly washed scent of his shirt lingering on his skin and mixing with his own natural scent, creating an intoxicating mix that drew her closer. Her eyelids fluttered open as he finally started to pull back and she caught his arm just long enough to speak,

 

“Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga…” She said so softly that it was almost a whisper, low in her voice and layered with sincerity and gratitude.

 

He smiled at her and scratched the back of his head sheepishly as he fought off the cloudiness that her presence always brought on him, “I didn’t actually do too much,” he admitted as he remembered the meetings. “Everyone else was pretty passionate and had basically formed the whole idea in a matter of minutes by themselves.”

 

She laughed gorgeously and sent a quick jolt through the actor’s body, “Yes, well, I don’t blame you. I know Lory, and I’m sure you can believe that he’s been this way most of my life.”

 

The actor chuckled at that and nodded, knowing all too well that the President was consistent, to put it one way. Satisfied now that she’d had the chance to thank everyone, Sai led them all to the beautifully set table and sat down.

 

She was quickly joined by Maria on her left, who looked up at her excitedly, and Lory who sat at the head of the table and squeezed her hand. Across the table, the two other LME employees found seats and Rio flashed a grin at her. She knew the menu, of course, and she knew how much the redhead would like it.

 

Half-way through the delicious meal, the golden haired girl set down her fork and cast a nervous glance up at the actress. Seeing this, Sai swallowed her food and leaned down a bit, whispering, “Are you alright, Maria?”

 

“I am…” She said quickly, trailing off and looking toward the table. “I was just trying to decide how to ask you something.”

 

Sai blinked once and then nodded, “Well, go ahead. I’m listening.”

 

“Can you...tell me about one of your birthdays when you were little?” Her wide, doe eyes found the redhead’s, which looked extremely startled and even more colorless than usual.

 

“Well…” She said again, setting down her fork. “For my fourth birthday, we came here, actually.” Beginning carefully, the talent took great care to keep her tone even. Even she was capable of telling a single story without struggling too much. “It was the first time I remember meeting Lory. Of course, he’d met me earlier than that, but I was too young to remember him. 

 

“It was really sunny that day, and my mother had designed a little birthday gown that looked almost like a wedding dress; pure white with little sewn in flowers and petals. I wore this big sunhat that made it hard for me to see, and the entire party was held at this chateau with an enormous garden. My mother took me around and showed me all the different kinds of flowers, taking fallen ones we came across and weaving them into a crown for me.

 

“When the party started, she replaced the hat with the crown and told me what most mothers tell their daughters; that they’re princesses. Except my mother went a little further.” She smiled fondly at the distant memory, glad she’d ingrained as many details as possible. “My father showed up in this ridiculous knight costume, followed in tow by, you guessed it, Lory. On horseback. In the same costume. 

 

“They spent the whole party being my ‘royal guard’ and toting me around on the horse. My brothers were there too, but they refused to play  **my** guards, so they played the opposing ones coming to attack our castle. The winning side was to have the first go at my cake, a decision which was entirely theirs by the way, and they took it very seriously. 

 

“Lory and my father defended me, while my mother hid me in the maze and we waited together until my father called for us. Coming back out, I saw my brothers all sitting in a huff by their tree which they’d dubbed their castle. Lory was lying on the ground dramatically, one of the broken toy swords lying by his side like he’d been stabbed. My father came and swept me up in his arms and told me he’d always be there to protect me…” She trailed off slowly, the smile on her face fading.

 

Everyone had been listening carefully to every word, holding their breaths and not daring to look away. Sai was rarely so open and descriptive about anything. They could see the pain behind the story, even as she enjoyed reliving it. Maria reached forward and put her hand on the redhead’s arm. Her pain was especially obvious as she talked about her father. 

 

“I’m alright, Maria…” Sai said with a soft, caring voice. Offering a small smile, she tried to assure the rest of the group that she was okay, just trying to cope slowly. They accepted her assurances and resumed their meal, polishing off three whole courses. Ren, of course, had resisted eating much, but the table was a bit awed at the redhead’s ability to convince him into eating more. He couldn’t seem to say no to her.

 

As Lory moved the plates away, Rio took advantage of the slight lull in any conversation and set a small gift bag in front of her dear friend. Sai looked up in surprise and shook her head, “Oh, Rio...you didn’t have to get my anything…”

 

“I know, I know,” the brunette raised her hands. “You said not to get you anything. I chose not to listen, thank you very much.”

 

Her dark eyes met those of the actress, whose glimmered and shone with moisture. “You don’t need to say anything,” Rio began gently, “you’re welcome.”

 

Sai gave a short laugh and sniffled loudly as she tried to fight any urge to cry again that day. Slowly, she removed the paper at the top and reached into the bag, pulling out an old fashioned Polaroid camera with the vintage strap and all. She snapped her head up and gawked at the makeup artist, “You didn’t,” she said in disbelief, even as she held the camera in her hands. 

 

“Oh, but I did. You were the one who said you wanted it.”

 

“But I was joking! And when did you buy this!? We only saw it this morning!”

 

Rio laughed, “I went back when you were out with Maria, of course! And I know you weren’t joking, you have a certain tone with you’re joking and you weren’t using it. You really wanted it.”

 

“W-well...yes...I did, but still! It must have been so expensive!” She set it gingerly on the table and just looked at it in awe. 

 

The brunette shrugged casually and fussed the the hair falling out of her bun, “It’s no big deal, really Sai. You’re worth a lot more to me than some expensive camera, but if it makes you happy then there’s no price I wouldn’t pay.”

 

She slouched in her seat and brushed a tear off of her cheek. It was hopeless now, the floodgates were open. “I-I’m not...I’m not used to this anymore…” She said quietly, as everyone around her looked at her fondly, glad to see her so emotional.

 

“Don’t worry, big sis,” Maria said softly, wrapping her arms around the redhead, “You’ll get used to it again. We’ll spoil you.” She said confidently as she placed her own gift on the table.

 

Unwrapping it, Sai found a mounted sketch of her holding the likeness of the little golden haired girl in her lap, the background colored dark and gloomy. “It’s the elevator where we sat together, where you became my sister…” The little girl said softly, “I made it at school.”

 

“You...drew me something?” Sai asked, touching the surface of the sketch as if it would shatter and disappear lest she touch it too roughly. 

 

“Grandfather told me you liked art, so I thought you would like it…” She said, a bit nervous about what the redhead was thinking. 

 

“Like it?” Sai asked, finally turning to look at Maria, tears running down her cheeks, “I love it, it’s beautiful. It’s perfect.” She kissed the crown of her sister’s head and held her close. “I’ll cherish it forever.”

 

Maria blushed and mumbled out, “I-it’s not  **that** good, sis…”

 

“Oh, but it is. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” The redhead insisted, carefully placing it with the camera back into the gift bag and setting them safely down the table so they wouldn’t be disturbed. 

 

When she turned back, there was another box on the table in front of her chair and she looked up at Lory who was smiling like a small child. “Why am I suddenly sort of afraid of whatever you got me?” She asked, wiping the last of her tears off of her cheeks. 

 

Her godfather let out a deep chuckle and simply gestured toward the parcel, eager for her to react to what was inside. It was a large box, longer than her arm and wider than her hand. She gently took the layer of paper off and revealed a pure white box. Pulling it open gently, she removed a slender black case of some kind. 

 

She instantly recognized the design of the case, and set it back down, stepping away from it. “No, you didn’t. You wouldn’t.”

 

Lory’s smile widened and he sat back, nodding at the case once more. Sai stepped forward and popped the lid of the case open as if there was a wild animal inside waiting for burst out. She lifted the lid and saw only the smallest sliver from inside before letting the case close again. “You did! You...you…!!”

 

“Before you start yelling at me, why don’t you just take it out?” He suggested, knowing that his gift was a bit over the top. 

 

This time, Sai opened the case all the way and revealed a brand new, gorgeously crafted violin. She took it out as carefully as anyone had ever seen her handle something and ran her hands across it, holding it up to her chin and inhaling the scent of the newly varnished wood.

 

“I knew you’d like it.” Lory told her as he smiled gently, watching her cherish the object in her hands lovingly already. She looked towards him with tears glistening in her eyes and wrapped her arms around him after setting the violin down safely. 

 

“Why did you do this, though?” She asked him with her cheek pressed against his shoulder. “What brought the idea on?”

 

“I figured your old one must have been getting quite dusty, and I thought you might be needing a newer one if you planned on playing more…”

 

She blinked a few times and scoffed softly, “What makes you think I’ll be playing more?”

 

Lory let her go and gently patted her head, “Because you already are, of course. And I’m so proud of you.”

 

Sai smiled beautifully and sat back in her seat, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and gazing at the case resting on the table. “Thank you, Lory.” She said with sincerity as she closed the case and ran her hand across it before setting it with her gift bag and returning, looking at each of the gathered people who’d come to celebrate  **her** for no other reason than to show that she meant something special to them.

 

Her gaze finally rested on Maria who smiled at her brightly, practically shining with happiness at how the party was going. She sent a sneaky glance toward the tall actor opposite her sister and asked, “What about you, Ren? Did you pick out something for big sis?”

 

The question took the man completely by surprise and his eyes fluttered open and closed as he floundered for words. He hadn’t really been expecting the others at the table to present such meaningful things and his own present suddenly seemed much bleaker in comparison, so he wasn’t even sure if he was planning on giving it to her. Being put on the spot like that spoiled all his plans and made him flustered beyond belief.

 

Thinking she was saving him from having to tell the golden haired girl no, Sai gently rested her hand on her arm and said, “Actually, Maria, he’s already given me his present.”

 

“What?” She asked, shocked, “But that’s not fair! We were all going to give them to you at the party!” Growing frustrated, she sent a glare at the actor, frustrated he broke the rules and gave his gift early, but also too understanding to be all that angry. He did love her, after all.

 

Seeing her expression, the actor held a hand up in surrender and quickly said, “I’m sorry I disobeyed your rule, Maria, but it was necessary.” Sai had been the one to invite him over, he could hardly say no to that. “And I also have to apologize to you, Ms. Akai,” he said giving the redhead a sheepish grin. “I actually got you something else, as well.”

 

Her eyes widened slightly and she slouched, offering him a knowing smile. “Of course you did. You couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could you?”

 

“Obviously not,” he said with a smirk as he placed a pure white box in front of her. “Besides, I have a feeling it was the right course of action, as this is quite an improvement from being a simple audience member.” The smirk widened into a genuine smile. “It might not be a brand new violin, or a hand-crafted piece of art, or something you desperately wanted, but I think it suits you.”

 

Flipping it open, the actor revealed the small pendant on the silver chain that he’d picked out on a whim months earlier. The moment the redhead laid her eyes on it, she was breathless. It was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen. Carefully removing it from the box, she toyed with the jewel, a dark, blue-ish green, resting amongst a tangle of twisted dark silver.

 

“Happy Birthday, Ms. Akai,” Ren said with his deep, soft voice enveloping her almost physically. The rich timbre of his voice always affected her that way; sometimes it felt like a blanket being swaddled around her, while other times it felt like she was sitting in front of a roaring, homey fire. To hear him now, the depth of emotion in his voice deepening it even further, she felt as if he was embracing her, surrounding her with his presence. She only wished it would last forever.

 

Sai was absolutely speechless, her mouth opening and closing uselessly as her heart beat rapidly in her ears and her fingers almost tingled the joy coursing through her veins was so strong. Her heart seized even further as he chuckled, seeing her reaction.

 

“Come on now, don’t be so surprised. Any true June baby has seen Alexandrite before. It’s rare, sure, but not so much that this could be your first time seeing it.” Really, he was reveling in her reaction. He’d been so scared to present it to her, compared to everything else she’d gotten, so to see her react so strongly to his gift was making it hard to keep up the calm, collectedness he’d had all evening. She was just so damn beautiful all happy like that.

 

“T-this is…” She looked up, her eyes wide in shock and surprisingly dark, the hue resembling more of a foggy lakeshore than a glacier. “I can’t believe you’d get me such a thing...it must have been so expensive!”

 

“Please,” he said, waving his hand. “Don’t you remember what Ms. Honda said? Money isn’t an issue here. You’re worth so much more than that is. And besides, pearls just don’t suit you.” He gave her a devilish, handsome smirk that sent incredible pulses of energy through her body. “A jewel that changes color in the light, on the other hand, is perfect for you. You have the same ability; to change the atmosphere with the intensity of your emotions and your very presence. Nothing lesser is worthy of you.”

 

“M-Mr. Tsuruga…” She said, still extremely flustered as a blush raced across her heated cheeks. “How on earth did you find such a beautiful piece, though?” She quickly changed the subject, needing to look back at the pendant and away from the practically radiant, adoring smile he was giving her, as it was causing her serious breathing problems as she tried to catch her breath from the sight of it. 

 

“You don’t remember our date at the mall?” He asked her, his eyes sparkling with mirth. It was enjoyable being the one teasing her, for once. And she was so damn adorable when she was flustered. Her cheeks turned the most precious shade of pink. “In the Caribbean?”

 

Next to Sai, the golden haired girl squealed and looked at the markup artist who dropped her pen she’d been fussing with and looked at her friend. He must have been talking about their Valentine’s Day outing...but since when had the redhead considered that a date?!

 

Totally missing the shift in mood, Sai roved her deeper blue eyes to meet the rich, earthy ones of the actor and her jaw dropped a little. “On Valentine’s Day? You bought it then? When!? We were together the whole time!”

 

Lory looked between the two actors,  _ They spent Valentine’s Day together…? How on earth did I not know this?! And since when was Ren such a romantic?!! That’s an incredible pendant...oh, he’s got it  _ **_bad_ ** _ … _

 

“I guess I’m a more skilled shopper than you gave me credit for,” he said jovially, still taking a bit of sadistic joy from watching her flounder for words and try to collect her thoughts. The way her eyebrows moved just tiny bits to show she was desperately thinking, it was simply too perfect.

 

“I...guess you are.” She finally admitted, sinking into her chair. “And it’s just so gorgeous…” she said again, eying it for the millionth time already. Flicking her gaze toward the dark haired man who sat opposite from her, she finally flashed the biggest, most genuine smile she had all evening. “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

“It was my pleasure,” he said without missing a beat, even as his heart raced in his chest. “Would...you like to put it on?” He’d been waiting to ask that question since the moment she’d first seen it.

 

Her eyes shining at him, the actress nodded and watched as he got up from his seat and moved over behind her. Waiting for just a moment, she finally felt his hand brush against her shoulder as he gently brushed her hair out of the way. Ren was acutely aware that his every touch was sending little arcs of electricity across his skin, her warmth soaking into his fingers. He couldn’t get enough of it. 

 

Little did he know, but it was doing the same to the talent, who was doing her best to hold back any obvious signs the touches were affecting her so. His smooth fingers ran across her back and neck, the cool metal of the chain contrasting with the heat of his touch. He finally stepped back and she quickly collected herself, casting her gaze down at the pendant now hanging around her neck.

 

“Oh, it’s perfect…” she whispered as she ran her fingers across it. “May I ask...was there a reason this dark silver wrapping caught your attention?”

 

Still standing behind her, the actor was caught between what to do. He wanted so desperately to tell her the truth, the real reason why he’d chosen that necklace so quickly, but he didn’t want to risk pushing her away.  _ Ah...screw it... _ he said to himself, throwing all his doubts away. He loved this woman, and he could only see himself telling her exactly why he’d done what he’d done.

 

“It’s because the greatest and most beautiful parts of you are always hidden, and it takes a lot of effort to see them, but once you do, what you find is the most gorgeous sight imaginable. That’s what I saw when I picked this pendant. I saw you, and everything I’ve learned about who you are, and how much I cherish every peek into the real you that I get.”

 

Sai sat completely unmoving, unbreathing, a pounding in her ears and an uncomfortable mass of knots in her stomach. She couldn’t have been more thankful that he’d remained behind her and couldn't see how miserably bright red she was. Her eyes met those of Rio’s who was smiling at her knowingly. She could see their relationship further develop right then and there and was incredibly pleased the actor had done so well.

 

Seeing her best friend flounder for absolutely anything to say, though, the brunette believed it was finally time to save her from the torture. “Well!” She said, clapping her hands together. “Anyone for some dessert? No birthday party is complete without completely unnecessary, calorie-filled, sugar based dishes, after all!”

 

Thankful for the save and for the topic change, the redhead laughed and nodded. As the actor moved back to his seat, Rio mouthed, “You owe me,” and Sai returned with, “Oh, I know.”

 

Both shared further smiles as the golden haired girl helped dish out the cake and ice cream, each one of Sai’s favorite flavors, compliments of Lory’s “research.” As she ate, Sai sent quick glances across the table at the dark haired man, who, unbeknownst to her, was doing the same. Inevitably, they did it at the same time and both quickly averted their eyes, coy smiles on their lips. 

 

The talent fingered the necklace chain and pendant, peering at it familiarly already. The metal was warm against her skin from the actor’s hand holding it, and she could still feel his hands on her neck and through her hair. She would have given anything to remember that feeling for the rest of her life.

 

Finishing up the last course of the meal, they all talked for a while longer until Ren volunteered to walk her back to the car waiting for her. No one stopped him, of course, all exchanging excited glances as the two disappeared from view.

 

“Did you enjoy the evening, Ms. Akai?” He asked her, watching her as she moved carefully, each step purposeful on the stones of the garden. 

 

“Yes, of course! More than any birthday I can remember, now…” She told him with a bright smile on her face, but a sense of bittersweetness in her tone.

 

“More than your fairytale princess one?” He asked carefully, bending down to better see her face and gauge her reaction.

 

The bittersweet tone stayed, but the smile seemed to brighten further, more naturally, “Yes, this was more... **me** , I suppose.” And it was true. She wasn’t a fairytale princess type. She was a biker. A biker with a sarcastic attitude and an incredibly intoxicating laugh.

 

Not able to stop himself, Ren smiled back and reached forward, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she looked up shyly at him. “I’m glad, Ms. Akai. I really wanted you to enjoy this time, and I can say that I enjoyed spending it with you as well. So thank you…”

 

A blush was steadily rising to the redhead’s cheeks as she found him so close to her, too close, but she couldn’t bring herself to step back or push him away, so she just looked up at him with those big, doe eyes in that darkening shade of blue.

 

“One last thing I’d like to give you…” He said, his tone dropping slightly as his smirk returned to his lips. He leaned down and placed a gentle, featherlight kiss on her cheek. It was short, sweet, and casual, but not in any way platonic. “Happy Birthday, Sai. I promise you that’s my last gift. This holiday, anyway.”

 

Completely frozen in place, she only managed to respond after her improving acting instincts took over and allowed her face to lift up into a beautiful, meaningful smile. “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga. You’ve really made tonight something I’ll never forget.” She couldn’t believe he’d used her first name so casually, and couldn’t bring herself to do the same, but the syllable kept ringing in her head nonetheless.

 

Ren took that as his cue, bowing to the redhead and heading off to his own car, leaving her with her gifts standing by the company car waiting for her to get in. The moment the actor was out of sight, she practically melted right there into the pavement.

 

She raised a hand to her cheek as if to check if it was still there and practically beamed, her cheeks a pleasant red and her skin searing from the heat that was rising inside of her. Even though he was long gone, she could feel her rapid pulse bounding through her body and pounding noisily in her ears.

 

Her heart was practically bursting and she couldn’t seem to take in more than a few gasps of air at a time. She was aware that she was swooning over a simple kiss on the cheek, but his closeness in that moment was still affecting her and she had no desire to make the light-headedness and elation stop.

 

Climbing in, she settled on the seat and waited for the rest of the group to join her, replaying his action over and over again in her mind. She hid her reaction as best as she could as the rest of the party finally drew closer to the car and she welcomed them in as they approached the car. 

 

Of course, they all begged for details of what the actor had done once he’d led her away, but she refused to tell. She wasn’t about to swoon all over again in front of her godfather, and Maria certainly didn’t need any more ammunition.

 

Arriving at Rio’s apartment, they let the brunette off and Sai leaned out the window, the two of them making plans to go for coffee later that week. They shared a silent agreement to talk about all things concerning Japan’s number one actor during said coffee outing.

 

Now in the complete darkness, she was thankful no one could see her, as even when her conversations with Maria resumed, her mind was half on the actor the entire time. Looking between the golden haired girl and the window, with its bright lights whipping by, she couldn’t help but feel perfectly at ease.

 

They eventually pulled up at her apartment, traffic causing them to take a longer way around, and she got out of the car with a lot more expressions of gratitude and love, closing the car door behind her. Lory rolled down the window and said, “I’m really pleased you enjoyed today, Saiyuka. I’ve wanted you to have something like this for a long time.”

 

“Thank you for being so insistent, Lory. I never would have done anything like this if it hadn’t been for you.”

 

“Ah, but you’re the one who finally allowed the change to happen. So thank  **you** Saiyuka, for letting me throw you the party in the first place.”

 

She smiled and gave a short laugh, “Well, you have my full permission to do so again next year.”

 

The promise of another party brightened the President greatly and he beamed at her, saying his last goodbyes for the evening and rolling up his window so Sai could go in. When she climbed onto her stoop, she spotted Lola already sitting in her usual spot. Someone must have driven her home, which was convenient, as she’d totally forgotten her lovely bike was what had gotten her to LME that morning.

 

As she entered her apartment, she shut the door behind her and made a beeline for her lounge chair, sprawling out in it and allowing all the memories of the day rush back to her. She focused in on that last moment with the actor as allowed the experience to sink in fully.

 

His face had been so confident and assured. He hadn’t been nervous or flustered at all, standing over her and leaning down to plant that kiss just where she’d eventually take a hint. It was gentle enough, but angled toward the corner of her mouth, a clear indication he’d meant to do more. She wondered what on earth had stopped him.

 

She could hear his voice, that growling, rumbling timbre. Like thunder on a rainy summer night, oh, it did terrible things to her. She could hear his laughter, each time sending electricity through her veins and making her feel so alive. And lastly, she could remember his smile, and the way his lips moved and turned around her name, as if he was drawing it in the air for her. She could have watched it forever.

 

Heading up the stairs to her room, she elected to skip most of her nightly routine. The day had been physically and emotionally exhausting and she just wanting to lay down. Ever so carefully, she pulled the music box from her mother out of the bedside table and rested it next to her as she lay on the bed.

 

Turning it several times, the familiar melody poured out of it, supported by her mother’s world-class voice. She hummed to the tune and felt the familiar seize in her heart at her name. But this time, it wasn’t so depressing. The word not so defeating, so upsetting. Holding the box to her heart, she sent up a thank you aloud to each person in her life. The last one she addressed was the actor, who was the hardest of all.

 

“I honestly don’t know how to thank you yet. I guess I’m a bit blind to all you do for me, because people keep telling me all these things about how you affect me that I’ve never noticed. So your thank you might have to come a bit later, once I understand everything you’ve done for me. For now, just know that my life wouldn’t be the same without you. You give me strength and meaning and I know that, no matter what I chose in my life,  I can trust you to support me and strengthen me as you always have. And for that, I am thankful...Ren.” She said his name into the silence of her room, the last notes of the music box having finished mid-thank you.

 

Sighing shakily, she reset the music box to play again quite a few times and set it on top of her nightstand, settling under her covers. She listened to her mother serenade her as she drifted off to sleep, a smile on her face, a warmth in her heart, and her mind focused on the image of the actor that she’d burned into her memory. She’d never forget his face that he’d made that night, that perfectly confident, gentlemanly, oh-so-in-love face. She’d cherish it forever.


	43. Chapter 43

Sai raised a hand to shield her eyes from the rays of light threatening to blind her with their brightness. If she’d thought last month was hot, it was nothing compared to the last few weeks. The sun was ruthless and beat down viciously, bleaching the greenery and giving quite a few outdoorsy folk a rather intensely red shade of “sun-kissed skin.”

 

She was taught at a young age to protect her ivory tone, though, and often managed just fine no matter how cruel the rays of sun were. Despite that, she was already sweating and had removed the light jean jacket she’d been wearing as she ducked into the blessed coolness of the LME lobby. 

 

It was rare that her mornings actually began at the agency nowadays, but today was a special exception. Sawara had called her earlier that week with what he called a “concerning offer.” Judging by what he tended to fret over, though, Sai wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. She nodded at Umaki at the receptionist desk and made her way up to the elevators. 

 

Taking a moment to collect herself and look slightly more at ease than she actually felt, the redhead dabbed her forehead clean of sweat and used the reflective surfaces of the elevator to fix her rather frazzled bright locks. Satisfied, she turned back to the doors right as they open and she whisked her way down the winding halls of the management floor until she reached Sawara’s office.

 

The wispy haired man had his cell phone pressed between his shoulder and ear, his desk phone held to his other ear with one hand, while the other rapidly jotted down notes on a scrap of paper. He seemed to be yelling at one phone, but it was impossible to tell which and he barely seemed to notice when the talent tapped her fingers on the glass of the window.

 

On her third knock, the manager finally took notice and waved her in with the hand holding the pen. She open the door slowly and quietly just soon enough to hear him hang up rather abruptly with his last call and slam the receiver down with a colorful expletive.

 

“You okay, there?” Sai asked with a smirk on her face, the obvious ruffled frustration of the man quite amusing at the moment.

 

“Yeah, Akai...they’re just being idiots, again.” Sawara said as he weaved a hand through his retreating hair and sighed deeply.

 

“May I ask who?” The redhead tilted her head, watching the reactions of the man carefully.

 

“The production team working with...oh, it wouldn’t make sense to you. Just know that they’re a gaggle of  **professional** men acting like spoiled, picky children and refusing to do their jobs. Makes no sense, if you ask me. They’re spouting all this crap about not being able to film to their usual standards with the ‘subpar’ equipment we’ve provided them, but we’re already over budget and if they want  **any** movie at all, this is what they’ll have to work with.”

 

Sai blinked once, taking a seat across from him and raising a hand to her chin, “I don’t know, Sawara, I can kinda see it from their point of view. I mean, it’s like supplying a palette knife painter with fan brushes, or giving a soprano singer a song in bass clef. It’s impossible to do your best if the tools just flat out don’t suit you.” 

 

The manager stared blankly at his charge, completely at a loss for both of her analogies. Neither really seemed to make sense to him.  _ What’s a palette knife? Or a soprano? Is a bass clef a type of fish? I don’t know what she’s talking about..!! _

 

He couldn’t even muster together a feign of understanding and she shook her head slowly with a smile on her face. He was impossible. “Think of it this way, could you manage my schedule correctly if the only available dates you received were from directors I didn’t have? Could any actor you’ve ever met do a good job at his part if he received his costar’s script?”

 

“I...suppose not.” He ventured, hoping it was what she wanted to hear.

 

It was good enough, she supposed, so she waved her hand and rolled her eyes and signified that it was time to to move on. “Nevermind, Mr. Sawara...may we discuss what you called me in for, rather than continue this frankly pointless conversation?”

 

“Ah!” He exclaimed, pushing several file folder to the floor as he cleared space in front of him. Sai visibly flinched when the papers went every which way in complete disarray. The humanity. “Alright, so here we go,” Sawara said with a serious expression, placing a bright red folder in front of her. Sai picked it up carefully and eyed it, glancing suspiciously up at her manager.

 

“What’s this?” She asked, noting the logo at the top was from a partner film company that often worked with LME employees. 

 

“They...want to hire you. That’s all the information for the meeting with the director to discuss the character you’d be playing and if you accept, there’s like a truckload’s worth of information he’ll give you. The only issue is...well, it’s a rather  **unusual** role, to put it gently,” he seemed awfully agitated as he danced around the larger problem with the character.

 

“Well…” Sai began, utterly lost as to why he was fretting so much about the nature of the role. “If it’s unusual, then that means I’ll have to adapt to it, yes? It will be a good learning experience, and I’m grateful to expand beyond a typecast mean-girl-esque character.” She was rather unsure with the words, but they were all she could think of when faced with such a nervous aura from the man.

 

“So...you’ll meet with the director?” Sawara asked her, eager to get the meeting over with.

 

“Yes, certainly...but what exactly  **is** unusual about the character? You haven’t told me yet.”

 

“Well...uh, I think the director would do a better job of explaining it,” Sawara rushed to say, already shuffling papers around and trying to look busy. He certainly wasn’t going to be the one to tell her.

 

“Come on, Mr. Sawara,” Sai said with a chuckle, “Just tell me. What’s so strange about it?”

 

“I...I can’t, Akai. Just meet with the man, he’ll tell you.” 

 

The redhead blinked twice and then rose from her chair, “Alright...I’ll email you whether I accepted or declined after the meeting then.”

 

The dark haired manager turned around in his seat and busied himself in an overflowing filing cabinet, “Sounds good, Akai.” He said with finality. 

 

Completely unsettled and filled with unease, the redhead slipped out of Sawara’s doorway and shut the door behind her. It was beyond strange for the man to act in such a suspicious way and it made her wish that the meeting with the director was sooner than a week from then. Regardless, she spent the next few days trying to take her mind off of the wandering thoughts centering around what exactly she’d be planning should she accept the role, whatever it was.

 

By the time the day she was slated to meet the man rolled around, she’d managed to work herself into a corner already. There were too many possibilities for what kind of role could merit such behavior and each one made her more uncomfortable than the last. She honestly didn’t even want to go to the meeting anymore.

 

A woman of her word, though, she arrived at the studio on time, the sky already darkening and making the air that much colder. She simply looked at the building and whimpered. She wasn’t sure she was ready for this. As much as she knew that she wasn’t signing any contract by attending, she was having a hard time imagining how to reject the offer that was surely going to be horrific. 

 

She pushed past her doubts about how the meeting would go and entered the lobby where she was directed to a large meeting room off of the main hallway. Inside was a young man, probably not that much older than her, who was tapping a pencil on the side of a clipboard with a rather serious expression.

 

Hearing the door close behind the redhead, though, he looked up and the heaviness in his facial features lightened until he was smiling politely and excitedly, “Ah! You must be Saiyuka Akai!” He held out his hand and beamed at her, “It’s wonderful to finally meet you, I’m Haru Ogawa, the director for  _ Change of Heart _ . It’s great to have you on board.”

 

Sai took his hand and shook it lightly, her smile brightening significantly. He seemed like a nice man, at least. That helped her nerves. “It’s wonderful to be considered, Mr. Ogawa. Although, I must admit, I’m a bit nervous about this whole thing…” She gave a shaky laugh and he smirked knowingly.

 

“Please, call me Haru. I don’t like my employees being so formal.” His smile parted and he laughed loudly, “Let me guess, someone told you the vaguest, most nondescript warning about my proposition for you.”

 

The redhead responded with laughter of her own, “You’re exactly right. And of course, that meeting was over a week ago, so…”

 

“So you’ve had all that time to dream up scenarios. Gotcha,” his laugh turned a bit humorless and he gestured for her to have a seat. Complying, she smiled as he placed a few files and folders in front of her, all closed or flipped upside down. Purposefully. “Well, to start with, I don’t mean to scare you more, but I do need you to keep an open mind for this one.”

 

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and sighed heavily, causing him to chuckle, “Is it really that bad?” She asked with hesitation. 

 

“Not necessarily bad, per say. It’s against the usual grain, let’s say.” He gave her a sympathetic smile. “You’ve caught my attention for many reasons and we’ll just say that I created this character based on a few ideas that you gave me. In that way, I’d just like you to consider my offer after I tell you a bit more about it. I know for sure you can do it, in fact, you’re probably my only viable option.”

 

“Wow, that’s…” She blinked a few times, unsure of what to say to that. She wasn’t under the impression he’d put this much thought into hiring her specifically.

 

“I know, but you’ll understand a bit more once you know more.” He ran a hand through his hair and sat forward, clearly trying to find the best way to say what he was tossing around in his head. “The main idea for your role came from these images,” he opened the topmost folder and revealed several images from when she’d first joined LME and was still warping her appearance.

 

“What exactly do these have to do with the role?” Sai asked, tearing her eyes away from the pale, emotionless woman in the photographs.

 

“Well...just being blunt...you’re playing Mizuki Shibata...and he’s, well, he’s a man.” Haru took in her rather blank stare as the words he’d just said refused to click together in her mind. “You’d be playing a man, Saiyuka...which is where the whole ‘against the usual grain’ part comes in.”

 

“Then...why on earth would you want  **me** to play him?” Sai asked, still having trouble grasping the concept itself. It...hadn’t been as bad as some of the things she’d been imagining...she could do a lot worse than just playing the opposite sex, that was for sure. But it was just weird. Why hire a female to play a  **male** lead?

 

Holding up the picture of her face from a year and a half previous, the director attempted to remind her of her abilities to mask her femininity. “This is why I want you for this, Ms. Akai. This uncanny ability you have to appear as someone completely different.”

 

“Uh…” She cradled her head in her hand for a moment, trying to come up with coherent words. To buy herself some time, she waved a hand and said, “You can call me Sai or Saiyuka, if you really insist on me calling you Haru. It’s weird otherwise.”

 

“Then, Saiyuka,  **this** is why I’m hiring you.” He placed the photo in front of her and watched her reaction carefully. Her face didn’t move much, but he watched her eyes scan different parts of it and calculate what she should do and how she should be reacting.

 

“Okay, well, I can see your point about the whole appearance thing...but still, wouldn’t it be better if you hired a man to play a man? I mean, isn’t that the point of having both actors and actresses in the world?”

 

He gave a deep chuckle, “Yes, I suppose you have a point. But Mizuki is a bit different. Having his actor be a female with abilities to change her appearance is key. It’s what he was built on entirely.”

 

“How so? What makes that such an important aspect to his character?” The actress asked, still lost. He just wasn’t telling her all the information. She could see him withholding things from her just sitting there.

 

“Uh...how do I put this…?” The director asked to no one in particular as he scratched the back of his head. “Mizuki is a bit of a crossdresser, I suppose. He spends a great majority of the drama as a woman, actually. Hence me wanting to cast a woman who can look like a man, rather than vice versa.”

 

Sai sat back with raised eyebrows and slightly wider eyes than usual. She didn’t necessarily look scared, but it was pretty close. Haru was quick to wave his hands in front of him in an attempt to calm her down. “Now, just wait a minute, Saiyuka. Don’t look at me like I’m going to shoot you or anything.”

 

The redhead tried to relax slightly, twisting uncomfortably in her chair and resting her elbows on the table with just a hint of awkwardness. “Ah, okay...I’m listening…” She told him, still very wary to undertake the role he was doing a rather poor job of selling to her.

 

“I know the role is odd. And I know that it’s a bit hard to deal with just at face value, but that’s why I was so blunt with you. I want you to know those two pieces before we continue, so you can appreciate the subtleties of his character. Can you do that?”

 

Suddenly, her interest was piqued. She sat further forward and nodded, her gaze focused and attentive. The sight of her finally paying full attention invigorated the young director and he cleared his throat to continue, 

 

“Here’s the rhyme to the reason you were looking for: the boy was separated from his mother at a young age and had no way of meeting her. He wanted more than anything to find her, just as many foster children do when they find that their birth parents are still living. Eventually, he tracked her down at a women’s only academy, where she’d been working as the headmistress. In order to infiltrate the academy, Mizuki dressed as a woman and enrolled, just for the slim chance he’d meet his mother.”

 

He paused again, reaching into the folder and pulling out another photo. This one was of the costume she’d been in for Maria’s birthday, in all the glory of her fairy princess getup. She remembered this being taken, right as she’d been about to leave with Ren. How on earth had he gotten a copy?

 

“Now, I’ve seen you hide your femininity, which is big for Mizuki, but even more important is this. You also have the capacity to be staggeringly beautiful. To combine those two sides of you into one character and create a cohesive personality and being, it would be fantastic!” He flashed her a manic grin, “Don’t you think so?”

 

“So, you want to combine the downplayed, more neutral side of me with the overtly feminine side and create a single person between them?” The talent tried to clarify, still unsure of the director’s full thought process regarding his consideration of her.

 

“Not just those two. I also want to capture your ability to create a dark atmosphere. Mizuki is a bit of a strong, silent type of character. He can be really verbose and impressive when enough lines up right, but normally he’s accompanied by quite a bit of muted angst that comes with any kid who thought they’d been abandoned, not good enough for their birth parents. You captured those feelings just right in your Himeko and I want to see that intensity from you pour into however you chose to create Mizuki.”

 

“You...want me to recreate Himeko? As a man dressed as a woman?” The redhead asked, her head spinning as she tried to get a grip on the image this man had for her character.

 

“I...suppose so, yes. I want you to bring in other aspects of yourself though, make her more suited to the role of a man, spruce her up with some masculinity maybe.”

 

Haru watched as the actress tossed his words around and tried to make sense of them. She didn’t look all that confident in what she came up with. Shaking her head, she could believe she was about to take the job. She could feel the “yes” on the tip of her tongue, but wouldn’t let herself say it just yet.

 

The way he made acting sound so simple, so effortless...it was slightly insulting. It wasn’t as if she could just “add in” masculinity like she was cooking and needed an extra teaspoon of cayenne...she was making a human being, a  **person** . Something like that wasn’t to be taken lightly.

 

Despite that, she felt as if proving to him that she could produce exactly what he wanted would solidify her ability to act to much of the world. A chance like that...it was hard to pass up. And the role itself was intriguing to her. Could she really play both sexes within one character? What would that even look like?

 

The thought lit a fire in her heart and she wanted to see it, she wanted to act it. It would be incredibly difficult, that wasn’t being debated...but she thought she could do it. Regardless, she’d give it a try. There was no harm in that.

 

“Well...for now, I suppose you can say that I’m giving you a shaky yes.” Sai said carefully, staring seriously into the director’s hopeful eyes. “I’ll need to think about it, and after a few test runs with the cast and some time I spend more intimately with the scripts I think I’ll have a better idea of what I want to do.” She paused for a moment and added, “I want to accept, I really do, but I honestly don’t know my own limits yet. I don’t want to promise something I can’t deliver yet.”

 

He nodded in understanding, glad she at least expressed a genuine desire to play his character. “Very well. That sounds reasonable to me. Don’t be a stranger, though. Feel free to ask me any questions. I won’t hold you to any sort of contract until you’re confident in yourself.”

 

She beamed at him and reached out again for him to shake her hand. He did and he flashed a tired and almost disappointed grin at her. He’d been just as nervous about this meeting as she hand been. “I’ll keep that in mind, Haru. Thank you very much.”

 

“And to you,” he said, genuinely glad she seemed eager to at least get back to him. He wasn’t letting go of his hope just yet. “I’ll see you at the first dress rehearsal in a few days.”

 

Sai gathered her things and nodded excitedly, “See you then!” She slipped out of the studio and headed back out to her bike, throwing her leg over the side and huffing out a sigh.

 

She was just about to take off and head home when something landed on her arm. Looking down, her eyes spotted a tiny drop of water and she groaned, casting her gaze back up toward the sky just in time to get hit with another raindrop on her cheek. She hated biking in the rain. Damn it.

 

Starting Lola angrily, she tore down the streets as the weather picked up and turned from light drizzling to downright pouring. At the last minute, she doubled back and changed her destination. She was in far too bad of a mood to make a good decision on her own and her apartment was all the way across town.

 

Flipping down her kickstand, she pulled her light jacket around her shoulders tighter and looked up at the pitch black sky that was spilling buckets of large, freezing cold drops on her soaked clothes and shivering figure. She stepped up the familiar cement stoop and knocked on the door, which fell away rather quickly and revealed the thin, toned form of her best friend.

 

Rio looked extremely surprised the moment her eyes fell on the poor figure on her stoop. Sai stood dripping right in front of her door, making a tiny puddle underneath her. Her hair was extremely dark it was so wet and it clung to her skull and her neck, her skin was unusually pale and she was shivering rather violently. Her expression only made it worse. She’d never seen the redhead look so grave.

 

Wordlessly, she left the door open and headed back into her apartment, rushing back to the door brandishing a fluffy white towel, “Here, use this. I’ll go get a spare change of clothes, you know where the bathroom is. Come into the living room when you’re done and we’ll talk.”

 

Following her instructions to the tee, the redhead found herself resting on the large, leather couch in the middle of the brunette’s apartment, wrapped in fluffy pajamas with her hair twisted up in the towel. She already felt much better. 

 

“Here,” her best friend said gently as she handed her a mug full of sweet smelling coffee. Oh, it was just heavenly.

 

“Thank you,” Sai said, pulling out the ‘a’ to show just how much the warm beverage meant to her right then. It seemed to warm her to her very core with each sip. 

 

“Yup,” Rio said, already knowing that their bond was strong enough to easily support drop-bys like this. And it made her incredibly happy knowing that the redhead had come to her first. “So spill, what’s up?”

 

Sai raised an eyebrow and pulled a soft blanket around her shoulders, “I was hoping to talk to you about something. Get your advice.”

 

“I’m all ears, Sai. Tell me what’s bothering you. I’m guessing it’s the role Sawara scared the crap out of you about. Was it that bad?”

 

“No, no, I actually really want to do it.”

 

“Then what’s wrong?”

 

“It is on the unusual side. The character I’m playing is Mizuki, a kid in foster care who goes searching for their original parents. Only weird thing is, Mizuki isn’t a girl’s name. He’s a man. A man whose mother is a headmaster at a girl’s only academy. So what’s the obvious course of action?”

 

“Dress up like a woman and attend the school?” Rio guessed, knowing how a lot of those dramas worked.

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Yeesh...that is...rather unusual. Sounds fun, though, doesn’t it? I mean, how often will you get to play a crossdresser?”

 

“Again, exactly. I really want to play him.”

 

“So what’s the problem?”

 

“I don’t know if I’m capable. I’ve never tried to play a man before, I don’t know if I could pull it off…”

 

“Well, think of it this way. Rather than obsessing over how convincing you can be, just imagine how well this role will impact your future once you do it well. By proving you can play both sexes, you just doubled the amount of applicable offers you might get, and people will value your skill and acting prowess even more. I think you should take it,” the artist suggested, despite the difficulties of learning something of that caliber.

 

“You think I can do it…?” Sai asked worriedly, digging her teeth into her lip and looking at her friend, her gaze missing its usual sharp, confident wit.

 

“Sai, if anyone can do it, you can.” She assured, her lips twisting upwards as they always did when she was trying to convince the redhead of something.

 

Hesitating, the actress nodded and fiddled with a stray strand of thread from her sleeve. “I’ll give it a shot, at least.”

 

“There you go!” Rio said happily, clapping her hands together. “Not a ‘yes,’ but close enough! I’ll take it,” she laughed happily and punched the younger woman’s arm, earning her a small grin.

 

While Sai certainly agreed that her completing the role would be incredible for her career, she couldn’t shake that there was something seriously ominous about the whole thing. She couldn’t shake the feeling that, if she tried to play Mizuki, she’d run into such a roadblock that it could potentially destroy her as an actress. And yet...it didn’t feel impossible either. Like there was an obvious solution, something that would be her savior...she didn’t just know what - or who - it was.


	44. Chapter 44

Surrounded on all sides by stacks of paper and scripts, the red headed beauty finally sighed and gave up, falling backwards into the books behind her. She laid back, letting her head gently hit the floor in defeat, and stared at the ceiling. Sai had been trying for hours to make sense of her character. 

 

It wasn’t the same problem she’d had when she created Himeko. This character was fully fleshed out and a coherent guide as to how to play him was right in front of her. This time, it was genuinely that the actress didn’t know how to act correctly. She’d never played a man before, and wasn’t sure of how to move or speak like one.

 

She’d been practicing and trying to grip the actions and lines for over a week already and felt like she’d gotten nowhere. Utterly frustrated, she picked up her cell phone and dialed her best friend, hoping that she would offer some advice, or anything helpful at all.

 

“This is Honda!” Rio’s voice sounded when she picked up, chipper and high pitched as always. Sai’s lips turned up into a smile and she relaxed a bit just hearing it.

 

“Yo, Rio. I’m stuck.” Sai stated bluntly, not even bothering to give her name. Rio always knew it was her anyway.

 

“Hey there, you in the middle of pouting again?” The brunette knew her too well.

 

“You got it. I’m currently surrounded by reminders of my failures and incompetence,” Sai deadpanned, resting her head against the floor again.

 

“You wanna come over? Bring all those reminders with you and we’ll work a few out together?”

 

Sitting up suddenly, the redhead asked, “Woah, really? You actually have free time before Madam’s appearance tonight?” Rio laughed, knowing that her friend was referring to how busy she usually was.

 

“You’re one to talk, Sai, I honestly can’t believe you have the time to get as frustrated as you do with characters. You always seem to be doing an odd job or a show, sometimes I can’t even get a hold of you.”

 

“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry.” The talent stood up and looked around at the mess she’d made in her living room and began to gather the papers up, holding the phone between her chin and shoulder. “So, were you serious about helping me out tonight?”

 

“Oh yeah, I’ll be home in like, ten minutes. I’ll meet you there, and we’ll have a few hours to plug this out.”

 

Sai’s face lit up into a bright smile, “Sounds good! See ya!” Hanging up the phone, she rushed to gather the rest of her references and scripts, loading them into her tote and rushing out the door.

 

She burst onto her sidewalk and marched up to her bike, which was leaning elegantly towards the curb. After loading her tote into the back, she patted the seat and asked with a smirk, “Good evening, Lola! Feel like giving me a ride tonight?” She often referred to her machine as “Lola”, after the name of the puppy she’d had as a child, back when she lived in England with her parents.

 

To mimic a reply, Sai swung her leg over the motorcycle and started her, revving the engines loudly. Pulling away from the curb, she smiled widely and savored the moments where the wind rushed across her face and through her hair, where all the lights around her blurred into streaks of color.

 

Rio’s house was about ten minutes from her own apartment, but when she took Lola, it was more like seven or eight, tops. Sai would never admit she had a speeding problem though. Not as if anyone would mention it to her, though, as she was fiercely defensive of her bike. She pulled up at the brunette’s doorstep in six minutes flat, beating her previous record by an entire minute. Looking up towards the stoop, her icy blue eyes met Rio’s deep brown ones, shining knowingly at her dear friend.

 

“New record?” She asked.

 

“You know it,” Sai beamed, her cheeks glowing with color. She swung her leg off her bike and retrieved her tote from the back. Rio helped her inside and then they set out all the papers and packets that the redhead had brought along.

 

Rio let out a low whistle once they’d gotten everything together and her friend smirked at her sadly, “Yeah, I know.”

 

“Yeah, uh...this is sort of an  **insane** amount of material, Sai! Why do you have all this?”

 

“Cause I’m desperately trying to piece together what to do,” the redhead said pathetically, giving her friend puppy dog eyes.

 

Rio waved her hand dismissively and laughed, “You don’t need to look at me like that, Sai, I’m fully willing to help.” She watched with a fair amount of surprise as relief visibly washed over the redhead, who must have been extremely worried about this role to have been so tense.

 

They immediately set to work, running through several of the introductory scenes, the actress filling her makeup artist in with her director’s tips, tricks, and pointers from their practices along the way. As they experienced several failures, the brunette began stopping her friend in the middle of scenes, and with every retake, Sai got more and more frustrated until she all but whipped her script across the room.

 

“It’s hopeless!” She cried as she collapsed against the back of the couch. “I should just quit, right? I should quit.”

 

Rio watched the actress carefully, her dark eyes narrowing as she regarded her, “Oh, sure. Because that’s so like you,” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“Rio, I can’t do this! I don’t know how to be a man!” Sai insisted, at her wit’s end, and fraying even further as she felt her friend’s hard gaze settle on her slumped form. 

 

Seeing how desperate and distraught the redhead was, Rio’s gaze softened and she moved to sit next to her, “Hey, it’ll be okay…” she began, just wanting to give her some sort of comfort. “What exactly is so difficult for you?”

 

Sai let a deep breath go, trying to get control of herself, “I’m just not sure how to speak, or gesture like a man. Hell, I don’t even know how to stand like a man!”

 

Biting her lip, the artist said, “I’m not the best authority on how to do that right, you know...but...maybe you could ask Mr. Tsuruga?” 

 

The redhead considered this for a moment, before sighing again and nodding, “I suppose that’s my last resort.”

 

Rio was pleased that her friend was going to try again and she pulled her up off the couch and they moved onto practicing scenes where she was more feminine, finding those to go a bit smoother. They’d just finished a scene rather successfully when the brunette was paging through the remainder of that script and she suddenly snapped up her head and looked at Sai,

 

“Uh, oh,” she said nervously, attracting the redhead’s attention.

 

“What’s up?” She asked, clearly worried as to what could have made Rio so nervous.

 

Swallowing hard, the artist handed Sai the script she’d been working on and pointed out a particular moment in it. “See, uh...this is your roommate here…” she said, and Sai read through the lines that spanned the next two pages, her heart leaping into her throat.

 

“Are they...flirting?!” The redhead eventually managed, her voice squeaky and broadcasting how unsure she was of what to think.

 

“I...think so…” Rio managed, scanning the next few scripts, biting her lip. “It looks like she finds out you’re really a man and you two steadily fall in love…”

 

The actress opened and shut her mouth, the muscles in her jaw bunching as she tried to say anything to that, and she only managed to squeak out, “I can’t do that!”

 

The brunette set the scripts down and looked at her with knitted eyebrows, “Why is so different? She knows you’re a guy.”

 

“But I’m not a guy! Not really! My character is, but  **I’m** not!! I don’t know how to flirt with a girl, Rio!!”

 

Shrugging, the artist stated in a meek voice, “You could always ask Mr. Tsuruga…”

 

The redhead’s cheeks paled and she looked at her friend in absolute horror, “Oh,  **HELL** no. No. No way. Not happening.” She continued to vehemently refuse, packing up her things and informing her friend that they were done for the night and that she had to think about whether or not she really could take this role.

 

Rio was sorely disappointed that Sai was considering quitting, but understood where she was coming from. She resigned to just go along with whatever the talent wanted most and helped her pack up. 

 

The two girls finished picking up the mass of papers and scripts rather quickly, and together they headed to JL Studios, managing to arrive sooner than usual. As they got ready though, it was obvious to not just Rio, but the entire cast of _ Match Made in Showbiz  _ that Sai was massively depressed over her lack of acting ability. The show itself went just fine, as Madam had no issues at that moment and performed just as well as usual. 

 

Once it ended though, Sai returned to her own consciousness and dragged herself back to her dressing room. Not following her right away, the brunette sighed deeply and rubbed at her temples, completely frustrated with her friend. Eventually, the cast approached her,

 

“Ms. Honda, is Ms. Akai alright? She hasn’t been acting normally…”

 

“She’s usually so cheery and smug, and she’s confident and not afraid to speak her opinion…”

 

“She was so quiet all rehearsal and when she was backstage, I’m worried!”

 

Rio fretted over the sudden attention and tried to stop all of the men from talking over themselves, “Wait, wait, gentlemen…” They quieted down and she looked at all of them and sighed again, “She’s okay. Sai’s just having some trouble with a role of hers and it’s making her extremely upset.”

 

“Upset?” The tallest asked, whose name Rio thought she remembered was something-Izumo, “She’s definitely depressed, did you see her?”

 

“Yes, I have indeed seen her, Mr. Izumo. Now I am going to help her out of costume, so if you’ll excuse me.”

 

He paused for a minute and let Rio brush past him, “Sano.” He said suddenly, causing the brunette to look over her shoulder for a moment, “Call me Sano.” 

 

The artist nodded almost imperceptibly and then hurried away. The rest of the cast tried to shake their worry for the pair but eventually they couldn’t help it and collectively they went to their dressing room.

 

Peeking in, Sano brushed a strand of dirty blonde hair out of his eyes and met the unmistakable icy blue ones of the actress he’d been working with. “Oh,” he heard her say in monotone, “Hello, Sano.” She greeted, already looking away.

 

He stepped in shyly, followed by the rest of the small cast and found that she was already out of costume and makeup and was now just allowing her makeup artist to fix her hair. Clearing his throat, he managed, “Hey, Saiyuka...I just wanted to ask you something real quick.”

 

She allowed a gentle smile to overtake her features and she nodded softly, “Alright, go ahead, shoot.”

 

“Well, the guys and I usually go out drinking after the shoot…” he began, carefully watching her reactions. “And, well, we noticed you were a little bit out of it today and thought we’d extend you the invitation, to see if we could make you feel better.”

 

Offering a gentle smile still, Sai shook her head, “I’m sorry, Sano. I’m really extremely pleased that you cared enough to notice, and flattered that you offered, but that’s not really my scene, you know?” When she finished explaining, her smile faltered a little bit and she sunk into the couch, sighing heavily and closing her eyes. As much as she’d tried to look normal, it was obvious she was still suffering.

 

Sano turned to his friends and shuffled them to the side, where he whispered in hushed tones a plan that he’d come up with in seconds flat. Rio, curious, joined them after a minute and they filled her in, only to find that she was very much against it. Eventually, one of the costars walked Rio out, trying to calm her down and convince her it would go fine.

 

The rest of the cast remained behind and together they counted down silently before Sano lashed out and wrapped his arms around Sai’s waist, lifting her off the couch. The redhead squeaked at this in protest, writhing in his arms as he barked out orders to his coworkers and they sprinted down the hall from the dressing room.

 

“Put me down, Sano!!!” The talent yelled, a note of panic in her voice, still struggling in the man’s arms.

 

“You should have just agreed to come!” He told her, laughing at her useless attempts to break free.

 

Suddenly, Sai stopped trying to struggle as much as she dissolved into laughter and allowed the blonde actor to carry her to the car that had been waiting. As they reached it, he set her down and bowed, his eyes glinting and a lazy smile on his face.

 

The redhead rolled her eyes and got in, watching as he climbed in behind her and regard her nervously, “Are you kidnapping me, Sano?” She asked, a hint of humor in her voice.

 

Allowing his lips to lift up into a smirk, he nodded dramatically, “Of course, isn’t that obvious?”

 

She laughed joyously, making Sano, as well as the rest of the cast, blush to the tips of their ears, “How on earth was this the obvious choice of action?” She asked, greatly amused.

 

Sano swallowed as he watched her tuck a strand of red hair behind her ear femininely, “Well, I’m a strong believer of the ends justifying the means. And my goal is to make you happy. So if we have to kidnap you to make you come on this trip, then so be it.” 

 

Sai raised her hands up in defeat and flashed them all a winning smile, “Okay, okay. I get it. I’ll come willingly from now on.”

 

They all laughed and Sano even patted the top of her head and she blushed softly, huffing as she stared out the window. “Where’s Rio?” She asked softly, knowing that she may need the brunette’s assistance if she was going to spend the evening at a bar. She and alcohol had a rather rocky relationship at that moment.

 

“In the car behind us,” the actor told her, gesturing behind him with his head, his shaggy blonde locks moving elegantly about him. He grinned at her mischievously and winked, causing her to roll her eyes again.

 

They pulled up at an upscale bar and grill a ways away from the studio and all spilled out. A wonderfully dressed bell hop greeted them when they entered and Sai got the distinct impression that they were there a lot. Once they’d been seated, the redhead desperately searched out her friend, eventually finding her across the room, also scanning all the of the patrons of the restaurant. 

 

She scurried over, pulling the brunette aside and whispering urgently, “Rio, there’s something you should probably know about this situation…”

 

For just a moment, surprise and concern flashed in the artist’s eyes, “Can you not handle alcohol?” She asked nervously.

 

“Actually...it’s kind of the opposite,” Sai admitted, watching her friend look at her in confusion, “I have a condition...and, well, the short story of it is that it prevents the chemicals in alcohol from binding with the usual parts of my brain…”

 

Rio blinked blankly and asked, “So wait...am I getting this right then that you have a condition that negates all of the inhibiting effects of alcohol?”

 

Sai nearly gasped in relief as she understood, “Yes! That’s exactly it…”

 

“Then why are you worried?”

 

“What do you mean?” Sai asked, tilting her head.

 

“Why are you so concerned about drinking? Isn’t it a good thing that you can’t get drunk?”

 

“Actually...it’s more dangerous, in my opinion, because I physically don’t have a limit to how much I can drink. If they force too many drinks on me, seeing that I don’t seem tipsy enough, I could damage organs or something.”

 

The artist thought about that for a while, believing that the likelihood she could inflict any permanent damage was low, but still seeing her point. She nodded softly and said, “Well, then you just drink a few here and there, start  **acting** tipsy. Then I’ll start distracting them so they don’t notice you’re not quite accurate, and then you can stop accepting new drinks. Okay?”

 

The redhead considered this for a moment, eventually sighing and resigning to her suggestion. “Yes, alright…”

 

“Hey now,” Rio said, a teasing smile forming on her lips, “Is that any attitude for an actress to take towards an acting job?”

 

The younger woman’s face lit up and she laughed softly, “Alright, alright, I get it. I’ll do my best.”

 

Rio responded with a gentle smile and together they walked to join the cast at the bar. The night proceeded slowly, as the actors all sat and drank merrily. Sai managed to down more than she was comfortable with, as her friends continually refreshed or introduced drinks to her. As the night went on, despite being nervous about the outing itself, she was beginning to understand why she’d been dragged along. 

 

Before she knew it, she was back to smiling and laughing, the stress she’d oppressed herself with lightening as time ticked by. At various points of the night, Sai upped her “drunken” state performance. At first, she just laughed a little harder and swayed a bit, but after her third drink, she began to slur her words and speak louder. 

 

Rio eventually spotted her and pulled her onto the dance floor, insisting that her favorite song was on. The redhead caught on quickly and began singing the song in earnest. And by that, it means she was screaming the lyrics as off-key and loudly as possible. Everyone besides the brunette was wasted enough to think it was beautiful though, and most of them even joined in. 

 

Watching her closely all throughout the night, the makeup artist had to admit that she was thoroughly impressed. If Sai hadn’t told her beforehand that she couldn’t get drunk, there would have been no way she could have convinced her. She looked completely, genuinely wasted. In fact, despite knowing that there was no reason for her to worry, she was intensely concerned. 

 

Even though she seemed incredibly drunk, the rest of the cast kept pushing drinks on her and she was having trouble refusing at this point. Unable to watch her struggle with them any longer, she became nervous and picked up her phone, dialing the first number that came to mind.

 

“Hello?” A familiar, distinct voice answered, gentle and deep.

 

“Ah,” Rio said softly, “I’m so sorry to bother you so late, Mr. Tsuruga, this is Rio Honda. You see, something’s happened and you were the first person I thought to call...” As she spoke, she turned and looked at the redhead sitting rather uncomfortably at the bar and bit her lip.  _ Please don’t hate me for this, Sai!! _ She prayed to herself as she waited for the man on the other end of the call to reply.


	45. Chapter 45

“What’s happened?” Ren asked, his voice tinged with worry as he clutched his cell phone tighter in his hand and pressed it against his cheek. If Rio was calling, especially this late, it had to concern Sai. And the thought of anything happening to her was terrifying.

 

Rio decided to give him the shortest explanation of what happened as possible, “The cast of our last job got a little caught up in their vigor for going out for drinks and dragged us along. They’ve pretty much been forcing drinks on her all night and she’s in pretty bad shape…”

 

She paused for a few moments, waiting for any sign that the actor would reply, but his end of the phone was silent and her worry grew as to whether this was indeed a good idea. But, oh well, she couldn’t back down now, “I have to drive a few of the guys home, but I really think she needs to go home now or she won’t be able to soon. Do you think there’s any chance you could...you know...come pick her up?”

 

Ren paused for another few moments, trying to squelch the anger rising in his chest rapidly, “I’ll be right there.” He told her, waiting only for her to rattle off the address before hanging up abruptly and standing. 

 

He turned to his slightly startled manager and told the man, “I’m incredibly sorry, Mr. Yashiro, but something’s come up. We’ll have to cancel my last interview for the night.”

 

The light haired man startled slightly at this and he looked up at his companion, “Cancel? Are you sure?”

 

The actor nodded gravely, his eyes seething with subdued anger. “Positive. Give him my warmest regards and sincerest of apologies, but I really have to go.”

 

“What happened, Ren?” The manager asked, seeing a slight panic accompany his anger and knew immediately that it must concern Sai in some way. 

 

He swallowed hard and tried to remain calm, knowing that she would be fine, but needing to get to her as quickly as possible, “I’ll explain later, Mr. Yashiro,” he said, averting his eyes and gathering his things.

 

Yashiro reached out and put his hand on the actor’s arm, stopping him for a moment, “Ren, please, you’re worrying-”

 

“Yukihito.” The dark haired man interrupted, using his manager’s first name to show that he was deadly serious about needing to leave quickly. Immediately the man understood and released his grip, nodding and allowing him to exit swiftly. He vowed to grill him later, as clearly there was a pressing need that would have to take precedence at that moment. Swallowing the little bit of hurt that came with his friend’s inability to communicate with him, Yashiro took out his phone and dialed the reporter they were now bailing on.

 

The moment after he’d hung up, Yashiro was about to let his phone go and take off the gloves he always had to wear so as not to damage electronic devices, but it rang loudly and he answered it on whim.

 

“Yes? This is Yukihito Yashiro speaking.”

 

“Yukihito?” The actor’s voice rang, a pang of guilt laced in his tone.

 

The manager blinked a few times before saying, “Ren? Are you alright?”

 

“Yes,” he said, clearly sounding the exact opposite of alright. “I just feel awful for rushing away from you and I’m not thinking clearly so I’m completely lost.”

 

“Is she alright?” Yashiro asked, not even needing Ren to mention her by name to know that he was near hysteria over the woman he loved. 

 

Ren paused for a moment, apprehensive that his manager knew it was about Sai immediately, and panicking more every second himself about the answer to that very question. “I don’t know,” he finally conceded. “Apparently she’s pretty wasted at some upscale bar somewhere downtown. Ms. Honda called me in worry.”

 

Yashiro blinked a few times, “That doesn’t sound like Ms. Saiyuka…”

 

“No. It doesn’t. And that makes me worry even more.”

 

“Then go. Focus on driving. Just...call me later to tell me if she’s alright, okay?”

 

“Of course.” Ren said quickly, before adding, “And Yukihito?”

 

Unwittingly, the light haired man’s lips curled into a smile. He liked when Ren addressed him so casually. He felt like they were more like friends than business partners this way. “Yeah?”

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Hanging up with his manager, the actor immediately began searching desperately for any sign of the roads Rio had mentioned to him on the phone, trying to locate the bar. Eventually, after a truly depressing amount of traveling down the wrong streets and u-turns, both unnecessary and necessary, he arrived at the bar they were at. 

 

He parked quickly and barged inside, his eyes immediately finding the redhead at the bar counter. She wore a tight knit sweater and belt, complemented by a pair of neutral colored leggings and high boots with a gentle, curving heel. Even for across the room, her natural beauty that flowed from such an understated outfit made the dark haired man’s heart race and his cheeks heat up.

 

He shook his head quickly, ignoring how the ensemble she wore clung to her shapely figure, and focused on getting her out of there. Along with her beauty, he’d also noticed how obviously drunk she was. She had her head tilted backwards in laughter, completely uninhibited in pointless and unprovoked whoops and giggles. In addition to that, she swayed in her seat when she moved and had to keep her head propped up with her elbows.

 

Knowing that he needed to get her out of there not just  **now** , but more like  **ten minutes ago** , he marched right up to her without a moment’s hesitation, not ceasing movement as he scanned the bar for signs of the makeup artist. By moving his gaze away from Sai, even for just a second, he missed the intense shock that appeared in her icy blue eyes for just a moment upon seeing him.

 

Instantly, the redhead internalized the panic that had sprung up when she’d laid eyes on the actor and she’d averted them immediately, focusing on her drink quickly and making herself look as normal and comfortable, but still tipsy, as possible.  _ Why the  _ **_hell_ ** _ is he here!?  _ She wondered, sneaking another glance at him and realizing he was making a beeline straight for her.  _ And why does he know  _ **_I’m_ ** _ here? What the hell!!? _

 

Thinking as quickly as possible, she considered every option she had at that moment. Mostly, she wanted to book it out of there. If she could do anything to get out of it, she would. If he’d already seen her, he’d know that she was highly drunk, and even though she was completely sober, she couldn’t very well just brush off the way she’d been acting. 

 

Before she could come up with an escape plan though, Ren reached her and she turned to him, throwing back on her intoxicated expression and allowing her brows to scrunch up at first. She regarded him for a moment before a spark of recognition dawned and she slurred, “Oh! Tsssuruga! Heeeey buddy! Whassup? How ya been?”

 

Ren watched in awe as she swayed from side to side, a lazy smile on her lips and her gaze dragging itself over him slowly. He replied rather tersely as his anger grew for the men who’d let her get this inebriated, “Fine, thank you.”

 

“Woaah!” She said, leaning dangerously close to him as she reeled forward, “Don  **chu** sound ticked off!” The redhead snorted, sending her into a fit of giggles. “Didchu wanna beer to f-f-fix dat?” She asked, her words slurring awfully together and making her extremely hard to understand, “Cause I can geetcha a beer,” she added with a wink.

 

Ignoring her, he leaned over and caught the attention of her equally inebriated coworkers and yelled over the noise, “Sorry, fellas, Ms. Akai has to go now. She’ll see you around and is very grateful you brought her out here.”

 

He gave them a polite smile and tried to keep his tone light, but quickly realized that it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. They were all too wasted to really notice what was happening at all. Idiots.

 

Without warning, Ren leaned down and picked her up bridal style, wrapping his arms around her ribcage and under her knees. “Woaah! H-h-heeeeey! Pumeh down!” Sai insisted, thrashing drunkenly in his arms as he held her tightly so as not to let her escape. She nailed him once in the jaw pretty good, but he managed to shake it off and carry her right out of the establishment, thanking the staff as he left.

 

“Put. Me. Down!!” She yelled, pounding against his broad chest, managing to enunciate more than before, just to prove how much she wanted to be let go.

 

The actor followed her request, placing her as delicately as possible in the front seat of his car. Once she was safely inside, he regarded her for a moment as she glared back, letting a slight hiccup interrupt their silence. With a sigh, he leaned over and began buckling her in, just as a parent would his child.

 

Needless to say, the actually very sober Sai did not appreciate that. Very quickly, it became exceedingly hard to keep the drunken expression on her face, as the fury radiating from her chest was becoming hard to ignore. As Ren patted her on the head and closed her door, walking to circle around and get into his side, Sai came to a decision.

 

When he’d first been carrying her, she’d decided that once they were in the car, she’d drop the act and tell him that she wasn’t really drunk. That was before he’d refused to let her down, walked her by the hand, set her in the car, buckled her, and then patted her head like she was a well-behaved animal. Now she was angry. And the ruse was most definitely  **not** up. 

 

On rare occasions such as this, Sai was able to take advantage of certain situations and allow herself closer than normal to the actor who’d just about reached his door. Typically, she wouldn’t let herself be publically or privately affectionate toward him, lest she do something she’d regret. In instances like the predicament she’d found herself in at that moment, she found that it was much easier to tease and flirt with him. 

 

Knowing the actor how she’d like to think she knew him, if she was intoxicated when she made advances toward him, he’d associate them with her drunken attitude, rather than suppressed feelings. And if he doubted that, she’d sure as hell subtly assure him of that in the morning. He’d never let her go too far if she was drunk, and he’d certainly never use it against her. He was just a good person like that. But she wasn’t. Oh no, Lory had taught her well. There was no way she was just going to pass up a perfect opportunity to toy with him.

 

Ren got in the car silently, noting only briefly that Sai seemed to be staring intently at him. He shut his door and started the engine, getting ready to pull out of the spot they were in when her soft, slurred words hit his ears.

 

“Have I ever...toldjew how gorgeous you are?” She asked, and even though some of the words mixed together, each was punctuated enough to hear and Ren’s gaze snapped to hers. He instantly wished he hadn’t looked at her though, because her eyes appeared to have darkened several shades of blue and were smouldering and intense. He could swear he felt physical electricity between them at that moment.

 

He cleared his throat awkwardly and averted his eyes, crushing down the searing heat that rose in his own chest and the unwelcome desire that had just coursed through him. Focusing his eyes on the road ahead, he started driving. He was distantly aware that the redhead was still gazing at him from her seat, her eyes not having left him since they got in the car.

 

“I mean it, chuknow,” she said softly, her voice much clearer than he’d heard it all night, “I’ve always admired you from afar. The way your bangs are longer on one side and they fall into your eyes, which makes you pull them back and slick them against the side of your head.” She giggled girlishly then, as if amused and warm at the memory. When she’d stopped laughing, she continued, her voice even crisper now,

 

“I don’t think you even notice when you do it, but I love watching it. Your features are also so sharp and angular when you’re focused, so to see them go all soft and gentle when you’re happy makes me want to keep you that way forever. It makes you look younger and more innocent, but still just as beautiful and talented.” 

 

Ren was now gripping the wheel so tightly that his knuckles were pure white and starting to ache. It was all he could do to keep his eyes trained on the road ahead as she kept going, listing various parts of his personality and appearance, commenting on how gentle he was, and how kind and passionate he could be. She spoke of what she loved about him and how she’d come to love it and all but confessed to him right then and there. 

 

He cleared his throat and tried to beat down the rush of emotions that came with each and every thing she mentioned. He’d had no idea she paid such close attention to him. “Ms. Akai...you don’t really know what you’re saying right now. I don’t want you to say anything you’ll regret-”

 

Despite his best efforts to keep the woman he loved from confessing without knowing she was doing so, she kept talking over him, spouting drunken ramblings about how wonderful he was. As a last resort, when they were stopped at a long light, he chanced looking at her and his breath caught. Her cheeks were bright pink for the rush of speaking with him and from what Ren assumed to be the alcohol, and her eyes shone in the moonlight streaming through his window. She looked absolutely beautiful. 

 

He moved his hand to touch her shoulder gently, “Ms. Akai,” he said, his tone serious. “Please, don’t say all this now. Stop, for me?” 

 

Ren desperately hadn’t wanted to hurt her, or insinuate he didn’t like what she was doing. In fact, it was nearly the exact opposite, as he knew that if she kept going, he may end up doing something the both of them regretted.

 

His worry was unwarranted though, as Sai seemed to be only able to focus on his hand that he’d laid on her shoulder and she eyed it curiously before taking the large palm in her own and intertwining her fingers with his, wrapping their bound hands in her other one. She clutched his hand tightly, intimately, and didn’t utter another word, seeing Ren had desperately wanted to hush her. 

 

Additionally, she’d expected that he’d pull his hand out of hers, now that she’d managed to get a good grip on his. She would let him take it back, of course, but definitely planned to make it difficult. To her surprise, though, the actor didn’t let go. He actually squeezed her hand tighter, returning his eyes to the road and attempting to rid his cheeks of their raging redness.

 

He knew that he really shouldn’t be allowing her to hold onto him like that, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her not to. It was what he wanted more than anything. And if she never grew to feel for him like he felt for her, then at least he would have this memory where she willingly took and held his hand more intimately than he’d thought possible.

 

Still surprised he let her continue holding his hand, Sai peered at it curiously before a genuine smile lit up her face and she gave his palm a gentle squeeze, feeling one in return from him. She returned her gaze to watching him, now seeing that he was staring straight ahead, not even bothering to watch her reactions. Falling silent for the rest of the ride, the talent was completely content with simply basking in their small amount of physical contact, allowing herself to be quieted.

 

Mutely, Ren parked his car and took Sai by the hand up to his apartment, pausing only briefly at the front door to consider if this was a good idea or not. In the end, he decided he didn’t feel comfortable with simply dropping her off at her apartment and wishing for the best, he wanted to make sure she was okay. He needed to.

 

Once they were inside, she nearly tipped over, but Ren caught her around her waist, cursing how his heart beat hard and fast when he held her against his chest, steadying her. “Ms. Akai- please…” He tried to set her down gently, struggling to keep her upright while she laughed and slurred comments he couldn’t understand. Eventually, he managed to get her in a seated position by his front door and he scrambled to get her shoes off, floundering quite a bit.

 

Internally, Sai was doing everything she could do to maintain her composure and keep the act up. Seeing the man this flustered and clearly laboring to handle her was enough to force her to laugh, covering up the hilarity her sober self found in his actions by making it sound as drunk as possible. Really, she could barely contain herself, it was just so unlike him to be this ruffled and discombobulated. In a way, she found it almost adorable. And it was all the motivation she needed to keep up the act.

 

Completely oblivious to that, Ren did all he could to drag her limp self over to his couch and pulled her onto the cushions, trying desperately to make her as comfortable as possible. He watched in slightly concern as her laughter died down and she took a curious glance around the room, eventually managing,

 

“Wheeerameye...w-w-whyameyeheere…?” The sounds tumbled from her mouth, so quick and smashed together that they were entirely indistinguishable. 

 

“Ms. Akai,” the dark haired man said slowly, taking her hand again and sitting next to her on the couch, “Focus on me. Focus, and say that again.”

 

He watched as her darkened eyes stuck to his form, intense and searing as usual, but also burning in a way he’d never seen them. He gulped. She took a deep breath, having understood him. “W-why am I here?” Her voice was soft, the words said slowly and individually, to keep them from mashing together. 

 

“I wanted to make sure you were safe,” the actor said simply, brushing a strand of hair from her face.

 

“So, you brought me here?” Sai asked slowly, again distinguishing each word purposefully, enunciating each syllable with purpose.

 

Ren nodded, watching her reaction carefully, “This way I can keep an eye on you.” He was hoping this would comfort her, but was shocked to watch her reel backwards, shaking her head.

 

“N-n-nooo!!” The actress began, hiccupping softly, “This-s is the most dangeroush place inthawholeworld!!” She was near hysterical now, her speech devolving into a slurred mess again and causing Ren to grab her shoulders to steady her.

 

“Ms. Akai,” he started, before she fought him again and tried to pull away, “Sai!” He shouted, causing her to jump slightly and just stare at him, unmoving. “Why is it dangerous here? Why are you worried about being here?”

 

For a few scary moments, the redhead didn’t move at all, didn’t even blink or breathe. Then, slowly, her eyes closed and then opened again. Now, beneath the still darkening color, was a strange glint. Fiery, intense, and heated. Wordlessly, she reached out and placed a hand on his chest, her pale, slender fingers brushing against the fabric softly, taking the dark haired man by complete shock. 

 

Sai then leaned forward, getting within just a few inches of him, and slurred seductively, “Becaaaause...yuur here…with me.” She waited for just a beat, watching in inner amusement as he sat there, shocked and too frozen to move, and she took advantage of him in that one moment and close the distance between them, using her hand as leverage to reach his neck with her mouth.

 

With slow, deliberate movements, she placed a string of kisses down his neck. Each one was warm and gentle, but held an amorous intensity the actor was completely unprepared for. Even drunk, her lips were incredibly talented, brushing and sending shocks over his skin that immediately warmed him and inflamed his attraction and desire for her tenfold. 

 

Eventually, she reached his collarbone and her kiss grew more heated and passionate, and just for a moment, she pressed her tongue to his skin, massaging it. The shocks that shot through his body then were far more carnal than he’d been prepared for and it was in that exact second that he snapped out of his frozen state and grabbed her shoulders, pushing her away. 

 

It was then that he realized how heavily he’d been breathing, his chest rising and collapsing dramatically with each breath, his heart racing so fast that it was creating waves of pain. For a moment, Ren held Sai at arm’s length, taking in her lazily sultry expression; lips parted and slightly swollen, hair slightly tousled, one of her shoulders exposed from when he’d pushed her back.

 

It took all of his remaining self control in that moment to clamp down the waves of desire that rushed over him when he saw that. He knew without a doubt that if sober Sai knew what he’d allowed her to do right then, she’d most assuredly kill him in a torturous way for letting it continue. That, and he’d like to say that he wouldn’t take advantage of her when she was drunk in the first place. She was just so damn irresistible. 

 

Inwardly, he cursed himself for letting his guard down. If he’d been paying attention, she wouldn’t have gotten nearly as far. He was acutely aware of the section of his neck and collarbone that was currently burning from the warmth and moisture of her lips and tongue. Distraught with the fact he’d just taken advantage of her, even if she’d been the one to make the move, he stood. 

 

Sai immediately tried to stand and follow, swaying dangerously forward before the actor could stop her. He caught her at the last second and sighed with relief as she sat backwards. Then, he cleared his throat and tried to speak as normally as possible, “You wait right here, understand?” He asked, his voice cracking only slightly.

 

Watching him with curiosity, Sai nodded vehemently, letting loose another hiccup as she gazed up at him dazedly.

 

As Ren turned and hurried towards his room, he was having a small breakdown, only distantly aware that he was literally running away from the redhead at that moment. He couldn’t help it, though, she drove him absolutely mad and he’d needed a moment to himself. Closing the door behind him, he drove his fingers through his hair, each hand shaking badly. His entire body was  trembling and his breaths were now coming in large gasps.

 

More than anything, the dark haired man just wanted to understand her actions. He was painfully conscious of her lack of feelings toward him _. She’s said many times - to my face - how little she cares for me, in any sense other than mentor and friend. _ He thought, trying to piece together what was happening as he paced his room, still running her hands through his hair.

 

_ If that’s so, though, why on earth is she saying and doing all of...well,  _ **_that_ ** _! The only thing different about her right now is that she’s absolutely  _ **_wasted_ ** _!! I can’t read into that though, because some people get like this when they’re drunk, all handsy and mouthy! But...but...I can’t just discount the fact that her inhibitions are gone...maybe this is how she feels toward me always, and she just doesn’t express it? _

 

Ren immediately shook his head, desperately ridding it of that line of thoughts. He couldn’t allow himself to think like that. That would mean hoping there was real emotion behind her actions. And he couldn’t afford that hope. Not with Sai. She’d shoot him down instantly. And he’d learned that each time he got shot down, it just hurt more. No, he couldn’t let himself think that way, he just couldn’t seem to let go of the thought that-

 

Just then, a loud crash sounded from just outside the room. It sounded like something heavy had tumbled over, followed by the distinct noise of shattering glass. In an instant, Ren had turned and torn through his door, whipping around the corner in absolute terror. In his hallway sat Sai, surrounded by a broken glass lampshade and looking rather shocked, in a dull sort of way.

 

Taking a quick survey of the surroundings the moment he was sure the redhead was alright, the actor pieced together what had happened. Sai had been moving towards the kitchen, probably thirsty due to how much alcohol she’d just drank, and her foot had gotten caught on the cord of the lamp on the end table.

 

By the looks of it, she’d fought with the lamp to keep it upright, but her movements were disoriented by how intoxicated she was and she’d somehow managed to pull the entire end table down. It now lay on its side in front of her, surrounded on every side by the black glass of the lamp that had previously sat on it. In the petite girl’s hand was the lightbulb, which she’d managed to catch by some miracle. She was currently staring at it as if wondering herself how it had gotten there.

 

Without a word, he rushed to help her up, moving her carefully off the ground and back onto the couch, where she sat helplessly as he cleaned up her mess. It was picked up rather quickly, as Ren was rushing to make sure she was okay. Once the glass was safely disposed of, he tipped the side table back up and ran around the couch to crouch in front of her,

 

“Are you alright?” He asked, his voice slightly higher pitched with worry as he scanned her for any cuts or bruises.

 

Sai nodded softly, her hair falling into her face as her eyes dug into his, watching their cocoa brown color melt like chocolate as he became infatuated with her appearance. They always did that when he spent too long looking at her. She loved it.

 

Noticing how he was now staring at her, the actor backed away and ran a shaky hand through his hair again, trying to gain control of his emotions. He took a deep breath and moved to the chair next the sofa, consciously not sitting next to her again, to avoid another encounter like their last. 

 

Once he was seated, he watched her eyes focus and unfocus on his face, her thoughts visibly muddled and wandering. Knowing she wasn’t paying attention at this exact moment, he allowed himself to stare again, admiring her as she zoned in and out. 

 

Without warning, her gaze resting unfocused on a corner of the room, she spoke, “Wasso interesting about me?” Her words were still slurred, but were much easier to understand now than when he’d picked her up a half hour previous.

 

Ren started in his seat, realizing that, mortifyingly enough, she’d been fully aware of where he was looking the entire time. He was completely silent then, raking his gaze to the ground and gripping his hands together as tightly as he could. Gathering all his remaining strength, he tried to reign in his intense feelings for the woman who was now staring at him.

 

“You in love wit me, or summin’? She slurred, obvious humor in her voice. Despite that, the actor was now completely unmoving, his breathing coming in shallow gasps and his heart hammering so hard that it again shook his hands, which were now totally white as he tried desperately to stop their trembling.

 

On the couch, the sober redhead was watching him like a hawk, his jaw bunching and his hands white, his breathing shallow, Sai knew, without a doubt in her mind, this man loved her. She’d known before, of course, but there had been a rather juvenile air to the feelings, more of a crush than anything else. Now it was different. He’d really fallen for her now. And it was mutual. The more she looked at him, the more she realized that her feelings had long since become incredibly serious toward the man. And there was no going back now.

 

Trying not to internally explode at that, Sai silently moved off of the couch and slid her slender fingers into the actor’s hair, startling him majorly. While he was still processing what was happening, she took advantage of his hesitation and moved forward, pressing her lips softly against his. 

 

The moment their lips met, electricity seemed to spark between them and the heat in the kiss grew. The fingers the redhead had been resting in Ren’s hair tightened their grip of several locks and tangled themselves within them. Their spark grew then and the kiss deepened, the actress running her skillful tongue along his lower lip, making him release a strangled, choking noise from the back of his throat.

 

His own hands drifted up along her back, raising until they wound themselves through her soft, voluminous red hair. Oh, he’d wanted to run his fingers through those bright locks for far too long. Before he could think better of it, he ran his thumbs along her jawline and tilted her head back, allowing him a better angle to kiss her.

 

Her lips parted slightly and he ran his own tongue along the inner rim of her lip, savoring the taste for just a moment until the substance causing that flavor hit him like a freight train. Alcohol. She tasted of alcohol, reeked of it, really. Jerking backwards suddenly, the actor went into full panic mode, remembering exactly why the redhead was in his living room at that moment. She was completely inebriated. And he’d just completely taken advantage of that.

 

Violently pushing her backwards, he startled her and winced at the slight gasp of surprise and pain that she made when he did so. Without pausing to think or regret that though, he immediately scooped her up and began carrying her. The talent began to struggle, making squeaks of protest as he marched straight for her room. 

 

Breathing heavily and trying to keep himself from breaking down in guilt and self-hatred in front of Sai, he plopped her in her bed, much to her very audible disapproval, and flung the covers over her. Once she was securely in the bed, he mumbled a quick, emotionless goodnight to her and then turned on his heel and sped out of the room, closing the door with finality.

 

Marching to his own room, his legs covered the distance in half the time it usually took, and he shut his own door behind him, finally feeling a little safer now that two doors and a hallway separated him and the redhead. He shivered violently and peered at his door, a sense of worry rushing over him. Hesitating for a moment, he made the split second decision to flip the lock on his door, keeping her out and him in. Hopefully.

 

He sat down on the edge of his bed, burying his face in his hands in angst. He was unable to believe he’d let that happen. Completely mortified he’d allowed himself to take advantage of her not one, but two times that night was enough to make him wish he’d never answered his phone.

 

Swallowing heavily, he blinked back the stinging in his eyes and rationalized that he would much prefer what had happened in his apartment that night rather than letting her stay with those other sketchy men so close to all that alcohol. If anything had happened to her...he didn’t know what he’d do.

 

So much of his life hinged on her now. There was a part she played not only in his life now, but in his every day. If he lost her, for any reason, he’d be so completely broken he didn’t know if he could handle it. She meant so much to him, and that made it hurt even more when he considered what he’d just done.

 

It had been just a kiss, sure, one kiss. But to him, it had meant much more. That was the first kiss he’d ever share with the redhead. And she wouldn’t even remember it. And he certainly could never tell her. She’d kill him. He was already nearly having a panic attack about it himself at that moment. 

 

That on it’s own was enough to convince him not to speak a word of this to her the next day. There was no way he could ever tell her she’d done that, or that he’d allowed it. If he did, she would probably make a point to never speak to him again. And with Sai, he knew that the threat was real. As much as he was sure a part of her cared for him, she’d have no trouble functioning without him, of that he was sure. 

 

Oh, how wrong he was, on nearly every count.


	46. Chapter 46

Sunlight streamed into the room, casting a golden hue over everything inside. Everything, including a young girl who was buried deep in the fluffy comforter, who groaned in frustration when the shafts of light hit her eyelids and woke her from a pleasant dream. Her bright red locks seemed to glow in the sun and they draped across her pillow beautifully until she quickly pulled the sheets above her head and curled into a ball.

 

Huddled inside the cocoon, Sai tried desperately to fall back asleep, despite knowing that getting up was completely necessary at that moment. Once she had accepted that, she tossed the covers of the bed back and cracked open one eye. Immediately she was met with the sight of a rough ceiling that was most definitely not her own.

 

Both of her eyes flew wide open then, and she practically flung herself out of the bed in an attempt to sit up. Her still sleepy gaze traveled all over the room, taking in several key colors in the decor. Red. Gray. Black. She was at Ren’s apartment. Instantly, she relaxed, letting go a breath she’d been holding and leaning her head against the wall. 

 

Soon, the memories of the night prior rushed back to her and she bit her lip, a deep color coming across her cheeks. Shaking her head though, she came to the realization that she should be more worried about how to act with him now than worry about what she’d done the previous night. 

 

Most likely, she should act hungover. She guessed she’d been acting pretty wasted, so she’d probably have whatever a “severe hangover” looks like. The only problem was that she’s never been hungover, ergo, she hadn’t the faintest clue how to act like she was. She was also morbidly curious as to how much Ren would be willing to reveal of what had happened the previous night.

 

Pondering over how to act in general and trying desperately to form a logical way to ask what happened the previous night, Sai came up with precious few methods. Resorting to simply looking it up, she spent several agonizing minutes researching the symptoms of a hangover and how people typically feel and act with them. She also, embarrassingly enough, pulled up several film clips to see how they acted out inquiring as to the previous night’s events.

 

Once she had formed a satisfactory idea about how to act, the redhead flung the covers off of her legs and shivered as she slid them off the side of the bed. She grabbed a ponytail holder out of her coat pocket, which had been draped carefully over the chest at the end of the bed, and threw her tangled mess of hair up into a haphazard bun.

 

Rising to her feet, she stretched out her stiff legs and back until a sharp crack was heard and the tension in her shoulders released slightly. Lacing her fingers together, she pushed outward and cracked all her knuckles, allowing the satisfaction of the stretch to wash over her. 

 

Getting into character as quickly as possible, she hunched over a bit and pushed a few fingers into her temples. Scrunching her brow, and massaging the skin above it, she staggered towards her door and pushed it open. Immediately, she was hit with the distinct smell of something burning.

 

Raising an eyebrow, she winced and stumbled into the kitchen, holding the wall for support and looking around the room in shock. Hovering over the stove and trying desperately to hold a pan away from the roaring flame was Ren, a streak of black smeared on his cheek and a very stained apron arbitrarily tied around his waist incorrectly. It appeared to have been put on in a rush. 

 

On the floor lay a broken plate, surrounded by bits of black charcoal and an oozing yellow substance. Stacked on the counter was a platter that appeared to have a mixture of black, brown, and mustard colored lumps. Gradually, she realized that they were most assuredly  **not** lumps, but  **eggs** . They were eggs. And the pieces of black charcoal on the ground? Also eggs. Just eggs that were so burnt that they resembled charcoal perfectly. 

 

Looking at the man again, she realized he was desperately trying to cook a single batch that wasn’t entirely darkened and burnt. There were beads of sweat at his hairline, and his eyes were crazy focused on the pan, which he held wrong, and the spatula, which he was holding backward.

 

Slowly, she beat down the surprise and resumed her expression of muted pain, letting a soft groan of “pain” slip between her lips. Instantly, the actor looked up and saw her leaning heavily against the doorway, massaging her temples and staring hard at the floor, her face a contorted mess of clear pain.

 

He tried to turn and say something to her, but the eggs in the pan he was holding slipped out and fell right into the open flame, nearly exploding as they hit the stove. Both people yelped loudly at the sound and Ren turned around and sprayed them with the fire extinguisher on the other side of his stove.

 

Together, they stared at his stove, an absolute mess of white foam, black eggs, and burnt chunks of just  **urgh** . 

 

Looking sheepishly between her and the stove, the dark haired man took a moment to collect himself and then let a shaky sigh go, “I’m sorry,” he told her, causing her to raise an eyebrow through her mock pain. “I’m a mess in the kitchen.” He quietly added, giving her a small, pathetic smile.

 

She let a gentle laugh go and winced, holding her head. “You don’t say,” she mumbled, gesturing to the floor littered with food and shards of ceramics.

 

He came over and stood next to her, hovering there as if he was scared to touch, “Are you...alright?” He asked hesitantly.

 

The redhead looked up at him, her eyes back to their usual pale, icy color, and said, “Well, my head is throbbing, I feel like I hit my face on something hard, my legs are all shaky, and I can’t remember anything after arriving at that dumb bar. I’m also a bit shocked to find myself  **here** .” 

 

Inwardly, Ren let a wave of absolute relief wash over him. She didn’t remember what had happened. Thank god. After the relief was gone though, he suddenly realized that, although he was happy she wouldn’t be angry with him for allowing what happened, she also would never remember it fondly. The thought that she would never cherish the first kiss they’d shared conflicted greatly with his relief over her inability to recall the events.

 

Carefully, he moved his hand and ghosted it only a few centimeters above her head, “Can you remember anything?” He asked, wanting to make sure.

 

Sai’s face scrunched up and she appeared to be running through her memory banks and coming up empty. Not wanted to verbalize her reply, she dramatically shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. Pushing away from the wall, she grabbed the pan Ren had let fall to the ground and picked it up, running it under cold water.

 

Ren watched as she placed it on the burner and lit it after cleaning the well which had been full of burnt egg. She turned it down nearly all the way to low and expertly cracked two eggs over the pan. Glancing over her shoulder at the actor, she gestured toward the stove with her head and he came over hesitantly. 

 

“Here,” she said softly, “This is how you hold a pan.” And then she gripped the handle, moving it skillfully back and forth over the flame and rolling the eggs around as they scrambled at the bottom of it. “And this,” she added, lifting up the utensil next to the stove, “is how you hold a spatula.” And then she flipped one egg, twisting the metal side to side as she moved the food around and then reached for a few spices, shaking them in.

 

At some point, she passed the spatula off to Ren and allowed him to keep cooking. She watched him carefully, and after only two or three burnt eggs, he got the hang of it. Sai then proceeded to pick up and throw away the broken plate and destroyed breakfast, sitting at the table afterward and leaning her head against it in misery. 

 

Once the dark haired man was satisfied with the amount of eggs they had, he brought two plates over and gingerly set one down in front of the actress who still was burying her face in her forearms on the table. Smelling the freshly cooked food, she lifted her head and dragged it closer, letting a choked, hissing groan out as she clutched her head. 

 

“Thank you…” she said softly, sounding completely distraught. 

 

He gave a gentle laugh and said, “No, thank  **you** , Ms. Akai. We wouldn’t be eating right now if you hadn’t helped.”

 

The redhead gave him a pathetic grin and said, “Hey...what exactly happened that I ended up here?”

 

Ren froze with a forkful of food halfway to his mouth and then swallowed hard, setting the bite back down on the plate. He’d been afraid she would ask this. His mind racing, he did his best to put on a casual expression and shrugged his shoulder and nonchalantly as possible. “Not much. Ms. Honda was worried about you, and she had to drive a few of your coworkers home. They didn’t want to leave, and she didn’t want you to stay any longer. We came here because I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you home alone in the state you were in.”

 

Sai’s cheeks immediately went red and she buried her face in her hands, peeking out over her fingertips, “Was I really that bad?”

 

Without a moment’s hesitation, the actor nodded, “Yes.”

 

She groaned and leaned on the table again, her meal only half eaten and now discarded. From that position, her muffled voice inquired, “May I ask you something?”

 

He raised his eyebrows and replied, “Yes, of course.”

 

The actress had been flitting back and forth between asking him this all morning. If she did indeed ask him, she could dispel any questions he had towards her actions the previous night, but she also destroyed any chance that he would harbor any hope and make additional moves. In the end, she decided that she would just flat out tell him how she felt when she was good and ready, and there wouldn’t be any room for internal debate before then.

 

She raised her head and looked him right in the eyes, her own gazing at him guiltily and her lip wedged between her teeth nervously, “Did I...do anything inappropriate last night?”

 

Immediately, the actor’s eyes shot open and he nearly spit out the water that had been in his mouth. She’d just told him she didn’t remember anything from the previous night! Why was she asking him this now?! As he desperately tried to collect himself, the talent leaned forward, her expression even more ashamed now as the raced to clarify,

 

“E-excuse me, I’m sorry, I should have phrased that better! I mean, well...it’s just, when I’m inebriated, I’ve been known to...uh...make unnecessary ‘advancements’ toward certain people…” She looked up, her face redder than he’d ever seen it, her eyes watering with embarrassment and her lower lip trembling, worsening her stutter. 

 

Suddenly, what she was saying clicked in the actor’s head. She hadn’t acted that way the previous night because she felt something for him. She did it because that how she was when she was drunk. And he knew that. He’d guessed that. Because he already knew that she didn’t feel anything for him. He knew it, and he was incredibly grateful he’d talked himself out of hoping for anything, because if he’d harbored any hope, it may have crushed him right then and there.

 

Swallowing violently, he slapped away his emotions and plastered a small smile on his lips, “Don’t worry, Ms. Akai, you didn’t do anything inappropriate last night. You were asleep by the time we got here.”

 

Internally, Sai reeled back at this. He was bluntly lying to her. And he wasn’t even doing a good job! She had to fight back the smile that tugged on her lips at how hopeless this man was, and how much she adored every last bit of it. Watching her external reactions, though, all Ren saw was her gently wave a hand in front of her face, fanning her burning cheeks and a small, relieved smile touch her lips. 

 

“Oh, thank goodness. I wouldn’t have wanted you to get the wrong idea.”

 

Ren bit his tongue slightly then to keep from making any sound. He amped up his sparkling smile and nodded in faux understanding, “Of course not. I completely understand.” Her words had stung, but deep down he knew that she was just happy she hadn’t taken advantage, something he didn’t have the luxury of feeling. How little he knew.

 

Trying to push the subject away, the actor desperately searched for anything else to discuss, to try and prevent any further damage to his ego. “So, just out of curiosity,” he began, catching her eye, “Why were you at a bar anyway? It doesn’t really seem like something you’d do.”

 

He was slightly taken aback when she completely seized up at the mention of the bar, staring pointedly at the table and swallowing roughly. In an attempt to take the awkwardness out of the moment, she cleared her throat noisily and fiddled with a stray strand of her bright hair, “I...uh, it wasn’t my idea!” She insisted, guilt laced in her gaze again.

 

Ren raised an eyebrow at this as he finished his breakfast and pushed his plate to the side, blinking once and then leaning forward to meet her eyes, “Then who’s was it?” He asked, his tone more clipped than he’d wanted it to be.

 

Sai visibly flinched at that, and this time it was real, not just her mocking pain from the hangover, “It was the guys’ idea. They...wanted to cheer me up, that’s all.” The moment the words left her mouth, she regretted them.

 

“‘Cheer you up’?” The actor inquired, his eyes narrowing, “Why would you need to be cheered up?”

 

The rate at which she’d been playing with her hair increased and she was now tugging on it in nervousness, “Um, I may have been a tad depressed during my job. I’m usually pretty chipper, so I guess it was fairly obvious…”

 

“What would make you depressed?”

 

“I’m...having trouble with my most recent role. I’m not able to get it…”

 

“Is she like Himeko? Are you having trouble making the character?”

 

Sai shook her head softly, cradling it in her hands, wincing, “No, the character is completed. I’m the problem. I can’t act correctly.” She spoke carefully, not wanting to state the sex of the character just yet, preferring he just assumed it at this point.

 

The actor swallowed uncomfortably, the stinging in his heart and chest returning as he realized that she hadn’t come to him for help. Fighting with himself for a moment, he tried to decide if he would butt in by himself and ask, because clearly she wasn’t going to. “Would you like my help?” The words slipped through his lips before he could stop them, and he couldn’t help the wave of pain that washed over his entire body when she physically flinched at his words and crumpled toward the table.

 

“It’s...really something I’d rather not ask for your help with, Mr. Tsuruga. But thank you for extending your offer.”

 

Ren clenched his jaw together, not wanting to explode at her right then, seeing how much pain she was in already, and how much she hated the subject they were on. He worked hard to clamp down his anger and hurt, instead resting a hand on her shoulder and pushing the envelope far more than he was comfortable with.

 

“I heard from someone extremely important to me that you don’t always have to ask for help, but you should always recognize that it’s there when you need it, Ms. Akai. And I think you do need it, if last night was any indication.”

 

With a small shock, the redhead remembered hearing those exact words herself. In fact, she believed they came from her own lips.  _ “Someone very important” to him…? _ She pondered.  _ Who could that- _

 

Almost imperceptibly, Sai’s eyes widened in surprise and she sucked in a gasp. He was referring to Madam. Without knowing it, he’d thrown her own words right back at her; only, those words had come from the darkened, heavily glossed up lips of her other persona. The one who Ren actually trusted fully. In that moment, she knew that she couldn’t reject him any longer. He may never know how effective that statement was, and if he figured it was a good move, he may never know for what reasons it was good. But that was alright.

 

Taking a deep, heavy breath that ended in a wince for extra emphasis, Sai locked her eyes right on the actor’s. His deep, bottomless brown ones widened slightly as they took in the searing determination in her gaze. “It’s a man. I play a man.”

 

Ren blinked a few times, processing what she said as best as she could. “Wait...what?”

 

“They want me to play a man. For part of the time, at least. He’s a cross-dresser.”

 

For a moment, he was totally still. His facial expression didn’t move. His eyes opened and closed a few times as her words processed and clicked into place in his head. Finally he picked up his fork and took another bite, staring straight ahead and not moving his features. There was such havoc racing under the surface of his skin that he didn’t even know how to begin showing it even if he wanted to.

 

Getting a hold of himself, though, he dabbed at his face with his napkin and laced his fingers together, his blank expression rising to face her. “You...are playing...a cross-dresser?” He finally asked, still completely poker faced. 

 

“You don’t have to do that, you know that, right?” Sai said at him, crossing her arms over her chest. “I know you’re freaking out. Don’t hide it from me. Or I’m done explaining this to you.”

 

Without warning, he slammed his hands down on the table, starling her. Leaning forward, he met her eyes again, his own a mix of hysteria, confusion, and distaste. “Why would you do that?! Why would you accept a role like- like...like that one?” He couldn’t understand it for the life of him, and while there wasn’t anything wrong with the idea of the character, the fact that she’d so readily accept such a difficult role astounded him.

 

Sai leaned back, edging away from him slightly, nervous in the face of such sudden intensity from the dark haired man, “It’s a unique role, and I rather like the premise for the show. It’s a drama. And I’m actually quite interested. I also like the rest of the cast. We’ve done two practice runs at this point, and they’re all good people.”

 

Her logical reasons all but deflated the anger and worry he’d been feeling and he gulped down a breath of air and sat back down with a huff, running a hand through his hair and pushing his bangs back. Startled, he remembered what the redhead had said the previous night about his habit of pushing his hair back and rose his eyes to meet hers, finding her staring at him nearly mesmerized by that action. 

 

Both of them shook off the slight moment of tension that followed, knowing that the subject they’d been discussion was far too important to be interrupted in such a manner. Pathetically, Sai looked up at him and shrugged in hopelessness, “I don’t know how to act like a man, though, that much is obvious.”

 

Clearing his throat, Ren managed to rid himself of the remnants of emotion that had erupted so spontaneously and focused on her, mentally listing his schedule for the day. “I can assist you tonight, if you want. I’m free after six in the evening.”

 

Resigning to allow him to help, the redhead swallowed her protests and gave him a grateful smile, “That would be incredible of you, really. Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

“Should I pick you up at a particular time, then?”

 

“Actually, I finish a half an hour before you, so I think I’ll stop at the grocery store for a few minutes and then head to my apartment. You can meet me there and I’ll figure out what I want to do after that.”

 

He nodded, giving her a genuine smile for the first time since they’d woken up and he moved to grab her plate for her. She smiled back, her cheeks tinged with pink as she grabbed her glass and utensils and brought them over to the sink with the actor. 

 

They stood next to each other, the dark haired man content with their conversation, but the redhead growing more and more uncomfortable with the current predicament she was facing. If he was coming over to help anyway, she may as well ask him to help with her other problem. The only thing was...she didn’t know how well she could control herself. Scratch that. She knew exactly how well she could control herself. Not at all.

 

Still...he would be over at her place anyway...and it would be a waste and an insult to her acting career if she didn’t take advantage. Sai was well aware that the more she thought about what she was doing, the more she was just justifying what she wanted. And what she wanted was to play this part well, but more than anything, she wanted to spend time with the actor she was standing next to. And God, to force that man to help her learn to flirt, oh, how on earth could she pass that up?

 

“Hey, uh...Mr. Tsuruga?” She began, lifting her eyes as innocently as she could to meet his.

 

Ren looked down at the petite girl next to him, instantly worried over what was wrong, “Yes? What is it?”

 

“I know you’re probably slightly concerned as to why I didn’t come to you for help earlier than now…”

 

Biting his lip, the actor put the plate he was washing down in the sink. “Well...yes, I was wondering.” He admitted, knowing he really had no business feeling that way. 

 

“It’s because...well...there’s another problem with the character.”

 

“‘Another problem’? What’s that?” He asked, growing nervous as to how she was fidgeting again. 

 

Raising her eyes sheepishly, she mumbled, “I have to flirt with another girl in the drama. My roommate. She eventually finds out I’m a man, and there is some romance between them.”

 

Ren hadn’t moved a muscle as she spoke, the pieces as to her actions falling into place far too quickly for him to be prepared enough for their weight and effect to wash over him. He was distantly extremely grateful that he’d set that plate down, or he would have broken two dishes that morning alone. Hiding his shaking hands as much as he could, he swallowed heavily and worked up the courage to ask, “Then...are you asking me to…?” He left the question hanging there unfinished, knowing she was filling in the blanks quite well on her own.

 

“Uh...yes. I don’t...know how to do that on my own. I’ve never flirted with another woman before.”

 

Clenching his jaw so tightly it hurt, the actor allowed himself to explode internally at this, knowing that at that moment, she was allowing him to decide whether or not he’d be willing to flirt with her in order to teach her how to do it properly. He knew that he should decline, for his own sanity. He knew it, and yet, watching her gaze up at him hopefully but still self-consciously, he couldn’t bring himself to say no.

 

“Then...you’ll want me to flirt with  **you** , so you can watch my expressions, word choice, and actions. And replicate them.” He clarified, taken aback at how even his voice sounded to his own ears, when compared to the raging turmoil inside of him. 

 

The redhead seemed to shrink at this, nodding a tiny bit as she assured him he was correct. He took a shaky breath in and knew,  **knew** , he should say no. “Then of course I’ll offer my assistance,” he assured her, the words slipping out of their own volition.

 

The look of intense, complete relief on her face was enough to instantly make him feel better, though, and she smiled a wide, unashamed grin at him, “Oh, thank you, Mr. Tsuruga, you have no idea how much this means to me!” She told him, her face a soft display of warm gratitude.

 

The dark haired man was instantly surprised to find not dread accompanying his thoughts when he pondered what exactly she was thanking him for, but eagerness. He honestly couldn’t wait to see what she would do with this character. She was such a fantastic actress that she pulled you completely into whatever she was acting out, and you were hooked until the moment she stopped. To have the ability to act with her and see her perform was always a rush to Ren, and the thought of being cooped up with her and watching the entire process excited him beyond his own belief. 

 

They resumed washing the dishes, putting off the subject for a while so they could make light chatter. Over the course of their gentle conversation, Ren remembered with a startle that she was still suffering quite drastically from her hangover and proceeded to rush around his apartment locating the alka seltzer tablets he kept on hand.

 

She took them with a laugh, but was grateful nonetheless and plunked them into a tall glass of water, gulping it down. After she’d finished it, she got to work gathering her things, which, like always, seemed to spread around the actor’s apartment. He helped her, noticing with slight concern that she truly seemed to be in quite a bit of pain.

 

He tried to talk her out of going to work and just resting, but she assured him that she’d be fine. Of course, she knew that everything was doing was just an act, and of course she’d be okay in a few hours, because she was truly perfectly fine at that exact moment. Eventually, they decided that they would meet up at Sai’s apartment at half past six and then just see where the night took them in terms of how exactly they would conquer the role.

 

Sai had a few ideas of her own already forming, and decided that she would solidify them over the course of her work day. Remembering that she had a job soon, the pair rushed back to the very place they’d be meeting in a few hours. The redhead leaped out and thanked the gorgeous man who leaned forward to sneak even a few more seconds of her image before he drove away.

 

The actress watched until his Porsche was no longer in sight and she sighed heavily, turning and walking up her steps to the front door. He was a handful, for sure, and she hadn’t the faintest clue what she was going to do when he started shamelessly flirting with her. That was what the script called for, and if that man was anything, it was professional. He wouldn’t deviate for a moment, unless it was to make the scene even more intense. It was all Sai could do to pray that didn’t happen, lest she faint from happiness right then and there. Just thinking about him like that was making her swoon slightly.


	47. Chapter 47

Ren pushed the gear of his Porsche into park and removed his foot from the pedal, resting his head on the seat and shutting his eyes. He relaxed for the first time since he’d woken up that morning. Cracking open one eye, he glanced at the time on his dashboard and sighed with relief when he saw that the redheaded menace he’d decided to fall for wouldn’t be home for another half hour.

 

He glanced pitifully at her apartment building just a few feet away and the memories he’d already made of walking through those doors ran through his head. For just a moment, the idea flashed in his mind that he might one day call the building home as well. 

 

Utterly shocked that he’d even entertained the thought, he vigorously shook his head and then rested it on the steering wheel. He was exhausting himself just thinking about all of that. The actor sat there, his car idling on the street, his eyes shut and his breathing even and deep. The night would be long and although he was looking forward to spending it with Sai, he couldn’t help but be concerned for his recent sleeping habits. Or lack thereof. 

 

He volleyed between dreading spending the evening there and barely containing his excitement over the very idea. It was confusing, to say the least. And annoying. Highly annoying. He wished desperately that he could look forward to spending time with her without constantly being concerned at how he’d manage to make it through the night without screwing something up.

 

The first part of the night should be fairly easy. He didn’t really know what he could show her, but she was observant enough, so maybe he wouldn’t have to do all that much for her to catch on. The second part of the night was what worried him. Hell, it terrified him. How was he supposed to flirt with her shamelessly like that, after he’d gone and conditioned himself not to say such things?

 

Instantly, he was back to where he started. Stuck in limbo between the two prospects of the night; on one hand, he’d be spending it with Sai, but on the other, he’d be spending it with  **Sai** . All alone. In her apartment. Teaching her how to flirt. What had he done to deserve such teasing?

 

The redhead herself whipped around the corner on Lola, two grocery bags hanging off her handlebars, and three more stored with her tote underneath the seat. Immediately, she spotted the sleek, black car parked directly in front of her apartment and smiled as she felt her heart speed up. 

 

She slipped into the spot behind him and peered through his back window. It looked like he had his head down. Tilting her head, Sai considered what he could possibly be doing, but realized he was most likely exhausted. He probably hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. A light blush filled the actress’s cheeks as she recalled exactly what she had done to affect that man’s sleeping schedule.

 

Fighting off the rising heat in her cheeks, the actress flung her leg off her bike and propped it up, removing all the grocery bags and balancing them precariously on her arms. Once she had everything, she swiftly turned and approached the actor’s car, tapping softly on the window to let him know she was there without scaring him.

 

The dark haired man blinked a few times as he heard the soft knocking and looked up from his wheel to see the talent outside his window, a soft, warm smile on her lips. In that instant, his pulse began to race and he allowed a grin of his own to appear on his lips as he rolled the window down.

 

“Good evening, Ms. Akai,” he greeted pleasantly, noting with a hint of amusement all the bags she must have been struggling with, but still managing to ooze a degree of grace he wasn’t sure he’d be able to imitate.

 

She beamed at him beautifully, “And to you, Mr. Tsuruga.”

 

“Shall we go in now?” He asked, reaching for his door handle.

 

“Oh! Wait!” The redhead exclaimed and, upon seeing his surprised expression, added, “Give me ten minutes to put all this away and then get ready. Come up in exactly ten minutes and knock on the door.”

 

“Okay…” the actor mumbled, with some level of suspicion in his tone, but before he could ask her to elaborate, she’d already burst into a small jog and was too far from his window to hear. With that same amount of elegance, she managed to work her way into the decrepit door and it swung shut behind her.

 

Ren glanced at his watch to note the time, calculating out what time it would be ten minutes later. He sat watching the lights in the apartment flicker on, and a shadow rush past a large window twice. Watching her rush around, the actor couldn’t help the way his lips tugged upward in joy. 

 

Once his watch ticked past the ten minute mark, he let a deep sigh go as he steeled himself for the difficulty of what was about to occur. Twisting the key in his ignition, he pulled them out and opened his car door, stepping out into the warm breeze blowing down Sai’s street. He took just a moment to breathe in the fresh air and closed his eyes to let himself relax. 

 

Letting that breath go, he turned and locked his doors, heading up the steps to her front door and pulling it open with only some difficulty. He stepped inside and watched the flickering light in the hall swing back and forth for a few moments before snapping himself out of it and heading up the metal staircase to his left.

 

Filled with inexplicable hesitancy when faced with her rickety and dilapidated door, the dark haired man raised his fist to knock and rapped against the wood much softer than he’d originally intended, wincing when it was still heard from the other side.

 

After a few moments of rustling, the yellowed door flew open and standing on the other side was someone who took Ren a few startling moments to process. The second he laid eyes on him, he’d flipped into a frenzied, protective moment as he failed to place the younger man’s face. It took those agonizingly long, stressful seconds until a smile lit up the stranger’s features and suddenly his appearance fell into place.

 

Standing not even two feet away from him was Sai herself, dressed in pressed slacks and a white button down dress shirt. A man’s dress shirt. Her hair had been swept up underneath a cropped wig that matched her hair color, but was styled extremely boyishly. She’d even applied makeup and was clearly wearing something to conceal her overtly feminine features, and because of that, she very nearly exuded masculinity - somehow.

 

For a few more seconds, which seemed like an impossibly small expanse of time for how quickly Ren thought time was moving, he stood and just stared at the woman in the doorframe, completely taken aback and shocked at how well she’d just managed to mask every sense that she was a girl. Standing in front of him was, without a doubt, a man. A  **man** . She gave off such a male “vibe” that he was still going back and forth as to if he was indeed right on the identity of the figure in the doorway.

 

“Uh...Ms. Akai?” He eventually ventured, his voice just barely managing to avoid cracking. When she gave the gentlest nod and her smile broadened, he swallowed heavily and managed, “You...you look...very...different.” He blinked once, before adding, “But a good different! Wait, no, not that you look better this way, I just meant - wait a minute, you look perfectly fine like that! It’s just-”

 

He was saved from having to continue that humiliating exchange by her  **very** feminine laughter that drifted towards him so easily and he watched her wave her hand, signifying that he could stop talking, she understood. Ren was caught between sighing in relief, groaning in mortification, or coughing at the awkward contrast of her masculine appearance and girlish laughter.

 

Sai moved away from the door, drifting confidently into her living room, expecting the very flustered actor to follow. As uncomfortable as he was with everything that had just happened, he did step in and follow her - or him - or, well...let’s just go with her. Trailing behind, the dark haired man tried to get a handle on his emotions which were quickly whirling out of control as he sat heavily down on her admittedly  **extremely** comfortable suede furniture.

 

Within seconds, he became acutely aware that the actress was now watching his each and every move, her shockingly blue and completely unchanged eyes focused intently on his actions.

 

Clearing his throat, he began, “Ah, so...Ms. Akai, how were you planning to go about this acting advice?”

 

Pausing for just a moment, the woman nodded and seemed to consider his question before shrugging apathetically and replying in a much deeper, rougher tone than he’d ever heard, “I’m not really sure.”

 

Trying desperately not to let the strangeness of the situation and the insane quality of Sai’s performance to get to him, the actor tried to continue naturally. “I thought you said you were going to figure something out so we could attack this with a strategy?”

 

That won him another unconcerned shrug, “There’s really no need for something like that. I think we’ll manage just letting it happen naturally. Let’s just talk for now.”

 

It was in that exact moment that Ren saw how the actress was now sitting. Usually, at every instance the man could recall, he’d seen the redhead sitting with her legs tilted gracefully to one side, or with one leg elegantly draped over the other. Watching her now, though, he saw that she was sitting with her knees carefully, deliberately, apart, her elbows resting against her thighs as she watched him.

 

She was sitting just like he would. He’d assumed a position similar to that earlier in the morning. And she’d already copied him. Thinking of that, he began to notice other things. Her posture was different. The way she moved her features on her face had changed. Even the way she blinked and breathed seemed to have been altered somehow. 

 

With every moment and sentence they passed between them, Sai was rapidly absorbing information and repeating it out through her actions and gestures. She seemed to be taking note of every single action the man made and then slowly incorporating them into the performance she was currently putting on.

 

Not long after, Ren sat in awe at her ability. She had been replicating his behavior since the moment he arrived. How he walked, spoke, the movements he made in both his upper and lower body, individually. She seemed to have copied even the movements of his muscles and when they constricted and shifted. It was terrifying how fast she was learning. And at the same time, the actor had never been more enraptured.

 

Eventually, the conversations began flowing better. Sai would inquire as to the health of all of Ren’s close friends, and he would reciprocate with the same. The topics eventually moved on to jobs, plans, ideas for the future, and even things as mundane as sports and other such subjects.

 

The actor was surprised - shocked - at how easily the conversation came, how well it flowed, and how much easier she was to talk to at that moment. Before he knew it, he was fully immersed in her acting, barely even noticing her intense gaze that captured his every move, and completely forgetting that he was currently addressing a woman.

 

“You’re telling me that you actually bothered to tag along with Kajima and his group to that bar and you didn’t talk to  **anyone** ?” The actress inquired between lower-pitched chuckles, referring to the actor’s latest excursion with his close friend and fellow actor.

 

Ren held up his hands as he too laughed a little, “In retrospect, I could have socialized a  **little** more than I did, but I was a little put-off with the idea of being surrounded by all those women - unlike Kajima. Who only seemed to mind that there weren’t enough.”

 

Sai let another, gruffer laugh bark out and she looked up at him with amusement shining in her eyes, resting her cheek in her palm as she leaned forward, her legs still open enough for it to seem like a casual posture, “Yeah? And what’s wrong with being surrounded with women? Seems like you get that often enough in your daily life.”

 

“Not like that, no,” he admitted, shaking his head, “I’m not really,” he cleared his throat slightly, “into all that.”

 

The actress tilted her head, innocent inquiry clear in her eyes, and she asked in that richer tone, “You’re not into women?”

 

Ren blinked a few times and then the connotation in his words caught up to him and he couldn’t do anything but laugh full heartedly and shake his head back and forth more vigorously than he meant to, “Oh, I didn’t mean for it to sound like that!” He eventually barked out, nearly having to wipe a tear from his eye, “It’s just that I’m more into being with  **one** woman. Kajima doesn’t really care about the personal aspects to a relationship, but I really do. I suppose that’s why I’ve never really dated someone I’ve been in love with before.”

 

“You haven’t?” 

 

“Well, I’ve dated before, of course, and they’ve always been exclusive, but  **I’ve** never tried to be with a particular woman before.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“It’s sort of a penance from something I did when I was younger. But it was also partly because I knew I would never pursue a serious relationship with someone unless I knew them well beforehand, and so I used to keep myself at a distance from people.”

 

“And what about now?” Sai asked, although she already knew the answer. She was mainly just amused with how differently he was acting around her already. Damn, she was good.

 

“Now? Well, actually,-” An image of the actress flashed through his mind as he was just about to admit that he’d somehow managed to develop feelings for someone recently, and with mortification, he realized that he was talking to that very person at that exact moment. If he hadn’t caught himself, he would have literally confessed to her. And the thought that he’d just come that close was both terrifying and astonishing.

 

Seeing the horror in his expression at that moment, the redhead knew that he’d just remembered he probably shouldn’t be telling her his current love interest, but she smirked internally and pressed regardless, “‘Actually’?”

 

Ren cleared his throat uncomfortably and felt heat rush into his cheeks faster than he could stop it, “U-uh...forget it. Hey! Are you hungry? I’m sort of hungry.”

 

Sai’s internal smirk grew and she stretched out, mimicking movements she’d seen the actor make previously. “Yeah, sure. I’ll order a pizza. Want a beer?” She asked, a yawn touching her lips.

 

The actor nodded silently as he tried to collect himself for the millionth time that night. He didn’t watch as the redhead stood and walked over to the kitchen with the perfect amount of swagger to pass undoubtedly as a man. She placed the phone she’d just dialed between her shoulder and cheek and grabbed two beers by their necks from her fridge before kicking it shut with her foot.

 

Ordering the pizza, she handed one green bottle to the dark haired man who was currently staring pointedly at the wall and set the other in front of her before flicking on the tv. Before he knew it, Ren was sucked into her acting again. The pizza arrived and they didn’t even bother with plates or really a table at all, continuing to watch the game that was on.

 

They talked a bit more about random things and both yelled and argued about the shows on, and both were completely relaxed in each other’s presence. To Ren, it was exactly like he was spending the night after working with Yukihito, or even with Kajima, if they were having a tamer outing. Her ability to lull him into being relaxed and casual was almost ungodly, he decided afterward.

 

With a shock, the actor again snapped out of it when he’d nearly made another inappropriate comment, and was startled beyond belief to see several beer bottles littering the living room. Remembering that the events of the previous night had centered around exorbitant amounts of alcohol and that he needed to keep her from having any more at all costs, he looked at the actress with a fair amount of obvious distress.

 

Immediately noticing his shift in demeanor, and how his gaze drifted worriedly over the empty bottles, Sai figured it was about time that they wrapped up the first part of their meeting. The, unfortunately, easier part. Breaking character for the first time since laughing at the actor’s initial reaction to her, she looked up and spoke, “Mr. Tsuruga? Are you alright?” 

 

Though he’d heard her voice multiple times that day, for some reason, hearing it in such close proximity, after letting himself act so casual around her, made his heart leap into his throat. It was so gentle, soft, kind...and just...so  **Sai** . His gaze snapped up to meet hers and his heart began to race, “Oh, yes. I was just slightly concerned about all the alcohol again.”

 

She let loose a few nervous giggles, making the actor’s heart flutter at how damnably adorable they were, “I know. I didn’t think I’d be able to touch the stuff after how much my head hurt this morning.” As if just remembering what it felt like, she rubbed a few fingers into her temple and winced once.

 

He was about to ask if she’d like some water or something, when she startled him by whirling around and grabbing a pen and notepad that had been resting on the end table next to her and immediately jotting down notes she must have been mentally taking at breakneck speed. 

 

Once she finished furiously writing, she snapped the journal closed and Ren jumped, his eyes meeting her glittering, clearly excited ones. “Oh, thank you for helping me so much, Mr. Tsuruga! You’ve really done so much so far!”

 

“Ms. Akai, I’ve barely done anything! You bought me pizza, watched a game with me, and we just talked!”

 

“Well, sure, but I...actually had a lot of fun. And I was really glad to spend the time with you.” Her eyes narrowed slightly, dancing with humor, “It was also nice to see another side of you. Very curious.”

 

 _Gulp._ _What am I supposed to say to that!?_ “W-well...I enjoyed my time with you as well, Ms. Akai. I’m glad you’ll actually remember it this time.”

 

She tilted her head curiously and regarded him, an obvious series of questions flitting through her head. He realized his mistake that moment, but masked it well enough that he thought she hadn’t noticed. Sai, of course, had definitely noticed. Although to be fair, had she blinked, she most likely would have missed his expression shift for that single moment. Only, she hadn’t blinked.

 

Deciding she’d embarrassed him enough for the evening, if that was even possible, she made a show of shrugging the question line about just what there was to forget about the previous night. After all, Ren had told her she’d been asleep when they arrived. That would have been a hard one to talk himself out of. No worries, though. She could tease him about that night all she wanted at a later date.

 

Completely relieved she’d dropped the subject, Ren was about to ask if she needed anything else before he left when he remembered that they had only just reached the halfway mark in what she needed from him. He still needed to teach her how to court another woman.  _ Oh God. Why me? _

 

“So, Ms. Akai?” He began, getting her attention, “Would you still like my help with that second part of your proposal?”

 

_ Oh God, _ Sai matched Ren’s thoughts perfectly, working hard to conceal her expressions.  _ He can’t even call it flirting. Why am I doing this to him?! _ She opened her mouth and watched as the actor’s cheeks colored and he tried to look away from her casually, attempting to hide the blush behind his hands.  _ Oh, that’s why. He’s too damn adorable to not taunt. _

 

Feigning hesitance, the actress rose from her seat and nodded, “Oh! Right, that...uh...yes. Of course. Um, I’ll be...right back. Can you...wait here for a few minutes?”

 

Ren returned his gaze to the redhead and saw with at least some degree of relief that her cheeks were washed with red, even though there must have been a fair amount of foundation to mask her girlish complexion. 

 

Sai turned and jogged up to the spiral staircase on the dining room wall and took the steps two at a time before disappearing at the top, presumably to her bedroom. That thought brought Ren several unwanted images which he had to desperately chase out of his mind before he saw her again. 

 

The actor remained completely still in her living room as he waited, until the time that had passed seemed much too long for everything to have been going right. Eventually, his concern for the girl won over his embarrassment over his actions as of late and he called her name louder and faster than he’d wanted, not able to keep all the panic out of it.

 

For the first few moments, he was met only with silence and his worry heightened. Quickly after that, Sai popped her head over the banister and peered down at him, the makeup she’d been wearing having been cleaned off her face and her lengthening red locks set free from their wig now flying around her head, her cheeks alight with red.

 

“I’m alright!” She assured him, “Just give me five more minutes! I promise I’ll be down soon!”

 

He nodded, still highly confused as to what could have been taking so long. Belatedly, he realized that he’d stood and actually taken a step towards the stairs without even realizing it. He shook his head in disbelief at how out of control he was around Sai. He couldn’t even keep track of his own limbs. It was getting a bit ridiculous.

 

Snapping himself out of an inner monologue of self-ridicule, Ren spotted a brief flash of movement from the stop of the staircase and directed his attention to it. Instantly, his eyes widened  as the figure from the top drifted down the steps just as graceful as he’d ever seen it. 

 

The actress was certainly taking the stairs too fast to be safe, arguably racing down them, a beautiful indigo evening gown wrapped around her upper body and flowing elegantly around her legs as she moved seamlessly to the ground floor. 

 

Her radiant red locks were twisted up into a gorgeous, messy updo. Each individual strand seemed to catch the light in different ways, some appearing more golden while others darkened a few shades of red. It was stunning. And complementing the rest of her beauty was a gentle coat of natural, feminine makeup which set her features alight with life and beauty. 

 

Her aura was the exact opposite of that which she’d had not even a half hour earlier. Each aspect was so overtly girlish, and yet mature and soft, elegant and graceful. For a scary moment, Ren couldn’t even breathe. He may have enjoyed relaxing with her for the past few hours, and even though he was tense and high-strung with her being this feminine, he liked this better. He liked this  **much** better. 

 

She drifted as quickly as she could towards the living room, the stares of her fellow actor making the blush on her cheeks darken more than a few shades by the time she actually managed to get seated. 

 

Clearing her throat, she began, “So! W-what do you think?” Gesturing to her ensemble she’d managed to put together. 

 

Ren opened and closed his jaw a few times, “Y-you...you look. I mean, wow, you…”

 

“I look very different?” Sai ventured, a gentle smirk playing on her lips as she reiterated his comment from earlier in the evening.

 

The actor let out a laugh at that and it did a surprisingly good job at relaxing him, “Well, yes, you do. But I can safely say this time that you look absolutely lovely.” He met her eyes and watched hers flash open slightly in surprise.

 

Staring directly into his dark eyes, the actress felt the pull she’d always associated with their melting depths, except this time her skin almost seemed to tingle as she felt something else boiling under the surface of his heated gaze. Maybe it was because he was just a tiny bit buzzed, but for some reason, he seemed to be much more comfortable resting his eyes on her form and openly admiring it.

 

That sent more heat searing through her cheeks and made her heart beat in overdrive, but it also made her happier than she could remember being in a long time. She spent just a few more moments basking in his approval and allowing her stomach to flutter nervously.

 

Taking a deep breath, the actor managed to snap himself out of his infatuation with her appearance and he asked, “Is this for the second part of our acting tonight?”

 

Unexpectedly, the redhead beamed at him and nodded, “Yes!” 

 

He blinked a few times, the intensity of her reaction and how that expression had made her whole face light up had caught him off guard and he couldn’t help having to take a moment to quiet the pulse now racing in his ears so he could actually hear her.

 

She handed him a very well marked up script and flipped to a specific set of pages indicated by a set of blue post it notes on the side. Well, she always had been ridiculously organized. “Alright, what am I looking at?” He began, not even bothering to hide his nerves now.

 

“Well, I’ve picked out two scenes. I’d like to do these exactly as the script dictates for now, and after I’m a bit more comfortable, we’ll switch to improving it.”

 

The actor nodded, “Okay, sounds easy enough. What are the scenes?”

 

She pointed to the first and he scrolled through it, pairing it with her short explanation, “This one is closer to the beginning of the drama, so it’s one where their romance is just starting. At this point, his roommate has just discovered his identity and they were kind of ignoring each other, but then they have this scene. My character needs to be sneaky in his flirting, a little bit coy, and kind of conspiring, but she’s actually very interested so it does go well.

 

“This one, though,” she said, flipping to the second bookmark, “is the one I really have trouble with. This is much later in the series, and they’re overtly affectionate at this point, and they have to use all these sappy lines and stuff. I haven’t the slightest clue what to do with that.”

 

The actor paused here, looking helplessly between the redhead and the script in front of him.  _ Holy hell this is going to be harder than I thought, _ Ren struggled, trying desperately to find a way to flirt with the woman he loved without completely revealed just how real the things he was saying were. 

 

“I was wondering…” Sai began, her voice hesitant as she noticed the hint of panic behind his eyes that were still smouldering slightly. “Do you think you could be my character at this moment and I’ll play the roommate? So I can see what you do?”

 

“Wait, you want me to act as the man...acting as the woman, flirting with his female roommate?”

 

Sai blinked once, unsure of what he wanted her to say, “Yes?” She tried, grimacing slightly as she considered what the syllable might do to the man.

 

“Oh, Ms. Akai...I don’t know…” He ran a hand down his face as he considered all the consequences of his actions. 

 

“Are you not up to it then?” She asked, trying a different approach.

 

“‘Up to it’?”

 

“You told me you’d try. And you haven’t even bothered with an attempt yet. So I think it’s fair to ask if you’ve really given up already.” She narrowed her eyes at him, raising her chin a fraction of a centimeter at him. “I just thought you were a better actor than that, you know? After all, you  **are** Ren Tsuruga, aren’t you?”

 

Immediately on his feet, the actor rose with a fire behind his eyes and his heart on his sleeve, “Alright. Let’s do it your way then.” He told her with a nod and the actress had to stifle a giggle at how easily challenged the man was. Just like her.

 

She rose to meet him and instantly they started, each with a copy of a script held in one hand, glancing at the words only sparingly as they followed the lines to the letter, with Sai watching the actor’s facial expression hawkishly as she documented every twitch and gesture. She reacted mostly to his actions, allowing him to fully string her along as she observed what certain lines he said did to her character. 

 

After running the scene more times than Sai could count, she was finally satisfied with how much information she had and they moved onto the second scene, this one going at a considerably slower, more deliberate pace where each actor could maintain their sanity while still acting to the best of their ability. 

 

At some point, Sai decided the script should be set aside. It was too constrained, too cookie-cutter. And she’d watched his face, his voice, and most importantly, his eyes. There were still holes in the character as far as she was concerned, but she wasn’t going to find the answers by blindly being led around by the script. 

 

She said her final line from the page, watching as Ren paused and allowed his expression to darken only the slightest bit as his features were washed with a seductive air and he started turning the page. Before he could flip it, though, the redhead gracefully pulled it from his hand and set it aside. For just a moment, uncertainty flashed through those melted, rich chocolate eyes before they all but exploded in intensity. She’d just offered him free reign to say and do whatever he liked.

 

“You look nervous…” He said lightly, inching closer to her as he watched her every move. “Do I unnerve you?”

 

Those gorgeous, icy eyes he couldn’t take his eyes off of widened slightly and her voice slid from between her lips like silk, “Of course not, what on earth would give you that idea?”

 

“You haven’t smiled like you usually do since we sat down together…” He reached out, his thumb making contact with her cheek. He almost shuddered in delight when a shiver ran through her body from the physical contact. “I love that smile.”

 

Dozens of times in her life, Sai had complimented people’s smiles. Rio and Maria especially had smiles she wished she could see more, and she wasn’t shy about telling them. But never in her life had she seen the words paired with such a tone of voice, such an expression. 

 

His features were soft, but held a tension underneath that she’d never seen on him before. It was dark, sultry, and she was having trouble keeping her body under control. Those eyes, those mesmerizing, infatuating eyes, usually offered her a tether and helped ground and shelter her. But now they were about to make her tremble under that heated gaze, which often raked itself across every inch of her.

 

He called out for her once but she was too lost in her own mind to hear. Flashing a handsome smile, he leaned forward and jammed his hand into the back of her chair, finally getting her attention. Sai looked up, finding the man she would never be able to get out of her head only centimeters from her face, his eyes nearly black in their depth as they gazed down at her.

 

“Are you alright? I’ve been trying to get your attention...you’re worrying me now.”

 

“A-ah...I’m sorry...you were saying something...about my smiling?”

 

“Good, so you heard me…” The hand he’d been resting on her cheek curved itself around her jaw. “Will you show it to me? Will you let me watch those voluptuous lips twist and curve and turn?” Sai froze at those words, her lips unconsciously parting and giving the actor a thrill as they moved. 

 

“Nothing to say to that?” He asked her, “Have trouble returning compliments? They say the most impactful comments center around one’s natural appearance...your hair...your eyes...your...lips.”

everything around him feeling like it was spinning out of control, but unable to stop it. He didn’t want to stop it. But she was shaking underneath him. She was trembling at his touch and he shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t-

 

Sai didn’t really know when she went completely out of her mind, but there was no doubt that something in her snapped when he trapped her on that chair. Reaching up, she buried her fingers in his partially unbuttoned shirt and death-gripped it, as if her life depended on it, pulling him almost imperceptibly closer.

 

“You know…” His voice brushed across her skin, his smell enveloping her like an addictive vapor, his breath heating her already roasting skin. “If you can’t find anything to say...sometimes...actions speak louder than words.” He leaned forward all the way, closing the distance between them and pressing their lips together.

 

It was the natural thing to do. It made sense. And it didn’t have anything to do with the fact that the actor was barely holding himself back at this point. It was for the acting job, he kept rationalizing. It was for the scene, so she could learn from it. That’s the only reason he was doing it. 

 

He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself this time. Whether it was for the acting or not, he’d make damn sure she remembered this kiss. It wasn’t anything like their first. That one was slow, gentle, and heated like a warm fire in autumn, but this...this one was flaming, intense, and hungry. His grip settled on her chin and tipped it up, allowing his entrance into her mouth as he established complete dominance in their intimacy. The dominance of a male lover.

 

Without warning, she knew how to play him, Sai knew how to play Mizuki. She knew every last nook and cranny of his personality. Every spot of darkness, every urge and desire no matter how dark. She knew how his personal darkness came out like a lashing whip around his love interest. And she knew how to use that whip to flip the tables. 

 

Breaking off the kiss with a sudden, violent movement, Sai shocked the actor and managed to push his much larger frame backward into the couch. His leg caught on the couch and he fell backward into the soft cushions with wide eyes and watched helplessly as the atmosphere completely changed. Without needing a word of explanation, the veteran actor knew what had just happened. He’d lost control of the scene. Now Sai was leading him.

 

Belatedly, he looked up and caught a staggering expression on Sai’s face. Even without makeup, her features seemed to become more masculine and she looked down at him with a gaze that could have melted something. He swallowed, but it didn’t help tamp down the multitude of emotions that had just come spiraling up his throat. 

 

Slowly, she leaned down, the edges of her eyes tinged with a muted darkness that Ren hadn’t been prepared for. That hadn’t been there when they’d practiced earlier. Except...it wasn’t off-putting. In fact, that hint of wickedness was almost alluring. It reminded him distantly of Himeko, but it was so diluted and seemed much deeper and suppressed. It was incredible. 

 

Her voice hit his ears next, slow, smooth, and low. “The most impactful compliments, huh…?” Those gorgeous lips upturned into a twisted, wicked, and sensual grin. “Actions may speak louder than words...but if I chose those words correctly...they would destabilize you so you would be helpless to my actions. Isn’t that what you’re saying?”

 

Ren couldn’t find his voice. It was caught somewhere in his throat along with all the air he should have been breathing. He couldn’t even nod. He was totally pinned by the gaze of those eyes. Helplessly, he watched as they continued to darken right there before his eyes. 

 

“Your eyes have always mesmerized me...you know that?” She asked, moving a hand up to brush his hair away and gaze into those staggering irises. “They’re so brown...and it’s almost as if they go on forever…” Her eyes were now almost navy blue they were so dark and they were starting to glaze over and go unfocused as they admired his.

 

Ren swallowed at how her voice was lower than usual, but almost imperceptibly so. Rather than giving the impression of masculinity as it had earlier in the evening, though, it did quite the opposite. The lower tone paired with the rougher speech pattern made her voice that much more seductive. “Brown eyes are commonplace, you know.” He finally managed, his voice cracking as air refused to comfortably situate itself in his throat. He had to derail her. He was completely raw and barren in front of her and if this continued…“There isn’t anything special about them.” He said nonchalantly, trying to wave her comment off.

 

Her lips curled up slowly and she moved closer to him, cupping his cheek in her hand, “You’re joking, aren’t you?” She asked, her breath ghosting over his skin. Watching his lack of reaction, she arched an eyebrow boyishly, “You aren’t, hmm? Well then, I guess I’ll be the one to tell you why it’s special. This might be just me, but the color of brown reminds me of mountain terrain and nature. Subtle, natural, commonplace, sure; but beautiful, breathtaking, and awe inspiring in every form and season.

 

“The deep, earthy tone is like the intoxication of champagne wine, bubbling with richness and expensive taste; or like a dark chocolate pastry, taunting and tempting, curtained by black lashes, the very symbol of rich seduction. Brown eyes are the color of nurturing, soft passion, and a color taken for granted by those too picky. That’s what brown eyes are to me.” She smiled wickedly at him, “Make sense now?”

 

Ren could hardly breathe, his head was spinning from the feeling her her breath on his face, on his neck, and her words swam in his head, conjuring images he shouldn’t have allowed himself to think even if she was thousands of miles away, and especially not if she was nearly on top of him.

 

He desperately tried to get a grip, but words completely failed him. Her character was so intense and it had taken him completely by surprise. Oh, he was looking forward to watching her act, he could hardly believe how much she’d managed to do to him that evening, and to watch her face off against other actors and actresses to see how they’d fare against her limitless talents, oh, how it made him shiver just thinking about.

 

Or he could have been shivering over how she breath was still sending shocks down his body as it drifting across his skin. He was completely out of it at that point, and she was beginning to notice. There was nothing he could do to reply, he was thoroughly shocked and could hardly keep his chest rising and falling.

 

In his frozen state, he was helpless to stop her as she advanced toward him. His eyes actually fluttered closed to shut out her image, that perfect, irresistible image. He couldn’t stop her as those lips he’d been obsessed with placed dozens of featherlight kisses across his eyelids and cheeks. His entire body was shaking. He couldn’t hold himself back, his entire body ached for her. 

 

Finally, he felt her sweet breath touch his lips and realized what was about to happen. By some god’s mercy, his mind cleared just enough to know this couldn’t happen a second time or he’d lose himself entirely. He jammed his hands into her shoulders and ripped her away from him as fast as possible.

 

His eyes snapped open and he took in her image. Her hair was falling out of its bun, tickling her shoulders and casting shadows on her eyes. Her gaze remained darkened, but her eyes were wide with shock. Her dress was hiked up her legs and pooled across both of their laps. But most infatuating of all were her slightly swollen lips which made a gentle curve as she started to speak. “Oh...I’m sorry Mr. Tsuruga...I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

 

Slowly, or at least it seemed agonizingly slow to the actor, Sai pulled herself away from him and the character of Mizuki drifted away. He sat up after her, a tremor running through his entire body as he realized with not a small amount of horror just how little self-control he’d actually had left in that moment.

 

He looked up as he got control over his voice finally and met Sai’s lightening eyes which were slowly regaining their glacial hue. Seeing the worry blatant within them, he brought his hands up in from of his to hush her before she could say anything, “Ms. Akai, I’m perfectly fine, there’s no need to worry.” He assured her, his voice stronger than he’d expected.

 

“Are you sure?” She asked, worry tinging her every syllable.

 

“Yes, of course,” he chuckled softly, running a hand through his hair, “You just startled me is all, I...startled myself, honestly. I apologize if I stepped out of line, and I’m sorry I fell apart at the end there...I wasn’t expecting you to be so...forward. And I wasn’t expecting Mizuki to make an appearance tonight, much less without any warning at all.”

 

She seemed to deflate in front of him and he instantly regretted how he’d worded his sentence, “Should I not have?” She asked, her voice impossibly quiet.

 

Ren shook his head, “No, I’m glad you did! Trust me! You were incredible! That’s why I froze up like that, I couldn’t have imagined Mizuki better than what you just did. It took me by surprise, but it was completely perfect. I loved it.”

 

“You did?” She asked, brightening considerably, her face seeming to lighten as her lips lifted into a pleased smile.

 

His words caught again as he tried to formulate what he desperately wanted to say. He couldn’t believe he’d let the whole thing get so out of hand, and he wanted to beg for his life so she wouldn’t hate him for taking advantage of the situation like that...but she looked so damn happy…

 

_ I shouldn’t have done that...I...even after yesterday...when I’d already gone and taken advantage of her...here I am, doing it all over again. I’m so pathetic...I can’t even control myself when it matters. I can’t stop myself when I need to. At this rate, I’ll always be taking advantage of her. The fact that she even bothers to stay near me anymore is beyond- _

 

“Stop that.” He heard her say, and he snapped out of the downward spiral he was looking at to see those intense eyes on him again. “I can see you regretting. No more self-hatred. I told you we should go off script, and if we hadn’t, I wouldn’t have understood what I should do. You did perfectly. Don’t apologize for that. Never apologize for helping me.”

 

Ren watched in awe at her gentle expression. She always knew these things about him. She always knew what she needed to do, needed to say. She was so damn perfect...damn it. He gave the redhead a genuine smile and she returned it before yawning widely and rubbing at her eyes. 

 

Ren chuckled at that and stretched himself, “It got pretty late on us, didn’t it?”

 

Sai returned the gentle noise and nodded, gesturing out towards her foyer, “Unfortunately, it seems like it has. Shall I get you your coat, then?”

 

The actor nodded solemnly, and his war with himself over how to feel about this returned. Part of him was relieved, even if he’d be on the verge of panic for probably the next day or so. He’d been so worried about what he would screw up and if he would lose the girl forever by doing something stupid. Now it was over and he could go home and not worry about destroying his friendship with the redhead for at least another day.

 

The other part of him genuinely didn’t want to leave. As much as he would deny it, the actress had become warmer in her demeanor toward him and he so desperately wanted to read into it and consider that maybe she felt something for him. He knew it was dangerous, but she was treating him differently now, looking at him different. And he didn’t want to go. 

 

She came back with his coat clutched in her petite hands and held it out to him, her face a mirror image of his, much to his surprise. She looked to be struggling with the same war of relief over dread. He decided that the time to ask her about it wasn’t then and just took the coat with a tired, but warm and tender smile.

 

To his immense satisfaction, the redhead returned it and turned to walk him to the door. “Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga. What you’ve helped me with tonight was invaluable and I can’t tell you how grateful I am.”

 

He nodded and smiled as he passed through the doorway she was holding open, “It was my pleasure, Ms. Akai, trust me. I really enjoyed myself tonight.”

 

The actress beamed at him and nodded with vigor, her gaze soft and the blue in them a few shades darker than usual, “I’m truly glad. I enjoyed it as well.”

 

“Will I...see you tomorrow?” He ventured, knowing now that not only was his schedule an obstacle, but so was hers now. 

 

Grinning mischievously, her gentle voice rang through the empty hall, “If I have anything to say about it, you will”

 

“Good. I look forward to it,” he told her honestly, not knowing why he was saying things like that when he was so close to making it through that night without making a fool of himself.

 

“As do I,” the talent replied with the same degree of sincerity, a fond and warm smile on her lips. “Have a safe drive home, Mr. Tsuruga, and a good night.”

 

With unbound happiness, the actor replied, “Yes, of course, and a good night to you, Ms. Akai.”

 

Closing the door on his retreating form then, the actress let her forehead rest against the cold wood and just stood there pressed against her closed door for a few minutes before she allowed her face to light up in a brilliant smile that hadn’t touched her lips in a long, long time. And then, without a single regret, Sai let tears fall unbidden down her cheeks, curving around that glorious grin, and she couldn’t remember a time where she’d been that happy. If only in that moment, everything felt right in her world.


	48. Chapter 48

The loud clicking of heels on a cement floor echoed eerily through the parking garage. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, as the path from the bike parking to the front doors of the studio was well worn by a certain actress just making a name for herself. There was something, however, that was different this morning. The heels weren’t graceful or spunky, they weren’t feminine or chic. No, these were dress shoes. Men’s dress shoes. And they bit at Sai’s toes viciously.

 

Now, had her feet been three sizes bigger, this wouldn’t have been a problem, but of course, she had tiny feet. So, she’d needed to improvise. And that meant stuffing the toes of her borrowed dress shoes with kleenex and cloth to fill the empty space. While this fixed the size issue, it really made her feet ache. Why, oh why did  **that man** have to have such large feet?

 

She finally reached her dressing room and let a gentle sigh go. Going down to one knee, she fussed with her left shoe, retying the laces and massaging her toes before a voice drifting from underneath her door caught her attention. 

 

“...and that’s two black ties, three pressed white shirts, two school jackets, and a specially fitted uniform skirt...I think that’s everything…” Came a gentle female voice, going a bit squeaky with obvious stress. She was probably the costuming assistant delivering her four outfits for the next few scenes, but why she would sound so panicked was a mystery.

 

Rising to her feet, Sai took a deep breath and let the last of her own consciousness slip away, raising her fist to grasp the fully formed spirit of Mizuki. When those frozen blue orbs opened again, they lacked any of the redhead’s usual femininity. Now, the only person present in that hallway was a man - Mizuki Shibata.

 

Slicking back his red hair, Mizuki reached forward for the brass doorknob and pulled the door open, removing his jacket and draping it over his forearm as he entered the dressing room. Instantly, his eyes met those of the stagehand who looked up in shock and seemed to flounder for words. He simply smiled widely and straightened his tie,

 

“Ah, good morning. I don’t think we’ve met…” He extended his hand, his voice rumbling through the small room with a sort of dark depth to it.

 

“N-no…” the raven haired woman began, taking his hand hesitantly, “my name is Risa Takemoto...I’m the costume assistant-oh, uh, the costume director...actually.”

 

“The director?” Mizuki’s rich tone echoed, “Is that a new development?”

 

“Uh, yes...he, uh, he quit yesterday…” She trailed off, still desperately trying to problem solve what was happening.

 

“Ah,” he said, nodding his head. That explained her source of stress. She had clearly had to pick up after this incompetent man. 

 

“Um…” Risa began, struggling to be able to speak. She honestly had no idea who this person was. She had never seen a redheaded man on set before. And certainly not one this...cute. There was a seductive quality to him, something in his eyes and his voice. But there was something else too, something that seemed to call her closer and lure her in, but unsettled and made her skin crawl. It was an indescribable pull, but she couldn’t seem to take her eyes off of him.

 

“Yes?” He asked, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes warmly, as if prompting someone like he had a million times before.

 

Risa’s cheeks began to warm as she tried to force any words out. She couldn’t stop staring at this man. He looked incredible; polished, suave, and composed. And he smelled  **so** nice. Fresh citrus, intoxicating spices, and faint hints of sandalwood. 

 

“I-I’m sorry,” she finally collected herself enough to force out. “I’m afraid you rattled me a little bit. I don’t remember ever meeting you before...and um…” Her cheeks darkened significantly, “This is the f-female dressing room. I can guide you to the main studio, or the male dressing room. If that’s where you meant to go…”

 

Mizuki smiled a little darker and leaned in closely to the short haired director, his eyes glinting with a hint of mischief, “The female dressing room, you say? Then...perhaps you can help me.”

 

“H-help you?” Risa asked, nearly dizzy with this stranger’s closeness. “What could I possibly help you with?”

 

Purposely, the redhead looked both ways and then took a glance behind him, as if checking to see if anyone was listening. And then he leaned closer and raised his hand to shield his mouth as he whispered, “I’m looking to procure a disguise. Particularly one...of female disposition. I thought you might be able to help.”

 

Risa’s eyes widened and her jaw actually dropped, “A-Akai?” She asked, barely daring to believe it. Now she could see it, though. Those incredibly frigid eyes. That startling shade of hair. Her jawline and nose were the same, but that was about it. Her entire body looked like it was differently shaped. And even knowing that she was looking at a woman, Sai looked so much like a man that she couldn’t shake the feeling.

 

Mizuki let out a rumbling laugh and nodded, “Yes, I suppose you could say I am Saiyuka Akai. But, more accurately, I’m Mizuki Shibata.”

 

The raven haired girl blinked twice and then backed away from the smiling redhead, “No way...no way! I can’t believe you’re the same person that was here for the run throughs...I mean, this is...it’s…” She paused and then snapped her fingers, “I have to go get the director, he  **has** to see this! I’ll be right back!”

 

Risa then ran out of the room, barely managing to stay steady on her feet and she left a smiling Mizuki in her wake. Disheveled and still having trouble believing it herself, she found the director engaged in a discussion with a producer until he caught sight of her just out of the corner of his eye.

 

“Ah...Ms. Takemoto...are you feeling okay?” Her face was awfully red and she looked quite startled.

 

Shaking her head, Risa pushed a strand of straight black hair out of her eyes and cleared her throat, “Director, sir, I have something urgent that requires your attention…” She said, not really answering the question. Probably because she didn’t know the answer herself.

 

“Oh?” He suddenly looked a lot more interested, his casual demeanor slipping away as he maintained a more business-like demeanor. “Is there a problem with any of the costuming?”

 

“No, sir, nothing like that…” Risa bit her lip, regretting her wording. “You see, sir, Ms. Saiyuka Akai has arrived, and well-”

 

“Is she alright? Is something wrong?”

 

“Well, she’s just...not what I expected. She’s not really…‘Akai’...” She tripped over her words awkwardly and made a face. She wasn’t explaining it all very well.

 

“Just spit it out, Takemoto. What’s not what you expected?”

 

“I think it’s best if you just come take a look, director, sir.”

 

Haru paused for a moment and looked back at his producer, who frowned and shrugged, before gesturing him to follow in the direction Risa had just run off to. “You might as well come too. You haven’t met the lead before, have you?”

 

“No, sir. I heard she’s quite skilled, but this sort of role seems like a stretch for any actress…”

 

“I’m confident this one can do it,” Haru smiled, before starting to follow the quickly retreating figure of his new costume director.

 

“And how sure are you of that?” The producer lowered his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes at the director, not sure of his validity, let alone the validity of the unheard of actress he claimed was capable of such a bizarre role.

 

“You’ve just never seen her in action,” Haru’s smile turned into a lopsided smirk. “She’s quite striking.”

 

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” the other man raised his chin and sniffed loudly.

 

“Then take a good look,” Risa told him, surprising both the men, before opening the door to the dressing room.

 

Mizuki stood inside, scrolling through his phone while leaning against the wall. One hand was in his pocket and his jacket lay discarded on the couch nearby, his tie loosened and the two topmost buttons undone. He looked positively perfect standing there.

 

Haru blinked a few times as those icy eyes roved up to his and lit up with a smile. Mizuki raised a hand and ruffled it through the gelled locks and smirked, “Ah, Director Ogawa. Just the man I was looking for.”

 

“No.” Haru said, shaking his head, “No way…”

 

“Is something the matter?” The redhead asked, pushing off the wall and pocketing his phone. 

 

Suddenly, the director’s face lit up and he laughed loudly, a huge smile on his face, “You’re unbelievable! I can’t even imagine how you did all this, but you look incredible! Perfect!”

 

“Wait…” the producer said, his wire-thin glasses slipping down his gaunt nose, “You’re telling me that this is the  **female** actress you hired to play a man, playing a woman?”

 

“I guess so,” Haru laughed again, stepping closer to admire Sai’s handiwork. She’d concealed herself perfectly...and given him the perfect slate to build a woman on top of. Here he was, all worried he wouldn’t be able to give her enough manly touches, but now the struggle came with making her more feminine without ruining the work she’d already done.

 

He immediately called in his makeup team. This was going to be quite the adventure for them. They usually didn’t have to work around makeup and contouring that was already in place. “Who taught you how to do this, hon?” One artist asked as he admired her cheekbones, or faux cheekbones, he supposed.

 

“Rio Honda,” Mizuki said, a little bit of Sai slipping back in, welled with pride for her best friend. 

 

“ **The** Rio Honda?” He asked, shocked.

 

“That’s the one, sir.” The redhead smirked, pleased beyond belief that Rio’s talents were finally getting the recognition they deserved. The more the two talked about the brunette, the more Sai became the dominant personality again.

 

Over the next hour, both Sai and the makeup team worked together to create the perfect version of Mizuki possible, beautifying her appearance and working hard to create a layer of femininity rather than a mask of it. 

 

Once finished, they escorted her back to the main studio to show her off. Haru nearly dropped his scripts when he saw her. The masculinity was still there. As was the strange tugging sensation of danger he got whenever the actress was in character. But now it was overlapped with staggering and natural femininity and grace.

 

Excited beyond belief, Haru clapped his hands together and the sound echoed throughout the studio, effectively silencing it. All eyes then trained on the man and the actress who was beside him, a beautiful, harmonious mix of sexes.

 

“This is beyond my... **wildest** expectations, Akai…” He said, bringing his hands to cover his mouth as he surveyed her whole appearance. It was positively perfect. He could scream he was so happy. “I can’t believe how ideal it is…”

 

“I just hope my acting lives up to how much you love the look we’ve come up with.” Sai said with a light blush dusting her cheeks.

 

“Shall we see, then?” Haru asked, gesturing to the set that had just finished going up that morning. “We’re all ready to go from the school introduction scene. Feel like giving it a shot?”

 

The redhead immediately brightened at the thought and she nodded happily, leaping into professional mode as she was walked through the first few parts. A lot of the dialogue would be adlibbed. It made it all more believable. 

 

Sai walked to the large, black, wrought iron gates at the front of the set and smiled widely.  _ Here goes nothing... _ she joked to herself, knowing that the effort she’d put into this character was far from nothing. Raising her fist, she grabbed the strongest personality she’d created yet and pulled it into the depths of her own soul.

 

**Mizuki stepped through the gates of the school for the first time. The skirt was too short. The jacket was too light for the chilly wind of early spring. The wig was heavy. He’d never been so uncomfortable before. How did girls do this all the time?**

 

**He walked down the pathway, lined with just budding cherry blossom trees and looked up into the branches fondly. It had been a long time since he’d seen the flowers in person. Not since he’d last seen his mother.**

 

**Just then, a gust of wind blew through his hair and swept it across his face. He sputtered for just a second, reeling backward and swaying on the tall heels he had been forced to wear, but he quickly regained control. As carefully and purposely as he could, he gathered the hair still blocking his view and pulled it out of his view, flipping it backward as he did so.**

 

**The motion oozed femininity and even turned several heads that were walking by. Turning, he continued down the path blind to the looks he was getting. He walked like his sister had instructed, heel to toe, one foot directly in front of the other. His hips screamed at him that they weren’t meant to twist that far, but he did it anyway, and it made his motions sway and tilt beautifully, like a runway model’s.**

 

**He eventually stood before the tall, ornate doors of the dorms and looked up at the building, a little bit lost as to what to do next.**

 

**“Mizuki Shibata?” A voice behind him asked. It was soft, tinny, and low, like a small bird’s might be. He turned quickly and spotted a petite young woman in a similar uniform with a longer version of the skirt whose hands were crossed delicately in front of her. She smiled gently, her pearly white teeth just peeking out of her thin, pale pink lips.**

 

**She wasn’t overtly beautiful, but there was a kind, gentle overtone to her that was calming. And her eyes were gray, sparkling like the sky right before lighting coursed through it, a hazy drama hidden behind shrouds of dull color.**

 

**Not one to be daunted by such a thing, Mizuki’s smile doubled in intensity and he put his hands on his hips, tilting his head and pursing his lips ever so slightly, “Who’s asking?” He asked, forcing his voice into the barest falsetto, still low enough to be comfortable and just a little alluring, but feminine enough not to draw attention.**

 

**The girl blinked once before recovering, but a small bit of color touched her otherwise pale cheeks regardless. “Ruru Konno. Your roommate.” She put out her hand, but she was already much more nervous than she’d been earlier. Something was off about this woman.**

 

**There was some sort of darkness about her. A mysterious lure. In the back of her gaze, in the deepest timbre of her voice, in the way her lips moved and shifted. Something heavy and black, but just invisible enough that there wasn’t any outward hint of it. And there was something wrong with the way she moved. It was almost robotic, forced.**

 

**“Well, Ruru, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Mizuki said as he grasped the small woman’s hand and shook it, careful not to exert too much strength.  He was fine with being a strong woman, but this girl’s hand looked like it might break it he wasn’t too careful. In fact, she looked like she might just break any second anyway.**

 

**“You as well…” Ruru said, but she sounded rather unsure. He panicked for a moment. Was this already falling apart? Could she already tell? He hadn’t even gotten the chance to do anything! He had to think quick…**

 

**“So!” He clasped his hands behind his back and smiled widely, giggling girlishly and spinning around, causing his skirt to billow around him, “Take me to my room! I’m excited!”**

 

**Ruru laughed and reached down to pick up one of his bags. He was about to stop her and tell her he could handle it, but then he realized that a woman might simply appreciate the help. “Oh,” he opted for instead, “Thank you! I’ll take this one, though, it’s heavier and I wouldn’t want to make you carry that one.” He giggled again and earned a small chuckle and a roll of the dark haired girl’s eyes.**

 

**“So, what brings you here? Ever been to an academy before?” Ruru asked, focusing on climbing the stairs with a duffle in her hands.**

 

**“No, not me. I’m here because of my mother, she always liked these places better.” And technically that was all true. He couldn’t really focus on the conversation, though. He was working on keeping his skirt from riding up while keeping his shirt from slipping down, while carrying a suitcase and a purse about as awkwardly as one could. And stairs were impossible in heels. Really, it could be an Olympic sport.**

 

**When they reached the upper floor, Mizuki leaned one shoulder against the wall and watched as Ruru removed a key from her bag and slipped it into the lock. She sent him a questioning glance and he realized with a shock that he certainly hadn’t been standing normally.**

 

**Climbing all that way must have sapped more of his energy than he was prepared for. He’d just leaned against the wall as himself. He** **_had_ ** **to shake those boyish tendencies, or who knows what could happen.**

 

**As quickly as he could, he rotated so his whole back was to the wall and he leaned against it that way, putting his hand up to his face and inspecting the manicure his sister had made him get. One nail was already chipping. Now he understood all the whining. It was super annoying that it was already messed up; it took so damn long to do in the first place.**

 

**Ruru got the door open and stepped inside, holding it open for her new roommate as he tried to finagle his way in with the suitcase in tow.**

 

**“You...okay there?” She finally asked as she witnessed the incredible amounts of struggling the redhead was going through.**

 

**“Actually…” Mizuki looked up sheepishly, “You wouldn’t happen to know where I can get one of those longer skirts, would you? I’m a bit hopeless in anything that’s not designer jean…”**

 

**Again, Ruru laughed and waved a hand, “Yes, of course. I’ll go order one from the student desk now. Why don’t you get yourself set up?”**

 

**Mizuki sent her a grateful smile, “That would be great, thanks.”**

 

**“Is this all you brought?”**

 

**“There are two boxes coming tomorrow, but this is all I have today, yes.”**

 

**“Good!” The dark haired woman said, “Then I’ll be right back.”**

 

**And with that, she disappeared around the corner and the door swung shut after her. Exhausted already, Mizuki fell ungracefully into the arm chair near the door and put his head in his hands. He sat as he was used to, legs spread apart, elbows resting on his knees, and his feet pointed at slight angles. But it was more awkward now.**

 

**The skirt cut into his thighs. His elbows were scratching against the tall socks he wore. His wig tickled his skin uncomfortably. His face itched from the makeup. His chest was sore from how heavy the strange thing attached to it was, a torture device, that thing. This was going to be a lot harder than he’d expected.**

 

“And...cut!!” Haru yelled over the silent studio. He just stood there for a moment afterward, completely frozen. He couldn’t believe what he’d just seen. He was sure he would have jumped up, or dropped his coffee, or done something, anything, if he’d just been able to move. But he’d been so astonished at the quality of what he’d just seen...he hadn’t even been capable of those things.

 

He’d just watched his dream come true. Sai had perfectly mixed boyish tendencies with overtly girlish gestures to create what was a natural male imitating female actions, despite her being a woman in the first place. He and the cast were hardly able to believe it was the same actress that had shown up for their practice runs.

 

The best part of all was the darkness, though. He’d finally pinpointed it. There were aspects of Himeko’s dark personality just like he’d asked for, but they were extremely muted. Himeko was outwardly evil. Mizuki was damaged and dark. Therefore, she’d replaced parts of the intensity with a gentle demeanor that held a sort of depressive state that was extremely intriguing and strangely alluring. It hadn’t been what Haru had had in mind, but it was so much more suited to the character that he was sure he wouldn’t even tell her that.

 

“Well…?” She asked when she stepped down from the set, the spirit of Mizuki already gone. It was obvious in how her eyes sparkled and darted with energy the boy she played simply didn’t have anymore. “What did you think?”

 

“You really need to ask me that?” Haru said with a huge grin as he clapped his hands together. “I can’t get enough of him, you have no idea how much you just blew my expectations out of the water!”

 

Sai blinked twice before blushing and allowing a proud smile to dance across her lips before she hid it with her hand.

 

“Don’t you cover that up,” the young director told her right away, his eyes narrowing warmly. “You have every right to be proud. That was incredible.”

 

“Thank you, sir.” She said with as much professionalism as she could muster through her excitement at his reaction. “What’s next?”

 

“What’s next? What’s next is you get ready to go again. We’re starting filming  **today** .” He offered her a lopsided, crazy grin and laughed, “Let’s go everyone!” He swirled a finger in the air as his loud, demanding voice commanded the room joyfully, “From the top!”

 

And that’s how the next few insane months of Sai’s life began. She spent almost the entirety of that week alone just working with Haru and perfecting  _ Change of Heart _ . The shoot itself went incredibly smoothly and they were up and running in just about a month. 

 

Over the next large expanse of time, everything was going perfectly. The show came together almost right away and hit the top of the charts the moment the pilot aired. The quality was tremendous when you considered everything the redhead was currently taking on all at once.

 

She was stretched between Mizuki, Himeko, and Madam, while at the same time maintaining her own personality, between friends, classes at the Academy, time with Maria and Lory, and just taking care of herself in general. Everything she did was micromanaged, and yet the woman looked so happy doing it. But every walk in life is interrupted by speed bumps every now and again.

 

The leaves were just starting to fall off the trees that day. Golden yellows, amber oranges, cherry reds. The streets were lined with explosions of color, all slowly drifting to the ground as old life finally let go, stepping aside while new life festered underneath the surface. Curls of steam drifted up into the endless folds of the graying clouds that littered the sky and the perfectly red lips they left curled upwards into a smile.

 

Sai always loved this time of year the best. Nothing beat those winds just cold enough to warrant her most beloved trench coat, and the way the crisp air just seemed to reinvigorate her with every breath gave her more life than a beating sun on a summer’s day ever could. 

 

She walked into JL Studios earlier than expected that afternoon, having Sanada call and request a meeting with her just hours before. Her boots clunked merrily as she made her way past the receptionist’s desk with an enthused wave and eventually slipped into the director’s roomy office.

 

“You asked to see me, director, sir?” She asked, a little on edge about what exactly this was all about.

 

“Ah, yes. Have a seat, Ms. Akai.” The elderly man gestured politely to one of the overstuffed armchairs in his office. 

 

“What’s this about, Sanada, sir?” The redhead asked as she removed her jacket and draped it over the seat before gently resting in the chair itself.

 

“I wanted to have a one-on-one with you about an idea I was tossing around. I know you’re not the sole member of this cast, but you’re the lead and certainly the crux. You’re also easily the busiest, so I wanted to pitch this to you first. A friend of mine offered me an opportunity the other day. He wants to film four hour-long specials of this show on location. Big deal. Lots of money, great for your fame once you get announced as the actress, etcetera, etcetera…”

 

“That-that sounds amazing!” Sai was instantly on the edge of her seat, “I mean, that’s an incredible opportunity!” She brushed a strand of hair out of her face and gestured wildly with her hands as she searched for the right questions to ask, “When would we go? And-and, and where?”

 

“It would be in about a month, which is why I’m pitching it to you now. I know you have a lot going on and I wanted you to know in advance that you’ll need to do some serious thinking before I accept the offer.” He paused for a moment, getting to the part that would be hard to break to her. “It’s a ways away, up north in Sapporo, Hokkaido.”

 

“So...what’s the problem?” The actress inquired, deflating a bit as she watched him struggle with the offer.

 

“It’s...for two months. That’s how long it would take to film all four, and instead of splitting it up and having us toil over it for almost a year, they just offered to do it all at once and release them at increments. So you’d really need to clear a lot, for a long time. And I know from experience that that isn’t easy.”

 

Suddenly, a thousand thoughts all swarmed the redhead’s already calculating brain and she hesitated as she processed them all. Two months? And she only had a month to prepare? And if they left a month from then, she’d miss Maria’s birthday. And - oh...and what would she do without Maria for two months? Without Rio or Lory….? Or…

 

Seeing her hesitation and slight fear over the time, Sanada sat forward and leveled his gaze with hers. “With how popular you’re getting right now, you add on these professional, quality specials and you’ve just made a name for yourself only two years into the business. It’s practically unheard of. Once people know you played Madam, you’ll be set for life. I just don’t want you to pass this up easily. I know it’s daunting.”

 

Sai cast her gaze down at her hands. He was right. This would bolster her image significantly. It would make her one of the biggest female actresses in all of Japan. She couldn’t pass this up because of her personal feelings at who she’d be leaving behind for just two months. Even if it was  **him** .

 

“I’ll be there. Give me some time to crunch numbers and run some stuff by my directors. I may have to skip out on a few meetings from here just to use this month to make up for the time I’ll lose the following two months. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can about how the dates look and all the information I can gather.”

 

“That sounds perfect, Ms. Akai.” Sanada leaned back and removed a pair of eyeglasses from his pocket, picking up the files in front of them and situating himself. “You’re dismissed. I’ll see you at the start of the show tonight.”

 

Sai swallowed heavily. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” She said stiffly as she stood and exited, making her way to her dressing room as quickly as she could. Once safely inside, she collapsed onto the couch in the center and buried her face in her hands. 

 

She should be better than this. She would be putting her whole career on hold for an opportunity she was handling anonymously, and it could cost her a lot to ask those directors to be so tolerant of her but no matter what she did, that wasn’t what bothered her the most.

 

She was terrified and ashamed and awfully depressed all at the same time. Out of everything she should have been worrying about, leaving Ren for two entire months was what hurt the most. And having to tell him hurt just as much. Scratch that. It hurt more. It would hurt more. She would have to tell him everything. And if he learned absolutely everything, there was a chance he’d hate her for it. And she couldn’t live with herself knowing she’d screwed everything up between them so badly.


	49. Chapter 49

The clock on the wall emitted steady ticking sounds that alternated with the gentle pattering of a foot tapping incessantly. Sai sat on her couch, her eyes trained on the floor, clasping and unclasping her hands as she fidgeted. 

 

_ I have to tell him _ , she argued with herself.  _ I can’t just leave without telling him... _ Biting her lip violently, she shook her head and balled her hands into fists.  _ But I don’t want to tell him!! If I tell him I’m leaving, I’ll have tell him I’m...Madam...and if he finds out I’m Madam...I don’t even want to imagine what he’ll do. How much more of a betrayer can I get? _

 

She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. She was getting nowhere fast. She’d been thinking in circles all evening and doing nothing but regretting her decisions to hide things from Ren. Switching tactics, she instead came to terms with the fact that he’d be angry for a long time. Perhaps long enough to hate her forever. But she’d have two months to give him to cool down, and she’d sure as hell work her way back onto his good side during those months. 

 

Satisfied enough with that plan, she rose and tried desperately to think of any way to soften the blow of her news. Instantly, the answer came to her as if it was obvious and she snapped her fingers, the sharp noise echoing off her walls. She scurried around her apartment and began collecting everything she’d need if she intended to pull this off. 

 

Once she’d gathered it all, she returned to the indent she was slowly remaking in her furniture and took out her phone. As she stared at Ren’s contact, all the confidence she’d had from her plan rushed out of her and she paled before swallowing heavily and running a hand across her sweat-dotted brow. 

 

Sai hit the call button and raised the device to her ear, holding her breath and shutting her eyes like she was about to rip off a band-aid. “Good evening, this is Tsuruga,” the man answered quickly, obviously not having looked at the ID on the receiver if his professional tone was any indication. It was a little bit comforting, actually.

 

“Ah, Mr. Tsuruga...I’m glad you picked up,” she said with a tight, forced smile as she fussed with a loose button.

 

Instantly recognizing her voice, the actor perked up and inwardly cursed himself for not looking to see who was calling before picking up. He also noticed her tone and immediately grew concerned. She never sounded so openly nervous.

 

He was about to ask what was wrong when he heard her take a deep breath in and her voice sounded again, “I was just calling to quickly ask you something.”

 

“Yes…?” Ren prompted after a moment of her silence, “And what would that be?”

 

“Would you happen to be home right now? I know it’s late, but sometimes you’re out with some sort of job even at this time of night.”

 

He blinked a few times, looking around at the walls of his apartment. He didn’t like something in her tone. It was dark and scared. He couldn’t lie to her, though. “Yes, Ms. Akai...I’m home. But you’re worrying me, are you alright?”

 

She hesitated for just a second, worrying the actor out of his mind, “I’m...I’m fine, Mr. Tsuruga. But something incredibly important has come up and I need to talk to you.”

 

The dark haired man sat forward, his head spinning.  _ What could it be? What’s happened? _ For a dark second, he wondered if she’d somehow recalled her drunken night with him and was coming to let him know they would no longer be on speaking terms, especially after he lied about it to her.

 

“Mr. Tsuruga?” The redhead asked, now thoroughly upset by everything that she was putting the man through. “Are you there?”

 

“...Yes. I’m here. Will you be coming over then?” There was no sense in just mindlessly wondering what on earth could be wrong. He had to know. And this was the quickest way.

 

“Do you mind terribly?”

 

“Not if it’s important, Ms. Akai. You know that takes precedence here.”

 

“Oh, you have no idea how much better that makes me feel, thank you.” She said softly, before giving her goodbyes and hanging up. It didn’t really make her feel all that better. She’d secretly been hoping she could put it off, even for just a few more hours. She desperately didn’t want that man to hate her. She couldn’t bear it. 

 

Throwing her leg over Lola with a heavy heart, she zoomed her way down the backstreets to the actor’s apartment, not wanting to keep him waiting too long, but needing the time to prepare herself. She pulled into his parking garage and send a longing glance back toward the street before heading up the elevator to the top floor.

 

Hesitantly, she rapped her knuckles on the actor’s door and waited with a somber expression until it clicked open and swung away to reveal the very worried face of the dark haired man who she’d been so concerned about telling all this time. She offered him an insincere, small smile which only increased the wrinkles gathering on his brow. 

 

“Ms. Akai...please, come in.” He told her, stepping aside so she could get past him. She brushed against his torso as she slid by, but he was too worried to even register the pinpricks of electricity that always accompanied her touch. 

 

She walked into his living room and sat on his couch, immediately burying her face in her hands and letting a deep sigh go. The actor watched her warily as he tried to decipher her behavior for any sort of clue about what could be wrong. 

 

“Ms. Akai…” he reached out to touch her shoulder but she looked up at him with such a sad expression, full of such complete regret and sorrow that he couldn’t move. He had to get out of the room. Now. Or he’d do something he’d regret trying to calm her down. “I’ll leave you be for a few moments…” he said softly, “I’ll get you something to drink. Coffee?”

 

She didn’t answer. He leaned down to look at her and she refused to meet his eyes. Tightening his lips into a thin line, he hissed out, “Coffee it is then,” and marched into the kitchen. She could tell he was upset with her, and he had every right. She was struggling so much with what she wanted to say…it was no wonder he was getting frustrated with her.

 

With all her mind focused on her next words, she gave up on the struggle and just surrendered to the news. It was better to tell him. And she knew that.

 

“Here you are, Ms. Akai.” Ren said as he reentered the room and handed her a cup of coffee gingerly, sitting next to her on the couch.

 

“Thank you, Mr. Tsuruga, but you really didn’t have to.” Sai finally managed to speak, earning a pleased grin from the actor. He already looked so relieved that she’d finally spoken, her heart tugged in so many directions…he was so…god, he was perfect. And that made it hurt all that much more.

 

“Of course I did, you’re my guest.” Ren gave her a glaringly bright smile and emphasized the word “guest”… _ oh he’s mad, he is very very mad...not good, not good... _

 

“If you’re upset, Mr. Tsuruga, please.” She sighed softly and gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m not stupid, I know when you’re faking.” Ren couldn’t help but chuckle at this, as it was quite true, she seemed to have an uncanny knack at seeing his true emotions.

 

“I’m just…worried, Ms. Akai. You said this was very important.” At his words, Sai immediately wilted again, her shoulders slumping forward.

 

“Yes…it is important, and I’m really not looking forward to your reaction.”

 

Ren sat next to her slowly, trying his best to remain calm and squelch his anger, for her sake. “It’s okay…” He said extremely softly, “I won’t be mad. I swear to you. No matter how bad the news is, I’ll contain the anger.”

 

“No no!” She shook her head, reaching out toward him and looking up into his eyes with concern and worry. “I don’t want you to contain it. I couldn’t stand it if you just tried to bottle up the anger until I left, I can’t let you do that. I can’t.”

 

Ren blinked at her several times, not quite understanding what she wanted from him then, “So…you want me to honestly show my emotions, but you don’t want me to be angry?”

 

“Um…not exactly. I want you to be honest, but I’m not telling you that you can’t be angry, I’m just not looking forward to the anger. And besides, I’ve done as much as I could before I got here to compensate for the news.”

 

She never failed to surprise him. “Alright, Ms. Akai…it’s bad news then?”

 

“Not entirely…” Sai took a deep breath, “It’s good for my career I suppose. I’m going on location for a regular job of mine.”

 

“That’s wonderful, isn’t it?” He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “I didn’t know that  _ Change of Heart  _ was going on location.”

 

“Well…we’ll talk about that later. It’s not for  _ Change of Heart _ .”

 

“But…you said it was for a regular job? Isn’t  _ Change of Heart  _ your only regular job?” Ren was beginning to see what she was worried about, as the heat rose in his chest from the hurt already.

 

She waited several seconds, her face an emotionless mask. “No.” Was all she said, not looking him in the eyes.

 

His face was consumed with complete bewilderment for a few moments, and she averted her gaze further, feeling the guilt well up in her heart. She opened her mouth to continue but was cut off by the chill that shot down her spine. He was staring at her with those eyes, those cold, dark eyes and he hissed out, “What?” 

 

She flinched at his singular word, opening her mouth again to continue, but failing miserably, causing Ren’s anger to rise. “Since when? What role?”

 

After a few beats of silence, her voice rang through the room confidently, but full of audible regret as her guilt pooled over her heart and ran through every bit of her body, “A very long time. It was my first job.”

 

“Your…?!” He couldn’t even finish his sentence he was so shocked. He bolted up from the couch and walked around it, pacing the living room floor.

 

“Mr. Tsuruga, I’m so sorry, I never meant it to be a secret-”

 

“What is it?” He asked pointedly, his anger had subsided due to the shock, but it boiled underneath the surface. “Will you tell me now?”

 

Her head dropped into her hands, “Mr. Tsuruga, please, just let me speak my mind. I’ll answer your questions later, I promise you.” He nodded slowly, but still stared at her with a pointed gaze, cold and frozen. She breathed in a slow, deep breath, “The role isn’t the biggest problem.”

 

“It’s not? The fact that you lied and hid something from me for nearly two years isn’t the biggest problem?” His anger rose and rose, she’d told him not to hold back and so, he wasn’t. He wouldn’t hold back. He felt his anger rise fully to the surface and now he stared her down with a dark, nearly hateful gaze, “How can you say that-”

 

“It’s for two months.” She interrupted him, staring into her lap. Instantly his anger deflated as he processed her words.  _ Two…months? She’ll be gone for two whole months? _

 

“Where…?” His voice cracked when he asked her, he hated how weak and pathetic it sounded, but even in just these few seconds, imagining going two months without ever seeing her, he felt like he was crumbling. 

 

“Sapporo.” She said solemnly, “In Hokkaido.”

 

He felt like crying. He didn’t care that she was there, he was so consumed with his depression in that moment that he nearly felt his legs collapse underneath him. Seeing this, Sai slid over and gently, tenderly, patted the seat she’d vacated. 

 

He collapsed into his couch, bending forward and putting his head in his hands, between his legs. She let him sit in silence for a few moments. Then, slowly, her voice sounded again, “Every day the shoot ends at 8:30. I’ll be back in my room by 9 every night. I’ll be waiting. Whenever you have time, whenever you’re home, call me. I’ll wait, every day. We won’t have to go a day without speaking, if that’s what you want.” 

 

The longer she spoke, the more tenderly the words came out, and it dawned on him the gravity of what she was saying, it was almost as if they were lovesick teenagers, who wouldn’t see each other over a break or something, and promised each other to call every day. 

 

Despite that, it soothed his aching heart. She…would try, for him, to continue to exist in his life. That spread an affectionate warmth through his whole body. He turned to gaze up at her, his expression soft, “Thank you, Ms. Akai. I’ll gladly accept that offer.”

 

She returned his soft gratitude with a gentle, encouraging nod and a warm smile on her face. Suddenly, she ripped her gaze away and reached for her tote, pulling out a letter addressed to him in beautiful curling letters. She handed it to him with a small smile on her face. “This explains a lot, I could tell you in person, but I’d rather not be in the room for that particular bit of your wrath.”

 

“It’s that bad?” He looked at her skeptically.

 

“I’m banking on two months apart to assuage some of the anger,” She smirked at him. “So…open that when I leave, and please try not to hate me too much for being a coward and running away while you read it. I just can’t stand to see you angry like that, and I know you’ll be pretty upset with me.”

 

“I understand, Ms. Akai. It’s alright. I’ll try to control myself.” She flashed him a grateful smile.

 

Closing his eyes to collect himself, he managed to squeeze out of his throat, “Is that all?”

 

“No, actually.” His head jerked up at her tone, though, as it was…strangely devious sounding. As Ren took in the curves of her face, he realized she was looking at him in a haughty, teasing way. He blinked in surprise at her a few times and then opened and closed his mouth trying to decide what to ask. 

 

With a sadistic voice, she whispered to him softly, “You aren’t going to like this much.”

 

_ W-whaat? Where did this come from? What does that mean? What’s she talking about? _ Ren’s mind raced wildly as he tried to figure out what on EARTH could have caused this extreme shift in mood. Seeing him continually fail with forming speech, Sai grinned further and continued,

 

“In return…for maneuvering my schedule to accommodate an opportunity to speak, I’m giving you an assignment.” Still having no idea what she could be talking about, Ren’s mind raced and raced, trying to come to terms with what she was saying,

 

“An…assignment?”

 

“Oh yes, just like the ones I get all the time from Love Me.” Her smile softened slightly, “Except, this one is just between us,” Sai looked at him affectionately, her eyes gazing at him tenderly. “A secret.” She whispered, winking at him and holding a finger in front of her lips. 

 

Without really noticing, a slight blush ran across Ren’s cheeks when he processed her words, a strangled noise of shock escaping his throat. Seeing his reaction, Sai erupted into a fit of giggles, only serving to embarrass him more. 

 

“H-hey!!” He squeaked out, displeased with her. “Don’t laugh! You always manage to surprise me, it’s…unfair...” He pouted, knowing full well she’d be unaffected by his mock hurt.

 

She laughed gorgeously, her beautiful giggles filling his apartment, making Ren’s heart warm with joy. When the laughter finally died down, she looked at him gently and cleared her throat, “In all seriousness, though, Mr. Tsuruga, I do have something I’d like to entrust to you.”

 

He smiled at her almost lovingly, his heavenly smile coming out without him really being aware of it, “Do tell, Ms. Akai.”

 

“When I return after the shoot, it’ll be very late at night, and the train ride won’t be able to supply us with dinner. Therefore…I’d like you to cook something for me the day I come back.”

 

Time seemed to stop as Ren at stupefied and tried desperately to understand what on earth she was saying to him, “You…want…ME to cook? ME? You’ve had my cooking! Don’t be ridiculous!” 

 

She smirked at him, “Oh yes, I’ve had your cooking, and true, it could use some work. Perhaps practicing making a dish for two months.” Her eyes glimmered with joy as she drank in his expressions of bewilderment. “Here,” she said gently, reaching back into her tote bag. “This is for you.” She handed him a large box labeled, ‘The Secret Mission.’ 

 

“What is it…?” Ren asked her hesitantly. 

 

“All your supplies,” she smiled warmly at him. “All the green bags are one set of ingredients, and all the blue ones are another set. Each ingredient is measured out perfectly for you. I know you’ll probably need more than two tries, though, so I made a very detailed list of every ingredient, the brand I bought, and the price it was. I have listed next to each ingredient how much to measure out and I’ve given you every tool you’ll need to measure them.” She adored how his expression grew more and more shocked until it reached a point that he wasn’t even surprised anymore - just happy. 

 

“I’ve also attached detailed cooking instructions, of course, down to every motion you should make, as well as links to a few videos you can watch on your phone if you need a visual.” She knew he preferred not to ask for help, so giving him a way to figure it out himself was best. 

 

“Additionally, and you need to be extremely careful with this, I’ve given you some driving instructions to my apartment that I’m not sure how you still don’t know how to get to yet, as well as a keycard. You’ve been there before so you know your way in, but you probably don’t know the kitchen very well. So long as you lock up when you leave, you can come as often as you like.”

 

“That’s…daring.” Was all he could say, lost in thought.  _ She’s letting me into her house, she gave me a key. What…what was she doing all this for…? _

 

“I trust you.” Her words were so sure, so confident. She did trust him. She trusted him with her life, so her apartment was no big deal. 

 

Ren’s eyes snapped up to her, her shockingly warm expression staring deep into his soul through his eyes. Slowly, his own inner turmoil which had so quickly become externalized, melted off his face, replaced with a gorgeous smile at her ever so simple sentence. “Then I’ll gladly accept your assignment.”

 

She beamed at him, “Oh, Mr. Tsuruga, thank you. That means so much to me.”

 

He returned her kind gaze, “Of course, Ms. Akai. It’s getting late now, should you be heading home?”

 

“Oh! Yes, thank you. I’ll collect my things now, thank you for everything Mr. Tsuruga, I’ll see you before I leave for sure.” She gracefully meandered around his apartment, gathering up her things and stepping towards his front door. He marveled for a moment how she seemed to spread her belongings throughout the surfaces of his apartment, no matter how short of a time she spent there. 

 

It shot pangs of warmth through him to see her so comfortable in such an intimate space. Watching her open the door, he admired how her hair fell gracefully away from her face and her perfectly shaped, glistening lips parted so her soft, enchanting voice filled his ears, “Thank you again, Mr. Tsuruga, have a good night.”

 

He smiled kindly at her, barely containing the rush of joy that always accompanied basking in her sweet aura and beautiful face, “You as well, Ms. Akai.” Everything about her was so perfect to him, down to the smallest hair on her head and the deepest depths of her endlessly surprising personality.

 

She bowed to him slightly and slipped through the door, shutting it softly behind her. Ren stared at the closed door, his heart warring with itself. Part of him wished she’d come back, so he could hold and cherish her. The other part, the darker part, was grateful that she was gone. Seeing her smile like that…it only made him wish for the impossible. Despite that…he couldn’t help the warmth that spread through him when he pictured her almost loving gaze. He buried his face in his hands, to hide the smile that spread over his lips.


	50. Chapter 50

The car pulled up at the traditional Japanese inn, the dark roof contrasting with paper doors and freshly painted, bright red beams. Large, bright greenery hung over the brightly lit inn, making the scenery glow with life. Sai’s jaw dropped slightly, her lips raising into a beautiful smile as her heart warmed as she admired the sight.

 

Helping her with all of her things, her costars walked into the main room with her, marveling at the quaint, but still elegant and beautiful in every way. They made their way through a general tour and set up in their separate rooms, Sai absolutely adoring every inch. She was then called away and toted around to see the dressing rooms and where they’d set up for makeup. 

 

Once they’d finished showing her around, they helped her into costume, a whole team needed to make up for Rio’s absence. When they’d finished, Sai looked at her reflection in the mirror and was surprised at what she saw. Staring back at her were the same black eyes, but the lavender hair that surrounded them was curled and pinned up, complemented by a soft white flower. It matched an equally white summer dress, paired with a dark jacket and a berry colored scarf. Stepping back, she saw a pair of dark boots and golden jewelry completing the ensemble. 

 

Turning to the staff, she blinked and asked, “This seems...cuter than normal.” When the crew gave her a blank stare she tried to clarify, “Uh...usually the outfits seem more...uh, suggestive. I guess.”

 

The director walked in then, “Does it really matter what you wear?” He asked her, his arms opened wide and a smile on his face as he greeted her. “You’ll always find a way to make it more racy.”

 

Smiling back at him with a hint of Madam’s persona, she nodded and let a dark, rich laugh go, “I suppose you’re right,” she drawled. 

 

He laughed back and offered his arm to her, “Of course I am. Now, shall we?”

 

She looked at him and nodded, taking his arm and allowing him to lead her to the main stage. The filming began, and as always when Sai was there, it went by smoothly. Almost effortlessly, she breezed through the first three hours. Before they knew it, they were ahead of schedule and wrapped up even earlier than planned. As they finished, the crew offered to take her drinking again but she turned them down, knowing she had prior commitments. 

 

As soon as she got her costume off, she took off toward her room and paused as soon as she was inside. Letting a shaky, nervous breath go, she swallowed and let her eyes wander to the clock on the dresser, which read just before nine at night. She pressed her lips together and closed her eyes as she pictured Ren in her mind, sitting on his couch and reading the letter she’d written, his anger growing as he read of her lies and betrayal when it came to hiding her identity. She was positively terrified when it came to picturing what he would sound like on the phone, if he even bothered to call her. As the minutes ticked by until they reached nine, she was aware of her steadily increasing pulse.

 

The minutes continued ticking by and she eventually tried to get ready for bed, glancing nervously at her phone every few minutes. Once she was ready, she settled into the bed and watched the time slowly move. Finally, she realized that he most likely wasn’t going to call her that night and she shut off the light solemnly, settling under her covers and letting her stomach sink uncomfortably. 

 

She understood, really. Honestly, she didn’t know how she would take the news if their roles were reversed. It wasn’t something easily forgiven, no matter how close two people were. In fact, it was probably worse now that they were closer. And it made that night so much harder to bear. 

 

The clock struck eleven and she was still wide awake. She knew he wasn’t going to call. She’d known that all day. She’d be lucky if he called her the entire time she was away. But living the moment without him there...it was harder than she expected. Defeated, regretful, and hurt to her core, the actress picked up her phone and curled her slender fingers around it. She brought the small black device to her chest and held it there as she wrapped herself in the blankets. 

 

Letting out a quivering sigh, the petite woman condensed herself in a small ball, phone clutched in her hands, her only link to the actor right by her heart, and a single tear escaped her tightly shut eyelids. She was losing him. And she was hundreds of miles away. Her heart felt like it was ripping right down the middle, weighed down by all the choices she’d made and bad decisions that pockmarked her relationship with the older man. She’d destroyed her chances with such a perfect being long ago. 

 

Regardless of her chances, it was probably better this way. The longer she let herself believe she had a chance, the more she would give herself disillusions about a possibility of a real relationship. It was better this way. It was better this way. Everything would be fine. It was better this way.

 

She tightened her already curled position and felt more tears, wet and hot, streak down her cheeks. It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t better. She didn’t want this. She didn’t care if she was broken. She didn’t care if she was poisoned. She wanted to be with that man, wanted to build herself again in the presence of Ren Tsuruga. He completed her. And now she was coming unraveled again.

 

Everything felt numb. The salty liquid was leaving a nasty taste on her lips, briny and rotten. It wasn’t until pain started to shoot through her forearms that she noticed she’d been gripping the sheets so hard that her nails were cutting into her palms through the thin fabric. She let them go and noticed her hands were shaking. In fact, she was trembling all over. And then it hit her ears. A horrid, strangled noise. A gasping, scratchy howl that seemed so close, and yet it only echoed in her ears.

 

It was coming from her throat, the very back of it. Savage, rolling sobs that wracked her body and made the flesh around her ribcage throb painfully. She wiped the flowing liquid from her skin onto the backs of her hands and felt her skin burn, sizzling like it was on fire. Her nose was starting to run and the sobs were turning into short snorts. Switching from wiping tears to wiping the snot away, she wrinkled her nose at the feeling and let out a shuddering laugh.

 

Before she knew it, she was laughing uncontrollably, writhing on the bed as the tears just kept coming and she could hardly catch her breath. Her vision was starting to blur as she could feel her head start to spin and fill with cotton. For whatever reason, though, she couldn’t stop laughing. Her cheeks screamed out in pain with how wide her smile was but she couldn’t keep herself from wiping at her still moisture soaked cheeks. 

 

Finally, she sucked in a shaky, pathetic breath and held it for several seconds, starting to breathe in and out at as even a pace as physically possible. Her laughter died in her throat which was raw and aching, sending zaps of pain through her body. She knew she should have gotten up right then. She should have cleaned herself up. But she was exhausted. Everything hurt. There was no reason to get up, screw professionalism. 

 

That very thought was mutual at the moment as the dark haired man threw back yet another tumbler of bourbon. Without hesitation, he picked up the bottle on the coffee table and poured the last of it into the tumbler. As the last drop fell from the rim, he tensed his entire arm and whipped the bottle to the ground with a low growl. The bottle gave a satisfying shattering noise as it splintered into thousands of pieces.

 

But it wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough. Even the shitty alcohol he’d been sucking down like water wasn’t numbing enough. His bloodshot eyes roved over to the shredded piece of paper he’d torn up earlier. It wasn’t fair. What the hell was he supposed to do now? If he called her now...if he heard her voice...he was sure he would absolutely explode. 

 

His eyes burned again, his retinas feeling like they were almost on fire. He closed them, shutting out as much as he could. He clamped down on everything he was feeling again, the numbness from the bourbon making everything much harder to keep hold of. He tettered back and forth on his couch, sinking into its folds. 

 

He felt raw and exposed. Everything was wrong. Nothing was grounded anymore. He clenched and unclenched his fists. He could hardly believe in the words he’d read earlier, but it wasn’t as if he could double check. He’d torn it up immediately. She’d been lying to him. All this time. And it was far worse than he’d ever thought. She was **her** . **That woman** . The one he’d trusted. The one he’d befriended. The one he’d...confided in. 

 

He looked one last time at his discarded phone, the battery taken out and laid on the table to keep him from picking up if she called. He wouldn’t take this out on her. He wanted to have a serious talk. He could hold a grudge for as long as he wanted and he certainly wasn’t prepared to let this go anytime soon. But he wouldn’t make it worse by screaming at her. He wouldn’t do that to himself. And he wouldn’t let her get off so easily. 

 

Standing up, he closed his eyes and navigated as best as he could, swaying from side to side and nearly tripping over a cord. He slammed his arm into his doorframe and rested there, his thoughts muddled and his vision blurred and spinning. His body ached. His eyes were burning again. He gritted his teeth and scrunched his face up, digging his fingers into his temples. 

 

No matter what he did, he couldn’t stop them this time. Between the alcohol and his mounting stress over the subject, he couldn’t help himself anymore. Even with his eyes screwed up tightly, the tears managed to escape, slipping down his sharp cheekbones as a choked, wet sob erupted from his throat.

 

He slammed his fist into the wall next to him as another sob pushed its way out. He was losing control. He couldn’t lose control like this, he couldn’t afford to do it any longer. But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t regain the grip he’d worked so hard to keep. His legs shook from underneath him, barely holding him up any longer, and the howls of pain and betrayal just got louder and more vicious, tearing his throat raw. 

 

He stumbled into his room, his legs wobbling and his vision completed obscured, he somehow managed to collapse onto his bed. Hissing out a broken breath from between his teeth, he did everything he could to regain control of his shaking limbs and unsteady breathing. His lungs burned and the skin on his cheeks was searing and red, and he felt like he was coming apart on the inside.

 

Distraught beyond belief, he drifted off to sleep fitfully and having trouble breathing. He awoke many times in the night coughing and sputtering, his limbs heavy, his face raw and sore. When he was finally fed up with trying to fall back asleep, he got up and went to the bathroom. 

 

He looked like hell. His face was blotchy and red and his eyes were extremely sore and he’d worn his clothes to bed so they were completely wrinkled and there was even snot on one sleeve. He’d never felt so disgusting and sick, and at the same time he felt guilty and broken. 

 

He’d distantly thought that crying would have helped him feel at least a little better. Relieved, in a way. Grateful. But it turned out to be just a cop out to save him from admitting he’d been genuinely unraveled from Sai’s actions. It was humiliating, really, to be pushed around emotionally by her so easily.

 

His day turned out to be as relatively expected. Awful. And it was very much the same as the redhead’s. Both struggled through the events of their schedules, wearing enough makeup to pass as clowns to cover their destroyed skin tones. Both the actors, revered for their usual perfection in every aspect, found their assignments riddled with failures and mistakes, courtesy of their deteriorated mental states.

 

Even later that night, Ren was so consumed with his own thoughts and emotions, he could barely focus on driving. Halfway home, he pulled over and rested his head on the steering wheel. Glancing over, he spotted his newly reassembled phone and then he spotted the time. Just after nine. 

 

He wanted to call her. He wanted to hear her voice, even just over the phone. He wanted to  **understand** . Why?  **Why?** It didn’t make any sense. Why had she lied, why did she cover it up? What was so important that she had to make up an alternate identity for two years? Did she think he’d never find out? And if so, why would she tell him  **now** ? 

 

There were too many questions, and without the redhead, he would have no answers. But he couldn’t bring himself to pick up that phone. She was a menace. She could talk her way out of anything. And she wasn’t talking her way out of this one. He was going to be in control this time. He was tired of her constantly stringing him along and leading him by the collar. He was done being at her beck and call, always ready to please or amuse her.

 

It was entertaining to a point, but this had crossed too many lines. And as much as he didn’t want to explode at her, he just didn’t want to lose control over everything happening around them both. If he threw a tantrum at her, there’d be no semblance of control in his tone. She would treat him like a child and calm him like he didn’t know any better.

 

No, he would come at this when he was good and ready. He’d let her stew over her choices for just a little longer. And then, when the time was right, he would  **make** her explain herself. And there would be no way around that. Not this time. Not after this stunt.

 

It hurt him to shut her out. He never lost it like he did the first night, but thoughts of her and everything she’d done haunted his every moment when he wasn’t in character. She weighed him down like an anchor wrapped around his neck. It was excruciating and exhausting, but with each day, the load was lighter and less painful. 

 

With each day that the news of her role as Madam Naga lightened, it was replaced by a deep loneliness that came when the petite woman he was so used to seeing was absent for too long. He’d left her be for almost two weeks. Left her to understand how much damage she left in her wake when she ran away from him. And now it was time to come to terms with that damage. He needed to understand.

 

He’d not said a word to her all this time. She was beginning to doubt he ever would. But she never broke her promise. She was always in her room, waiting, at nine. Every day. And that day, Sai sat with her legs cross on her bed, fingers drumming nervously on her kneecaps. She’d slowly adjusted more and more to the idea that she’d gone too far this time. It didn’t hurt as bad to think about, and she hadn’t blown up anywhere near as bad as her first night without him near. But it was still lonely. And the thought of him still sent her spiraling downwards every time.

 

She watched as the digital clock on her alarm clock beeped twice, signifying that it was now midnight. No call again. No word. No chance. Pressing her lips together, she was hit with the same wave of emotions she was every night. She brutally pushed her hands through her hair and sighed shallowly. Her eyes burned all the time, bloodshot. Her throat was raw. Her palms each had bandages on them with nail-wounds that throbbed painfully. Everything hurt.

 

More than anything else, though, Sai just regretted doing what she did. Hiding her identity from him was never the plan originally, but she certainly turned it into the plan after seeing his face that first time. She never had that connection with him as herself. Even when he had accepted he’d fallen in love with her, she was a romantic interest, a coworker, and maybe even a friend. But she wasn’t a confidant. She wasn’t there for him like Madam was, he didn’t let her in like that. If he knew…if he knew that Madam was really her all along...she’d lose that connection with him in an instant. She longed for that connection. Desired it more than anything.

 

Pressing her fingers into her eyes, she attempted to physically quell the stinging behind them and hold back the oncoming storm she was barely keeping at bay. Everything would be okay. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Same routine as always. Everything would be okay.

 

Repeating the same line in her head over and over again, she switched to autopilot and got ready for bed. Every motion was meaningless and empty, just her fulfilling her usual duties as a human being. There was nothing in her actions. There was nothing in her life if she didn’t feel alive. And she certainly didn’t feel very alive right then. She laid down regardless and shut her eyes. The sooner this was all over with, the sooner she could forget it ever happened. Forget the hurt. Forget the anger. Forget the happiness. Forget him.

 

Right before she was about to drift into that same restless, fitful, tormented sleep, the unmistakable noise of her cell phone ringing entered her ears and a dread gripped her stomach like she wasn’t expecting. She picked up the vibrating device and eyed it with sickening angst. Sai hit the button and raised it to her ear, fearing what might transpire. Silence greeted her from the other end of the phone and she let a gentle breath go before speaking, “Mr. Tsuruga?” She asked, trying to keep her tone light and less fearing, “Are you there?”

 

Her voice sounded so even, like she hadn’t even been near tears only minutes prior. It must have been a natural instinct because she was scared out of her mind. She had one chance. He was giving her one chance. She  **couldn’t** ruin this. Not this. She honestly felt like her life depended on this.

 

“You’re that woman?” He asked her with a heavy, brutal, and cold tone, “All this time it was you?” Each word was laced with venom and seethed with his anger. He’d done his best to control it, but voicing it was so much different than running through the words in his head. It hurt him to say it, almost like, so long as no one spoke it, it didn’t have to be true. But speaking it was different, like admitting that it happened. But it  **did** happen, regardless of whether anyone mentioned it aloud or not.

 

Sai gulped and took in a shaking breath. She couldn’t afford to blow this off. He needed to hear this, “Yes, it’s always been me.”

 

The silence returned, but she could hear short, quick breaths from far away and knew that he was desperately trying to stomp down his anger, “Why didn’t you tell me?” He eventually asked, this time with audible pain in his voice.

 

She paused for a moment, and knew that she wanted to talk to him in person about this, “Mr. Tsuruga, I know you won’t be satisfied with this, and you have every right to be angry, but this was an extremely difficult decision for me to come to, and I want you to be able to see and talk to me about this. I won’t discuss something of this caliber over the phone, you mean too much to me and to speak like this isn’t fair to you-”

 

“Isn’t fair to me!?” He snapped back, working hard to control his anger. He needed to be angry with her. She had to know she hurt him. But he was in control, not her! This would go by his rules this time. “You know what’s not fair to me, Ms. Akai? Lying for two years. Letting me believe you were someone you weren’t. Letting me confide in you when you had no business hearing what I had to say! Hearing what I was struggling with!”

 

“I-I don’t know what you w-want from me…” She stuttered out weakly, her lips quivering as she grasped the cell phone and pressed it roughly against her face. Her knuckles were pure white and were beginning to ache, but the only thing keeping her from breaking down at that moment was her ability to keep herself completely tensed up. Hearing him sound so hurt...so angry...so wronged...it made every part of her ache.

 

“What I want from you?” He asked, his voice cruel and dark. “How about an answer? How about anything useful? Anything concrete. Hell, Sai, give me  **one** goddamn reason you did this to me. One!”

 

“Now is really not the best time, is it? I mean, Mr. Tsuruga-” she did her best to speak, but each word was choppy and wavering. Hearing her first name like that, said so accusatory, reminding her of their steadily progressing relationship she’d just destroyed at the drop of a hat, it tore at her insides.

 

“Best time? You think there’s a best time for this?” He growled out, still not at an all-out roar, but only barely keeping a handle on himself. It was just like he thought. She was talking her way out. Again. But he wouldn’t allow it.

 

The redhead refused to be beaten down and she talked over him, flinching at his heavy tone and feeling the first pinpricks of heat around and behind her eyes. “I understand that even though I meant well and my intentions were innocent enough, it still must feel like betrayal-”

 

“‘Feel like’?” He asked, shocked as she continued trying to justify herself without answering him again. “You have  **no** idea what this-”

 

“I-I made you trust someone who didn’t exist and lied to you about who she was, and that’s not something you brush off over the phone.” She stated as strongly as she could. She didn’t like talking over the actor, but he wouldn’t let her say anything, and she just wanted him to wait, wait until they were face to face again. “I’d much rather-”

 

“ **I’m talking!!** ” Ren howled into the phone, shutting up the woman on the other end who recoiled at the sound. “Don’t you  **dare** tell me what  **you’d** rather do. You don’t get a say in this. You already had your say and you chose not to say anything. That’s not my fault. Now give me a reason.  **Now.** ”

 

“Mr. Tsuruga-”

 

“Now. I mean it. I mean it, or I hang up and that’s that. You can party all you want up there because you won’t have any reason to wait up for me. You can trust that. Now, would you still rather wait until you got back? Does that still sound like the best option to you?”

 

“I-I…” She floundered, pressing a hand to her temple as she sunk into the mattress in her room. She didn’t want to do this now. It wouldn’t have the same meaning.

 

“I see. Well. Have a wonderful shoot. I hope it goes well, although I suppose you know the cast fairly intimately already. Goodbye-”

 

“I was jealous of Madam.” Sai spoke out. Her voice cracked in the middle of it, but the rest was strong enough to carry through the receiver and cut through the actor’s mounting anger. He froze completely on the other side.

 

“What?” He mumbled under his breath, losing the control of the conversation just like that. 

 

“I was jealous. Of how you treated her, what you thought of her, how you acted, of everything. I wanted to be Madam with you just to get that feeling of companionship she had with you. I wanted what you had with her. I craved that deep-rooted, trusting friendship. You push me away so much, but you welcomed Madam. I hated her for that. I hated how you so easily took a liking to her and yet you couldn’t seem to even look at me without disgust for the first few weeks I knew you.”

 

“And...you...that’s why you kept it a secret?”

 

“If you knew, you’d trust neither of us. I lost you when you found out. And I’ll never have you back like that. I destroyed that relationship. It was built on lies, sure, but it was a genuine relationship that I cherished with all my heart. And now it’s gone. For good. And that’s a reason why I kept it from you, are you happy?”

 

Ren didn’t know what he was. He’d gotten what he wanted. He’d gotten an answer. But it didn’t make him feel any better. He’d been so worried thinking about what the actress had  **not** given him, hiding all that information, that he hadn’t even considered what he’d  **lost** now that he knew. He wouldn’t treat Madam the same any longer. He no longer had a confidant. He suddenly felt much more empty.

 

“I-I’m sorry…” He heard her say much softer, the edge gone from her voice. “I...got snappy. I know you’re not happy. It’s just...I really wanted you to see how genuinely I meant that…and that’s just so much harder over the phone…”

 

“I know you meant it.” He said just as softly, “And you can tell me again when you’re back. I just...I needed... **something** .”

 

She paused for a moment and gripped the phone tighter. “I understand.” And then the silence crept in as neither spoke. It wasn’t a comfortable silence like they sometimes shared. It was heavy and awkward. Unspoken words sat at both of their tongues and Sai eventually gave in to the crushing desire she had to lighten the mood, even if just by the tiniest bit.

 

“So tell me, Mr. Tsuruga,” her soft voice rang in his ear, somewhat forced to sound brighter than it really was. “Do you miss me already?” She asked, her tone gentle and testing, not wanting to hurt him but making sure there was a hint of playfulness in her voice. He’d know what she was trying to do.

 

He felt his own lips lift up and he shook his head. She was unbelievable. It was hopeless to run a conversation with the woman. One way or another, you lose the control. But he was finally okay with that. He could get her to cooperate when he wanted to, despite her tendency to take hold of the entire conversation. Regardless...he couldn’t deny that the darkness shrinking inside of him these past weeks was now completely eradicated. He was fairly sure she was the sole reason for his swift recovery. “Oh, undoubtedly,” he responded to her jab, wanting to throw her off her gave just the tiniest bit.

 

She gave a gentle, ringing laugh and he felt himself relax at how natural she was being, “You better, you hear?”

 

“Oh? And why is that?”

 

“Because I miss you already.” Her voice said softly, the teasing gone from her tone. Ren swallowed heavily as he realized how much she meant those words. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything right away, but he cleared his throat and tried to muster up something without confessing to her right then and there.

 

“I’ll never be that far away,” he said, matching her sincerity. He hadn’t wanted to tease her back, knowing that her words were serious, but also wanted to hide his own desires.

 

“Care to tell me what you’ve been up to, then?” She said, saving him from having to scramble for words any further.

 

The two lapsed into a light hearted and gentle discussion about their days, tiptoeing around what they both knew were minefield topics. They’d done enough arguing over the course of their relationship. And hearing her be so natural and honest with him gave the actor a new perspective on her that he hadn’t known about before. This is what she was like when she was truly sorry about something. She was so sincere and real with him in everything she said and did, and even over the phone he could feel the emotions in her every word. He could hardly picture what she must have looked like.

 

After nearly an hour of talking, they closed their conversation and he promised to call her the following evening. Sai brightened immediately after that, and the actor could hear it in her warm voice, “I’m looking forward to it, Mr. Tsuruga. Have a wonderful night.”

 

A true smile painted his lips, “You as well, Ms. Akai. Good night.”

 

“Good night.” He heard her say with a gentle grin, and then she hung up, her words still ringing in his ears.

 

He shut his phone and laid it on his lap, leaning his head back. He allowed her words and presence to surround him and he relaxed. Ren knew she wasn’t really in the room, but the time he’d spent focused on her that evening almost made him feel like she’d truly been there. 

 

Standing up, he shuffled into his kitchen and something caught his eye. He turned to see the small box from Sai sitting in the corner of the room. Remembering his promise to her, he picked up the list of videos he could watch and immediately went back to his couch to look them up.

 

Spending a better part of the night engrossed in the step-by-step walkthroughs, Ren was surprised to find himself understanding specific parts of the process. When he eventually glanced at the time, he found it to be much later than he thought. Warring with himself for a while, he reluctantly abandoned the videos for sleep, although he was incredibly shocked at how difficult it was. It was more rewarding than he thought to understand how the process worked.

 

Once he’d gotten dressed and his hygiene was in top condition, he settled into his bed, glancing again at his phone sitting nearby. He thought about calling her again, and even going as far as to ask her to stay on the line, but thought that might be a bit overboard. She’d only been gone for two weeks. He’d gone longer without seeing her. There was no need for such extreme measures. Yet. Turning over, he tried to rid his thoughts of her, but to no avail. Eventually, he just figured it would be better to get up for a while.

 

Pacing his house, he desperately attempted to lose some of the pent up energy and when nothing seemed to help, he went back into his room and searched his drawers for the remote to the tv in his room. His fingers brushed across an envelope sitting underneath several of his dress shirts. Curious, he pulled it out and opened it. A handkerchief fluttered to the ground from inside. 

 

Dumbfounded as to why that would have been in his drawer in such a way, he picked it up and immediately remembered where it had come from. He’d loaned it to Sai what seemed like ages ago. A smile formed on his face as he remembered her giving it back, freshly washed and wrapped up, but he’d lost it when he’d gotten home. Of course he’d find it now. When he missed her most.

 

Biting his lip, he wondered if what he was about to do was appropriate, but he eventually figured that he would do it whether it was or not, and he lifted the cloth to his nose, inhaling the scent with his eyes closed. He was immediately hit by the scent of vanilla, and recalled the subtle hint of that smell came from her clothes, and the lavender must have been from her shampoo, or any perfume she wore. 

 

The smile on his lips grew and the tension that he’d held in his back melted away, a low, relieved sigh escaping his lips. He set the handkerchief on his nightstand and climbed back into his bed, settling beneath the covers much more relaxed, the scent of vanilla still present in his nose and filling his senses every time he inhaled.

 

He awoke many hours later, still in the same position, his eyes snapping open, not even heavy from slumber. Instantly, he moved his body and stretched it out, yawning, surprised at his own wakefulness so soon after regaining consciousness. Turning over, the dark haired man glanced at the time and found it only a few minutes before his alarm was supposed to go off, the sunlight peeking through his window illuminating the glowing numbers.

 

He switched off the alarm and threw his legs over the side of the bed, rolling out of it. He shuffled into his bathroom and got ready for the day, taking a hot shower and picking out a suit suitable for the interview he had first thing that morning, and packing a lighter outfit to change into later. He sometimes got stuffy in those huge suits.

 

As he went about his usual schedule, he realized that if he paused for too long, his hands naturally started making the motions he’d learned from the cooking videos the night before, actually getting the hang of it as he stepped into his kitchen to start coffee. He glanced at his fridge and considered trying out some of his newly learned techniques, but remembered the time he’d tried to cook eggs for her and decided he’d wait a little longer and learn more before trying it out on real food.

 

After his first interview, he picked up his manager and drove them to his filming set for that afternoon, knowing that Yashiro had plans he needed to tend to and the actor could work on his lines between scenes and during his character’s breaks. He sat with his scripts, finding his mind mostly drifting to both the redhead who was currently absent, and surprisingly, cooking. 

 

Seeing his charge greatly distracted when usually so diligent during his free time like this, Yashiro got suspicious and approached him cautiously, asking “What’s on your mind, Ren? You seem to be spacing out quite a lot.”

 

Startled by the man’s sudden words, the actor jumped and nearly dropped the stack of papers in his lap, fumbling over them with uncharacteristic inelegance. “I, uh,” he said, trying to recover, “I’m fine, Mr. Yashiro. I just have a lot on my mind, another assignment.”

 

The manager raised his eyebrow at the word “assignment,” associating it more with the Love Me department’s odd jobs, rather than a professional job that his charge undertook. And he couldn’t imagine a job that was so important that it overshadowed his current one. “What do you mean by ‘assignment’?” He decided to ask.

 

Surprised at first, the dark haired man widened his eyes and stared at his friend and manager, knowing the man had both misconceptions and unrealistic hopes about his relationship with the redhead, and thought he saw an opportunity here. 

 

His eyes narrowed and the corners of his lips curled up into a sly grin, the mischief in his expression unmistakable, “I’m afraid it’s a secret, Mr. Yashiro. I can’t tell you.” He said, holding his hands up and picturing the box labeled “Secret Mission.”

 

Bristling at his, the manager’s expression grew darker and scarier, “Is it about Ms. Saiyuka, then?” He inquired, already knowing the answer based on the man’s actions.

 

Ren’s grin widened, “Perhaps. Perhaps not.” Was all he said, shrugging.

 

Satisfied with that as an affirmative, Yashiro knew he’d hear about the events from some source or another. Rio sometimes told him of things, the two of them being avid supporters of the actor’s growing relationship. And if he was really desperate for information, he went to Maria, who seemed to be able to squeeze details out of her “sister” quite easily.

 

The manager nodded then and left his charge to his own devices, surprising him. He watched the dark haired man occasionally, though, just to see if he could pick up any hint as to what the actor could be hiding. And more importantly, what would be so important that he would have felt the need to hide it in the first place.

 

Wrapping things up for the evening, Ren dropped his still suspicious manager off at his home and then sped off towards his own apartment, stopping at a convenience store on the way in order to stock up on quick dinners. Once he was home, he unloaded what he’d bought and whipped one of them up, suddenly feeling bad he wasn’t trying to cook real food for once. 

 

After he’d finished it, he found his eyes resting on the box in his kitchen and flitted his eyes between the box and the time, finding it still pretty early on in the evening. Before he couldn’t convince himself that it was a bad idea, he grabbed the parcel and his phone and jogged back to his car, pulling out the instructions she’d left to her house and making his way there.

 

He stepped through the threshold of her apartment after swiping his key and watching the door click open for him. Stepping into the apartment, he found it dark and desolate, cold and silent. It was a strange contrast from his memories there, when the space had been filled with her energy and joy, almost bursting with warmth both from her personality and the kitchen’s oven. 

 

Casting his gaze across the entirety of the room, he spent a moment reliving the memories and felt a slight weight lift from his heart as he did so. After he’d reminisced, he walked through her kitchen briefly, and made notes as to which tools were where, keeping track of everything he’d need and where she put it. 

 

The time passed quickly as he moved around the space, familiarizing himself with it. As he figured out when he’d need certain items and where they’d be most useful, he soon realized her kitchen was infinitely more organized than his, and the placement of things made more sense than anything he had in his kitchen. 

 

He put all his needed ingredients in their rightful places, tacking the recipes up on the board above her sink, ready for when he was to actually make the food. Giving a glance to the clock on the wall, he realized he didn’t have much time before he should probably call her and he packed his things up, looking around the room one last time before allowing his lips to tug up and he shut the lights off and locked up. 

 

The weeks quickly turned into months as Ren and Sai both went about their daily tasks, spending about an hour retelling them when they both were done with their days. The filming on Sai’s end went very well, and she often had time to go into the town, and she promised many a souvenir upon her return. 

 

Ren chose to keep quiet about his progress cooking, as it had been disastrous at first. He also made the conscious choice to not mention the many times he drove between his house and hers, just getting used to the route until he finally knew the area well enough to navigate it. Telling her that would just be handing her ammo to tease him.

 

After over a month, he was finally able to handle most of the utensils, and for the first time, his dish was edible. Triumphant, but still wanting to improve, he spent almost all his free time at her apartment, fussing around in her kitchen and mastering the recipe. 

 

With only a week remaining before her return, the actor again made the dish, pleased at how it turned out this time, and figured he was as good as he was going to get at this stage. He ate it sitting cross-legged on her couch, the tv on and blaring an episode of the very show she was off filming. As he finished, he found himself overcome with a heaviness that always accompanied missing her. He cleaned up and was just about to leave when he found the miserable weight almost overbearing.

 

Taking his coat off, he meandered through the house again and eventually found a linen closet, removing a thick comforter and draping it over the couch he’d enjoyed dinner on. Before he could talk himself out of it, he laid down and relaxed, surrounded by her scent and the memories that came with the space he was laying in. Sleep came quickly, and with it lifted the leaden feeling in his heart. 

 

Light streamed in through her tall windows, left open due to Ren’s inability to close the blinds. It hit his eyes and he groaned, turning over. So used to his large bed, he was completely unprepared for the couch to offer no support as he flipped, and he tumbled to the ground, leaping up in confusion before remembering where he was. A gentle sigh escaped his lips as he brushed himself off, his ears hot with embarrassment at such an out of character mishap.

 

He quickly dealt with the blanket he’d used and let his mind wander as he tidied her apartment. With a start, he remembered one of the very first things she’d ever told him about her: how much she loved coconut. Before he could even really understand what was happening, his mind was racing with ways to incorporate that into his meal, and he decided on making her a dessert to surprise her. 

 

Abandoning his current task, he grabbed for his phone and looked up a multitude of recipes centered around coconut and rather quickly found one perfectly suited to the occasion. He jotted down a list of the ingredients and how much he’d need, checking her kitchen first to see if she had any of it already, finding that she did. 

 

Gathering his things, he planned to return that night after stopping at a store for the rest of the ingredients, and then he’d practice making it. Running out of her apartment, he flew back to his own and got ready for the morning, picking up Yashiro almost an hour early, he was so energized.

 

In that last week, he managed to tackle the recipe, satisfied with the full meal he’d managed to learn how to prepare, and talked to Yashiro about clearing his entire day for the day she returned, so he could devote it to preparing for her return.

 

On that day, Sai’s train was running even later than planned, and by the time she’d arrived at the station, it was already well into the evening. She hailed a taxi, her heart already racing, and rushed to her apartment as fast as she could. The car pulled up by her door and she looked over at the Porsche parked in front of the building and her pulse began beating loudly in her ears, her knee bouncing as the taxi slowed to a stop. 

 

Sai thanked the man and paid him, removing her luggage from the trunk and heading up her steps. She moved into the foyer, turning to head up the metal steps and move toward her apartment door. Holding her breath, she unlocked the door and pushed it open, her heart beating painfully fast, and was hit with an exquisite aroma. 

 

Walking in, Sai was astonished by the display in front of her. The lights were on softer than usual, dimmer and gentle, making the space seem smaller and warmer. On her dining table was a vase of roses and several candles, glowing brightly and letting loose a pleasant aroma which complemented the cooking food’s scent. 

 

With a soaring heart, she called in the space, “I’m home!!” A smile clear in her tone.

 

Surprised at her outburst, and having been slightly concerned as to her lateness, Ren jumped and dropped the wooden spoon he’d been holding and it clattered to the ground. Turning, he found her eyes looking at him sweetly, a tenderness in the pale landscape he hadn’t seen in what felt like so long. The mere sight of her made his heart clench and melt in sheer bliss, “Welcome home, Ms. Akai!” He called back, his cheeks flaming as he took in her appearance. 

 

Blushing back at his return of her words, Sai fumbled with her coat and tried to stamp down the color in her cheeks, much as Ren did standing in her kitchen and busying himself with cleaning the spoon he’d dropped and the spot on the floor from his sauce. Once she’d managed to get her coat up, Sai decided with closed, content eyes, that she couldn't’ have asked for a better welcome, and a smile lit up her tired features. She was suddenly rejuvenated, and turned to go be with the man she’d not stopped thinking about for weeks on end.


	51. Chapter 51

Everything in the room seemed warmer than usual, softer and more welcoming. The carefully cooking meal on the stove emitted curling wisps of steam which reflected the gentle glow of the kitchen’s lights. The oven was still cooking, not hot, but still giving off just enough heat to make the room just the right temperature.

 

But it wasn’t just the physical warmth of the room that spoke to the redhead who was just walking through the threshold of her foyer. There was a sense of the space being more intimate, smaller, and more precious. The sight of the tall, gorgeous man who was ever so subtly sneaking glances at the woman who gracefully entered the kitchen alone was enough to make heat rise to her cheeks. And that was without the help of the physical heat.

 

Sai breathed in deeply and was beyond pleased when she was finally able to take in the full, decadent smell of the meal she’d meticulously planned out. It seemed perfect already. She’d closed her eyes while breathing and was blissfully unaware of the longing glance the actor sent her way. Ren could hardly hold himself back from wrapping his arms around her.

 

He felt conflicted, to put it simply. He was still upset, more than upset, in fact. The thought of her role she’d neglected to tell him about for so long still rocked him, causing flares of anger to rise in his chest, but with them came the sinking feeling of loss. He could understand why she had kept it from him. What he’d had with Madam was unique, to say the least, but he also couldn’t understand why  **she** of all people craved that unique relationship. 

 

Despite that mass of negativity, he couldn’t help but still feel those tender emotions for her. He supposed that her banking on those two months away was a fair bet, as he missed her quite brutally during that time. It didn’t keep him from feeling slightly unsettled in her presence after their rougher times together, but it certainly kept him from showing any anger at all. She had that power, all right.

 

Slowly, the lids covering her icy orbs lifted until he was staring into the depths of the palest glaciers. There was a warmth to them, though, and he realized after a moment that it was coming from her beaming expression. He could feel his heart leap into his throat at the sight of it. It was so beautiful, oh, how he’d missed that smile.

 

“Wow, Mr. Tsuruga…” She said, her lips curling perfectly up in that grin. “I’m impressed! This looks amazing!” Ren followed her gesture towards his meal and felt his ears heat up quickly. 

 

“Don’t assume it’ll taste as good as it looks,” he chastised with a grin, warning her in case it turned out to be as inedible as some of his first attempts. As much as he meant that warning, though, hearing her so honestly and openly compliment him like that...it was nice. And he never expected those words to come from his  **cooking** , of all things. In fact, he never really expected anyone to see his cooking as he wasn’t sure he ever would cook for anyone. How times change.

 

Looking around, she could tell he had known what he was doing. He’d used minimal pans and pots, each of which had been washed when he’d waited for other dishes to cook. Only chefs who knew just how long they could leave a pot on the stove would wash dishes in their downtime. He’d clearly made this many times already.

 

Instead of saying anything, though, she simply smiled to herself and made her way to a cabinet, pulling out a glass and heading for her sink. Ren didn’t move from his spot in front of her oven, putting him just under a foot away from her as she filled her glass with water. Even from there he could smell the lavender wafting off of her, mixing heavenly with the ever-so-faint scent of vanilla. A smile lit up his face as he adored that scent, associating it with everything good he could think of.

 

He hadn’t realized he’d been staring until she looked up at him with wide, large eyes, her glass clutched in her small hands. With a completely serious face, her features soft and natural, her lips parted and words that made his breath catch ghosted out, “I really missed you, you know.” They were just loud enough to hear, but soft enough to make him lean just slightly forward to fully hear them.

 

That close, her scent in his nose, her image burning into his eyes, her voice and words echoing in his ears, he couldn’t help freezing. He didn’t know what to do. He was torn right down the middle. More than anything, he wished he could pour out just how much he’d missed her, show her right then and there, leaning against her counter in her kitchen, how much she meant to him. But that sort of desire was so unwelcome in his life at this point, and the dangers of moving so fast with the redhead were daunting. 

 

Caught viciously between desire and reason, he chose the only path that he wouldn’t fully regret and raised his hand. Placing it delicately against the soft skin of her cheek, he gently caressed it with his thumb and smiled affectionately, leaning closer. “I missed you too, Ms. Akai.”

 

Sai stood rooted in place, her eyes even wider than they had been. She blinked dumbly a few times as Ren’s actions caught up with her. She certainly hadn’t been expecting anything that forward, especially after everything she’d put him through, and he’d caught her completely by surprise. She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut when it brushed against the heel of his hand and sent a violent shiver through her body. Even that much contact sent heat racing through her body. 

 

He could occasionally throw her for a loop like this, and she wasn’t even sure if he knew just what he did to her. She’d never tell him, but moments when he’d throw away all his restraints just for a moment and do something so physical and intimate, it sent her mind and heart into a dizzy frenzy. Even then, she could barely focus on his face, the heat coming from his palm pressed against her skin was making her feel almost inebriated. Not that she directly knew what that felt like.

 

Slowly, the actor removed his hand, his expression darkening as he worried if he’d gone too far too fast after she’d frozen so badly, but she caught it in an instant and recovered. A nervous, girlish smile lit up her face and she pressed her free hand against her cheek and looked up at him with a bright red color streaking across her face.

 

Averting her eyes, she moved to the breakfast bar and sat there, again directing her gaze to the actor’s which had stayed on her as she moved. The smile remained firmly in place on her lips and lessened the tension in the actor’s back. She wasn’t repulsed by his touch, rather, she seemed embarrassed...and...pleased?

 

She cleared her throat and brought him out of his thoughts. Carefully taking a sip of water and trying to hide her shaking hands, she caught his attention and asked, “So, I can see that you put a lot of effort into my assignment!” She beamed at him, watching his face light up with pride. “How many times did you try?”

 

He let out a bark of laughter and raised his hand to scratch at the back of his head sheepishly, “How many times…?” Pressing his lips together, he thought it over and made an estimate. “I’d say...around 25, maybe?” It sounded a bit low to him, though.

 

Sai had been taking a sip of water as he thought it over, but she choked when she heard the number. Pivoting in her seat, she spat out some of the water she hadn’t managed to choke on or swallow and whipped back around to his surprised face, her own expression rather shocked. “What?!” She demanded, standing up and trying to wipe her lips delicately with a tissue despite how frazzled she was.

 

Seeing her so discombobulated by his simple statement, he couldn’t help but let out a muffled chuckle when she looked away. Her neck snapped back around and he instantly righted himself, giving off no indication he’d just laughed at her. But it was just so humorous...seeing her so taken aback that way. 

 

Breaking back into laughter, he adored how her cheeks flamed and she huffed off to get paper towel, hitting him with the roll as she passed by. She promptly ignored his guffaws and just focused on cleaning up the water on her floor. He apologized for laughing, but she waved him off. He knew she wasn’t mad, though. Her ears were still bright red.

 

He approached her from behind and she handed him the roll of paper towels he was holding out his hand for. As she was passing it off, she noticed a few cuts and burns along with his usual callouses and she looked up with alarm.

 

“Hey, they’re not that bad! Don’t look so worried! They didn’t even hurt. They’re just annoying to cover up before shoots, that’s all-” Ren was quick to reassure her, but he was cut off when she took his hand in hers and turned it over, running those slender digits across the slowly healing wounds. His voice caught in his throat even further when she looked up at him with just joy and admiration for all the hard work he’d done for her. He fell for her all over again in that moment.

 

A timer beeped from behind him and he was forced to rip his eyes away from that incredible expression for just a moment to turn off the burner and remove the pan from heat. When he turned back around, though, she’d already returned to the breakfast bar and was focusing on her water. His heart throbbed once. He’d wanted to watch her features more.

 

Clearing his throat, he did the last preparation step that would take some time and then he turned around to meet the gaze of the actress. He leaned over the island and looked at her seriously, “How’d the shoot go?” He’d start easy. They could talk about this. They were grown, mature adults.

 

Awkwardly, she shifted in her seat and nodded, acknowledging how he wanted to take this. Slowly. “It went well,” she began, “really well, actually.”

 

“Oh, yeah? Tell me about it.”

 

Sai launched into a bit of what they actually filmed, detailing the four hour long episodes they’d filmed. If those four went over well, they’d most likely get the go-ahead for a feature length film. She sounded so excited and knowledgeable, and going by how their drama had gone, he would have bet anything that she sat in on a lot of the production meetings. She was good with all that stuff.

 

As happy as he was for her, he couldn’t get over how familiar she was with the concept and the other actors. Of course, she’d been on the show for  **years** . He just had only known about it for two months. And that was a hard mental block to get past. 

 

“So,” he began, making her flinch. They both knew what was coming. “Mind explaining how the whole...not telling me thing happened?”

 

She exhaled and took in the deepest breath he’d ever seen. It looked like this rivaled when she’d had him over for dinner the first time. “Well, you know a little bit of the why, and the how is very similar. You and her - you and  **I** \- met on my first day on the job. I’d never acted as her before and I wasn’t used to spreading around my news about jobs yet. I wasn’t sure it would pan out, or if I was really cut out for all this stuff. 

 

“As you know, I bombed that show, at least in the director’s eyes at the time. Hence why I didn’t spread it around. Also, it was a hard thing to spread around in general. The concept of Madam Naga was supposed to be shrouded in mystery. My name wasn’t attached in any way. At least, it won’t be until I finish the job. My name was to be revealed then. 

 

“I had no personal qualms about telling my close friends, though. I just wanted to wait until I was sure it would stick. Of course, you had to be there that night, looking the way you did.” She seemed to shrink in her seat as she traced a pattern on the marble surface of her island. “I can’t stand seeing you upset. It breaks my heart and makes me so...so-” Her breath seemed to get stuck in her throat and she had to stop speaking, blinking rapidly to clear her vision of all the blurriness it was clouding with.

 

“So I came up to you. But of course, what business did I have helping you? You hated me at the time- and don’t say you didn’t!” She snapped when she saw Ren open his mouth to argue, “I had no right to approach you. But a complete stranger looking for her way back? Why not? And it gave me a chance to be Madam one last time, with probably the greatest actor I’d ever have the pleasure of working with.” Sai chuckled humorlessly and tightened her hands into fists on the table.

 

“Little did I know that you’d open up so readily to her. It seemed easy, effortless. You trusted her immediately, clicked like you’d known her your whole life. The trust was so instantaneous, so simple, and yet it seemed impossible for  **me** to earn with you. When I walked away that day, I knew I could never tell you. You wouldn’t forgive me. I had no business invading your privacy like that. 

 

“And from there...it just escalated. I used Madam to feel closer to you, to understand you better. I was the easy way to connect with you; it didn’t have our baggage, didn’t have our tension or stress. From there, it stopped being to protect myself against your wrath and instead turned into a way to get closer to you, even if it was just one-sided. I just wanted to understand you.” She wasn’t explaining this as well as she wanted. Her words kept catching in her throat and they didn’t form well in her head. She could feel the stinging behind her eyes, the stabbing pain that signified she was close to tears. But she wouldn’t cry. Not at this. She wasn’t the one who got hurt. She didn’t have the right to cry.

 

Ren ground his teeth together and dug his nails into the counter behind him that he was leaning on for support. Screwing his eyes shut, he focused on just listening to her and not reacting yet. It was always hard seeing her struggle like this, so determined not to show her weaknesses, and it broke his heart to see her close off from him.

 

“Look where that’s gotten me, Mr. Tsuruga…” She said with a crack in her voice and a self-pitying smile. “I can’t even do this much right. My only way to get closer to you ends up driving you away too, I can’t win, can I?” She looked up at him as she lost the battle with her emotions and he watched as if looking at her through the television - unable to touch or interact with her - as a tear traced its way down her skin, dripping heavily from her chin and falling to the counter below.

 

But he wasn’t watching her act. There was no tv. No screen. She was right in front of him. And he wasn’t going to let her be on her own anymore. No more suffering alone. He let the countertop go and cupped her petite fists in her large palms, surprising her.

 

“Ms. Akai...you don’t have to use such tactics to ‘win’. I...hadn’t realized I was driving you to use such indirect methods to get to know me. I’m so used to having to mine you for any information that I suppose I was a bit blind to how closed off I was myself. You don’t have to worry about that anymore, though. If you ever want to know something, if you ever need me to tell you something, ask me. I’ll always do my best to open up to you. No more backchannels. No more lying. Just you and me. Like normal people.”

 

Ren paused for a moment and just looked at her, sitting across from him, staring at their joined hands with no expression on her face. A single drop that had streaked across her skin fell and landed right below his knuckles. He grimaced at the sight of it and pulled his hands back. She winced when he did so and looked up at him with a guilty expression and a shaky sigh. 

 

Distantly, he wondered just what she knew from her time as Madam. He’d told  **Sai** about his affections for  **her** . To her face. But he didn’t think he ever mentioned her by name. The redhead was aggravatingly perceptive at times, though. It was possible, then...wasn’t it?

 

Saiyuka watched as the actor’s eyes dimmed and hardened, their earthy hue holding an obvious question within them. One she wasn’t prepared to answer. Tilting her head, she feigned curiosity and blinked a few times. She opened her mouth and found her voice wavered more than she was prepared for. She cleared her throat and tried again,

 

“Have I done something else wrong, Mr. Tsuruga?” Her eyes were staring up at his, doe-like and glistening. He couldn’t ask her, because if he did and she wasn’t aware, he’d be giving himself away. And that might ruin what he was just about to get back from her.

 

“Of course not, Ms. Akai...I’m just a little concerned about some of the things I told you. You’re right, of course, some of the information you learned wouldn’t have been spoken...had I known I was speaking to you. There’s no guarantee that I wouldn’t tell you if you directly asked, of course...but…” He trailed off, aware he was repeating himself as he tried to tread carefully through the minefield that was this conversation. 

 

She looked so confused. It was blatantly obvious, even though it was more muted than a normal expression would be. Her eyebrows were all wrinkled and furrowed together, her lips were parted and she looked like there were a million questions on the tip of her tongue. Her eyes scanned his in question and it shut him up immediately. She wouldn’t be making that kind of face if she knew what he was talking about...would she? She would have no reason to be so confused. So she didn’t know. Thank god.

 

He was about to open his mouth to assure her that he’d been babbling about nothing when the buzzer for the oven when off. Turning around, he saw that his meal was mostly complete and he swiveled to offer her an apologetic smile. She nodded in silent understanding and moved to the table. 

 

Before she could reach the dining room, though, the actor jumped between her and the chair she was heading for and flashed her a confident, playful grin. She couldn’t stop herself in time and ended up nearly crashing into him, if he hadn’t put his large hands on her shoulders to brace her.

 

She found that the moment his skin touched hers, arcs of delicious electricity raced through her veins and she choked for a moment before swallowing heavily. She blinked three times in rapid succession as her mind and mouth synced back up and she parted her lips, “Hey! You make a much better wall than an open door, sir. What were you thinking stepping in front of me like that?” She let out a light chuckle as she fully recovered and gestured with her head to the still ringing buzzer, “Don’t you have something you should be taking care of?”

 

“Ah, yes, yes. No need to remind me. Your kitchen appliances do a fine job of that on their own,” he joked with a lighthearted twinkle in his eye. “This is more important right now,” he said as he released her shoulders, having a tough time purposely breaking skin contact. Swiveling on his heel, he moved to her seat at the table and pulled it out for her.

 

The gesture was tiny and ridiculous, especially considering how he’d practically run in front of her to do it in the first place, but for some reason, it was absolutely precious in that moment. The redhead looked up at the dark haired man and was immediately overcome with something she couldn’t control.

 

She raised her hand up to the taller man’s cheek and placed it there, the cold metal of one of her rings sending incredible jolts across his skin. Bringing herself up to her tiptoes, she placed a gentle, incredibly soft kiss on his cheek before pulling back and meeting his shocked eyes just long enough to see them soften and melt when they saw her smile. “Why, thank you, kind sir. You’re such a gentleman.”

 

It took all of Ren’s self control to not throw himself at her right then and there, just to see what she’d do in response. Compromising, he reached out for hand and took it, guiding her into the seat. As a final touch, he placed his lips below her knuckles and flashed her a positively seductive smile. “Of course, my fair lady. Anything for you.” And he meant it.

 

Heading back into Sai’s positively immaculate kitchen, the actor quickly finished preparing the rest of his meal, bringing each dish to the table to be served while topping them off with his practiced garnishes. Instead of making two plates himself, he allowed the actress across from him to serve herself as the apartment became fully saturated with the distinct, mouthwatering scent of perfectly charred rib-eye steaks and the kind of heavenly garlic that made your nose tingle and induce the best kind of salivating.

 

“Wow, Mr. Tsuruga, really...this looks  **amazing** …” Sai finally said when he’d finished serving and she was left with a true masterpiece of sauces, spices, garnishes, and practiced searing techniques. 

 

“Taste before you flatter. Who knows what I could have accidentally managed to poison us with,” he said with a chuckle, gently picking up one of the redhead’s impressive set of chef’s steak knives.

 

The gorgeous woman let out a flowing, ringing laughter, the sound echoing off of her soft white walls like the chiming of tiny bells. The actor closed his eyes for just a moment as he savored it. There wasn’t a sound he’d heard in his life so far that could even come close to comparing to it.

 

When Ren opened his eyes again, he saw that the petite woman across from him was just raising her first piece of meat to her lips. She ate it delicately, her eyes closed as she focused on the taste of it. Without warning, she set her utensils down with a loud clank and startled him. Those icy blue eyes snapped open to meet his and she let out an appreciative hum and shook her head.

 

“I... **cannot** believe you managed this in just two months.” She finally managed, laughter bubbling through her glossy lips.

 

“Is it...any good?” Ren ventured, wanting to hear her say it.

 

“‘Good?’ Oh, please! Mr. Tsuruga!” She picked up her fork and pointed to the steak on her plate as she tilted her head with raised eyebrows. “This is the best steak I’ve ever eaten in my entire life. Have you been lying to me all this time? Can you secretly cook like some genius?”

 

“No, no!” The handsome, dark haired man insisted as he waved his hands in front of him, smiling so widely and purely that his cheeks were aching already. “I promise I am a terrible- or, uh... **was** a terrible cook. I just...put a lot of heart into this. Is it really that good?”

 

“Oh, yes. You know how brutally honest I can be sometimes, can’t you? And if I committed to helping you with this, there’s no way I’m going to lie. In fact, I was planning to go a little harder on you the first few times, for motivation’s sake, but I’m shocked. You’re...a natural. Which is incredible when I consider just how awful you were just two months ago…”

 

“Well, thanks…” He said with a slight grimace, before watching her face shift in horror and she sat forward in her seat urgently.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that! I’m sorry!” She laughed and put her face in one hand, “Oh, I’m hopeless, I’m so sorry. You weren’t  **awful** , just inexperienced. And it’s impressive that you’ve come this far in such a short amount of time. That’s all I was trying to say-”

 

Ren placed his hand over hers and gently stroked her knuckles, effectively shutting her up. “It’s alright, Ms. Akai…” He said with the most genuine smile, “I understand what you meant. I was just teasing you, I am actually very grateful for your compliments.” He blushed softly and flicked his nose casually. “I worked pretty hard...so it’s nice to see that it paid off. Your smile is an amazing reward...as cheesy as that sounds.”

 

The redhead laughed again, watching the way the colors in the actor’s eyes shifted and spiraled, growing lighter or darker, melting and mixing together. It was mesmerizing. And it was a thousand times more gorgeous when he was so intently focused on her smile.

 

They continued their meal, working through the various dishes the actor had made and devouring them amidst bouts of spirited conversation and merry laughter, each enjoying their time together more than words could ever express. In those few hours together, they made up for weeks and weeks of constantly missing one another. And each minute was precious.

 

Wiping her lips, the petite woman set her napkin on the table and stretched out, a pleasant expression on her face as her muscles cheered in gratitude. She’d been sitting with the man across from her for a long time throughout their meal. 

 

“That was fantastic,” she told him as he finished as well. She didn’t know it, but the expression that she was making was so perfect in that single moment that the actor had to wrap his fingers under the table in a vise grip to keep from reaching out towards Sai. He didn’t care about how the wood bit into his fingers, though. Watching her made him happy to the deepest corners of his heart.

 

“I’m really glad you liked it, Ms. Akai.” He said sincerely, smiling at her warmly, having given up on concealing that emotion around her at that point.

 

Sai blinked once at his statement and an idea formed in her head. Had she been thinking rationally, she wouldn’t have given that idea another thought...but being around the actor made her do things she knew she shouldn’t. “I really, really did. So, thank you...Ren.” The syllable dripped off her tongue and made her dinner partner that evening cease all motion, even breathing.

 

Her normally so cold and glacier-filled orbs seemed to melt watching him. Her gaze grew so warm, so affectionate, and so intensely adoring that the blue turned to something more akin to a sugar blue iris. The color rippled and ruffled like the curling petals of the flower, which looked as if it was unwrapping layer by layer until it revealed its core, surrounded by the gorgeous fold of color, like a skirt of soft taffeta. It was just like her. And in this moment, he was pulling back another layer of petals.

 

He covered his mouth, his hand just barely masking the incredible, heavenly smile that had lit up his face, making all his features soft and joyful. He couldn’t tell, but it made the redhead’s heart stop beating for just a moment to see him so touched and moved by a simple word.

 

“Is that going to become a regular thing, now?” He asked, referring to his name.

 

The petite woman blushed at the tips of her ears and cast her gaze down towards the table, breaking the contact the actor had had with those incredibly soft blue orbs. “Only if you want it to,” came her words, soft and floating like a dandelion in a gentle spring breeze.

 

“I’d love that, Saiyuka.” He told her honestly, savoring the feeling of the syllables of her name rolling across his tongue.

 

She raised her head and drank in his expression far more than she should have allowed herself to. It made her go warm and tingly in all the right places. “Sai.” She said definitely, “Call me Sai.” There was just something about the single sound coming from the man’s deep voice that made her go crazy.

 

“I love that even more,” he told her with a smile, rising up and gathering his dishes. “Would you do me the honor of helping me with the dishes...Sai?” He already craved saying that word a thousand times over. It was like rich cocoa on his tongue.

 

“With pleasure,” she told him with a gorgeous grin.

 

Together, they made their way to the sink with the rest of the dishes and stood next to each other. They’d done the dishes together countless times at Ren’s apartment and Sai’s sink was even bigger than his, but for some reason, the two actors stood directly next to one another that night. Every time either moved, their shoulder brushed or their elbows touched. Even that little physical contact was enough to keep both parties incredibly pleased and embarrassed. 

 

Neither made even the slightest move to put distance between them, though. If anything, they only moved closer together as they washed up, any excuse to get closer and closer to the other person. Ren handed her the last washed plate and she dried it off with her towel and held it back out so it could go in the cabinet above his head.

 

Taking it, he felt his fingertips brushed against hers one last time, the skin ever-so-slightly pruney from holding the wet towel for so long. It was enough to nearly drive him over the edge. But he couldn’t seem to move after putting the plate away. He couldn’t back away. He couldn’t lean forward. 

 

Doing the only action available to him at that moment, he cleared his throat and gazed into the gentle eyes of the woman who held all of his affections. “Tell me, Ms. Akai-”

 

“Sai.” The redhead reminded him, a light smirk on her face. He’d already forgotten. He must have been  **quite** nervous to forget so soon.

 

“Right…” Ren said, cursing himself for such a slip up already. “ **Sai** . Did you have anything else planned for tonight?”

 

She looked away and twirled a strand of hair around her finger in nervousness. All it did for the actor was draw his attention to her collarbone and shoulders, making him shudder as he suppressed another wave of desire.

 

“Actually...I recorded quite a few episodes of  _ A Match Made in Showbiz _ ...you know, just in case. Would you…be willing to watch them with me?” She looked up, her expression completely dedicating to looking more pleading than the actor had ever seen. She was trying to reach out, to incorporate him into the job more. To see if he’d forgive her. But she didn’t know he’d already forgiven her. 

 

Finally regaining control over himself, Ren took a step backward and headed toward the living area, “You know? I’d love to see those, you’re quite magical when you’re at work, I’ve heard.”

 

“Have you seen any of it?” Sai asked as she started a pot of coffee.

 

“Only a few every now and then. I saw the one with the tennis player earlier this month, and I was there for that kei singer you had on before you left. I sat in the audience.”

 

She brightened beautifully and clapped her hands together, “I loved that one!” She exclaimed, a laugh escaping her lips, “Wasn’t it hilarious?”

 

The actor couldn’t help but let an equally bright smile light up his own face. His cheeks were going to hurt the next day. “I would say so. Although I’ve heard you’re capable of some rather serious humiliation techniques you employ, and I’ve yet to see that.”

 

“Oh, that shtick?” Sai asked with another, even larger smile. “Yeah, that’s only when the player’s got a ‘special someone’ already and I can’t get a read on them,” she said while tapping at the side of her head. “You game for watching some of those?”

 

He wasn’t sure what he would have said earlier that day if she’d asked him that. But now the answer was obvious. Knowing what he knew now and seeing her face and smiling to mirror her brilliant smile, he knew what he wanted to answer with all of his heart. “I would love to, Ms. Aka-uh, Sai. I would love that.”

 

She smirked as he fumbled to say her name as she picked up two mugs filled with steaming coffee and brought them over, handing one off to the dark haired actor. Slowly, the dark liquid drained from their cups as they spent their time laughing and loving the various scenes of Madam’s talkshow. 

 

The actor was beyond impressed at her skill and dexterity as the character, and astounded at how believable and realistic the woman was. She was perfectly in character all the time. Nothing seemed to phase her. Nothing shook her. There were skeptics of her ability as well as believers on the show, but she treated them all with the same haughty air. It was incredible how well she reacted.

 

As they finished the last episode that the redhead had recorded, the actor stretched as he rose from the couch and attracted the icy stare of those glacier-like irises. “I’ll be right back,” he assured her, giving the tiniest smile. “Stay right there.”

 

She blinked a few times and her eyes followed his broad, tall form as it moved around the couch, but he caught her gaze and shook his head, “No, no. Don’t peek.” His words only made her more confused, but she did as he asked and didn’t watch him. She could hear her refrigerator open and close, and a few distant noises of plates and forks. They’d already had dinner, though...so what was he getting?

 

His heavy footfalls approached her from behind and suddenly there was a piece of her china hovering in front of her face. Hesitantly, she took it from his hands and observed what was on it. Two soft white squares sat in the center of the plate, topped with shreds of white and riddled with beige ovals. She knew what it was the moment she saw it. “Is this…?”

 

“Coconut fudge, yes.” He rounded the couch with a plate of his own and sent her a gorgeous, proud smile. “It was a french recipe I found online. I thought it would be a nice surprise.”

 

Sai was shocked he’d made something without her help already, and how he’d found what looked to be a wonderful recipe on his own was even more surprising. Recipes were hard to decipher and decide if they were good or not. She was far prouder than she figured she’d be and she sent him the most precious smile he’d ever seen. Those two burns on his fingers were well worth it if they’d granted him even just that smile.

 

She sliced off a part of one square and raised it to her lips. Savoring the perfect blend of white chocolate, coconut, and macadamia nuts, her face lit up even more, her features softer and rounder as she enjoyed the perfect end to their meal.

 

“You’re too much,” she said with a gentle voice, the joy she felt blatant in her tone. “Far too much.”

 

“Does that mean you like it?” He asked, loving the glow that seemed to be coming off of her.

 

Scoffing, the actress playfully smacked him in his shoulder and grinned. “It was a low blow using my favorite food and you know it.”

 

He laughed loudly and nodded, sending her a silent apology as he began eating his own dessert. They talked periodically and enjoyed the treat, eventually switching the tv back on and continuing their string of jokes and pleasant conversation. It was much later when either of them actually realized just how late they’d let it get.

 

“Oh, sh…” Ren trailed off as he caught sight of the digital clock underneath the microwave oven. 

 

“What?” The redhead asked, immediately concerned. “What is it?”

 

“Is that really the time?”

 

Sai glanced at the tiny clock underneath the entertainment center and her eyes widened. “When did it get so late?” She asked, flinching in surprise as the actor leaped up from the couch.

 

“I have to go.” He said curtly, moving toward the foyer for his coat.

 

“Wait, wait!” She called after him as he turned around to look at her, “You can stay here for the night, there’s a guest bedroom just off of the dining room,” she added, pointing to the large door to the left of the spiral staircase.

 

“I couldn’t possibly impose…” The actor told her, beginning to slip on one shoe.

 

“Are you kidding, Ren?” She asked, his name making him snap out of his action and steady his gaze on something stationary. It really rocked him to hear her say it so beautifully. “You know how many times I’ve stayed with you, right? You’re telling me that staying over here would be imposing on your part?”

 

“It’s different at my apartment-”

 

“Oh, is it?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. “How is it different?”

 

“Well...because…” Ren tried, his mind coming up empty when he searched for anything to say.

 

Sai raised an eyebrow and then scoffed, “That’s what I thought. Now, you stay here and I’ll get you some clothes.”

 

She disappeared into the guest bedroom and returned with a stack of men’s cotton pajamas. They looked soft and bore a tiny crest over the breast pocket. Both pieces were a pleasant navy blue, but they didn’t look very well worn.

 

“Where did you get those?” Ren asked, feeling something negative and unwanted clawing at the back of his head. He had no right to be jealous, but the thought of her holding on to clothes for a partner of hers and then letting him borrow them...it sent a small fire raging through his body.

 

“Relax,” the talent told him when she saw his face and she let out a soft chuckle. “They’re my brother’s. I keep a lot of Hikaru’s clothes on hand for when he comes on a business trip and decides to stay a day or two longer.”

 

“And...he wouldn’t mind?” Ren asked, visibly relaxing when he realized they didn’t belong to a boyfriend of hers or anything.

 

“Course not. He’s a pretty laidback, forgiving guy. You’d really like him, Ren.”

 

“Well...tell him I’m grateful, when you get the chance.”

 

“Oh, he’d get a kick out of that,” she told him with a playful smirk, but before Ren could question her, she’d already moved on. “There’s a bathroom down that hall by the kitchen and a linen closet right before it with fresh towels. There should be spare toothbrushes and the like under the sink and Hikaru keeps a few things you might need in the blue basket next to the soaps. If you get cold, there are a few throw blankets in the closet in your room, and if you get warm, your window opens by flipping the latch up and pushing out.”

 

Ren blinked a few times before a smile broke out on his face. She was always so meticulous and planning like this. It was actually really comforting at that point. “Thank you, Sai.” He said with his deep, soothing voice. Her heart practically leapt out of her body. 

 

Clearing her throat, she smiled brightly, “No problem! If you need anything else, just call up the stairs and I’ll come down.”

 

“Will do. Goodnight, Sai.”

 

“Goodnight,” she said with a faint color touching her cheeks.

 

Disappearing up her stairs, Sai was acutely aware of the actor’s eyes on her back the entire time. The moment she was out of sight, Ren sighed and moved to his own room, slipping into his pajamas and busying himself getting ready to sleep. He drifted off faster than usual and was shocked to wake up to sunlight without any trouble at all.

 

He wasn’t even sure that it was the light that had woken him up. Perhaps it had been the smell drifting underneath his door. It was practically heavenly. Swinging his legs over his bed and stretching out the kink that had settled in his spine, he stood up and moved toward his door, opening it and poking his head out.

 

He immediately saw the redhead showered and dressed and standing over her stove. He cleared his throat and caught her attention, watching the surprise turn to happiness and then blossom into laughter. 

 

“Oh, Ren...your hair!” She said with clear joy and she approached him and ran her fingers through the mess that was his dark locks. They were so tangled and messy that they were beyond help and it was the most adorable thing the redhead had ever seen. 

 

Ren slapped her hand away and blushed heavily at the tips of his ears, “Don’t laugh! I just woke up!”

 

“Yeah,” the redhead laughed out, “I caught onto that.”

 

Doing everything he could to change the subject and keep her from continuing to wind her fingers through his hair, he cleared his throat and gestured to the kitchen, “So, what exactly are you doing here?” 

 

“Oh, this? It’s a traditional French style breakfast, I think you’ll like it.” Sai smirked and gave him a smart wink. The actor responded with an unamused stare as he contemplated why on earth she had felt the need to do this much so early in the morning. “Hey, you. I had to top your performance yesterday. You know that.”

 

“Top me?” He laughed loudly, “You’re kidding, right? Are you really that competitive?”

 

“Of course I am!” She insisted, pleased with herself. “Can you do better the next time?”

 

“You’re on, sweet cheeks.” He drawled at her and helped himself to the spread in front of him and enjoyed his continued conversations with the wonderful woman in front of him. After eating, he took a shower in her truly impressive guest bathroom and got dressed before gathering his things and meeting the lovely woman by her front door.

 

“Will I see you at work today?” The redhead asked shyly.

 

“Of course.” He said with a smile, enjoying the moments where she was more reserved. 

 

They both exited her apartment, laughing all the way as she made fun of his first few reactions to her apartment. Reaching the sidewalk, they exchanged smiles and goodbyes as Ren headed to his car and Sai to her bike, both well and truly happy. If anything, there was no way she could have pictured her welcoming any better.


	52. Chapter 52

Ringing. The high-pitched, twangy sort of ring that rockets through your eardrums and blocks out every kind of sound. The ringing that you only experience when you don’t want to hear what someone is saying. When you can’t bear to hear it. Hence the expression: “his words fell on deaf ears.”

 

Deaf ears were exactly the kind that Director Hiro Tengen’s words were filtering through. He tilted his head and tried to make eye contact with the actress he was speaking to. Or rather, speaking  **at** . She hadn’t moved a muscle since he’d first started talking. When he finally managed to catch her gaze, it was empty and hollow, but not like it usually was. This time, it looked deep and cavernous, like whatever life that usually filled the icy irises had been gouged out. 

 

“Akai?” He called out, actually starting to panic a little. “Akai!” He grasped the redhead’s shoulder and felt a violent shudder rack through her body before her eyes jumped up to his, the animation returning to them, albeit a little shallower than usual.

 

“I-I’m sorry…” Her words ghosted out of her lips, like she hadn’t really spoken them, they’d just come out of reflex.

 

“What happened there, Akai?” He asked, trying to catch her rapidly averting eyeline. “Are you alright? Do you need to lay down or something?”

 

No, no...I’m alright. I was just a little...surprised by your proposition just then. That’s all. We can continue.” Sai wasn’t alright, though. His suggestion had come as much more than a simple surprise. She could barely force herself to keep the conversation going, but she knew she had to. Saiyuka Akai had no problems with what he was suggesting. It wasn’t her that struggled with all of this. Saiyuka Akai was normal. But  **she** was not. Asami just wasn’t alright. Not anymore.

 

Tengen cleared his throat again, unsure of what to make of the situation, but he continued nonetheless. “Well...as I was saying. We’ve come to a decision about how Himeko is going to make her exit from the show. You’ll still come back on every now and again, in flashbacks and dreams and whatnot, but she doesn’t serve a purpose now that Toshiro is with Emi and you’re no longer a romantic interest. You’ve wrecked your havoc and set up a lot of good plot, but you’re just dragging your friends down to a level they don’t deserve to be at. The best, most impactful thing to do with Himeko at this point is to kill her off, yes?”

 

Sai swallowed heavily. She didn’t want to do a death scene. She’d never done a death scene. And certainly none like this. “Yes, sir. That makes perfect sense.”

 

“But we can’t just have her get hit by a bus, or something. And this isn’t a suspense drama, so she can’t be murdered…which leaves…”

 

“Suicide. Yeah, that would be impactful alright…” The actress said bitterly, doing everything she could to restrain her disgust on the topic. She’d held it together this time. It had just thrown her for such a loop the first time through that she’d lost her control for a split second. This wasn’t a good topic for her. Never has been. Never will be.

 

“Yes…” Tengen said hesitantly, watching the talent carefully. She was deliberately masking herself, though. That alone told him that she wasn’t comfortable with the idea. No one was supposed to be. It was a heavy topic. But it suited the situation in terms of character development and would be the climax of the fourth season. It was perfect in writing, but it sometimes laid waste to an actor’s emotional state. Suicide death scenes were easily some of the most draining, emotional, and raw scenes you could ever shoot. But if anyone was good at those kinds of scenes...it was Sai.

 

“So...what do think?” He asked her finally, after waiting for her to say anything in response, but getting nothing. Not even a blink.

 

Instantly, those blue orbs were back to staring at the ground. He watched her ribcage expand purposefully and realized she was taking a slow, deep breath. “Yes. I’ll do it. But not today. I...need some time...to prepare.” She choked out. He winced when he realized she was actually close to tears.

 

“Of course…” He said, already noting the change in the schedule. He couldn’t possibly force her to do this that day. It was clearly a touchy subject and he was grateful she’d agreed in the first place. He only hoped she didn’t flake out when she realized it was too hard of an issue for her to face on her own. 

 

Without saying anything else, the redhead drifted away, her mind focused entirely on other things. She drifted aimlessly through the main studio and past several rather concerned coworkers.

 

“Ah, Ms. Akai…” The low, soft voice drifted in one ear and out the other, leaving the actor who had just called out to her standing a bit unnerved as she began to drift past him. Her eyes were unfocused. Her mouth kind of open, hanging unceremoniously there. The muscles around her neck were tensed and scared. She looked positively defeated. 

 

He reached out for her as she got close enough and caught her arm, “Ms. Ak-uh...Sai.” He cleared his throat and used her first name. “Sai, are you alright?” He actually had to squeeze her arm to make her stop moving. Slowly, her eyes roved up to his and she hummed softly before seeming to drift off again. Drift off somewhere dark. Somewhere lonely. Somewhere desolate and empty. Somewhere he could never reach her.

 

Panic rose in his throat for reasons he wasn’t really aware of, and he gripped her by her shoulders and shook her once with force. “Sai, are you listening to me?”

 

The sudden movement jolted the redhead and she blinked twice, her vision finally focusing on the man in front of her. His eyes scanned her face desperately, his mouth open in surprise and his eyebrows dipping deep down in concern. Slowly, the blackness that had been creeping in at the corners of her vision receded and she let go of the breath she’d been holding in. 

 

“Ah...Ren…” She said, her voice lazy and quiet, the actor’s name slipping through her lips like a warm breath or a gentle breeze. 

 

“Sai…?” He let go of her shoulders and leveled his gaze to hers.

 

“I’m okay now. Really.” She insisted before he could say anything. “I’m sorry for worrying you, really I am. I promise I’m fine.” She wasn’t sure how true that statement was. On one hand, she seemed fine. She could see now, she wasn’t dizzy anymore, and her head wasn’t spinning. On the other hand...she seemed a bit  **too** numb. 

 

Her thoughts refused to focus on anything, lest they turn to the dark abyss that she’d fallen into moments before. She couldn’t seem to feel anything, really...as if she’d completely deactivated herself to avoid a total meltdown. 

 

Ren narrowed his eyes and grit his teeth together. He knew she wasn’t fine. “Don’t think you can lie to me like that anymore. I can see that you’re not okay. Can’t you just tell me what’s-” He reached out to cup her cheek with his hand only for her to flinch away violently and look up at him with wide, almost scared eyes. He shut himself up immediately and lowered his hand, just watching her for any other sign of reaction.

 

The silence was starting to ring in Sai’s head. It was deafening and terrifying and everything seemed to vibrate and move around her. She couldn’t focus on anything. Distantly, she was aware of a slight pressure on her cheek that shot a painful arc of electricity through her body and she jerked away from it to relieve the intense feeling. 

 

Her head was spinning. Her chest was too tight. Too tight. She couldn’t breathe. She was trapped again. Just like she was back then. Trapped and teetering over a cliff whose edge just kept crumbling, falling away from underneath her. And eventually, eventually, there wouldn’t be anything underneath her. Nothing to hold her up. No more ground to stand on. And she’d fall. She’d fall just like she-

 

“Saiyuka…!” The word warbled through her mind, ripping her away from the spiral she’d fallen into again and shattering the rapidly scrolling images in her mind that were steadily breaking her apart. “Sai, please!” The ringing died down more, her ears finally able to separate the static of her own mind from the sounds of reality.

 

Those icy, foggy eyes roved upwards, and slowly the color began to clear, like clouds rolling away from an arctic sky. “Sai…?” Ren questioned, reaching out for her unconsciously all over again and brushing hair out of her face. Her brow was incredibly sweaty and she was paler than he’d ever seen her. Sickly pale. Her breathing was labored and she looked like she could drop any second.

 

“I...have to go.” Her voice sounded very far away. Like she was whispering from a different room entirely. She slipped away from him and he tried in vain to grab at her arm. Before she knew it, she was running. The man behind her was rapidly getting closer, his long strides carrying him and his heightening worry fueling his speed. 

 

He swiped at her arm again and she whirled around, her eyes wide and terrified, spilling over with tears that certainly hadn’t been there moments before. She evaded his grasp yet again and dashed into the front parking lot, swinging her leg over her bike before he had a chance to reach her again. He watched helplessly and she shot onto the street, heading down the road to her apartment without another word.

 

“Ren?” He heard from behind him, the voice quiet and worried. He turned around and found his manager standing by the doors, looking at him with concern. “What are you doing out here? People saw you sprinting down the hall...are you alright?”

 

Ren raised his hand to his head and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “I’m fine...it’s just…”

 

“Is it Ms. Saiyuka?” Yashiro asked hesitantly, watching his charge struggle with more emotions than he’d seen in a long time. 

 

“Something’s wrong with her...she’s freaking out about something but she won’t tell me. Or she couldn’t tell me. It was like she wasn’t really here, and when I spoke she didn’t really hear me.”

 

“You’re scared for her, aren’t you?” He grimaced and held open the door for Ren, who sent one last glance down the road and then came inside. “Maybe she’s just nervous for yet another strange role, you know how she frets over her character-”

 

“It’s not that simple this time. She looked...haunted. Terrified of something. And she ran away from me. She just...bolted.” He ran a hand down his face. “I’ve never seen her like that before, Yukihito…”

 

“Give her a call tonight, then. Talk to her. Figure out what’s wrong.” He suggested, walking down the quickly emptying hallways. 

 

The actor considered this for a moment before deciding it was probably his best course of action. He proceeded to drop off his manager and head home, something gnawing at him all the while. Once inside his apartment, he dropped off his belongings and flipped open his phone.

 

“Come on, come on…” He mumbled under his breath, “Pick up.” The dial tone sounded over and over again in his ear and he was met with the robotic voice of her messaging system twice. 

 

“Oh, screw this…” Instantly, he was back out of the door and heading to his car. This wasn’t sitting with him right. He couldn’t just leave her alone. And if she wasn’t answering her phone, maybe she’d answer her door.

 

Before he really knew what happened, he was standing facing her front door. He slipped inside the foyer and scaled the metal stairs two at a time. Once he was at her apartment’s door, he didn’t even hesitate for a second before slamming his fist into the yellowed wood. There was no sign of any movement from behind the door. He hit again. And again. And still, no answer. 

 

He could feel the panic in his throat now. It clawed and scratched at his skin until it felt raw and his mouth went dry and a rusty, poisonous taste settled on his tongue. Grabbing his wallet out of his back pocket, he flipped it open and withdrew the keycard the redhead had given him what felt like ages ago. Frantically, he swept it through the faux smoke detector and pushed the door open with his shoulder. 

 

“Saiyuka!” He called out, looking frantically around the dark room. “Saiyuka!” He ripped through her kitchen and dining room, finding that she was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t there. But if she wasn’t home and she wasn’t answering her phone...where was she?

 

He froze where he stood as his mind filled with the endless amounts of scenarios that could have happened since she sped away on her bike. It only took a few seconds before he was ready to bolt back out the door. Before he could move, though, the tiniest sound shot through the air and stopped him cold. 

 

It was so quiet it was barely audible, but there was no doubt he’d heard it. A sob. Coming from upstairs. He was instantly on the staircase, his legs carrying him up multiple steps at a time. Not even processing that he’d just barged into Sai’s bedroom, he rounded the corner at the top and scanned his surroundings looking for the redhead.

 

“Sai!” He called out, hoping he’d get some sort of response. As it turns out, he got one...but it wasn’t as he’d pictured.

 

“Go... **away** …!!” The words were muffled and came out of a raw throat, ravaged by what could have been hours of crying. Ren immediately focused in on the large closet at the far corner of the room. He was immediately in front of it, pulling the door open with a tinny creak.

 

Sai sat in the corner, curled into a ball, her legs tucked underneath her, looped by her arms. Her face was completely red, covered by smeared makeup that ran through the streaks still actively slipping through her eyelashes as she blinked. She was an absolute mess, but the worst part of seeing her like this was the looming emotion in her eyes. Terror. 

 

“You...didn’t listen…” Her voice cracked pathetically and she raised her hand to wipe her left cheek. 

 

“Of course I didn’t. I would never leave you alone like this,” he said as if it was obvious. Without waiting for her to reply, he leaned down and put one arm under her knees and the other behind her back. As carefully as he could, he lifted her up and moved her to her bed where he could set her down gently. 

 

Once he let her go, she didn’t move. He watched her for a moment and she didn’t move. Slowly, he lowered himself until he was sitting next to her, but she still didn’t move. He knew he was in serious violation of any usual personal space and was completely invading her privacy, so if she needed a second, she could have it.

 

It was long into the night that she finally decided she’d had enough time to prepare herself. The actor had been equally as silent, just sitting next to her for hours. Without warning, she finally shifted and brought her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and resting her chin on her knees.

 

“The director had an idea for Himeko.” She croaked out, surprising the actor who was beginning to doubt she’d ever even move, much less tell him why she’d run into the closet when he’d arrived and hid from him.

 

He shifted to better see her and positioned himself at a respectful distance while still being mortifyingly aware they were on the redhead’s bed together. “Her...death scene, correct?” He ventured, knowing the director had made the announcement about the change of schedule.

 

“He wants her to commit suicide. Feels like it’s the most natural way for her character to go. And he’s right. But…”

 

“You don’t agree?”

 

“No, that’s not it…” Sai raised her head up and shook it, her eyes trained where her walls met the light hardwood flooring. “He’s right. And the way the scene is written is very realistic and emotional, it’s just...I don’t know if I’m capable of doing it.”

 

“A death scene? Sai, I’m sure that you could handle a-” He stopped himself right there. This woman knew she was good. She knew she had talent in what she did and she took obvious pride and admiration in it. She would never underestimate herself badly enough to run from the set and have a breakdown in her apartment. No, this was more than that.

 

“I... **can’t** …I can’t jump off that bridge...I can’t jump...” Her voice was meek and soft, scratching its way through her throat as she suppressed another sob. Burying her face in her knees, she clenched her fists so hard that they shook, her skin totally white. Ren’s hands were instantly over hers, unfurling them so she wouldn’t hurt the palms of her hands. 

 

He didn’t let go of them, though. He didn’t dare. “You can. I know you can. I don’t know what you’ve been through, Sai, but I can tell you that there aren’t many people living in this world who can do as much as you can. You’re easily one of the most talented people I’ve ever - I will ever - meet. Even if you can’t see how valuable and skilled you are, that’s all everyone around you sees.

 

“They envy, cherish, inspire, adore, and fuel that talent and everyone is dying to see what you’re capable next. You’re the only one that still thinks you’re riddled with failures, and that’s all that’s holding you back anymore. I think that you can come around to see it our way through Himeko with this scene. It won’t be easy on you, but showing that you can willingly submit yourself to that free fall will help you prove to yourself that you’re healing, that you’re more than you were before.”

 

He paused for a moment, squeezing her hands tightly in his much larger ones. As much as he’d wished she’d been more outright in telling him what was bothering her, he still understood. He knew what she’d done, and how much she must regret it. But he honestly believed in his words. And he knew she did too. 

 

If nothing else, he was just grateful she’d opened up at all. He would give anything to become more of a confidant to her, but for now, this was perfect. 

 

“You’re right…” Her voice finally sounded, still warbling and weak, but showing a stronger conviction than before. “If I can’t do this in an acting scene, I haven’t gotten over it. And I so desperately want to get over with it. I want to move on. I want to grow more, I’m so sick of feeling trapped and helpless…”

 

“Then prove that you’re not. Prove that you’re free. That you’re improving. Prove that everything you’ve done these past years has made you who you are. But never for one second think that you’ll be up there proving that alone.” The actor leveled his gaze with hers. “Everyone you’ve met as an actress will be up on that stage with you. Rio will be up there with you, Lory and Maria too. I’ll be up there with you. And I’ll be waiting for you when you’re done too. I’ll always be here.”

 

Not even really thinking, the redhead flung her arms around the tall man’s neck, holding him awkwardly at an angle, but refusing to let go or loosen her grip enough to fix it. And Ren didn’t mind that at all. He shifted ever so slightly and brought his own hands up to her back, pulling her even closer and allowing her to press her cheek into his shoulder. The few seconds she remained there, unmoving, breathing just gently enough for it to register through his clothes, those seconds were some of the greatest the actor had experienced in a long time.

 

When she’d had her fill of comfort, she wiped the rest of the tears from her face and flashed an apologetic smile. “I’m...really sorry I made you come all the way down here. I should have just told you at the studio, but…”

 

“I understand, Sai, really. You don’t need to apologize for it.”

 

“May I thank you instead?” She asked as she led him back down the staircase. 

 

“Of course,” he picked up his coat and slung it over his shoulders, turning to find the actress much closer than he’d figured she’d be. Mere inches away, she rose up on her toes and planted a long, soft kiss in the hollow of his cheek. As she pulled away, her lips curled into a smile and a light, dusty color brushed over her cheeks. “Thank you, Ren.” She said with a gorgeous flip of the “r” in his name.

 

He was positive he was blushing a deep, fiery red all the way to his car. She usually wasn’t so...affectionate like that. She rarely hugged anyone other than Maria. It even took prompting at her birthday, and then she only gave one to everyone to be polite. She’d never moved like that. And it was impossible to get it out of his head.

 

She seemed better after his visit, at least...and he could only hope it helped her in some way. That’s all he ever wanted to do for her. Luckily for him, he didn’t have to wait that long to see that his words had created the potential for one of the greatest scenes he’d ever seen in a drama style broadcast. The very next morning, he swore he witnessed what may as well have been the greatest death scene in his life.

 

**Himeko stared at her bedroom ceiling. There was a stain on the that started in the corner and slid down her wall. There was a gash by her fan that was creating hairline cracks. One light was falling out of its socket. There was dust everywhere. But it was home. And it was the most comforting place she could think of.**

 

**Usually. But she’d spent so long just staring at it at this point that it was starting to depress her. She couldn’t understand what was happening or why. She’d spent so much of her life making moves on boys off limits to her just to see what faces she could make them make. For whatever reason, this was different.**

 

**She hadn’t meant to even interact with that** **_boy_ ** **. He was ignorant, naive, so unsure of himself, and even a copycat. He didn’t know how to be unique or show any individuality. He just did as he was asked and nothing more. Nothing more until he met that soccer player. Emi. And then he was different. And then he was desirable.**

 

**Only, she had never meant to fall in love with him. It wasn’t fair. She was more suited for him than a tanned, daddy’s girl ever could be, but he still chose** **_her_ ** **. He chose that rich, goody-two shoes over her. And suddenly nothing was right anymore. And she didn’t think it ever would be.**

 

**Her thoughts were interrupted when a sharp ringing ripped up her concentration. She slowly forced her head to move until she could see her landline on her nightstand lit up to signify an incoming call. Inwardly she cringed and heaved a heavy sigh. Not a muscle in her body moved to pick it up.**

 

**After the ringing died out, there was a short pause before the loud beep told her someone was about to leave a message. She groaned out loud this time, covering her eyes with her forearms.**

 

**“Hey...uh, Himeko...this is Toshiro.” She flinched violently at the sound of his voice and curled up on her bed, vibrating softly. “I know you probably don’t want to hear from me- I mean, I’m probably the last person you want to...uh, you know what? Nevermind. I just wanted to, you know, make sure you were okay. Haven’t seen you for a while. No one has. You don’t answer the door. Or your phone, for that matter.**

 

**“The girls are worried about you, and uh, well, I’m worried about you. We’re getting together this weekend for a concert and we’re meeting up at the club. You should, uh, come. We’ll act like nothing happened, if it makes you feel better. Or! We could talk it all out, it’s a five hour drive so there’s plenty of time.**

 

**“So, uh, yeah...I just wanted to let you know we’re-I’m, I’m thinking about you. I mean, I know that it’ll be weird after what happened, but I’m willing to look past it and so is Em, so if that’s what’s bothering you, it’s okay! I just, I don’t want you out of my life, you know? You’re super cool and you know what to say, you’re confident and strong and open minded and, well I’ve always admired you. Just because we can’t be, like, together and stuff...well...that’s okay, right? I mean, you’re surrounded by guys all the time, so it’s not like you’re short on action-**

 

**“Er...no, that didn’t come out right. I’m not trying to call you a slut or anything, I’m just- uh, nevermind. I’ll just stop there. This isn’t exactly going how I wanted. Just...know that you’re not alone, Himeko. And I know that stuff is bad right now, but I just want you to be happy, okay? I’ll see you around.” And then the message was over.**

 

**Himeko sat frozen on her bed, not even shaking anymore. Her blankets lay in a heap at the bottom of her bed. Her pillows were on the floor. She felt exposed and trapped at the same time. Suffocating. Drowning. On fire. Freezing. Dying. Her insides burned, but her heart felt frozen and heavy. Like a rock.**

 

**Without warning, the havoc in her chest cavity exploded. It poured out of her throat in a growling howl of pure rage and hatred. She picked up the phone from beside her and ripped it out of the wall. With all her might, she flung it across the room where it smashed into her standing mirror and shattered it into thousands of pieces, the phone itself imploding and all the individual circuit pieces fluttered to the ground smashed to bits.**

 

**With another furious screech, she tore her nails into her wall and ripped off all the posters, tearing them to shreds on her bed. She leaped off of her bed and picked up her lamp, shoving it into the wall and smashing it all the hell, not even caring as a piece of ceramic sliced the palm of her hand.**

 

**Whipping around, she snapped her head back and forth, looking for more to destroy. Her eyes fell on her dresser and she pressed her forearms to the edge, swiping them across the surface and pushing off dozens of bottles of perfume, nail polish, and hair products, endless tubes of lipgloss, eyeliner, and mascara. All of them clattered to the floor, some breaking apart and sinking into the carpet, others hitting with tremendous clatters.**

 

**She ripped the drawers out and whipped them to the floor, ruining and smashing them with her hair dryers and curling irons. Staring at the broken remains of her dresser drawers, she scanned the scattered, broken-wood-covered clothes underneath and was filled with images of everything she’d done in those outfits. Dancing, singing, talking,** **_being_ ** **with that** **_wretched_ ** **boy.**

 

**Her vision crossed and black drew at the corners, her fury heightening until she practically saw red. Pulling out the last drawer, she fished in it for the large knife she kept in the back. She sunk to her knees and started stabbing, ripping, tearing and pulling at the articles of clothing until they sat in a shredded pile, bloody from her still bleeding cut.**

 

**Flying back to her bed, she shoved the knife into her pillow, tearing out the feathers from inside and tossing them upwards, watching them float down, some tinted with red. She dragged the knife all the way through her mattress, tearing up the sheets and the covers until they were unrecognizable.**

 

**Her anger finally sated, she dropped the knife on the ruined bed and collapsed in the center of the chaos, surrounded by broken bottles, mirror shards, circuit boards, ceramic pieces, clothing shreds, and bloodied feathers. And she laughed. She laughed and laughed and didn’t stop even when her stomach hurt so much that she curled into a ball to make it stop.**

 

**She didn’t stop when she rolled across sharp mirror and cut her cheek. She didn’t stop when she rolled over a bottle piece which stuck into her thigh. She didn’t even stop when she slammed her head into the marred up leg of her bed. She only stopped when the tears started.**

 

**Heavy, wet, and laced with painful amounts of eye makeup. Before she knew it, they were all over. She wiped them away furiously until her cheeks burned and screamed, flaming red as scratched and rubbed the skin away. But they kept coming. Snot ran down her nose and into her mouth, mingling with the rotten, spoiled rusty taste of blood and tears. She coughed and sputtered, sniffled and gurgled, until she started laughing again and the world went dark for a few moments.**

 

**Coughing violently, Himeko’s senses gradually returned to her and she rose shakily to her feet, swaying, rocking back and forth until her eyes focused on her reflection in the dresser’s mirror. Her cheeks were black from makeup, pulsing, sore and red, and her skin was a sickly gray. Her lips were cracked and bleeding. In fact, she was covered in blood leaking from her cheek, legs, and hands.**

 

 **She lumbered toward her ugly image and sneered at it in abhorrence. This wasn’t who she was. She wasn’t this mess, this,** ** _this_** **_disgusting whore_** **. And she wasn’t going to stay like this for much longer. Raising a hand, she was about to smash this mirror too, but a thought occurred to her and suddenly she knew what her only option remaining was.**

 

**Stooping down, she picked up a tube of bright, candy red lipstick and uncapped it, tossing the cap aside. She scrawled a message out before whipping the stick somewhere in the room and digging around on the floor again until she came back up with an old tin. Opening it, she pulled out the only photo she had of the man she’d come to disdain. She ripped it in half and then taped one side on each side of her message before stepping back and admiring her work.**

 

**Satisfied, she shot downstairs where she knew it would be empty and grabbed her keys. Her mother hadn’t been home in weeks. She probably wasn’t coming back this time. Himeko didn’t care. She didn’t care this time. She threw herself into her car and started it up, ripping down the streets until she got to her destination.**

 

**Crawling out, she stumbled forward, having to grab onto the railing nearby for support. She was so dizzy. Her leg was numb. She couldn’t breathe correctly. Her ears rang. Her head felt fuzzy, but there were pangs of extreme pain. She couldn’t seem to put her feet in the right places and her stomach felt like it was about to jump out of her throat.**

 

**The only thing driving her was her determination at this point. And it drove her right to the ledge she’d been picturing for days. Himeko stood looking down at the rapid waves beneath her, the sound of traffic behind her foggy at best through her screaming ear drums. Everything looked so dark. So calming. So welcoming. And yet so terrifying.**

 

**All at once, she insides crashed down and she tettered, grabbing onto a support and clenching her eyes shut. Was she ready for this? She didn’t know. She panicked for a moment, her breathing increasing to unsafe rates, her chest rapidly expanding and collapsing before the oxygen could dissipate through her bloodstream. Her legs collapsed underneath her and she hit the ground hard, her head slamming into the pavement.**

 

**Dazed, battered, and confused, Himeko lifted her head and screamed. More tears forced their way out of her screwed shut eyelids, stinging as they streaked across her burned skin. She howled and clawed at her eyes, choking on her own spit and swollen tongue.**

 

**Forcing her way to her feet, she peered down at the raging river and swallowed hard. There was her salvation. All she had to do what let go. Plummet. It was so simple, so easy. But would it work? Would she sink?**

 

**She pressed her forehead to the cool stone of the bridge and the thrumming, pulsing beat in her ears died down. How did people do it in movies? They used stones to drag them down under...but where would she find stones? Did she need stones?**

 

**The answer came easy enough. No. Her heart was rock solid. Heavy, cold, and solid. Unmoving. Unshakable. It would drag her down for sure. She stepped up on the ledge and glanced at it once more. Unable to look at her fate as she jumped for it, she turned around and watched the streaking lights of traffic through her blurry vision.**

 

**The sound of the waves and rushing cars finally broke through the fluff in her ears and she settled, finding a part of her switch off just as quickly as it had switched on. This was finally it. After all that she’d gone through. After everything with her father, everything he did to her and her mother, everything her mother had subjected her to, everything she’d worked so hard to build only to watch it crumble underneath her. Everything she’d felt when she’d finally fallen in love for real only to watch that be ripped away and discarded like it was a joke.** **_She_ ** **was a joke. A cruel joke that ended here and now.**

 

**And then she let go. The wind rushed around her. The sky loomed above, a pleasant black dotted with speckles of white, wrapping around her like a warm blanket. Nothing made a sound. Nothing seemed to touch her. She was invincible for those few seconds. And she was finally at peace with herself. She closed her eyes and allowed her lips to pull up in a smile. And then everything was gone.**

 

**Her limp body crashed violently into the river and she shot straight to the bottom. Her skull slammed into a rock and it was all over. Lifeless and unmoving, her mass of tangled arms and legs drifted through the rapidly rolling waves where it was tossed this way and that. Finally, it caught on the leg of a bridge and sank down, resting on the riverbed.**

 

**The aftermath was just as horrible. A biker had seen the last moment before she fell and had immediately called the police. They arrived quickly, notifying anyone they could who seemed connected to her. Dozens of the community raced to the lakeshore nearby where they dredged her body out of the water. Her best friend identified the body as she sobbed heavily, wrapped in the arms of their other closest friends, all wailing as they watched forensics take their evidence systematically.**

 

**Teams were dispatched to her house. Others stayed at the bridge to take statements. The whole ordeal took hours. The medical examiner showed up to do a quick once over before her autopsy and he appeared rather puzzled.**

 

**“Is it a suicide, doc?” One black and white asked.**

 

**“Well, it would certainly appear so...and with the witness statements, it sounds right. It’s just...there appear to be some curious abrasions to her skin that wouldn’t be caused by anything in this river…”**

 

**“Like what?”**

 

**“Ceramic, glass maybe? And she appears to have a minor concussion from** **_before_ ** **the fall. Perhaps another alternation?”**

 

**“Are you saying she was murdered then?” A girl to the side wailed and buried her face into the arms of her boyfriend who was cooing softly, although his own cheeks were terribly wet.**

 

**“I don’t want to out rule it yet-” The examiner began before he was cut off.**

 

**“I think it’s pretty safe, at this point. My partner just informed me they’d finished their initial search of the house.” The head detective glanced over his glasses and tapped a pencil on his pad of paper thoughtfully. “Apparently, whole house was clean cept her bedroom. Looked like a tornado went through it. Probably did the whole thing herself. No sign of forced entry or nothin’. But the really damning thing would probably be the suicide note she left.”**

 

**Those were the first words that hit Toshiro’s ears as he finally reached the rest of his friends. “Suicide?” He echoed, his mouth dropping open he processed everything around him. “H-Himeko?” His voice was soft and disbelieving, but he watched as the blonde’s face was slowly covered by the familiar black body bag he’d seen on tv countless times.**

 

**“Yeah, kid. Left a note. You might wanna look at it. It’s only nine words. ‘You want me to be happy? Fine. Watch me.’ All written in lipstick on her mirror. And on each side…” He held up his phone with the picture, showing the glossy of Toshiro torn up and placed haphazardly next to the words. “Here’s lookin’ at you, kid.”**

 

**One of Himeko’s groupies turned around and slammed her fists into Toshiro’s chest, pounding roughly against him, drops of her tears splattering onto his face. “This is all your fault! It’s your fault! It’s your fault she died!!” Two people pulled her off of him, but she flailed and screamed at the top of her lungs, “Your fault! Your fault!”**

 

**Instantly, his girlfriend was in between them. “How in the hell was this Shiro’s fault? He didn’t kill her! She offed herself!”**

 

**“How dare you?!” Another girl yelled, gearing up to slap the soccer player. “You could never understand! Everything has been handed down to you! You have no idea what it was like for her! It was a miracle she got up every day!”**

 

**“Well, boohoo for her! Maybe it’s better she just went and gave up on trying then, she was a waste of air and space- she didn’t deserve to live anyway-”**

 

**“Emi!!” Toshiro said, whirling her around with a look of horror on his face.**

 

**“Oh, you know I’m right! You hated her as much as I did, she was manipulative and cruel, sadistic and polluting! You’re glad she’s dead!”**

 

**“No, I’m not!!” He screamed back, finally feeling the pinpricks of sharp needles behind his eyes. “I would give anything to have her here now, and you know that!!”**

 

**“Why can’t you just let her go!? She just liked watching you squirm! She never even liked you!!”**

 

**“You’re wrong!” Himeko’s best friend roared at the top of her lungs. “You think she did this because of her life!? She didn’t care about any of that, she barely cared about anything! The only thing she ever cared about was** **_him_ ** **!!” She hollered, pointing accusatorily at Toshiro. “She was in love with him, you stupid bitch!”**

 

**His mouth fell open and suddenly he felt sicker than he had in a long time. His stomach was eating itself and his lungs refused to inflate. He was going to throw up. She wasn’t using him. That kiss hadn’t been because she’d wanted to ruin his life. She’d just been expressing her feelings. And he ripped her apart for that. No wonder she hadn’t left the house or spoken a word. He was the cause of her death. He killed her. It was his fault.**

 

“And...cut!!” Tengen roared, watching as the studio sat in complete silence. The moment Ren broke character, he went into as close as he could get to a full out sprint without looking it as he raced for the natural redhead. He found her laying on her back on the mat that caught her, looking up at the ceiling.

 

“Sai?” He questioned gently, watching as she turned to look at him and her face lit up into the proudest smile.

 

“Ren…” Her voice purred as she pointed up to the bridge she’d fallen from earlier. “Look, I did it…”

 

“Yes…” He said softly, his eyes regarding her warmly. “You did, Sai, and it was positively  **brilliant** .” He’d never forget the look on her face when he’d said that. She looked so happy she could die, but buried under all that pride and joy was gratitude. Gratitude to his advice and encouragement, gratitude to his words, and gratitude to  **him** . It was the look of someone completely head over heels.


	53. Chapter 53

The lights overhead beat down on her face like pure sunlight. It didn’t even matter that it was artificial, because it was just how she liked it. There was never anything as perfect than laying under those stage lights and remembering she was finally a part of something. And it didn’t hurt that she was  **good** at it too.

 

The only time basking in the stage light was topped was when the actor was there to share it with her. Just as he was when he came to check on her before anything else when his scene had ended. The moment he was Ren Tsuruga again, she was the first thing on his mind. And it made her happier than she could ever believe.

 

His large hand enveloped hers completely as he pulled her up and she thanked him softly, almost under her breath and was rewarded with a beaming, radiant smile. Nothing ever beat that smile. It gave her more life than air itself. Something she always seem to have a short supply of around this man. Together, they rounded the stage to find all of their coworkers waiting rather impatiently.

 

Ren entered first and was welcomed by a wondrous cheer to which he scratched the back of his head sheepishly and waved before following out part of his makeup crew offstage to get changed for his next set of scenes.

 

The moment they spotted Sai, though, there was an eruption of incredibly loud noise - mostly praise. She blushed slightly as she situated herself to listen to each individual inquiry, as she always did. Before she could get too far into the question and answer session, though, she was interrupted a very startled looking assistant trying desperately to get her attention. 

 

“U-um, Akai?” Came his meek voice, as he waved a hand.

 

She recognized him, he often brought her coffee in the morning. Kimihiro. “Yes, Mr. Sora? Is something wrong?” She asked, looking slightly concerned as she saw his worried expression.

 

“I’m actually not sure…” Kimihiro adjusted his jacket and pulled out her cell phone she’d left in her dressing room. “Your makeup team asked me to give you this; they say it’s been ringing off the hook, nonstop all morning.”

 

Quickly, she pulled the phone from his hand and flipped it open, revealing over thirty missed calls and a few messages all from the same number. One she recognized. “I, uh, hope everything’s okay, Akai. I really hope nothing’s wrong, but if there is, you have my best wishes.” He sent her what he hoped was a comforting smile as he flipped on his headset again and resumed his job.

 

She began twirling the device through her fingers as she pondered what to do. Something was very wrong, she could feel it. He would never call her this much unless something was wrong. He just wasn’t like that. The more she thought about it, the more panicked she got and it was starting to show.

 

The actress sent a worried glance over to Tengen who simply nodded and shooed her off. “Go. Sort it out. Get back to me. That was an incredible performance, take a little time to cool off and deal with all of that.”

 

Sai melted with relief and nodded, “Thank you, Director, sir! I’ll be back as fast as I can,” she assured him with a quick bow.

 

“And don’t be afraid to take some time to figure out anything, Akai. You know I have your back right?” The director smiled at her and gestured to the cast she’d spent months getting to know. “We’re all here for you.”

 

She beamed and nodded happily, clutching her cell phone to her chest and scurrying off to her dressing room. Shutting herself inside, she immediately hit the redial key and held the phone to her ear. Her call was picked up within seconds, after only the first or second ring. 

 

“Asami, is that you? Thank god you called back…” Said a smooth tenor voice from the other end, clearly sounding like he’d been through hell and back. 

 

Most of the studio lost track of how long she’d been gone. They’d took down the entire bridge set and reconstructed the campus, all at near record speed, but it was still a long time for someone to be on the phone. The longer they waited, the tenser the air became. The longer she was gone, the higher the likelihood something was wrong became. The longer she was gone, the more afraid everyone was that she’d fallen apart.

 

Ren’s long legs carried him down the lengthy hallway back to the main studio, his manager at his side reviewing their next two events that day. He’d just finished his rather large costume change and was ready to shoot his second scene that day, already getting himself psyched up and in character. 

 

He pushed open the large doors at the end of the hall and stopped completely short. Something seemed ominously wrong. The air was thick and heavy, humid and dense. Like it had a physical presence. It was extremely unsettling and it rose the small hairs on the back of his neck like something was crawling there.

 

Upon seeing him, Tengen lit up and let loose a sigh of relief. “Oh, there you are! Finally! Thank god, now we can work on something!” He said happily as he started rattling off instructions into his microphone. Ren and Yashiro exchanged a look. As far as they knew, they were supposed to take a little over two hours to finish the costume change and Sai was supposed to shoot the last few bits of her final episode as a living character.

 

The schedule had been a solid block, never wasting a moment. But if that was so...why was there no one on stage? Why was no one set up? Where were all the actors?...Where was Sai? Why wasn’t she up there commanding all of the atmosphere- and what was with the tense atmosphere in the first place?

 

“Forgive me, sir, but didn’t you have a handful more to shoot of Ms. Akai?” He reverted back to her last name as he always did when in the presence of either’s employers. “I’m sure it was written that way on the schedule at least.”

 

“Well…” Tengen started, casting a long glance toward the doors at the opposite side of the room. “Yes, that’s true. We were supposed to finish filming for her today, but...it looks like something’s come up.”

 

“‘Something’s come up’? What are you talking about?” The actor asked, thoroughly confused at this point. “What happened while I was gone?” His mind started on that downward spiral, “Is she alright, nothing’s happened, has it-”

 

Tengen put his hands on the actor’s broad chest to stop him and he leveled his gaze to the younger actor’s, “You have to understand, son, I haven’t the faintest idea what’s happening, but it’s no help to her to just panic aimlessly out here. Whatever’s happening can’t be good, she’d be back by now if it was nothing big. But before you react to that, wait for her. If you’re already freaking out when she gets here, she wouldn’t feel like telling you would be her best bet.” 

 

Reluctantly, the actor nodded. Yes, that’s how Sai worked, for sure. Everyone else came before her and her emotions. She always seemed to put herself by the wayside if it meant that other people could be happier. She’d been that way with him and with anyone he’d ever seen her interact with. So if it was for her sake, he’d be calm while he waited patiently like everyone else.

 

“Where is she right now?” He finally cleared his throat and asked.

 

The lead artist who had been working on her earlier that morning piped up from sitting cross-legged on the floor playing cards with the other members of Himeko’s team. “She’s back in her dressing room, on her phone. Someone had been calling her nonstop and she ran right away to answer him when she finished shooting.”

 

“‘Him’? Who is she talking to? How do you know it’s a him?”

 

“Oh, his voice is so silky, you can hear it even from the other side of the door,” one of the younger artists squealed. “He’s obviously a guy.”

 

“And probably a pretty cute one too,” her dark haired friend added in.

 

“Regardless of his looks…” The lead sent her coworkers a warning glance, “He’s obviously pretty important to her. Really serious boyfriend, maybe even fiance or something like that.”

 

The man’s lips parted in shock and his eyes widened visibly, appearing totally taken aback by the comment. “I know!” One of the girl’s responded to his expression, “I was shocked too! I mean, I had my suspicions on Valentine’s Day when she made up that obvious fib with her best friend, she was totally going to meet a guy!”

 

“Hey, you don’t know that!” Another replied playfully, “She may have just had a good relationship with her friend! Lady’s night out! Celebrating being single!”

 

“Perhaps,” the lead said with a twinkle in her eye, “But regardless of Valentine’s Day, she sure bickers with that guy like they’ve known each other for a long time.”

 

“Yeah…” One replied dreamily, “Like long-term lovers...perfect for each other but divided because of some clash of society…”

 

“Stop thinking like a romance novel,” the dark haired one scoffed, “They probably just have problems like any normal couple.”

 

“I think this one is a pretty serious argument, though...sounds like they were fighting about him moving in, or something.”

 

Jealousy and anger seemed to be such a common part of Ren’s relationship with the redhead. But this time was different. This one crossed a line. This time there was no searing heat in his chest. His blood wasn’t boiling. He wasn’t on the verge of hyperventilating. No, this time he was just numb. 

 

She could lie about how she looked. She could lie about roles she played. She could even lie about her feeling to him, but this was too much. Hiding such a serious, committed relationship while stringing him along and making moves on him, spending so much intimate time with him and allowing his feelings to fester and grow while she just sat back and watched. Now that was worse than the betrayal he’d felt before. It was unforgivable. He couldn’t understand how she could do this to him. 

 

“Ren!” He could hear Tengen behind him and he turned around, his lips upturning in a forced, stretched out, radiant smile. He felt empty inside. Hollow. Not even cold, just void. But it didn’t matter when you were an actor. Pulling a smile was as easy as breathing.

 

“Coming, sir!” He called back, jogging toward the stage. Of course, the complete lack of his own presence in the scene made it that much easier for Toshiro to fully take over his body. And he was commended for it. But the praise didn’t reach his heart like it usually did. It didn’t make him feel warm inside. It didn’t bring a smile to his lips. He had to plaster one there like a rotting wound needing a makeshift bandage. 

 

The first thing to move him was the sound of the door clicking open as the natural redhead slipped through the opening. Her wig was a mess. She looked frazzled and dazed, frustrated and disappointed. Her features were twisted and actively moving. That alone proved that something was terribly wrong.

 

The sight of her seeming so forlorn about her lying and manipulating finally lit a spark in his chest cavity. It wasn’t intense like usual. Not fiery or bright, fueled by cruel comments and witty retorts. No, this was dark, venomous, furious. He was done with this shit. 

 

Spotting his tall frame immediately, the redhead seemed to brighten a little bit. He was always a beacon of light when nothing seemed to be going right around her. “Ah, Ren…” She said softly, offering him an exhausted smile. “It’s good to see you again, I never got to thank you after the scene ended.”

 

“No need.” He said tersely, nearly cutting off what the blonde was saying. The actor was showing absolutely no outward signs of anger. His face was totally unmoving and still, his voice stiff but not clipping. But she still knew. She always knew. She’d spent so long just watching people that even the slightest ticks gave them away.

 

She instantly recoiled, the safety she felt around him vanishing in the blink of an eye. Suddenly everything she’d been hoping to do seemed to fade from existence in the face of what was probably the most anger she’d ever see from the talented actor. It was directed right at her. Concentrated all on her. But  **_why_ ** **?!**

 

“R-Ren...uh…” Her nerves rattled her violently and she shook, her breath tripping and catching as she tried to force words out of her throat. “Would you mind...if we talked in private?” She couldn’t do this anymore. She didn’t want to talk to him when he was like this, especially in front of other people, but she couldn’t stand to wait. Everything hinged on his conversation.

 

His lips upturned and he scoffed, but his gaze wasn’t warm and soft like usual. This one cut like a razor blade, ripping her words up and spitting them back out. It was cold and radiated only the barest, rawest hints of fury. He raised his arms up and gestured to the studio widely, “If you want to talk, if you have anything you’d like to get off of your chest, anything you’d like to ask, go ahead and do it here.”

 

Sai cringed, already having expected his behavior from him. She wished she could curl up somewhere. Everyone’s eyes were on her. But their looks weren’t ones of awe, but ones of tense degrees and mixtures of fear and nervousness. 

 

Still, she did everything she could to calm herself. This had to go well. It was her only choice. Taking a deep breath and swallowing her fear, she started again, “I need a favor.”

 

“A favor? A ‘favor’ you say...now, forgive me if I’m wrong, Ms. Akai…” He began darkly, dropping the temperature several degrees and finally keying everyone in the room in that they were actually watching Ren Tsuruga act cruel toward a woman who had done seemingly nothing wrong. It was truly scary. “...But  **friends** do favors for one another. And what do friends do? Oh, yes, that’s right. They don’t keep secrets, they don’t lie to each other.”

 

The redhead froze up. Her eyes searching his whole form desperately for any hint about what he could be going on about. Clearly, something had happened while she was on the phone, something he’d figured out, but...but he couldn’t have learned she was...that she wasn’t who she said she was. No, there wasn’t any way to connect her. The only person who knew in the country was more sworn to secrecy than she was. It was impossible. Right?

 

“If you need a favor, Ms. Akai…” Now his voice was dangerously low. To the point where it made her hair stand on end and cold shivers shoot unpleasantly down her spine. “Why don’t you try asking a friend of yours.”

 

His words clamped down painfully on her heart and she took a step forward. How was she supposed to approach this? If he found out about Asami...what was she supposed to say? She was waiting for the right time, that’s all? That’s the oldest, lamest, dumbest excuse in the universe...except for how truthful it was.

 

“Y-you don’t understand, Ren-”

 

“Oh,  **I** don’t understand? Am I not seeing it from your point of view enough?”

 

“Yes, that’s exactly it! You have to know that something...like...this...well, it just doesn’t come up during dinner conversation or anything…”

 

“Oh, no? You don’t think so? Never thought to mention that during the multitudes of times either one of us spent time together? You had over  **two years** , Sai!! What kept you from telling me? What made you keep it to yourself all this time? Just tell me, please, something…”

 

“W-well...not to myself, I mean, Lory knew, but-”

 

“Wait, he  **knew** ? And he still let me...he…” Ren ground his teeth together and snapped his gaze to the floor. They’d both gone and betrayed him. That man had a thousand and a half opportunities to tell him pursuing the redhead was a bad idea because she was  **taken** , but oh, no, they both had to put up the big act to make it seem like his greatest desires had even the smallest chance of realization.

 

Sai watched the actor struggle to keep his emotions in check, as out of control as they already were. In all honestly, he’d lost her again...his thoughts didn’t seem to match up with hers, but she couldn’t think of any other explanation.

 

“Then tell me...tell me, Sai, how long has this been going on? Were you ever going to tell me?”

 

“‘Been going on’...?” Sai echoed, honestly at a loss. She supposed her real name had been “going on” since she was born, but that didn’t make any sense...why would he ask that?

 

“Don’t play dumb!” He yelled back at her confused expression, “You already started trying to justify yourself!”

 

“I think...we’re talking about different things…” The actress tried, her head beginning to throb violently as she tried to scrape together the remnants of this hopeless conversation.

 

“Oh, so now you’re admitting you’re keeping multiple things from me, hmm?” He growled, glowing openly at her. 

 

“Like you aren’t!” The redhead countered, finding guilty pleasure in watching him flinch at that. “And you’re forgetting, I need something from you, so please can we save this for later?”

 

“You need me for something? Is that how I work to you? Didn’t you hear me before, ask someone else-”

 

“There is no one else!” Sai insisted, “Just listen to me! If you don’t want to do it as a favor, then let me ask you professionally! You don’t have to be friends for a business transaction, do you?”

 

The actor seethed silently for a moment before parting his lips and hissing out, “No. I suppose you do not. What do you want?”

 

“Can we please go somewhere else to talk about it, Mr. Tsuruga?” She asked, switching into professional mode. “It’s really a rather personal-”

 

He scoffed again, turning slightly away from her in disgust, “If you’re asking me professionally, then there’s no need to go anywhere. Give me your business proposal or I walk away.” He threatened. And he meant it this time.

 

“T-that’s...true…” The talent admitted, clutching her shirt her her hands tightly to reduce the shaking in her limbs. This was a million times harder than she thought it would be. She did everything she could to gulp down the awkwardness and fear, the uncomfortableness and the embarrassment. She just needed to ask him. “I want to hire you to be my fiance for a week.”

 

The entire room stopped moving for a minute and most feeling left Ren’s body. Her words battered around and echoed off of the studio walls. Everyone had been forming their own notions about what was happening and if there was ever a curveball in the proceedings, that was it. 

 

What she was asking made no sense; most assumed she’d been on the phone with her fiance, but if that wasn’t him, then who was it? And why did she need Ren to play one? Why did she need one in the first place? Nothing fit together anymore and suddenly the situation seemed a million times more complicated.

 

Regaining control over his limbs, the actor moved back until he was facing the petite girl in front of him. He purposely kept himself from feeling anything in that moment. He needed more information and freaking out at that point was just going to make things worse. And he couldn’t be angry either, lest he drive her away anymore than he’d already managed to that morning.

 

“Can you...go over that one more time?” He finally asked her, his face completely blank and calculating.

 

“I...need you to pose as my fiance. Only for a week. I’ll even pay you if you want since I am hiring you-”

 

“Why on God’s green earth do you need me to do that?” He asked her, unconsciously favoring complete and utter confusion as the correct emotion to feel at that moment. “Are you asking me that because of that phone call? Who the hell was on the other end of that?”

 

The air shifted once more and Sai averted her eyes, bringing up a hand to clutch at her opposite arm. “Um…” She laughed once, although it was tinny and humorless. “Well, uh, it’s kind of a funny story…” Her lips fell and her posture seemed to slump down in defeat. “Actually...I guess it’s the opposite of funny...I’m sorry…”

 

Her strikingly colored irises shifted up to peer at him out of the corner of her eye. They weren’t blue this time. They were gray. And not a soft gray like clouds at dusk. These were thunderstorm clouds. Streaks of gray, black, and blue that screamed warnings of terror, flood, and fury. Her pupils were completely dilated, consuming a large part of the color and blackening them, further darkened by the shade of her thick lashes that were slowly gathering tear drops as she blinked, warning of rain before the terrible storm.

 

Her voice came out soft, even scared, but this time the fear wasn’t directed at him. It was caused by something else. Something that terrified her more than he ever had. “My brother. It’s...my brother. Shota. He’s...coming. He’s coming here, to Japan, in about a month…”

 

His chest immediately felt like it was collapsing. He’d had it all wrong. She’d never been dating anyone. She hadn’t lied and hidden all that for so long. And he’d treated her like shit when she’d been standing there suffering from her own set of problems.

 

He’d never felt such crushing, gnawing guilt before and it already felt like it was eating him from the inside out. He’d have to pay her back big for jumping to conclusions based on rumors he hadn’t had the chance to verify. Just like he had when she’d first joined the agency. He was no different than he was back then, judging everything at face value and not going any further to understand her. He’d never be worthy of her. 

 

He took a step closer and could have cried when he saw her flinch and look up at him fearfully. Choosing not to react to that, he accepted his actions and started trying to remedy rather than dwell on them. He put a warm hand on her shoulder and met her eyes. Everything was okay. It was all going to be all right. 

 

And suddenly, her safe haven was back. Sai looked once more at the man she’d come to love and watched his eyes melt completely, surrounding her with the warmth and tender affection they always did. This was her Ren, right here. A perfect mix of his chosen persona and Kuon, his birth personality. He was both. And he was the most mixed when he was just focused on her and it was the part of him she loved more than anything else.

 

“You still didn’t tell me why you’d want me to play your...fiance.” It was incredibly difficult to even say the word. He was still looking at logistics rather than factoring in his emotions. That was a beast to handle completely on his own time. He could panic later, he could collapse later, he could break down later. Because he was accepting her offer, no matter what for.

 

“He...wants to take me back to America with him…” The redhead whispered, staring pointedly at her sneakers. The words were soft and meek, terribly out of character for her. 

 

So taken by surprise by such a concept, the actor couldn’t even forge any sort of reply. If her brother took her back, he might never see her again. And life without her would never be the same, it would never be good again. It wouldn’t be worth it. 

 

At his silence, the actress took it as an opportunity to explain herself a little more and she cleared her throat, “I tried every trick in the book to fool him into thinking I was busy all the time, but nothing worked. Nothing work or career oriented, nothing to do with the people I’d met or even my legal guardian. He was relentless.

 

“On a whim, without any prompting or thought to it...I claimed I had a fiance. It worked too...he let me off the hook since I was getting tied down. But there was a catch. He has to meet my ‘fiance’ and approve of him, or he’ll take me anyway.”

 

“Why...didn’t you just tell him...no?” Ren asked, not really understanding why she was going to such lengths with her brother when he clearly didn’t want to have anything to do with her or her life.

 

“I know it might not make sense, Ren…” Her voice was oddly cold and sharp, echoing over the walls and set pieces. It was eerie and off putting, like someone else entirely was speaking. “Telling him no just isn’t an option. We’re both broken people and we function the only way we can.”

 

Deciding not to pry any further into what were still obvious wounds, he simply clenched his fists together to clamp down his emotions. “So why do you want  **my** help? There’s no one that knows you better or can help you pass as a fiancee?”

 

“Of course not, I wouldn’t trust anyone else with this. It’s a huge responsibility and I really need you to consider how tough this is going to be. I need someone I can put my life at stake for, someone I’d be willing to give up anything for, and all vice versa. 

 

Ren focused his gaze on her for a long time until he came to the inevitable conclusion. Her entire fate and future depended on his ability to look like her fiance. If he refused, she’d have to leave...and he couldn’t imagine an afternoon without her. A life without her. The words slipped from his lips before he could stop them. Not that he really wanted to.

 

“I’ll do it then, I promise.” He said as genuinely as he could. He just wanted her to be happy. But judging by her expression, the thought of going so far away from the people she loved the most made her more miserable than he’d ever seen her. And he’d make her happy if it was the last thing he’d ever do. 


	54. Chapter 54

Looking at his watch, Ren realized he was just about late for his meeting with the Love Me department’s first member, and while he obviously considered this helping a friend, she still labeled it as a job due to his jealous reaction when she’d needed his help. He was still beating himself up about that one.

 

Ramping his pace up to a light jog, he used his long legs to quickly span the Love Me hallway and soon approached her door, knocking lightly. He heard a call from within and opened the door, revealing the redhead sitting in her horrifyingly pink jumpsuit, reading from a magazine.

 

“I didn’t realize you still wore that,” he said, surprised to see it after so long.

 

She smiled up at him playfully, “Good evening to you too,” she said with a teasing glint in her eyes, “And yes, I wear it to Love Me assignments still. You just happen to see me more when I’m being a wanna-be talento actress.”

 

He watched her carefully and realized she was serious, “You’re no wanna-be,” he said sincerely, “Even if you haven’t technically debuted in the industry, no professional would have the gall to call you a mere talent at this stage. You’re a flesh and blood actress now.”

 

She met his gaze evenly, “That’s a pretty big statement coming from you,” she said, impressed with his honesty and forwardness.

 

“I respect you as an actress. You have immeasurable talent. It’s really quite scary.” His voice rang throughout the room, and she cracked an even wider smile,

 

“If that was a compliment, then thank you, Ren.” She said, stressing out the single syllable of his name, sending shivers down his spine. He still wasn’t used to the familiarity, and it always gave him a rush to hear it.

 

“It most definitely was.” He confirmed, smiling at her and taking a seat. Instantly, the atmosphere shifted as both actors went into a more professional mode. “Now, would you like to discuss the terms of this job, Ms. Akai?”

 

She paused a moment before rubbing a hand to her temple, “It’s weird to switch back and forth, don’t you think? Just call me Sai, please.” She said, surprising him.

 

He was about to open his mouth to argue back and she said, “We’re in my personal dressing room. There’s no one here to judge or make decisions about us. No work colleagues or media. Just us. So call me Sai.”

 

Never in a million years would he have expected her to be telling him to drop formalities, in fact, he’d been prepared to continually remind her of their casual address, so to find him the one in need of a reminder was foreign indeed.

 

Watching him, Sai eventually managed to say, “I like it when you call me Sai. It fits better, sounds nicer.” She said, her voice soft and tone nervous, unsure of whether that was a good card to play or not.

 

Going by terms of making him comply, it was a wonderful card, as he immediately dropped all formalities in his speech, taking joy in that he could make her happy by doing something he’d always wanted to do. If she’d wanted to keep him at a distance, though, to avoid temptation, it was an incredibly large mistake. She’d just ripped down a strong barrier that had kept their relationship as distant as it was. And there was no going back now.

 

“Then, Sai,” he said, the name rolling off of his tongue and making the actress’s stomach flip in nervousness and her breath hitch indiscernibly. “How do you think this should work?”

 

She cleared her throat, “Well I think the hardest part will be adjusting to each other’s schedules, knowing each other’s habits and routines. So, we should probably practice until he gets here.”

 

“You mean...start the job a week or so early so we’re used to it by the time we’re actually required to do the job?” He said, wincing as he forced himself to use professional words, knowing she preferred it that way.

 

“Mm…” she hummed softly, “Yes, something like that. I feel like we’d be pretty awkward if we weren’t aware of those things yet.”

 

“It would be unnatural,” Ren agreed, as he always did when it came to realism with Sai and her reasonings.

 

“We’ll discuss payment or compensation later then, okay? I want to focus on the actual acting. I really can’t afford to let this go badly. I don’t want to leave this place.” She said, her voice strangely quiet, “I don’t want to leave you.” She added, not looking directly at him.

 

“That’s fine. We’ll do a wonderful job.” He knew he wouldn’t ask anything of her. He’d find a way to get her to see that, and understand that just the time he gets to spend with her is worth the world to him.

 

She didn’t say anything after that, and he wasn’t sure if she believed him or not. Her eyes seemed to drift somewhere else as she calculated things Ren could never understand in a million years. When the silence stretched into uncomfortable, the actor thought it best to detour the conversation and focus on the role again,

 

“So...if we are indeed engaged,” Ren began, attracting the redhead’s icy stare, “Are we living together?”

 

Sai looked into the deep, endless brown orbs that were gazing so intently at her and bit her lip, feeling her heart rate increase. She swallowed and shrugged, trying to seem casual, “I suppose that would make sense.” She said, but didn’t elaborate from there.

 

Ren’s breath had hitched when she’d bit her lip, as he watched her full lower lip pull out. He covered it up with a nod at her statement and tried to prompt her, “Where would we stay then?”

 

She looked at him curiously, “I would prefer to stay at my apartment. My kitchen, my bed and all.” She meant it casually enough, but the dark haired man sitting across from her instantly pictured her lying on her bed and his chest tightened as he held back the desire that coursed through him, and he tried to focus on her words, “-would probably disapprove. You know, because of the entryway. He’d probably use it as another excuse to move, even if I explained why it’s like that to him.”

 

As far as Ren could understand, she had just dismissed her own idea of staying at her apartment, in case Shota disapproved. Something occurred to him, though, and he spoke with as natural of a voice as he could muster, “You’ve never explained that to me, Sai. Why  **is** your entryway like that?”

 

She blinked slowly at him and her dark lashes fell across her searing eyes, “It was Lory’s idea. He thought it would keep me safe from media, so it’s mainly for protective reasons. I, of course, took it as a challenge, though, which is why it’s so detailed even inside the doors.”

 

A smile finally appeared on Ren’s lips as he imagined her even a few years prior designing the foyer, still as fiery and driven as she is now. “Ah, that makes more sense.” He told her, his eyes twinkling, “But you are right, it might not be the most appropriate way to greet him. My apartment then?” He asked her, trying to match how casual she was being.

 

With a gentle nod, she relented, “I suppose it’ll have to do. Although we’ll need food, which I’m sure you don’t have much of.” 

 

A short, breathy laugh escaped Ren’s lips and he held his hands up, “Woah, no need for that attitude. I’m okay with going to the store. What did you have in mind to make?”

 

She raised an eyebrow at him, and then broke into a devious grin, “Oh, no, not me. You. You’re going to be cooking this week. We’ll cook together.”

 

“What?” The actor asked her, his eyes widening, “I can’t cook for a whole week! It took me two months to prepare one meal!”

 

The redhead’s lips parted as she broke into a gorgeous laughter, waving her hands, “You’re so agitated about this! Don’t worry so much!” Sai managed between giggles, “You were alone last time, now you have me.” She met his eyes with a warmth to her own that he wasn’t expecting, “I’ll guide you. Trust me.”

 

An image of Sai’s hand wrapped around his, guiding him how to stir or combine certain ingredients entered Ren’s mind and he could actually feel her skin pressing against the back of his hand and her warmth radiating at his side as she stood behind him. Suddenly it didn’t seem so scary to play chef for a week. His heart rate picked up speed and he looked at her uncertainly, but with a determination that wasn’t there before, “Okay…” he started, “I’ll do it.”

 

She smiled at him beautifully, and if Ren didn’t know better, almost tenderly. But he was starting to have his own doubts, as much as he tried to keep them at bay. “Wonderful. Let’s make a meal plan then, all your choices. And then you’ll get all the ingredients and the recipes. Okay?”

 

Ren swallowed both his fear and discomfort at cooking and food itself and scooted closer to her, nodding as she got out a laptop and a pad of paper, handing it off to him

 

Slowly, they worked through a meal plan and Sai approved it, watching careful what he picked and asking for reasons occasionally, being rewarded with tales of his childhood or the first few years he spent trying to forage for food on his own.

 

Together, they researched recipes and Ren learned which ones to pick out from the vast amounts due to Sai’s incredibly detailed and accurate advice. She knew how to navigate nearly every site she took him to and he watched in fascination. After a while, they had a well spaced and meticulously organized list of foods. Closing the laptop, she walked the actor through her go-to brands for some of the products on the list, due to their price and quality. She handed the list to him and he admired the lengths she’d gone to for him. She really was too much. 

 

They immediately headed out for the grocery store, and she stepped back as he picked everything out himself. At first, he was hesitant at best, not really sure about what to do or if he was correct. He often glanced over for any sign of approval and often found her face blank or simply amused. Eventually, he got the hang of it and took her pointers when she offered them, filling the cart and heading toward the checkout. She beamed at him happily as he finished, pleased with his progress.

 

Once they’d loaded up Ren’s Porsche, Sai requested they make a quick trip to her apartment and he realized she was supposed to be staying with him and hadn’t brought anything. He suddenly felt bad about not realizing this sooner. 

 

He waited for a moment in his car as she ran in to get everything she’d need. He left his cheeks to cool down while she was inside, tapping on his steering wheel to calm himself down. Sai clearly rushed, though, as she reappeared much faster than he’d thought she would, carrying two duffels and dragging a suitcase.

 

“You really need that much?” He asked her and she looked at him with exaggerated, mock hurt, and told him, 

 

“Excuse you, I’m a woman. I need everything I have with me and nothing more, nothing less.”

 

He laughed openly, watching her insulted expression melt off her face, “What does being a woman have to do with this?”

 

“Well...don’t they get flack for carrying around a lot of clothes?” She asked, her eyes glimmering in mischief.

 

“What, you don’t know that for sure?” He asked, unable to believe her train of thought as the laughter bubbled out of his throat continuously.

 

She joined him merrily and shrugged, “I dunno!” She said casually, enjoying the free speech between the two of them, “I’m not sure, I’m not used people poking fun at my dressing habits, that’s all.”

 

Dropping it for then, Ren pulled away from her apartment and watched her face out of the corner of his eye, as it relaxed comfortably and although it was blank, it didn’t seem entirely expressionless. More...at peace, than anything else. It was nice.

 

They pulled up at his apartment and unloaded her luggage and his groceries, teasing each other about this and that, and generally enjoying their usual witty banter. Once their things were put away, Ren began a simple meal while Sai watched from afar, highly amused. He failed at even the most basic of cooking skills, until the point where she was all out laughing and clutching at her stomach, while he stood flustered and blushing at his stove.

 

“Help me, please.” He asked her, watching her with a pathetic expression, and she smiled at him and stood closer, taking the spoon from his hand and walking him through the different motions, their shoulders rubbing against each other. It took all of Ren’s willpower to focus on her words rather than the warmth slowly spreading through him from her proximity. Sai herself was also throwing herself into the instructions she gave in an attempt to distract from the racing of her heart and tension in her chest from the feel of his shirt rubbing against her arm. 

 

Both were trying desperately to calm their racing pulses, both holding their breath in order to keep it at a normal pace, and though the touch of the other drove them both mad, neither made any effort to move away. Despite how desperately Ren tried to hide his quickly surfacing feelings for her, Sai found them blatantly obvious and it just made her heart race even faster at how unbelievably cute it was. God, she couldn’t otherwise picture calling him cute. It so went against his usual image.

 

She knew now, without a doubt, that no matter what she did, no matter how she ignored it or let time pass, he would never get over her by himself. In fact, the longer she ignored it, the more his feelings seemed to grow, even in her absence. Suddenly overwhelmed, Sai excused herself from the room for a moment and darted around the corner. 

 

Leaning her head back against the wall, she let out the breath she’d been holding and closed her eyes. Thinking about him, she couldn’t help the warmth that spread through her and she knew in that moment that no action she took or didn’t take would affect their steadily growing relationship one way or another. If anything, the closer they grew in their ignorance, the more likely he was...to...trust her, to not hate her when she eventually told him everything.

 

She froze, thinking about what she’d just said to herself. When she told him. Not if. When. Even unconsciously, she fully intended to be open and honest with him one day. Realizing this, she instantly felt the dread and tension in her chest melt. She wouldn’t hold herself back any longer. She didn’t have to. One day...she’d be ready to accept both himself and herself fully. And until then, she wouldn’t stop being herself around him. 

 

Her thoughts were immediately interrupted by a large crash from inside the kitchen and a sharp yelp of pain. Without even thinking, she turned and ran in, in a complete and utter panic. Her eyes instantly fell on Ren leaning against the far wall of the kitchen, clutching his wrist and holding his palm which had a scarily bright red streak on it. She quickly deduced he left the spatula too close to the flame and the metal heated, burning him when he picked it up. 

 

She crouched by his side, holding her hands out towards him hesitantly, panting in extreme concern and calling out, “Ren? Are you okay?” When she didn’t hear anything, her worry heightened and she called out, “Ren?...Ren?”

 

Leaning forward, she gazed at his face and was further shocked to see his expression of utter terror. He stared at nothing and simply was frozen and unmoving, his eyes wider than she’d ever seen him. She grasped at his shoulders and tried to make him respond to something, anything, knowing she needed to start treatment on his hand immediately, but now even more concerned at his mental state.

 

Ren himself was lost in that moment in his worst memories. He was trapped reliving the last few moments before Rick’s death. A gang member had cruelly burned his hand during their fight, and though Kuon often fought dirty, he never did anything that violent or used any weapons. He vividly remembered the fury that had risen in his chest and the uncontrollable urge to hurt, to maim...to kill.

 

The feeling completely trapped him, forcing his actions and his hands, until he was viciously ripped away by familiar hands, a familiar voice, and turned to see a familiar face. Fighting against his best friend, he savagely ripped his arms away and chased after the gang member who’d used the distraction as a means of quick escape. 

 

Running right into the road, Kuon hadn’t even noticed the oncoming car, his vision tunneled only on the retreating, bloody form he was intent on destroying. It wasn’t until the sound of the car horn followed by the unmistakeable, devastating, sickening sound of something being hit. 

 

Kuon immediately froze, his ears ringing and his hands shaking. He turned slowly to see the crumpled, bloody, broken form of Rick, who’d run out into the road after him. The red liquid pooled beneath him and quickly spread down the slightly inclined street. 

 

Without warning, the form of Rick’s fiancee burst from the alleyway where they’d both run from. She appeared disheveled and was panting. When she saw Rick, though, she completely stopped moving and a strangled scream of horror escaped her lips. She stumbled towards his dying, twisted body and collapsed next to it, screaming murderously at Kuon words he couldn’t process. 

 

Eventually, a single word got through to him. “Murderer.” Kuon took a step towards the pair and then could feel the blood that was quickly pooling around his feet froze his leg in place. He looked down in a daze, seeing the red color turn into frozen ice, solidifying him in place and sending a deathly chill through his body. It quickly spread over his legs and torso, climbing his chest and running down his arms, soothing his still aching hand that was bleeding itself from the severe burn.

 

Just as he was succumbing to accusations of the mourning woman before him, resigning himself as the murderer Tina identified him as, he felt the iciness begin to cover his face. He shut his eyes, allowing it to invade him, believing that if he died in place of Rick, everything would fix itself. Right at the last moment, as the darkness consumed him and even the pinpricks of pain from his hand dulled in the numbness, a warmth touched his temple.

 

One of the very last places to freeze over, the brief surge of heat soon spread across his forehead until he forced his eyes open. With a shock, he realized he wasn’t standing in the middle of the street in America, wanting to die at the sight of Rick, he was in his kitchen in Japan. As his eyes regained focus, feeling started to return to his body, and the frozen blood that had been encapsulating his body melted away, rushing off of him as he was released from the nightmare’s hold. 

 

With slight hesitation, he realized that the warmth radiating from his temple came from a source of heat next to him. A person. Sai. He remembered vaguely she’d been there and was now holding his shoulders and had her lips pressed to his forehead, her fingers tangled in his hair as she cradled and stroked his head and cheeks. He made a grunting noise, half in surprise, half in gratitude and she jerked away from him so she could meet his eyes. Seeing the life back in them, she audibly released the breath she’d been holding in relief.

 

Ren realized that there were large, glistening tears in her watery eyes and her lip trembled when she looked at him. Without warning, she dropped her head into his shoulder and sunk down slightly, “Damn it, Ren...you scared me.” She said, her voice positively vibrating as she forced the words out of her tight throat. 

 

Not even waiting for his reply, she pulled him away from the wall and to the sink, flipping on the cold water and sticking his hand underneath. When the feeling finally returned to his hands, Ren was suddenly aware of the searing, stinging pain that now was being battered and cooled only slightly by the pouring water she held it under. He cried out in pain and flinched violently, earning a smack on the side of his arm from Sai, 

 

“Don’t move,” she said simply, keeping his palm firmly under the stream of water, “We need to keep it under water or it will get worse.” She informed with a cold, neutral voice.

 

He nearly whimpered at the feeling of it, digging his fingers into the kitchen counter to keep himself from crying out again. Seeing this, Sai gingerly removed it from the water and looked at the wound, sucking in a breath and sticking it back under the flow, “It’s pretty bad,” she told him, biting her lip, “I think I’ll need to go get something for it, or you’ll be in a lot of pain.”

 

Ren was suddenly reminded of how close he’d come to losing to his dark personality, to falling into the void of darkness he’d so narrowly escaped before and was overwhelmed with a feeling of intense fear, “You can’t go!” He told her, grabbing onto her forearm and startling her, “I mean, that is…” he fumbled, knowing he’d just scared her, “I...I’m sorry, I just…” He covered his face and tried to keep talking, “I don’t want you to go,” he finally said, his words shaky and afraid, pathetic and weak. “Don’t leave, please.”

 

Sai immediately sensed his true panic and knew that he was genuinely scared at that moment. She knew it had something to do with his reaction to burning his hand earlier and he must have been frightened that would happen again. She stopped moving for just a moment and looked at him in worry, before glancing again at his hand. It was too gross of an injury to leave be and he needed immediate treatment.

 

Looking into his eyes, her pale ones bright with serious determination, “Ren,” she said, his name slipping naturally off her tongue, “Listen to me.”

 

He swallowed, already having an idea of what she was about to say, “Everything’s okay,” she promised, raising a hand to his cheek, “I promise you. You’re okay. Look at me,” he did, and found her looking at him with true worry and concern, but an underlying seriousness not usually present, “I’m just going down the street, and I’ll be back before you know it. You need this. Do you trust me?”

 

Ren searched her face for any hint of emotion, any trace of deception or anger, and found none. “Yes. Absolutely.”

 

“Then wait here for me. I’ll be back before you know it. Can you do that?” Ever so slightly, his head dipped down and he nodded, watching her face soften and she rose onto her toes, pressing her lips to his cheeks this time.

 

His grip on her slackened and her arm slipped from his grasp, “Keep your hand under the water, okay? I’ll be right back,” she told him, backing away and waiting until he nodded to break eye contact.

 

She rushed into the elevator, her cheeks red with both embarrassment and fretting worry over him, and she leaned her head back against the cool metal, trying to get a grip again. When the elevator hit ground floor, she shot out and raced to the store, knowing she needed to go fast.

 

The moment the redhead was out the door, Ren collapsed on the counter, still with his hand under the pouring water, but pressing his head onto the faucet, his forearms resting on the edge of the surface. He lifted his uninjured hand to his temple and felt where her lips had rested, trying to fight off the rising panic in his chest with the memory of her lips pressed to his forehead. It had been the most intimate gesture she’d ever made toward him and he could hardly believe that it happened. He’d have to ask her what she’d been thinking when she did that.

 

Sai came back within minutes, just as she promised, and they worked together to fix up his hand, Ren wincing and Sai chastising all the while. Once he was feeling moderately better, Sai resumed their forgotten meal, and soon it was on the table. Whenever the dark haired man would fuss with the bandages on his hand or try to apologize for making her go out of her way, he’d receive a slap, a glare, or both, accompanied by a pointed look at his food, or even an actual order to just eat already.

 

Once they finished their meal, Sai placed a call in to Yashiro and informed him of the injury, making comments about how Ren always managed to get hurt in her presence. Yashiro then took the liberty to mention all the other times the actor managed to get into trouble and they jokingly concluded that he was actually rather clumsy. 

 

After a short conversation, the manager promised to let those who needed Ren that week know about the development and act accordingly. Sai thanked him for everything and Yashiro returned the gesture, happy to know Ren was being taken care of.

 

She then put the man to bed, knowing the longer he stayed up, the worse his hand would get to him and he should just sleep as soon as possible and they’d figure out a plan of action the next morning. Reluctantly, he agreed and retired early. She wished him a good night’s rest and promised to be there the next morning if he needed her. 

 

Going to sleep rather quickly, the events of the day ran through the actor’s head hectically. He could hardly believe that his relationship with the redhead had taken a turn like this. He hadn’t expected her to do something like that to pull him out of his flashback. 

 

He could still feel the warmth of her lips pressed to his temple, her slender fingers running across his skin and through his hair, even though it had been several hours since then. It was a strange feeling, a phantom pressure that was otherwise unexplainable. He didn’t particularly mind it, though. There was a strange sense of comfort associated with anything related to that woman. 

 

Picturing her just outside, Ren briefly thought about going out and seeing her, knowing she’d be curled up with her planner or a book or something, but eventually thought better of it. Not only did he not trust himself around her, but he also respected her enough to know that her wish at that moment was that he relax and sleep, not worry about the steadily increasing pain in his hand.

 

Closing his eyes, he fully resigned himself to sleep, allowing it to wash over him much like the way relief and happiness washed over him whenever he was in her presence. It was easier to slip into unconsciousness than he’d thought it would be, as he was comforted by the thoughts of her resting just a few steps away, and images of her comforted him more than he had ever experienced before.


	55. Chapter 55

As she entered through the door of the now familiar space, Sai let out an exhausted exhale and tossed her tote in the alcove next to the door. Ren watched her navigate throughout the space as if she’d done it for years, draping her coat over the couch and plopping down on the lounger. 

 

“Tired?” He asked her casually, a smile flitting across his lips. She scoffed loudly and stretched out, arching her back and twisting until he heard the distinct noise of her spine crack. He winced at this, raising his eyebrows as she looked at him apologetically.

 

“Sorry, yeah, it makes me feel better.” She gave him a sheepish smile and sat back, content curling into the chair and watching him.

 

Ren leaned over the couch next to her coat and felt it brush against his arm, still warm. Watching her carefully, he noticed the tired lines by her eyes that made her look much older, more mature. They hadn’t been there when they’d first met. He liked them. The thought made his lips upturn into a smile and Sai’s heart skipped a beat. She pressed her lips together and leaned her head into the chair, closing her eyes to cut off the sight of his gorgeous expression. 

 

Admiring her for a moment, Ren loved how her face relaxed with her eyes closed, and the only sign she was still awake was the quickened rise and fall of her chest and shoulders as she breathed. Seeing how tired she was, he silently removed himself from the couch and patted into the kitchen, putting a pot of water on the stove to start dinner.

 

Opening her eyes to find Ren gone, Sai blinked slowly and strained to hear where he was in the house. The faint noise of the burner turning on in the kitchen made her face light up in a smile and she pulled herself up and out of the lounger. She walked carefully into the bathroom and took out all the supplies she’d need to tend to Ren’s hand. Joining him then as he watched the stove, her smile widened and she said,

 

“A watched pot never boils,” with a teasing voice.

 

He looked up at her in surprise and raised an eyebrow, “Really?” He asked her, disbelieving as she moved towards him.

 

She laughed at this and shook her head, “It’s a saying, Ren.” The sound of her voice and the smooth, soft way she said his name sent a shiver down his spine, as it always did. He was reminded of Madam then, and how they met, a smile touching his own lips.

 

“Ah,” he said, his eyes twinkling with nostalgia, “I should have known that,” he echoed his earlier sentiment.

 

She laughed at this and gestured for him to come to the table, setting down the supplies she carried. Humming in content, Ren allowed her to tend to his hand and she looked at him with a pleased expression, “This is healing nicely!” She said, beaming at him softly, “I don’t think you even need gauze anymore.”

 

His heart soared at this, as the scratchy bandages irritated his skin and she often had to replace them when he tore them off in frustration. She placed a simple fabric band aid over the reddened skin and pressed down on it as gently as she could, her soft fingers glancing across his skin and sending further shivers throughout his body. 

 

After she finished, he resumed the meal, more confident and careful this time, and refused to let her say or do anything to help. She watched in amusement, but occasionally commented on how well he was doing and complimented his rapid ability to improve. He chose not to tell her how many videos he’d watched of this when they’d parted for bed.

 

Once it was finished, she exclaimed in happiness at his progress and made him blush as he served it and she chatted away happily. They ate the meal in a comfortable silence, each content enough, needing no words to enjoy that moment in its entirety. Just as Ren was finishing, though, he glanced at his healing hand and remembered the moment it had happened, picturing the way she’d looked at him with watery, worried eyes, and the warmth of her lips as she pressed them to his temple. Setting his fork and knife down, he raised his eyes to meet her searingly pale ones as they gazed at him in curiosity. 

 

Sai looked at the man before her as several emotions crossed over his face. In an instant, she knew what he was going to ask, before he’d knowingly given any indication of his looming question. In a moment’s time, she was sure that she couldn’t let him ask what he wanted to know, fearing that she would answer too honestly and ruin her chance to gain his full trust before she opened herself up to him. She would be the one to tell him, and she’d do it on her own terms. Not yet. Not yet.

 

Knowing she had precious seconds before he found the right words, her mind raced wildly as she tried to come up with something, anything to ask him, to throw him off. She had to speak before he did. And it had to be something good, a truly unprecedented question that would throw him off his current train of thought entirely.

 

“So,” she asked him, starting her sentence like she had on the first few occasions they spoke, “Are we sharing a bed tonight?” She asked him, her expression neutral.

 

Ren froze entirely and his words caught in his throat, his mouth falling open and his heart and breathing stopping. He looked up at her in true panic and was about to lapse into hysteria when she started laughing, “I was kidding! I was kidding, calm down!” She motioned for him to calm down and he eventually sucked in air again, his lungs and heart resuming motions, albeit much faster than normal.

 

She watched him playfully and eventually spoke when he said nothing, “I do think we should think about it for when Shota is here, though.” Ren looked up at her again with slight fear lacing his eyes, completely forgetting his previous line of question, and he just listened with bated breath as she continued on, despite knowing this was tough on the both of them. “I think it would be unnatural for us to share a home but not a bed.”

 

Sai watched as his throat constricted and he choked in a breath before giving her a forced nod.  _ God, he’s bad at hiding this...but for some reason, it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen... _ she pressed her lips together as she watched him struggle, now much more comfortable with the adjective, finding it perfectly suitable. “We’ll sleep separately for now. But keep it in mind. If you don’t hate me so much, perhaps you can stand it as an actor.”

 

Ren’s head jerked up as he met her eyes, her low blow settling on his ears. He so desperately wanted to tell her that it wasn’t because he disliked her, much less hated her, that he didn’t want to sleep in the same bed, but because he liked her  **too** much. Far too much. He loved her. And sleeping in the same bed might wear away precious self control.

 

He fought the rising confession in his throat and gave her another nod along with a pointed glare. It wasn’t good, but it seemed to convince her. After all, she wouldn’t pick up on all his mistakes when it came to his feelings. She’d never see him in the same way, so the signals he inadvertently sent never even reached her. Knowing this was both a comfort and a torture.

 

Seeing she’d managed to avoid one disaster and step right into another, Sai rubbed at her temple in frustration, feeling the hints of an oncoming migraine behind the skin. In an attempt to distract herself from the pain, she picked up their dishes and glanced at him with a playful smirk, and though Ren was currently warring with his own mind, he noticed and couldn’t stop his own lips from lifting up. He followed her to the sink and took over washing the dishes as she dried and put them away.

 

Clean up went fast and they retreated to his living room, her back in the lounger with closed eyes, and him laying on his couch and distantly watching the tv. There was no hostility between them now, but there certainly was an unspoken, awkward distance. She didn’t bring up his professionalism unless she wanted him to stop his protests, and he didn’t protest unless it came to his romantic tendencies toward her. After the inevitable cause and effect of those actions, though, the lingering blow always separated them slightly and Ren wasn’t going to have it this time.

 

He opened his mouth to say something, most likely something teasing or humorous as their usual banter went and turned to face her. Snapping his jaw closed, though, he was shocked to find her eyes trained loosely on him, her palm pressed against her cheek and cupping her chin as she gazed at his causal form.

 

Realizing she’d been caught staring, Sai fought back the desire to widen her eyes and she somehow managed to keep her face neutral and blank. She blinked one long, slow blink, leaving her eyes on him, before exhaling softly and saying,

 

“I’m more tired than I thought I was,” Ren distinctly noticed how a few of her words slurred together and he nodded, knowing that no matter how much he wanted to patch up their downplayed argument, her health mattered more.

 

“Then head to bed early. You deserve it,” he said honestly. “You don’t have an early job tomorrow right?” He asked, already knowing she didn’t.

 

She shook her head and confirmed his thoughts, tilting her head as she wanted him to continue, “I don’t either. I’ll make breakfast. You sleep in for once.” He said, a gentle expression on his face. He desperately hoped this would be enough to convince her.

 

An expression of surprise did overcome her face then, but it quickly softened into one of pleased sincerity, “That’s really amazing of you, Ren, thank you,” she smiled, and he was struck by how often she said his name. He knew he should really be saying her’s more, but it still felt unnatural and if he’d added it in at random points, it would have felt forced.

 

He bid her goodnight and she went off to her own room, closing the door behind her and settling into bed. As exhausted as she was, though, sleep seemed to elude her. Frustrated, she figured she’d just wait it out and read until her eyelids grew heavier again. Flicking on her light and sitting up, she was unaware of the actor across the hall who was also tossing and turning.

 

Ren had gone to bed sooner than usual as well, finding the apartment uncomfortably silent and cold without Sai in it. He laid down, expecting sleep to come rather soon, based on how little he’d gotten recently. Unfortunately, just as usual, he couldn’t seem to relax, and soon got up and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He glanced at his mirror and saw his face slightly contorted in anger. It reminded Ren of... **that man** . And as much as he disliked it,  **he** was making more appearances, especially around Sai. Especially now that she was living there with him.

 

As her name passed through his mind, it suddenly occurred to him that she would be curled up and sleeping right then and he was overcome with a desire to see her. Without really being in control, Ren’s legs carried him out of his room and across the hall to peek into her room. Arriving at the door, he was surprised to find a light pouring out from underneath it. Blinking once, he raised his knuckles and rapped on the frame roughly.

 

He heard a sharp, startled yelp from within, followed by a shaky allowance for him to enter. Opening the door slowly, he poked his head in and saw her curled on her bed, a book on her lap and her hair pulled into an extremely messy and haphazard ponytail. She looked up with shocked eyes and he stared back, the words slipping through his mouth before he could stop them,

 

“Tired, eh?” He asked, a dark smile on his face, teasing and playful. 

 

She scoffed and put a bookmark into the pages of the thick novel and said, “I guess not, as annoying as that is.”

 

He stepped in closer and she tilted her head put the book on the nightstand, swinging her legs out the bed, and approaching him. “You can’t sleep either I take it?” She asked, gesturing out the door and brushing past him. Her hand touched his briefly, only glancing across the skin on the back of his palm. He slowly processed the feeling of her fingers and a shock rushed through him through his hand as he realized how absolutely freezing cold it was.

 

Grabbing her wrist, he stopped her and she looked at him curiously, halting her desire to go get some water and walk around to try to dispel her wakefulness. “Why are you  **freezing** ?” He asked her, his genuine concerned giving way to a darkened anger. Although he meant for the question to come across as worried, Kuon’s attitude made it seem more like a demand as he took over.

 

She regarded him with curiosity lighting up her eyes and drew her hand away slowly, watching his every twitch, “I get cold very easily,” she said lightly, “Especially when I sleep. My body temperature runs low, always has.”

 

Falling completely to Kuon’s control, the dark haired man couldn’t stop his mind from racing with ways he could keep her warm. Unlike Ren, Kuon allowed these thoughts to register on his features as he looked at her and his gaze visibly dropped to openly admire her. Sai caught this immediately and knew the moment she saw it that something was different with the man. Ren didn’t act like this. 

 

The reason behind this seemed startlingly simple, but still entirely implausible. This wasn’t Ren before her, it was someone else. A smile tugged at the corners of her lips and she played along, seeing if she could observe more of this person standing before her. Ren seemed to keep a tight hold of him, so they had precious few chances to interact.

 

Raising her hands, she placed her cold fingers across his cheeks, the soft skin easily gliding around the contours of his face until her freezing palms pressed against him and her fingers tangled in his hair, “Would you like to help me warm me up, then?” She asked, a teasing, devious smile on her lips. 

 

Sensing her reaction to Kuon, Ren snapped momentarily back into control, gripping her wrists and pulling her hands gently off of his face, and she eyed him curiously, disappointed she’d lost her chance to interact with the other man. Wordlessly, Sai turned and drifted back to bed, her water forgotten as she sat back down, laughing lightly at his dumbfounded expression.

 

“I-I’m sorry about that,” Ren eventually managed, clearing his throat when referring to his abrasiveness and outward display of impure thoughts.

 

She laughed again, the sound casual and gentle as she climbed back under her covers and looked at him with curiosity, propping her head up with her elbow digging into the pillow. Sai waved her hand to show she didn’t mind and looked at him as he floundered for words, “I...should probably go back to sleep,” he told her, mostly talking aloud.

 

“Will you be able to fall asleep?” She asked him honestly, drawing his attention again. The actor took in her form lying on his guest bed, her bed for the time being, so open and carefree, it almost seemed intimate. He swallowed heavily as he tried to tear his eyes away from her but found with a shock that he couldn’t, he didn’t want to.

 

Kuon again took control and Ren lost his battle to keep the line from slipping, “Perhaps if I joined you, resting would be easier.” He accompanied the attempt with a dark smile, leaning against the door jamb.

 

Sai gazed at the man in front of her and knew that she was talking to the same man who’d surfaced earlier, the same man who grew angry with her much unlike Ren’s usual personality, a man who was not Ren. Kuon. The boy from the cabin all those years ago. He acted much like he did when they were younger. Flirtatious, pompous, and damaged. For whatever reason, though, Sai felt a smile flicker across her own lips and her desire to interact with this man surfaced again.

 

She lifted up the sheets and comforter around her and gestured for him, “You’re welcome, if you want.” She said with a darker tone than normal, her gaze teetering on seductive. 

 

Both Ren and Kuon reeled at this, neither was expecting her to reciprocate his flirting. Usually, she’d tease or even get angry, chastising him for allowing a line to slip between them. For the second time that evening, she was actually flirting back. This was new. He wanted to see how far she’d be willing to go.

 

He pushed himself off the frame and walked towards her gracefully, expecting her to crack and tell him not to. As he approached, though, all that changed was a spark of curiosity in her eyes. He lowered himself onto the bed, slipping underneath the covers as the mattress creaked and groaned under the added weight.

 

Lying beside her, the dark haired actor remained completely still and rigid, not daring to move a muscle lest he accidentally touch any part of her, all traces of Kuon gone. Ren’s eyes drifted up to her face, and found her gazing at him with a teasing smile on her face. She shook her head in amusement and leaned over him, turning off the lamp and washing the room in a deep blackness. While she hovered over him, her stomach was not even a foot away from his face, her shirt riding up several inches and exposing a bit of skin. 

 

For whatever reason, he couldn’t drag his eyes away from it, but he also didn’t dare move toward it. When she had flicked the light off, she moved back over and laid down a safe distance from him and propped her head up. He couldn’t see anything but the light glint of her eyes in the darkness and he watched as they shone with mirth. 

 

“Is this any way to treat a lady who’s sharing your bed?” Her voice rang into the room, startling him. “You can’t tell me you’ve never done this before, pretty boy.” She said with a gentle, teasing tone.

 

He realized with a start that she wanted him to get closer, and although that seemed much too forward, he realized that was exactly what he had implied when he had teased her. He’d dug this hole all by himself.

 

Seeing that he wasn’t going to even reply, much less move towards her, Sai gave a soft laugh and started to flip over, so she was facing away from him, “Here,” she said gently, “Does this help? You don’t have to look me in the eye this way.”

 

She settled closer to him and Ren moved as if he was trapped in molasses as he grew closer and held her against him, his arms draping over her side as platonically as physically possible, given the situation. With a slightly shaking voice, he managed to say, “You act like you’ve done this before.”

 

A tiny scoff drifted into his ears and he could hear the smile in her voice when the redhead spoke to him, “What, forcing one of my closest friends to play my fiance and lay in my bed holding me?” She said with a mocking tone, “Because I can assure you, this is the first time.”

 

Stress at the current situation bubbled up in Ren’s throat and turned into a gentle, deep laughter as he listened to her jab, “No, I meant you act like you’ve been held like this before.” He eventually managed, this time with a light smile on his own lips.

 

Sai craned her neck around to see him and their eyes met, but this time some of the leisure and merriment was gone, replaced by a hollow sadness, “Oh, please, Ren,” she said softly. An intense shiver traveled down his spine as she said his name so casually and naturally in such an intimate position, “You think I’ve never done this before? I’m an adult, you know, as childish as I may seem sometimes.”

 

A moment from the year prior resurfaced in the dark haired actor’s memory, when she’d acted as his manager and had helped him get undressed due to his broken arm. She’d said then that she’d undressed a man, or rather men, before. Ren’s chest tightened as he realized she’d had intimate moments before, not with him. As much as he knew that this was obvious and he shouldn’t have expected different, the thought of her with someone else hurt him more than he realized anything could. 

 

When he stayed silent and tensed against her, Sai let a soft breath go, and said in a tiny, faint voice, “I was engaged once.”

 

Ren froze entirely at this, his gaze roving to meet hers as she craned to see his reaction, and staring at her in disbelief, “You were?” He asked her without processing the words first, his voice shaking slightly and his arms retreating from her form.

 

A humorless laugh filled the room and she looked at him with truly pained expression, “I know, hard to believe anyone would find me to be a good partner.”

 

“That’s not true!” He said louder than he meant to, startling the petite girl next to him, “I mean,” he said softly, lowering his volume, “That’s not what I was thinking at all.”

 

She laughed softly, the humor returning, and said with prudence, “Ren, you get angrier than anyone else when it comes to my issues communicating, could you honestly think that you’d have a worthwhile relationship with someone like me? Without arguing constantly?”

 

“Did you often argue with your fiance?” He asked, pushing down his desire to tell her he wanted nothing more than a relationship with her at that moment.

 

“Ex-fiance.” She said pointedly, surprising him. Then, without warning, she picked up his hand and guided a finger through her hair, “You tell me.” 

 

Slowly, his finger came across a strange bump on the back of her skull and she released his hand as he pulled it back, “What is that…?” He asked with a shiver.

 

“That’s the scar I have from the six stitches I needed when he threw my engagement ring at the back of my head.” Ren’s jaw dropped and he raised his hand through her hair again to touch the scar.

 

“He threw it at you?” He asked in disbelief.

 

“With all his strength.” She said with a huff, and tried to ignore to heat from behind her as the tall actor grew more and more angry.

 

“So...you did argue, then.” He managed through gritted teeth.

 

She seemed to grow even smaller in his arms, “More like he yelled at me a lot and I stayed still and prayed it would end soon.”

 

In that moment, all the wrath that had been growing inside the dark haired man drained as his heart broke for the tiny red headed woman not two inches away from him. “How did you end up engaged to him then, if he scared you so much?”

 

“He wasn’t always that way,” she said softly, “He was my violin teacher. Out of all the people I was in contact with, he knew about my struggles more than most, and respected my need for silence. Our relationship was...more physical than it was anything else. We didn’t talk much. I didn’t really know much about him.”

 

Ren pulled away from her a little more, growing increasingly uncomfortable with the conversation. He realized halfway through that she was talking to him, really talking. She’d been engaged to a man she didn’t talk with, she was about to spend her life with someone she didn’t open up to and yet here she was, talking with him and sharing. As she continued, he wrapped his arms around her once more, this time not being as careful with where his hands laid, just grateful and finally aware of how much he truly meant to her.

 

“As we grew closer, though, he began to expect me to be more open with him, to express myself. But it wasn’t as if I had layers of honesty and sincerity. I already operated at a less than acceptable level of socialization, I gave everything I had to ever interaction, and it wasn’t much. He wanted to get more from me but I had nothing to give and it wore him down. I don’t blame him much. Lory’s quite upset with him still,” a gentle smile laced her words, “I’m fairly sure that if he enters the area again, he’ll find himself having to deal with quite the menace.”

 

Picturing Lory protecting his daughter from a man such as that, the lengths he’d go to, made even Ren’s lips quirk up in that moment. He listened to her speak, silent all the while, but knew that when she stopped, he needed to speak. The smile faded from his lips and he couldn’t help the words from falling from his lips, “Did you love him?”

 

She stiffened underneath him and he immediately regretted the words and was about to take them back, but she relaxed slightly and said with a gentle voice, “As much as I could at the time. But I don’t think that’s saying much.”

 

Ren watched the back of her head as he processed this and waited for quite a while before asking her what had weighed heavily on his mind all the while, “Are you in love with anyone right now?” He held his breath as he waited for her reply, but eventually had to release it when she didn’t say anything. He swallowed and tried again, “Sai?” He questioned, the name still sounding stiff and foreign on his tongue.

 

When she didn’t reply, he listened harder and found himself aware that her breathing had evened out and she mumbled incoherently in her sleep. Scoffing at his own bad fortune, he believed this was probably for the better. He didn’t need any more proof she could never love him. Slowly, he fell into a steadier breathing pattern and drifted to sleep, the warmth from the redhead radiating around and coursing through him.

 

Sai awoke much more refreshed and warm than usual. She groaned with sleepiness and turned softly, her hand falling on something next to her. Warm, and beating. Alive. With a shock, she identified that which she hit her hand on as a chest. Ren’s chest. She remembered that she’d fallen asleep the previous night lying on his arm, preventing him from leaving and he’d been forced to stay here the entire night.

 

She forced her eyes open against the blaring sunlight in the room and they fell on the man next to her. His hair fell across his eyes gorgeously and she couldn’t keep her heart from skipping a beat as she admired his beauty. Leaning closer, she inhaled his scent and was surprised to find something underneath the refreshing scent of his shampoo and the masculine aroma of his cologne, something more natural and real. Something uniquely him. Savoring it for just a moment, Sai closed her eyes and allowed him to surround her entirely, take over her every sense. 

 

Ren’s eyes twitched eventually as he awoke and he opened his eyes to find painfully searing light blue ones gazing back into his. Her hair surrounded her stunningly, in tangled, knotted elegance. He’d never seen anything more beautiful.

 

“Mm…” he heard her light, soft voice say, “Good morning, Ren darling,” She said, drawing out his name in a drawl, reminding him of her Madam persona. 

 

His heart immediately sped up at the sound, his breath catching at her sheer presence which surrounded and entranced him, “Good morning…” He said to her with sleep slightly slurring his speech, and he waited a moment before adding, “...dear.”

 

Her face lit up joyously and Sai’s heart leaped, her pulse quickening scarily fast, “Feel like letting me help you with breakfast?” She asked him, her lips upturned with a breathtaking smirk.

 

He sat up slowly and nodded, a gentle, glowing smile on his own face, “I’d like nothing more.”

 

Sai leaped out of the bed, all of her clothing twisted or jaunted and her hair still an unbelievable mess, almost to the point of Ren worrying she’d never be about to get it straight. He was suddenly struck with the idea of how much more it would have been tangled if he’d had his fingers- 

 

Ren shook his head to rid himself of the ideas forming, worrying their influence would give way to Kuon making yet another appearance and he wanted to spend this time with Sai as himself. He followed after her as she managed to stumble her way into the kitchen, righting her shirt and cinching her pants around her curving waist. Running a hand through her hair, she found she couldn’t get it very far and made a strange face with the few movable features she had.

 

Seeing it, Ren couldn’t help but burst out laughing, which made her face light up beautifully, a bright pink that stained all the way to her ears. She swatted at his arm and huffed, avoiding making eye contact with him in her embarrassment. They went about making food, with Ren dropping a few eggs and bumping into Sai as she carried a measuring cup of water across the kitchen.

 

It, of course, spilled all over the two of them and Sai bopped him on the nose with the measuring cup as she chastised him for his carelessness. He admired her from the other side of the room and basked in the normalcy and mundane air between the two of them. Each move was entirely natural, as if they were meant to do this every morning.

 

After they’d made their way through breakfast without much more disaster, each was more content than they’d been in a long time. Ren even made peace with Kuon throughout the morning and allowed him to mingle with his own personality, enjoying a happy medium in between. Once the kitchen was relatively cleaned up, the actor hurriedly left to go get ready and the actress watched from afar, knowing she had a little more time before she’d have to get ready.

 

Before she knew it, he was dressed and ready, all of his necessary scripts and materials together and in his hands, along with a lunch she’d packed him to make sure he ate through the day. Standing by the door, he was surprised with the bare-footed redhead walked up to meet him there.

 

Without warning, she rose to her tiptoes and placed her lips on his cheek tenderly, lowering herself back down. “Have a good day, honey,” she told him, her eyes twinkling in amusement, but still holding a certain degree of sincerity. 

 

He gaped at her in shock, unable to believe her actions just then and she shooed him away, a gentle smile on her lips as she told him to go or he’d be late. Eventually, he allowed her to get him into the hallway, and watched her until the moment the door shut in between them. Walking to the elevator on autopilot, he allowed the seclusion and privacy of the small space to hide the stupid grin that lit up all of his features as he held his head and stroked where she’d placed her lips moments before.

 

As soon as Sai had shut the door, she turned and pressed her back against its surface, sliding down until she hit the floor. Before she could help it, laughter began pouring from her lips, but it held no distinct humor and was directed more at herself. She pressed her palm into the forehead and rested it there, unable to stop the self-pitying smile from forming on her lips. _ I’m pathetic _ , she thought as she shook her head.  _ I can’t control myself at all around him. _

 

Slowly, though, the deprecating smile shifted until it displayed true happiness and affection and instead of pressing the heels of her hands into the forehead, they slid down until they cupped her face to hide the forming blush. As ashamed she was at her lack of control, she couldn’t stop the rush of joy that accompanied her actions and how he always reacted. 

 

With a slight huff and exclamation, Sai rose from her collapsed position on the floor and walked with a shaking head to the bathroom. She entered the room, the cold tiled floor sending shocks along the soles of her feet. Climbing into the shower and under the hot water to escape the chill of the room. When under the pouring water, Sai felt there was something she could do that would help her regain control without making her suppress her growing feelings for the man.

 

Sai opened her mouth and let the notes spill out in the otherwise empty apartment. She sang to her heart’s content until the water started growing colder, and she was forced to hop out. Drying off, she looked at her face in the mirror and saw how bright and colorful her complexion was, and it looked alive and she loved it with all her heart. 

 

Getting dressed and heading out, she experienced one of the best days at work she’d had in a long while. The day went almost flawlessly, and she hurried with Rio off to JL Studios for their regular airing of  _ Match Made in Showbiz _ . Her day went quite a bit longer than Ren’s due to that job, as it often went late into the night.

 

Ren arrived home and plopped on his couch, taking a deep breath as the room seemed to close around him without the joy Sai brought to the space. He wracked his brain trying to remember where she could be and why she wasn’t home. He smiled when he associated his apartment with her home, despite knowing she only viewed her apartment as home, and if he’d want to call one place home with her, it would be hers. He smiled even more at the thought of thinking of her apartment as home.

 

Suddenly, he remembered where she would be and immediately began trying to find and grab his tv remote, searching for the channel he knew she’d be on at that moment. Eventually, he saw the familiar stage and the view widened to show all the cast and their guest for that night, someone Ren didn’t recognize. His eyes fell on Madam who was, as always, lounging and taking joy in the lingering discomfort that always overpowered the air at the studio during her shows. 

 

He watched her with mesmerized eyes as she moved gracefully around the stage, her nails shining and reminding him of all the times she had placed them on his chest and chin to get his attention. He smiled as he remembered and looked at her fondly, shaking his head as he watched her acting, continually amazed and spellbound by it. When the show ended, he leaned back and shook his head in full appreciation of how unbelievable she was and how captivated and enthralled he always found himself.

 

Rising from the couch, he stretched out and headed for the kitchen, thinking it would be nice to have dinner prepared for her when she arrived. He started it and should have known to stop the moment that he overfilled the pot as his thoughts drifted to Sai. Dumping out some of the water, though, he simply shook his head and tried to focus again on the cooking, ignoring the inevitable disaster that was about to ensue.

 

The elevator rose to the penthouse floor, making a high pitched dinging noise as the doors opened. Its occupant, a redhead carrying a large tote, was currently searching in her bag for the room key Ren had given her earlier in the week. Finding it near the bottom, she pulled it out and swiped it, stepping into the apartment. 

 

She was immediately greeted by the distinct smell of burning. Curious and a little scared she called out, “I’m home!!” into the apartment, hoping everything was alright as she stipped her coat and pulled the shoes off her feet in a hurry, simply tossing the tote bag against the wall.

 

“Welcome back!!” Came a reply from within, as Ren’s voice echoed off the walls, slightly hysterical. He poked his head out from the kitchen and found her eyes, opening his mouth and saying, “Help…” with a puppy dog expression.

 

Walking in, she saw the spilled pasta all over the floor and the blocks of charcoal that had once been some kind of bread sitting on the counter. Before she could react at all, or even worry for the actor’s well being, a laughter bubbled up from her throat as he watched her with a pathetic expression. She stifled it and moved to help him, taking the pan from his hands and setting it aside, turning the oven off and the burner to low. 

 

The two of them continued to clean the room, falling over each other laughing and managing to mess the room up even further several times, Sai eventually spraying Ren with water after he ruined her shirt with a splash of whatever spices he had handy. He gaped at her, soaking wet as she laughed at him, clutching at her stomach and waving at him to stop, he was hurting her stomach. 

 

Somehow, they managed to clean up, tossing the progress Ren had made thus far. He left to go change out of his now wet clothes as she started the meal anew and cooked it a good ways until he returned. She passed it off to him then and went to go change out of her own ruined shirt, mostly covered in cinnamon. 

 

When she returned, Ren had set out the meal and they ate it in good spirits, joking and poking fun at each other as usual. They finished rather quickly, both glad to have the chance to relax on the couch, and left the dishes for later. Consciously deciding she didn’t want to sit by herself that night, Sai climbed onto the couch next to the dark haired man, who eyed her curiously, but otherwise remained silent, flipping on the tv.

 

As they relax, Sai leaned against Ren and put her head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent. He was tense at first, but then realized they were meant to be engaged at this point, and it was only natural. Thinking back to their deal, he remembered the ring sitting on his desk currently and another thing occurred to him, “It’s tomorrow, isn’t it?” He asked, startling her.

 

She looked up and realized what he was asking. “Oh. Yes, yes I suppose it is.” She said to him, slightly lost in her own thoughts. 

 

“What do you suppose we do?” He asked, knowing they’d each taken off the next day in order to be proper hosts for her brother. Shota.

 

“Do?” She asked him, looking up in curiosity, “We don’t  **do** anything. Just be you, and I’ll be me. Act like we always do.”

 

“Will that be enough to convince him?” He asked, slightly nervous all of a sudden.

 

She smiled at him, “Have you noticed how we act, Ren? It’ll be plenty to convince Shota.”

 

With a shock, Ren realized that she’d just insinuated that they act romantically and he couldn’t stop the blush from rising on his cheeks. Seeing that, a tiny smile grew on her face and she took his hand in hers. “We should probably incorporate some of this into our usual banter and interactions, though. Little things.” She said, her own cheeks lighting up.

 

“And…” the color on his cheeks deepened, “What about our sleeping arrangements?” He asked with hesitance, eying her gently. 

 

She glanced at him with curiosity sparking and lighting up her gentle gaze, “Whatever you’re comfortable with. I do think it would be the most natural to sleep in the same bed, but I would never force you.” She looked up at him with genuine sincerity.

 

He swallowed and looked at her, remembering how comforted he’d been, how easy it had been to fall asleep when she’d been next to him and he nodded, “I agree. We should probably tidy your room then,” he told her, thinking both to deter questioning and just in case Shota felt compelled to stay, he’d have a room. Sai picked up on his reasoning and nodded, heading into her room to fix it. When she came out, she transferred all of her belongings into his room and he watched as she even hung some of her clothing up in his closet, and mingled her things with his in the bathroom.

 

Once she’d finished, she came closer and he realized with a start that the little silver band she’d had at the beginning of this endeavor around her ring finger. His eyes drifted toward her and then glanced at his matching one on his nightstand, and he moved to pick it up. Glancing between her and the ring, he slipped it on his hand and admired both the weight and the visual difference. 

 

She gave him a gentle, soft smile at this and turned to get ready for bed, leaving the door cracked open in case he wanted to join her. Swallowing hard, he held his head in his hands as he tried to sort through his feelings. As of that day, he knew what it would be like to live with her. His life had become synced with hers and he’d had a taste of sleeping and waking with her, going through the motions of his day by her side. He realized with a shock that he didn’t want to give it up.

 

He entered the bathroom and got ready for bed next to her, their arms rubbing together as they brushed and flossed, and she exited the bathroom before him. When he left, he saw her lounging on his bed, and she looked up with a smile, “Spared no expense, I see,” she said, gesturing to the bed. 

 

He chuckled and said, “It came with the apartment,” insisting it wasn’t him.

 

She laughed openly and said, “Sure, sure, pretty boy.” Grinning, she ducked under the covers and stretched out.

 

Smiling, Ren followed her under the covers and flicked off the light, grateful that this time she didn’t try to get closer, instead just allowing him to completely relax in his own space. Eventually, though, he started threading his fingers through her hair and she hummed softly, causing his face to light up. The only sound in the room was her even breathing, accompanied with the mumbling and humming in content. Listening to such sweet noises, Ren found that sleep came easily, as his breathing evened out with hers.


	56. Chapter 56

The clock on the wall seemed merciless that morning. At least, it did to Sai who was counting the seconds before she’d have to get up again to continue the breakfast she was making. Time for her always seemed to pass slowly, especially when she used to spend her days doing nothing at all. Even as busy of an actress as she was, she still was used to hours passing by casually. 

 

Sitting curled up in one of Ren’s dining room chairs, she watched helplessly as hours slipped by faster than she’d imagined they could. For whatever reason, her brother’s imminent arrival that evening was causing her extreme anxiety. As much as she trusted Ren and knew that he could handle himself, the danger of a mistake on either of their parts was great. 

 

As the second hand raced by the top of the clock once more, a quiet beeper went off and she uncurled herself to go check on the oven. She heard soft footsteps approaching the doorway and turned her head slightly to watch the actor stumble until he was leaning on the wall of the doorframe. 

 

His hair was tousled perfectly, loose strands falling gorgeously into his face and just barely obstructing his eyes. Their earthy hue was already melted and smooth, a kind of relaxed zen held in their depths. He was still in his pajamas, their silk material rumpled and creased but still falling and framing his broad form magnificently. He looked stunning.

 

“Well, good morning, my love. I see someone slept well.”

 

The actor jumped at the pet name but swallowed his discomfort and allowed a smirk to paint his face, “Have you no idea what time it is, Sai?”

 

“Oh, trust me, I know all too well…” She mumbled, looking once again at the clock.

 

“Are you...really that nervous? He’s just your brother, isn’t he…?”

 

“Yes, of course he’s my brother. He’s just...a little unstable. He’s not crazy, or anything, he just has always had this sense of...how do I put it? When he makes a decision, it’s the right one. For example, he’s a very successful producer in America right now, and it’s partially because he’s so adamant about his choices. They’re well informed, educated, and cost effective. He’s incredibly smart and knows what he’s talking about...but he never backs down from  **anything** . If he makes the decision that I’m coming home with him...it’s like it’s already happened in his mind and he’s already on to the next thing.”

 

“But this isn’t him deciding he gets to, hell, I don’t know...ride your bike for the day or something, Sai! He’s asking you to move across the surface of the Earth with him! That’s not-”

 

“It doesn’t matter if it’s not the same thing. It’s never mattered. If he gets it in his head that I belong with him - belong to him - he’ll put me through hell until it’s where I am. Trust me, I know him.”

 

“So, all we have to do is make him believe you belong here, right?”

 

“Well...yeah. But you’re making it sound so simple…”

 

“It is simple. You do belong here. No real convincing needed.” He said strongly, his eyes trained on hers. She blinked a few times at him before a small smile brushed across her lips.

 

“You’re right. I’m sorry for worrying so much.”

 

“No complaints here, honey…” His voice lowered slightly. “You’re adorable when you’re worrying, after all.”

 

“Don’t test my patience, Ren Tsuruga.” The redhead teased, her smile widening.

 

He pushed away from the wall and drew closer to her, wrapping her petite frame into his arms. “I would never even  **dream** of it.” He mock assured her, laughing as she stuck her tongue out at him childishly. “Ooh!” He exclaimed after a moment, “What smells so good?”

 

“I’m making cinnamon french toast,” the redhead said as she pulled away, a dusty pink lingering on her cheeks. The actor looked at her for a moment and she blinked once before bursting into laughter, “Oh, Ren! That was priceless! You looked like a kid unsupervised in a candy store! That’s the first time I’ve ever seen you excited about food!”

 

The dark haired man went bright red and swatted at her arm, “Don’t laugh! It means I’m showing progress!” She only laughed harder at that, leaning over the kitchen counter for support. “Your food is actually really enjoyable...is it a crime to look forward to it?”

 

Sai took a gasping breath and sobered up, “Absolutely not, Ren...it just made me happy, that’s all.”

 

“Laughing at my expense makes you happy?” He asked with a playful grin.

 

“Well, that too,” Sai said with a truly adorable glint in her eye. “But I was talking about you actually being eager to eat. And it makes me even happier to know that I played a part in that.”

 

_ Played a part? You’re the only reason...the only reason I’m healing at all. _ “Well, if that’s what you choose to laugh at, I suppose I can approve…” His smile was sincere, albeit a little weary and slightly upset. Sai watched it carefully before patting his cheek assuringly and giving him a beaming smile.

 

He blinked twice at it before his own grin turned more natural and wide, as it always did when she smiled so genuinely at him. Before he could say anything, though, a loud beep interrupted him and the redhead turned around to tend to the meal she was preparing. 

 

In no time at all, they’d finished eating, cleaned everything up, took showers, and began wasting away their day sitting  **un** comfortably in the living room. At this point, they only had about an hour before they’d need to be leaving for the airport and neither felt particularly pleased about it.

 

“Are we really ready for this?” The actor asked, scratching at the back of his head.

 

“We’re going to have to be.” Sai looked up at him, her mouth set in a hard line. She didn’t feel ready for this either.

 

“But are you sure that-”

 

“We’ll be fine, hun,” she laid a gentle hand over his much larger one and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Just act like you normally do.”

 

“Do we...act like we’re engaged on a regular basis?”

 

The redhead snorted in laughter and shook her head, “No, no!”

 

Ren cracked a smile too, pleased the mood had lightened up considerably from that simple comment, “Then what? Am I missing something?”

 

“If you think about it,” Sai said as she recovered, “couples who are engaged don’t act much differently than best friends would. The two of us have a close enough relationship to begin with; the casual way we talk with each other, the bickering, the teasing, and the more carefree, laidback manner that we go about being close to each other. Add in a few chaste kisses, some snuggling, pet names, and boom - you’ve got an engaged couple.”

 

Trying to ignore the casual way she went about listing off romantic things he wished he could do with her every single day of his life, the dark haired man cleared his throat and nodded. “Well...that does make sense.”

 

“Of course it does!” The actress tried to swallow the slight pain that came with her tone of voice. She’d almost gotten carried away. In fact, telling him how to act like a couple had been far too easy. She just listed what she honestly wanted out of their own relationship. And it looked like it won him over. No big surprise, though. 

 

She was startled out of her thoughts when the actor moved, shifting his legs down from the couch until they were propped up on the coffee table, opening his arms to her and jerking his head. It didn’t take long for her to get the message and she crawled across the couch, leaning against his broad chest and letting his arm encircle her shoulders as she curled up against him.

 

“Perfect…” She mumbled as she took a moment to breathe in that incredible scent of his.

 

“Oh, I already know you are,” he teased softly, watching as she turned toward him and glared. “You don’t have to tell me,” he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and watched her lips upturn as she shook her head. “You don’t agree?”

 

“You are so immature…” She chuckled and watched his eyes scan her face.

 

“Oh, I already know I am. You don’t have to tell me.” He echoed, taking her chin in his hand. “But I am mature enough to know that I’ll do everything in my power to keep you by my side.” And he lowered his lips to hers, pressing them there for not even a second before pulling away, pleased to see the redhead’s cheeks a pleasant pink.

 

“Aw, geez…” She hid her face from him which made him laugh lowly, the sound rumbling in his chest and reverberating through her body. “You have to go and say things like that, don’t you? Just can’t help yourself.”

 

“You got that right, dollface.” He said with another featherlight kiss on the top of her head followed by a gentle, encouraging pat on her arm. “Now up we go, we’ve got someone to pick up at the airport, don’t we?”

 

She smiled ruefully, upset that her brother was the cause of both the actor’s desire to do that to her in the first place, and his desire to stop. Honestly, she wished she could have just sat there with him forever, encircled in those arms and kept safe as he played with her hair and whatnot. His closeness always symbolized a haven to her, even when she felt threatened by her own feelings for the man.

 

Regardless, she pulled herself up with the actor’s help and rose to her feet. He followed her soon after and the two moved to the doorway, getting on their shoes. “You ready for this?” He asked when he saw the nervousness still present in the tiniest recesses of her expression.

 

Moving up on her tippy toes, she placed an innocent kiss over his slightly parted lips and nodded happily. “Yes, sir! Our one week of engagement begins now!” She held her elbow out to him and he took it after a beat of being surprised with her once again, chatting with her easily as they made their way to his car.

 

The entire time, though, he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about what she said.  _ We may only be engaged for a week, this time, Sai...but I hope you know I fully intend to go through this whole thing all over again...and next time it’ll be for real. _

 

Ren was used to air travel. He’d gone many a place when he was young, and now that he was more famous and had made a name for himself, he traveled even more. And yet, never before had he seen the airport so packed before. It was wall to wall people and the likelihood of him spotting a man he’d never met before was falling rapidly. 

 

“Uh, Sai?” He moved to get the petite woman’s attention, which wasn’t hard as he’d insisted on keeping hold of her hand so they wouldn’t get separated. He looked down at her and she was on her tippy toes trying to see over the crowds of people blocking her view. “Sai?” His voice called out again, relieved to see her attention swivel to him. 

 

“I have an idea!” She said to him, positively beaming. He blinked twice and simply smiled back, knowing he had no will left to resist her and her crazy ideas. The redhead moved them further to the side, out of the way of the rushing people and started digging in the small backpack she was wearing until she pulled out a worn sketchbook and proceeded to rip the cardboard backing off.

 

Holding it against the wall, she uncapped a permanent marker with her teeth and started scratching a name on it. “There!” She exclaimed happily, showing it to the actor.

 

“A sign? How is he going to-” Pausing for a moment, he re-read the sign and he tilted his head inquisitively. “‘Shota Nagaki’...” He read, blinking at it. “Nagaki?”

 

“Oh!” Her mind reeled, searching for any way to explain away the difference in their last names. “Nagaki is Shota’s business name, he uses it in America for his production work.” Which was true, just because it was also his real name doesn’t mean it’s not also his business name.

 

The dark haired man watched her for a moment, several questions surfacing in his mind, but he pushed them away and settled for, “He’s not going to be able to see it, Sai…”

 

“Then let me sit on your shoulders,” she grinned wildly, those incredible eyes shining with a mesmerizing glow. 

 

“You’re going to climb up on my shoulders to wave a sign around?” He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

“Yes!” Her laugh was short, but it clearly showed to him just how much more relaxed she was compared to that morning. She was happy. And he adored watching her be happy so he’d never even dream of ruining it.

 

Turning around, he lowered himself down and offered his back to her. “You getting on?”

 

“Hell yeah!” She exclaimed, making his smile grow. Swears sounded so strange coming from her and as much as he felt cussing shouldn’t be a part of her character, they sounded so damn cute.

 

Her touches were as featherlight as physically possible as she prepared to hoist herself up onto his shoulders. He barely even sagged under her weight once she was seated, she seemed to weigh so little. “You ready?” He asked, taking hold of both her hands. It was difficult to maneuver around the cardboard, but he wouldn’t lift her up without making sure she was secure first.

 

“Perfectly!” She said back, feeling him shift underneath her as he rose up to his full height and suddenly she could see everything. “Woaaah…” She mumbled under her breath and listened as the man laughed.

 

“How’s it feel to be tall for once?” He teased, hearing her gasp above him.

 

“I’ll have you know I was the tallest in my grade for a long while.” Sai retorted, raising the sign above her head and pointedly ignoring the stares from the other patrons around them. 

 

“Oh, yeah? And what grade was that?”

 

“Grades, actually. All through primary school.” Came her humming reply, tsking at how he underestimated her so easily. He blinked once, remembering suddenly that she grew up in the UK.

 

“And then, let me guess, everyone hit their growth spurt and left you in the dust.” The redhead couldn’t see his face, but she was sure he was smirking. 

 

“Well...yeah. Obviously.” The redhead deadpanned, earning a snort of laughter from the usually so elegant young man. “But don’t think that I--Oh my gosh! Ren! Ren! There he is!” She bounced once on his shoulders and he almost buckled underneath her from the sudden movement.

 

“Hey! Sai! Be careful! Live human being underneath you!”

 

“Oh? Where?”

 

“Ha. Ha. Very funny.” His voice was tight and sardonic, but it went mostly ignored as the actress he was carrying was much too excited about seeing her brother.

 

“Shota!” She called out, waving the sign like a madman. 

 

“I think he can see you, Sai…”  _ I’m pretty sure everyone can…  _ “you can stop waving that thi-”

 

“And he just walked past us…” The redhead said definitively. 

 

“W-what!? How?”

 

“He had his nose in his phone. Probably checking emails. Fifteen hours on a plane without internet is really nasty for him. You thought I was yelling like that to a normal person? Wow, Ren...I overestimated your observing skills. I figured you’d know me better than that by now.” He could hear the taunt in her voice loooooud and clear.

 

“Oh, right. My bad. You’re just so normal.”

 

“Gracious you’re touchy today, Sparky. Calm down a notch or ten.”

 

“I will slap you.”

 

“Violence is never the answer, my pet.”

 

“Don’t you dare think I won’t.”

 

“Now now, hotshot, there’s no need to get so fired up like this.”

 

“Saiyuka Akai. You shut that sassy mouth and cut it out with those god awful nicknames, or I will-”

 

“Nevermind that!” She reached down and bopped his nose, completely derailing his concentration altogether. “He’s getting away! Onward, my steed!”

 

“You are  **so** pushing it right now.”

 

“And you are  **so** not moving right now. You realize we actually have to move to catch up to him, right?”

 

Ren gritted his teeth and pinched the redhead’s thigh painfully, causing her to yelp and earning him a slap to his head. “I thought you said violence was never the answer…” He groaned.

 

“No, but it is the only honorable response to undeserving physical harm.”

 

“‘Undeserving physical harm’? What about undeserving emotional harm?” His lip pulled down in a mock pout that she could hear in his voice as he finally started weaving through the crowds of people toward the entrance they’d finally worked their way up from only to have their target walk past them.

 

“Aww...my poor baby…” She raised her hands and tangled them into his hair, playing with it and brushing it through her fingers. “Did I hurt you?” She slowly leaned down until she was precariously balanced, her mouth brushing against his cheek. “Would a kiss help?” She breathed, her voice dropping almost a full octave.

 

He reeled backward, sending her waving back and forth as she tried to regain the equilibrium they’d had earlier. “Down.” It wasn’t a request.

 

As Ren kneeled, she stepped away and looked up, a somewhat curious expression replacing what would have otherwise been a blatantly triumphant one. But honestly, it was still hard to tell. Only her eyebrows really moved, after all.

 

Wordlessly, he continued forward, snatching the sign out of her hand and holding it above the crowd easily. He should have just done this in the first place.  _ There was no need to have her climb on top of me...with those legs so close to my face and her...No, no...don’t think about that. Don’t think about her like that.  _ The actor shook his head, refusing to go down that road in such a public place with the girl herself right next to him.

 

He sent one more glance at her before snatching up her hand so she wouldn’t get separated. The forcefulness of the grab was a bit more than the redhead had been expecting and she winced, only barely able to hide it from the man in front of her. He was already upset enough. The last thing he needed was to know he’d just hurt her a little bit.

 

She should have known better. She knew that. It was just...they’d been bickering at such a good pace and all. It should have been more natural to just accept the kiss. They were engaged after all...and nowhere in his character description did it say he had anything against public displays of affection. Perhaps she was expecting too much. 

 

“-Sai?” 

 

“Hmm?” She looked up, finally ripped away from her own mind just in time to see the actor’s face not even a centimeter from her own. Slightly startled, she jerked backward and blinked. “Y-yes? Did you call my name?”

 

“Yes...several times.” His eyebrows dipped. “Where did you go?”

 

“Go? Oh...just lost in my own head, I guess…”

 

“Yeah, I can see that. Probably so empty up there, there aren’t enough landmarks to navigate by.” 

 

His smirk was back.  _ Oh, thank goodness…w-wait a minute!  _ “My, my...now who’s running the emotional harm expressway?”

 

“I may have taken over the helm just this once, but you’re the true conductor, milady.”

 

“Har har...what’s up, though? Why were you calling for me?”

 

“Oh yeah...that’s him, right?” Ren pointed to a man in a smart suit - probably a three piece if she knew her brother - currently on both his phone and his planner. His jet black hair was slicked back and he appeared short. To be fair, he was leaning against a wall so he was probably taller than he looked, but regardless of that, he seemed to fill out the suit quite nicely. He looked very sharp and had a mature sort of handsomeness to him.

 

“Wow, yeah! Good eye!” Sai exclaimed, clapping her hands together.

 

“He looks like you, so it wasn’t that hard.”

 

“Looks like me? Really? I was always told I looked a lot more like Hikaru, my eldest brother. We have the same hair and eye color, so I guess the resemblance is pretty stark.”

 

“Well...he might have your hair and eyes, but this guy has your exact face shape and jaw line. He’s got your nose and ears too.” Honestly, the resemblance was uncanny.

 

Sai looked at him and blinked slowly, tilting her head. She’d noticed similarities like that between Ren and his father, sure...but only because she’d spent a long time simply admiring his image from afar. She knew how he felt, knew he stared...but for him to know the details of her face to such a degree…

 

Before he could catch any hint of an emotion in her mask of a face, the redhead dropped his hand and started jogging toward her brother, opening her mouth from its radiant smile. “Shota! Shota!”

 

Her calling finally got through to the young producer and he looked up, a broad grin overtaking his features. Yup, definitely Sai’s smile too. “Saiyuka! Oh, it’s amazing to see you, squirt!”


	57. Chapter 57

“Hey!” Her voice echoed through the slowly emptying airport, causing the man before her to choke back a snicker. She hadn’t changed a bit. “We agreed you’d stop calling me that when I was an adult!” She whined, crossing her arms under her chest and pouting.

 

“I believe I agreed to giving it up once you reached 160 cm, not 18 years, little sis!”

 

She gasped loud enough for the dark haired man behind her to hear and he was forced to hide a laugh with his fist. “I’m 161, you jerk!” She cried out, huffing angrily at him.

 

Shota laughed loudly, the sound nearly the opposite of his sister’s. Whereas Sai’s laugh was gentle and almost twinkling, his sounded distinctly of something shattering at a high speed. It was incredibly fast and choppy, more high pitched than the actor had been expecting, but he didn’t seem embarrassed by it in the slightest. “Then I suppose I can’t call you ‘squirt’ no more, can I, shortstack?”

 

Before she could reply to that with the outrage he could see boiling behind that blank screen she projected to the world, the producer grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her up, spinning her in two quick circles before setting her down gracefully and pulling her into a hug. It seemed so natural, seamless. Like two people who’d met last week. Not 5 years prior.

 

Sai was seemingly very entertained by his antics, laughing up a storm and wiping tears away from her eyes. “Hey,” she called out to the actor behind her, catching his attention once she’d calmed down. “Don’t be so shy.”

 

“Ah...is this the man of the hour?” Shota began turning around to face his sister’s fiance, expecting a mildly handsome man with some decent social standing or something of the like. Hopefully better than the last one. He was dreadful.

 

Once he was fully turned, he was shocked to see that he was staring not at a face, but an extremely broad chest. His eyes snapped upwards and he had to tilt his chin up to clearly see the face of the man before him. It took all his willpower to not drop his jaw at the sight of him.

 

_ W-who the hell is this?! I didn’t know Japanese people could be this tall! He’s almost two meters; and why is his face so...perfect?! I-I’ve never seen a more stunning man in life! What is he? A god!?  _ He cleared his throat and pushed his hand out in greeting, still completely speechless. He didn’t even come up to the man’s shoulders, for god’s sake!

 

“Not quite yet,” Ren said, more pleased than he thought he’d be at Shota’s immediate reaction to him. When the producer blinked, Ren tilted his head and attempted to clarify. “You asked if I was the man of the hour? Technically, you’re correct, but I believe it would be more appropriate to say that on the day of the wedding itself. So, I’m not quite yet the man of the hour.”

 

“A-ah…” Shota’s head was spinning a little bit and there were far too many thoughts running through it at once. This man must be inhuman. No human being has such a gorgeous face and such a melodic voice. And while he loved his sister dearly, he couldn’t see why such a man would go for...someone as painfully stubborn and taunting as her. She had a mean streak too...why put up with it when you could have literally anyone on the planet?

 

“Honey…” The redhead approached her fiance and put a hand on his chest to better keep his attention focused on her. “He’s had a really long flight, why don’t we save most of the chit chat for when he’s had a chance to eat and rest, hmm?”

 

“Sounds like a good idea, sweet pea.” He kissed the crown of her head and sent her a warm and affectionate smile before turning to pick up one of Shota’s suitcases. “Mind if I help?”

 

Shota managed some sort of sound that seemed signal enough for the actor to pick up the bags and start leading their group to the dark Porsche parked in the corner of the lot. The producer stared at the car for a second and then looked up at his sister who looked back with mystification in the backs of her eyes.

 

“Oh…” She said slowly, finally picking up on why he looked so confused and panicked. “Ren here is an actor, Shota. We work together at Lory’s agency. It’s how we met.”

 

Well, at least that was one piece clicked into place. “Ah, so I take he’s fairly successful?”

 

“‘Fairly’? He’s probably the greatest actor in Japan right now.” She beamed up at the actor and patted his cheek softly.

 

“At least say ‘one of,’ dear...you give me too much credit.”

 

“You get credit where credit is due. And you put in more work than anyone else, Ren. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”

 

Shota watched their exchange and licked the corner of his lip, getting into the back of the car and peering at the both of them through the mirrors of the car. “So, how long have you two been engaged? Seems like you’ve got a routine and you’re fairly used to each other, but then that leads me to ask why I only found out about it a little bit ago?”

 

“What, were you expecting a monthly report of my life on every third Wednesday of the month, or something?” Sai clicked her tongue and shook her head softly.

 

“We’ve been together about three months, now.” The actor actually answered Shota’s original question before turning his attention back to the road.

 

“About three months? Wow, Ren...don’t be too specific and detailed or anything, you wouldn’t want to overload him.”

 

“You think I don’t remember the date I proposed to you on?” He asked, a glint in his eye.

 

“I don’t know why you’d just call it ‘about three months’...if that’s what you mean.”

 

“Two months, three weeks, five days and…” Ren glanced at the clock and did some quick math. “And nine hours. There. How’s that for specific?”

 

“Just what I was looking for,” the redhead looked up with a sly smile over her perfect lips. “Well done, sweetie.”

 

“Why thank you,” he smirked, basking in her praise for just a moment before taking a turn out of the airport’s lot. “Alright, where am I heading Mr. Nagaki?” He asked, addressing the producer politely and trying to make eye contact through the rearview mirror.

 

“Oh, please, call me Shota. There’s no need to be so formal. And my sis tells me you’ve got a guest bedroom in your apartment, no?”

 

Sai shot the actor a look of near panic from the corner of her eye and he mirrored the expression back to her, clearing his throat and attempting to keep his voice level, “Oh, yes. We do. I take it-”

 

“I think I’d like to stay with you, then. No need to get a hotel when there’s a perfectly good room available where I can spend time with my sister.” He paused for a moment and clicked his tongue. “You don’t mind, do you?”

 

“Uh…” The actor looked toward the redhead and she shook her head in defeat, letting it rest against the headrest. “I suppose that’s alright...yeah.”

 

“Splendid. I expect there’s a laundry room somewhere on the premises, correct?”

 

The actor moved to open his mouth, but the woman next to him instantly picked up on the hints of anger in his expression and breathing patterns and she answered before him. “Yes, Shota. On the third floor. And...I know you’re cranky from the flight, hun, but some decorum would be appreciated. You’re being a little ‘tudey.”

 

Ren sent a worried glance over to her, scared she’d anger her brother, but his concern was short lived as Shota started laughing heartily and slapped his leg. “I know, I know...I’m sorry, Ren- may I call you that?”

 

“Of course, and don’t worry too much about it. I’d be exhausted after such a flight myself.”

 

“Thank you for being so understanding,” he laughed again. “Most people either lose it or totally ignore me if I’m too relaxed. I do apologize.” Ren supposed that Sai's mean streak ran in the family.

 

“Just focus on getting some rest when we get home. Don’t worry about unpacking too much or anything yet. We’ll have dinner and you can hit the sack.”

 

The redhead smiled and looked back at her brother. “Our plan so far is pretty simple. You’ve got tomorrow to roam and unpack and whatnot while the two of us head to work. We’ll be back for dinner, but you’re leaving for a meeting pretty early, so I’ll make breakfast for you and leave it in the fridge. Both Ren and I have off the next few days, though, so we’ll play it a little more by ear.”

 

“Sounds beautiful, baby sis. Especially the whole turning in early aspect.” The dark haired producer said as he sat back with his eyes closed. “Wake me when we get there, eh?”

 

“Mhmm,” she hummed, knowing that’s just how her brother was. Ren sent a sideways glance at her and she gave another soft hum along with a patient smile. Reaching forward, she took his hand in her own and held it across the divider between their seats. 

 

Shota left one eye open long enough to see their joined hands and he licked the corner of his lip before cracking a smile and fully closing his eyes. The ride to the apartment was otherwise uneventful, the only noises being the gentle, muted music coming from the radio. Once there, the redhead worked on gently waking her brother while Ren lugged all his luggage up the elevator ahead of them.

 

While Sai got him set up in the guest room, she sent Ren off to start with a quick dinner and got Shota set up in the dining room area. She was about to get up to assist the actor with the food, when he turned around with two perfectly completed and served plates of a breakfast fried rice. Seeing them, a bright smile lit up her face and he blushed to the tips of his ears.

 

“Well, wouldya look at you?” 

 

“Don’t insult me, raggedy ann, I’m perfectly capable of a single, simple meal.”

 

“‘Raggedy ann?’ Is that the version of dollface you’ll use when you’re upset with me?” The redhead smirked, spinning a swirl of her hair around her finger self-consciously. 

 

“Precisely,” he grinned back, handing off her plate and setting Shota’s in front of him while going to get his own. When he got back to the table, he hesitated slightly. He knew that as Sai’s fiance, he should have no qualms about sitting so closely next to her at his small table but as Ren himself...such close proximity promised dangerous situations. 

 

Instead, he ignored her pointed staring and pulled a chair to the end of the table. Shota watched the action carefully, not saying anything but watching like a hawk. His gaze snapped to his sister’s and she shrugged and resumed her meal.

 

Each of them had been through a rather long day and they were all happy to scarf down the meal and begin their separate routines. The producer lagged behind slightly to watch the interactions that his sister had with her spouse-to-be with great interest. They moved seamlessly past each other, almost like a dance. Clearly, they knew each other’s routines to a fine detail. Despite that...something seemed off.

 

The night finished rather anticlimactically, with Sai heading to her room and Shota and Ren having a brief conversation where Ren finally got the chance to properly introduce himself and shake Shota’s hand and he received his first official bit of gratitude for letting the man stay in his apartment for a week.

 

Once their semi-awkward exchange was finished, the actor hurried to his room and shut the door behind him, turning to face the actress who was lounged comfortably against the headboard of the bed.

 

“Comfortable?” He asked with a tired smirk.

 

“Exhausted.” She replied definitively as she slumped forward, setting aside her magazine. “I honestly can’t believe he’s staying here…”

 

“It means the act’s gotta be perfect nearly 24/7…”

 

“Oh, I’m going to implode by day two…”

 

“Hey, this is your idea, you’re the one who fibbed and came crawling for help...shortstack.” He teased, remembering her reaction to her brother’s insults earlier.

 

“Oh, like I had any other- h-hey!! Don’t call me that!!” She hit Ren with a pillow as hard as she could and he grasped his nightshirt as if in extreme pain and collapsed onto the bed with dramatic flare and a strangled groan.

 

“You sounded like a dying whale, you big baby,” Sai teased, bopping the back of his head with the pillow.

 

Ren rolled over and grinned at her before returning to looking serious, “You might have to resuscitate me, you know. I think you caused some major organ damage, my lady.”

 

“Gracious, whatever will we do, then! I’m afraid I’m unable to help if your injuries are truly that dire...perhaps that great, but arrogant, brother of mine knows proper mouth-to-mouth-”

 

The actor retaliated, smacking her in the mouth with his own pillow and cutting her off. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence!” He joked, laughing that deep, rumbling laugh. She mirrored his joy and contrasted his thunder-like chuckles with her own sweet twinkling. 

 

“Perhaps we should save some energy for the rest of this torturous week, hmm?” The actor asked, a glint in his eye.

 

“Is it the idea of spending a week with me that excruciating?”

 

“Oh, it is simply  **agonizing** ,” he smiled through his words and she hit him again before turning her back to him and snuggling her face into her pillow. “Hey, now!” He protested, “you know I didn’t mean that...come back here.”

 

In lieu of replying, the redhead snatched his pillow from him and tucked it underneath her chest, snickering at him and his sounds of mock shock.

 

“Give that back, you thief!” He hissed quietly, holding back his laughter as she made snoring noises at him. “Fine then, if that’s how it’s going to be.” He flipped the covers over the two of them and snuggled closer to her, putting his head against her collarbone and laying flush against her.

 

“W-what are you doing!?” She yelped, her ears going red.

 

“Using you as a pillow. You took mine.” He linked his hands around her waist and waited for a few beats before he was about to move.

 

“Okay.” Sai’s voice was small and soft, but it was sincere. She was okay with this. “Just promise you won’t drool on me or anything,” she added, just to ruin the moment of euphoria he’d been having.

 

“No promises,” he quipped, nuzzling in closer.

 

“If I wake up covered in spit, you’re sleeping on the floor. I don’t care what Shota thinks, we’ll just have to tell him we had a fight and you lost.”

 

Ren laughed and settled his head perfectly against her, his hair tickling her. “Deal.”

 

He’d never fallen asleep so quickly. She fit so perfectly in his arms and he couldn’t get enough of it. He didn’t know just how bright red the actress was or how absolutely overheated she was getting with the actor completely pressed up against her back. He completely enveloped her, his body wrapping around hers so perfectly it almost pissed her off. 

 

She wouldn’t ever admit this to the man, but she didn’t think she’d ever been so comfortable or felt so safe in her life. She really wanted to be able to get used to him acting this way...it would be a literal dream come true, she’d spent so many nights imagining perfect, beautiful scenarios just like this. 

 

Well, minus the hiring him to play someone she was engaged to. Once she’d drifted to sleep too, she’d become vaguely aware that their hands were joined under the blankets, their twin rings pressed against each other.

 

Just like the day prior, their first full day with Sai’s brother as a guest flew by like the blink of an eye. Breakfast went by in a flash, with the two actors flying out of the door and trying to get everything organized between the two of them, sorting out each other’s belongings from the other’s bags. 

 

Shota watched them interact while sipping his coffee, taking a moment to lick the corner of his mouth as he watched the actor flinch away from her once by accident. They both waved as the continued whatever mundane topic they were actively bickering and laughing about as they left. 

 

Now that Himeko was off of the regular schedule, they were back to not seeing each other as much during a workday so the actor had volunteered to chauffeur both her and Yashiro to and from their different jobs. It also gave him an excuse to have lunch with her most days.

 

That day was no different and the three friends had a lot to talk about from that particular morning which had whipped by like a hurricane. They said goodbye to Sai as she left for her last job of the day as they went back to LME for two more interviews before they too could call it a wrap. 

 

Ren picked her up from JL Studios and the two came back home, spilling through the doorway with bags of takeout from one of their mutually favorited restaurants. Shota had been enjoying the quiet of the actor’s apartment for far too short a time when the two residents stumbled into the doorway and offered distracted greetings as they joked and laughed about some radio program they’d been listening to. 

 

“How was your day, Shota?” The redhead asked as she plopped next to him and offered a plate of truly delicious smelling Italian and a beer. 

 

“Thanks for asking, shortstack,” he smirked, earning a scowl and a glare from his sister. “It was really relaxing actually, quite a rarity for me.”

 

“What exactly are you up to tomorrow?” Ren asked once he’d swallowed his first bite of food.

 

“Just an executive meeting. I have them all the time, but usually I video call in. This is my first time showing up in person. I’ll be in for three of them this week.”

 

“You’re working for almost half the week you’re here?” 

 

“Well, yeah. It’s how I got them to pay for my flight.” He winked at the dark haired actor and dug into his own food.

 

That night went by with much less awkwardness than the first and Sai spent some time making a few things for her brother to eat when he woke up at ungodly hours the next morning. After that, she spent some quality time with just her brother, going over how things were with his family and his wife, Tatiana, back in America. The actor busied himself around the apartment and with the tv in his bedroom while they talked.

 

Sai came in much later, looking honestly exhausted but she had a wonderful, albeit subdued, glow to her that Ren had come to realize was her content happiness. He pat the bed next to him and gestured for her to join him which she gladly did.

 

Wrapping her arms around his torso, she snuggled into his chest and rested there, her breathing evening out quickly. He’d thought she was completely asleep until she slurred out words he couldn’t understand.

 

“Did you say something, Sai?”

 

“I said it’s my turn,” she drawled, nuzzling into him. “My turn to use you as a pillow.” She said a bit clearer, causing the man to chuckle lowly and run his fingers through her hair.

 

“But of course, my dear. Now go to sleep, you sound really tired.”

 

He earned some humming that amounted to something like, “Mmkay,” but her speech was too sleep-slurred to really make anything useful out.

 

Her heartbeat mingled with the faint mumbling of whatever movie he’d put on proved to be an ample lullaby and he was out like a light, just like she was. He only woke to the sound of his alarm which succeeded in scaring the crap out of him. He bolted upright and only realized too late that the redhead had still been leaning on him somewhat. 

 

“Hey, hey…” She slurred out, rubbing her eyes from the stabbing sunlight, “What’s the big idea?”

 

“I’m sorry, Sai!” He sat up and moved his hands to either side of her face and hovered there, making sure she was alright.

 

She wrapped her arms around his neck sleepily and held him for a few moments while he sat frozen in her arms. “Don’t startle me like that.” Pulling back, she rubbed her other eye and stretched, cutting through the momentary silence with a loud crack. “Food.” She mumbled bluntly, heading towards the door to their room with a purpose in her step.

 

He chuckled and got off the bed to follow her, shaking his head and marveling at her ability to throw him for a loop even while in this bizarre situation he’d managed to get himself into. Making breakfast together, they parted at the door and Sai stayed back to finish prepping for Mizuki’s appearance later in her day. She was in for a long one.

 

Just as she suspected, the shoot crawled by slower than she could have imagined and endless mistakes dragged shooting on for hours longer than planned. She had to cancel two assignments and a meeting as they redid the same parts over and over again. Never really one to keep up a fake smile longer than a few minutes, she proved true to the rumors of her being terribly blunt in her advice and managed to make one of the guest stars run off crying.

 

The director told her to cool off in her dressing room for a while, but not to leave because they were behind schedule as it was. The time spent in her dressing room only served to amplify the pounding on the left side of her skull. She wasn’t angry, just frustrated with the amateurish mistakes. They were so easy to fix if the damned stars would just listen to someone who knew what they were talking about.

 

Once she was let out of what was basically a time out, she returned to the set and took a deep breath, abandoning her usual personality for a moment as she tried to coax her costar into listening to her advice from a more gentle approach. To achieve this, she channeled a mix of her beloved makeup artist and the actor she’d come to know and love. 

 

Both of them were so much better with other people than she was, having worked their whole lives trying to please and entertain, whereas she’d been at it for a much shorter time and would often run into blocks like this one. Thankfully, her careful observations of her two closest friends proved to be essential and all at once, the shooting heaved itself back up on the rails and was off.

 

She finished her day, still nursing that awful stabbing in her forehead through four Advils and dabs of peppermint oil. It was hopeless. This was a bad one. The only cure would be a long shower and a good night’s rest. 

 

Heading home later than she planned, she called ahead and told Ren and Shota to eat without her, that she ate at LME and would be home soon. Both men were worried for her as she didn’t often sound so defeated at the end of a day.

 

Their worries were worsened the moment she came through the door. It had rained on her way home. And she’d been on her bike. She stared at them with hardened, dark gray eyes that invoked memories of colossal thunder storms, flashes of lightning ripping across the night sky as torrents of rain flooding the ground below. 

 

Her hair was put up in a messy, frazzled bun. She was soaking wet and dripping on the floor. Her jacket had a long tear down the side and there was mud on one of her legs. Mostly she just looked like she’d been through some hell that neither could really picture. 


	58. Chapter 58

Ren made an immediate move for her, scooping her up, wet clothing soaking into his shirt. But he didn’t complain, and neither did she, grateful for the source of warmth pressing against her side. He carried her to the bathroom and called out over his shoulder, “Hey, Shota! Can you go in the hall closet and pull out those really fluffy towels and the robe?”

 

He watched the two of them silently, his tongue darting out to his lip before he nodded, “Sure!” And he spent the next few minutes rummaging through the closet before he handed them off to Ren and he left them in the bathroom after a few short words with Sai. Closing the door, he walked back across his bedroom and gestured for the man to join him in the living room, shutting his bedroom door as well.

 

“Is she alright?” Shota asked worriedly, glancing back at the closed door.

 

“She’s as alright as she really can be. Bad day is an understatement. Trouble at work all day, ripped her coat on a broken revolving door, she got drenched on her way home, and some idiot taxi driver splashed her with mud. Her head’s killing her so I gave her some aspirin and told her to just go straight to bed once she’s warmed up.”

 

“Poor thing…” The producer said, his heart going out to his sister. He could relate to god awful days like hers had been. “Glad you’re here to take care of her,” he admitted, wishing all the while that he could be the one there for her. 

 

“Really, she’s the one to take care of me. Deals with my temper really well, she’s so patient and able to juggle my mood swings like a natural. I rarely have to take care of her, surprisingly, so I actually enjoy days when she lets me baby her.”

 

“Is she happy here?” Shota asked, glancing toward his sister’s supposed fiance. 

 

“I honestly think she is. I didn’t get the chance to meet her before she came to LME, but our first interaction was pretty early on. She isn’t the same person she used to be. And as much as I know that she did most of the crawling up from rock bottom herself, I’m not afraid to admit that I did have something to do with it. It just sort of...happened. We started becoming a constant in each other’s day, a part of each other’s lives. Something pivotal.”

 

The producer seemed to think about that for a moment before reaching for the remote and turning on the tv, effectively cutting the conversation off. At first, Ren opened his mouth to stop him, but realized that Shota didn’t want to come to the conclusion that Sai belonged there with him. He wanted her to come back with him. He didn’t need proof she was happy. He wasn’t looking for it.

 

Deciding not to bring it up, for now, the actor relaxed against the couch facing the tv while Shota settled in the armchair by the wall. The pair didn’t talk much, which was a stark difference to how much he and the redhead bickered and squabbled nonstop about whatever show was on. He missed her lively dynamic quite a bit.

 

Before he really knew it, several hours passed and he snapped back to reality as the producer shut off whatever crappy late night drama had been on. “I like you, Ren. But I don’t trust you with her here.”

 

The honestly shocked Ren out of the lull he’d been swayed into and he blinked a few times, “Don’t trust me? Why not?”

 

“My sister has been used and gone through far too much in her life already. I don’t know what’s so off about you two, but something really irks me when you’re near each other. I don’t know what else to say about it besides I don’t think I can condone it.”

 

“All due respect...but you’re not her father.” Ren knew the fate of their shared parent, so he was expecting some sort of reaction out of Shota and was genuinely surprised to see that the comment hadn’t phased him in the slightest.

 

“No. That would be that damn Takarada bastard who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about her happiness. He’s just as bad as the rest of them-”

 

“Now wait a minute. The President only has her best interests at heart-”

 

“If that was true, he wouldn’t have dragged her into all... **this.** ”

 

“If by…‘this’...you mean acting, then you should be thanking him. Lory did his best to help her find herself again, find her will to live. Acting’s what saved her.”

 

“You’ll never understand, outsider. She’ll never let on to why this little tryst with acting is so poisonous for her. You won’t ever know, so don’t even try. She can only be happy when she’s with me again, understand? This whole situation you’ve got going here is only temporary, trust me. She’ll come with me one way or another.”

 

“It’s not up to-” Ren tried to argue back, feeling his anger rise in the back of his throat. But before he could get any of the endless argument forming in his head, something cut through the tense air.

 

“Reeeeen…” A slow, gentle voice called out to him. It was a tad whinier than either man was used to, and it was slightly slurred from tiredness, but it was undoubtedly the redhead. “Where are you?” She asked as she rounded the corner.

 

The actor closed his eyes and breathed out, preparing himself to face his...fiance... without all the anger that had just been building up. Shota, on the other hand, turned to look at the young woman behind the actor right away. Unbeknownst to Ren, the sight of her alone was enough to make him avert his eyes. 

 

Sai walked up to the back of the couch and listened as Ren finally spoke up, “I’m just talking to your brother, Sa-sweetie. I’ll be in soon.”

 

She stuck her lower lip out and closed the gap between the two of them, wrapping her arms around his chest from behind. “But I want you in there now…” Her breath ghosted across his cheek and he could feel an intense heat radiating off of her arms. 

 

He swallowed heavily and felt blood rush to his face. “I’m in the middle of something, Sai, but I’ll be there in a little bit-” As he spoke, he twisted to face her while still in her embrace and the sight made him completely freeze. 

 

Her hair was down in a beautiful, twisted mess that draped over her shoulders. She wore nothing but a denim button up that was about four sizes too big for her and not nearly buttoned high enough. The collar laid open far too low to be appropriate and it drew his eyes down to places he most assuredly shouldn’t have been looking.

 

“I want you,  **now** .” The actress punctuated her words with a not-so-gentle bite of the actor’s ear which made him jump slightly. Her word choice sent his body into a frenzy, causing his heart to trip over itself and his blood to race through his veins with a stifling heat. She slowly drew her hands away, dragging them across his chest and collarbone, while his hands unconsciously drifted over her own as they moved away.

 

“W-well…” Ren began before having to clear his throat and regain his composure in front of Shota. Meanwhile, the redhead was sure she’d gained his attention and he’d follow promptly, so she slipped back around the corner to their shared room. “We’ll...finish this later. Don’t forget.” The words slipped from his mouth but he didn’t even wait for the dark haired man to reply before practically sprinting around the side of the couch.

 

He burst through his door, fully expecting the redhead to be standing there, waiting impatiently for him. No doubt she’d be mad at him for something, pulling him away from her brother during such an important conversation like that. He couldn’t pinpoint what he’d done exactly. It didn’t make sense. And to pull him away with such...an  **air** about her. It was completely infuriating. She had to know what she did to him.

 

He had half a mind to go straight into the argument, guns ablazing, but...something was wrong. She wasn’t standing there, arms crossed and irritated...no. It was much worse than that. She was sprawled out, lying on his bed, denim skirt riding up her thighs. Ren immediately spun around, looking away as fast as humanly possible. The sight of her even in that second window was enough to make him dizzy.

 

“Ren…” Her voice came out as more of a purr than anything else and she rolled over to face him, her hair flowing around her gorgeous pale skin. He was inexplicably drawn to her in that moment and his mouth fell open.

 

“S-Sai…” Her name came stuttering out of his mouth as he stumbled toward the bed. “What on earth are you doing…?”

 

“You haven’t joined me yet. Don’t just stand there, get in.” She rolled to make room for him on the bed and gently tapped her fingers on the sheets below her.

 

“I-I...you know I can’t, I-” The actor stuttered, backing away from her as those incredibly icy eyes stared deeply into his. “Have you b-been drinking?” He asked her, instantly recalling the night he’d spent with her the last time she’d been drunk.

 

“Of course not.” She scoffed gently, her voice still lower than he was used to. She wasn’t acting right. “And we’re to be married, are we not?” Her fingers unfurled and she wiggled them so they would catch the moonlight and it would glint off of the ring wrapped around her ring finger. The actor swallowed and moved the tiniest bit closer. 

 

“Sai...I...uh...you know we’re not r-”

 

“Don’t you say that.” The redhead interrupted, narrowing her eyes. “That doesn’t matter in the slightest. Right now, we’re engaged. And we absolutely have to act like it. Right until the end.”

 

Ren clenched his jaw and cast his gaze back down to the ground. “I know…” He hissed through his teeth and curled his fingers into fists. “I know that! It’s just-”

 

“Come here, Ren.” Her voice was softer than it had been, soothing, inviting...enticing. “Just come here.”

 

He looked up, his eyes uncertain and his body completely rigid, but the moment he caught her gaze, he started moving. She looked so assured, and the air around her felt warmer, safer. She was just as much like living sunlight to him as she always was. Giving in, he fell into the bed and felt her wrap around his torso, burying her face into his chest. 

 

“Isn’t this better?” She asked after a moment too many of silence.

 

_ You have no idea... _ He thought to himself, curling his fingers into the softness of the fabric on her back in silent response. Both fell completely silent again. “You...why did you decide we needed to change now?”

 

Sai moved her head away so she could see into the never ending depths of the actor’s dark eyes. “He isn’t buying it.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Shota, of course. He doesn’t believe us.”

 

“What? How can you tell?” Was that why the man had been acting so strangely outside? Why had he already made his decision that this life wasn’t right for her? Had he really figured them out so easily?

 

“He...has a tell. When we were little...Hikaru used to lie about tiny things; he’d lie to get Shota’s share of candy, get the better seats in the car, you know...kid things.”

 

Ren didn’t really know. He’d never had siblings. “Hikaru? Your eldest brother, right? The redhead?”

 

“Like me, yeah. He lives upstate from Shota’s family. He’s...a decent liar, at best, and even when Shota was small, he still started finding ways to notice. And when he’s trying to detect lies, he has a tick. He licks the very corners of his mouth while he focuses on finding  **your** ticks. And he’s been doing that since the moment we picked him up.”

 

“So...he’s trying to disprove our relationship? Already? We haven’t even done anything to dissuade him!”

 

“That’s how Shota is. He doesn’t trust, he needs to see for himself. And right now, holding me at arm’s length? Yeah, that’s not convincing. You sound close to me, you sound loving, your expressions are affectionate...but your body language just isn’t. You’re so hesitant, like I’m a china doll and the slightest nudge will send me plummeting. It’s one thing to act a little off about displaying affection when my brother’s here, but...you’re acting like touching me is taboo. Always.

 

“The only time he’s watched us and not wondered if what he was seeing was an act or not...was what I just did. And how you reacted. Desire. Impulse. Lust. Things you’d feel for your significant other if she walked out in almost nothing,  **craving** you. It was a real, natural response. And you weren’t afraid to touch me. That’s how we always need to be.”

 

“I-I’m just afraid that I’ll...do something. Overstep some boundary. You know...I lose myself in my roles…” The actor was lying out of his ass, and Sai knew that, but she didn’t say anything. She knew he was just scared his real feelings would start to influence his actions...and she finally completely understood his terror at the notion. 

 

Right now she could feel his heartbeat, feel his lungs expand and contract as his ribcage pushed into her. He was  **alive** beneath her, and if she did the right things...she could make him  **writhe** underneath her. And that temptation was so overpowering, it hurt her. But she could use that feeling. She could use that tension, that incredible tug on her gut. It was what she could feel if she had a houseguest and couldn’t be as free with the man she loved more than life.

 

“Then lose yourself.” She said easily, watching his eyes widen. “Lose yourself to your heart’s content. Lose yourself in me like I’ve already lost myself in you.”

 

Ren shuddered and the redhead could feel it go through his entire body. She clung to his shirt and hid her face, sighing contentedly into the hollow of his shoulder. “Can I...really do that?”

 

Her eyes were instantly drawn back up and they widened when she saw what lurked in the tall actor’s gaze. Excitement. Pure, overflowing, incredible excitement. But it wasn’t innocent. Behind that almost child-like glow was a warmth that caused something heated to stir in the actress’s body. 

 

She raised a hand to his cheek and stroked it, “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t, honestly. I don’t care if this changes my opinion of you, and you shouldn’t either. We’re constantly changing, always evolving, understanding different things. I won’t hate you, I couldn’t ever hate you, so don’t kill yourself over that as a possibility. Don’t just be Ren Tsuruga this week. Be  **my** Ren Tsuruga. You did ask for my hand in marriage after all.” She added with a cheeky smile.

 

He chuckled lowly and buried his face into the bright red locks cushioning her shoulder. “That I did. Excuse me for the hesitance. I’ll be yours as long as you agree to be mine. Deal?” His soft hair tickled her cheek and made her laugh softly. 

 

“Deal.” She whispered, the gorgeous sound causing the actor to clutch her tighter in his arms. 

 

He paused for a few moments before a light blush overtook his cheeks and he opened his mouth, “Hey, uh...what exactly...should we do to be more convincing?”

 

“Huh?” Sai blinked a few times, feeling heat rush to her own cheeks. “Oh, um. Well. I think we’re acting too…‘perfect’, you know? When you stay with a couple like Shota is, the best case scenario is that there won’t be too much affection between them because it makes living in the same space awkward. 

 

“The only problem is, that’s basically impossible. Somewhere along the line, they’re bound to make a mistake. So, we just have to start acting like our resolve is crumbling. Get a little closer than usual, have him accidentally catch us doing something we shouldn’t, have a harder time hiding things that are private.”

 

“Things like what?” The actor’s entire face was burning and he could hear the shaking in his voice when he spoke, but he refused to pull himself away from the redhead. He would play the part of her fiance, no matter what.

 

“Like...um...showering together?” Ren’s entire body went rigid and she yelped and pushed him backward so they could make eye contact. “Not that we really would! We would just make it seem that way! Get up together and leave the room with each other, both with towels or wet hair! Let him connect the dots on his own!”

 

“Saiyuka…” The dark haired man hissed her name out of his lips, the sound showing he’d relaxed slightly, but not by much. 

 

“I know, but...I need him to believe it. He needs to go home believing in this, or he won’t stop! And if he has even a seed of doubt-”

 

“He’ll take you away, I know, I know…”  _ He’s already planning on it... _

 

“Can you do this for me, then?” She asked, raising a hand to his cheek again. “Please?”

 

The actor laid his palm over her hand and squeezed gently. “Of course I can.” His lips lifted up into a striking grin. “Just don’t blame me if I do something I’ll regret.” With little care, he nuzzled into her neck and nipped at the skin there. 

 

“Ren!” Sai gasped and swatted at his arm. He laughed and rolled on top of her, gazing down into those wide, blue eyes.

 

“You’re cute when you’re surprised.” His hand moved to trace the curvature of her face and he watched in fascination as her lips shifted and parted until she was smiling up at him, a sight that could very well have been the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen; her hair spread on the pillow around her like a halo, her pale skin reflecting the gentle white light from the window, and an expression of pure joy shining angelically on her face.

 

“But you’re positively breathtaking when you’re happy…” Ren’s voice seemed to surround her and come from everywhere at once, his words ringing in her ears, the sight of him above her burning into the backs of her eyelids. 

 

Sai didn’t dare move as he lowered himself down, her eyes fluttering closed as those strong arms braced his descent, encircling her head protectively. The closer he got, the stronger his dizzying scent was...the usual amber and sandalwood strikingly contrasted with the smell of vanilla coming from his clothes. Because she’d washed them with her own, with her usual detergent. 

 

“Ahh!!” A short yelp of a scream stopped those broad shoulders from reaching the redhead, followed by the distinctive sound of a ceramic mug shattering on the floor. Ren was instantly off of the bed, allowing Sai to sit up and fuss with the shirt she wore which definitely wasn’t covering as much of her as it should have been.

 

“Shota!!” She exclaimed as she saw the thin, muscular frame of her brother standing illuminated in their doorway, a look of total shock on his face. Her own complexion became washed in red immediately and she stumbled over her words. “T-that was-! I didn’t mean for you to-! You shouldn’t have-!” 

 

“I-i-it’s okay!!” The dark haired man stuttered back. “It’s my fault for not knocking!”

 

“N-no! It wasn’t what you think-!”

 

“Sai, it’s really okay!” He laughed, seeing her look so frazzled and helpless next to the giant of an actor who he’d finally managed to shut up for once. “I know what I saw, but honestly, I’m glad I did!”

 

“You’re right...I’m sorr-” She blinked a few times, “Wait, what? Excuse me?”

 

“You two seemed so distant! If you were really just holding back for my sake, you did a hell of a job! At least I know you’re capable of doing this kind of stuff!”

 

“S-Shota…”

 

“Don’t worry about it, sis. I’ll see you two in the morning...or uh, lemme just clean this up first…” He bent down to pick up the large pieces of his broken coffee cup, but stopped dead when Ren finally recovered enough to be able to speak.

 

“Leave it. I’ll get it. You head to bed.” It wasn’t a suggestion.

 

“Oh?” The producer stood, placing a hand on his hip. “Embarrassed, are you? Gee, I wouldn’t have pegged you for someone that was scared of a little public affection. It wouldn’t surprise me if you seduced women in broad day-”

 

“That will be all, Shota.” Sai cut him off, glaring at him hard enough that he was aware he wasn’t welcome any longer. 

 

“Right-eo, lil sis. Sleep tight, you two!” Both actors remained totally still until the sound of his footsteps ended abruptly with the sound of a door clicking shut. Simultaneously, they both let out enormous relieved sighs, followed by their eyes locking on to each other. Sai blinked once and Ren blinked twice and then they both lit up completely red and began laughing. 

 

The dark haired man sank to the floor, clutching at his stomach and his beloved actress tipped over, curling into a tight ball with her arms wrapped around her torso. They didn’t really know what they were laughing at, too many things just happened to really keep track of it, but it didn’t really matter to either of them.

 

“So,” the actor began, relishing in the pure affection he saw in those glaciers Sai had for irises when he spoke that word. “Was that an instance of what you were suggesting?” He smirked at her, watching her shoulders shake from the exertion of laughing so hard.

 

“Yes! That exactly!” She managed between panting breaths and wheezes. 

 

“And was his reaction what you were hoping for?”

 

“Oh, it was perfect…” Sai wiped a tear from her eye and then beamed at the actor happily, rolling off of the bed to head to the kitchen. She ripped a few squares of paper towel off of the roll to mop up the coffee and looked around for the little brush the actor usually kept on the wall.

 

“Looking for this?” Ren moved behind her and presented it with one hand, the other wrapping around her waist.

 

“You read my mind!” Clapping her hands together, she beamed and then reached out for the brush, but the tall actor behind her held it just out of her reach. “H-hey-!”

 

“You have no idea how much I wish I could read your mind.” Suddenly, the jovial tone of the last few minutes was completely gone from his voice, leaving only a serious, sincere one in its place.

 

“W-why would you want to do that?”

 

“Sai,” he set down the brush and wrapped his other arm around her, holding her flush against his broad chest. “I honestly can’t tell what you’re thinking. Do you like that I do this? Is the casual way you react to me being this close because you’re in character and want to look like we’ve done it a thousand times? Or is it just because you feel nothing for me?”

 

“It would be a common occurrence, wouldn’t it?”

 

“Don’t answer my question with a question, Saiyuka. And yes, me holding you would be a regular thing, but we don’t have to be in character now. Shota’s not here, he’s not expecting anything, or searching for lies. It’s just you and me. So why are you acting like this?”

 

“Right back at you. If we aren’t acting right now, why are you so close to me?”

 

Sighing heavily, Ren stepped back, moving away from her. “I suppose that’s valid. I’m just trying to get into the swing of how I should be acting.”

 

“Then why would you want me to react out of character? You’re not making any sense, Ren…”  _ Although...I suppose I know why he’s being like this. He wants this to mean more to me...because it means so much to him. You’re a fool, Ren...if you can’t see how hard this is for me, you’re truly, truly...an idiot… _

 

“I just...aw, forget it. Forget it. I guess it’s still new for me, but we’re playing a couple that’s been together for months, not a single week, so it was seeming a little unnatural. That’s all.”

 

The redhead turned around to face him and gave him the slightest head shake, her expression completely neutral. Her lips were pressed into a thin line as she drifted away from him, back to the spilled coffee soaking into the carpet. 

 

Ren remained standing there, now fully aware of just how sure Sai was that he’d been lying at that moment. And since she knew that, she had to know the truth, had to know how he felt. And she’d just given the gentlest, most subtle rejection he’d ever seen. He hadn’t spoken his feelings, and neither had she, so he supposed it was only fair.

 

He turned his gaze up to the ceiling and let in a slow breath of air, feeling his ribcage expand and then contract as the air left his lungs. He did that twice more before he finally considered himself strong enough to go back out there. Once he did, he found the redhead just picking up the last of the pieces of the broken mug, standing back up to throw everything away.

 

As she turned, the faint darkness in the actor’s expression immediately caught her eye. He could have taken a hundred, or even a thousand breaths to cool himself down, but at this point, the actress knew him too well for even that. 

 

Wordlessly, she slipped by him and trashed the remains of the dish and all the sullied paper towel and then popped back out, taking the actor’s hand and pulling him along with her back to their room. He came without a struggle, but was surprised to find that her grip on his wrist was actually quite strong. It would have been hard to move away even if he’d tried.

 

She shut the door behind them both and walked the actor over to the bed, giving his shoulders a gentle shove so he sat down while she remained standing.

 

“Why do you look like that?” She asked, her arms crossed over her ample chest.

 

“L-look like what?” 

 

“Like a kicked puppy. You always look like a kicked puppy and it’s so goddamn annoying. If you have something to say, don’t just sit there and keep it all locked up-”

 

“You wouldn’t understand even if I told you, so just-”

 

“Wouldn’t understand?” She echoed, getting angrier now. “How do you figure that?” 

 

“Look, I just can’t talk about this kind of thing with you right now-”

 

“Or ever. I know the drill.” Sai let loose a strangled growl of frustration and plopped down on the bed next to Ren, sighing deeply and letting her head hit his shoulder. “You make me feel so useless when you do this.”

 

“Useless!? But-”

 

“You shut me out like this constantly. You don’t talk to me or confide in me whatsoever, but we both know that it’s not because you don’t need to, and it’s not that I can’t listen either. It’s something about  **me** that you can’t trust. 

 

“You sit there, suffering silently, locked away deep inside yourself and you don’t let anyone in. You’re always telling me not to struggle on my own but the same goes for you! You’re not alone anymore, don’t shut me out…” She placed a hand on his thigh and nuzzled against him, her last word coming out as a hushed whisper, “Please.”

 

“Sai,” the dark haired man placed his hand over hers and intertwined their fingers. Using his other hand, he cupped her cheek and pushed her jaw up so their eyes could meet. “I’m not shutting you out. This is something I need to get through on my own, and despite what you say, it would be hard for you to...understand. Even if I don’t tell you, you still can help. You’re already helping, just by being here.”

 

The redhead lowered her eyes and her posture sagged slightly, “I see.”

 

“Hey,” he lowered himself down to meet her and pushed his forehead against hers. “I know I’m not alone. I trust you. You know that right?”

 

Sai brushed her nose against his and closed her eyes. “Mmhm.”

 

He knew he wouldn’t get much more out of her at this point, so he moved away and flopped gracefully down on his side of the bed, watching her carefully as she smiled and followed his lead. As soon as she was there, he moved toward her and pulled her against him, resting his head in the crook of her neck.

 

“Your hair is tickly, Ren…” She giggled softly, nudging him back.

 

“You know you like it,” he teased back, listening to the gentle chiming of her laughter and how it reverberated in her chest. 

 

“Hush,” she told him defiantly, pleased that he listened for once as his breathing evened out and the grip he’d had on her waist slackened. “You’re really blind, you know that, don’t you?” She called out to him, knowing he was asleep already. “You really can’t see I feel the same way you do, you dumbass?”

 

She remained awake for some time after that, drawing circles on the backs of his hands and wondering why on earth she didn’t just get over herself and ask the man out. If anyone could work out something around her tangled mess of a past, it was him. But every time she wanted to open her mouth, the words didn’t come. It wasn’t time yet...but she didn’t know what else she could do. This wasn’t right. Laying here with him, both harboring barely constrained mutual emotions, closer than she’d be with anyone else, and she still couldn’t tell him. If not now, then when?

 

It was really impossible to tell just how long she’d stayed awake. Somewhere in her raging thought process, she must have drifted off. It wasn’t until a sharp knock sounded at their door did her eyes fly open only to flutter shut from the intensity of morning light. The knock sounded again and she could hear the actor groan from behind her. 

 

Ren removed his hand from around her waist and grabbed his pillow, using it as a shield over his head to block out the light. 

 

“Well, Mr. Gentleman, sir,” the redhead spoke, her voice cracking from disuse and slurring from her still lingering sleepiness, “I guess I’ll get the door.”

 

He made some sort of grunting noise that she took as a sign of gratitude and she swung her legs out of the bed, stretching her back out and twisting it until a series of cracks signified she was good to go. The knock sounded once more and she sighed, “I’m coming, I’m coming, goodness.”

 

She opened the door and stood there, unsurprised to see her brother already up, showered, and beaming. “You’re brighter than the sun already, Shota. Dial it down a few notches, would you?”

 

“Hey now, shouldn’t you two be morning people too?” He asked with a radiant grin, peeking in to see his future brother-in-law still wrapped in the blankets with a pillow over his head. “You get up so early for shoots anyway, why don’t you have more energy?”

 

“Speak for yourself. Waking up before seven in the morning should be illegal. And stop asking so many questions right away…”

 

“Need coffee?” He asked, before grimacing when he realized he’d just asked another question. “Uh, I’ll just get you some. I was thinking you two could show me around a little bit, it’s been so long since we were last here, so I’m sure there are changes around.”

 

“Yeah, okay, that sounds great.” Sai said distractedly, only half-hearing what her brother was saying. “Coffee also sounds great. We’ll see you in a few minutes.” She began to close the door again and he could hear her turn around and start calling the actor’s name, followed by a series of highly unhappy noises.

 

He smiled and returned to the kitchen, glad to see his little sister doing so well with such a genuine and kind man. He honestly liked Ren, but there was something unnerving about him at the same time, like there was some part of him he kept hidden, even from Sai. And that worried him. There was also something about the two of them in general that tipped him off and made him feel uneasy but he couldn’t pinpoint what it was yet. 

 

Trying not to think too hard about it, he busied himself with making coffee and listened as the shower started up and echoed that rhythmic pattern of falling water through the apartment. After only about ten minutes, the water shut off and he started drumming his fingers on the counter to make up for the silence. 

 

As he poured the fresh coffee that had just finished into a mug, he remembered how he’d shattered one the night before and instantly felt bad for not apologizing right away. Moving back into the hallway, he reminded himself that he needed to remember to do it as soon as possible. Just as he was thinking that, the bedroom door opened again and he turned to face the occupant that was emerging only to be faced with the both of them. Ren had a towel around his neck and Sai had one twirling up her hair, but it was still obvious that the both of them were still drying off, their hair soaking wet. 

 

He froze in place as he realized what must have happened when his sister spotted him and his mug and her already wide grin grew broader. “Ooh! Coffee! Yes, please,” she giggled once and turned away from them, only for Ren to grab her arm and stop her.

 

“Sai! Your back is bleeding…” He moved a strap of hers down so he could see it better and Shota peeked at it as well, worried for the redhead. There he saw a row of red crescents, the top of which was darker than the other ones and actively welling with blood. They were nail marks. Ones she couldn’t have put there herself.

 

Ren tsked at the injury and scurried away to find band aids, leaving Shota there to stare at the wound as his mind generated all sorts of things he shouldn’t be privy to, his face lighting up an awful, blotchy red color. “I-is it that bad?” Sai asked him, seeing his face.

 

The dark haired producer instantly looked up and tried to fight the rising heat from his own embarrassment as he blinked and began watching her. He licked the inside corner of his lips and cocked his head slightly. “Not really, no. I’m just curious as to where it came from.”

 

Watching his tick, Sai had to wonder how on earth they could possibly sell this any better than they already were! Why was he so suspicious! She allowed a bright red blush to wash over her face and her eyes averted to the corner of the room. “Oh, u-uh...well, I really...can’t say! Haha...I mean, it doesn’t even hurt! I probably just bumped into something...or, uh...something like that. Yeah, haha…” She muttered nervously, twirling a strand of hair that had escaped her updo around her finger.

 

Shota watched his sister fidget in mild mortification and couldn’t understand where it was coming from. Suddenly, they seemed much more...natural. It was unusual. Before he could think of any reasons why that would be, the actor appeared and started fixing up the tiny red marks.

 

“Ow!” Sai exclaimed when he pressed a little too hard on one of them. “Could you at least try to be a bit more gentle, babe?” She asked, glaring at the man behind her.

 

“I didn’t think you liked me being gentle.” He said seriously, but not without flashing her a cocky smile.

 

Her icy orbs widened and she swatted at him arm, “Ren! Don’t be inappropriate!” She huffed fighting the redness behind her cheeks. “And you better fix those up right. They may not be too bad, but you put too many marks on me to begin with-” Startled, she glanced at her brother who was looking at her with wide, round eyes and his mouth partially open. 

 

Completely ignoring him, Ren finished bandaging her back and he lowered himself slightly so he could talk right into her ear. “You know I don’t say any of your marks are bad, because of how much I love seeing them on you.”

 

“Ren Tsuruga!” Sai squeaked, hiding her face in her hands, “Behave!”

 

He pressed a kiss into the back of her neck before nipping the skin and causing her to jump. “Don’t wanna.”

 

“You are being insufferable right now,” the actress whirled around and started pushing him through the kitchen doorway. “Go start breakfast and c-calm down.”

 

“Alright, alright…” He chuckled lowly as he made his way toward his fridge, leaving the talent and her brother in the hallway.

 

“I-I’m really sorry about him…” She said softly, pressing her hands into her heated cheeks. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

 

“He...certainly is acting quite different.”

 

“I think that’s my fault.” She offered her brother a small smile. “I told him that while we have a guest, he has to act like he’s not allowed to touch me, like it’s taboo. It’s easier that way because...well, anything less than that and he’s...well, he’s like  **that** . But he takes it really seriously when I tell him to act, and it was starting to wear me down a little as well.

 

“He even took it so far that he slept as close to the edge of the bed as possible, and that’s after I dissuaded him from sleeping on the floor. He may not look it, but he’s very clingy, likes to be right next to me when he’s able to. I guess it was too weird for me for him to act so distant, and I started really missing him. I think he snapped after what I did last night…”

 

“So...is this how he’s going to be now?” Shota asked, his eyes wide.

 

“I...think I can persuade him to take it down a few notches...but it won’t be as foolproof as it was before now. I’m sorry…” She scratched the back of her head and looked up sheepishly.

 

“I...see…” He blinked a few times, but Sai watched carefully and he didn’t lick his lip again. She counted this as a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.


	59. Chapter 59

She sent her brother an apologetic smile and then moved to join the actor in the kitchen. Working together, their breakfast preparation took less than half the time and the trio was ready to tackle their day at record speeds, all filing through the actor’s doorway toward the elevator, arguing about where to bring Sai’s brother first.

 

“We’ll start in Shibuya!” Sai decided, ignoring the peeps from the actor next to her as they got into his car. Ren opened his mouth to argue back but she cut him off whilst promptly ignoring the short guffaws of her brother in the back. “But! We’ll go to Meiji Jingu first, which was something on your list, right?”

 

He pulled out of the garage and glared at the young woman next to him, “Fine-”

 

The redhead cheered and clapped her hands together happily. “Yay!”

 

“But! We’re not going to that shopping district. You’ll spend way too much money-”

 

“Ren…” She whined, “you know I love it there.”

 

“Which is why we go for special occasions-”

 

“Like this one!”

 

“No. But we can go to Taito next, if that makes you happy.”

 

Sai pouted, sticking her lower lip out, “Can we stop in Odaiba…?”

 

“That’s out of the way-” He looked over at her and then sighed in defeat. “Alright...alright…”

 

The redhead cheered and looked excitedly back at Shota, beaming in victory at him. He shook his head at her and she showed him a peace sign, giggling to herself as they started their route to Shibuya. 

 

Their outing that morning went by quickly as the redhead dragged her two dark haired associates along with her. “How on earth do you keep up with her?” Shota asked with a laugh as she headed out of yet another clothing store in the shopping district they were in.

 

“Oh, trust me, it’s not as easy as I may make it look...she takes a lot out of me.” Ren laughed as he reminisced about his first shopping outing with the redhead.

 

“I didn’t think she’d still be this energetic. It’s like seeing her be only six years old again.” His eyes softened as he watched Sai glance back and wave them forward, getting impatient. “I missed this side of her very much.”

 

“She...was like this when she was younger?” The turn in the conversation interested the dark haired actor very much.

 

“I suppose she hasn’t told you much, has she? She’s not an open book by any means. It is true that she used to be this energetic, but the older she got, the less she ever wanted to go out. It got to the point where she refused to leave for the longest time until...well, I guess until she met you. All this...stuff here changed her again. She’s closer to how she used to be when she was younger and it’s nice to see.”

 

“Is that...why you wanted her to come back with you?” 

 

“Yeah, and don’t get me wrong, I still intend to. I’m grateful for all you’ve done for her, believe me...but I think it’s wrong for us to be separated any longer. We’ve already spent too much of our lives divided by an ocean.”

 

“Again, all due respect, Shota, but while she was here on her own, separated by that ocean, she built a life for herself. That lively demeanor that you love so much, it’s because of everything she’s managed to create here, in Tokyo. This is where she belongs.”

 

Shota narrowed his eyes at the giant of an actor who towered a head taller than him and opened his mouth to argue back before he thought better of having that discussion while out and about like that. “Why don’t we do this later?” He asked in all seriousness, catching the glint of suspicion in the actor’s eye before he nodded in agreement.

 

“Hey, you two!” The redhead called from further ahead, waving to them. “Why don’t we go here for lunch?” She asked, pointing to a classic, high style looking restaurant. Sending one more glance toward each other, the men smiled and met her by the doors, Ren taking her arm as the entered.

 

They were seated on the upper balcony, looking down at the terrace in the back of the restaurant and the ordering process was even more painless than usual. At first, the actor sat next to Sai, but gave her plenty of space as he moved more toward the corner of the booth. While they waited for their food, the actor began a conversation with the producer.

 

As they were talking, a short male waiter came over carrying a tray of food and he beamed at Sai who looked up and smiled when she saw him coming. “Ooh! Thank you!” She chimed, helping him take everything off the tray and distribute them across the table. 

 

“Course, ma’am.” He caught a plate she was tipping slightly and exclaimed a bit louder than he’d intended, “Woah! Careful with that…” And he helped lower it to the table, but his touch lingered on her arm for a few seconds more than necessary. 

 

“Oh, thank you, I’m sorry.” She pushed a strand of red hair out of her eyes and glanced up at him with an apologetic smile.

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it...just glad I caught it in time…” He smiled and put his hand back out. “My name’s Ando Noriyuki, and it’s my pleasure to serve you today.”

 

“Saiyuka Akai,” she told him with another smile, completely oblivious to the end of the conversation between the two men who were now paying close attention to the waiter and the obvious smiles and gestures he was making toward the redhead.

 

“Alright…” He said once everything was ready. “I think that’s my cue to go. But maybe I’ll see you around some time,” he reached into his pocket and extended his hand toward her, a note clutched in his fingers. Before he could give it to her, though, a large hand clamped over his arm with monster force.

 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Growled an angry, snarling voice from next to the redhead. Ren was squeezing the waiter’s arm so hard that he gasped and dropped the note, his entire body starting to tremble.

 

“Uh, I, uh, I-I didn’t...I wasn’t...I don’t-I...I…” The poor man stuttered, trying to wrench away his arm to no avail.

 

“Spit it out, kid.” He demanded, ignoring the redhead’s small protests and tugs at his shirt to get him to stop.

 

“I-I...I wanted to...give her my number...that’s all…” Cringing heavily, the boy once again tried to pull his arm free but was met with the same resistance.

 

“Oh, yeah? This?” Ren used his other hand to pick up the fallen scrap of paper and the waiter nodded before flinching as he violently crumpled it in his hand and let it fall again. “Sorry kid, but you’re gonna have to back off. She’s taken.”

 

“Ren!” The redhead exclaimed, finally managing to get the actor to release his death grip on the other man, who promptly scurried away. “You can’t do that!” She hissed from between her teeth, putting a hand on his chest to soothe the angered expression from his face.

 

“You know I don’t mean to...it’s just, the guy looked right at me and then gave you the paper anyway. Do I really not look close to you when we’re in public?”

 

“You do tend to sit further away than you do at home…”

 

“Because I don’t want to embarrass you. Does not showing my affection in public automatically make you look that available? Fine then.” Reaching around, he put his arm on her shoulders, wrapping her protectively in his arms.

 

“Just promise me you won’t be so aggressive next time,” she ran her fingers down the curve of his jaw and gave him a hard look.

 

“Why shouldn’t I?” He asked, tilting his head inquisitively. 

 

“I’ll make you those fudge truffles you like so much if you  **promise** me.” She told him, while Shota stared at the two people across from him. His sister was treating her fiance like a small child, promising him treats and bargaining like he was five years old. 

 

His shock only grew as Ren leaned down and started whispering something to her, but all he could catch was, “I’ll promise if you…” The rest was too quiet for him to distinguish, but he could vaguely understand what he’d said when her face lit up a dark, dark red as she instantly ripped herself away from him, sputtering idiotically. 

 

Laughing rather darkly with a satisfied smirk on his face, the actor refused to let her retreat and pulled her back with so much force that she was almost on his lap. Surprised, she let out a muted yelp and cast startled eyes toward her brightly blushing brother. In response, the producer shook his head, determined not to take part in whatever was going on between the two of them.

 

“Ren Tsuruga! You’ll get nothing at all if you don’t behave!” She cried, still struggling in that strong grip of his.

 

Almost immediately the actor took his hands off of her, shifting his attention to his rapidly cooling meal in front of him he acted like he hadn’t just been restraining his fiancee and whispering wildly inappropriate things to her.

 

Conversation slowly slipped back in, the tense situation from earlier still having its after effects, although they were more muted than several minutes prior. When they were finished, Shota flagged down a different waiter to collect the plates and fetch the check. He noted with some interest that Ren’s arm didn’t move from Sai’s shoulders this time.

 

“Look at that…” The redhead clicked her tongue in annoyance. “You might have made him leave his shift early you scared him so badly...we had to get our check from a different waiter.”

 

“Serves him right,” the actor mumbled, receiving a slap to his shoulder. 

 

“No, it really doesn’t. He was just a kid. You shouldn’t have treated him like a condemned criminal.”

 

“But he did something wrong, so why shouldn’t I?”

 

“And what, pray tell, did he do?”

 

“Attempted thievery.”

 

“Thiev- Oh, Ren...and who exactly do I belong to?”

 

“Me,” the giant of a man claimed as he leaned down and planted a kiss over her lips. 

 

“Don’t you think I know that?” She asked him with a grin and giggle, gently tapping his nose.

 

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” he argued back as they made their way toward the doors.

 

“Honestly, I’m with Ren on this,” Shota said suddenly, making the redhead stamp her foot. 

 

“You two…!”

 

“I’m serious, sis! You’re beautiful, and this guy knows it!” The more time he’d spent with the two of them, the more he’d become a little more disillusioned to his childish way of thinking his sister was “gross” and “ugly” and he realized something. She was just as godly looking as he was. What with her perfectly sculpted features, those piercing, electrifying eyes, and that fiery, gorgeously curled hair. Next to the actor, she looked even more goddess-like. They made a perfect pair.

 

“That’s still no reason to petrify the man…”

 

“He had to be put in his place, babe.” The actor smirked, but she could see the apology in his eyes.

 

“Insufferable.” She stuck out her tongue. 

 

Dropping the clearly unwinnable argument then, the redhead resumed dominating the majority of their tour as they looped back around to their familiar neighborhood. The rest of the day had slipped by easily, the trip entertained by various landmarks and tourist attractions across Tokyo, several Shota had actually expressed interest in, and others Sai had simply dragged him to.

 

The more time Ren spent with the producer, the more he began to see parts of Sai’s personality in him, but each tidbit was amplified. He knew Sai had a mean streak, but his was far worse. She could have a foul mouth, but he almost never stopped once he got started. He was an extreme version of her, missing all the soft edges and gentleness she’d grown to have.

 

He didn’t mention any of his observations to the redhead, but she was beginning to see Ren’s attitude toward her brother shift. As much as she’d honestly wished the two would get along, she’d known for a long time that her older brother was a hard person to get along with unless you really knew him, which took time. Even she still had trouble. 

 

They arrived home late in the evening, mostly exhausted. Thankfully, Ren and Sai were more hungry than they were tired and were glad to get up to make dinner. Halfway through their preparation, Shota poked his head in and caught their attention.

 

“Sorry guys, I know you’re makin’ something to eat, but I’m really bushed. I think I’ll head to bed early.” He sent his sister an apologetic smile to which she responded with those doe-like eyes which signified her worry. 

 

“Are you alright, Shota?” She stepped closer to him, raising her hand as if to check for a fever, but he gently pushed it away.

 

“I’m fine, little sis! Your tour just took a lot out of me! I’m not ten anymore!” He chuckled that scratchy, breathy laugh and waved her concern off. “I’ll see you two in the morning.”

 

Sai watched him go, wringing her apron in her hands to keep from running after him. “Do you think he’s alright?” She asked worriedly, looking back at Ren.

 

“I think he needs some time, that’s all.” He was already sure he was right. The man was rethinking his earlier claims. He wasn’t sure of himself anymore. Now that they’d pulled the plug on holding themselves back, he wasn’t sure he was correct. Had to be among the first times that’s happened to him.

 

“Have we upset him?” She asked, biting her lip as the actor led her to the table so she could eat.

 

“I think we made him second guess himself. You knew he doubted us. Now his view is changing. He needs time to process that.” He spoke slowly, watching her practically inhale her food until she let go of the fork and it clanked down on her plate and she put her head in her hands. 

 

“Will he let me stay?” She asked with a trembling voice, her eyes misted over when she looked up at Ren.

 

He looked into her eyes, moving to the other side of the table so he could hold her gently in his arms. “If I have anything to say about it, yes.”

 

A hiss of humorless laughter escaped her lips and she moved in the actor’s arms, causing him to let her go, scared he’d been hurting her. Instead of giving any indication of that, she collapsed into his lap, resting her head there and looking up at him. He started at first, unprepared for her to do something so intimate so suddenly. 

 

“A-are you okay?” He stuttered, suddenly concerned for her.

 

“Course I am. You’re here,” she smiled up at him; a tired, worried, small smile, but it was real nonetheless. “I’m just really tired…”

 

“I’m not surprised, you ran around so much today,” he quipped, spooning the last of his meal into his mouth as she tried to search her sleepy brain for a comeback. “Now come on,” he broke off her trail of thought.

 

Without waiting for her to get up, or even reply, he picked her up carefully, allowing her to wrap her arms around his neck for better support, “Ren! What are you doing?”

 

“Taking you to bed, you said you were tired,” he argued, ignoring the squeaks of rather amused protest he was hearing from her.

 

“B-but what about the dishes?” The redhead was grasping at straws to save herself from the fire slowly building in her cheeks.

 

“I’ll do them in the morning, if they mean that much to you,” Ren claimed matter-of-factly, pleased to watch her face grow more and more red by the minute. Once in their room, he dropped her on the bed. “Don’t move,” he commanded, fussing around with the clean bedding in his closet.

 

Working quickly, he started making her a nest of blankets and pillows which somehow turned more into a fort along the line. They joked their way through the building of such a fort and when the actor eventually crawled in, they had their usual banter going on full force. 

 

He’d made a special opening in the fort just so they could see the television. He missed the feel of watching it with her, what with Shota’s silence during any program they’d watched together. Almost immediately, they snapped into their usual mock comedy routine making fun of characters or dialogue, or whatever it was that made them laugh.

 

It wasn’t until the morning that the actor awoke to the sound of the tv and a completely collapsed fort that he realized they’d fallen asleep in the middle of some drama that Sai found particularly humorous. 

 

He woke her gently and they laid there together for a few moments just like they usually did, taking in the morning light and the fresh air pouring in through his open windows. This was how he always wanted to wake up. An angel by his side. No worries about the coming day. Something he’d been unable to experience since the arrival of Shota and all the stress he brought with him.

 

Thankfully, the next two days of Shota’s visit were much milder, as he was working for a majority of both of them, giving the actors a day off to themselves and a day of working without having to worry about how he was faring alone at the house.

 

They met in the morning and the evening, usually having at least dinner together as they each recounted interesting or humorous parts of their days. While Ren could easily admit that Sai and Shota were easily siblings and there were many similarities between them, there were parts that were so radically different that they seemed almost opposite. 

 

One of those things was the producer's sense of humor. Or lack thereof, for that matter. While Sai was easy to please and matched his idea of what constitutes as “funny”, Shota always gave him that blank look before watching his sister light up with joy and managing to offer some half-hearted grin and an appreciative nod.

 

It wasn’t until the morning of Shota’s final day there that he finally got the dark haired producer to laugh at something he said. Of course, by then it was too late to really try and use that to create a friendship. While they weren’t as rocky as they had been at first and Shota had taken on a more polite attitude, there was still tension between the two of them that was unmistakable.

 

Rather than whipping something up for Shota’s last morning, the trio went out to a pricey brunch place of Shota’s choice. It was a lot like him to chose the place he did. High society dining, eager to listen to his multitudes of ridiculous requests, and all matching his haughty, know-it-all demeanor that Sai had warned him about.

 

They stopped at several last landmarks on the way back to the airport, Sai trying to scrape together as much of Tokyo into one straight-ish path as physically possible. It wasn’t until they reached the airport that she simply stepped back and let her brother lead himself around for a while.

 

“Hey,” he eventually got her attention, ticket in hand and standing by the ropes of the line to security check-ins. She looked up, those icy eyes glazed over and dull, a faint sadness held in them. “Are you positive you won’t come with me?”

 

“You’re asking me if I want to?” She asked, shocked, knowing that he usually would just act, not ask. He was one of those “ask for forgiveness, not permission” types of people.

 

“I wasn’t going to, no. I had half a mind to pack up a suitcase for you and lug it around all morning, but I didn’t.” He looked down at his little sister, breathing out and placing a hand on her head to mess her hair up.

 

“Why didn’t you? What stopped you?”

 

“What, did you want me to practically kidnap you?” He asked with a humorless laugh and a pat on her shoulder.

 

“No, no!” Sai waved her hands in front of her face and cleared her throat, “I’m just surprised, that’s all. You usually just go ahead with whatever you want…”

 

“‘Screw everyone else, I’m right’...that’s how you think my mind works?” He looked at her sadly, wishing she could just see that he only wanted her closer to him than across an entire ocean. 

 

“It does work like that sometimes, Shota. You’re a brilliant man and most of what you say and decide is right and people will gladly follow you and listen. It’s just different when we’re talking about a human life. This isn’t about our Legos, this time, Shota.”

 

“So, you want to stay...I get it. I won’t try to stop you from staying. Just promise me you’ll be happy, and if something happens and you need me, don’t hesitate to call. I’ll make sure you’re on the next flight for sure.”

 

A tear trailed down those rosy cheeks and Shota lost it a bit, wrapping his arms around his sister. “I promise,” she sniveled, sniffing in deeply as she tried to calm herself before she got too out of hand.

 

“I’m going to miss you, sis…” He told her, holding her at arm’s length to better see her. “Please, come visit, alright? Don’t forget about me over there. Gotcha?”

 

“Gotcha,” she echoed with a smile, moving aside so Ren could get to her brother.

 

Without prompting, Shota wrapped his arms around Ren’s shoulders and gave them a tight squeeze, backing off quickly and smiling, “It really was a pleasure to meet you, Ren. I much apologize if I imposed or anything I said was out of line. Just know that I’m happy Sai found someone like you and I hope you two will be as happy together as you are now always. I’ll be glad to call you a brother one day, I hope you know that!”

 

Shota smirked and moved back to saying his goodbyes with his sister and left the actor to soak in what he said. Once the producer was focused on him again, he felt a genuine smile overtake his features. “Thank you, Shota. I look forward to that day.”  _ Because one day...one day it will be true. I know it will be. I can feel it. _

 

With that, the producer made his way out of the line and into the security area, watching the pair waving at his retreating form the entire time, their other hands intertwined while the actor’s thumb stroked her palm and spun the ring on her finger like it was the most natural thing in the world.


	60. Chapter 60

Droplets of rain gathered at the top of the window, streaking down freely while dragging down other drops that had landed further down. The tiny interior of the car resonated with the sound of the drops pelting at the doors, the windshield, and all the windows. The sounds themselves weren’t that loud, but their volume was amplified by the distinct lack of any and all noise between the two occupants of the car.

 

Glancing between his companion and the road for what seemed like the thousandth time that car ride, Ren finally managed to work up to speaking, “Sai...are you okay? You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet.” He waited a few moments and turned to her again, but the redhead didn’t give any indication she’d even heard him. “Have I done something wrong?” He asked carefully, finally noticing a flash of light cross in front of those pale irises of hers.

 

“What?” She asked blankly, turning to him with wide eyes, “No! Absolutely not...it’s just...I’m a little out of it. I’ve...never seen my brother act like that…”

 

“You mean considerate? You’ve never seen him ask for someone’s opinion before?”

 

“Well, not exactly...it’s more like no one else’s opinion matters to him. He’s not swayed by others or their arguments. It’s just not like him to...ask me what I want or what I think.” She bit her lip and looked out the window, watching the rain sleeting down on their car streak by. 

 

“People change, Sai. Maybe he learned to ask, to care.” Ren suggested, returning to watching the road.

 

The actress paused for a few moments before forcing her voice out of her throat. “It’s possible. But highly unlikely. It’s not easy to change, especially for people like us.” Ren’s eyes were instantly back on her, wide and unsure. He’d heard her upset before, he’d heard her angry and exasperated, but he’d never heard her use a tone of voice like the one she’d just used. 

 

Her voice had been low and dark, almost to the point he’d call it menacing if he didn’t know her better. She’d sounded almost...haunted. It was so unlike her that the actor could have believed she’d been acting. But he knew she wasn’t. Still...it had felt like a different person entirely had just spoken from beside him. That thought made a shiver rip down his spine.

 

Watching her out of the corner of his eye, she turned back toward the windshield and his eyes widened even further. Her features were distinctly changed. They seemed harder, more angular. Older. And they were frustratingly similar, like he’d seen them before. 

 

The more he looked at her, the more he noticed. Her posture was unusual as well. Usually, she sat up straight, her fingers either in her lap or tapping absentmindedly on the armrest, but this time, she was slouched down, her legs curled up beneath her as if she was trying to keep them warm.

 

He wanted to ask. God, he wanted to ask. He wanted to know what was happening to her, what had caused such a change, but he didn’t want her to speak. He didn’t want to hear that voice from her. He was slightly scared of her at that moment and it was all he could do to just drag his eyes away from her and refocus on the road.

 

The rest of the ride was just as silent as the beginning, both occupants deciding this wasn’t the time for a merry conversation. It still hadn’t quite sunk in that their time together was coming to a close, almost like the reality that their ruse could be over was too much to handle so early on.

 

Ren parked and they went up to his apartment just as wordlessly, their path home worn well into their minds at this point. The door sent a definitive click into the room when it closed, the sound washing over the two actors who stood unmoving in the foyer.

 

Sai scanned the hallway leading into the apartment she’d called home for the last half a month and heaved a rather large sigh as a familiar stinging prickled from deep in her chest and behind her eyes, “Man…” She clicked her tongue mournfully, her voice back to normal. “It sure is going to take a long time to pack all of this up, isn’t it?”

 

Hearing that finally vocalized was the last needed push for the actor to realize his time as her fiance was over. She’d be leaving again. And he hadn’t done anything for himself yet, he hadn’t tried to prove to her life with him could be more than a temporary solution. Mentally slapping himself, his brain raced for a way to make up for his cowardice earlier in the week. He wouldn’t let her slip through his fingers like this.

 

The redhead was already on the move, gathering up all the things from the front hall closet and packing them up, not even noticing Ren standing frozen in the doorway. He watched her move, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as her brow furrowed slightly and she stuck her lip out and made a face at her belongings.

 

All too fast, Ren realized that he didn’t just want her to see life with him was a possibility. He didn’t want her to go at all. It was one thing having her around in his every day, but it was another entirely to have her around in his  **entire** day. And he couldn’t give it up without at least trying to fight for it first.

 

_ Nothing will change if I don’t do something to change myself... _ He decided, his stare hardening over her curvaceous form.  _ If I truly want her by my side for good...I have to show her that. _

 

As she was cleaning, he approached her from behind and watched carefully as she turned and started to walk by him. As gently as he could, he reached out and wrapped his fingers around her slender wrist, stopping her in her tracks. 

 

Startled, Sai looked up at him, surprised by both the sudden motion and the level of gentle care he was putting into the grip he had on her. Her surprise only grew as she watched him struggle with something, the battle raging within him visible in his eyes. The dark colors swirled like a bottomless whirlpool, dragging her in deeper until she couldn’t move, couldn’t look away.

 

“Stay. One more night.” His voice was low and steady, like the constant rushing of a waterfall that crashed down on her and shook her to her core.

 

“Stay?” She questioned, feeling her insides start to rampage as her emotions and her reason collided in a massive explosion of indecision. “Why...do you want me to? The job is finished-”

 

“It isn't about the job.” Ren hissed, tightening his grip on Sai's wrist and removing the bag from her hand so he could take hold of it with his other. “Forget about the damn job. This is about us- about me.”

 

Completely frozen to the spot, the redhead could do nothing but nod for him to continue.  _ What is he doing?! Is he seriously thinking about...confessing?...Am I really okay with that...? _

 

The actor swallowed and stared into those bright blue orbs until they were too intense for him and he had to look away, letting Sai go as he took a step back. “Having you stay here made me realize something.”

 

Sai's lips opened slightly before fumbling and falling shut again. Her limbs started to tremble slightly as her mind went haywire. She wasn't ready for this yet, she wasn't prepared to go down this road...! “A-and...what would that be?”

 

“I can't keep lying to you. I know there's something...here.” He gestured between the two of them, watching a hauntingly dark look settle in the redhead's crystal colored eyes. It was like watching something pure and beautiful like a glacial landscape becoming overrun with tainted, looming black clouds. He was watching the venom he'd seen in her so early in their relationship take over her again. 

 

“You're imagining it. It was just a job.” Her words would have been sharp like blades, though they were hopeless at cutting. She was visibly shaking now. He could easily brush those dull knives to the side.

 

“Was I imagining it when you would effortlessly cling to me? When you would so easily kiss me goodbye? When you would look at me the moment you opened your eyes in the morning? Was that an act? When you weren't even awake enough to form coherent sentences, you were still able to look at me with  **those** eyes?”

 

Sai stayed silent, staring at the ground and trying to contain the overflowing negative emotions clawing her throat painfully raw. Ren leaned toward her, trying to block out the rush of misery that came when she flinched away from him before he steadied her shoulders with one large hand and used the other to cup her cheek, lifting her chin up.

 

“I'm not...ready to face you, Sai. I know I'm not. There's too much weight dragging me down to rise up and face you right now, so call it cowardice if you want, but I'm not going to force anything on you right now because I'm already at my limit myself.” He gave a humorless scoff and rested his forehead on hers in defeat.

 

“So...what? Are we just going to acknowledge that we're both disgusting cowards who have lost the blissful part of our ignorance and are now just running away...and leave it at that?” Sai asked, causing those lids covering the actor's perfectly earthy orbs to lift. 

 

“No. I want you to stay with me one more night, so I can sever one of those weights. If this job has taught me anything, it's that I have something to chase after now. And now that I have that goal, I'm not going to give it up so easily. But I can't run for you when I'm shackled like I am. It won't be easy, but I'm going to work on freeing myself, and when I do, I'll come for you with a vengeance. And tonight I'm going to force one of those shackles off even if it kills me.”

 

“If you kill yourself over this, Ren Tsuruga, how in the hell do you think you'll manage to come for me?” The redhead asked, her voice trembling just as much as her limbs as she gazed up at him with misty eyes, like melting ice.

 

“I'd climb up from the depths of Hell itself, burning and screaming, if it meant you were waiting for me, Saiyuka Akai. So don't think even death would keep me away.” He wrapped his arms around that petite frame of hers, relishing in the feeling of her slender digits brushing across his back with featherlight hesitance as she returned the gesture. 

 

Suddenly, she dug her fingers into his skin through the dress shirt he was wearing and clung to him with force he'd been completely unprepared for. Her knees buckled from underneath her and they went down together, Ren calling out for Sai in immediate concern, pulling away and trying to gauge her current condition.

 

Sai looked down at the floor, her legs folded uncomfortably underneath her. The room was still spinning. Her ground was falling away by the second. There was barely anything to stand on and she felt like she was crumbling from the inside. 

 

She could feel her chest sink down, her heart unbelievably heavy, to the point where it felt like it was pressing against her lungs and making it hard to breathe. She could only hear the actor's distant calls through the ringing in her ears and the screaming in her head.

 

Pain shot through her face and down her neck, causing her to whimper and throw her palms into her temples, squeezing her eyes shut as her vision completely blurred and then cracked as darkness flooded into them and consumed her. 

 

The actor watched helplessly as she crumpled into his arms, her entire body shivering, having broken into a cold sweat. Her teeth chattered and whimpers and yelps of pain escaped her lips. In that short amount of time, her skin had turned a sickly pinkish-gray and all other color had left her usually bright complexion.

 

Distantly, the actor was aware she'd just had a breakdown. He didn't know much about them, besides the fact that some of them happen almost instantly. Ashamed he'd caused that to happen to her, he held her shaking, cold body against his warm one until the trembling somewhat ceased.

 

Wordlessly, he scooped her up and carried her to his bed, laying her amongst the ruins of their fort from the previous night. Honestly, he wasn't really familiar with how to take care of her from this point, but he figured making her comfortable would be at the near-top of the list. 

 

Hesitantly, he surrounded her with the pillows and blankets to warm her and then ran around picking out things he figured might help. He put a warm washcloth on her forehead and made her a calming tea in a thermos, setting it on her nightstand. He changed her washcloth and then sat on the bed next to her, holding one of her hands.

 

He knew he'd been right. He'd seen it on her face, watched it in her actions, heard it in her voice. She felt the same way he did. There was a fine line between acting like a couple and becoming a couple when you were an actor. The greatest performances of married or engaged couples in any given drama were made by two people who either started out or ended up together. Chemistry like that just can't be faked. Their chemistry couldn't be faked.

 

After that display...he also knew that she knew her own feelings. The way she'd tried to push him away, the avoidance, the intense reaction. Those weren't signs of ignorance...they weren't signs of denial...they were signs she was pushing him away, signs of unwant. She didn't want to be in love with him. Or she wasn't ready yet.

 

He bit his tongue. Hard. He had to redirect the pain stabbing at his eyes somewhere else, anywhere else. He hadn't misunderstood, but it was almost worse than that. He already had her heart, but she didn't want to give it to him. And if that didn't change...nothing would. No matter what he tried to do.

 

Nothing would make him force the redhead into a relationship with him. He wouldn't dare to that to her. Maybe the day would come that she would open up, that she would give him a chance. Today wasn't that day for him yet, so why would it be hers? No, he'd wait for her to come to terms with what she wanted before seeking out more of her rejection. He knew from experience that she had no qualms about rejecting him.

 

To solidify his change of heart, he squeezed her hand once and was about to release it before his own hand received the same amount of pressure. Surprised, his gaze snapped downward until he was gazing down at two eyes that shone blue as cornflowers up at him. 

 

“O-oh...I-I didn't mean to wake you.” He said softly as he tried again to withdraw his hand from hers. She didn't let go.

 

“I was awake.” Her voice was gruffer than usual, her throat somehow raw from holding everything back earlier. 

 

“Oh.” He said again, flicking his eyes down to their joined hands and then back to her gaze which hadn't left his eyes for even a second. “I...I'll help you pack…” At this point...it wasn't even worth asking her to stay. She would never agree.

 

“Pack? Aren't I staying another night?” She blinked twice at him before a flare of panic ripped through her body and she sat up so suddenly he jerked backward. “Did I sleep through an entire day? Have I inconvenienced you that much? Oh my go-”

 

“No, no! Sai! It's okay,” he steadied her shoulders and looked into those frantic doe-eyes. “You were only out for about a half hour. That's all.”

 

Almost instantly, she settled down and nodded, humming something to herself before sitting against the headboard and drawing her legs up to her chest. “So...if it's only been a half hour...why are you asking me to leave?”

 

“W-well...I...you don't want to?” As much as Ren tried to understand the woman before him, moments like this reminded him of just how little progress he'd really made.  _ The girl passes out while talking to me, she was so afraid to face her own feelings, but is still able to sit here in front of me and look like nothing happened...does she still want to hear me out? But...why? Why wouldn't she just start pushing me away? _

 

“You told me you had things you wanted to tell me? Have you already changed your mind...?” As if he hadn't been thrown for enough of a loop already, as he stared into Sai's eyes he could see a massive apology lingering beneath their frozen surfaces. She was already blaming herself for his changing his mind. After blacking out. He would never wrap his head around how she worked.

 

“Ren…?” She asked, drawing closer to him and brushing his hair away from his face while he sat unmoving in front of her. He swallowed heavily and let her touch him, relishing the feeling of her skin as those fingers stroked past his cheek. “Let me stay.” Her voice was strong now and her eyes bore into his with a kind of confidence he wasn’t used to seeing right after she’d shown weakness to him.

 

“But...I’ve already caused you to-”

 

“Ren Tsuruga. I’m telling you to let me stay here and hear you speak. I passed out because of my own shortcomings, because of my own problems. Never in a million years would I blame you for my issues coming between what I want and what I have. So, I’m not the one you need to be worrying about...rather, the opposite should be true. I’m the one who really keeps pushing you away from me and running, so it should be me begging you to open up, not you begging me to listen.”

 

Ren paused, watching her fingers dig into his shirt as she clutched it and her eyes lighten to a staggeringly bright, almost white, blue. The sight of such desperation in her made his resolve harden again and he realized his own position. She was acknowledging that she was running from him. And now she had paused in her retreat, if for only a single night. And this was his chance to catch up to her, even if it was only a few steps. There was nothing in the world that could stop him from running like Hell toward her as fast as possible.

 

“Then...I’ll let you stay.” He smirked at her and settled next to her on the bed, throwing an arm around her shoulders casually. She flinched at first, the sudden rush of heat to her cheeks a painful reminder that they were now totally alone in his apartment, sitting on his bed, only centimeters apart. 

 

She felt his arm raise off of her, a silent question as to whether the action was okay. Her decision was instantaneous. She closed the tiny gap between them, pressing their legs together and resting a head on his shoulder.

 

An intense heat shot to the actor’s face and a sudden pressure gripped his gut. As slowly as he could, he lowered his arm again and allowed it to rest on her shoulders, his fingers lazily drawing circles on her arm. 

 

There was no rush. Sai wasn’t going anywhere. Ren didn’t want to put one second to waste. There was no need to blow past their night to relieve the weight on his chest as soon as possible. He’d much rather spend as much time with the redhead as physically possible before finally taking the time to speak seriously with her.

 

They sat in cycles of silence, joking over the tv, and simply chatting about random things. They even played a few games. Time ticked by at a normal rate for the first time since Shota’s first day there and they enjoyed the normality. Sai moved to lay on his lap, lay next to him, curl up in blankets at the end of his bed. He watched in amusement as she fidgeted and moved around non-stop trying to find a comfortable position. It was such a simple, everyday predicament, but somehow he found himself enjoying her ease far more that particular day. 

 

Long after the sun had set, the actor finally stretched out and rose out of the bed, startling his companion who looked at him with questions in her eyes. He smiled softly and resisted the urge to pat her head. “It’s alright, Sai,” he mumbled with a laugh, “I’m just getting ready for bed.”

 

The sudden tension in her shoulders relaxed and she nodded, a yawn escaping her lips. She watched Ren enter the bathroom and dragged herself off of the bed, pulling out one of the drawers in his room to fish for her pajamas. She took them to the guest bedroom after putting on a pot of water for coffee and got dressed, bringing the dark liquid with her in two cups on her way back.

 

Ren could smell the coffee the moment he stepped out of his bathroom and his eyes came to rest on Sai, snuggled in his blankets carefully sipping the hot liquid. A warm smile lit up his face and he noticed a steaming mug on his own nightstand as he approached. Silently, he lowered himself onto the bed, clutching his mug in his large hands.

 

“Is this going to be our tradition?” He asked with a bittersweet sort of smile that made her heart clench uncomfortably in her chest. 

 

“What is?” She tapped a finger on her coffee mug slowly, watching every muscle in the man’s face move as he watched her.

 

“Coffee. Late at night, when we probably shouldn’t be drinking it, to accompany these...tougher conversations.”

 

Sai smiled softly and took the actor’s free hand, winding her own fingers through his. “I like that idea. Let’s do that, then.”

 

The actor’s smile turned a tad more genuine and he held his mug out to her, as if to propose a toast. Sai’s face lit up slowly and she raised her own cup up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear,

 

“To new traditions, then, yeah?” She asked with a tilt of her head.

 

“Yeah. Here goes nothing,” he said humorously with a burst of nervous laughter before taking a long sip of the bitter liquid. “Well...as you guessed as Madam, Japanese isn’t my first language. I learned English in America, but my father pushed me to learn his native tongue as well. I was a bit stubborn, unfortunately, so I often disregarded his lessons. I thought I would never need to know a language of a country as small as this one...funny how these things happen.”

 

Sai offered him a tight smile, having trouble laughing along with him. She could see his fingers shaking slightly on the mug. And it wasn’t from the caffeine. He was really scared of this. Almost as scared as she was at telling her own story.

 

“My...father is a very successful actor overseas. His name carries a lot of weight and there were huge expectations for his son. Some people said that a mix of my father’s talent and my mother’s beauty would bring about a force to be reckoned with in the entertainment world. But others, well, they thought my parent’s fame would crush me.

 

“Of course, I fully believed that I would walk in my father’s footsteps. I worshiped the man, cherishing even the ground he walked on. It was all I wanted just to do what he did, be like he was. I wanted to charm people with my talents, wanted to forge relationships like the ones he had with his coworkers. Everything about him was worth looking up to and I never once stopped to look at how such giant stage lights pointed at him created an enormous shadow behind him. One that would engulf anyone who was trying to walk behind him.

 

“I was hired early on, my father’s name wielding more influence than I could have controlled. But I didn’t know as much as I thought I did. I was unsightly, constantly thinking my thoughts were the correct ones and trying to use my father’s name to overpower directors. But I was wrong. My hotheadedness started getting the better of me and it stopped mattering whose son I was. No director wanted to work with such a spoiled brat. So I was fired. Over and over.

 

“Every time I tried to take a step forward, I only realized just how futile running after my father would be. It was a hopeless endeavor. So I ran the opposite way. I figured I could get away from the dark shade I had been in since the day I was born if I acted completely opposite of my father. I became violent and angry, tearing myself and others apart to take out the frustrations I’d built up. And I-” his voice cracked pitifully and he had to pause a moment to drink something and soothe his throat. 

 

“Ren, you don’t have to push yourself if you don’t-”

 

“My name is Kuon Hizuri.” He interrupted, forcing the words out of his throat like he’d rip off a band-aid. There wasn’t going back from this and he wasn’t going to run away, so he looked up into her eyes, seeing them wide and shocked, her mouth parted in surprise.

 

“So...Ren Tsuruga is…” Her voice was soft and slow, not rushing or inquisitive, just present and gently prompting. Of course, it helped that Sai had realized this long ago...it wasn’t as debilitating a revelation for her as it might have been.

 

“A stage name, yes. But he’s more than that. He’s a part of me too. And I did some terrible things when I was him. To people, to the places I lived in, from complete strangers to close family, from my home to the slums I slunk off to. My life descended more and more into ruins until my original personality was nowhere to be seen. I became a danger not only to others, but to myself.

 

“The President saved me. Your godfather works some fairly advanced magic, you know. He picked up this broken, tortured, hopeless case of a boy and turned him into a man who could manage to fare in such a harsh world.”

 

“He wasn’t the only one who worked the magic…” Sai whispered softly to him, putting a hand comfortingly on his shoulder. “No one can change you without your consent, without your own effort. Lory didn’t turn you into a man. You did that.”

 

Ren had held himself together so far. Most of his life was just facts at this point, so it was no surprise that he’d managed to list them off without much trouble. Sai’s contribution, though small, blew his levelheadedness out of the water. He’d spent so much of his life telling himself that he wasn’t capable of scraping together his remains and making something out of them, and yet here was someone whose approval he was desperately seeking telling him with almost careless effortlessness that he had already made something, someone, worthwhile out of himself. He could have died of gratitude right then and there.

 

“I didn’t do it by myself, though…” He mumbled back, his eyes fluttering closed as her hand came up his neck and rested on his cheek. He leaned into her and felt those fingers sink into his hair. 

 

“No one does. And you’re still changing, you always will be. Evolving as the days pass and you see new things, meet new people. You’re not the same person you were before you met Shota. He changed you just by meeting you. That happens every time you meet someone new, and every experience you have forges new ideas, new beliefs, new motivations.”

 

“That’s right. And of those people, Kuon is one of them. My time spent as him and my time spent as Ren Tsuruga has blended into one person, one personality. And I think that’s who I really am. I forced myself to change by creating Ren and after all those years and since...meeting you...I’ve evened out to a place halfway between them. I haven’t reverted to Kuon, but he’s showing himself again. I made an artificial personality to keep him at bay and I think it’s managed to become a real part of me.”

 

“If that’s true, Ren...then answer me something.” Sai paused for a few moments, letting the actor focus on her eyes. “Why do you still hold yourself back? You call Ren Tsuruga your artificial personality, but Kuon’s is the one you push down like he’s trying to invade your life.”

 

“Kuon is...he’s...not a good person. So...yes, I see that he’s part of who I am, but...I’m afraid he’ll take too much control and…run wild with it.”

 

“What makes you think that?”

 

“Do you...remember that cabin picture you asked me about?” He watched her carefully, waiting for the spark of remembrance that he could always see light up in those irises like a streak of northern light.

 

“It’s…‘Rick’s’...correct? Your friend?”

 

“Was Rick’s. Yes. Rick was my only friend when I gave up on acting. I’m sure I was more of a charity case than anything else, at least at first. He wanted to teach me how to live in a world that rejected me for who I was and did everything he could to show me that I could overcome the harshness of society on my own. He was strong and never even flinched at my violent nature. 

 

“He had had a hard life and had managed to scrape it together despite people’s expectations of him. He was on the track to become a lawyer, he had a fiancee, and he had a little brother he’d taken in and was slowly nursing back to becoming socially acceptable. His fiancee, Tina, never liked me, though. And this time, it wasn’t because of who my father was, she hated me for being me, and probably because Rick paid so much attention to me. She didn’t think I was worth his time. 

 

“She was probably right...but Rick didn’t care. He just wanted to help me. I never was grateful enough for what he did...until...he died. He died...and it was my fault…” Ren stopped there, leaning back and resting his head against the wall behind the bed. He clenched at the blankets around him, trying to block out the swaying of the room and the nausea that always rose in his chest when he started thinking about this.

 

The difference in his environment, this time, was that he wasn’t alone. He didn’t have to suffer by himself. Sai had been quiet, letting him flush out his thoughts, as discombobulated as they were, and now sat next to him, threading her fingers into his hair and massaging his scalp as he gathered his thoughts. Her touch, strong and constant, on his head reminded him she was there, was present and listening, and was offering silent support.

 

“I was getting better,” he said shakily, turning to meet her eyes. “I really was. I was getting in fewer fights, coming home with fewer cuts. I was learning to stand up for myself without violence, without needless bloodshed, but it was hard. I was still prone to sudden bursts of anger, as well. I would go weeks without laying a finger on anyone, and some idiot would say one thing, or do one thing, and I would go off...like a gun. 

 

“That’s what happened...that night. He’d said something about Rick never being able to succeed...because there was mud and dirt in his blood. That he would never amount to anything because he was destined not to. And I just...I got so... **angry** ...all I remember is beating on him until I couldn’t catch my breath…” Ren winced violently as he relived the memory, terrified that Sai would pull away in horror. Who wanted to be anywhere near someone who willingly beat another human being within an inch of his life?

 

She didn’t back away, though. She didn’t run. She didn’t recoil. She got closer. Wrapping an arm around his chest, she nuzzled her face into his shoulder and gripped him tightly, trying to hang on to him like he was about to slip away and she would lose him if she let go.

 

It suddenly hit him that if she wasn’t drawing away yet, if she wasn’t rejecting him...perhaps she would still be able to look at him the way she always did even if she knew what he did. Who he really was. He couldn’t let himself stop yet.

 

“Rick...found me when that was happening. He tried...to get me away from that guy. I know he was talking to me, but I couldn’t hear him. I was so far gone in my rage that...I blocked out everything else. I ran after him. Chased him. I almost had him too...and then he escaped across a street...and I ran out after him.

 

“I didn’t notice until it was too late. A truck...a truck had been coming down the road...And Rick, Rick, he...he followed me onto the road. And it hit him. The truck hit him. Blood was everywhere, and he was...just lying there. Limp. Spread out on the road. Surrounded by red. And it was my fault. I’d killed him, running blindly into a street like that. 

 

“It’s possible I would have been okay...but Tina had been following him. She was trying to use that fight as the final straw, to get Rick to abandon me. So when she spilled onto the street...and saw him there...I’ll never forget her scream. I still have nightmares of it. She cradled his broken body on the street and...and...she called me a murderer. Blamed me wholly for his death. To the point where I did too. And she told me she’d never forgive me, even if I died. Even if I could take Rick’s place. And she was right-”

 

“Kuon Hizuri. You stop right there.” Sai demanded, and she was instantly straddling his lap, her hands pressing into his cheeks, her eyes trained on his. He blinked once, finding his vision completely blurry. He felt the crushing weight he hadn’t even known invaded his chest lift and suddenly he realized that Ren Tsuruga had left him long before, replaced by the memories of Kuon and his influence. And she’d immediately known who it was she was speaking to.

 

“This wasn’t your fault. I fully believe that. I’m not asking you to believe it too, Kuon, but you at least have to listen to me. It wasn’t your fault that Rick ran into the road, that was his choice. If you choose to ignore that fact and simply believe that it was your fault for running out first, then that’s fine. But you can’t let it ruin you. You have to ask yourself why Rick ran out in the first place.”

 

“Because...he wanted to stop me?” 

 

“Short term, perhaps. But what did he want for you? Long term?”

 

“He wanted me to have a future. On a path I forged for myself.”

 

“And what have you done with your entire life, Ren?” She switched back to his stage name, knowing that’s who was now answering her. 

 

“Built a future…”

 

“All on your own. No names attached.” She looked him right in the eye and didn’t blink the entire time he watched her. “You may always carry a piece of the guilt for Rick’s death and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that. It doesn’t have to weigh you down, though, you must understand that. Instead of viewing it as a shackle that ties you down, view it as the springboard that made you who you are. Use it as an anchor, a source of inspiration, a shred of hope in a sea of black. Make Rick your guiding light, not your heavy chains. You know that’s what he would have wanted.”

 

“I-I do know! I just...I can’t understand why he would care that much...why he would sacrifice himself to give me a life. I was just a messed up kid-! I didn’t even ask to get close to him! I didn’t want to see him...die…”

 

“It doesn’t matter if you were a kid or not, Kuon. Love doesn’t work that way. And as painful as it is to accept, Rick ran into that road because he loved you, for better or for worse. You were an essential part of his life, a member of his family he cherished. He would have done anything for you, including sacrificing himself  if it meant you lived a better life. That’s what love is.” She paused for a moment in his silence and pushed hair away from his watery eyes. “Is...that why Ren Tsuruga pushes everyone away?”

 

Ren couldn’t come up with a worthwhile response to her first point. The thought that anyone could have held any sort of affection for him when he’d been so messed up...he couldn’t imagine it. So he pushed that conversation aside and focused on the new one. “It...must have influenced me at some point. I don’t know when or why. And...everything just got out of hand from there. It was...easier to just be an idol in my line of work, rather than a friend. People knew who I was and were kind when I walked by, but there was no need to get close to me. I was always on the outside. And it was simplest, painless, like that.

 

Sai waited a few beats and then squeezed his arm, “Do you still want it that way?”

 

“No.” He immediately admitted. “I don’t.”

 

“Don’t be afraid then-”

 

“It’s not fear!” He snapped, feeling Kuon bubble up in his chest. A small amount of pressure there made him look down and he saw Sai’s elegant fingers pressing against it, gently swirling around. Each motion was slow and methodic, a sort of silent lullaby. He could still feel Kuon in him, lurking just beneath the surface, but the fiery anger he’d felt when he’d flared up began subsiding, leaving both his personalities mingling comfortably, peacefully.

 

“What is it, then?” Sai asked, as if nothing had happened, despite noticing that the actor was on the cusp of a major breakthrough.

 

Ren swallowed, the feeling of Kuon mingling with his own personality in a positive way sent shivers of unease through his body. “It doesn’t have to have a label...does it?”

 

“If you can’t come up with a label, it’s because you already know what to call it and you just won’t admit it.”  _ Damn it...she’s always like this...always knows me better than even I do.  _ Ren shook his head and looked down, refusing to meet those icy irises. “You already admitted Kuon is a part of who you are. So stop running.”

 

“I’m not running.” The actor insisted, clutching at his blankets.

 

“If you aren’t running, then why can’t you say his name without pausing or stuttering?” She asserted, feeling her heart throb uncomfortably when he winced. “Why are you afraid of him?”

 

“I just...I don’t want to...become him again. I don’t want to fall...all that way down again.” The darkness surrounding the American was far too much for Ren. It was such a dangerous threat and even the thought of losing to Kuon again sent him running with his tail between his legs. 

 

“I honestly think that’s impossible at this point, Ren.” Sai shook her head and raised the actor’s face with her hand. “You aren’t weak, at least not anymore. Everything that happens in our lives becomes a building block for something bigger. When you fell victim to Kuon’s darkness the first time, you had nothing to keep yourself from plummeting, not even Rick. To save yourself, you threw away everything you knew and dedicated yourself to becoming someone else. 

 

“You should know by now that that's ridiculous and impossible, though. No matter what you do, you'll never escape Kuon because he's a part of you, Ren. The sooner you accept that he's in there somewhere, the less you'll be afraid. But you’re not just afraid of him. It’s more than being afraid of him, you hate him. I can see it in your eyes. Let that go, Ren, because as much as you hate and curse and fear that man, he's helped make you who you are. And look at everything you've done, all the people who love you, all the friends who hold you in a special place in their hearts.

 

“Look at us, Ren, and tell me that you're not the least bit grateful to him. You're you because of everything you've been through, so don't keep pushing him away. Don't be afraid of who you are, or who you were, just focus on being yourself for once. Be free, regardless of the name you bear. You have that power. Use it.”

 

And suddenly, the weight was gone. The weight he’d chosen to bear for so many years. He’d spent almost half his life collapsing underneath that damned weight, and in just a few minutes, it was gone. He let go of his resistance, let go of his hatred and fear. It was almost as easy as breathing, although he was sure that it would have never worked if Sai hadn’t been there. 

 

It was over. The tugging in his chest and gut. The ripping sensation as the two sides of him warred with one another for control. It was just...gone. And in its place was a peace he hadn’t felt in many, many years. 

 

His energy was completely sapped and he no longer had any desire to put up an act. There was no need to hide himself away from this woman. She knew him. Understood him. She was patient and a good listener, but she would never sit still if she knew that he was talking nonsense. She would stop at nothing to tell him it was okay to be weak, to be human. She made him human again.

 

He made eye contact with those wide, expecting eyes and held the contact as he collapsed down on the bed, finding no need to keep sitting upright. Sai fretted for a moment, worrying over what could have caused him to crumple like that, but she didn’t even get a chance to call out to him before he lashed out.

 

Grabbing her around her waist, he pulled her down too, wrapping her petite body in his arms and pressing his face to her shoulder. With him that close, Sai could feel the tears silently roll down his face and feel his struggle and pain in the ever so slight trembling of his back. Her reaction was immediate. She cooed softly, running her hands up and down his back and shoulder blades, rubbing them with her talented fingers.

 

She eventually shifted, pulling away from him slightly to rub little circles on his chest and collarbone. There were no more words spoken as she hummed and made little cooing noises to calm him as he drifted off to sleep. The more she looked at him, the more she began to think. Her tiredness was lifted as chains of thoughts connected themselves and an inevitable conclusion tugged at the back of her mind.

 

It was time. She had to make a move. He’d made his, after all, unloading baggage that had kept him imprisoned in himself for nearly a decade. It was her turn. Before, she wasn’t sure she wanted to reciprocate. It was fair enough, to just back off. He would respect her distance until it started to anger him, and she could decide where she wanted to go from there. But now she wasn’t sure.

 

She hadn’t known he’d carried around the guilt and weight of a death on his shoulders all these years. The similarities between the two of them really were ridiculous. But...they gave her hope somehow. Hope that if she could so easily accept him...maybe he could do the same for her. And so her decision was made.

 

Sai waited until the moment she was sure Ren was sleeping. His shoulders heaved with an even, steady pace. His hands were limp at her back, the arms encircling her merely resting on her body rather than constraining her. More carefully than she’d really ever moved, she managed to wriggle free of his grip and roll off of the bed. 

 

Standing off to the side, she spent just a few moments watching the moonlight bounce off of his perfect form, regardless of how battered he viewed himself. With a graceful, beaming smile on her lips, she closed the curtains and set the actor’s alarm, hoping to maximize his time to sleep. He needed the rest.

 

Moving silently throughout the apartment, she packed the rest of her things, checking each room thoroughly for anything she may have missed. Satisfied, she brought everything to the door and left it there, heading back into the kitchen. 

 

Taking a pad of paper and a pen, she sat at the table and wrote the actor a note. She didn’t want to leave without a word, but it would be so much harder to keep her resolve if she had to look into the man’s eyes and tell him where she was going. Smiling at the cursive on the page, she set it on the center of the table and left it there for him to find in the morning.

 

Heading down the elevator, she made a quick call to a taxi service and waited rather impatiently on the side of the street. The lights lining the road shone with a yellow hue and made the scene much more macabre than she would have ordinarily found it. As she watched cars and trucks barrel by, she couldn’t help but imagine the sight of your closest, most trusted friend dead in the road. Because of you. She didn’t know if she could ever be as strong as Ren. He held a strength within him that was truly magnificent.

 

She shook the feeling off as the taxi showed up and smiled as she climbed in. Rattling off her address, she sat back and allowed the stress of the last few hours to roll off of her. She would be okay. If he could handle telling her his life story, she could handle taking baby steps up to it. Maybe it made her more of a scardy cat, but she’d never intended to appear brave in the first place. But bravery wasn’t what she was testing here. This was trust. Plain and simple. The actor had hers. Now it was time to earn his.

 

She watched the lights of his apartment building until they were but smudges in the distance and a nervous energy gripped her gut before dissolving instantly in the face of the resolution she’d felt earlier. It was unruly and savage like a wildfire, but the heat wasn’t nearly as terrifying...if anything, it was electrifying and it heated her blood with compassion the likes of that which she’d never felt before.

 

_ “Hello dear Ren, _

 

_ I’m sorry to leave you so suddenly like that, please don’t be too upset with me. I hope you’ll understand that I’m not running because what you’ve said is driving me away, in fact, it’s quite the opposite. You’ve inspired me. I’m not ready to face you, to face us, yet either. But you were right when you said that I’ll never be ready if I can’t even stand in the face of my looming emotions. I have baggage I need to take care of too. It’s not the kind that I can unload on you, not just yet, but rest assured that this is just as important to me. So wish me luck, my Kuon, for I’m about to go sever a few shackles of my own. _

 

_ Yours always, _

_ Saiyuka _


	61. Chapter 61

Tokyo was always bright as day, even at night. The streets were aglow with LED lights, signs, advertisements, and the usual street and window lights. Normally, each set of lights was individual, serving its own purpose and attracting attention all on its own, but when you flew by at high speeds, that was no longer the case.

 

Colors of all shades and hues mixed together in streaks of light, tearing by faster than the blink of an eye. Most sounds found themselves too far displaced to be recognized, save for the blunt ringing of honking horns. The only constant when riding so fast is the roar of a motorcycle engine, which just happened to be one of the most therapeutic sounds in the world to Sai, especially at that moment.

 

Downtown was especially beautiful to ride in at night. It was the long way around to get to LME from her house, but it was well worth it to see those streaks of light fly by her faster than she could register them. 

 

She tore down the final street of the downtown area and slowed to a stop at a light to turn onto the highway. A driver stopped next to her clearly turned his head when he heard her bike blasting one of her favorite violin concertos at full blast from Lola’s speakers. She simply beamed at him and swayed peacefully with the music.

 

The moment the light in front of her flashed green, she took off, her engines revving as her bike left streaks of red from its taillights, shooting down the highway. She drove at a steady, comforting pace until pulling up at LME with a content sigh. She’d never get over just how wonderful those rides were.

 

Throwing a leg off Lola, she removed her helmet and stowed it in the main compartment, pausing for a moment and looking up above her. LME was situated just out of the main ring of the city, so it was slightly less illuminated than the rest of the city. Even with the lights there, though, it was still dark enough to reveal a truly beautiful display of lights hanging in the blackness of the sky above her.

 

Her lips upturned and she inhaled the natural scent around her, admiring the twinkling of the stars above her. She didn’t often spend the time just watching the world, but at moments like this she realized just how magnificent it was. Everything seemed...right. Especially just looking up at something so naturally beautiful. 

 

She knew what she was about to do, and even if that made her nervous, there was a steeled resolve that she could feel pulse through her entire body. She was ready for this step. It was a gradual development, for sure, one she could feel every step of the way. And that was okay. It was okay that way. 

 

The doors swirled shut behind her with a gentle click and the noise alerted the dark haired woman behind the main counter looked up with a large smile. “Ah! Ms. Akai, you’re in late!” She exclaimed softly, glad to see the redhead.

 

“How many times have I told you, Shizuko! We’re friends! You can just call me Sai,” she sent the receptionist a mock disapproving look followed by a smile. “I haven’t called you ‘Ms. Umaki’ for months...you can drop the formalities already, it’s not like you work for me.”

 

“I do apologize, Sai,” Shizuko blushed softly and returned the actress’s smile, secretly pleased that she worked so hard to keep their casual relationship. It wasn’t often the actors of the agency really looked twice at the receptionist, much less pursued a friendship with her.

 

“You’re forgiven,” Sai winked. “But only because you listened!”

 

The dark haired woman laughed softly before sitting up a bit straighter and leaning her chin on her laced fingers resting on the desk, “Now, what can I do for you?”

 

“Is Lory still in? I was hoping to grab him before he left tonight.” 

 

“Yes, I believe he is...he called down a while ago to say he was packing up, so he should be about ready to come down if you wanted to go try and catch him.” Shizuko smiled warmly when the redhead lit up and clapped her hands together, clearly pleased with the news.

 

“Wonderful! Thank you, Shizuko!” She called over her shoulder as she turned and started running toward the elevator bay.

 

“No running, Sai!” She shouted after her, laughter bubbling out of her throat.

 

“You’re not my mother!” Sai quipped back, an echo of the same joyful noise echoing in the lobby even after she whipped around the corner.

 

The moment she could, she hit the elevator button and jumped from foot to foot while waiting for the elevator car to get there. She knew once she was in, she’d have about twelve seconds before she’d reached his floor. The light above the doors lit up and she took a deep breath and stepped in, hitting the top floor button.

 

Twelve. Her eyes fluttered closed, her lids scrunching shut as a wave of nervousness washed over her. Eleven.  _ Breathe in. Breathe out. _ Ten. She clenched her fists together, feeling her nails dig into her skin. Nine. Her fingers extended as she let a breath go and felt the tendons in her fingers stretch. Eight.  _ Breathe in. Breathe out. _ Seven. Her eyes snapped open, taking in the sight of the steel doors and the LED number above them. Six. Halfway there.

 

She brought her fingers together and laced them, pushing them outwards to crack all of her knuckles. Five. She started running through what she would say when she got up there, hands jittering nervously. Four...three...two. She started tapping her fingers against the side of her leg, a faint Mozart melody from her drive over bouncing off the walls of the enclosed space. One. A gust of air blew out of her lungs and she straightened as she took in another gulp of air. She was ready for this. Zero.

 

The doors started eeking open after a startling, although totally expected, ding. Sai stepped out from between them and turned to face the hallway leading to the large doors of Lory’s main office. Stepping carefully, she caught the attention of her godfather’s valued friend and assistant who was sitting outside his room scrolling through something on his phone. He immediately brightened when he saw her.

 

“Saiyuka!” He greeted, the name an echo of what the President often called her. “I wasn’t expecting you to come up so late. Is everything okay?”

 

“More than, Sebastian.” She felt the smile tugging at her lips and let it grow unchecked as she felt the warmth of resolve again race through her veins. “I just wanted to grab Lory before he left.”

 

He paused for a moment before a grin stretched across his own lips, as it always did when he could feel and see genuine emotions on the redhead’s face. “Everything’s going well for you, then?” He knew what was making her so happy; he’d been the sounding board for enough of Lory’s ridiculous schemes that he was fairly privy to her slowly developing relationship with Ren. Not that he’d ever tell her that straight out, though.

 

“Extremely well, yes.” He could have sworn her cheeks were pinker than they’d been a second before. His own smile grew and he knew he’d thought right.

 

“Well, don’t let me hold you up any longer…” Sebastian stepped aside to open the doors but Sai reached out and stopped him, still smiling.

 

“You’d never hold me up, Sebastian, it’s always a pleasure to speak with you. You also don’t have to get the doors, I’ll get them myself.”

 

“Are you quite sure? It’s all I really have to do this late in the night,” he smiled and looked down with a comfortable embarrassment. “The President doesn’t like overworking me, he’s really a very considerate man.”

 

“He certainly is,” her voice seemed to project her smile even further, the gentle tone warming the air in the room. “And yes, I’m sure. It always gives me a nice boost of confidence to open these ridiculous doors on my own,” she added with a laugh. Sebastian nodded to show he understood before moving aside with a gentle smile and gesturing widely for her to help herself.

 

The cold metal shocked the skin of her hands when she grabbed the doorknobs but she didn’t flinch. Rather, she welcomed the sting of the metal as a last jolt of energy that shot through her system like pure caffeine. She pulled them open, reveling in the creaking of the hinges trying to support the massive amount of oak wood.

 

From inside, the sudden noise made two dark eyes snap to the doors. Lory stared at the two slabs of stained wood part until a familiar face turned to greet him with a bright smile. His eyes widened and he instantly forgot all the negativity swirling around his head, finding it going blank in the face of his joy at seeing his daughter pay him a surprise visit.

 

“Saiyuka!” He called out happily, rising from his sofa to meet her as she approached and flung her arms around his chest. “Are you alright, my dear?” He asked, watching her looked up and positively beam at him. “What brings you in so late?” Lory tried, seeing as how she looked fine if her expressions told him anything. Which they usually did, because they were so sparse to begin with.

 

“I’m perfectly alright, Lory...I just came to ask you if you’d like to go for dinner? Like...maybe tonight? Sort of a father-daughter dinner?” A light blush touched her cheeks and she looked up at him with those huge doe eyes that she often used on the actor.

 

Lory had opened his mouth to tell her that there would be a better day for that, that he was awfully busy right then and could have used the time at home. But she’d called it a “ **father** -daughter” dinner. He knew how difficult it was for her to call him a father, as easy as it was for her to accept that she was his daughter. That blew all his excuses out of the water. He was going.

 

“I would absolutely  **love** to, Saiyuka.” He beamed, the surprise still blatant on his face, but it now mingled with both delight and a hint of worry.  _ She isn’t usually so serious about asking for something as simple as dinner, though...and she doesn’t usually come in person, either. Something’s up, that’s for sure… _

 

Her smile increased tenfold and she busied herself about his office, helping him pack up the rest of his things and listening to his latest work woes, offering as much advice as she realistically could. With her help, all of his belongings were together and ready to go much faster than usually and he was actually immensely grateful for her help. He figured he could pay for the dinner to repay her.

 

They started off down the hall together, hand in hand, toward the elevator bays. Sebastian was nowhere in sight, so Sai figured he must have gotten to go home early. Such was typical of Lory, especially when he noticed that his employees fretted about time or making appointments. He was a wonderful man and a wonderful boss that way.

 

Clearing his throat in the lobby, he gestured to the corridor where the parking garage lay. “Well then, my Saiyuka, which limo shall we take?” His eyes sparkled as he asked her, having already boasted about his two new ones which had platinum casing around the windows and a logo made out of real gold on the side. 

 

“Come here, I’ll show you!” She told him, walking ahead so he couldn’t see the scheming, evil smile take over her features.

 

Leading him into the parking lot, she got a tad more ahead of him and turned the corner, finding Lola waiting patiently for her return. Quickly, she dug out a spare helmet she’d stowed and pushed it into her godfather’s chest when he rounded the turn. “You picked the ride last time. This is my turn,” she grinned wickedly as she watched Lory’s face fall. It took all her effort not to burst out laughing. 

 

“Saiyuka...I really don’t know if I should be riding a motorcycle...especially at my age…” He halfheartedly argued as he watched her swing a leg over the bike and secure her own helmet before sending him another bright, energetic smile and a sharp gesture with her head.

 

“Hurry it up, we ain’t got much of the night!” She whooped once and started Lola’s engine, taking note of her godfather moving out of the corner of her eye, swinging his leg over her bike warily and taking hold of her shoulders loosely. “You’re gonna need to hold on tighter than that,” she turned her head around and winked. “I’m a bit of a reckless driver.”

 

“Gods…” He mumbled under his breath as he gripped her waist tightly, earning a bark of laughter from his goddaughter. Many years ago, he too had ridden a motorcycle, but hers was nothing like his had been. Lola was far bigger than his first motorcycle and every mechanism on her, every button and knob and aspect was more intense and complicated. It made his head spin just looking. 

 

Sai pushed off of the curb and immediately took total control over the beast of a cycle, instantly surprising the President. She’d called herself a reckless driver, but she was definitely experienced. Even as she took the turn out of the parking lot at a sharp angle, she was still in full control over the vehicle. She drove with precision he was sure he’d never achieved in his youth.

 

She shot through the downtown area, bypassing it and streaking down the highway to the suburbs that surrounded the more bustling city area. With incredible ease, she slotted Lola into a spot in front of restaurant new to Lory. Trying to orientate himself and stop his vision from spinning, he stood and removed the helmet, staring up at the sky for a few minutes.

 

“You okay?” She asked, that wicked grin still in place.

 

“Fine…” He said blithely, handing her the helmet back. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were reckless…”

 

“Would I lie to you, Lory?” Her smile seemed to grow and as much as he disliked that she drove a cycle around, he was pleased that she seemed to know exactly how to operate her machine. She held out her hand to him and he stared at it for a few moments before taking it in his own.

 

Together they turned to the building in front of them and something nagged at the back of the President’s head. He paused slightly, attracting her curious eyes. Standing there, he took in the details of the restaurant until he was sure he’d never dined there before, but something about it seemed so...familiar.

 

Wordlessly, he stepped forward and they entered the doors together. The inside seemed even more familiar, as if he’d been in there just days before and just couldn’t remember it correctly. While waiting to be helped, he squeezed the redhead’s hand and watched those almost white eyes travel up to his. “Have we been here before?” He asked, his eyebrows scrunched together. “I recognize this place...but I swear I’ve never eaten here…”

 

“Good eye…” Sai offered him a rather sad smile, “This is my-or, uh...used to be my mother’s favorite restaurant.” Her voice dropped to a much softer tone as she elaborated, “It’s where my father proposed…”

 

Suddenly, it clicked in his head as he remembered the photo books he’d had complied that had pictures of Sai’s mother and father together in this building to commemorate their engagement. He looked down at his goddaughter and took in her troubled expression with a twinge of pain in his chest.

 

“Why did you choose this place tonight?”  _ It so obviously makes you upset to be here... _ He knew something was definitely up now. And he wasn’t sure what to make of it quite yet.

 

“I...have something to tell you,” she admitted, refusing to meet his eyes. “Something I decided.”

 

Before he had a chance to respond, their hostess turned up to take them to their table so he quieted his questions. They were sat in the back corner, a wonderful view of the night sky outside, right under a curtain of warm light in the otherwise soft darkness of the restaurant. They were informed their waiter would come to collect drink orders any minute and each took a menu with an expression of gratitude and a smile.

 

Already knowing what he wanted, Lory leaned back and chose not to ask anything and let his goddaughter approach the subject herself. He was already impressed with her fortitude and was prepared to give her the floor.

 

Sai glanced over the menu quickly and decided on a drink before looking up and meeting Lory’s eyes. She saw his expectation and cleared her throat to begin, but found it harder than she’d originally intended. Her mouth eventually shut again and she propped her elbows up on the table to lace her fingers, swirling a ring around one of them. 

 

Their waiter came as promised and saved her from another failed attempt to start talking. The two placed their orders and the President sent Sai a suspicious glance once she’d ordered. “You ordered something alcoholic…” He observed after the waiter left. “Why bother? Isn’t it just a useless expense to you?”

 

“Yeah…” She shrugged and began twisting the strands of her hair into a braid. “I guess it’s a mental thing. Confidence booster sorta thing.”  _ That, and it holds a certain set of amusing memories... _ She recalled her time spent with the actor after he dragged her out of that damned bar...she’d have to tell him her side of that story sometime. But not yet. She’d need a lot more confidence than one drink could provide her with if she was intended to face that particular bit of his wrath.

 

Accepting her explanation, Lory chuckled to himself and prepared to order. Their drinks came and their food was on its way when he finally got fed up with her fooling around instead of telling him why they were there. He sat forward to rest his head on his hands and leveled his gaze with his daughter’s.

 

“Are you ever going to start?” He asked with a slight smirk, watching her fidget uncomfortably in the face of her confession, whatever it was.

 

“I will, I will…” She mumbled, “ye of so little faith…” He chuckled at that and sat back to make the air between them more casual. “It’s about Ren.”

 

He was instantly leaning further forward, regardless of how much he wanted her to relax, this was a conversation he needed to be engaged in. He hadn’t even known they’d moved on to a first name basis! When did these things happen?! “Has he done something?” Lory asked, his fatherly instincts taking over before his romantic tendencies for just a moment.

 

“In a way, yes...but it wasn’t to hurt me or anything...it was more of a challenge than anything else. He presented me with a choice, even if he didn’t know he was doing so.” She began toying with a stray clump of her hair again, trying to tuck it back into her braid. 

 

“A choice?” Lory prompted, knowing that a lot of the redhead’s decisions revolved around challenges, he wasn’t as surprised at that as he was that Ren would give her a choice she’d face this seriously. He wasn’t one to push someone else to a decision. 

 

“As to whether or not I make a move. He made his. And now it’s my turn. I can either fold, hold, or play. And I have one option I’m leaning toward.” She leveled her eyes with her godfather, feeling the confidence and assuredness rise in her chest, sending chills down her arms and through her body. 

 

Lory blinked a few times, truly having a hard time believing that the actor had actually made a move on his daughter. The man could be a bit of a coward when it came to that. He...must really be in love with Sai. “And...which option would that be?” He could tell Sai was stalling for time, but with every precious second she lasted, her complexion grew brighter and brighter as her confidence brimmed. 

 

“I’m going to play. I’m done waiting. No more holding. And I can’t stand to fold at this point. It’s not even really an option.” Her eyes sparked with the words, as her thoughts gained a substantialness they hadn’t had before. 

 

The President felt his lips lift up in a smile and he ran a hand through his hair. He could already see it in her eyes. The excitement when she thought of the actor, the pride and resolve in her decision. She didn’t doubt herself in the slightest. “And what did you have in mind to play?”

 

“I’m going to tell him. Everything.” 

 

“Everything?” The dark haired man echoed, his eyes widening slightly. “Wow, Saiyuka...that’s…”

 

“Big, at least for me...I know...but I want him to know. I need him to know, before I can let myself...you know, fall for good.” A light color dusted her cheeks and she averted her eyes slightly. It was a bit more awkward than she’d planned for to discuss her decision to fall headfirst for Ren in front of her godfather.

 

“I agree…” He said slowly, his smile growing. She certainly had grown at an astonishing rate. To think she was already able to stand in front of him and admit to giving up all her barriers to another person - a man, at that - it was unprecedented not even a year earlier. “And you trust Ren with all of your past?”

 

“Honestly, Lory...I trust him with more than that. He’s become such a grounding factor in my life, and I owe so much of my healing to him. He’s given more than I thought any one person could give me. Of course I trust him with my past.”

 

“How do you feel about him himself? Are you just grateful? What are  **your** feelings, Saiyuka?”

 

She didn’t even have to pause for a second. “I love him.” The color spread all through her face and she pressed her palms to her cheeks, looking down at the table before fluttering her eyes closed. A truly angelic smile find its way across her face, casting a warm, tender glow to take over her other features. “God, Lory...do I love him...he doesn’t think so, but he’s so perfect. I want to spend every moment of every day proving that to him over and over again.”

 

Her godfather pushed his lips together into a tight line, feeling a burning behind his eyes. He’d waited for so long, wanted so badly, for this girl who’d been through so much in her life, who’d seen and felt far more pain than any person ever should, to finally be able to experience what it was like to love someone with her entire heart. To love someone so much that her feelings outweighed her fears in who she was and what she’d done in her life. He knew beyond a doubt that Ren would be that man, the one who would show her how to trust and rely on another human being again. 

 

He placed his hand over hers as a tear traced his angular cheek and jaw. “Then go for it, my Saiyuka. Rise to it.”

 

She smiled and brought her hand up to wipe the tear away, “Silly, why are you crying? I’m not growing up too fast for you, am I?”

 

“You’ve always grown up too fast. Don’t even get me started.” He warned, shaking a finger at her as he tucked his hands under his arms and leaned forward. “When do you think you’ll tell him?”

 

“I’m...not sure. I’d like to think that I’m ready, but I think only my head is ready. It’s the logical next step and it’s what I want to do...but I don’t know if my heart is on board yet. Whenever I think about doing it, I get hit by this wave of...um…”

 

“Terror?” The dark haired man asked, knowing what she meant all too well. 

 

“Yeah...terror. I also get this feeling like I’m overreacting, though...you know, like I’ll work myself up and up and up...and the actual discussion will go flawlessly and end with a very anticlimactic finish. But that thought isn’t very comforting, for some reason. I don’t think it could end badly...but for some reason I’m still so scared of talking with him. I don’t want to freeze in front of him…”

 

“Then you’re probably not ready in your heart yet. Give it time. Let your whole being trust him before trying. Only then will it go over so smoothly.” He tried to give her an encouraging smile, but she was already back to fidgeting. It was fairly adorable, though. 

 

"Does this mean...that I have your blessing?" Sai asked, glancing up at her godfather with big, curious eyes.

 

Lory felt a smile stretch across his lips as he shook his head in disbelief. "Is that what all this was about?" He chuckled under his breath, surprised she'd go this far and be this nervous about just asking for his blessing. Sheepishly, Sai folded her hands together and then nodded, not meeting Lory's eyes. "Then, of course, you have my blessing. You have ever blessing I could ever stand to give you, Saiyuka. I know you can do this."

 

Their food arrived soon after their conversation died down and it brought about a few more mundane conversation topics. Sai eventually relaxed and started regaining more of her usual personality bit by bit.

 

As they concluded their dinner, Lory sat back and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I do apologize, Saiyuka, if this insults you, but I’ll be getting a ride back on more than two wheels.” He informed her, relieved to see that she laughed aloud and nodded in understanding. 

 

“Alright, alright, do what you want.” She smiled and took happiness in the fact that he’d ridden with her at least once.

 

They made their way to the doors and Lory wrapped his arms around his daughter. “I’m incredibly happy to have spent this time with you, Saiyuka…”

 

“Thank you for coming on such short notice. It was sort of a sudden decision, so I didn’t really have time to process it myself.” She returned his hug, standing on the tips of her toes to reach him. 

 

“It was a very important decision,” he told her seriously as he reluctantly let her go. “And you have no idea how proud I am of you for making it.”

 

“It’s all thanks to you, you know. You’re the one who was always pushing me, always trying. I couldn’t show enough gratitude for that, Lory, really.”

 

“You’re my daughter, Saiyuka, no matter what anyone says. I’d do that much for you always. Never forget that.” He watched her eyes glisten and she threw her arms around him one more time.

 

“I promise I never will,” she whispered, pulling back and giving him another huge smile before finally pulling herself away and heading toward her motorcycle with a large amount of waving and shouts goodbye.

 

Riding back on her own, she took the long way back to her apartment again so she had once last look at the lights of downtown before parking Lola in her usual place and heading up the stairs to her door.

 

Before she could open it, though, a car whipped around the corner at the end of the street, the sudden turn sending the vehicle careening, waving back and forth. Just as it was regaining control, it sideswiped her cycle and tore a mirror off, along with a long strip of paint.

 

Running to the curb, Sai yelled at them to stop, watching their taillights shrink into the distance as they tore away at far too high speeds to be safe. She huffed angrily and mumbled some choice words about the driver under her breath before picking up the mirror and cradling it. She stroked the naked strip of her bike and frowned, “I’m sorry, Lola...I promise I’ll get you fixed up as soon as possible...I don’t know why people have to be  **that** reckless. There’s a line between having fun and posing serious danger…”

 

She rose up and stepped back onto the sidewalk, almost crashing back down when something snapped underneath her and she nearly lost her balance. To catch herself, she hit the ground with her left hand and winced when a sharp rock nicked the inside of her palm. Looking down, she saw that the heel of her shoe had just snapped off when she’d put her weight on it. 

 

Her brows furrowed and she stepped backward to retrieve the broken heel, but yelped in surprise when her other foot landed in something wet and cold. She wrenched her foot back up and groaned several cuss words when realizing that she’d just stepped in a deep pothole full of muddy water.  _ Great, just great...no, no, this is  _ **_definitely_ ** _ how I wanted tonight to go, don’t worry… _

 

Mumbling under her breath, she treked all the way through her foyer and up her stairs with one broken shoe and one soaking wet one. Pulling her purse open with a certain degree of unnecessary forcefulness due to her current mood, the contents she’d been keeping there spilled out and landed on the ground.

 

She let the entire bag fall to the ground and then took a deep breath, counting to ten and then back down to one before reaching down and picking everything up, emptying her two handfuls into the bag again. Much more carefully this time, she pulled out her key card and swiped it. Pushing her shoulder into the door, she turned the knob and shoved the door open. Only it didn’t open. And now her shoulder hurt.

 

Growling under her breath, she swiped it again and pushed. Still locked. She swiped it back and forth, flipping it all around, but the door wouldn’t unlock. Suddenly, it occurred to her that she’d picked up the key right after she’d collected her phone from the ground. And then pressed them together. And demagnetized the strip in her card. Just...lovely.

 

Locked out of her main door, she gathered up the rest of her at ease mind and pushed it to the forefront of her head, heading back to the foyer and digging around in the wall there to move one of the dilapidated bricks and reveal a spare key to her art store room. That door opened without incident and she trudged in, throwing away her heels, dropping her belongings in her living room and making a beeline for her bathroom.

 

She stripped off the muddy jeans and started up her bathtub, taking some time to breathe in and out and rest her buzzing mind and heated chest. Getting any angrier would do her no good. While she waited for the bathtub to fill, she headed back out to start a pot of decaf coffee, needing the familiar taste even though it was late.

 

Taking out a mug, she set it on the counter and started pulling her hand away. It caught in such a way that the very tips of her fingers pulled the handle forward and sent the mug careening down to the floor where it shattered into a dozen pieces.

 

She cursed again, all the relaxation she’d tried earlier doing her no good as the pressure and heat returned to her chest, flowing through her veins like poison. At least the pieces were big enough for her to grab with her hands. She figured she might as well sweep anyway, just so she didn’t step on a leftover sliver of ceramic later and cut herself.

 

Getting the broom and dustpan, she swept the area carefully, ignoring something that was nagging at the back of her skull. All too fast, her head snapped up as something occurred to her and she shot upward, sprinting toward her bathroom. Now the curses flew unchecked and colorfully from her mouth as she rushed in.

 

She shut off the water that was quickly overflowing her small tub, fretting over all the water that had already coated her backroom floor. She tore into her closet and pulled out all her spare towels, laying them around the floor and running back and forth to soak up the spillage around the tiled room.

 

In the other room, an incessant ringing went off to inform her that her coffee had finished. Closing her eyes, she screamed silently in frustration and went back to her kitchen. She shut off the machine and poured the liquid into another container so she could make iced coffee or something the next morning. She just wanted to go to bed.

 

Going into the bathroom, whose floor was still littered with towels, she began draining the tub. She was  **not** in the mood for a bath. Not anymore. She gathered up the towels and threw them in the dryer, deciding she’d give them a good wash in the morning, but not wanting them to sit wet all night. To dry the rest of the floor, she opened the windows in the bathroom and turned up the heat just a tad.

 

Satisfied, she went back out into her bedroom and put on her comfiest pajamas, snuggling into her blankets with a huge huff.  _ What on earth did I do to deserve all that? _ She wondered to herself, sitting up and clutching a pillow to her chest. For fun, she ran through a list of all the superstitions she could think of to see if she’d accidently triggered one of them.

 

She hadn’t walked under any ladders, didn’t open any umbrellas indoors, certainly hadn’t seen any black cats, and hadn’t used crutches or wheelchairs without need. As far as she knew, she hadn’t spent time with any numbers considered unlucky...didn’t stay on the fourth floor, hadn’t associated herself with the number nine at all, nor 17 or 13. She had no horseshoes, much less ones that hung upside down, and hadn’t broken any mirrors lately. Strange.

 

She distantly considered that maybe she hadn’t done anything to deserve bad luck, but everything that was happening served as a sort of omen...but she shook the thought off quickly. Laying down, she decided that the chain of thought wasn’t worth her time and she should just try to sleep. 

 

As it turned out, that was easier said than done. She ended up tossing and turning, throwing all of her blankets on the floor and then picking them all back up again. Eventually, she huffed and lay sprawled out on her mattress, eyebrows pulled downward in a frustrated scowl. 

 

Without warning, her phone started ringing and she realized that she didn’t actually know what time it was. She answered anyway and tried to keep the anger out of her voice. “Saiyuka Akai.” Okay, it wasn’t her best attempt at hiding her feelings, but at least she didn’t growl the words.

 

“Sai? Is everything alright?” Came the deep baritone back. All of her frustration was immediately evaporated. There was nothing like the comfort of Ren’s voice when she felt like tearing her hair out. 

 

“Ah! Ren! Yes, yes, everything’s fine, I’m sorry if I sounded a little…”

 

“Pissed?” He asked, knowing she’d wanted to swear. He could almost hear the blush on her face he’d gotten so used to picking apart the subtle changes in her face and voice. “I’m really very sorry, Sai, I must have woken you up.”

 

She barked out a bit of humorless laughter and waved her hand back and forth even though he couldn’t see her. “Oh, rest assured, you didn’t. I was having an awful time sleeping, for some reason.”

 

“I...actually figured that might be the case. I can see why you’d be frustrated, then…”

 

“You don’t know the half of it, Sparky…” She shook her head, deciding she’d tell him all about it when the timing was more appropriate. “Why would you think I’d have trouble sleeping?” The words slipped through her lips before she was ready for them and she hoped she hadn’t sounded too accusatory or expectant.

 

“Honestly? Because I’m having trouble as well...we’re usually...fairly connected like that.” He scratched the back of his head and grinned sheepishly, knowing she could pick out such things from him as well, even over the phone. “I felt like this was the only thing that could make me feel better.”

 

Sai’s face erupted into a smile on her side of the phone and she leaned back on her headboard, “Listening to me be generally hateful at my sleeping habits is helpful to you?” She asked teasingly, loving how he sputtered for a second before regaining his usually so consistent composure.

 

“Listening to you do anything helps me, Sai. Just your voice is enough.”  _ Damn... _ she thought to herself.  _ He’s getting really good at lines like those...oh, I’m a hopeless case… _

 

“Then listen away,” she said with a warm smile, beginning her tirade of everything that happened to her when she got home, relishing his reactions and finding the tension that had remained in her body slowly lessen until it was almost weightless, and then it was gone completely. It was just part of the power that Ren seemed to have over her.

 

After an indiscernible amount of time, the actor yawned and Sai immediately jumped on the opportunity to congratulate herself for healing his insomnia. He laughed heartily and sighed in content, “I suppose you’re right, though. Now would probably be a good time to try again. I wish you a restful night, Sai.”

 

“You too. And Ren?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Thank you for calling. I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again, I’ll always be here to do whatever you need. Just call me.”

 

“I haven’t forgotten, as you can see, I followed your instructions to the tee.” He smirked on his side of the phone, knowing he would have gotten a tap on his shoulder for his sass if she was really there.

 

“Yes, dummy, but I want you to know I’m always here, not just when you have trouble sleeping. Got it?”

 

“Got it,” he held back any other passing comments that popped up into his head, knowing he’d get in trouble with her if he’d said any one of them. 

 

“Good boy,” she teased, cradling her phone in one hand. “Good night, Ren.”

 

“Good night, Sai. I’ll see you soon.” His voice was soft and low, like a lullaby she’d never get tired of. 

 

Sai hit the end call button with a gentle smile on her face, pressing her phone into her forehead as she shook her head. “You’re a lovable idiot, Ren Tsuruga. But you have no idea how grateful I am to you for calling.” She set her phone aside and nestled in her blankets, drifting to sleep without any trouble at all this time.


	62. Chapter 62

Most high ceilings are considered luxurious. And because of that, every ceiling in the Takarada estate seemed miles high, because nothing else was fitting. But sometimes the ceilings were dark. They were lonely. And they made the sole man living inside the house feel like he would have been better off in the tiniest least flashy abode - so long as there was someone to be with. Having someone by your side is always bound to be more beautiful than the rarest of marbles and shiniest of golds and jewels. 

 

These kinds of thoughts always roamed Lory’s mind when he couldn’t sleep. He often turned to worlds other than his reality when they got to be too much. For that reason, he kept plenty of sappy romance novels on his nightstand. His gaming system always had love simulations queued up. His entertainment system was loaded with rom coms and slow music. All to escape from the thoughts of sharing such a large room with no one. Not anymore.

 

But of course, that was only for when he couldn’t sleep. And although that’s what he would tell those close enough to him to worry, he never disclosed that he had trouble sleeping almost every night. And it was for that reason that Lory was already awake when his phone went off at an ungodly hour.

 

He picked up right away, but before he could even greet the person at the other end, his voice spilled over in a panic, “Lory, Lory! Is that you? Oh, thank god I caught you…”

 

Lory recognized the voice instantly, of course, and suddenly the time difference made the call’s time much more logical. “Kuu, what on earth? Slow down-”

 

“Oh, shit, I didn’t even bother to see what time it was, how early is it over there?”

 

“It’s a little past three...but-”

 

“In the morning? Geez...I’m really sorry, I’m all messed up. I’ve been at the hospital all night and all this morning-”

 

“The hospital?!” The dark haired man sat up much too quickly, causing his head to spin, “What’s-”

 

“No, no...just hang on, we’re not getting anywhere just interrupting each other. Let me just sit down for a moment…” Kuu sighed heavily and his voice sounded tired and laggy. He must have been up for hours. “I wasn’t the one in the hospital, Lory, just to assure you of that. It was Tina.”

 

“‘Tina’?” He echoed, “Like, Rick’s Tina?”

 

“His fiancee, yes. Yesterday she...her apartment block caught on fire. It started in the room below hers so it spread quickly. She was asleep at the time because of those damn antidepressants...and well...they got her out but she-she was...she was in pretty bad shape. I stayed outside the room while they did everything they could but...she’s gone.”

 

Lory was silent for a moment. It was a simple enough concept to understand, but that didn’t seem to make it any easier to wrap his head around. Tina was dead...and that meant…”We have to tell him.”

 

“I know…” Kuu clutched the phone tightly in his hand. “He’s not going to take it well. He still blames himself for ruining her life, when he finds out she died without him ever-”

 

“Damn it, Kuu, I know that! I know that, but...we can’t keep it from him, that’s worse. It’s worse and you know it.”

 

The blonde actor hesitated greatly for a few moments before sighing and finding himself agreeing shakily. “Then just be blunt. Don’t sugarcoat it, let him hear it right away. Hiding the details won’t help, so just rip it off like a bandage.”

 

“That was my plan.” Lory ran his free hand down his face. “Alright. I’ll clear his day as best as I can and talk to him just as soon as the sun rises.” He halfheartedly quipped, already dreading it.

 

“Call me when you’ve finished?” Kuu asked as a formality, despite knowing his friend wouldn’t dream of keeping him out of the loop.

 

Agreeing, Lory hung up the phone and put it back on the receiver, basically collapsing where he lay and not moving. His arm was starting to pulse uncomfortably from where the edge of the nightstand cut off the circulation into his elbow and his back panged painfully from its twisted position. He grunted loudly as he pushed himself off his plush comforter and slid out of his bed until he was standing.

 

He clutched at his lower back and moved carefully as he stretched it out and cracked his spine. Rubbing at his tired eyes, and let a slow sigh through his lips and stared into the bathroom mirror he’d reached. His eyes were bloodshot, and there were clearly forming purple lines under those red-riveted orbs. He knew he wasn’t getting enough sleep. But what was he supposed to do?

 

Shaking his head, he flipped on his shower, turning it mostly to cold, and he stripped and stepped under the freezing stream of water. It wasn’t like he really needed to shower; he’d taken one the previous night and his hair wasn’t really oily to begin with, but it was his routine and it was the only thing that made him feel better at times like this. 

 

He stepped out and entered his large closet, choosing an actual suit that morning and laying it over his still-lithe body with practiced motions. As the last button slipped into place, he smoothed the fabric and took a deep breath. It was going to be a long day.

It didn’t take him long to arrive at LME, probably because he was up hours earlier than normal. He made his way up to the penthouse and stepped into his office, collapsing at the desk in the corner with yet another defeated sigh. He set his head onto his desk and rested there for a moment before picking up his phone without looking and dialing a preset number.

 

The man on the other end answered almost immediately, much to Lory’s dismay, “Hello? This is Yukihito Yashiro speaking.”

 

“Mr. Yashiro? I apologize if I woke you, I know it’s early.” Any second he could stall was worth it.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Mr. President, sir! I’ve been up for a while. Is something wrong?”

 

Lory hesitated for a long moment, finally fully accepting his fate. “Yes. And it’s quite bad, I’m afraid. I know this won’t be easy for you, but I need you to clear Ren’s entire day today. The likelihood he’ll return to work within the day is incredibly small, and I’d rather tell him sooner rather than later.”

 

The manager paused for a second, warring between being professional and simply accepting LME’s president’s request or being genuinely concerned for his charge and asking what the hell could have possibly happened. He chose both. “Of course, sir. I’ll make it happen. But…”

 

“Don’t worry, so long as Ren allows it, you may be in the room when I tell him. He may need your support. But explaining it over the phone won’t do any good...unless he’s opened up more than I expected at this point, you won’t really understand the exact problem.”

 

Yashiro clenched his teeth together and swallowed. He knew that Ren’s past was still a mystery to him, but it usually didn’t interfere with their relationship. The idea that he couldn’t understand what seemed to be such a detrimental problem was really starting to bother him. “I understand, sir.”

 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Yashiro, really. I wish he was more open, really I do. If he bothered to accept more people, he would surely find a large amount of weight lifted off of his heart...but he refuses to let people in. I’m sure he can’t do it forever. Just stand by him. Be there for him. He’ll turn to you when he needs to.”

 

“I already know that, President Takarada…” Yashiro said with a small, rueful smile. “I’ve known that since day one. But if I may ask...this doesn’t have anything to do with Ms. Saiyuka, does it?”

 

“Not this time,” Lory said with furrowed brows. “But we may need her. I believe Ren will be rather...troubled. And that’s a very generous way to describe it.”

 

“I can see that. I’ll check her schedule. Ren should be in about an hour from now, his first job was at LME anyway.”

 

“Very good. Thank you, Mr. Yashiro. I’m glad to know Ren has been entrusted to such a dedicated young man such as yourself, and I must apologize if the next few days prove hard for you as a manager. He’ll need you more than ever, if my estimates on his reaction are correct, but not just as a coworker, as a dear, dear friend.”

 

Yashiro swallowed, finding his mouth going dry.  _ What on earth could have happened…? I’ve never heard the President sound so...completely serious… _ ”Yes, sir...I’ll do everything I can.”

 

“You always do, anyway. Again, thank you for that. You have my blessing clearing his schedule, you can feel free to blame his absence on me entirely if you run into any trouble. Good luck, Mr. Yashiro.”

 

“Thank you, Mr. President. I will see you when Ren and I arrive later this morning.” The moment Yashiro hit the end call button, he stared at his screen and audibly gulped. He never liked informing the actor of such unexpected changes. But then again, the last emergency meeting the President had called with him ended with him giving Ren his blessing with Toshiro...so perhaps he shouldn’t be worrying this much...right?

 

Reluctantly, he hit Ren’s speed dial and listened to it ring for a measly two dial tones before a heavy baritone called out sleepily, “Oh, uh, this is Ren Tsuruga speaking- oh, Mr. Yashiro?” He changed to, recognizing the number once he was actually able to look at it. “I’m not late am I?”

 

“No, no...nothing like that. Just go about your routine like normal and we’ll meet up in the lobby like we planned, but I’m afraid it changes a bit after that…”

 

“Changes? Why? Has something come up for my director?” The actor asked, the first negative thoughts surfacing in his mind about any damage to his reputation putting his jobs in jeopardy. 

 

“Not with the director, no...actually, the changes are coming from you this time. Well, not you exactly, from the President. He requested I clear your day.”

 

“T-the whole day?!” The dark haired man lurched up in his bed, his comforter managing to fly up and land on his face rather unceremoniously. He wasn’t usually this flustered...but certain dreams did wonders destroying his usual attitude. “What the hell happened?” He demanded as gently as he could as he frantically got out of his tangle of blankets. 

 

“He wouldn’t tell me over the phone, all he said was that he would be delivering some pretty serious news and he believed that you’d need the time to adjust. He even apologized to me for the extra work I’d have to be putting in…”

 

“But you have no idea what specifically is wrong?” 

 

“Not even a clue. He told me I had the right to sit in when he told you, but was very clear that I wouldn’t be able to understand what was so shocking about the news simply because...well, we don’t know each other well enough.” Yashiro said with a slight wince. He never blamed Ren for being so closed off, but there wasn’t a nice enough way to say that without seeming cowardly. 

 

The tall man was silent for a long moment, “Yukihito, I’m r-”

 

“Don’t apologize to me.” The light haired manager insisted, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “I’ll be there if you need someone, so don’t ever be afraid to come to me. But don’t ever,  **ever** , feel like you have to be guilty for needing time. I don’t care how long it takes. I want it to be your choice.”

 

“I will tell you, Yukihito. Everything. One day.” 

 

“I know. I’ll see you in the lobby. We’ll go together.”

 

“See you then.” Ren hung up the phone but didn’t move an inch. He clapped the device shut and pressed it into his forehead, a hollow laughter bubbling up from his throat. “How do you always manage to be such an amazing friend when I can’t seem to do anything right...God damn it, Yukihito…”

 

The actor set about his usual routine, which ended up taking a bit longer than usual due to how spaced out he was. He brushed his teeth twice, put on his shirt backward, cracked an egg over his toaster instead of the frying pan, took out his suitcase instead of his tote bag, almost walked out of the door in his sandals instead of his dress shoes...he was a mess.

 

Finally getting to the car, he took an inventory of himself and checked off everything he was supposed to have finished by that morning. It seemed that all was in order, even if some things had accidently been done twice. 

 

Driving at an unusually slow pace, the actor was unaccompanied by his incessant tapping on the wheel, constant glancing side to side to see if there was an opening in traffic, and he managed to only change the radio once. It was absolutely the most unsettling thing. He felt so calm, but he knew he should be anything but. Which meant he probably was unconsciously preparing himself for something really unpleasant. Shit.

 

Trying not to pay that too much mind, Ren entered the lobby and glanced around for his friend and manager who offered him a small smile and a wave when they finally made eye contact. “Good morning, Ren…” He greeted cautiously, trying to gauge the actor’s mood as he approached.

 

“And to you, Yukihito. Are you ready to head up?” The dark haired man gave a polite smile, but the other had known him far too long to be fooled. He was freaking out.

 

“The question is: are  **you** ready, Ren?” He asked, falling into step beside the long-legged man as he seemed to almost bolt for the elevator. 

 

“Of course not, but standing in the lobby will just make me feel worse. I need to know what’s so important. I don’t know what could be so urgent; I don’t know why it would have to do with my past; I don’t know why I feel so completely unsettled, but I do. There are too many unknowns for me to deal with on my own. I need answers.”

 

“R-right…” The manager said, barely keeping up with Ren’s fast pace. They reached the elevator and rode up in complete silence. Yashiro couldn’t come up with anything meaningful to say no matter what he did and by the time they reached their destination, it was too late.

 

Ren walked straight to the wide oak doors and glanced around for the dark skinned assistant who was nowhere to be found; he would always open the doors for him. He paused before opening them himself and purposely turned around to face the rather frazzled looking light haired man behind him.

 

“Yukihito, I want you to know that I’m glad you’re here. I don’t do well with friends, I don’t really know how to treat them and I’m usually so closed off because I’m afraid of letting them down. I’m afraid of getting too close to someone in case I lose them. I’m afraid that I’ll fail at every conceivable turn. And that makes me push people away. 

 

“You’re one the only people in my life that sees past that and bears with me and I know I haven’t done enough to make you realize how much that means to me, but I hope someday you’ll know how much your friendship has kept me grounded all these years. And for that reason, I wouldn’t want anyone else in here with me right now. So, you don’t have to say anything, you don’t have to try and support me, just being here is enough.”

 

“Ren…” Yashiro smiled softly at his friend and turned his eyes away toward the door. “You don’t have to vocalize how much you appreciate me, or any of the other people who are so grateful to know you, for us to realize it. You don’t always know how to express yourself with your words - which seems odd for an actor - but everything you’re thinking is obvious enough when you so desperately wish you could convey it. Don’t worry. I already know everything you’re trying to force yourself to say.”

 

“Then we’re on the same page.” The dark haired man grinned and gestured forward. “Do the honors?”

 

“You’ll be fine, Ren. I promise it’ll be okay.” He had to at least try to say something. Resigning himself to opening the enormous entryway, Yashiro reached forward and tugged on the handles. When he slipped through the threshold with the actor at his side, it was beyond obvious that the mood in the room was incredibly dark. It was palpable in the air. 

 

Ren swallowed and took a few steps inside, finding Lory sitting at his desk for once, glasses perched on his nose and an absolutely devastated look on his face. “Mr. President?” He began, catching the older man’s attention.

 

“Ah...Ren…” He seemed distracted, as if he was desperately trying to focus on his words, but unable to open his mouth. “Have a seat.”

 

Suddenly, all the uneasiness that the actor should have been feeling all morning hit him like a freight train. Something was very,  **very** , wrong. 

 

“I don’t know how to really broach this, Ren. I’d tell you to brace yourself, but the likelihood you’ll be able to do anything meaningful to prepare yourself is so low that I truly believe it’s best to just be blunt and ask for your forgiveness later. Are you ready?”

 

Ren swallowed heavily and sat back in his chair, closing his eyes and nodding to signify that he was as ready as he could be. As much as he wanted to speak, he couldn’t seem to find a voice to use.

 

“Tina died last night.” The dark haired actor’s eyes shot open and he froze completely, going still and stiff. His breathing caught uncomfortably in his throat and the rest of Lory’s words were partially drowned out by his beating heart and racing thoughts. “She was in a fire. She was alive when they pulled her out, but...they couldn’t do much once she was at the hospital. Your father waited the entire time, but because he wasn’t family, they didn’t tell him much about her condition until it was too late...”

 

Lory waited a few moments before trailing off entirely. The actor hadn’t moved yet. He looked positively shell shocked and it was starting to scare him. “Ren? I know this comes as a shock, but I don’t want you to blame yourself...she forgave you, you know. Ren?” The President stood, approaching the horrified man before him, “Ren? Ren!?”

 

Yashiro rushed in from behind the couch and crouched by his friend, “Ren, are you okay?” His face was starting to turn an ashen gray and his manager took him by the shoulders. “Ren! You need to breathe! Hey, listen to-” As he shook the dark haired man, he didn’t resist in the slightest, moving side to side like a broken doll.

 

He had no idea who this “Tina” person was, or why Ren would blame himself for her dying in a fire in America...but whatever the story behind his reaction was, the manager knew that it held a deep strain of pain in the actor’s life. He wasn’t breathing, blinking, or even twitching. He had to do something, damn it!

 

Before he could think better of it, Yashiro reached forward and rammed his fist into the actor’s broad chest. Just like he’d desperately wanted, Ren gasped in pain and his lungs expanded, reaching pleadingly for air. His eyes were still glazed over and he was motionless, but at least his breathing came in rough - but steady - gasps. 

 

No matter what Ren did, he couldn’t wrap his head entirely around what was happening. He couldn’t believe Tina was dead. She couldn’t be dead. Her and Rick both...they’d both died before he did. What he wouldn’t give to take their places...neither deserved their fate while he stood healthy and living a prosperous life while running away from the one he left in shambles.

 

He couldn’t see clearly and there were pinpricks of black around his blurry vision. His chest hurt, his stomach ached, and his whole body pulsed but was numb to the touch. He was distantly aware of Yashiro shouting things at him and Lory panicking in the background, but he couldn’t move no matter what he tried.

 

He didn’t believe he deserved to live in the first place. He’d ruined her life. He’d killed Rick and ruined her life. Rick was dead because of him and now she was too. Why was he alive? For what reason? He’d never reached out to someone like Rick had, he wasn’t as kind or gentle as Rick, he didn’t deserve to live anywhere near as much, and yet there he was. 

 

And now another person was dead. And even if she forgave him, even if she swore on the stars themselves that she was okay with his actions, he could never forgive himself. But now he couldn’t even face her when he was able to stand tall. Because she was dead too. And there was nothing left for him to say, or do. There wasn’t any way to redeem himself. 

 

It was all his fault, all his fault. And nothing he could do in his life would make up for it. He shouldn’t be allowed to live on. He didn’t even know what it would mean if he did. All his did was ruin the lives of the people around him. The moment they got too close, the moment he got to know them on an intimate, trusting level, he ripped apart everything they stood on and ruined everything. He always ruined everything. He left trails of destruction everywhere he walked. So why walk anymore?

 

Lory bolted across his room to the phone sitting discarded with the rest of his belongings and fussed getting it open. He had no choice. He should have known this would happen. Ren always took responsibility for Rick’s fate, and thinking about it always destroyed him. He would spiral into those awful attacks for God knows how long. 

 

He had to stop this one early on. He should have had this lined up to begin with. Even Yashiro couldn’t assuage the actor’s self-hatred, but that was to be expected considering he couldn’t really even understand it. He only had the one option left: Saiyuka. 

 

_ I suppose she doesn’t know anything about the situation either, _ Lory thought to himself.  _ But she seems to have a way with him regardless...so just maybe...maybe she’ll be able to save him. Please, please save him...he’s suffered enough. This is something only you can do, Saiyuka… _

 

Trying not to hesitate any longer, he hit the call button on her number and held the phone up to his ear, already dreading hearing her voice on the other end. She might hate him for allowing Ren to get this bad so fast.


	63. Chapter 63

She knew something was wrong the second her eyes snapped open that morning. She was covered in sweat and there were chills shaking her entire body. Sai threw the covers off and stood shakily by her bedside, trying to regain her balance. A violent shiver rocketed down her spine and she shook softly. 

 

Her head pulsed painfully and she pressed her fingers into her temples. Was she getting sick? She carefully padded into her bathroom and dug in her cabinet. Pulling out the rarely used thermometer, she ran it across her forehead and blinked blankly at the screen. 37 degrees. Completely normal. So...not sick. Then what was it?

 

Her stomach felt like it was filled with knots that twisted and pulled at her chest and made her muscles ache. The foreboding sense filled her entirely and was starting to freak her out. When she’d gone to bed the previous day, she’d felt so good...especially after talking with her godfather. She’d been resolved. Confident. Finally ready to move forward. Was she having second thoughts? It seemed impossible. And she refused to believe any thoughts about omens.

 

Trying to ignore it now, she grabbed some clothes and stepped into her shower, letting the water run over and console the growing unease in her stomach. The moment she was finished, it was back. She got dressed while gritting her teeth and headed down to make breakfast and coffee. 

 

Sitting at the table, Sai more played with the eggs on her plate than consume them. She glanced across the light wood surface at the chair across from her. Empty. Her heart tugged painfully and she had to shake her head to snap her out of it. 

 

She could miss him, sure, but this was downright ridiculous. Just because he wasn’t present for one of her meals shouldn’t warrant this much of a reaction. But it didn’t taste as good without him. It was too quiet without him. She didn’t like dining without him. 

 

Sighing, she finished her breakfast, all too aware of the still-present shivers tingling painfully down her spine to remind her something was wrong. But she didn’t know what. Sai finished her morning by angrily stuffing all her scripts and such into her tote and stomping out of the door to Lola.

 

Luckily, her morning was pretty easy and she knew she could manage it without being too distracted by whatever was wrong with her. There were only two scenes she needed to shoot for Mizuki before they’d successfully completed the first season. 

 

It was a major milestone for the cast, but it was a little bittersweet for Sai herself. She didn’t really appreciate how fast time was already going. Of course, she was glad the director was so grateful she kept things moving, she honestly didn’t want her time as Mizuki to end like Himeko’s had. It was such a unique feeling, being in that mindset. 

 

Holding her head high, though, she completed her morning’s work like a true professional, joining in with the festivities directly after. Her costar threw her arms around her, tears in the eyes, and gave the most passionate thank you Sai had ever heard. She blushed softly and was immediately berated by the director for being so modest. 

 

It was still unusual for the redhead to feel so appreciated and loved. Compared to when she’d first started, she’d made a lot of progress, but being surrounded and hugged by those who really valued her existence...it was always a little overwhelming. 

 

After the celebration, there were a few minutes of tearful partings, as some characters wouldn’t be returning, and the rest of the cast was taking a break for a while to let the writers get a bit ahead. While it was nice to be freer, there was also a sense of loneliness that touched the corners of Sai’s heart when she returned to the safety of her dressing room. She’d miss those idiots.

 

Her next job wasn’t for a while, but she figured she’d get a move on anyway. She was starting to get extremely uncomfortable as the pain in her gut increased by the hour. Something was almost begging her to go to her next stop. She quickly checked her schedule and brightened when she saw what was written there.

 

Sai hadn’t dealt with a Love Me assignment in a long time, as she’d now gained much more recognition as a flesh-and-blood actress. Rarely, though, people did request her for the occasional odd job. She loved them more than she would really admit, and she’d often find herself missing them when she had freer days. 

 

She decided she could try and relax in the Love Me dressing room, if it would make her feel any better, so she sighed heavily and collected her things early. Heading out, she realized the feeling in her stomach was only getting increasingly heavier as she approached, and by the time she was there, it was really painful.

 

Distantly, she wondered if she was having an actual medical problem, but she couldn’t place anything else causing her trouble. She laid on the couch in her dressing room for a few minutes while trying to catch her breath and found that nothing was helping. Groaning, she reached behind her for her phone to perhaps look up her symptoms, but yelped when it started ringing in her hand. 

 

Not even bothering to check the number, she pressed the device to her ear and amped up a cheerful tone despite how awful she felt. “Hello? This is Saiyu-”

 

“Saiyuka.” A deep voice interrupted her, shaking slightly as it spoke. Lory. Something was wrong.

 

“Lory?” She asked, sitting up too quickly and feeling the blood rush to her head with a wince. “What’s wrong?” It was immediately obvious in his voice that he was in a total panic. 

 

“I need you to cancel the rest of your day.”

 

There was no context, no explanation, no nothing. And Sai knew, because she waited for him to elaborate, and was rewarded with complete silence. The man was dead serious. “My whole day? Lory, why? What’s happening?”

 

He hesitated then, knowing she’d ask, but being unable to put it in a way she’d understand. He kept telling himself that he couldn’t leave her completely in the dark, but it wasn’t like he could explain the situation. As far as he knew, she’d have no idea how to deal with Ren’s current situation. 

 

“Lory?” She called out for what already seemed like the millionth time. “Are you okay? Please, tell me what’s going on…”

 

“Ren needs you.” He chose those words specifically. He knew they’d have the most drastic effect on her.

 

Not even wasting a whole breath, Sai immediately jumped up and demanded, “Where is he?”

 

“Up here, but-”

 

She hung up. Immediately, she redialed her next two jobs and canceled, apologizing profusely for a family matter that arose unexpectedly. Both were more than willing to give her a pass, considering she sounded near tears as it was. The second she was off the phone, she whipped out of her room and sprinted for the elevators, already breathing heavily.

 

Climbing in, she slammed her finger into the penthouse button, rapidly pressing it over and over again until the doors finally closed. Her panic was beginning to lapse into hysteria. Now she knew why she’d felt almost like she was dying all morning. The actor was in pain. He was aching and she could feel it. If anything happened to him...if he...she blinked hard and two tears threatened to eek down her cheeks.

 

By the time the elevator signified it had reached its destination, her pulse was drowning out even the sound of her own panting in her ears and her vision was slightly obstructed and blurred. When the doors were open enough, she shoved her way outside and nearly lost her balance in her fervor to reach the office.

 

Not even paying it any attention, she tore into the room, glancing in a panic back and forth until her eyes fell on the three men occupying the area near Lory’s desk. Instantly, her frantic actions froze. The only thing she could focus on was the actor, sitting curled in on himself, breath coming in gasps, his skin pale and unhealthy looking, his eyes glazed over and unfocused. He looked tortured, horrified...and terrified. 

 

Unaware of her actions, she drifted toward him and sunk to her knees, gazing up at him with a hurt expression. “Oh, Ren…” She said with a softness neither Lory nor Yashiro had been expecting. She reached out and pressed a hand to his cheek, gently caressing his skin with just the tips of her fingers. 

 

The actor hadn’t registered anything either man had done to break him out of his trance-like state, but the second the redhead’s fingers came into contact with him, he shivered. His eyes roved over to her, looking but not seeing. They were still unfocused, but they rested on her form like he at least knew she was there.

 

His expression was exactly like how he’d looked when he’d burned his hand so long ago. He’d looked petrified, and of what she hadn’t known. But she was beginning to suspect that the thing that so feared him was actually himself. And she didn’t know the cause of his reaction this time, but she’d saved him once. She would die before failing to save him this time.

 

Lowering her hand, she wrapped her tiny, slender fingers through his and started stroking the backs of his hands, cooing softly up at him so he knew she was there. Her eyes never left his face and she was always gentle, even as he didn’t respond. She just sat there, speaking to him in a soft voice.

 

It was immediately noticeable that her feelings for the man before her went incredibly deep. She’d told Lory she had them, but he wasn’t aware they were this close. In fact, he was shocked he hadn’t noticed it before. He watched the two of them close enough that it should have been obvious...but he’d been completely unaware she was so enamored with the man. 

 

Sai returned her hands to the actor’s face and rose up slightly, pressing her forehead to his and closing her eyes. She was still speaking, but now her words were so quiet and intimate that no one could hear them but the actor. 

 

Yashiro felt heat searing to his cheeks and he quickly looked away, not expecting the two of them to be anywhere near that intimate already. And it looked like it wasn’t a new development either. He chanced one more glance at the two of them and knew this wasn’t something he should be seeing yet. 

 

As much as he’d like to think he played a part somewhere along the line getting the two of them together, he wanted to respect the relationship they were slowly but surely establishing. More than anything, he wanted to wait for the actor to open up on his own. He wanted Ren to tell him on his own accord.

 

Bowing to the President, he scurried away, shooting out of the door and down the hall, his face still red. Lory smirked at that and also turned away from the pair. He had to stay, to make sure Ren was alright. But he trusted Sai to take care of him, and considering that the actor was now actually actively reciprocating her actions, he knew the two of them would be alright. They healed each other, after all.

 

“Lory,” her voice cut through his thoughts, and he returned his gaze to her where she currently was kneeling with her forehead to Ren’s, hands in his hair to relax him, and her eyes pointedly focused on her godfather. 

 

Lory had seen plenty of romantic entertainment that such an innocent pose would ordinarily have meant nothing, but seeing his own daughter so close to someone he viewed as a son...he felt unusually protective. “Y-yes…?”

 

“What happened?” She asked in a completely even, her stare almost hurting him it was so intense. “Why is he like this?”

 

“I-I...uh…” He floundered for words. How was he supposed to describe what had happened? She wouldn’t know what to do with the information!

 

She sighed heavily and pulled away from the actor who had been weakly holding onto her arms. Carefully cupping his chin in her hands, she gazed into his eyes and her irises darkened visibly. The sight of such dark sapphire reminded him of the deepest parts of the ocean, their rough surfaces reflecting a full moon. It was staggering. Staggering enough to break through his haze and keep his eyes focused on the beauty before him.

 

Seeing she’d finally gotten his attention, Sai reached around and sank her fingers into his hair, tugging softly. “Kuon. Please, I need you to focus on me. I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere. Everything is alright. I’m here.”

 

Lory’s jaw dropped open. It was so obvious. Her body language, the way she gazed at him, the complete trust she put in him, her decision to move forward with him...they’d all changed because he’d told her. He’d told her everything and she was accepting him. She’d already accepted him. And that’s why she’d told herself she could love him.

 

“Saiyuka…” He said softly, getting her attention back and shivering when he saw her eyes’ intensity. “It’s Tina. Tina passed away last night in an accident.” The look of horror that passed over his daughter’s face was so unmistakable that it took Lory by surprise. Since when was she capable of such facial expressions?

 

Sai immediately understood what was happening. She leaned in close to the man in front of her and wrapped her arms around him, pressing their cheeks together and digging her fingers into his suit jacket. “Stop it.” She said with intensity, taking both men by surprise, even if Ren was mostly in a haze. 

 

“It’s already done. It’s happened. It’s over. There’s nothing you can do about it, Kuon. You can’t change what’s happened. Killing yourself over it won’t make up for it, it won’t fix it. If you choose to let your past isolate you, if you let it ruin you, if you let it kill you, you’re doing both Rick and Tina a disservice. You’re throwing away Rick’s sacrifice if you neglect everything you’ve managed to do so far.”

 

Both Sai and Lory sat in silence when she’d finished, both holding their breath. Slowly, the clouding in Ren’s eyes lifted, but the glossed over and his rasping breath turned into stifled sobs. “It’s my fault…” He said, his face contorting in pain and his voice coming out like it was scraping against the pavement.

 

“It’s not your fault. I understand if you can’t manage to forgive yourself, Kuon, really I understand. But this isn’t the answer. Just because Tina is dead doesn’t mean you no longer have a way of redeeming yourself. Don’t throw everything away. You’ve just started healing. It’s an uphill battle and you’ve just managed to reach its zenith. It only gets easier from here.”

 

His hand closed over hers and he squeezed it tightly. “Help me. Please.” 

 

“Anything I can do, Ren. Please, just ask.” She switched back to his other name, seeing that the havoc in Kuon had died down and now only the actor remained. 

 

“Help me home, please. I...need the familiarity.” She smiled softly, the expression somehow sad at the same time, at his broken voice, her eyebrows dipped down in slight pain. She knew what it felt like. She knew it too well. Gripping his hand tightly, she rose up and starting pulling him up. He came willingly, but seemed more like an empty husk than a flesh and blood human. She cast her godfather one more glance and he smiled as if to offer her his blessing as she left with Ren in tow.

 

Together, they drifted to the garage and she allowed him to climb into the passenger's seat by himself before getting in the driver’s. The drive home was silent, the only semblance of connection was the way she gripped his hand tighter and tighter across the divider between their seats.

 

She walked him all the way up to his room, making sure he was lying comfortably in his bed before heading back down. She glanced one last time at his building before stepping on the curb to call a taxi. If she allowed herself to stay, there’d be no telling what she might do. She knew he needed her, but if she did the wrong thing in his presence, she might lose him forever.

 

No matter what she did when she got home, though, she was completely frazzled. Images of the actor’s haunted expression plagued everything she did and she couldn’t stand not knowing if he was alright. By the time the sun finally set, she’d just about driven herself mad. The actor could take care of himself, and she knew that, but her instinct was to be by his side. And ordinarily such an instinct would have pleased her, but now it simply made her want to cry. She needed to be with him.

 

Unable to stop herself any longer, she picked up her phone and hit the number she knew she might regret for the rest of her life. Eventually, there was a soft click in her ear, but no voice to tell her it had been answered. “Ren?” She called into the silence. “Kuon?” She tried when she got no response. 

 

Dejectedly, she sat down and shielded her eyes, feeling them start to sting. “Ren, please, I’m going crazy here. I need to know you’re alright. I’m so worried about you and I want nothing more but to see you smile again. I know it’s selfish and I’m sorry, but I need to help you. Please, if there’s anything,  **anything** , you need. Please. I want to help.”

 

“There is…one thing you can do for me…” Ren finally stated softly, his voice unexpectedly husky and deep across the phone. 

 

“I told you,” the redhead said assertively, “anything. And I meant it.” Her words were so final, so easily said, but they weren’t naive. She knew the consequences of such words. And she was still saying them. The thoughts alone sent electrifying shivers down his spine.

 

He was silent for a moment. “Come over.” He paused again, “I need to see you.”

 

More silence. She didn’t speak. He didn’t breathe. 

 

“I’m on my way.”  _ Click _ . He let the phone slip from his grasp.  _ What have I done…? _ He sat frozen on his bed, looking at the sleek black device and how the screen kept flashing “Call Ended” at him. No matter how long he started, though, he couldn’t understand why he’d done that. Why he would ever endanger himself so?

 

_ Here I am, curled up in a ball on my bed - pathetic. I’m on the verge of tears for no reason...it’s like I’m feeling the life slip out of my body...and I’m too weak to do anything to stop it. And what do I do? What’s my first course of action? I answer a call from the only person who could make it worse. Why didn’t I just ignore it?! I knew what I would end up doing - making it practically impossible for her to refuse me. And now she’s coming here. To my apartment. Where I am. Where I’m free to show how desperately want her, and where I know she  _ **_wants_ ** _ me...and yet, I do nothing about it. I’m a pathetic coward. Just how I need to feel right now, just perfect. _

 

He held his head in his hands. He couldn’t take it back now. It was true, what he said. He needed Sai very, very badly. But she also posed a danger even worse than what he was currently facing. He knew how she felt. 

 

But he also knew that she was extremely fragile with those feelings. If he moved too fast...if she rejected him now…if she gave him that blank stare…he might just collapse completely and never want to get up. He couldn’t scare her away, but he couldn’t live without her. What in the hell had he gotten himself into?

 

As he continued to war with himself over how to best approach their explosive situation, he missed the distinct noise of a motorcycle tear down the street. He was finally woken from the dark, murky lull he’d lapsed into by a sharp knock on his door.  _ Shit _ ...He thought as he slowly crawled out of his bed and moved like a corpse toward the door.

 

Sai stood waiting for what seemed like way too long, until she was genuinely getting worried that something may have happened. Eventually, though, the lock clicked and the door inched open slowly to reveal his tired face, covered with his soft brown hair that masked his completely miserable expression. Without waiting until he opened the door all the way, Sai pushed her way in and threw her arms around his chest. 

 

The moment he saw her, Ren was sure she had been crying on the way over. Her face was so full of concern that he could barely believe that it was the same girl he’d come to know. Her usually expressionless face was looking at him with such a worried expression that pain shot through his body from his heart. He’d worried her so much. That upset him greatly…but…it meant she cared for him. It was  **proof** she cared for him. And even though it was wrong of him to think this, he was glad. He was happy deep in his heart, even though it meant she’d been upset. 

 

During his inner monolog he hadn’t been paying attention to his expression, but she certainly had. And the moment she saw him, she lunged. Wrapping him in her warm embrace, his entire body froze.  _ Why…is she letting herself hold me like this? _ Her chest pressed to his torso, and she buried her face into his neck, her fingers clawing at the back of his shirt…it was…so passionate, so affectionate.  _ Was she truly this worried? About me? Enough to outwardly show this much affection? _

 

As if willed by a strange force, he wrapped his arms back around her and allowed himself this moment to give in. He held onto her for dear life. Wrapping his arms around her tighter than ever, he buried his face in her hair, filling his senses with her scent, a flowery, lavender scent…with a hint of vanilla. 

 

As he lost himself in her presence, he felt himself relax, only to be again shocked by the gentle sound of her voice. “Shhh…” she cooed, gently stroking his back and whispering to him. He couldn’t handle this, she was being so sweet and gentle…He knew it was her choice to act that way, but it was so against what she’d always done around him. He knew he shouldn’t submit to her acting like this, shouldn’t be lulled into thinking they could stay like this. But he couldn’t help it. He was so raw right then that he couldn’t resist her and he practically collapsed into her arms at her cooing. 

 

“Ren…” Her voice was deeper than normal, softer. “You’re…falling, you know. Let’s get you to bed…I’ll stay with you.”

 

What a word choice. Falling. Oh, but she knew he’d been falling for a long time. He’d fallen for her forever ago. But he understood, and slowly he pried himself away from her and slunk off to his room. She followed closely behind and observed with a little smirk on her face as he simply collapsed on his monster bed. 

 

As she entered his room, she turned around and closed the door behind her, taking the few seconds her back was turned to crush down any feelings she had for him. That face would be the death of her. To take advantage of him now, to tell him now would be all too unfair to him. It wasn't right. 

 

For whatever reason, he loved someone like her. She couldn't know why or how it happened, but she did know that it wasn't going to just go away. But he was too vulnerable right now, and to say or do anything to him in this state would be cruel of her. He'd think she was just trying to comfort him. He'd never believe her or trust her fully. She wouldn't let him know. Not yet. Once she had hardened her resolve, she turned around slowly, having no idea what she’d do to help him.

 

Approaching the bed, she climbed on hesitantly and Ren felt the bed dip under her weight. They spent a long time in silence before Ren finally relented and decided to try and speak. He peeked out from the blankets he’d buried himself in and surprised Sai, who had been staring at him dazedly. As he looked up at her, he could have sworn he saw a look of longing on her face. It sent him spiraling through endless more confusion and pain to see her want but know she couldn’t act.

 

As she stared down at him and took in his misery, everything she’d built up crumbled. She couldn’t help herself anymore. She wasn’t going to win this fight, against that face. Moving without thinking, Sai situated herself in the middle of his bed, leaning against the headboard. She pulled Ren gently into her lap, placing his head on her thighs. 

 

Ren nearly started hyperventilating.  _ What on earth is she doing…what…what the hell!? _ He laid in her lap stiffly, his body frozen solid. She sighed softly at his position and her breath ghosted across his face and he inhaled her scent. 

 

“Calm down, you…” She poked his nose gently and gave him a small smile. She brought her hand down on his head and began stroking his hair, playing with the soft strands and running them through her fingers. At first, he grew even stiffer, his eyes wide open in surprise, but gradually, as she moved her hand methodically through his hair, he relaxed. 

 

Feeling him relax in her arms, his head resting on her lap, Sai did everything she could to stay still and simply help him relax. Her head hit the headrest of the bed and her eyes fluttered shut. Memories flooded her mind and shot through her body like they’d been injected into her blood. The adrenaline, the heat, the passion, the warmth, the tenderness...everything she’d ever associated with physical contact with the actor.

 

Memories of his lips, his hands, his breath...images of his melting gaze only inches from hers, echoes of the carnal noises she’d heard him make, residual bits of that rich sandalwood and amber scent of his, ghost-like imprints of his soft skin brushing across her cheeks. She could feel it all. She always could when she closed her eyes.

 

Almost never did she allow herself to submit to the way those memories made her feel, but in that moment, she wasn’t the slightest bit in control. Surrounded by his scent, her thoughts were dulled; warmed by his body, her instincts were slowed; and broken down by his very presence, her defenses were all but gone. She just wanted him too badly.

 

Her fingers tightened in his hair and she stopped playing with the locks themselves, sinking her fingers deeper and pressing them into his scalp. Massaging the skin on the back of his neck, she could feel his muscles move and relax, shifting under her influence so easily. He moved so she had better access to him and his lips rested against her thigh. 

 

She could feel her cheeks inflame as she screwed her eyes tighter shut. The thread she was managing to hang on by was thinning by the second and if something didn’t stop it, she didn’t know if she could stop herself. Her fingers seemed to have a mind of their own and they dug into his neck, collarbone, and shoulders. Moving the way they were, they’d soon released all tension in the actor’s upper body.

 

He curled up in her lap, his original expression of anguish and confusion melting off by the second. He’d always known she was good with her hands, but he would have never guessed they were this  **magical** . Before he knew it, all of the tension he’d built up to keep his emotions at bay had been rubbed out and he was left completely barren for her to see. But he didn’t care anymore. He wanted her to see. She was the only thing that fixed him.

 

All of his defenses gone, the stabbing behind his eyes finally subsided as their watery prisoners escaped down his angled cheekbones and onto the redhead’s exposed thigh he was currently using as a pillow. For just a moment, the motions on his neck stopped, almost like they’d flinched back, but just as soon, they started up again. 

 

She wasn’t running away. She wasn’t disgusted with him. She wasn’t disappointed he was weak. And she was still there, cooing softly at him, her breath ghosting through his hair. And that was when the first gasping noise escaped his mouth, clawing its way up his throat painfully.

 

“Shh...Ren…” She lowered herself down until her voice was only centimeters from his ear, her voice so low and soft that he could feel it affect him in the pit of his stomach. “You don’t need to hold it in. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here for you, I’d do anything to make you feel better, so don’t hide from me. Let it out.”

 

There they were. The words he’d been begging someone to say to him his whole life. No surprise they’d come from her. And thus, the floodgates were opened. Both from Ren and Kuon, all of their frustrations, agonies, miseries. They flooded out, streaming like a downpour from his clenched eyes.

 

Ren dug his fingers into the sheets beside his left hand and the fabric covering Sai’s torso in his other. Both of them were covered by her own much smaller, warmer hands as she hummed and cooed like a chorus of fairies. Her slender fingers stroked his own to a beat he couldn’t place, and every bit of contact was like an anchor to him, something that pulled him and kept him grounded to the earth.

 

Sai’s mind was completely clear, for the first time in so long. If there was one thing that could pull her away from that miserable, impossible longing, it was seeing weakness in the man who built his life on hiding it. Those tears had pulled her back to where she’d needed to be, and no matter how much she desired him, no matter how much she loved him and wanted him, no matter how much she wished she could be with him, this was infinitely more important.

 

That twisted, pained face they’d both been making only moments earlier was nowhere to be seen. Both had countless issues, regrets, and apprehension about themselves, each other, and the world they lived in, but both now had something that kept them together and no matter how much they drove each other crazy by just being around, neither had a better way of coping than the presence of their other half.

 

After what seemed like hours, his chest pounding in pain, his lungs gasping in air, his entire body on fire, the actor finally started to calm down. His death grip on Sai’s shirt released and he seemed to collapse a little more on her.

 

“There you go…” That voice, that perfect, angelic voice, said to him. “That’s it. Do you...feel any better?”

 

“I-” Ren opened his mouth to speak, but only a jarble of cracking and hoarse noises came out. He rolled so his was on his side, bringing his unbelievably bloodshot eyes up to meet Sai’s. He knew he must have looked like shit, but the instant she could clearly see him, her face lit up. The way her smile curled up so naturally, so beautifully...it healed his heart in ways he couldn’t express. 

 

She grabbed a few tissues from the nightstand and he reached out for them, only to find his hands slapped away. Wordlessly, but still with that precious smile, she began dabbing at his cheeks, under his nose, and across his lips. It was slow, each movement unrushed. She was in no hurry with him, seeming to take enjoyment in every second of taking care of him. 

 

Cleaned up as best as possible, Ren took extra care in clearing his throat and he raised his eyes to gaze into the two most unique orbs he was sure he’d ever see. They were different this time. Not dark, like he’d come to associate with her more seductive side. If anything, they seemed to be whiter, but only in certain places. Tendrils of iridescent shades of blue mixed with those almost pure white streaks, screaming of a barren tundra wasteland. He could all but see the raging blizzard whip by her eyes, sucked into the cold, empty darkness of the black voids that made up her pupils. 

 

They defied light itself. Glowed. And the frigidness of the color defied every law of nature he’d ever heard of as they seemed to burn into him. They were so warm, so welcoming. Exactly unlike such a tundra. But then again, that was all Sai was, a contradiction wrapped in an anomaly, wrapped in anything and everything hypocritical. And he’d fallen in love with that long ago.

 

“I do feel better.”  _ Now that you’re here...only because you’re here. Don’t leave. Please, I don’t know what I’d do if you left...please,  _ “don’t leave...”

 

He hadn’t even realized he’d spoken out loud until her gaze softened even more, that eternal blizzard beckoning him into what was certain suicide if he was wrong about this. Her fingers moved off of his hands and reached his forehead, brushing the hair aside and clearing the way for her to almost bend in half as she placed a kiss there.

 

“If it’s you asking, Ren...I’ll never leave. I promise.” She cradled his head in her hand, brushing their noses together.

 

“Do you...mean that?” His voice caught in his throat, barely able to produce the sounds and unsure of whether they were correct. He couldn’t hear them through the incessant pounding in his ears from his heart.

 

One of her hands released his cheek and moved into his vision, her pinkie in the air. He felt like lips turn upward and he lifted his own hand and wrapped his finger around hers, lowering them to his lips and kissing them. With a shock, he felt her own lips brush the other side as they silently sealed the promise.

 

Still without words, the redhead allowed her forehead to rest against the man’s and she sat there for a few beats. “Can you tell me?”

 

“T-tell you what?” Ren asked, his voice wavering slightly.

 

“Why you cried. I know it can’t just be because of Tina.”

 

“She’s...part of it. I feel guilty still, like I should have been able to do something, say something...do anything to redeem even the smallest fraction of myself…”

 

“You realize the only person who still blames you is yourself, right, Kuon?” Sai asked, switching to the other young man she knew she was addressing. 

 

He paused for a moment, swallowing the incredible pain in his body as best as he could. “I suppose I do. It just...it was a wake-up call, I suppose.”

 

“But that’s not everything, is it?”

 

“I...no…”

 

“Can you tell me?”

 

“It’s not just from ‘Ren’ or ‘Kuon’...these feelings...it’s like they emanate from both...I feel like I’m clashing inside, like the two personalities aren’t different enough to coexist anymore...and it hurts to keep them both. But I’m not ready to choose...I can’t give either up...but I can’t live split apart like this anymore. It’s tearing me up.”

 

“You don’t have to split them up, Ren...you are your own person. You can label yourself with a name, but soon enough, the person you labeled is bound to change. That’s how we are as humans. Ren and Kuon aren’t two different people, they’re one person at different stages of his life. And now isn’t the time to choose between them, it’s finally time that they became one entity in your mind. You can be whole again.”

 

“But...isn’t that...terrifying?”

 

“Only if you’re alone, Ren. Do you still think you’re alone?”

 

He waited a moment, feeling his chest well up with an incredible heat. “No. Not even in the slightest.”

 

“Then you’ll be just fine.” She assured, her smile evident in her voice. “Now...I think it’s time you tried to get some sleep. We’ll be okay, you and me. And you know I’ll always be here if you need someone to turn to.”

 

Ren’s face lit up with a smile he felt like he hadn’t smiled in ages. “I do know that.”

 

Before either of them knew it, two hours had passed and it was early in the morning. Still dark, though, Ren knew that any sleep he could get would be better than nothing at this point. Try as he might, though, he simply couldn’t fall asleep. Resting in her arms, he should have been calm enough to sleep, he certainly was relaxed enough…this is what he’d always wanted. At least, it was a step toward it. 

 

Watching him struggle internally, Sai’s heart broke again and again. Finally, something took over her body and she leaned down and kissed the top of his head again, making a split-second decision before she could talk herself out of it. Her mind screamed at her that this was the opposite of what she should be doing, but she couldn’t help it, looking at him suffer…it made her body want to crumble to pieces. 

 

Feeling her lips gently press against his forehead, Ren was hit with another wave of electricity that rocketed through his body. He wondered if her unexpected touch would do that to him his whole life. He didn’t think he’d mind if it did, and besides, there wasn’t much she hadn’t done that would surprise him at this point-

 

Ren’s mind instantly blanked as something hit his ears and he heard something that could have easily made him think he was truly dying. It was an angel. There was an angel singing to him. The notes were soft at first, but grew in intensity until he was surrounded by beautiful ascending and descending lines of gorgeous melody and harmony. He could hardly believe that a human could utter such notes. It was even harder to believe that he’d gone over two years knowing that human without ever hearing a single one. 

 

He felt the notes wrap around him, the rhythms and melodies joined together and created another world that existed only in that room, in that moment. Ren breathed out in pure joy as the music seemed to sink into his skin, invade his body and mind, and become part of him. He could feel Sai’s body vibrate gently as it strained to reach notes so high they must have been considered opera. It was the most relaxing thing he’d ever experienced. There was no chance he’d manage to stay awake at this point. After just a few minutes into her gorgeous aria, he drifted into a deep sleep. 

 

The moment his breathing leveled, Sai began to gently halt in her singing, tears streaming down her face as she admitted defeat to the gorgeous, talented, and perfect man laying in her lap right then. She’d had a taste of life with him, of being with him and around him, and now she was addicted. She wanted him, his presence in her life had become so incredibly important that to leave him behind, she was sure that she’d completely lose herself. 

 

Quietly, she dialed Yashiro’s number on her cell phone and informed him of the situation as vaguely as possible, and helping him rearrange it so that Ren could sleep in slightly without missing any of his work for the day. 

 

Yashiro expressed his concern for her state, but she assured him that she’d never been better before hanging up and letting her phone drop onto the bed as she stared vacantly at the wall, feeling her mind slip away, lost in thought as she stroked Ren’s hair and felt his warmth heat her entire body. Eventually, she lost consciousness cradling his head in her hands. 

 

When Ren awoke, sunlight was streaming into his room, which meant it was extremely late. With a start, he nearly leaped off the bed before realizing that he was in fact, sleeping on someone. With a shocked expression, Ren looked at the sleeping form of the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, the girl who’d sung him to sleep, the girl who’d clung to him the whole night, the girl who could rip his heart in two with the confusion she caused in him. 

 

Slowly, she awoke to find him gazing at her with such genuine affection that she fell in love with him all over again. “R-ren…?” She rubbed her eyes sleepily, and glanced at the clock, which read 9:32.  _ Thank goodness, we still have over two hours. We can cook together and I can  make sure he’s okay before he has to leave. _ As she looked at the clock, Ren’s eyes followed her gaze and saw the time and his face seemed to dissolve into horror. 

 

Watching his reaction, Sai quickly realized that he had no idea he had to be at LME four hours later than his schedule read. Leaping off the bed, she grabbed his large hand and practically screamed, “No! No, no! It’s okay! I rearranged things for you! Your meeting got rescheduled, it’s not until after noon, don’t worry…”

 

“You…rearranged my schedule for me?” He gazed at her dazedly, blinking a few times and not quite understanding what she meant. 

 

“Yes…you fell asleep so late, and I know that you truly needed the rest, so I did my best with Yashiro and we made it so that you didn’t need to come in until after noon. This way we can cook breakfast and make sure you’re okay first. And then we’ll go to work. Together. You and me. Okay?”

 

He looked at her in shock. He couldn’t understand her intentions. She’d completely gone out of her way for him to make his day easier...after spending the entire night consoling him. He knew how she felt, but somehow he now knew even less of what went on inside her head. How was he supposed to react to all this…? She was so unusual, so unpredictable…that he didn’t know what she was feeling. Maybe he never truly did. 

 

“Ren?” She asked him so easily, as if she was always meant to say his name like that, in such a loving manner. 

 

“Yes? Oh…I’m alright, just…out of it still.” He knew he wasn’t imagining it now. He wasn’t fooling himself into seeing something that wasn’t there. Her feelings had been laid out and he was getting the full view of them. But she wasn’t giving them up. She still wanted to act like nothing was different, even though it clearly was. 

 

Her face fell a little bit, concern evident despite her usual lack of emotion. “Alright…why don’t you go take a shower, and I’ll start breakfast…?”

 

Ren nodded solemnly, honestly having no idea how to respond properly. He just turned away, and walked into his bathroom. It was too much. How was he supposed to react? She’d known for so long and had chosen to do nothing. Not even because she didn’t feel the same, because she did. She  **did** . And yet she ignored his feelings, feigned ignorance. And for what? Why?

 

He turned his back on her, the door shutting behind them, leaving Sai there in his bed, holding her head in her hands in angst. She had to tell him everything now. But she so desperately wanted to tell him when she was ready, not when she was forced to. She heard the water start behind the closed door and felt like she was crying vicariously through the sound of the rapidly falling water.


	64. Chapter 64

When you live in the world comfortably, it’s inevitable that you take things for granted. You can’t avoid it - the things you worry about are naturally at a different level. What constitutes as the “worst feeling imaginable” changes from person to person, place to place, and day to day. Sometimes even hour to hour. But it’s impossible for everyone, even within a short radius, to maintain the same degree of problem. 

 

That being said, as an actor, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll have a different set of issues and dilemmas than an average person, and especially that of a third world country. Despite that, all classes of people share a unanimous, unique feeling that they associate with being the “worst” that compares to nothing else they’ve ever felt, it just happens under different circumstances.

 

For Ren, this feeling most often happens on mornings like that one. Ones where he has to drag himself out of bed, ones where he has to almost limp to the bathroom, ones where even lifting his arm to brush his teeth is a challenge. But the feeling itself always peaks at one point in his routine. His shower.

 

It’s when he’s standing stock still, staring at nothing, water cascading down in a shower of heat that it’s almost unbearable but he doesn’t move. When his mind is so blank and yet so completely frazzled with thoughts that he can’t form a straight sentence in his head, and then, without warning, the molten lava pouring down his back turns to frozen pellets that dig into his skin and nip away at it agonizingly.

 

Like teeth, he can feel each individual drop make impact with his back and send pain, white hot and searing, shooting through his entire body. For those few excruciating seconds that it first changes, it feels like he’s moving through molasses which is slowly freezing over and being lit on fire at the same time. His movements slow, the sounds from his throat can be felt crawl, centimeter by centimeter, up his throat until they get clamped down in slow motion. 

 

Eventually managing to leap away from the torrent of hail-like torture, he’s left to switch the bone-chilling water off and remain by the side of his shower, shivering and watching streaks of water fall all the way down his body and make a pool on the floor.

 

It’s moments like those that Ren recalls feeling the “worst”, and though it’s almost guaranteed that he’s had lower moments, they weren’t self-inflicted. And that makes them more bearable. There, alone, soaking wet, and freezing...that’s when the actor feels his worst. And it’s no one’s fault but his own.

 

With sluggish movements, he does pick himself up off the floor to dry off, doing his best to mop up the now lukewarm water covering his bathroom floor. He gets dressed and combs through his hair, but the usual vigor he sometimes feels is at a dangerously low level, and he honestly doesn’t know how he’s going to fuel it any longer. 

 

Lately...the redhead he would always turn to for a jolt of electricity for his system was nothing but draining. And that was his fault too. Because now he had expectations, now he had desires, and looking at her face...that alone told him how many mistakes he’d made allowing all his emotions to form something solid in his heart. 

 

That gave him pause at his door. She was on the other side. In his kitchen, he could smell it even across the apartment and under his door. He didn’t want to see her. He didn’t want to see how his mounting feelings meant nothing to her. Even though he knew - he  **knew** \- it wasn’t true. It was how looking at her made him feel.

 

For a few seconds, he wondered if he never came out, perhaps she would leave. She could call all she wanted at the door, knock until her fist bled, and say his name until her throat went raw. And then she would leave, and even that would be better that hating looking at her. Anything would be better than hating looking at her.

 

But he knew it wouldn’t matter if he waited. There was no way she’d ever just up and leave. She’d sit in front of his door all day, if that was what it took. She’d make all three meals so he could eat whenever he came out. She’d never stop patiently waiting, because that was who she was. It was who he knew he’d fallen for. So locking himself away was useless, especially now that she felt the same way he did.

 

And then his hand was turning the doorknob, and his shoulder was pushing it open, and his legs were carrying him across his bedroom. His body was done with listening to the nonsense he let himself think. Locking himself away wouldn’t help, wasting all the water in the building wouldn’t help, nothing would help except  **her** . That’s just how it was.

 

That didn’t make his first sight of her any easier. She was leaning over his stove, two pans boiling away, wearing a new apron they’d brought with her ever-lengthening hair twisted up in a beautifully braided bun. Her eyes were doing that thing again. The one where they went all dark on the edges and light inside. The look they made when she was focused.

 

Her eyes had told him so many things. They say that eyes are the window of the soul, but Ren hadn’t believed that until he’d met Saiyuka Akai. Her eyes had told him everything, even when her face betrayed her. White meant curiosity, gray meant anger and exasperation, dark sapphire always keyed in on her worrying, while calm, serene blues meant she was content, happy. And then there were the dark, lagoon blues that he’d only seen a handful of times. Those eyes were reserved for very special situations that he’d banned himself from thinking about. Even the memories of those eyes sent heat plummeting below his stomach. 

 

But now she was focused, intent on her task. She sometimes stared at him with those eyes, the ones that almost glowed. He watched as they turned to him, crinkling at the edges the moment his eyes met hers. Her face remained rather still, but he could see the subtle shift around her pupils. The blue grew darker, like a warm spring afternoon’s sky. She was happy to see him. 

 

He didn’t say anything when she looked at him, and slowly the blue lightened again until it was nearly colorless. He swore he could watch her forever. Now she was curious, in her language, it was obvious. How it had taken him so long to dissect that language, to read her, he didn’t know. He only wished he’d been capable of this long ago. Then maybe it wouldn’t make him feel  **so** -

 

“-en? Are you there? Hey…” Ren snapped back to reality when a footstep cut through his mind for a moment and his thought process was disrupted. Sai was still looking at him, this time with a real expression to accompany those orbs of dark sapphire. Her eyebrows her were furrowed down and her mouth hung open slightly. 

 

She took another step forward and he froze, watching her hand raise up to him like a hawk. He had half a mind to flinch away, to just cut all of this nonsense out. Why should he be the one holding on to hope? But it didn’t even matter, because she didn’t even reach his face before she pulled her hand back and looked away.

 

This time her eyes changed again, like a choreographed dance. Except he didn’t recognize the move this time. They weren’t blue, really. It was almost like something...green had invaded them, waltzed over the pure blue color and sunk in like a poisonous gas. Now they were almost teal. But he wasn’t lost as to how she was feeling, because this time it wasn’t her eyes that gave her away. It was her face.

 

Her eyes were downcast, looking at the counter as they swirled with that strange color and her eyebrows were pulled down as well, but they were all scrunched in the middle. Her lips, usually so full and present, were pressed together in a tight line. It was a painful expression to see on her. It was shame.  _ B-but...what...what is she ashamed of? _

 

He cleared his throat, bringing her eyes back up to his, “Good...good morning.” He offered, walking stiffly past her to look at what she’d made that morning, but it wasn’t far enough along for him to really understand it.

 

Hesitantly, he glanced back at Sai and saw she hadn’t moved. He was about to open his mouth again when a shudder ran through her body and she clutched one of her arms. “Good morning…” The words were nothing but a ghost slipping through her lips, having ravaged their way through her throat to make it out. He felt his whole face scrunch up as he cringed.  _ Why...do we have to be so awkward…? We want the same thing, damn it!  _

 

He didn’t say anything, though. He knew it wouldn’t get him anywhere, anyway. Instead, he just helped her cook. Every now and again, she’d whisper out something she needed without looking at him and he’d go get it, earning faint expressions of gratitude at first and eventually tiny smiles.

 

He may have been mad, if things had been the least bit different. He wasn’t a dog, he shouldn’t have to be obedient, but he listened all the same. He listened because the shamed expression on her face never left. She never really looked up at him. And with every time they brushed together, she would hold back a flinch and her expression would sink into even more pain. 

 

He’d never even stopped to consider how difficult this was for  **her** . And watching now, it was slowly dawning on him how much harder it would be to be the one holding back. He still showed restraint, but he would never push to separate them. But she did. Even though she felt the same way, she did. And the difficulty of something like that, especially given how intensely he knew she felt emotions...it was frankly unimaginable. So he listened. And he obeyed, quietly and without argument.

 

Once they were finished, he found himself blinking at a perfectly prepared English style breakfast. Sai served them both and together they moved to his dining room table, laying everything out and sitting in relative silence.

 

As he ate, Ren allowed his mind to wander to the night previous. He’d tried not to think about it too much. The pace at which he was eating slowed as his stomach was vehemently rejecting eating at that moment. He should have felt  **better** after all that, he had felt better! But the thought of it now, with the redhead so close but separated from him by infinite numbers of barriers...it brought him nothing but a sickening sense of weakness.

 

All too aware of his feelings as well, Sai set her fork down and attracted the attention of the man across from her. His eyes widened drastically as they took in her own expression, which had shifted from high levels of shame and struggle to nothing but true sadness. And it was exactly right. Every face she’d made that morning was perfect. Normal, even.

 

Thinking back, he placed together a few more recent incidents. Her look of longing, pain, understanding...complex emotions he’d never seen from her before.  _ How...how did I miss this?!  _ He asked himself, now staring at her with intensity.  _ Her face is actually...more expressive these days than it is blank. W-when did that happen?! _

 

Sai called out his name, watching countless thoughts and realizations tumble through his head. She clicked her tongue and tried again, her eyebrows furrowing. And for the first time that morning, she reached out and touched him. 

 

Laying her hand over his, she sent incredible arcs of sensation up his arm and he instantly was grounded again. “Ren.” She asserted, earning nothing but a look of faint surprise.

 

Tsking, she reached up with her other hand and brushed the hair away from his face so she could fully see him. “There...now I can see you.” Her features shifted again until she was looking up at him, her eyes once again darkening to that gorgeous sky color. “You don’t have to hide from me.”

 

And there it was again. The affection. The tenderness. So obvious, so apparent. So perfect. No words had been spoken, but the reality was there. The connection was there. If he could just...get it. Just grab on and hold like he was risking his life on it.  _ Then, maybe, just maybe, she could... _ “tell me what this is...what we are…”

 

Sai was instantly away from him, her eyes wide and white like tea saucers. A shock ran through his system when he could hear the tiniest echo of his own voice speaking things that should have remained in his head. But they hadn’t. And she’d heard them loud and clear. 

 

The first movement he’d watched her make was slow and deliberate. Her mouth shifted to the side slightly, and her teeth poked between her lips, taking the lower one partially into her mouth and biting down on it softly. And he could see it in her face. Fear. But that wasn’t it. He could see longing too. He could see his own hope.

 

“Tell me, Saiyuka.” He hadn’t meant to ask, but the question was out there. He had to know. He had to know something, for the love of God. “What are we?” He repeated, gesturing between them. “What do you want from me!?” He knew getting upset wasn’t the answer, but her silence was killing him, ripping him down the middle. 

 

“I-I don’t know! I don’t know!” She suddenly called out, cradling her head in her hands and sounding close to tears. “I know what I want-! But I-I don’t...I’m so...stuck and confused. Everything I want and think and know...they’re all mixed up and I-I…-”

 

“What do you want?! If you know what you want, then how is this hard for you? You’re not making any sense! If you know what you want, just do it! What could you possibly want that would be so hard for you to-”

 

“I want you!” She cried out, her voice soaring higher than he was used to, wracked with an unusual shaking timbre. It shut him up immediately. “I want you, I want  **this** , I know what I want!! I know, and yet...and yet…”

 

“And yet, what?” He hissed, taking hold of her wrist and staring deep into her eyes, pain in his chest blooming and mixing and stifling what should have been a flare of euphoria for her statement. “If you want me, why won’t you say anything? Sai,  **please** -”

 

“I know what I want! But...but it’s all mixed up…” She repeated, pulling her hand away from his and burying her face in her arms. “It’s all mixed up. What I think and what I know don’t agree with what I want, and I’m scared...I’m so...so s-scared…”

 

“You’re scared of me…?” The actor tried to pull her arm away, but felt her flinch violently beneath him. His hands were instantly back at his sides. He wasn’t used to his from her. She wasn’t like this. “Why are you-”

 

“I’m not scared of you…” Her words were so soft that he had to lean forward, wincing as he was forced to ask.

 

“W-what was that, Saiyuka?”

 

She cleared her throat and looked up at him, her face so contorted with nothing but negativity. “I’m not scared of you.” She said much clearer, “I’m scared of myself, what I’ll do. I’m scared of what I haven’t told you yet, scared of what you’ll do when you find out. Scared of my past and everything it’s riddled with, scared it’ll repeat itself in my future.”

 

“W-what can I do to help you?”

 

She looked up at him with those huge, watery eyes and sniffled. She looked so lost, so desolate and alone, and just so damn miserable. He couldn’t take it anymore. “I-...I need you to wait. I know it’s selfish, but I know it won’t work between us until I’m honest, until I can come to terms with myself. W-will you wait for me?”

 

Ren stood up and  took a step closer to her, leaning down to meet her eyes for several agonizingly slow seconds until he closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in tightly to his chest. “You know I’d wait millennia for you if I had to, don’t you? You have to know what I’d do for you, you have to. Just stop suffering alone. Stop turning away from me. I know what it’s like to be shackled to your past. But that doesn’t stop you from letting other people support you, defend you. Let me stand by you, Sai.  **Please** .”

 

In reality, it probably only took about two seconds before Sai responded, but to Ren it felt like years. As he held her, he could feel her lungs expand and could feel her intake a breath as she prepared to answer. It was only one word. No fancy explanation, no real gratitude, no substantial difference, but somehow it meant the universe to the actor. He couldn’t explain it, but that simple word clicked inside of him and suddenly everything felt more complete. 

 

“Okay.”

 

And that’s where the morning froze for a while as the two actors just sat together, Ren kneeling down with his arms around the redhead as she sat in her chair and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

 

He could still feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins from his emotions and interactions with Sai that morning, but he could feel as it began to run out. His arms grew heavier and he could no longer hold her in that position. His legs burned under his full weight and he was forced to sit all the way down.

 

The shift woke Sai out of her lull and she looked carefully at the man she loved and watched his face fall again as his thoughts circled back to the previous night yet again. She licked her lips. They were chapped. She didn’t care. She cleared her throat. It hurt. She ignored it. “Ren…?” She began, getting his attention carefully. “I...know I’ve caused you trouble already today...but I haven’t gotten the chance to ask this. How are you?” Her words were so gentle, so sincere, that he couldn’t express how grateful he was that he was momentarily pulled out of his own thoughts.

 

His wrist was killing him. The piece on it felt like it had increased to weighing several tons and the leather dug and bit into his skin. It reminded him that he wasn’t free. He’d felt those shackles loosen and was deluded into thinking that they were gone. But they weren’t gone, he could see feel them, could still feel that cuff chafing his wrist and pulling him down.

 

The moment she spoke, though, the weight lifted. Just for a second, almost imperceptibly, but he caught it. When his heart and soul was focused on Sai, the weight disappeared, leaving only his true self in its place. But her voice was gone just as fast. And the weight returned, taunting him and dragging him down into the abyss he’d made his home in.

 

Sai watched him carefully, pressing her lips into a tighter and tighter line as she watched him flip back and forth, watched him start killing himself over his past again and again. She’d had enough. No more speeches to convince him. Now it was time for action.

 

Abruptly, she pulled away from him and stood up. Ren watched with a surprised fascination as she glided through his kitchen and turned to face him, hopping up onto his counter and sitting there watching him. She took her eyes off his face for a moment to turn to the phone next to her and punch in a familiar number.

 

Then her eyes were back on his and she didn’t break eye contact until she’d hung up the phone. Distantly, Ren could hear someone answer but he couldn’t make out just who it was…

 

“Ah, good morning!” Sai returned as a greeting, a smile in her voice but not on her face. She did not look pleased with Ren. “No, no worries. I’m alright. But I’m afraid Ren is a little bit worse than I was expecting.” His eyes widened when it occurred to him who was on the other end of that phone. His manager. She’d called Yashiro. 

 

He instantly started angrily mouthing words at her but her only response was to raise her brows and make some affirmative noises to Yashiro’s questions. “Yeah, you’re probably right. A day off would do him some good.”

 

Ren’s mouth fell open and he staggered toward her, shaking his head back and forth but not getting anything from the actress who was still just staring unamusedly at him. “No, you don’t have to worry about it. Me? Stay with him for today?”

 

The actor reeled backward and bit his lip, leveling an angry glare with those unchanging eyes and mouthed a clear, “No.”

 

“Yeah, sure I can.” She said casually, earning a look of total outrage from Ren. “I’ll make sure he can go tomorrow, yeah, sure!” Her chipper voice called out, though her face was still dead serious. 

 

Ren was now close enough that he could hear his manager’s last words before hanging up. He knew they were right, but at the same time, he hated them. “If anyone can fix him, Ms. Saiyuka, it’s you.”

 

And then her face did change. Those angular, sharp features softened and her lips quirked upward just the tiniest bit at the corners. “I know.” She replied, the first bit of genuine softness in her voice of the entire phone call. 

 

Ren gritted his teeth together, warring within himself as to what to say. He was fine with her offering her help here and there, but canceling his day without his permission like that...that was  **not** okay. He was perfectly fine. And he absolutely didn’t need someone to  **babysit** him. Even if it was Sai. Especially if it was Sai.

 

He took another step forward and opened his mouth, “Saiyuka. That was absolutely uncalled for, you can’t just decide things like that for me!” In the face of his anger, the actress didn’t even flinch as she sat perched on his counter looking unimpressed, her arms crossed. “I’m fine! I’m fine, so-” As he tried to take one last step to reach the redhead, he found his breath completely taken away and the world went black for a moment.

 

Blinking, Ren found himself having to squint as blinding lights beat down on him. His mind spun and he found his breath coming in ragged gasps instead of even, steady patterns.  _ Are those...the kitchen lights? _ He asked himself, wondering how on earth he could see them like that.  _ I...must be on the floor. But...how did I get here? _

 

“Oh, Ren…” A small, taught voice whispered from above him. He turned his head slightly to see curls of fiery red draped around him and two incredibly jewel-like irises staring down on him. Her sweet, rounded face was contorted in worry and it grew closer until he felt the distinct sensation of her warmed skin on his forehead. “You really are an idiot…”

 

His chest grew even tighter and his emotions went crazy as he tried to process what to feel, what to say. “W-what do you mean?” He asked, half in outrage, half in genuine concern. 

 

“You honestly think you’re okay?” She moved back, stroking his skin which was turning more and more pale by the minute, nearly gray around his eyes. “You’re white as a sheet…” She told him, wiping some of the sweat off of his brow with her sleeve. “And clearly,” her gaze grew more serious, “very dizzy. You’re in shock.”

 

Ren’s mind blanked for a moment and he felt a shiver run through him. “‘Shock’?” He repeated, a humorless laugh escaping his lips. “Please...I’m fine, really.” To emphasize his point, he tried to sit up, much to Sai’s dismay, but found that the world spun into dozens of colors and swayed dangerously side to side.

 

Seeing this, the redhead instantly grabbed him by the shoulders to steady him and slowly lowered him back to the kitchen floor. “See?” She tsked, stroking his forehead again and fretting over him as he fought to keep his eyes open. “How do you really feel? Be honest with me, Ren. Please.”

 

His eyes fluttered closed as he finally gave in, relishing in the warmth she brought to his side. His brows dipped down as he fought with himself again to pinpoint how he actually felt right then. “It hurts...to breathe. Like my chest is tight. Every breath is shallow and painful. And my heart keeps beating really fast, like I can’t control it. I can hear it in my ears and feel it in my face.” He grimaced slightly, not knowing whether that’s really what she wanted to know. 

 

He so often felt like this around Sai. He was no stranger to an erratic heartbeat. Whenever she was in the room, he felt short of breath. But in this case...she was right. Like she always was. This felt different. Dangerous. 

 

Noticing that Sai had been silent for a while, he cracked his eyes open once more, finding the bright lights to have been turned off for his sake. In the now semi-darkness of his kitchen, he found the redhead’s expression to be even more sinister. Those angular features were back, her mouth pressed into a tight line and the shadows on her face made that haunting expression even darker.

 

“S-Sai-”

 

“Those are more symptoms, you moron…” Her voice ghosted over him as she looked away, the worry blatant on her face once again. She looked like she was in pain... **for** him. “You should really lie back down. I’ll...go make you a place where you can be comfortable.”

 

“Sai-” He tried again, but she had already stood up and was rushing out of the kitchen. “Wait, Sai!” He sighed as she ignored him again, knowing she was just as confused as he was. He just wished she could make sense of everything with him, instead of running away.

 

In the background, he could hear her opening and closing various closets to make him a “bed” on the couch. She really was too much. He really couldn’t be that sick...could he? Curious and more than a little doubtful, he pulled out his phone and started researching various instances of shock symptoms. 

 

To his surprise, he finds that Sai was actually startlingly accurate in what she’d said. He was so consumed in confirming her diagnosis that he completely missed the woman herself enter and catch him on his phone. She leaned over his shoulder and read what he was looking at, a small smirk rising on her face.

 

She tsked loudly from behind him, earning herself a delightfully entertaining shock from the actor who scrambled to flip his phone closed and shot a startled expression back at her, his cheeks dusted with pink. “Trust me that little, eh, hotshot?”

 

“It’s not that I didn’t trust you!” He insisted, guiltily sliding his phone back into his pocket. “I just...wanted to see for myself.” Sai smiled knowingly and reached out her hand for him to take. Grateful for the moment of forgiveness from the actress, he took her hand and she carefully pulled him up, making sure he was steady.

 

Walking into his living room, he stopped dead in his tracks. His couch had been turned into what could only be defined as a blanket nest. She must have emptied every one of his closets of every blanket he owned and created a bed that qualified as one of the most comfortable looking things he’d ever seen.

 

“I’ll have you know, I could have majored in pillow fort making,” Sai grinned wickedly at him and he smiled and shook his head in total amazement. 

 

“I can see that…” Still relying on her to guide him a little, he unsteadily descended onto the nest and she carefully situated him there, keeping herself as calm as possible and trying to suppress the overjoyed grin that always rose when the actor did something she qualified as cute. Which he definitely was now, all wrapped in soft blankets and looking up at her through his curtains of soft brown hair.

 

“Had we been at my apartment, though, let’s just say that I would have had a lot more material to work with,” she sent him a wink and he smiled back, raising a hand to her cheek and gently stroking the skin there.

 

Sai completely froze under his touch, indecision again erupting in her chest. “Another time then…” He whispered, his words promising more than she was ready for. Suddenly, she pulled back and the relaxed mood they’d finally managed to salvage was gone again, replaced by their tension and hesitance. 

 

Clearing her throat, the redhead moved back to go sit in the armchair but the actor caught her wrist before she moved too far. “Come sit here.” He told her, not really asking. He wasn’t about to let her run away again.

 

Sighing out of her nose, Sai nodded and moved to sit near his head, at first being fairly still and refusing to look at him, but he knew she wasn’t mad. There was a gorgeous, small smile on her lips and her ears were a scarlet red. 

 

Taking it a step further, Ren could feel his confidence slightly grow as he leaned his head down on her shoulder rather than all the fluffy pillows she’d found around his apartment. His breath caught in his throat as he waited desperately for any sign of reaction from the redhead, anything at all.

 

He was finally rewarded when Sai shifted underneath him, moving closer to accommodate for his weight and leaned her head against his, savoring his scent from his freshly washed hair and the softness of his clothes and skin. 

 

“Thank you…” She whispered in a just barely audible voice, the sound of it absolutely perfect. As much as he felt like he was always the one waiting for her, always the one putting up with her, always the one trying to make a move, get her attention...times like these reminded him that this must be just as hard for her. Always trying to make sense of how to act, what to feel, how much to show, always trying to be someone other people wanted her to be, rising up from nothing...none of this was easy for her, either.

 

They sat like that for a long, long while. Close enough to hear each other’s heartbeats, hands intertwined, supporting one another. After a while, they switched on the tv and so began one of the actor’s favorite things with the love of his life. The conversations started gentle, lacking their usual banter feel, but he could physically feel the heaviness lift from between the two of them.

 

It took some time, but soon everything was perfect again, everything was how he wanted it most. She was sitting next to him, their thighs touching, and she was gesturing animatedly, shooting him wildly expressive looks. Her fear of touching him slowly disappeared and he was back to earning slaps for his inappropriate comments and she would lean on him for support when he made her laugh too hard.

 

After the credits rolled for a favorite talk show of theirs, she rose up and went to go make a pot of coffee, “You should probably get up too, Ren. Stretch your legs, get blood flowing again. Your complexion is more colorful again, but we can’t be too careful.” She smiled at him and he nodded, already expecting her to consider his state before her own.

 

He did as she suggested, taking the time to stretch out his arms and legs and crack his spine as he was so often used to hearing her do. Rubbing his eyes a bit tiredly, he meandered to use his bathroom, absentmindedly washing his hands. He failed to then realize that he’d somewhat loosened the strap on his watch.

 

Finishing up, he heard Sai call out to him and shook his hands to dry them quickly. Due to the sudden motion, the clunky timepiece slipped completely off and tumbled to the floor, staring up at him as it lay there. It was all he could do for a moment to just look at it. He’d spent so much of his life treating that watch as a shackle, a weight, an iron ball that simply served to remind him of everything he’d lost and everything he’d done to the people he loved in the world.

 

It had always made him sick inside to look at. For so much of his life...he didn’t think he would ever be able to look at it any different. But there, on the floor, it looked small and petty. Nothing like the monster he’d first attached to himself. It was just a watch. Simple as that. 

 

It stood for his guilt. His guilt and sorrow over Rick, his loss, his sacrifice...and it stood for Tina and everything he’d taken from her. But the longer he thought about it, the more Sai’s words rang in his head. If he let their grievances destroy him...he was doing them a disservice more than anything else. They didn’t deserve his pity or his shame. They deserved honor and dignity. He would make their loss meaningful in the end. Rick won’t have died in vain.

 

He leaned down and picked it back up, cradling it in his hands and feeling the weight of it lift and fade away in his hands. He entered his bedroom and stepped toward the nightstand, opening the leftmost drawer and placing the watch inside. Sai called his name again, this time with a hint more worry and he called back, “I’m coming!” Shutting the drawer quickly, he stood tall and instantly the tightness in his chest released, leaving only a giddy feeling in its place.

 

Back in the living room, Ren instantly spotted Sai sitting in her same spot on the couch, a mug of coffee clutched in her petite hands. Her face lit up beautifully the moment she saw him, “Ah! There you are, I was worried...is everything okay?”

 

_ It is now… _ He thought to himself, feeling the smile overtake his face before he could stop it. He rounded the couch and flopped down on it, reaching up toward her and nuzzling his face into her shoulder and neck, causing her to sputter and set her coffee mug noisily down on the end table.

 

“W-wha-! Ren! Ren, what are you- Hey! That tickles!” She laughed, pressing a hand to his shoulder to push him back, but there wasn’t much force behind her gesture. “What’s gotten into you?!” She asked, laughter lining her words and a blush evident in her voice and stutter.

 

“I’m just thanking you,” he purred against her neck, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her flush against him. To his complete surprise, she didn’t resist. She just laughed. Her hand came up to rest in his hair, slowly winding her fingers through the drying locks and life simply resumed as the morning light bleeding in through the windows turned into the warmer light of the afternoon.

 

Getting up to stretch again, the actor left Sai engrossed in a show and headed into the kitchen. As quietly as he could, he started preparations for lunch. He knew it wouldn’t be anything fancy like she could make, but it was completely worth it when he came out into the living room and saw her face.

 

He’d never seen Sai look so immensely pleased. Her features lit up with a soft light that communicated not only her rare moments of joy, but also intense pride. A flood of warmth rushed to his chest and he offered her the plate with a confident grin. She took it gratefully sent him a cautious glance.

 

“What’s that look for?” He asked with a deep chuckle, “I promise it’s not poisoned or anything.”

 

She let out a snort of laughter and waved her hand, “Shut up, Sparky, that’s not what I’m worried about!”

 

“Oh? Then what is it?” He asked as he draped himself back over his couch, nestling into the blankets and throwing an arm around her shoulder. She stiffened for a moment before relaxing, allowing it and shifting so his elbow wasn’t as bent trying to reach around her.

 

“You’re just getting so good, right under my nose.” Her face gave no indication she’d been uncomfortable whatsoever, maintaining that cheery complexion with ease. He figured that meant she was trying her hardest to allow him into her space, even if he still held himself back a little. She deserved a little credit for that, at least. 

 

“And that’s worrisome to you?” He smirked and leaned closer to her, pleased he received no indication she wanted to pull away. “You may be good at nearly everything, dollface, but don’t be so surprised when other people catch on to new things fast too.”

 

She returned his grin and raised an eyebrow.  _ Seriously...when did she learn to make these faces?! _ The actor asked himself, blinking at her cocky expression. “Coming from the man who told me he was a menace in the kitchen? That he’d never be of any use? Am I not entitled to be surprised when I was deluded into believing that this would be a difficult venture?”

 

“In my defense, I honestly believed that myself. I’ve always been hopeless in the kitchen, always. But putting my mind to it was a different matter entirely, and you were the motivation for that. Besides, once you came back and started actively teaching me...it got a hell of a lot easier. You’re a good teacher. Everything you say is easy to follow, but that’s true no matter where you go. You may not be the greatest with people  **yet** , but whether or not you’re blunt doesn’t change the fact that you’ve always been amazing at teaching people how to be the best versions of themselves they can be. Real or otherwise.”

 

The redhead beside him turned away and hid her face slightly, her cheeks edging onto a scarlet red as she mumbled about how unfair the actor was for turning the conversation back onto her like that. He laughed full heartedly at that and brought his other arm around her, squeezing tightly.

 

She buried her face in his arm, but he could still hear her muffled voice, “Jerk.”

 

“Mmhmm,” he hummed patiently, a smile sliding across his face. If that was what it was like to wait for her...he could handle it just fine. 

 

“That was a low blow, Ren.” She moved her eyes to find his, watching them crinkle in humor at melt at the sight of her. 

 

“You never said it was against the rules,” he joked back.

 

“It’s always against the rules, it’s implicit!”

 

“There’s no such thing as an implicit rule!” His voice mingled with the rumbling of his laughter and she quickly joined in, continuing their argument until they gradually shifted back to the television for the rest of the afternoon.

 

Somewhere between their arguments and debates about their myriad of topics, it was decided that Sai would make dinner and Ren would attempt to bake something, which was still rather new territory for him. 

 

After an afternoon of nothing but letting the last of his stressors go, the actor had to hand it to Sai and Yashiro. A day off had done him some good. He glanced over a few of his scripts while the redhead prepped their dinner and quickly found that the lines came easily to him the first or second time he ran through them by memory. It had been years since a script came to him so easily.

 

All too fast, the sun started coloring the skyline warm shades of red, orange and pink, staining the clouds and reflecting off of the windows visible from Ren’s floor to ceiling windows. His dessert, or whatever it was...was chilling in the fridge. Sai had been in the kitchen for a while and he could already smell whatever heaven she was preparing in there. He’d blasted through two whole script packets already and a yawn escaped his lips.

 

“Ren!” Sai’s voice chimed, the sound rolling off of her tongue with practiced flair. It sent that same thrill down his spine to hear it, even if he was mostly used to it by now. “Dinner time!” She added when he didn’t show up right away, choosing to speak in English instead, her prominent British accent making the already wide smile on his face even broader.

 

As always, meals with the redhead went by in the flash and washing up afterward was less of a chore and more of an excuse to joke around and be extremely close to her. Not that he really needed the excuse anymore, but he was still a bit wary of her. As much as he wanted to forget their little moments of awkwardness, he knew they served as a warning. Too much of what he wanted wasn’t good either. 

 

But he could see in her face that she enjoyed the moments they spent so close, so the whole concept of her hesitance toward it was confounding. The longer the time they spent together, as well, the more often she would be the one initiating the contact. And that was truly confusing as well. It also made him think...that perhaps she was  **always** holding herself back. And if so...was forcing her not to really the right thing to do?

 

Pushing that to the back of his mind, he followed her as she led him back into the living room, clearing off the coffee table and pushing all the blankets and pillows onto the floor, reshifting the nest to fit there instead. He sent her questioning glance after questioning glance until she couldn’t take it anymore and burst out laughing.

 

“H-hey!” He called out to her, heat rushing to his ears. “Don’t laugh! You don’t get to laugh! Tell me what you’re doing, already!”

 

“Calm down, Sparky! Gracious! I’m setting up for a game, that’s all! I figured we’d watched a lot of tv already, so we may as well try something a little different…”

 

Those curious, pale as snow itself, eyes found his once again and he couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. “That’s a wonderful idea, Saiyuka.” He said warmly, a tingly feeling rising in his chest when she clapped her hands together and laughed in excitement, cheering.

 

As it turned out, they played three games that night, long after the sun had set. To Ren’s supreme delight, he found out that the redhead was intelligent for sure and excelled at strategy games, but oh was she ever unlucky. And unfortunately, luck has a lot of power in board games. “And,” Ren said, drawing out the word as his piece crossed the finish line. “That’s three wins for me,” he said smugly, smirking triumphantly at her.

 

She groaned and threw her cards on the table. He’d never seen a worse hand for that game in his entire life. Turning to face him, her eyes were a stormy sort of gray, but it was more brooding than usual. “You’ve got to be cheating somehow,” she rationalized, earning nothing but a few barks of laughter for her attempt. “Seriously!” She leaned forward and raised her hand to teasingly smack his chest, but the actor caught her hand with ease. She was never trying to hurt him, so really any of her slaps were easy to catch.

 

Sai froze at the contact, still hovering above him slightly, her eyes fixed on his. The gray started fizzling out, twisting and contorting like it was malleable until he wasn’t looking up at heavy rain clouds anymore. He was looking deep, deep into a whirlpool of sea blues. 

 

Just for the slightest fraction of a second, her eyes ripped themselves away from his. He would have missed it if he’d blinked, but he hadn’t. Her eyes had flickered down to his lips, if only for a millisecond. That was all it took to jumpstart his heart, though, because suddenly it was pounding at a thousand miles per hour. More than anything in the world, he wanted her to take the lead. She would never remember their first real kiss, and their relationship had led to so many passionless, emotionless ones just to suit a temporary role. He wanted this kiss to be because she desperately wanted it.

 

And she did. She knew she did. And this was perfect, it was the perfect moment. Sai could feel her pulse, rapid and tripping over itself in her chest and through her veins. Her breathing was short and shallow, unsteady as a heat started searing through her body. The origin point was her wrist, where the actor’s hand was still wrapped tightly around. 

 

He was so close, so willing, right underneath her. She could see the desire, the want in his eyes, could hear the way his breathing came in gasps just like hers, she could sense him waiting to pounce, wanting more than anything to- to-

 

Her whole body zinged with energy, only energized further by the electricity racing between her and Ren, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t give in.  _ Not yet...not yet...He has to  _ **_know_ ** _ me first...the  _ **_real_ ** _ me. He doesn’t even...know my name. I can’t. Not yet. _

 

But she couldn’t pull herself away. No matter what she did, she couldn’t drag herself away from him. Amidst the heat rising in her body, panic started to shoot their her veins and her mind went uselessly blank. A whole day with the man had worn her down completely, to the point where even her rationale couldn’t save her. She had to get away, had to move, had to do  **something!**

 

Ren could see it the moment it surfaced in her eyes. The uncertainty. He was completely ready for her to pull back, to curl up and apologize in that tiny voice, to make that shamed expression again. And as horrified as he was to admit it, he felt a flicker of anger at that. He wasn’t a toy. He was flesh and blood. He had emotions and urges and she  **knew** that, so how could-

 

But she never pulled herself away. He waited and watched, but she couldn’t drag herself away from him. And then he could see it, the panic in her face that started small, just in her eyes, but quickly spread to the rest of her expression. He’d known she sometimes gave into her urges to touch him, but he hadn’t known they went this deep, he hadn’t known she...she felt so much like he did. She was losing it. No, she’d lost it, her self-control. Spending a whole day with him had robbed her of her own self-control.

 

And that was all he needed to know. If she truly felt this strongly about him and was still holding herself back...it was important. If she was putting herself through this much for a reason, he needed to hear what in hell that reason was, even if it took time for him to hear about it. But until then, he’d protect her. 

 

He sent a warm, understanding smile her way, earning a faint look of surprise from the actress before he slipped out from underneath her. But he didn’t let go of her wrist. Standing up, he used his free hand to gather up the blankets on the ground and treked through his apartment with her in tow.

 

He stepped through the threshold of his bedroom and dropped the blankets on his bed. He hadn’t let go of her wrist, but he wasn’t squeezing very hard. She could have broken his hold. She didn’t. But he could feel her tremble slightly. He turned and took in her expression. It was muted, but he could see it. Fear.

 

Stepping forward, he wrapped her in his arms. She was so petite, so fragile, and yet she was one of the strongest people he’d ever met. He couldn’t even imagine what was so successfully weighing someone as strong as she was. “Shh…” His hands found their way into her hair, threading themselves through the locks, twisting them around his long fingers. “I swear I won’t try anything.”

 

He could feel her laugh as she sound shook her chest and shoulders. Those slender arms wrapped around him and she nodded into his chest. Taking that to mean it was okay, he released her and led her by the hand to his bed, spreading the blankets out with her help before pulling her onto them.

 

Lying there for just moment while Sai got comfortable, he moved closer and curled her into his arms. Those big doe eyes looked up at him sweetly and she shifted up until she was able to reach his forehead, placing a soft kiss there. “I’m placing my trust in you tonight,” she teased, grateful to see a grin take over the actor’s face.

 

“There’s nothing else in the world I’d like more.” He honestly said, flipping off the lamp on the nightstand and settling down next to her, the slow, even expansion of her ribcage and the sound of her gentle breathing proving to be more than an ample enough lullaby.

 

Sai was awake for a lot longer.


	65. Chapter 65

It was late in the morning when the redhead first felt the shafts of light from between the blinds Ren kept over his bedroom window. She stirred softly as they ghosted through her eyelids and forced her awake in the gentlest of manners. Shifting to her left, she was suddenly aware of a heat source wrapped around her that shifted as she did.

 

Cracking open one eye, her bleary vision cleared enough for her to take in the sleep-disheveled sight of the actor himself, curled around her. Feeling his arms tighten around her back, she relaxed and stopped trying to stretch, settling instead for just leaning closer to him. 

 

Sai nuzzled her face into his chest, taking in a deep breath as the tiredness in her limbs left her and she awoke more gently than she was used to. She was immediately surrounded by his scent, his silk pajamas wafting a clean, freshly laundered smell mixed deliciously with the uniqueness of Ren. She could never place just what he smelled like, which made taking the time to inhale his scent all the more enjoyable. Lavender. Mint. Amber. Too many to name, but she could never get over just how good they were together.

 

Her movements, gentle as they were, were enough to cause Ren to wake, and he let a soft groan out as the light hit his eyes. As often as he had to get up early, you’d think he’d be a morning person, but he’d never enjoyed the moment he first woke up. This particular morning was no exception.

 

The very next moment, though, he became acutely aware that his situation was different than usual. Nestled in his arms, leaning against his chest, was the actress whom he’d sought after for over two years, and she was clearly awake, her breathing even but faster than usual, and she’d stayed in his arms per her own conscious choice.

 

The thought that she’d actually wanted to enjoy time with him that morning, the fact that she’d stayed so close to him of her own accord, just the idea that she wanted to be with him made the actor happier than he’d ever care to tell her. He tightened his grip on her then, burying his face into the hollow of her shoulder.

 

Feeling Ren’s soft hair tickle the back of her neck and her jawline, Sai couldn’t help but let a soft laugh go, pushing him back playfully. “Hey, you,” she slurred, her voice still thick with sleepiness, “That tickles!”

 

She could feel the man’s chest rumble softly as he chuckled and then pulled away, blinking his eyes open with some effort so he could take in her appearance. Beautiful as usual, he watched as the sunlight danced through her hair, tangled and knotted from his fingers running through it as he tried to fall asleep. 

 

“Did you know that your hair looks golden when the sun streams through it?” He asked out of the blue, staring at her with gentle eyes as he twirled several strands of her bright hair through his fingers.

 

“You notice that?” The petite girl asked, a gentle blush dusting her cheeks.

 

“Of course,” he replied easily, his voice deeper than she was used to as he was still waking up, “I always notice how beautiful you are.” His voice was sincere and honest, and it made the actress’s blush deepen considerably.

 

Ren’s lips turned up as he watched her fidget softly, too embarrassed to reply, and simply basked in the fact that she was laying by his side, her eyes boring into his. They were especially blue that morning, but not as pale or icy as usual. 

 

He recalled when he’d picked her up from that cursed bar, when the hue of her eyes had been so dark, as if he was no longer looking at a glacier, but a lagoon. Now, it was somewhere in between. The color was like the sky at dawn, a light baby blue that radiated warmth and adoration. Distantly, he wondered how long she’d been looking at him so tenderly.

 

Opening his mouth to ask her just that, he was surprised to feel her finger press against his lips to quiet him. He looked up at the young woman who laid beside him, her expression a mix of worry, uncertainty, and apology. 

 

Sai closed her eyes and shook her head softly, her body language stiffer than it had been before, telling him she wasn’t ready yet to talk about it. The actor panicked for a moment that he’d scared her off, and fought with his own desire to grow upset with her for her actions. He was able to relax slightly, though, as she returned to resting comfortably, any trace of indecision gone. 

 

Letting the subject go was far harder than it had been earlier. He knew that he was supposed to respect her distance, and she would come to him when she was ready, but it was painful to have her so close but not truly  **have** her. Seeing her look and act and  **be** in love without him without having the courage to actually say anything was torturing him. 

 

She’d known about how he felt for so long and hadn’t acted on it then. Now, he knew how she felt too and they both were aware of their mutual feelings, which meant that not being  **together** at that point was unnatural. But he did love her. So he could wait. He would wait. He would do anything for her.

 

A soft sigh escaped his lips as he got control of himself again and he knew she heard him when she nestled closer and mumbled into his shirt, “I’m sorry.”

 

The words were soft, quiet, and weren’t accompanied by any expression, as she’d made sure her face was hidden, but they cinched the actor’s heart. It hit him at that moment how hard what was happening was for  **her** . She had to have a reason for pushing him away, and yet she was allowing herself to get this close to him, and not being able to acknowledge with words how she felt must have been killing her.

 

Ren placed his hand on the back of her head and stroked her hair a few times before resting his chin on her and closing his eyes. “It’s alright. Don’t worry. Everything will be alright,” he told her, just wishing she would open up to him and not hurt so much. “You’re not alone anymore. Don’t suffer alone,” he said, moving his head so his eyes could meet hers as she pulled away from him.

 

He watched her swallow and the uncertainty came back into her eyes. Quickly, they darted to the clock and he watched as the math ran through her head and she tried to figure out how much time they had. It wasn’t much. She looked back, pain in her eyes. She wouldn’t have enough time to tell him everything she wanted to. And she probably wasn’t ready anyway.

 

The actor brushed a messy tangle of hair behind her ear and smiled gently. It wasn’t as genuine as usual, but it also wasn't fake. He wasn’t unhappy, but he certainly wasn’t happy either. He just wanted to share the weight of her life, as she was sharing his now. 

 

“Don’t worry so much about it, Sai. Everything is okay, I promise. Why don’t you start breakfast while I get ready, hmm?” He asked, speaking carefully and gauging her reaction.

 

Wordlessly, the redhead nodded and rolled away from him and off the bed, seemingly having brightened since their first clash. Their eyes met again as the actor rose up himself and she smiled shyly at him, turning on her heel towards the kitchen in her loose cotton pajama top and colorful shorts. 

 

Ren took a moment to admire that simple image, burning it into his mind in all its beauty. She was lovely no matter what she did. He felt a smile light up his face as he moved into his bathroom.

 

Sai yawned widely as she shuffled into the kitchen, digging in the fridge as she gathered ingredients for breakfast. She started immediately, flipping eggs expertly in the shiny new pans of Ren’s rarely used kitchen. After several minutes, the actor walked in wearing dress pants and a thin t-shirt, his towel wrapped around his neck and an easy smile on his face.

 

She beamed as he walked in, taking in his gorgeous form, his hair still dripping slightly as it dried. He felt a light blush touch his cheeks and then was immediately thankful he’d talked himself out of not wearing a shirt to come back out. Her gentle expression of admiration and affection was already making his heart throb, and he couldn’t imagine what her expression would have done to him if he’d been shirtless.

 

“Feel like taking over, doll?” She drawled, a wonderfully adorable smirk on her lips.

 

“‘Doll’?” Ren questioned, not wanting to reveal how much his heart had fluttered at that. “Didn’t know we were using pet names yet.”

 

She rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Like I haven’t always. Life with you is so much more fun when I can call you crazy things. How soon you forget such an important detail,” she scolded with a bright glint of color in her eyes.

 

“I try to forget how truly detestable some of those names were, milady. Especially the ones you’d give to me when you were angry...in fact, I try to forget how rude I was to you when we met entirely,” the actor told her with a grimace, although he was still able to embed humor in his voice.

 

Waving her hand, she laughed softly and said, “Don’t worry, really. I was an ass, too.” She winked at him and then lifted the spatula she was holding. “But all joking aside, did you want to take over?”

 

He grinned gently, “Of course. You go get ready while I finish up.”

 

With another gentle grin, she nodded, raising her hand up to her temple in a salute, “Yes, sir!”

 

The dark haired man let a short laugh go and waved her away, focusing his attention on finishing the rather expansive spread Sai had already started. Before he could really narrow his focus down on the meal though, a sound floated into his ears that made him completely freeze. 

 

Sai was singing in the shower. Her voice was as melodic as he remembered, hitting notes high and low and everywhere in between beautifully. It was a pleasant mix of her gentle voice and a more intense tune. Juggling cooking with listening to her, he exhaled and allowed himself to sink into an extremely comfortable state, adoring every moment he could hear her lovely voice belt out lyrics in a multitude of languages.

 

Just as he was finishing breakfast, the melody abruptly stopped and the water turned off. A smile lit up his face as he started plating the food, and he was just finishing when she walked into the room, a towel in her hair. 

 

She brightened when she saw him, causing him to return her wide grin. “Food’s up.” He told her, gesturing to the table where her meal already sat.

 

“Ah! Oooh! It looks good!” She complimented, making Ren’s cheeks flame. “You’ve really gotten better, this is incredible.”

 

“Stop it,” he told her playfully, laughing softly at her reaction, “It’s embarrassing, you know.”

 

“You find compliments that embarrassing?” 

 

“Not exactly. I find  **you** complimenting me embarrassing,” he told her softly, his ears reddening rapidly.

 

“And why is that?” She asked him slyly.

 

“Oh, I am not dignifying that obvious teasing with a response,” he chuckled, refusing to look at her.

 

She giggled and held her hand in front of her mouth. Ren looked between her and the stove as he finished the last of his own eggs, having added an extra few spices as he tried to judge whether or not it was a good idea to start experimenting with recipes already. 

 

“Hey, try this,” he told her, unable to judge accurately on his own. He scooped up some of the eggs on a fork and held it out, thinking she’d take it from him. He was utterly surprised when, rather than taking the fork, she simply put her mouth over the utensil and ate the eggs while the actor still held them.

 

He blinked twice at her and then took the fork back, trying to force a normal expression on his face. “How was it?”

 

Sai thought for a few moments and then smiled beautifully, “As I said, you’ve really improved! That was delicious!”

 

Plating them, he grinned and hid another blush, making the actress giggle again, the lovely sound echoing off the walls gorgeously. They both began eating then, talking and laughing over the food. Once they finished, they went off to each get dressed, still teasing each other through the open doorways.

 

When the actress was dressed in a casual sweater and a pair of ripped jeans, she approached Ren’s door and walked inside, finding him choosing between several ties. Without even asking, she plucked one out of his closet and threw it over his neck, proceeding to tie it for him in an intimate way that he was hardly prepared for.

 

Smoothing out his dress shirt then, she looked up and smiled at him in the most affectionate manner he’d ever seen. His heart all but tripped over itself to beat faster. Continuing their conversation, they walked so closely on the way to the parking garage, they bumped hips and elbows. 

 

Once inside of the actor’s Porsche, they headed out and argued over the radio station playfully, 

both of them laughing and gasping in mock surprise at the other and fully enjoying the presence of each other.

 

After pulling into the LME parking lot, Ren parked and looked over at the beautiful redhead sitting next to him and watched as the euphoria of the last few minutes died down a little on her face and the features on it relaxed comfortably. 

 

Leaning over the divider towards her, he caught the petite woman by surprise and she turned to him, her blue eyes incredibly wide. Immediately backing up slightly, he allowed her a few moments to decide on her own what she wanted to do in that moment.

 

Sai licked her lips nervously as her mind ran wild and she desperately tried to form any idea of what she should do in that moment. Pressing her trembling hands together, she slowly shook her head, knowing that she couldn’t allow herself to fall that deeply just yet. He had to know about her before she could do that. She had to tell him everything.

 

Ren couldn’t help but grow angry this time. His emotions always seemed to get the best of him when it came to her. She had that effect on him. Wordlessly, he pressed his lips together into a thin, tight line and snapped his jaw shut, staring past her as he tried to quell his raging emotions.

 

He was so focused on not blowing up at her, that he didn’t even notice her shut her eyes and scrunch her face up in pain at her actions. Silently, he shut off his car and then climbed out, slamming his door violently as he exited.

 

The actress flinched brutally and at the initial sound and how much the car shook. The abrupt noise rang in the silence for a few moments. Sai didn’t dare breathe, she was sitting so still and tense that her muscles ached already. 

 

Slowly, she reached out for the door handle and climbed out with great hesitance, turning to face the man she knew was standing there waiting for her. Ren had indeed been waiting, his arms crossed and his gaze cruel and hard. Cold. Mean. 

 

It only took a moment before the talent wilted under the vicious scrutiny, not wanting him to see the blank expression that had no doubt overtaken her face to protect her from all the pain stabbing through her heart. 

 

Watching her intently, the actor further bristled at how she pointedly stared at the floor, refusing to look at him. “Do you truly think that little of me?” He asked, his voice savage and raw even to him. 

 

Still unable to say anything, the redhead could only flinch awfully at the words, feeling the sting behind her eyes grow as she found all the millions of things she wanted to say caught in her throat, and she knew if she tried to say any of them, all that would come out would be a choked sob.

 

Taking a deep breath, the dark haired man was surprised at how even and neutral his voice came out, “Then you should just forget everything that’s happened. We should forget. Because it doesn’t seem to matter to you.” He finished, the words cruel and unnecessary, but pouring out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

 

“Just like nothing else matters to you. It’s all meaningless. I’ll never be anything to you, because you’re incapable of-” His voice caught, tears threatening to spill over. “You’ll never care for me the way I care for you. I know that now. So forget what I said. Forget what you promised. It’s not what I want anymore.”

 

Sai’s head snapped up, a pained, wounded shock making her nearly start sobbing right then and there, her heart tearing in two as she watched him turn his back on her, walking into the building without another glance behind him.

 

As she watched him leave, a strange, cool sensation settled in her chest and the searing, ripping sensation dulled down, leaving behind only an empty, wretched hole. He didn’t want her here anymore. He didn’t want her. She’d finally gotten over most of her fears, she’d finally committed, told him she wouldn’t leave. She watched him go, his back growing ever further away until he turned a corner and she could no longer see him, her eyes going unfocused as her knees began to give out.

 

This was just like how her days had gone by with her  **ex** -fiance. The screaming. The insults. The anger that got so bad that it only left neutral, unfeeling tones and cruel words. The sinking, cold rush that always consumed her. The silence that she was constantly afflicted by. That damned silence that always made him even more savage. 

 

Even now, when she thought she’d been better, her lack of words had just cost her the only thing in her life she’d ever truly wanted with all of her heart. She would give anything to do that over again. To say something, anything. To prove she was even alive to him, that she cared, that she wasn’t unfeeling. Quite the opposite actually.

 

It was different this time, though. Different than her arguments with  **that man** .  _ It was my fault this time... _ she thought to herself, allowing the tears to fall down her cheeks now. With her fiance, he’d expected things. Things she never indicated would happen. He’d wanted things she didn’t offer, and when she failed to do what he wanted, he took out his frustrations on her.

 

With Ren, she’s sure as hell hinted at things. She’d kissed him, seduced him, toyed with him, flirted with him, teased him...hell, they’d slept in the same bed  **many** times, now that she thought about it. She’d given away her feelings for him, and hinted that she wanted him in ways she’d never expressed to her old flame. She was actively lying to him, refusing to admit her feelings.

 

This disaster was all her fault, and she knew it. She couldn’t lose him, though, not to this, not to her own cowardice. But she was so terrified. So terrified about who she was and how many lies she’d fed him over the course of their courtship. She was ashamed and mortified, and just plain scared of how he’d react. She was weak and a coward, a liar and a...a murderer. He could hate her if her knew. And it would absolutely crush her.

 

Her knees buckled underneath her now, completely giving out on holding up her weight and she crashed to the ground, wallowing in her sorrows as sobs wracked her body, echoing mournfully in the empty parking lot. 


	66. Chapter 66

Silence once again settled over the vacant lot, the redhead sitting in a collapsed heap still and breathing slowly. She’d calmed down now, her cheeks still wet and her eyes sending zaps of pain from their irritation. Her legs were beginning to go numb underneath her as her full weight had trapped them in an awkward position. 

 

Sai raised her head to stare at the ceiling, her pale eyes hollow and unfocused, glazed over as her mind remained blank. She contemplated getting up, but found that she had no energy to do so. Instead, she slumped back down, her shoulders curling in on her body as she wrapped herself up into a ball and sat there on the filthy ground of the parking lot, utterly unmoving.

 

The talent had no idea how long she’d been sitting there. Could have been just a few minutes, maybe even a few hours. The few LME employees who did enter the garage over the unknown period of time walked right to the door, not even able to notice her. She was just out of sight, surrounded by the parked cars and hidden by the tall cement columns.

 

Finally, something loud ripped through the room that made her raise her head. Her ringtone. Taking as deep a breath as her strange position would let her, she uncurled and reached into the tote that had been dropped a ways away. Flipping it open, Sai flinched at the brightness of the LED screen and had to give herself a second before she could properly focus on what the tiny letters read.

 

“Shota Nagaki” was prominently displayed in the center. Feeling a shock of dread run through her body, she hit the answer call button and held the device to her ear, not sure her voice would even work.

 

“I knew you weren’t engaged!” His triumphant voice rang, assuring the redhead that her dread had been entirely correct. He’d figured it out. “I knew it! You and him sure looked close, but there was something wrong, and I knew it! There’s no registered application for a marriage license under your name, which means you  **can’t** be engaged! Yes, little sister, I hired a private investigator to find that out, but you know, what wouldn’t your older brother do for you, right?”

 

He sounded excited, ecstatic even, like the two of them had been playing a game together all along and he’d just won. Sai sat frozen on the pavement, shocked to the bone that he was speaking of her life in such a way, like she’d lied and had actually  **wanted** him to figure it out.  _ No, no, that wasn’t what I wanted! I wanted you to go away!! I want you out of my life! I don’t want to go home with you, I want to stay- _

 

Suddenly, the events of the morning crashed into the crumbled actress, and a thought occurred to her.  _ Do...do I want to stay now? Do I even have anything to stay for? _ That acute stinging returned behind her eyes and she found her answer.  _ No. I don’t even know why I resisted in the first place. I can’t do this anymore. I’m too broken. I’ll never be what people want me to be. Nothing can fix me. _

 

“Congratulations.” Sai told her brother dryly, interrupting his tirade about how he found out she had lied to him. “Now what?”

 

“Well, now you get on a plane and come here, of course!” He told her brightly, and a distant clicking could be heard in the background. “There’s a plane leaving in about four hours, think you can make that one?”

 

Sai stared pointedly at where the wall met the ceiling before closing her eyes.  _ I’m sorry, Lory. I’m sorry, Maria, Rio. I’m sorry, Ren. I can’t be what you want me to be. I can’t stay here. I’m sorry. _ “Yeah. It’ll be tight, though, but I’ll try.” She told Shota, thoroughly surprised her voice didn’t crack. 

 

“Splendid!” He said, his British accent heavier than usual as he said the word in English. “I’ll get your room ready!”

 

The redhead forced a tight, tired smile on her lips as more tears streaked down her cheeks, “Sounds good, Shota. See you soon.”

 

Hanging up the phone, she rested her limp arm in her lap and remained still for a few more seconds before using energy she didn’t know the source of to stand on shaky, partially numb legs. She rubbed at her already sore eyes, trying to rid her cheeks from all the moisture that had collected there. 

 

Heading out of the garage, she found her bike parked where she’d left it the previous night. Throwing her leg over it, she started Lola and then pulled out of the parking lot, not even bothering to call in her absence. She tore through the streets, feeling all the while like she was going to be sick, her stomach clenching and sending awful shocks of pain through her torso, her lungs refusing to take in full breaths, her heart heavy and cold. 

 

She pulled up in front of her house and then entered it, finding it to be freezing and dark. Going into her room, she started gathering what she could stuff into her two suitcases and a duffel. Hesitating, she wondered if she should bring any of her painting supplies or her violin. Each brought their own memories of time spent with the dark haired actor and her resolve started to crumble. 

 

She put her bags by the front door and looked around her completely still and silent apartment, her eyes filling again with tears. She’d miss this space. As much as she hated it when she’d been unable to escape it before, it held a lot of emotions now. A lot of memories. 

 

With a shaking hand, she pulled out her phone and hit a speed dial, pressing the device to her ear as the gathering moisture in her eyes threatened to fall. She heard the phone ring once. Twice. Three times. A hot streak burned down her skin, searing it as it trailed down and made a path along the curvature of her face. Four. Five. Six. Another joined the first, mirroring it on the other side of her face. It rang twice more, before the answering machine picked up and Sai let loose a choked sob while the automatic message played before she opened her mouth to speak.

 

The actor on the other end of the line had been relaxing in his dressing room, pressing his back into the cold brick as he tried to cool off from a shoot under the beating stage lights. Startling him out of his zen, his ringtone filled the room and he scooped up the black device and peered at the light strip that read the name of the very person he’d been hoping it wasn’t.

 

It went off once. Twice. Three times. He knew he should answer. He needed to apologize. He shouldn’t have yelled at her, it was uncalled for. It was cruel. She’d looked so...miserable in the face of his anger. Four. Five. Six. He couldn’t bring himself to answer. It was too soon, he was still angry with her, and if he blew up at her again, he wasn’t sure she could recover. His phone rang twice more, before it went black and silent in his hand and a sickening dread settled in his stomach.

 

After the abrasive beep sounded in her ear, Sai’s voice slipped between her lips, weaker than usual but shockingly steady. “Uh, hey, Ren. It’s me. I...um, shoot. I don’t really know why I called…” a pathetic, nervous laughter bubbled out of her throat and she pushed at her temple, scratching at her itchy, sore eyes when she lowered her hand, “I guess a part of me was hoping you’d talk me out of something. It’s okay, though. This is for the best. It’s fine, everything’s fine.” More tears leaked out of her eyes and she added with a break in her voice and a gasp of air, “I’m fine.”

 

Switching her phone to her other ear, she ran her hand through her thick locks and let a shaky breath go, “Anyway, I hope you’re alright. I’m sorry for making you so upset. I hope everything goes well. Again, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for a lot of things. I just hope you can forgive me one day. I hope I can forgive me. Goodbye, Ren. Thank you for all you did, I owe you a lot.”

 

Slipping the phone from her ear, she hit the end call button and stared at one spot on the wall opposite her. Clicking the device shut, she felt an emotion bubble up in the empty hole in her chest. Without warning, she pulled her arm back and whipped the small device in her hand across the room, watching it shatter into a million pieces, all falling to the floor with gentle pitter patters. 

 

Staring at the wreck on the floor and the dent in her wall, the sudden anger left her body and the hollowness returned, along with her resolve. She gathered up her bags and left her apartment, locking it for the last time. Stepping out in the cold of the fall, the redhead clutched the cardigan she wore around her and waved her hand out to catch a taxi that frequented the rather busy road she lived on. She  **had** lived on.

 

Once one pulled over, she slipped inside and gave the address of the airport, watching the facade of her apartment fade into the distance, feeling a part of her get left behind in its confines. 

 

The plane ride to her brother’s home was uneventful and she experienced it minimally, her face entirely blank, her heart hollow and unfeeling. Not even the sun streaking through the clouds appealed to her. None of it mattered. Nothing was beautiful. Nothing was bothersome or struck her as rude. Nothing affected her in any way.

 

She landed early in the evening, her brother himself coming to pick her up and drive her home. He chatted happily the whole of the car ride, covering topics that ranged from his adventures with the PI to his daughter’s musical performance to his current work situation. Once he’d exhausted another subject, he paused and glanced at her, finally noticing she hadn’t said a word since he picked her up.

 

“You okay?” Shota asked, his normally loud and confident voice softer with worry.

 

“Fine.” She replied, staring out the window as the first drops of rain hit its surface and streaked downward. “Just the jet lag making me tired, I guess.”

 

Completely satisfied with that, her brother resumed talking at her. He didn’t stop again until they reached his rather large home. They were then greeted by his wife, who was eager to introduce herself, and their two children who peeked out of the bay window to see her.

 

Shota’s wife was beautiful, only a few years younger than him, and she looked clever and kind. She was American, with ash blonde hair swept into a casual ponytail and high cheekbones. She had bony shoulders and an athletic build, but her smile was warm and soft and her eyes, a deep gray, were shining as the redhead approached her. 

 

“You must be Saiyuka!” She exclaimed, her voice lower than Sai had been expecting, laced with the skill of someone who had calmed many a tantrum in her children. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you, my name is Tatiana.”

 

The actress gave a tired smile and walked toward her, expecting to shake her hand. To her surprise, the older woman wrapped her in a motherly hug and then held her at arm’s length. “Oh, you’re just as beautiful as Shota said!” Her voice rang out happily, her energy matching her husband’s. 

 

“Thank you, ma’am.” The talent said stiffly, “It’s nice to meet you too.”

 

“Oh, pish! Don’t call me ‘ma’am’, silly girl! You can call me Ana!”

 

A soft laugh passed through the redhead’s lips, “Then by all means, call me Sai.” That made Ana beam even brighter and she led Sai by the hand into the house, leaving Shota to carry in her luggage. 

 

When she entered the living room, she was met with the expectant gaze of two young children, a boy and a girl. The boy had Shota’s stark black hair, but his mother’s gray eyes and he looked much more hesitant towards the actress, not quite sure what to think of her. He stood a little bit in front of the younger girl, who had inherited both her mother’s hair and eyes, but obviously her face looked startlingly similar to her father’s already.

 

“Children,” Ana began softly, attracting their attention. “This is your Auntie Sai. She’s your daddy’s sister.” She turned back to the redhead and caught her eye, patting the head of the boy, “And Sai, this is my oldest, Jack. He’s really a sweet boy, but you’ll have to forgive him if he’s a little shy, he doesn’t much like strangers.

 

“And this is my little girl,” she continued, gesturing to the younger, much more energetic one of the two, “Abby. She’s got enough energy to keep an army of teachers occupied for several hours, but somehow I manage by myself.” She flashed a playful grin and Abby beamed, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

 

Once she’d exchanged greetings with the children, Shota helped her carry her bags to her room, a small guest room off the second floor hallway. It was painted neutral colors and the decor was tasteful, but it felt blank and bland, soulless.

 

Sai set her bags at the end of the bed and looked around, the rest of the house leaving her alone for several minutes as she adjusted. After that, her life just continued on, ticking by as it always had, but also seeming to have stopped entirely. Time passed, events occurred, life happened. But it had also stopped for the redhead. She wasn’t living in those moments any longer. 

 

The only change that occurred in her was a gradual heaviness that accumulated in her chest. Every night, she would sit on the edge of her bed and look out the wide window facing the rising moon. Partway through that moment, she could feel the weight she carried increase, crushing her lungs just a little more, pulling her heart down just enough for it to hurt.

 

Before she knew it, a whole week had passed since she’d arrived, and she was already feeling the weight press into her shoulders and sink her posture. Not knowing her that well, though, most of the family failed to notice this. The first person to see her gradual descent was her eldest brother, who had come for the long weekend to see her.

 

Hikaru and her had been close as children, and he often protected her from the teasing and cruelty of the other brothers. To him, her depression was obvious, and he could see it growing by the hour. Although they hadn’t kept in constant contact, he’d known her well enough for various parts of her life to recognize that this is exactly what had happened to her after their youngest sibling had passed away.

 

He knew the seriousness of what was happening. He even sat her down one night and asked her about it. To his surprise, she seemed to have no idea of what was happening. That made it even worse than he’d thought. On his last day there, she began to scare him. She didn’t wake up until well after noon. She didn’t eat lunch or dinner with them. She didn’t come down from her room to say goodbye. Something was very wrong.

 

Things weren’t much better overseas, in the home she’d left behind. Unbeknownst to her, the life she’d abandoned had exploded in her absence. Her absence wreaked havoc, leaving a shocking amount of ruins in its wake. By the time it was noticed at all, though, it had been too late. 

 

The morning after she’d arrived in America, the actor had just settled down in his own apartment, pangs of regret from the morning still hitting him strongly as he looked around at the emptiness in the room. It was so much bigger and darker without her, colder almost. He clutched a mug of coffee to his chest and then pulled out his phone, seeing a voicemail blinking on the screen.

 

It had been there since the afternoon and he knew who it was from. He’d looked at it many times before that moment, knowing he should listen to it and call the person back, but never able to work up the courage to do so.

 

Finally forcing himself into it, he listened to the message. The redhead’s voice sounded in his ears, still soft and vacant of emotion, shaking slightly and even cracking at one point. When he reached the end, he sat staring at the device he’d been holding. Something was wrong, he could feel it. He’d been feeling it since the moment he’d let his machine pick up for him.

 

Something in her tone had worried him, but he couldn’t pin it down. The more he thought about it, the more a gnawing dread gathering in the pit of his stomach. Before he could talk himself out of it, he hit the redial button and allowed his phone to ring into his ear.

 

After only two rings, a messaging service sounded in his ear, "We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again."

 

Holding his breath, the panic in his gut doubled and something made his heart pound uncomfortably in his chest. He redialed. The same message sounded. He stood and paced the room, dialing again. The same message. 

 

With his panic mounting, he immediately dialed Lory and let that ring too, hearing him answer on the third ring. “Ren. I need you to calm down.” Was what he greeted him with. An awful, nauseous feeling clutched his gut. Suddenly, he felt like he was going to be sick, and his insides turned over.

 

“Lory, what’s going on?” He asked, his voice low and broken as he sat again on the couch, growing too dizzy to stand anymore.

 

“You need to calm down, Ren. Please. We’re doing everything we can.”

 

“What do you mean by that?” He asked, a shock of further panic ripping through him, “Did she get into an accident?” He demanded, his voice cracking as it went high-pitched.

 

“...No, Ren. I don’t know what happened. She’s just gone.”

 

Ren couldn’t even register how hurt the President sounded in that moment, he could barely process the words, much less the tone they were said in. “‘Gone’? What do you mean, ‘gone’?”

 

“All of her things, Ren. Her clothes are gone, some furniture is missing. Her phone was in ruins on the floor. She just...left. I don’t know where. She didn’t even call me to tell me she was leaving.” Now, Lory was actively crying, his own voice wavering and cracking.

 

All at once, several things crashed down on the actor. “I guess a part of me was hoping you’d talk me out of something.” She’d said, and now Ren knew what that something was. She’d called him. She’d wanted him to keep her from leaving. He’d been the last person she’d tried to speak to. He could have stopped this. He could have kept her here. But he’d been selfish, he didn’t answer. He’d ignored her. And now she was gone.

 

“She called me.” Ren’s voice sounded, and he was surprised to feel tears streaming down his cheeks, the steadiness in his voice completely shattered. “She called me, Lory, and I didn’t answer! I didn’t answer her, I...I-” His voice then cracked so badly he couldn’t even continue his sentence, the words catching painfully in his throat.

 

The man on the other end was silent for a few seconds. “Were you busy?” He finally asked, his tone darker now, the anger boiling under the surface.

 

The actor stood, swaying dangerously as his emotions flickered between fury, self-hatred, and extreme sadness. “No…” he spoke so softly, he wasn’t sure his phone had even picked the word up, “No, we’d...we’d argued earlier. And I was angry. I was furious with her. And I hurt her, and I knew if I answered, I’d only hurt her more...so I ignored it. I didn’t want to talk to her.”

 

Overwhelmed by emotions, he only distantly heard the yell that poured out of his lungs. It was more of a wail than anything else, and was paired with the awful noise of his fist colliding with the wall, his knuckles cracking in protest to the sudden impact, the skin breaking and allowing small dots of red to dance across his fingers. 

 

Hearing these things, followed by a terrifying silence, the anger all but left the President, replaced by intense worry. “Ren!” His low voice boomed, hoping to hear anything from the other end, “Ren!!” 

 

The call suddenly dropped, the dead dial tone filling the man’s ear. He hadn’t been mentally prepared for any of the day’s events, and in a full-blown panic he ordered his driver to turn around. Heading towards the actor’s apartment as fast as he could, he dialed a different number. 

 

Yukihito Yashiro picked up after the second ring with a curt, “Yashiro speaking.” 

 

“Yukihito. Something’s happened.” He said, his voice low, barely containing his hysteria. “Ren is taking a leave of absence. He needs both of us right now, and there’s no way he’s working any time soon.”

 

“Of course, sir.” The manager replied, his professional persona slipping slightly in his surprise, “I’ll head right for his apartment...if I may ask, what’s happened?”

 

“Saiyuka is gone. We don’t know where. He blames himself.”

 

Without another word, the manager hung up and headed directly for an LME car, already on his phone again with several of Ren’s producers and directors, arguing back and forth about his personal leave of absence. He would control this better later, and the media would have to wait. Ren needed him as a friend at that moment, not as a manager.

 

As the structure of Sai’s previous life was crumbling overseas, the situation was only worsening where she was now. By this point, she’d realized just how much danger she was now in. She was starting to have trouble with her mentality. Just like she had many years prior. 

 

Arguments between her and Shota were sparking more often than before. His abrasive actions with her were getting him into fights with his wife and scaring everyone else in his household. As she desperately tried to fit in and ignore her worsening condition, she began to go shopping with Ana. 

 

On one of their trips, Sai waited for the blonde to come out of a children’s clothing store while staring at the water stream underneath the bridge she was standing on. At first, the sound of the rushing water was calming. She closed her eyes and breathed in a slow breath. As she stood there, though, she felt the weight that had been growing in her since she’d arrive suddenly tug her downward.

 

The weight pressing down on her chest without warning made her gasp and clutch at her shirt, leaning into the bridge for support. She screwed her eyes shut and attempted to regain control of her breathing, trying to take purposeful breaths in and out. She felt hot and claustrophobic, like there was something she couldn't see, couldn't control, closing in around her. When she managed to force her eyes open, all she could see was a flood of colors, swirling with stabs of bright orange light. 

 

Over and over she told herself to breathe in and out but the air wouldn't come and her vision started blackening and in a panic, she slammed a hand into a piece of sharper rock poking up from the bridge. A small red line appeared along her palm and she forced her eyes to focus on the beads of crimson that formed along it and the zaps of pain ripping down her hand and wrist. As if in slow motion, she finally started feeling the weight lift from her lungs as they inflated underneath, starved and ravenous for air. 

 

Finally breathing correctly, she leaned forward and again refocused, staring at the water rushing below her. It seemed so free. It was weightless, just brushing past the innumerable obstacles in front of it as it twisted and made its way downstream. How she longed to be free like that, to simply move through life without trapping herself or getting stuck in these awful dark ruts that consumed her for such a large part of her life. 

 

Things would never change. She could never be free like the water could. Chains, heavy and cold, encircled her heart, her lungs, her neck, her chest, and her ankles. They dragged her down and pulled her with them, regardless of how badly she wanted to move forward, to grow and heal. The moment she managed to take a step forward, those damned chains would always rip her backward, reopening old wounds that bled out and again poisoned every part of her she'd managed to cleanse.

 

Nothing would clean the taint at this point. Nothing and nobody. There was nothing left to reach for, to call out to. There was just the water. The water and the wind, calling to her like a chorus of angels in front of her. She could see it, the water washing away the blood and the stain on her, the wind whisking away those dark and heavy weights off of her, untangling them from her body. And she'd be free. Free like the water. Free like the wind. And all she had to do was...

 

“ **SAI** !!” Ana’s voice ripped through her thoughts. Strange...she seemed panicked for some reason, but it was hard to tell. She sounded far away. Hollow. Sai couldn’t understand what would cause the woman to sound so terrified because everything was finally going to be okay. She could be free if she just…

 

Two arms, tan and muscular, wrapped around her waist and suddenly she was jerked backward with an immense force. Her head hit the pavement roughly, bouncing back and causing ripples of pain to shoot through her body. She was vaguely aware that she’d yelped out loud and someone had said something back, but she couldn’t really hear. It was like trying to listen in on a conversation through a wall with cotton in her ears.

 

“-ai?! Sai!? Oh, my god...someone! Someone call an ambulance!” Sai’s dark lashes fluttered over her pale orbs several times as the ringing in her head subsided and was gradually replaced with a strangled, raspy voice from above her.

 

“A-Ana?” She choked out, causing the woman’s stormy gray eyes to refocus on her face and Sai noticed that there were big, glistening drops falling from them and her whole face was contorted in fear, angst, and worry.

 

“Sai? Oh, Sai? Are you okay? What the hell happened?!” The more Sai came to, the more she began to notice around her. Ana’s hands were threading through her hair. She was laying across the woman’s lap, her head cushioned on her thigh. There was a pulsing coming from there, but it no longer hurt. She was also surrounded by clothes and groceries, presumably from bags Ana had been carrying and dropped for some reason.

 

“What happened?” She asked, her own voice sounding strange to her ears, like it was being strangled and scratched at by something in her throat before it came out of her mouth. “Something happened?”

 

Tatiana paused for a moment as her expression morphed from fear to something much worse: horror. “You...you don’t...Sai...what were you just doing? Do you remember?”

 

Sai blinked slowly, her eyelids fluttering closed twice. “I was...waiting for you. By the bridge.”

 

“Yes...and what were you doing on the bridge…?”

 

“I was watching...the water…”

 

“Saiyuka…” Tatiana paused and held a hand over her mouth. “You were standing on the bridge. Leaning forward. You were going to…”

 

With a shock, Sai’s pale eyes snapped fully open and she wrenched herself away from Ana, ignoring the intense shock of nausea that shot through her body when she moved her head so fast.

 

Her chest heaved up and down and her heart beat erratically inside of it. Her vision blurred and swayed dangerously in front of her as she realized what had nearly happened to her. _ I...just tried to jump over the side of a bridge...and I didn’t even realize. What if Ana hadn’t been there? What if she’d- No! No! That shouldn’t have happened...it shouldn’t have happened...what’s happening to me…?! _

 

Blinking again, she came out from her second blackout moment of the day to find herself wrapped tightly in Ana’s arms, her hair being stroked as the woman gently cooed, barely restraining her urge to cry as well. 

 

Reciprocating the embrace, Sai buried her face in her sister-in-law’s hair and let loose the horrified sobs that she’d been unknowingly forcing down in her chest. The longer she cried, the more she scared Ana who was doing everything she could to calm the redhead who was dangerously hyperventilating as she gasped for air to fill her rapidly expanding and contracting lungs.

 

There was no need for any more words. Ana didn’t speak, or press for any more answers, or tell the redhead things she already knew. They remained for an indeterminable amount of time, the blonde patiently waiting for Sai to calm down. She had no idea what she could be feeling at that moment. All she knew was, as a mother, she hoped to never see her children make the face that Sai had when she’d realized what she’d nearly done. The soul-crushing horror was too much for her heart.

 

After Sai had finally calmed down enough to stand, the two wordlessly headed for Ana’s car, foregoing the rest of her shopping. Again, the blonde simply drove the actress home, holding her hand at every stoplight to comfort her. Once they were home, she unloaded both her bags and the redhead into the house.

 

Shota had gotten home early that day, having had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon. He was surprised when Ana returned home far faster than she usually did. “Hey, what’s wrong, hun?” He asked when she walked in, her face twisted in miserable concern. 

 

With her arm wrapped around her sister-in-law, she glared at her husband, “Sai was having trouble, she needed to come home. You  **need** to talk to her.”

 

The black haired man looked between them in confusion and then nodded slowly, pulling the redhead into the kitchen as Ana and the children unloaded her clothing bags. “What’s up, little sis? Everything okay?” He put a hand to her forehead, “You sick?”

 

“Not exactly…” she told him, her voice soft and wavering, the pain still fresh in her body. “I don’t think it’s...an illness. It’s more...internal.”

 

“What do you mean?” He asked, bunching his eyebrows together. 

 

“I can’t live here anymore, Shota. I miss my family there, my friends. I miss my home, my apartment, my kitchen. I miss my life. It’s driving me insane, I can’t control myself and I’m so scared something will happen like it did today and-”

 

“You can’t leave.” He interrupted, keeping her from explaining the incident that happened on the bridge. His voice was loud, cruel, and cold. Ana and the kids stopped what they were doing when he used that tone of voice and turned towards her and Shota, their eyes wide.

 

“C-can’t leave?” Sai questioned, taking a step away from her brother as he glared her down, his eyes frozen and his expression downright fearsome. Tatiana stepped forward towards them, both Jack and Abby moving behind their mother’s legs.

 

“I refuse to let you leave. You can’t leave me alone here.” Now he was definitely angry. His tone was spine-chilling and it rose the tiny hairs on her arms. 

 

“‘Alone’? Shota, look,” she gestured behind him, toward his family. “You’re not alone! You have a beautiful family! Ana is amazing, beautiful and kind, and Abby and Jack are so sweet and adorable. They love you so much. You don’t need me here, Shota. And I  **need** to go-”

 

Her brother then grabbed her wrist, tightly. Sai yelped and Ana gasped loudly. Without another word, he tugged at her until she exclaimed in pain again. He dragged her up the stairs and into her room, pushing her inside and ignoring her cries of agony. 

 

He slammed the door shut and an audible locking sound echoed through the now silent household. The redhead looked down at her wrist and winced as she touched the skin, even as lightly as possible. A dark, blackened bruise was already forming. 

 

Still in the foyer, Ana held her children close to her, thoroughly scared by what had just happened. Abby looked up at her mother, her gray eyes gathering tears, “Mama...why did Daddy just lock Auntie in her room…?”

 

The blonde pulled her daughter to her chest and rested her chin on the delicate little girl’s head. “I don’t know, honey, I don’t know. Don’t be scared. Everything will be okay.”

 

“Is he going to hurt her, Mommy?” Jack asked, his eyebrows creased and a worried expression on his youthful face.

 

Ana glanced at her son, a shocked expression on her face. “No, Jack. No. I’ll make sure she’s safe.”

 

“You have to help her, mama, you have to!” The young girl said, holding her mother’s torso. 

 

The mother bit her lip, knowing her daughter was right. “I will, Abigail. I’ll help her tonight.”

 

Before she could say anything else, distant banging could be heard from the hallway upstairs. Her usually soft voice was scratchy and loud as she hit the door with her fists and demanded to be let out. Shota’s voice called back that she’d have to be quiet if she wanted food that night, threatening her if she made any more noise.

 

He then came down the stairs and Ana rushed her children into the living room. “Shota!” She hissed through her teeth, “You let her out right now! Why are you doing this?!”

 

“I can’t let her go, Tatiana. I’m not answering you.” He denied, not able to tell her a reason why.

 

After he left her behind and ran out of the kitchen into their bedroom, Ana grabbed her phone and immediately dialed her brother-in-law. He answered almost immediately, “Hey, Ana, is everything okay?” He asked, having sensed something was wrong days ago.

 

“No, Hikaru, I can’t believe what’s happening. Sai had some sort of breakdown while we were out. I thought she was just homesick, but I think she was beginning to get depressed and she panicked. I took her home and she tried to talk it over with Shota. Hikaru, oh my god, he locked her in her room. I’m so scared, I don’t know what to do…”

 

“Wait, seriously? What the hell?! Why would he do that?!”

 

“Hikaru, I have no idea, you have to come help me. I need to get her away from him.”

 

Immediately, the man was on his feet, gathering his coat and keys and jogging outside to his car. “I’m on my way, Ana. Help her pack, hide her luggage out back. Once she gets out, have her meet me two blocks down and I’ll pick her up. We’ll go a few airports down the state, so they won’t be checked right away.”

 

“O-okay...okay. I can do that. Thank you, Hikaru,” she told him, her voice still wavering from her nervousness. 

 

“No, Ana, thank  **you** for calling me. I’ll be there soon.” With that, he hung up and focused on driving, going far faster than he should have on his way halfway down the state.

 

Tatiana quickly devised a plan as she began making lunch, knocking on her husband’s door. “Shota, honey, I have lunch ready for everyone. I have some for Sai, as well as her clean laundry, can you unlock her door so I can give it to her?”

 

The man himself opened the door, a scowl on his face. “Fine.” He mumbled, walking past her to the redhead’s room. He clicked the key in the lock and then went down the stairs, whispering, “And I’ll be back up with my food, and I’ll relock it. She better be in there when I come to lock it, Ana, or so help me.”

 

The blonde clenched her jaw shut and nodded, not trusting her voice. Once he was gone, she knocked on the door and peeked inside, seeing the redhead sitting underneath her window, her eyes red and her cheeks wet and streaked with various shades of pink. 

 

Sai looked up and sniffled, watching Ana’s worried, shocked face land on her. The blonde walked in and closed the door, immediately setting down what she was carrying and running over to her.

 

“Oh, Sai, oh my god. I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s happening. Are you alright?”

 

Shivering violently, the redhead hugged her sister-in-law and let out a raspy sob. “I’m scared, Ana.” She whispered, “I don’t know what to do…”

 

“It’s okay. I called Hikaru, we made a plan. I’m going to get you out of here.” Sai looked up, shocked, and blinked a few times, excitement coursing through her veins. 

 

“What should I do?” She asked, her voice wavering and wobbling.

 

Tatiana retreated, picking up her lunch and setting it in front of her. She then pushed the empty laundry basket towards her, “Take all of your clothes and put them in here. I’ll take it back out with me. Mess them all up so they look dirty. Your suitcases are in the laundry room, so I’ll fill them and then set them out behind the garage. 

 

“Tonight, after dinner, sneak through the window. Climb down the roof of the breakfast nook and then go behind the garage and get your luggage. After that, go two blocks down the road and Hikaru will be there. He’ll take you four cities south to their airport. You’ll fly home from there.”

 

At the end of Ana’s instructions, Sai’s eyes had watered and were brimming with tears again. She gave the blonde a warm, grateful hug and blinked the moisture away. “Thank you, Ana. Thank you.”

 

“Of course, honey. I can’t stand that this is happening to you, I’d do anything to help.” With that, the two women set to work pushing all of her clothes into the large basket.

 

After all her things were together, Ana picked up the basket and Sai set to work on her lunch. As the mother was leaving, she ran into Shota, who glared at her viciously and then peeked into the room at the redhead eating her lunch. He then slammed her door shut and locked it, walking past his wife without a word.

 

As darkness descended on the house, Ana finished dinner and then her family ate at the table, Shota bringing Sai her meal after they were finished. Before she had finished the meal, though, the blonde had indeed packed all of the redhead’s belongings into her suitcases and duffel that were now resting in their yard, hidden in the shade of a tree.

 

When she’d finished eating and her brother had left a second time, she took a deep breath and then braced herself. She wrenched open her window as quietly as she could, swinging her legs out of the the space. As she looked down, the drop from the sill to the roof below was much farther than it had looked earlier. 

 

Sai swallowed roughly and then shut her eyes as tightly as she could, letting herself drop. Landing almost upright, she only staggered slightly before regaining her balance. She then let her legs drop over the edge of the breakfast nook roof and then dropped off of that one too. This landing was a bit less graceful and she stumbled to the ground, lying there groaning for just a moment.

 

She made her way into the yard, behind the garage, and picked up her secured luggage. It dragged behind her as she moved away from her brother’s house. Running as fast as she could, her heart beat heavily, her pulse screaming in her ears from exertion. As she finally slowed, her lungs were burning quite badly. 

 

Desperately looking around, she finally spotted her oldest brother’s sports car parked a few houses down the street. Sai ran to meet him, peeking into the window as she huffed and tried desperately to take in air. By now, her heart was beating so hard that it hurt and her blood was running hot in her veins. 

 

The moment Hikaru saw her, he unlocked the door and let her in, “Oh my god, Asami!!” He called her real name out, proving just how panicked he’d been for her. He pushed her bright red hair from her forehead, wrapping his arms around his sister.

 

“Oh, oh Hikaru…” She wailed, throwing her arms around him in return. He stroked the back of her hair and shushed her. 

 

“Asami, oh, I’m so sorry this happened to you I honestly had no idea it would escalate to this point.”

 

She cried gently, her upper body shaking as the fear from what had just happened and what she was risking as she tried to get away now finally set in. “I...can’t believe he did that...oh, Hikaru, what if he does something to Ana?” She asked, suddenly panicked for her kind, gentle sister-in-law.

 

“Hush, Asa-oh shit, I mean ‘Saiyuka’. I’m sorry, it completely escaped my mind. Saiyuka, I’ll take care of Ana. She won’t get hurt, I swear to you. Everyone will be safe, believe me.”

 

The redhead sniffled, wiping her eyes and nodding. “Okay. Oh, Hikaru, oh thank you. I can’t tell you what this means to me.”

 

Her older brother smiled down at her, “Of course, I’m supposed to protect you. Shota was supposed to protect you. And I’m sorry this had to happen to you, honestly I am.”

 

With that, the two set off to a distant airport while Ana stayed behind at the house and stalled. She sat with Shota in their bedroom, trying to coax him out of going to check on Sai, knowing full well that she wouldn’t be in there.

 

“Shota, listen to me. I don’t know why you refuse to tell me what’s going on, but I can see you really want her to stay. If you keep treating her like a prisoner, you’ll never convince her to stay. As much as it unnerves you, you have to trust her.”

 

The dark haired man looked at his wife, contemplating her words before finally agreeing with her and sitting back on the bed, unsure of what to do come the morning. Thankfully for Sai, he needn't worry about such a thing. Hikaru had just dropped her off at the ticket desk, leaving her with a kiss on the forehead and another promise that everyone will be alright.

 

The desk attendant looked up and gave her a large, beaming smile. “Hello there! How can I help you?” She asked in English with a high-pitched, bright voice.

 

“Good evening,” Sai greeted, doing all she could to make her voice sound even, her slight British accent making the attendant raise her eyebrows. “I’d like to inquire about a nonstop flight to Tokyo?”

 

“Of course! And may I just say that your accent is beautiful!” She started typing into her computer, pulling up flight listings.

 

“Oh, thank you!”

 

“Do you travel a lot?” She made conversation while looking at the flights.

 

“Not really, I was just visiting some family, but something’s come up and I need to head back in a hurry.”

 

She gave a sympathetic smile, “I know how that is. May I see an ID?”

 

Sai willingly gave it, returning the small smile. The attendant took it and glanced it over, her eyes widening as she looked at it. “Wait, no way! You’re Saiyuka Akai?” She asked, catching the actress by surprise.

 

“Oh, yes. I am, you’ve heard of me?” She asked, genuinely shocked.

 

“Yes! I’m a big fan! Ever since your commercials translated to English over here! Oh, you’re heading back to work, aren’t you? That’s amazing!”

 

Sai blushed and smiled a little brighter. “Why, thank you! It’s not often I get to meet someone who recognizes me, I’m so often dressed unlike myself.”

 

“Oh, this is so cool!” The attendant squealed, pressing her hands into her cheeks as her dark hair fell across her face. “Ah! Excuse me, gotta do my job.” She said in a sing-song voice. “There’s a flight leaving in about two hours, nonstop to Haneda Airport in Tokyo. Will that be good?”

 

“It will be great, thank you!” Sai said, smiling at her.

 

“May I have a credit card for that?” She asked, peering at her screen again.

 

The redhead thought fast, trying to come up with a reason she couldn’t pay with a credit card for this. She didn’t want it to be traceable. “Actually, I have a small problem I was hoping you could help me with. There’s a website a few rather...ecstatic fans have created. They’ve found some way to track my credit card and I was going to fix it when I returned. Is there any way I can pay with cash?”

 

The attendant nodded enthusiastically, “Oh, of course. I understand completely!” She then gave the redhead the total and Sai dished out exact change for it that Hikaru had provided, thanking her once more before actually signing an autograph for her and then heading through security. 

 

Completely nerve-wracked and panicky, the actress curled up by her gate and attempted to calm down. She continued to convince herself that everything would be alright as she slowed her pulse and finally felt the weight that had settled inside of her lighten. She was going home. To her friends, her family, her life. She was going back to the only thing that she really ever wanted. She was going back to Ren.


	67. Chapter 67

The light haired manager sat with his face in his hands, running them through his hair in concern. Sitting next to him was his boss, the black haired man nursing dark circles under his eyes and more wrinkles by his lips and brows. Both were worried beyond belief about both the young adults in their care. 

 

Yashiro looked over a Lory, his eyes narrowed as he tried to judge how the man was feeling. “Mr. President...are you okay?” He asked, unsure if he was overstepping a boundary.

 

“Please, Yukihito, call me Lory. We’ve been here, worried sick, for days now.” He ran a hand through his own hair, “I don’t know what to do anymore. Ren’s even stopped getting up to watch tv, how are we supposed to get him to work? Get him to go outside? Get him to even eat?”

 

“I know what you mean. He just...lays there. I...don’t even know what to say to him at this point. Have you found Sai yet?”

 

“I think so. Although I can’t find any way to contact her still. And I’m afraid if we can’t convince her to come back, or even...well…talk to him...he might not be okay.”

 

“He’s already not okay, Lory…” Yashiro said, glancing toward the bedroom door of his closest friend. “If it gets any worse, we really need to get involved. We probably shouldn’t even wait a week at this point. It’s already so bad.”

 

The older man sighed, running a hand down his tired face. “I see your point. Alright. Let’s go.” He stood, stretching out his back as he moved around Ren’s couch. The two men passed by his door and Lory opened it up, peeking inside. 

 

Lying on his bed, Ren was completely still. He looked like he hadn’t moved in hours. His sheets were completely on the floor, throw about in what looked like an angry fit. There was an emptied array of bottles shattered on the floor in one corner and a stain that reeked of alcohol on the wall where he’d perceivably thrown them.

 

Lory let a heavy sigh go and passed by the doorframe, walking out the actor’s front door. They stepped into the hallway outside his penthouse apartment and looked longingly towards the elevator bay. 

 

“The elevator’s still out, I take it?” Yashiro asked him, starting to head towards the stairs.

 

“What, have you already forgotten since the million stair climb this morning, Yukihito?” Lory smirked, beginning to head down the descent to the lobby. 

 

“You’d think they’d hire someone to fix it already, this place is so expensive already.” 

 

“They tried twice already, it must be some unexpected electrical problem.” The President said as they walked the last of the steps into the lobby, both exhausted.

 

Back in America, Sai’s plane was finally boarding. She climbed on, her hands still shaking and her breath coming in soft gasps. She remained completely tense until the moment the plane took off, and over the course of the flight, several attendants took to assuring her that it was perfectly okay to be scared of flying, offering her ginger ales and extra packets of stale cookies to assuage her fears. 

 

The only thing that did manage to help was thinking about the man she was desperately running back to. Thoughts of Ren were the only thing that calmed her racing heart and stilled her trembling fingers. After leaving him behind, she realized just how little things were worth it without him. She missed everything about him, even his temper tantrums. The man completed her in ways she would never have expected. 

 

After a few hours spent in restless sleep and many spent fidgeting and allowing her thoughts to drift over various memories between her and the actor, the plane finally landed in Tokyo. The moment it did, Sai felt her energy that she’d lost return, and the awful weight that had collected in her heart was now almost completely lifted. 

 

The moment she was out of the gate, she waited at baggage claim, bouncing on the balls of her feet and hopping back and forth. Eventually, armed with her luggage, she headed out of the airport and hailed a cab. She begins to tell him the address of her apartment, intending to drop off her luggage and change, but her heart clenched in her chest and she knew where she had to go. 

 

She immediately changed the destination address to that of the dark haired actor’s and stared out the window with bated breath as the familiar scenery rolled by her window. She was beyond happy to be home, and it made her stomach flip and her heart flutter as she got closer to Ren. 

 

Approaching his building with all her luggage in tow, she entered the lobby, her heart thoroughly racing. She hit the elevator call button and bounced from foot to foot as her hands again shook, this time in nervous excitement rather than tensed concern, though.

 

Waiting for what seemed like far too long, her pulse began to beat in her ears and she hit the door with her fist. After it became obvious that willing the elevator to come wouldn’t do any good, she stashed her luggage around the corner of the side stairwell and flew up the steps as fast as her legs could carry her.

 

With her adrenaline pumping, she finally cleared the last step and burst through the door into Ren’s elevator bay. By now, her thoughts were running wild as to whether the actor was home, and what on earth she would do if he wasn’t. She really needed him in that moment, all of her emotions were frayed and damaged and she desperately needed the only thing that would soothe her, which meant that she needed the actor more than ever.

 

Reaching his door, she slammed her fists into it several times, too tired to be any subtler after climbing all those steps. She just wanted to get his attention. Begging, praying for him to be home, she hit the door again, leaning heavily on the doorframe and trying desperately to catch her breath and calm her racing heart.

 

Ren awoke with a start, hearing banging on his front door. He sat up groggily, all of his limbs feeling weighed down and sluggish, and wondered why on earth someone was knocking at his door so brutally. For a few moments, there was silence and he wondered if they’d left. The actor then considered just laying back down, after all, it was hardly worth it to get up.

 

Something nagged at him though and he remembered the broken elevator Yashiro had complained about. There was no way that someone would climb all those stairs if they weren’t desperately in need to contact him.

 

The violent, almost panicked, knocking sounded again and he figured it must be either his manager or the President. They must have forgotten their key or something. No one else would be so abrasive in their knocking, as no one else really was close enough to him for that to be appropriate. It could have been Kijima, he supposed, but it was far too late for a visit from his friend, which meant it was definitely either Yashiro or Lory.

 

Suddenly, it occurred to him that if they were visiting so late, they might have news on Sai. That thought alone, regardless of whether it was good or bad news, was enough to make him leap out of his bed. He rounded the corner of it and then headed towards his door, tearing it open and making a beeline for his front door. 

 

Pulling it open with unnecessary force, his eyes fell upon two familiar, icy blue ones, glazed with tears that streamed down familiar cheeks. Standing in front of him in that moment was Sai herself. Her entire face was red and her hairline was dotted with perspiration. Her jaw was mostly slackened and she was breathing incredibly hard, hunched over as she tried to get control over herself. She must have sprinted up the dozens of flights of stairs.

 

She looked utterly exhausted, slightly panicked, and incredibly broken. But somehow, in those eyes which bore into his, was the most warm, tender, loving gaze he’d ever seen in his entire life. The depth and intensity of the emotion there was stupefying to the actor, who just stared at the form of the woman he loved more than life itself, who had been wrenched away from him after a cruel string of events.

 

And yet, there she was. And while he’d felt so...dead...without her, there she was, looking so incredibly, extremely... **alive** . The longer she looked at him, the more the life in her seemed to grow, and just the sight of him had been enough to make her emotions overwhelm her completely. 

 

Seeing him standing in front of her made the insanity of losing him hit her once more, and the fact that she’d come so close was the most terrifying thing she’d ever experienced. In that moment, she knew she could never let it happen again. She’d loved this man for nearly two years. She wouldn’t ever leave his side again.

 

Throwing her arms around his neck, she finally managed to catch her breath and she pulled his tall frame down towards her, pressing her lips firmly to his. Finally allowing herself to let go into the vast freefall she’d been avoiding for so long, she kissed him with the desperation and passion she’d let build up.

 

It wasn’t anything more than a clash of their lips, as the actor was far too shocked to do anything but receive the intimate gesture, and the actress was simply glad to have him near her again, and she pressed her hands to his cheeks, gently removing her lips as she moved away to meet his eyes again. 

 

Holding his face in her hands and cupping his cheek, the words just flew out of her mouth in rapid fire, “Oh, Ren, I’m so sorry that I left…I- I know that I didn’t just leave, I ran. I ran because I’m a coward and because I couldn’t bring myself to believe I was ever going to be able to be what you wanted me to be. What anyone wanted me to be. 

 

“I left because I thought I should just start over, because no matter what I do, I can’t  **be** anyone meaningful. I left because I- I couldn’t stand to face you. It was unfair and cruel of me and I regret ever allowing myself to do something like that. I couldn’t handle it by myself, I was so alone without any of you, so depressed and broken and-and...I had no idea how much my life had changed because of all of you.

 

“I came back because I can’t live without my friends and family here. I can’t live out of my apartment which carries so much of my spirit in it. I can’t live without all the work I’ve put into building something here. I came back because I can’t live without  **you** , Ren. You make my life worth it, you make me worth something. You’re what I got up for every day, what made each day matter, made it something special. You made me feel special. And I- I love you. I have for a long, long time.”

 

She buried her face into his chest, clutching at the silk shirt he wore and allowing the tears to flow freely again. She felt like she’d been crying a lot lately. But now they weren’t sad, they were an overflowing of her relief and her gratitude that she was where she was now. 

 

Sai apologized to him profusely then, begging him to forgive her for abandoning her life, for abandoning him, for being a coward. Finally able to move, the dark haired man wrapped his arms around the petite girl and held her closer to his chest, pressing his cheek to the top of her head.

 

She fell silent then, only slight sniffling audible in the otherwise dead silence. And then the actor’s deep voice sounded, a salvation that made a chill shoot down the redhead’s spine. “Don’t you  **dare** ever, ever, ever,  **ever** do something like that again, do you understand me?” He asked, his voice cracking half way through his sentence as emotions got the better of him. 

 

Suddenly, her presence there became all the more real to him and the weight of what she’d said sunk in. He was so relieved over everything that had happened over the last few minutes, and the adrenaline he’d experienced leaping out of his bed wore off and he dropped to his knees, bringing the actress down with him.

 

Feeling the first tear streak down his cheek, he clutched her closer in his arms and his voice sounded again, weak and pathetic, cracking awfully, “You scared me, damn it. I thought I lost you.”

 

Twisting so she could see him again, the redhead kissed his forehead, mumbling against his skin, “I’m so sorry. Never again. I’ll never, ever do anything like that again. I promise. I love you, Ren.”

 

Hearing her say it again made it all that much more real to him. She’d known his feelings for so long by then, and hers had made him second guess himself a million times. Now, in the span of just a few minutes, she’d explicitly stated her feelings for him twice. He’d been waiting for so long to hear them. 

 

Without another word, he picked her up off the floor, ignoring the soft squeak of protest she made as he carried her into the apartment, the door slamming shut behind them. He sat her down on the couch, sitting incredibly close to her as he looked into her eyes and searched for any sign of a reaction.

 

Seeing nothing but that same tender, affectionate warmth burning behind the frigid depths, he leaned forward and wrapped himself around her again. Holding her against him, he buried his face in her hair, pushing his cheeks into her soft locks. “I love you too, Saiyuka. I have for almost two years. I may have even felt like this the moment I saw you, but I covered it and defended myself with my anger.” He mumbled through her hair, nuzzling into her neck and shoulder.

 

Before he could do anything else though, she startled him by pushing him away with staggering gentleness. He looked up at her with slight panic in his own eyes, wondering if he’d already overstepped a boundary. When he looked at her though, the warmth was still in her gaze, with no uncertainty, just determination.

 

“I can’t let myself do anything more with you until we talk, though. There are things about me you have to know before you decide if you truly want me in your life. This-” her voice caught, but she closed her eyes and forced it out, “This has been what was terrifying me into rejecting you. It’s what drove me away. This conversation.”

 

She looked at him again, boring with her eyes into his, “But I need to do this. You need this, and so do I. So I’m going to force myself to do this. Don’t let me stop, not for any reason, do you understand me?” The actor swallowed heavily and nodded, watching her eyes flicker through so many emotions he couldn’t keep track.

 

Kneeling down in front of him, him on the couch and her on the floor, she wrapped his large hands in her own small, delicate ones, lined only with calluses of a violin player. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s probably easiest to tell you as a story at first, and then reveal to you why what I’ve said matters.

 

“You may remember a few years ago, the news was exploding with tabloid articles and news slander stories about a certain family. They called them cursed. ‘The Nagaki Curse Claims Yet Another Life’,” she quoted, moving her hand dramatically as if showing a headline. 

 

“It started with the mother of the family. She was a famous singer, an international one, loved by a lot of people. She was very successful, and therefore very wealthy. She never let the wealth get to her though, keeping only enough of it to make sure her family lived well, giving the rest of it away to various charities and foster care services. She grew up in foster care herself, and was eager to make sure both her own family and all the children without homes around her lived well.

 

“Both her and her husband were extremely generous people. They were so in love and their lives were almost perfect, until the wife died in a car accident. She’d been on her way home after a work function, and the taxi she’d been in just...wiped out. She died on impact. The father continued to care for his children to the best of his ability. He fared pretty well for the first few months, but things went downhill after that.”

 

Suddenly, the story she was telling was starting to make sense. The mother figure in the story was Sai’s actual mother. A shiver ran down the actor’s spine, and he swallowed heavily, knowing what was about to happen, what she was telling him now. She was willingly offering her life story, and he knew that the awful, painful news was about to continue. The actor knew what was about to happen if it truly was her life story. The father would die in some sort of accident next.

 

The actress clutched at his hands, her own smaller ones trembling even with the distance she was keeping herself at from the more personal aspects of the story. Attempting to comfort her in some way, Ren moved his hands to better grip hers, rubbing the back of her hands with his thumbs.

 

“A year later, things seemed to be going alright for the frayed family, but nearly on the wife’s death anniversary, the eldest brother, Hikaru, found his father hanging in his closet.” That had not been what the actor had expected. He stared down at the redhead with his jaw wide open, trying to conceal the horror he’d experienced upon hearing how her father died. 

 

“After that, the family splintered. Half of them went to live with the only relative willing to adopt them, their paternal grandmother in Tokyo. Hikaru and the other older brother, Shota, went off to live on their own in America, having graduated college already. Their departure marked for the beginning of the rumors of a curse. At first it made the family closer, protecting each other from the reporters who camped out at the end of their driveway and comforting each other after every smear article.

 

“It wasn’t long before the temporary peace began to fracture slowly. The brother left behind, Leon,  became increasingly violent and unstable, hurting his friends and his sister. It escalated as his conditioned worsened, and those close to him grew fearful. 

 

“It was a regular school afternoon when everything really fell apart. Leon had never left for school that morning, and his sister, Asami, was called into the principal’s office to ask if she knew where he was. She didn’t, of course, but they held her until her last class of the day was just about over, so they just let her go home early.”

 

With a shock, he realized another fact about her story that he didn’t recognize. She’d called the sister “Asami”...not “Saiyuka”, “Asami.”  _ Does that mean...is this not her story? Is it truly about someone else’s life? No, no...it’s definitely her. The brother’s name was “Shota”...it  _ **_has_ ** _ to be her. But does that mean...is her name...not “Sai”? _

 

Sai shivered violently as she considered her next few words, “When she got home, she knew before she even made it to the doorway that something was very, very wrong. The window in the foyer was completely smashed in and there was a lamp sticking out of the bay window in the living room. She walked to the doorway and pushed the door open, it wasn’t even locked. When she walked in, it was like a tornado had gone through the place; there was glass and blood everywhere and the room smelled sickeningly like copper.”

 

“When she moved past the foyer...that’s when she saw him and he...he was-” Sai’s composure as she’d told the story thus far crumbled underneath her and she clutched at the actor’s hands so hard that it hurt, but he would never tell her that. She needed him then. He could handle a little bit of pain if it was for her sake.

 

Swallowing all of the awful, nauseous feeling rising up her throat, the redhead forced the words out. “He was covered in his own blood. He was holding a knife over his arm and watching it drip red down onto his skin. Again and again, and neither of them moved as he did that. He finally noticed her, and he turned his head to face her so slowly, and his face was...absolutely  **insane** . I was-uh, no...h-his  **sister** was terrified...he was smiling, but it was all twisted and horrid...and he looked at her like he was about to do something absolutely terrible.

 

“He took a first step toward her holding his bloodied weapon and she responded with a step back herself. He snapped in that moment, running at her in a full out sprint. Her scream rippled in his ears and only motivated him to burst toward her even faster.” Ren’s mind had slowed down dramatically with the effort it took him to process the insanity of her life. Not only had she experienced pain and trauma from accidental and self-inflicted deaths, but her own brother had literally charged her with a  **knife** .

 

Sai took a deep breath, finding it catch uncomfortably in her throat until she cleared it and then curled up closer to the actor’s lap, “He chased his sister through the first floor of their home, trapping her in the family room when she slipped and fell. She backed as far away from his as possible, until she felt the brick of the fireplace at her back. 

 

“In complete and utter panic, she grabbed the closest thing she could find and held it in front of her head to protect herself from the oncoming violence she was sure to get. However, the pain never came. Only a sick sounding, squelching noise followed by the distinct feeling of a few warm drops of something hitting her face.

 

“She hadn’t realized she’d squeezed her eyes shut until she had to force them open. And when she did, her older brother stood above her with dead, lifeless eyes that stared above her head. Dripping down onto her forehead were drops of blood from his mouth, caused by the gaping wound in his torso, through which was a fire poker.

 

“In her hysteria, Asami had grabbed the weapon and held it up solely for self-defence, but Leon, in his rage, impaled his torso on the metal instrument. Horrified at what she’d done and trapped under his rapidly cooling body, Asami screamed for help until the neighbors called the police. They had no doubt that she had acted in self-defence, but it didn’t really matter to the girl, as that was the last of her family. She’d just killed him.”

 

By now, Ren was leaning forward to wrap his arms around the back of Sai’s head, tangling his fingers in her hair. The backs of his eyes stung uncomfortably and he just wanted her to stop talking. Her voice was so raw and pained, and as much as she tried to make it sound like she was just telling him a story, it was obvious she was recounting a memory. He knew what it was like to feel responsible for someone’s life being lost, and he wanted nothing more than to take her pain away.

 

She had started crying sometime in the middle of her speech, doing all she could to just make it to the end. After she’d finished, she allowed herself a moment to collapse and then recover. The feeling of Ren’s fingers running through her hair and the gentle noises of comfort he made to soothe her were invaluable. 

 

“Is...that what happened to make you…” Ren’s voice began, gentle and slightly scared to continue.

 

“Emotionless-looking?” The redhead finished for him, sniffling loudly and rubbing at her eyes after she finally raised her head from his lap. “Only partly. I have more to tell you...I just...need a minute.”

 

The actor nodded, returning to stroking her hair silently and just listening to her breathing as it gradually slowed down and returned to normal. After she regained some strength, she took the actor’s hands in hers and allowed the warmth they emitted to seep far beneath her skin and warm the bitter cold that had gathered in her heart over the years.

 

“As time passed, it was decided that the grandmother must have been somewhat at fault, or there was no way to explain the actions Leon had taken prior to his death. Asami was taken away from her and her custody went into limbo. In that period where she had no guardian, she ran away. 

 

“It was a long time before she was found again, and the rumors really went absolutely wild in her absence. She was labeled a murderer and a coward, she was blamed for the deaths of all of her family, and it left her in ruins. She was eventually adopted by a family friend and her registered godfather. 

 

“Even in his care though, the bad publicity and slander grew and worsened, creating real pain in her life. After everything she’d been through and all the hate she dealt with on a regular basis, no where seemed safe for her and everything they were saying began to hold more and more truth in her eyes, despite how outrageous they were. 

 

“At one point, it got to simply be too much and Asami followed in her father’s footsteps and flung herself off of her adopted father’s three story roof. And that day, the curse claimed another victim, leaving only two remaining. Most publishers painted her death as a confession, solidifying her as the murderer of all of her loved ones, and some even dared to proclaim the curse on the remaining brothers lifted.”

 

Ren was silent now. He hadn’t the faintest idea what to think. It was best, in his eyes, to just wait for her to finish connecting the story to her life, because he was completely lost now that so many things she’d told him weren’t lining up. 

 

“There was one problem with their reasoning.” Sai told him, her voice soft but strong, finally ready after so long, “Asami didn’t die from that fall, not really.” She looked up and gazed into the man’s dark, beautiful eyes. “She awoke in the hospital much later, her godfather at her side, and together they decided that it was for the best that Asami Nagaki died in that fall, but there was no reason that they couldn’t preserve some parts of her.

 

“Therefore, in that stark, bleak hospital room, Saiyuka Akai was born; the brainchild of a man experienced in reconstructing the broken bits of peoples’ lives and a woman so fractured and frayed that nothing could put her back together again so long as she retained her identity.”

 

“So...you and I…” The actor began, several pieces of her story clicking into place in her life rapidly as she explained more to him.

 

The redhead nodded, even offering him a small, tired smile. “We’re very similar in that aspect Ren, we both left people behind in order to find a place here. To find each other.”

 

“How long have you known about that particular similarity between us?” The dark haired man asked, the question having nagged at the back of his skull.

 

Shutting her eyes, Sai concentrated for a moment and then reached up and touched the actor’s cheek, “I’m sorry, Ren, I really am. I’ve...known for a long time.”

 

“You...knew I was someone else before this?”

 

“I knew you were Kuon. Long before you told me.”

 

“But...how?” He demanded, looking at the meek girl, shocked beyond belief. 

 

She swallowed again, “There’s more to tell you. I know it seems like there couldn’t possibly be anything left in my life to tell you, but there are two important periods I left out.” Sai waited for Ren to confirm that he was listening, the awe and slight betrayal obvious in his expression still, which sent pangs of regret through her chest.

 

“When I ran away from my grandmother’s house, I fled with all I could carry of mine into the more abandoned areas of downtown Tokyo, eventually ending up in a home for runaway girls. It was a whole society that I stumbled across and was let into. There were three leaders, all older girls, who made the rules and kept the house together. 

 

“The main leader took down each girl’s name who came into the family and then had them choose another. It was a way of shedding the pain and rejection that had led each girl to leave the safety of regular society. It’s what gave me the idea to do the same thing with Lory.

 

“I lived there for a long time, learning how to survive, and just living knowing that there were still people who would mourn if I died. And I know that because we did. Every time a girl in our family ended up dead, for whatever reason, we would hold a service.

 

“Both their names would be carved onto wooden stakes in the back of our large warehouse and we would place one white lily on the ground in front of it. It’s how we honored them. We were more than just a family, we were each other’s support group and life line. We kept each other going. But it was hard.

 

“We rarely had enough food, there were never enough clothes, especially in the winter, and most of us slept on the cement ground at night. But it was home. There was a roof over our heads, and the warm bodies that would surround the youngest in our group to keep them from freezing during the night.

 

“That’s where I learned to cook, and how to best feed people. I quickly became the chef for our group, and we did all we could to get food, even if we had to steal sometimes. Eventually, we even managed to rig up a hot plate and a mini fridge, and we felt like we ate like royalty that night, even though in reality what we were eating was still meager and pathetic.

 

“I learned all about survival, including how to deal with storing food and cooking while keeping mold and rot to a minimum. It was awful sometimes, how little we had when scraping by, but it taught me a lot. I felt like so much got ripped away from me when I was found and dragged back into civilization. I had just lost my life line and my freedom.

 

“After that, the efforts to solidify my guardian doubled, but they had to address every claim on me before they could assess what environment I would be safest in. That included someone who had offered to take me in in America. He was an old friend.

 

“Therefore, Lory dragged me with him to meet with the man, to discuss my wellbeing. He did everything he could to keep me from running away from him then. I felt trapped, suffocating slowly. Like I couldn’t breathe and it hurt to do anything. I felt like I was dying and being slowly crushed or buried alive. I needed to get out again. I craved that freedom.

 

“So that’s what I did, I ran. And I ran far from the only area I’d ever been in, eventually getting lost and simply wandering the streets. I had, of course, spoken the language, but not since I was seven years old. My accent was strong and distinguishable, so I did my best to cover it with an American accent. 

 

“After failing to follow simple directions for what seemed like hours, I eventually ended up at the edge of some woods where I met a boy. A boy with blonde hair and green eyes, who proudly told me that he was running away too, but demanded my name to know I wasn’t a spy for his father.”

 

Suddenly, the memories rushed back to the actor. He’d met a girl with dyed black hair and mean, cold eyes one day while he and Rick had been fighting. She had a strange accent that she seemed to be trying to cover up and she was running just like he was.

 

“I pushed you,” Ren said, covering his mouth with his hand, “I pushed you off that cliff, and then- oh my God! That’s why you asked me about the picture of the cabin! You recognized it!”

 

“It’s nice to meet you again, Kuon.” The redhead smiled softly, her expression sad.

 

“You’ve known since that night? And you waited all this time to bring it up?”

 

“Ren, you have to understand, I wasn’t sure it was you that night, and it wasn’t exactly easy to bring up. Plus, I wanted to wait for you. I trusted that if I allowed you to speak about it first, it would be easier for you, and you wouldn’t hate me as much for already knowing. I know I should have said something, but honestly I thought it was better like this.”

 

“You didn’t know it was me for sure?”

 

“Not until I met your father again. Kuu and you look very much alike. And I remembered all the things he’d always say about his son, Kuon, who he dearly missed. Once I realized that the visual similarities couldn’t be a coincidence, I remembered your name from when we were at Rick’s cabin. It was then that I knew for sure who you were.”

 

“But...how did you know my father?”

 

“Ren...he was the one that wanted to adopt me. That’s why I was in America. He and my parents knew each other through Lory and were very close. He just wanted to make sure I was somewhere I could be cared for.”

 

“My father...wanted to  **adopt** you?” Ren asked, incredulous.

 

The petite female let a soft, eager laugh out and the sound was harmonious and beautiful, even if it was short and sweet. “Yes, he did. I’m glad he didn’t, though, because I wouldn’t have gotten to be with you then.” She told him matter-of-factly, but the burning in her cheeks betrayed her enough to let the actor know she was embarrassed to say such a thing.

 

“Well...Sai, I don’t mean to...insult you in any way, but I honestly don’t see how this was so difficult for you to do. I could never hold any ill will toward you, not in a million years,” he gathered her hands in his and kissed each of her knuckles.

 

“”You shouldn’t have ever worried. I’ve loved you for far too long, far too much, for something like this to jeopardize that. No truth you could have told me would have changed my mind. Actually…” he paused for a moment, kissing each of her palms and then up her left wrist. 

 

“It’s done quite the opposite. Knowing all of this now, I actually think we’re a better fit for each other. We’ve both grown to know each other by our stage names, which hide a shadow of a person behind them. We’ve both committed acts that scar our emotional states, and mar our abilities to love other things in some way. We can heal each other this way, Sai, and you can accept me more than anyone else can for what I’ve done. And I can do the same for you.

 

“You aren’t alone in this any more, my Saiyuka, there are so many people around you who love you for who you are, and what you’ve done in your life. All the events that led up to right now make you who you are, and you should never be afraid that we’d hold them against you. And it doesn’t matter what name you go by, because each one of them is a part of you, and they would never exist if they didn’t incorporate aspects of each other. You know that, that’s what you told me.”

 

Another tear streaked down the redhead’s cheek and she rose from her position in front of the actor and pressed her forehead to his, cradling his face in her hands. “You have no idea how much that means to me, Ren…” she let a shaky laugh go, her hands trembling against his skin. “Now that I’ve finished, I can’t believe I was so terrified of this...I pushed you away for so long, thinking you would never accept me if I was broken like this...I’m such a fool...I’m so sorry, Ren, for being such a coward.”

 

The actor grasped her wrists and held them in his warm hands for a few moments, running his thumbs in gentle circles on the backs of her hands, “Sai, I don’t want you to blame yourself like this. It happened when it was meant to. You weren’t ready before now, that’s why it seemed so easy. I don’t know if I was ready before now, to be totally honest with you.

 

“I was so calm and able to just listen because I was aware of how much my life had become hinged to yours. And because I’d already told you about the pieces of me that were still shattered. Both of those things made this conversation so simple. Neither of us were ready before right now to become something to each other. I see that now.”

 

The dark haired man reached up behind the petite woman hovering over him and wrapped his arms around her neck, tangling his fingers through her hair, “Can you forgive me for being blind and selfish and yelling at you like that?”

 

Instantly, the worried, miserable expression on Sai’s face melted away, revealing a genuine, glowing, and angelic smile and she let another laugh go. This one was much softer and stronger. “Only if you forgive me for crumbling in front of you instead of trying to stand up for myself and fix what was happening between us.”

 

Ren pulled her closer and was elated to find that she didn’t resist in the slightest. Now only a few centimeters away from her, he lowered his voice, “Only if you promise you’ll be more vocal in the future.”

 

The redhead’s lips curled up into a playful smirk, and her voice ghosted across his skin much lower than he was used to, “I think you’ll find I can be  **quite** vocal, thank you very much.” And with that, she closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his. 

 

Unlike the kiss by the door, this one lacked the desperation and inelegance, but still retained the muted passion. It was still feather light and gentle, although the heat behind it was making it hard to call it chaste. Ren tiled her delicate face just slightly to maneuver the angle, finding her lips moving across his as they fit together perfectly.

 

He hadn’t had the chance to respond to her initial kiss due to how shocked he’d been, and he was determined to make it up to her. Initially, he was soft and gentle, simply gracing his lips over hers, but he swiftly increased the intensity behind the action. She returned his growing fervor, parting her lips against his and pressing heatedly against him. 

 

By now, the actor was nearly swooning, and although he’d kept his eyes closed to savor the few seconds their lips met, he found that opening them was dangerous as the room whirled around him. Even when she pulled away, slowly, he didn’t open his eyes. He became aware of his pulse beating so rapidly and loudly in his ears, he was shocked he hadn’t noticed it before. After a moment, he felt the redhead lift her knee off of his thigh. He hadn’t even felt her put it there. 

 

Eventually, he did allow his eyes to flutter open and his gaze immediately focused on two deep blue orbs in front, their usual, familiar iciness replaced by a glowing warmth of an afternoon sky. Exhaling slowly, he could feel his chapped lips slightly soothed by the slight moisture of her mouth and tongue, and was able to taste the slightest hint of something like honey.

 

“Wait a minute,” he mumbled out, his voice catching in his throat slightly and his mind clearing of the fluff she’d managed to put into there, “Did you...you didn’t make a dirty joke just now, did you?” He asked, recalled the words she’d whispered right before kissing him. 

 

This time, her laughter was full bodied and completely unhindered by any sign of weakness. It rang in his ears like the most beautiful chorus of bells he’d ever heard, and warmed him from the crown of his head to each and every toe. “What?” She asked innocently, batting her eyelashes, “Am I not allowed to resort to such humor just yet?”

 

He laughed as well, pleased when her face lit up as she felt the rumbling in his chest. “Oh, I didn’t say that. It was just unexpected, although not unwelcome.” He paused for a moment to take in her relaxed expression, still streaked with lines of her drying tears as her eyes bloodshot, but still holding that affectionate gaze.

 

In a sort of raspy whisper, he managed, “I honestly can’t believe this is happening right now...it feels like I’m dreaming. I’m not dreaming am I?”

 

She offered another gentle, beautiful smile and leaned forward again, catching him by surprise. Gracefully, skillfully, she brushed her lips against his, almost teasing him with the gentleness she displayed before pressing against him forcefully. Her head tilted on its own this time, her nose brushing against his cheek as she parted her lips and brought them around his lower one, pulling it away just slightly before actually biting down on it.

 

Ren let out a surprised, muffled yelp as he reeled backwards, his eyes wide and blinking rapidly. He brought a hand up to his lip and rubbed it, “W-why did you do that?” He asked, only becoming further confused as she seemed to be suppressing giggles.

 

“You asked me if you were dreaming. Now you know you’re most definitely  **not** dreaming!” She said with an unfair amount of teasing in her tone, before she nearly burst out laughing. He knew he must have looked fairly ridiculous in that moment, and couldn’t help but let the laughter bubbling up in his own throat loose.

 

Before he could stop himself, the chuckling turned into an all-out laugh, both at the situation and due to the relief that was rapidly growing over her return and it all poured out in the form of laughter, mirrored by the actress who still sat at his feet. 

 

As she recovered slightly, Sai took Ren’s hands in her own and held them tightly, the tension that had built since her departure now all but gone. They sat like that for a while, just revealing in the presence of the other and realizing just how grateful they were. 

 

After an indeterminable amount of time, the redhead finally tugged at the actor’s hands and pulled him up to help her with a meal. She quickly discovered that most of what she’d started stocking in the man’s kitchen was gone and managed to wrangle up much less than she’d been hoping for. 

 

As they were making it, she incorporated Ren into many parts of the process, trusting how far he’d already come as a cook. Halfway through preparation, though, he managed to somehow tip over a pot of water and caught it mid air. Unfortunately, half of it had already managed to spill onto the floor and he looked at the mess at a complete loss.

 

For some reason, Sai found the whole thing extremely funny and dissolved into laughter again, grabbing at a dining room chair to support herself as she grasped at her stomach. He looked at her expression of childish humor and suddenly became overwhelmed with how much he’d missed the feel of her near him.

 

Pulling her close, he startled her out of her laughter and pressed a kiss to her forehead, as if projecting to her just how much she meant to him in that gesture. Once he pulled back a little, Sai could see the slight tint of pink in his cheeks and his embarrassed expression and she pushed herself onto her tiptoes to press her lips to his yet again.

 

This one was quick, casual. Natural. Like they’d been doing it for years. His expression morphed into one of soft, tender affection and he marveled at how her expression moved to mirror his and she lifted a hand to brush against his cheek. “You are so incredibly adorable, do you know that?” She said, her voice light and soft, incredibly caring.

 

He let a deep chuckle go and raised his eyebrows, “Do you have any idea how against my image it is to be called ‘adorable’?” 

 

“Well that’s too bad. I’ve always thought you were adorable. And really, Ren, when do you think your image has mattered to me?” She smirked at him confidently, “You’ve never really acted 100% ‘Ren Tsuruga’ with me, and you know it.”

 

He did. It was part of what drew him to her, he supposed. He couldn’t help but act completely like  **himself** around her. And that just happened to be a healthy mix of both Ren and Kuon. Best of both worlds, he supposed.

 

Once they’d parted, he set to work on mopping up the spill while she finished dinner. It was like a completely normal, domestic atmosphere, each of them acting like they’d done it a million times. 

 

Finally sitting down to eat, the actor gathered his courage to ask the question that had been on his mind for a majority of the night now. “So...where does this leave us?”

 

Finishing what she’d had in her mouth, the actress swallowed and set her fork down. “Well, I don’t think we should change much for now.” Panic flashed in the dark haired man’s eyes and Sai caught it, jumping to correct herself. “I don’t mean we shouldn’t do anything!” 

 

She placed her hand over the actor’s, gripping it tightly, “You must realize Ren, that if we’re caught together, it would be bad for the both of us. I mean, just look at my reputation when I started? People go crazy over stuff like this and they just don’t listen to reason.”

 

Seeing that she was right, the actor bit down on his words and simply nodded, avoiding her gaze. He snapped it back up to look at her though when her grip tightened once again. “Ren, I just don’t want to get  **caught** . You don’t understand,  **I** want to be the one to tell people.  **We** should tell people. I want to be with you, holding your hand, smiling up at you in that moment that people find out.”

 

Ren couldn’t keep his jaw from dropping slightly then, his eyes watering at the sentiment, “Ren, don’t look at me like it’s so surprising like that!” She told him, blushing slightly under his intense gaze. “I love you. I want to say that without looking like I was forced to after the tabloids made a big deal out of it.”

 

“I love you too.” He said once again, savoring how the words sounded as they poured from his mouth. “And I understand. You just...you scared me. But you’re right, and I’m sorry for not trusting you.” He said, in the most serious of tones he could muster while trying to clamp down his desire to scream out how overjoyed he was. “Would you mind if...I picked when to tell?” He asked, not sure if he was correct to ask that personal of a question.

 

Sai raised her eyebrows, but she actually looked pleased with the idea, which filled the actor with even further delirious joy. “Of course! That would be perfect! You could even surprise me, if you wanted to.” She told him, her face lit up with obvious delight.

 

“Then...does that mean we’re going back to work tomorrow?” The actor asked, not really knowing much about the status of either of them at that moment.

 

“Yes. But we’ll go together. No ands, ifs, or buts.” She said, her icy gaze returned to normal and focused directly on his.

 

Honestly, Ren didn't have any. He’d been hoping she’d say that. “Will do. I’d actually really like that...does that mean you’ll stay here tonight?”

 

She blushed softly as she realized the implication of what she said, “Oh! Yes! I mean- oh, if you’ll let me- if you want me...to! To! I-if you want me  **to** , I will.” She stumbled, flustered over her slight faux pas. It was absolutely precious.

 

The actor laughed softly and moved to pick up their dishes. “Of course I want you...to,” he said simply with the slightest of smirks, leaning down and kissing the top of her head as he passed her by to finish washing the dishes.

 

For the next few hours, the couple sat together on his couch, Sai nestled comfortably in Ren’s arms as they watched tv, laughing and talking joyfully, teasing each other occasionally, and just savoring each moment they spent together.

 

Sai eventually fell silent and the fist she’d had clutched around his silk sleeping shirt relaxed. Her breathing became much more even and soft, signifying to him that the redhead had fallen asleep against him right there, clearly exhausted from all she’d been through that morning getting back to him.

 

He pressed his lips first to her forehead, and then to each of her closed eyes, rubbing his nose against hers as he whispered sweet nothings to her and relished in her gentle scent of lavender with the slightest hint of vanilla. That, along with her soft, rhythmic breathing lulled the actor into sleep of his own, and he curled himself around her, finding that she seemed to fit perfectly no matter how he shifted.


	68. Chapter 68

Shadows streaking from the windows, over the ceiling and bleeding down the walls. Sunlight peeking through the glass, painting pictures on the canvas above and sending spindles falling down like comets cast away. Morning light was usually such a comfort, when the darkness of the night would continually fall prey to the power of warmth and light come the sunrise. But that day was different.

 

Sai’s eyes flew open and spent not a second scanning the sights before her. Bland ceiling. Badly closed blinds. Too warm. Too hot. Suffocating. Her insides twisted and flipped, her mind going immediately from drowsy to overdrive.  _ Ah...no...no, no, no, NO...I’m in this room still…!! This blasted, cursed,  _ **_prison_ ** _ \--I have to get out. Must get out. Move, body, move!! I have to get “ _ **_OUT_ ** _ \--!!!” _

 

She bolted upward, her body finally responding as her last word flew from her mouth in the form of a scream, tearing its way viciously through her esophagus to reach the open air and echo frighteningly off the many walls. She didn’t get very far in her retreat, though. Almost instantly, her forehead collided with something of equal hardness, sending her careening back downward to her previous position.

 

Blinking, something stood out to her in the mere second she had before reality came crashing down around her.  _ This ceiling...is popcorned. My ceiling there...was smooth… _

 

“-ey! What gives, geez, Sai….” A voice whined from above her. It took a moment to register it completely. She whipped around, her wild red hair framing her face with a sort of frazzled glow. The first thing she noticed was that she’d run into something, obvious as it seemed. The second thing she noticed was, in fact, she wasn’t where she thought she was. And lastly, she noticed what - or rather whom - she’d collided with. The actor. Her beloved, cherished, perfect actor. Ren.

 

A similar process of events collided with one another for the other actor present. The first thing he noticed when he woke up was the weight on his legs, only for him to then realize it wasn’t something weighing him down. It was Sai. Realization after realization crashed down on him as he remembered her coming back home, coming back to him, and everything she’d said. Everything they were now.

 

A warm smile had just touched his face and he reached out to stroke her rosy cheek, only to slightly startle her. He backed off instantly, not wanting to wake her up. But it was too late. Those long, dark eyelashes fluttered up, squinting to protect those fluorescent orbs from the harsh light. He was about to call out to her softly, wish her a pleasant morning, when something went very differently than he planned.

 

A wild, panicked look overtook her smooth features as she bolted upward, instantly colliding with his forehead. He called out in alarm as his large hand came to cover the quickly reddening circle on his face. Without any real consent, his voice tumbled through his lips, trying to ask what had happened. That was before he realized what she’d said. “Out.”  _ But...what does that mean? She wants to leave? She wants me to leave!?  And why on earth does she look like...look like...that…? _

 

Sai had whipped around to face him, her hair sticking out every which way, those eyes completely and totally colorless, as blanched white as her skin was, wide and staring. She looked more than alarmed. She looked stricken, panicked. Wild. 

 

Blinking, he put out a hand and ever so carefully touched her arm to steady her. That delirious, terror-filled gaze flicked down to his hand before settling back on his face. “Sai…? Saiyuka? Are you alright?” He asked, growing more and more concerned by the second as she seemed unable to fully focus on what was in front of her.

 

The dumbfounded, but somehow guarded, expression she’d been making slowly began to fade away, replaced piece by piece by recognition. Until she knew for sure who she was looking at. His voice matched his face. His presence matched the ceiling. And the apartment...the apartment matched her home. Her Japan. She wasn’t stranded, trapped...held prisoner...she was home. She was free.

 

After the spark of recognition, Ren watched in fascination as her pupils dilated, swallowing the colorless wasteland within them and allowing the rings around the black holes in the centers of her eyes darkened to a comfortable shade of baby blue. His relief was instant. He hadn’t known what happened, couldn’t understand where her panic had come from, but it was gone now. 

 

Soon after she seemed to calm down, Sai’s shoulders rolled forward and her eyes grew larger, like doe’s, and a watery sheen began to cover their surfaces. Ren’s body was instantly tense again.  _ What?! No, no...no, don’t cry…!! This is worse! This is worse than the other thing! _

 

His hands were immediately on her shoulders, holding her just at arm’s length to look at her, but the grip his large hands on her petite frame was enough to reassure her he was  **real** . “Sai?” He called, a real edge of full blown hysteria on the tip of his tongue. She could hear it.

 

Not hesitating for a moment, she pulled him close and felt his arms wrap completely around her. His body enveloped her own, like a warm blanket in the middle of a spine chilling snowstorm. Outside raged the gods, pouring down tons of snow, blanketing the forests, roads, homes, and even blowing up to cover the windows. Outside, the storm raged. But inside, inside was a different story. Her actor was her every source of warmth, her every crackle of fire and every sip of coffee, her every ounce of energy and her every breath.  **Her** Ren.

 

She gasped in a breath, her first in too long, and her vision started to clear fully. A choked, strangled sounding laugh billowed out of her abused lungs and she clung to his back with her slender fingers. “I’m okay.” She forced out along with a single tear which streaked down her pale complexion, leaving a trail that she quickly wiped away before the actor could see it.

 

“Are you sure?” Ren already knew she wasn’t okay. But he wanted to trust what she said, and if she said she was okay...then he’d believe her. For now. 

 

Shuffling in his arms just slightly, she repositioned herself so she was still laying in his arms, but now she could see his face. Could see that magnificent curve of his jawline. God, she’d wanted to trace it so many times, with her fingers, her lips, her tongue. Tentatively, she reached out and brushed her finger over it, realizing with a hit to her gut that she could do this now. She could touch him...and it was okay. She was okay.

 

Inhaling sharply, she sniffed up the rest of her small attack earlier and sent the actor a confident grin as her color started to return. “I’m sure. And I’m sorry-” She pressed her fingers to the dark haired man’s mouth as he opened it to protest against her apology. She knew he’d never think she had something to apologize for. But that didn’t matter to her.

 

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” she continued as if nothing had happened. “I just thought for a brief moment that I was back in America. That I dreamed coming back to you-back home.” Ren had shifted a bit, but Sai didn’t miss the look of satisfaction that rose when she’d prioritized him over the rest of Japan in her statement. Cocky bastard. 

 

The grin was gone rather quickly, though, as Ren wanted to make sure Sai was okay, first. He ran a finger down her face, tucking behind a strand of hair behind her ear. “And that caused such a vehement reaction in you? Made you cry?”

 

Biting her lip for a moment, she had to spot the words she knew she should have said from spilling out.  _ I shouldn’t go around advertising what Shota did. Especially not to Ren; who knows what he’d do...but...I should  _ **_definitely_ ** _ tell him. But, I’m not going to, because when have I ever listened to my consciousness? I’ll just regret this later… _

 

“It...wasn’t on purpose,” she went with instead. “It just...it was happening before I knew any better. My first thought was that we were apart still...and it was like something precious got ripped away from me...but as soon as I realized you were here, it was like a switched flipped. I realized I wasn’t trapped over there without you anymore...that you’re right... **h** -”

 

“Here. Right here.” Ren finished her thought for her, squeezing her tightly in his grasp before pulling away and gazing at her so familiar features. He’d burned them all into the backs of his eyes long ago.  _ And I know what that look means... _ He felt a smile stretch across his lips.  _ It means she’s...in love with me. Who knows...who knows how long she’s been making that face and I was just too stubborn to notice?  _

 

_ Looking at her now...I can’t bring myself to look away. I need to save this expression for as long as I live. This is the face she’s making that shows just how badly she truly missed me, even in such a short time. I’m not deluding myself into thinking she cares - she  _ **_does_ ** _. I’m not the only one weakened by her absence. She needs me too. We complete each other.  _

 

Seeing that the actor wasn’t going to reply, Sai pulled away and rose a hand up to him. Gingerly, she ghosted her fingertips over the bright red mark still forming on Ren’s forehead. Even her slightest touch sent a zap of discomfort down the actor’s spine, but he didn’t show it. Raising his own hand, he returned her gesture to the mark on her own head, watching her giggle with a rather guilty expression.

 

The expressions still seemed rather new. They seemed to take Ren by surprise whenever she made one. It was perfect, it was just how he would depict...guilt. But when had she learned that? And since when could she  **do** that?

 

Choosing not to say anything just yet, or maybe not ever, the actor put out his hand. “Make breakfast with me?” He asked, hoping to just drown himself in her presence that morning, for as long as he possibly could.

 

“With pleasure,” she responded, taking his hand and letting him lead her to his kitchen. She let a sigh loose as the entered, though, and she continued to try and round up food from the backs of his cupboards and the dangerous depths of his fridge. She’d managed it before, but...now there was well and truly nothing left in the man’s kitchen.

 

Rounding on him with a darkened glare, Sai watched as Ren shrank back and scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “I...uh...couldn’t really...bring myself to do much without you. And, um, grocery shopping wasn’t exactly on my top list of things to do…”

 

Sai looked away and another sigh ghosted through her lips. He knew she wasn’t really disappointed, but it still stung him badly that this was her only reaction. She should have berated him, at least. Yelled, called him a silly name, punched his shoulder...anything would have been better than looking away and...and not bothering to say anything at all.

 

“Alright. Go get dressed then, we’ll stop by my apartment to drop off my luggage, I’ll change into some clean clothes, and then we can have breakfast there. Sound good?” Ren grimaced at her tone. She sounded like she was talking to a small child who’d disobeyed and she was the mother setting him straight. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like feeling like she was the only one put together.

 

Rather than comment about that particular train of thought, the words he found tumbling out of his mouth surprised even him, “But, Sai...if you’ve been gone for close to two weeks...how would you have food in your house that’s still...good?” It was a valid question. Sure, he could have gone to the store...he just hadn’t had the energy or the motivation to do so. But if she’d been out of the country...it was  **impossible** for her to have food...right?

 

In response, the redhead simply moved her finger to cover her lips, almost as if shushing him. A small laugh bubbled up from her throat and she winked, a mysterious, taunting smile stretching over her lips. “Wait and see, my pet, wait and see,” she chimed brightly, causing the actor to flinch back uncomfortably. She was scheming something again. He could finally tell that for sure.

 

Accepting her words, though, he simply nodded and turned away, heading through his bedroom door. As quickly as he could, he showered and got dressed, trying to scrub away the negative feelings that had been collecting all morning.

 

_ I should...feel happier than this...shouldn’t I? She...confessed...we’re...together. I think. Or at least something close to that. So why do I feel...worse…? _ Ren shook his head under the water, shutting it off and pressing his towel into his face. With a short, muffled yelp of frustration, he set to work drying himself off. 

 

As Ren was getting ready, Sai began to take notice of a few things around the apartment that were different than usual. She hadn’t noticed them earlier...tunnel vision, she supposed. Some furniture was moved, one of the nightstands was missing...and a lot of objects in the house were...ruined. There were even a few holes in the walls. 

 

Walking into the actor’s room, something brightly colored and shiny stuck out like a sore thumb in his otherwise neutral colored space. She drew closer and her eyebrows furrowed together. It was hard to tell what it was from further away, but it appeared to be some kind of...glass. Colored glass. It wasn’t until she got closer that she realized what she was looking at, although it wasn’t the sight that gave it away. It was the smell.

 

Those shards and discarded bottles were once filled with alcohol. The whole corner reeked of the stuff, several dark stains on the wall hinting at still full bottles that had been launched into the corner with heavy force, shattering the pieces and letting the fluid sink deep into the carpet. Hesitantly, she approached and bent down in front of the pile, wrapping her slender fingers around the neck of one of the bottles.

 

A door clicked open behind her and before Sai had the chance to do anything, Ren walked in and his eyes fell on her crouched form, a blue bottle clutched in her small hands. His skin immediately blanched and he backed up a step, a look of slight horror betraying how hard he was trying to stay calm in the face of those intense eyes.

 

“Did you...really have this much trouble…?” She finally found her voice, although the words shook and her timbre was much higher pitched. Cautious. Uneven. Maybe even...scared.

 

Ren looked to the ground immediately, his hair falling over his face and casting dark shadows across his skin. He didn’t look at her. She couldn’t make out any of his expression, but she still knew what was happening inside his mind. The air grew heavier by the second. Guilt. Shame. Self-hatred.

 

“I know. It’s pathetic,” he hissed out, the syllables rolling off his tongue like they burned him just to merely utter, causing a shock to run down the redhead’s spine. She certainly hadn’t expected him to lash out so bitterly, especially against himself of all people...it made no sense. 

 

“But...why…?” The words were meek, honestly confused, and were said so softly that the actor actually did have to raise his face to hear her better. She couldn’t help but reel backward a bit once she had seen just how capable the actor was at looking like he couldn’t think of a single thing worse than what he’d done. The guilt was unimaginable. 

 

“It’s the only thing that brought even a little bit of solace.” There was no sense hiding it, at this point.  _ I already know I’m a thousand times weaker than she’ll ever be. I hid myself away, shut down, turned to alcohol and violence in her absence...but she probably lived fine over there all by herself. Sure, she’d missed me and all...but at least she hadn’t been trying to kill herself through alcohol poisoning… _

 

Thoughts that that swam so vibrantly and readily in his mind that he was a completely open book for the redhead who was looking at him with such a melancholy, apologetic expression...it actually gave him pause for a moment. She knew he couldn’t know what had almost happened to her over there. The only one who did know about what had happened on that bridge...was Ana. 

 

Ren swallowed, watching Sai’s face twist and furrow, her features moving more than he was ever used to. He didn’t want her to make those kinds of faces. He didn’t want to make her sad or upset, he didn’t want to make her feel guilty or at fault. This wasn’t her fault. This was the world’s fault, for making her life hell. This was his fault, for driving her away, for taking away her safe place. He was her safe place. And he knew that.

 

“If you want…” he began, clearing his throat and watching her meet his eyes. “I’ll never touch alcohol again.” She blinked once, those huge eyes with their frigid color becoming momentarily veiled in black lashes. “I...can’t really imagine drinking it anymore, anyway.” Ren continued, seeing as the actress was making no move to reply. “It’s...becoming a symbol of shame. For being so weak without you-”

 

“Ren.” She carefully began, her features twisting downward again. She didn’t look happy with him. 

 

“Y-yes?” His voice cracked a bit, causing him to flinch, but she didn’t move a muscle. She just stared straight at him, those colorless eyes back again. He loved her eyes...but...without  **any** color...they were scary.

 

“Love...is a powerful thing. It’s viewed as unhealthy to be that dependent on one’s partner.” The actor physically winced and turned away. He knew it. She was disgusted by his attachment. She thought he was weak too- “After all...that’s why you call your significant other your ‘partner’...isn’t it? You work together, two halves of the same person, fueling the machine in conjunction with your other half. Both sides can function normally, but together...together they become this beautiful, powerful meld of strength. Every kind of strength you can think of. That’s what a partner is.

 

“To me, Ren, you’ve always been my partner. Anything we do together automatically becomes that much more emboldened, shining brighter and brighter the more of our hearts we put into it. The more we trust our hearts to one another. So yes, it does show that a relationship is unhealthy when the machine falls apart without one partner, but our split was different. There’s a huge, huge difference between one of us leaving the pedaling to the other and having our entire operation ripped down the middle like some flimsy tissue.

 

“It’s one thing to not be able to function a day without your significant other there to take care of you and another entirely for the object of your affections to disappear completely from your life after an argument. That’s why, Ren Tsuruga, Kuon Hizuri, you are so justified to hate every moment of what happened, to curse every choice that I made, to look back on my cowardice with nothing but agony and hatred...you’re justified. But if you want to blame something for what happened, blame me. Blame me, Ren, because-”

 

“Stop talking!” The actor called out, his entire body shaking now. He couldn’t blame her. He could never blame her. Especially not after everything she’d said just now, and the night before. Thankfully, the redhead listened the first time, for once, and her mouth gently closed as she gazed up at him and just waited.

 

He approached her slowly, bending down and offering an arm to her. She shouldn’t be sitting on the floor with all those broken bottles. Slowly, as she watched intently, Ren shook his head. It was a simple enough gesture, but it was rather dramatic for the actress. He wasn’t usually so sincere out of the gates. “I could never pin the fault on you.” Each word was heavy, emphasized, and sent a shiver down Sai’s spine. 

 

Licking her lips, the next words came easy to the actress, “What would you do if I blamed myself?”

 

Ren laughed humorlessly and began pulling the redhead to her feet, “I’d do anything in the world to convince you that you’re wrong, then. Anything.”

 

Now on shaky feet, Sai looked up with an even, determined stare. “Then you know how I feel right now.” 

 

The actor tsked loudly and looked away, not wanting to admit that she was right. He knew she wouldn’t sit still and let him blame himself, but he knew he held partial fault. She couldn’t convince him otherwise of that. His eyes landed on the pile of bottle shards and his lip curled upwards in disgust. “You know...I meant what I said about quitting. I honestly can’t even fathom drinking it again. It’s brought me nothing but misery...makes me sick to look at…”

 

“What...other instances has it made you feel this badly…?” Sai was slightly taller now that she was standing, but the actor still towered over her. And it was made even worse by the distant look in his eyes. It made him seem impossible to reach, no matter how she jumped upwards to catch him.

 

“The worst was probably when I took care of you for that one day. I wasn’t the one drunk out of my mind, but I probably handled the situation worse than my lowest point of inebri-” Ren cut himself off immediately as he realized his mistake. He’d told Sai he put her right to bed that night.  _ Oh...shit!! _

 

His gaze snapped down to hers only to find her head tilted to the side with interest and wide unblinking eyes trained on his face. “The situation?” She asked, watching his features carefully.  _ Well...he’s already screwed this up. Either he’ll confess to it now, or never bring it up again...so I guess it’s now or never… _

 

“I-I...it’s nothing, Sai...I’m just...a bit… c-”

 

Cutting him off, the redhead abruptly turned away and plopped noisily on the edge of the actor’s bed, a large sigh escaping her lips like her soul was trying to make a run for it. At this point, she was fairly sure the actor wouldn’t be angry with her about this. They were even, after all, he’d been lying for a very long time. 

 

“Sai?” Ren questioned finally, when she still hadn’t said anything. “Are you alright?”

 

As if it was a perfectly acceptable response to his question, Sai patted the bed next to her and sent him an extremely apologetic smile.  _ But...why does she look like  _ **_she’s_ ** _ the one who’s sorry!? I’m the one who just got caught in a lie…! Unless...unless she really remembered more than she let on...and she knew the...whole...time… _

 

“I need to tell you something.” Sai said when he didn’t move and her words simply made him freeze more.  _ Oh god, no...I was right. She does have part of her memory from that night...but...but why does she look so...guilty about that? I still lied, too... _ Slowly, he moved until he was seated next to her, nodding as if to prompt her to continue.

 

“I have a condition.” She started, knowing the words held a connotation she wasn’t going for, but she made no rush to correct the actor’s immediate thoughts. That, certainly, hadn’t been where he’d expected this to be going. Panic first crossed over his face before his mouth set into a hard line and he grew more serious, bringing himself closer next to her.

 

“Okay…” He placed his hands over hers. “You know I’ll still love you no matter what it is, right?”

 

A large, beautiful smile blossomed over her lips and she nodded, “Yes. I do know that. I do have one request to ask of you, though…” A light blush touched her cheeks and she looked down, not really sure how this was going to go. Now was a good a time as ever to bring this particular wrecking ball down.

 

Ren shifted and tried to catch her gaze, growing more confused than worried at this point.  _ Is she...blushing? Doesn’t she know what “I have a condition” means?! Woman, if you’re dying of something, it’s not the proper etiquette to blush about it! _ “Anything, Sai.”

 

“Don’t...be too mad. It’s a good thing! You’ll like what it means, I promise, but you have to know that I never meant to hurt or trick you in any way, it...just...sort of...happened.”

 

“What are you talking about?” He asked, his voice eerily even. He didn’t like where this was going. At least it didn’t sound like she was dying anymore.

 

“Okay, well...see, it’s like this. I’m going to hide behind a lot of big words now. My brain processes chemicals and substances differently than usual. When the chemicals interact with the cells in my body, they don’t do what they normally should. For instance, a chemical acting as an agonist will enter the bloodstream and mimic, say, tyrosine. That would cause the body to release unnecessary dopamine into the blood, hiking up the levels unnaturally. Drugs and foods that do this on a regular basis in your body start to lower the levels of your natural production of dopamine, therefore creating a dependency, or an addition.

 

“My body, on the other hand, doesn’t know how to deal with foreign chemicals and food substances. Therefore, it treats them all as dangerous agents and sends out inhibitors into my brain, thereby blocking the agonist’s ability to bind to a receptor. Once my body has secured and isolated the chemical, it is released from my system without anything of it being absorbed. So…”

 

Ren blinked twice at her and then slowly shook his head, opting to just wait for her to be done rambling. She looked at him and bit into her lip hard, before sighing and averting her gaze again.

 

“To give you an example...alcohol is a drug that heavily affects the brain. It alters the efficiency and amount of neurotransmitters in your brain that function normally. It releases a large amount of GABA neurotransmitters that inhibit your brain’s electrical activity, creating your sluggish movements and slurred speech. Additionally, it acts as an agonist to release dopamine into your system, creating a sort of reward for taking the drink. 

 

“But...because of my brain, the alcohol can’t create neurotransmitters or act as tyrosine due to the natural inhibitors that protect my brain’s higher functioning. It then filters through my system like water and...yeah. So...basically...just as an example...I can’t get drunk.”

 

Pausing for a moment, the actor had to let that sink in. “You...can’t get drunk.” His mind played over and over again every moment he’d seen the redhead that night. Slurred speech, dizzy motions, laughing unnecessarily...all so... **real** . But she wasn’t just your average twenty-something year old. Sai was a full fledged actress. Putting on a drunken routine was as easy as breathing to her.

 

Looking back at her face, he realized it had all been an act. From the second he approached the bar, to the car ride over, to tackling him on the couch, breaking his lamp...kissing him dizzy. She’d done all those things on purpose. Fully aware. He hadn’t been taking advantage of her...she’d been taking advantage of him.

 

But that also meant she’d wanted him for that long, that badly. She’d wanted him badly enough to resort to some ridiculous outlet like that, just to get something,  **anything** . And even if it was wrong - because it was  **so** wrong - it meant…”So...you do remember our first kiss…?”

 

Sai knew what she’d done was wrong, but even now she couldn’t bring herself to hate it. She’d given in to something she’d desperately needed, but she would have never forced herself on the man if she knew he didn’t feel the same way she did, feel the same need that she did. It was wrong of her to take advantage of his kindness, wrong to make him blame himself for what had happened, but she couldn’t feel as though it was wrong to kiss him. She couldn’t bring herself to hate it.

 

“Every second of it, every sensation, every last detail in the room, Ren.” She raised a hand to his cheek and he watched those eyes, those incredible, mesmerizing eyes turn to those deadly whirlpools of lagoon blue, reaching out and sinking their thorny tendrils of blue around him and pulling him deep, deep down. “I want to apologize for doing that to you, putting you through that, but I can’t do it. I can’t apologize because we both wanted it so badly and I know it was wrong, so wrong, to give into that urge then...but I can’t tell you how much the memory of that one kiss made bearing with my cowardice that much more possible. I don’t think I could have kept loving you if I hadn’t done that.”

 

“You idiot...-” He leaned forward and tapped their still-sore foreheads together. “I don’t want your apology. I don’t deserve it, either. I couldn’t tell you what you’d done anyway. I lied to your face as well, even if I wasn’t lying constantly for over an hour.” He smirked at her and enjoyed the sting of another slap to his arm and a pouting expression complete with bright red cheeks. 

 

“Why wouldn’t you want me to apologize…?” Sai mumbled under her breath, sending him a cautious glance. 

 

“Because you’re right. I wanted it too. I could have easily stopped you from doing anything, could have instantly put you to bed, pushed you away. I mean, hell, I should have just left you at your own apartment, Sai, but I couldn’t. I don’t think I was hoping anywhere deep down that you’d make a move, but I was already so enamored with you that I couldn’t just leave you somewhere you could potentially hurt yourself. I put myself in a dangerous situation, being that close to you. I think I might have wanted something to happen-mmmph!?”

 

His words were abruptly cut off by a pair of lips pressed passionately against his own, moving in slow, constant changes of pressure. The muffled yelp of his surprise was quickly silenced between the redhead’s lips and she made shutting him up look extremely easy. Not that it wasn’t to begin with. 

 

He brought his hands up under Sai’s chin, tilting it upward to award him with control of the kiss, then sliding those digits across her face and burying them in her hair. Ren lifted his lips off of hers just long enough to whisper out, “I did want something to happen.” It was hard to admit. But that was why he’d felt so guilty when something did happen. He felt like it was his fault, like he set everything up for her to do that to him, and when she did...he could only blame himself. But now he knew better. They were equally at fault. But he’d still have to get back at her for keeping it a secret so long. He thought he had now found a good way for her to pay him back.

 

After far too short of a time for the actor’s liking, the redhead pulled back and sent him a soft glance, her eyes shining with that perfect sky blue. Raising her elegant finger, she playfully tapped it on his nose and her smile grew. Ren blinked once at that, but before he could say or do anything in response, she flopped down onto the bed and laid there staring at the ceiling.

 

A slow blush started to spread over the actor’s cheeks as he watched her lay so comfortably and easily on his mattress like that. Like it was meant to be. He supposed it was actually okay to watch her now...it felt strange.

 

In the sudden silence after his small confession, he reviewed what Sai had said and tried to formulate how best to feel. Judging by the words alone...he felt like he should have been angrier. This was similar to when Sai had revealed her identity as Madam Naga to him. He could still feel the slow burn in his chest cavity when he remembered how that confession had made him feel.

 

For whatever reason, though...he didn’t feel that flare up of heat this time. If anything...his body felt cooler. More relaxed. It took a while to pinpoint it, but he discovered what it was. It was a mix of relief and gratitude. He couldn’t have imagined she would actually have her memories of the first time they’d been...together. The very idea that not only did she actually remember, but she’d done it on  **purpose** hadn’t even occurred to him. Knowing that...it calmed many of his nerves about their shaky relationship, proving he hadn’t been the only one harboring feelings this whole time.

 

Ren glanced back down at the redhead who hadn’t moved a muscle and the silence started to grow a bit eerie. He started fidgeting his hands together and finally managed to open his mouth again, “Sai…?” He’d wondered about her emotional state all morning and was starting to feel like a bit of a broken record. “Are you okay?”

 

“We should probably head out soon,” Sai responded. She hadn’t answered his question this time.  _ Why...isn’t she opening up to me?  _ Ren asked himself, seeing her guarded expression and defensive body language as she rose up to sit on the edge of the bed again. He redirected his gaze to his lap, not wanting to see that mask that she so easily slotted back into place and a sigh passed unhindered through his lips.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by a short snort of laughter and a sudden slap to his back that sent unexpected arcs of electricity over his skin. “Hey, don’t make that face. Everything will be okay.” Her voice was confident this time, easy going and soft and he could clearly hear that her lips were curled up. But she still hadn’t answered his question. 

 

“What do we do when we get to the agency?” He chose to change the subject, not ready to push the envelope with her quite yet. Something about her still seemed so fragile, especially after her attack that morning. 

 

Those intense eyes turned back to him and her eyelids fluttered over him twice as thoughts raged visibly through her mind. “How should I know? You’ve been doing this almost four times as long as I have, shouldn’t you be the expert?” 

 

Ren barked a laugh at the simplicity of her statement and found himself shaking his head defensively, “I’ve never taken a leave of absence before, how am I supposed to know how this works?”

 

A genuine smile stretched across Sai’s features and she shrugged. “I guess we’ll go straight up to Lory, then. He’ll know what to do. Plus, he can call Yashiro in and we’ll all figure it out together.”

 

Rising off of the bed, the actor nodded in agreement and joined Sai by doorway. She gave him a slight grin to comfort him and then slipped outside and headed toward the main apartment door, slipping her feet into her shoes. Ren followed, snatching up his wallet and keys and heading out. He started walking toward the elevator bay before Sai caught his arm.

 

“What’s up?” He asked, sending her a curious glance before noticing she wasn’t carrying anything. “Forget your luggage?”

 

“Ah, actually...it’s downstairs.” She’d remembered that earlier, when she’d gone to put it by the door, only to find it nowhere in sight.

 

Ren stared for a moment before the word slipped from his lips, “Why?”

 

“You don’t know?” Sai asked, already having a faint idea this was the case. “The elevators are broken?”

 

Belatedly, Ren recalled what Yashiro had said about the elevators, as well as how exhausted Sai had seemed when she’d first opened his door. A small blush touched the tips of his ears but she was already looking away and toward the stairwell, her eyes glistening with something he was sure he didn’t like. 

 

“Race you!” She called out, launching with startling speed down the corridor. It only took the actor a few seconds before he responded, overtaking her with the help of his long legs about halfway down, despite her headstart. She called out behind him in protest, laughter lacing her exclamations as she chased him to the bottom.

 

As he spilled out onto the main floor, sweating and exhausted already, he easily spotted her luggage tucked underneath the stairwell and looked behind him quickly. Before she could protest, the actor snatched up one of her suitcases and her duffel and made a sprint for the parking garage.

 

“Ren! Wait! You don’t have to-ohhh!!” She yelled after him, picking up her remaining suitcase and dragging it behind her as she sprinted after him, listening to his echoing, triumphant laughter. 

 

He easily beat her to his car, stowing her bags in the back and turning to face her, his expression glowing, his face bursting with color, a line of moisture coating his hairline that made him that much more magnificent in that moment. He just looked so alive, so present. He looked perfect in that moment, she wouldn’t change a thing.

 

“You’re such a  **child** !” She admonished with a warm tone of voice, handing off her suitcase so he could put it with her others. 

 

“I’m not the one who suggested a race,” he countered with a vibrant, radiant grin. He hadn’t felt his blood pump or his body feel so light in a very long time. There were still a lot of unknowns in their relationship, a lot of moments he knew would disappoint and anger him. He still was waiting for her to fully accept him, but that was okay. That was all okay. Because she was here, she was trying, he could see her change and transform with every passing day. And she was doing all that for more than just herself now, she was doing it for everyone she loved and admired, including him. He could live with that.

 

“And I’m not the one who took it so seriously,” she laughed, getting into the passenger’s seat.

 

Their bickering continued all the way to Sai’s building, traveling up through her foyer and into her apartment itself. As they entered, Ren took a moment to realize just how dark the room seemed. It was barely the same at all. It lacked...everything that the redhead was to him. 

 

He wasn’t really paying attention to the woman herself, though, as she moved into her kitchen and opened her fridge, exclaiming happily. But not just happily. His eyebrow twitched when he heard what her voice was laced with. Triumph. 

 

His legs carried him quickly across her floor, setting her luggage by her couch as he approached her. Peeking past her petite shoulders, he saw two large brown paper bags sticking out of her otherwise rather empty fridge. Sai pulled them out and set them on the counter, allowing the actor to peek in and see a perfectly good set of groceries, fresh fruits and veggies, and even a few dessert items. 

 

Gaping, Ren looked between the bags, Sai’s giant fridge, and the woman herself. “Wha-bu...but...where did all this come from?” He stuttered out, his mouth slightly open. 

 

A genuine gasp of laughter escaped her lips and she tauntingly waggled her finger at him. “Secrets, secrets, seeecrets, my dear, dear Ren.”

 

He’d known she was going to say that. Scoffing, he took a chance to look around a bit more and something else caught his eye. The herbs she grew in baskets above her island were still bright green, fresh, and healthy looking. They spilled over the sides, practically begging to be clipped and used in her delicious cooking. He turned to her with a hardened stare, his eyes glaring with all his might. 

 

That simply made her laugh more as she dug around in her cabinets and pulled out a lot of the supplies the actor would need to start breakfast. “Am I starting while you go get ready?” He asked, peering over her shoulder at everything she had laid out.

 

“That was the plan, yeah,” she said shyly, blinking at him with those big eyes. He clamped his hand lovingly over her head and rustled her hair. She exclaimed at him, warning it was greasy, but he didn’t think so at all. After making sure he had everything he needed, Sai ascended her spiral staircase and disappeared into the large bathroom off the master suite. 

 

Ren started the cooking process, everything going smoothly so far. He was fairly used to her kitchen from spending two months in it, but that had been a while ago. He’d sort of forgotten where all her spices were. Looking all over, he was starting to get rather frustrated with his inability to find them. Finally fed up with it, he shut off the burner on what he was cooking and stared at the iron staircase, swallowing heavily.

 

Hesitantly, he reached the top and peered into her room. He’d been in there before. It wasn’t like this was his first time. Hell, she’d spent hours in his bedroom, so why was hers any different? Swallowing his discomfort a second time, he actually looked around and realized the room seemed rather empty, much like the rest of the house, lacking everything she had in her suitcases downstairs. He’d have to help her fix this. It wasn’t like her apartment to seem so empty. It was always so full of life and bright, just like Sai.

 

He approached the door opposite her bed and took in a deep breath, raising his knuckles and knocking loudly on the door, the sound overpowering the pounding of the pouring water on the other side. Her muffled voice called out in response, but he couldn’t quite make out what she’d said.

 

“Hey, uh, Sai? I need to know where in your insane kitchen you keep spices?” He yelled out, wincing when all he heard was another muffled noise. He tried again, keeping the message shorter and louder this time, but she still couldn’t quite make them out. 

 

Frustrated with him, Sai just yelled as loudly as she could, “Just come in!” Ren’s eyes shot wide open, but he raised his hand to the doorknob anyway, finding that it shook slightly.

 

Hesitantly, he opened the door and walked inside, his eyes squinted like that would help protect him from what he could possibly be walking into. Unfortunately, it didn’t help much as his eyes flew wide open when they registered exactly what the room he was entering looked like. 

 

Her apartment was nice, by normal standards. It was large, of course, had a nice sized guest bedroom and an already impressive ground floor bathroom, even if he’d noticed the tub was a bit small. He knew she didn’t like taking baths much, though. Her master bedroom was incredible as well, but the overall class of the place was more laidback. It had a subtle opulence to it, very understated and modern. But not this bathroom, nope.

 

For whatever reason, the master bathroom broke the consistency in the rest of the apartment, being giant in size and more luxurious than any room in his own home. Everything shone and glimmered, clearly very well taken care of, and the expensive materials that made up the floor and sink area alone told him this was, by far, the most costly room in the whole building. 

 

“Ren? Are you still there?” A far less muffled voice called out to him, echoing off the walls of the bathroom and sending a shiver down the actor’s spine as he remembered his situation. He shot his gaze into the floor and opened his mouth with some difficulty.

 

“U-uh...yes! I just...need to know where you keep your spices...that’s all…” He screwed his eyes shut tight and tried to keep his voice as even as possible. He could handle this situation. He was an adult. He could be mature. He really could.

 

“Oh!” She called out suddenly, the sound sharp, causing Ren to flinch a bit at the sudden noise which so contrasted with the dull, constant thrumming of the water on the shower floor. “They are in a weird spot,” she admitted, rattling off their location in her island counter. 

 

“Thank you,” he managed stiffly, quickly stepping back outside and shutting the door. Safe on the other side, he leaned against it and breathed in and out as fast as he needed to to regain his grip on himself. His entire face burned and he could feel the heat bubbling under the surface, rubbing it in that he was blushing a terribly bright red.

 

He honestly didn’t know what had him so worked up. He hadn’t even been able to see the shower, much less Sai inside it. And that aside, it wasn’t the first time he’d been in the room while the redhead was showering. Unlike their time spent fooling Sai’s brother, though, they were...together...for real this time. He didn’t think it would feel that different, considering his feelings had been real since the beginning, but he was shocked to find that  **everything** felt different. At least 1000 times more intense.

 

A smile caked itself over his face, pushing up those bright red cheeks, and he pushed away from the door and jogged back downstairs to finish cooking. He liked the feeling. Even if it made his face red and his hands shake, it sent tendrils of excitement coursing through his veins. He felt a bit like a teenager again, but for some reason, that was fun.

 

It wasn’t long before Sai had finished and was back on the first floor with him, her lengthening hair twisted up masterfully into a braid. The compliments slipped from his lips much easier than they used to, her expressions of flustered gratitude simply fueling his attempts to embarrass her with his words.

 

She shut him up with cooking, ordering him to do this and that with scarlet ears while she busied herself making a few more side items for their breakfast. Once it was prepared, though, all the food they’d succeeded in making disappeared in an instant as she shoveled it down and enjoyed not just one, but two cups of coffee each before racing back out the door.


	69. Chapter 69

Spilling out onto the street, the two actors joined hands swung in between each other, their fingers perfectly tangled together, the comfortable weight tugging each other their shoulders close enough to bump together whenever they swung too hard. Each gentle tap made them shy a bit away from each other but refuse to loosen their grip on the other’s hand.

 

Reaching the actor’s car, Sai gave his hand a gentle squeeze before letting it fall away from her own. Her warm, baby blues looked up to meet his much darker, earthier ones and they shared a moment of connection unlike anything the other had ever felt with another person before. They were the earth and the sky, two sides of the horizon meeting in the middle and colliding together in a beautiful split of color and elements. Neither was completely similar, but they shared few similarities as well. They were alike and different, able to set each other free while also keeping each other grounded. And the world wouldn’t work unless they were together, always in tandem.

 

“We can do this.” Sai’s voice chimed to Ren, watching as the confidence bolstered his expression and he nodded securely, drifting around to the driver’s side of the car and getting in, watching the redhead follow his lead in the passenger’s seat. Between their gentle, good natured bickering and one of their favorite radio shows, the ride to LME managed to go by in record time. Not that either was particularly stoked about that.

 

Pulling into his usual space in the parking garage, the actor put his Porsche in park and turned its engine off, but didn’t unlock the doors. He sent his passenger a gentle glance to which she returned with glacier-like eyes and an inquisitive tilt of her head. 

 

Wordlessly, the actor leaned forward. He’d done this before to her. And back then, she’d pulled away, hid her face, refused to look or speak. But he had faith in her now. Had faith in them. They were stronger now, even if the last push had been the hardest yet. He knew that they would face challenges in the future, what with how stubborn and clever they both were, but he almost found a comfort in that. Relationships you couldn’t picture arguments in were dangerous. It meant the risk factor for total destruction was far, far higher when that inevitable argument did happen.

 

No, Ren liked this much better than that. He would always prefer their relationship, even if it was slightly atypical. He was okay with that. She gave him faith and courage even when he had none at all. So in this case, if he was the one offering up the faith and courage...all the better, right?

 

And he knew they were making progress. That was the real difference between couples that never argued and the couples who knew how to argue. Denial versus realism. Denial kept relationships steady and unchanging, but safe and secure, whereas realism brought painful bickering and separation, but also had the opportunity to progress the relationship toward new and beautiful beginnings. It was much better like this.

 

This time, the redhead didn’t shy away. She didn’t shut those eyes of hers and hide them away, didn’t overwhelm herself with shame. This time, the blue in them melted into that warm shade that he could practically swim in and her lips turned up in a gorgeous curve, her teeth showing just slightly. 

 

Sai leaned forward carefully, quickly pressing her lips to her partner’s, the kiss full of emotion but too fast to convey much of it. Even in those few seconds, though, a dusty pink had risen to her cheeks and she did avert her gaze now. But this time it was one of the most adorable things he’d ever laid eyes on.

 

His hand drifted up to her cheek as his thumb stroked her skin there, pulling her slightly closer. He wanted another one. He never wanted to forget how they felt, her lips on his. But before he could do anything, she tapped his cheek softly with her fingers, distracting him from his goals for just a moment.

 

“No more,” she warned, watching his face fall with disappointment, the kicked puppy look automatically taking over, like it was some sort of reflex. “We have to be secret, you moron,” she mumbled affectionately, only barely able to meet his eyes.

 

“Oh, not to worry,” he insisted, edging closer. “I can be sneaky,” he promised with a deep voice, his timbre vibrating like a purr. 

 

Sai swallowed and shot him a warning glance, knowing that giving into connotations like that would be her unraveling. To make her point that she really meant no more, she turned and manually unlocked her door, pushing it open and climbing out gracefully. Ren smiled at her retreating form and opened his own door, following his redhead into the building.

 

They rounded into the main lobby and the raven haired receptionist looked up with a bored expression. “Welcome to LME, how may I-” Shizuko then froze when her brain proceeded the pair she was looking at and she shot to her feet, her mouth opening and closing uselessly for a moment. “Saiyuka! You- you’re!!”

 

“Back,” the redhead finished for her, an apologetic smile gracing her lips as her eyebrows pulled down guiltily. “I’m so sorry, Shizuko, I should have never left like that, I know-”

 

Sai was cut off when her ravenette friend sprinted around the desk and threw her arms around her. “I’m so glad you’re okay…” She whispered with a shaking voice. “We’ve all been so worried, especially the President.” She pulled away, her eyes glistening. “I know we’re not the closest of friends, Sai, but I just want you to know that I will always be here if you need a sounding board. I never want you to deal with everything alone- you’re not alone, you know...and I’m rambling, I’m sorry…”

 

This time, Sai laughed. She put her arms on her friend’s shoulders comfortingly and gently shushed her. “No need to rush, Shizuko. We’ll sit down and have a real talk after this, just you and me. It’s a promise. I’m not going anywhere.” 

 

LME’s receptionist blubbered slightly and then threw her arms around the actress one more time, thanking her softly. Sai shushed her softly and they parted, Shizuki returned to her desk and pushing her hair away from the face, trying to regain her composure. “I assume you’re coming to talk to Lory?” She guessed, her voice mostly back to normal. She sent a glance to Ren, who offered a genuine smile which she returned with a headnod and a shy grin.

 

“We are,” Sai confirmed, hedging on her next statement. “But don’t tell him we’re coming up.”

 

“You mean, he doesn’t know?” The raven haired girl asked with wide eyes. “Does he even know you’re in the country again? That you’re safe?” Sai sent her a guilty expression and pressed her lips together into a thin line. “ **Sai** …” Shizuko warned with a hint of shock in her voice. 

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay…” She tried to assure, “I’d rather just see him, in the first place. I don’t want to simply call. I know he’d rather know sooner than later, but I can’t help but prefer it this way.”

 

“As...long as you’re sure…” Shizuko relented, allowing them to walk past her toward the elevator bay after she wished them luck. Watching their backs, she didn’t miss how the actor reached out and took the redhead’s hand. Even though she wasn’t particularly happy about Sai’s plan to just surprise the President, she couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her finally together with that man. It was about damn time.

 

Rising up in the elevator, Sai squeezed Ren’s hand one last time before letting it drop. He looked at her assuredly and nodded, pushing her forward once the doors opened. Choosing to walk slightly behind her as she approached the doors, he left Sai to enter Lory’s office on her own time. She had to be ready herself.

 

Reaching out, she did grasp the cold metal handles and pull with all of her strength, despite the large amount of it that had already faded so early in the day. The sound alerted the man inside who turned, expecting to see his assistant there to bring the information he’d requested. It seemed too early, though…

 

What he certainly didn’t expect to lay eyes on in that moment was his goddaughter, a tear already present on her cheek, stepping into the room almost as if she expected alarms to go off at her mere presence. Lory was immediately on his feet, almost sprinting toward the petite redhead who nearly matched his pace once she saw the sole emotion on his face: relief.

 

He swung his arms around her the moment they collided, collapsing into a tearful embrace that quickly dropped to the floor. Having sunk to the ground, Lory pulled Sai as close to him as possible, his arms completely encircling her as he did everything he could to hold her, as if he was afraid she would evaporate from his grasp at any second.

 

His hands clutched at her back and he gathered fabric there to keep from hurting her skin in any way, finally managing to channel enough energy into his chest to speak. “No more of this, no more…” He gasped out through a ragged, tortured sob. His hand rose to stroke her hair and he held even her head tightly. “No more running away, please, Saiyuka, I beg of you…”

 

“I’m here to stay this time,” she swore, her words, though slightly broken and hoarse, were confident and strong. “No more running. I have no reason to run anymore.”

 

Taking away any chance the President had to respond at that moment, Ren stepped forward until he was in Lory’s sights and watched as the older man’s eyes widened. “You’re here too, Ren?” He asked in a small voice, his hopes and fears and dreams all whispering crazily in his ears. He wanted to believe that he’d come with Sai for a reason. He wanted to believe it more than anything.

 

“Of course,” he said easily, moving to Sai’s side and watching as she tore her gaze away from her godfather to look at him. The visible pain quickly melted off of her face and she reached up to him from her crouched position. He gracefully allowed her to slip her fingers through his and he squeezed them again, for support.

 

Lory looked between the two brilliant people before him and watched as his ideas that had turned into hopes turned into reality before his very eyes. Pulling completely away from his goddaughter, he leveled his gaze with hers. “Saiyuka...are the two of you…?”

 

A dark, dusty color brushed its way across the redhead’s cheeks and she looked away from him but nodded with a small, genuine smile managing to surface on her lips. The President quickly rose, startling the actress, and side stepped to Ren, embracing him as well.

 

Completely unprepared for the sudden affection, the actor couldn’t really do much but semi-awkwardly pat Lory’s back. The hug was not completely unwelcome, after all, Lory was like a second father to him. Despite that, the suddenness and the raw emotion of the hug came as a complete surprise. He knew the man was fatherly toward him, but he’d only seen him give hugs like that to Sai and Maria. His real family. 

 

Lory’s grip on the actor tightened and he leaned closer to whisper harshly into the young man’s ear, “You need to take good, no,  **great** , care of my daughter, do you understand me?” He pulled away slightly, allowing Ren to fully take in the man’s expression. He was dead serious.

 

Trying to keep a more lighthearted tone to their interaction, the actor let a deep, amused chuckle go and his own gaze hardened like he’d just been issued a challenge. “You can just try and stop me, Lory.” Pleased with that response, the President grinned wickedly and slapped Ren’s back, earning him a retaliation this time, due to Ren’s rationale that they were far closer now than he was with most employees. 

 

Satisfied with knowing his daughter was currently safe and in good hands, he decided it would be best to deal with their careers now and concern himself with all important details at a later time. With Ren’s permission, he placed a call in to Yashiro and the manager responded swiftly, informing the group of his arrival any minute from then.

 

Delivering on his promise diligently, the light haired manager charged into the room, turning in partial shock to face the three occupants in the room. Before he could collect himself enough to really say or do anything, his charge was already across the room, throwing his arms around him.

 

“I’m so sorry, Yukihito. I’m sorry for failing as not only your charge, but also as your friend. I know I haven’t done everything I should have for you, and you’ve deserved to know far more than I’ve told you for a long, long time. I promise I’ll try harder this time, I won’t let you down again, you have my word.” He pulled back and saw tears in Yashiro’s eyes as he nodded in encouragement and just smiled. He was always so patient. 

 

“You’ve never let me down, Ren,” the manager assured, happiness blooming in his heart that the dark haired man finally seemed to have lifted the dark veil that always seemed to rest over him. He looked brighter, more alive, like he was finally walking in the light instead of hiding himself in the shadows in shame.

 

“Even so,” the actor gestured behind him, pulling the redhead into their conversation. “I think the two of us owe you a very serious talk.” Realizing that Ren meant the duo intended to tell him everything they’d been holding back all this time, Yashiro lit up and couldn’t stop an enormous smile from stretching over his lips. He nodded ecstatically and just thanked the heavens above that everything was okay again.

 

After a few more exchanges of gratitude and apologies, Ren wished his redhead good luck with her own schedule, kissing the crown of her head and heading out of the doors with his manager to mend his schedule and try to salvage what was left of his previous jobs. Sai stayed behind, staring at the door long after it closed.

 

Lory stayed mostly quiet, simply watching his goddaughter as she struggled visibly in front of him. She felt like she should explain herself, even if her life was her own and she didn’t really owe him an explanation, he’d given her so much to heal her broken life and he clearly loved and cared for her. She did owe him an explanation. But the words wouldn’t come yet. Instead...she thought it best to move the conversation elsewhere, just to give herself more time to prepare. 

 

“Lory…” She began, getting his attention and turning to him with slanted brows and a concerned expression. “Have you ever had a time where your brain and heart weren’t synched up?”

 

He froze and blinked at her worriedly, shifting in his seat. He knew where the question came from. She’d finally solved her cognitive dissonance after biding her time so carefully. It would have been easy to just suppress her feelings and distance herself from the actor, it would have protected her from those clashing emotions, but she would have lost something dear to her again. 

 

Instead, she’d suffered through the conflict in her heart, bore the weight of her indecision for months, and eventually allowed that dissonance to solve itself, resulting in a successfully formed relationship that would have been otherwise impossible for her at any point in her life. He figured he owed it to her to show just how closely he related.

 

His expression turned sheepish and he looked away from her a bit, his ears going red. Watching this change, Sai leveled her gaze at him and raised an eyebrow. “What’s that look for?”

 

Scratching the back of his head, Lory leaned over a bit and managed to say, “Well...actually, they’ve been divided for quite some time now.”

 

Narrowing her eyes, the redhead drew closer and bent down to meet his gaze. “Over what?”

 

Looking at her for a few moments, the President tried to say it to her face, but his gaze ended up out the window instead. “A person.”

 

Sai’s suspicion instantly turned to glee as she clapped her hands together and bounced on the balls of her feet. “Who? Who is it?”

 

“You don’t need to know!” Lory insisted, completely red at this point. 

 

“Oh, yes, I do!” Sai leaned closer. “You’ve been meddling with my love life for long enough, Lory Takarada, so now you OWE me this!”

 

“I don’t owe you anything,” he retorted, crossing his arms over his chest like a stubborn child. “I’ll have you know that I honestly wasn’t able to follow your relationship with Ren very well, you were surprisingly sneaky…” He narrowed his eyes, still upset he’d missed so much of their development. 

 

“Not my fault you just weren’t clever enough to keep track of me, Lory.” She teased triumphantly, secretly pleased that her progression with the actor had been shared by them alone for the longest time. “That’s no excuse to keep something from me. I’ll find out who even if you don’t tell me.”

 

Now sporting a full blown blush, the President cast his gaze downward and mumbled out, “-en…”

 

“What was that? You have to speak up,” the redhead chastised, getting right in her godfather’s face.

 

“Ten.” He said with confidence from an unknown source, looking up at Sai with a fire in his eyes that almost matched the one in his cheeks. “It’s Ten. Jelly Woods. She’s the one that’s divided me for years now. Are you happy, you little twerp?”

 

“I take after the best, you know,” Sai said with a huge smile and twinkling eyes. Sai had always known the small beautician had always had a crush on her godfather. She was feisty in her own way, always animated and alive. When Sai used to live at the mansion, Jelly would often be over for dinner and she changed the whole house whenever she was inside it.

 

She carried this light with her, almost like a torch, but softer than that. Kinder. Like a fairy light, a soft, white fire that could almost dance on her magical fingertips. Just by being in the room, Ten could add so much life and light into not only her old home, but also her godfather. Lory was always more alive, much brighter, more content, among many other things when the beauty witch was near.

 

Sai’s eyes softened until Lory was staring at a canvas filled with a perfect painting of the sky at midday, the sun seeming to shine down on him like it was really there. “Did you ever make a decision, Lory?” She asked with an animated tilt of her head. 

 

Again, the President avoided her eyes, but he knew he wasn’t going to just get out of this at this point. “Yes…” He hissed out, raising a hand to cover his still reddening face. “I...asked her to dinner. A real dinner. Next week.”

 

“Lory!” Sai squealed, gently slapping his arm in joy and almost giggle. Lory balked slightly. He wasn’t used to her being so overtly emotional, much less this...girly. What the hell had Ren been up to with her?

 

As much as he wondered about the pair of them, his own embarrassment was quickly morphing into mortification in the beaming presence of his goddaughter. A nervous laugh escaped his lips and he scratched the base of his neck again, searching for any opening to switch the topic before she pried more. He knew she would. She was right when she said she took after the best, and she certainly didn’t mean the two goody-two-shoes she’d had for parents.

 

“What prompted it?” Sai asked, just as expected. Lory recoiled a bit in his seat and was about to make an excuse, but her expression caught him off guard. Again. It was so...open. Genuine. Sincere. She really just wanted to know. There was no hint of ulterior motive or scheming in her expression. Just a humble, gentle curiosity. A daughter’s interest.

 

“She...left for a job. For a few months. Overseas. I’m ashamed to admit it, but that’s what it finally took. I...noticed the difference that time. My...whole world is brighter with her in it. It still makes me feel a bit guilty...something I shared with your beloved actor, by the way. But I realized something. I built those high ceilings to show Kiyoko that I could take care of her, could support her. She loved them. Loved how they echoed her voice, how they reflected the light. 

 

“But with her gone...they’re so dark. Empty. Meaningless. When Ten is there...they don’t seem so dark. When Ten is there...I can understand their purpose again. They don’t reflect the light in the room, but the light of the people in it. I know that’s ridiculous...but it’s how I feel. And Kiyoko loved those ceilings, loved how bright they were. So if Jelly makes them bright again, I know it’s what Kiyoko would have wanted. I’m not going to stare into those dark ceilings again.”

 

Sai was instantly out of her seat, throwing her arms around her godfather. She knew better than anyone else how much he missed his wife. She was everything to him, every ounce of life. It was why she always had so much trouble accepting the eccentric way he acted. It was his way of projecting his grief. It was why she refused to buy him those games, those books, even if they were an easy gift. She didn’t want him to run from his guilt any longer. He deserved real happiness just like everyone else. He was finally getting that happiness.

 

“I’m so proud of you, Lory…” She said with a small sniffle which earned her a light chuckle from the man. 

 

“You’re proud? Isn’t it my job to be proud of you?” Lory asked as he pulled away.

 

“Perhaps,” she admitted, a smile still decorating her features. “But I’m entitled to be proud of my father when he overcomes something too, aren’t I? So congratulations, Lory, for healing along side me.”

 

The President coughed, a fist covering his mouth, as he tried to fight off the embarrassment that came when she called him that, as well as his general mortification about the conversation topic. He was sure if he commented further, she would blow the whole thing out of proportion, so instead, he rose his very cold cup of coffee to his lips.

 

“I suppose now you’ll have to address my wedding invitation with a plus one…” She joked, watching with amused satisfaction as he choked on his sip and sent coffee splattering all over his lap, the couch, and the table. 

 

A merry, overjoyed laugh escaped the redhead’s lips before she could clamp it down. Her godfather sent her an almost murderous glare and she shrank back slightly before resuming her laughter, clutching at her stomach. She felt so light, for once. Almost like she was completely calm, in every last corner of her being. It was her first time in a very, very long while since she’d felt so comfortably defenseless.

 

Letting their good mood settle down on its own, the President let his goddaughter relax and calm her laughter until they were sitting in a light silence, both knowing what needed to come next. And Sai was surprisingly okay with it.

 

“What happened, Saiyuka?” Lory finally asked, watching with a bit of cringe as the actress’s easygoing expression faltered slightly as guilt seeped back in and she looked down.

 

“Shota called. Normally, I would have just blown him off, written off his arguments as his rambling and trying to make up for something you just can’t make up for...but this time...I listened. I didn’t want to argue. I didn’t have the strength to. I just wanted to run. And he was my escape, my excuse. 

 

“I had...an argument with Ren. It wasn’t like my ones with Masayuki. His were...always so violent, so unexpected and harsh. He would just...scream. But this one was different. Ren was just quiet. He blamed me, you could tell, but he just told me to forget everything that happened between us. Because of me, this time. I did things, said things, implied things, things I shouldn’t have even hinted at, because I just wasn’t ready. But I wanted to be. And it was my fault.

 

“So...after that I thought...I was a lost cause. Hopeless. That argument proved to me...that I could never be what everyone wanted me to be, expected me to. I could never be what I wanted to be. I’d always fall short, always fail in some aspect. I was too broken, too tarnished. I thought starting over might help...maybe I would change somehow.

 

“But I was wrong.” Sai grit her teeth together, curling up slightly on the couch. Her eyes were screwed shut. She didn’t need to see her godfather’s expression. It was surely some form of pain, pitying her or trying to empathize with her. But she didn’t need that right now. 

 

“I was wrong, Lory, because the minute that plane touched down and I got off...I was already starting to slip. Every day, no, every hour, my condition worsened. It was just like when I lived with you...like every day was harder than the last to even breathe, there was a crushing weight on my every side and every time I so much as breathed, it was like the walls got a little closer. 

 

“And then...all at once, I snapped. I don’t even know how it happened...and that’s the scariest part, Lory. One minute, I was just standing on a bridge, watching the water, and the next...Ana was ripping me off, tackling me to the group. To keep me from jumping off.” She finally did look open, only to be met with a horrified expression of understanding from her godfather.

 

Silently, he rose from his seat and just wrapped his arms around her, rocking her back and forth and just making gentle cooing noises. He’d come closer to really losing her than he even dared to imagine. 

 

“That...was obviously a trigger for me. I needed to get away. I had to come home. And I was on the next possible flight.” Sai winced slightly as she opted to leave out Shota’s interference once again. It wasn’t necessary information at this point. It may come back to haunt her later, but at this point, it hadn’t really delayed her much and she didn’t want him to get hurt. She just wanted her brother to be happy.

 

Clearing her throat, she pulled away from Lory and gave him a smile through sniffles, red eyes, and puffy cheeks. Shivering slightly, she curled into a tighter ball. “And then I was back, I was home. But it didn’t feel like home without Ren. So I went straight to him. I ran as if my life depended on it...and I suppose it did. 

 

“But...you can’t tell him that. I haven’t yet. I know I should...he already thinks he’s the only one who was really broken up about what happened...told me it wasn’t like I tried to kill myself with alcohol while I was away. I almost told him that I didn’t need alcohol to try and kill myself...but I realized that was  **not** the way to handle that. It’s not a joke. It’s not a quip. I almost lost my life that morning...because of a stupid mistake followed by moronic stubbornness. That requires a serious discussion because it’s a serious topic. So, please, let me broach it with him.”

 

Lory narrowed his eyes but nodded all the same. “As long as you do broach it. Does he know that you...almost did it once before?”

 

Sai swallowed uncomfortably but managed a decent enough nod. “He does. He knows everything.”

 

“‘Everything’?” The dark haired man echoed, blinking rapidly. “You told him everything? The night you got back?”

 

“Admittedly, I was a little vague sometimes and I probably left some things out...but that’s to be expected. I spent so long pushing those thoughts as far away as possible, it wouldn’t be surprising if I forgot to mention one or two. And I didn’t tell him much about my childhood. But, hey, if this whole thing works out, I’ve got a lifetime to tell him all that. And I need to make sure I space the interesting stories out, or who knows how boring I’ll be after just a few years,” Sai blinked, trying to keep the tone lighter than she knew it was.

 

“I’m fairly sure you two could never tell a boring story for as long as you live. Especially you. I highly doubt you’ll ever be out of terrifying stories of robbing, thieving, running, hiding...everything you did in your little...gang.” 

 

“It wasn’t a gang, Dadd-Lory,” Sai mumbled with a roll of her eyes and a slight blush at her slip of the tongue.  “And we never robbed. That required guns. We just burgled. And it was mainly from trash.”

 

“Don’t remind me that you lived off of trash for a year, Saiyuka, please…” The President held a hand to his heart and looked aghast at the very idea, looking dramatically at the ground. 

 

She deflated a bit and poked at the carpet with her toes, not noticing her godfather moving in for another hug until his arms were around her. “And Saiyuka...I just want you to know that I understand what you had to do. As much as I hated you being so far from me, and as much as you’re still in the doghouse for not letting me know, I respect that the experience was the last push you needed. And I want you to know...I haven’t ever been prouder of you, my daughter. Keep living your life the way you want to and don’t be afraid to shine like I always knew you could.”

 

Blushing now to the roots of her hair, the redhead pushed Lory away slightly and looked up with big does eyes. “I’m proud of myself, too, Lory. I know it wasn’t an easy decision to come to and it took a lot of hard work and patience to get to here...but I can’t help but feel partially guilty. Ashamed. Disappointed. I don’t know what will happen now. I abandoned my post here, abandoned by jobs, my directors, and I abandoned my family and closest friends. All for my selfish reasons.”

 

“Well...as for your friends and family...you know we’re all just overjoyed that you’re home, safe and sound. Of course, you’ll have to be prepared for us all to be a little angry with you for a while, but we’ll all forgive you, of course. We love you. So it’s a no brainer. As for your casts and directors, they’ll all understand. You’ll have to work extra hard to make up for it, but you’re so valuable to any shoot and they all love you so dearly for your hard work and effort, I have no doubts they’ll believe you’re worth a second chance. 

 

“And as for you post...Yashiro took care of that for you. He worked overtime to declare an official leave of absence for both Ren  **and** you. You should be alright to return to work with that.”

 

Sai let loose a dry, humorless chuckle and shook her head, “That man is a monster of a manager,” she scoffed, amazed at his skill set and talents. Nodding in all seriousness, Lory vehemently agreed. The man was scary when he was serious. “I’ll have to thank him fairly fiercely the next time we meet.” She decided.

 

“That does seem like the best way to repay him. I’m sure he’d appreciate a little backstory and information as well. You can trust him, Sai. He’s a wonderful man.” Lory agreed with her, watching as she stood. She needed to get going. Her schedule wasn’t going to repair itself, but that didn’t make him want her to go just yet. He’d been a bit lost without having her to dote on all the time.

 

“Don’t I know it…” She laughed again, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you tonight, perhaps? I have to go build my schedule from scratch again,” she whined, but it came out all wrong since there was a giant smile plastered on her face. She’d always liked puzzles. And starting them was the best part.

 

She walked down the hallway, ghosting through faceless people who didn’t bother to give her a second glance. A small smile formed on her face as she slipped wordlessly into the Love Me hall and traveled down its familiar length to the dressing rooms. She, of course, derived great pleasure and satisfaction from the affection and appreciation of her cast and crew members, as well as her directors and employers. Their praise meant a lot to her and the very idea that she represented something special to them was earth-shattering to her.

 

But it made her slightly uncomfortable at the same time. She’d spent so much of her life locked away, just selfishly trying to make it to the next day, to wake up again, to go through another day without drawing too much attention...all of this was still foreign to her, even after over two years. The smiles and animated greetings still took her by surprise. The hugs, though not unwelcome, made her go stiff on reflex. The tearful partings and gratitude made her usual spark dim slightly in her confusion. She just wasn’t used to it yet.

 

So times where she could go through the hallways and various floors of LME still unrecognized, to brush past stars and models and managers alike who looked right through her, it felt a bit more familiar. More at home. She knew she’d grow out of it. She already was. But it still felt good to enjoy her own company sometimes. Just her own company.

 

Now safely tucked away in her personal dressing room, she set up at one of the long desks in front of the mirrors, laying out her appointment books, schedule logs, and pens of so many colors it was easy to lose track of them all. But Sai knew exactly how many were there, all organized by color, shape, purpose, and ink type. She smiled in pleasure at how neat and orderly they looked and then straightened her back, allowing it to crack in two places while flipping open her phone.

 

Before she could bring herself to think about work, though, she placed a call to her eldest brother. Hikaru did his best to assure her that both him and Ana were perfectly fine back in America and the situation was being handled, but Sai could hear in his voice how exhausted he was. She also noticed he’d made a point not to directly tell her what exactly the plan with Shota was, just that he was trying to get him help. Of course, the fact he needed it at all didn’t sit right with his siblings who honestly just wished they could lead normal lives.

 

Neither were particularly game for working themselves up any more at this point, so Sai let Hikaru go with the promise of calling at a more convenient time the next day. She then sat for a moment to collect herself before beginning to dial her various directors and employers from before, reconstructing her schedule piece by piece. Obviously, she expected the ordeal to go over quite roughly. Sure, Yashiro had organized an official leave of absence for her, but she’d still abandoned her jobs for two weeks. Her directors had every right to be angry.

 

Only...none of them were. In fact, they all seemed overwhelmingly worried about her rather than upset. The longer she listened to them continually tell her she always had someone to talk to, always had someone to confide in, and she’d never truly be alone, the harder and harder it was keep from crying. It wasn’t until she’d finalized Mizuki’s schedule and one of her costars actually took the phone away from her director to say her own few words of support that Sai finally broke down and started crying.

 

It took a while, but she finally managed to assure everyone on the other side of the phone that she wasn’t upset, but rather happy for their support. She finished the call once she’d calmed down and took a deep breath. Her schedule was back in action. And she didn’t even have to wait until the next day, as her first job was that very night. 

 

It wasn’t for a few more hours, though, so she figured this was a good a time as any for a scavenger hunt. Rising out of her seat, she all but sprinted down her hallway with a childish smile plastered over her features. She needed to find her best friend and makeup artist as soon as possible. She’d really missed Rio. 

 

After inquiring at the front desk as to her whereabouts, the redhead then embarked on a rather endless goose chase from floor to floor, office to office in the building until heading back down to the main level to where she started. The Love Me offices. Of course. At least she’d gotten some exercise, it had helped burn off some of the tension she’d built after all those phone calls. Had she approached Rio in that state, she probably would have become a blithering, blubbering mess. Not that it was a sure thing she wouldn't, even at this point.

 

She tore down that familiar hallway again that day, ripping open the dressing room door to come face to face with her brunette friend. Rio’s eyes snapped to the door, startled by the noise and curious who would venture all the way down at midday like this. Her jaw dropped completely open when she registered who was on the other side. Sai. Sai was home.

 

Both moved at the same moment, Sai launching herself from the doorway and Rio scrambling to the other side of the couch, colliding somewhere between them and throwing their arms around each other. They also both started speaking at the same time, Sai catching phrases like, “Can’t believe it,” and “I missed you so much,” amongst more choice phrases. “I’ll kill you if you do that again,” “you’re an idiot to think like that,” “you better have a good explanation for me.” She was sure she hadn’t heard them all, because her own voice spilled over the top of Rio’s with apologies, rushed explanations, and general expressions of gratitude for her best friend.

 

When they pulled apart, both were surprised to notice tears on the other’s faces, which prompted yet another hug, but this one took place in silence. “Are you okay, Saiyuka?” Rio finally managed to ask, still clinging to the redhead.

 

“I am now, yes. I promise.” She replied with gusto, her confidence in her state at an all-time-high.

 

“That doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be okay the next time, or the next time after that. Sai, I don’t know what I’d do if you ran again. You can’t do it, you hear me?”

 

“I do, Rio. And I know that you have no reason to believe this, but I can easily say I won’t be running again. I’ve run three times in my life, which doesn’t seem like many but is actually a lot. Each of those times were rooted in different situations with different circumstances, but the core reason between the three of them is identical. I no longer have to worry about that reason. I’m grounded now. I’m staying.”

 

Rio hugged her tighter and Sai was sure she could hear a vague whisper of, “Thank god…” but she wasn’t sure. Pulling apart for real this time, the pair drifted to the couch so Sai could launch into her speech again that day. She tried not to skimp on any details just because she’d told it once already that morning, but she couldn’t be certain she had gotten it all. Well, she’d again left out Shota. She’d deal with him later.

 

“So...you’re sure you’re okay?” Rio asked for the gazillionth time since the actress had described the scene on the bridge. It had really scared her. 

 

“Yes, Rio, now please. This is getting ridiculous. I’m perfectly fine.” She beamed at her friend her sighed in relief and looked down at her hands. “And...about that whole incident…” Rio looked up, curious if there was more the redhead hadn’t mentioned. “Don’t talk about it with Ren yet. I need to tell him myself.”

 

“He doesn’t know?!” The brunette stiffened and stared with wide, unblinking eyes. She really felt for the actor. He’d sure picked a handful. 

 

“No! And I know it’s bad, Rio-”

 

“Bad? Sai, you could have  **died** and you haven’t told him? Why?!”

 

“Because out of everyone who I tell that story to, he’ll be the most affected. Anyone else, no matter how close we are, even if we’re just acquainted, would produce a similar reaction. Some mix of worry, pity, apprehension, and future concern. You did it, Lory did it, almost anyone will react that way. But Ren won’t. He shares a lot of my emotions, a lot of my struggles, so for him, it’s a lot more real. I can’t just casually pass it off as something of the past like I can with most people, I just can’t.”

 

“So...you just have to be…”

 

“Gentle, yes. I have to bring it up at an appropriate time, when he’s prepared and when we can take some time to just... **be** . We have to be somewhere no one can judge or make assumptions, it has to be a moment where we can both be unafraid to be completely ourselves. Just me and him. So we can adjust accordingly. It probably doesn’t make much sense, but that’s what I have to do.”

 

“I...don’t totally get it, to be completely honest. I understand he’ll react differently, but I can’t understand why you’d put it off. But I trust you to know him, and I trust you to know what’s best. So if this is what’s best, you have my support for it. And for the two of you. I’ve been waiting for you to just take the plunge already, you deserve each other, you work so well alongside one another. I wish it hadn’t taken something as drastic as this, but it may have been necessary.”

 

“It’s possible,” Sai agreed, a small smile overtaking her features. “But I don’t like to dwell on that part. I’m home now, to stay, and I have such wonderful people around me.” Leaning toward Rio, Sai let their shoulders bump as a way of including her in that category. “And now, with Ren...I’m just so sure that I’m grounded enough to never be uprooted. I have a real and true home, not just an empty apartment with a brand new key, but a family in the people I’ve met, a niche in the society I live in, and a place to belong in the vastness of this world. That’s my home.”

 

Rio threw an arm around the redhead and held her like that, “And it’ll always be your home, we’ll always be your home. Never forget that.”

 

“I promise, Rio, I won’t.”


	70. Chapter 70

It was incredible how fast time whipped by when you allowed yourself to get lost in any given moment. Leaves grew deeper greens and then turned brittle and took on warmer, softer hues of yellows, oranges, and reds. They fell back to the earth and the air grew crisper and colder, welcoming darker, cloudier skies and chillier nights. 

 

Spring turned to summer and summer to fall as life resumed naturally for the two actors who’d struggled so long for someone to understand and accept them. As difficult as it was to press play on their lives again, it was easy once they’d started. Most of Ren’s jobs were eager to accept him back and those who didn’t quickly found that his time wasn’t free for very long. Even without those jobs, the actor was tremendously busy.

 

As was his now girlfriend, Saiyuka, who happily continued nearly every job she’d been working earlier and even found a way to incorporate a new drama and a lead role in her first feature length film. 

 

That didn’t keep them separated for long, though. They spent nearly every moment of their free time together, either alone or with Yashiro and Rio who were now much closer to the two of them - on the inner circle, as the manager would often phrase it.

 

That wasn’t to say that the pair of actors didn’t have their fair share of secrets still. Oh no, it was quite the opposite. Though they were more open about their lives and eager to express their emotions like never before, it was always hardest to bring up their relationship. It was still developing and some days it felt like the sturdiest thing in the universe just long enough to be convincing until it all fell apart and resumed its tendency to appear like a crumbling ledge.

 

Living that way, Sai and Ren had grown accustomed to rotating between giving each other space and being attached at the hip until the redhead finally noticed the difference between the two solutions. One always -  **always** \- resolved much faster than the other. So she made a decision. A big one. 

 

Words didn’t always work between them, they were so used to weaving them into convincing stories that sometimes their sincerity was lost or wasn’t present in the first place. Sai had long since accepted that and had moved on. So what if words didn’t work? She still had action. 

 

And that was how they ended up downtown at one of their shared favorite restaurants, tucked into the balcony corner. That was how Sai ended up placing a small box on the center of the table, wrapped in a deep red paper with a black and gray bow. That was how Ren ended up unwrapping that box to reveal a perfectly silver key paired with a brand new keycard. That was how Sai asked Ren to move in with her.

 

That particular date was one they decided to mention to their friends and family, but came to regret telling Lory as he went, as usual, overboard with everything. The movers, the vans, the party afterward, the gifts, and the “advice” where he scared Ren silly about what would happen should he hurt his precious daughter. 

 

But that was family. Sitting together in the actor’s fully furnished living room, the mish-moshed family that Sai had put together over her three years as an actress talked and laughed over the low rumbling of the television. Toward the end of the night, Sai even led them in a few songs as she plucked her way through relearning the acoustic guitar. 

 

As difficult as it had been getting to that point, Sai had no doubts that every hardship was worth it. Every moment in her life she had the possibility of regretting, she wouldn’t no matter how much she may have wanted to. Because it had led to what she had now, which was more valuable than the world itself.

 

That wasn’t to say that her life wasn’t without fault, but that didn’t necessarily matter. She and Ren still argued consistently even after moving in together but there was a difference in their arguing. It almost always ended in either getting what they originally wanted and a sense of closure or gratitude for the other. 

 

Their arguments were never petty, never blaming. They were both just so sick and tired of their partner refusing to open up, which led to more screaming than predicted. But that’s just what happened when you combined two people with tempers and stubborn attitudes. But you also got something when you combined their compassion and affection for their significant other. And the kind of love you achieve from a combination like that transcends any negativity from an argument. Any day.

 

Laying on Ren’s lap on one of those said “any day”s, Sai was looking up at him and playing with his hair while he tried to read one of his scripts. He would tell her to stop, even though he didn’t want her to, and she would stifle a laugh and comply, even though she knew he wanted her to continue and she’d wait just long enough for his eyes to meet hers pleadingly before she break out in a big smile and keep going. 

 

One evening, Ren laid down that script and focused his attention on his girlfriend who was staring up at him like he was the only thing in her world. His heart tripped over itself like it always did, his stomach doing that little tap dance as he cleared his throat from all the nerves collected there. 

 

Reaching down, he poked the bridge of her glasses, just getting used to seeing her wear them at home. Her home. His home. Their home. A bubble of inquiry rose the longer he looked at him and he didn’t even bother to pay attention to his question before he asked it. That was often how things went between them now. Much more naturally.

 

“How did you lose your vision in that eye, Saiyuka?” He asked, recalling her dodge the last time he’d asked.

 

The redhead blinked, those near white eyes widening slightly as she considered his question. “I’ve really never told you? Really?”

 

Huffing softly, the dark haired man flicked her forehead. “You owe me dozens of stories, dollface, trust me,” he claimed, trying to count all the times she’d cleverly maneuvered the conversation away from his questioning. That’s what he hated most. But he’d always get his answer in the end. That’s what mattered the most.

 

Laughing at his obvious frustration, Sai gently sat up and yawned. She turned to face him and chuckled at his still ruffled and peeved mannerisms. “I suppose I better get crackin’ then, eh? Wouldn’t want to instigate ol’ Sparky, now would we?”

 

“Don’t test me, Raggedy Ann.” He pulled gently on a lock of her hair, just hard enough to make a point, and all it earned him was a snort of undignified laughter. 

 

“Alright, alright already. So sensitive,” she chastised, that twinkle still in her eye. “Well, it was a long time ago. I was still in England, living at our manor house back then. We...had a large garden, you see, my mother really liked to...she liked…” The redhead trailed off, losing that sheen of confidence she seemed to wear like a second skin almost instantly.

 

Ren narrowed his eyes and his brows dipped down, “Sai? What’s wrong?” He knew what was wrong. Stories about her own life were hard enough to get out of her, but anything even remotely related to her family shut her down faster than the flap of a butterfly’s wing. Locks always protected those kinds of stories and Ren hadn’t the faintest clue where they keys to them could be. He’d tried just about everything.

 

“Look…” Her voice was lower this time, gentler. This was how she sounded when she abandoned much of her good mood. He knew she was genuinely upset when she used that tone of voice, couldn’t act it out for the life of her. Hearing her speak at all at this point was surprising, but to hear this voice out of her was downright shocking. He struggled with even one word responses to his terrible jokes once she’d shut down.

 

“I know...that I’m no good at this.” Sai fidgeted with one of her afghan blankets and pointedly looked at the corner of the coffee table. “When my family, my parents, come up in conversation, I know how I get. I know it’s a root cause for a lot of our arguments and that’s  **my** fault. So I’m not going to accept any more of your apologies, excuses, or other bullshit when it comes to my clamming up. I owe you these stories.”

 

“So...why are you still so concerned? Have I done something to make you worried? Do you not trust me?” 

 

“No! No, it’s not like that! I know it’s cliche, but it really is  **me** that’s the problem. I have the block on information, but it’s automatic. I don’t flip it on like a switch when you ask me questions, it’s more like the question itself sets off a pressure plate and the next thing I know, I can’t get words out of my throat. It’s infuriating, really.”

 

“Can I...do anything?” Ren ventured, seeing Sai struggle so outwardly in front of him still made him wary. 

 

“Not you…” She eventually said, not failing to miss the subdued flinch the actor made when she spoke. Turning to him, she met his eyes and laced her fingers through his. “Not you, Ren. Us. We can do something about it, together. I want to take you to meet my parents.”

 

The actor froze for a moment, trying to process Sai’s request through the brief flare up of euphoria at hearing the actress speak of them in such a way. It was much more gratifying than he’d imagined. He couldn’t help but be worried at such a suggestion and it showed on his face. Still, he tried to act casual in his hunt to understand, “And...how exactly...would we do that?”

 

“Would you like to visit home with me?” She asked, tightening her grip on his hand. “See the manor where I grew up?” Pausing for another moment, Sai’s voice was much softer, quieter, for this bit, “Would you like to visit their graves?”

 

Closure. Suddenly, her request made sense to the shocked actor. Ren realized what she was seeking through his train of thought was closure. She needed that extra push to let go of her restraints surrounding her family’s history. And she wanted him to come, wanted him there next to her while she wrestled with her past and fought for a better future. And more than anything, he wanted to be by her side.

 

Together, with a little help from Yashiro, the actors found a long weekend they could get off for in almost a month, which prompted a trip to England neither would forget for the rest of their lives. They bought the tickets fairly early, but started to pack and make real plans only a week in advance. 

 

Sitting in their shared living room, they each cradled a cup of coffee and spent many dark hours together making tourist plans and packing lists, Sai settled comfortably at the actor’s feet leaning over the coffee table. Ren played with her hair and made various suggestions, wrapping his legs around her waist and holding her from behind to peer over her shoulder.

 

Sai had quickly discovered that this man was not afraid to be clingy behind closed doors. He liked being in close proximity to her which had been startling at first, but was now a major source of comfort. The man gave  **premium** hugs. That, and he respected her space when she’d ask him to. He wasn’t overbearing as much as he was just a cuddler. Oh, the ammo that gave her for their dynamic. 

 

Without warning, their day of departure was upon them and it was off to the airport and truly ungodly hours of the morning. As previously mentioned...neither was much of a morning person. But any excuse for coffee was a wonderful excuse indeed. 

 

The ride to the airport itself was near silent, both occupants of the Porsche far too tired to make any attempt at conversation and too fussy to deal with the radio. So they opted for just opening the windows instead and enjoying the whistling of the wind through the windows and the refreshing scent of fresh air. 

 

As expected at three in the morning, the airport was rather bleak in terms of patrons, leaving the normally hustling, bustling building looking huge, empty, and eerily quiet. This is where the two actors decided that quiet whispers and vague, miserable attempts at jokes were better that an almost itchy silence. 

 

After several more cups of coffee each and some casual, hushed conversation, the pair was much more active on the plane, playing word games and watching a movie or two together amidst animated conversation. Long flights just didn’t seem so long when every moment of it was spent doing something you enjoyed with someone you loved, so it seemed.

 

And at was when the plane landed. Now, Ren knew he still had a lot to learn about his girlfriend who seemed to collect secrets like others collected coins or stamps. He was always mining for information and finding endless veins hidden under the surface. But he hadn’t been floored by the shock of any information since her first night back from America. Until their plane landed.

 

Waiting for them in the lobby of the now crowded airport was a full staff of servants in suits and dresses, the tallest of which holding a sign proudly boasting Sai’s given name. He looked down at her in shock when he first saw it, his jaw hanging unceremoniously open. The redhead laughed and gently pushed up mouth closed with one hand, her other covering her huge smile and slowly spreading blush. 

 

He hung back a little as she rushed to meet the staff that had come to pick her up, giving pretty much each one a big hug. Some of the servants shed a tear at seeing her for the first time in a long while, but the actress was all smiles. Real, genuine, beaming smiles. She looked like a ray of pure sunlight. He realized she must have looked like that all the time growing up. She was pure sunlight when she was completely herself, after all.

 

He took his time meeting each one, actually rather embarrassed when all of them seemed to take an immediate liking. He was used to more positive attention nowadays, but it mainly stemmed from his career. None of these people knew him as an actor. They were responding so positively to his real self. To the person he’d discovered through Sai’s help. 

 

Now much more floored than he was before, the actor didn’t think he could get any more startled by that evening, but that was before he stepped outside. And saw the line of limos waiting out front. Not just a limo. A  **line** of limos. He looked again at the redhead only for her eyes to sparkle with mischief as she led him to the nearest one and the entire line began pulling away, all heading down the twisting highways in a perfect line.

 

Sai was quick to realize that Ren really hadn’t stopped staring at her since they’d gotten to the lobby and she turned to him with her arms crossed and a sour expression on her face to hide the dark red hue her cheeks had turned. “I told you, my family was rich. You shouldn’t be this surprised.”

 

Raising his hands up in surrender, Ren made a big show of not saying anything about it. That wasn’t to say that he was short on things to comment on. Mainly on how he was finally aware of what drew Lory to Sai’s family. In short, they were most likely very similar indeed. Opting out of saying any of that, though, Ren simply threw an arm around Sai and drew her close enough to kiss the side of her head, a smile on his lips as he rested there against her.

 

Ren had grown up exposed to a lot of wealth in his lifetime. He hadn’t always indulged in that wealth, especially as a child, but between his father and Lory, he was used to opulence. That didn’t prepare him for the sight of Sai’s family manor, though. It appeared more the size of a college campus, spreading out over thousands of acres of buildings, gardens, greenhouses, fountains, and forests as far as the eye could see. Surrounding the property was even a ridge of mountains that stood clearly even in the light fog.

 

He again looked to Sai who was quite conveniently focused elsewhere despite a light pink dusting her cheeks. Even when they entered the main building, he chose not to bring it up. As mostly expected at this point, the interior was more than extravagant. Floors of the finest marble and tile and dark, rich woods created the building itself, adorned with oil paintings, banners, and other such decorations that Ren would never have associated with a girl as minimalistic and wild as the redhead. What motorcycle rider was in possession of a Monet at the end of the grand hall? Seriously?

 

Seeing the actor still silent even in the face of the manor, Sai nervously cleared her throat and sent him what she hoped was a silent expression of her gratitude. This manor had been in her family a long time, built by her great grandparents who had been extremely wealthy. But unlike her parents, they weren’t as concerned with honorable things to do with their wealth as they were with showing it off. Sai didn’t like to talk about it much.

 

She eventually guided him by his hand to the foyer, that nervousness clawing at her throat again but this time she simply pushed it away. There was nothing to be scared about with the actor, not anymore. And by the end of this trip, she would finally be able to repay him for everything he’d done for her, at least partially. She was sure of it.

 

“So,” she began, a smile washing away the rest of her nervous expression when she looked up at the tall man. “Ready for a tour?”

 

“Depends, will this tour take about four, five days to complete? I’m seeing a lot of ground to cover so far.” Ren looked down fondly at the petite woman as she squinted at him, her mouth set in a hard line but betrayed by her scarlet ears.

 

“Unless you’d like to map every nook, cranny, crevice and tree root of the forest, I’m afraid we’re limited to three buildings and a garden. The rest of the houses on the land are the private property of the staff.” 

 

“Everyone on your staff has a home here?” The actor blinked several times, unaware that a manor house - any manor house, really - treated their employees of the house like that. Typically, if there were lodgings at all, they were confined to one or two buildings to house them all. 

 

“Of course they do; they’re all family.” And they were. Some of those people had helped raise her more than her parents. They had both been so busy with their careers flying them all over the globe on a regular basis that raising so many children was more than just a struggle. The members of the house did everything they could to substitute their absence and many did a fantastic job. 

 

A warm smile found itself working its way across the actor’s features as Sai watched in suppressed awe. She always loved watching all his inhibitions and insecurities drop around her. It was like his radiance doubled, the warmth radiating off of him able to envelop her effortlessly. And now she didn’t have to worry about openly admiring him. If anything, it made him shine even brighter as his confidence skyrocketed.

 

“Come one, you,” she eventually said, taking his much larger hand in hers and leading him through her childhood memories as she recounted the rooms in each of the buildings and some fond memories she’d made in them. Some included her parents, of course, as well as her brothers, but others slowly started to reveal just how close the family was to its staff. They really were all one big family.

 

After completing the full tour of each building, Sai opted to also show him the large garden at the back of the property. Fully prepared, the kitchen staff was gracious enough to have already prepared a lunch for them to take along, much to the redhead’s surprise. It was nice to see her so animated and happy with them, even if he felt a bit on the outside.

 

That wasn’t to say that the staff excluded him even slightly. No, no, not in the slightest. Because nearly all of them had engaged in a conversation, expressed interest, or altogether embarrassed him down to a stuttering mess. It was like facing an army of slightly muted versions of his father. They treated him like he was already a part of the family.

 

Finally sparing him from yet another conversation you would normally only have with a close family member, Sai laughed easily at his stunned expression and took him by the hand. “You act like you’ve never seen a doting parent before, Ren. I would think you would be the resident expert.” She joked, a gleam in her eye.

 

The dark haired man chuckled as he shifted their hands to fit together more comfortably. “I thought I was too, until I met your staff.” Instead of replying, the actress simply sent a curious glance his way. She wasn’t going to let him stop there. “Alright...I guess it’s been awhile since I was used to it. And even then, it was my father who was so animated about me. I’ve never met these people before, but they’re so…”

 

“Compassionate?” The redhead supplied, a warm smile dusting over her features. “I know. I enjoy the attention, for sure, but it does make me a bit uneasy. Even at home, with people I know very well, such rapidfire compliments kinda tends to make me want to back out of the room and hide...but I’ve really come around to it.”

 

“You?” The actor suppressed another snort of laughter. “You’re saying you’ve come around to liking being showered with attention? The girl who couldn’t even manage to show her appearance at first because she was afraid of stares?”

 

Sai slapped his arm then, a little more seriously than usual, and her lip pulled out in a pout. “Hey, don’t push me, mister. I’m a lot different than I was back then. And it’s not necessarily that I even like the compliments, but it’s more like I understand the sentiment behind them now. And that’s really a big deal for me.”

 

“Hey,” Ren stopped them and pulled the redhead’s chin up to they were directly facing one another. “I didn’t mean to joke about this. I know how important all of these three years have been to you. I’m very proud of the woman you’ve become.”

 

“Geez…” Sai said as she pulled away, her face lit up as she purposely jogged ahead in front of him. “Now that was  **too** serious, hot shot. You’ve gotta learn that perfect balance.” Once he’d easily caught up with her, what with his leg span, she looked up and opened her mouth again before he could. 

 

“I can understand your hesitance with these people, Ren, I really can. Even if they’re like family to me, I barely know them. The last time I was here, it was with Lory and I was a mess! I’d dyed my hair, I didn’t speak much, I wouldn’t look anyone in the eye- everything was lost to me. Now here I am and I’m like a completely different person, they know nothing about me, but that’s not what matters.

 

“What matters to them is that I am Asami Nagaki, a member of the family, and no matter what I do or how much I change, you can’t change the fact that we’re all family and we love each other. And love doesn’t see time or change negatively when it’s unconditional familial love. And you’re part of the family now too, Ren, so you’ll have to get used to them acting like proud parents, cheerleaders, and, sometimes, prison guards.” She added the last one with a wink and took his hand again. “Understand?”

 

“Yes, mom,” he teased, earning another slap, much lighter, to the same spot as before. But also a bout of laughter that put him on cloud nine.

 

“Oh,” she groaned, shooting him a dangerous look. “Don’t you even start with me, young man.”

 

“I do apologize.” He began, seeing the suspicion raise in her face. “You must prefer ‘mum’, my bad- ah-!”

 

And with the third slap, the spot did begin to sting, but he couldn’t feel it. Seeing her so happy and laughing so easily again was beyond euphoric. He’d missed her easy-going, content attitude ever since she’d gotten home. It was his hope that it would come back on its own, but he supposed if a trip to her childhood home was what it took, he could deal.

 

“Well…” Sai dropped the actor’s hand and gestured widely outwards. “Here we are!”

 

In his life, Ren hadn’t seen a lot of gardens. He had no real reason to want to see any, but that wasn’t to say he hadn’t seen one before. Between his father, Lory, and Maria’s love of botanical gardens, he’d at least been to his fair share of gardens, but he wouldn’t go around calling himself an expert.

 

That being said, he really had no basis for deciding what was a “good” garden versus a “great” or “average” garden. But that didn’t really matter, because it was obvious to even an untrained eye that this garden wasn’t any of those things. It was the quintessential garden. 

 

Stone pathways spidered out from the center where a large fountain cascaded down crystal clear water. Flowers of all shapes, sizes, colors, and types bloomed beautifully down the winding paths and along the patchy stones. Even in autumn, the colors were beyond beautiful. Some of the tallest trees the actor had ever seen had turned all the shades of fire and painted incredible pictures against the gray sky behind them. 

 

He turned to her with an opened mouth and she simply laughed and walked backward down one of the many paths, seeming to navigate the maze of hedges and tree trunks like an expert. “You likey?” She asked once he’d caught up and they were walking side by side. 

 

“Very much so, it’s all beautiful. I’d love to see it in the summer when everything’s green…”

 

“It’s like a completely different place. All the leaves hang so low and some tangles of vines grow long enough to touch the ground. The whole place becomes a playground...at least, for us it did. We spent a lot of time out here, my brothers and I.”

 

The memories were fond, but it was hard to regard them so. She also had a lot of memories of her mother in this garden. Her mother who she’d never garden with. She also had several memories of getting stuck in the tallest trees after Leon would dare her up there and her father would have to come get the weeping mess that was his daughter down. 

 

It was difficult to walk through, but not entirely so. While it was true that Sai couldn’t change the fact that the garden, the manor itself, brought back painful memories, it also supplied the opportunity to make more. And now she was walking the actor through to her favorite spot in it. And they’d make more memories there. And then this place wouldn’t be so painful anymore.

 

Just as the foliage was getting too dense to really walk through anymore, Ren watched Sai pull back some of the branches to reveal a small clearing. Fallen leaves crunched under his shoes as he ducked to follow the redhead. Once he rose up straight, he realized they weren’t outside any longer. He’d just stepped into a crafted shelter of some sort.

 

“Welcome to our tree house,” Sai said with a wink and what might have been the tail end of a roll of her eyes. “What do you think?”

 

“I think...a house has to actually be up in a tree to be considered a tree house...or have the rules changed?” He enjoyed the look of indignation he got from his girlfriend then, even if it was only a minor victory.

 

“You don’t think I know that?” She asked, setting down the basket and helping the actor spread out the blanket so they could sit on it. “My father wouldn’t let up build it up there. I had a tendency to get stuck in trees, so he wasn’t too keen on me making a house in one.”

 

For whatever reason, picturing a wild, tiny version of the fiery redhead stuck up in a tree stuck something in Ren and he couldn’t bring himself to stop laughing, even when the grown version of her threatened to leave him there, her face a tomato.

 

Now with a sore abdomen and occasional spurts of laughter, the actor settled back just in time for food to be thrust in his face. As they ate, Ren slowly worked on urging the actress into a few stories. At first, they were short and vague, not really allowing the actor to understand much about who she was as a child, or what her parents were like.

 

But slowly, as they worked their way through the meal and Ren carefully placed a few comments about her home and the home he’d made in Japan, Sai started opening up a bit more. The stories got more detailed, more personal. The longer she talked, the more comfortable she got, actually enjoying the details toward the end.

 

“You’re amazing.” She eventually said bluntly, right in the middle of her newest tale. Not suspecting that at all, the actor reeled a bit before he could recover.

 

He ended up spouting something really intelligent, with a lot of “uh”s and stuttered “wha-”s. 

 

“You’re uh-maze-ing.” She repeated, enunciating each syllable. “I’ve tried to talk about my family for years with Lory, or really anyone from my childhood, but I always end up talking my way down a black hole until I’m done for the next two days. I couldn’t even tell a third of most of these, and that was when I was really trying. It’s so effortless with you, and it’s not just that I’m forcing myself. I’m genuinely enjoying this. It feels  **good** to talk about it. What magic do you have access to?”

 

He knew she was mostly joking, but it was hard for the dark haired man to play this off like it was nothing. “That’s just the thing, Saiyuka. You’re not forcing yourself anymore. You aren’t thinking of the expectations, or the repercussions. You’ve stopped focusing on the consequences emotionally and you’re just being yourself with me. It’s not me that’s drawing out the stories, it’s you who’s willingly letting them go. It’s a magic called healing. And it’s powered by time and support. I’m just your support.”

 

“You’re damn good support then, sir,” she said softly, leaning in to gently press her lips to his. When they pulled back, the actor brushed her nose with his and sighed in content. Wordlessly, he moved to sit next to her and interlaced their fingers, cradling her in his hands, and then he just listened to more of her stories in that garden. And then he took a turn.

 

By the time the sun had started to set, each of them had exchanged more moments of their childhoods than either cared to count and the distance Ren had felt between them walking into the garden was completely and utterly demolished when he stepped back into the house. 

 

He didn’t know when it had happened this time, but he knew it had. Mostly because suddenly the attention of the staff wasn’t oppressive anymore. And he was glad to talk and chat with them, all smiles and laughter, one arm draped around the redhead’s shoulders as she stroked with torso with the hand around his waist.

 

Pulling themselves away from the company, they headed up the stairs in the main building toward the actress’s childhood bedroom, which still had glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to the ceiling. The stories continued long into the night as Sai snuggled with one of her bears and they made a larger bed on the floor with all the blankets from the house. 

 

Laying on that together, they stared up at the ceiling dotted with glowing stars and felt their hands join. “So...am I meeting them tomorrow?” Ren asked when the redhead had finally settled down and was resting against his chest. She, of course, knew who he was talking about instantly. That didn’t make it any easier to answer.

 

“Yes. It’s on the other side of the property, so we’ll have to drive, but it’ll be in the morning so...we can do something afterward if it’s all a bit too heavy handed.” She knew it would be hard to face her parent’s graves. But she knew she could do it, so long as the actor was there to be her support, as he promised he always would be.

 

As carefully as he could, Ren pulled Sai closer, wrapping his arms around her and securing her flush against his chest. He nuzzled into the crook of her neck and rested there for a moment, feeling her breathe and her heart beat steadily as she lay in his arms. “I really am proud of you, you know. You brushed it off as being too serious, but I meant it.”

 

The redhead was quiet for a moment, but there was a genuine smile dancing over her lips. “I know you did. I never doubted that for a second.”

 

“As you were right to do,” he assured her softly. “You’re being really strong and it’s truly admirable. When I think of how we both were when we first met, I can honestly say that not a single moment of today would have happened. The changes we both experienced have made us better, stronger people who can treat the world they live in better, but you especially have changed. To see you standing so proudly and happily on top of your own little world...I can only imagine how proud your parents would be if they could see you now. You’re the amazing one.”

 

And Sai honestly didn’t know what to say to that. Words had never really been her thing, exactly. “Damn...you always know what to say.” She stuttered out, her voice cracking slightly as she pressed back against him and stroked little circles into the backs of his hands with her thumbs.

 

“Not true,” he countered, a smile on his face. He enjoyed winning against the redhead, even if the victories were small and insignificant. “I’m bad at expressing myself well, usually especially awful when it comes to you. It’s just...sometimes, you can make my world so perfect that the right words just spill out without me really having to think about them. You’re the only one who’s ever been able to do that to me. It’s so natural with you. Plus...I never turn down a chance to own you in a poetic compliment showdown,” he had to add, feeling her emotions start to get the best of her.

 

She let loose a shaky laugh and he could hear her sniffle even though she’d tried to hide it. “Oh, you’re goin’ down, Sparky. When you least expect it, I’ll be waxing philosophical so melodious, you’ll feel like you just got hit by a bus of pure, poetic justice.”

 

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” he mused, nuzzling against her.

 

“Oh, trust me, baby, you won’t see it coming for miles.” 

 

Periodically through their still developing relationship, the actor would fall asleep almost instantly with her, but Sai would be left awake for a lot longer. She used that time to collect a lot of her thoughts on her life and where it was going, as well as her relationship with Ren. After that afternoon with him, though, she finally realized how wrong it was to do that. 

 

Never in her roller coaster of experiences with the dark haired man did she overthink things. Most of their progress was spontaneous and instant, both regretting it slightly until they realized just what a good thing it was. And if that afternoon had taught her anything, it was that life moves at its own pace and it can’t be forced.

 

She was happiest with Ren and every day moved their relationship along piece by piece, evolving her life and career along with it. So that night, she wasn’t going to think about her choices or her future, she would just let it happen. She could roll with anything, adjust to anything, so long as she had the actor there to support her all the way. And the most dependable thing about the man was his ability to always be there when she needed him most.

 

That night, Sai fell asleep first, finally coming to terms with letting go of her control. She just wanted to enjoy the ride this time, no need to control it. She wasn’t alone anymore, and she could finally prove that to herself the following morning.

 

And then, just as planned, the two rose early and helped doll each other up, Ren wearing one of his nicer suits and Sai in a black dress that would keep the actor’s already overactive imagination running in overdrive in any other circumstance. That day was different, though. He wasn’t there so much as her boyfriend as he was her best friend, although she was quick to remind him that he was both. 

 

Together, they headed toward the family cemetery, surrounded by a high iron wrought fence but filled in every inch of space with flowers. Some were still in bloom, but even the ones that had wilted had an eerie sort of beauty to them. As far as graveyards went, this one was rather beautiful. It was a wonderful final resting place for those who sounded as fantastic and loving as Sai’s family had. 

 

Entering, Ren noticed that the staff hung behind, not entering the gates but giving him an encouraging nod when he looked back. He followed slightly behind the redhead and gave her a moment or two to crouch by a large tombstone bearing two names. He purposely tuned her out to give her a small bit of privacy, but snuck a few glances at her to see her animated hand gestures and wide smile.

 

She looked a bit melancholy and her eyes were a bit watery the whole time, but the smile was genuine and made little crinkles by her eyes. He really liked them. Eventually, she turned back and gestured for him to come closer. 

 

Swallowing, he approached and crouched beside her, allowing her to take his large hand in hers. “And this...is Ren Tsuruga. And I love him. He makes me happy, happier than I’ve been in a long time; he makes me smile and laugh even when I feel like it’s the last thing I want to do, it’s so effortless when it’s him.

 

“He’s incredibly smart and talented, but shares your humbleness, Mum, and I can’t express how wonderful that really is. He’s different than anyone I’ve ever met, not afraid to be himself even if that means he’s a little awkward or even a little crazy sometimes. And I love that. 

 

“And above all, he makes me feel like I mean something to the world because I can see in his eyes that he thinks I’m incredibly smart and talented, but knows I don’t like to call attention to myself so he does the calling all on his own. He thinks I’m different than anyone he’s ever met, not afraid to be myself even if I make myself look like an idiot or act downright insane. But he honest to goodness loves every second of it.

 

“It’s not just him that makes my day even from just the sight of him, it goes both ways and that’s what makes us so special, that’s what makes this all worth it in the end. I mean, you wouldn’t believe it, but since I’ve met Ren Tsuruga, I’ve started to like mornings. I like mornings because that means I’m with him. He’s there the second I open my eyes and it makes everything in my life worth it.”

 

Sai turned to her partner to see his eyes misted over and his lips pressed into a tight line. “That was low, Asami Nagaki.” He hummed under his breath.

 

“I told you that you wouldn’t see it coming,” she whispered back, squeezing his hand. The spent a while longer sitting there, hand in hand, just talking. At first, Ren hadn’t been sure what it was really like to talk to a gravestone. He’d spent up an occasional thought to Rick before, but hadn’t visited his grave. He didn’t really know what he was supposed to do.

 

It turned out, he didn’t really have to do much at all. They both just talked, recited stories and revealed thoughts and ideas and opinions, almost like there was a third person there listening. What surprised him most was how easy it all was. It had taken him so many years to tell any one person about himself, but sitting with that exact person, telling her parents everything came easy. He supposed he really was part of the family.

 

A ways into the morning, Sai got a call from Lory and excused herself to answer it, leaving Ren alone at the gravestone. “I...just want to say that it’s really wonderful to get this chance. I know I’ll never really get to meet either of you, but from what I’ve heard and how wonderfully Sai turned out...I feel like I do know you. I hope you wouldn’t be adverse to my joining your wonderful family, as I truly want to stay by your daughter’s side for as long as I possibly can.

 

“There isn’t another person on this earth I could picture spending my life with, she’s everything to me. And because of that, I want to vow to you that I won’t ever hurt her, I’ll take care of and protect her with my life because there isn’t a thing in the world I wouldn’t give for her. I’m madly in love with your daughter and her happiness is what keeps me going. So, all that said…”

 

Carefully, the actor reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, velvet box, placing it on the earth in front of the gravestone. “Even though this gesture might seem meaningless to some, I still want to ask your blessing on asking for your daughter’s hand in marriage. She’s my whole world.”

 

His long fingers found themselves wrapped around the box again as he lifted it to slip it back into his pocket when a gust of wind blew without warning and startled him. It had been motionless all morning, but now the trees shook gently, waving side to side and filtering the wind through the changing leaves until it sounded just a bit like singing…

 

A warm feeling rushed through the actor’s body and a smile tugged on his lips. He couldn’t be sure, and, of course, he never would be, but if his gut reaction to that wind told him anything, it was that Sai’s parents had indeed been listening that morning, and that was their way of saying yes. But that was something just between them and Ren. 

 

Before he could really process it any further, a gentle crunching sound startled him from behind and he slipped the ring back into his pocket as quickly as he could without posing a threat. That ring was very old, it had been in his family for a long, long time and although it had been repaired several times, it was still a family ring. It would really be an incredible honor to bestow it upon someone as precious and deserving as the redhead. He could sit at that grave for days on end talking about her and would never run out of things to say.

 

Unfortunately, he wouldn’t get the chance to do so. Sai wrapped her arms around him as she crouched behind and rested her chin on his shoulder. “Everything okay?” He asked, knowing her silence this time was more peaceful than worried.

 

“Yeah, it is. Lory was just checking in with when we’d be back. He’s probably planning something huge again, but don’t tell him I know that. He likes to think he still has the wool pulled over my eyes.” He could hear the smile in her voice, but that rid him of his desire to see it himself. There was nothing stopping him from doing so either, so he shifted just enough so he could see her clearly and just took a moment to stare. “What?” She questioned, a warmly inquisitive expression clear as day on her face.

 

“Just admiring, is all.” He said honestly, loving how her ears lit up at that.

 

“Don’t embarrass me in front of my parents, Ren,” she mock whined, making an exaggerated motion to cover her face as if truly mortified. 

 

“I don’t think they’d mind, do you?”

 

“Uh, my father? Yeah, he’d mind,” she chirped, rising to her feet and holding out a hand to help him up. 

 

“He would?” Ren asked, faking shock, “but why? There’s so much to admire…”

 

“Because you’re a man and I was his baby princess. No father of a baby princess is thrilled about the man destined to steal her away, no matter how likable and talented he is.” 

 

He accepted her hand and stood up, dusting himself off. “We’ll see about that,” he said with a wink.

 

They both then paid their respects officially and bowed before the gravestone before making their way back to the manor. Walking through it slowly, something reminded Sai of their original motivation to come all this way.

 

“Hey, so you wanted to know how I hurt my eye, didn’t you?” She asked, attracting her partner’s attention.

 

As much as he’d vehemently denied it, Ren had been waiting for this moment for a long time. It was one thing to share childhood stories on her own, but answering personal questions had always been difficult for the both of them. He had been getting more than fed up about her tendencies to clam up, so the fact that she was approaching this subject all on her own...it showed what they’d chosen to do was actually working. 

 

“I did, actually. You’ve only mentioned that it was a long time ago so far, so I’m afraid I don’t know much,” she knew he was joking, but the smugness in his tone was what made her snort in laughter. He sent her a glare for that and she fluttered her eyelashes before taking his hand and leading him out the back door to the stairwell at the back of the manor leading into a smaller, more Asian style garden. 

 

“Well, we were ‘fencing’, Hikaru and I, and I say fencing the way that I do because it was less of a refined sport of tact and strategy and more of just wailing on each other with sticks. As that implies, it was a rather dangerous pass time but we played it anyway. I was standing here, by the edge of this fountain, defending against his attacks from the higher ground of the staircase. 

 

“To try and match him, I stepped up on the rim of the fountain and I had to make sure my footing was secure so I looked down for a moment. Unfortunately for me, this was when Hikaru chose to strike with his stick I’d already broken earlier because I had actually been winning that one. I don’t know where he was aiming because it was certainly not very accurate. He ended up stabbing my eye with his now very sharp splinter he called a weapon. 

 

“It probably would have been alright if I hadn’t had shaky footing on a slippery rim of a fountain. Needless to say, I ended up falling in. The...uh...that fountain has seen some rough days in its past...and in its more neglected state, it carried a lot more bacteria. So, of course, that leads to not just a hole in the middle of my eye, but also a nasty infection. The hole itself wasn’t so bad and it would have healed fine, it was actually the infection that cost me my sight.”

 

Ren really needed to stop thinking there was nothing left of this girl to surprise him. It was never true. There was always that one more story, that one more insane happenstances of her life that sent him packing in terms of readiness. He stared at her for some time, mouth agape and occasionally opening and closing like he was getting closer to speaking but still not handling it so well. 

 

In response to his, the redhead just laughed and shocked Ren even more with how genuine and entertained she seemed. “Look, I know it sounds pretty bad and most people would think me crazy for saying this, but they just wouldn’t understand the differences in their childhoods and mine it seems. I will admit that it’s sometimes hard being mostly blind in one eye, but it was a good reminder of my family when I felt the most alone. 

 

“Most people would pick a photo or some little thing they got at the dollar store to solidify the memory of their relationship, but what I had with my brothers was different. When it comes down to it, we all were feeling the same pain. For me, my dad wasn’t there to raise me, my mum wasn’t here to teach me everything I needed to know, but even for Shota and Hikaru who did get those things, they started completely over somewhere completely different. All on their own. 

 

“Our parents missed both of their weddings, missed the birth of their first grandchild, and those grandchildren won’t ever get to meet two of the most grandparent-worthy people in the world. And that isn’t fair. But family is family and what you have left, even if separated by an ocean, is meaningful. My eye is a memory and reminder of that.”

 

Pleased beyond belief with her outlook, Ren wrapped Sai up in his arms lovingly and gently picked out several key things to say, “I don’t think you’re crazy for saying that. But I also don’t want you to think you’ll ever be alone. You eye may be a reminder of all you’ve lost and how you should hang onto what you have left, I just want you to learn to associate something else with everything that waits up ahead for you. Everything wonderful in your life that you just haven’t experienced yet. You have your reminder of loss and love, but now you need one of hope.”

 

“Why don’t we look for it together, then?” She asked, digging her fingers into the fabric on his back as she held him tighter.

 

“I would love nothing more in the world, Saiyuka,” the dark haired man answered honestly. 

 

“Ren?”

 

“Yes?” He pulled a bit away so he could see those big doe eyes stare up at him.

 

“I really am sorry for constantly causing arguments. They’re not always worth it and you mean more to me than anything, so talking about myself shouldn’t be a problem. If we’re going to fight, it should be over who keeps putting the remote in the couch cushions or who put the home phone upside down in the charger so now it’s dead. Mundane stuff. Because everything else that we used to fight about? Yeah, I want that kind of stuff to be so much easier to talk about. I want to be an open book for you, Ren, because you damn well deserve it.”

 

“As much as I agree, Sai, don’t forget that arguments have brought us to where we are now. We wouldn’t be this close without them.”

 

“We’ll still argue about the important stuff. I just want my past to be something you’re entitled to, not something we have to have a fist fight for. If that makes sense.”

 

“It does. No more ands, ifs, or buts, or we’ll be here all day.” He joked, watching her roll her eyes before they refocused a bit more on his and got a strange gleam to them.

 

“Well, good. But you’ve always been right about arguing serving a purpose in a relationship. That, and something about them really leads up to…” she rose to her tiptoes and continued in a low, soft voice right in the actor’s ear. It took only seconds for his entire face to heat up as a flood of red rushed to his cheeks and he didn’t even get the chance to swat at her arm for that one. She was already on the run back into the manor, her laughter echoing through the lengthy corridors. 


	71. Chapter 71

Snow in Tokyo is a tricky, fickle thing. One day, the chilling wind and barren trees are the only way to determine if it is indeed winter, but before you know it, the storm hits. It doesn’t happen every year as usually the snow is limited to one or two days of mid-January, but every so often there’s a real blizzard. Of course, that doesn’t keep the snow from melting off in a day or two, but for an unprepared city filled to the brim with traffic? It causes some problems.

 

Unfortunately, this means that the busiest streets get all the attention and all the smaller, back roads that the redheaded actress was used to taking were completely snowed in. And she was stuck on a massively crowded highway. On her bike. In the snow. Freezing her ass off.

 

Now granted, such a predicament sucked for her, naturally. No one likes sitting on a wet swing, so liken her bike seat to that and cover it with ice packs and that’s what it was like to sit on that motorcycle in a snowstorm. Icky. But, of course, she wasn’t the only one experiencing a fair bit of stress in the midst of a blizzard, and with her fantastic luck, her phone was well and truly dead, not that it would have mattered with all the phone lines out.

 

The person Sai wished she could call the most, if only to tell him she was okay, was her actor who was currently pacing their living room floor and glancing fervently at the clock. Sai was supposed to have been home hours before, but she was still gone. The longer Ren thought of that, the further his thoughts went, the faster his pace sped up, and the more worried he got until he felt physically ill.

 

He’d tried her cell countless times but hadn’t gotten through. His rational mind told him it was because of the storm, or her battery was dead, or anything other than his worst nightmares. The broken dial tone message kept playing in his head whenever he got too scared as he remembered listening to her message she’d left and then tried to call her back. He didn’t think he’d ever forget that feeling when he realized she was gone.

 

He was so consumed in his rapidly spiraling thoughts that time finally managed to speed up from its previous crawl and suddenly it was ten to three in the morning. He was shocked out of his rut when the sound of the door opening ripped through the silence of the dark apartment and a massive amount of rustling and chattering teeth soon followed as Sai spilled into the doorway, seeking the warmth like a dying animal.

 

The moment he heard it, Ren was off like a bullet from a gun toward the door. As he jogged over, he saw the redhead flip on the foyer light and stand up straight, the door swinging shut behind her. The cold from outside had left its marks on her. Her cheeks and forehead were a bristling red from where the freezing winds had licked and bit at her face, sweeping across it like an angry tide scratches at the white sands of frigid beaches in winter. 

 

Her lips were a darkened shade of purple dusted with blue and they hid behind them chattering teeth. To keep as warm as possible, her coat had been stretched around her form but was soaking and slowly dripped from its hem onto the floor. Snow was stuck in her hair, knarled and tangled as it dried from the melted snow, looking almost like a hanging forest of ice crystals. A drop of snow melted as he took in her appearance, hugging the curves of her face until it joined its sister streaks and dropped from the bottom of her chin, joining the other droplets on the floor.

 

It was his every intention to demand where she’d been the moment she stepped through the door, but seeing her shake like the reed in a harmonica kept him from making any sort of move for a few moments. She looked like she might break into a million pieces any second, shattering like an ice sculpture. 

 

Opting out of immediate anger, Ren stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Sai in silence, not even caring that her clothes instantly began soaking his own and allowing the biting cold of her skin to cut through his warmth like a hot knife through butter. She was absolutely  **freezing** , so cold her fingers had started to turn a sick shade of blue themselves.

 

Despite the warm, desperately needed embrace, the actress could feel him shaking and the frustrations and anger in his aura were palpable in the room. He’d been furious with her not even a minute prior, his anger fueled by worry most likely. 

 

Clearing her throat, she attempted to help him vent, forcing words through her trembling jaw and stiff lips, “What are you still doing up?” She asked, though her voice was completely warbled and crackling so it was hard to understand right away.

 

“Are you kidding?” He asked, although it came out as more of an exclamation. Pulling away, he narrowed his eyes at the shaking leaf in front of him and his anger flared up again despite his natural instinct to worry. “I have no idea where you’ve been all this time and you think I can just go to sleep like that?!”

 

Sighing softly to herself, the actress shed her waterlogged jacket and all her bags and turned to face her partner, catching him off guard as she bopped his nose with her finger. “Idiot.” She stated bluntly, moving past him to the warmer parts of the apartment and flopping onto the couch to snuggle with the blankets there.

 

Ren whirled on her to reprimand both the name and her casual brushing away of his worries, but she talked over him, “You weren’t worried about my safety. It’s okay that you weren’t, I don’t mind because I know that you had something bigger on your mind. You were thinking I bolted again, weren’t you?”

 

The actor had immediately had contradictory arguments at the ready, but hearing his fears vocalized made him deflate on the spot. He distantly heard her tsk as if she was disappointed with him, but he missed the clear look of self-depreciation on her face. He didn’t want to apologize. He moved closer to her but couldn’t find any words to say. It wasn’t as if he owed her an apology or anything, his fears were completely justifiable. 

 

Sai waited for him to say anything, but no matter how much she eyed him or stared, he simply looked blankly back at her, not getting any closer than several feet from the couch. Rolling her eyes, the redhead opened her arms wide. “Come here, you.” She beckoned, “Come warm me up, hotshot, I’m freezing over here…”

 

Hearing her say such a cliched line made the actor’s cheeks go bright red, but he felt himself moving to comply right away. She always had that strange sort of power over him. As he reached the couch, he crawled toward her and loomed for a moment as she admired him before descending and nearly smothering her still shaking body in his large embrace. At least he was extremely warm. 

 

Sensing he wasn’t about to speak just yet, Sai opened her mouth hesitantly, “You know, cowboy, there are a lot of other ways you could-”

 

“You scared me.” Ren cut her off, not in the mood to be teased right then. His words sobered Sai for just a moment before a sliver of humor found its way into her voice and she smirked.

 

“Well, when I get up later, I’ll make sure to look up Mother Nature’s contact information so I can submit a formal complaint about holding up traffic and closing roads.” Despite his desire to keep things serious, Ren couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He knew it wasn’t her fault. But it was hard to think rationally when he was scared out of his mind. Of course she’d just been stuck in traffic. But it seemed so unlikely once his imagination got going.

 

“Why…” Sai started speaking again, her words having trouble forming properly. “Why are you still scared after so long?” She managed to ask, not wanting to walk into this every time she got held up at work or her bike broke down or something. 

 

Ren paused for a long time before coming up with a coherent enough way to express his feelings on the matter. “I...thought it was paranoia at first. Just my way of slowly dealing with what happened. But it’s different than paranoia now that I’ve really listened to it. It’s dread. Dread I can feel physically in my body and it scares me. It scares me for you.”

 

“What exactly are you dreading?” She asked, forcing him to look her in the eyes.

 

“I always assumed it was you running away again, but the longer I’ve had the feeling and the more attention I’ve paid to it, it seems more like...I’m dreading the day I lose you...forever.”

 

Sai had a lot she could have said to that. He wasn’t going to lose her. She wasn’t going anywhere. It would be a long time before they were separated like that. But she couldn’t bring herself to say any of that crap. She knew why he was feeling this way. It wasn’t because he was dreading something that would happen in the future. He was sensing something that had already happened. It was time.

 

“I think I know why you feel that way.” She said confidently even as she curled into a ball, a completely neutral expression purposely masking the guilt and self-blame she knew was bound to come up when this conversation did eventually take place.

 

“What do you mean, you know why?” The actor asked evenly, moving so he could catch those cloudy, gloom-filled eyes dead on. She bit her lip and curled into a tighter ball, her skin still freezing to the touch. 

 

“Just that. I know why you feel that way, Ren...it’s not that you’re somehow predicting something that’s going to happen to me...I think you’re picking up on something I haven’t...told you...just yet.”

 

“Something else?” His posture collapsed slightly. This girl kept far too many secrets, especially from him. They never seemed to end. “How on earth have you still managed to keep something from me? I thought we agreed no more secrets!”

 

“I know!” Sai cried, doing her best not to look at her partner. “I know we did...but this happened before we agreed on that...and it’s not something I could really bring up over dinner or anything. I was waiting for the right time…”

 

“Oh?” Ren couldn’t even muster up anger that this point, more muted frustration. He was exhausted. He’d worried for so many hours, stayed up far later than he’d intended, and she was still wearing his nerves thin with yet another secret. He didn’t know if he could keep up with this for much longer. “And when would that be? Ever? Or are you just planning on waiting for that mythical ‘right time’ until we’re old and gray- or better yet, until one of us is de-”

 

“Oh, don’t be such a drama queen, your highness,” the redhead slapped his shoulder. “I wouldn’t be bringing it up if the right time wasn’t now.”

 

Ren didn’t appreciate yet another demeaning nickname, but he supposed he could let it slide if it meant she was going to continue. He really just wanted all the hiding to be over. “Is this the last one, then? The last thing you’re keeping from me?”

 

“The last actual secret, yes. I promise. Anything else I haven’t told you has just been because it slipped my mind. Besides, I have a lot of years left that need to hold some sort of self-humiliation themed entertainment. Can’t dish it all out right at the beginning or I’ll have no stupid childhood stories for you when we’re 80.”

 

Ordinarily, the dark haired man would have enjoyed her admitting she could see them together at an old age, but he was hyper focused on the conversation topic at hand. She was a master at shifting the topic. But not this time. “You promise?” He asked, finally getting her to meet his eyes.

 

“Better, I swear. I swear this is the last one I’m willingly withholding.” To show her word was good, Sai extended her pinky finger for him to take. A small smile spread over Ren’s face and he wrapped his finger around hers and shook them once. His smile dissipated as her coming words sank in. He knew they’d be bad, considering what topic had brought them on. Something dangerous had happened to her.

 

“Now, Ren...I need you to remember this. I should have told you earlier, and I know that. I can even think of a specific moment that would have been perfect for this conversation, but I let it slide by. I want you to know that you’re not alone in this relationship. I sometimes pick up on your emotions and feelings about how differently we act, but I want you to put those thoughts aside for a moment. They’re about to change.

 

“I can see how you react when you seem to realize that you’ve overreacted to something that I’m underwhelmed about. The largest instance of this I can tell still haunts you. I know you think you completely fell apart when I ran. That may be true, but you hold it against yourself too much. 

 

“In your eyes, your life crumbled without me while I managed just fine with you overseas. This holds some truth, as I was up and around, I went shopping with Ana, helped Shota cook meals, watched the kids, all of that. But it wasn’t me, Ren. I wasn’t really the one walking around and doing all those things. I left the biggest part of myself here in Japan. I was just an empty shell.

 

“I know that’s not enough to convince you I need you just as much as you need me, but that’s not all you need to know. In truth, I was doing even worse than I was really conscious of. Every day, there seemed to be this weight in my chest that grew and grew, like a lump of metal that amassed more and more weight as the days went by and as it grew, it got colder. I could physically feel my emotions lump together into a mass that pulled me down.

 

“You, Ren Tsuruga, struggled in your own way, tried to drown your sorrows, and refused to function. I struggled myself, trying to pretend my slowly disintegrating spirit was fine and forcing myself to function even as I was breaking apart. You nearly took your life with the help of alcohol, whereas I nearly took mine with the help of a raging river, a tall bridge, and a heart heavy enough to serve the purpose of pockets full of stones.”

 

Sai paused for a moment and let her words sink in for her boyfriend. It sent zaps of pain through her chest to watch his reaction. At first he simply moved backward away from her and she watched as her words echoed through his mind until they finally sunk in and his expression dissolved into one of absolute horror and his eyes almost danced in a haunted sort of terror. 

 

“You mean...you…”

 

“I didn’t even notice it was happening until Ana pulled me off the edge and tackled me to the ground...if she hadn’t been there...I might have gone off without even knowing what was happening-”

 

“Don’t say that!” Ren yelled, his voice cracking as it soared in pitch and he scooped up the redhead into his arms and held her there for a moment. “Don’t say that, never say that. That won’t happen. It can’t happen. I can’t lose you.”

 

“Ren…” Sai mumbled into his shoulder, her hands loosely gripping the back of his shirt. “You aren’t going to lose me. It’s not going to happen. I have you now, I have my family and home here. I’m more grounded than I’ve ever been. I’m free right here with all of you. That’s why it’s silly of you to worry when I get caught in a snowstorm, and you better not cling to me when we cross bridges.

 

“For goodness sake’s, Kuon, I’m not going to sprint for the edge. I’m not running to the airport the moment you take your eyes off me. I’m not a child. And I belong here, anyway. I belong in Japan with everyone who loves me and with everything I’ve built. I belong here with you, I always will. My home is right here and it always will be,” she tapped his chest over his heart, letting her fingers swirl and stroke the spot over his thin cotton shirt. 

 

The tall actor held her tighter as she spoke and though he said nothing, she knew he understood. They sat like that for a few moments longer until she started trembling from the cold again and he pulled away when that realization startled him. 

 

He sprung into action as quickly as he could, scooping up the shivering frame of the petite woman and carrying her up to their room. He goes to work surrounding her with blankets and pillows to warm her as much as possible and then slides next to her. Her fingers were no longer blue and her coloring was finally returning to normal, but she still shook slightly and he could just barely hear the chattering of teeth from behind her too-red lips. 

 

He settled for just curling himself around her and burying them in blankets to warm her, even if it meant he would be roasting for most of the night. It wasn’t a big deal, not if it was for her. Besides that, there were only a few hours until they’d need to be up again regardless. In the morning, the actor scurried around the apartment like a madman, doing everything he could to prepare Sai for her day. 

 

She enjoyed a bath he’d drawn for her in the morning, a warm breakfast awaiting her downstairs, two cups of coffee perfectly flavored to her liking, and he even offered to drive her there and back just in case it snowed again. At least she’d have a roof over her head in that case. And they’d be together, but he didn’t mention that last one to her.

 

Grateful for his fussing, the redhead allowed him to drop her off at JL Studios for an early morning meeting, swaddled in several cardigans and jackets to make sure she stayed warm throughout the day. Of course, they’d become being rather unnecessary and she’d probably end up hot and taking them off, but she still appreciated the gesture more than words could ever describe. 

 

“Good morning, Shuji!” She greeted as she bounded into the director’s office. When they’d first met, she wouldn’t have been able to see their relationship progressing as it did, but now she honestly considered the grumpy man a close friend. He’d really been there for her when she’d first gotten back, made sure she’d known she’d always have a confidant in him. Since then…“Director Sanada” had become “Shuji” rather easily. 

 

“Ah, Sai! You’re early!” He greeted her with that familiar half-smile thing he did when he was genuinely glad to see her. It took some getting accustomed to, but she’d finally gotten used to his muted emotions. 

 

“I left a bit earlier to account for all the snow we got last night, but it was nearly all melted already, which seems impossible, by the way.” She rolled her eyes as she took a seat and propped her legs up on the edge of the chair.

 

“You got stuck in it, I take it?”

 

“Only for several torturous, bone chilling hours.” Sai said nonchalantly, as she leaned onto the table. “So! One-on-one meeting, let’s go.”

 

“Right,” Sanada said with a smirk. “I know you’re probably aware, but next week will be our finale.”

 

Sai nodded, her gesture revealing she was rather upset and her expression troubled more than usual. “I am. I’m not...sure on how I want to end it, though. Doesn’t it seem kind of weird to just...sign off like usual?”

 

“You’ll be great, Madam, just do what comes naturally and I’m sure everyone will love what you come up with. It’s not something you should dwell on or it’ll come across as too scripted. You’ve always been wonderful with our live studio audience and even those at home get attached to you easily. Everything will end just perfectly, trust me.

 

“According to my predictions, the revealing of your identity will boost your popularity and demand even more than we originally thought. You’ll find yourself almost bogged down by how many new variety show offers you’ll be getting.”

 

Sai gave a gentle laugh and nodded, conceding to his point. “I suppose that’s true, and it'll be hard to choose one, but they just won’t have the same sort of charm this one did, you know?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Sanada warned. “There are some crazy directors out there and I don’t think you should be discounting their ‘genius’ just yet.”

 

They spent a few more moments discussing what she should be expecting once their shoot ended and they eventually parted, ready to see her again in a few hours for their second-to-last night. 

 

She went about her day as normal as possible, just itching to get back to the studio. At first, she’d intended to savor the last two performances she’d have as Madam, take them as slowly as possible and enjoy them, but now she was just excited to be there. She could savor her time all she liked, but really it would have been more enjoyable to just throw herself into the role like usual.

 

That night, she ran into Rio on her way in and they shared a rather bittersweet moment before walking in to do Madam’s makeup and start the show. Ren, back at LME, settled into his personal dressing room and flipped his television on, searching for a familiar channel. The theme song played and he felt his lips lift up beautifully.

 

Halfway through, the door behind him clicked open and he turned around to find him looking into his manager’s content face. “Hey, Yukihito,” he greeted casually, turning off the tv with one more glance at his partner’s fantastic acting. 

 

“Evening, Ren,” his manager smiled widely at the man and moved to pick up his coat and briefcase from his armchair. “The President is ready for your meeting whenever you are. I’ll be heading out in a few minutes myself. Will you be okay?”

 

The actor scoffed and his manager offered him an apologetic look immediately. “What did we say about kid gloves, Yukihito?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.

 

“They’re off. Officially. You’ll be fine, I know already. You’ll be home with Sai in a few hours anyway,” he smirked, watching his charge turn away with scarlet ears. 

 

“Yeah, yeah...but hey, where are you going anyway? You usually don’t leave this early,” Ren commented, raising a brow at his friend.

 

The light haired man immediately froze at the door, turning to him slowly with an opened mouth and cheeks of an even brighter red than the actor’s a moment earlier. Ren’s brows raised even further at that, not used to seeing Yashiro so flustered, especially by a single question. “What?” He prompted further, sitting on his knees on the couch so he could further turn. “What are you going to do…? Yukihito!”

 

Yashiro covered his face with his hand as best as he could, trying to fight the searing heat in his cheeks. “I-it’s nothing!” He said a bit too loudly, wincing and then adding in a tiny voice. “Just...a date. And I’m late.”

 

The actor stared for a few moments while his manager fried under his intense gaze. “A date?” He repeated, just to make sure he’d heard right.

 

“...Yes.” Yashiro said after just a moment, expecting his friend to demand answers about who and where and how long it had been happening, but he was surprised to see his charge simply offer a cool smile and settle a bit in his seat.

 

“Interesting…” He mumbled under his breath, his eyes shining fondly. “Good luck, Yukihito, and don’t let me keep you any longer if you’re already behind schedule.”

 

“W-wha...but?” Yashiro was almost disappointed at Ren’s lack of reaction, but the actor simply chuckled and waved a hand dismissively.

 

“You’ll tell me when you’re serious about it and you’re late already. What kind of friend would I be if I held you back on such an important night? I owe you more than a few of these passes for everything you did when I was vying after Sai. I’ll be the one to vex you for information now, deal?”

 

Yashiro laughed openly and nodded, glad to see the man he’d known to be closed off for so many years so willing to consider them friends now. He’d changed so much because of that damn redhead. And he had her to thank for his own dating life at this point, which he supposed was her way of repaying him piece by piece. He wasn’t complaining.

 

“Thank you, Ren. I’ll see you and Sai tomorrow morning?”

 

“Bright and early,” Ren chimed, finally not really minding the early mornings. He had someone to spend them with now. He watched Yashiro exit, closing the door behind him and sighed, knowing what was coming next. 

 

Mustering all his strength and courage, he rose and grabbed his belongings from the coffee table and slung his bag over his shoulder, draping his coat over his forearm. He followed after his manager’s lead and exited the dressing room, taking a left to the elevators instead of a right toward the parking garage. 

 

Getting in, he rode up to the top floor and stepped into the barren hallway which felt ten times longer as his next task loomed over him. He walked up to the door, taking in a deep breath before pulling those cold iron handles and listening to the oak doors creak as they revealed the room within.

 

The week went by much faster after that night. On Monday, both actors enjoyed a rare day off which they spent together running all over Tokyo before collapsing together in the apartment with their favorite takeout. Tuesday was as ordinary as imaginable, minus the strange look Lory gave his goddaughter before seeming to run away. But then again, he was a strange man. It wasn’t that out of the ordinary.

 

Wednesday Sai and Ren attended the party celebrating the end of  _ A Match Made in Showbiz _ which was more upbeat than the redhead was expecting. A welcome surprise, if anything. Thursday Sai was packed from the moment she woke up to the moment she landed in bed next to her boyfriend, so her time thinking of Madam Naga was limited.

 

Unfortunately, she had a lot more free time on Friday, which meant that Friday lasted for months in her mind. When the last few minutes of it finally crawled by, she entered Saturday. Her last Saturday as the matchmaker. Ren drove her to the studio that night, telling her he’d be watching the whole time, and sent her off to Rio’s clutches after a light kiss hidden in the shadows of the hall of her dressing room.

 

The two spent as much time as possible together as they prepared before Madam Naga emerged to wish all her loyal show members luck on their final performance together in the last moments before the show. Finally, her director emerged and helped her position herself on stage, wishing his enigma of an actress for the last time. And it was a hell of a last show.

 

The curtains parted and the room instantly exploded in noises and cheers. The curvaceous form of Madam Naga was immediately visible, draped in fine silks that wrapped and hugged her every twist and turn, complemented by shimmering gems atop circuits of silver and gold that decorated her fingers, neck, and ears. 

 

She raised her arms, nails catching the bright stage lights and glinting this way and that, sending streaks of light into the audience. “Good evening, my darlings!” She drawled loudly over the cacophony of noise, only serving to somehow increase the volume of cheers. 

 

“I’m so glad to see you all,” she managed once the noise has settled down slightly. “Although, I must say, I am quite saddened to have to see you all go.” If it wasn’t quiet before, it was now. The experience of seeing Madam in the flesh was an unusual one indeed, with the way she controlled the atmosphere of the room. Despite that, not a single audience member ever regretted coming to see her. She would be greatly missed.

 

“Before we dwell too much on that,” those darkly colored lips of hers turned up again, twisting at the corners as she drew one long, slender finger up over them, her nail curling over her face menacingly, “let’s try to have a little fun, eh?” 

 

And just like that, the cheers were back. Madam let loose a low, rich laugh and spun around, the myriad of colors swirling around her gorgeously as she approached the huge chair that had replaced her couch and she draped herself scandalously on it. “Shall we bring out our very last, guest?!” She raised her voice this time, the drawl coming out strongly as she let the natural breathiness of her voice take center stage.

 

Before the noise could raise yet again to show encouragement for the yet unseen guest, another familiar voice rose up, “Ah, wait just a moment, Madam!” Stepping out of the shadows, Sano Izumo, one of the male cohosts, entered the stage and moved to where the psychic lay with a questioning look in those dark, luscious eyes. 

 

He gave his audience his signature smirk and moved to the back of the chair, leaning up against it as if mocking the star’s usual suggestive nature. “I’m afraid you’ve fallen for our very last trick, Madam Naga.” 

 

“Oh?” She asked simply, her smile parting as she grew more interested, allowing that eerie grace to morph her features. 

 

“We don’t have a guest to bring out today. You, Madam, will be our final victim in this wonderful program.” Now, the cheers had gotten loud that day for certain, but it was nothing compared to the deafening roars after that. “Although, I’m afraid you’ll be doing no acting today, my lady. We’re not interviewing your character. We’re interviewing your actress.”

 

Sai had, of course, figured that out some time before he’d actually said it, but she still couldn’t help the look of actual surprise that flitted across her face. The audience started clapping and cheering her on, and the volume only increased when Rio scurried onto the stage, all of her makeup equipment in her tool belt around her waist, her hair cinched up in a tight bun. 

 

She flashed Madam a large smile and the matchmaker held her hands up in surrender and Rio went to work, removing the long, lavender braid wig and the reflective nails. When she stepped away after fixing Sai’s makeup and adjusting her outfit, she revealed the much rounder, softer face of Saiyuka Akai, framed by her gently curling red locks which tumbled down her shoulders gracefully. 

 

It took a moment before she was recognized, but once she was, people were actually up on their feet and nearly screaming. Sai’s cheeks colored slightly and she waved at them, her natural, bell-like laughter projecting through her microphone and only fueling the fire. 

 

“Hello, everyone!” She called out in her usual, soft voice. “My name is Saiyuka Akai, and I play Madam Naga.” She again waited for the cheers to die down, her face nearly bright red. “I really have to thank you all for showing such kindness and affection to both me and my character, I’ve enjoyed playing her with all of my heart.”

 

“And you have always done an incredible job of it, my dear Akai.” Sano told her and he rounded the chair and smiled down at her. “But now it’s your turn to experience the feel of the show from the other side.”

 

“Ah, ah,” she wagged her finger in front of her. “I’m afraid I can’t play, unfortunately. You see, I’m ineligible.” And the show’s fan base knew exactly what that meant. Saiyuka Akai was taken. And that was brand new news for them all.

 

Sano’s grin thinned out, pulling up at the edges with a dark sense of malice. Now that Madam was subdued for now...his dark side finally made a clear appearance. “Ineligible, perhaps, but that doesn’t mean you can’t play. It just changes the name of the game.”

 

“Untrue!” She countered, just wanting to see how he’d respond. “You can only use that card when a guest has lied about their relationship status and come to see the matchmaker. I’ve done no such thing.”

 

“Whoever said anything about a matchmaker game, my dear?” The low voice of the cohost rumbled. “You weren’t invited to see the matchmaker, I’m afraid she’s out. You’re just here to be the victim. Time to torture your lover’s identity out, I hope you’re ready.”

 

Sai rolled her eyes and pressed her fingers into her temples, a smile ghosting over her lips. “Alright, alright...you got me. Let’s go.” Sano pumped his fist in victory and called out triumphantly. Before he could celebrate too much, though, the redhead pressed a finger to his chin and tipped it up. It wasn’t as intimidating without her nail, but the dark look in her eyes was still there and just as haunting. “Just don’t forget who you’re interviewing here, my darling.”

 

Sano instantly moved away, laughing nervously and clearing his throat. He wouldn’t let her get to him too much. This was his time for revenge, after all. She was always making him uncomfortable on camera, so now he was going to embarrass her to his heart’s content. He’d just have to make sure he stayed well away from her.

 

And so the games began, between lengthy, racy questionnaires, various displays and games based on zodiac signs and spirit animals, and other embarrassing pain in the ass ideas the regular crew came up with. Without Madam, they were missing the paranormal aspects of the show and each tried to pay close attention to her answers, but it was impossible to tell if she was lying for sure.

 

At the end of the night, they’d succeeded in narrowing the pool of possible suitors down, but hadn’t really managed to nail her right away like they had with a few others. She was being stubbornly tight lipped.

 

They were nearing the end of the show time now, and even though Sano had actually become personally interested in who she could possibly be dating, he couldn’t trick her into saying who. “Man, you’re so withholding!” He groaned as his final game failed to produce a viable answer. 

 

Sai laughed, capturing her audience in a whole other way. She whooped and looked at him with a dark glint in her eyes. “Guess today won’t be the day you find out, Sano.” She teased, glad to see him pout so openly on live television.

 

“Or maybe it will.” A voice echoed through the studio before the cohost could respond. It hadn’t been heard so far that night, but it was staggeringly familiar. A low, deep baritone, it rumbled like a soft thunder, gentle and encouraging, handsome and alluring. While it was eerily recognizable by a great number of those present, the only one who recognized it instantly was Sai.

 

She turned, the man she’d fully expected to see present just at the edge of the stage, a satisfied smirk on his face. Her mouth dropped open slightly as she floundered to react to why he was there and why he was  **mic’d** . His smile growing, he stepped into the familiar flood of stage light and could only vaguely hear the wave of noise reach an all time high to his left. He was only focused on the redheaded beauty nestled into her chair.

 

“No way…” Sano mumbled under his breath as the famous actor approached. Ren Tsuruga was right there in front of him, his hair slicked back and his broad frame wrapped in a dashing and bold tuxedo. He had never looked more stunning, dressed to the nines and smiling like a god. He ghosted across the stage with incredible grace, fixing his cuffs and casually straightening his jacket like he hadn’t just hijacked a finale of an extremely popular variety talk show.

 

Ren moved right for his partner who had since recovered from her first sight of him, a light blush coloring her perfect cheeks as she smiled affectionately at him. Once he reached her, he bent slightly and placed a kiss on her cheek, “Good evening, my love, I do hope I’m not interrupting.” And then everything went all to hell. The noise rose to a level that actually warranted an announcement and several fans had actually rushed the stage and had to be escorted out.

 

The cohosts of Sai’s precious show were standing in fairly deep shock at just who their beloved redhead had chosen as a partner and how she’d managed to land him was beyond any of their imaginations. The man was as gossip free as any actor had ever been. Ever. And now here he was with the newest, quickest rising star in all of Japan. They were a god-like power couple, for sure.

 

“You certainly know how to make an entrance, Ren darling.” Sai drawled, allowing her hint of Madam to flavor this particular greeting. It seemed only right. “But I suppose you’re not interrupting. I think everyone deserves to know by now.” She sent Sano a haughty expression followed by a genuine smile directed at the entirety of the room. 

 

“Well, my darlings, there you have it. I’d like you to meet my boyfriend and the love of my life, Ren Tsuruga.” And just like that, the secret they’d held for months was no longer secret. It felt incredible, the say the least. 

 

Ren took her small hand in his own and walked her to the center of the stage. “I know we don’t have long, but I don’t want to end this here just yet. I have something I need to say to you.” Sai’s professionalism took a back seat to the sincerity of his gesture and she nodded slowly, fully focused on the features of her lover.

 

“I’ve known you for a long time, Saiyuka Akai. There are few people I can think of who had a rockier start that the two of us did, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. You wouldn’t let me act like someone I wasn’t around you, I was more myself than I’ve been in many years from the first second and you’ve only helped me feel more and more comfortable in my own skin as I’ve known you.

 

“You’ve saved me in more ways than one and there’s nothing I can do to truly express my gratitude for that, but I’ll sure as hell try. So, my Saiyuka, I want you to know that I love you more than I’ve loved anything and you’re the core of my being. There isn’t any length I wouldn’t go to to make you happy and cherish you. I can’t picture another person in the world I’d rather spend the rest of my life with.” 

 

Ren then dropped to one knee, tuning out everything except the perfect woman in front of him who held one hand above her mouth in total shock, her eyes already brimming with tears. “With that being said, Saiyuka Akai, will you marry me?” And he reached into the pocket of his tuxedo and pulled out a small, velvet box, flipping it open to reveal a gorgeous antique of a ring, three large, bright, shining diamonds surrounded by tiny opals. 

 

The redhead paused only for half a second, finding it was a bit hard to breathe, before she managed to push the words out of her throat, “Yes! Ren, you-” She dropped a bit lower and threw her arms around him, throwing him a bit off balance, but he only laughed and used her to steady himself. “You-” She repeated, her words tripping over themselves like crazy as she tried to force too many out at once.

 

The dark haired man laughed again, hushing her softly. To stop her from trying again, he pressed his lips to hers softly, silently telling her she could properly reply when it was just the two of them. She nodded, a tear tracing her contoured cheek as she pulled away and held out her left hand for him to slip the ring on. 

 

He wiped the tear off of her cheek as he rose to full height and smiling down at her, kissing her a second time before taking her hand and facing the crowd of fans who had been completely awed by the live proposal display in front of them. The cameraman snapped out of his stupor and waved to signal Sai’s two minute warning had passed and she cleared her throat, turning to the crowd but not releasing the actor’s hand.

 

“W-well! That’s where I’m going to have to leave you, my darlings!” She drawled out, her voice stuttering as she tried to slip back into actress-mode. “I do believe this is a worthy ending to the rollercoaster I’ve taken you on all these years. I have to thank you for all of your support and I need to show my appreciation for such a beautiful, wonderful crew and cast behind me!

 

“I will miss this show with all of my heart, and I want you all to know that each of you is incredible and you truly helped give me a home here and made me feel like I’m finally worth something. All of you.” She squeezed her now-fiance’s hand and looked up at him tenderly to show he was included. 

 

“I love you all and I wish you a wonderful rest of your night.” Above all the noise, Sai pressed her free hand to her lips and blew a kiss out to the audience as the curtains fell over the stage and blocked off the view. The moment they were out of sight, Sai turned and whipped her arms around Ren, jumping to make up for her disadvantage in height.

 

The actor was a bit startled, but he let a low laugh out and wrapped his arms around her waist, hoisting her up and spinning her around once before gently setting her on the floor. Once on solid ground again, the redhead hummed and shook a finger at him warningly, backing away with a tight smirk. 

 

“Oh, you didn’t just do that on live television…” She mumbled under her breath as she shook her head in disbelief.

 

“Before that,” Sano interrupted as he gestured between the two of them. “How long has  **this** been going on?”

 

Sai blinked at him for a few seconds before looking up in thought, “Officially? Since last spring-”

 

“Spring?! You mean you’re closing on a year together?” He couldn’t keep his jaw from dropping slightly.

 

“Ten months, as of two days ago, to be a bit more specific,” Ren supplied as he took his fiancee’s hand and stroked her knuckles, hoping to use this opportunity to assuage some of her frustrations at his choice of proposal scene. 

 

“Wha- but-” He looked between the actors and sputtered repeatedly before finally settling on a question. “How? How did you- and you!?” Honestly, he didn’t know what surprised him more, the fact that such a famous, mature actor would go for someone as feisty and stubborn as the redhead or that someone so wild and free would choose to pursue someone as down to earth and put together as Ren Tsuruga. 

 

Despite his image, though, the dark haired man was just as stubborn and could easily be as energetic and childish. Those parts of his personality were currently only for the redhead to enjoy, but they were slowly leaking into even his professional personality. He was ready to act like himself in front of not just the actress, but everyone who knew and recognized him.

 

“To be perfectly honest, neither of us did much courting…” He said as he glanced at the petite woman at his side. “We just sort of...ended up like this. I suppose it was a growing relationship that developed all three years we’ve known each other. We’re still changing, every day. But I belong with her, even if our personalities conflict sometimes and even if we seem like an unlikely couple.”

 

Sai looked up at Ren tenderly and enjoyed the light blush that his cheeks mirrored. She gently tapped his arm with her fist and he chuckled. “Am I forgiven for surprising you?” He asked when she didn’t speak right away.

 

Her eyes narrowed and she raised her free hand and created a small space between her index and thumb fingers. “This much.” She bluntly stated, letting him know he wasn’t totally off the hook yet. But he had plans to fix that later in the night.

 

Together, they said their goodbyes to the still shell shocked Sano and made their way to Sai’s dressing room so she could get the rest of Madam’s makeup removed. Rio gave each of them enormous hugs and hyper congratulations, taking the typical few seconds to admire Sai’s new ring and show her appreciation to the actor who did a wonderful job.

 

After a significant amount of squealing over her best friend’s relationship, the two girls made plans to meet up later for brunch and talk everything over more. The redhead then took Ren’s hand and started home with him in tow, putting off the inevitable talk with her godfather with the actor’s permission. 

 

And that was the end of an admittedly poorly kept secret and the beginning of a long, long ordeal of hounding reporters who were skillfully thwarted by one truly scary looking building facade that successfully hid two very much in love actors safely behind it.

**Author's Note:**

> shout at me on my pen name tumblr. it's somehow mostly voltron right now, because i chose to write about that for some reason? so yeah, come yell at me [here](http://isassifras.tumblr.com/).
> 
> also, i'm really sorry about the double spacing, but i just copy/pasted from google docs and for some reason ao3 does not like google docs. like at all. so i'm really sorry, but i'm not messing with 71 chapters worth of double spacing. i still love you. but i'm sorry.


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